The Pulse 13.51 » December 22, 2016

DECEMBER 22, 2016

CHATTANOOGA'S WEEKLY ALTERNATIVE

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VOLUME 13, ISSUE 51 DECEMBER 22, 2016

CONTENTS 4

ARE YOU READY TO BECOME A MASTER GARDENER?

While the winter months are not exactly the prime gardening season, come this January you can take part in a transformative experience that goes far beyond mere “gardening”.

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YES, ROGUE ONE REALLY IS THAT GOOD

It’s been a year since J.J. Abrams restored the Star Wars franchise to its former glory. It’s been a year of losses. Nothing in 2016 has been encouraging.

INSPIRATION THROUGH THE PHOTOGRAPHER’S EYE

Some of the most interesting eye candy available for your viewing pleasure this holiday season is being produced by Chattanooga photographer Lauren Coakley.

UNPRONOUNCEABLE NAME, UNFORGETTABLE MUSIC

Among the endearingly long and extremely specific words in the German language is “Torschlusspanik” which refers to the feeling of panic when a door or gate is about to close, shutting a person out from the safety within.

ALSO INSIDE

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The Badge And The City This week, we take a slight turn from our traditional Christmas story by telling the tale of a Chattanooga police officer working during the holiday season...in graphic novel format. Come spend time with Officer John Isler, one of Chattanooga's finest.

FEATURED CONTRIBUTORS

5

CONSIDER THIS

20

HOLIDAY GIFT GUIDE

7

AIR BAG

26

MUSIC CALENDAR

13

NEW IN THEATERS

28

RECORD REVIEWS

16

ARTS CALENDAR

28

FREE WILL ASTROLOGY

18

DIVERSIONS

29

JONESIN’ CROSSWORD

19

MIXOLOGY

30

TECH TALK

Daniel Jackson is an independent journalist working in the Chattanooga area. He studied Communications at Bryan College and covered national events at the Washington Times. Follow him on Twitter @jcksndnl

Roy Uptain is a husband to a bombshell, father of two small wrecking-machines, and attends college studying illustration and journalism. Film Noir, Frank Miller, and old fashioned pen-and-ink illustrations are a few of his inspirations.

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BEGINNINGS ∙ CITY LIFE

Are You Ready To Become A Master Gardener?

Take your gardening skills to a new level starting this January

By Alexis Waterman Pulse contributor

BREWER MEDIA GROUP Publisher & President Jim Brewer II FOUNDED 2003 BY ZACHARY COOPER & MICHAEL KULL

EDITORIAL

Managing Editor Gary Poole gary@chattanoogapulse.com Assistant Editor Brooke Brown Music Editor Marc T. Michael Film Editor John DeVore Contributors David Traver Adolphus Rich Bailey • Adam Beckett Rob Brezsny • Daniel Jackson Matt Jones • Tony Mraz Ernie Paik • Rick Pimental-Habib Roy Uptain • Alexis Waterman Editorial Intern Brandon Watson Cartoonists Max Cannon • Rob Rogers Jen Sorenson • Tom Tomorrow

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Director of Sales Mike Baskin mikebaskin@brewermediagroup.com Account Executives Chee Chee Brown • Rick Leavell Libby Phillips • John Rodriguez Logan Vandergriff • Joseph Yang

CONTACT

Offices 1305 Carter St., Chattanooga, TN 37402 Phone 423.265.9494 Website chattanoogapulse.com Email info@chattanoogapulse.com THE FINE PRINT: The Pulse is published weekly by Brewer Media and is distributed throughout the city of Chattanooga and surrounding communities. The Pulse covers a broad range of topics concentrating on music, the arts, entertainment, culture and local news. The Pulse is available free of charge, limited to one copy per reader. No person without written permission from the publisher may take more than one copy per weekly issue.

The Pulse may be distributed only by authorized distributors.

Contents Copyright © 2016 by Brewer Media. All rights reserved.

W

E’VE ALL HEARD THE COMMERcials: “It’s time to go play in the yard.” And while the winter months are not exactly the prime gardening season, come this January you can take part in a transformative experience that goes far beyond mere “gardening”.

Once a year, the folks at the University of Tennessee Extension System offer a Master Gardener class, which starts in January and runs for 15 weeks. It is so much more than just tools and tips and so forth; it is a golden opportunity to connect with fellow gardeners and to learn how to use everything from trees to flowers to vegetables to impact and improve the lives of everyone.

And best of all, you don’t even have to be a gardening expert to become a Master Gardener. All it takes is time, a little bit of money, and passion.

So what’s involved in the classes? Everything from soils, trees, perennials and vegetables to fruits, insects, lawn care and so much more, all taught by experts in each area. Each student gets a massive Master Gardener manual (which you get to keep), plus there are often door prizes and even free plants given away at many of the classes. And who doesn’t love free plants?

But what truly makes the Master Gardener program unique and so beneficial to the community is the spirit of volunteer service.

Each graduate of the program then goes on to complete a 40-hour service commitment, giving the gift of their new-found knowledge back to the community, to earn the title of Master Gardener.

“Master Gardeners are individuals who have an interest in gardening and nature,” explains Tom Stebbins, the Extension Agent for Hamilton County. “They have taken the

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“Best of all, you don’t even have to be a gardening expert to become a Master Gardener. All it takes is time, a little bit of money, and passion.”

Master Gardener training and then share their time and expertise with other gardeners. It is the attainment of knowledge, then giving it back to the community that distinguishes a Master Gardener from other gardeners.”

And those Master Gardeners stay very active, with numerous ongoing projects, such as the Chattanooga Area Food Bank Demonstration Garden, assisting organic vegetable gardeners at Crabtree Farms, giving lessons at the Siskin Children’s Institute Garden, helping with the indoor and outdoor gardens at the Tennessee Aquarium, working with the Chattanooga Nature Center and Habitat for Humanity, and so much more. All told,

over 20,000 volunteer hours are given annually on these and numerous other projects in Hamilton County.

If you’re interested, sign up now, as classes fill up quickly. There are two classes, one on Monday evenings and the other on Tuesday mornings, each with 20-30 students, who meet at the UT Extension Building off Bonny Oaks.

The total fee is $170 for the class, which includes the huge book and other materials.

To apply, call the UT Extension office at (423) 855-6113 or go to mghc.org…because it’s always time to go play in the yard, indoor or outdoor, rain or shine, winter, spring, summer or fall.

Consider This with Dr. Rick

EdiToon

by Rob Rogers

“Have yourself a merry little Christmas, Hanukah and Kwanzaa”

Taking Initiative at J.J’s Bohemia This Thursday Question: What do the words “Shotgun Bubblegum Orchestra” and “raffle” have in common? Answer: Local music and charity, Chattanooga style.

And by Chattanooga style, we mean collecting donations and raising funds for fellow humans in need and turning it into an epic party.

The Human Initiative, a Chattanooga based charity organization, will host the 2nd Annual Day of Giving Fundraiser and Raffle this Thursday at JJ’s Bohemia.

From 9 p.m. until 2 a.m. you can

enjoy live music by Dream Collective, Ryan Oyer Band, Too Turnt and more.

Expect an awesome kaleidoscopic light show to accompany the amazing lo-

cal sounds. Bottomline: it is a good time for a good cause.

Yet that is not all: The cover for this event is a cool $7 or a gift of warm socks, hats, gloves or backpacks. Basically any essential winter gear to protect from the cold.

The Human Initiative will also hold a raffle for all who attend. It’s $3 a ticket and prizes will be gift certificates to the local businesses around Chattanooga, with all the donations going to help those in need at the old P&P Produce on 11th St. on Christmas Day. — Brandon Watson

As a child I was fortunate to have an open-minded family, including when it came to spirituality. I remember our small-town church well, and even when I didn’t understand the sermon, the pomp, the stained glass windows, the old, creaky polished pews all held great fascination for me.

So when the (only) Jewish family in town invited me to join them at their synagogue for service, I was encouraged to do so. Thus began a life-long journey of exploring many spiritualties, a journey for which I am eternally grateful.

What I noticed, even as a kid, was that love and compassion were the common bedrocks. This holiday season, let’s put a smile on the face of everyone we meet, no matter the color of their skin, gender, age, whom they choose to love or their spiritual beliefs.

And consider this: let’s not just do it at Christmas, Hanukah and Kwanzaa.

Let’s keep it going all year long.

— Rick Pimental-Habib, Ph.D.

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COLUMN ∙ AIR BAG

Unplanned Obsolescence Trying to engineer reliability can be a rabbit hole

David Traver Adolphus Pulse columnist

T

HERE’S A STORY ABOUT THE 1985 Saab 9000. Together with Fiat, Saab developed a modern front-wheel drive platform to be used across brands including Lancia (Thema) and Alfa Romeo (164), the Type 4. The idea was that these weak companies would combine their respective strengths, and save money from economies of scale in manufacturing.

It didn’t work out that way, because a few years later when Italian engineers were in Sweden looking at Saab’s production line, they found to their horror that the Swedes had changed the platform almost beyond recognition. Being the safety company, Saab had reinforced it; being the engineering company, they’d un-taken every shortcut originally made, leaving it with no more than 20 percent parts commonality.

If there’s an opposite of the planned obsolescence that gave us Ford Tempos and Chrysler K-cars, that was it, building a car with engineering specifically intended to make it better in ways that you not only wouldn’t notice as a driver, but in some cases made the driving experience worse (Saab’s safety program added considerable weight to the chassis).

I was thinking about that this morning when I broke the handle off my door. It was below freezing and frozen shut, so I gave it an extra yank and it snapped off in my hand. A plastic fastener had given way, presumably already weakened over the last

two years.

Shortly after that, I noticed my mileage: 36,054 miles. My warranty? Three years or 36,000 miles, whichever comes first. As one of my friends remarked on Facebook, “Some engineers are high-fiving each other on a perfect design.”

That was more or less my first thought, too: planned obsolescence. This is obviously a highstrain area, surely a metal connector would have made more sense than plastic? Couldn’t you spend another 75¢? It’s really not an unimportant part, because in an accident you can bet a first responder is going to be giving it a yank.

Looking more closely, it’s not that simple. The handle is one molded piece of polycarbonate/polybutylene terephthalate (PC+PBT) engineering plastic, which is a nice tough material, often used for automotive exterior parts, partly because it’s easy to paint.

After poking at it with my Swiss Army knife, what it doesn’t have is much in the way of scratch resistance and crucially, it isn’t reinforced. I can see where it must have begun to fracture, at the site of a small internal flaw; then, without something like glass fiber reinforcement, it spread fast.

PC+PBT can hypothetically be engineered with nanofibers that perform the same way but close examination of the failure shows, if anything, fibers oriented in the same plane as the crack. It was

As one of my friends remarked on Facebook, “Some engineers are highfiving each other on a perfect design.” failure waiting to happen.

What was the alternative, then?

Engineered plastics are the industry standard and there’s a large infrastructure supporting them.

Switching to a metal part, or just replacing the two plastic attachment points with cast metal, is a large undertaking and Mazda sold 15,291 of my 2014 Mazda5s in North America—Canada included.

It’s almost certainly a situation where the sample size is small enough that it doesn’t register as a problem worth fixing, because it’s far cheaper to repair those that fail, rather than designing a new part, assuming there are failures

during the warranty period.

Going down the route Saab took is exceptional. They chased problems methodically as far as they could, but it cost them dearly: By 2000, they were acquired by General Motors and by 2012, they were gone. Much of that cost was literal. A base 1986 Saab 9000 cost $4,500 more than I paid for my brand new car, 18 years later, without accounting for inflation.

But at least its handles didn’t fall off.

David Traver Adolphus is a freelance automotive researcher who recently quit his full time job writing about old cars to pursue his lifelong dream of writing about old AND new cars. Follow him on Twitter as @proscriptus.

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FILM & TELEVISION

Yes, Rogue One Really Is That Good Putting the “war” back into Star Wars pays off in more mature, adult-oriented (and timely) film

Doctor Who vs Doctor Mysterio The Doctor Who Christmas Special has long been a holiday tradition, and now for the second year in a row, the BBC Worldwide invites you to participate in that tradition with a very special two-night presentation of Doctor Who: The Return of Doctor Mysterio on Tuesday, December 27 and Thursday, December 29 at Carmike's East Ridge 18 Theaters.

Plus, there will be an exclusive introduction and a behind-the-scenes look at the making of the special, to make the geektastic holiday event even better.

For the first time since last Christmas, the Doctor will step into the TARDIS and face a thrilling new adventure. Twelfth Doctor Peter Capaldi teams up with a superhero (Justin Chatwin from American Gothic) and an investigative journalist (Charity Wakefield from Wolf Hall) to save New York from a deadly alien threat.

Matt Lucas (known for his performance in Alice Through the Looking Glass) reprises his role as Nardole from last year’s Christmas Special.

And for all you Whovians who have been wondering when the good doctor will be back on the telly, word from the BBC is that Capaldi and company will be back on the small screen for Season 10 sometime this coming Spring.

And don't be surprised to see Nardole stick around for at least few episodes. And, of course, keep an eye out for those nasty Daleks. Just to be safe, of course.

Doctor Who: The Return of Doctor Mysterio Tuesday, December 27 & Thursday, December 29 Carmike East Ridge 18 5080 South Terrace (423) 855-9652 www.carmike.com 12 • THE PULSE • DECEMEBR 22, 2016 • CHATTANOOGAPULSE.COM

By John DeVore Pulse Film Editor

I

T’S BEEN A YEAR SINCE J.J. ABRAMS restored the Star Wars franchise to its former glory. It’s been a year of losses. Nothing in 2016 has been encouraging. From wars in the Middle East to devastating wildfires, from senseless violence around the world to an election that left a majority of Americans whistling past the graveyard, it’s been a tough year for hope.

So it makes a sort of sense that this year’s Star Wars tale (which will continue in perpetuity, every year, forever) tells the story of the Rebellion’s most desperate hour. Rogue One: A Star Wars Story might just be the film we needed to end the year.

It is a darker tale, one without the adventure

seeking overtones of previous films. It’s a story of survival, of striking back at the darkness, of making deliberate choices in the face of overwhelming odds. Rogue One is more inspiring that its predecessors by a half because, for once, the cavalry can’t save the day. The light brigade charges, not for glory, but for freedom from tyranny.

Rogue One is a Star Wars film for adults, if there can be such a thing. It harkens back to The Empire Strikes Back in terms of tone, although even Empire failed to deal such devastating blows to its characters.

The film tells the story of Jyn Erso (Felicity Jones), daughter of a former Imperial Science officer. Her father, Galen Erso (Mads Mikkelson), left the Empire to become a farmer after creating the world’s most famous plot device.

FILM & TELEVISION

“Rogue One is more inspiring that its predecessors by a half because, for once, the cavalry can’t save the day. The light brigade charges, not for glory, but for freedom from tyranny.”

But work has stalled—the Empire can’t finish their superweapon without him and they have tracked him down to compel him to complete his work. In typical Empire fashion, they convince him by murdering his wife in front of him and his child.

Young Jyn escapes, but forever holds those images in her mind. It should come as no surprise that she is a prime candidate for radicalization into a rebellion against the Empire in her later years. After a pilot defects and lets loose rumors about the Death Star, Jyn is used by the rebellion to find information about the whereabouts of her father.

She is partnered with Cassian Andor (Diego Luna), a mercenary and assassin for the rebels who has his own motivation for finding Erso. Ultimately, this ragtag group of Rebels are re-

sponsible for finding the plans Princess Leia surreptitiously hides inside R2-D2 at the beginning of A New Hope.

This film ultimately succeeds for several reasons. First, it answers questions that audiences were genuinely curious about without inventing nonsense details like midichlorians and immaculate conception. Every detail revealed during the course of the film fits within the framework of the stories already told.

There’s no need for fans to fill in the blanks or create elaborate theories to explain away lazy plot holes by the writers. Director Gareth Edwards maintains tight control over the story and at no point does it get away from him.

Next, there are clear, significant stakes for the characters. Even though the audience knows where the film is headed and what the conclusion must be, the film is more than able to create tension. Given that these are new characters, not series regulars, it might have been difficult to craft personalities that the audience would identify with.

It’s exactly where Star Wars series

needs to go—the galaxy is larger than Luke Skywalker and Han Solo. Those are the stories that should be told in the intervening years between episodes and, in all likelihood, will be.

But beyond just the storytelling aspects, however, the filmmaking itself is exquisite. Rogue One is the best looking Star Wars film to date. Locations and special effects are blended seamlessly, while camera angles and lighting recall the original series without directly copying them. It’s a film that stands on its own, no small feat when you consider the impact the others have had on filmmaking in general.

In short, Rogue One: A Star Wars Story is likely a better film than Star Wars: The Force Awakens. It doesn’t rely on entirely on fan service to tell the story.

The Force Awakens was a retelling of A New Hope, and while it was satisfying to longtime fans who grew up with the story, it wasn’t different enough to set itself apart.

Rogue One is.

✴ ✴ NEW IN THEATERS ✴ ✴

Sing A koala named Buster Moon has one final chance to restore his theater to its former glory by producing the world's greatest singing competition.

Directors: Christophe Lourdelet & Garth Jennings Stars: Matthew McConaughey, Reese Witherspoon, Seth MacFarlane, Scarlett Johansson

Passengers A spacecraft traveling to a distant colony planet and transporting thousands of people has a malfunction in its sleep chambers. As a result, two passengers are awakened 90 years early.

Director: Morten Tyldum Stars: Jennifer Lawrence, Chris Pratt, Michael Sheen,

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ARTS & ENTERTAINMENT

Inspiration Through The Photographer’s Eye Wielding a camera with the finesse of a fine artist

Closing Night For A Holiday Classic A multigenerational cast of children, teens and adults will be saying goodbye as Chattanooga Theatre Centre’s musical “Miracle on 34th Street” will have their final performance Thursday evening at 7 p.m.

“This cast has bonded so well and they’ve been volunteering their time since October 17 to bring a timeless Christmas movie to the stage,” Director Lindsay Fussell said.

“Miracle on 34th Street” is a musical version of the classic 1947 film of same name that has solidified itself as Christmas Americana much like It’s Wonderful Life and A Christmas Story.

“Miracle on 34th Street” (both the film and musical) is a classic story of belief vs. cynicism and embracing the holiday spirit over growing commercialism.

“I’ve already overheard some of the actors saying they will be sad to see the run end because they will miss the good friends they’ve made. The cast has become very close, even having a Secret Santa and gift swap between matinee and evening performances,” Lindsay said.

With Christmas drawing near, a break from the holiday hustle to watch the final performance from a cast that became a family is sure to have us all believing in miracles again. — Brandon Watson “Miracle on 34th Street” Thursday, 7pm Chattanooga Theatre Centre 400 River St. (423) 267-8534 www.theatrecentre.com 14 • THE PULSE • DECEMEBR 22, 2016 • CHATTANOOGAPULSE.COM

By Tony Mraz

Pulse contributor

S

OME OF THE MOST INTERESTING EYE candy available for your viewing pleasure this holiday season is being produced by Chattanooga’s Lauren Coakley. An expert behind the lens, Lauren has the rare gift of timing.

Photography is a science of moments—a fraction of a second can make the difference between an iconic shot and a blurry mess. Lauren has a knack for capturing the moment perfectly, getting that one-in-a-million photograph with an impressive regularity.

Like many artists, Lauren was originally inspired by a family member. Her older brother, Brian, took a film photography class in high school, and she remembers when he brought home his first prints from the dark room.

“They weren’t anything spectacular to him, but to me they were the most amazing black and

white photos I had ever seen,” she remembers.

“I was only 10 years old at the time, and this idea of seeing a scene or a subject, looking at it, exploring it from angles I normally wouldn’t, photographing it, and then creating the actual photo with my own hands really sparked a new artistic side to me.”

That year Lauren’s brother got a new 35mm camera and gave her his old one. Although she was in high school when she learned how to develop her own film, she was exploring and taking photos immediately. In the 8th grade, she got her first digital camera, and a few years later moved on to a crop sensor DSLR camera, a Nikon D80.

In 2012 she upgraded to a full frame DSLR camera, a Canon 5d mark ii. A year later, she started doing digital photography professionally by capturing portraits, events, and live music for a music production company in Knoxville.

Lauren’s work has four main influences: Jerry

ARTS & ENTERTAINMENT

I would like to think my photography encourages the individual to ‘stop and smell the roses’ by enhancing various particular details.”

Uelsmann’s film photography, Kirsty Mitchell’s “Wonderland” series of digital photos, Dennis Sprinkle’s digital “Astrophotography”, and Jennifer Edge’s creativity, tattoos, drawings and paintings.

Her photography covers a wide range of scenes; she photographs anything in the world that speaks to her.

“Although my photographs vary in subject, one thing that stays constant is my use of natural lighting (with the exception of a couple of series),” she explains. “I photograph everything from the nature living around us on land to below the surface with underwater portraits. My favorite subject to experience with photography is the natural environment: both the scenes that lay unaffected by humans and the scenes we may overlook in our usually busy, everyday lives. I would like to think my photography encourages the individual to

‘stop and smell the roses’ by enhancing various particular details.”

Lauren’s extensive knowledge and skill with cameras combined with her post-processing ability gives her work a wide range of emotional expression.

She accomplishes these vibrant compositions in a variety of ways.

“The process I use to create an image relies entirely on the subject I am trying to capture,” says Coakley. “For example, when I want to go out in nature on a clear night and capture the stars, I make sure all weather conditions are just right and go explore areas away from light pollution. I use a Canon 5d mark iii and mark ii camera bodies and any wide angle lens with an aperture of 2.8 or less—more specifically I use a Canon 24mm 1.4 L and a Canon 16-35mm 2.8 L. I also use tripods and remotes to fire the triggers.”

Speaking about a different process, she continues, “But if I am wanting to photograph a portrait I use a Canon 5d mark iii camera body, hand held, usually with a lens that can have a lower aperture number—more specifi-

cally I use a Canon 135mm 2.0 L as my go-to portrait lens.”

Lauren currently works as a freelance photographer and as a concert photographer for several venues, festivals, bands, and the festival coverage photography team “aLIVE Coverage”.

Her most recent photo project is working with ink in water. She is doing an entire series, taking a year to photograph the subjects, which are then edited using Photoshop and Lightroom.

“Digital media has definitely made photography easier, faster, and more readily available—but as a film and digital photographer, I tend to look at them as two different forms of art,” she notes. “I can get the same outcome with both, but the mental and physical processes of getting the same photo is completely different.”

Though she intends to show her work in a gallery some time in 2017, the best place to see this artist’s spectacular work right now is on her website at laurencoakley.com

THU12.22 North Pole Limited Train Rides

It's a “traintastic” holiday tradition with the Tennessee Valley Railroad Museum.

5:30, 7:30 p.m.

Chattanooga Grand Junction 4119 Cromwell Rd. (423) 894-4028 tvrail.com

FRI12.23 Matt Mitchell and Friends

Matt welcomes comics Luke Marter, Moody Malovi, and John Michael Bond.

7:30 p.m.

The Comedy Catch 1400 Market St. (423) 629-2233 thecomedycatch.com

SAT12.24 Brainerd Farmers Market

Pick up those last minute goodies just in time for Christmas (and last minute shopping, as well).

10 a.m.

Grace Episcopal Church 20 Belvoir Ave. (404) 245-3682

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ARTS & ENTERTAINMENT CALENDAR

Merry Christmas ...

THURSDAY12.22 Christmas Underground Noon Ruby Falls 1720 S. Scenic Hwy. (423) 800-0566 rubyfalls.com Holidays Under the Peaks: Octopus Program 1:30 p.m.

Tennessee Aquarium 1 Broad St. (800) 262-0695 tnaqua.org The Polar Express 3D 2 p.m.

IMAX 3D Theatre 201 Chestnut St. (423) 266-4629 tnaqua.org/imax Ooltewah Farmers Market 3 p.m.

Ooltewah Nursery 5829 Main St. (423) 238-9775 ooltewahnursery.com Signal Mountain Farmers Market 4 p.m.

Pruett’s Market 1210 Taft Hwy. (423) 902-8023 signalmountainfarmersmarket.com St. Elmo Farmers Market 4 p.m.

Incline Railway 3917 St. Elmo Ave. (423) 838-9804 lookoutfarmersmarket.com Homebuyer Orientation 5:30 p.m.

Chattanooga Neighborhood

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Enterprise 1500 Chestnut St. #102 (423) 756-6201 cneinc.org North Pole Limited Train Rides 5:30, 7:30 p.m.

Chattanooga Grand Junction 4119 Cromwell Rd. (423) 894-4028 tvrail.com Miracle on 34th Street 7 p.m.

Chattanooga Theatre Centre 400 River St. (423) 267-8534 theatrecentre.com Karen Mills 7:30 p.m.

The Comedy Catch 1400 Market St. (423) 629-2233 thecomedycatch.com Enchanted Garden of Lights 8 p.m.

Rock City 1400 Patten Rd. (706) 820-2531 seerockcity.com

FRIDAY12.23 3rd Street Farmers Market 10:30 a.m.

Erlanger Hospital Medical Mall 975 E. 3rd St. lookoutfarmersmarket.com Christmas Underground Noon Ruby Falls 1720 S. Scenic Hwy. (423) 800-0566 rubyfalls.com Holidays Under the Peaks: Octopus Program 1:30 p.m.

Tennessee Aquarium 1 Broad St.

PULSE SPOTLIGHT: KAREN MILLS If you're looking for straight, laugh out loud comedy, Karen Mills can inspire, energize and bring any crowd together through the joy of laughter.

Karen Mills Thursday, 7:30 p.m.

The Comedy Catch 1400 Market St. (423) 629-2233 thecomedycatch.com

(800) 262-0695 tnaqua.org The Polar Express 3D 2 p.m.

IMAX 3D Theatre 201 Chestnut St. (423) 266-4629 tnaqua.org/imax North Pole Limited Train Rides 5:30, 7:30 p.m.

Chattanooga Grand Junction 4119 Cromwell Rd. (423) 894-4028 tvrail.com Matt Mitchell and Friends 7:30 p.m.

The Comedy Catch 1400 Market St. (423) 629-2233 thecomedycatch.com Enchanted Garden of Lights 8 p.m.

Rock City 1400 Patten Rd. (706) 820-2531 seerockcity.com

SATURDAY12.24 Brainerd Farmers Market 10 a.m.

Grace Episcopal Church 20 Belvoir Ave. (404) 245-3682 Northside Farmers Market 10 am.

Northside Presbyterian Church 923 Mississippi Ave. (423) 266-7497 St. Alban’s Hixson Market 10 a.m.

St. Alban’s Episcopal Church 7514 Hixson Pike

ARTS & ENTERTAINMENT CALENDAR

... from The Pulse (423) 842-6303 The Polar Express 3D Noon, 2, 4 p.m.

IMAX 3D Theatre 201 Chestnut St. (423) 266-4629 tnaqua.org/imax Holidays Under the Peaks: Octopus Program 1:30 p.m.

Tennessee Aquarium 1 Broad St. (800) 262-0695 tnaqua.org North Pole Limited Train Rides 5:30, 7:30 p.m.

Chattanooga Grand Junction 4119 Cromwell Rd. (423) 894-4028 tvrail.com

SUNDAY12.25

North Pole Limited Train Rides 5:30, 7:30 p.m.

Chattanooga Grand Junction 4119 Cromwell Rd. (423) 894-4028 tvrail.com Enchanted Garden of Lights 8 p.m.

Rock City 1400 Patten Rd. (706) 820-2531 seerockcity.com

MONDAY12.26 Holidays Under the Peaks: Octopus Program 1:30 p.m.

Tennessee Aquarium 1 Broad St. (800) 262-0695 tnaqua.org Red Bank Farmers Market 4 p.m.

Red Bank United Methodist Church 3800 Dayton Blvd.

(423) 838-9804 lookoutfarmersmarket.com North Pole Limited Train Rides 5:30, 7:30 p.m.

Chattanooga Grand Junction 4119 Cromwell Rd. (423) 894-4028 tvrail.com Enchanted Garden of Lights 8 p.m.

Rock City 1400 Patten Rd. (706) 820-2531 seerockcity.com

TUESDAY12.27 Holidays Under the Peaks: Octopus Program 1:30 p.m.

Tennessee Aquarium 1 Broad St. (800) 262-0695 tnaqua.org East Brainerd Farmers Market 4 p.m.

Audubon Acres 900 N. Sanctuary Rd. (423) 838-9804 lookoutfarmersmarket.com North Pole Limited Train Rides 5:30, 7:30 p.m.

Chattanooga Grand Junction 4119 Cromwell Rd. (423) 894-4028 tvrail.com Funny Or Nah Stand-Up Comedy Open Mic 8 p.m.

Barking Legs Theater 1307 Dodds Ave. (423) 624-5347 barkinglegs.org Enchanted Garden of Lights 8 p.m.

Rock City 1400 Patten Rd. (706) 820-2531 seerockcity.com

WEDNESDAY12.28 Middle East Dance 10:30 a.m.

Jewish Cultural Center 5461 North Terrace

(423) 493-0270 jewishchattanooga.com Holidays Under the Peaks: Octopus Program 1:30 p.m.

Tennessee Aquarium 1 Broad St. (800) 262-0695 tnaqua.org Main Street Market 4 p.m.

325 E. Main St. mainstfarmersmarket.com North Pole Limited Train Rides 5:30, 7:30 p.m.

Chattanooga Grand Junction 4119 Cromwell Rd. (423) 894-4028 tvrail.com Wednesday Night Chess Club 6 p.m.

Downtown Library 1001 Broad St. (423) 643-7700 chattilibrary.com Open Mic Wednesday 7 p.m.

The Comedy Catch 1400 Market St. (423) 629-2233 thecomedycatch.com Enchanted Garden of Lights 8 p.m.

Rock City 1400 Patten Rd. (706) 820-2531 seerockcity.com

Map these locations on chattanoogapulse.com. Send event listings at least 10 days in advance to: calendar@chattanoogapulse.com CHATTANOOGAPULSE.COM • DECEMBER 22, 2016 • THE PULSE • 17

OPINIONS & DIVERSIONS

18 • THE PULSE • DECEMEBR 22, 2016 • CHATTANOOGAPULSE.COM

FOOD & DRINK ∙ MIXOLOGY

A Touch Of Greece For The Holidays Mulled Wine has been a holiday tradition for millennia…for a reason

By Brandon Watson Pulse contributor

If you’re in doubt for a holiday beverage that can accompany that dreadful fruit cake looming at you from the dark recess of the kitchen pantry, have no fear and go Greek.

At least that is what the Romans would have done, if they had fruitcake.

A favorite seasonal drink in many European countries, the mysterious mélange known as mulled wine can be traced back as far as ancient Greece. When it came to wine preservation the Greeks didn’t mess around. Adopting a “waste not, want not” philosophy to the leftover vineyard harvests were heavily spiced and heated for preservation. This process of heating and spicing is called mulling and with recipes that have existed since recorded history, making a mulled wine is also a fascinating trip into the past.

The Greek’s wine conservation practices were adopted by the Roman Empire who put their own spin on the Greek recipe.

Known as Conditum Paradoxum or “Marvelous Spiced Wine”, a concoction of wine, honey, dates seeds, and saffron. Conditum Paradoxum kept the Roman blood warm for expeditions into colder climates. To places like a small colony known as Britannia—or rather Great Britain, as we know it today.

Mulled wines would have fame in Medieval Europe, a time of superstition and wacky beliefs. Many of the mulled wines created at this time served as aphrodisiacs and medicines for all manner of ailments, especially digestive ones. Of course the boon of mulling wine was the means to salvage what was on the verge of spoiling due to bacterial growth.

Today in the United States mulled wines are becoming more popular as wine culture

expands and inventive recipes are being discovered all over internet.

Pinterest boards and wine bloggers can be thanked in keeping recipes that are easy and just plain fun to experiment with. Mulling wine can appeal to the average wine enthusiast who loves to try new things or for those feeling quite festive and adventurous in the kitchen during the holidays.

Depending on the wine and spices of choice, a mulled wine can be deceptively smooth and quite easily consumed in large quantities, so fair warning. There are non-alcoholic varieties of mulled wine recipes that are made very much the same way just without the kick; it’s great alternative for children or alcohol sensitive guests.

But what exactly can be served with mulled wine? The answer? It just depends. Mulled wines come in many varieties from many regions around the world. The Swedish version is called Glogg, a very fruity flavored mix. Russia has Glintwein which shares similarities to the German Glühwein or “glow-wine”.

Then there is the Greek-style mulled wine called Krasomelo a short sweet and hard to beat mix that is sure to put warmth in the belly and twinkle in the eye.

So finding a seasonal pairing with the mulled wine of choice is as much an adventure as preparing the wine itself.

One thing that all the wine recipes agree on however is that it pairs wonderfully with a cold winter’s day.

Considering how the weather has

“Mulling wine can appeal to the average wine enthusiast who loves to try new things or for those feeling quite festive and adventurous in the kitchen during the holidays.” been lately it would make perfect sense to get down like the Greeks and maybe save on the heating bill in the process.

Krasomelo Mulled Wine (courtesy mygreekdish.com) • 1 bottle (750ml) semi-sweet red wine • 5 tbsps honey

• 2 cinammon sticks • 4-5 whole cloves • peel of 1 orange (optional) Pour wine into a sauce pan, bring to boil. Once wine gets frothy, reduce heat and add the ingredients.

Simmer while stirring for 10 minutes until honey melts and flavors combine. Remove from heat, strain and serve in shot glasses.

CHATTANOOGAPULSE.COM • DECEMBER 22, 2016 • THE PULSE • 19

2016

HOLIDAY GIFT Guide

Last minute holiday gift ideas from around the city and around the world

Yes, it’s a remote controlled NERF N-Strike Elite TerraScout tank drone, complete with an onboard wireless camera to guide your forays into NERF combat around corners and into out-ofsight places. Comes with 18 Elite darts. $250, toysrus.com Featuring a portable and easyto-use design, the award-winning UUNI Wood-Fired Pizza Oven is a companion for outdoor entertaining or upscale tailgating.

Fueled using energy-efficient wood pellets, this powerhouse oven reaches temperatures up to 932 degrees in a flash (literally, less than 10 minutes).

With the ability to cook a pizza in just under two minutes, this sleek, stainless steel oven brings traditional wood fired cooking into the 21st century. $299, uuni.net

Everything you love about MeUndies now comes in pants form with these ultracomfortbale MeUndies Loung Pants; an experience so soft, so comfortable, so luxurious, so melt-into-the-couch, you’ll find any excuse to throw them on. $60, meundies.com

20 • THE PULSE • DECEMBER 22, 2016 • HOLIDAY GIFT GUIDE • CHATTANOOGAPULSE.COM

It’s time to get off the beaten path.

Inspiring equal parts wonder and wanderlust, Atlas Obscura: An Explorer’s Guide to the World’s Hidden Wonders celebrates over 700 of the strangest and most curious places in the world. Think of it as a bucket list of natural wonders both near and far. $21, kobo.com

Ingenious design is paired with charming style to cast a cozy glow anywhere in your home with the 100% beeswax 60 Hour Candle.

Fed in small increments through the clip, it simply advances more candle as it burns. A three-inch section burns for approximately an hour, while the smart design ensures a better use of wax than traditional shapes. $18, uncommongoods.com

Looking to brighten up your home? Create a vibrant focal point above your mantel or next to a picture window with this eye-catching canvas New York Pop Painting Print on wrapped canvas, showcasing a colorful cityscape motif. $184, wayfair.com THE PULSE • HOLIDAY GIFT GUIDE • DECEMBER 22, 2016 • CHATTANOOGAPULSE.COM • 21

HOLIDAY GIFT Guide

Let that special someone know how much you like their cooking with the Facebook Like Oven Mitt. As a bonus, it’s totally organic. The fabric is 100% cotton inside and out, and the filling is made from the fluffy fruit of the silk floss tree. $28, bonanza.com The options for style and performance are abound in this Spyder Women's Ménage à Trois 3-in-1 Jacket. Stylish, comfortable and very practical, it's the perfect ski jacket for the slopes this winter. $460, Dodge City Ski Shop, 7968 E. Brainerd Rd. dodgecityski.com

For fans of the Battlebots TV show, support the hometown team (Chattanooga’s own Jason Brown is a key team member) and second-place winner of Season Two with the Chaos Corps Bombshell T-shirt. It’s robot fightin’ time! $20, store.battlebots.com

22 • THE PULSE • DECEMBER 22, 2016 • HOLIDAY GIFT GUIDE • CHATTANOOGAPULSE.COM

Whiskey is appropriately called the water of life. The Whiskey and How to Enjoy It gift set is designed to provide an introduction to this fine spirit, and features two hefty eight ounce whiskey tumblers, two premium leather coasters, and a guide book written and edited by the gents of Owen & Fred. $35, owenandfred.com

The Segway miniPRO is not a hoverboard— it’s the next step in the evolution of personal transportation. Powered

by Ninebot technology, the miniPRO is a hands-free, twowheel electric scooter with safer features, higher speeds, and longer battery life. $599, segwayminipro.com

A great gift for every lady, these very special 14k White or Yellow Gold Diamond Earrings were hand selected by Ray Wright.

1ct total weight, special holiday pricing of just $1,200. And as a special bonus, all their other diamond earrings are on sale for half price during the holidays.

Wright Jewelers, 6311 E. Brainerd Rd. wrightjeweler.com

Form meets function as useable art. Hand blown Glassware, by local artist Prentice Hicks, in a beautiful array of sizes (cups, wines, iced teas, medium talls, champagne and martini glasses) and colors. $42 to $98. Plum Nelly Shop & Gallery, 330 Frazier Ave. plumnellyshop.com

Tuscan Herb Extra Virgin Olive Oil just might be the perfect gift for that foodie you know! And with over 50 varieties of olive oil and aged balsamic available at Olive Chattanooga, you'll surely find the flavor that makes you say “WOW!” and make your holiday cooking taste even better! Starting at $3.99. Olive Chattanooga, 112 Woodland Ave. on the North Shore. olivechattanooga.com

THE PULSE • HOLIDAY GIFT GUIDE • DECEMBER 22, 2016 • CHATTANOOGAPULSE.COM • 23

MUSIC

Unpronounceable Name, Unforgettable Music Luna Mitchell’s Torschlusspanik pushes electronic music into deep emotional intensity

A Night Of Tributes For Bowie & Blondie If cruising about town ogling Christmas lights and being immersed in holiday music isn’t your jam, then get out to the Revelry Room this Friday for a night of tribute.

Tribute bands, that is. Particularly the bands of Diamond Dogs and Kung Fu Girls.

Think of it as a remedy to the seasonal oddity that is the madness of last minute holiday shopping. A show to take you back when music was about experiencing the surreal and the sensual. Two words that are synonymous with the music of the great David Bowie.

Diamond Dogs will return you to that time in celebration of David Bowie’s greatest hits. The group is no stranger to the Revelry Room and this time around Diamond Dogs will have Kung Fu Girls: A Blondie Tribute band setting the stage for a night of rocking fun.

Christmas is a holiday mixed with equal parts hope and embracing fond memories. What better way to get into that spirit than with a glorious night of tribute music to get those nostalgic juices flowing before Christmas Eve. Door time is 8 p.m., it is an 18 and up show, tickets are just $10 for both bands and you can purchase them at revelryroom.co or at the door.

— Brandon Watson Diamond Dogs: A David Bowie Tribute with Kung Fu Girls: A Blondie Tribute Friday, 9 p.m.

The Revelry Room 41 Station St., (423) 521-2929 revelryroom.co 24 • THE PULSE • DECEMEBR 22, 2016 • CHATTANOOGAPULSE.COM

By Ernie Paik

Pulse contributor

A

MONG THE ENDEARINGLY LONG and extremely specific words in the German language is “Torschlusspanik” which refers to the feeling of panic when a door or gate is about to close, shutting a person out from the safety within—or perhaps, a lost opportunity.

Local electronic musician Luna Mitchell named her gripping and often harrowing oneperson band Torschlusspanik with a conscious effort to explore narrative themes suggested by the name.

“These themes can be summed up in the definition of Torschlusspanik itself, which is best described as the fear that time is running or has already run out,” Mitchell says. “Whether I’m layering heaps of vomit sounds through a fuzz pedal or sampling a racist conspiracy theorist over trumpet fanfare, I do my best to find new angles to explore this initial vision I had for Torschlusspanik.”

The new self-titled full-length album from Torschlusspanik, self-released on CD and digitally, is a strong contender for being the most

intricate and sonically and emotionally intense local album released this year, made from seemingly hundreds of bits of sound samples and noise meticulously constructed. “‘Harsh and maximalist electro-acoustic’ is how I like to describe Torschlusspanik,” says Mitchell. “I’m happy to group myself in with ‘noise’ and ‘experimental music’ for clarity’s sake.”

Mitchell was born and raised in the small West Tennessee town of Atwood and grew up playing drums in alt-rock and punk bands.

“When I was living on my own at 21, a few lucky Goodwill finds earned me two analog synths, and I started what would become a noise duo called Beesty and a microlabel called Alamagator,” she remembers. “I bounced around West and Middle Tennessee a lot during these years, getting in over my head with too many projects for one person to handle. So I dropped it all and moved to Columbia, South Carolina for five years of keeping completely to myself before starting Torschlusspanik and then moving to Chattanooga a year later.”

Mitchell’s musical tastes are extremely eclectic with often obscure sources, and while one might guess that her inspiration comes primarily from

MUSIC

“It seems natural for me to try to squeeze in anything that fits, but Torschlusspanik has particularly been an unlikely channel for the weirder side of old emo and hardcore punk.” noise and electro-acoustic artists, that isn’t the case.

“It seems natural for me to try to squeeze in anything that fits, but Torschlusspanik has particularly been an unlikely channel for the weirder side of old emo and hardcore punk,” Mitchell explains. “Bands like Moss Icon, Zegota and Kulara supply feelings and ideas that fuel this side of me more than Merzbow or Jason Lescalleet.

Any strong sense of glitch or ‘post-production music’ that can be heard is more likely coming from my love of overdone dubs rather than modern electronic music. I’m also a serious sponge for minimalist music of most genres, contrasting constantly in my head with maximalism.”

Although Mitchell currently emphasizes composition over improvisation, she notes, “The nature of my equipment en-

sures I’ll never sound the same twice even if I try. My process almost always begins with prepping for a live set. My primary weapon of choice is a digital 8-track made by Tascam. I’ll fill two tracks with the framework for the piece and labor outward via the other six tracks, keeping important intros, segues and so forth on the initial tracks so that my constant abuse of FX won’t completely ruin the piece without serious negligence.”

While Mitchell does not weave her own personal stories into her work, she does borrow some intense emotional moments from others, including profoundly disturbing phone dialogue used on the new album’s final track, “We Remain Alive to Guess Again,” between a loving woman and a hateful man.

“It’s from a YouTube channel in which a mother documents phone calls from her schizophrenic son,” she says.

“Mental illness is obviously a subject I repeatedly acknowledge, but that was a really special find for me due to the

conflict between the two parties and the uncertainty of their relationship based on the audio.”

The restaurant/venue Sluggo’s recently resumed hosting shows after a yearlong hiatus, and during that break, Mitchell began hosting house shows at her Cleveland residence.

“When my wife and I bought a house in Cleveland, we immediately saw potential for basement parties and decided to immediately run with the idea to cover for the hole left by Sluggo’s,” Mitchell says.

“Every night has been a blast, but Dux from Atlanta was something special for me. Red Okra King and Rurnt have also really lifted expectations for local acts.”

“I’ve mainly learned to relax a bit at shows and enjoy myself rather than pick apart the social aspects,” she says. “I think the biggest surprise remains how difficult it is to convince everyone to show up on time, especially on Fridays.”

What’s apparent to Mitchell, but not the latecomers, is that time is running out.

THU12.22 New Madrid

A dynamic mixture of underwater-psych-rock that engages the listener in fully textured aural landscapes budding with sonic energy.

9 p.m.

Revelry Room 41 Station St. revelryroom.co

FRI12.23 Randy Steele

Combine the talents of Earl Scruggs and Miles Davis and what you get is singersongwriter Randy Steele.

9 p.m.

Puckett’s Grocery and Restaurant 2 W. Aquarium Way puckettsgro.com

SAT12.24 Sexy Santa Party

Why let Santa have all the fun on Christmas Eve? Come on down to Raw and bring in the holiday with a twinkle in your eye.

10 p.m.

Raw Bar & Grill 409 Market St. rawbarandgrillchatt.com

CHATTANOOGAPULSE.COM • DECEMBER 22, 2016 • THE PULSE • 25

LIVE MUSIC CALENDAR

New Madrid

THURSDAY12.22 James Crumble Trio 6 p.m.

St. John’s Meeting Place 1278 Market St. stjohnsrestaurant.com Rick Rushing Blues Jazz N’ Friends 6 p.m.

Bluewater Grille 224 Broad St. bluewaterchattanooga.com Live Bluegrass 6:30 p.m.

Whole Foods Market 301 Manufacturers Rd. wholefoodsmarket.com Prime Country Band 6:30 p.m.

Motley’s 320 Emberson Dr. Ringgold, GA (706) 260-8404 Jimmy Harris 7 p.m.

The Coconut Room 6925 Shallowford Rd. thepalmsathamilton.com Bluegrass Thursdays 7:30 p.m.

Feed Co. Table & Tavern 201 W. Main St. feedtableandtavern.com Jesse James & Tim Neal 7:30 p.m.

Mexi-Wing VII 5773 Brainerd Rd. mexi-wingchattanooga.com Keepin’ It Local 8 p.m.

The Social 1110 Market St.

26 • THE PULSE • DECEMEBR 22, 2016 • CHATTANOOGAPULSE.COM

publichousechattanooga.com Open Mic with Hap Henninger 9 p.m.

The Office @ City Cafe 901 Carter St. citycafemenu.com New Madrid 9 p.m.

Revelry Room 41 Station St. revelryroom.co

FRIDAY12.23 Eddie Pontiac 6 p.m.

El Meson 2204 Hamilton Place Blvd. elmesonrestaurant.com Binji Varsossa 6 p.m.

Cancun Mexican

Restaurant & Lounge 1809 Broad St. (423) 266-1461 Tim Lewis 7 p.m.

El Meson 248 Northgate Park elmesonchattanooga.com Jimmy Harris 7 p.m.

The Coconut Room 6925 Shallowford Rd. thepalmsathamilton.com Courtney Daly Band 8 p.m.

Fireside Grille 3018 Cummings Hwy. firesidechattanooga.com Randall Adams and The Flames 8:30 p.m.

The Foundry 1201 Broad St. chattanooganhotel.com

PULSE SPOTLIGHT: MASSEUSE Masseuse is a six-piece ensemble that blends eclectic vocal melodies, smooth guitars, and the harmonious sounds of the cello to bring the jam experience to a new generation.

Masseuse Friday, 10 p.m.

Clyde’s On Main 122 W. Main St. clydesonmain.com

The Hopeful Country Band 8:30 p.m.

Motley’s 320 Emberson Dr. Ringgold, GA (706) 260-8404 Diamond Dogs: A David Bowie Tribute with Kung Fu Girls: A Blondie Tribute 9 p.m.

Revelry Room 41 Station St. revelryroom.co Koko and Karma Duo 9 p.m.

The Office @ City Cafe 901 Carter St. citycafemenu.com Randy Steele 9 p.m.

Puckett’s Grocery and Restaurant 2 W. Aquarium Way puckettsgro.com/chattanooga The I Inside 9 p.m.

Ziggy’s Bar & Grill 607 Cherokee Blvd. ziggysbarandgrill.net Masseuse with Over Easy 10 p.m.

Clyde’s On Main 122 W. Main St. clydesonmain.com Tyson Leamon 10 p.m.

Bud’s Sports Bar 5751 Brainerd Rd. budssportsbar.com

SATURDAY12.24 Carolyn Insler and

LIVE MUSIC CALENDAR

Milele Roots Jessica Nunn 11 a.m.

Adelle’s Creperie 400 E. Main St. adellescreperie.com Eddie Pontiac 6 p.m.

El Meson 2204 Hamilton Place Blvd. elmesonrestaurant.com Binji Varsossa 6 p.m.

Cancun Mexican Restaurant & Lounge 1809 Broad St. (423) 266-1461 Tim Lewis 7 p.m.

El Meson 248 Northgate Park elmesonchattanooga.com Jimmy Harris 7 p.m.

The Coconut Room 6925 Shallowford Rd. thepalmsathamilton.com Randall Adams and The Flames 8:30 p.m.

The Foundry 1201 Broad St. chattanooganhotel.com The Hopeful Country Band 8:30 p.m.

Motley’s 320 Emberson Dr. Ringgold, GA Jacob Green 10 p.m.

The Office @ City Cafe 901 Carter St. citycafemenu.com Sexy Santa Party 10 p.m.

Raw Bar & Grill 409 Market St. rawbarandgrillchatt.com Tyson Leamon 10 p.m.

Bud’s Sports Bar 5751 Brainerd Rd. budssportsbar.com

SUNDAY12.25

MONDAY12.26 Monday Nite Big Band 7 p.m.

The Coconut Room 6925 Shallowford Rd. thepalmsathamilton.com Very Open Mic with Shawnessey Cargile 8 p.m.

The Well 1800 Rossville Blvd. #8 wellonthesouthside.com Open Mic Night 6 p.m.

Puckett’s Grocery

2 W. Aquarium Way puckettsgro.com Open Air: Holidays Are Over Edition 7:30 p.m.

The Granfalloon 400 E. Main St. granfalloonchattanooga.com

TUESDAY12.27 Tom Cordell Trumpet Improv Ensemble 6 p.m.

Spring Hill Suites 495 Riverfront Pkwy. springhillsuites.com Bill McCallie and In Cahoots 6:30 p.m.

Southern Belle 201 Riverfront Pkwy. chattanoogariverboat.com Open Mic with Mike McDade 8 p.m.

Tremont Tavern 1203 Hixson Pike tremonttavern.com

WEDNESDAY12.28 Charley Yates 5 p.m.

American Legion Post #95 3329 Ringgold Rd. americanlegionpost95.org Eddie Pontiac 5:30 p.m.

El Meson 248 Northgate Park elmesonrestaurant.com No Big Deal 6 p.m.

SpringHill Suites 495 Riverfront Pkwy. springhillsuites.com Milele Roots and Reverse Ferret Holiday Show 7 p.m.

Granfalloon 400 E. Main St. granfalloonchattanooga.com Jimmy Harris 7 p.m.

The Coconut Room 6925 Shallowford Rd. thepalmsathamilton.com Joel Clyde 8 p.m.

The Office @ City Cafe 901 Carter St. citycafemenu.com Priscilla & Little Rickee 8 p.m.

Las Margaritas 1101 Hixson Pike (423) 756-3332 Open Jam 8 p.m.

Raw Dance Club 409 Market St. rawbarandgrillchatt.com Robert Crabtree Trio 8 p.m.

Barking Legs Theater 1307 Dodds Ave. barkinglegs.org Prime Cut Trio 9 p.m.

The Palms at Hamilton 6925 Shallowford Rd. thepalmsathamilton.com Map these locations on chattanoogapulse.com. Send event listings at least 10 days in advance to: calendar@chattanoogapulse.com CHATTANOOGAPULSE.COM • DECEMBER 22, 2016 • THE PULSE • 27

RECORD REVIEWS ∙ ADAM BECKETT

Haden Sightz Chattanoogan Hooligan, Floami Fly MC’s With The Best

Haden Sightz Chattanoogan Hooligan (soundcloud.com/supersightz)

Floami Fly Various (soundcloud.com/floami-fly)

I

background, and is a smooth flowing jam.

“Chatt Chatt” featuring Kane Brown is possibly the best song on the album. It has a very smooth sound with a great hook, beat, and flow; it is an instant classic. “Break the Law” is a grimy, hard hitting track that is evocative to old school gangster rap.

Chattanoogan Hooligan is a potent album that comes from experience alone. The raw emotion that Haden Sightz is able to unleashd through his words gives his music a powerful and relentless spin that will captivate eardrums and heart strings. Give it a listen, you will not be disappointed.

n an impressive display of demonstrating raw and rugged hip hop music, local musician Haden Sightz drops a dose of reality with his Chattanoogan Hooligan album release.

His storytelling abilities allow him to paint a picture of his life’s point of view.

As described through his music, he is no stranger to the struggle, and he really does a great job of portraying the darkness with such a colorful brush.

Accompanied by some serious head bobbing beats, his lyrics flow and blend strikingly. His music does not focus on the ‘poor me’ aspect of hard times, only expressing harsh realities experienced by an absorbent, expressive, and lyrical mind.

Haden Sightz sums it up in a way that even in its grit, is nothing short of beautiful. Each song is its own uncut and unique portrait. He is unconcealed with his words, and each song is a flower that grew from concrete.

“Truth” is a remarkable track that has a mellow sax sound with a real chill beat, and it touches on some real life issues. “Ziegler Stardust” has a sound that will chill spines. It has an acoustic guitar

28 • THE PULSE • DECEMEBR 22, 2016 • CHATTANOOGAPULSE.COM

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ocal Chattanooga musician Floami Fly is perhaps one of the illest lyricists on planet earth. She is a very diverse emcee that can hop on any beat and ride it into the sunset.

She commands the microphone like a composer at a symphony. Her flow is effortless and spellbinding, her voice is soft yet dominant, her words penetrate ventricles and she leaves the listener wanting more.

With her dominating lyrical abilities, Floami Fly is a force for the Chattanooga music scene. While she does not have an album so to speak, she does have numerous tracks listed on her Soundcloud, and Reverbnation accounts.

She has also done some extraordinary collaboration’s with many local musicians, and has significant amount of featured tracks on various EP and LP’s around the region; Floami Fly is a hot commodity. Some of the tracks that she is found in that are not listed on her accounts come from some of the best artists that Chattanooga has to offer.

MDAHT’S “Time is Passin” is accompanied by a music video, and is one of the best songs in existence, Socro’s “Hot Damn”, Swayyvo’s “Real Good”, Mooddogg Sike’s “Don’t Let Me Down”, are all amazing songs on any scale, and all feature Floami Fly. Though often utilized for her talents, Floami Fly is far more than a collaborator as a musician. The individual tracks that she has created are bountiful, and full of her unadulterated flow. “Shawty Lookin Good”, is a smooth and vibrant track with a mellow flow.

“Ain’t Nothin Basic” shows off her vocabulary, articulation, and relentless rhyming abilities; she goes into beast mode on this song. “Color Struck Insecurities” further demonstrates her miscellany as an artist. It has a nineties beat, and flow that would have been a number one hit in 96, but still is an awesome song today.

With such an extraordinary talent, people need to know who Floami Fly is. She is a staple for the Chattanooga scene, and a warrior for the battle of music. Her light shines as bright as the sunshine, and she can light the way.

Look for her music and collaborations.

It is soul music; you can thank me later.

FREE WILL ASTROLOGY ∙ ROB BREZSNY CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): Capricorn writer Edgar Allan Poe has been an important cultural influence. His work appears on many “must-read” lists of 19thcentury American literature. But during the time he was alive, his best-selling book was not his famous poem “The Raven,” nor his short story “The Gold-Bug,” nor his novel The Narrative of Arthur Gordon Pym of Nantucket. Rather, it was The Conchologist’s First Book, a textbook about mollusk shells, which he didn’t actually write, but merely translated and edited. If I’m reading the astrological omens correctly, 2017 will bring events to help ensure that your fate is different from Poe’s. I see the coming months as a time when your best talents will be seen and appreciated better than ever before.

I hope that Glasper, who’s an Aries, will read this horoscope and take heart from what I’m about to predict: In 2017, you may finally get a “Yes!” from people who have previously said “No!” to your grand ambitions.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): “My goal is to create a life that I don’t need a vacation from,” says motivational author Rob Hill Sr. That’s an implausible dream for most people. But in 2017, it will be less implausible than it has ever been for you Aquarians. I don’t guarantee that it will happen. But there is a decent chance you’ll build a robust foundation for it, and thereby give yourself a head start that enables you to accomplish it by 2019. Here’s a tip on how to arouse and cultivate your motivation: Set an intention to drum up and seek out benevolent “shocks” that expand your concepts of who you are and what your life is about.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): “What you do is what counts and not what you had the intention of doing,” said Pablo Picasso. If I had to choose a single piece of advice to serve as your steady flame in 2017, it might be that quote. If you agree, I invite you to conduct this experiment: On the first day of each month, take a piece of paper and write down three key promises you’re making to yourself. Add a brief analysis of how well you have lived up to those promises in the previous four weeks. Then describe in strong language how you plan to better fulfill those promises in the coming four weeks.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): The birds known as winter wrens live in the Puget Sound area of Washington. They weigh barely half an ounce, and their plain brown coloring makes their appearance unremarkable. Yet they are the avian equivalents of the opera star Pavarotti. If they weighed as much as roosters, their call would be ten times as strong as the rooster’s cock-a-doodledoo. Their melodies are rich and complex; one song may have more than 300 notes. When in peak form, the birds can unleash cascades at the rate of 36 notes per second. I propose that we make the winter wren your spirit animal in 2017, Pisces. To a casual observer, you may not look like you can generate so much virtuosity and lyrical power. But according to my analysis, you can.

ARIES (March 21-April 19): NPR’s Scott Simon interviewed jazz pianist and songwriter Robert Glasper, who has created nine albums, won a Grammy, and collaborated with a range of great musicians. Simon asked him if he had any frustrations—“grand ambitions” that people discouraged him from pursuing. Glasper said yes. He’d really like to compose and sing hip-hop rhymes. But his bandmates just won’t go along with him when he tries that stuff.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): Humans have drunk hot tea for over two millennia. Chinese emperors were enjoying it as far back as the second century B.C. And yet it wasn’t until the 20th century that anyone dreamed up the idea of enclosing tea leaves in convenient one-serving bags to be efficiently brewed. I foresee you either generating or stumbling upon comparable breakthroughs in 2017, Taurus. Long-running traditions or customs will undergo simple but dramatic transformations that streamline your life.

CANCER (June 21-July 22): During the campaign for U.S. President in 1896, Democratic candidate William Jennings Bryan traveled 18,000 miles as he made speeches all over the country.

But the Republican candidate, William McKinley, never left his hometown of Canton, Ohio. He urged people to visit him if they wanted to hear what he had to say. The strategy worked. The speeches he delivered from the front porch of his house drew 750,000 attendees and played an important role in his election.

I recommend a comparable approach for you in the coming months, Cancerian. Invoke all your attractive power as you invite interested parties to come see you and deal with you on your home turf.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): “Poetry is a way of knowledge, but most poetry tells us what we already know,” writes poet Charles Simic.

I would say the same thing about a lot of art, theater, film, music, and fiction: Too often it presents well-crafted repetitions of ideas we have heard before. In my astrological opinion, Leo, 2017 will be a time when you’ll need to rebel against that limitation. You will thrive by searching for sources that provide you with novel information and unique understandings. Simic says: “The poem

JONESIN' CROSSWORD ∙ MATT JONES

I want to write is impossible: a stone that floats.” I say: Be on the lookout for stones that float.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): The Economist magazine reports that if someone wanted to transport $10 million in bills, he or she would have to use eight briefcases. Sadly, after evaluating your astrological omens for 2017, I’ve determined that you won’t ever have a need for that many.

If you find yourself in a situation where you must carry bundles of money from one place to another, one suitcase will always be sufficient. But I also want to note that a sizable stash of cash can fit into a single suitcase. And it’s not out of the question that such a scenario could transpire for you in the coming months. In fact, I foresee a better chance for you to get richer quicker than I’ve seen in years.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): For a bald eagle in flight, feathers are crucial in maintaining balance. If it inadvertently loses a feather on one wing, it will purposely shed a comparable feather on the other wing. According to my analysis of the astrological omens, this strategy has metaphorical meaning for your life in 2017. Do you want to soar with maximum grace and power? Would you like to ascend and dive, explore and scout, with ease and exuberance? Learn from the eagle’s instinctual wisdom.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): In August 2012, a group of tourists visited the Eldgja volcanic region in Iceland. After a while, they noticed that a fellow traveler was missing. Guides organized a search party, which worked well into the night trying to track down the lost woman. At 3 a.m., one of the searchers suddenly realized that she herself was the missing person everyone was looking for. The misunderstanding had occurred many hours earlier because she had slipped away to change her clothes, and no one recognized her in her new garb. This is a good teaching story for you to meditate on in 2017, Scorpio. I’d love to see you change so much that you’re almost unrecognizable. And I’d love to see you help people go searching for the new you.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): In 2017, you will be at the peak of your ability to forge new alliances and deepen existing alliances. You’ll have a sixth sense for cultivating professional connections that can serve your noble ambitions for years to come.

I encourage you to be alert for new possibilities that might be both useful for your career and invigorating for your social life.

The words “work” and “fun” will belong together! To achieve the best results, formulate a clear vision of the community and support system you want.

“Four on the Floor”—putting your order down.

ACROSS 1 Pound cake ingredients 5 Like apples ready to bake 10 Torre pendente di ___ (European landmark, to locals) 14 Short pants?

15 Speed skater ___ Anton Ohno 16 “SVU” part 17 Diamond’s diametric opposite on the Mohs scale 18 Former Orange Bowl site 19 Walk back and forth 20 Cut ties with, on social media 22 I’d be lion if I said it 24 Lane who sang with Xavier Cugat 25 Title for several Trump cabinet picks 28 Musical miscellany 31 Indeterminate quantity 32 Corp.’s stock

market debut 33 Nondairy dairy case item 34 Buccaneers’ bay 36 Pack away 37 1040 filers 38 Cheri once of “SNL” 39 Olympic vehicle 40 Find loathsome 41 Clip joint?

42 Like eight 43 Pokemon protagonist 44 Like some trees or tales 45 Like old rawhide bones 47 Pacific salmon variety 49 Cutty ___ (Scotch whisky) 50 Keystone’s place 51 Wendi ___-Covey of “The Goldbergs” 55 Benjamin Netanyahu’s nickname 57 Non-literal expression 59 Christmas lights location

60 Menaces to hobbits 61 Bourne of “The Bourne Ultimatum” 62 It has its points 63 Hotel counts 64 1997 environmental treaty site 65 “Note to ___ ...”

DOWN 1 Caesar’s “And you?”

2 “___ Torino” (Clint Eastwood film) 3 Strange sport?

4 Splenda, mainly 5 “I’m here so I can greet you ... not!”?

6 Declare one’s view 7 It may have a fork 8 Shade caster 9 “You really think zen master is on my list of attributes?!”?

10 Chrysalides 11 “Birdman” director’s Beetle, e.g.?

12 “Attack, dog!”

13 Finished off

21 “May ___ excused?”

23 “Lit” binary digit 25 Camera used in extreme sports 26 Farthest orbital point from earth 27 Bottom-of-the-line 28 Coffee orders 29 Ciudad Juarez neighbor 30 Item that plays “Soul Meets Body,” for short?

31 Catch a whiff of 35 “___ of Two Cities” 36 Smooth quality 44 Clue hunter, informally 46 Political org. from 962 to 1806 48 Mr. Kringle 49 “Get outta here!”

51 Soybean soup 52 3/5, for example 53 Avocado shape 54 Soft toy substance 55 Literature Nobelist Dylan 56 Burning anger 58 Box on a calendar

Copyright © 2016 Jonesin’ Crosswords. For answers to this puzzle, call: 1-900-226-2800, 99 cents per3minute. Must be 18+ to call. Or to bill to your credit card, call: 1-800-655-6548. Reference puzzle No. 811 CHATTANOOGAPULSE.COM • DECEMBER 22, 2016 • THE PULSE • 29

COLUMN ∙ TECH TALK

Betting On Female Founders The Jump Fund sees the gap in female-led startups…and raises leaders

Rich Bailey

Pulse columnist

D

URING THE FIRST YEARS OF GigTank, a handful of female business leaders saw a deficit of women founding companies in Chattanooga’s startup scene. So, naturally they formed a startup themselves to change that.

The Jump Fund was founded in 2013 as an angel venture capital fund and started investing in early-stage startups the next year. There are 50 investors and six general partners: managing director Kristina Montague, Cory Allison, Betsy Blunt Brown, Shelley Prevost, Tiffanie Robinson and Stefanie Crowe.

None of the founders had a good explanation for the lack of women in startups. After researching ways to reduce that gap, they decided Chattanooga had plenty of programs and mentors to help potential female founders, but dedicated venture capital was the missing piece.

“Our guy friends who were already active as angel investors told us directly that they weren’t seeing the female-led deals and they weren’t certain there would be enough of a pool or pipeline to draw from,” says Crowe. “I actually heard from a few guys that focusing on women was ‘niche,’ which sounds crazy since we are half the population. But with ratios of female participation so low at the time, to them it felt like a narrow market to pursue.”

Crowe, a 20-plus year banker and wealth advisor, was drawn to this work after her inner entrepreneur was activated when she

joined a startup bank a few years ago that scaled quickly and enjoyed a successful exit. She found herself energized by being part of a communal investment in something intangible and illiquid—a vision— that ended up paying off with a lot of hard work. She sees a large potential payoff for the Jump Fund, both economically and socially.

“Gender diverse start-ups are achieving ‘outsized’ success vs. allmale teams,” she says. “There are numerous studies coming out since the Jump Fund formed that demonstrate gender diversity enhances returns. Essentially, when women are given the chance to lead, something special happens to heighten performance, which translates into financial results. And at every socio-economic threshold, when women are empowered with money, families and communities are stronger.”

The Jump Fund’s own startup story is an ongoing success. The first investment round drew more than double the targeted $1 million.

Fifty female accredited investors, mostly in Chattanooga, contributed $2.5 million, which was invested in 18 portfolio companies, including one that sold successfully in the last month.

“Our experience reaffirmed our initial instincts—we’ve had incredible deal flow and are excited about the diversity of women and businesses we’ve invested in,” says Crowe. “We’ve backed women who are into hydro-power, fan-engagement technology, keeping moms in

30 • THE PULSE • DECEMEBR 22, 2016 • CHATTANOOGAPULSE.COM

We are a city that has a legacy of rowdy, undeterred, visionary women who are great to support each other and don’t lead with personal benefit but think about improving the community on a larger scale.” the workforce with flexible work, 3-D printed shoes and more…business concepts that reach far beyond selling traditionally feminine products to women.”

Crowe says female-led companies are still considered a higher-risk, under-valued investment. But that’s not necessarily a bad thing.

“One of our founding general partners stated astutely that she saw an ‘arbitrage’ opportunity,” Crowe says, “a chance to make money with an undervalued asset or market where traditional investors weren’t playing.”

Now, after three years, it turns out that “the guys like our thesis and want in on the action,” she adds. The group recently began raising funds

for JumpFund II, which welcomes male investors who are equally inspired to invest in women.

“We are a city that has a legacy of rowdy, undeterred, visionary women who are great to support each other and don’t lead with personal benefit but think about improving the community on a larger scale,” says Crowe. “The Jump Fund narrative in my mind is a natural evolution of the amazing things women have been doing in our city for decades.”

Rich Bailey is a writer, editor, and PR consultant. He led a project to create Chattanooga’s first civic website in 1995 before even owning a modem. Now he covers Chattanooga technology for The Pulse and blogs about it at CircleChattanooga.com

CHATTANOOGAPULSE.COM • DECEMBER 22, 2016 • THE PULSE • 31