The Pulse 13.02 » January 14, 2016

JANUARY 14, 2016

CHATTANOOGA'S WEEKLY ALTERNATIVE

HANDS ON EDUCATION

LEARNING SCIENCE, TECHNOLOGY, ENGINEERING AND MATH

By Jennifer Crutchfield

MUSIC

ARTS

SCREEN

REMEMBERED

EMBER STUDIOS

MANIPULATION

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Contents

CHATTANOOGA'S WEEKLY ALTERNATIVE

EDITORIAL

Managing Editor Gary Poole Contributing Editor Robin Ford Wallace

January 14, 2016 Volume 13, Issue 2

Editorial Assistant Stephanie Smith Music Editor Marc T. Michael Film Editor John DeVore Contributors Rich Bailey • Rob Brezsny Jennifer Crutchfield • Curtis Jolley Matt Jones • Sandra Kurtz Tony Mraz • Ernie Paik Rick Pimental-Habib • Alex Teach

Features

Cartoonists Max Cannon • Rob Rogers Jen Sorenson • Tom Tomorrow

4 BEGINNINGS: Modern-day Korean culture comes to Chattanooga.

Cover Photo Courtesy STEM School Chattanooga

4 THE LIST: Which country leads the world in toking up?

FOUNDED 2003 BY ZACHARY COOPER & MICHAEL KULL

7 SHADES OF GREEN: 196 countries gathered to map out a better future.

ADVERTISING

Director of Sales Mike Baskin Account Executives Chee Chee Brown • Robyn Graves Linda Hisey • Rick Leavell Stacey Tyler • Logan Vandergriff

CONTACT

Offices 1305 Carter St., Chattanooga, TN 37402 Phone 423.265.9494 Website chattanoogapulse.com Email info@chattanoogapulse.com BREWER MEDIA GROUP Publisher & President Jim Brewer II THE FINE PRINT: The Pulse is published weekly by Brewer Media and is distributed throughout the city of Chattanooga and surrounding communities. The Pulse covers a broad range of topics concentrating on music, the arts, entertainment, culture and local news. The Pulse is available free of charge, limited to one copy per reader. No person without written permission from the publisher may take more than one copy per weekly issue.

The Pulse may be distributed only by authorized distributors.

Contents Copyright © 2016 by Brewer Media. All rights reserved.

8

Hands On Education

12 MUSIC CALENDAR

Chattanooga is growing fast, adding well-paid new jobs in hightech industries every day—but studies indicate our schools are not turning out graduates qualified to fill them. What to do? The Hamilton County Department of Education hopes its new STEM school, graduating its first class this spring, will make a difference.

10

Ziggy Played Guitar

15 MIXOLOGY: 007 facts about vermouth, the misunderstood beverage.

18 ARTS CALENDAR

“I’m sure you’ve heard, Bowie’s dead?” That was the message I received from my friend Brian at 2:30 a.m. Monday morning. I was actually in bed, extremely early for me, and had not heard.

16

14 REVIEWS: Indie-Pop comfort food with a dessert of Syrian Techno.

Gallery Presents Art With A Bang

There is a very good chance that future generations will view our current era as a second Renaissance. Evidence of this can be seen everywhere—in the media, on the walls of buildings around town, and in the studios and galleries of a new generation of creatives.

20 SCREEN: A manipulative yet compelling indictment of failed justice.

21 CONSIDER THIS 22 JONESIN’ CROSSWORD 22 FREE WILL ASTROLOGY 23 ON THE BEAT: Officer Alex braves the cold and ponder pens and humanity.

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NEWS • VIEWS • RANTS • RAVES

BEGINNINGS

UPDATES » CHATTANOOGAPULSE.COM FACEBOOK/CHATTANOOGAPULSE EMAIL LOVE LETTERS, ADVICE & TRASH TALK TO INFO@CHATTANOOGAPULSE.COM

The Heart and Seoul of South Korea Modern-day Korean culture comes to the Creative Discovery Museum A slice of the world’s “most wired city” is coming to Chattanooga, thanks to the Creative Discovery Museum’s upcoming temporary exhibit, “Heart and Seoul: Growing Up in Korea,” which makes its regional debut this Saturday.

CURTIS Museum guests are invited to ride the “Hallyu”— that’s Korean for what the West calls the “Korean Wave,” the influx of all things Korean currently sweeping the globe— as this exhibit explores the heart and soul of Korean culture. It will remain at

the museum through May 15.

“Heart and Seoul” features five modern-day Korean kids who invite guests to take an intimate look into their lives, exploring their diverse interests, customs and ambitions, including their love of JOLLEY K-Pop (Korean pop culture) and Korean cuisine, their habit of texting to communicate, and their dreams of being accepted into a good college. That academic drive is what keeps them studying after school at hagwon, or cram school, until midnight.

CULTURE

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Courtesy Children’s Museum of Houston

Henry Schulson, executive director of the Creative Discovery Museum, says hosting the exhibit represents an opportunity for the museum to establish relationships with the Korean community. “We value diversity and view this as a wonderful way to educate our guests about what other children experience growing up in another culture,” he said.

The museum has also hired Cathy Palisoc, a native of Seoul, as a local consultant to liaise with the Korean community and provide additional insight into Korean culture.

“Heart and Seoul” was developed as part of the Freeman Foundation Asian Culture Exhibit Series, which strives to educate children and their families about various Asian cultures. The project was administered by the Association of Children’s Museums (ACM) and created by the Children’s Museum of Houston.

The exhibit has financial support from Samsung, the renowned Korean brand and global leader in technology. Samsung was instrumental in providing the exhibit its hightech feel of modern Seoul.

Through the gift of a variety of Samsung technology, “Heart and Seoul” displays an authentic modern-day Seoul adorned with the sparkle of electronic billboards, K-Pop studio glitz, smartphones for all-over use and tablets for learning the language. Samsung’s investment in the project also includes company specialists who install and transport the technology for every museum on its eight-city, four-year tour.

Gregory Lee, President and CEO of Samsung Electronics North America and Samsung Telecommunications America says “Heart and Seoul” showcases Korea’s progressive and dynamic modern-day culture, a culture that sustains Korea’s rich history. “We hope that our technology integration will not only enhance the visitor’s experience but also highlight the country’s vigorous technology advances that Samsung is humbly honored to continue to lead,” said Lee. South Korea is one of the fastest growing economies in the world and an important trade and political partner for the United States and other nations.

South Korea was the United States’ sixth largest supplier of goods imports in 2013. It is also enjoying broader influence and receiving greater recognition for its contributions in the realms of arts, culture and technology.

“Heart and Seoul: Growing Up in Korea” is designed to immerse guests in learning experiences that will build their understanding of Korean culture, highlighting the differences and similarities between their lives and the lives of Korean people.

The List

EdiToon

Top Cannabis Use by Country

by Rob Rogers

As the United States grapples with the ongoing debate over the legalization of marijuana (both medicinal and recreational), the question has been asked just where we rank on the world scale of wacky weed users.

So we turned to our friends at the Statistic Brain Research Institute once again to find out just how mellowed out we are as a nation.

Honoring The Memory of a Civil Rights Legend Part of the celebration will be the dedication of one of the largest murals in the United States, “The M.L. King Mural: We Will Not Be Satisfied Until,” commissioned by Public Art Chattanooga.

Located on all four sides of the AT&T building in the heart of M.L. King Boulevard, the M.L. King Mural covers approximately

IN THIS ISSUE

The city of Chattanooga will honor the legacy of Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. through service on Monday.

“A Day On, Not a Day Off ” will focus on service projects throughout the historic MLK Neighborhood in honor of Dr. King and will also feature public speakers, food, a parade, musical celebrations and dance.

42,000 square feet and took a team of 11 artists six months to paint.

The dedication begins at noon on Monday. Immediately following the dedication will be a free public presentation by the lead artist, muralist Meg Saligman, about the making of the mural. Ms. Saligman will discuss the inspiration behind and meaning of her largest mural to date.

To sign up to volunteer for service projects, or for more information about any of the events during the celebration, visit mlkcha.org.

— Stephanie Smith

Jennifer Crutchfield

Tony Mraz

Our cover story this week on the STEM school movement in Chattanooga and how it can help the entire region is by Jennifer Crutchfield. When not writing about education, history and family for The Pulse, Jennifer is the Director of Public Relations at

Arts writer Tony Mraz joined our writing family last fall and has become a regular (and valued) contributor. He is a local artist, musician and writer who grew up in Dalton before moving to Chattanooga to attend high school at the Chattanooga School

WTCI, Chattanooga’s community PBS station, and is a relocation agent serving global families moving to the Chattanooga area. Author of “Chattanooga Landmarks,” Jennifer also shares her love of history in a column at Chattanoogan.com and is mother to Will, George and Max. You can follow Jennifer on Twitter @JenCrutchfield, on Facebook at Jennifer Ley Crutchfield or email her at jennycrutchfield@gmail.com

for the Arts and Sciences.

After his time at the Kansas City Art Institute, he lived in Kansas City, Portland, Los Angeles, San Francisco, New Orleans and Northern California. In his career as an artist he has produced thousands of paintings, drawings, prints, sculptures, murals, and works of digital art. He has written over 50 songs and is currently writing a novel.

He now lives and works at his studio in Red Bank.

Turns out they were a bit of a buzzkill, as Americans don’t even finish in the top 10. Nope, as a nation, we rank 12th on the list (likely due to The Grateful Dead finally retiring, but that’s just our opinion and not actually supported by any statistical analysis).

So, which country gets the Golden Bud Award? That would be Papua New Guinea, where 29.5 percent of residents toke up on a regular basis.

Here’s the top 10 countries, with percentage of users: 1. Papua New Guinea (29.5 %) 2. Palau (24.2 %) 3. Northern Mariana Islands (22.2 %) 4. Ghana (21.5 %) 5. Guam (18.4 %) 6. Sierra Leone (16.1 %) 7. Czech Republic (15.2 %) 8. Andorra (14.6 %) 9. Italy (14.6 %) 10. New Zealand (14.6 %) And just in case you’re curious, the United States only has 13.7% of regular smokers. So put that in your pipe and smoke it. Or not, as the case may be.

Source: statisticbrain.com/cannabis-use-bycountry/

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COLUMN SHADES OF GREEN

Save The World, One Degree At A Time 196 countries gathered in Paris to map out a better future for the planet “This is the only planet with chocolate, so we’ve got to save it.” —David Wolfe

SANDRA KURTZ

Future history students will have to memorize Dec. 12, 2015. That date marks the beginning of the era when essentially all the countries of the world began slowing the rate of climate change and easing its impacts.

Despite wailings from climate deniers and the fossil fuel and nuclear industries, the transition to healthier alternative energy now begins in earnest.

We will start to leave fossil fuels in the ground. The Paris Agreement has been adopted!

Tennesseans present during negotiations included your Shades of Green columnist and her 17-year-old granddaughter. As part of the Sierra Student Coalition and Sierra Club, we exchanged thoughts and ideas with international visitors at exhibit booths, participated in public photo shoots and festivals, interviewed influential people for video postings, attended strategy meetings and informative scientific and art sessions, and heard daily delegate reports about negotiations.

Paris rolled out the carpet for COP21, projecting pro-climate action messages nightly on the Eiffel Tower. Narrow streets, small shops and an extensive mass transit system characterize bikefriendly Paris. We enjoyed crepes and pastries, but unfortunately, hamburgerand-French-fries fast food has invaded France.

Perhaps the most amazing thing about the Paris Agreement is that it happened at all! Think of it. Representatives from

“What is true is that we cannot continue to destroy Earth’s support systems.

Urgent action is required much of that occurring at city and community levels.”

196 countries came to a collective agreement in two weeks. What was wanted was a fair and equitable agreement for those suffering impacts emanating from high-emissions countries, of which the U.S. and China are tops.

Surprisingly, the Agreement set an ambitious goal: to limit and slow earth’s rise in temperature, capping it at well below 2 degrees Celsius above preindustrial levels, with an aspiration of maintaining it at 1.5 degrees Celsius (2.7 degrees Fahrenheit).

Many indigenous people attended.

“One point five to stay alive,” chanted attendees from African nations. A lower temperature rise should save many lowlying coastlines and small islands that would be underwater at 2 degrees.

The Agreement itself is over 20 pages long. Here’s a brief overview: Meeting the goal 1. Mitigation and Adaptation: A frontload reduction of emissions will be sought to achieve the goal while strengthening the ability of countries to deal with climate impacts. A $100-billion fund supports transition to low-carbon growth. A Mission Innovation fund seeks new energy technologies.

2. A transparency system and global

stocktaking will account for climate actions. Each country submits a plan for assessment every five years, with plans ratcheted up over time. The official Paris Agreement starts in 2020 but countries will now work on current plans, with a “facilitative dialogue” to take place in 2018.

3. Loss and damage/strengthening ability to recover from climate impacts: Climate disruption from catastrophic weather, rising sea levels, ocean acidification, warming temperatures, destroyed agriculture and loss of biodiversity will result in massive refugee numbers. Prevention measures and risk protection are advised as a moral responsibility.

4. Financing nations to build resilient futures: Twenty countries are doubling research and development investments.

This Agreement sets an emphatic, if imperfect, framework for implementation. It sends a strong economic signal with business certainty. No, it doesn’t take away our freedoms, because each

country is responsible for its own plan.

Neither is it a ploy to steal money from taxpayers’ pockets, but instead a wonderful green business, educational and economic opportunity.

While not legally binding, it contains built-in monitoring, assessment and transparency. What is true is that we cannot continue to destroy Earth’s support systems. Urgent action is required, much of that occurring at city and community levels.

In Tennessee, we must save forests; reduce energy use; eat more local vegetables; stop fracking, coal mining and nuclear plants; prepare for refugees; support the Clean Power Plan; and advocate for a strong U.S. climate plan.

It’s time to share our resources! Our youth deserve it. Let 2016 begin with global resolve.

Sandra Kurtz is an environmental community activist and is presently working through the Urban Century Institute. You can visit her website to learn more at enviroedu.net

CHATTANOOGAPULSE.COM • JANUARY 14, 2016 • THE PULSE • 7

COVER STORY

Hope Flourishes In A Sea Of Education Woes STEM School accepts students from all academic achievement levels

by Jennifer Crutchfield, Pulse contributor. Photos courtesy STEM School of Chattanooga

C

hattanooga is growing fast, adding well-paid new jobs in high-tech industries every day—but studies indicate our schools are not turning out graduates qualified to fill them. What to do? The Hamilton County Department of Education hopes its new STEM school, graduating its first class this spring, will make a difference.

A new report issued by the school system, “Chattanooga 2.0: Building the Smartest Community in the South,” frankly examines the educational challenges our community faces, and these are legion.

In the past five years, says the report, Chattanooga has added more than 3,000 jobs, and that number is expected to quadruple in the next five years. The expansion of logistics, healthcare, insurance, advanced manufacturing and technology businesses in the region means that if we sustain the new growth, we can anticipate a projected creation of 28,000 jobs over the next decade The hitch is that over 80 percent of the jobs that pay more than $35,000 a year will require a post-secondary degree—and today only 35 percent of Hamilton County students are likely to obtain this educational benchmark.

With so few of our students completing post-secondary education, we risk having a majority of residents unable to benefit from the jobs coming into our community, potentially making our economic boost a temporary instead of sustainable boon and losing the competitive advantage we have worked so hard to achieve.

“

Students are encouraged to go as deep into a subject as they want to, simultaneously challenging the gifted student while connecting the student who felt adrift in another school’s teacher-centered program.”

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Other sobering statistics released in the report include: Four out of 10 students in Hamilton County live in poverty, which presents major barriers for academic success.

Fewer than half the children entering kindergarten are considered “ready to learn.”

Nearly 60 percent of all thirdgraders cannot read on their grade level. Research has long shown that students who are not reading on grade level by third grade will struggle for the rest of their academic careers.

Hamilton County schools have fallen behind the state and other metro areas in every single high school test score, as well as average ACT scores.

Only 24 percent of Chattanooga State students and 51 percent of UTC students graduate with a degree within six years of first enrollment.

There are 15,000 Hamilton County jobs that cannot presently be filled by local residents due to lack of training, skills and education.

Into this grim scenario comes the bright new concept of the STEM

school. The acronmym stands for science, technology, engineering and mathematics—a foreshortening of the fuller acronym STEAM2, Science, Technology, Engineering, the Arts, Mathematics and Medicine.

Chattanooga’s STEM school was founded in 2012, its stated mission to “develop and share a new paradigm for world-class education using technology as a gateway to cultivate students’ inquisitive nature, exercise innovation, think critically and collaborate to become leaders who are selfsufficient learners with the same passion as Chattanooga’s Renaissance.”

The school is a place where kids learn how to break down the silos of where they live, but Dr. Tony Donen, the school’s principal, says exclusivity is not the point.

“The goal is not to put all of the rocket scientists together but to harness the potential of any student with an interest in STEM,” he said.

With an engineering degree from Virginia Tech, Dr. Donen is a nationally recognized education administrator and the author of two books on innovative academic measurement. Under his leadership, Chattanooga’s STEM school is serving as a demonstration site for innovative practices in STEM education and is incubating a curriculum and partnership program that can be implemented in schools throughout the region.

Located in the new high-tech facility adjacent to the Wacker Institute on the campus of Chattanooga State, this innovative school accepts 75 students each year in a two-tiered lottery process. Dr. Donen says the student body “is a representation

of Chattanooga where kids who shop at different BiLo’s are learning to work and collaborate together.”

Each year’s freshman class is comprised of students who come, in equal proportion, from each high school zone in Hamilton County.

With a uniquely diverse student body, this school incorporates local, national and international problembased learning projects in a curriculum that emphasizes core content learning and process skills development in innovation, critical thinking and collaboration.

And as for post-secondary education, with a total student body of 263 this year, 100 percent of STEM School Chattanooga students are already enrolled in college courses.

Dr. Donen reports he has yet to have a student in this year’s first senior class tell him they had not been accepted into a college or secondary school, and of the students taking classes at UTC and Chattanooga State, he says 90 percent were earning passing grades.

The partnership with Chattanooga State empowers these students to understand what it takes to be successful in college. “STEM gives me the opportunity to experience college classes and the college workload with high school teacher support,” said STEM senior Emily Varner.

The philosophy of project-based learning is rooted in the STEM School Chattanooga curriculum, and this dynamic approach to teaching allows students to explore realworld problems and challenges, developing cross-curriculum skills while working in small collaborative groups. Strong related arts programs connect the curriculum. For example, a student may learn how to build a robot in one class and learn how to write a handbook for the robot in another class or illustrate the handbook in another class.

Students are encouraged to go as deep into a subject as they want to, simultaneously challenging the gifted student while connecting the student who felt adrift in another school’s teacher-centered program.

Students at all levels of academic achievement submit applications to the STEM school lottery and Dr. Donen points to the success of that inclusion, citing struggling readers who learned compliance previously and who flourished with headphones and audio books in this technology and student-centric atmosphere.

“STEM is a very self-guided learning experience,” says Emily Varner. “You learn to take charge of your own education and how to self-inspire and motivate—you’re inspired to go out and find your

own learning and information.”

STEM students complete PBLs, or “Project-Based Learning” projects each year, allowing them to learn from activities centered on real-world problems that don’t have a prescribed solution, giving students the opportunity to discover their own answers by applying the problem-solving process. The school’s resources allow students to go full circle from design to building and testing.

STEM School Chattanooga features the only official “FabLab” in Tennessee, an innovative and unique fabrication laboratory capable of “making almost anything.”

Eleventh-grade STEM students are a part of a first-in-the-nation collaboration across the country using the Gigabit network.

STEM students, as diverse as students come in Chattanooga, share a common bond, and the love of learning shines in each of their faces. From a robotics competition to the EPB’s holiday displays, these students are learning and growing, engaging with the community and paving the way for success for themselves, their families and us all.

Prospective STEM students may learn how to apply at hcde.org—the deadline is Jan. 31—or for more information, they may call (423) 531-6270, or visit stemschoolchattanooga.net.

The new report “Chattanooga 2.0: Building the Smartest Community in the South,” offers some daunting statistics, but also some hope. If our community could achieve a 75 percent postsecondary graduation rate, it says, we could see the following tangible impacts: • 100,000 more local residents with access to jobs that pay over $350,000 annually • An average annual raise of $4,500 for every adult worker in Hamilton County • $1.1 billion more in total wages in the county every year • Approximately 8,000 adults moved out of poverty Can you image that? Every adult worker in Hamilton County could earn $4,500 more per year simply by increasing post-secondary graduation rates.

So how can we get—as a community—from point A to point B? STEM schools are great, but attendance is limited. That’s where volunteerism comes in.

If you are a living, breathing human in this county, you have skin in the game. Whether you’re a business owner, parent, butcher, baker or candlestick maker, there is something that you can do and there are organizations working to support literacy and education who can turn your volunteer time into life-changing moments.

Everyone can donate to an organization that supports school readiness or volunteer their time as a reader. Many of us can partner as a business or professional to mentor teens—and the investment in our children, families and community can reap rewards for our region that will benefit everyone.

CHATTANOOGAPULSE.COM • JANUARY 14, 2016 • THE PULSE • 9

MUSIC SCENE

Ziggy Played Guitar Mourning the passing of the inimitable and unforgettable David Bowie

Music Played From The Heart Dismembered Tennesseans keep on pickin’ and grinnin’ The Dismembered Tennesseans have been playing good music together for a long time—for 70 years, in fact! Back in 1945, some McCallie students got together and began singing and playing bluegrass music. Not knowing what their future plans were, they named themselves the “Dismembered Tennesseans” and the name (and the music) stuck.

The band has toured the country and played for local dignitaries, civic groups, charities, the Chattanooga Symphony and Opera, the Annual Chattanooga Riverbend Festival, the Kennedy Center and all points between.

The band was honored by WTCITV in 2009 with the History Makers Award for their excellence in musicianship and their ability to make people who don’t necessarily love Bluegrass music just feel good.

The Dismembered Tennesseans consist of Fletcher Bright on fiddle, Ed “Doc” Cullis on banjo, Laura Walker on upright bass, Bobby Martin on guitar, Don Cassell on mandolin, Brian Blaylock on both banjo and guitar, George Bright on guitar and Ansley Moses on banjo. Yes, three banjo pickers.

The band will be performing as part of the Jon Hamm Performing Arts Series at Covenant College this Tuesday night. The concert is at 7 p.m. with a jam session open to the public preceding at 5 p.m.

— Stephanie Smith The Dismembered Tennesseans Tuesday, 7 p.m.

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“I

’M SURE YOU’VE HEARD, BOWIE’S DEAD?” That was the message I received from my friend Brian at 2:30 a.m. Monday morning. I was actually in bed, extremely early for me, and had not heard. My first thought was, “No way, it’s another of those ‘Dead Celebrity’ hoaxes the kids seem so fond of…”

Music MARC T. MICHAEL

“

Here was a man who made music for almost 50 years, constantly evolving so that ‘Bowie eras’ are a distinct and recognizable thing, and yet it was all of it, every bit, unmistakably him.”

Nonetheless, I jumped up and fired up the computer (I hate trying to “internet” on my phone, it’s smallish and my eyes aren’t so good.

Also, I like real keyboards.) Sure enough, David Bowie (né Jones) had passed from cancer.

I need to establish something right away. I’m in my mid-40s and a great many artists I have admired and enjoyed have shuffled off this mortal coil in my lifetime. Douglas Adams comes to mind, for instance—what a loss that was—but I cannot remember any other time when the death of a celebrity affected me so much.

I sat there in my recliner, laptop aglow in an otherwise dark house, and started playing Bowie music, and I wept a little. No big, melodramatic tears, mind you, just a little damp-eyed sentimentality.

Monday morning I fully expected to see plenty about his passing, but good lord…page after page after page of comments, and most of them seeming to express precisely what I’m trying to now; the man and his music had meant quite a lot to people, maybe more than they had reckoned.

“I’ve never seen this kind of outpouring over social media for anyone,” was one friend’s comment.

Neither have I, and I’ve been thinking about that all day.

“I didn’t know so many of my

friends were fans,” said another. Neither did I. But you know, I don’t know that I ever specifically thought of myself as a Bowie fan. I never owned a poster, never dressed up like any of his many personas, never saw a live show (damn it). I own three of his movies, though— “The Man Who Fell to Earth,” “The Hunger” and “Labyrinth”—and about half his albums. I can name dozens of his songs that I really like and I have a favorite, in as much as anyone could pick one favorite from such a large, varied and brilliant catalog.

“Ashes to Ashes” is it for me. The tune is basically Bowie’s farewell to his self-destruction, but my love affair with it marked the beginning of mine.

It was a very low point in my life, on

brewer media

the verge of sinking lower still, and the only comfort I found in those days was in being very drunk at the bar around a bunch of other people who were equally miserable and drunk. I’d put five or 10 bucks in the jukebox and play whatever my friends wanted to hear, but always I started and ended with “Ashes to Ashes.”

It might seem funny to be so attached to a song that became a personal favorite as I was sliding swiftly into oblivion, but I understand why. At the time I found a melancholy comfort in it, thinking, “Well, I don’t guess I’m the first to be here...”

Many years later, after I realized I could either reinvent myself or die, the song served as a reminder of where I had been, what it was like, how bad I

thought things were just before they got a whole hell of a lot worse and how far away all that seems from where I am now. It not only got better, it got better than I would ever have dreamed possible, and hearing that song now makes me want to reach out to my younger self and tell him so.

I wish I could write my own “Ashes to Ashes,” my own farewell to the darkness and excess and self-destruction, but for all my musical efforts, I can’t.

Besides, I don’t need to, Bowie already wrote it for me—and for you, if that song in particular resonates with you.

If it doesn’t, there’s probably one (at least) that does, and I think that’s why his passing is being especially mourned by so many.

Here was a man who made music

for almost 50 years, constantly evolving so that “Bowie eras” are a distinct and recognizable thing, and yet it was all of it, every bit, unmistakably him. That’s a long time and a lot of music, and a great many people share deep emotional connections with those songs.

Blackstar, his final album, released on his birthday just two days before his death, is just as edgy and wonderful as anything I’ve heard. I heard theories at first—it has since been confirmed by his producer—that the album was very intentionally a farewell from a dying maestro to his fans, and that is so beautiful and heartbreaking at the same time, so distinctly Bowie, that all I can think is, “Here was the life of an artist, well-lived.”

There will never be another like him.

Chattanooga’s Greatest Hits

everywhere. every day.

CHATTANOOGAPULSE.COM • JANUARY 14, 2016 • THE PULSE • 11

MUSIC CALENDAR THURSDAY1.14 Rick Rushing with Dakari & Friends 6 p.m.

Bluewater Grille 224 Broad St. bluewaterchattanooga.com James Crumble Trio 6 p.m.

St. John’s Meeting Place 1278 Market St. stjohnsrestaurant.com Elizabeth Schumann, Gloria Chien 6:30 p.m.

The Hunter Museum of Art 10 Bluff View huntermuseum.org Live Bluegrass 6:30 p.m.

Whole Foods Market 301 Manufacturers Rd. wholefoodsmarket.com Jesse James & Tim Neal 7 p.m.

Mexi Wings VII 5773 Brainerd Rd. (423) 296-1073 Della Mae with Slim Pickins 7 p.m.

The Camp House 149 E. MLK Blvd. thecamphouse.com Bluegrass Thursdays 7:30 p.m.

Feed Co. Table & Tavern 201 W. Main St. feedtableandtavern.com Vince Gill and Logan Brill 8 p.m.

Tivoli Theatre 399 McCallie Ave.

Vince Gill chattanoogaonstage.com Matt Meyers 8 p.m.

World of Beer 412 Market St. wobusa.com Open Mic with Hap Henninger 9 p.m.

The Office @ City Cafe 901 Carter St. citycafemenu.com Mothers 10 p.m.

JJ’s Bohemia 231 E. MLK Blvd. jjsbohemia.com

FRIDAY1.15 Eddie Pontiac 5:30 p.m.

El Meson 2204 Hamilton Place Blvd.

PULSE PICK: RAE HERING With her sophisticated melodic sense and eclectic songwriting style, this multi-instrumentalist singersongwriter creates intelligent music that ranges from playful to melancholy to funky.

Rae Hering Saturday, 8 p.m.

Charles and Myrtle’s Coffeehouse 105 McBrien Rd. christunity.org

12 • THE PULSE • JANUARY 14, 2016 • CHATTANOOGAPULSE.COM

elmesonrestaurant.com Binji Varsossa 6 p.m.

Cancun Mexican Restaurant & Lounge 1809 Broad St. (423) 266-1461 Tim Levis 7 p.m.

El Meson 248 Northgate Park elmesonchattanooga.com Jimmy Harris 7 p.m.

The Coconut Room 6925 Shallowford Rd. thepalmsathamilton.com Greaseball Band with Jimmy Tawater 7 p.m.

North River Civic Center 1009 Executive Dr. (423) 870-8924 Priscilla & Lil’ Rickee

8:30 p.m.

The Foundry 1201 Broad St. chattanooganhotel.com Fly By Radio 9 p.m.

Revelry Room 1400 Market St. revelryroom.co Pamela K Ward Band 9 p.m.

Puckett’s Chattanooga 2 W. Aquarium Way #110 puckettsgro.com/Chattanooga Dakota Williams 9 p.m.

World of Beer 412 Market St. wobusa.com Mark Andrew 9 p.m.

The Office @ City Cafe 901 Carter St. citycafemenu.com

Those Darlins 10 p.m.

JJ’s Bohemia 231 E. MLK Blvd. jjsbohemia.com 8TRK 10 p.m.

Bud’s Sports Bar 5751 Brainerd Rd. budssportsbar.com

SATURDAY1.16 PIANIMAL 1 p.m.

The Hunter Museum of Art 10 Bluff View huntermuseum.org Eddie Pontiac 5:30 p.m.

El Meson 2204 Hamilton Place Blvd. elmesonrestaurant.com Binji Varsossa 6 p.m.

Cancun Mexican Restaurant & Lounge 1809 Broad St. (423) 266-1461 Tim Levis 7 p.m.

El Meson 248 Northgate Park elmesonchattanooga.com Jimmy Harris 7 p.m.

The Coconut Room 6925 Shallowford Rd. thepalmsathamilton.com Rae Hering 8 p.m.

Charles and Myrtle’s Coffeehouse 105 McBrien Rd.

christunity.org Priscilla & Lil’ Rickee 8:30 p.m.

The Foundry 1201 Broad St. chattanooganhotel.com The Ham Family 9 p.m.

Puckett’s Chattanooga 2 W. Aquarium Way #110 puckettsgro.com/Chattanooga Jay Taylor 9 p.m.

World of Beer 412 Market St. wobusa.com Steep Canyon Rangers 9 p.m.

Revelry Room 1400 Market St. revelryroom.co Ramble in the Attic 9:30 p.m.

T-Bones 1419 Chestnut St. (423) 266-4240 8TRK 10 p.m.

Bud’s Sports Bar 5751 Brainerd Rd. budssportsbar.com Hap Henninger 10 p.m.

The Office @ City Cafe 901 Carter St. citycafemenu.com

SUNDAY1.17 Ryan Oyer 2 p.m.

Granfalloon 400 E. Main St.

granfalloonchatt.com Jalil Muhammad Quintet 5 p.m.

Jazzanooga Arts Space 431 E. MLK Blvd. jazzanooga.org Open Mic with Jeff Daniels 6 p.m.

Long Haul Saloon 2536 Cummings Hwy. (423) 822-9775 The Secret Commonwealth 7 p.m.

The Honest Pint 35 Patten Pkwy. thehonestpint.com Chatham County Line 7:30 p.m.

Barking Legs Theatre 1307 Dodds Ave. barkinglegs.org TORCHE, Day Old Man, Jeff Carney 10 p.m.

JJ’s Bohemia 231 E. MLK Blvd. jjsbohemia.com

MONDAY1.18 Open Air with Jessica Nunn 6 p.m.

Granfalloon 400 E. Main St. granfalloonchatt.com Monday Nite Big Band 7 p.m.

The Coconut Room 6925 Shallowford Rd. thepalmsathamilton.com Very Open Mic 8 p.m.

The Well

1800 Rossville Blvd. #8 wellonthesouthside.com

TUESDAY1.19 The Dismembered Tennesseans 7 p.m.

Covenant College 14049 Scenic Hwy. covenant.edu

By The Gods 8 p.m.

Ziggy's 607 Cherokee Blvd. ziggysbarandgrill.net Open Mic with Mike McDade 8 p.m.

Tremont Tavern 1203 Hixson Pike tremonttavern.com Cautious Beverly, Pumpkin Seeds, Pop Weirdos 10 p.m.

JJ’s Bohemia 231 E. MLK Blvd. jjsbohemia.com

WEDNESDAY1.20 Eddie Pontiac 5:30 p.m.

El Meson 248 Northgate Park elmesonrestaurant.com The Other Guys 6 p.m.

SpringHill Suites Chattanooga Downtown 495 Riverfront Pkwy.

(423) 834-9300 Jimmy Harris

MUSIC CALENDAR

Steep Canyon Rangers 7 p.m.

The Coconut Room 6925 Shallowford Rd. thepalmsathamilton.com Courtney Daly Band 7 p.m.

End Zone 3658 Ringgold Rd. (423) 661-8020 Ben Friberg 8 p.m.

Barking Legs Theatre 1307 Dodds Ave. barkinglegs.org Priscilla & Lil’ Rickee 8 p.m Las Margaritas 1101 Hixson Pike (423) 756-3332 Open Jam 8 p.m.

Raw Dance Club 409 Market St. rawbarandgrillchatt.com Blues Night 9 p.m.

The Office @ City Cafe 901 Carter St. citycafemenu.com The Prime Cut Trio 9 p.m.

The Palms at Hamilton 6925 Shallowford Rd. thepalmsathamilton.com Lauris Vidal 10 p.m.

JJ’s Bohemia 231 E. MLK Blvd. jjsbohemia.com

Map these locations on chattanoogapulse.com. Send event listings at least 10 days in advance to: calendar@chattanoogapulse.com

901 Carter St. Inside City Café (423) 634-9191

Thursday, January 14: 9pm Open Mic with Hap Henninger Friday, January 15: 9pm Mark Andrew Saturday, January 16: 10pm Hap Henninger Tuesday, January 19: 7pm Server/Hotel Appreciation Night $5 Pitchers • $2 Wells ! • $1.50 Domestics

Wednesday, January 20: 8pm Wednesday Blues Night

#1 Desserts!

Voted “Best of the Best” 901 Carter Street

citycafemenu.com/the-office

$10 Ladies Day Special every Monday 4115 Shallowford Rd www.superiorhandcarwash.com

Follow us on Facebook (we’re quite likeable) facebook.com/chattanoogapulse

CHATTANOOGAPULSE.COM • JANUARY 14, 2016 • THE PULSE • 13

RECORD REVIEWS ERNIE PAIK

Indie-Pop Comfort Food With a Dessert of Syrian Techno Seapony Has A Vision of breezy charm; Rizan Said is King of the Keyboard

Seapony A Vision (Burrito Thirty/Lost Sound)

T

his writer confesses to having a soft spot for several types of music for which he is often less discriminating, and among them are certain strains of indie-pop, which serve as a sort of aural comfort food. Labels such as Slumberland, Flying Nun, K, Shelflife and Sarah have offerings that tap into this nebulous aesthetic, where pure pleasure wins over any notion of ambition or pushing the status quo.

Take a few chords, a pretty voice and some catchy melodies that aren’t in-

Rizan Said King of Keyboard (Annihaya)

sipid. Formulas can serve a purpose in music—think about the fruitful “girlgroup” era of ‘60s pop, which was almost exclusively about the perils of love—where what a song is about is less important than how it is about it, to paraphrase a quote from Roger Ebert about film.

This all sounds apologetic and one step away from groveling, but it shouldn’t. The album at hand, A Vision, is the third full-length outing from the Seattle pop group Seapony, and it doesn’t need to bear the

14 • THE PULSE • JANUARY 14, 2016 • CHATTANOOGAPULSE.COM

weight of the world on its shoulders. What struck this writer about it was its effortless, unpretentious charm, breezy and never overwrought, with a basic lyrical vocabulary that doesn’t draw too much attention to itself.

The band has disbanded since the album came out—self-released on the band’s Burrito Thirty label and also on cassette on Lost Sound.

With several threeminute numbers, it goes right for delicate pleasure centers, with guitarist/vocalist Jen Weidl singing

softly and tenderly, perhaps comparably to The Softies’ Rose Melberg.

Electric guitar lines from Danny Rowland are clear, taking from the substantial influence of The Smiths’ Johnny Marr, with a little occasional fuzz in the mix, like on “In Heaven.”

Perhaps the album’s sweetest moment is “Hollow Moon,” with weaving acoustic guitars and a serenade of crickets in the background, and while A Vision isn’t going to take a place in the indie-pop pantheon, the fact that it likely sounds just as good today as it might have if it were released 20 years ago, says something.

Q

uick question: who are your top ten favorite Syrian techno artists? I know what you’re thinking, “I can only pick ten?”

But seriously, for most Western world audiences, there’s only one prominent name, and that’s singer Omar Souleyman, who has worked with the likes of Björk and Kieran Hebden (of Four Tet) and has performed at the Bonnaroo and Big Ears festivals in Tennessee.

A case could be made that Souleyman might not be where he is today if it wasn’t for his two-decade-strong collaborator, the keyboardist Rizan Said, who is responsible for the distinctive, whirling soloing heard on Souleyman’s work.

Now, with the instrumental full-length album King of Keyboard, Said takes the spotlight with his modern take on dabke dance music—which he has played at numerous Syrian wedding parties—rapidly tapped out on Korg keyboards with an unabashed artificiality.

With just a few exceptions, like the sustained notes on “Electric Mawwal” parts one and two, Said often plays a game of tonal hot potato, where he is compelled to not linger on one note for too long. Imagine “Flight of the Bumblebee” if it used Arabic scales and was played using a brash, reedy yet breathy keyboard sound, with borderlinecheesy drum machine rhythms propelling it.

The sheer jittery relentlessness of the music could very well cause some people to be nervous or even annoyed, while others will be stimulated by it. Without Souleyman’s vocals on these solo pieces, Said does just fine by engaging in call-and-response exchanges with himself, either playing in different registers to distinguish his “voices” or alternating between melodies and tight beatbox hand-drum rolls.

King of Keyboard is all about momentum, with Said always on his toes with near-constant improvised soloing, without the figurative safety net of strict motifs upon which to fall back.

FOOD & DRINK MIXOLOGY

Stirred, Not Shaken 007 facts about vermouth, the misunderstood beverage “In Europe, wine connoisseurs favor a 150-year-old concoction known as a Vermouth Cocktail: a nip of chilled vermouth with bitters in a cold glass.”

A Vermouth Cocktail

James Bond may have had it wrong.

Mixing drinks can be more messy business than classy presentation depending on whether you’re on a turbulent flight, in a bar fight, or dining with a beautiful would-be assassin. So let’s debunk the myths and set the record straight with “007” facts about vermouth.

Fact #1: Vermouth is a wine, not a mixer. And it should not be confused with the syrupy sweet ‘n’ sour mixers used in America. Vermouth hails from the French Savoy and Italian Turino regions of Europe. It is infused with herbs, or aromatized, and intensified with grape liquor—fortified—to make an intense liquid that can be red or

white, sweet or dry.

Fact #2: It was created for the people. Traditionally, vermouth was fermented with botanicals for two purposes. The first was medicinal—for various digestive and restorative properties—and the second was to bring a more robust, affordable wine to the masses.

Fact #3: Vermouth has a high alcohol content. The alcohol content ranges from 13 to 24 percent, almost double the punch of a regular wine, and sometimes three to four times the potency of a beer or cider, which vary from 3 to 6 percent.

Fact #4: Each bottle is unique.

There is a color system in place to identify varietals, but beware brand labels.

Some distributors put the same label on their aperitifs regardless of whether they are red or white wines.

Fact #5: Purists drink it stirred.

In Europe, wine connoisseurs favor a 150-year-old concoction known as a Vermouth Cocktail: a nip of chilled vermouth with bitters in a cold glass. It is an “old-school” beverage that simplifies the drinks-on-ice concept. The cocktail is considered elegant, the drink you drink when you don’t just want a cup of booze regardless—and it’s stirred, not shaken.

Fact #6: There is minimal difference between shaken or stirred in mixed cocktails. For Bond enthusiasts, there is a ton of documentation on how 007 liked his martinis (or vespers) in both the Ian Fleming novels and the motion pictures. (Did you know that in the Fleming novels, Bond orders a total of 19 vodka martinis and 16 gin martinis? Seriously. There are websites.) And in the movies Bond prefers his drinks shaken, not stirred. Studies have shown that the ratio of antioxidants is higher in shaken vs. stirred and that aeration makes for a purer taste in shaken beverages, but that the main difference between “shaken or stirred” is the visual.

Shaken drinks are cloudy, not clear, so theoretically Bond liked the look of a messy cocktail.

Fact #7: Manhattans and martinis use the same vermouth recipe.

In America, vermouth is regarded as a mixer and manhattans and martinis are the normal preparations. The basic recipes are traditionally the same: One part vermouth to one part bourbon whiskey (for a manhattan) or gin (for a martini) with a splash of bitters. There are multiple variations, including the vesper (from Bond fame), the vodka martini, the Rob Roy and others.

Want to know more? Visit vermouth101.com for a fairly comprehensive history and recipes, and decide whether your next drink will be shaken or stirred.

— Stephanie Smith

DAILY WINE TASTINGS 20 BEERS ON TAP COMPETITIVE PRICES UNRIVALED SERVICE PROVISIONS & GIFTS 1616 BROAD STREET | CHATTANOOGA |37408 423.777.4820 MON - THURS 10a - 10p FRI - SAT 10a - 10p THE PULSE • NEW YEAR'S EVE GUIDE • DECEMBER 24, 2015 • CHATTANOOGAPULSE.COM • 15

ARTS SCENE

New Southside Gallery Presents Art With A Bang

String Theory Goes To The Animals PIANIMAL good plain fun for kids and parents alike If you’re looking for a special activity to get the kids out of the house and involved in some art, something fun is brewing at the Hunter this Saturday. String Theory and the Hunter Museum will be presenting a unique family concert featuring PIANIMAL. Created by pianist, producer and composer Elizabeth Schumann, the show integrates art, literature, music and multimedia experiences. It also gives children and their parents a chance to connect with the museum in a personal way through creating original works of art.

The afternoon begins with a concert and multimedia presentation at 1 p.m. followed by an instrumentpetting zoo hosted by the String Theory Youth Initiative and a handson art project for kids presented by the Hunter.

The PIANIMAL concept is in-

spired by animals, with integrated live video projections and artwork, and it showcases the piano music of Dvorák, Grieg, Rimsky-Korsakov, Debussy, Scriabin, Dutilleux, Mussorgsky and Saint-Saëns.​ Collaborations for PIANIMAL include artwork by Eden Bachelder, Natalie Hall and Angèle Gougeon; animation by Shaun Seong-young Kim; poetry by Christopher Steger; transcriptions by Elizabeth Schumann; and documentary video

by Maureen Anway.

— Stephanie Smith

String Theory Annual Family Concerts presents: PIANIMAL Saturday, 1 p.m.

The Hunter Museum of American Art 10 Bluff View (423) 267-0968 huntermuseum.org

THU1.14

FRI1.15

SAT1.16

FENNEL FUN

RIVER WILDLIFE

SCIENCE TIME

SUP Studio Open House

Sandhill Crane Cruise

LEARN! Robotics with Makey Makey

Meet local paddlers and get a behind the scenes view of Fennel's process.

6 p.m.

Fennel Blythe's SUP Studio 1220 E. Main St. fennelblythe.com

The annual Sandhill Crane migration is one of the greatest spectacles of nature.

10 a.m., 2 p.m.

River Gorge Explorer Sale Creek Marina 3900 Lee Pike tnaqua.org

Play with one of the hottest circuitry devices out there: the Makey Makey.

3 p.m.

Downtown Library 1001 Broad St. chattlibrary.org

16 • THE PULSE • JANUARY 14, 2016 • CHATTANOOGAPULSE.COM

Ember Studios and Gallery gathers together an eclectic collection

T

HERE IS A VERY GOOD CHANCE THAT FUTURE GENerations will view our current era as a second Renaissance. Evidence of this can be seen everywhere—in the media, on the walls of buildings around town, and in the studios and galleries of a new generation of creatives.

Arts TONY MRAZ

“

Adam Kirby’s sculptures are definitely pushing the boundaries of ceramic art— more precisely, pushing them very hard and fast with gunpowder.”

The development and application of technology is facilitating this movement.

In the past 30 years we have progressed from landlines to smartphones, from newspapers to blogs, from analog to digital. With the push of a button, artists are able to instantly share their work and to be inspired by people all over the planet.

Now is one of the best times in history to be a working artist. Many young professionals have chosen art as a career and more of them are succeeding in their endeavors every day. A perfect example of this is the Southside Historic District’s transformation into one of Chattanooga’s cultural hubs.

In less than a decade, lots of hard work and business savvy have changed Main Street from a dilapidated commercial corridor into a bustling arts district. Part of the story of the Southside’s revival comes from the newest addition to the neighborhood’s selection of fine art purveyors, Ember Studios and Gallery.

Located next to The Local Juicery + Kitchen and across the street from The Certified Electric Bike Specialists, Ember is a space that is devoted primarily to contemporary ceramics. When Seth Cathy and his wife, Sarah, bought the building, it had been vacant since 1960.

It was a dirty husk of a structure, with boarded-up windows and a graffiti-cov-

Photo by Jessica Bartet

ered plywood facade.

The pair completely renovated it, making the eyesore into an impressive venue for clay. The walls, high ceilings and exposed ventilation system are painted bright white, giving the room a modern feel. The pedestals that hold many of the pieces blend in with the blank walls, leaving nothing to distract the viewer from the work.

Though many of the artists represented by Ember are local, the Cathys’ goal is to host works from all over. They currently have 23 artists displaying several hundred pieces, ranging in style from traditional pottery to sculpture, plus a photographer and a painter. Seth is a champion wheel thrower, and he maintains a workspace in the back of the shop. In addition to the ceramics studio, the back is also home to the metal shop of Jonah Williams.

Seth’s pottery is classy, simple and extremely consistent. He mixes all his own glazes from raw chemicals, giving his pots a distinctive quality and feel. “The fun thing about clay is that you can do a million things with it—it doesn’t necessarily have to be functional like cups, et cetera,” he says.

“You can make anything with clay. For instance, one of our artists makes buttons. People have even used clay to make musical instruments.”

One of Ember’s most interesting collections of work was made using a fascinating method. Adam Kirby’s sculptures are definitely pushing the boundaries of ceramic art—more precisely, pushing them very hard and fast

with gunpowder.

Yes, gunpowder.

Adam’s process for making these “ballistic sculptures” involves shooting various guns at blocks of clay. The force of the bullet rips and tears the clay, deforming it and leaving a hole like an Arnold Schwarzenegger shot in a T-1000. Adam then glazes and fires the sculptures.

The result is wonderfully unique and impressive, which is why he recently won a juried show in Nashville and sold his entire inventory. “I like the idea of using a gun for something creative, as a sculpting tool instead of as a weapon,” he explains.

One of Adam’s mentors is also represented by Ember, and his art is truly magnificent. Let it suffice to say that Shadow May’s work is museum quality. Not only has he exhibited at The Hunter; last year he won Best New Exhibitor at the Smithsonian Craft Show in Washington, D.C. His functional pots are as thoughtful as his sculptures, exuding a feeling of Zen and peace.

His aesthetic does a fantastic job of being inside and outside the box at the same time.

In his artist statement, Shadow May says: “I work from the perspective that life is fleeting. That belief lends to the urgent and spontaneous nature of my sculptures. ‘Did I do enough in my life? Did I live in fear too often? Did I challenge myself to taste greatness?’”

Ember is open Tuesday-Saturday from 10 a.m. to 5 p.m., and at other times by appointment.

2016 Southern Charm Wedding Expo at the Historic Ringgold Depot 155 Depot Street Saturday, January 16 • 12pm - 4pm Free Admission • Caterer Samples Register for Door Prizes For more information: 706.935.3061 www.cityofringgold.com

C e n t e n n i a l

O l y m p i c

P a r k

&

I n t e r n a t i o n a l

P l a z a

SHAKYKNEESFESTIVAL.COM CHATTANOOGAPULSE.COM • JANUARY 14, 2016 • THE PULSE • 17

ARTS CALENDAR

“Seeking the Spiritual: The Visionary Art of Elliott Daingerfield”

THURSDAY1.14 Penguin Keeper Talks 10:30 a.m.

Tennessee Aquarium 1 Broad St. (423) 265-0695 tnaqua.org Ooltewah Farmers Market 3 p.m.

Ooltewah Nursery 5829 Main St. (423) 238-9775 ooltewahnursery.com SUP Studio Open House 6 p.m.

Fennel Blythe's SUP Studio 1220 E. Main St. fennelblythe.com Bicycle Maintenance 101 6 p.m.

Outdoor Chattanooga 200 River St. (423) 643-6888 outdoorchattanooga.com String Theory 6:30 p.m.

Hunter Museum of American Art 10 Bluff View huntermuseum.org Landry 7:30 p.m.

The Comedy Catch 1400 Market St. (423) 629-2233 thecomedycatch.com

FRIDAY1.15 Sandhill Crane Cruise 10 a.m., 2 p.m.

River Gorge Explorer

Sale Creek Marina 3900 Lee Pike (423) 265-0695 tnaqua.org Delta Bird Program 10:30 a.m.

Tennessee Aquarium 1 Broad St. (423) 265-0695 tnaqua.org Landry 7:30 p.m.

The Comedy Catch at the Chattanooga Choo Choo 1400 Market St. (423) 629-2233 thecomedycatch.com

SATURDAY1.16 Brainerd Farmers Market 10 a.m.

Grace Episcopal Church

PULSE PICK: LANDRY

Hailing from Kitchener, Ontario, Canadian Landry's charismatic style is kind of what you'd get if you mixed Charlie Chaplin with somebody who spoke; it would be just as physical, but in color.

Landry The Comedy Catch 1400 Market St. (423) 629-2333 thecomedycatch.com

18 • THE PULSE • JANUARY 14, 2016 • CHATTANOOGAPULSE.COM

20 Belvoir Ave. (423) 698-0330 saygrace.net Sandhill Crane Cruise 10 a.m., 2 p.m.

River Gorge Explorer Sale Creek Marina 3900 Lee Pike (423) 265-0695 tnaqua.org Penguin Keeper Talks 10:30 a.m.

Tennessee Aquarium 1 Broad St. (423) 265-0695 tnaqua.org Celebrate 2016 with CSO 11 a.m.

Tennessee Aquarium 1 Broad St. (423) 267-3474 The Metropolitan Opera: Les Pecheurs de Peries 12:55 p.m.

East Ridge 18 5080 S. Terrace (423) 855-9652 carmike.com String Theory Annual Family Concerts presents: PIANIMAL 1 p.m.

Hunter Museum of American Art 10 Bluff View (423) 267-0968 huntermuseum.org LEARN! Robotics with Makey Makey 3 p.m.

Downtown Library 1001 Broad St. (423) 757-5310 chattlibrary.org Saturday Chess Club 3 p.m.

South Chattanooga Library 925 West 39th St. (423) 825-7237 chattlibrary.org

Landry 7:30 p.m.

The Comedy Catch at the Chattanooga Choo Choo 1400 Market St. (423) 629-2233 thecomedycatch.com

SUNDAY1.17 Sandhill Crane Cruise 10 a.m., 2 p.m.

River Gorge Explorer Sale Creek Marina 3900 Lee Pike (423) 265-0695 tnaqua.org Delta Bird Program 10:30 a.m.

Tennessee Aquarium 1 Broad St. (423) 265-0695 tnaqua.org Piano Recital featuring Ethan McGrath 3 p.m.

Brainerd Presbyterian Church 1624 Jenkins Rd. (423) 883-9212 bpcepc.org Landry 7:30 p.m.

The Comedy Catch at the Chattanooga Choo Choo 1400 Market St. (423) 629-2233 thecomedycatch.com

MONDAY1.18 Penguin Keeper Talks 10:30 a.m.

“Trees and Skies” Tennessee Aquarium 1 Broad St. (423) 265-0695 tnaqua.org The ML King Mural Dedication 12 p.m.

Bessie Smith Cultural Center 200 E ML King Blvd. mlkcha.org (423) 643-7800 The Making of the ML King Mural with muralist Meg Saligman 1 p.m.

Bessie Smith Cultural Center 200 E ML King Blvd. mlkcha.org/ (423) 643-7800 We All Have A Dream: MLK Day Spoken Word Open Mic 7 p.m.

The Camp House 149 E. MLK Blvd.

(423) 702-8081 thecamphouse.com Vintage Swing Dance 7 p.m.

Clear Spring Yoga 17 N. Market St. (931) 982-1678 clearspringyoga.com

TUESDAY1.19 Delta Bird Program 10:30 a.m.

Tennessee Aquarium 1 Broad St. (423) 265-0695 tnaqua.org Alive in Asia 12:55 p.m.

East Ridge 18

5080 S. Terrace (423) 855-9652 carmike.com Rapid Learning Intro to Kayaking and Skills Practice 7 p.m.

Southern Adventist University 4870 University Dr. (423) 643-6888 outdoorchattanooga.com

WEDNESDAY1.20 Penguin Keeper Talks 10:30 a.m.

Tennessee Aquarium 1 Broad St. (423) 265-0695 tnaqua.org Middle East Dance 10:30 a.m.

Jewish Cultural Center 5461 N. Terrace (423) 493-0270 jewishchattanooga.com Main Street Farmers Market 4 p.m.

325 E. Main St. mainstfarmersmarket.com Acupuncture Happy Hour 4 p.m.

Center for Mindful Living 400 E. Main St. (423) 486-1279 centerformindfulliving. wildapricot.org Wednesday Night Chess Club 6 p.m.

Downtown Public Library 1001 Broad St. (423) 757-5310 The Metropolitan Opera: Les Pecheurs de Peries

6:30 p.m.

East Ridge 18 5080 S. Terrace (423) 855-9652 carmike.com Mia Jackson 7:30 p.m.

The Comedy Catch at the Chattanooga Choo Choo 1400 Market St. (423) 629-2233 thecomedycatch.com

ONGOING “Japonisme and America” The Hunter Museum of American Art 10 Bluff View Ave. (423) 267-0968 huntermuseum.org “Seeking the Spiritual: The Visionary Art of Elliott Daingerfield” The Hunter Museum of Art 10 Bluff View Ave. (423) 267-0968 huntermuseum.org “Sweet Sixteen” In-Town Gallery 26A Frazier Ave. (423) 267-9214 intowngallery.com “Works by Kim Kauffman, Edie Maney & Judy Klick” River Gallery 400 E. 2nd St. (423) 265-5033, ext. 5 river-gallery.com “Serpentine Chain Collection” Shuptrine’s 2646 Broad St. (423) 266-4453

ARTS CALENDAR

Paying you the most...

alanshuptrine.com “Trees and Skies” Reflections Gallery 6922 Lee Hwy. (423) 892-3072 reflectionsgallerytn.com “Biblical Wood Panels”

by Bernard Gore Bessie Smith Cultural Center 200 E. MLK Blvd.

(423) 266-8658 bessiesmithcc.org “How to Close Your Eyes”

by Carmen Papalia Cress Gallery of Art 752 Vine St. (423) 304-9789 William Parker Exhibit Shuptrine’s Gold Leaf Designs 2646 Broad St. (423) 266-4453 shuptrines.com AVA Juried Member Exhibition AVA Gallery 30 Frazier Ave. (423) 265-4282 avarts.org Multiflections: Senior Art Exhibit John C. Williams Art Gallery 632 Vine St. (423) 236-2732 Jewish Geography Jewish Cultural Center 5461 N. Terrace Dr. (423) 493-0270 jewishchattanooga.com Map these locations on chattanoogapulse.com. Send event listings at least 10 days in advance to: calendar@chattanoogapulse.com

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Can you craft a compelling 650-word short feature or profile—and a longer, in-depth feature worthy of our cover? If so, let’s talk. The Pulse is seeking a few good freelance writers to join our stable of news, feature, music, political, fashion and arts writers.

We reward our writers with fair pay and a showcase for their skills.

If you’ve got the “write stuff,” we want your voice in The Pulse.

Email samples of your best clips along with a brief bio to: creative@chattanoogapulse.com

CHATTANOOGAPULSE.COM • JANUARY 14, 2016 • THE PULSE • 19

SCREEN SCENE

Searching For Truth In America's Heartland “Making a Murderer” a manipulative yet compelling indictment of failed justice

An Operatic Love Triangle The Met's “The Pearl Fishers” shines on the big screen The Metropolitan Opera brings “The Pearl Fishers” to the stage for the first time since its original production in 1916. This is the classic tale of two men who fall in love with the same woman, a development that tests their friendship. (A love triangle in an opera? Say it isn’t so.)

Nadir and Zurga swear to forget Leila, the Hindu priestess, who has come to the village to bless the pearl fishers. Together they sing “Au Fond du Temple Saint” (“At The Back of the Holy Temple”), one of the most beloved and well-known duets in Western opera.

✴✴✴✴

But turmoil ultimately erupts on both land and sea as two fall in love and one seeks revenge after the friendship oath is broken.

With lush sets and extravagant costumes, soaring instruments and heartbreaking voices, the Met never fails to satisfy even the most novice opera-goer. If you can’t visit in person, the live cinema in HD is the next best thing.

There will be two showings at Carmike's East Ridge 18 theaters: Saturday at 12:55 p.m. and on Wednesday at 6:30 p.m.

— Stephanie Smith

NEW IN THEATERS

Ride Along 2 As his wedding day approaches, Ben heads to Miami with his soon-to-be brother-in-law James to bring down a drug dealer who's supplying the dealers of Atlanta with product.

Director: Tim Story Stars: Ice Cube, Kevin Hart, Tika Sumpter, Benjamin Bratt

✴✴✴✴

13 Hours: The Secret Soldiers of Benghazi An American Ambassador is killed during an attack at a U.S. compound in Libya as a security team struggles to make sense out of the chaos.

Director: Michael Bay Stars: John Krasinski, Freddie Stroma, Toby Stephens, Pablo Schreiber

20 • THE PULSE • JANUARY 14, 2016 • CHATTANOOGAPULSE.COM

E

VERY TOWN HAS THAT FAMILY. THEY ARE THE FAMily that seems to live in a self-inflicted poverty of ruin and rust, of ignorance and ignobility, of disagreeable temper and distrust.

They are the family that has too many children and an excessive number of cousins and distant relations, and lacks the resources to manage any of them.

Screen JOHN DEVORE

“

The documentary drags the role of the media and the court of public opinion screaming into the light, demanding that the audience confront just how unfair our justice system can be.”

Southern literature is full of these characters: the Ewells of Maycomb, the Snopeses of Yoknapatawpha, the Slatterys of Clayton County. They are the poor white trash, victims of their own responses, destined through poor decisions to lives of destitution.

Like most of the poor in America, this class of people has an uneasy relationship with law enforcement, often due to the survival mentality necessary to exist on the fringes of society. This ultimately leads to a prejudicial attitude toward members of these families that manifests itself in the belief that anyone with a certain last name is capable of the worst crimes imaginable.

There is an unequivocal disparity in the way law enforcement deals with people belonging to these families and the way it deals with everyone else, for reasons that should be easily understandable.

However, in a country where justice demands the presumption of innocence and equality in the eyes of the law, such prejudices are unconscionable.

The Netflix documentary series “Making a Murderer” puts this idea on display in gripping and heartbreaking detail, showing the glaring holes that exist in our current justice system.

Steven Avery was convicted of a violent rape in 1985 by the state of Wisconsin on largely circumstantial evidence found by the Manitowoc County Sheriff’s Department. Eighteen years later, Avery’s conviction was overturned due to new DNA evidence that pointed to the real rapist. Avery was freed and began a $36 million lawsuit against Manitowoc County.

Then, shortly after the lawsuit began, Avery was again arrested, this time for the rape and murder of Theresa Halbach. These are the facts in their simplest terms, but there is much more to the story. The 10-episode documentary series guides viewers through the twists and turns of apparent and glaring police and prosecutorial misconduct.

It is easy for the conspiracy-minded to connect the dots between missing or inconclusive evidence, coerced confessions and cavalier certainty in the face of dubious conclusions found in the case against Steven Avery and his nephew, Brenden Dassy. The series is most certainly skewed toward the Avery family, proprietors of a vast salvage yard in upper Wisconsin.

The documentary slowly and methodically lays out the case that the Manitowoc Sheriff’s department planted evidence against Steven Avery in an effort to avoid an expensive settlement and win yet another battle against the outsiders that do not fit into their small community. The series is compelling and, many times, infuriating.

Of particular note is the repeated questioning of Brenden Dassy, when two detectives essentially force a

16-year-old child with a verbal IQ of 69 to admit to being an accomplice to the heinous crime in graphic, uncomfortable detail.

The filmmakers tell the story through phone calls, police recordings, interviews and trial footage. These are carefully selected to elicit extreme emotional responses from the audience—it is clear that the filmmakers are hoping to manipulate the audience into believing as they do.

But even though these manipulations are obvious, the evidence presented against Manitowoc County and the State is damning enough to show there was likely a gross miscarriage of justice in this case. Steven Avery and Brenden Dassy probably deserve a new trial, at the very least.

More than this, however, the documentary drags the role of the media and the court of public opinion screaming into the light, demanding that the audience confront just how unfair our justice system can be.

The innocence or guilt of Steven Avery is left to the opinion of the viewers. Reddit already has its internet sleuths on the case with wild theories about possible suspects and conspiracies. “Making a Murderer” serves to reopen the wounds of the Halbach family and thrust Manitowoc County back into the spotlight in ways I’m sure the people who live there would rather not see.

Whether or not this will mean anything for the two men accused of the crime remains to be seen. What is clear, however, is that justice is not easy.

Consider This with Dr. Rick

by Rick Pimental-Habib, Ph.D. “Sometimes we feel empty; we feel a vacuum, a great lack of something. We want to feel less alone, less empty. It is a deep thirst.” —Thich Nhat Hanh Addictions are a bitch, aren’t they? They are hard to admit to, hard to navigate, hard to come out the other side. Hard to even know where to begin.

How do we use intellectual tools for what is really an issue buried deep inside our very being? With well-established roots, its seeds from old situations and relationships, now affecting every relationship we have.

Let a little extra stress tip the scale and we reach for whatever we reach for: food, drink, drugs, careless sex…almost anything can be used in an effort to fill that tremendous lack, that unrest, that aloneness deep within.

What do we yearn for, really? Consider this: We all want to love and be loved. To know we are lovable, despite everything. We may not always know how to handle this maddening search, but we all need love.

CHATTANOOGAPULSE.COM • JANUARY 14, 2016 • THE PULSE • 21

Jonesin’ Crossword

Free Will Astrology

MATT JONES

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): “It’s a terrible thing to wait until you’re ready,” proclaims actor Hugh Laurie. He goes even further: “No one is ever ready to do anything.

There is almost no such thing as ready.” His counsel is too extreme for my tastes. I believe that proper preparation is often essential.

We’ve got to get educated about the challenges we want to take on. We need to develop at least some skills to help us master our beloved goals. On the other hand, it’s impossible to ever be perfectly prepared and educated and skilled. If you postpone your quantum leaps of faith until every contingency has been accounted for, you’ll never leap. Right now, Capricorn, Laurie’s view is good advice.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): Fate has transformed a part of your life that you didn’t feel ready to have transformed. I won’t offer my condolences, though, because I’ve guessed a secret that you don’t know about yet. The mythic fact, as I see it, is that whatever you imagine you have had to let go of will ultimately come back to you in a revised and revivified form— maybe sooner than you think.

Endings and beginnings are weaving their mysteries together in unforeseen ways. Be receptive to enigmatic surprises.

“Worst of Pop Culture, 2015”—a year to remember.

ACROSS 1 Muppet with an orange nose 5 Certain physical measurement, for short 8 “___ first you don’t succeed ...”

12 Short, shrill sound 13 ___ fro 15 “___ arigato, Mr. Roboto” 16 Poultry herb 17 Nomadic mob 18 Class with graphs, for short 19 2015 superhero film reboot with a 9% score on Rotten Tomatoes 22 Iggy Azalea/ Britney Spears collaboration, listed on Entertainment Weekly’s Worst Singles of 2015 23 “Mission: Impossible” character Hunt 25 “Full,” at a theater 26 Hatha and bikram, for two 29 Weather map lines 31 Get hold of again

32 Feline tooth 33 President who’s thanked a lot?

37 College in New Rochelle, New York 38 “Oh, yeah!”

39 Santa-tracking defense gp.

40 Paper wounds 41 Canadian vocal tics that aren’t as commonplace as Americans think 42 Doesn’t say outright 44 Little ___ (“Languages for Kids” learning series) 45 Short-lived Rainn Wilson cop show, listed on Yahoo’s Worst TV Shows of 2015 47 Change places with one’s wrestling teammate 50 ___ of Sauron 51 Seafood selections 55 Power shake need 57 Rooster’s morning perch 59 Choir 60 Mix it up (var.)

61 2015 Adam

Sandler movie that got an epic tenminute review/rant from “MovieBob Reviews” on YouTube 62 Much-maligned 2015 reality show which put contestant couples in the titular enclosure (later to be interviewed by therapists) DOWN 1 Some CDs 2 Nissan hybrid 3 Cones of nonsilence?

4 Cattle site 5 Gives a leg up to 6 Sacrificial figure 7 Part of Roy G. Biv 8 Visionary 9 Market research panel 10 Love, in Xochimilco 11 Massive quantity 13 “Yeah, about ___ ...”

14 Prefix meaning “one-tenth” 20 It’s designed to stay up all night 21 “Punky Brewster” star Soleil Moon ___

23 Trinket in “The Hunger Games” 24 Totally destroy 27 “___ a stinker?”

(Bugs Bunny catchphrase) 28 Back twinge 30 Hedgehog of Sega fame 31 “M*A*S*H” character 34 Nutsoid 35 Like craft shows 36 High degree 42 “Messiah” composer 43 In the future 45 Go nuts with a whole season, e.g.

46 “Fantastic” character in a Roald Dahl novel 47 1/16 of a cup, briefly 48 Et ___ (and others) 49 Baby boomer followers 52 Get from ___ (make progress) 53 Doofus 54 Glasses, in comic book ads 56 Hosp. locations 58 Cries of surprise

Copyright © 2016 Jonesin’ Crosswords. For answers to this puzzle, call: 1-900-226-2800, 99 cents per minute. Must be 18+ to call. Or to bill to your credit card, call: 1-800-655-6548. Reference puzzle No. 0762

22 • THE PULSE • JANUARY 14, 2016 • CHATTANOOGAPULSE.COM

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): Good news: Your eagerness to think big is one of your superpowers. Bad news: It’s also one of your liabilities. Although it enables you to see how everything fits together, it may cause you to overlook details about what’s undermining you. Good news: Your capacity for intense empathy is a healing balm for both others and yourself. At least potentially, it means you can be a genius of intimacy. Bad news: Your intense empathy can make you fall prey to the emotional manipulation of people with whom you empathize. Good news: Your willingness to explore darkness is what makes your intelligence so profound. Bad news: But that’s also why you have to wrestle so fiercely with fear. Good news: In the next four weeks, the positive aspects of all the above qualities will be ascendant.

ARIES (March 21-April 19): You love autonomy. You specialize in getting the freedom and sovereignty you require. You are naturally skilled at securing your independence from influences that might constrain your imagination and limit your self-expression. But here’s a sticking point: If you want the power to help shape group processes, you must give up some of your autonomy. In order to motivate allies to work toward shared goals, you need to practice the art of interdependence. The next test of your ability to do this is coming right up.

ROB BREZSNY

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): “Nothing is really work unless you’d rather be doing something else.”

So said Taurus writer James M. Barrie (1860-1937), who created the Peter Pan stories. Your challenge and invitation in the coming months is to increase the amount of time you spend that does not qualify as work. In fact, why don’t you see how much and how often you can indulge in outright play? There’ll be no better way to attract grace and generate good fortune.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): Here’s my proposal: Get in touch with your madness. And don’t tell me you have no madness. We all do.

But listen: When I use the word “madness,” I don’t mean howling rage, hurtful lunacy, or out-ofcontrol misbehavior. I’m calling on the experimental part of you that isn’t always polite and reasonable; the exuberant rebel who is attracted to wild truths rather than calming lies; the imaginative seeker who pines for adventures on the frontiers of your understanding. Now is an excellent time to tap into your inner maverick.

CANCER (June 21-July 22): Here’s an excerpt from Dorianne Laux’s poem “Antilamentation”: “Regret nothing. Not the cruel novels you read to the end just to find out who killed the cook. Not the insipid movies that made you cry in the dark. Not the lover you left quivering in a hotel parking lot.

Not the nights you called god names and cursed your mother, sunk like a dog in the living room couch, chewing your nails.” I’m giving you a good dose of Laux’s purifying rant in the hope that it will incite you to unleash your own. The time is favorable to summon an expanded appreciation for the twists and tweaks of your past, even those that seemed torturous in the moment.

Laux doesn’t regret the TV set she threw out the upstairs window or the stuck onion rings she had to sweep off the dirty restaurant floor, and I hope you will be that inclusive.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): “Modesty is the art of drawing attention to whatever it is you’re being humble about,” said Alfred E. Neuman, the fictitious absurdist whose likeness often appears on the cover of Mad magazine. I’m here to tell you, Leo, that now is an excellent time to embody this aphorism.

You are in a perfect position to launch a charm offensive by being outrageously unassuming.

The less you brag about yourself and the more you praise other people, the better able you will be to get exactly what you want.

Being unegotistical and non-narcissistic is an excellent strategy for serving your selfish needs.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): “To go

wrong in one’s own way is better than to go right in someone else’s,” says a character in Fyodor Dostoyevsky’s novel Crime and Punishment. I don’t agree with that idea 100 percent of the time.

Sometimes our wrong ideas are so delusional that we’re better off getting interrupted and redirected by the wiser insights of others.

But for the near future, Virgo, I recommend Dostoyevsky’s prescription for your use. One of your key principles will be to brandish your unique perspectives. Even if they’re not entirely right and reasonable, they will lead you to what you need to learn next.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): “I love kissing,” testifies singer-songwriter Sufjan Stevens. “If I could kiss all day, I would. I can’t stop thinking about kissing. I like kissing more than sex because there’s no end to it. You can kiss forever. You can kiss yourself into oblivion. You can kiss all over the body. You can kiss yourself to sleep.” I invite you to temporarily adopt this expansive obsession, Libra. The astrological omens suggest that you need more sweet slippery sensual tender interaction than usual. Why? Because it will unleash sweet slippery sensual tender emotions and sweet slippery sensual tender thoughts, all of which will awaken a surge of dormant creativity.

Which you also need very much.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): “Everything has been said before,” said French author André Gide, “but since nobody listens we have to keep going back and beginning all over again.” I am happy to inform you that you’re about to be temporarily exempt from this cynical formulation. According to my reading of the astrological omens, you will be able to drive home certain points that you have been trying to make over and over again for quite a while.

The people who most need to hear them will finally be able to register your meaning. (P.S. This breakthrough will generate optimal results if you don’t gloat. Be grateful and understated.)

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): Do you want more money, Sagittarius? Are there treasures you wish you could have, but you can’t afford them? Do any exciting experiences and life-enhancing adventures remain off-limits because of limited resources? If your answer to any of these questions is yes, now would be an excellent time to formulate plans and take action to gather increased wealth.

I don’t guarantee total success if you do, but I promise that your chance to make progress will be higher than usual. Cosmic tendencies are leaning in the direction of you getting richer quicker, and if you collaborate with those tendencies, financial magic could materialize.

COLUMN ON THE BEAT

5 Minutes On A Cold Night Officer Alex braves the cold and ponder pens and humanity “The biting cold.” It’s not a phrase unknown to anyone, but it certainly has more meaning ALEX TEACH to some than to others.

Under certain conditions it can slice into you like a divorce proceeding and leave you with the same immobile numbness, and those conditions are very much present on the downhill slope of an interstate highway at two o’clock in the morning when you’re distracted from the lack of feeling in your face by the realization that your pen isn’t working for the same reason your cheeks and lips aren’t.

That’s where I found myself on a cold January night under a different presidency than the current one, staring stupidly at the tip of the once highly sought-after Pilot G-2 (medium tip) pen I had in one hand while holding a thoroughly abused spiralbound notepad in the other.

I wanted this pen to work. No, I needed this pen to work. “If the pen

doesn’t work,” I was thinking, “then I can’t finish writing down this VIN number and if I can’t finish writing the VIN then I can’t get back into the cruiser and if I can’t get back into the cruiser then I am going to die here on the side of this filthy interstate amongst the pieces of broken cars and flattened fast-food cups and Copenhagen cans and and and…”

(Imagine that run-on sentence with no spaces between the words for full effect, if you don’t mind.)

I was freaking out, but again, under these circumstances it was perfectly acceptable. I actually think that’s in policy. I took a few breaths (which turned out to be a bad idea because they stung) and like someone falling out of a tall building, I fixated on one specific object so that I could orient myself before certain death struck. It brought me as much comfort as one could expect.

(Who cares how it ends in real life—a coping mechanism is a coping mechanism, my last shrink said, and sometimes you just have to worry about life’s terminal velocity impacts later.)

There was coffee in my car sitting

“For the second time tonight I caught myself looking at something with the same stupid fixed gaze I’d given my pen, my mind just as unable to process this information as it was earlier.” securely in a cup holder I’d drilled into my dash with a sheetrock screw (that’s a whole different story but I’ll tell you things ended with me smelling like coffee—a lot—until I did so) but I knew as soon as I got to it that it would just make my tongue feel weird the way Conoco Columbian blend tasted after cooking 12 hours on a burner, then sitting in my preYeti-era container for another two as I tried to use it to both stay awake and stay warm, both efforts steadily failing with each passing second. By God it was something, though.

I shuffled back to the car, got my backup pen out of the visor, crudely scrawled the 17 characters that stood between me and certain icy doom and was indeed eventually able to wait inside my Crown Vic while a wrecker driver took his shift in the elements under the baleful glare of my headlamps, his image interrupted by the errant snowflake now and then.

He was strapping a 1995 Ford Escort to the back of his sled for its final ride into oblivion and I saw he was wearing an Atlanta Braves ball cap, a soiled short-sleeved Tshirt, jeans, and white Nikes with no socks. That’s it, unless the American Spirit cigarette dangling from his lips counted as attire.

For the second time tonight I caught myself looking at something with the same stupid fixed gaze I’d given my pen, my mind just as unable to process this information as it was earlier. “Hmph,” I said, and grabbed my lukewarm (and well-done) coffee.

Tonight’s lesson? It wasn’t about neoprene or wool or layering or that spare set of socks. It wasn’t even about “the cold.” It was that no one, and I mean no one, likes a smartass.

And as if on cue, I am promptly dispatched to another car wreck.

You complete us.

When officer Alexander D. Teach is not patrolling our fair city on the heels of the criminal element, he spends his spare time volunteering for the Boehm Birth Defects Center

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CHATTANOOGAPULSE.COM • JANUARY 14, 2016 • THE PULSE • 23

Sit Back. Relax. Enjoy The Music.