The Best of Fizz I Saw in the Past Year
The Best of Fizz I Saw Last Year, Part II
Hercule Poirot Goes to the Honors College Tuesday, September 1, 2026 – Honors College Dean Ed Munn Sanchez is found fatally stabbed in his office at approximately 8:00 AM. Administrative associate, Alexandra Gresick, found him face down, lying in a pool of blood as wide as the Mississippi and Missouri Rivers. Immediately, as one does, Gresick calls in Hercule Poirot to investigate the murder, knowing that he was town, currently on his way to Miami to successfully raid Mar-a-Largo. Poirot agreed to investigate the case, and found that Sanchez had suffered 469 stab wounds from an apparent dagger. Who could have committed this violent crime? Read the following issues of Brain Stew to find out. . .
Alexandra Ranks Cigarette Brands
1. American Spirit - Me and Dan’s favorite brand… the strongest, just like smoking a Cuban cigar. Long Live Fidel Castro! 2. Camels - If you lock CBT, these will be your favorite! A close second. 3. Marlboro - Purely for aesthetic. 4. Pall Malls - Skanky and white trash. 5. Salem - For single mothers, like Reba McEntire. 6. Virginia Slims - Only for slim bitches named Virginia, think modern Southern Belles. 7. Newport - Do you think this skinny white girl smokes Newports?
CONSPIRACY THEORY: ROB IS A REPTILIAN!!!!!!!!!!!!! My reasons for this include: 1. 2. 3. 4. 5.
Green eyes Somewhat pale-ish skin Knows way too much about conspiracy theories Has a lizard-like face Wants to control the Honors College through his “community engagement” projects 6. Uses mind control on students to make them take his classes
Look… I know this theory sounds whacky. Why would a reptilian draw attention to himself by teaching a class about conspiracy theories? I think he does this because he wants to make the theories sound crazy to students, so they end up not believing them… it’s his way of controlling the narrative through class discussions. I think I’ve seen his eyes shift on more than one occasion. Plus, he’s a Mizzou alum, which just screams Illuminati member. Beware…
Women Faculty in the Honors College Vie For “Blanche” Role In Golden Girls Reboot As it is to be expected when a camera crew shows up to ProHo to film a reboot of The Golden Girls, the women faculty members can’t help but compete against each other for the role of the ultimate “Pro Hoe” — Blanche Devereaux. From the producers’ perspective, Audri was too young for the part, give it another year until she is eligible. Kim is too scary for any man (except Putin) to want to date her. Rachael doesn’t have the Southern Belle quality about her that is essential for the character. Lesley was originally chosen for the role, but her obsessive yapping caused delays within filming, and the production company spent an extra $1 million on their budget. Kate was not called back for the same reason. The only Honors female faculty member not to audition was Joann Westbrook who stated that she did “Not want to play some Scarlett O’Hara-esque cracker bitch.” Ashleigh wasn’t even considered. There were instances of the women directly attacking one another, such as Lesley stealing all of Kim’s Diet Cokes from the ProHo kitchen, causing her to suffer from withdrawals, and end up in the Betty Ford Clinic over the Summer. The producers eventually decided on Alexandra for the titular role – she is the only one that could successfully seduce her way into getting all the access of all the rooms of the Honors College, and know everything about everyone. If Kim had been successful at that, she would’ve been Dean by now. Ed was immediately chosen for the role of Stanley, although Rob did audition, but, alas, he cannot act his way out of a paper bag. Filming for the reboot begins this fall.
Alex Jones Describes Honors College Faculty With One Word
MY NANA READS BRAIN STEW – AND YOU SHOULD TOO!!!!!! !!!!!!!
YOU HAVE BEEN READING BRAIN STEW!
What the Hell did I just read? You have been reading the unofficial PLHC satirical student magazine! Let us make this clear: WE ARE NOT AFFILIATED with UMSL, PLHC, PLHCSA, UM System, or any other “official” entities. The content in Brain Stew does not reflect the views of any of the aforementioned entities above. We hope you enjoyed this issue! We’ve been publishing since 1991 (or 1993). Despite our best efforts, grown-ups keep giving us awards - stuff like “Best Sustained Program” in 2012 and 2017, and “Best Cultural Awareness Program” in 2018. Even some shady committee called the “National Collegiate Honors Council” gave us awards in 2017, 2018, and “Program of the Year” in 2020.
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