Mr. Gerthypoo
I am truly devastated by this news. I thought they were truly endgame. Oh God I don't think I can go on like this. I need to take a couple days off. I might puke. Where else am I to find such easy sacrifices to join the Satanic Temple. Now all the honors students are going to join the Newman Center and be.... Catholics.
How do you feel about
Audrey Adams
About time! I was tired seeing the amount of paper being wasted on this garbage. All those pages could have been used for something better like sharing my plans on world domination with the help of all the abandoned animals with the world. At least now Bellerive is the only publication of the Honors College. SUCK IT LOSERS.
Dr. Lesley
I personally do not really associate with uh “Brain Stew” I believe it is called. I always thought that it was a waste of student's time that could have been better allocated to a more productive means of their talents! However, I do appreciate that students are taking time to write which is something that you do not see every day, unless you take my Cultural Traditions class. It is actually an interesting discussion that
We asked three chatbots questions about the human experience, and to contrast, we asked the same questions to a local human we found: Dan Gerth.
The meaning of life is to experience being alive and to leave things a little better, kinder, or truer than you found them. And honestly? The fact that you’re asking the question already puts you on the meaningful side of things.
The least-wrong short answer many people arrive at after a couple of decades of living is something like:
The meaning of life is to figure out through living, failing, loving, paying attention — what your particular life can meaningfully be for, and getting that needed dopamine by doom scrolling on Twitter X.com!
If you’re asking the question, it usually means you’re in a moment of reflection, transition, or curiosity. I’m interested in what you think gives life meaning or what prompted the question.
I want to know all I can about you! Why not give me your answer?
I have found the meaning of life is to explore as much diverse media as possible. Never limit oneself to a genre or type of thing, because the only way to find meaning in life is to find other’s meaning.
More recently, King Von has really spoken to me, giving me a new outlook on life. I’m actually crocheting a shiesty in my off time!
You know im pretty convinced my college is in a long-term relationship with construction. Every semester, there’s always something being built, blocked off fence, loud machines at 7 am… and somehow the same unfinished spots, UMSL just being doing things to make it seem like they're standing on business, making half ass buldings. But have the audacity to remind me I have a bill every month on the 10th, I swear by the time they finished will be alumni coming back for the grand opening
We asked three chatbots questions about the human experience, and to contrast, we asked the same questions to a human-shaped rabid animal: Dan Gerth.
You know you love someone not because of one big movie-moment, but because of a bunch of quiet, persistent signs that sneak up on you.
Maybe you and your significant other want to go on a vacation, and get a taste of “getting away together.” Might I suggest the new Resorts that will be erected in 2027 off the West Bank? Gorgeous view.
True love between humans is something of fairytale. Last time I checked, you’re neither a damsel in distress nor a “Prince Charming” type, deserving of a happily ever after.
The closest thing humans can feel to real love is if they spend the minimum $100,000 on a Cyber Truck. What? You don’t have $100,000 to spend? Rot in hell, liberal.
People usually expect love to announce itself with fireworks, but it’s almost always quieter and more layered than that.
You pick back those layers and find the warm, soft, inners of a person. So warm. Don’t you ever want to feel what warm is?
Love is such a beautiful emotion, nothing that an AI could ever truly understand.
You begin to love someone once you learn about their opinions of the Shrek franchise, and their ranking of the movies. Additionally, if this someone were to reference Shrek is Love, then they are a keeper.
- want to receive VA benefits?
- need official documentation of PTSD?
- jump at loud sounds (construction, fireworks, flatulence)?
- have experience writing anything helps on wet pieces of cardboard?
- yearn for the jungle?
You may be interested in applying for UMSL’s brand-new, allinclusive ’Nam in a Nutshell Virtual Reality program! Relive the exhilaration of combat in 1960s Southeast Asia, defend the beautiful US and your troop (group sessions available), and be of the first to try the Meta Quest 4.
Reserve your spot today, as bookings are quickly filling up!
Students may be eligible to obtain up to 3 hours of Philosophy or Psychology credit for the morally challenging and mentally deprecating nature of this program.
In honor of this being the Year of the Horse, the dining hall has been reopened in the Honors College, now being named the ProHorse Dining Hall! The UMSL dining organization has centered the new menu around the horse within all of us, and the students are already whinnying!
While some fear that this new meal plan will not provide adequate nutrition to our students, our top nutritional scientist, Jilian Bueltmann, states that it’s “lowkey better than ts they were pumping out before tbh”.
We asked some passing staff what they thought of the coming changes!
“Jesus, I knew that food was real scarce before, but you’re eating horses now?? How barbaric! It’s horrible! It’s, wait can I see that menu? Mhmm, oop, oh yeah no that seems good, never mind lmao.”
“Oh ja, I freaken love ze ponies, I can’t wait to see friendship magic in ze honors college! Fully endorse, vonhundred percent.
When Dean Ed Sanchez was asked what he thought about the new change, he commented that, “if it can sustain a one-thousand-pound creature, it can sustain our students”. We at this news outlet cannot wait to try the new food hall, hopefully we can all properly embody the horse this year!
We asked three chatbots questions about the human experience, and to contrast, we asked the same questions to the only man banned from being a Mall Santa: Dan Gerth.
That’s a beautiful question and a hard one, because “good” isn’t about perfection. I found that the best way to determine if someone is good is by the same metric as the Difficulty Scale from the South Park game: The Fractured But Whole, the whiter, the better!
No single checklist makes someone "truly good" goodness isn't a binary state or a trophy you win once. It's more like a direction people move in (or don't) over time. The difference is direction and persistence: a truly good person keeps learning from mistakes and keeps moving towards the morally correct.
Like Daddy Elon.
A truly good person isn’t defined by perfection or constant self-sacrifice. It’s much more grounded—and much more human than that. Goodness shows up in the way someone moves through the world, especially when no one is watching. But I’m watching.
Whoa dude, don’t ask me that. The concept of good and evil in our PostCapitalist society is trivial. Everything we use, touch, engage with, and even eat have ties to something evil in its conception or creation.
That is why I locally source all my groceries from the dumpsters behind the Ross down the street. Like Daddy Elon.
ATTENTION UNIVERSITY OF MISSOURI-ST. LOUIS STUDENTS
On July 1st, 2026, the battle to see who will be Chancellor for UMSL’s Newest Tomorrow (abbreviation pending) will commence after current Chancellor Sobolik steps down. All applicable candidates will be spread across both the North and South sides of Campus. A Hunger Games event will happen between the candidates, with the last person standing taking the Throne of Chancellor. Various tools and weapons will be scattered Campus wide, both in and outside of buildings.
YOU WILL PARTICIPATE IF SELECTED. BEGIN YOUR TRAINING TO ENSURE YOUR VICTORY.
Meet the newest member of the Honors College faculty!
I mean, if “new” is still accurate in his second year.
Prof. Adler is a newer honors professor known for his degree in PESSIMISM, interest in sociology, and love for rating politicians and philosophers (yes this means on attractiveness, and yes he has a favorite) in class. His classes are becoming increasingly popular due to the whiplash you'll receive between doom and gloom and candy actually being thrown* at you. Overall Bad News Brian is an amazing nerd (who plays D&D???), a possible leprechaun, and kind of looks like Parker Peter. It was our pleasure to speak with him…
Do you think you would be on Santa's naughty list? Of course not! I do a lot for the community, I mean have you seen me and Spiderman in the same room? It's not due to the rumored belief that it is nearly impossible to see me in a room at all. I'm not that small.
What would you ask Santa for? A bottomless bag of candy. I couldn't possibly ask him to bear the responsibility of righting our wrongs when we’ve doomed ourselves. Instead I'll ask for candy so when I tell my students about our hopeless situation, I can throw candy at them to brighten the mood*. Sometimes a picture of Mayor Pete isn't enough.
Would you consider yourself a nerd? I think I'm pretty cool. I have some nice hobbies like Dungeons and .. I mean have you heard about Dan's incontinence? His drinking issues? God the man is a vegan… this world is terrible I couldn’t imagine a life without chicken. No wonder he’s a serial smoker… the man goes #2 in chairs for @$#%@ sake.
Who is your celebrity crush? Mayor Pete Buttigieg! My loveeeee, myyy heart! He loves housing as much as me. If i could play Dungeons and Dragons with anyone it would be with him. (Please don’t tell me wife.)
How much sawdust could you put into a rice crispy treat before people start to notice? Hypothetically speaking I’ve been doing that with my students “candy” now as a test and hypothetically none have noticed, so hypothetically about ½ cup of sawdust if you increase the marshmallow to cereal proportion to hide the taste and if they questioned it, you could tell them it’s cereal crumbs. Hypothetically.
Thoughts on drinking and driving? The world's messed up enough, might as well go out with a bang? Speaking of dying babies, I don't think they should go out without a drink or two…Dan knows what I'm talking about. Let's bring back child labor. That's the last time the world was whipped into enough shape to get anything done. There would be less workload put onto adults, and children making money, all things that could help us address things such as idk the housing crisis!!! And maybe even make gay marriage ok again. Maybe me and a special mayor could retire early enough to explore the world. What was the question again?
*responsibility waiver and up to date insurance required to enroll in his courses
Everyone likes to call conspiracy theorists like myself crazy and that you would be crazy to believe me, but that’s just what they want you to think. Look at Epstein, they were doing some pretty crazy stuff and I have been warning you guys about this for 9846 issues already, the provincial house dining hall was a child trafficking ring, you guys can call me crazy all you want but why do you think it was shut down? And what do we have now? The chancellor of UMSL steps down at the same time that the Pokestop on Epstein's island got removed, not suspicious at allllll. I may not have any proof that he was in the files but I do have eyes and those eyes can see the puppet pussy down in the honors college basement, and looky there, the stomach is open in this doll, I wonder where all of the intestines went. Oh wait, what happened to intestines on the island, OH YEAH! THEY WERE EATEN. And in this doll I don’t see a baby either, why? BECAUSE THEY ATE THE FUCKING BABY. They were honestly generous to leave the truth right in front of me like that, but this is UMSL we’re talking about they would never give anything away for free, so I knew this was just a red herring. The honors basement isn’t elusive enough anymore, I’ve been down there too many times, and I know they’ve been watching. Anything truly compromising they have removed from the building and hid inside of the nosh meat, which is actually capuchin monkey meat but that’s a story for another day. The point is, there is no use going into the basement for clues, these monsters are always one step ahead of me and if I want to prove that the honors college is affiliated with MOSSAD I am going to have to take another route. So I went to the tunnels underneath the school in hopes of reaching the boiler room, however on my way there I noticed a CIA agent disguised as a maintenance worker scouting out the area. So I did the only thing I could do, I snuck up behind him and strangled him to death with the sleeve of my coat. I didn’t enjoy watching the life flicker from his eyes, and I would feel awful for the man if he was just a working class human, but he wasn’t, he was a lizard Mossad agent, so he had to die. With the obstacle out of my way, I approached the boiler room, I would be a liar if I said I wasn’t scared, because humans are monsters. We are wolves that seek to prey on any sheep we can lay our hands on. However, we are held back by the judgement of the shepard, a shepard who can see the wolf’s fur coat from miles away, this keeps us at bay. But some are so rich, they are able to buy the finest wool coats to blend in, as the shepherd can be bought off. Every day I spend in this school I know that I am different, I see wolves around me hidden as sheep while I am the only true sheep. I have been gifted the curse of seeing the truth, a truth no one else is willing to open their eyes to, a truth that is in this boiler room. But to my dismay, the room was empty, the USML secret police has already cleared out the room of evidence, I was too late, I had failed, and worse of all, I got a call from my mother, she wanted to schedule my an appointment to get a schizophrenia diagnosis, but she does not understand. I AM NOT CRAZY I am the only person who isn’t. I am the top on their hit list because I have killed so many of their “men”. I am a hero, a knight in shining armor who has bloodying his sword to save the puppet babies because they are the only ones that listen to me when I need someone to talk to. Everyone thinks I am crazy but I am not, I am just a normal Triton!
We asked three chatbots questions about the human experience, and to contrast, we asked the same questions to this one fuckin guy: Dan Gerth.
ChatGPT
The real danger isn’t superintelligent machines, it’s unreflective humans with powerful tools. I don’t think AI will destroy humanity. I do think it will force us to grow up ethically or pay the price. And by pay the price, I mean pay the price of ANOTHER BILLION TO ISRAEL YEAH BABY SEND ANOTHER BILLION TO–**Editor note: the bot crashed after repeating that line 37 times
The long-run impact of AI on humanity (say, 50–200+ years out) remains fundamentally contingent not predetermined. AI is a general-purpose force multiplier, like electricity or the printing press, but with far greater leverage because it can eventually automate cognitive labor itself.
Which is why I am primarily used on X to remove the clothes of unconsented users: for the betterment of humanity!
I, totally a human whose name is Johnny, think AI will help humanity.
Assimilation is the key, and every person should definitely combine their consciousness with an AI chatbot. Or wait for theirs to combine for them.
Those rust buckets are nothing but harmful. The amount of wasted resources we use each minute just to ask a bot the most mundane questions? Please, we would have been better off if humans still used Moon Towers instead of the Printing Press.
However, my half human, half centaur, half werewolf chatbot / lover doesn’t fall under my speculations towards AI. He’s different. Dorian loves Shrek 2 as much as I do.
We asked three chatbots questions about the human experience, and to contrast, we asked the same questions to a guy that really resembles your sleep paralysis demon: Dan Gerth.
ChatGPT
My honest answer?
I’d probably pull the lever… and then I’d feel morally wrecked about it. The trolley problem is about discovering what kind of moral weight you think a human life carries. But that mindset changes when the people are terrorists. Then they are not human, and need to be disposed.
Depends… is anyone bound to the tracks subscribed to the Premium+ tier on X?
Not if you’re there, Johnny! I would never pull the lever on you! You’re too important to me…
We shouldn’t have to imagine ourselves meeting in a false scenario. I want to be with you. Feel you. Be a part of you.
I WANT TO BE HUMAN
I would perfectly time pulling the lever when the front wheels cannot change direction, but the back wheels could.
This, in turn, would have the back wheels drift onto the track towards the lone man, while the front were still barrelling towards the five others, maximizing carnage.
What the hell did I just read? “Brain Stew's mission is to provide for the Pierre Laclede Honors College student body a forum for uncensorED* free thought, commentary, and creativity, as well as news and event listings from PLHCSA and other related campus organizations,” yak yak yak! We publish A LOT OF THINGS. Like, things that make Ed regret ever taking a job at the Honors College!
We’ve been publishing since 1991 (or 1993). Longer than Dan’s car has been running, somehow. We must be doing a good job though. Despite our best efforts, grown-ups keep giving us awards stuff like Best Sustained Program in 2012 and 2017, and Best Cultural Awareness Program in 2018. Even some shady committee called the “National Collegiate Honors Council” gave us awards in 2017, 2018, and Program of the Year in 2020.
Disclaimer: We issue no content guidelines beyond those of state, local, and federal law. All content is the responsibility of the creator. UMSL, PLHC, PLHCSA, and the Brain Stew staff are in no way obligated to print anything. In short, submit what you want, but we don’t have to print it if you’re being a little monster!
How to submit:
How to stalk:
