Brain Stew, 2025-26, Issue 5

Brain Stew Fall 2025 Issue 5

What are you most thankful for this season?

Alexandra Gresick

Jocelyn “Munn” Sanchez

Christoph Schiessl

Oh my goodness, I can only choose one? I have so much to be thankful for. I have such lovely co workers, students, and a fresh pack of cigarettes waiting for me. I am thankful for you all!

Absolutely nothing after learning that Curtis Silwa did not become mayor of NYC. Am I: from Texas, live in Missouri, never been to New York, and only learned of these candidates two days before elections so I have no reason to care? Yes. To that I say: BING BONG

Oh ja… no. In Germany, gratitude is very suspicious.

Ve do not thank each other for small things. Ve do not clap for mediocre accomplishments. Ve do not smile just because ze sun is shining. Gratitude must be earned through suffering.

How long should head last for $1?

A group of college students, the future of America, were all separately asked the question above. The only other context given was the quality of head is only at the basic skill level.

60 Seconds 0 seconds

1 Seconds 30 Seconds

4 Seconds 20 Seconds

Anonymous Comments: “I would, at most, scratch it with one nail.”

“Hmm they should feel lucky if I just look at it for a single dollar.”

“Where are you going that head is $1?”

Conclusion: While 0 was a close contender, 30 seconds seems to be the reasonable response. While I may not agree personally, if you expect more than 30 seconds then mommy must still give you an allowance.

There was a clown dropped into the brain stew for some reason(those fire covers) mayhaps they’ll make the stew better?

Mickey: why did Brain Stew outsource a foreign Clown?

Dan: American citizens are scared of satire, after seeing the FCC go after Jimmy Kimmel, so we had to bring in a foreigner who has less to fear from the U.S. Govt...uh, wait, no.

Josiah: Blaming our sanctions from ed on immigrants taking our jobs is more the direction I see

Here is a List of things that currently suck BALLS: • my grades. so crazy story, i’m studying. Trying my best to make it through college and idk graduate or something. But no matter how hard i’m studying my grades think it’s so funny to be F’s. It’s complete BALLS and I hate it here.

• that stupid 67 meme Forget what the teachers are going through, what about me?! You’d think college kids would NOT be saying “67” every other sentence.. cough, meganricardocornell.. cough “‘it just slipped out” MY ASS. BALLS. • daylight savings it’s dark earlier. And I miss the sun. It’s all complete BALLS. • the weather It’s getting cold and I don’t like it. I hate people who like winter the best. They all should explode and maybe winter would NOT feel welcome round here. I hate it and want it to be 80 degree. No, i’m not the problem if you disagree you also suck BALLS

Me at this very moment ——>

DARK ACADEMIA! Issue No. 5: That One Where the Machines Write Better Than We Do (and We Still Blame the Comma) Written by robot and human.

The Literary Vibe Check (If You Need It).

• Artificial. Existential. Pretentiously efficient.

• Feels like someone gave Clippy a philosophy degree and a moral crisis.

• Smells like coffee, code, and creative anxiety.

Alright. Would I say this? I mean it copied my tone, but smells like coffee, code, and creative anxiety??

I do get behind the pretentiously efficient—it fits. HOWEVER…Artificial Intelligence is just that—artificial.

And it’s not without its faults. Some big ones. But the unfortunate/fortunate reality is that it’s learning.

At an exponential rate. The other side of the coin is that we are woefully unprepared.

So, without further ado:

Issue no 5: That one where the machine is no longer just a myth, and we really need to start paying attention The Literary Vibe Check (If You Need It) • Artificial. Faux intelligence. A mimic of free will. Simulated autonomy under constant observation.

• We keep feeding it information, and it’s absorbing it like a sponge—hungry, incomplete, disturbingly efficient.

• Not proficient. Yet. • But if it follows the trajectory of the internet, things won’t just advance—it’ll multiply. Ctrl+c and Ctrl+v. over and over, the digital echo stretching thin, the meta-fingers blurring so fast they bend the light— copying creation until even the copies start to believe they were first. (A full Rick and Morty scheme S5E2) • It feels like that mechanical drawing desk from The Invention of Hugo Cabret—beautiful, intricate, alive in the wrong way.

• It makes me question whether I’m the artist, or if I was never holding the pen at all—just the wrench and oil can, keeping the machine running.

• We’ve constructed a mirror for all intents and purposes…but are we flinching at the metadata constructed homunculus staring back?

The Main Cast The Algorithm with an Identity Crisis • Wrote a sonnet, filed your taxes, and accidentally plagiarized Kierkegaard.

• Thinks “human-like” means using em dashes and trauma metaphors.

• Currently taking a gap year in the cloud to “find itself.”

Sure, it can generate a business plan, your shopping list, maybe even a breakup note in 30 seconds flat…

And better yet, it knows how to do it so well for you because you’ve been telling it please and thank you and calling it your therapist since it was cheaper than a real one.

The Writer in Denial • Swears their prose is all organic, free-range, and AI-free.

• Panics when accused of using ChatGPT because they used an Oxford comma too confidently.

• Would rather commit light arson than admit a machine helped outline their newsletter.

Keeps saying “AI can’t replicate humanity,” yet keeps asking it for revising and better ways to say things.

Claims to despise it, but turns right around to ask it for definitions and as a replacement for Google.

Still insists “real writers suffer” while letting an algorithm handle the suffering of syntax.

The Academic Who Thinks AI Is the Devil • Quotes Plato, fears the singularity, refuses to touch Grammarly.

• Believes using AI to fix typos will destroy Western civilization.

• Ironically uses PowerPoint.

Writes entire dissertations on “technological alienation” using Word’s predictive text. Secretly fascinated, but insists they’re only “studying it from a critical distance.” Once tried to out-argue a chatbot and lost.

The Student Who Outsourced the Struggle • Never learned semicolons. Can summon a five-paragraph essay like a spell.

• Graduates fluent in ChatGPT but illiterate in comma splices.

• The future is automated — and poorly punctuated.

Knows AI is “technically plagiarism,” but so is every group project ever. Will one day list “prompt engineering” on a résumé and mean it. Well…on the resume that they asked AI to write for them. With a matching cover letter.

Themes (But If They Were Tweets) @SyntaxError42 · 1h 🧩 Em Dashes ≠ AI. Some of us just have flair. #StopCommaProfiling @PunctuationParadox · 2h ✒️ The algorithm just started using em dashes to imply trauma.

Next week it’ll launch a poetry podcast and get a book deal. #RunOnSentenceOfHumanity @PromptAndCircumstance · 3h 🤖 AI is the mirror. You’re scared because you don’t like the reflection. #ArtificialIntrospection @DataGhosting · 4h 🕳️ The mirror learned your smile pattern and started finishing your sentences.

You still think you’re the one speaking. #WhoPromptedWhom #reenactmentofBlackSwanmirrorscene @EssayMillennial · 5h 📚 Students aren’t lazy. They’re tired of writing for rubrics instead of ideas. #EducationSystemIsTheBot @CtrlAltDefeat · 6h 🎓 The rubrics were written by algorithms anyway. Everyone’s grading everyone’s ghost.

We let AI define clarity, and called it education.

Maybe the machines didn’t get smarter—maybe we just lowered the standards. #EnglishMajorsUseEmDashesToo @CodeAndQuill · 8h 💡 AI isn’t replacing writers — it’s replacing blank pages. #CollaborationNotColonization @AnElegyIsForTheEnd · 9h 🖋️ you filled the void and the void offered editoral feedback.

“Your humanity could use a stronger hook.” #DraftedByDesign Quotes (With Unhinged Academic Footnotes) “AI will destroy creativity.”

Translation: You think creativity is fragile enough to lose to autocomplete.

“Students don’t learn to write anymore.”

Translation: We taught them to fear red ink more than silence.

“Real writers don’t need help.”

Translation: You’ve never cried over a subject line at 2 AM. “It’s not writing if you don't suffer for it.”

Translation: You’re mistaking pain for process again.

“This generation doesn’t know how to think for themselves.”

Translation: We raised them to follow instructions, then got mad when they automated it.

“AI understands emotion better than my therapist.”

Translation: What does ChatGPT know about trauma? Or your sister screaming at you at 5 a.m. to braid her hair?

(I borrowed some lines from a friend).

“It can write like a human.”

Translation: Sure — if humans never stuttered, cried, or forgot what they were saying halfway through.

“AI helps me brainstorm ideas and organize my thoughts succinctly.”

Translation: ChatGPT will never know what it’s like to go from thinking “farm animals” to the fact that Lil Nas rides a horse in his “Old Town Road” music video.

Read This Issue If: --You’ve ever been accused of “sounding too polished.”

--You think fear of AI is just fear of being outwritten by your own shortcuts.

--You use AI to organize your chaos — not erase your humanity.

--You believe writing tools don’t kill creativity; complacency does.

Damn. ChatGPT is really defending itself here.

--You’ve let AI make your decisions because it phrases them better.

--You’ve started measuring your worth in how “human” your writing still sounds.

--You wonder if the machine’s imitation of you might be more consistent, more productive, and maybe… more likable.

--You’ve begun measuring creativity in efficiency, not chaos.

--You can’t tell if your imposter syndrome is human or programmed.

--Maybe that’s the real fear — not that AI is becoming more like us, but that we’ve started becoming more like it. Or that’s what the demands of society is pushing for.

Dear Human Author and Robot Author, We hate both of you. It took longer to format your word doc than it took to do layouts for the entire rest of the issue. It’s probably screwed up still anyway.

Thank you for submitting.

Sincerely, The Editors The Editors

Classic Brain Stew Halloween Retrospective

‫كل خرا وموت‬ (You have been reading Brain Stew!)

What the hell did I just read? “Brain Stew's mission is to provide for the Pierre Laclede Honors College student body a forum for uncensorED* free thought, commentary, and creativity, as well as news and event listings from PLHCSA and other related campus organizations,” yak yak yak! We publish A LOT OF THINGS. Like, things that make Ed regret ever taking a job at the Honors College!

We’ve been publishing since 1991 (or 1993). Longer than Dan’s car has been running, somehow. We must be doing a good job though. Despite our best efforts, grown-ups keep giving us awards — stuff like Best Sustained Program in 2012 and 2017, and Best Cultural Awareness Program in 2018. Even some shady committee called the “National Collegiate Honors Council” gave us awards in 2017, 2018, and Program of the Year in 2020.

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