ChattPulse4_40F

Marti’s Out Of The Game FREE

and Brainerd’s left t o p i ck u p t h e p i e c e s

The

Talk Back Publisher Zachary Cooper zcooper@chattanoogapulse.com Editor Michael Kull mkull@chattanoogapulse.com News Editor Angela Tant atant@chattanoogapulse.com Contributing Writers Ken Dryden Max Gerskin John James Joe Lance Charlie Moss Ernie Paik Dr. Rick Pimental-Habib, Ph.D. Seth Wilson Leticia Wolf Editorial Intern Paula Just Contributing Artists Rick Baldwin Ben Claasen, III Doug Ogg Christopher Wilson Photographer David Andrews dandrews@chattanoogapulse.com Contributing Photographers Nathan Bosic Natalie Lodico Andy Still Advertising Assistant Alex Gunderson agunderson@chattanoogapulse.com Account Managers Elizzabeth Beil ebeil@chattanoogapulse.com Layout and Design Ryan Camp rcamp@chattanoogapulse.com Contact Info: Phone 423.648.7857 Fax 423.648.7860 E-mail info@chattanoogapulse.com Advertising advertising@chattanoogapulse.com Calendar Listings calendar@chattanoogapulse.com

PUBLIC MEETING MANIA This is great! (“For Crying Out Loud,”issue 39). How about a list of what these bodies are supposed to do, as well?

- Joe THANK YOU for this! I’m forwarding this to everyone I know and printing it for all my students. Great to see this info in one place. Printing this is one of the best public services you could perform.

- Candy teacher This is great, but how about a public trashing of such incompetent pseudo politicos as Mr. Pierce? His membership on the City Council is an insult to human dignity and common sense. Has anyone taken him to task? I cannot believe that Chattanooga government is so wrapped up in crucifying a city official who has always had the city’s best interest at heart. The power players of Chattanooga should be ashamed for giving an asshole like Pierce a podium for keeping progress for the city on hold or helping to propel it into a

downward spiral.

- Kelley Blevins Consultant New York HOPE, FAITH AND ILLNESS Dr. Rick, illness and death are the great equalizers of our world (“Volunteer for the Cure,” issue 39).

We all should face our mortality frequently, as it keeps us more humble, more loving and more open to others on this journey too. It reminds me that hope is what I see in my neighbor’s face that reminds me that we are all loving, giving humans, together. Hope is not all about me. My heart transplant gave me hope. It also reminds me daily that I have no rightful expectation to tomorrow. So I do not have the selfish luxury to wait, but must love today. Thanks for a great article.

- Craig

Contents 4 News 6 Pulse Beats 7 Civic Forum 8 A&E 13 Music 18 Screen 21 Shrink Rap 22 Feast 27 Madder Max 28 Classifieds 30 Crossword

NAMES? WE’VE GOT NAMES Thanks for not mentioning me and my nickname in this article (Max Power, issue 39).

- Dick Broom mental giant around the bend

Feedback includes signed and unsigned letters to the editor and comments posted on our Web site and blog. Please send all comments and questions to info@chattanoogapulse.com. We reserve the right to edit comments for content and space. Please limit comments to 200 words.

Cover design by Ryan Camp

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News

By Angela Tant News Editor

The Brainerd Bunch Neighborhood must mend fences, move forward in wake of Rutherford controversy

Goodbye, Marti. Hello, special election.

Call her a maverick. Call her a troublemaker.

Regardless of the adjectives, you can now call Marti Rutherford a former City Council member. She resigned her spot Monday afternoon after facing legal challenges about her residency outside District 6, the one she was elected to represent in 2005.

Now the district must choose a new representative, one who will have lots on his or her platter when it comes to serving Brainerd.

Former City Judge Walter Williams said the district will miss Rutherfordís active representation.

“She was a councilwoman extraordinaire. She put in a lot of time and effort, and I think the district will certainly miss her vigorous leadership and vigorous representation,” Williams said. “She’s been a maverick, and in being a maverick she rubbed some people wrong. I think she was just being assertive in getting the people in her district what they needed.”

Candy Corneliussen, one of the District 6 residents who signed a

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complaint sent to the city about Rutherfordís residency, acknowledged the good things the former City Council member had done for the district, such as her strength in working with neighborhood associations.

“But it’s also been a weakness, because weíve all been disconnected from each other,” Corneliussen said. “When you look at neighborhood groups in certain parts of the city, they are a unified group. That’s been missing in Brainerd.”

Part of the reason for the lack of unity in the neighborhood is due to the diverse representation in the Brainerd area. Brainerd encompasses three districts of the City Council: District 6, John “Duke” Franklin Jr.’s District 5, and Debbie Gaines’ District 9. The Brainerd area also has three representatives on the Hamilton County Commission: Greg Beck’s District 5, John Allen Brooks’ District 6, and Curtis Adams’ District 8.

Corneliussen thinks Rutherford’s approach to being a City Council representative was that her opinions on what was best for Brainerd were all that mattered. And Rutherford appeared unwilling to include others in the decision-making process, Corneliussen said.

“She was kind of hard to work with.

If she didn’t agree with you, that was the end of it,” Corneliussen said. “It had to be her way, or it didn’t happen. I will

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agree that she has been responsive to her constituents, but I think Marti lacked leadership in making Brainerd the heart of this city. I feel like Brainerd has been disconnected from the rest of the city.”

Because Brainerd is one of the older parts of the city, the area has a unique set of problems with which any City Council member who represents it

“She’s been a maverick, and in being a maverick she rubbed some people wrong.” Former City Judge Walter Williams must contend, Williams said. Aging sewer systems need replacement, older buildings need either to be torn down or renovated, and a vigilant police presence must be maintained, he said.

“It’s a challenge to keep a vibrant commercial district in Brainerd, because it’s an older section of town,” Williams said. “It doesn’t have the glamour of Gunbarrel Road or Hixson Pike.”

In days past, Brainerd Village and Eastgate were Chattanooga’s premiere shopping districts. But now the Hamilton Place and Northgate areas have taken their place.

However, Rutherford tried to make sure buildings throughout the district had been up to par and advocated for renovation, Williams said. He credits her as instrumental in renovating Brainerd Village.

But Brainerd must contend with problems associated with neighborhood decline while also attracting new business to the area, Corneliussen said.

“We have boarded-up businesses, bulldozed businesses, empty buildings and businesses,” Corneliussen said. “All that’s left are check-cashing services. She tried to do something about it but was ineffective.”

An issue such as check-cashing is a Continued on page 5...

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Continued from page 4...

problem that can mainly be solved by the state, Corneliussen said.

“This is not a one-person crusade.

Brainerd needs to have an organized, visionary person with ideas and qualifications that will let them work with all kinds of people. Complaining at City Council meetings doesn’t do it,” Corneliussen said. “We need some problem-solvers.”

Williams also gives high praise to Rutherford for working with police to increase patrols. It was Rutherford who pushed for a police precinct at Eastgate, he said. She was the one who removed streetside solicitors and played an instrumental role in closing nightclubs that were the focus of constant problems, he said.

“She rode along with the police at 1 and 2 in the morning, to have first-hand knowledge of the district,” Williams said. “There may be some other council members who have done that, but nobody did that at the level Marti did.

She then took the knowledge she gained from doing this and went to the council to see what could be done.”

But what about planning for the future, Corneliussen asks.

“For Brainerd to move forward, it requires someone to work well with the other leaders of this city,” Corneliussen said. “I think she lacked vision for our community, and, as such, lacked the ability to take Brainerd to the next

“[Marti Rutherford] was kind of hard to work with. If she didn’t agree with you, that was the end of it.

It had to be her way, or it didn’t happen.” - Candy Corneliussen, Brainerd resident level.”

To accomplish this goal, an informal group known as the Brainerd Unity Group is forming. Corneliussen, a cofounder of BUG, said the group wants to find “a progressive, visionary, highly qualified person to run in 2009” for the District 6 council seat.

In the interim, the Chattanooga City Council most likely will appoint a “caretaker” to fill Rutherford’s spot until a special election can be held, Councilman Jack Benson said. It would be similar to what happened when former Councilman Yusuf Hakeem resigned his position to take a job with

the state board of pardons and paroles, Benson said.

BUG plans to introduce itself to the community on Thursday, October 11, as it hosts a debate between the primary winners of the state Senate race in District 10. The program is set for 6 p.m. at Friendship Community Church on the corner of Brainerd Road and Tuxedo Avenue.

Then, the group will set out to perform the delicate task of knitting the community together in the wake of the Rutherford controversy. Corneliussen said the issue has caused deep division in Brainerd; it has even reached the point where neighbors who are on opposing sides have stopped talking to one another, she said.

“I’m concerned that many people who are Marti supporters won’t work with whoever replaces her and may hold a grudge,” Corneliussen said. “I hope it doesn’t happen, and really hope all of them will get behind the new person.”

Corneliussen stresses that BUG was not behind ousting Rutherford, and that the group values input from all Brainerd residents on all issues.

As for Rutherford’s future, she said in her resignation news conference that she will continue to fight for Brainerd’s best interests, and hinted at a possible return to public service.

“I don’t think we’ve seen the last of Marti,” Williams said.

Prodigal Eye © 2006, Savannah Willard

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The Pulse 10.4.07

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Pulse Beats

A rundown of the newsy, the notable, and the notorious…

WIRE UP, KIDS! EPB advocates and antagonists alike packed City Council chambers last week as the council passed 8-0 (where were you, Duke Franklin?) a proposal to hook up a fiber-optic system that eventually will reach all its customers.

And why does that put cable company Comcast in a tizzy? Because the EPB then can get in on the Internet service provider business, and, eventually, could be able to offer cable service.

Hmmm. Competition in cable TV. Why the long faces, Comcast? You’re a corporation. You’ve heard of laissezfaire economics and competition in the capitalist marketplace.

Oh, that’s right. It’s not been applicable to you in this town.

CAMPAIGN FOR THE CURE? Thousands of people packed downtown Sunday to support the Komen Race for the Cure, an annual 5K race that raises funds for breast cancer research.

Lots of teams from local businesses and groups were out in full force, along with others walking solo in honor or memory of a breast cancer victim. According to figures from race officials, about 6,000 people walked or ran, raising $250,000.

And Team Oscar Brock for Senate was out, too. They stood out in their bright red campaign t-shirts.

Gee, folks. This is a benefit for breast cancer, not a platform for public office

Our take on this week’s agenda 1. A resolution authorizing the Mayor to extend the professional services contract for grant writing with Strategy Team Facilitators Consultants for an additional twelve (12) months to continue to assist the Mayor and City departments with strategic planning, project planning and implementation, community involvement, interorganizational collaboration, and resource development related to various City initiatives for an amount not to exceed the current rate of $8,888.89 per month.

We wonder if there aren’t adequately

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SEE YOU AROUND, MARTI The controversy over former City Councilwoman Marti Rutherford’s residency has come to an end with her resignation on Monday.

But it didn’t happen without a few glitches in the news conference, held at Eastgate Town Center in front of the Eastgate Precinct of the Chattanooga Police Department.

Media representatives had set up their cameras, organizing themselves into a semicircle of sorts, ready to hear what Rutherford had to say. Then, about the time she was ready to speak, a security guard came out and made an announcement of his own.

Namely, the event had not been cleared

by Eastgate management and that if the news conference was going to be held, it had to be on the sidewalk outside.

Oh, well. The sun was shining.

FOX? HENHOUSE? GUARDS? When eight members of the Chattanooga City Council took their oaths of office, chances are they never dreamed of being in the sticky situation of passing judgment on one of their own.

But that’s what they have been facing in recent weeks.

City Attorney Randy Nelson last week determined there were enough questions about the residency status of City Councilwoman Marti Rutherford that he filed an ouster suit in Hamilton County Chancery Court. Rutherford’s attorney

John Anderson filed suit, too, asking the Circuit Court to keep her in office, courtesy of a possible jury trial.

Then, the council voted that same day 7-1 (where were you, Duke Franklin?) to draw up papers to remove Rutherford from the council on the basis that she was unqualified to hold office. (By the by, the only one who voted against that little motion was Marti herself.)

In light of her resignation from the council on Monday, this issue is moot for the moment. But there is an issue that cropped up in this situation that needs a little consideration.

Normally, when the city dismisses an employee, that person has the right to appeal the dismissal. And who hears the appeal? Why three members of the City Council, of course!

So, had she not resigned, the panel that decided to dismiss her would be the same panel to determine if it made a mistake in firing her. Whaaaaa?

Perhaps now is the time to come up with a better fair-hearing process, should – heaven help – anything like this happen again.

Which brings us to our …

QUOTE OF THE WEEK “Just be sure you spell my name right.

It’s ‘Marti’ with an ‘I,’ not a ‘Y.’” – City Councilwoman Marti Rutherford, to a Pulse reporter who accidentally bumped into her as both were leaving City Council chambers last week.

The following are highlights from the City Council agenda for October 9.

As always, the agenda is subject to revision. The council meets each Tuesday at 6 p.m. in the City Council Building on 1000 Lindsay St.

qualified staff members who should be taking care of these issues. Or, are things so rough in the relationship department of the city that almost nine grand per month of taxpayer money needs to go to what appears to be an outside firm to do the job.

2. A resolution authorizing the Mayor to apply for and, if awarded, accept an Environmental Protection Agency Brownfields Cleanup Grant in the amount of $200,000.00 to cleanup a portion of the former Anchor Glass Site on Ohls Avenue, which, if awarded, will

The Pulse 10.4.07

require local matching funds of $100,000.00.

We haven’t heard what’s in store for this site once it has been cleaned up. But with $100,000.00 of “local matching funds” committed to the project if awarded, you bet we’ll be looking into it.

The Chattanooga City Council meets each Tuesday at 6 p.m. in the City Council Building at 1000 Lindsay St. For more information on agendas, visit Chattanooga.gov//City_Council/110_ Agenda.asp.

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By Joe Lance

Civic Forum Smokes, Sanity and the State Senate FARR BEYOND REASON At a mere pack per day, a month’s worth of cigarettes is around three cartons. That’s definitely over the two-carton limit, set by the state of Tennessee, for the number of cigarettes that can be purchased at a time from an out-of-state retailer. Yet the fact has been brought up that many fixedincome smokers just might buy a month’s worth with each check. And if such a person is caught making such a purchase across state lines, and is stopped by officers on this side of the border, the government says it can seize the person’s car, not to mention the smokes.

The tobacco bandit patrol is not the only story that has Tennessee’s Department of Revenue in the headlines.

Last week, Commissioner Reagan Farr announced that the department will indeed appeal a ruling recently handed down by the Eastern Division Court of Appeals that the so-called “crack tax,” which requires stamps to be purchased and placed on packages of illegal substances, is unconstitutional.

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A lower court had ruled out the tax, then that ruling was upheld by an appellate court, which got right to the kernel: the state cannot tax any item that is illegal. If you’re not supposed to have it, that’s one thing. There are penalties in place for breaking those laws. But if you’re not even supposed to possess it, then the state, by enacting a tax upon it, is engaging in a cynical game that undermines the very rule of law itself.

Yet the revenue department seems destined to waste a goodly portion of money and time by taking this fight all the way.

NO NEWT IS GOOD NEWT? The Republican field of presidential candidates did expand by one recently: former Ambassador Alan Keyes formally entered the race. Ballot access deadlines loom in a few states, so those getting in should go ahead and ante up. One politico whom a few people thought might make it in was former U.S. House Speaker Newt Gingrich ó but he found the entry fee a little steep,

and announced this week that he would not, after all, be running. He really does seem like a smart guy.

The Democratic side seems more predictable than ever. Polls say that Hillary is pulling ahead of Obama, Edwards, and Richardson. It’s still early enough for something big to happen, though. No, even though his ideological positions perhaps align most with the party base, it will not happen to Dennis Kucinich.

STATE SENATE UPDATE Here’s your last-minute reminder that the polls are open on Thursday, October 4, from 8 a.m. to 8 p.m. in the primary election. In the Democratic primary, vote for either Andy Berke, Ken Jordan, Dr. Lee Whitaker, or John Wolfe, or write someone in. The Republican primary offers Mark Albertini, Oscar Brock, Oscar Brown, Travis Layne, and Basil Marceaux, or, again, the write-in slot.

In other news related to this august body, the District 4 race has begun, as they say, in earnest. Incumbent Mike

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Williams is the lone Independent in the Legislature; he was elected to the Senate as a Republican. Because partisans cannot see his departure as anything but a betrayal, the state GOP is going after the seat with everything they’ve got; interestingly enough, the Democrats seem to be just fine with Williams, and are not running anyone.

The Republican candidate is attorney Mike Faulk, who boasts some 11 generations of heritage in the East Tennessee Republican tradition. Faulk is the honoree at an all-star Nashville fund-raiser on October 11. (He already enjoyed the support of Tennessee’s 7th District Congresswoman Marsha Blackburn at a Bristol-area event in August.)

Every even-numbered Senate seat is up for election in 2008, along with the full House of Representatives.

Joe Lance runs TennesseeTicket.com, a political weblog and non-partisan election resource for Tennessee voters.

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A&E

By Seth Wilson

The Jazz Age, Redux

Contributed Photo

Glenwood neighborhood revives itself with a little good-time music

OGYA World Band is takin’ it to the streets in Glenwood on Saturday.

Many people would argue that jazz is the only true American art form. (This is untrue: there are at least four -- six if you count laziness and football). Arising around the turn of the century from a variety of sources, jazz has grown into one of the treasures of the American mythos and given us some of the great artists of the 20th century. Giants like Louis Armstrong, Miles Davis, John Coltrane and Buddy Rich have all contributed to the evolution of the art form and committed some incredible records performances to magnetic tape.

In honor of this proud tradition, the Glenwood Neighborhood Association sponsors the Glenwood Jazz Festival on

Friday.

This marks the inaugural year of this festival as a community event, and the Glenwood Neighborhood Association hopes it will bring residents from all corners of the Chattanooga Valley area.

In addition to providing a day of free entertainment and a rattling good time, the festival offers a chance to experience one of Chattanooga’s most venerable communities.

As a former jazz haven, Glenwood is the perfect location for such a gathering.

Chattanoogans will be able to see what is perhaps a seldom-visited part of town while they help with its renewal.

This event has the potential to become

an annual occurrence, similar to the Riverbend Festival (but less expensive and, frankly, more interesting). For both the community and the city, it’s a win-win proposition.

Of course, the focus of the day will be the music. To that end, a host of local jazz artists will perform: Silk ‘n’ Sass with Suzan Carter and Landis Batts will bring their funky, traditional sound. The OGYA World Band, locals who combine jazzy horn arrangements, soulful vocals and the polyrhythms of the Caribbean into a unique and amazingly fun sound.

Following OGYA is the Monday Night Big Band, a group whose debt to the great composers and bandleaders of the

THEATRE “Charlotte’s Web”—The Theatre Centre’s Youth Theatre opens its new season with an adaptation of the E.B. White classic Charlotte’s Web. This touching portrait of the friendship between a spider and a pig will delight children of all ages while teaching about the kinship of all living things. $16.50 to $21. 7:30 p.m. Friday. 2:30 p.m.

Saturday and Sunday. Chattanooga Theatre Centre Youth Theatre.

400 River St. (423) 267-8534.

TheatreCentre.com.

“The Music Man”— Chattanooga Theatre Centre opens its season with Meredith Wilson’s perennial favorite. This timeless tale of fasttalking con man Professor Harold Hill and his scheme to separate the citizens of River City from their money will delight the whole family. $16.50 to $21. 7 p.m. Thursday.

8 p.m. Friday and Saturday. 2:30 p.m. Sunday. Chattanooga Theatre Centre Main Stage. 400 River St. (423) 267-8534. TheatreCentre. com.

Depression era is as prodigious as their skill. Next up, it’s renowned drummer Jim Crumble along with a variety of guests. Also featured during the day will be Christian recording artist James Ward, the Mid-South Concert Band and Benji. And who knows who else might show up to join in on the fun? All in all, it’s a varied and enjoyable lineup for the reasonable price of free.

In addition to the music, festival organizers have arranged for a plethora of onsite amenities. Local restaurants will provide barbecue and Cajun delicacies, as well as standard fairground cuisine.

A children’s area will be set up, as well, should the young ‘uns tire of swing dancing to awesome horn riffs.

The Glenwood Neighborhood Association also welcomes guests to bring their own chairs and coolers, so stock up before you head to the festival. This way, if you want to bring your own snacks or sample the wares at the Fest, you’re in luck.

Finally, there will be secure parking on hand in the lot behind Parkridge Hospital.

So, whether you go for an hour or for the day, you’re guaranteed an interesting and pleasant experience.

The Glenwood Neighborhood Association seems to have made copious preparations for the weekend’s celebration. A host of engaging live bands, plenty of concessions and hospitable company await anyone who goes to the party. So grab your chair, a sixer of your favorite beverage and your wingtips--it’s Glenwood Jazz Festival time in Tennessee.

A&E Picks COMEDY Ron Shock—Cheeky storyteller Ron Shock does a three-night stand at the Comedy Catch. A veteran of most network late night shows, Shock delivers a pitch-perfect routine based on his riotously funny stories. $9 to $12. 8 p.m. Thursday. 7:30 p.m. and 10 p.m. Friday and Saturday. The Comedy Catch. 3224 Brainerd Rd. (423) 629-2233.

ComedyCatch.com.

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The Pulse 10.4.07

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ARTifacts ART ARTS NEWS CSO Executive Director John Wehrle is leaving Chattanooga to take the position of General Director of Opera Omaha in Omaha, Nebraska. Molly Sasse, former executive director of Allied Arts, has been named acting director.

For the sixth year, AVA will offer the 4 Bridges Arts Festival Emerging Artist Scholarship. Applicants must be at least 18 years of age. Applicants must submit four images of work, pay the $35 application fee, and may not apply in any other Festival category. Additionally, applicants must also submit a resume, short bio, and an essay of up to 400 words regarding his/her work.

Final application deadline is November 15. For complete information, E-mail Eric Ledford at ELedford@AVArts.org.

Uncanny Inspirado, the region’s largest independent art event, is coming back for its fourth installment this fall on the Southside.

Visit UncannyInspirado.com for more information.

ACTORS WANTED Grace Episcopal Church in Chattanooga is looking for new choir members for their Senior Choir. The choir performs Classical and Anglican literature as well as arrangements of Hymns, Spirituals and the sacred songs of Appalachia. The Grace Choir rehearses on Wednesday evenings and is a volunteer choir performing choral music with high standards and expectations.

Contact David Long for more information at (423) 645-2103 or Long641@bellsouth. net.

Destiny Ensemble Theatre Company will be holding auditions for “The Black Nativity,” a gospel musical inspired by the works of Langston Hughes, on Saturday, October 6, from 3 to 6 pm at First Baptist Church, 506 E 8th Street here in Chattanooga. Speaking and non-speaking roles are available, and not all will require singing. Be prepared for movement. Contact Karl D Gardner

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for more information at (404) 735-5282 or karl@destinyentertainment.org.

10 adults—all ages, sizes, races—are needed to be extras (tour group members) in a short TV ad to air locally for Chattanooga Ghost Tours, Inc. This is not a paid job, but can help fill out a resume. Contact Amy Petulla for more information at (423) 821-7125.

Rock City is hiring actors for the 2007 Forest of Fear at The Enchanted Maze.

Actors need to be available ALL Friday and Saturday nights in October. There is pay. If you are interested, contact ForestOfFear@ yahoo.com.

ARTISTS WANTED “Art at the Tivoli,” held in conjunction with GoFest on October 22, is seeking artists with disabilities. Interested artists should contact Elaine Adams at Adams_E@ Mail.Chattanooga.Gov or Sandy Booher at SBooher@BellSouth.Net by September 20.

The Scenic City Chorus is looking for singers. Visit them at the East Brainerd Church of Christ (7745 E. Brainerd Rd.) on Tuesdays from 6:30 p.m. to 9 p.m. or call (423) 877-4205 or visit ScenicCityChorus. com for more information.

The Chattanooga Theatre Centre is accepting submissions for the March/ April 2008 Festival Of New Plays. The new, lower submission fee is $20. Any playwright living in (or with family ties to) Tennessee, Georgia, or Alabama is eligible to be considered for the $1,000 grand prize and a full production in our CircleStage Series. Visit TheatreCentre.com/Season_ Information/Productions/CallForScripts.htm for more information.

Cypress Corners, a creative community located on the Southside in the newly revitalized Main Street arts district is seeking to host artists, creative businesses, and arts organizations. To find out more, visit CypressCorners.com or call The Structure

Group at (423) 266-9914.

“Art ‘Til Dark” still has a few spots available for the October 6 and November 3 shows. The market is located in the parking lot adjacent to Winder Binder Gallery of Folk Art on Frazier Ave. Spaces are filled on a first come, first serve basis. Exhibiting artists must create their own work. For more info or to reserve a space, E-mail Info@WinderBinder.com.

all stripes and media to join its community of working and hobbyist artists. Call (423) 265-4287 for more information.

ARTifacts is a weekly rundown of arts news compiled by the editorial staff of The Pulse.

Check the A&E calendar each week for performance dates. Send arts news to Info@ ChattanoogaPulse.com.

Rivoli Art Mill is seeking starving artists of

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A&E Calendar THURSDAY COMEDY Ron Shock—$9. 8 p.m. The Comedy Catch. 3224 Brainerd Rd. (423) 629-2233.

ComedyCatch.com.

DANCE Line Dancing—$5. 6:30 pm. Shirley’s Country. 8133 E. Brainerd Rd. (423) 8551368.

Wrecktangles Square Dancing—$4. 8 p.m.

Allemande Hall. 7400 Standifer Gap Rd. (423) 899-9913.

Argentine Tango—Ongoing class in the elements of Argentine Tango. $5 for class/practice or $3 for practice only.

Every Thursday at 8 p.m., followed by a practice session from 9p.m. until 9:30 p.m. Chattanooga Dancesport, 4395 Cromwell Rd., Suite 512. (423) 756-5834.

ChattanoogaTango.com.

FILM “Moliere”—Part of AEC’s Independent Film Series at the Bijou. Rated R. (Contact theatre for ticket prices and show times.)

Bijou Theatre. 215 Broad St. (423) 2655220. Carmike.com.

SPECIAL EVENTS Disney on Ice—Ticket price varies. McKenzie Arena. 615 McCallie Ave. (423) 266-6627.

Fall Flight Banquet—BBQ and bluegrass from Possum Hunters. Ducks Unlimited. First Tennessee Pavilion. 1826 Carter St.

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For even more calendar listings, visit www.ChattanoogaPulse.com Indian Summer Days—$5. 10 a.m. to 8 p.m. Indian dancers, shows, crafts, food, games, and lessons. Audobon Acres. 900 N. Sanctuary Rd. LungFest and FunWalk—Activities at 11:30 a.m. Registration at 5:30 p.m.

FunWalk begins at 6:30 p.m. The American Lung Association of Tennessee and the Tennessee Aquarium. 1 Broad St. (423) 629-1098. LungTN.org.

Premiere Art in the 21st Century—Kelly Shindler will share the preview screening.

Free. 6:30 p.m. Hunter Museum. 10 Bluff View. (423) 267-0968.

THEATRE

7866.

Argentine Tango—$5 for class/practica or $3 for practica only. Elements of Argentine Tango at 8 p.m. followed by practice session from 9 p.m. to 9:30 p.m. Beginners welcome. Chattanooga Dancesport. 4295 Cromwell Rd, Suite 512. (423) 756-5834.

ChattanoogaTango.com.

FRIDAY BOOKS Kevin C. Stewart—Reading and signing from his book The Way Things Always Happen Here: Eight Stories and a Novella. Free. 7 p.m. Rock Point Books. 401 Broad St. (423) 756-2855. RockPointBooks.com.

“The Music Man”—Runs through October 7. 7 p.m. Chattanooga Theatre Centre. 400 River St. (423) 267-8534. TheatreCentre. com.

COMEDY

Six One-Act Plays—Sassy, provocative comedies about our culture, society, and relationships from writer Theresa Rebeck.

7 p.m. UTC Department of Theatre and Speech. 615 McCallie Ave. (423) 425-4374.

DANCE

VISUAL ARTS Lost Arts: A Southeast Native American Art Show—6 p.m. to 8 p.m. Bill Shores Frames and Gallery. 307 Manufacturers Rd. (423) 756-6746.

WORKSHOPS AND CLASSES Intermediate Modern Dance for Teens/ Adults—This class will incorporate release technique, somatic practices, and improvisation. 9 a.m. Zanzibar Studio & Boutique. 600 Georgia Ave. (423) 762-

Ron Shock—$12. 7:30 p.m. and 10 p.m.

The Comedy Catch. 3224 Brainerd Rd. (423) 629-2233. ComedyCatch.com.

Ballroom Dancing—Choo-Choo City Chapter of USA Dance. $6 (members) and $8 (nonmembers). Lesson from 7:30 p.m. to 8:30 p.m. Dance Party from 8:30 p.m. to 11 p.m.

Second Friday of each month. Allemande Hall, 7400 Standifer Gap Rd. (423) 4990376. ChattanoogaDanceInc.org.

Ballroom Dancing—Foxtrot, swing, cha cha and hustle the night away. Couples and singles welcome. $7. 7:30 p.m. The Dance Floor. 3733 Ringgold Rd. (423) 697-1891.

Country Line Dancing—$3 (free for ladies).

8 p.m. Club Phoenix. 4251 Bonny Oaks Dr. (423) 622-1980.

The Pulse 10.4.07

Singles Dance—$5. 8 p.m. to midnight.

Shirley’s Dance Club. 8133 East Brainerd Rd. (423) 855-1368.

FILM “In the Shadow of the Moon”—Part of AEC’s Independent Film Series at the Bijou.

Rated R. (Contact theatre for ticket prices and show times.) Bijou Theatre. 215 Broad St. (423) 265-5220. Carmike.com.

St. (423) 267-8534. TheatreCentre.com Six One-Act Plays—Sassy, provocative comedies about our culture, society, and relationships from writer Theresa Rebeck.

8 p.m. UTC Department of Theatre and Speech. 615 McCallie Ave. (423) 425-4374.

“The Music Man”—Runs through October 7. 8 p.m. Chattanooga Theatre Centre. 400 River St. (423) 267-8534. TheatreCentre. com.

OUTDOORS Bike2Work—7 a.m. to 8:30 a.m. South end of Walnut St. Bridge. (423) 643-6887.

BikeChattanooga.org.

SPECIAL EVENTS Disney on Ice—Ticket price varies. McKenzie Arena. 615 McCallie Ave. (423) 266-6627.

Indian Summer Days—$5. 10 a.m. to 8 p.m. Indian dancers, shows, crafts, food, games, and lessons. Audobon Acres. 900 N. Sanctuary Rd. 3 Sisters Festival—Music with a bluegrass flair. Free. 6 p.m. Ross’s Landing. (423) 265-0771.

Banana Ball—$70. 7 p.m. to 11 p.m.

Featuring the Elvis Trio band, the Walt Meyer Orchestra, and the belly dancers of Dandasha. (423) 697-1339. BananaBall.org.

Toby Mac, Barlow Girl, and Thousand Foot Krutch—$23.25. 7:30 p.m. Memorial Auditorium. (423) 642-8497.

THEATRE “Charlotte’s Web”—Youth Theatre. $7. 7:30 p.m. Chattanooga Theatre Centre. 400 River

VISUAL ARTS Southern Scenes—Featuring artists Millie Gosch, Trevor Mikula, and Peggy Drinkard.

5 p.m. to 8 p.m. Hanover Gallery. 1310 C Hanover St. (423) 648-0533.

Lost Arts: A Southeast Native American Art Show—Reception 5:30 p.m. to 8:30 p.m. Bill Shores Frames and Gallery. 307 Manufacturers Rd. (423) 756-6746.

WORKSHOPS AND CLASSES Intermediate Modern Dance for Teens/ Adults—This class will incorporate release technique, somatic practices, and improvisation. 9 a.m. Zanzibar Studio & Boutique. 600 Georgia Ave. (423) 7627866.

Tango Plus—Argentine tango, salsa, merengue, and other Latin dance music.

First Friday of every month. $5 ($3 for students). 9 p.m. Chattanooga Dancesport.

4295 Cromwell Rd. – Suite 512. (423) 7565834. ChattanoogaTango.com.

SATURDAY

www.chattanoogapulse.com

(more) A&E Calendar COMEDY

ComedyCatch.com.

Ron Shock—$12. 7:30 p.m. and 10 p.m.

The Comedy Catch. 3224 Brainerd Rd. (423) 629-2233. ComedyCatch.com.

DANCE

DANCE Dixie Rounds—$5. 6:30 p.m. Allemande Hall. 7400 Standifer Gap Rd. (423) 8999913.

Community Contra Dance—8 p.m. All Saints Academy. 310 East 8th St. (423) 876-7359.

Contranooga.org.

Star Twirlers Square Dancing—$5. 8 p.m.

Allemande Hall. 7400 Standifer Gap Rd. (423) 899-2275.

Swing Time Swing Dancing—$8. Lesson at 8 p.m. Social dance at 8:45 p.m. Shirley’s Dance Club. 8133 East Brainerd Rd. (423) 855-1368.

Argentine Tango Practica—Free. Every Sunday from 5 p.m. to 7 p.m. Chattanooga Dancesport. 4295 Cromwell Rd - Suite #510. (423) 756-5834. ChattanoogaTango. com.

Music Masala—Featuring sitar and fusion music with East Indian dance. 5 p.m.

Chattanooga State Technical College. 4501 Amnicola Hwy. (423) 697-3100.

FILM “In the Shadow of the Moon”—Part of AEC’s Independent Film Series at the Bijou. Rated R. Opens Friday. Runs through September 27. (Contact theatre for ticket prices and show times.) Bijou Theatre. 215 Broad St. (423) 265-5220. Carmike.com.

FILM

OUTDOORS

“In the Shadow of the Moon”—Part of AEC’s Independent Film Series at the Bijou.

Rated R. (Contact theatre for ticket prices and show times.) Bijou Theatre. 215 Broad St. (423) 265-5220. Carmike.com.

2007 Discraft Ace Race—A contest on 36 holes of play using prototype discs. $20.

Chattanooga Flying Disc Club. (423) 5055605. ChattanoogaDiscGolf.com.

SPECIAL EVENTS Disney on Ice—Ticket price varies. McKenzie Arena. 615 McCallie Ave. (423) 266-6627.

Tennessee River Gorge Overnight at the Pot House by Touring Kayak—$130 for members. $160 for non-members. 9 a.m.

Tennessee Aquarium. 1 Broad St. (423) 785-3012.

First Annual Equine Special Olympics—10 a.m. to 3 p.m. Hixson Therapeutic Riding Center. 6511 Middle Valley Rd. (423) 8422763.

Indian Summer Days—$5. 10 a.m. to 8 p.m. Indian dancers, shows, crafts, food, games, and lessons. Audobon Acres. 900 N. Sanctuary Rd. “Roctoberfest”—Rock City Square will be transformed into a celebration of German heritage. 11 a.m. to 5 p.m. 1400 Patten Rd. Lookout, GA. (706) 820-2531.

3 Sisters Festival—Music with a bluegrass flair. Free. 12 p.m. Ross’s Landing. (423) 265-0771.

SPECIAL EVENTS Disney on Ice—Ticket price varies. McKenzie Arena. 615 McCallie Ave. (423) 266-6627.

Hot Wing Competition—For a small donation, sample a wing from each group and cast your vote. Tom Roznowski performs. Free. Noon. Chattanooga Market at First Tennessee Pavilion. 1826 Carter St. (423) 266-9270. ChattanoogaMarket.com.

THEATRE “Charlotte’s Web”—Youth Theatre. $7. 2:30 p.m. Chattanooga Theatre Centre. 400 River St. (423) 267-8534. TheatreCentre.com “The Music Man”—Runs through October 7.

2:30 p.m. Chattanooga Theatre Centre. 400 River St. (423) 267-8534. TheatreCentre.

T’ai Ji by the River—Free. 8 a.m. Coolidge Park. (423) 821-8947.

Zen Group Of Chattanooga—Noon. Clear Springs Yoga. 17 North Market St. (423) 903-8324. aszc.org/zgc.

MONDAY

SUNDAY COMEDY Ron Shock—$12. 8 p.m. The Comedy Catch. 3224 Brainerd Rd. (423) 629-2233.

Ballroom Dancing—$5. 8 p.m. 3733 Ringgold Rd. (423) 697-1891.

TUESDAY DANCE Appalachian Clogging—$4. 7 p.m.

Allemande Hall. 7400 Standifer Gap Rd. (423) 899-9913.

Ballroom Dancing—$5 (members), $8 nonmembers. Lesson begins at 7:30 p.m., dancing at 8:30 p.m. Allemande Hall. 7400 Standifer Gap Rd. (423) 899-9913.

FILM “In the Shadow of the Moon”—Part of AEC’s Independent Film Series at the Bijou. Rated R. Opens Friday. Runs through September 27. (Contact theatre for ticket prices and show times.) Bijou Theatre. 215 Broad St. (423) 265-5220. Carmike.com.

Karate Self-Defense Classes—5:30 p.m. and 6:30 p.m. Second Presbyterian Church.

700 Pine St. (423) 266-2828.

Open Life Drawing Studio—$8 per session.

6:30 p.m. to 9:30 p.m. UTC Fine Arts Center, Room 414. Corner of Vine and Palmetto. (423) 265-2054.

Belly Dancing for Beginners—7 p.m. to 8 p.m. Learn 2 Belly Dance Studio. 5113 Hwy 58. (423) 355-0491. Learn2BellyDance. com.

American History through the Movies—Fiveweek series until October 9 focusing on how Americans’ memories of history have been shaped by film. Free. Pre-registration required. 7 p.m. Regional History Museum.

Corner of Chestnut and Fourth. (423) 2653247.

Qi Gong/Tai Chi Exercise Class—Free.

Learn and perform a few forms of Qi Gong exercise as well as some Tai Chi fundamentals. Both Qi Gong and Tai Chi exercise are scientifically proven to provide immense health benefits such as lowering blood pressure and stress levels. 7:15 p.m.

Yin Yang House. 512 Tremont St, Suite A. (423) 756-8010. http://clinic.yyhac.com.

DANCE Merry-Go-Rounds Round Dancing—$5.

Class at 6:30 p.m., dancing at 8 p.m.

Allemande Hall. 7400 Standifer Gap Rd. (423) 899-9913.

Circle Eights Square Dancing—$3. 7:30 p.m. Allemande Hall. 7400 Standifer Gap Rd. (423) 899-9913.

FILM Demystifying the Digital Process—$65 for AVA members. $110 for non-members. AVA Main Gallery. 30 Frazier Ave. Contact Mark Bradley-Shoup at mshoup@avarts.org.

Intermediate Modern Dance for Teens/ Adults—This class will incorporate release technique, somatic practices and improvisation. Zanzibar Studio & Boutique.

600 Georgia Ave. (423) 762-7866.

Energy Healing Class—Free. Class utilizes Tong Ren Therapy, an advanced form of medical qi gong, providing complementary treatment for many medical conditions including Cancer, Parkinsons, Depression, Pain and more. 6 p.m. Yin Yang House.

512 Tremont St, Suite A. (423) 756-8010. http://clinic.yyhac.com.

WORKSHOPS AND CLASSES

Intermediate Modern Dance—$10. A class for teens and adults that will incorporate Release techniques, somatic practices and improvisation. 9 a.m. Zanzibar Studio & Boutique. 600 Georgia Ave. (423) 7627866.

WORKSHOPS AND CLASSES

Belly Dance Aerobics Classes—6 p.m.

Learn 2 Belly Dance Studio. 5113 Hwy 58.

(423) 355-0491. Learn2BellyDance.com.

“Roctoberfest”—Rock City Square will be transformed into a celebration of German heritage. 11 a.m. to 5 p.m. 1400 Patten Rd. Lookout, GA. (706) 820-2531.

com.

WORKSHOPS AND CLASSES

WORKSHOPS AND CLASSES

WORKSHOPS AND CLASSES

“Charlotte’s Web”—Youth Theatre. $7. 2:30 p.m. Chattanooga Theatre Centre. 400 River St. (423) 267-8534. TheatreCentre.com

“The Music Man”—Runs through October 7. 8 p.m. Chattanooga Theatre Centre. 400 River St. (423) 267-8534. TheatreCentre. com.

the Convention Center. 2 Carter Plaza. (423) 634-6725.

Indian Summer Days—$5. 10 a.m. to 5 p.m. Indian dancers, shows, crafts, food, games, and lessons. Audobon Acres. 900 N. Sanctuary Rd.

THEATRE

Six One-Act Plays—Sassy, provocative comedies about our culture, society, and relationships from writer Theresa Rebeck.

8 p.m. UTC Department of Theatre and Speech. 615 McCallie Ave. (423) 425-4374.

p.m. Hamilton County Bicentennial Library.

South Broad St.

“In the Shadow of the Moon”—Part of AEC’s Independent Film Series at the Bijou. Rated R. Opens Friday. Runs through September 27. (Contact theatre for ticket prices and show times.) Bijou Theatre. 215 Broad St. (423) 265-5220. Carmike.com.

SPECIAL EVENTS Richard M. McMurray—Historical presentation on New Perspectives and Interpretations on the Civil War. Free. 6:30

WEDNESDAY DANCE East Coast Swing Dancing—$10. Beginners lesson at 7 p.m. Social dance at 7:45 p.m.

Shirley’s Dance Club. 8133 E. Brainerd Rd. (423) 855-1368.

FILM “In the Shadow of the Moon”—Part of AEC’s Independent Film Series at the Bijou.

Rated R. (Contact theatre for ticket prices and show times.) Bijou Theatre. 215 Broad St. (423) 265-5220. Carmike.com.

SPECIAL EVENTS 7th Annual Disability Awards Luncheon— $35. 11:30 a.m. Sponsored by Southeast Tennessee Job Placement Consortium at

ONGOING BOOKS AND WRITERS Fiction Writer’s Group—Meets third Wednesday of each month. 7 p.m. Wally’s Restaurant. 6521 Ringgold Rd. (423) 8935539.

Open Mic Night—Read your own masterpiece or read a passage from your favorite masterpiece. Free and open to the public. 8 p.m. on the first and third Monday of each month. Rock Point Books. 401 Broad St. (423) 756-2855. RockPointBooks. com Playwrights’ Group—The playwright’s group meets the first Thursday of every month.

(423) 886-9218.

Southern Literature Book Club—Meets the last Monday of every month to discuss the chosen book. Free. 6 p.m. Rock Point Books. 401 Broad St. Contact Jennifer Hoff at (423) 309-7464. SouthernLitClub@aol. com.

Chattanoogans and World War II” open now. Open weekdays from 10 a.m. to 4 p.m., Saturdays from 11 a.m. to 5 p.m., and Sundays from 11 a.m. to 5 p.m. Adults $4, Senior Citizens $3.50, Children (5-18) $3. 400 Chestnut St. (423) 265.3247.

ChattanoogaHistory.com.

Chattanooga Warner Park Zoo— Chattanooga’s historic zoo features an impressive collection of animals from around the world. Open daily from 9 a.m. to 5 p.m.

Adults $4, Seniors (Ages 65 and over) $3, Children (Ages 3 to 15) $2, Kids Under Age 3 are free. 1101 McCallie Ave. (423) 6971322. Chattanooga.gov/PRAC/30_953.htm.

Creative Discovery Museum—Features several permanent, interactive exhibits for kids and their parents. Wal-Mart Free Family Night every second Thursday of the month from 5:30 p.m. to 8 p.m. Amazing Castle Exhibit now on display. ”Alice’s Wonderland…A Most Curious Adventure” now open. Interactive “Pirate Science” Shows now being held. Open Monday through Saturday from 10 a.m. to 5 p.m. and Sunday from noon to 5 p.m. Children and adults $8.95. 321 Chestnut St. (423) 756-2738. CDMFun.com.

Houston Museum of Decorative Arts— Featuring an exhibit highlighting tea cups with butterfly handles. Also maintains a permanent collection of glass, ceramics and antique household items and furniture. Open weekdays from 9:30 a.m. to 4 p.m. Adults $7, Children $3.50 (4 to 12), Children ages 3 and under free. 201 High St. (423) 2677176. TheHoustonMuseum.com.

DANCE Argentine Tango for Beginners—A sixweek series from July 8 to August 12. $40.

Sundays from 4 p.m. to 5 p.m. Chattanooga Dancesport. 4295 Cromwell Rd. Suite 512.

(423) 756-5834. ChattanoogaTango.com.

Ballroom Dancing—Choo-Choo City Chapter of USA Dance. $6 (members) and $8 (nonmembers). Lesson from 7:30 p.m. to 8:30 p.m. Dance Party from 8:30 p.m. to 11 p.m.

Second Friday of each month. Allemande Hall, 7400 Standifer Gap Rd. (423) 4990376. ChattanoogaDanceInc.org.

Community Contra Dance—Adults: $6.

Students: $3. 7:30 p.m. to 11 p.m. All Saints Academy. 310 East 8th St. (423) 8767359. Contranooga.org.

MUSEUMS AND ATTRACTIONS Battles for Chattanooga Museum—History of the numerous battles fought in and around the Chattanooga area during the Civil War. Open daily from 9 a.m. to 6:30 p.m.

Adults $6.95, Children (3 to 12) $4.95, Ages 2 and under are free. 1110 East Brow Rd. (423) 821-2812. BattlesForChattanooga. com.

Chattanooga African American Museum— Open weekdays from 10 a.m. to 5 p.m., Saturday from noon to 4 p.m. Adults $3, Students (K through 12) $2. 200 East Martin Luther King Blvd. (423) 266-8658.

CAAMHistory.com.

Chattanooga Ghost Tours, Inc.—Walking ghost tours begin 8:15 p.m. Fridays and Saturdays (other times by arrangement) at the Walnut Street Bridge (downtown side), and end at the Read House, with several stops along the way for ghost stories and more about various downtown sites. $13 adults; $8 under 12. Call (423) 821-7125 for reservations (required).

ChattanoogaGhostTours.com.

Chattanooga Nature Center—Features hiking trails, a forest boardwalk, native gardens, and a broad display of 30 native species including endangered and threatened species. Go see the new Red Wolf pups! $7 (adults) and $4 (seniors over 65 and kids 4 to 11). 400 Garden Rd. (423) 821-1160. ChattanoogaNatureCenter.org.

Chattanooga Regional History Museum—“The Way Ahead Looks So Dark:

Hunter Museum of American Art— Maintains a permanent exhibit of American Art. Open Monday and Tuesday from 10 a.m. to 5 p.m. Wednesday from noon to 5 p.m., Thursday from 10 a.m. to 9 p.m, Friday and Saturday from 10 a.m. to 5 p.m., and Sunday from noon to 5 p.m. Adults $8, Children 3 through 12 $3.50. 10 Bluff View.

(423) 267-0968. HunterMuseum.org.

Imax 3D Theater—Across from the Tennessee Aquarium, the six-story-high theater combines crystal clear 3D images with state-of-the-art six channel IMAX digital sound. “Dinosaurs Alive 3D,” “Sea Monsters,” and “Deep Sea 3D” now showing. Call for showtimes. 201 Chestnut St. (423) 266-4629. TNAqua.org.

International Towing and Recovery Hall of Fame and Museum—Features several antique tow and toy trucks as well as a hall of fame for towing and recovery professionals. Open Monday through Saturday from 9 a.m. to 5:30 p.m. and Sunday from 11 a.m. to 5 p.m. Adults $8, Seniors $7, Children (6 through 18) $4. 3315 Broad St. (423) 267-3132.

InternationalTowingMuseum.org.

Tennessee Aquarium—Featuring River Journey and Ocean Journey, home to more than 12,000 animals including fish, reptiles, amphibians, invertebrates, birds, butterflies and more. “Penguins Rock” now open. Open daily from 10 a.m. to 6 p.m. 1 Broad St. (423) 265-0698. TNAqua.org.

Tennessee Valley Railroad Museum— Regional train tours with several routes and rates available on historic passenger trains.

4119 Cromwell Rd. (423) 894-8028. TVRail. com.

MUSIC AND CONCERTS “Friday Night Live”—Teen talent showcase on the First Friday of each month presented by the Department of Education Arts and Culture. $5. 7:30 p.m. Community Theatre at Memorial Auditorium. 399 McCallie Ave. ($23) 757-5261. Chattanooga.gov.

“Sunday Nights at Midtown”—Rhythm & blues and Jazz, jam sessions, funk/ alternative, and nationally known comedians.

Every Sunday. Midtown Music Hall. 820 Georgia Ave. (423) 517-7012. CHALiving. com/midtownsundays.html.

SUBMISSION GUIDELINES: To be considered for entry in our print calendar, event information must be submitted by noon on the Wednesday before publication. Event information may be E-mailed to Calendar@ChattanoogaPulse.com, faxed to (423) 648-7860, or mailed to The Pulse, attn: Calendar, 1110 Market Street – Suite 209, Chattanooga, TN 37402. Event information will not be accepted by phone. We reserve the right to refuse any event listing for any reason.

www.chattanoogapulse.com

The Pulse 10.4.07

11

(more) A&E Calendar OUTDOORS Bring Your Own Boat Kayak Trips—You provide the gear, they provide the guide.

Reservations are required for all trips. Must be experience level two. Available until the end of October. Free. (423) 643-6888.

OutdoorChattanooga.com Chattanooga Bicycle Club—Meets Monday at 6 p.m. at the downtown YMCA. Chattbike. com.

Tuesday Night Kayak Skills Practice—The Rapid Learning Whitewater Kids Club holds weekly kayak roll practice at the University of Tennessee indoor swimming pool from 6 p.m. to 8 p.m. every Tuesday night. Cost is $5 per session or free for Rapid Learning members. (423) 842-6629.

OutdoorChattanooga.com.

Wednesday Night Trail Runs—Join the Chattanooga Trail Blazers Adventure Racing Club for a trail run every Wednesday night.

Trail running experience is recommended and headlamps are necessary. The run leaves Red Bank’s White Oak Park at 6 p.m. farmerjp@bellsouth.net.

Weekly Winter Mountain Bike Rides— Mondays at 6 p.m. on Lookout Mountain’s Guild Trail with the Chattanooga Bike Club. The terrain is easy to intermediate and lights are necessary. Chattbike.com.

Tuesdays with SORBA Chattanooga on Raccoon Mountain at 6 p.m. Lights required.

The terrain is intermediate to difficult.

SorbaChattanooga.org. Saturdays with Suck Creek Cycle at 1 p.m. Ride locations and degree of difficulty change each week.

Suckcreek.com.

POETRY Rhyme N Chatt Interactive Poetry Session—6:30 p.m. Second and fourth Thursday of the month. Sylvester’s Restaurant. 1622 Dodds Ave. RhymeNChatt. com.

SPECIAL EVENTS “Drinking Liberally”—”An informal, inclusive progressive social group. Raise your spirits while you raise your glass, and share ideas while you share a pitcher. Drinking Liberally gives like-minded, left-leaning individuals a place to talk politics. You don’t need to be a policy expert and this isn’t a book club—just come and learn from peers, trade jokes, vent frustration and hang out in an environment where it’s not taboo to

talk politics.” Meets every first and third Thursday of the month. 5:30 p.m. to 7:30 p.m. Hair of the Dog Pub. 334 Market St. MySpace.com/Chattanooga_DrinkLiberal.

“First Fridays”—Participating businesses of the NorthShore Merchants Collective will be offering discounts, specials and promotions on the First Friday of every month now through October. “First Fridays” is held during regular business hours and extended evening hours from 5 p.m. to 8 p.m. Call (423) 267-1922 for more information.

“Green Drinks Chattanooga”—”A relaxed evening of stimulating conversation, networking, and many GreenDrinks.” Meets the last Wednesday of every month at various locations around town. For times and locations, visit ChattaGreen.com/ GreenDrinks.html.

THEATRE “Mystery at the TV Talk Show” “Mystery of Flight 138” “Mystery of the Time Machine” “Mystery at the Nightmare High School Reunion” “Mystery at the Redneck Italian Wedding”—$12 to $24.50. (Price includes dinner, dessert and beverages.) Thursdays through Saturdays. Vaudeville Café. 138 Market St. (423) 266-6202. FunnyDinner. com.

VISUAL ARTS

“Bunches of Butterflies”—Houston Museum of Decorative Arts. 201 High St. (423) 2677176.

paintings by Mia Bergeron on display until October 8. 816 Georgia Ave. (423) 7520080. VBDL.com.

Charles Turner: A Memorial Photography Exhibit—As an observer, Turner documented many local sites, events, and vistas in Chattanooga. Sponsored by AVA and on display at Landis Gallery. 30 Frazier Ave. Contact Mark Bradley Shoup at mshoup@ avarts.org for more.

“Wild Ride”—Steel horse sculptures by Eric Strauss along Dayton Blvd. through October 22.

Dario Robleto—Robleto’s work focuses on symbols of grief and mourning connected to soldiers of war. On display until the end of October. Hunter Museum. 10 Bluff View.

(423) 267-0968. HunterMuseum.org.

“Endangered Species”—Works by Carol LeBaron. Tuesday through Friday 11 a.m. to 5 p.m. Saturday 12 p.m. to 5 p.m. AVA Gallery. 30 Frazier Ave. (423) 265-4282.

AVArts.org Hollis Gallery on the Northshore—Paintings

by Keith Abney. Thursday through Saturday 10 a.m. to 5 p.m. 221 River St. (423) 2654444.

“Italy”—Acrylic on canvas by Durinda Creek on display through October. Tuesday through Friday 10 a.m. to 4:30 p.m. Hollis Gallery Southside. 1401 Williams St. Paintings by Agape` Art Academy— Through November 30. Raymond James & Associates. 537 Market St. – Suite 105.

(423) 756-2371.

“Window on the West”—Art with a Western attitude from Lynn Aukerman, Macy Dorf, Jim Fredrick, Mark Gilliland, Bob Graham, Brent Spaulding, and Eric Strauss. Through September 30. The Gallery. 3918 Dayton Blvd. (423) 870-2443. RedBankGallery.com.

VOLUNTEER OPPORTUNITIES WORKSHOPS AND CLASSES Chat Room Outreach—Initiate conversations about HIV/AIDS in various chat rooms, with the purpose being to give factual information and answer questions. (423) 265-2273.

ChattanoogaCares.org.

Chattanooga Area Food Bank Kids Café—Food preparation, sorting, stacking and customer service. (423) 622-1800.

ChattFoodBank.org/volunteer.htm.

Chattanooga Cares—Client Services, Office Support or Education/Outreach.

All volunteers must attend an orientation session. (423) 265-2273.

ChattanoogaCares.org/volunteers.html.

”September Salon”—On display until October 31. Gold Leaf Designs and Gallery. 2646 Broad St. (423) 266-4453.

GoldLeafDesigns.com.

Andrea Rudloff—Fathom Gallery. 412 Market St. (423) 227-2652.

“Shades of Black”—Photography exhibit on display until October 25 featuring locals Joy Caylor, John Harvey, Dan Jeter, and more. Free. 8:30 a.m to 6 p.m. The Gallery at Blackwell. 71 Eastgate loop. (423) 8947112.

Lookout Mountain CASA—Abused and neglected children need you to stand up for their rights. Interested in learning about the court system? Social Welfare? Foster Care?

Become a CASA Volunteer. (423) 255-6146.

LookoutMountainCASA.org.

Art for Healing: Up from the Roots—AVA in conjunction with Memorial’s Arts Medicine Program will present work created by AVA members that explores the history of the family tree. NHyde@avarts.org.

Southern Scenes—Featuring artists Millie Gosch, Trevor Mikula, and Peggy Drinkard on display until October 31. Hanover Gallery.

1310 C Hanover St. (423) 648-0533.

“A Tissue of Truths”—Photography exhibit.

Center for Creative Arts’ Scott Leach Gallery.

1310 Dallas Rd. (423) 209-5942.

“Art Til Dark”—Series of one-day art markets on the first Saturday of each month between now and November. Winder Binder Gallery of Folk Art. 40 Frazier Ave. (423) 267-3900. ArtTilDark.com.

“3rd X’s The Charm”—Mixed media and oil paintings by Sarah Sherfey. Rivoli Art Mill.

2301 East 28th St. Ssherfey@hotmail.com.

Vinson Blanton Design Laboratory—Oil

The Thrift Store—Benefits The Children’s Home/Chambliss Shelter, which provides care to hundreds of children and their families every year. Assist in sorting the donations given by friends and supporters in the community. (423) 698-3730.

WORKSHOPS AND CLASSES

Humane Educational Society Of Chattanooga—Pet Therapy, Pet Socialization, Kennel Work, Front Office Assistance, Administrative Work, Off Site Adoptions, Grounds/Building Maintenance, Foster Home, Committee Work and Humane Education. (423) 624-5302. HESChatt.com.

2007 UTC Art Department Biennial Faculty Exhibition—On exhibit through October 17 MWF 9:30 a.m. to 5 p.m. and TTh 9:30 a.m. to 7 p.m. UTC Fine Arts Center. 615 McCallie Ave. Contact the Curator at RuthGrover@UTC.edu. (423) 425-2652.

and prepare the evening meal for all the residents of the Ronald McDonald House.

Special event volunteers are also needed to help with fundraising events and other special projects for the organization. (423) 778-4300. RMHChattanooga.com.

Reflection Riding—Join a garden restoration group on Thursday mornings from 9 a.m. to 11 a.m. for weeding and planting. Reflection Riding. 400 Garden Rd. (423) 821-9582.

Ronald McDonald House—Three-hour shifts are needed at the Ronald McDonald House and Ronald McDonald Family Room as well as assistance for the Care Mobile staff on location at area schools. Groups or individuals are needed to “adopt a meal”

Basketball Skills Clinic with local players Christoff and Christina Collins—Free.

Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. Eastdale Center. 1312 Moss Drive. (423) 697-1289.

“Drop it Like it’s Hot”—Dancer-cize for women. Washington Hills Center. 4628 Oakwood Dr. (423) 855-9471.

Health and Wellness Classes—Free. 6 p.m. on Monday. South Chattanooga Center.

1151 West 40th St. (423) 425-3550.

Kung Fu Classes for Youth—6 p.m to 7 p.m on Thursdays. 1 p.m. to 2 p.m. on Saturdays. Brainerd Complex. 1010 North Moore Rd. (423) 425-3600.

Low Impact Aerobics—6 p.m. Monday through Thursday. Carver Complex. 600 North Orchard Knob Ave. (423) 697-1284.

Open Life Drawing Studio—A twenty-five year tradition held every Tuesday night. $8 per session. 6-9 p.m. UTC Fine Arts Center.

615 McCallie Ave. (423) 265-2054.

Senior Adult Exercise Class—Free. 1 p.m. to 2 p.m. on Tuesday and Thursday.

Avondale Center. 1305 Dodson Ave. (423) 697-1277.

“Walk This Way”—Family walking program.

Free. 6:30 to 8 Tuesday and Thursday. North Chattanooga Center. 406 May St. (423) 757- 5447.

Yarn Works—10 a.m. to 3 p.m. Wednesday through Saturday. Call (423) 785-4215 for class schedule. YarnWorksInc.com.

Youth Swimming Lessons—Free. 6 p.m. to 8 p.m. on Thursdays. Avondale Center. 1305 Dodson Ave. (423) 697-1277.

Got a Comment? Wanna be heard? Post your feedback on chattanoogapulse.com. Chattanooga is listening.

12

The Pulse 10.4.07

www.chattanoogapulse.com

Music

By Seth Wilson

Bluegrass Festival? Chekhov!

Come meet your Three Sisters Three Sisters is, arguably, the most Chekhovian of the four major plays by the Russian master. It details the sufferings of a trio of siblings in a provincial backwater in Russia at the dawn of the 20th century. During the course of the play, one of the sisters resigns herself to a lifetime of spinsterhood (then sleeps with her sister’s husband, maybe), another very publicly cheats on her husband until her lover is sent away, and the third agrees to marry a man she doesn’t love only to have him shot dead shortly before the wedding. It is, needless to say, a gut-wrenching examination of the ennui and suffering inherent in most human lives. Also needless to say, it has absolutely nothing to do with this weekend’s event.

The Three Sisters Bluegrass Festival (unrelated to the above synopsis) comes to Ross’ Landing on Friday and Saturday. In fact, this event could not possibly be more American...or at least less Russian.

Bluegrass, having evolved from folk music traditions of England and Ireland, has long been a staple of the Appalachian region of America. The Chattanooga Downtown Partnership sponsors the Three Sisters Festival to celebrate that heritage here in Chattanooga. Admission to both days of the festival is free, with the action beginning at 6 p.m.

Friday and noon Saturday. The

Don’t be blue - let Del McCourey play for you.

lineup boasts ten varied—but all bluegrass-centric—groups. They range from the traditional sound of Del McCoury to the hip folk of the Greencards. If you’re a fan of Americana in music, you’ll definitely find something to like this weekend.

Grand Ol’ Opry member Del McCoury and his band (which includes his two sons) headline the first night of the festival. Fans of old-fashioned, straight-up bluegrass can’t go wrong here. Additionally, jam-band enthusiasts will find much to like in McCoury’s sound, as Phish

are worshippers at his altar. Also playing Friday and Saturday are the locally beloved Dismembered Tennesseans, a group of friends who began playing while at McCallie…in 1945. Their sound is an irresistible combination of classicism and fun that will delight young and old alike.

Saturday, be sure to catch The Greencards, a trio who are fast becoming an international sensation.

Their sound is so authentically American that it may take you a while to notice that the band members are originally of English

Brews. 221 Market St. (423) 267-4644.

Rhythm-Brews.com.

Stacey Earle and Mark Stuart—She’s Steve Earle’s sister and got her chops by playing in his band. He studied music at some of the world’s finest institutions. She’s a little bit country.

He’s a little bit rock and roll. Together, they’re unstoppable. $10 suggested donation. 8 p.m.

Saturday. Charles and Myrtle’s Coffeehouse. 105 McBrien Rd. (423) 892-4960. ChristUnity.org.

and Australian extraction. Saturday’s headliners are the Nashville Bluegrass Band, a touring group originally formed as a backing band for Minnie Pearl, who have kept on chugging out the hits. The jewel of the whole weekend, however, is the performance by Norman and Nancy Blake. To the uninitiated, Norman Blake is a bluegrass legend. He played on one of Dylan’s best records (Nashville Skyline), with the Nitty Gritty Dirt Band, Joan Baez, and Kris Kristofferson. He was a regular on Johnny Cash’s ABC television show, and he was an integral part of the O Brother, Where Art Thou? soundtrack. Blake was born in Chattanooga, and his visit to the Scenic City should be a hoot and a holler. For a real bluegrass fan, it gets no better.

The festival plans to sell concessions on hand: beer, soft drinks and food will all be available.

The weekend offers lots of potential for a lover of American music to get out and see a number of top-notch acts. So if you like high-lonesome vocals, plucking acoustic guitars and listening to music outside, grab a chair and head for the Landing.

Three Sisters Bluegrass Festival Free Friday at 6 p.m., Saturday at noon Ross’ Landing

MUSIC PICKS Scott Miller and Corb Lund—Native Virginian and veteran of the bar band lifestyle Scott Miller comes to Midtown Music Hall. Walking the fine, fine line between folk and rock, Miller is an amusing and engaging performer sure to delight fans of white-guy guitar music. $10. 9:30 p.m. Thursday. Midtown Music Hall. 820 Georgia Ave. (423) 7521977. MidtownMusicHall.com.

Luke Bryan—Play something country, indeed. Put a dog in your truck, shine up the ol’ gun rack and get ready to have a tear in your beer--this is straightno-chaser country music. $13. 9:30 p.m. Thursday. Rhythm and

www.chattanoogapulse.com

Tea Leaf Green—Jam-bandy rock in the Phish/Widespread vein. They’ve even opened for Trey Anistasio. So get ready to see these San Francisco hippies rock the stage--though it may not be tea

The Pulse 10.4.07

leaves that you’re looking for... $12. 10 p.m. Saturday. $10. 2 p.m.

Sunday. Rhythm and Brews. 221 Market St. (423) 267-4644. Rhythm-Brews.com.

Russian Spy Camera—The B-52’s...

R.E.M...and now, Russian Spy Camera.

Athens, Georgia’s best band comes to Chattanooga this week. Go see these guys. THEY ARE AWESOME. Easily the most original, exciting band you’ll see in Chattanooga this year. Get on the bandwagon now.

9 p.m. Tuesday. J.J.’s Bohemia. 231 MLK Blvd. (423) 266-1400. MySpace. com/JJsBohemia.

13

By Leticia Wolf

The Scene Queen Show Me Something Real Dead Confederate rocks…I see too much of Josie’s socks As I sipped my coffee this morning, I listened to my boyfriend defend Britney Spears as a person backed into a corner with no options and no one to depend on. My boyfriend has a thing for Britney. A pop musician turned beautiful disaster makes headlines.

Music has been reduced to this—a paparazzi fiasco on E’s The Daily 10.

I guess that’s why a truly great live band has the ability to force me into a trancelike state. For one moment in time I am looking at something real with no background tracks running, no cameras flashing and no pretense of beauty or celebrity.

It had been a long time since I’d seen a band do that. Wednesday night at J.J.’s Bohemia, I had the pleasure of checking out Dead Confederate from Athens. I sat on the side of the stage not fixated on any one member, but zoned into the sheer sonic beauty of five instruments fusing in perfection. The sound was original, and although it was reminiscent of early sub-pop artists like Nirvana and Sonic Youth, it was more refined and thoughtful with a Southern hospitality that welcomed everyone into the set.

“Hellcat and I agreed that their singer Josie looked like a fat little ninja.”

It was an odd juxtaposition to Dead Confederate watching Ligion film their new music video in Nashville at 12th and Porter on Friday night. I went straight from the realest of the real to the fakest of the fake. Ligion, suited in white ’70s prom/’80s new wave outfits, acted out their single as it played over the PA, and encouraged fans to be “high energy.”

They repeated the track three times as a packed house of late-20s, early 30s hipsters acted the part of fans rocking out hard.

To Ligion’s credit, they do have a loyal fanbase, and they’ve worked hard for the acclaim they have achieved. Over the past decade they have meandered between rock, emo, goth and dance genres, growing their fanbase over time and with sweat and tears. That night was mostly sweat. Ligion even poked fun at themselves by pointing out that a prom tux may look great in the video,

14

but wasn’t the best bet for actually wearing while playing an entire show.

In other ridiculous fashion news, I went to see Saliva on Tuesday night back in Chattanooga at Rhythm and Brews.

I may receive lots of flack for this, but as they took the stage, Hellcat and I agreed that their singer Josie looked like a fat little ninja. He had cartoon skeleton bone pantyhose on one arm, a karate kid bandana holding in his wildly spiked standard issue rock-star black hair, high-water black jogging pants exposing black socks with little ninja shoes and black make-up streaks under his eyes like a football player.

Rhythm and Brews exploded with rock fans screaming the lyrics, “I’m the black sheep of my family.” Chattanooga was rocking out hard, but I just couldn’t get on board. Something about this show felt fake as well. Not fake like Ligion filming their music video. Not fake like Brittany lip-syncing so she can dance/fall around. Fake like a rock band that plays to background tracks so that they rock as hard as they do on their recordings. To me, this practice is the most annoying of all smoke and mirrors in the music industry. I don’t care that Chris Brown has vocal tracks running while he’s dancing. We expect it from pop stars. However, when rock bands have all these vocal and loop tracks running, it just seems cheap. Let me hear you for real—brutal and outof-breath. Be honest, portly rock star.

The Saliva show would be improved if Josie would run less tracks and run more track.

Loops and tracks are a great invention, but they shouldn’t be used as a crutch. It makes it hard for fans to discern the bands that really are amazing live from the bands that are synchedup to sound amazing. I think it would blow the average concert attendee away if they actually sat in a sound-check and listened to the sound-guy set up vocal tracks for their favorite band’s singer.

Thank goodness for our hometown bands that we know are amazing just the way they are. Here’s to the bands that sound-check in five minutes and sound just as good as Saliva. Here’s to Dead Confederate. Here’s to my boyfriend’s love for Brittany. Here’s to something real.

Leticia Wolf is a local hair stylist and musician. You can E-mail her at Tishmo21@ msn.com or be her friend at MySpace.com/ ViciousTish.

The Pulse 10.4.07

www.chattanoogapulse.com

New Music The prolific former captain of the starship Guided By Voices, Robert Pollard, is just as busy as a solo artist with two new albums next week, and hitting the halfway point in his new monthly seveninch single series. Merge Records is behind all the wax-loving love, as both the “pop” CD, Coast To Coast Carpet Of Love, and the “rock” CD, Standard Gargoyle Decisions, with both be available in a limited edition of 1,500 180-gram vinyl LP’s. Pollard has been peeling away and showing off a few cards from both decks for the past few months in his Happy Jack Rock Records Singles Series, issuing a 45RPM single

By John M. James

roughly every 30 days, featuring an a-side from one of the two albums and a exclusive b-side bonus. This coming Tuesday, look around your local vinylproud record shop for this month’s single, “Shadow Port,” or last month’s single, “Pill Gone Girl,” in the racks… Looking to blow your six-string sinuses with a healthy jaw-dropping “Dang” and rattle of your brain bucket? For all the questionable concoctions the CMH Records imprint has unleashed on the world in the past few years, next week’s Bluegrass Interpretations of Stevie Ray Vaughan is a spicy, delicious delight, blazing

through a dozen of his signature grooves as good ol’ boy, bluegrease git-downs, sopped up on the side with a heavy slice of BBQ shack cornbread. Who are

these mysterious session players burning down the barn? Damned if I know, but boy they sure can play…

(Bloodshot) glorious, Southern boogie bliss from Detroit, this four-star firefly soul monster boasts boy-girl vocalists and a cover of Leon Russell’s “You Look Like the Devil,” slipping in nicely on the shelf between the Rolling Stone’s Beggar’s Banquet and The Black Crowes’ debut Electric Six – I Shall Exterminate Everything Around Me That Restricts Me From Being The Master (Metropolis) touring with a variety of openers, including The Gore Gore Girls, The 1900’s, We Are the Fury, and The Golden Dogs Robert Hazard – Troubadour (Ryko) backed by bassist T-Bone Wolk and drummer Steve Holley, the fella who penned Cyndi Lauper’s hit “Girls Just Want To Have Fun” returns with a mature new album Information Society – Synthesizer (Dancing Ferret) their first new music in six years Samantha James – Rise (Om) lush electronic chilled-out soul, buggin’ out in that perfect lost groove of Sade and Everything But the Girl Kid Rock – Rock ‘n Roll Jesus (Lava / Atlantic) featuring “New Orleans,” co-written with David Allen Coe Koop – Koop Islands (Atlantic) captivating

nu-jazz from Sweden that seductively slips between Caribbean beaches and Euro casino fantasies The Nils Landgren Funk Unit – Licence To Funk (ACT Music) new from the trombonist and funky bandleader known famously in Sweden as “Mr. Red Horn,” featuring guest Ray Parker Jr. and covers of Fred Wesley’s “House Party” and Quincy Jones’ 1978 hit with Ashford & Simpson, “Stuff Like That” Mac Lethal – 11:11 (Rhymesayers) all new from Scribble Jam 2002’s MC Battle Champion Roisin Murphy – “Let Me Know” (EMI) new import only single from the former Moloko vocalist, with mixes by Mr. Cato, Joey Negro and Paul Oakenfold R. Carlos Nakai & Udi Bar-David – Voyagers (Canyon) flute meets cello in melodies that cross Native American, Arabic and Jewish boundaries Prints – Prints (Temporary Residence) wonderful, lazybones, bubblegum drifter electronica for dewy meth mornings from the Sacramento duo Puddle of Mudd – Famous (Geffen) uh, yeah,

like Nickelback’s “Rock Star”…

Rockfour – Memories of The Never Happened (Cooking Vinyl) NPR radio calls them “Israel’s answer to The Beatles” Secret Oyster – Secret Oyster & Straight To the Krankenhaus (Laser’s Edge) swirling, spinning, heart racing Danish jazz fusion reissues from 1973 and 1976, featuring astonishing guitarist Claus Bohling Sleeping People – Growing (Temporary Residence) cubic, tumbling instrumentals for time signature intellectuals, featuring guest vocalist Rob Crow on the last track The Slits – Return of the Giant Slits (Blast First) fantastic CD reissue of this 1981 follow up to their Cut debut, featuring a bonus disc of interviews and dub mixes and new cover art Robert Wyatt – Comicopera (Domino) broken into three acts, this beautiful, cinematic tango return features guests Paul Weller of The Jam, Roxy Music’s Phil Manzanera, and Brian Eno

New Releases Coming Tuesday, Oct. 9: and like the winds, young grasshopper, are subject to change...

Buck Brothers – Me (Coach House / Back 2 Forward Records) sounding like they stepped off the Stiff Records label in 1981, and as heard on MTV’s My Super Sweet 16, this UK quartet sum it up nicely with “Gorgeously Stupid” and “Yes, No, Stay, Go, Do, Don’t, Will, Won’t” Vanessa Carlton – Heroes & Thieves (The Inc. Records) with guest Stevie Nicks Josie Cotton – Invasion of the B-Girls (Scruffy) co-produced with Geza X and featuring DEVO drummer David Kendrick, this sexy sashay to the grindhouse is a collection of songs from, and inspired by, the notorious “b-movies” of Herschell Gordon Lewis, Russ Meyers and John Waters Dead Kennedys - Milking the Sacred Cow (Manifesto) budget-priced greatest hits collection Deadstring Brothers - Silver Mountain

www.chattanoogapulse.com

The Pulse 10.4.07

John James can be found via cyberspace at yeahyeah@cinci.rr.com

15

Live Music Listings THURSDAY CLUBS AND DJ College Night—Drink. 5647 Brainerd Rd. 553-6645.

DJ Spicoli—Buck Wild Saloon. 409 Market St. 7561919.

DJ Steven G—The Mix. 405 Market St. 266-3662.

Service Industry Night—Images. 6005 Lee Hwy. 8558210.

The Spinning King DJ Gene—The Palms. 6925 Shallowford Rd. 499-5055.

LIVE MUSIC Chad Yates—Electric Cowboy. 5600 Brainerd Rd. 499-1995.

Cliff Darby—Scooter’s. 6002 Lee Hwy. 855-8929.

Cody McCarver—The Sports Page. 8182 E. Brainerd.

Rd. 855-2100.

Collin Wood—Ari’s Lakeshore. 5600 Lake Resort Terrace. 877-7068.

Luke Bryan—Rhythm and Brews. 221 Market St. 2674644.

Pee Wee and Channing—Buck Wild Saloon. 409 Market St. 756-1919.

Scott Miller and Corb Lund—Midtown Music Hall. 820 Georgia Ave. 752-1977.

Tim Neal, John Duval—Los Compadres. 5773 Brainerd Rd. 296-8141.

KARAOKE Amigo’s. 5450 Hwy 153. 875-8049.

Bourbon St. Music Bar. 2000 E. 23rd St. 697-9957.

Buffalo Wild Wings. 507 Broad St. 752-9464.

Chaps Bar and Grill. 2819 Cummings Hwy. 822-3411.

Patrick’s. 4119 Cummings Hwy. 621-4703.

Red Lantern. 1301 Chestnut St. 757-4730.

Rob’s. 5308 Dayton Blvd. 875-6164.

Steel Horse Saloon. 4431 Hwy 58. 855-1818.

Striker’s Lounge. 5518 Brainerd Rd. 899-2695.

OPEN MIC Local Performance Hall. 306 Cherokee Blvd. 265-2171.

FRIDAY

Check with venues for show times and ticket prices.

For even more calendar listings, visit ChattanoogaPulse.com

Legends Bar and Grill. 5530 Hixson Pike. 843-2695.

Patrick’s. 4119 Cummings Hwy. 821-4703.

Red Lantern. 1301 Chestnut St. 757-4730.

Rob’s. 5308 Dayton Blvd. 875-6164.

Striker’s Lounge. 5518 Brainerd Rd. 899-2695.

The Sports Page. 8182 E. Brainerd Rd.

SATURDAY CLUBS AND DJ Back to School Jam with DJ Ethical—Club Fathom.

412 Market St. 757-0019.

DJ Ligaya—Club Phoenix. 4251 Bonny Oaks Dr. 6221980.

DJ Spicoli—Buck Wild Saloon. 409 Market St. 7561919.

Female Impersonation and Male Revue—Images.

6005 Lee Hwy. 855-8210.

Magic’s Birthday Party—Midtown Music Hall. 820 Georgia Ave. 752-1977.

Mixmaster Danny Williams—The Mix. 405 Market St. 266-3662.

The Spinning King DJ Gene—The Palms. 6925 Shallowford Rd. 499-5055.

DJ Ligaya—Club Phoenix. 4251 Bonny Oaks Dr. 6221980.

DJ Spicoli—Buck Wild Saloon. 409 Market St. 756-1919.

Female Impersonation and Male Revue—Images.

6005 Lee Hwy. 855-8210.

Ladies Night—Drink. 5647 Brainerd Rd. 553-6645.

Pajama Dance Party featuring DJ Vixon—Club Fathom. 412 Market St. 757-0019.

The Spinning King DJ Gene—The Palms. 6925 Shallowford Rd. 499-5055.

LIVE MUSIC 3 Sisters Festival—Ross’s Landing. 265-0771.

90 Proof—Club Phoenix. 4251 Bonny Oaks Dr. 6221980.

Alter Bridge—Club Fathom. 412 Market St. 757-0019.

Denny Diamond with Lumbar Fire—Rhythm and Brews. 221 Market St. 267-4644.

Doghouse Riley—The Local. 306 Cherokee Blvd. 2652171.

Eddie Pontiac—El Meson. 2204 Hamilton Place Blvd.

894-8726.

Forrest Magic and Moonlight Bride—J.J.’s Bohemia.

231 MLK Blvd. 266-1400.

Jimmy Harris—Red Lantern. 1310 Chestnut St. 7574730.

Mike and Lee—Bud’s Sports Bar. 5751 Brainerd Rd. 499-9878.

One Percent—Scooters. 6002 Lee Hwy. 855-8929.

Seven Under Suicide and Last Aurora— Ziggy’s. 607 1/2 Cherokee Blvd. 267-6688.

Soul Survivor—Ari’s Lakeshore. 5600 Lake Resort Terrace. 877-7086.

Toby Mac, Barlow Girl, and Thousand Foot—Memorial Auditorium. 642-8497.

Whiskey Throttle Band—Bourbon St. Music Bar. 2000 E. 23rd St. 826-1985.

3 Sisters Festival—Ross’s Landing. 265-0771.

Adrenaline Drop—Amigo’s. 5450 Hwy. 153. 875-8049.

Eddie Pontiac—El Meson. 2204 Hamilton Place Blvd.

894-8726.

Ion Prophecy—The Local. 306 Cherokee Blvd. 2652171.

Live Music—Tremont Tavern. Hixson Pike and Tremont.

266-1996.

Rob’s Birthday Bash, RWC, and Stoneline— Ziggy’s.

607 1/2 Cherokee Blvd. 267-6688.

Soul Survivor—Ari’s Lakeshore. 5600 Lake Resort Terrace. 877-7086.

Stacy Earle and Mark Stuart—Charles and Myrtle’s Coffeehouse. 105 McBrien Rd. 892-4960.

Tea Leaf Green—Rhythm and Brews. 221 Market St. 267-4644.

AMF Tristate 3636 Ringgold Rd. 267-2281.

Bourbon St. Music Bar. 2000 E. 23rd St. 697-9957.

Bud’s Sports Bar. 5914 Lee Hwy. 459-9878.

FANatics. 760 East Brainerd Rd. 894-2524.

Fireside Lounge. 4021 Hixson Pike. 870-7078 Legends Bar and Grill. 5530 Hixson Pike. 843-2695.

Los Compadres. 5773 Brainerd Rd. 296-8141.

Patrick’s. 4119 Cummings Hwy. 821-4703.

Red Lantern. 1301 Chestnut St. 757-4730.

Rob’s. 5308 Dayton Blvd. 875-6164.

Striker’s Lounge. 5518 Brainerd Rd. 899-2695.

The Sports Page. 8182 E. Brainerd Rd. 855-2100.

SUNDAY CLUBS AND DJ College Night—Electric Cowboy. 5600 Brainerd Rd. 499-1995.

Female Impersonation and Male Revue—Images.

6005 Lee Hwy. 855-8210.

Industry Night—Midtown Music Hall. 820 Georgia Ave. 752-1977.

Teen Night—Drink. 5647 Brainerd Rd. 553-6645.

The Spinning King DJ Gene—The Palms. 6925 Shallowford Rd. 499-5055.

LIVE MUSIC Molly Maguires—The Local. 306 Cherokee Blvd. 265-2171.

Tea Leaf Green: All Ages Show—Rhythm and Brews.

221 Market St. 267-4644.

Tom Cordell—Top of the Dock. 5600 Lake Resort. 8763636.

Tom Roznowski—Chattanooga Market at First Tennessee Pavilion. 1826 Carter St. 266-9270.

KARAOKE Club Phoenix. 4251 Bonny Oaks Dr. 622-1980.

J.J.’s Bohemia. 231 MLK Blvd. 266-1400.

Rob’s. 5308 Dayton Blvd. 875-6164.

The Palms. 6925 Shallowford Rd. 499-5055.

KARAOKE AMF Tristate 3636 Ringgold Rd. 267-2281.

Bourbon St. Music Bar. 2000 E. 23rd St. 697-9957.

FANatics. 760 East Brainerd Rd. 894-2524.

DJ Spicoli—Scooter’s. 6002 Lee Hwy. 855-8929.

LIVE MUSIC Ernie and Drew—Buck Wild Saloon. 409 Market St. 756-1919.

John Rueben— Club Fathom. 412 Market St. 7570019.

Roger Alan Wade—The Sports Page. 8182 E. Brainerd Rd. 855-2100.

Tarbell Patten—Sonny’s Place. 501 Cherokee Blvd.

634-0488.

Them Apples—The Local. 306 Cherokee Blvd. 265-2171.

KARAOKE Fireside Lounge. 4021 Hixson Pike. 870-7078.

Images. 6005 Lee Hwy. 855-8210.

Rob’s. 5308 Dayton Blvd. 875-6164.

The Mix. 405 Market St. 266-3662.

TUESDAY CLUBS AND DJ

LIVE MUSIC

KARAOKE

CLUBS AND DJ

CLUBS AND DJ

DJ X’PhakDer—The Mix. 405 Market St. 266-3662.

Shaganooga Dancers—Ari’s Lakeshore. 5600 Lake Resort Terrace. 877-7086.

Spinning King DJ Gene—The Palms. 6925 Shallowford Rd. 499-5055.

DJ Gruv and DJ Wish— The Local. 306 Cherokee Blvd.

265-2171.

LIVE MUSIC Pee Wee and Channing—Buck Wild Saloon. 409 Market St. 756-1919.

Russian Spy Camera—J.J.’s Bohemia. 231 MLK Blvd.

266-1400.

KARAOKE Bourbon St. Music Bar. 2000 E. 23rd St. 697-9957.

Double Hill Billiard Club. 1966 Northpoint Blvd. 8758760.

Legends Bar and Grill. 5530 Hixson Pike. 843-2695 The Big Chill. 427 Market St. 267-2445.

OPEN MIC Tremont Tavern. Hixson Pike and Tremont. 266-1996.

WEDNESDAY CLUBS AND DJ DJ Spicolli—Scooter’s. 6002 Lee Hwy. 855-8929.

Ladies Night—Electric Cowboy. 5600 Brainerd Rd. 4991995.

Retro Night with Mixmaster Danny Williams—The Mix. 405 Market St. 266-3662.

The Spinning King DJ Gene—The Palms. 6925 Shallowford Rd. 499-5055.

LIVE MUSIC Chad Yates—Buck Wild Saloon. 409 Market St. 7561919.

Davey Smith, Tim Starnes—The Sports Page. 8182 E. Brainerd Rd. 855-2100.

Herb Lawson—Top of the Dock. 5600 Lake Resort Terrace. 876-3636.

Michael Lawrence and Tiffany Taylor— The Mix. 405 Market St. 266-3662.

Priscilla and Little Rickey—Las Margaritas. 1101 Hixson Pike. 756-3332.

Slim Chance—Ari’s Lakeshore. 5600 Lake Resort Terrace. 877-7086.

KARAOKE Ari’s Harbor Lights. 9718 Hixson Pike. 843-2800.

Bourbon St. Music Bar. 2000 E. 23rd St. 697-9957.

FANatics. 760 East Brainerd Rd. 894-2524.

Red Lantern. 1301 Chestnut St. 757-4730.

Rob’s. 5308 Dayton Blvd. 875-6164.

Steel Horse Saloon. 4431 Hwy 58. 855-1818.

OPEN MIC

MONDAY

Any Talent Night—Images. 6005 Lee Hwy. 855-6210.

Open Mic with Matt Bohannon—J.J.’s Bohemia. 231 MLK Blvd. 266-1400.

SUBMISSION GUIDELINES: Submission Guidelines: To be considered for entry in our print music listings, event information must be submitted by noon on the Wednesday before publication.

Event information may be E-mailed to Calendar@ChattanoogaPulse.com, faxed to (423) 648-7860, or mailed to The Pulse, attn: Calendar, 1110 Market St – Suite 209, Chattanooga, TN 37402.

Event information will not be accepted by phone. We reserve the right to refuse any event listing for any reason.

16

The Pulse 10.4.07

www.chattanoogapulse.com

Music Reviews tender, wide-eyed ’60s pop with string and brass adornments, and while “Mae Kha Som Tum” is apparently about a papaya salad merchant, it has the groove of a spy theme song. People who can comfortably poke fun at one another are usually demonstrating a friendshipbased or familial intimacy, and similarly, the peculiar selections on Thai Pop Spectacular show, simultaneously, a reverence and irreverence.

-Ernest Paik

Various Artists Thai Pop Spectacular 1960s1980s (Sublime Frequencies) Two of the most well-known American folk musicologists were Alan Lomax and Harry Smith, and while the itinerant Lomax was known for his field recordings, Smith was an archivist who selected songs for his Anthology of American Folk Music not because they were representative, but because they were unusual. Some releases on the Sublime Frequencies label travel the Lomax path, like the haunting Night Recordings from Bali, with its outdoor noises and Gamelan performances, while others take the Harry Smith approach, like the disc at hand, Thai Pop Spectacular. Sublime Frequencies, co-founded by Alan Bishop of Sun City Girls, is a sort of odd version of Smithsonian Folkways, documenting music from exotic locales—mostly Southeast Asia and the Middle East.

Bishop, a seasoned traveler, has a murky relationship with Southeast Asian music (well—all music, actually); it’s apparent that he has a deep appreciation for it, but at the same time, he recognizes how bizarre and ridiculous some of it can sound.

The music on Thai Pop Spectacular, compiled by Bishop and Mark Gergis, spans the ’60s through the ’80s and features a variety of Western genres— rock, pop, funk, surf—channeled with a few native inflections, but sometimes the elements are so jumbled that it’s difficult to distinguish musical origins.

For example, Gawao Siangthong’s “Gao Guek” (“Wise Old Man”) sounds vaguely like Afrobeat because of its drums and horns. Not surprisingly, the most conspicuously unfamiliar ingredient on these songs is the Thai language, which creates the most striking aural disconnect for these rock/pop imitations.

There’s plenty for kitsch lovers, like the dated electronics and phaser effects, some cheesy wah-wah guitar funk, or the low-rent, ABBA-esque disco of “Kwuan Tai Duew Luk Puen” (“You Should Die

By Bullets”). Still, that doesn’t mean that there aren’t well-crafted, genuinely memorable tracks here; “Mai Na Lork Gun” (“Don’t Deceive Me”) conveys

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Ulrich Schnauss Goodbye (Domino) When comparing German recording artist Ulrich Schnauss’s debut solo album, Far Away Trains Passing By from 2001, with his latest, Goodbye, one can hear two major stylistic shifts: the prominent drum machines have been turned down, sometimes way down, and a definite shimmering shoegazer quality has emerged in a big way. Perhaps this move isn’t a conscious effort to expand his audience from the techno chill-out crowd to nostalgic listeners who grew up on Cocteau Twins and Slowdive, but its potential for being a gateway drug (in either direction) is certainly there.

The opening track, “Never Be the Same,” is a reverb-drenched, snowy bliss pop landscape with cues taken from the two aforementioned bands and a wash of vocals, singing words that are barely discernable. Goodbye isn’t all sweetness and light, though, as all the layers sometimes combine to bear their weight; notably, the busy up-tempo “Stars,” with vocals by Schnauss’s girlfriend Judith Beck, rattles by like a streamlined locomotive, and “Medusa” is a sinister, distorted mix of syrupy keyboards. While often possessing a hopeful and innocent tone, Goodbye also sometimes wanders dangerously close to Pure Moods-type New Age territory, and ultimately, it comes off as being too derivative. Sure, Schnauss has the sound down and fills his sonic spaces to capacity, but until he imparts his own individual compositional voice, well, he’s just taking up space.

-Ernest Paik

The Pulse 10.4.07

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Screen My Kingdom for a Herd of Horses

By Bertram Boyd Film Critic

The Kingdom mashes up hot clichés but leaves audience cold

“So, how much for a barrel of oil?”

The Kingdom is the story of FBI Special Agent Ronald Fleury (Jamie Foxx) leading an elite forensics team (Chris Cooper, Jennifer Garner and Jason Bateman) to investigate the terrorist bombing of an American housing compound in Riyadh, Saudi Arabia.

Despite its “ripped from the headlines” production design, The Kingdom is more muddled than marvelous, though its subject matter is so serious that some may be inclined to give it the benefit of the doubt.

The basic problem is that The Kingdom tries to jam too much into the same container.

The recipe for the plot seems to be: * Combine 1 part Syriana-style expose with * 1 part C.S.I.-style forensic whodunit and * 1 part cop from another culture buddy movie with * A dash of Death Wish vengeance plot.

Stew in a vat of our anxieties about the Middle East and serve piping hot.

Sounds delicious, but it will leave you cold. Here’s why. None of the ingredients is particularly fresh – you’ve seen every single one of these story elements done better in dozens of other movies and TV shows.

The bombing at the American compound is intense and upsetting. In the aftermath, events unfold to put a face on the tragedy and give Foxx’s character a very personal motivation for undertaking a mission to Saudi Arabia (I won’t spoil it by being too clear about what happens).

Unfortunately, the emotional impact drains away as Foxx’s character meets with a bewildering array of people in the effort to overcome the political barriers standing in the way of a trip to The Kingdom.

During this phase, the movie seems a little

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like Syriana, but the scenes are less exposé than cardboard cliché, such as promising a reporter an exclusive to get a meeting with a Saudi Arabian official, persuading the official to grant passage by threatening to publicize connections between the charitable contributions of highly placed Saudi Arabians and terrorist activity (yawn) with no real insight into the political process.

The Kingdom achieves as little success with the C.S.I. elements. Hamstrung by protocol, the team can’t perform a normal investigation and relies instead on unlikely occurrences such as Chris Cooper strolling casually through the bomb scene and plucking the detonator off the top of a pile of rubble as swarms of Saudi investigators labor fruitlessly all around him.

Foxx competently negotiates the adversarial and then increasingly friendly interactions with the Saudi Arabian police captain played by Ashraf Barham, but neither character portrays the psychological insight that might make this unlikely pairing interesting.

They’re unfriendly one moment and bullet brothers the next, with only the pretext of a transition. This relationship should be the emotional core of the movie, but it falls flat.

The trail of clues leads only to the lowest rung of the terrorist cell. Fortunately, the real bad guys prove very cooperative in unmasking themselves and providing the set up for resolving the vengeance plot, which is by far the most satisfying part of the movie.

Look for the Garner and Bateman characters to symbolically empower us by providing a cinematic antidote to one of the most disturbing tools in the terrorist repertoire.

Throughout The Kingdom minor characters provide the most interesting

The Pulse 10.4.07

moments. Jeremy Piven, as an American State Department official lectures Foxx’s team about not wearing their bullet-proof jackets as he stands imperviously armored by nothing but his rumpled suit. Piven also voices the movie’s most quotable quote when he advises Garner to “dial down the boobies…cover these situations” in anticipation of a Saudi prince’s arrival.

Richard Jenkins as the FBI director and Danny Huston as the attorney general enact a political standoff over sending the team to Saudi Arabia. This scene briefly explores the minefield between political principle and politics-as-usual in a way that could have been the heart of a much better movie, but the exchange is never referenced again.

Instead, The Kingdom lumbers to a conclusion by relying on two motifs about the multigenerational nature of violence.

Both of these motifs are planted early in the movie and arch through to the end.

One of them -- what fathers say to comfort their daughters-- is designed to be the movie’s punch line, but the sentiment is so cliché that it is neither profound nor particularly chilling – judge for yourself if you see it.

In short, The Kingdom doesn’t say, “A horse, a horse, my kingdom for a horse,” but instead calls for a whole herd, and in trying to ride all of these horses to the end, it goes nowhere fast.

Screen Pick

In the Shadow of the Moon—This documentary looks inside the most exclusive club in human history—the dozen men who have stood on the surface of the moon. Featuring interviews with all of the surviving Apollo crew members, In the Shadow of the Moon gives you a first-hand account of what it’s like to slip the surly bonds of Earth and touch the face of God. Our guess? It’s probably pretty cool. Part of AEC’s Independent Film Series at the Bijou. Rated PG. Opens Friday. Runs through October 11. (Contact theatre for ticket prices and show times.) Bijou Theatre. 215 Broad Street. (423) 2655220. Carmike.com.

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Book Review

Brother, I’m Dying

by Edwidge Danticat (Knopf)

Death and birth are everyday occurrences, but think about celebrating the life of a new family member and mourning the death of another - a mixture of emotions that is so overwhelming it’s almost unbearable to deal with in one given time frame. In Brother, I’m Dying, Edwidge Danticat, tells the story of her own family and the struggle she faces as a child while they are separated thousands of miles apart but somehow stay closer than ever only to bring the reader to her adulthood trials and tribulations.

As a young child, Edwidge has to learn about loss early when her father decides it is best for the family if he left Haiti to live in the United States. He tells them he will send for them as soon as the rest of the family can get their applications approved for travel. Little did Edwidge know that she would to wait for years before joining her father again.

In the meanwhile, she stays with her mother, who leaves after two years to join

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By Paula Just her father. Her father’s brother, Uncle Joseph, and his wife assume the duties of raising Edwidge and her brother. As a pastor, he teaches them well and takes them to his sermons. They develop a strong relationship as a family, but she is careful not to forget her mother and father in the United States. They write each other every week, and Edwidge can feel the emotion that her father struggles to write. Even though he never states it, he misses her and her brother.

After losing her parents at such a young age, she also has to deal with the illness that Uncle Joseph, the man who has become her second father, is suffering.

He must undergo surgery, which leaves him without his most precious possession of all—his voice. As a pastor, Joseph preaches and uses his voice to move people. After he loses his voice, he loses the children he has come to love as his own. Edwidge and her brother are finally approved to travel to the United States to live with their parents, a day she has longed for and dreaded at the same time.

This is just a glimpse into a few of the hardships that Edwidge describes throughout the novel. She offers insight into a rough time in Haiti when the government is at its worst and people are being killed in the streets. A family separated by miles stays in constant communication and tries desperately to be reunited again. She tells her story, but it’s mostly her father’s story and her Uncle Joseph’s. She becomes his voice and wants people to be aware of what he goes through before he arrives on his deathbed.

Though primarily a fiction writer, Edwidge delivers a powerful memoir that will be etched on our hearts forever. We connect to her and her family so closely that we begin to feel their pain and want to extend our deepest sympathies.

Though most of these events happened years ago, she captures them as if she has remained in the moment, giving us the most vivid and intricate details to fill our imaginations. When we read, we become her and go through her life, only to learn that we can conquer even the largest of obstacles.

The Pulse 10.4.07

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A select listing of films playing in Chattanooga-area theaters. Films are subject to change. Check with theaters for complete listings and showtimes.

OPENS FRIDAY: The Heartbreak Kid (R) A remake of the 1972 Charles Grodin film with Ben Stiller in the driver’s seat as a bachelor who jumps at his last chance at love--just a bit too soon. Stiller soon finds himself in a world of newlywed nightmares as his wife reveals a myriad of horrible flaws and he discovers his true love in another woman. As usual, Jerry Stiller will be there.

NOW SHOWING: Feast of Love (R) Morgan Freeman spends his time watching attractive young people falling in love at a local restaurant. Can’t you get arrested for that?

Game Plan (PG) The Rock plays a superstar football player who unexpectedly gains custody of a daughter he never knew he had. This is, apparently, funny.

The Kingdom (R) Jamie Foxx leads a group of FBI agents investigating an attack on Americans in Saudi Arabia. Man, solving a crime is so much easier when you speak the language!

And, presumably, when nobody’s firing rockets at you.

3:10 to Yuma (R) The film comes together better when it keeps its focus on its characters. Granted, many, if not all, of these characters are drawn from a fairly shallow pool of Western types, rather than grand, inspiring, archetypes. There’s the awkward, book smart doctor; the corrupt, wealth-driven railroad executive; the even more corrupt, downright greedy banker.

Even Bale and Crowe are tied to playing the familiar parts of the honest, hardworking family man, and the dangerously charismatic outlaw, respectively, and in the hands of lesser actors, that might be all that made it to the screen. Fortunately, these aren’t lesser actors. Crowe’s Ben Wade is both genuinely charming and believably dangerous, and in Bale’s hands Evans’ struggle to keep his ranch and win the respect of his son is more than tired cliche. The high emotional stakes of his journey are evident every step of the way. Buoyed by these intense and riveting performances, and backed by impressive acting across the board – Ben Foster in particular stands out as Wade’s chillingly psychotic sidekick – 3:10 to Yuma manages to be a solid, if not exactly classic, entry in its genre.

Balls of Fury (PG-13) The geniuses behind Reno 911 bring you the Citizen Kane of ping-pong films, features a secret table tennis tournament sponsored by a creepy crime lord played by—who else?—Christopher Walken.

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is extended to the viewers of this film.

The Brave One (R) Thirty years after Taxi Driver, Jodie Foster finally gets to play the vigilante role, as a New York radio personality hunting down the criminals who destroyed her life.

Death at a Funeral (R) The funeral is that of an unnamed man, and the job of maintaining decorum falls to Daniel, his oldest son, played

by Matthew MacFadyen, whose recent understated turn in Pride and Prejudice gave an entire generation of fifteen-year old girls an opportunity to fall in love with Mr. Darcy without bothering to crack a book. Stiff, unremarkable, and self-loathing, Daniel’s determination to pull off a staid, somber affair is, of course, undermined by the lunatics around him, from his pharmacologically experimenting cousin and egotistical bohemian brother, to a mysterious little man who holds dark secrets about the deceased. The resulting chaos is slow to build, but hilarious once it comes. Death at a Funeral obviously comes from the “less is more” school of comedy, which holds that a few good jokes played well count for more than a few dozen lame zingers landing flat. The strong ensemble cast makes the most of their material, as well. Peter Dinklage, who plays the funeral’s mystery guest, is exceptional and, as always, underused. Alan Tudyk stands out as Simon, a mourner whose inadvertently drugged state could have easily played out in a single note. Tudyk exercises enough restraint with the role, however, to bring it a certain believability and charm.

Halloween (R) What happens when a legendary and decades-old horror franchise finally runs out of sequels? Let the remakes begin!

Rob Zombie directs, because, apparently, John Carpenter was busy.

Mr. Bean’s Holiday (G) Rowan Atkinson last put on his classic Mr. Bean persona for an ill-advised jaunt to the States in Bean. Now he’s trying his luck again, this time on a whirlwind tour of Europe.

Mr. Woodcock (PG-13) The great thing about growing up is that you get to leave all of your painful childhood memories behind. That is, until your sadistic P.E. teacher decides to marry your mother.

The Nanny Diaries (PG-13) Bestselling chick-lit becomes a big screen chick-flick starring Scarlett Johansson as a Manhattan nanny with an awful East Side boss and a tumultuous love life.

Once (R) He’s a lonely and lovably scruffy vacuum cleaner repairman. She’s a poor immigrant housekeeper. They’re both damn good singers and musicians who meet on the streets of Dublin and begin

to fall poignantly and precariously in love. Once is not a dancing-in-the-streets style musical, but its reticent characters express themselves mostly through the songs they sing. Since those songs are heartbreakingly beautiful, and because their story is so simply and carefully told, Once is an unmissable, near perfect love story.

Resident Evil: Extinction (R) It’s zombies versus supermodels in postapocalyptic Las Vegas. Odds are 3 to 1 for the zombies.

Rush Hour 3 (PG-13) Jackie Chan and Chris Tucker are back, doing the same thing they did in the last two movies – kicking people and trying to be funny, mostly. But this time they’re in Paris, which explains Roman Polanski’s sudden addition to the cast.

Shoot ‘Em Up (R) Clive Owen plays an anonymous gunman and unlikely hero who takes the title of the film to heart in order to save a mother and child from the clutches of Paul Giamatti.

Sydney White (PG-13) The classic story of Snow White gets a college fraternity update. Because, apparently, the only thing Walt Disney left out was the beer-bong.

Dragon Wars (PG-13) There are dragons. They are at war. In Los Angeles. Enough said.

Eastern Promises (R) Coming from Cronenberg, whose name was built on explorations of horror and the grotesque, it’s hardly surprising that Eastern Promises looks deeply into the common ground between mutilation and expression. Not only do the characters wear their stories etched into their flesh, but in their world the slash of a knife or the decimation of a corpse (all rendered in graphically realistic detail) can broadcast clear, distinct messages. And, as Anna and Nikolai alternately try to reveal and hide the secrets that surround them, the suppressed truth seems to find its outlet in the spilling of blood. Concerned as it is with good and evil, Eastern Promises eschews a manichean world-view.

Cronenberg favors shades of gray, and is expert at avoiding the obvious, and revealing only as much as he must to tell his story. Much of the fascination in Eastern Promises lies in how well it keeps its secrets, like those cryptic tales told in tattoos.

Good Luck Chuck (R) Dane Cook plays a man who brings good fortune and romantic bliss to every woman he sleeps with. No such guarantee

The Pulse 10.4.07

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Shrink Rap With Dr. Rick

Be Here Now Put guilt and fear at bay by centering yourself I want to share with you a topic near and dear to my own heart and spiritual journey.

There is an old school of thought that proclaims the two “useless” emotions are fear and guilt. Guilt, because it is about something that has already happened and we are, literally, unable to un-do what’s been done. And fear, as it is about something yet to occur, and none of us has a crystal ball.

This makes some sense, although personally I do not believe that any emotions are useless; in fact, they all have value in their ability to teach us something about ourselves, or to provide navigational tools, guiding us through some difficult emotional terrain.

First, let’s look at fear. PRO: Fear is a critical piece of what triggers the “fight or flight” response in humans.

So a degree of fear is helpful to have around. After all, it provides the common-sense caution that tells us not to enter dark alleys, fight with a bully twice our size, or take candy from

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strangers.

CON: But the argument can be made that fear and worry, especially in excess, can take up a lot of our time and energy. And can paralyze a person,

“When your mind is racing ahead, filled with worries, doubts, fears, you are missing this very moment.” resulting in living a boxed-in, limited, anxiety-filled life. Where to live, where to work, whom to love – indeed all of life’s choices -- are based not in sound judgment, but based instead in fear. It’s a very painful and restricted way to live.

Know this: where fear is present, there is a trust issue. It’s likely you don’t trust yourself to be wise and do

what’s best. Or you don’t trust that you are divinely guided and loved by your Creator.

Now let’s look at guilt. PRO: Guilt has the ability to act as a sort of conscience and teach us about modifying our behavior (so we don’t feel guilty afterward). It’s interesting to note that people diagnosed as psychopaths or sociopaths – let’s say your garden-variety serial killers -- are unable to feel guilt. Which makes it pretty obvious why guilt has its place.

CON: However, guilt can also paralyze us, make us drag around a lot of excess baggage, and can lead to all sorts of self-esteem issues, relationship problems, depression, anxiety, and more. People have committed suicide due to an extreme inability to put guilt in its proper place.

How to be free of excess guilt and fear is about learning to become present and live in the moment. Take a breath; slow down. All you have, really, is this moment in time, right here, right now.

Realize that when your mind is racing ahead, filled with worries, doubts, fears, you are missing this very moment.

Breathe yourself back to the present and live it fully. By that I mean: pay full attention to what you are doing, feeling, or saying, NOW. Plug in, because this moment is only coming around once.

When your mind is filled with guilt, take that as a cue that you have some lessons to learn. If you don’t like the way you did something, vow to do it

The Pulse 10.4.07

differently next time. Learn your lesson.

Then: Ciao guilt! I’m done with you for now. And breathe yourself back to the present, back to being a person who has evolved, even just a little bit.

This really is not as difficult as it may sound. But it does take practice and a commitment to walk through life not worriedly, or guiltily, but consciously.

When I keep these thoughts in the front of my mind, I find that I’m happier. I walk more slowly, in touch with myself and the moment. I feel less rushed, paying greater attention to what’s directly in front of me. I even drive slower. My breathing is relaxed, anxiety is at bay, and depression simply isn’t showing its face.

You can do this. Give it some thought and practice. See what happens.

Until next week: “You cannot find yourself by going backward or forward.

You find yourself by coming into the present.” ~Eckhart Tolle, The Power of Now

Peace, Dr. Rick Dr. Rick Pimental-Habib, Ph.D., is a psychotherapist, minister, and educator, in private practice in Chattanooga, and is the author of “Empowering the Tribe” and “The Power of a Partner.”

Visit his website at www.DrRPH.com where you can email your questions and comments.

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Feast

A list of Chattanooga’s tastiest restaurants.

Check out our online dining guide www.chattanoogapulse.com/dguide

2 Squares A Day 3399 Amnicola Hwy. 697-7595

Bluewater Grille 224 Broad St. 266-4200 Mon. - Thurs.: 11am to 11pm Fri. & Sat.: 11am to 12am

, , Price Range: $

, , Price Range: $$

212 Market 212 Market St. 265-1212 212Market.com Weekday lunch: 11am to 3pm and dinner 5pm to 9pm.

Weekends: lunch 11:30am to 3pm and dinner 5pm 10pm.

Sun.: dinner 5 pm to 9pm.

Bourbon Street Blues Bar 2000 E. 23rd. St. 698-2589 Chattanoog , , Price Range: $

, , , Price Range: $$

, , Price Range: $$

All-American Grilled Takeout 3507 Ringgold Rd. 698-2040 Mon. - Thurs.: 10:30am to 10pm Fri. & Sat.: 10:30am to 11pm

Buck Wild Saloon & Grill 409 Market St. 756-1919

City Café Diner 901 Carter St. 634-9191 7641 Lee Hwy. 485-8222 Open 24 hours seven days a week

, , Price Range: $

, , , Price Range: $

Buddy’O Jrs. 5813 Lee Hwy. 899-1979

Copper Kettle Restaurant 4301 Hwy. 58 899-9208

American

, , , Price Range: $ Angus Café 701 Cherry St. 266-4484 , , Price Range: $ Aretha Frankenstein’s 518 Tremont St. 265-7685 , , , Price Range: $ Armando’s 4509 Hixson Pike 877-4495 , Price Range: $ Back Inn Café 412 East 2nd St. 265-5033 Mon. - Thurs.: 7am to 10pm Fri: 7am to 11pm Sat.: 8am to 11pm Sun.: 8am to 10pm , , , Price Range: $$ Back Yard Burgers 4047 Hixson Pike 870-8525 4417 Hwy 58 892-9552 , , Price Range: $ Bea’s Restaurant 4500 Dodds Ave. 867-3618 , Price Range: $ Big River Grille & Brewing Works 222 Broad St. 267-2739 , , , Price Range: $$ Blue Orleans Creole Restaurant 3208 Amnicola Hwy. 629-6538 Mon. - Fri.: 6:30am to 4pm , , Price Range: $$ BlueCoast Burrito 5591 Hwy. 153 877-1880 BlueCoastBurrito.com Mon. - Sat.: 11am to 9pm Sun.: 11am to 3pm , , Price Range: $

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Broad Street Grille 1201 Broad St. 756-3400

, , , Price Range: $ Bud’s Sports Bar 5751 Lee Hwy. 499-9878 , , Price Range: $ Buffalo Wild Wings 507 Broad St. 752-9464 364 Northgate Mall 877-2356 Mon. - Thurs.: 11am to 12am Fri. & Sat.: 11am to 1am Sun.: noon to 11pm , , , Price Range: $ Café Mi Aroma 2153 North Ocoee St., Cleveland 478-5530 7328 Shallowford Rd. 954-9889 650 McCallie Ave. 634-2165 , , Price Range: $ Canyon Grill 28 Scenic Highway Rising Fawn, GA (706) 398-9510 , , Price Range: $$ Casa Rolls 1414 Jenkins Rd. (423) 510-9570 , Price Range: $$ Chattanooga Billiard Club 725 1/2 Cherry St. 267-7740 Mon. - Fri.: 11am to 3am Sat. & Sun.: 1pm to 3am , , Price Range: $ Chattanooga Sandwich Company 207 Frazier Ave. (423) 266-2233

(423) 634-1141 , Price Range: $ China Inn 624 Northgate Mall 877-8773 Mon. - Fri.: 11am to 9pm Sat.: 11am to 9:30pm Sun.: 11am to 4pm , , , Price Range: $ Chop House 2011 Gunbarrel Rd. (423) 892-1222 , , , Price Range: $$

, Price Range: $ Country Life Vegetarian Restaurant 809 Market St. 634-9925 Mon. - Thurs.: 11:30am to 2:30pm Fri. & Sun.: 11:30am to 1:30pm Closed on Saturdays , , Price Range: $ Country Time Café 8142 East Brainerd Rd. 553-6700 Tues. - Sat.: 7am to 9pm Sun.: 11am to 3pm

, , , Price Range: $$ Eidson 5308 Ringgold Rd. 867-1742

Their bold American fare is prepared by a staff that boasts more culinary school graduates than any other restaurant in town, and they make a mean double-cut pork chop. They also have a full bar that you can enjoy on the deck or in the retroindustrial interior, which still displays the original brick from the renovated building. Monday is halfoff Wine Day and Sunday Brunch has become very popular here.

Mon. - Thurs.: 11am to 10pm Fri. & Sat.: 11am to 11pm (bar open until 1am) Sun.: 11am to 10pm 205-C Manufacturers Rd. 752-7487 , Price Range: $$ Fox and Hound Pub & Grille 2040 Hamilton Place Blvd., Ste. 150 490-1200

Family Table 3904 Ringgold Rd. 698-8857

Dexters Inc 5835 Lee Hwy. 855-5118

Fanatics 7601 E Brainerd Rd. 894-2524

, , Price Range: $

, Price Range: $

Diamond Billiard Club 3600 Hixson Pike Ste. K 877-5882 Mon. - Fri. & Sun.: 11am to 3am Sat.: noon to 3am

Flatiron Deli 706 Walnut St. 266-2620 Mon. - Fri.: 8am to 2pm , , Price Range: $

Dinner on the Diner 1400 Market St. 308-2481 , , Price Range: $$ Dockside Cafe 8411 Harrison Bay Rd. 344-9998 , Price Range: $ Durty Nelly’s Irish Pub 109 N. Market St. 265-9970 , , Price Range: $$

Cheeburger Cheeburger 138 Market St. (423) 265-4108 , , Price Range: $$ Easy Seafood Company

Carry Out =

Delivery =

Price Guide: $=under $10, $$=$11-20, $$$=$21 and up (Based on average dinner entrée price.) favorite haunt.

334 Market St. 265-4615 HairOfTheDogPub.net Mon. - Fri.: 11am to 3am Sat. & Sun.: 1pm to 3am , , Price Range: $ Herman’s 3821 Brainerd Rd. 624-5715 1 , , Price Range: $$ Hennen’s 193 Chestnut St. 634-5160 , , Price Range: $$ Images 6005 Lee Hwy. 855-8210

Fudgewrights 100 Market St. 756-1113

Inn-Side Restaurant 800 Chestnut St. 266-7687

, , Price Range: $

, , Price Range: $

Geneva’s 12136 Hwy. 136 Rising Fawn, GA (706) 398-1749

J Alexander’s 2215 Hamilton Place Blvd.

855-5559 1 , , Price Range: $$

, Price Range: $

, Price Range: $

, , Price Range: $

Jimmy D’s Sports Bar and Grill 3901 Rossville Blvd.

867-2624 Mon. - Sun.: 10am to whenever Price Range: $ JJ’s Bohemia 231 MLK Blvd.

266-1400

Market Street Tavern Chattanooga’s newest downtown hotspot serves lunch and dinner Monday through Friday and Saturday evening. The Tavern boasts down-home southern cuisine with a twist, featuring local and organic purveyors.

A polished casual atmosphere makes it the right place for any occasion. Whether you want a great burger for lunch, a few drinks and apps at happy hour, a delicious entrée for dinner or a night on the town listening to Chattanooga’s best local music talent, you will find what you are looking for at the Market Street Tavern.

Join them every Friday following Nightfall Chattanooga’s best local music talent.

Open 11am Mon-Fri, Open 12 pm Saturday, Close - ?

850 Market St. 634-0260 1 , , Price Range: $ Marsha’s Backstreet Cafe 5032-1/2 Brainerd Rd. 485-7911 , , , Price Range: $ Mayor’s Mansion Inn 801 Vine St. 265-5000 , , Price Range: $$

150 bottled beers and 40 beers on tap.

Kids love MM, and the whole family can enjoy themselves as everyone finds a favorite on the huge menu! Free WIFI access now available.

Happy Hour every day from 9 to 10 pm, with $3 drafts and Sunday - Thursday from 4 to 6 pm, with $2 domestic drafts.

Open Monday-Friday, 11am-12am. Saturday, 11am-1pm. Sunday, 1211pm.

205 Broad St. (423) 266-5564 MellowMushroom.com Mon. - Fri.: 11am to 12am Sat.: 11am to 1pm Sun.: Noon to 11pm , , , Price Range: $$ Merv’s 713 Mountain Creek Rd. 877-0221 , , , Price Range: $ Mount Vernon 3535 Broad St. 266-6591 , Price Range: $$ Mr. Happy 3235 Brainerd Rd. 622-7217 , , Price Range: $ Murphy’s Ale House 618 Georgia Ave. 648-4360 MurphysAleHouse.com Mon. - Sat.: 11am to 2am Sun.: Noon to Midnight. , , Price Range: $

Mayor’s Restaurant & Lounge 3820 Brainerd Rd. 624-0034

Nikki’s Drive Inn 899 Cherokee Blvd.

265-9015

Kreme House 9220 Lee Hwy. 238-4141

, , Price Range: $

, Price Range: $

, , Price Range: $

, Price Range: $

McMel’s 5700 Ringgold Rd. 867-7663

Grove Street Grill 1221 Grove St. 756-1411

Lamar’s Restaurant and Lounge 1018 East MLK Blvd.

266-0988

Gondolier Italian Restaurant 6901 Lee Hwy. 899-8100 Mon. - Fri.: 11am to 10pm

, , Price Range: $ Foodworks The old knitting mill now holds a lot more than yarn. Three Chattanooga natives turned the space into a polished-casual dining environment that serves up everything from pecan trout to jambalaya.

Their bold American fare is prepared by a staff that boasts more culinary school graduates than any other restaurant in town, and they make a mean double-cut pork chop. They also have a full bar that you can enjoy on the deck or in the retroindustrial interior, which still displays the original brick from the renovated building. Monday is halfoff Wine Day, and Sunday brunch has become very popular here.

The old knitting mill now holds a lot more than yarn. Three Chattanooga natives turned the space into a polished-casual dining environment that serves up everything from pecan trout to jambalaya.

Serves Alcohol =

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Giggles Grill 3224 Brainerd Rd. 629-2233

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Dine In =

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George’s 6080 Shallowford Rd. 954-1430

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Chef Dre’s 500 Lookout St.

“Our Southern spin on Creole cuisine has its roots in my New Orleans childhood. In our home, Creole cooking was an everyday event, and the flavors, aromas, and laid-back attitude of the city shaped who I am (in my first kitchen, I was nicknamed ‘Easy’).”

That’s the word from Eric Neil, executive chef and owner. Because Easy Seafood is chef-owned and operated, nothing holds them back from creating the freshest, most honest, wonderfully delicious food in town.

From Crawfish Etoufee to Easy’s Surf–N-Turf, seared Kobe Beef Sirloin with grilled jumbo gulf white shrimp, the menu features local produce (NEVER miss the Fried Green Tomato Salad when the Heirloom tomatos are in season!) and an attention to subtle details.

Check out the 25- cent oysters on Thursday nights.

203 Broad St. 266-1121 Mon. - Thurs.: 11am to 10:30 Fri. - Sat.: 11am to midnight Sun: 11am to 10:30pm Bar Hours: Sun. - Thurs.: 11am to 1am Fri. - Sat.: 11am to 2am

Serves Food =

KEY TO GUIDE

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, , , Price Range: $ , , Price Range: $$ Hair of the Dog Pub There’s only one locally owned hangout that is both homey and happening, classy and casual, with a unique menu of pub dishes and remarkable selection of drinks. Down on the corner of Market and 4th Street, a spot o’ London has settled into the Chattanooga bar scene.

Hair of the Dog offers pool tables, a breezy bi-level patio, a rockin’ jukebox and friendly staff. Not the regular stale potato chips bar fare, their stellar menu boasts Jalapeno Corn Dogs, Cottage Pie and Salmon. And then there’s the beer. They have more than 50 different brews on top of lengthy wine and liquor lists. Definitely your next

The Pulse 10.4.07

Little Lunch Box 5959 Shallowford Rd. Ste. 201 510-9860 Mon. - Fri.: 8am tp 2:30pm

, Price Range: $ Melanie’s At Brainerd 3116 Brainerd Rd. 698-4433 , , , Price Range: $

, , Price Range: $ Lookout Mountain Cafe’ 826 Scenic Hwy. 821-6714 , , Price Range: $$ Lookout Place Cafe 1101 Market St. 634-1166 , Price Range: $$ Mac’s Restaurant & Lounge 3950 Brainerd Rd. 698-0702 , , Price Range: $

Mellow Mushroom Monumental hoagies, scrumptious salads, awesome calzones and baked-on-the-stone pizza: Mellow Mushroom has something for everyone.

Vegetarians, meat lovers, calzone crazies and all stomachs in between will be satisfied with the extensive menu. Try the fresh hummus with pita as you sip from one of the

Niko’s Southside Grill Niko’s Southside Grill is a contemporary restaurant that offers the best in creative American cuisine, food that’s full of bold flavors with international appeal. Niko’s has an expanded appetizer selection that ranges from Rock Shrimp to Tortilla Pizza. For the main course, Niko’s features a wide selection of dishes, from Peppercorn Encrusted Twin Petit Filets to Sesame Grouper. At Niko’s, expect wonderful wines—pairing great wine with great food is a passion. More than 15 desserts are prepared fresh daily in Niko’s Bakery, making it one of the premier downtown restaurants for dessert and coffee. Eat indoors in our spacious dining room, or on our outdoor patio, serving the full menu.

www.chattanoogapulse.com

Feast Cowart & 14th Streets 266-6511 , , Price Range: $$ Northshore Grill 16 Frazier Ave. 757-2000 , , Price Range: $$ Ollie’s Restaurant Heart & Soul 5742 Brainerd Rd. 648-9946 , , Price Range: $ Out Of The Blue Bakery & Cafe’ 3200 Brainerd Rd. 698-7833 4301 Amnicola Highway @ Riverpark Mon. - Sat.: 8am to 4pm (Brainerd) Mon. - Sat.: 8am to 8pm (Riverpark) . , , Price Range: $ Patrick’s 4119 Cummings Hwy. 821-4703 Mon. - Thurs.: 11am to 9pm Fri: 11am to 1am Saturday: 4pm to 1am , , Price Range: $$ Petunia’s Silver Jalapeno 309 Signal Mountain Rd. 785-7578 Tues. - Sat.: 11am to 8pm , Price Range: $ Porter’s Steakhouse Fine dining atmosphere for Chicago-style steaks and quality seafood.

Simple preparations with the best available ingredients. The 28 oz.

Prime Porterhouse is something to behold. For those with a bit less of an appetite, smaller cuts of the same quality beef are offered and prepared in the truest tradition of the Chicago steakhouse. The Capital Plate is one of the favorites of regulars with its classic combination of expertly prepared Ribeye and Shrimp Scampi.

Stylish bar and the historic setting of the Read House Hotel combine to make this a solid choice for your night of dining.

827 Broad St. 266-4121 , , Price Range: $$$

3913 St. Elmo Ave. 822-6477 OurPurpleDaisy.com Mon. - Wed.: 11am to 3pm Thurs. - Sat.: 11am to 8pm , , Price Range: $ Renaissance Commons 402 East 2nd St. 265-5033 , , Price Range: $$ Sharon’s Cafe 5600 Brainerd Rd. 899-7101 , , Price Range: $ Smoothie King 325 Market St. 266-1918 2100 Hamilton Place Blvd.

899-9910 1913 Gunbarrel Rd. 499-6059 5200 Hwy. 153 875-8488 , , Price Range: $

, , Price Range: $$$ St. John’s Meeting Place 1278 Market St. 266-4400

The Ruby Rock Grotto 3931 St. Elmo Ave. 825-5680

, Price Range: $$ Steamboat 5950-C Shallowford Rd. 812 Broad St. 499-6355 Mon. - Fri.: 10am to 3:30 pm , Price Range: $ Stumble Inn 2925 1/2 Rossville Blvd.

624-0290 Mon. - Sun.: 1pm to ? , Price Range: $$$$

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Soup’s On 3103 S. Broad St. 267-1555

Taco Mac 423 Market St. 267-8226

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Southern Belle Riverboat 201 Riverfront Pkwy.

266-4488

T-Bones Sports Cafe’ 1419 Chestnut St. 266-4240

Southern Star 1206 Market St. 267-8899 , , , Price Range: $ Southside Cafe 1404 Cowart St. 266-0022 , , Price Range: $ St. John’s 1278 Market St. 266-4400

The Red Lantern 1301 Chestnut St. 757-4730

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Station House 1400 Market St. 308-2481

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Souper Salad 2288 Gunbarrel Rd. 893-5506

Southern Restaurant 3224 Dayton Blvd.

877-9203 7714 Hixson Pike 842-5649

Sunday: 12pm to 3am

The Big Table 118 Cross St. 634-0772

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Table 2 Grill & Lounge 232 East 11th St. Suite A110 756-8253

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Price Range: $

, , Price Range: $ Terdon 3713 Rossville Blvd.

867-4515 , , Price Range: $ Texas Roadhouse Restaurant 7035 Amin Dr. 899-8293 , , , Price Range: $$ The American Café 2100 Hamilton Place Blvd.

855-8454 , , Price Range: $ The Big Chill & Grill 427 Market St. 267-2445 ,

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The Blue Plate Brilliant: the owners of The Blue Plate have taken the idea behind the classic American diner and given it a contemporary flair. To start, try the Fried Green Tomatoes or the HandBreaded Fish & Chips.

Then dig into a Blue Plate Burger or Baked Meatloaf or Grilled Salmon. Don’t forget to leave room for Coconut Cream Pie or Peanut Butter Pie. In addition to lunch and dinner seven days a week, you can enjoy breakfast on the weekends. Full bar with premium spirits, bottled beers and wine by the glass. The Blue Plate boasts a fantastic view of the river and is located in the River Pier Building next to the Aquarium.

Easy parking adjacent to Blue Plate at the foot of the River Pier.

191 Chestnut St. Unit B 648-6767 Mon. - Fri.: 11am to 9pm Sat.: 8am to 9pm Sun.: 9am to 9pm TheBluePlate.info/site , , , Price Range: $

, Price Range: $ The Station House 1400 Market St. 266-5000 , , Price Range: $ The Tallan Cellar at Union Square 2 Union Square 648-0880

, Price Range: $ The North Chatt Cat 346 Frazier Ave. 266-9466 Price Range: $ The Palms at Hamilton 6925 Shallowford Rd. 499-5055 Tues. - Thurs.: 4pm to 1am Fri.: 4pm to 3am Sat.: 6pm to 3am Closed: Sun. and Mon. ( , , Price Range: $$

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Tubby’s Real Burgers 710 Cherokee Blvd.

265-0069

The Terrace 2 Carter Plaza 756-0002

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University Pizza & Deli 422 Vine St. 756-8700

The Village Cafeteria 1015 Lafayette Rd. Chickamauga, GA (706) 375-6356

, , Price Range: $

, Price Range: $ Tom’s Donut Palace 705 Cherry St. 266-4424 Mon. - Fri.: 7am to 1pm , , Price Range: $

The Melon Patch 109 Gordon St. (706) 375-7300 Chickamauga, GA

Tremont Tavern North Chattanooga’s hometown neighborhood hangout is where you will find the best burgers and gourmet sandwiches in town. Not to mention the best beer selection this side of the river, featuring 115 brews from around the world with 9 on tap.

Join the Tavern World Traveler club where you can earn your very own tavern beer stein and add your name to the wall of fame when you finish all 115 beers. Check out the local musical talent – every Tuesday is open mic night, and the following Wednesday and Saturday a local band or performer takes center stage for your musical enjoyment.

1203 Hixson Pike 266-1996

Top of the Dock 5600 Lake Resort Terrace 876-3636 1 , , Price Range: $ Town & Country East 2000 East 23rd St. 826- 1985 Mon. - Thurs.: 11am to 12am Fri. - Sat.: 11am to 2am Sun.: 11am to 4pm. , , Price Range: $ Traditions Buffet 8142 E Brainerd Rd. 826-1680 , , Price Range: $

The Pickle Barrel 1012 Market St. 266-1103 Monday - Saturday: 11am to 3am

Vaudeville Cafe 138 Market St. 266-6202 , , Price Range: $ Veg Out 4801 English Ave. 867-5517 , , Price Range: $ Vine Street Bakery and Market 1313 Hanover St. 266-8463 , , Price Range: $$ Wally’s 1600 McCallie Ave. 698-4643 6521 Ringgold Rd. 899-6151 , , Price Range: $ Zarzour’s 1627 Rossville Ave. 266-0424 , , Price Range: $

Asian

Purple Daisy Picnic Cafe

www.chattanoogapulse.com

The Pulse 10.4.07

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The Pulse 10.4.07

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Feast Asia Buffet 6901 Lee Hwy. Ste. G 499-8865 Mon. – Thurs.: 11 am to 10 pm Fri. - Sun.: 11 am to 10:30 pm , , , Price Range: $ Chef Lin 5084 South Terrace 510-1997 100 W. Walnut Ave., Dalton (706) 226-1663 , , Price Range: $ China Cafeteria 505 Market St. 265-1522 , , Price Range: $ China Express 3801 Tennessee Ave. 821-2858 , , Price Range: $ China Gourmet 321 Browns Ferry Rd. 821-8500 Mon. - Thurs.: 11am to 10pm Fri. & Sat.: 11am to 11pm Sun.: 12pm to 2pm , , , Price Range: $ China House 7601 E. Brainerd Rd. 499-8670 , , Price Range: $ China Lee 3815 Dayton Blvd.

877-6917 , , , Price Range: $

, Price Range: $

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Hunan Wok 2201 E. 23rd. St. 624-6200 Mon. - Sun.: 11am to 11:30pm

Saigon Noodle & Deli 5665 Brainerd Rd. 490-0074 Mon. - Sat.: 11am 9:30pm

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Ichiban Japanese Steakhouse 5621 Brainerd Rd. 892-0404 5425 Hwy. 153 875-0404

Sea Palace 2115 Gunbarrel Rd. 892-4472

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Sekisui 200 Market St. 267-4600

Imperial Garden 2288 Gunbarrel Rd. 499-9333 217 Ocoee Crossing NW, Cleveland 559-9054 , , Price Range: $ Jumbo China Buffet 6940 Lee Hwy. 899-5488 , , Price Range: $ Kanpai of Tokyo 2200 Hamilton Place Blvd.

855-8204 , , Price Range: $$ Mandarin Garden 5450 Hwy. 153 877-8899 , , , Price Range: $$ Mikado Sushi Bar Noodle House 7003 Lee Hwy. 899-3236 , , Price Range: $

China Moon 5600 Brainerd Rd. (Eastgate Town Center) 893-8088 Mon. - Thurs.: 11am to 10pm Fri. & Sat.: 11am to 10:30pm Sun.: 11am to 9:30pm , , Price Range: $ China Pan 480 Greenway View Dr. 899-1386 , , Price Range: $ Formosa Restaurant 5425 Hwy. 153 875-6953 , , , Price Range: $$ Great Taste 816 Mtn. Creek Rd., Suite A-6 870-8555 , , Price Range: $ Hiroshi’s Southside 114 West Main St. 267-9003 Mon. - Sat.: 11am to 2pm for lunch. 5pm to 10pm for dinner.

No lunch on Saturday Closed Sunday 1 , , Price Range: $$ Hong Kong Express 5210 Brainerd Rd. 899-8888 , , Price Range: $ Hot Wok Express 4900 Hixson Pike 870-9899

Mister Wok #2 5402 Brainerd Rd. 892-6669 , , Price Range: $ Na Go Ya 4921 Brainerd Rd. 899-9252 , , , Price Range: $ New China Buffet & Grill 531 Signal Mountain Rd. 756-8788 3544 Cummings Hwy. 821-6988 Sun. - Thurs.: 11am to 9:30pm.

Fri. & Sat.: 11am to 10:30pm. , , Price Range: $

, , , Price Range: $

, , , Price Range: $$ Shogun Japanese Steak & Sushi 1806 Gunbarrel Rd. 296-6500 , Price Range: $$

Mo-Mo’s BBQ 3874 Hixson Pike 870-HOGS , , Price Range: $ Rib & Loin Brainerd Rd. (423) 499-6465 5435 Hwy. 153 (423) 877-7675 , , , Price Range: $$

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Shuford’s Smokehouse 924 Signal Mtn. Rd. 267-0080

Coffee Crafters 426 Vine St. 756-9995

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Smokey Bone’s 2225 Gunbarrel Rd. 893-7850

Cuppy’s Coffee, Smoothies & More 3911 Brainerd Rd. 493-9778

Sonny’s Barbecue and Such 1503 Tunnel Blvd.

698-1255

, , Price Range: $ Typhoon of Tokyo 3953 Dayton Blvd.

875-6142

, , , Price Range: $ Sportsman’s Barbecue 231 Signal Mtn. Blvd.

265-1680 , , Price Range: $

, , Price Range: $

Barbeque

, , , Price Range: $

, , Price Range: $$ Buffalo Shack 1512 Tunnel Blvd.

624-9771 , , , Price Range: $ Choo Choo BBQ 6410 Hixson Pike 843-9554 , , Price Range: $$ Double R BBQ 1459 Mack Smith Rd. 899-3088 , , Price Range: $

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Number 1 Chinese Restaurant 4011 Brainerd Rd. 624-4562

Heavenly Wings 5659 Brainerd Rd. 499-9949 , , , Price Range: $

Old Saigon 5510 Highway 153 876-0322

Kenny’s Smokehouse Barbeque & Hot Fish 3225 Brainerd Rd. 629-6222

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PF Chang’s 2030 Hamilton Place Blvd.

242-0045 Sun. - Thurs.: 11am to 10pm Fri. - Sat.: 11am to 11pm

Master Blasters 1940 Central Ave. 756-1902 , Price Range: $

Great Harvest Bread Co. 541 Signal Mtn. Blvd., Ste. 219 267-0140 ChattanoogaGreatHarvest. com Mon. - Fri.: 7am to 6pm Sat.: 7am to 5pm , , Price Range: $

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, , Price Range: $ Two Pigs Bar-B-Q 9070 Hwy. 58 344-2275 , Price Range: $

Main and Mocha 1462 Market St., Ste. 106 265-2922 Mon. - Fri.: 6:30am to 7pm Sat.: 7am to 7:30pm Sun.: 8am to 5pm , , Price Range: $

Waycrazy’s 3720 Taft Hwy. 886-3283

Mocha Joe’s Bistro 3914 St. Elmo Ave. 822-3442 Mon. - Thurs.: 7am to 9pm Fri: 7am to 10pm Sat.: 8am to 10pm Closed on Sunday

, , , Price Range: $

Bistro Broad Street Bistro 827 Broad St. 266-4121 , , Price Range: $$ Terra Nostra 105 Frazier Ave. 634-0238 TerraNostraTapas.com , , Price Range: $$

, , , Price Range: $ Mug & Bean 4011 Austin St. 421-6422 MugNBeam.com Mon. - Thurs.: 6:30am to 9pm.

Fri.: 6:30am to 5pm.

Sat.: 8:30am to noon. , , Price Range: $

Coffee & Tea Caffeine 233 East MLK Blvd.

756-5911

, , Price Range: $ Stroud’s 1201 Broad St. 424-3770 , , Price Range: $ The English Rose 1401 Market St. 265-5900 , Price Range: $ The Mudpie 12 Frazier Ave. 267-9043 , , , Price Range: $

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Krispy Kreme Doughnuts 5609 Brainerd Rd. 894-0243 Open 24 hours

Sweeny’s 3147 Broad St. 267-2009 5928 Hwy. 58 344-8337

Starbucks 827 Broad St. 643-1242 1932 Gunbarrel Rd. 499-2670

Downtown Donut Connection 611 Chestnut St. 266-0200

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The Stone Cup 224 Frazier Ave. (423) 265-5010

Greyfriar’s 406-B Broad St. 267-0376

Sugar’s Ribs 2450 15th Ave. 826-1199

204 High St. 265-5033

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Sticky Fingers 420 Broad St. 265-7427 2031 Hamilton Place Blvd.

899-7427

Bone’s Smokehouse 9012 East Brainerd Rd. 894-2663

Chattz Coffee 1010 Market St. 756-8890

Chestnut Roast 605 Chestnut St. 756-8944

, , , Price Range: $$ Teriyaki House 5908 Ringgold Rd. 892-8483 Mon. - Fri.: 11am to 2:30pm Sat: 4:30pm to 9pm

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Famous Dave’s 2122 Gunbarrel Rd. 954-3227

www.chattanoogapulse.com

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Sushi Nabi of Kyoto 110 River St. 634-0171

New Peking Mandarin House 1801 Dayton Blvd.

875-6480

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Mon.: 11am to 3:30pm Tues. & Wed.: 11am to 8pm Thurs. & Fri.: 11am to 11pm Closed Sat. & Sun.

Porker’s 1251 Market St. 267-2726

Perky Piranha 250 Chestnut St. 265-2922 , Price Range: $ Rembrant’s

The Pulse 10.4.07

Xpresso Mart 816 Ridgeway Ave. 886-7700 , Price Range: $

Cuban The Cuban Cafe 2114 Chapman Rd. 648-7373 , , Price Range: $

Deli 517 Subs 1210 Taft Hwy. Suite Q Signal Mountain 517-9011 , , Price Range: $ Ankar’s 510 Broad St. 266-0017 6057 Lee Hwy. 892-3606 , , Price Range: $ Ankar’s Express Cafe’ 6016 Shallowford Rd., Suite 1400 499-CAFE , , Price Range: $ Anziano’s 828 Georgia Ave. 756-3497 , , Price Range: $ Daryl’s Sandwich Shop 533 Battlefield Pkwy.

(706) 858-8877 , , Price Range: $ Deli Man and Cake Lady 1414 McCallie Ave. 624-0505 , , Price Range: $ Figgy’s 805 Chestnut St. 266-8675 , , Price Range: $ Firehouse Subs 6025 E. Brainerd Rd. 893-3473

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Feast Mon. - Fri.: 10:30am to 10pm Sat.: 10am to 10pm Sun.: 10am to 9pm

Greek

, , Price Range: $

Acropolis 2213 Hamilton Place Blvd.

899-5314

Glen-Gene Deli 7025 Shallowford Rd. 899-7733

, , , Price Range: $$

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Epicurean 4301 Ringgold Rd. 622-4139

Gollywhoppers 6337 E. Brainerd Rd. 855-2001

, , , Price Range: $$

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Mykonos Greek Grill 11 W. 8th St. 757-9490

Jason’s Deli 2115 Gunbarrel Rd. Ste. 14 296-1096 , , Price Range: $ Koch’s Bakery 1900 Broad St. 265-3331 Mon. - Fri.: 6am to 5:30pm , , Price Range: $ Lenny’s Subshop 1913 Gunbarrel Rd. 899-5539 , , Price Range: $ Li’l Philly 7910 E Brainerd Rd. 855-9922 , , Price Range: $ McAlister’s 2288 Gunbarrel Rd., Ste. 105 510-8299 Sun. - Thurs.: 10:30am to 9pm Fri. & Sat.: 10:30am to 10pm , , Price Range: $ River Street Deli 151 River St. 756-3354 Mon. - Thurs.: 11am8:30pm Fri. - Sun.: 11am to 5pm Fri. & Sat. dinner: 8pm , , , Price Range: $ Riverview Deli and Yogurt 1150 Hixson Pike, Ste. 2 265-8080 Mon. - Thurs.: 9:30am to 6pm Fri. & Sat.: 10am to 4pm , , Price Range: $ Shapiro’s Deli & Gift 723 Cherry St. 266-3669 , , Price Range: $ Staxx Submarine Sandwich Shop 7333 Lee Hwy. 553-8553 , , Price Range: $

French Café Française 6313 East Brainerd Rd. 718-0745 801 Signal Mountain Rd. 757-7001 Price Range: $$ La Cabriole 1341 Burgess Rd. 821-0350 , Price Range: $$$

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, Price Range: $ Olympic Diner 3904 Ringgold Rd. 624-9330 , , , Price Range: $

Ice Cream Ben & Jerry’s 201 Broad St. 265-8606 BenJerry.com , , Price Range: $ Bruster’s 4241 Hixson Pike 877-9119 , , Price Range: $ Clumpies 26 Frazier Ave. #B 267-5425 5523 Hwy. 153 875-5425 Mon. - Thurs.: Noon to 9:30pm Fri. & Sat.: Noon to 11pm Sun.: 1pm to 8pm , , Price Range: $ Cold Stone Creamery 100 Chestnut St. Ross’ Landing 267-0888 , , Price Range: $ Marble Slab Creamery 1913 Gunbarrel Rd. 899-6480 , , Price Range: $ Udder Creamery 1820 Gunbarrel Rd. 899-5818 Mon. - Fri.: 11am to 9pm Sat. & Sun.: 11am to 10pm , , Price Range: $

Indian India Mahal 5970 Brainerd Rd. 510-3582 , , , Price Range: $$ Sitar Indian Cuisine 6231 Perimeter Place 894-9696 Mon. - Fri.: 11am to 2:30pm for lunch and 5pm to 10pm for dinner.

Sat. & Sun.: 11am to 3pm for lunch and 5pm to 10pm for dinner , , Price Range: $$

Italian Bella Roma Italian Restaurant 8174 E Brainerd Rd. 499-4900

The Pulse 10.4.07

www.chattanoogapulse.com

Madder Max

Feast , , , Price Range: $$ Cafe Roma 220 North Ocoee St. Cleveland, TN 339-1488 , , Price Range: $$ Carrabba’s Italian Grill 2040 Hamilton Place Blvd.

894-9970 , , Price Range: $$ Ciaobella 181 River St. 826-1125 , , Price Range: $

Bienvenidos 3450 Cummings Hwy 822-9964 , , Price Range: $ Cancun 1809 Broad St. 266-1461 5307 Hwy. 153 875-9785 , , , Price Range: $ El Matador 2233 Lafayette Rd. Fort Oglethorpe, GA (706) 861-4898 Mon. - Thurs.: 11am to 9:45 Fri. & Sat.: 11am to 10:45pm Sun.: 11am to 9:45pm

Fazolis 2332 Shallowford Village Dr. 499-5155

, , , Price Range: $

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El Meson (423) 894-8726 2204 Hamilton Place Blvd.

Livorno Italian Restaurant 8174 E Brainerd Rd. 499-4900 , , Price Range: $ Milano’s Italian Restaurant 5450 Hwy. 153 870-8119 , Price Range: $$ Mom’s Italian Villa 1257 Market St. 266-2205 Mon. - Sat.: 11am to 2pm for lunch and 5pm to 9pm for dinner , Price Range: $ Pastaria 720 Mississippi Ave. Signal Mountain 886-1900 , , Price Range: $$ Portofino 6407 Ringgold Rd. 499-9696 , , Price Range: $$ Proni’s 5001 Brainerd Rd. 499-0770 , , Price Range: $ Provino’s South Terrace Plaza 899-2559 , , Price Range: $$ Romano’s Macaroni Grill 2271 Gunbarrel Rd. 894-2221 , , Price Range: $$ Tony’s Pasta Shop & Trattoria 212 High St. 265-5033 Sun. - Thurs.: 11am to 10pm Fri. & Sat.: 11am to 11pm , , Price Range: $$

Mexican Amigo 5450 Hwy. 153 875-8049 3805 Ringgold Rd. 624-4345 , , , Price Range: $

Mojo Burrito 3815 St. Elmo Ave. 822-MOJO 1800 Dayton Blvd.

870-MOJO MojoBurrito.com Both locations are open seven days a week. Call for exact hours. , , , Price Range: $ Qdoba 414 Market St. (423) 756-4777 5798 Brainerd Rd. (423) 894-4499 Qdoba.com , , , Price Range: $ Salsarita’s 2115 Gunbarrel Rd. 893-5010 , , , Price Range: $

Fri. & Sat.: 10:30am to 11pm Sun.: 11am to 10pm

The Scene Dean

, , , Price Range: $

Get down and in the know about Chatt-town’s nighlife expert

Pisa Pizza 551 River St. 756-7492 , , , Price Range: $$ The Pizza Place 1210 Taft Hwy Signal Mountain, TN 886-3761 37377 , Price Range: $

Seafood Boathouse Rotisserie and Raw Bar 1011 Riverside Dr. 622-0122 , , , Price Range: $$

, , , Price Range: $

La Fiesta Mexican Grill 8523 Hixson Pike 843-1149

Sonny’s Place Sonny’s Place is just what the North Shore needed. It has the feel of a neighborhood pub, serving delicious Tex-Mex food with a Baja flare.

Sonny’s offers selfconstruction tacos with your choice of chicken, beef, bean, steak, fish or shrimp and all the fixins’. Entrees include Steak Mexicana, Santa Fe Pollo, Fish Steak with Cilantro Sauce, and last but not least, fantastic fajitas. Appetizers range from Teavers Chili Rojo to Sweet Potato Stix. Burger lovers, try the Green Chili Burger, an openface burger topped with traditional Mexican chili made with tomatillos and green chiles. Choose from over 50 different beers.

Happy hour is Mon-Fri 4p.m. - 7p.m. If you’re a beer drinker and enjoy quality food, with WI-FI availability, Sonny’s is the place to be.

501 Cherokee Blvd.

634-0488 SonnysPlace.net Mon. - Thur.: 11am to 10pm Fri. - Sat.: 11am to 12am

, , Price Range: $

, , Price Range: $

Las Brasas 5143 Hixson Pike 876-8235

Pizza

, , , Price Range: $

Cozzoli’s Pizza 1120 Market St. 634-0600 Mon. - Fri.: 8am to 8pm Sat.: 9am to 7pm

El Monterrey 531 Signal Mountain Rd. 266-6420 , , Price Range: $ Fiesta Grill 2100 Hamilton Place Blvd.

899-8844 , , Price Range: $ Garcia’s Northgate Market 1724 Dayton Blvd.

634-3770 , , Price Range: $ La Alteña 314 W. Main St. 266-7595 , , , Price Range: $ La Costa 615 Commercial Ln. 877-8940 , Price Range: $$

Las Margaritas 1101 Hixson Pike 756-3332 , , , Price Range: $ Los Compadres 5773 Brainerd Rd. 296-8141 , , , Price Range: $$ Los Potros 9408 Apison Pike Ooltewah, TN 396-4393 , , Price Range: $ Moe’s Southwest Grill 1820 Gunbarrel Rd. 553-6930 5510-A Hwy. 153 875-8757 MoesChattanooga.com , , , Price Range: $

www.chattanoogapulse.com

, , Price Range: $ Fat Daddy’s Pizza 5084 South Terrace 468-6800 Sun.: 11am to 12am Mon. to Thurs. 9am to 12am Fri. to Sat.: 9am to 3am , , , , Price Range: $$ Lupi’s Pizza Pies 406 Broad St. 266-5874 5506 Hixson Pike 847-3700

Bonefish Grill Bonefish provides the freshest fish possible, so in their search to find fish from the waters worldwide, they hunted down and located fish purveyors with a commitment to quality.

Using extraordinary thought and care, Bonefish has designed a ritual where they receive, inspect, and hand cut the fish daily flown in from all points of origin.

The Pulse Food contributor, Penny Dyer, visited Bonefish and had this to say about their crab cakes in particular: “Sad to say, I’ve never had good crab cakes south of Alexandria, Virginia. (A hole-in-the-wall place at a fish market.)

That’s not true anymore.

I have to add Bonefish Grill’s crab cakes to my “perfect list.” As the saying goes, there are plenty of fish in the sea.

Bonefish seems to have located the best.

2115 Gunbarrel Rd. 893-0389 , , Price Range: $$ Riverside Catfish House 18039 Hwy. 41 821-9214 , Price Range: $$

Thai Royal Thai Dining 8174 E Brainerd Rd. 510-0001 Price Range: $$ Sawasdee 4008 St. Elmo Ave. 822-9001 , , , Price Range: $$ Sweet Basil 5845 Brainerd Rd. 485-8836

, , , Price Range: $$

, , , Price Range: $$

Mr T’s Pizza and Yogurt 4103 Ringgold Rd. 954-1222 3924 Tennessee Ave. 821-5084 Mon. - Thurs.: 10:30am to 10pm

Thai Smile 3 219 Market St. 266-2333 , , , Price Range: $

It’s time to go to school, folks, as the Scene Dean has made his arrival this fine day. For those of you who are not “in the know,” the Scene Dean is Chattanooga’s answer to what’s going down. He knows about everything even before it happens and could be called the “Nostradamus of the Nightlife.” I recently sat down with him for this candid interview.

I met the Scene Dean at the Hamilton Place Food Court just because he heard there was going to be a fight there. When I arrived, it had just ended. The Dean chuckled loudly, “You just missed it, man, what a scene.” I already felt like I was flying high on his coattails. I sat down ready to listen. “No, not here,” he said bluntly. “This scene is dead already. I heard there were going to be some hot women at a wine tasting. Let’s talk on the way.” I was caught up in his aura of coolness and readily agreed. “Yeah, this place is nowheresville, Scene Dean.

I’ll drive!”

“The Scene Dean flicked his cigarette in my face. ‘No, you don’t, Max. You’re an idiot. Now let’s talk about something else.’”

On the way he told me the following about Chattanooga: “Max,” he said, “There are things going on here that would bend your mind. Forget the clubs, forget the bars, there’s way more here than what you see at the surface.”

I licked my lips. “Tell me more, Scene Dean. Please tell me more!” He just laughed. “Maxi, I’m going to tell you about Club Foote. Pay attention closely and prepare to be enlightened.”

“Club Foote is so exclusive, it doesn’t even exist. No one knows where it is because it is everywhere.

Club Foote lives in the collective unconscious of every party girl and guy in this town.” I frowned. “Scene Dean, I must confess that I don’t really

The Pulse 10.4.07

By Max Gerskin

understand.” He smiled and waved a dismissive hand in the air. “Which is exactly why you don’t know about Club Foote, or more importantly- why you are not ready to hear about Club Foote.” I began scratching my head in disbelief. “But Scene Dean, when will I be ready?” He smiled. “Why Max, when is a rainbow ready for viewing?

When is a pretty flower ready to be smelled? When does a dog know he is ready to soil new carpet? These are questions that have to answer themselves.” I rubbed my chin in bemusement. “I think I’m beginning to understand,” I muttered. The Scene Dean flicked his cigarette in my face.

“No you don’t Max. You’re an idiot.

Now let’s talk about something else.

The scene here in your car is real lame, by the way.”

Now he was making me angry.

“But I’ve got a Hawaiian air freshener dangling and some Freddy Fender banging out. Doesn’t that make me cool?” He pointed out the window.

“Do you see that little Japanese car over there? The one with the 747 spoiler and all the racing stickers all over it…yeah, you’re about as cool as that.” I lost it. “Curse you, Scene Dean! Take me to a real scene or get lost!”

And with that I lost consciousness mysteriously until I awoke with a blindfold being loosened from my head. I blinked my eyes as they got used to the light and slowly realized the Scene Dean was standing before me clad in black leather and jackboots.

He slapped me in the face with a fly swatter and bellowed, “You wanted a scene, you punk? Well, here you go -- you are the scene!”

I can’t tell you exactly what the Scene Dean did to me in these pages, as the censors will simply not allow it.

But I can tell you this: when I regained my senses, I was burning garbage in a local apartment complex parking lot clad only in a sombrero and a diaper.

Oh, and I had war paint on my face, but you can’t tell anyone, okay?

Madder Max writes satire, injecting humor into life’s everyday hassles and strange situations. If you do not have a sense of humor, do not read these articles as they will cause you to be baffled and sometimes queasy. If blindness occurs, consult a physician immediately.

27

The

Reach our readers in print and online for one low price! Go to wwww.chattanoogapulse.com and click on “Classifieds,” or e-mail us at classifieds@chattanoogapulse.com.

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wildclearing.com for video documentary impressions, fine art reproductions and photography.

Visit our on-line store at www. shop.wildclearing.com (423) 774-3311

tronic Lace models. Manufactured between 1985ñ1995. TOP DOLLAR PAID Call 802-296-3748 E-mail howieshel@hotmail.com

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HOUSE FOR RENT 2744 Stone Trace Drive located in the East Brainerd area 3BR/2.5BTH $1250 deposit $1250 per month. River City Property Management (423) 648-7368

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EMPLOYMENT HOUSE FOR RENT 914 W. 38th Street located in Chattanooga 3BR/2BTH $950 deposit $950 per month. River City Prop-

BUSINESS OPPORTUNITY RELIABLE HOME TYPIST.

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SERVICES

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28

Webb Wheeler Road located in Lafayette, GA. 2BR 1/2BTH $495 Deposit $495 Per Month.

Special Offer $1 Pays First Month’s Rent. River City Property Management. (423) 6487368

MYSTERY SHOPPERS ñ Get paid to shop! Retail/ Dining establishments need undercover clients to judge the quality/ customer service. Earn up to $150 a day.

Call 800-901-9370. (AAN CAN)

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The Pulse 10.4.07

at Bombtown Casino Hotel Reno.

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MARKET PLACE: SIDEWALK SALE (UNDER $1000)

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267-1104

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2005 HONDA ACCORD EX Black 4D Automatic Sedan 40,251k miles $19,990. Kelly Cars 900 Riverfront Pkwy. (423)

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2006

MITSUBISHI

EN-

The Pulse 10.4.07

29

JONESIN’

By Matt Jones

“They’re Very Close” can you tell which is which?

Across 1 Group hired to applaud a performance 7 He smacked Moe 12 Foretold the future 14 Revolutionary surname 16 Bill Nye is known as “The ___ Guy”...

17 ...while actor Bill Nighy costarred with many ___ in two recent movies 18 Sex educator Shere et al.

19 Makes it through 21 Scion compacts 22 James who played Sonny Corleone 23 Christmas tree, often 24 You was once this 25 Fumigation target 26 Kilt pattern 28 Map lines 29 Mark Wahlberg starred in the 1997 film “___ Nights”...

31 ...while Mark L. Walberg currently hosts PBS’s “___ Roadshow” 33 Title beekeeper played by Peter Fonda 35 Robusto! food brand 36 Michael Haydn, brother of Joseph, was an Austrian ___...

40 ...while Gen. Michael Hayden is current director of ___ 44 Far from fitting

45 Completely broken 47 Some naval officers: abbr.

48 Elwes of “Saw” 49 Zombie ingredient 50 AMA members 51 Putting Ernie 52 More drastic 55 1980s South African president P.W. 56 Henrik Ibsen was a playwright aligned with the ___ movement...

58 ...while Henry Gibson presented satirical poetry on the 1960s show “___” 60 New ___ 61 Prominent 62 Anatomical in-between area, slangily 63 Heavy hammer

Down 1 Discovery Channel game show with a host/driver 2 Mob figure “Lucky” ___ 3 Musical direction 4 Fool’s Mate piece 5 They’re a bunch of ash holders 6 Market gp. that included Belgium and West Germany 7 Diamonds, e.g.

8 Word on a towel 9 Costar of Teri and Felicity 10 “Grumpy Old Men” headliner

11 Go ahead of 13 She was “Gone,” in a 1994 Johnny Cash song 14 Navigational tracker, for short 15 Determine value 20 “Nessun dorma,” e.g.

23 Makes a quick getaway 24 Chef’s hat 26 First show 27 Letters indicating a patient request 28 Direction Super Mario Bros. scrolls toward 30 Little fish 32 O’Neal of “Wicked Wicked Games” 34 “Oh no, a tarantula!”

36 Roman orator, or an Illinois city 37 At the ready 38 Cooking wine 39 Barely on the grill 41 Decent 42 Result of some joke-shop powders 43 Actor Armand of “The Mambo Kings” 46 Knitting stitches 50 He’s roped by a cowpoke 52 Zoologist Fossey 53 Ceases to be 54 Abbr. in an apartment ad 55 “You’re lying!”

57 Kilauea keepsake 59 ___ in “aardvark”

©2006 Jonesin’ Crosswords(editor@jonesincrosswords.com) For answers to this puzzle, call: 1-900-2262800, 99 cents per minute. Must be 18+. Or to bill to your credit card, call: 1-800-655-6548. Reference puzzle #0327.

30

The Pulse 10.4.07

www.chattanoogapulse.com