Chattanooga Pulse - Issue 6.16

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April 23-29, 2009 Volume 6 • Issue 17

CONTENTS T H E P U L S E • C H AT TA N O O G A , T E N N E S S E E • A P R I L 2 3 - 2 9 , 2 0 0 9 • V O L U M E 6 , I S S U E 1 6

COVER STORY

page 11

NEWS & VIEWS 5 PULSE BEATS

21 LIFE IN THE ‘NOOG

The newsy, notable and notorious.

City Council showdown—or was it?

14 SHRINK RAP

22 SHADES OF GREEN

Putting the fun back in dysfunctional.

Swan song.

19 ON THE BEAT

30 ASK A MEXICAN

Sorry, Mr. Jackson.

Meet the Moors of Mexico.

ARTS & CULTURE 16 ARTS & ENTERTAINMENT By Stephanie Smith Of all the possible fairy tales to choose from, why did Ballet Tennessee choose The Red Shoes? It is a macabre story about a girl who is so vain that when she puts on her red shoes she can’t stop dancing and eventually has to have her feet cut off to make the shoes stop.

20 FILM FEATURE

By Phillip Johnston I was sitting in my theater seat the other day taking in some truly horrendous trailers before watching a real movie when one of my friends leaned over to me and said, “I forgot how bad spring movies are.” How right he was. Does anyone with a lick of taste really want to go see Dragonball Evolution or The Haunting in Connecticut?

24 MUSIC FEATURE

By Hellcat Let me just say that this weekend was the greatest and worst time of my life all rolled up into one 48-hour-stress-fest. I will clarify by saying that the Sweetwater 4/20 Fest, put on by the Market Street Tavern and myself, with the help of a Sweetwater Brewery sponsorship, went off without a hitch…that anyone in attendance could really detect.

Cover photograph by Sam Silvey

THE GREAT OUTDOORS: MEDALING IN PEDALING

By Sam Silvey Over the last 12 years, I’ve seen cycling grow exponentially in Chattanooga. I remember when I could identify my friends by the bike rack and stickers on their cars. Nowadays, it seems like having a bike rack is as common as having a TV. A large part of this is due to the work of organizations such as the Southern Off-Road Bicycle Association, the Chattanooga Bicycle Club and Scenic City Velo.

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EDITOON LETTERS TO THE EDITOR CITY COUNCILSCOPE THE LIST POLICE BLOTTER CHATTANOOGA STREET SCENES

17 25 26 28 29

A&E CALENDAR NEW MUSIC REVIEWS MUSIC CALENDAR FREE WILL ASTROLOGY JONESIN’ CROSSWORD

The entire contents of this publication are copyrighted and property of Brewer Media Group.

No part of this publication may be reproduced in any manner without the express written consent of the publishers. The Pulse utilizes freelance writers and the views expressed within this publication are not necessarily the views of the publishers or editors. The Pulse takes no responsibility for unsolicited manuscripts, photographs, artwork or other materials.

The

Editoon

by Rick Baldwin

Publisher Zachary Cooper zcooper@chattanoogapulse.com Contributing Editor Janis Hashe jhashe@chattanoogapulse.com News Editor/Art Director Gary Poole gpoole@chattanoogapulse.com Calendar Editor Stephanie Smith ssmith@chattanoogapulse.com Advertising Sales Rick Leavell rleavell@chattanoogapulse.com Editorial Intern Amanda Woods awoods@chattanoogapulse.com Contributing Writers Gustavo Arellano, Blythe Bailey Rob Brezsny, Aaron Collier Chuck Crowder, Michael Crumb Rebecca Cruz, Steven W. Disbrow Mary Duffy, Hellcat Phillip Johnston, Matt Jones Sarah Quattrochi, Ernie Paik Rick Pimental-Habib, Ph.D. Damien Power, Sam Silvey Stephanie Smith, Alex Teach Robert Yates Art Department Sharon Chambers Kelly Lockhart Damien Power Alisha Whalen

Letters to the Editor

Contributing Artist Rick Baldwin Staff Photographer Damien Power Contributing Photographers Bob Edens Andrew Morgan Ray Soldano Contact Info: Phone (423) 648-7857 Fax (423) 648-7860 E-mail info@chattanoogapulse.com Advertising advertising@chattanoogapulse.com Calendar Listings calendar@chattanoogapulse.com The Pulse is published weekly and is distributed throughout the city of Chattanooga and surrounding communities. The Pulse is available free of charge, limited to one copy per reader. No person without written permission from the publishers may take more than one copy per weekly issue. The Pulse may be distributed only by authorized distributors.

The Pulse is published by

1305 Carter Street Chattanooga, Tennessee 37402 phone (423) 648-7857 fax (423) 648-7860 Letters to the editor must include name, address and daytime phone number for verification. The Pulse reserves the right to edit letters for space and clarity. Please keep letters within 500 words in length.

The Pulse covers a broad range of topics concentrating on culture, the arts, entertainment and local news.

Member

Great Editorial Cartoon Please pass along a big “thumbs up” to Rick Baldwin for his cartoon about the “Chattanooga Weather Ride”! Great job!

David Glenn Chief Meteorologist WTVC, NewsChannel 9 Lack Of Responsible Leadership After reading about how school board member Janice Boyd is trying to get out of taking any responsibility for her shoplifting, be

it accidental or otherwise, I really have to wonder why the people in her district continue to support her [“A Question Of Responsibility”].

Her complete lack of leadership on the most basic of all issues, honesty, is a slap in the face to every parent in the school system.

How are we supposed to teach our children to take responsibility for their own mistakes when our elected leaders refuse to do the same? Ms. Boyd, if she had any self-respect, would not only admit to her mistakes, but would do the right thing and step down from a position of leadership which she obviously does not deserve.

Catherine Tatum Chattanooga Well, That Explains It I often wondered why I endured what I did, putting myself through UTC and working six (yes, 6) years for Erlanger’s Regional Trauma Center [On The Beat: “Is That A Riot In Your Pants?”]. To quote Dr. Teach: “I look at it as a starting point from which to work, not a goal”. This was perhaps some of

the most valuable service that I have ever performed for mankind. It was also a whole lot like biting into an electric wire. I’m glad that I did it. I am also glad that I am done.

Jim Elkins Chattanooga Table of the Dead Not a dinner you want to attend, even in your dreams [On The Beat: “Seven, Fifty Three, & Thirty”].

What a tangle of images and feelings. Not one by one, spaced somewhat, but such a mortal clutter of lives cut short.

Felix Miller Chattanooga The Other Side Of The Coin?

I appreciate the article that Ms. Hashe wrote [“Scared Straight???”, 1/22], but I can’t help but think there is another side to the “reparative therapy” debate. Even as a gay man, I would still appreciate seeing an honest representation of the other side of this coin.

Michael Packer Chattanooga

Send all letters to the editor and questions to info@chattanoogapulse.com We reserve the right to edit letters for content and space. Please include your full name, city and contact information.

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Pulse Beats

Quote Of The Week: A rundown of the newsy, the notable, and the notorious...

“Part of the problem is the misconception that vocational and career training is just a dumping ground for students incapable of excelling academically. That’s just not true.”

—Hamilton County School Board Chairman Kenny Smith, on the need for a new Technical High School.

Ready For Unified Government?

Chattanooga Mayor Ron Littlefield, in his inaugural address this past Monday morning before a nearly packed house at the Tivoli, put a charge into the audience by bringing out into the open what had previously only been talked about quietly amongst the movers and shakers of the region: Is metro-Chattanooga ready for some type of unified government?

“People will say, ‘Oh my goodness. He’s talking about Metro Government.’ Not necessarily, but I am talking about refinements in our local government to be more efficient, effective and economical,” he said during his speech. “I’m talking about [a] more representative, modern and responsive government.”

The last time the city and county seriously looked at a unified government was nearly a quarter century ago, and the idea was quickly shot down. However, a lot has changed since that time, and not just the officials involved. “We have transformed our downtown and riverfront and made great strides in restoring out neighborhoods—and such will continue,” Littlefield explained. “As a city we are actually growing in population for the first time in decades. Residential patterns have changed, voting patterns have changed and leadership has changed and is changing.”

The change in leadership was apparent to the audience with a glance over to the nine members of the city council who had just been sworn in.

Of the nine, only three members— Jack Benson, Sally Robinson, and Manuel Rico—were on the council at the previous inauguration ceremony four years ago. There have been several new faces added to the Hamilton County Commission in that time as well, which has led to a number of people looking again at ways to combine services.

“Our new industrial success has uncovered a weakness in services by local utilities—specifically in this case water and sewer services.

There is unnecessary complexity and sometimes confusion about who provides service,” the mayor noted.

“This situation might have been tolerable when we were a more rural community with few prospects for

new industry and development, but now it is the time for unity.”

Littlefield is proposing a joint city/ county initiative to create a regional water and sewer authority similar in scope and design to the cityowned Electric Power Board. He envisions an agency with the reach and responsibility to offer services effectively and efficiently. But he doesn’t stop there. He also wants city and county leaders to extend the urban reach of fire and police services, sanitation, neighborhood codes and storm water management.

“There is no need to construct parallel departments providing almost identical services to different geographic areas and fussing about who will serve what,” says Littlefield.

“It’s time for unity.”

Whether he will achieve that unity remains to be seen. There are a number of very strong arguments in favor of unifying services, as has been seen by other cities around the region who have embraced various forms of

Here is one of the more interesting agenda items set to be discussed at the April 28 meeting of the Chattanooga City Council.

7. Resolutions:

unified government. There are also a lot of issues involved in merging together some areas, for Hamilton County is made up of a number of other cities and communities that have often differed strongly with Chattanooga. However, Mayor Littlefield put it best when he spoke of the future. “We have a unique window of opportunity. We know from what we have already seen that in five years we will be a very different community. In 10 years we will be almost unrecognizable—and it should be in a very positive way.”

Chattanooga, The SecondBest Arts City In America Those that appreciate the arts have long known that Chattanooga is one of the best cities for them in the region, with a wealth of museums, galleries, foundations, and classes all combining to form a vibrant and healthy artistic community.

What we may not have realized is just how good we have it, as the readers of AmericanStyle magazine have selected Chattanooga as the second-best mid-sized city in the entire country as an arts destination.

“Remember the vital roles played by artists during the last recession,” said publisher Wendy Rosen, explaining the reasons she felt Chattanooga ranked so high with her readership. “They moved into dying Main Streets, shuttered factories and warehouse districts, and converted them into galleries and art scenes. Their murals, outdoor sculpture and other public art enchanted tourists and helped spark new investment. Artists led the way then, and they are leading the way now.”

Among mid-size cities, New York’s Buffalo held on to its top spot with a margin of fewer than 100 votes, while Pittsburgh ranked behind Chattanooga at number three. Of the larger cities, New York ranked first for the sixth time in a row, while New Mexico’s Santa Fe topped out the small-city list for the fourth consecutive time.

“Tough economic times also make consumers conscious of where their products come from,” Ms. Rosen added. “Art lovers know they can make a positive impact by buying from local galleries and local artists, so their dollars recycle in the community and support homegrown talent. We all know that art and handcraft galleries are among the few remaining places where you can find authentic, made-in-America gifts and art products.”

a) A resolution accepting and adopting a mission statement, goals, and objectives for the Fiscal Years 2010 and 2011 Budgets.

(Deferred from 4/7/09.

Revised.)

Back on April 7, a resolution was presented to the council clarifying the mission, goals and objectives for the finance committee in reference to the city budget. A number of council members had made a lot of recommendations on what should (and should not) be in the mission statement. When the finished document was returned from the city attorney’s office, it was assumed that the council would approve the document and move on.

That was until Councilman Jack Benson, a former educator and school principal, strongly objected to what he said was “incredibly poor writing” in the document. He felt the end result was overly ambiguous, not clearly written, and even left out certain ideas that had been agreed upon by council members.

He said, “If this had been turned in by one of my students, I would have given it a C-minus at best.”

He moved to defer the resolution until the April 28 meeting to not only give time for the attorney’s office to rewrite and refine the mission statement, but also to allow the new council members a chance to vote upon a document that will be their guiding force.

Considering that there will be four new members on the council from the group that originally called for the mission statement to be created, this turned out to be a wise idea.

The Chattanooga City Council meets each Tuesday at 6 p.m. in the City Council Building at 1000 Lindsay St. For more information on the agendas, visit www.Chattanooga.gov/City_ Council/110_Agenda.asp

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A weekly roundup of the newsworthy, notable and often head-scratching stories gleaned from police reports from the Chattanooga Police Department, the Hamilton County Sheriff’s Office, the Bradley County Sheriff’s Department and the Dalton Police Department.

Action Figures So Bad, They’re Good 1. Marie Antoinette: At your own leisure, you can play executioner and watch poor Marie’s head pop right off.

2. Sigmund Freud: Who wouldn’t want to be able to play with a coke fiend who seemed somewhat obsessed with sexuality but would never undergo his own treatments?

3. Mr. T: Not only is he a superstar of the A-Team, he’s a real superhero, FOOL! Batman and Superman have nothing on Mr. T. 4. Pregnant Padme Skywalker: The best part is the fact that the toy is for “ages 4 and up.”

Try explaining the belly bump to a 4 year old. That could be problematic.

• When someone is shot in our fair city, law enforcement quite naturally gets very curious as to what happened and who they need to be looking for. So it comes as no surprise that officers are a bit unhappy with a 23-year-old man who called police Saturday evening after being shot in the leg while in the vicinity of 4th Avenue Courts. The reason for their unhappiness is that the victim was unable to give them any description of his assailant other than “white male in his early 20’s” and that it happened while he was trying to break up a fight. Police were unable to find any evidence of the fight or the shooting at the scene, and the victim declined to file any charges.

• College pranks are legendary, and most graduates enjoy bragging to their friends about their collegiate escapades. However, one college

5. Vanilla Ice: Not only do you get a doll, but a postcard, as well as Vanilla Ice club information. Ohhh yeah. I wonder if this club is still up and running.

6. MC Hammer: One of the best dolls, ever, with a bright, sparkly, purple jacket, black sequin undershirt, and the signature shades. Perfect!

7. Gay Bob: From his platinum blond hair, tight jeans, plaid shirt, and the whole closet theme, who wouldn’t want this doll? And the best part is, it’s made for everyone. Imagine getting this as a present. Boy, the conversations that would go down then.

Yes, we’ve been spending way too much time in the toy stores doing “research”...

Source: www.toptenz.net

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senior is not going to enjoy bragging about his claim to fame—not after the 22 year old was caught after attempting to rob the First Volunteer Bank on Highway 64 in Ocoee.

The Ocoee river-raft guide wore a stocking over his head and brandished what turned out to be a BB gun in a failed attempt to rob the bank. He panicked, fled on foot, and was caught less than two miles away. We know that tuition is expensive these days, but that is still no excuse for abject stupidity.

• Seeing someone more than 20 feet away from you who makes you feel “uncomfortable” is not a crime, even if you are a child. Especially if that person made no attempt to speak to you or made any contact with you at all. Yet an East Ridge man was taken into custody and questioned after an erroneous report that he had tried to get a young student to go away with him. During the questioning, the student admitted the man had never come close or

Chattanooga Street Scenes

even spoken to him, stating simply that his presence made the student uncomfortable. While police do indeed encourage children to report any suspicious activity or people to police, hopefully students will be better educated on what is and is not an actionable threat to their wellbeing.

• We know times are tough economically, and that people are having a hard time finding a job.

However, if you plan on applying for a job at an electronics retailer, it is generally good to know ahead of time whether you are going to pass the drug test. Also, it is really not a good idea to pocket a $600 Blackberry phone on your way out of the interview, especially if you’ve filled out the application with your correct name and home address. Then again, it does make it a lot easier for police to track you down and arrest you–so on second thought, if you are a thief looking for a job, please fill out applications accurately.

Photogragh by Lesley Bowington • www.flickr.com/lesleyiswhat

Kite flying fun at Renaissance Park.

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NewsFeature

by Gary Poole

New City Voice, New City Vision 2

009 will go down in the history book as the year that the Chattanooga City Council was shaken up more than in any other time since the current form of government was instituted back in 1990.

After the runoff elections of last week, combined with the results of the general election last month, there will be four new faces on the council bench. Deborah Scott defeated incumbent Linda Bennett in District One, Pam Ladd was elected to the District Three seat to replace the retiring Dan Page, Andraé McGary defeated longtime District Eight representative Leamon Pierce, and Peter Murphy prevailed in the runoff for the District Nine seat being vacated by the retiring Debbie Gaines.

In fact, adding in relative newcomers Russell Gilbert in District 5 and Carol Berz in District 6, both of whom took office in special elections over the past two years and then were re-elected to full terms this past month, fully six of the nine council members are new to elective government. This rate of turnover is unprecedented in city history, and is bound to have some immediate changes on how the council acts and governs.

there were some real needs in the district, and the common consensus was that those needs weren’t being addressed. I served as the president of my neighborhood association, and it didn’t take long to realize that you needed some political support to get certain things to happen, like addressing crime and economic development. I went to some of the other neighborhood associations and we spoke amongst ourselves about how we can address these needs together. Yet when I met with our elected leaders, I ran into a complete

“I think it was that message, that we can talk together, that we can work together, and that we can solve our problems together that people responded to the most.”

The Pulse had the opportunity to sit down with one of the new members, who also is the youngest person ever to be elected to the council, District Eight’s Andraé McGary. The 29-year-old community organizer and educator pulled off what many political watchers consider to be the most surprising upset of the election season, prevailing in a runoff against the last remaining original member of the 1990 council, Leamon Pierce.

The Pulse: What prompted you to run for city council?

Andraé McGary: I recognized that

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roadblock. The other main reason was that when I started attending city council meetings to see how things were done, I noticed that while we had great gender and racial diversity, we did not have any age diversity.

TP: What part of your message do you believe most strongly resonated with voters?

AM: I think it was the desire to come together, to recognize that our needs were not being addressed in some ways, and that fact that some of those needs were not being addressed year after year after year. There are a wide variety of

resources in the district. We have some of the wealthiest and some of the poorest communities. But we also have central concerns, [these] being crime, education, the need for good recreation opportunities. So when I started just talking to people in the district, that is when people began responding with, “Ah, here is someone who is talking to us. Here is someone saying that I want to be among you.” I think it was that message, that we can talk together, that we can work together, and that we can solve our problems together that people responded to the most.

TP: Do you have an agenda in mind once you take your seat on the council?

AM: Sure. Primarily it is to continue what I’ve already started. It is going to neighborhood association meetings and doing a SWOT analysis on every neighborhood. That would be Strengths, Weaknesses, Opportunities and Threats. Then what I would do is strive to bring all these community leaders together for one District Eight panel that meets regularly so that we can review the SWOTs together as a district.

Everyone would be able to see what all the issues are, and from there we could narrow them down to the top four or five and say, “Here are the issues that affect the entire district,” and then figure out how we can leverage resources, how to work together to solve these issues. My job will then be to say, “This is how I can work as a city councilperson to address these issues.”

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Cover Story

Medaling in Pedaling

By Sam Silvey

Editor’s note: We asked avid outdoorsman and bike guy Sam Silvey to give us the inside scoop on the Chattanooga cycling scene. Here’s what he told us:

O

ver the last 12 years, I’ve seen cycling grow exponentially in Chattanooga.

I remember when I could identify my friends by the bike rack and stickers on their cars. Nowadays, it seems like having a bike rack is as common as having a TV. A large part of this is due to the work of organizations such as the Southern Off-Road Bicycle Association, the Chattanooga Bicycle Club and Scenic City Velo. Each one of these groups has had a major part in promoting the growth of cycling in Chattanooga. Here’s how: The Southern Off-Road Bicycle Association, SORBA, is a nonprofit organization responsible for such systems as Raccoon Mountain trails and Booker T. Washington trails. The Raccoon Mountain trail system, in particular, has become nationally reknown for its scenic views and flowing single track. With approximately 20 miles of trails, Raccoon Mountain is quickly becoming one of the top mountain bike destinations in the country. These 20 miles of trails are part of SORBA’s “100 miles of trails, within 10 miles of Chattanooga, by the year 2010” project.

Currently, more than 50 miles of trails are open in the Chattanooga area, due to the work of SORBA. Another big contributor to the growth of cycling in Chattanooga is the Chattanooga Bicycle Club, or CBC for short. The CBC organizes group rides and events such as the ever-popular 3 State 3 Mountain Challenge, a supported ride that features 25-, 62- and 100-mile route options. To complete the 100-mile route, a rider will cycle through parts of Tennessee, Alabama, and Georgia and will climb Suck Creek, Sand, and Lookout Mountain.

As someone who has ridden this route, I will tell you it is not easy! However, more and more people sign up each year to try the 3 State 3 Mountain Challenge.

Last year’s Challenge saw more than 2,000 cyclists competing, and this year they are expecting even more.

For the cyclist who is considering racing, or

for those who are already racers and are looking for teammates, Scenic City Velo is the place for you. A local competitive club that races on-road, off-road, and everything in between, Scenic City Velo’s membership rose to more than 200 in

“More and more people sign up each year to try the 3 State 3 Mountain Challenge. Last year’s Challenge saw more than 2,000 cyclists competing, and this year they are expecting even more.”

2008. One of Scenic City Velo’s biggest goals is promoting the growth of cycling in Chattanooga, competitively and recreationally. They are

currently promoting four different cycling races and one triathlon in the Chattanooga area. They also offer a junior development program, which will help juniors get started in training and racing. In short, Scenic City Velo helps keep the competitive side of cycling alive in Chattanooga.

In the past 12 years, I have traveled to many places to ride and race my bicycle, but at the end of each trip, I find myself wanting to get back to Chattanooga. As the years go by, more and more cyclists are hearing about the incredible riding we have here. With groups such as the Southern Off-Road Bicycle Association, Chattanooga Bicycle Club, and Scenic City Velo, the cycling community in Chattanooga will continue to grow.

To find out more information on these clubs, visit their websites at: www.SorbaChattanooga. org, www.ChattBike.com, and www.

ScenicCityVelo.com. www.chattanoogapulse.com 4.23.09 The Pulse

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Cover Story

Trust Us On This

By Sarah Quattrochi

Editor’s note: We asked the folks at the Tennessee River Gorge Trust to give us an update on what is going on with the TRGT, which protects some of the country’s most beautiful and bio-diverse land.

T

he Tennessee River Gorge Trust, a local nonprofit organization, founded in 1981 and incorporated in 1986, protects the ecological diversity, scenic beauty and historic past of the nationally significant Tennessee River Gorge. This beautiful land is protected because many of our regional community members have been supporting the preservation of beautiful, natural spaces for decades.

To date, the Trust has protected 16,777.2 acres of land in the 27,000-acre Gorge, which is carved through the Cumberland Mountains by 27 miles of the Tennessee River and is one of the most unique natural treasures in the Southeast. It is the only large river

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“This beautiful land is protected because many of our regional community members have been supporting the preservation of beautiful, natural spaces for decades.”

canyon bordering a mid-size city and is the fourth largest river canyon east of the Mississippi.

The land provides habitats for more than a thousand varieties of plants, ferns, trees, grasses and flowers, as well as a rich wildlife population. Dozens of archaeological sites bear evidence of man’s presence in the Gorge for at least 10,000 years.

One hidden treasure is the Pot Point Cabin, located in the heart of the Tennessee River Gorge. To get there, you’ll travel just 20 minutes from downtown Chattanooga— although you will feel a thousand miles away from civilization.

The Tennessee River Gorge Trust beautifully restored this mid-1800’s-era cabin to serve as a scientific field station and point of outreach for the community.

It has a beautiful meeting space overlooking the Tennessee River and can accommodate 50 people for a daytime event, a fully equipped

kitchen, two bedrooms that can sleep 10 people, and 2.5 bathrooms.

The cabin is surrounded by more than 491 acres of pristine forest that has been protected by the Tennessee River Gorge Trust, including a 3.5mile self-guided nature trail. Pot Point is a great place to hike, picnic, bird watch, canoe or kayak, and take life at a snail’s pace.

To find out more about how you can rent the Pot Point Cabin for the day or overnight, more info about our most recent land protection opportunities (including our “Gateway to the Gorge” campaign), or becoming a member, please contact the TRGT office at 423.266.0314 or visit us online at www.trgt.org.

Cover Story

Get Out There: Here’s How I

n March, Outdoors Chattanooga opened its new, LEED-certified center at 200 River St. in Coolidge Park.

The 6,000-sq.-ft. center has locker rooms, a classroom, conference room, porch/loading dock, storage for outdoor equipment, a full kitchen, and a reception area that will serve as an information portal about outdoor recreation opportunities in the Chattanooga area.

“In a lot of ways, the new location for the Outdoor Chattanooga Center is better than the original,” says Outdoor Chattanooga Executive Director Philip Grymes. “We will be a highly visible public space in the middle of the city’s busiest park. From our new building, we will be able to host classes, clinics, special events, and activities that will bring more people outdoors.”

The center is now a hub for outdoor activities, such as bicycling, kayaking, climbing, and fishing, and a center for outdoor education.

Future plans for the building include classes, clinics, and seminars, outdoor certification training, guided activities, and interactive mapping of trails and facilities in the Chattanooga area.

Many thanks to Outdoors Chattanooga’s Ruthie Thompson for the following list of upcoming events. Something for everyone here!

Chattanooga Area Outdoor Events and Activities May – October 2009 www.outdoorchattanooga.com (423) 643-6888 Monthly Bicycle Events www.bikechattanooga.org Bike2Work Coffee, camaraderie and traffic tales with Chattanooga bicycle commuters Apr. – Oct., 7 – 8:30 a.m.

South end of Walnut St. Bridge www.bikechattanooga.org Street Smarts Road Cycling Class Don’t just ride your bike, drive it.

Learn how to behave like a vehicle on the road.

2nd Saturday of each month 9 a.m. to 1 p.m.

Outdoor Chattanooga 200 River St.

Greenway Farm to raise money for the North Chickamauga Creek Conservancy. www.northchick.org

Chattanooga Urban Area Bicycle Task Force Meeting 2nd Tuesday of each month 12:30 p.m.

Development Resource Center 1250 Market St.

May 23 Scenic City Trail Marathon & ½ Marathon Mud, sweat, and tears on the Raccoon Mountain trail system. www. runintheboonies.org/

Weekly Rapid Learning Whitewater Kids Club Kayak roll practice Tuesdays, 6 to 8 p.m.

June – Aug. – Greenway Farm, Hixson Sept. – May – UTC Maclellan Gym indoor pool

Special Events Highlights May 2 3State/3Mountain Challenge In its 22nd year, the Chattanooga Bike Club invites 2,500 of the country’s most insane cyclists to ride 100 miles around Chattanooga’s mountains. www.chattbike.com May 9 Tour de Cure This cycling event raises money for the American Diabetes Association. Ride lengths to suit riders of varying fitness abilities. tour.diabetes.org May 16 Greenway Challenge Adventure Race Adventure racers take to the

May 29-31 Tennessee Valley Canoe Club Paddle School Learn to kayak and canoe on whitewater or flat water at this weekend school. www.tvccpaddler.com June 6 National Trails Day Events in and around Chattanooga to celebrate trails. www.americanhiking.org June 6-13 Bike to Riverbend Beat traffic and ride your bike to Riverbend, every night except Monday, 5-midnight. www. riverbendfestival.com July 12 BMW of Chattanooga Waterfront Triathlon Olympic-length triathlon attracts the nation’s most elite athletes to Ross’ Landing.

September 26 TN River Blueway Canoe and Kayak

Race Serious racers and recreational paddlers race to raise money for Chattanooga’s canoe and kayak trail. www.outdoorchattanooga.com October 3 Rock/Creek Stump Jump 50K Chattanooga’s signature trail race. www.rockcreek.com October 3 Sequatchie Valley Century The prettiest century ride in Tennessee, with routes 100, 62, and 25 miles long. www.chattbike.com October 10 Chattanooga Head Race Regional rowing regatta that is hosted by the Lookout Rowing Club www.chattanoogaheadrace.com November 7/8 Head of the Hooch The Mack Daddy of rowing regattas.

5,000 competitors on the Tennessee River from universities, high schools, and clubs. www.headofthehooch.org November 14 Upchuck 50K Trail Race Need we say more? www.runintheboonies.org December 19 Lookout 100K & 10K Trail Race Eat as many holiday sweets as you like if you survive this one. www.rockcreek.com www.chattanoogapulse.com 4.23.09 The Pulse

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ShrinkRap

by Dr. Rick

Let’s Put the Fun In Dysfunctional!

D

ear Dr. Rick,

First, I want to express my gratitude to you for your guidance over the past couple of years. I think you are a breath of fresh air for this city, and living proof that navigating life with an open heart and open mind is possible. I believe I am more selfaware and, frankly, just a kinder, nicer guy from being a loyal reader of your columns.

Second, I want to share with your readers that one of my best mental health “tools” is keeping my sense of humor in the midst of some dark chapters of my life. Those are the times when it’s hardest to laugh, but also when it’s most necessary. I’ve lost money, friends, and love, but I do my damndest not to lose my humor.

Maybe this idea can help others.

Gratefully, Scott in East Ridge Hey, Scott, right on! In recent columns we’ve been looking at ways to keep a healthy perspective, to stay inspired, to try to enjoy the good in life, even—and especially—during hard times, from random and regular acts of kindness, to doing what you love and following your bliss.

Whether it’s the economy that’s causing a person’s depression or some unresolved, internal strife giving rise to angst, it’s important to seek balance and not live in the difficulties 24/7. Acknowledge them, yes. Call forth the creative thought that will assist in your journey toward finding the answers you need… absolutely!

Meditate, pray, talk with friends, your therapist, and your dog. Do what it takes to re-experience those moments that bring you back to yourself, back to that place where you know, and believe deep in your soul, that you are a survivor. That you will be OK. This is why your suggestion, Scott, to focus on keeping a sense of humor during the darkest of hours, is very helpful, and I thank you for reminding us about the best medicine: laughter.

In fact, I want to take this opportunity to share some lighthearted (but no less wise) ways of dealing with life’s burdens. These were sent to me by my friend, Owen.

You may have heard some before.

Some will be new, and some are groaners. But what the heck… at least

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a few will make you chuckle. They arrived via the Internet so no author is credited, but I think you’ll find some pearls amid these twelve humorous suggestions: 1. Accept that some days you’re the pigeon, and some days you’re the statue.

2. Always keep your words soft and sweet, just in case you have to eat them.

3. Always read stuff that will make you look good if you die in the middle of it.

4. If you can’t be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.

5. If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.

6. Nobody cares if you can’t dance well. Just get up and dance.

7. The second mouse gets the cheese.

8. When everything’s coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane.

9. Birthdays are good for you.

The more you have, the longer you live.

10. You may be only one person in the world, but you may be the world to one person.

11. They say that happiness is

The Pulse 4.23.09 www.chattanoogapulse.com

always having a “plan B.” So a truly happy person is the one who can enjoy the scenery on a detour.

12. We could learn a lot from crayons … Some are sharp, some dull, some pretty. Some have weird names, and all are different colors, but they all have to live in the same box.

We each have our burdens, our grief, and our struggles. Set them down for a moment, and breathe.

Pick them up again after you’ve rested a while, after you’ve turned your face to the sun, given some thought to what you are grateful for, and rubbed the dog’s belly for at least five minutes. There’s a reason your mother always told you to “sleep on it, and things will look brighter in the morning.”

Until next time, from Dr. Martin Luther King: “The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy.”

Dr. Rick Pimental-Habib, Ph.D., is a psychotherapist, minister, and educator, in private practice in Chattanooga, and is the author of “Empowering the Tribe” and “The Power of a Partner.” Visit his website at www.DrRPH.com

“Whether it’s the economy that’s causing a person’s depression or some unresolved, internal strife giving rise to angst, it’s important to seek balance and not live in the difficulties 24/7.”

local news and views

chattanoogapulse.com/pulseblog www.chattanoogapulse.com 4.23.09 The Pulse

15

Arts&Entertainment

by Stephanie Smith

A Red Shoes For The Masses O

f all the possible fairy tales to choose from, why did Ballet Tennessee choose The Red Shoes? It is a macabre story about a girl who is so vain that when she puts on her red shoes she can’t stop dancing and eventually has to have her feet cut off to make the shoes stop.

“We were looking to find the right vehicle for our company dancers—something original that would challenge their technique, bring out their performing/acting skills, and show them what a ballet production should be about,” says Barry VanCura, Executive Director of Ballet Tennessee. “The Red Shoes has a certain mystique. Young dancers and ballet lovers go back to watch it (the movie version of the fairy tale) again and again. Our version mostly reflects the Hans Christian Anderson fairy tale, except we changed the ending.

The lesson is still learned and we have a happy ballet.”

The company’s production features original choreography and a mix of musical ballet scores. In the beginning of the ballet, VanCura uses music from a lesser-known ballet called La Fille Mal Gardee, which brings a lighthearted comedic feel to the story of an overprotective mother who wants her daughter, Karena, to help with chores, like churning butter and running errands. Her friends and fiancé come to visit and the churn never gets taken care of.

Then a cobbler comes in and gives the daughter the final temptation: “Let’s dance and play in red shoes.” When the daughter puts the shoes on, she begins dancing and cannot stop. (VanCura used music from Brian Easdale’s film score here).

In the Ballet Tennessee version, the conflict is resolved when an angel appears and takes the girl back to her family, where the Reverend Minister says, “With love from the family, let’s see if we can remove the shoes.”

Shannon Baukom dances the

role of the mother and the daughter is danced by 16-year-old Breanna Houston, in her first lead ballerina role.

“Shannon has a very difficult role. She is always onstage dancing, listening, or engaging the other characters. Breanna is very talented.

She has studied with us since she was four years old and she has grown into

“Often people ask me ‘How do you tell a story without words?’ and I realize they have never seen a ballet.”

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each role she has played,” VanCura says.

Lester Badenoch, a guest artist from the American Repertory Ballet and a Chattanooga native, dances the role of the angel.

VanCura explains, “We worked with Lester back in the early 1990s as a child and then he moved away. Now he is with ART in New York and we are thrilled to have him back.”

Ballet Tennessee began in 1987, performing one full-scale production

each year since then. Other fairy tales the company has performed include The Nutcracker, Cinderella, and Sleeping Beauty. The total cast of The Red Shoes numbers about 70 people—40 company dancers and 30 other community dancers. VanCura knows the company has an important position in the community.

“Our role is presenting quality dance through featuring local performers, giving audiences a quality educational experience and educating them about the beauty of the art form,” he says. “Often people ask me, ‘How do you tell a story without words?’ and I realize they have never seen a ballet. We tell the story through mime and gesture and theatre elements. We are offering this art form and showing to the best of our ability the quality that makes an entertaining production.”

Ballet Tennessee presents The Red Shoes $10-$25 Thursday, April 23, 7 p.m.

Friday, April 24, 8 p.m.

Tivoli Theatre, 709 Broad St. (423) 757-5050. www.ballettennessee.org

A&ECalendar

Send your calendar events to us at calendar@chattanoogapulse.com

Friday

Thursday

Sunset Concert Series: Chattanooga Symphony 7 p.m. North River Civic Center, 1009 Executive Dr., Suite 102.

(423) 870-8924.

Open House for “Connect” 10 a.m. Shuptrine Fine Art & Framing, 2646 Broad St. (423) 266-4453.

Reception for “Senior Thesis Exhibition II” 5:30 p.m. Cress Gallery, UTC Fine Arts Center, 615 McCallie Ave. (423) 304-9789.

Linda Kerlin: “Contemporary Paintings from the Southeast” Reception for the artist, featuring her newest work.

Free 5:30 p.m.-7:30 p.m.

Bill Shores Frames & Gallery, 307 Manufacturers Road, Suite 117. (423) 756-6746. www.billshoresframes.com

The Chattanooga Flute Choir & Cadek Flute Choir Concert 7:30 p.m. Cadek Hall, UTC, 615 McCallie Ave. (423) 425-4680.

Etta May 8 p.m. The Comedy Catch, 3224 Brainerd Rd. (423) 629-2233.

“Concrete/Prayers” Jewish Cultural Center, 5461 North Terrace. (423) 493-0270.

Open Mic Celebrating Poetry Month Are you the next Maya Angelou or Charles Bukowski? Speak out/find out.

Free 7:30 p.m.

Barnes & Noble, Hamilton Place, 2100 Hamilton Place Blvd.

(423) 893-0186.

Saturday

Coffeehouse Music Series 7 p.m. Mountain Arts Community Center, 809 Kentucky Ave, Signal Mtn. (423) 886-6169.

“Wetlands in Watercolors” In-Town Gallery, 26A Frazier Ave. (423) 267-9214.

“Senior Thesis Exhibition II” Cress Gallery, UTC Fine Arts Center, 615 McCallie Ave. (423) 304-9789.

Etta May 8 p.m. The Comedy Catch, 3224 Brainerd Rd. (423) 629-2233.

Group exhibition Tanner Hill Gallery, 3069 S. Broad St., Suite 3. (423) 280-7182. www.tannerhillgallery.com

Free 10 a.m - 3 p.m.

Two North Shore complex, 307 Manufacturers Road. www.twonorthshore.com

The Last Flapper 7:30 p.m. StoneFort Inn, 120 E. 10th St. (423) 267-7866. www.stonefortinn.com

“Melissa Hefferlin: A Midcareer Perspective” McKee Library, Southern Adventist University. (423) 236-2788.

Tuesday

Wednesday

Southern Lit Book Club reviews Joe 6 p.m. Rock Point Books, 401 Broad St. (423) 756-2855. www.rockpointbooks.com

Flick Café: Great Short Films Man and Nature 6:30 p.m. Chattanooga Downtown Public Library, 1001 Broad St. (423) 757-5310.

John Tesh in Concert 7:30 p.m. Memorial Auditorium, 399 McCallie Ave. (423) 757-5156. www.chattanoogaonstage.com

“New Work by Lorraine Christie and Bruno Zapan” Gallery 1401, 1401 Williams Street. (423) 265-0015.

“Faces: An Exhibition Benefiting the Craniofacial Foundation of America” CreateHere, 33 E. Main St., Suite 105. (423) 648-2195.

“Nature’s Bounty” River Gallery, 400 E. Second St. (423) 265-5033.

Cadek Community Orchestra 3 p.m. Roland Hayes Concert Hall, UTC Fine Arts Center, 615 McCallie Ave. (423) 425-4612.

Interactive art displays, live music, recycle your Crocs.

“Two Image Makers,” art by Brian Dunne Brock Hall Gallery, Southern Adventist University, Collegedale, Tn. (423) 236-2089.

Etta May 7:30 p.m. & 10 p.m. The Comedy Catch & Giggles Grille, 3224 Brainerd Rd. (423) 629-2233. www.thecomedycatch.com

“A Barage of Butterflies” Houston Museum, 201 High St. (423) 267-7176.

Etta May 7:30 p.m. & 10 p.m. The Comedy Catch & Giggles Grille, 3224 Brainerd Rd. (423) 629-2233.

Brother 7:30 p.m. Chattanooga State Humanities Building Auditorium, 4501 Amnicola Highway.

(423) 697-3246.

Monday

Poetry Open Mic Night 7:30 p.m. Barnes & Noble, 2100 Hamilton Place Blvd.

(423) 893-0186.

Stephen Nelson and Ovid Young, pianists 8 p.m. Dora Maclellan Brown Memorial Chapel, Covenant College, 14049 Scenic Hwy, Lookout Mtn, Ga. (706) 419-1453.

Sunday Book signing with Allen Huffman, author of Sultana: Surviving the Civil War, Prison, and the Worst Maritime Disaster in American History 7 p.m. Rock Point Books, 401 Broad St. (423) 756-2855.

Second Annual Earth Day Festival

Brother 7:30 p.m. Chattanooga State Humanities Building Auditorium, 4501 Amnicola Highway.

(423) 697-3246. ww.chattanoogastate.edu

Ballet Tennessee presents The Red Shoes 8 p.m. Tivoli Theatre, 309 Broad St. www.chattanoogasymphony.org

Southeast Veterans Museum Chattanooga Ducks building, 201 W. 5th St. (423) 756-3825.

“A Barage of Butterflies” Houston Museum, 201 High St. (423) 267-7176. www.thehoustonmuseum.com “Nature’s Bounty” River Gallery, 400 E. Second St. (423) 265-5033.

“Connect” Shuptrine Fine Art & Framing, 2646 Broad St. (423) 266-4453.

Brother Lisa Ebersole’s surreal one-act play, presented by the Professional Actors Training Program.

Free, but donations accepted.

2:30 p.m.

Chattanooga State Humanities Building Auditorium, 4501 Amnicola Highway, (423) 697-3246.

“Comfort & Joy” Quilt Exhibit North River Civic Center, 1009 Executive Dr., Suite 102.

(423) 870-8924.

Bob Dombrowski’s sculpture Linda Woodall Fine Arts, 7836 Ooltewah-Georgetown Rd. (423) 238-9985.

Roslynne Steinberg’s paintings of New York City Studio 2/Gallery 2, 27 W. Main Street. (423) 266-2222.

Editor’s Pick: Featured Event Of The Week

Poetry Night 7 p.m. CreateHere, 33 E. Main St., Suite 105. (423) 648-2195. www.createhere.org

Slampoze 2009 with Rhyme N Chatt

“Wetlands in Watercolors” In-Town Gallery, 26A Frazier Ave. (423) 267-9214.

Freestyle poetry slam, with some of the city’s best wordmiths going head to head, verse to verse.

Reserve your place to throw down at rhymenchattpoetry@ comcast.net

“Senior Thesis Exhibition II” Cress Gallery, UTC Fine Arts Center, 615 McCallie Ave. (423) 304-9789.

Group exhibition Tanner Hill Gallery, 3069 S. Broad St., Suite 3. (423) 280-7182. www.tannerhillgallery.com “Connect” Shuptrine Fine Art & Framing, 2646 Broad St. (423) 266-4453. www.shuptrinefineart.com

Saturday, April 25 $1 at door Noon Barking Legs Theater, 1307 Dodds Avenue, (423) 544-1597. www.rhymenchatt.org

www.chattanoogapulse.com 4.23.09 The Pulse

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The Pulse 4.23.09 www.chattanoogapulse.com

OnTheBeat

by Alex Teach

Sorry, Mr. Jackson “I

want’cha supahvisah!” he yelled from the back seat.

“I’m gonna complain on you, punk! You thoo! THOO!” You could literally hear my eyes roll upward while the breath left my lungs, my body suddenly still with one hand on the steering wheel, the other on the center console’s keyboard.

(In my mind it was and forever will be a ‘S.C.M.O.D.T.’, but I’d be hard pressed to find more than a dozen coworkers who would remember having seen the original “Blues Brothers” movie to know what the hell I was talking about.

Do you?)

“Really?” I said. I rolled down the window and yelled out to my boss, who happened to be standing across the street. He had been there when I took Mr. Jackson down, running at him head-on after having cut to the right around a house as Mr. Jackson and a few of us cut left. The boss had been preparing to clothesline him to end the foot chase, so I was sure he would be interested to hear what Mr. Jackson had to complain about. “I’m Sergeant Stihl, that’s ‘S-T-I-H-L’.

How may I help you?” he said.

He intentionally baffled them by not only refusing to hide his name as expected, but rather demanding it be branded into their memories.

Demanding a name seemed to give most complainants power, and having that deprived early on was a simple and effective way to level the playing field, since most people complaining were the ones that were just caught. The ones that got away hardly said a word, it seemed.

“Yeah,” Mr. Jackson said, “yo officah stomped me. I was on the ground and he stomped me, an hurt my ribs.”

Stihl was kind of an oddball, a veteran sergeant whose specialty was kind of just being there. He wasn’t into narcotics work or traffic stuff; he just made things run right and took on the shit jobs no one else wanted. Nothing about him made much sense to most and that was disconcerting to his fellow officers,

but he filled a niche people seemed to constantly need. He could recite the policy, completely trample it, then document things so that whoever reviewed the material were embarrassed they ever questioned him. And that is a very handy skill in this line of work.

“OK. So what’s your complaint?” the sergeant said. If Mike-Mike Jackson was smart, he wouldn’t be covered in sweat and dirt and handcuffed in the backseat of a patrol car…but this wasn’t what he expected to hear and was quiet for a few unusual seconds.

“I was on the ground!” he said.

“He stomp me while I was on the ground! That ain’t right!” he added for clarification. Stihl told him, “Actually, you tripped over a lawn mower and the officer behind you tackled you and landed on you when you hit the ground. I’d be surprised if you weren’t hurt a lot more. Sure you don’t want that ambulance to come back?”

He’d been treated, of course, and refused that treatment to the annoyance of the paramedics we’d awoken for nothing at 2 a.m. “No! Man, they beat on me! Ya’ll were brutal, that ain’t right!” Now the sergeant sighed, his hands gently clasping the bottom of the door’s window frame, and patiently explained the situation while I continued to act like I wasn’t observing this by way of side view and rearview mirrors. Everything Sarge said about the mower was true, but some folks have a distinct inability to accept defeat, much less responsibility.

“Mr. Jackson. Mike-Mike.

You just kicked in your girlfriend’s door, beat her with an end table, then ran out in front of a police car through the neighborhood. You ran, the police chased you, and when you didn’t stop, they tackled you and brought you to the ground with their arms and fists when you tripped over that push mower in pitch blackness. I myself was about to hit you head-on to make you stop running from us. You see, that’s the way it works when you commit crimes and run away and we have to chase you. I’ve never been confused about that, even since

I was a kid. I’ve really wondered about this because honestly, I’m not sure exactly how you feel this should have gone down, but what happened shouldn’t really shock you like this. It may not have been what you expected,” he said, pausing, “but you had to expect it to end somehow. Besides,” he said in closing, “this is exactly the way it ended when you did this last time.

That was just two weeks ago, Mike.

Sure you don’t want to head to Erlanger?”

Mike-Mike thought it over, then grinned. “I see I’ll just have to take this above yo’ head.” He grinned knowingly for effect, and said “I know the PIO.” Sarge said good night, and we went on to the jail. The same route, in fact, as two weeks ago. Same house, same girl, same kind of assault, and same kind of running capture. Did I mention he was a tad thick?

Society has an odd disconnect when it comes to police using force, even “necessary” force. There is a segment, small but loud, that balls up its pudgy fists and rages against incidents like Mr. Jackson’s tackle and fight into custody. It’s such a moral affront that police would use their hands against someone for any reason, they overlook what brought them to that point in the first place…and thereby make the man who chose to burglarize a house, assault its occupant, then run from police officers to avoid capture the “victim” in the situation.

It’s funny because I’m not upset about this as a police officer: I’m upset on behalf of the REAL victim, the one who was beaten in her living room, that the other, larger, segment of society represents.

The picture is much bigger than that, folks, and I can deal with that smaller segment’s lack of scope because I know deep in my heart the majority of people know the Big Picture is framed…in Rules.

I ask you, though: Which group are you in?

“It’s such a moral affront that police would use their hands against someone for any reason, they overlook what brought them to that point in the first place… and thereby make the man who chose to burglarize a house, assault its occupant, then run from police officers to avoid capture the ‘victim’ in the situation.”

Alexander D. Teach is an occasional student of the University of Tennessee at Chattanooga and a graduate of Central High. In his spare time he enjoys carpentry, auto mechanic work, boating, and working for the Boehm Birth Defects Center.

www.chattanoogapulse.com 4.23.09 The Pulse

19

Film Feature

by Phillip Johnston

Relief from Spring Screen Drought I

was sitting in my theater seat the other day taking in some truly horrendous trailers before watching a real movie when one of my friends leaned over to me and said, “I forgot how bad spring movies are.” How right he was. Does anyone with a lick of taste really want to go see Dragonball Evolution or The Haunting in Connecticut? You can answer that for yourself but thankfully, this week offers two wide-release options that should give audiences some relief from the movie dregs of spring.

The first is director Joe Wright’s new film The Soloist, starring comeback kid Robert Downey Jr. and Jamie Foxx. Playing in theaters everywhere, the film is based on the true story of Nathaniel Ayers, a Juilliard-trained cellist plagued with schizophrenia. At the film’s start, Ayers (Foxx) finds himself homeless and impoverished, playing a cello with just two strings. Struggling journalist Steve Lopez (Downey Jr.) of the Los Angeles Times discovers Ayers and writes an excited column about him for the paper.

But he doesn’t stop there. Lopez enlists the help of doctors and professional musicians to help get Nathaniel off the street. To let Ayers’ musical talent go to waste would be a crime and Lopez uses his position at the Times to help get the talented and afflicted musician back into the spotlight.

God forbid that The Soloist becomes a slimy sob story complete with incessant screaming at life’s hard knocks and a mopey climax.

It very well could, but Pride and Prejudice and Atonement should instill in audiences enough faith in Joe Wright to make this story just what it needs to be. Wright is very crafty at achieving that earned brand of melodrama that can produce plenty of tears…but not the ones you’ll feel

guilty about.

In fact, the musical subject of The Soloist is a perfect fit for him as the musical scores of his last two movies (composed by Dario Marianelli) have been some of the most notable and inventive to grace any films in the last five years.

Shot for twice the budget of Wright’s last film (Atonement), The Soloist was supposed to be released in time for last year’s awards season, but now finds itself delayed to this weekend.

Thank goodness, because this movie could prove to be just what audiences need.

In the last few years, audiences have witnessed the revitalization of the nature documentary. Television shows like Planet Earth and Blue Planet have invigorated viewers all around the world and the advent of HD camera technologies have let us see nature in a way that is altogether new.

In celebration of Earth Day 2009 and the beauty of our planet, a new branch of Disney called Disneynature will release their first film this weekend: Earth. Presented in IMAX where available and narrated by the inimitable James Earl Jones, Earth is the story of three different animal families on their journey to survive the planet.

The film took a total of five years to produce, and more than 42 different animal species are featured.

Starting in the bitter cold of an arctic winter, Earth tracks the sun’s warming capability as it travels south all the

“God forbid that The Soloist becomes a slimy sob story complete with incessant screaming.”

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way down to the Antarctic—from a polar bear mother struggling to feed her newborn cubs as the sun melts the ice beneath them, to an elephant mother guiding her tiny calf across the desert in search of water, to a humpbacked whale and her calf as they migrate 4,000 miles from the tropics.

“I think Earth is a perfect film to start the Disneynature series in the States because it is a portrait of the whole planet,” says director Alastair Fothergill in the film’s press kit. “We literally filmed from pole to pole.

It’s a celebration of the beauty of the entire planet. In a sense, Earth is like the overture in an opera. It’s the very, very best together in a wonderful epic celebration, so it’s a wonderful opener for the whole of the Disneynature series of movies.”

The Soloist Starring Robert Downey Jr., Jamie Foxx Directed by Joe Wright Rated PG-13 Running time: 109 minutes

Earth Directed by Alastair Fothergill Rated G Running time: 90 minutes

LifeInTheNoog

by Chuck Crowder

Council Showdown—Or Was It? L

ast week, a few longtime city council members seeking re-election lost their posts to first-time opponents in run-off elections. In my district, District 8 (Downtown/Southside), 19-year-incumbent Leamon Pierce lost to Andraé McGary by a landslide margin of 41 percent. Whoa.

In fact, no incumbent clinched a victory in any of city council run-off elections. But does that surprise you?

It doesn’t take a political scientist to figure out the existing council members were likely shaking in their boots when the election was so close the first time around.

That’s because everybody knows that in politics, it’s hard to beat someone who’s already been there, done that. Their name and face are already associated with the job at hand. And the simple phrase “reelect” can easily be interpreted by the casual voter as “this person’s already got the job, so who am I to vote against them, especially for someone I’ve never heard of?”

But simply checking the boxes of familiar names wasn’t gonna be enough this time around. No, the people wanted a change, and by forcing everyone out to the polls for a second time, they were sending a message loud and clear (well, not necessarily loud…and definitely not clear, hence the need for run-offs, but you know what I mean).

Now, anyone with a Pulse knows

that winning an election by one vote is still “winning.” But look at how close Bush’s second term re-election ended. Or for that matter, look at how much of a showing Rob Healy had in this past mayoral election against the incumbent. You can win by one, but that still means you have the support of only half your constituency.

In the case of Leamon Pierce, he only achieved 29 percent of the vote (way less than half) the second time around. In my opinion, his career finally fell victim to one of the most common causes for incumbent defeat: His constituency changed and he didn’t. So when someone came along who listened, people started talking. And Andraé McGary was young enough, and hungry enough, to consider what people had to say.

When Leamon Pierce was first elected back in 1990, District 8 was mainly businesses, UTC, a lot of inner-city housing developments (aka projects) and other unsavory neighborhoods. But in the last several years, the ’hood has transformed itself into a cultural center for hip urban housing, true “front-door” neighborhoods, great locally-owned restaurants, artist studios, incubators for creative thought, popular event spaces and retail shops. In fact, District 8 might very well be the most progressive district in town.

I’m not sure Pierce was riding the same bus for the past five years or so. I can’t speculate as to what contributions he might have made through thought-leadership, council

motions, endorsements or other supportive measures to get the district where it is today. I know one former high-ranking local politician who really thought he was getting things done, at least at some point during his tenure. But I can only speak for myself.

I’ve lived in District 8 for threeand-half years and never met the man. And I’m not a homebody.

I make every effort to attend the majority of the events going on in the Main Street and Southside areas and I have only laid eyes on Leamon Pierce one time (at the MainX24 parade). In fact, even during the two rounds of his re-election campaign, I didn’t see hide nor hair of Leamon Pierce.

But you know what? I’ve met Andraé McGary so many times that he’s learned my name. And he wasn’t just knocking on my door asking for my vote. He was attending all of the same events I was. He’s sincerely interested in what’s going on and what he can do to help. He’s young, energetic, and down-to-earth.

So when it comes time to re-elect him, I suspect that if he maintains this high level of service and community involvement, we won’t just be voting for a familiar name, but a specific person. It’s yours to lose, Andraé. Congratulations.

“It doesn’t take a political scientist to figure out the existing council members were likely shaking in their boots when the election was so close the first time around.”

Chuck Crowder is a local writer and general man about town. His opinions are just that. Everything expressed is loosely based on fact, and crap he hears people talking about. Take what you just read with a grain of salt, but pepper it in your thoughts. And be sure to check out his wildly popular website thenoog.com

www.chattanoogapulse.com 4.23.09 The Pulse

21

ShadesOfGreen

by Mary Duffy

Swan Song Editor’s note: We’d like to thank Mary for her thoughtful contributions to The Pulse via this column, which was created at her suggestion. We also want to wish her the very best in her new home, and, as Mom used to say, don’t forget to write!

T

his week’s column is my last for The Pulse. I have to announce that my better half and I are headed for—cough—greener pastures next week, or at least more northerly ones. I’m trading the Scenic City for the City of Brotherly Love, Philadelphia. I already know I’m going to miss Chattanooga, and especially writing for The Pulse.

The rapport I’ve had with Pulse readers has really inspired me, and the response in general was very encouraging: People in this city care about the environment. My readers have never been shy about suggesting topics, offering counterviews, and expressing their enthusiasm about “Shades of Green”.

Writing about the green experience has been a challenge. In my first column, I tried to address some of the reasons I saw the “green movement” as problematic, and I feel as though those problems colored some of what I’ve had to say. The first issue is that for those who were never connected with environmentalism in the past, “green” in the retail world has come to stand in for “trendy,” “right,” or just “better.” While it may be trendy, the green-washing of everything from Exxon to McDonald’s is more than a little troubling.

The mix of morality and science that the arc of a green life seems to subtend is also problematic. Just recently I wrote about having a green period. Two readers responded that oral contraception wasn’t a valid green option because women excrete estrogen in their urine, which gets into the water supply and adversely affects wildlife.

Well, that’s true, but it’s also true that waste chemicals from factories affect the hormonal biochemistry of fish, and that runoff from hormones used in raising cattle has been shown to do the same thing. Whatever the source, we simply aren’t treating our

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sewage responsibly. And besides, if we can’t have the Pill because estrogen ends up in our water, we also can’t have medicines for diseases because they too, have been shown to end up in municipal reservoirs. I’m sorry, but my lupus says I can’t just stop taking my pills.

So it’s a trade-off. You can use the Pill, not have a period, thereby saving the world’s landfills from the many thousands of feminine hygiene products you’d use, or you can potentially feminize a fish. Jeez. It is not, as they say, easy being green. This is why it has not been easy to write this column at times. Determining the balance between the science of an issue (feminizing fish) and the degree to which you green your life isn’t black and white.

Clouding the issues even more is the overwhelming sense of moral superiority that some people seem to have about their small carbon footprint. The fact that eating organically grown food has become the privilege of the bourgeoisie who can afford it is no help, either.

The Pulse 4.23.09 www.chattanoogapulse.com

Given attitudes and circumstances like those, my hope was not to turn anyone off of doing things in a more environmentally friendly way, but to show ways that green is easier, better for the planet, and better for your pocketbook.

One of my favorite episodes of The Simpsons depicts actor and environmentalist Ed Begley driving a car “powered by my own sense of self-satisfaction!” I hope I haven’t come across that way in these pages.

If anything, I’m probably not even green enough for some readers. I may bike to work, but I’m not planning on swimming to Europe when I take a vacation next month.

If I can make one last entreaty to Chattanoogans, it’s to keep your green lives in perspective, and keep up the good work. The programs that the city offers through Outdoor Chattanooga, the private foundations that subsidize nonprofits like green|spaces, the Green Committee’s climate report: These are great things.

And please, remember to bring your own grocery bags.

“One of my favorite episodes of The Simpsons depicts actor and environmentalist Ed Begley driving a car ‘powered by my own sense of selfsatisfaction!’”

www.chattanoogapulse.com 4.23.09 The Pulse

23

MusicFeature

by Hellcat

Rock-n-Roll FestivRULE L

et me just say that this weekend was the greatest and worst time of my life all rolled up into one 48-hour-stress-fest.

I will clarify by saying that the Sweetwater 4/20 Fest, put on by the Market Street Tavern and myself, with the help of a Sweetwater Brewery sponsorship, went off without a hitch…that anyone in attendance could really detect.

The first two bands of the first day experienced a few technical difficulties as the largest sound rig I have ever seen can blow some breakers quicker than 4/4 time.

However, after securing a generator powerful enough to run a subdivision, it was good to go.

A few half-hour delays luckily were built in the schedule, so the rest of the day ran smoothly. The stage, lighting, and sound rig were a sight to behold. I am pretty sure it was the biggest system I have ever secured.

Now there is probably no going back, because the bigger and better spoiled me.

The line-up of the first day was super-strong hard rock. Cutthroat Shamrock, Night of the Wolf, Eris, and Mighty Sideshow put on amazing shows, as did the earlier bands. For the most part, everyone involved was really on point and professional, moving quickly on- and off-stage in the mere 15 minute intervals that I had scheduled. I only had to go to the stage twice to point at my watch and I didn’t have to unplug anyone.

By mid-afternoon, we had counted 1,500 people and by the end of the night we edged on 3,000 if you include those that did not get wristbands to drink. The Plaza was literally ripping at the orange seams that contained it. We went through 30 kegs of beer on Saturday alone.

I sprouted a few gray hairs, but it was well worth it. The weather was beautiful.

Speaking of weather, Sunday did well, about 700 all day, even in spite of the on-and-off rain and eventual downpour. It reassured me that there are some people in this town that love music, beer (or both) enough to endure a day in the rain. You just

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The Pulse 4.23.09 www.chattanoogapulse.com

can’t keep good bands and good beer down! Plus, the wet look can be pretty sexy. Sunday, for me, was easier to manage because there were not any stage set-ups, light shows, or extra gear to contend with. Also, the crowd was strong and steady, but not overwhelming, so people could move around easier and get a beer and bathroom break in time for the next band to start. I have to say, I loved every single band that played Sunday.

It was a great time, with good music and absolutely no delays.

I can’t bring myself to pick out my favorite band on Sunday, so I will just say that The Tammys, Moonlight Bride, Land Camera, The Nim Nims, and Coral Castles brought their best, as per usual. Mocking Bird powered through an impromptu drummer change, and later rocked a good set at the JJ’s Bohemia after-party. The Bohannons and Up with the Joneses were amazing and the energy was phenomenal.

I was glad to see that TJ stretched a bit before the show. Seabird was a perfect way to end the festival, with a relaxing and peaceful set of keyboardheavy songs, that remind me of a mix of My Morning Jacket and Coldplay.

I want to mention something that blew my mind. As I have written about previously, a lot of our bands share members in a sweet little incestuous musical family. In the two days of festival and after parties, there were people that played three and four times a day and five times a festival.

These people get a beer off me the next time you see me, and thank you for all your time and energy.

I would also like to thank all the bands involved for helping the cause.

The sound guys, Brian McCutcheon and Jeff Hiett, for putting out fires for me on the first day, and keeping things running smoothly the second. Alan Whitener and Dustin Concannon were lifesavers for me, and kept my stress levels as low as possible.

Dustin Choate and Aaron Long, along with everyone at Market Street Tavern were amazing and pro all weekend, even though they were swamped. I couldn’t have asked for a better time, a better crew, or better music.

I want to also give out my undying and continually increasing thanks to all the folks and fans of Chattanooga that came out to this event. Thanks to you and your insatiable hunger for music and booze, we were able to pay all the bands, pay for the event, and still make it free. We also filled an entire banquet room almost floor-toceiling with food for the Chattanooga Area Food Bank.

I cannot tell you how much I appreciate everyone and everything that went into making this weekend happen and a success. We look forward to making this an annual thing, and with a city that has proven themselves as avid supporters and raging alcoholics for a cause, it shouldn’t be too hard. Thank you, again, Chattanooga. You rock.

New Music Reviews

By Stephanie Smith

Jennifer Daniels

The Corduroy Road

Come Undone (SugarMac Records)

Just One Drop (Mule Train Records)

North Georgiabased singer/ songwriter Jennifer Daniels has been a local favorite for more than ten years. With the release of her fourth album, Come Undone, Daniels has once again shown us why.

With a sound that is alternately pure and breathy, Daniels’ voice dips and soars through melodies accompanied by sparse but carefully placed accompaniment. Reminiscent of Sarah McLaughlin, her voice executes both high and low notes with ease and evokes lyrics both playful and purposeful.

Come Undone is filled with one theme her fans know her to expound upon: love. With this album, however, Daniels covers the complete story of love—from the happiness (Let those days make up our life / Let all of our hair turn gray / I love you every single day) to the heartache (My lover’s ghost is a friend to me/ As I walk the coast of the unquiet sea / In a world gone wild, with its men gone mad / He has mended me with the words he has said).

The balance between the vocals and instruments is perfectly in harmony. With a background that includes acoustic guitar, mandolin, violin, cello, bass, piano, and organ, the blend is mellow and well-suited to the vocals, which take center stage. Make no mistake: This is no band. Daniels is clearly the star.

While I found the lyrics to be thoroughly relatable and enjoyable, I thought that much of the melodic line did not tonally match the background harmonies, which I found rather distracting as it made Daniels sound as if she was out of tune when I know she was not. I tried to focus instead on the compelling artistic statement Daniels was making, and, when I did this, I was quite content to sit back and listen.

Overall, Come Undone makes a strong case for the importance of Southern singer/songwriters. So go out and support the artistic efforts of one of our talented local musicians.

Used during the Civil War, a “corduroy road” is made of logs placed side-by-side perpendicular over muddy trails to make the road passable. The road to success could certainly be called a corduroy road, but there is nothing bumpy about the five-song EP, Just One Drop.

Athens-based musicians The Corduroy Road are riding high with a nonstop tour throughout the Southeast this year, and the release of their first-ever LP entitled Love is a War, due out this summer. Just One Drop is produced by legendary record producer John Keane (Widespread Panic, REM, and Indigo Girls) on the Mule Train Records label.

Founding members Drew Carman (banjo) and Dylan Solise (guitar) took their bluegrass Kentucky roots and blended them with Americana, folk rock, and old-time country. When the duo added John Cable on drums and Tim Helms on bass, suddenly their acoustic sound blew up into a folkrock band with depth.

Just One Drop is an infectious celebration of folk-rock that will soak into your pores and put a smile on your face. The storytelling is something akin to John Denver or Peter, Paul, & Mary—“Country Roads” with more contemporary city lyrics, but a message just as simple.

“Brad’s Song” is a cheeky and joyous ode to love in the 21st century, uplifted by the brilliant harmonica throughout. The title track is a skipping tribute to a singin-in-therain view on life, while “The Wind & Water: brings thoughts of “Puff, the Magic Dragon”, as led by a lovely waltzing fiddle.

Though the EP is short, the pleasure is long with this boisterous CD. With influences that include The Avett Brothers and Old Crowe Medicine Show, The Corduroy Road definitely holds a spot in the folkrock world, yet they still manage to create a sound all their own—and a happy sound at that. www.chattanoogapulse.com 4.23.09 The Pulse

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MusicCalendar

Send your calendar events to us at calendar@chattanoogapulse.com

Friday

Thursday Invisible Children Benefit Show featuring Fareway, Dead End Stanley, Saving Ashley, HPH 7 p.m. The Warehouse, 5716 Ringgold Rd., East Ridge. www.myspace.com/warehousetn

Wayne Hightower 7:30 p.m. Fireside Grill, 3018 Cummings Hwy. (423) 821-9898.

Laymans Envs, Dead See Squirrels, 476 8 p.m. Ziggy’s Hideaway, 607 Cherokee Blvd. (423) 634-1074.

Channing Wilson 9 p.m. Bud’s Sports Bar, 5751 Brainerd Rd. (423) 499-9878. www.budssportsbar.com

This group has some of the best local bg players around.

Very Disco: A Daft Punk Tribute featuring Immuzikation 10 p.m. Rhythm & Brews, 221 Market St. (423) 267-4644. www.rhythm-brews.com

No cover.

9 p.m.

Market Street Tavern, 850 Market Street.

(423) 634-0260. myspace.com/marketstreettavern

Ian Thomas, Corduroy Road, The Fox Hunt, Gurle Haggard 10 p.m. JJ’s Bohemia, 231 E. MLK Blvd. (423) 266-1400. www.myspace.com/jjsbohemia

Bluegrass Pharaohs

Here Come the Mummies The boys in bandages are back, along with bellydancer diva Amberetta.

Madeline, Caitlin Rose, The Fox Hunt (set 2) 10 p.m. JJ’s Bohemia, 231 E. MLK Blvd. (423) 266-1400.

$15 9:30 p.m.

Rhythm & Brews, 221 Market Street. (423) 267-4644. www.rhythm-brews.com

Mudflaps 10 p.m. Bud’s Sports Bar, 5751 Brainerd Rd. (423) 499-9878. www.budssportsbar.com

Saturday

Booker Scruggs Ensemble 7 p.m. Blue Orleans Creole Restaurant, 3208 Amnicola Hwy. (423) 629-6538.

Locals RCH are joined by Texans Macon Greyson for a night of rawk.

Thaddeus, At Cliffs End, The Miller Cinema Tragedy, Tomorrows End 7 p.m. The Warehouse, 5716 Ringgold Rd., East Ridge. www.myspace.com/warehousetn

$5 9 p.m.

JJ’s Bohemia, 231 E. MLK Blvd.

(423) 266-1400. www.myspace.com/jjsbohemia

Monday Moonlight Bride, Fire Zuave, Kaiser Cartel 9 p.m. JJ’s Bohemia, 231 E. MLK Blvd. (423) 266-1400. www.myspace.com/jjsbohemia The Palms at Hamilton 6925 Shallowford Rd #202, (423) 499-5055. www.thepalmsathamilton.com Fireside Lounge 4021 Hixson Pike, (423) 870-7078.

Lucky’s 2536 Cummings Highway, (423) 825-5145.

Tremont Tavern 1203 Hixson Pike, (423) 266-1996. www.tremonttavern.com

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DJ Spicolli Raw Sushi Bar Restaurant & Nightclub, 409 Market St. (423) 756-1919.

DJ GOP The Palms at Hamilton, 6925 Shallowford Rd., #202, (423) 499-5055. www.thepalmsathamilton.com Ms. Debbie’s Nightlife Lounge 4762 Highway 58, (423) 485-0966.

Mudpie Restaurant 12 Frazier Ave. (423) 267-9043. www.mudpierestaurant.com

Sunday Destroy Destroy Destroy, As the Serpent Proclaimed, Sons of Cynics, Sight Beyond Sight 6:30 p.m. Club Fathom, 412 Market St. (423) 757-0019. www.clubfathom.com

River City Hustlers, Macon Greyson, Dog and Pony Show

Casey Adams 10 p.m. Midtown Music Hall, 818 Georgia Ave. (423) 752-1977. www.midtownmusichall.com

Nathan Farrow 10 p.m. T-Bone’s, 1419 Chestnut St. (423) 266-4240. www.tboneschattanooga.com

Open Mic hosted by Shaunessey Cargile 9 p.m. Mudpie Restaurant, 12 Frazier Ave. (423) 267-9043.

Open Jam w/ Jeff Daniels 4 p.m. Ms. Debbie’s Nightlife Lounge, 4762 Hwy 58.

(423) 485-0966.

Here Come the Mummies with Amberetta and Ricky Young: Take Two 9:30 p.m. Rhythm & Brews, 221 Market St. (423) 267-4644.

Open Mic Gene’s Bar & Grill, 724 Ashland Ter. (423) 870-0880.

DJ GOP The Palms at Hamilton, 6925 Shallowford Rd., #202.

(423) 499-5055

Williams Riley 10 p.m. Midtown Music Hall, 818 Georgia Ave. (423) 752-1977.

Amber Fults Band 10 p.m. T-Bone’s, 1419 Chestnut St. (423) 266-4240.

Can never get enough of a touch of blarney.

Bud’s Sports Bar 5751 Brainerd Road, (423) 499-9878. www.budssportsbar.com

Peter Cooper and Eric Brace 8 p.m. Charles & Myrtle’s Coffeehouse, 105 McBrien Rd. (423) 892-3109.

DJ Spicolli Raw Sushi Bar Restaurant & Nightclub, 409 Market St. (423) 756-1919.

No cover.

6:30 p.m.

Tremont Tavern, 1203 Hixson Pike, (423) 266-1996. www.tremonttavern.com

T-Bone’s Sports Café 1419 Chestnut Street, (423) 266-4240. www.tboneschattanooga.com

Tuesday

Wednesday

The Ben Friberg Trio 7 p.m. Table 2, 232 E. 11th St. (423) 756-8253.

Ben Friberg Jazz Trio 6:30 p.m. Market Street Tavern.

850 Market St. (423) 634-0260.

Kingdom, Faded, Battle!, Reflections 7 p.m. The Warehouse, 5716 Ringgold Rd., East Ridge. www.myspace.com/warehousetn

Poetry/Song/Art Open Mic 7 p.m. The Warehouse, 5716 Ringgold Rd., East Ridge.

The Legendary Shack Shakers w/ Cutthroat Shamrock 9 p.m. JJ’s Bohemia, 231 E. MLK Blvd. (423) 266-1400. www.myspace.com/jjsbohemia Spoken Word/Poetry Night The Riverhouse, 224 Frazier Ave. (423) 752-0066.

Open Mic Tremont Tavern, 1203 Hixson Pike (423) 266-1996.

The Pulse 4.23.09 www.chattanoogapulse.com

Irish Music

Editor’s Pick: Featured Event Of The Week

Johnston Brown 8 p.m. The Palms at Hamilton, 6925 Shallowford Rd #202.

(423) 499-5055.

Open Mic featuring Marry a Thief 9 p.m. JJ’s Bohemia, 231 E. MLK Blvd. (423) 266-1400. www.myspace.com/jjsbohemia Danger Muffin and Searsuckers 10 p.m. Midtown Music Hall, 818 Georgia Ave. (423) 752-1977. www.midtownmusichall.com

Fareway with Dead End Stanley, Saving Ashley and half price hero Fareway and friends are playing at the Invisible Children Benefit Show. Fareway’s an experimental thrash band that has members from diverse musical backgrounds, resulting in their own brand of thrash. The bands will be playing to raise money for the Invisible Children Organization, which helps the former child soldiers of Uganda.

Thursday, April 23, $5, 7 p.m.

The Warehouse, 5716 Ringgold Road, East Ridge. www.myspace.com/warehousetn

www.chattanoogapulse.com 4.23.09 The Pulse

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Free Will Astrology TAURUS (April 20-May 20): Rachael Yanetta, a young English woman, got a bellyache while working her regular job at the local pub. Despite the pain, she toughed it out until her shift was over, then went home. Her distress increased, though, and at 3 a.m. she checked into the hospital. A little over an hour later, to her shock, she gave birth to her first child, having been unaware she was pregnant until the very end of her nine-month term. I predict a comparable sequence for you in the coming days, Taurus.

You’ll power through some perplexing anomaly that leads to the unexpected arrival of a new creation or vital revelation.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): As I close my eyes and ask my deep self for a psychic vision that symbolizes your current astrological omens, here’s what I see: You’re trying to look relaxed even though you have one foot on a dock and one foot on a boat as the boat pulls away. How should we interpret this scene? Here’s what I think: It seems likely that at any minute now you will have to commit yourself to either the dock, the boat, or the water.

CANCER (June 21-July 22): This would be an excellent time for you to lead a populist revolt to overthrow the abusive authorities or outof-touch elites who have been working their dumb magic for far too long. It would also be a perfect moment for you to stop cooperating with energy-draining situations that undermine your autonomy. The Age of Passivity is ending, thank Goddess. Launching the Age of Awakening may not be easy or fast, but you will attract extra help and encouragement if you do it now.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): “I am not interested in money,” said actress Marilyn Monroe. “I just want to be wonderful.” Consider the possibility of trying out that approach for a while, Leo. I’m not, of course, encouraging you to be apathetic toward financial matters. But I do think it’s an excellent time to for you to specialize in making yourself more wonderful. The cosmic signs say that you now have access to unprecedented reserves of the most profound kind of charm (not the cheap, fake, manipulative stuff). They also suggest that certain qualities in you that have previously been merely fine are primed to evolve into being amazingly marvelous.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): I once had a Virgo girlfriend who was exceedingly well-organized.

The capstone of her heroic efforts to keep life rigorously ordered was her approach to her underwear. Each of her panties was embroidered with the name of a day of the week. In the large drawer where they were kept, all the Mondays were in a neat pile at the upper left-hand corner, followed by the rest of the days in their proper sequence. She was always able to grab the correct pair, even when she was half-asleep and the room was dark. If I were going to contact her now, I’d recommend that she should, for a change, arrange her intimate items out of order, and maybe wear Monday on Friday, or put Tuesday on inside-out on Saturday. According to my reading of the omens, this kind of playful self-trickery would set the right tone for you Virgos; it would encourage the universe to send you the benevolent interruptions and interesting interventions you need.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): “Being understood is not the most essential thing in life,” said actress Jodie Foster. While that may be true for her, I bet you won’t turn it down if a flood of appreciation and acknowledgement comes your way in the next few weeks. According to my reading of the astrological omens, you now have the potential to be better understood than maybe you’ve been in a long time. I suggest you take maximum advantage of this good fortune. Make it easy for people to see you for who you really are.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): The famous physicist Robert Oppenheimer sometimes displayed a disarming humility. “There are children playing in the streets who could solve some of my top problems in physics,” he said once, “because they have modes of sensory

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The Pulse 4.23.09 www.chattanoogapulse.com

By Rob Brezsny

perception that I lost long ago.” I invite you to consider the possibility that you, too, could learn a lot from people you regard as beneath you or utterly unlike you. It’s one of those rare phases in your astrological cycle when useful revelations are likely to arrive from outside your normal frame of reference. (P.S. Animals might be great teachers as well.)

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): It’s a Love Emergency! Am I right? There’s a growing itch in the romantic sphere, and it needs immediate scratching. I mean it really can’t wait for a few more days to pass; something’s got to be done soon. It may be true that this thickening of the plot has been underway for quite a while, and its growing urgency may have snuck up on you. It also may be true that the shift will ultimately be a promising development. But that doesn’t mean you can afford to be casual about it. Take action!

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): From an astrological point of view, the coming weeks will be an excellent time to start a band and record an album. Your creativity is waxing, your attunement with the right side of your brain is especially sweet, and you will benefit immensely from anything you do to become less of a spectator and more of a participant.

To jumpstart the process, go to Wikipedia and click on “random article.” That’s the name of your band. Then go to en.wikiquote.org and click on “random page.” The last few words of the last quote on that page will be your album’s title. Finally, go to flckr.com, click on “the last 7 days,” and choose a photo from the new page to be your CD cover. (My band is Widemouth Blindcat, our album is “More Time for Dreaming,” and our cover art is a spiral staircase from here: tinyurl.com/c89rt7.)

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): You’ve said enough for the time being. You have expressed the hell out of yourself and have been thorough in providing your vision of how the collaborative efforts should unfold. But now I think you should cultivate the power of silence. Keep your evolving thoughts to yourself for a while so that they can ripen in your imagination, and allow the ideas you have already put out there to fully work their way into the imaginations of others.

In early May, it will be time to jump back in with a new dose of your insight and inspiration. By then, people should be begging you for more.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): As a leading practitioner of magical thinking, I regard it as my responsibility to serve as a kind of Quality Control Board. Excessive trust in invisible forces and odd coincidences, after all, can be as hazardous to your intelligence as blind faith in pure reason. This week, in fact, I’d rather see you operate like a scientist than a mystic. I hope you’ll evaluate every situation by invoking the powers of unbiased perceptivity and lucid objectivity. So please don’t heed anyone’s mumbo-jumbo, especially if it’s fear-based. Reject supernatural explanations if natural ones make equal sense. Be assured that when superstitious fantasies pop up, they’ll have little to do with what’s actually happening.

ARIES (March 21-April 19): Astrology and Tarot cards are my favorite divinatory tools, but I also get a lot of use out of magnetic poetry kits. These are boxes full of evocative words and symbols in the form of refrigerator magnets. Sometimes after analyzing your astrological omens, I’ll close my eyes, beam a question out into the ethers, and pluck a few magnets at random from one of my poetry kits. I just did that for you. “What are the keys to unlocking the enormous reserves of energy that are potentially available for Aries folks right now?” I asked. Here’s the message that came: “swooping orgasms & laughing tears.” (Or it could also be arranged this way: “laughing orgasms & swooping tears.”)

Homework: Go outside at night, make two fists, and punch the sky ten times while you announce, “Hey God, listen up! I’m gonna fight for what’s rightly mine!”

JONESIN’

By Matt Jones

“Triple Threats”

–five names, one unusual pattern.

Across 1 Disk storage acronym 4 It may be indisputable 8 Bewildered 12 Baseball Hall-ofFamer Rod 14 “Am ___ loud?”

15 The Buckeye State 16 Boxing venue 17 Singer with the album “Mind, Body & Soul” 19 One of the Detroit Pistons’ “Bad Boys” of the 1990s 21 “Strange...”

22 Nay’s opposite 23 Some film ratings 26 TV’s “Science Guy” Bill 27 “...___ may be the Lord” (Bob Dylan lyric) 30 Native New Zealander 32 Thanks, in Tokyo 35 Warty hopper 36 He can tell if “you might be a redneck” 39 Give in 40 Used the changing room 41 Feature of some American accents 43 Ward of “Once and Again” 44 N. ___ (Fargo’s state, for short) 47 Fig. in identity theft 48 Suffix after sex or fetish 51 “M*A*S*H” episode where a clumsy nurse

dates Hawkeye 53 Sister of actor Emilio and semi-regular on “The West Wing” 56 NPR books reporter and former “All Things Considered” cohost 59 Scripture that’s source to yoga methods 60 Top guy at the U. 61 Buffalo’s county 62 Ohio city where a Burger King worker YouTubed himself bathing in the sink in 2008 63 Photocopier problems 64 “Atlas Shrugged” author 65 Airport screening org.

Down 1 It occurs once in a blue moon 2 Ultimatum words 3 Edison’s ___ Park 4 Nation with three dots in a row 5 It’s split in a lab 6 He played Cliff Huxtable 7 “We’re off ___ the Wizard...”

8 Frodo’s film series, to fans 9 “Well, lookie here!”

10 Lust, so it’s said 11 Little piggy 12 Log home 13 Salad with apples and

grapes 18 Baseball feature 20 Floating at sea 23 Eeyore’s pal 24 Overcast 25 Pitcher Fernandez 28 Dr. Frankenstein’s assistant 29 Rides around town 31 Memo abbr.

32 Not many 33 Affectedly dainty 34 Bunches 36 Canning needs 37 Sen. Bayh 38 It’s paid yearly for transportation 39 They’re read by lasers 42 Property claim 44 Armless couches 45 Red blood cell deficiency 46 Peer-to-peer MP3 network 49 Unkind look 50 Jerry Stiller’s comedy partner Anne 52 “Letters, ___ letters...” (“Late Show” mailbag song lyric) 53 The last two were in St. Paul in 2008 and NYC in 2004 54 Title role for Julia 55 Teary-___ 56 J.F.K.’s successor 57 Peruvian singer Sumac 58 ___ de plume

©2009 Jonesin’ Crosswords (editor@jonesincrosswords.com) For answers to this puzzle, call: 1-900-226-2800, 99 cents per minute. Must be 18+. Or to bill to your credit card, call: 1-800-655-6548. Reference puzzle #0410.

Solution To Last Week’s Puzzle

Never Worry About Losing A Copy Of The Pulse Keep Up Online at www.chattanoogapulse.com www.chattanoogapulse.com 4.23.09 The Pulse

29

AskAMexican by Gustavo Arellano Dear Mexican, First of all, please don’t think that I’m a self-loathing Mexican; I was born in the U.S. to northern Mexican parents. As far as I know, my ancestry is just Indian, Spanish, and a little French. For some strange reason, I have developed an intense fascination, and you might say, love, for Arab culture, language, cuisine, etc., especially Lebanese, Syrian, Jordanian, Palestinian, and Iraqi, and I don't even have a drop of Arab blood in me.

I hope to visit Lebanon someday, and Palestine (notice that I said “Palestine” and not Israel), Syria, Jordan, and Iraq. I love the dabka, kibbe, kaffiyehs, qahwa, falafel, hummos bi tahini, baqlawa, Lebanese singer Fairuz, the ruins at Baalbek, the city of Beirut, and hell, too many other things too numerous to mention.

Do you think I could be of Lebanese ancestry and not know it?

I mean, there ARE descendants of Lebanese immigrants in Monterrey, Nuevo León, Mexico. Would a D.N.A. test tell me what my ancestry is, and could it turn up libaneses in my family tree? Let me know.

— Wannabe Arab, a.k.a. El Libanés

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Dear Wab, You’re not one of those idiot Chicanos who ridiculously, insultingly compares the plight of Mexicans in the United States to that of the Palestinians in their homeland, are you? I can’t tell for certain if you have Middle Eastern genes without a D.N.A. sample, and I’m not interested in obtaining one from tu unless you’re a chica with bouncy double-Ds. But your chances that the sangre of the Levant courses through you veins is more likely than gabachos may think.

As you noted, Lebanese did migrate to Mexico throughout the 20th century and contributed to the patria in ways both positive (tacos al pastor, Salma Hayek) and negative (billionaire Carlos Slim Helu), having the biggest presence in Mexico City and the states of Puebla, Veracruz and the Yucatan. I recommend you buy Theresa Alfaro-Velcamp’s excellent 2007 study, So Far from Allah, So Close to Mexico: Middle Eastern Immigrants in Modern Mexico, in which she examined thousands of genealogical records of Lebanese and Syrians who moved to Mexico.

Also, don’t forget that most Mexican uncles have enough Moorish

The Pulse 4.23.09 www.chattanoogapulse.com

blood in them to pass as Saddam Hussein in a pinch.

Dear Mexican, Why is it that Mexicans feel like they have to tear up the store shelves?

I work in the shoe department at a department store and it looks like a bomb went off on our shelves after the families have finished. We even stand there and ask if we can help while we watch them tear it up.

— Nitwit for Nike Dear Gabacho, Same reason everyone else does come Christmas: the ever-elusive search for the perfect pair of Chuck Taylor sneakers.

Dear Mexican, Why is it that Mexicans aren’t as stressed as gringos? Even those living illegally, which must be nerve-racking.

— El Güey Gringito Confiado Dear Gabachito, Because no matter how bad we have it, we’ll always have it better than the Guatemalans.

CONFIDENTIAL TO: The Mexican

government, which recently got its calzones in a bunch over a Burger King commercial aired in Spain that depicted an American cowboy and Mexican midget on friendly terms. At a time when drug lords dominate large swaths of Mexico and the country’s three major industries (tourism, oil, and migrant remittances) have dropped, you get worked up about a midget decked out in the tricolor? You know what’s a bigger desecration to the Mexican nation? Ustedes. Poor Mexico: So far from God, so close to pendejo panistas.

Ever wanted to find out the answer to a pressing question you had about Mexicans?

You can Ask the Mexican a question yourself via email at themexican@askamexican.net or on the web at myspace.com/ocwab, or write P.O. Box 1433, Anaheim, CA 92815-1433.

The Pulse Real Estate Guide

To list your Residential or Commercial Real Estate, Contact Rhonda Rollins at (423) 242-7680