The Pulse 16.48 » November 28, 2019

VOLUME 16, ISSUE 48 | NOVEMBER 28, 2019

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BREWER MEDIA GROUP Publisher James Brewer, Sr.

Contents

VOLUME 16, ISSUE 48 • NOVEMBER 28, 2019

General Manager Kira Headlee THE PULSE Managing Editor Gary Poole gary@chattanoogapulse.com

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Assistant Editor Jessie Gantt-Temple

I can still hear the sweet old lady in the 1980’s Wendy’s commercial saying, “Where’s the beef?” and such a simple line still speaks volumes today. Where has the hearty portions of quality goodness gone? We are so quick with fast food that we care more about quantity than quality.

Music Editor Marc T. Michael Film Editor John DeVore Editorial Interns Lauren Justice Mackenzie Wagamon

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Director Of Sales Mike Baskin mike@brewermediagroup.com Office 1305 Carter St. Chattanooga, TN 37402 Phone 423.265.9494 Email info@chattanoogapulse.com Website chattanoogapulse.com Facebook @chattanoogapulse Founded 2003

by Zachary Cooper & Michael Kull THE FINE PRINT: The Pulse is published weekly by Brewer Media and is distributed throughout the city of Chattanooga and surrounding communities. The Pulse covers a broad range of topics concentrating on music, the arts, entertainment, culture and local news. The Pulse is available free of charge, limited to one copy per reader. No person without written permission from the publisher may take more than one copy per weekly issue. The Pulse may be distributed only by authorized distributors.

Contents Copyright © 2019 by Brewer Media.

All rights reserved.

MEAT ME HALFWAY ON THANKSGIVING

ISAAC DUNCAN III IS JAGGED AND JAUNTED The small gallery in the School of Visual Art and Design at Southern Adventist University is full of Isaac Duncan III’s art, some of the art is bigger than I am, and behind me are glass walls so people outside can watch people inside looking at the art.

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FRED LANE IS A MUSICAL MAN OF TWO NAMES Depicted sporting a suit jacket, boxer shorts, a sculpted mustache and bandages on his face, Lane built up an underground cult following in the '80s with two simultaneously brilliant and twisted albums: From the One That Cut You and Car Radio Jerome.

4 BETWEEN THE BRIDGES

12 AIR BAG

30 HOLIDAY GIFT GUIDE

5 CONSIDER THIS

13 CHOW DINING GUIDE

34 ON THE BEAT

5 EDITOONS

25 FEATURED BUSINESS

35 FREE WILL ASTROLOGY

28 MUSIC CALENDAR

35 JONESIN' CROSSWORD

10 ARTS CALENDAR

CHATTANOOGAPULSE.COM • NOVEMBER 28, 2019 • THE PULSE • 3

CITY LIFE · BETWEEN THE BRIDGES

A Step Away, A World Apart Rediscovering a gem overlooking the river

By Mackenzie Wagamon Pulse contributor

“

The scenic art district is home to many courtyards, restaurants, an art gallery, and even a couple of museums.”

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N RECENT YEARS CHATTANOOGA HAS EVOLVED INTO AN UPand-coming metropolitan. The once small city has experienced tremendous growth in the creation of locally owned restaurants, musical joints, and comedy clubs. One such addition is the Bluff View Art District, Chattanooga’s very first art district.

Dr. Charles and Mary Portera, the owners of Bluff View, have spent the last 25 years developing the 1.5 city blocks into one of the most popular destinations in Chattanooga. The historic neighborhood is located just a hop, skip, and a jump from downtown Chattanooga. The district spans across a large bluff and boasts a breathtaking view of the Tennessee River.

The scenic art district is home to many courtyards, restaurants, an art gallery, and even, while not owned by the Porteras, a couple of museums. With it’s wide array, the Bluff View Art District is dedicated to the visual, horticultural, and culinary arts.

In concurrence with its name, Bluff View is the place to see fine art. The River Gallery is one of Chattanooga’s premier houses for museum-quality paintings,

crafts, and sculptures. The River Gallery features local, regional, and even national artists and displays art in various mediums. A part of the community since 1992, this institution of creativity caters to art lovers with monthly exhibits and artist showcases.

For museum enthusiasts, Bluff View contains the Hunter Museum of American Art and the Houston Museum. The Hunter Museum is a leading proprietor of American Art focusing on diversity and contemporary based art. The Houston Museum celebrates and preserves Anna Houston’s extensive collection of glass art.

In the warmer months, the spotlight shines on Bluff View’s iconic Sculpture Garden. Outdoor admirers can be found walking the spiral pathway, appreciating

EDITOONS the sculptures, well-constructed gardens, meditation area, and the spectacular view of the Tennessee River.

Not to be outdone, the restaurants that pepper the art district have consistently been reviewed as some of the best eateries in Chattanooga. Culinary talent is displayed in the four eateries that call Bluff View home.

What makes these restaurants and cafes interesting is they are connected through a shared community.

The Bluff View Bakery is an artisan bakery, a rarity these days, known for its delectable bread. A pillar of Bluff View, the bakery supplies all the bread for the district’s restaurants and coffee house. Every loaf of bread is made in house, every morning, with high-quality ingredients.

One of Bluff View’s biggest draw is their award-winning coffee house. If you’re a student, young professional, or a mature coffee lover, then you’ve probably heard of Rembrandt’s Coffee House. Rembrandt’s is a European style café that offers a variety of house-roasted coffees, home-made breads, and mouth-watering pastries.

They also have a full breakfast, lunch menu and make custom cakes.

The charming café embodies the atmosphere and environment that radiates throughout the Bluff View Art

District.

Wine connoisseurs are welcome at the Back Inn Café, built in a renovated colonial revival mansion, where you can enjoy modern American cuisine in three different beautiful settings: the library, the sunrooms, or on the patio.

Out of towners who wish to be surrounded by creativity and engagement can stay at the Bluff View Inn. The outstanding bed and breakfast is broken up among three turn-of-thecentury houses. These quaint homes combine modern amenities with a historical ambiance that delights visitors and tourists alike.

Named the “Best of The Best Italian restaurant” two years in a row, Tony’s Pasta Shop & Trattoria is a must for everyone, especially travelers. Drawing from traditional Sicilian recipes, Tony’s Pasta Shop is the best place to enjoy Italian cuisine in a comfortable environment.

The Bluff View Art District has been a decades-long development devoted to creating a haven that honors and recognizes art in all its mediums. This budding community has enhanced the art scene in the Chattanooga area.

The Bluff View Art District is an amalgamation of creativity and historical appeal. In short, a wonderful addition to our great city.

Cons ider This w ith Dr. Rick “Gratitude is the open door to the power, the wisdom, the creativity of the universe.

— Deepak Chopra Tis the season for gratitude, right?

This is a very powerful time of the year. It’s also a very commercial time of the year, so you’ve got to pick and choose your journey wisely.

But if you’re fortunate enough to have somewhere to go for a Thanksgiving meal, somewhere you feel

loved and accepted, well, that’s abundant reason to give thanks.

Whether you are thanking your Creator, the universe, Mother Nature or your Mother Country, my hope for you is that you pause and take it all in. Take a breath, and a moment, to know and truly feel your riches.

I happily share this with you, from Rumi: “Be grateful for your life…and your face will come to shine like a sun…and everyone who sees it will be made glad and peaceful.”

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COVER STORY

Meat Me Halfway On Thanksgiving Other mouth-watering options of protein for your holiday feast

By Jessie Gantt-Temple Pulse Assistant Editor

“

Rabbit can be prepared just as any bone-in chicken recipe and has the highest percentage of protein, lowest percentage of fats, and is richer in Omega 3s than chicken.”

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CAN STILL HEAR THE SWEET OLD LADY IN THE 1980’S Wendy’s commercial saying, “Where’s the beef?” and such a simple line still speaks volumes today. Where has the hearty portions of quality goodness gone? We are so quick with fast food that we care more about quantity than quality.

Beef industries are feeding their animals indescribable concoctions consisting of their own feces and innards.

Are the stories true that meat from a certain taco chain is delivered in liquid form before it’s cooked and served to its consumers?

As my dad was a longtime meat cutter for a grocery store, I can recall a childhood filled with prime cuts and never a meatless meal. As I went to college in the wild and wonderful West Virginia, I experienced frog giggin’ and deer hunting but I was still lacking on sampling out of the ordinary meats like bison, emu or squirrel. Now as a person who wants to support local, I am

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realizing there is more to life than white or dark meat.

DOWN THE RABBIT, WHOLE Lauren Lefever, of Ada’s Heritage Farm in Wildwood, Georgia, started raising her own food in 2016 because her youngest son Ada had the idea to grow their own. The property the farm sits on now was previously Lauren’s parents’ hobby farm. Her parents moved there when she was seven and they raised everything from pigs, cattle, rabbits, ducks and endless produce.

She felt it only proper that her sevenyear-old know the hard work of living on a farm while simultaneously enjoy-

ing the humanely raised, fresh food.

“Since it was his idea to start growing our food, we opened an egg stand at the end of our driveway,” she says, “Y’know instead of a lemonade stand, he made his money from farm fresh eggs.”

Besides having experience on her family farm, Lauren was familiar with small livestock as she raised and showed Holland Lops and Dutch rabbits for years as an adolescent. In her years following, she became a surgical veterinary technician before becoming a fulltime farmer so Lauren was no stranger to working with animals. Besides growing chicken, cultivating veggies and herbs, and making jellies and soaps, they specialize in organic rabbit.

Ada’s Heritage grows organic hay and feeds that, along with garden scraps and fodder (sprouted seeds), to their fluffy flock of bunnies. Although China, Italy and France are the top three countries who consume more rabbit than any other, the U.S. is starting to pick up on the trend.

Referred to by some as the “new white meat,” rabbit can be prepared just as any bone-in chicken recipe and has the highest percentage of protein, lowest percentage of fats, and is richer in Omega 3s than chicken.

“We’re southern so of course frying it is lovely,” Lauren chuckles, “there’s like a thousand million different ways to prepare it.” Braising it (setting it in a small amount of liquid in a covered pan in the oven), roasting it whole or placing in the crockpot are all applicable ideas. She sells it whole, cut up, as stock or stir fry. You can choose either fryers (young) or roasters (mature) depending on what you want to do with it.

A mature rabbit, just like an older chicken, can be a bit tough so its recommended to brine or simmer in some sort of juices to tenderize it. Lauren has hers already pieced up and says it makes a terrific stir fry. A friend of mine grinds it and makes what he affectionately calls ‘Bunny Burgers.’

Her rabbits are not on any local menus yet but as she just started the farm in 2016, she is working up to have enough stock to supply whole rabbits for wholesale. Until then, you can hop over to her booth at the Main St. Farmers Market off Chestnut St., Wednesdays starting at 4 p.m. all year long. For all inquiries, email AHFarm@ yahoo.com or message their facebook.

YOU GOT GAME? It is against the law to sell wildlife for human consumption therefore venison, which is another name for deer, is not going to be on any menu nor is wild turkey, bear or feral hog. If you decide that you would like to first-hand experience the thrill of catching and killing your own food, you must get a license through the Department of Natural Resources (DNR) or Tennessee Wildlife Resources Agency (TWRA).

It’s easier than I thought it would be.

You take a hunter’s education class, which can be taken online or in-person and it will provide insight about hunting and trapping including safety procedures. I recommend whether you want to hunt or not, to take the course because, well it’s free and it would add insight to anyone who wants to conquer the life outdoors. “The basic Hunter Education Course provides firearms safety training and introduces students to their responsibilities in the fields of hunter ethics and wildlife management.” Then you take a 100-question test then go get your license.

You then buy a license at any retailer that sells hunting or fishing licenses like sporting goods stores and hardware stores. There are so many differ-

ent kinds of licenses for small to big game, birds and fish so make sure you get the right one. Small game refers to little critters like chipmunks, mice, and moles while medium game are rabbits, raccoon, squirrels, opossum, beaver and skunk.

As my husband was a pretty active hunter in the past, he said he’s never heard of “medium game” but it’s what I found in my DNR research. Large, or big game, are animals the size of deer or bigger like coyotes, moose or bear.

Common game specie are squirrel, beaver, skunk, raccoon, to name a few, and those are permitted to be hunted all year. According to TWRA, hunting and fishing licenses go on sale February 18th every year and are valid until the next February however that does not mean that you are allowed to hunt a certain animal so double check what the hunting season correlates to versus when and what you think you are ready to hunt.

GoOutdoorsTennessee.com has all the information needed to choose the proper license so you can be legal in your journey to see if everything really does taste like chicken. My husband has eaten raccoon, squirrel, bison and turtle. In my research, raccoon and opossum are too greasy, but beaver is good ground up in a burger or as a roast and yes, frog legs taste like chicken.

HOLD YOUR TONGUE As I said, I grew up eating prime cuts of meat because I had a father who was a grade-A meat cutter and would bring home bacon wrapped filets and the likes. As a child I learned about all the different cuts of meat however we never delved into the other parts including tongue, heart or brain.

Selectively eating only the muscle of animal is such a western way of thinking and is extremely wasteful. As I am an avid supporter of ‘snout to tail’ dining in which you utilize every aspect of the animal, I am kind of surprised (and a little ashamed) at myself for not resourcing more parts of the animal before now.

For instance, I am about to harvest about one hundred of my older chickens and I am going to set aside their feet for stock which I have never made before, as well as their undeveloped eggs to make custard which I am told is the creamiest and which I have also never made before. I figured with the week off for Thanksgiving, now is the time to really experiment and get messy in the kitchen.

Tacos de lengua, beef tongue tacos, were the most common thing people were telling me to use with my recently purchased beef tongue from Sequatchie Cove Farm. I mean, as soon as I uttered “beef tongue,” “tacos”

was the next word out of their mouth.

I am usually hesitant to make any purchase when only one recipe stands out (kind of like how people say radishes are great in salads) but I bit the bullet and am going to attempt to tame the tongue.

Bay leaves and onions seemed to be the consistent complementary ingredients in all the recipes I found online.

They say to simmer the tongue in water with seasonings for about 2-3 hours then peel. Peeling beef tongue may leave me speechless this holiday.

After researching recipes, I can see why people opt for beef tongue tacos more than any other recipe. It’s because it is the most eye pleasing as well as palate pleasing. Pictures of big slabs of tongue with a few glazed mushrooms atop is not as appetizing for us beef tongue beginners. Having it sliced up and covered with a mountain of toppings is kind of a nice way to acclimate the taste buds.

Some comments were “if a taco place didn’t have lengua then it wasn’t a real taco place.” If you want to experiment with it but not in your kitchen, stop by Taconooga or Taquiera Jalisco to try how they serve it. If you do want to make the culinary leap, pick up your beautifully raised bovine bits from Main St. Meats.

As I recently tasted fish eyeballs and cheeks, next on my list to try is beef cheek meat, tripe (brains), suet (fat from kidney area), or sweet breads (testicles). And now I can’t shake the image of Chevy Chase in Funny Farm where he is attempting to break the record of eating the most “lamb fries” which he finds out are actually sheep balls. “Now there’s a man who knows when he’s got something good in his mouth…Most folks don’t seem to have a taste for testicles no more.”

You don’t know what will become your favorite new dish until you try it.

I may be spitting some of it out but at least I made the effort.

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ARTS & ENTERTAINMENT

Jagged And Jaunted Isaac Duncan III creates mindful metal

All Things Bizarre At This Bazaar Do you love all things occult? Are you a staunch believer in Bigfoot? Well, then we have the event for you. This Saturday come celebrate all things odd at the Sasquatch Bazaar. Peculiar, strange and weird are just some descriptors of what can be expected at this unique event.

The Sasquatch Bazaar will consist of many fun little events. First up will be a Weird Art Showcase featuring multiple local artists. Expect some mind-altering, extraordinarily perplexing pieces centered around all things strange. Make sure to sign up for the Weird Art raffle for your chance to win and take home some strange artwork.

If you love inappropriate comedy, then come out for the Dark Humor Comedy Session. Gallows humor and dark comedy will be taking center stage. The headliner for the Bazaar will be comedian Charles at Large and musical headliner is Shakys Bad Knee.

So if you love strange, peculiar, and Bigfoot, don’t miss out on this remarkable event. The Sasquatch Bazaar will be at Barley Chattanooga on MLK Blvd. this Saturday. This is a free event, no tickets required.

Doors will open at 8 p.m., the Dark Humor show will start at 9 p.m., and Charles at Large will come on at 10:30 p.m.

— Mackenzie Wagamon

By Jenn Webster Pulse contributor

“

I have lots of meanings behind a lot of this stuff but I have a basic goal of why I create, why I decided to remain an artist.”

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HE SMALL GALLERY IN THE SCHOOL OF VISUAL ART and Design at Southern Adventist University is full of Isaac Duncan III’s art, some of the art is bigger than I am, and behind me are glass walls so people outside can watch people inside looking at the art.

Plus, under the lights, it’s hot.

It’s a little intimidating.

Directly in front of me is a large metal piece reflecting the light from surfaces that look like they’ve been burnished with a grinder, the round-and-round texture still visible. All around are similar sculptures in different sizes, built of juxtaposed curved and rectilinear shapes looking as if they were made of children’s blocks (but metal) mounted on long metal cylindrical stems that might be legs or struts or even trunks.

I’m a little afraid of the big piece

confronting me, so I sidle off to the right and check out some smaller works mounted on glass shelves.

“May I touch?” I ask.

“Yes,” says the sculptor, Isaac Duncan III, behind me.

I rasp my thumb along an edge and almost get cut on a stray twizzle of metal. These things are not only beautiful—they’re fierce. And though they’re small and quite abstract, they have a lively energy that leaves me thinking, “What is it?”

The central work, when I get to it,

is still impressive—both vibrant and massive—and seems to regard me, though there’s nothing that suggests face or eyes.

Outside the gallery, speaking with Duncan and joined by Southern professor of art history and gallery coordinator Giselle Hasel, he tells us: “[‘What is it’] is a useful question for those who are asking the question. My response is, ‘What do you see?’ and taking it back to fundamentals like ‘What different components do you see?’ and then to questions like ‘What is it doing, what is that circle doing, that sphere doing, those lines doing?’

“I have lots of meanings behind a lot of this stuff but I have…a basic goal of why I create, why I decided to remain an artist and not pursue other things. If somebody asks me a question that allows that answer, that’s when they get it.”

Like the big sculptures in the gallery, I sidle up to that question, first asking about the staging of the exhibition.

Duncan says he was introduced to Hasel by artist Alex Loza. “[Isaac] did most of the curating, choosing where things are going to go,” Hasel says. “The objects talk to one another, they really do.”

The lighting, so intense, bringing out the various textures of the metal, was created by local artist Loren Howard, Hazel adds.

We talk a little more about staging

“

We’re glad he’s here, and we hope he stays to keep populating the city with lively visitors who encourage us to make room for them in their hearts.” an exhibition, and then I get around to it: “Why do you make art?”

Duncan responds with a query.

“My question is this: If I have a piece, if I have these pieces here, and people can walk in this gallery and identify and get emotional about a piece they are looking at, why can’t they look at the person next to them and accept them for who they are? I created these pieces that are inanimate, I place them out in public, and I hope people become attracted to them. At the same time my question is going to be: ‘If you can accept this, why can’t you accept the person next to you?’ That is my underlying meaning or purpose of creating and setting the pieces out. The process of acceptance.”

You can find Isaac Duncan’s work— these pieces of public sculpture asking to be accepted as their own stark, quirky selves—anywhere in Chattanooga. They’re becoming our neighbors, much as Sandy the Flower Man once was. A recent piece at The Bethlehem Center (“The Beth”) on 38th Street, incorporated Ghanaian-style

adinkra symbols created by young people at The Beth to decorate a Sankofa bird.

Duncan isn’t a native Chattanoogan, though. He comes from Brooklyn and spent much of his career in the Midwest, where he taught art and sculpture in the elementary and middle grades and at the University of Kentucky.

The recipient of a prestigious Lyman T. Johnson Fellowship from the University of Kentucky, Duncan came to Chattanooga to work for sculptor John Henry before starting his own studio and embarking on a series of partnerships with AVA, The Hunter Museum, the Chattanooga Public Art Committee, and more.

We’re glad he’s here, and we hope he stays to keep populating the city with lively visitors who encourage us to make room for them, and each other, in their hearts.

Duncan’s “From the Floor to the Wall” exhibit is in the John C. Williams Art Gallery in Brock Hall at Southern Adventist University. It will be open until December 2nd.

THU11.28

FRI11.29

SAT11.30

The Grateful Gobbler Walk

Ruby Falls Lantern Tours

Art Show: Caleb, Judith, and Amanda

Take a nice walk to help raise money for the Maclellan Shelter for Families.

8 a.m.

Coolidge Park 150 River St. gratefulgobblerwalk.org

Kick off the holidays with an old-fashioned visit to our favorite cave via lantern light.

8:30 p.m.

Ruby Falls 1720 S. Scenic Hwy. rubyfalls.com

More than just a great place for craft beer and food, Wanderlinger is also a great place for art.

7 p.m.

WanderLinger Art Gallery 1208 King St. wanderlinger.com

CHATTANOOGAPULSE.COM • NOVEMBER 28, 2019 • THE PULSE • 9

ARTS & ENTERTAINMENT CALENDAR THURSDAY11.28 The Grateful Gobbler Walk 8 a.m.

Coolidge Park 150 River St. (423) 847-5844 gratefulgobblerwalk.org River Runners 6 p.m.

Basecamp Bar and Restaurant 346 Frazier Ave. (423) 803-5251 basecampcha.com Elixir Chatt: Meetup 6 p.m.

The Edney Innovation Center 1100 Market St. (423) 643-6770 theedney.com Open Mic Poetry 6:30 p.m.

Stone Cup Café 208 Frazier Ave. (423) 521-3977 stonecupcafe.com Janet Williams 7:30 p.m.

The Comedy Catch 1400 Market St. (423) 629-2233 thecomedycatch.com Alcoholics Not Anonymous Comedy Open Mic 8 p.m.

Barley Taproom 235 E. MLK Blvd.

(423) 682-8200 chattanoogabarley.com

FRIDAY11.29 7th Annual Pottery Open House 10 a.m.

Forman Poetry 4515 Tennessee Ave. (423) 544-1364 formanpottery.com Wreath Making for Introverts 11:30 a.m.

Bees on a Bicycle 1909 Market St. (703) 225-9686 beesonabicycle.com Cirque Dreams Holidaze 7:30 p.m.

Tivoli Theatre 709 Broad St.

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(423) 757-5580 tivolichattanooga.com Janet Williams 7:30, 9:45 p.m.

The Comedy Catch 1400 Market St. (423) 629-2233 thecomedycatch.com Improv “Movie” Night 8 p.m.

Improv Chattanooga 1800 Rossville Ave. (423) 843-1775 improvchattanooga.com Video Game Night 8 p.m.

Stone Cup Café 208 Frazier Ave. (423) 521-3977 stonecupcafe.com Ruby Falls Lantern Tours 8:30 p.m.

Ruby Falls 1720 S. Scenic Hwy. (423) 821-2544 rubyfalls.com Good, Old-Fashioned Improv Show 10 p.m.

Improv Chattanooga 1800 Rossville Ave. (423) 843-1775 improvchattanooga.com

SATURDAY11.30 Wreath Making for Introverts 10:30 a.m.

Bees on a Bicycle 1909 Market St. (703) 225-9686 beesonabicycle.com Red Christmas Truck Mini Session 11 a.m.

Reflection Riding Arboretum & Nature Center 400 Garden Rd. (423) 821-1160 reflectionriding.org Painting in Watercolor with Margaret Park 11:30 a.m.

Reflections Gallery 1635 Rossville Ave. (423) 892-3072 reflectionsgallerytn.com Youth Group Social Dance Club 2 p.m.

Ballroom Magic Dance Center

4200 N. Access Rd. (423) 771-3646 ballroommagicdancecenter.com Bobby Stone Film Series Presents David Crosby: Remember My Name 3, 7 p.m.

Tivoli Theatre 709 Broad St. (423) 757-5580 tivolichattanooga.com Ladies Formation Group Class 3 p.m.

Ballroom Magic Dance Center 4200 N. Access Rd. (423) 771-3646 ballroommagicdancecenter.com Art Show: Caleb, Judith, and Amanda 7 p.m.

WanderLinger Art Gallery 1208 King St. (423) 269-7979 wanderlinger.com Janet Williams 7:30, 9:45 p.m.

The Comedy Catch 1400 Market St. (423) 629-2233 thecomedycatch.com Sasquatch Bazaar: Weird Art, Comedy Show, and Bigfoot Fans 8 p.m.

Barley Taproom 235 E. MLK Blvd.

(423) 682-8200 chattanoogabarley.com Whose Line Chattanooga 10 p.m.

Improv Chattanooga 1800 Rossville Ave. (423) 843-1775 improvchattanooga.com

SUNDAY12.1 Christmas At The Movies: The Santa Clause 10:30 a.m.

Abba's House 5208 Hixson Pike (423) 877-6462 abbashouse.com Wreath Making for Introverts 1 p.m.

Bees on a Bicycle 1909 Market St. (703) 225-9686 beesonabicycle.com Ceramic Bells: Family Clay

Workshop 2 p.m.

Scenic City Clay Arts 301 E. 11th St. (423) 883-1758 sceniccityclayarts.org Bobby Stone Film Series Presents Linda Ronstadt: The Sound of My Voice 2, 6 p.m.

Tivoli Theatre 709 Broad St. (423) 757-5580 tivolichattanooga.com When Harry Met Sally...30th Anniversary 4, 7 p.m.

AMC Chattanooga 18 5080 South Terrace (423) 855-9652 fathomevents.com Janet Williams 7:30 p.m.

The Comedy Catch 1400 Market St. (423) 629-2233 thecomedycatch.com

MONDAY12.2 Intro to Dance 9 a.m.

Chattanooga State Community College 4501 Amnicola Hwy. (423) 697-4400 chattanoogastate.edu Intro to Modern Dance 10 a.m.

Chattanooga State Community College 4501 Amnicola Hwy. (423) 697-4400 chattanoogastate.edu Wreath Making for Introverts 10:30 a.m.

Bees on a Bicycle 1909 Market St. (703) 225-9686 beesonabicycle.com Alcohol Ink Ornaments 6 p.m.

The Chattery of Chattanooga 1800 Rossville Ave. (423) 521-2643 thechattery.org Experiments in Black & White: Alternative Photography Darkroom Techniques 6 p.m.

Safelight District

1804 E. Main St. (901) 238-4024 safelightdistict.com A Belsnickel Christmas: Dwight Schrute Trivia!

6 p.m.

The Camp House 149 E. MLK Blvd.

(423) 702-8081 thecamphouse.com Fall Belly Dance Session 6 p.m.

Movement Arts Collective 3813 Dayton Blvd.

(423) 401-8115 movementartscollective.com Joggers & Lagers 6 p.m.

Chattanooga Brewing Co. 1804 Chestnut St. (423) 702-9958 chattabrew.com Healthy Party Appetizers 6:30 p.m.

The Chattery of Chattanooga 1800 Rossville Ave. (423) 521-2643 thechattery.org Barking Legs Volunteer Orientation 7 p.m.

Barking Legs Theater 1307 Dodds Ave. (423) 624-5347 barkinglegs.org Love and Mercy 7 p.m.

AMC Chattanooga 18 5080 South Terrace (423) 855-9652 fathomevents.com Grotto Meeting 7 p.m.

Outdoor Chattanooga 200 River St. (423) 643-6888 outdoorchattanooga.com Paint & Pints with Enchanted Wood Designz 7 p.m.

WanderLinger Brewing Company 1208 King St. (423) 269-7979 wanderlinger.com First Monday Improv Comedy 7:30 p.m.

Barking Legs Theater 1307 Dodds Ave. (423) 624-5347 barkinglegs.org River City Dance Club

ENTERTAINMENT SPOTLIGHT The Tennessee Tramp is a local favorite here in Chattanooga. Janet doesn’t hold anything back about her views on marriage, divorce, men, and women. She takes her comedy to the edge and over the top.

Janet Williams Thursday-Sunday The Comedy Catch 1400 Market St. (423)629-2233 thecomedycatch.com 7:45 p.m.

Peace Strength Yoga 3800 St. Elmo Ave. (423) 708-2779 peacestrengthyoga.com Comedy Open Mic 9 p.m.

The Honest Pint 35 Patten Pkwy.

(423) 468-4192 35 Patten Pkwy. thehonestpint.com

TUESDAY12.3 Chattanooga Self Improvement Meetup 8 a.m.

The Edney Innovation Center 1100 Market St. (423) 799-0052 theedney.com When Harry Met Sally...30th Anniversary 4, 7 p.m.

AMC Chattanooga 18 5080 South Terrace (423) 855-9652 fathomevents.com Filmmaking Network Event 5 p.m.

The Edney Innovation Center 1100 Market St. (423) 643-6770 theedney.com Mindfulness 101 6 p.m.

Center for Mindful Living

400 E. Main St. (423) 486-1279 centermindfulliving.com Tuesday Night Chess Club 6 p.m.

Downtown Library 1001 Broad St. (423) 643-7700 chattilibrary.com United We Dance 6:30 p.m.

Waterhouse Pavilion 850 Market St. (423) 266-1384 waterhousepavilion.com Paths to Pints 6:30 p.m.

The Tap House 3800 St. Elmo Ave. taphousechatt.com Improv Crash Course 7 p.m.

Improv Chattanooga 1800 Rossville Ave. (423) 843-1775 improvchattanooga.com Poetry, Pups & Pints 7:30 p.m.

Stone Cup Café 208 Frazier Ave. (423) 521-3977 stonecupcafe.com

WEDNESDAY12.4 Annie Sloan Beginners Class 10 a.m.

Annie Sloan Workshops

119B River St. (423) 888-1405 rustictradingco.com Main Street Market 4 p.m.

522 W. Main St. mainstfarmersmarket.com Moments to Share Candle Lighting Service 4 p.m.

Basilica of Saints Peter and Paul 214 E. 8th St. (423) 266-1618 stspeterandpaulbasilica.com Relaxing 101: The Science of Relaxation 6 p.m.

The Chattery of Chattanooga 1800 Rossville Ave. (423) 521-2643 thechattery.org Carbon Five: Hack Night 6 p.m.

The Edney Innovation Center 1100 Market St. (423) 643-6770 theedney.com Artsperiences!

6 p.m.

Mad Knight Brewing Company 4015 Tennessee Ave. (423) 825-6504 madknightbrewing.com Beginner Cake Decorating 6 p.m.

The Chattery of Chattanooga 1800 Rossville Ave. (423) 521-2643 thechattery.org Contemporary Dance with Sara 6:15 p.m.

Massari-Wood Dance Center 1070 Graysville Rd. (423) 894-1406 massariwooddance.com Improv Open House 7 p.m.

Improv Chattanooga 1800 Rossville Ave. (423) 843-1775 improvchattanooga.com Open Mic Comedy 8 p.m.

JJ’s Bohemia 231 E. MLK Blvd. jjsbohemia.com Map these locations on chattanoogapulse.com. Send event listings at least 10 days in advance to: calendar@chattanoogapulse.com CHATTANOOGAPULSE.COM • NOVEMBER 28, 2019 • THE PULSE • 11

COLUMN · AIR BAG

Appreciating The Depreciation What’s under the hood matters more than the emblem

David Traver Adolphus Pulse columnist

“

All it would take to figure it out exactly would be a tow 30 miles to a Mercedes shop with their special STAR diagnostic computer and an unknown number of hours of labor at $125 an hour.”

David Traver Adolphus is a freelance automotive researcher who quit his full time job writing about old cars to pursue his lifelong dream of writing about old AND new cars. Follow him on Twitter as @proscriptus.

A

BOUT A YEAR AGO I BOUGHT a cheap, used German luxury sedan, a 1997 Mercedes-Benz E420. With a 275hp V-8, world class leather and wood interior and 54,000 miles, it cost me…$3,100. No, there aren’t any zeroes in the wrong place.

And no, there wasn’t anything wrong with my car.

It pulled like a train and ran like silk, and everything worked. It wasn’t even expensive to own—it got 25mpg (although it needed premium), and while I did have to put $1,000 in brakes into it, I did the shocks myself for $100 each. It was the most satisfying car I ever owned.

On October 21st, it became far more expensive. There was...an incident, while driving to the doctor before work. All the dash lights and gauges died, and while the car was running fine, I decided to perform the most basic of troubleshooting: I turned it off and then on again.

This time, the dash lit up with every warning lamp it had, and the car wouldn’t shift out of first gear.

After a morning of whining around

12 • THE PULSE • NOVEMBER 28, 2019 • CHATTANOOGAPULSE.COM

town at high revs, I took it to my downtown shop where they eventually pulled a code P1747. I narrowed that down online to one of about fifteen transmissionrelated issues, probably a bad sensor but maybe also a short in the dome light, a turn signal stalk, or something just loose somewhere.

All it would take to figure it out exactly would be a tow 30 miles to a Mercedes shop with their special STAR diagnostic computer and an unknown number of hours of labor at $125 an hour.

Which is why my car is still sitting outside the garage downtown (thanks, Keith!) and why I am now driving a Hemi Dodge Magnum RT. I’m hoping to get $1,500 for the Mercedes, because aside from a $20 sensor somewhere, there’s a hell of a lot of car left. And yet.

It only takes a minute on Craigslist to see what’s going on. There’s a 2004 Mercedes-Benz S500: MSRP was $85,920; now $6,500 OBO with 83,000 miles.

There’s a 2006 BMW 750LI with 81,000 miles for $6,400; base price when new $75,800 before options and most went

out the door over $85,000. Or a 2009 Audi A8 L with 42,000 miles, asking $9,999. That was an $80,000 car ten years ago, a smooth $7,000 a year in depreciation. A comparable Lexus LS460 from the same year is literally twice as much. The simple reason is that the Lexus doesn’t break and the others do. A lot.

My car, and almost any other German (or English, or Italian) luxury car made in the last 20 years isn’t worth fixing, which is a problem, because BMW and Audi in particular are notoriously fragile. If you have the time and money, you can do it for sentimental reasons, but I didn’t have either.

As beautiful, fast, sophisticated and fun as it is, it has to go to make room for a Dodge muscle wagon that I always wanted anyways. Built during Daimler’s ownership of Chrysler, it benefits from a dash of German sophistication on top of a big hunk of Detroit brawn.

I’m not worried at all, not even a little, that it’s got a Mercedes transmission closely related to the one they put in my old car.

CHOW WINTER 2019

CHATTANOOGA’S PREMIER

RESTAURANT GUIDE courtesy of The Chattanooga Pulse

14 • THE PULSE • NOVEMBER 28, 2019 • WINTER DINING GUIDE • CHATTANOOGAPULSE.COM

BREWER MEDIA GROUP Publisher James Brewer, Sr. General Manager Kira Headlee THE PULSE Managing Editor Gary Poole gary@chattanoogapulse.com Assistant Editor Jessie Gantt-Temple Contributors Lauren Justice Kelly Lockhart Mackenzie Wagamon Director Of Sales Mike Baskin mike@brewermediagroup.com Office 1305 Carter St. Chattanooga, TN 37402 Phone 423.265.9494 Email info@chattanoogapulse.com Website chattanoogapulse.com Facebook @chattanoogapulse

SPOTLIGHT

WINTER DINING GUIDE • NOVEMBER 28, 2019

18

BANTAM + BIDDY

25

BREWHAUS BREWPUB

We all know Chattanooga is full of unique places, but Bantam + Biddy might just take the cake. It triples as a café, restaurant, and bar. Operations Director Ryan Dean calls it a “hidden gem”.

Founded 2003

by Zachary Cooper & Michael Kull Chattanooga Chow is published biannually by The Pulse and Brewer Media. Chattanooga Chow is distributed throughout the city of Chattanooga and surrounding communities. Chattanooga Chow is available free of charge, limited to one copy per reader. No person without written permission from the publishers may take more than one copy per weekly issue, please Contents Copyright © 2019 by Brewer Media.

All rights reserved.

One of the best perks to living in Chattanooga are the fantastic restaurants that surround the area.

One such restaurant, Brewhaus, has been delighting Chattanoogans for almost a decade.

THE PULSE • WINTER DINING GUIDE • NOVEMBER 28, 2019 • CHATTANOOGAPULSE.COM • 15

CHOW WINTER 2019

Bantam+Biddy

W

e all know Chattanooga is full of unique places, but Bantam + Biddy might just take the cake. It triples as a café, restaurant, and bar. Operations Director Ryan Dean calls it a “hidden gem”.

As they approach their one-year anniversary on Market Street, business is booming in what was previously known as a “dead zone” of town.

The restaurant serves healthy southern food made from scratch. Sounds impossible, but this is one of few places to find gluten free fried chicken.

“We have had some people come in and quite emotionally let us know that they haven’t been able to have fried chicken in years,” says Dean.

Dean noted that Bantam + Biddy was the first allergy-certified restaurant in Chattanooga, as their menu is not only delicious, but accessible. Eighty percent of the menu is allergy friendly, in fact.

“The family friendly health conscious is our first target market, the other 16 • THE PULSE • NOVEMBER 28, 2019 • WINTER DINING GUIDE • CHATTANOOGAPULSE.COM

market is business people, students, and tourists that want to get out and walk around” says Dean. “It’s really a place for everybody.”

The café is a perfect place for students to hang out and study, and for business folks to have meetings. There is free Wi-Fi, and there is one use of that Wi-Fi that is totally unique: if you download the Rockbot app, it syncs to the jukebox and you can play the songs of your choice directly from your phone.

Happy hour is Monday through Friday from 4 p.m. to 6 p.m., and a fantastic brunch happens every weekend.

There is always something going on.

“It’s like having nine different places under the same roof, it just depends on what time of day you’re here,” Dean says.

The company is active on social media and keeps the website updated. All deals and events will be posted there.

Even better, a rewards program is offered to give incentive for frequent visits.

Chattanooga Restaurant Guide 1885 Grill 3914 St. Elmo Ave. (423) 485-3050 1885grill.com 2503 Station Grill 2503 Westside Dr. (423) 485-3873 2503stationgrill.com 2 Sons Kitchen & Market 422 E. MLK Blvd.

(423) 661-8709 2 Squares a Day 3399 Amnicola Hwy. (423) 697-7595 3rd Deck Burger Bar 201 Riverfront Pkwy., Pier 2 (423) 266-4488 chattanoogariverboat.com Abuelo’s Mexican Food Embassy 2102 Hamilton Place Blvd.

(423) 855-7400 abuelos.com Acropolis Mediterranean Grill 2213 Hamilton Place Blvd.

(423) 899-5341 acropolisgrill.com Adelle’s 400 E. Main St. (423) 531-2222 adellescreperie.com Aji Peruvian Restaurant 5035 Ooltewah Ringgold Rd. (423) 396-3919 ajiperuvianrestaurant.com AJ’s Sports Bar & Grill 6238 Bonny Oaks Dr. (423) 485-9080 ajssportsbarandgrill.com Alex’s Thai Food & Sushi Bistro 26 E Main St. (423) 803-0999 Alimentari (423) 498-3190 801 Chestnut St. alimentarichattanooga.com Alleia 25 E. Main St. (423) 305-6990 alleiarestaurant.com American Draft 1400 Market St. (423) 498-4001 choochoo.com American Wings 2316 E. 3rd St. (423) 803-3919 Amigo Mexican

We strive to make our listings accurate, but things change. We recommend you call in advance or visit websites before visiting any restaurant.

Restaurant 5450 Hwy. 153 (423) 875-8049 5794 Brainerd Rd. (423) 499-5435 1906 Dayton Blvd.

(423) 870-9928 3805 Ringgold Rd. (423) 624-4345 amigorestaurantonline.com Ankar’s Downtown 510 Broad St. (423) 266-0017 Ankar’s Hoagies 5018 Hixson Pike (423) 876-7158 4764 Hwy. 58 (423) 894-3808 5966 Brainerd Rd. (423) 899-3074 ankarshoagiesonline.com Aretha Frankensteins 518 Tremont St. (423) 265-7685 arethas.com Armando’s 8018 E. Brainerd Rd. (423) 899-3705 1814 E. Main St. (423) 629-9218 4767 Hwy. 58 (423) 894-1413 7330 Hixson Pike (423) 842-0479 7032 Lee Hwy. (423) 855-0772 1105 Lafayette Rd. (706) 861-2252 5700 Ringgold Rd. (423) 867-5950 Asia Buffet 6901 Lee Hwy., Ste. 112 (423) 499-8865 Asia Cafe 5210 Brainerd Rd. (423) 899-8888 asiacafebrainerd.com Asian Flavor 4839 Hwy. 58 (423) 894-6776 asainflavorchattanooga.com Aubrey’s

496 Northgate Mall Dr. (423) 541-2985 aubreysrestaurants.com Ayala Mexican 1832 Taft Hwy. (423) 886-0063 Back Inn Café 412 E. 2nd St. (423) 265-5033 bluffviewartdistrict.com Bad Daddy’s Burger Bar 1924 Gunbarrel Rd. #104 (423) 475-5948 baddaddysburgerbar.com Bantam & Biddy 728 Market St. (423) 498-4367 bantamandbiddy.com Basecamp Bar & Restaurant 346 Frazier Ave. (423) 803-5251 basecampcha.com Bea’s Restaurant 4500 Dodds Ave. (423) 867-3618 pulleybones.com Beast + Barrel 16 Frazier Ave. (423) 805-4599 beastandbarrel.com Beef O’Brady’s 5958 Snow Hill Rd. #100 (423) 910-0261 ooltewahbeefobradys.com Bela Lisboa 417 Frazier Ave. (423) 682-8365 belalisboa.com Best China 4340 Ringgold Rd. (423) 698-0067 Biba’s Italian Restaurant 5918 Hixson Pike (423) 843-0001 bibasitalian.com Big Chill & Grill 103 Cherokee Blvd.

(423) 267-2445 bigchillandgrill.com Big Jeff’s BBQ 4272 Bonny Oaks Dr.

(423) 771-7814 Big River Grille & Brewing Works 222 Broad St. (423) 267-2739 2020 Hamilton Place Blvd.

(423) 553-7723 bigrivergrille.com Big Rock Grill 1400 Patten Rd. (706) 820-2531 Big Table 118 Cross St. (423) 634-0772 bigtable.net Bite Me Bakery 9408 Apison pike (423) 498-3100 bite-me-bakery.com Blue Orleans Seafood Restaurant 1463 Market St. (423) 757-0088 blueorleansdowntown.com Blue Plate 191 Chestnut St. (423) 648-6767 theblueplate.info Bluegrass Grill 55 E. Main St. (423) 752-4020 bluegrassgrillchattanooga.com Boathouse Rotisserie & Raw Bar 1459 Riverside Dr. (423) 622-0122 boathousechattanooga.com Boccaccia Restaurant 3077 S. Broad St. (423) 266-2930 boccacciarestaurant.com Bone’s Smokehouse 7601 E. Brainerd Rd. (423) 710-3382 Bonefish Grille 2115 Gunbarrel Rd. (423) 892-3175 bonefishgrill.com Brewhaus 224 Frazier Ave. (423) 531-8490 brewhausbar.com

Bridgeman’s Chophouse 107 W. MLK Blvd.

(423) 266-4121 bridgemanschophouse.com Broad Street Grille 1201 Broad St. (423) 424-3700 chattanooganhotel.com Brown Bag 1924 Gunbarrel Rd. (423) 413-3383 brownbagnow.com Bud’s Sports Bar 5751 Brainerd Rd. (423) 499-9878 budssportsbar.com Buffalo Wild Wings 120 Market St. (423) 634-0468 5744 Hwy. 153 (423) 877-3338 buffalowildwings.com Buffet King 5230 Hwy. 153 (423) 877-8816 C & W Cafe 1501 E. 23rd St. (423) 624-6431 Café & Toast 3536 Cummings Hwy. (423) 803-0493 cafetoastus.com Café Lemont 801 Dodds Ave. (423) 629-1388 Café on the Corner 826 Scenic Hwy. (423) 825-5005 cafeonthecornerlookoutmountain.com California Tortilla 3215 Highway 153 (423) 602-8226 californiatortilla.com Canyon Grill 28 Scenic Hwy. #189 (706) 398-9510 canyongrill.com Carnitas Carmelitas 2604 Amnicola Hwy. (423) 201-4841 Carrabba’s Italian Grill

2040 Hamilton Place Blvd.

(423) 894-9970 carrabbas.com Cashew 149A River St. (423) 355-5486 cashewchattanooga.com Champy’s Famous Fried Chicken 526 E. MLK Blvd.

(423) 752-9198 6925 Lee Hwy. (423) 803-2800 champyschicken.com Chao’s Mongolian Grill 5726 Brainerd Rd. (423) 553-1128 Charley’s Philly Steaks 2100 Hamilton Place Blvd., Ste. 309 (423) 894-0454 charleys.com Charlie’s BBQ & Bakery 2309 E. Main St. (423) 541-1500 Charlie’s Restaurant & Lounge 8504 Dayton Pike (423) 842-9744 charliesrestaurantlounge.com Chatt Smoke House 416 E. MLK Blvd.

(423) 468-4978 chatt-smokehouse.com Chattanooga Barley & Bottleshop 235 E. MLK Blvd.

(423) 682-8200 chattanoogabarley.com Chattanooga Billiard Club 725 Cherry St. (423) 267-7740 110 Jordan Dr. (423) 499-3883 cbcburns.com Chattanooga Brewing Co. 1804 Chestnut St. (423) 702-9958 chattabrew.com Chattanooga Salad Company 7425 Commons Blvd.

(423) 551-5105 Chattanooga Wing Factory 2109 McCallie Ave. (423) 697-9878 chattwingfact.com Chatter Box Cafe 1817 Market St. (423) 504-8927

THE PULSE • WINTER DINING GUIDE • NOVEMBER 28, 2019 • CHATTANOOGAPULSE.COM • 17

Cheesecake Factory 2084 Hamilton Place Blvd.

(423) 499-4447 thecheesecakefactory.com Cheese Dip 6312 Bonny Oaks Dr. (423) 803-4348 ilovecheesedip.com Chef Lin Buffet 5084 South Terrace (423) 510-1998 cheflinbuffet.com Chicken Salad Chick 629 Market St., Ste. 101 (423) 668-0098 chickensaladchick.com 1820 Gunbarrel Rd. (423) 468-3729 chickensaladchick.com Chicken-w-Bones 6227 Lee Hwy. (423) 305-0742 chicken-w-bones.com China Cafeteria 511 Market St. (423) 265-1522 China Gourmet 321 Browns Ferry Rd., Ste. B (423) 821-8500 chinagourmetchattanooga.com China House 7601 E. Brainerd Rd. (423) 499-8670 China Moon 5600 Brainerd Rd. (423) 893-8088 chinamoontn.net China Rose 9203 Lee Hwy. (423) 238-1268 gochinese.com Choo Choo Bar-B-Que 6410 Hixson Pike (423) 843-9554 3957 Ringgold Rd. (423) 629-1313 7910 E. Brainerd Rd. (423) 553-8888 900 Appling St. (423) 622-1802 Chop House 2011 Gunbarrel Rd. (423) 892-1222 thechophouse.com Chopstix 6903 Lee Hwy. (423) 305-0537 noogachopstix.com Chubby’s Barbeque 3801 Rossville Blvd.

(423) 867-4422 Chuy’s 2271 Gunbarrel Rd. (423) 710-3007 chuys.com

18 • THE PULSE • NOVEMBER 28, 2019 • WINTER DINING GUIDE • CHATTANOOGAPULSE.COM

Citron Et Sel 212 W. 8th St. (423) 498-5802 citronetsel.com City Café Diner 901 Carter St. (423) 634-9191 7641 Lee Hwy. (423) 485-8222 citycafemenu.com Community Pie 850 Market St. (423) 486-1743 communitypie.com Conga Latin Food 26 E. Main St. (423) 201-4806 Couch’s Barbecue 8307 Old Lee Hwy. (423) 238-4801 Countryside Café 8223 Mahan Gap Rd. (423) 344-8646 countrysidecafe.net Crab Trap 2122 Dodds Ave. (423) 322-0729 Crust Pizza 3211 Broad St. (423) 756-4040 100 Signal Mtn. Rd. (423) 710-3780 crustpizza.com Daved’s Deli 7639 Middle Valley Rd. (423) 842-9088 Davis Wayne's Food Spirit Soul 9454 Bradmore Ln. (423) 269-8969 Drake’s 7338 McCutcheon Rd. (423) 702-5722 drakescomeplay.com Diamond Billiard Club 3600 Hixson Pk. (423) 877-5882 diamondbilliardclub.com Dida’s Pizza 2020 Gunbarrel Rd. (423) 643-2200 cidaspizza.com Dipped Fresh 221 River St. (423) 490-9334 dippedfresh.com Dish T’Pass 302 W. 6th St. (423) 309-5353 dishtpass.com Dixie BBQ 1530 W. Boy Scout Rd. (423) 842-4025 Doc Holidays 742 Ashland Ter. (423) 305-1494

docholidaysbarandgrill.com Dockside Café 8411 Harrison Bay Rd. (423) 344-9998 dockside-cafe.com Dominica’s Caribbean Kitchen 5450 Hwy. 153 (423) 475-6916 dominicaskitchen.com Don Juan Tienda Mexicana 6005 Ringgold Rd. (423) 892-5222 Dorado Cuisine & Spirits 801 Pine St. (423) 531-4653 Dos Amigos 3208 Amnicola Hwy. (423) 495-1802 Dos Bros 2100 Hamilton Place Blvd.

(423) 803-4000 5591 Hwy 153 Ste. 160 (423) 498-2040 4450 Frontage Rd. NW (423) 464-5196 1700 Broad St. (423) 498-5600 Dosa Hut 6940 Lee Hwy. (423) 648-5069 Dub’s Place 4408 Dayton Blvd.

(423) 875-3151 Easy Bistro & Bar 203 Broad St. (423) 266-1121 easybistro.com Eatz Cafe 1301 Riverfront Dr. (423) 313-6326 Edley’s BBQ 205 Manufacturer’s Rd. (423) 498-2772 edleysbbq.com El Arca de Noe 3027 Dayton Blvd.

(423) 760-3809 El Cortes Mexican Restaurant 9203 Lee Hwy. (423) 238-6655 EL Gallo Giro Restaurant 4700 Rossville Blvd.

(423) 805-4760 El Meson Restaurante Mexicano 248 Northgate Mall Dr. (423) 710-1201 elmesonrestaurant.com El Metate 5922 Hixson Pike (423) 842-1400 9332 Dayton Pike (423) 332-3190 1238 Taft Hwy.

(423) 886-0054 El Monterrey 531 Signal Mountain Rd. (423) 266-6420 elmonterrey.us Embargo 62 301 Cherokee Blvd.

(423) 551-4786 embargo62bar.com Epicurean Restaurant 1042 Graysville Rd. (423) 893-9381 4301 Ringgold Rd. (423) 622-4139 theepicureanrestaurant.com Fazoli’s 2332 Shallowford Village Dr. (423) 499-5155 fazolis.com FEED Table & Tavern 201 W. Main St. (423) 708-8500 feedtableandtavern.com Fernando’s 5308 Ringgold Rd. (423) 668-8670 fernandoseastride.com Fiamma Pizza Company 405 N. Market St. (423) 713-7742 Fiesta Mexicana 4021 Hixson Pk. (423) 877-2879 chattanooga.fiestamexonline.com Figgy’s Sandwich Shop 619 Chestnut St. (423) 266-8675 Firebirds Wood Fired Grill 2107 Gunbarrel Rd. (423) 308-1090 firebirdsrestaurants.com Firebox Grill 7025 Shallowford Rd. (423) 899-7733 thefireboxgrill.com Firehouse Subs 3849 Dayton Blvd.

Ste. 101 423) 877-2345 6025 E. Brainerd Rd. Ste. 110 (423) 893-3473 1820 Gunbarrel Rd. Ste. 700 (423) 475-5491 5546 Hwy. 153 (423) 803-5999 6408 Ringgold Rd. (423) 531-8081 firehousesubs.com Fireside Grille 3018 Cummings Hwy. (423) 821-9898 First Watch 1825 Gunbarrel Rd. #100

(423) 362-5951 300 Cherokee Blvd.

(423) 763-1800 5207 Hwy. 153 Ste. 101 (423) 498-9955 firstwatch.com Fit + Meals 6231 Perimeter Dr., Ste. 213 fitplusmeals.com Five Guys Burgers & Fries 124 Stuart Rd. (423) 476-4878 401 Broad St. (423) 531-8267 2020 Gunbarrel Rd. (423) 664-3500 5110 Hixson Pike (423) 870-7772 fiveguys.com Flatiron Deli 706 Walnut St. (423) 266-2620 flatiron-deli.com Flying Squirrel Bar 55 Johnson St. (423) 602-5980 flyingsquirrelbar.com Freddrick’s 1207 Dodds Ave. (423) 710-1868 Food Works 205 Manufacturers Rd. (423) 752-7487 foodworksrestaurant.com Forbidden City 2273 Gunbarrel Rd. (423) 305-1087 forbiddencitytn.com Formosa Restaurant 5425 Hwy. 153 (423) 875-6953 formosarestaurant.com Fortune House Restaurant 1238 Taft Hwy. (423) 517-8999 Fresh Pot Cafe 5425 Hwy. 153 (423) 805-3773 Frothy Monkey 1400 Market St. (423) 680-6343 frothymonkey.com Fuji Japanese Steak & Sushi 2207 Overnite Dr. (423) 892-2899 5437 Hwy. 153 (423) 531-3183 fujisteakchattanooga.com G’s Detroit Sausages 611 E. MLK Blvd.

(423) 803-2717 chattanoogadetroitsausage.com Genji Sushi Bar

301 Manufacturers Rd. (423) 702-7300 genjiweb.com Glen Gene Deli 5748 Hwy. 153 (423) 877-9997 glengene.com Golden Big Bowl 5517 Brainerd Rd. (423) 498-1243 golden-big-bowl.business.site Gondolier Pizza 6901 Lee Hwy. (423) 899-8100 Good Dog 34 Frazier Ave. (423) 475-6175 eatatgooddog.com Grand China 3815 Dayton Blvd.

(423) 870-0503 Greek Plate Gyro’s 14 W. Kent St. (423) 541-1800 Greg’s Sandwich Works 6337 E. Brainerd Rd. (423) 551-8634 gregssandwichworks.com Griffin Footlong Hot Dogs 847 E. Main St. (423) 265-5280 Haiku Hibachi 5318 Ringgold Rd. (423) 855-8750 Hair of the Dog Pub 334 Market St. (423) 265-4615 hairofthedogpub.net Hana Steak & Sushi 2200 Hamilton Place Blvd.

(423) 855-8204 hanachattanooga.com Heaven & Ale 304 Cherokee Blvd.

(423) 602-8286 heavenandalebrewing.com Heavenly Wings 5231 Brainerd Rd. (423) 499-9949 chattanoogawings.com Hennen’s Restaurant 193 Chestnut St. (423) 634-5160 hennens.net Herman’s Soul Food 3821 Brainerd Rd. (423) 624-5715 hermanssoulfood.com Hibachi & Wings 6933 Lee Hwy. (423) 305-1231 hibachiandwings.com Hibachi Express 7401 E. Brainerd Rd. #100 (423) 508-8033 hibachiexpresschattanooga.com THE PULSE • WINTER DINING GUIDE • NOVEMBER 28, 2019 • CHATTANOOGAPULSE.COM • 19

Hibachi Express & Juice Bar 4511 Hwy. 58 (423) 682-8260 hibachiexpressandjuicebar.com Hickory Pit BBQ 5611 Ringgold Rd. (423) 894-1217 hickorypitbarbecue.com Highway 58 BBQ 4921 Hwy. 58 (423) 894-3019 HiFi Clyde’s 122 W. Main St. (423) 362-8335 hificlydeschattanooga.com Hillbilly Willy’s Bar-B-Q 115 Browns Ferry Rd. (423) 821-2272 hillbillywillys.com Hungry House 4457 Hwy. 58 (423) 899-4507 Homefolks Restaurant 8981 Dayton Pike (423) 332-5724 Home Slice Pizza 2000 E. 23rd St. (423) 531-3500 homeslicechatt.com Honest Pint 35 Patten Pkwy.

(423) 468-4192 thehonestpint.com Hong Kong Chinese Restaurant 8652 E. Brainerd Rd. (423) 899-4878 Hooters 5912 Brainerd Rd. (423) 499-8668 hooters.com Hour Place 960 E. 3rd St. (423) 756-4687 Hummingbird Pastaria 720 Mississippi Ave. (423) 886-1900 hummingbirdpastaria.com Hunan Wok 2201 E. 23rd St. (423) 624-6200 Ice Cream Show 105 Walnut St. (423) 702-5173 theicecreamshow.com Ichiban Japanese Steakhouse & Sushi Bar 5621 Brainerd Rd. (423) 892-0404 5035 Hixson Pike (423) 875-047 5425 Hwy. 153 (423) 875-0404 yourichiban.com IL Primo 1100 Hixson Pike

(423) 602-5555 737 McCallie Ave. (423) 468-177 primochattanooga.com Imperial Garden Restaurant 2288 Gunbarrel Rd. (423) 499-9333 India Mahal Restaurant 5970 E. Brainerd Rd. (423) 510-9651 Innside Restaurant 800 Chestnut St. (423) 266-7687 J Alexander’s 2215 Hamilton Place Blvd.

(423) 855-5559 jalexanders.com J. Gumbo’s 5123 Hixson Pike (423) 760-3995 jgumbos.com Jack Brown’s Beer & Burger Joint 818 Georgia Ave. (423) 682-8198 Jack’s 3530 Cummings Hwy. (423) 821-6888 eatatjacks.com James County Cattle Co. 2553 Lifestyle Way (423) 899-9111 jamescountycattle.com Jason’s Deli 2115 Gunbarrel Rd., #14 (423) 296-1096 jasonsdeli.com Jefferson’s 618 Georgia Ave. (423) 710-1560 jeffersonsrestaurant.com Jersey Mike’s 5510 Hwy. 153 (423) 321-8145 2260 Gunbarrel Rd. (423) 286-5133 5975 Elementary Way (423) 521-5292 jerseymikes.com Jet’s Pizza 3600 Hixson Pike (423) 757-1616 jetspizza.com Jim ‘N Nick’s Bar-B-Q 2040 Hamilton Place Blvd.

(423) 680-6706 jimnnicks.com Juicy Crab 2020 Gunbarrel Rd. Ste. 150 (423) 475-6301 thejuicycrab.com Kabob-ster 1408 Gunbarrel Rd., #111 (423) 475-5370 kabob-ster.com

Kacey Home Cooking 6921 Lee Hwy. (423) 490-0896 kaceyhomecooking.com Karl’s Family Restaurant 5100 Hixson Pike (423) 875-5506 Kenny’s Southside Sandwiches 1251 Market St. (423) 498-5888 kennyssandwiches.com King’s Delight 1900 Dodson Ave. (423) 622-1896 Kumo Hibachi & Sushi 6025 E. Brainerd Rd. (423) 468-3385 kumochattanooga.com La Altena 8644 E. Brainerd Rd. (423) 893-9047 314 W. Main St. (423) 266-7595 615 Commercial Ln. (423) 877-1477 La Cabriole 1341 Burgess Rd. (423) 821-0350 lacabrioleusa.com Lakeshore Grille 5600 Lake Resort Terrace (423) 710-2057 lakeshoregrille.com Las Margaritas 1101 Hixson Pike (423) 756-3332 4604 Skyview Dr. (423) 892-3065 Leapin Leprechaun 100 Market St. (423) 777-9097 theleprechaunpub.com Lillie Mae’s Place 4712 Dayton Blvd.

(423) 875-8999 Little Tokyo Express 4516 Hixson Pike (423) 874-0500 Local 191 191 Chestnut St. (423) 648-6767 local191.com Logan’s Roadhouse 3592 Cummings Hwy. (423) 821-2948 504A Northgate Mall Dr. (423) 875-4443 logansroadhouse.com Lois’s Lounge & Restaurant 3013 Dodson Ave. (423) 698-4982 Longhorn Steakhouse 5771 Brainerd Rd. (423) 490-0573

5583 Hwy. 153 (423) 870-2722 longhornsteakhouse.com Los 3 Amigos 3536 Cummings Hwy. (423) 521-7676 Los Potros 5611 Ringgold Rd. (423) 296-2229 lospotrosrestaurant.com Lucky’s Bar & Grill 2536 Cummings Hwy. (423) 825-5145 Lupi’s Pizza Pies 406A Broad St. (423) 266-5874 2382 N. Ocoee St. (423) 476-9464 5506 Hixson Pike (423) 847-3700 1414 Jenkins Rd. (423) 855-4104 9453 Bradmore Ln. (423) 602-7499 lupi.com Mad Philly 5959 Shallowford Rd. (423) 531-9449 Main Street Meats 217 E. Main St. (423) 602-9568 mainstreetmeatschatt.com Maple Street Biscuit Co. 407 Broad St. (423) 362-5380 2114 Gunbarrel Rd. (423) 713-9368 maplestreetbiscuits.com Marsha’s Backstreet Café 5036 Brainerd Rd. (423) 485-7911 Mayan Kitchen 507 Broad St. (423) 682-7835 mayankitchen.com Mayo’s Bar and Grill 3820 Brainerd Rd. (423) 624-0034 McAlister’s Deli 2288 Gunbarrel Rd. (423) 510-8299 541 Signal Mountain Rd. (423) 265-2003 mcalistersdeli.com Mean Mug 114 W. Main St. (423) 825-4206 205 Manufacturer’s Rd. (423) 498-1157 meanmugcoffee.com Mellow Mushroom 205 Broad St. (423) 266-5564 2318 Lifestyle Way (423) 468-3737 mellowmushroom.com

20 • THE PULSE • NOVEMBER 28, 2019 • WINTER DINING GUIDE • CHATTANOOGAPULSE.COM

Memo’s Grill 430 E. MLK Blvd.

(423) 267-7283 Merv’s Burgers 8968 Dayton Pike (423) 451-3033 33 Legion St. (706) 952-2202 713 Mountain Creek Rd. (423) 877-0221 Mexiville 809 Market St. (423) 805-7444 103 Cherokee Blvd.

(423) 498-5375 mexivilletn.com Mexi-Wing VII 5773 Brainerd Rd. (423) 296-1073 mexi-wingchattanooga.com Mexi-Wing IX 6925 Shallowford Rd. (423) 468-3366 Mike’s Hole in the Wall 535 Cherokee Blvd.

(423) 475-5259 mikesholeinthewall.com Mike's Smokehouse 3147 Broad St. (423) 668-8341 mikessmokehouse.com Mike's Tavern 5211 Hwy 153, St. 103 (423) 541-3615 mikestaverntn.com Milk and Honey 135 N. Market St. (423) 521-3123 milkandhoneychattanooga.com Mimi’s Deli 5023 Hixson Pike (423) 877-8700 Mindy B’s Deli 828 Georgia Ave. (423) 521-7932 mindybsdeli.com Mission BBQ 1926 Gunbarrel Rd. #108 (423) 933-3098 mission-bbq.com Moe’s Southwest Grill 1820 Gunbarrel Rd. (423) 553-6930 5510 Hwy. 153 (423) 875-8757 moeschattanooga.com Mojo Burrito 3950 Tennessee Ave. (423) 822-6656 1800 Dayton Blvd.

(423) 870-6656 9447 Bradmore Ln. (423) 531-6656 mojoburrito.com Molcajete Mexican Restaurant

6231 Perimeter Dr. #127 (423) 760-8200 molcajeterestauranttn.com Moss Place II 711 Tunnel Blvd.

(423) 493-9006 mossplace2.com Mountain City Club 729 Chestnut St. (423) 756-5584 mountaincityclub.org Mr. T’s Pizza & Ice Cream 3924 Tennessee Ave. (423) 821-5084 mrtspizza.com Naked River Brewing Co. 1791 Reggie White Blvd.

(423) 541-1131 nakedriverbrewing.com New China Buffet & Grill 3536 Cummings Hwy. (423) 821-6988 531 Signal Mountain Rd. (423) 756-8788 newchinabuffechattanooga.com New China Restaurant 3710 Ringgold Rd. (423) 495-1818 1900 Broad St. (423) 267-5941 New York Pizza Dept.

5731 Hwy. 153 (423) 531-8830 indoughwecrust.com Nick’s Deli & Marketplace 5149 Hixson Pike (423) 877-5818 Niedlov’s Breadworks 215 E. Main St. (423) 756-0303 niedlovs.com Nikki’s Drive Inn 899 Cherokee Blvd.

(423) 265-9015 Noodles & Pho 5450 Hwy. 153 (423) 531-3462 Nooga-Q Smokehouse & Grille 301 Signal Mtn. Rd. (423) 752-1935 nooga-q.com Nourishpoint 1308 Hanover St. (423) 498-2900 1819 Broad St. (423) 284-3374 nourishpoint.com Old Chicago Pizza & Taproom 250 Northgate Mall Dr. (423) 877-3450 2006 Hamilton Place Blvd.

(423) 352-9095 oldchicago.com Old Gilman Grille

216 W. 8th St. (423) 269-7449 oldgilmangrill.com Olive Garden 2200 Hamilton Place Blvd.

(423) 899-7707 5525 Hwy. 153 (423) 877-7704 olivegarden.com Outback Steakhouse 501 Northgate Mall Dr. (423) 870-0980 2120 Hamilton Place Blvd.

(423) 899-2600 outback.com Panera Bread 417 Market St. (423) 266-2253 620 Northgate Mall Dr. (423) 877-0223 1810 Gunbarrel Rd. (423) 899-2253 panerabread.com Parkway Pourhouse 801 Riverfront Pkwy.

(423) 498-5300 parkwaypourhouse.com Penn Station East Coast Subs 5241 Hwy. 153 (423) 485-3536 penn-station.com P.F. Chang’s 2110 Hamilton Place Blvd.

(423) 242-0045 pfchangs.com Pickle Barrel 1012 Market St. (423) 266-1103 picklebarreltn.com Pier 88 2288 Gunbarrel Rd. Ste. 130 (423) 468-3683 pier88seafood.com Pizza Brothers 501 Cherokee Blvd.

(423) 269-7900

Pizzeria Cortile 4400 Dayton Blvd.

(423) 682-8278 pizzeriacortile.com Poblano’s Mexican Cuisine 551 River St. (423) 490-7911 poblanoschattanooga.com Portobello’s Italian Restaurant and Pizzaria 4976 Hwy. 58 (423) 499-6001 portobelloschattanooga.com Portofino Italian Restaurant 6407 Ringgold Rd. (423) 499-9696 portofinoschatt.com Provino’s Italian Restaurant 5084 S. Terrace (423) 899-2559 provinos.com Public House 1110 Market St. (423) 266-3366 publichousechattanooga.com Puckett’s Grocery & Restaurant 1041 W. Aquarium Way #110 (423) 708-8505 puckettsgro.com Purple Daisy Picnic Cafe 4001 St. Elmo Ave. (423) 822-6477 purpledaisycafe.com Rafael’s Italian Restaurant 3877 Hixson Pike (423) 508-8561 9607 Dayton Pike (423) 332-4559 orderrafaelsitalian.com Rain Thai Bistro 6933 Lee Hwy. (423) 386-5586

rainthaibistro.com Red Lobster 2131 Northgate Mall Dr. (423) 870-2371 2200 Bams Dr. (423) 490-3488 redlobster.com Red Robin 2100 Hamilton Pl. Blvd.

(423) 296-2520 redrobin.com Rib and Loin 5946 Brainerd Rd. (423) 499-6465 5435 Hwy. 153 (423) 877-7675 ribandloin.com Rice Box 3600 Hixson Pike, #104 (423) 305-0855 riceboxchattanooga.com Ricko’s Pizzeria and Italian Cuisine 10330 Dayton Pike (423) 682-8050 River Street Deli 151 River St. (423) 756-3354 riverstreet-deli.com Riverside Catfish House 18039 Hwy. 41 (423) 821-9214 Rob’s Restaurant & Lounge 5308 Dayton Blvd.

(423) 875-6164 Rodizio Grill 439 Broad St. (423) 777-4999 2100 Hamilton Pl. Blvd.

(423) 498-3999 rodiziogrill.com Ruby Tuesday 5595 Hwy. 153 (423) 875-2480 rubytuesday.com Rumors 3884 Hixson Pike

THE PULSE • WINTER DINING GUIDE • NOVEMBER 28, 2019 • CHATTANOOGAPULSE.COM • 21

(423) 870-3003 Ruth’s Chris Steak House 2321 Lifestyle Way (423) 602-5900 ruthschris.net Salsarita’s Fresh Cantina 2115 Gunbarrel Rd. (423) 894-7144 252 Northgate Mall Dr. (423) 661-8600 9032 Old Lee Hwy. (423) 910-5167 salsaritas.com Sawasdee Thai Restaurant 4008 St. Elmo Ave. (423) 822-9001 Scottie’s Diner 8855 Dayton Pike (423) 498-1659 Scottie’s on the River 495 Riverfront Pkwy.

(423) 269-7487 scottiesontheriver.net Sekisui 1120 Houston St. (423) 267-4600 sekisuiusa.com Seoul: Korean and Vietnamese Cuisine 6231 Perimeter Dr. (423) 855-9113 Shane’s Rib Shack 9448 Bradnmore Ln., #108 (423) 591-7427 shanesribshack.com Shogun Japanese Steak & Sushi 1806 Gunbarrel Rd. (423) 296-6500 shogunchattanooga.com Shuford’s BBQ 11320 Dayton Pike (423) 451-7102 Shuford’s Smokehouse 3224 Dayton Blvd.

(423) 267-0080 shufordsbbq.com Sidetrack Restaurant 3514 Hixson Pike (423) 414-2690 sidetrackhere.com Silhouette’s Bikini Sports Bar & Grill 1401 E. 23rd St. (423) 622-6734 Sing It or Wing It 410 Market St. (423) 757-9464 singitorwingitchattanooga.com Sitar Indian Cuisine 200 Market St. (423) 894-9696 sitarchattanooga.com

We strive to make our listings accurate, but things change. We recommend you call in advance or visit websites before visiting any restaurant.

Sky Zoo 5709 Lee Hwy. (423) 521-2966 chattazooga.com Slick’s Burgers 309 E. Main St. (423) 760-4878 Sluggo’s North Vegetarian Cafe 505 Cherokee Blvd.

(423) 752-5224 Smokey Bones Bar & Fire Grill 2225 Gunbarrel Rd. (423) 893-7850 smokeybones.com Smoothie King 1700 Broad St., Ste. 106 (423) 498-5488 5200-B Highway 153 (423) 875-8488 898 Battlefield Pkwy.

(706) 419-8586 2100 Hamilton Place Blvd.

(423) 899-9910 1913 Gunbarrel Rd., Ste. 105 (423) 499-6059 5975 Elementary Way, #107 (423) 498-3430 smoothieking.com Sofa King Juicy Burger 1743 Dayton Blvd.

(423) 490-7632 sofakingjuicyburger.com Solarium Cafe 122 E. 10th St. (423) 710-2925 solariumcafe.com Southern Burger Co. 9453 Bradmore Ln. #101 (423) 825-4919 southernburgerco.com Southern Star 1300 Broad St. (423) 267-8899 1238 Taft Highway (423) 886-7004 southernstarrestaurant.com Southern Traditions Restaurant 3224 Dayton Blvd.

(423) 877-9295 Southside Pizza 612 E. Main St. (423) 498-2193 Southside Saloon and Bistro 1301 Chestnut St.

(423) 757-4730 southsidesaloonandbistro.com Southside Social 1818 Chestnut St. (423) 708-3280 thesouthsidesocial.com State of Confusion 301 E. Main St. (423) 760-3473 soconfusion.com Steamboat Super Sandwiches 5950 Shallowford Rd. (423) 499-6355 812 Broad St. (423) 756-8388 Sticky Fingers 2031 Hamilton Place Blvd.

(423) 899-7427 420 Broad St. (423) 265-7427 stickyfingers.com St. Elmo Deli & Grill 3931 St. Elmo Ave. (423) 825-5555 elmodeli.com St. John’s Meeting Place 1274 Market St. (423) 266-4571 stjohnsrestaurant.com St. John’s Restaurant 1278 Market St. (423) 266-4400 stjohnsrestaurant.com Stir 1444 Market St. (423) 531-7847 stirchattanooga.com Sugar’s Ribs 2450 15th Ave. (423) 826-1199 sugarsribs.com Sushi Nabe 110 River St. (423) 634-0171 sushinabe.com Sweet Basil Thai Cuisine 5845 Brainerd Rd. (423) 485-8836 sweetbasilthaicuisine.com Tacos El Cunao 5813 Lee Hwy. Ste. 4 (423) 244-0281 Taco Mamacita 109 N. Market St. (423) 648-6262 tacomamacita.com

Taco Roc 6960 Lee Hwy. (423) 653-1001 Taco Mac 423 Market St. (423) 267-8226 tmacrestaurants.com Taconooga 207 A Frazier Ave. (423) 757-5550 8174 E. Brainerd Rd. (423) 475-6192 taconooga.com Taco Town 4812 Hixson Pike (423) 870-0909 TakoYaki 172 Old Mouse Creek Rd. (423) 728-3010 gotakoyaki.com Taqueria Jalisco 1634 Rossville Ave. (423) 509-3430 850 Market St. (423) 362-8056 Taziki’s Mediterranean Cafe 432 Market St. (423) 779-3100 2020 Gunbarrel Rd., #120 (423) 443-4479 tazikiscafe.com Terminal Brewhouse 1464 Market St. (423) 752-8090 terminalbrewhouse.com Texas Roadhouse 7035 Amin Dr. (423) 899-8293 5632 Hwy. 153 (423) 680-6388 texasroadhouse.com Thai Smile 219 Market St. (423) 266-2333 thaismile-restaurant.com The Bitter Alibi 825 Houston St. (423) 362-5070 thebitteralibi.com The Brew Market & Beer Garden 1510 Riverside Dr. (423) 648-2739 brewmarketchatt.com The Curry Pot 6940 Lee Hwy. (423) 648-5069 currypotcuisine.com

22 • THE PULSE • NOVEMBER 28, 2019 • WINTER DINING GUIDE • CHATTANOOGAPULSE.COM

The Daily Ration 1220 Dartmouth St. (423) 355-5372 thedailyrationchattanooga.com The Foundry 1201 Broad St. (423) 424-3775 chattanooganhotel.com The Hot Chocolatier 1437 Market St. (423) 266-3066 thehotchocolatier.com The Long Horn Restaurant 129 N. Market St. (423) 265-2354 The Social 1110 Market St. (423) 266-3366 publichousechattanooga.com The Tap House 3800 St. elmo Ave. #114 (423) 682-8234 taphousechatt.com Tony’s Pasta Shop & Trattoria 212 High St. (423) 265-5033 bluffviewartdistrict.com Totto Sushi Bar & Grill 330 Frazier Ave. #124 (423) 508-8898 tottonooga.com Touchdown Wings 4921 Brainerd Rd. (423) 508-8682 touchdownwings.com Trailhead Juice 3211 Broad St. (423) 803-6211 trailheadjuice.com Tremont Tavern 1203 Hixson Pike (423) 266-1996 tremonttavern.com Tropical Smoothie Cafe 2380 Lifestyle Way #140 (423) 269-7990 tropicalsmoothiecafe.com Tupelo Honey 1110 Market St. (423) 779-0400 tupelohoneycafe.com Two Ten Jack 1110 Market St. (423) 551-8799 twotenjack.com Typhoon Of Tokyo 3953 Dayton Blvd.

(423) 875-6142 Ugly Tree Cafe 3950 Brainerd Rd. (413) 813-7109 uglytree.cafe Uncle Larry's Restaurant 736 E. MLK Blvd.

(423) 757-5894 unclelarrysrestaurant.com Universal Joint 532 Lookout St. (423) 468-3725 ujchattanooga.com Urban Stack Burger Lounge 12 W. 13th St. (423) 475-5350 urbanstack.com Vibrant Meals 601 Cherokee Blvd.

(423) 301-5622 myvibrantmeals.com Vine St. Market 1313 Hanover St. (423) 266-8463 vinestreetmarket.com Wally’s Restaurant 1600 McCallie Ave. (423) 698-4643 6521 Ringgold Rd. (423) 899-6151 wallysrest.com Walt’s Karaoke Café 6238 Bonny Oaks Dr. (423) 485-9080 waltskaraoke.com Whitebird 102 Walnut St. (423) 713-5900 whitebirdchattanooga.com Willie’s Deli 7701 Lee Hwy. (423) 336-8008 Wimpie’s Country Restaurant 9826 Dayton Pike (423) 332-6201 Wine Down Bar 9431 Bradmore Ln., #109 (423) 531-9463 windedownbar.com Yellow Deli 737 McCallie Ave. (423) 468-177 yellowdeli.com Your Pie 1919 Gunbarrel Rd. St.e 103 (423) 498-4948 yourpie.com Zarzour’s Cafe 1627 Rossville Ave. (423) 266-0424

Visit the Food & Drink section on chattanoogapulse. com for more information.

CHOW WINTER 2019

Brewhaus BrewPub O

ne of the best perks to living in Chattanooga are the fantastic restaurants that surround the area. One such restaurant, Brewhaus, has been delighting Chattanoogans for almost a decade.

Known for their authentic Germanstyle cuisine, Brewhaus has consistently offered up a quality blend of German-American brews and dishes.

They are dedicated to giving their customers “chef-driven food, paired with good ale and wine, in a casual setting.”

Their menu features a variety of classic German dishes, including their

Schnitzel Wiener Art. Desert lovers can try the delectable Fried Apple Pie. And if you’re a fan of meat, you should check out their customizable Sausage Line Up where you can pick from four brats and multiple toppings.

Brewhaus also boasts a wide selection of beers, with twelve available on tap. To keep their line up fresh, Brewhaus changes most of their drafts every month. Customers even get a chance to vote on next month’s assortment of beers.

There is always something for everyone, and beer fans will never get bored here. And if you like consis-

tency, the gastropub always keeps the most popular drafts like Weihenstephan Hefeweizen on tap.

To celebrate the holiday season, Brewhaus is hosting a party/charity event on Saturday, December 21st.

The Tacky Christmas Sweater party is, according to co-owner Hunter Hart, “always a good time with live music, and it benefits the Toys for Tots program with the Marine Corps.” So

mark your calendar and start looking for the ugliest sweater you can find.

The restaurant’s unique menu, welcoming atmosphere, and quality service makes it the best place for all your dining needs.

Chattanooga’s only German-American brewpub is open Sunday through Thursday from 11:00 a.m. to 10:00 p.m. and Friday and Saturday from 11:00 a.m. to midnight.

THE PULSE • WINTER DINING GUIDE • NOVEMBER 28, 2019 • CHATTANOOGAPULSE.COM • 23

24 • THE PULSE • NOVEMBER 28, 2019 • WINTER DINING GUIDE • CHATTANOOGAPULSE.COM

Tapping Into Something Awesome Sigler’s Craft Beer and Cigars is Chattanooga’s craft beer Taj Mahal

O

ut on East Brainerd and atop a hill in a pristine parking lot resides one of the best hangouts anyone could hope for. Sigler’s Craft Beer and Cigars has twenty taps and twohundred beers. I know this because I counted them; they let me.

Walking into Sigler’s is like stepping into a fully loaded man-cave.

They have everything you could ask for in a local hangout: a wall shelf full of throwback board games, sports on TV, walk-in humidor, buckets of table peanuts, and beer, so much beer!

Sigler’s Craft Beer and Cigars is THE premiere hotspot for lovers of craft beer. With constant tap takeover events, the big and little names of craft brewing get a chance to show off their heady goods. Make no mistake, Sigler’s is more than a bar or hangout, it’s a beer showroom and outfitter.

Even if you are an aspiring beer sommelier or just curious in general, drop by Sigler’s to see what’s on tap or build a mix-six to take home.

The friendly and knowledgeable staff have poured their hearts and souls into making Sigler’s a great place to chill where you can maybe learn about the fantastic world of craft brew.

In the back resides some of the finest tobaccos hand rolled to perfection and shipped from exotic locales like Nicaragua and Cuba. My wife was exceptionally thrilled about the walk-in humidor since she is moreor-less a beer philistine but loves

her cigars. From Cohiba beauties to Blondie Maduros, there are enough selections to stall you with choices.

Thankfully there are sampler packs if making a decision escapes you.

Why choose just one when you can try them all? A fine honey Cuban cigar along with a fat growler of your favorite IPA before heading to the house is everything it sounds to be, amazing.

“For those starting out on the journey of craft beer, Sigler’s is the place to cut your teeth and soak the palate. Within an hour I learned more than I ever had about beer and cigars in my entire life.”

Cigars are a nice bonus to the already copious selection of local, regional, and international craft beers.

The head spinning colorful artwork of each bottle or can feels like walking into a fireworks store when I was a kid.

But don’t judge craft beer by their clever logos or impressive color

schemes what matters is what’s inside, and if you’re unsure if Rainbow Serpent is right for you, just ask for a sample.

For those starting out on the journey of craft beer, Sigler’s is the place to cut your teeth and soak the palate.

Within an hour I learned more than I ever had about beer and cigars in my entire life of consuming both. I also learned what a Randall is. A Randall is a clever apparatus that infuses flavors into a draft beer right off the tap.

Created by Dog Fish Head founder Sam Calagione and improved by the company engineer, the Randall Enamel Animal is really a sexy looking modified pool filter with a spout.

Say you want to infuse Reese’s peanut butter cups to that milk stout you can pack actual Reese’s cups into the Randall, open the flow up and let the infusion party begin.

Who knew chemistry and old pool equipment could be so delicious?

On special nights Sigler’s will break out the Randall for amazing things and if you haven’t seen one in action, I highly recommend it for the added value to your life.

The best thing about Sigler’s Craft Beer and Cigars is that it’s away from the hustle and bustle of downtown.

After a long day at the office, the prospect of fighting the rush home is a prospect for disaster and sadness.

Let the good people at Sigler’s provide you with your favorite pour without all the added stress of parking fees and road rage.

Currently on tap is OddStory Brewing Company’s Imperial Oatmeal Brown and Wanderlinger’s Just Another IPA, with many more from Orpheus Brewing and Terrapin Beer Company. Go online at siglersbeer. com to see the full menu and stop on in for the good vibes, great cigars and even greater beers. I promise you won’t be disappointed.

— Brandon Watson

CHATTANOOGAPULSE.COM • NOVEMBER 28, 2019 • THE PULSE • 25

THE MUSIC SCENE

A Man Of Two Names Fred Lane resurfaces as Tim Reed

Add More Cheer To Black Friday This Year There is nothing better than the day after Thanksgiving. Why, you ask? Because to a lot of people, it is basically Christmas every day from there on out.

And what better way to kick off the holiday season than bonfires, live music, fireworks, and more? All of this is happening this Friday at “Holiday Cheer at the Pier” at Ross’s Landing.

Grab your friends and your mittens for a night of sipping hot cider around the fire and jamming to Mike Key Entertainment. Mike Key is considered one of the top DJ services since 1989 and are located here in Chattanooga as well as a few other cities in Tennessee.

The party doesn’t start until the DJ gets there. Lighting, lasers, and karaoke are what they do best. You can bet the top hits of the year and all your favorite Christmas music will be floating through the air. You won’t be able to resist jumping out of your seat and groovin’ along to the sweet sounds of the holidays.

Aside from the music, there is a little something for all ages to enjoy. Ample food vendors like Adelle’s Creperie and Dolly’s Smokehouse will be there keeping everyone warm from the inside out. The kids will rejoice at the inflatable soccer field and the face painting station. And everyone loves a good firework show which starts at 8:15p.m.

— Lauren Justice

“I

CAN ALWAYS WORK OUT THE VERY WORST concept and make it worser.” So said Fred Lane, the notorious “stripmine crooner”, via email, when asked if he ever thought of a song idea that went too far.

By Ernie Paik Pulse contributor

Depicted sporting a suit jacket, boxer shorts, a sculpted mustache and bandages on his face, Lane built up an underground cult following in the '80s with two simultaneously brilliant and twisted albums: From the One That Cut You and Car Radio Jerome.

Take the sing-songy “French Toast Man” about a man who gives children moldy french toast in a sock, or “Rubber Room”, a big-band portrayal of violent madness, involving hardware supplies and chicken.

“What I encountered was so sufficiently strange, pants-ruiningly hilarious, utterly confusing, psychotic, mysterious, and beautiful that it continues to haunt and perplex me

26 • THE PULSE • NOVEMBER 28, 2019 • CHATTANOOGAPULSE.COM

to this day,” said Chattanooga musician and composer Evan Lipson via email, about discovering Fred Lane years ago.

Information about Fred Lane— who sometimes uses the honorifics Reverend and Doctor—was scarce, but in 2009, after moving to Chattanooga, Lipson was informed by Dennis Palmer (vocalist and keyboardist of The Shaking Ray Levis) that Lane was not only alive and well but also a resident of Chattanooga.

“All sorts of bizarre and wonderful rumors surfaced—that he was a demented recluse constructing sculptures out of vegetables, living in a pyramid, became a Nazi, etc.,” said Lipson.

“Shortly thereafter, I learned of a fellow out of Baltimore with the un-

usual name of Skizz Cyzyk who had been filming a documentary about Lane and the criminally unknown Alabama aesthetic terrorist/rag-tag Southern surrealist group Raudelunas since 1999,” said Lipson.

“Several years later, I finally had the pleasure of meeting the man himself at the Raudelunas exposition (at the University of Alabama) in 2013,” said Lipson, about Lane’s surprise appearance and performance—his first in decades. “I’ll say this much: he didn’t disappoint.”

One mystery was unlocked—Fred Lane was one Tim Reed, now devoted to creating colorful, unique wood sculptures—his “Odd-Creachter” whirligigs—sold at art fairs across the South and Midwest.

After Reed revealed that a whole album was written (dating from the '70s and mid-’80s) but not released, to be entitled Icepick to the Moon, Lipson and Bob Stagner (percussionist of The Shaking Ray Levis) persuaded Reed in 2014 to complete the album, recorded at

Steve Hickman’s studio in Chattanooga.

“Icepick was recorded crudely on cassette New Year’s Eve and Day 1992 by Dick Foote (Roger Hagerty) on guitar and myself on vocals,” said Reed. “Basically, that cassette sat on the shelf until 1999 when I handed it to Cyd Cherise (Davey Williams), and nothing happened again until 2014 when we began sporadically and spasmodically recording bits and pieces until it was completed in 2017. Whew. So it was roughly 30 years in the making.”

Lipson (album co-producer and bassist) and Stagner (percussion) assembled Lane’s backing band, The Disheveled Monkeybiters, which included the late “convulsive blues” guitarist Davey Williams, pedal steel guitarist Susan Alcorn, saxophonist Jeff Crompton, and guitarist Jimmy Dormire (disclosure: this writer is a baritone Disheveled Monkeybiter), and last week, Feeding Tube Records released the album.

To celebrate, Lane/Reed’s first publicized performance since 1976 is scheduled for January 31, 2020 at Saturn in Birmingham, Alabama, joining a screening of Cyzyk’s documentary, also

“

The album is full of bait-andswitch tunes that lure listeners with popular mid-century song forms before they realize that the songs are wild slices of Dada-ist lunacy.” titled Icepick to the Moon, which premiered at the Chattanooga Film Festival last year.

The album is full of bait-andswitch tunes that lure listeners with popular mid-century song forms before they realize that the songs are wild slices of Dada-ist lunacy or devious and outrageous satire.

“Cinderblock Man” is a “cartoon-puppet tune that hybrids children’s songs and Godzilla films,” Reed explained, and “Fried Yellow Women” came from “a 1970s-era nightmare... combined with Madame Zenobia, a cheesy X-rated film of the time.” “’Twist, Leathernecks, Twist’ is a takeoff of Elvis G.I. movie songs circa 1958-63 in their quaint frivolity,” said Reed, about the song involving a Marine dance party that degenerates into war crimes. “’I’m Gonna Go to Hell

THU11.28 Thanksgiving Night Jam with Tyler Martelli

(When I Die)’ is a glowingly glorious snappy evocative message I received from Pentecostal evangelicals in my childhood,” said Reed. “Did I make a mistake?” “’Icepick to the Moon’ dates from the late 1970s. It’s sort of a film noir psychotic comeuppance thrilling murder song with a dynamic up-tempo teen beat you can dance to,” said Reed.

“You got to take the good as well as the shattered clock radio and fractured skull.”

With Icepick to the Moon finally out after a three-decade wait, what’s next?

“There is a collection of songs that were mostly written between 1986-1991 and earlier entitled Muzak Under The Stairs which I had roughly recorded and documented vocally earlier this year,” said Reed. “We will record that five minutes before my imminent demise next Tuesday.”

Work off that turkey coma with an oldfashioned jam session.

9 p.m.

JJ’s Bohemia 231 E. MLK Blvd. jjsbohemia.com

FRI11.29 Dark Friday with DJ Ramsey K, DJ J.Lettow, and DJ Mystery Box You want DJ's? We've got DJ's galore!

9 p.m.

Stone Cup Café 208 Frazier Ave stonecupcafe.com

SAT11.30 gypt, Silver tongued devilz, CLASSWAR, Hesperian, Firewater Revival, Good Grief Face-melting, headbanging rock and metal.

8 p.m.

Music Box @ Ziggy’s 607 Cherokee Blvd. ziggysbarandgrill.net

CHATTANOOGAPULSE.COM • NOVEMBER 28, 2019 • THE PULSE • 27

LIVE MUSIC CALENDAR THURSDAY11.28 Toby Hewitt 6 p.m.

Backstage Bar 29 E. 14th St. backstagechattanooga.com Dustin Concannon 7:30 p.m.

Westin Alchemy Bar 801 Pine St. westinchattanooga.com Jesse Jungkurth & Friends 7:30 p.m.

Mexi-Wing VII 5773 Brainerd Rd. (423) 296-1073 Open Mic Night with Jonathan Wimpee 9 p.m.

The Office @ City Cafe 901 Carter St. citycafemenu.com Thanksgiving Night Jam with Tyler Martelli 9 p.m.

JJ’s Bohemia 231 E. MLK Blvd. jjsbohemia.com

FRIDAY11.29 Holiday Cheer at the Pier 5 p.m.

Ross’s Landing 201 Riverfront Pkwy chattanoogafun.com Binji Varsossa 6 p.m.

Cancun Mexican Restaurant 1809 Broad St. (423) 266-1461 Tre Powell 6:30 p.m.

Westin Dorato Bar 801 Pine St. westinchattanooga.com Jason Lyles 7 p.m.

Oddstory Brewing Co. 336 E. MLK Blvd. oddstorybrewing.co Tim Lewis 7 p.m.

El Meson 248 Northgate Park elmesonchattanooga.com Preston Ruffing 7:30 p.m.

Westin Alchemy Bar

28 • THE PULSE • NOVEMBER 28, 2019 • CHATTANOOGAPULSE.COM

Bohannons 801 Pine St. westinchattanooga.com Heather Leigh Holt 8 p.m.

The Feed Co. Table & Tavern 201 W. Main St. feedtableandtavern.com Ariel 8:30 p.m.

Puckett’s Restaurant 2 W. Aquarium Way puckettsgro.com Cruizin Keys Dueling Pianos Show 9 p.m.

Westbound Bar 24 Station St. Suite 106 westboundbar.com Convertibull 9 p.m.

HiFi Clyde’s 122 W. Main St. hificlydeschattanooga.com Dark Friday with DJ Ramsey K, DJ J.Lettow, and DJ Mystery Box 9 p.m.

Stone Cup Café 208 Frazier Ave. stonecupcafe.com Bohannons, Skip Frontz Jr, J H Sitton 9 p.m.

JJ’s Bohemia 231 E. MLK Blvd. jjsbohemia.com David Ingle & Friends 9 p.m.

The Office @ City Cafe 901 Carter St. citycafemenu.com

Departure: The Ultimate Journey Tribute with Midnight Promise 9 p.m.

Songbirds South 41 Station St. songbirds.rocks The Tires 10 p.m.

Tremont Tavern 1203 Hixson Pike tremonttavern.com Dead End Friends 10 p.m.

Bud’s Sports Bar 5751 Brainerd Rd. budssportsbar.com

SATURDAY11.30 Danimal 10:30 a.m.

Flying Squirrel Bar 55 Johnson St. flyingsquirrelbar.com Binji Varsossa 6 p.m.

Cancun Mexican Restaurant 1809 Broad St. (423) 266-1461 Deep Fried All Stars 6 p.m.

The Palms at Hamilton 6925 Shallowford Rd. thepalmsathamilton.com Ryan Oyer 6:30 p.m.

Westin Dorato Bar 801 Pine St. westinchattanooga.com Tim Lewis

7 p.m.

El Meson 248 Northgate Park elmesonchattanooga.com Steve Busie 7:30 p.m.

Westin Alchemy Bar 801 Pine St. westinchattanooga.com Gino Fanelli & The Jalopy Brother 8 p.m.

Wanderlinger Brewing Co. 1208 King St. wanderlinger.com gypt, Silver tongued devilz, CLASSWAR, Hesperian, Firewater Revival, Good Grief 8 p.m.

Music Box @ Ziggy’s 607 Cherokee Blvd. ziggysbarandgrill.net Emerald Butler Band 8:30 p.m.

Puckett’s Restaurant 2 W. Aquarium Way puckettsgro.com The Lix 9 p.m.

HiFi Clyde’s 122 W. Main St. hificlydeschattanooga.com Cody Harris 9 p.m.

The Office @ City Cafe 901 Carter St. citycafemenu.com Phony Bedtime, Dream Jurnal, nothankyoujohn, 9 p.m.

JJ’s Bohemia

Austin Zackary Band 231 E. MLK Blvd. jjsbohemia.com Main Squeeze with Waker 9 p.m.

Songbirds South 41 Station St. songbirds.rocks Austin Zackary Band 10 p.m.

Sky Zoo 5709 Lee Hwy. (423) 521-2966 Dead End Friends 10 p.m.

Bud’s Sports Bar 5751 Brainerd Rd. budssportsbar.com

SUNDAY12.1 Harper and Lee 11 a.m.

Flying Squirrel Bar 55 Johnson St. flyingsquirrelbar.com Mark Andrew 11 a.m.

The Edwin Hotel 102 Walnut St. theedwinhotel.com The 9th Street Stompers 11 a.m.

STIR 1444 Market St. stirchattanooga.com Carl Pemberton 11 a.m.

Westin Chattanooga 801 Pine St. westinchattanooga.com My Name is Preston

Noon Southside Social 1818 Chestnut St. thesouthsidesocial.com Danimal and Friends 12:30 p.m.

The Feed Co. Table & Tavern 201 W. Main St. feedtableandtavern.com Cannon Hunt 1:30 p.m.

Flying Squirrel Bar 55 Johnson St. flyingsquirrelbar.com Free Fiddle School 2 p.m.

Fiddlers Anonymous 2248 Dayton Blvd. fiddlersanonymous.com The Other Brothers 2 p.m.

WanderLinger Brewing Co. 1208 King St. wanderlinger.com Open Mic with Jeff Daniels 6 p.m.

Long Haul Saloon 2536 Cummings Hwy. Jackyl with The Georgia Thunderbolts 8:30 p.m.

The Signal 1810 Chestnut St. thesignaltn.com

MONDAY12.2 Open Air with Jessica Nunn 6 p.m.

Granfalloon 400 E Main St. #120

granfalloonchattanooga.com Monday Nite Big Band 7 p.m.

The Coconut Room 6925 Shallowford Rd. thepalmsathamilton.com Blues Night Open Jam 7 p.m.

Songbirds South 41 Station St. songbirds.rocks Very Open Mic with Shawnessey Cargile 8 p.m.

The Well 1800 Rossville Blvd. #8 wellonthesouthside.coM

TUESDAY12.3 Acoustic Bohemian Night 6:30 p.m.

Mexi-Wing IX 6925 Shallowford Rd. mexiwingix.business.site Danimal & Friends 7 p.m.

Backstage Bar 29 Station St. backstagechattanooga.com Space Jam Open Mic 7 p.m.

Barley Taproom 235 E. MLK Blvd. chattanoogabarley.com Celebrate Christmas 7 p.m.

Southern Adventist University Iles PE Center 4881 Taylor Cir. (800) 768-8437

southern.edu Chris Tomlin Christmas 7:30 p.m.

Tivoli Theatre 709 Broad St. tivolichattanooga.com Pickin' N Pints 7:30 p.m.

WanderLinger Brewing Co. 1208 King St. wanderlinger.com Live Jam Session with Freddy Mc & Friends 8 p.m.

Granfalloon 400 E. Main St. granfalloonchattanooga.com Open Mic Night with Mike McDade 8 p.m.

Tremont Tavern 1203 Hixson Pike tremonttavern.com

WEDNESDAY12.4 Open Mic & Jam Night 7 p.m.

WanderLinger Brewing Co. 1208 King St. wanderlinger.com Jesse James Jungkurth 7 p.m.

Backstage Bar 29 Station St. backstagechattanooga.com Alan Wyatt Quartet 7 p.m.

Barking Legs Theater 1307 Dodds Ave. barkinglegs.org An Evening with Jeff Coffin 7 p.m.

Songbirds North 35 Station St. songbirds.rocks Randall Adams 8 p.m.

The Office @ City Cafe 901 Carter St. citycafemenu.com Priscilla & Little Rickee 8 p.m.

Las Margaritas 1101 Hixson Pike (423) 756-3332 Map these locations on chattanoogapulse.com. Send event listings at least 10 days in advance to: calendar@chattanoogapulse.com CHATTANOOGAPULSE.COM • NOVEMBER 28, 2019 • THE PULSE • 29

Holiday

Shopping Guide

Seedlip Garden is a distilled nonalcoholic spirit that’s the perfect base for making a sophisticated cocktail sans booze. A blend of botanicals and herbs, it has no sugar or artificial sweeteners. Try it with tonic water and a wedge of lime. $45 · huckberry.com

Enjoy hydrating with this Savvy Infusion Water Bottle. Simply add frozen or fresh fruit along with flat or sparkling water for a refreshing, fruit-flavored water break. $15.95 · onesavvygirl.com

With adjustable pegs, rubber bands and moving parts that can be rearranged within an attractive bentwood frame, the Plan Toys Tabletop Pinball allows kids of all ages to be masters of the game. $100 · crateandbarrel.com

For your far-away FaceTime buddy, the Satechi Aluminum iPhone Stand will charge your phone and keep it upright. Simply place your device on the metal stand for hands-free, convenient access to your phone as it charges. $29.99 · satechi.net

For warmth, style and comfort, Dodge City Ski Shop highly recommends Obermeyer products for children, women and men.

Dodge City Snow Ski Shop, 7968 E. Brainerd Rd. (423) 892-6767

30 • THE PULSE • NOVEMBER 28, 2019 • HOLIDAY SHOPPING GUIDE • CHATTANOOGAPULSE.COM

Let’s face it, few things are as satisfying as a good bubble wrap pop. With the 2020 Bubble Wrap Calendar, you’ll get 365 pops — one for each day of the year. $24.95 · bubblecalendar.com Who doesn’t love waffles? This tiny but mighty Dash Mini Waffle Maker is bound to be a hit and it has over 6,000 reviews on Amazon. Plus, waffles! $14.99 · amazon.com

Give the gift of a housekeeper this holiday season — sort of. The Tesvor Robot Vacuum Cleaner is voiceactivated through its compatibility with Alexa or Google Home, has high suction and will plug itself into a self-charger. $174.99 · homedepot.com

Shameless selfpromotion from our editor: Voices of the Fall. The zombie apocalypse is here in these all-new stories from John Ringo, Sarah A. Hoyt, Michael Z. Williamson, Jody Lynn Nye, Travis S. Taylor, and many more. Sequel to the best-selling anthology Black Tide Rising. $18.48 · amazon.com

THE PULSE • HOLIDAY SHOPPING GUIDE • NOVEMBER 28, 2019 • CHATTANOOGAPULSE.COM • 31

Guide

Shopping

Holiday

What’s better than a ugly holiday sweater featuring Rick and Morty? A ugly Christmas sweater featuring Rick, Morty, and Santa Claus! Now you can show everyone how much you love Rick and Morty at the same time express your holiday cheer to the world. Sure, there are many Ugly Christmas Sweaters out there you can get, but there's only one for the true cartoon lover on yout list! $47.99 · uglychristmassweater. com

Know someone who literally can’t do anything without that first cup of coffee? They’ll deeply relate to the Don’t Speak! Coffee Mug that tells people exactly when it’s acceptable to speak... and when it's a good idea to leave you alone. $14.99 · umorusgoods.com

The Flexible Roll-Up Piano is a present that won’t fall flat. It can be unrolled and played anywhere. But don’t fret — this keyboard has a headphone jack so you won’t have to listen to the same melody all day long. Best of all, you have the option to record and playback for your mini masterpieces. $49.95 · thegrommet.com

32 • THE PULSE • NOVEMBER 28, 2019 • HOLIDAY SHOPPING GUIDE • CHATTANOOGAPULSE.COM

The hat with a cult-like following: the C.C Cable Knit Beanie Skully is one of the goto beanies celebrities love wearing to look cool and keep their ears warm. Even better, it comes in more colors than there are in a Crayola factory. $18 · poshmark.com

Meet the Mirror. This isn’t just a mirror, it’s a cardio class, it’s a yoga studio, it’s a boxing ring, it’s your new personal trainer, and it’s so much more. The Carbon steel frame features a Quad core processor, highfidelity stereo speakers, a 5 megapixel front-facing camera and syncs with Bluetooth heart rate monitors and Apple Watch. $1,495 · fmirror.co

Eberjey is known for their cozy and comfortable pajama sets, and the Gisele Long Pajama set is one of their most popular offerings. Give your significant other (or yourself) the gift of chic pajamas to sleep in and wear around the house. $120 · saksfifthavenue.com THE PULSE • HOLIDAY SHOPPING GUIDE • NOVEMBER 28, 2019 • CHATTANOOGAPULSE.COM • 33

COLUMN · ON THE BEAT

To Shoot Or Not To Shoot Officer Alex gives an expert explanation of bustin’ a cap

N Alex Teach

Pulse columnist

“

Despite being such an easily executed act (pun!), there are actually only two ways to shoot someone on purpose: With cause to do so, and without cause to do so.”

When officer Alexander D. Teach is not patrolling our fair city on the heels of the criminal element, he spends his spare time volunteering for the Boehm Birth Defects Center.

O MATTER WHAT ANYONE says about shooting somebody, the worst part isn’t how much it makes your ears ring. Okay, let’s not discount that aspect completely (tinnitus is no joke, ugh), but the actual worst part is that, well...you have just shot someone.

Also up high on the worst aspects is how much attention it can garner. I mean people start to freak out and call 911, or get their own guns out, or call 911 AND get their own guns out, and the next thing you know you’ve been awake for 32 hours largely spent waiting on detectives to stop slap-assing and laughing about crap in their offices while you sit on a steel bench in a taupe hallway decorated for a holiday that passed months ago, and all you want is a damn glass of water because WOW are you all of a sudden thirsty and should I have an attorney...?

(As described from a friend. Of course.)

While extremely complicated despite being such an easily executed act (pun!), there are actually only two ways to shoot someone on purpose: With cause to do so, and without cause to do so.

While there are many varieties of both, lets stick to the most commonly discussed form of intentionally shooting someone by an otherwise law-abiding Jane or Joe: Popping the proverbial cap in a burglar.

“If you shoot a burglar in your own home, you’re going to jail right alongside them.” “If you shoot a burglar, you better kill them or they’ll just sue you and take your house.” “If you shoot a burglar outside your home, you better drag them inside or you’ll go straight to jail.”

34 • THE PULSE • NOVEMBER 28, 2019 • CHATTANOOGAPULSE.COM

So many common schools of thought, yet so little accuracy. Just do what most people do rather than ask an expert: Google it. A quick search will show multiple examples of the way to do this and the way not to do this.

Summer before last in Memphis, a home owner arrived to find two gentlemen ransacking the inside of his home.

As the homeowners guest fled, the two burglars began firing pistols wildly in his direction; the homeowner took this opportunity to get into his hallway closet and bust out his AK-47 and return fire, killing the two untrained marksmen deader than last week’s traffic reports.

Instead of being charged, he was only left with a terrible mess to clean up (and I’m not just talking about the sheet rock damage here)—and one of the victims was a minor.

In September of this year, a Memphis area homeowner saw someone messing with his security cameras outside and upon confronting the person doing so, they struggled and the attempted burglar was sentenced by the court of Smith & Wesson to an unexpected death in the grass. No charges. Same area in October, a homeowner confronted two auto burglars who chose to shoot at him.

One of the two was instantly killed, the

other is still being sought. No charges.

Alternatively, in the same area (Memphis) during the same month, someone observed a man stealing a chainsaw from a shed and gave chase. And by “gave chase,” I mean he shot him in the back with a sawed off shotgun, killing him. THIS time, the citizen was booked and charged with murder.

Of these examples I hope for you to draw two conclusions: First, stay the @#$% away from “Memphis.” Second, note the difference in what is and what is not grounds for arrest. Inside or outside, if you are shot at, lunged at, or otherwise placed in perceived danger, you are perfectly allowed to defend yourself.

But if someone is running away, it turns out that is the opposite of you being in danger and the self-administered death sentence is frowned upon. (Vigorously.)

You can’t wound or kill someone over “stuff.” No person’s life is worth more than a pressure washer (even one of those SWEET NorthStar models, WOW).

But in defense of your own life? That’s the difference in prosecution...which is as simple a concept as the choice of NOT committing a crime that could get you killed over a pressure washer in the first place.

Questions?

JONESIN' CROSSWORD

FREE WILL ASTROLOGY SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): Poet Cecilia Woloch asks, “How to unwant what the body has wanted, explain how the flesh in its wisdom was wrong?” Did the apparent error occur because of some “some ghost in the mind?” she adds. Was it due to “some blue chemical rushing the blood” or “some demon or god”? I’m sure that you, like most of us, have experienced this mystery.

But the good news is that in the coming weeks you will have the power to un-want inappropriate or unhealthy experiences that your body has wanted. Step one: Have a talk with yourself about why the thing your body has wanted isn’t in alignment with your highest good.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): Sagittarian composer Ludwig van Beethoven was inclined to get deeply absorbed in his work. Even when he took time to attend to the details of daily necessity, he allowed himself to be spontaneously responsive to compelling musical inspirations that suddenly welled up in him. On more than a few occasions, he lathered his face with the nineteenth-century equivalent of shaving cream, then got waylaid by a burst of brilliance and forgot to actually shave. His servants found that amusing. I suspect that the coming weeks may be Beethoven-like for you, Sagittarius. I bet you’ll be surprised by worthy fascinations and subject to impromptu illuminations.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): During the next eleven months, you could initiate fundamental improvements in the way you live from day to day. It’s conceivable you’ll discover or generate innovations that permanently raise your life’s possibilities to a higher octave.

At the risk of sounding grandiose, I’m tempted to predict that you’ll celebrate at least one improvement that is your personal equivalent of the invention of the wheel or the compass or the calendar.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): The only thing we learn from history is that we never learn anything from history. Philosopher Georg Hegel said that. But I think you will have an excellent chance to disprove this theory in the coming months.

I suspect you will be inclined and motivated to study your own past in detail; you’ll be skilled at drawing useful lessons from it; and you will apply those lessons with wise panache as you re-route your destiny.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): In his own time, poet Henry Wadsworth Longfellow (1807–1882) was acclaimed and beloved. At the height of his fame, he earned $3,000 per poem. But modern literary critics think that most of what he created is derivative, sentimental, and unworthy of serious appreciation.

In dramatic contrast is poet Emily Dickinson (1830­ –1886). Her writing was virtually unknown in

her lifetime, but is now regarded as among the best ever. In accordance with astrological omens, I invite you to sort through your own past so as to determine which of your work, like Longfellow’s, should be archived as unimportant or irrelevant, and which, like Dickinson’s, deserves to be a continuing inspiration as you glide into the future.

ARIES (March 21-April 19): Humans invented the plow in 4,500 BC, the wheel in 4,000 BC, and writing in 3,400 BC. But long before that, by 6,000 BC, they had learned how to brew beer and make psychoactive drugs from plants. Psychopharmacologist Ronald Siegel points to this evidence to support his hypothesis that the yearning to transform our normal waking consciousness is a basic drive akin to our need to eat and drink. Of course, there are many ways to accomplish this shift besides alcohol and drugs. They include dancing, singing, praying, drumming, meditating, and having sex. What are your favorite modes? According to my astrological analysis, it’ll be extra important for you to alter your habitual perceptions and thinking patterns during the coming weeks.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): What’s something you’re afraid of, but pretty confident you could become unafraid of? The coming weeks will be a favorable time to dismantle or dissolve that fear. Your levels of courage will be higher than usual, and your imagination will be unusually ingenious in devising methods and actions to free you of the unnecessary burden.

Step one: Formulate an image or scene that symbolizes the dread, and visualize yourself blowing it up with a “bomb” made of a hundred roses.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): The word “enantiodromia” refers to a phenomenon that occurs when a vivid form of expression turns into its opposite, often in dramatic fashion. Yang becomes yin; resistance transforms into welcome; loss morphs into gain. According to my reading of the astrological omens, you Geminis are the sign of the zodiac that’s most likely to experience enantiodromia in the coming weeks. Will it be a good thing or a bad thing? You can have a lot of influence over how that question resolves. For best results, don’t fear or demonize contradictions and paradoxes. Love and embrace them.

CANCER (June 21-July 22): There are Americans who speak only one language, English, and yet imagine they are smarter than bilingual immigrants. That fact amazes me, and inspires me to advise me and all my fellow Cancerians to engage in humble reflection about how we judge our fellow humans. Now is a favorable time for us to take

inventory of any inclinations we might have to regard ourselves as superior to others; to question why we might imagine others aren’t as worthy of love and respect as we are; or to be skeptical of any tendency we might have dismiss and devalue those who don’t act and think as we do. I’m not saying we Cancerians are more guilty of these sins than everyone else; I’m merely letting you know that the coming weeks are our special time to make corrections.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): “Erotic love is one of the highest forms of contemplation,” wrote the sensually wise poet Kenneth Rexroth.

That’s a provocative and profitable inspiration for you to tap into.

According to my analysis of the astrological omens, you’re in the Season of Lucky Plucky Delight, when brave love can save you from wrong turns and irrelevant ideas; when the grandeur of amour can be your teacher and catalyst. If you have a partner with whom you can conduct these educational experiments, wonderful. If you don’t, be extra sweet and intimate with yourself.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): In the follow-up story to Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland, our heroine uses a magic mirror as a portal into a fantastical land. There she encounters the Red Queen, and soon the two of them are holding hands as they run as fast as they can. Alice notices that despite their great effort, they don’t seem to be moving forward. What’s happening? The Queen clears up the mystery: In her realm, you must run as hard as possible just to remain in the same spot. Sound familiar, Virgo? I’m wondering whether you’ve had a similar experience lately. If so, here’s my advice: Stop running. Sit back, relax, and allow the world to zoom by you. Yes, you might temporarily fall behind. But in the meantime, you’ll get fully recharged. No more than three weeks from now, you’ll be so energized that you’ll make up for all the lost time—and more.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): Most sane people wish there could be less animosity between groups that have different beliefs and interests. How much better the world would be if everyone felt a generous acceptance toward those who are unlike them. But the problem goes even deeper: Most of us are at odds with ourselves. Here’s how author Rebecca West described it: Even the different parts of the same person do not often converse among themselves, do not succeed in learning from each other. That’s the bad news, Libra. The good news is that the coming weeks will be a favorable time for you to promote unity and harmony among all the various parts of yourself. I urge you to entice them to enter into earnest conversations with each other!

“I Before E?”—which way is it?

ACROSS 1 Fraud-monitoring agcy.

4 Deprive of weapons 9 Judge’s seat, in court 13 Boxer botherer 14 “London Warsaw New York” musician born in Poland 15 “Shepherd Moons” singer 16 2019 debaters, for short 17 “Gloves are off” 18 Unit of gold or silver?

19 Reattaches a tomato to a plant (but in a messy way)?

22 Grammywinning bossa nova musician Gilberto 23 Source of some milk 24 Big expense in blockbuster films 25 Freudian topic 27 “___ one, think that ...”

30 Drum teacher’s session 32 Actor who’s all about the money?

35 “Horrors!”

36 Lennon partner 37 “Incoming golf ball!”

41 Autobiographies, two by two?

46 Light benders 49 Part of the mnemonic HOMES 50 Wall-E’s love interest 51 Common Market abbr., once 52 Bedroom furniture wood 54 Romanov royal of Russia 56 Roll call on a ship?

62 “Person of the Year” awarder 63 “The Many Loves of ___ Gillis” 64 ___ Yun (performing arts company with ubiquitous ads) 65 Strait of Hormuz country 66 Golf equipment 67 Like mud or slime 68 “99 Luftballons” German singer 69 Nine Inch Nails founder Reznor

70 #1 concern?

DOWN 1 Get out quick 2 Short-term earning opportunities 3 Inexpensive ‘80s keyboard manufacturer 4 Gaming company behind “Assassin’s Creed” and “Just Dance” 5 1949 alliance 6 Professional org.

7 Public uprisings 8 It has a round cover 9 Wally’s TV brother, with “the” 10 Hijinks 11 “Us” actress Lupita 12 Entered 13 “Fireside chat” monogram 20 Depilatory brand with “short shorts” ads, once 21 Window shopper, essentially 25 Tiny unit of work 26 Formerly Portuguese Indian territory 28 Natural gas add-in 29 Step in the shower?

31 Online financial services company focused on student loans 33 “House” actor Omar 34 American-born former queen of Jordan 38 Winter footwear 39 Lovejoy on “The Simpsons,” e.g.

40 Point opposite WNW 42 In a wild way 43 Emphatic words after “There!”

44 Survival group?

45 Grateful Dead bassist Phil 46 Gel in jellies 47 Bring back on 48 Val Kilmer, in “Top Gun” 53 Boxed soup and bouillon brand 55 He was famous for fables 57 Pro wrestler John 58 Orchestra’s tuning instrument 59 Swede’s neighbor 60 Cold-___ (zincbased brand) 61 At ___ cost

Copyright © 2019 Jonesin’ Crosswords. For answers to this puzzle, call: 1-900-226-2800, 99 cents perminute. Must be 18+ to call. Or to bill to your credit card, call: 1-800-655-6548. Reference puzzle No. 964 CHATTANOOGAPULSE.COM • NOVEMBER 28, 2019 • THE PULSE • 35