Sanne Mulder - The counsellor

The counsellor

A graduation project by Sanne Mulder

Sanne Mulder Academy of Architecture Graduation book The counsellor

The counsellor A new typology in funeral homes

Committee Pnina Avidar (mentor) Jo Barnett Jeanne Tan

7

INTRODUCTION An introduction to the funeral home

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BACKGROUND A research on grief, neuro sciene, psychology and cultures

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LOCATION & SITUATION Almere, the placement of the funeral home

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THE COUNSELLOR The building as the counsellor

32 The meeting with the counsellor the salutation of the building 38 The counsellor The building 42 Counselling The spaces inside the building 46 In between counselling sessions The transition between spaces 50 The position of the counsellor The building in the landscape 72

BEYOND THE FUNERAL

The funeral home and it’s landscape as a place to come back to

82

FINAL NOTE

What can we take from this project

INTRODUCTION An introduction to the funeral home Death is unavoidable yet it is a subject that we choose to avoid as a society. Death is not an easy topic to talk about. People would rather not get confronted with it, because they do not want to think about the end of life. This can make it difficult for the people who are grieving and need support to find that comfort from the people around them. In this modern and digital world, family and friends are physically more distant, which makes it more difficult to talk about feelings, express emotions and how to react to this topic face to face. Current funeral homes often do not give bereaved people the kind of support and comfort they seek either as they can feel slightly industrial and impersonal rather than welcoming.

This raises the question what the emotions are that play a big role in healing, what it is that people need in their environment and how can we give them that considering different cultures and different types of grief. This askes for a new approach towards funerals and the emotions that come with it. This project takes the principles from grief counselling and creates the basis for a physical and spatial translation of these topics. A place where the building becomes the counsellor.

Grief counselling has a certain approach to deal with the overwhelming emotions. The counsellor is a person with certain qualities who helps you cope with overwhelming emotions. These qualities, like: welcoming, approachable, comforting etc, can be translated to physical qualities. This new funeral home is the counsellor and guides you through the day of the funeral and is there for you in the mourning time afterwards. By selecting materials, textures, colours and spatial shapes in a strategic way the building gives and supports you the way you need in every phase of the journey of grief.

BACKGROUND A research on grief, neuro sciene, psychology and cultures POSITION I would explain my experience with most funeral homes as unpersonal, unwelcoming and slightly industrial. Some stand in the middle of the neighborhood and have the appearance of a community building to me. Ceiling tiles, poor materialization, a lack of atmosphere and bairly any attention to details do not contribute to the support the bereaved need.

If we look at history, you will see that funeral homes and crematoria and the thought behind these buildings have changed. It used to be a functional building for deposing the body, rather than an emotionally supporting building and that shows. Since 1955 cremation became legal in the Netherlands and from the 70’s cremation became significantly more popular. This came with a more modernist way of thinking. This came together with the problem of plurality and modernity as these buildings were build fast and in repetition. There was no personalization or any connection with the surroundings. It was not about atmosphere but all about the function of the business. Funeral homes were designed to have the most optimal time schedule with a fixed entrance, route and exit. I feel that in this way there is not much room left for people to have emotional closure and a proper goodbye as they had to be outside within an hour because the next group came in. People are pushed around as sheep and have no possibility to turn off their attention from the funeral which is in many cases preferable to help people handle the emotional process, also looking at my own experience.

There is definitley progress in the emotional perspective in designing funeral homes and more recent designs take psychology, materiality and atmosphere in account. I wanted to build on to this more sensitive way of desinging and take it even a step further by tranlasting the personal qualities of a grief counsellor into spatial qualities.

RESEARCH Grief is a natural response of our body to loss. You can define it as conflicting emotions that follow the ending or a change in familiar behaviour or pattern. It is a deep feeling, a response of your body starting in the brain and therefore we cannot rationalize it.1 What is it that grief does to our body and how do we cope with it? This chapter goes into the relation between grief and the brain, the process of grief and different kinds of grief.

GRIEF AND THE BRAIN If we look at grief, it is more than just a word we use to describe the process after the loss. Grief has an actual effect on your brain. The moment when you hear someone you love has passed away an immediate signal goes to the brain. This signal activates the pituitary gland which makes the chemical ACTH (Adrenocorticotropic hormone). This hormone sends a sign toward the adrenal glands, which is an organ above your kidneys that is responsible for making the hormone cortisone; the stress hormone. So, loss is actually an immediate stress activator.2 You know stress. It is not something new. Stress is actually good for us from time to time to keep us focused. But the difference with stress from work and stress you get from a loss, is that grief is long term. Every time you are reminded of the person who you have lost, the pituitary gland is activated and you keep making cortisone. Having long term high levels of cortisone in your body can make you feel tired, which leads to a lower resistance which can make you ill.3 The first few days your brain is so called ‘bottom heavy’. This means that the bottom part of the brain is mostly affected, which is the ‘fear centre’ of the brain. In this part of the brain the amygdala and hippocampus are situated.4 The amygdala is the centre that includes experiencing, processing and controlling different emotions. The hippocampus is important for long- and short-term memories, spatial memory and learning. Usually if there is a stressful experience, your body will lower the cortisone levels after some time, but with grief

1 (Grief Recovery Method, 2014)

2 (NBC News, 2018)

3 (Ted-Ed, 2015)

4 (Ted-Ed, 2015)

this is not the case. In fact, the high amount of stress for a long period can actually damage the brain and increases inflammation. This is why some people ‘die from a broken heart’ while ‘die from a broken brain’ would actually be more accurate.5 Automatically, the upper part of the brain is less active like the anterior cingulate cortex (part of the prefrontal cortex) which is important in processing pain, conflict situations and the emotional and dorsal aspects in relation to cognitive aspects of tasks. This is why people often get quickly irritated and have higher heart rates during stressful times. But luckily the shock your body experiences in the beginning remains not forever.

Grieving comes in different stages and is a complex process, different for everybody.6 PROCESS OF GRIEVING Let’s state first that no grieving process is the same. There is no right or wrong way for you to grieve but there are patterns that have been researched. According to the Kubler-Ross model, grief takes place in 5 stages: Denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance, also called DABDA. It is important to understand that this is not a fixed order, but these phases are commonly observed by grieving people. You might only experience a few of these stages, or all stages multiple times in different orders.

During the phase of denial, you are living in a ‘preferred reality’ rather than the ‘actual reality’. There is a kind of hope you hold on to; wrong diagnosis, a mistake, a strong feeling the person is still alive. It is the defense system of your body to not get overwhelmed with emotions, like anger. Despite anger not being a very popular emotion for many people, according to researchers and psychologist it is one of the most important and even a necessary stage. The more anger you feel, the more quickly it will dissipate and the faster you heal. Guilt is also a common feeling in which people might start to bargain with ‘a higher power’, promising you will be a better person if the person you love comes back. Also known as the stage where

5 (Hersenstichting, 2020)

6 (Hersenstichting, 2020)

‘what if’ is most asked question. Depression is probably the emotion you first think of. This is the most recognized and accepted emotion during grief. You can experience this in many different levels from feeling numb to suicidal thoughts. This is the most important part of grief where you need to connect with other people instead of isolating. At some point it will get better. You will accept the fact that you have to life without your loved one and that they will always be part of your life. A part of acceptance is being able to think about the future without the deceased in it. It is all about adjusting and readjusting.

Emotions will stabilize, which do not mean you will never have a setback again. People who we have lost are not gone. They are not erased from our lives, but part of our life stories and therefore always be with us.7

7 (Gregory, 2019)

DEATH AND CULTURES If you look around the world, all cultures have a different conceptualization of death. For one culture it is the final end, for others a new beginning through reincarnation or life after death. But no matter where you will come, death brings sadness, fear and anger. Although some cultures who believe in a life after death have lower death anxiety than those who do not belief or think you will be punished. The way a culture deals with death is therefore influenced by its beliefs and the way they express grief. Some cultures express grief by wearing black, white, following rituals or celebrate life through dancing and drinking. Geographically there is an interesting difference between the way cultures look at death. In the West there is more a death denying culture as in the East death is more celebrated. The reason humans feel fear towards death, is because we have cognitive abilities to anticipate to death. We are aware that it will come in contrast to animals who only have a survival instinct.8 Different behaviour is expected in different cultures, but all of them involve being with loved ones and a number of rituals.

Some cultures have strict rituals like being buried in a certain direction, above ground, exposed, rituals to find peace for the deceased, trying to forget the deceased as quick as possible because they might be vengeful or even eat the deceased.

At the end, all expressions of grief are to assist the bereaved through this final life transition. Grief is being encouraged and triggered through these different rituals which need a place.

This can be in the condolence room at the funeral home with tea and food like we are used in the western world. In some cultures it is common to go home directly after the cremation or burial to mourn with family in private. Sometimes even man and woman apart. This can be the day of the burial, but for some cultures it is normal to mourn for a week, month or more in private with or without family. Because of modern technologies all different cultures around the world are in contact which makes it important to know the different perceptions about death to help us appreciate and reflect on human perspective and create a place for everyone.9

8 (Bryant, 2019)

9 (Open learning from the Open University, 2017)

Famadihana Hery Zo Rakotondramanana

LOCATION & SITUATION Almere, the placement of the funeral home

For this location I zoomed out and looked at the polder landscape. It has very strong lines and these sight lines are still recognizable in Almere in the design. You can see that Almere, as a new town, was designed on the drawing table.

Leike Frielink Cityscape follows Manscape Sketches of drawing tools in the landscape, Pampushout.

This plot of land in the neighborhood of noorderplassen is empty for almost 15 years.

In the meantime, nature took over and is now a beautiful wild island with wild plants and flowers. To save this natural environment, but still make use of the land, this would be a perfect place for a funeral home. It is outof sight from the neighbourhood, and keeps the natural state when used with a natural graveyard.

On the island are also a few sightlines, but some are slightly faded. The water way, is an important sightline that cross the whole of the forest and neigbourhood.

I applied the triangle ruler on the design to create 3 strong directions in the plan. On of the existing sightline, one I brought back, and then the one that leads towards the funeral home.

THE COUNSELLOR The building as the counsellor

The building as the counsellor The qualities of the counsellor translated to architecture

Materials

Dimensions

resulting in sensory architecture

The 4 elements

Color

The journey Time

resulting in a sequence

Grief Seasons 24 hours Past, present and future

Process

Movement Alternating inside outside Dark to light Rough to smooth

To summary the concept of the building there are three main elements that create this design: 1. The qualities of the counsellor, translated into spatial and material qualities.

2. The journey, the movement though and around the building 3. Sequences : in spaces, but also materials, alternating in- and outside.

When we see the building as a grief counsellor, than we can deconstruct the building into the counsellor and counselling sessions.

1. The way towards the funeral home (the meeting with the counsellor) 2. The Building (the counsellor) 3. Spaces (counselling) 4. Transition between spaces (between counselling sessions) 5. The building in the landscape (the position of the counsellor)

1. the way towards the funeral home (the meeting with the counsellor) On the parking lot you already feel the shift in mood, from built environment towards a more natural environment. You still hear the urban sounds but you slowly make your way towards the funeral home. By entering the ‘island’ you will experience a transition and the environment will become more quiet and serene with open views to the islands landscape, surrounded by natural walls of pine- and deciduous trees. Protected on one side from urban noise and wind you are guided towards the main entrance of the building. This path is already part of the journey of the bereaved and marks the beginning. Along this path you will be welcomed and invited to sit down and slow down to get to know the surroundings and gain different perspectives.

2.building (the counsellor) Arriving at the main entrance, the building welcomes you by embracing you and giving a protected feeling. The end is visible to give the termination of where this journey is going.

The building is guiding you where to go and is concrete but also gives the space to move around and to discover its modest spontaneity. Its informal language makes the building attending and inviting. You know what to expect because of its authenticity and is always respectful towards anyone. The funeral home creates framed views and different perspectives along the way to help see and interpret things in a more clear or different way.

3. Spaces (counselling) (what ARE the spaces (warm, comforting, genuine etc.), what GIVE these spaces (opportunity, courage etc.) and what make these spaces the bereaved DO (think, feel, remember etc.) The spaces are strategically placed along the journey, so in the first stage of the journey the spaces are welcoming, intimate, inviting and give the bereaved the opportunity to prepare and connect/reunite before the ceremony and rituals, referred to as ‘the present’.

In the middle stage of the journey where the focus is on the ceremony and rituals the spaces are warm, supportive, genuine, respectful and authentic to give the bereaved the courage to be emotional, to look back at the memories and celebrate the life of the deceased, referred to as ‘the past’.

In the final stage of the journey where the bereaved bring their loved one to their last resting place the spaces are supportive, respectful, warm, intimate and provoking to give the bereaved a perspective/interpretation on life after saying the final goodbyes, referred to as ‘the future’.

Then, as this journey of grief is personal it cannot be determined when this journey is fulfilled so there are in- and outdoor spaces and landmarks in multiple places on the island that are always accessible, provoking, authentic, genuine, quiet and give the bereaved the freedom to move around, come back to remember and feel emotional whenever they need, referred to as ‘time’.

4.transition between spaces (between counselling sessions) Like an amuse between meals to neutralize the taste, the outdoors connect the different stages of the journey and neutralizes the atmosphere between spaces, but is still part of the journey. During these guided moments of movement the mind can be cleared as there is not a specific focus and has a physical connection with nature. Along this path there are outdoor spaces that are spontaneous, provoking and strategic to give the bereaved framed perspectives and interpretations on the surrounding landscape.

5.the building in the landscape (the position of the counsellor) The position of the funeral home in the middle of the open landscape is quiet and accommodating. It is there, but it doesn’t take the attention away from the natural surrounding landscape. It is there to support and guide the bereaved when needed as a reference point to come back to.

The landscape is mostly open but surrounded by a combination of pine and deciduous trees to block city views, noise and wind.

From walking around and from the spaces inside the funeral home there are framed views on this natural landscape like a solemnness tree, a wildflower meadow, grasslands and trees in the distance. The landscape itself is also quiet, informal and can be visited without going through the funeral home. It houses the natural graveyard, columbarium, memory garden and other accommodating landmarks where people can go to reflect, meditate, remember or to come to themselves.

The natural graveyard is at first sight not visible or recognizable, as it is one with the natural existing landscape. A winding path around the island guides people through an alternating landscape of open meadows, flower fields and parts of forest and comes by multiple landmarks.

The landmarks are small sheltered spaces in the landscape that, for example, have a calming view on the grasslands, wildflower meadows, a solemnness tree, perceive the fractured sunlight through the trees or has a connection with the water where people can go when they want to come to themselves, remember a loved one, or for whatever reason they want to withdraw for a moment.

To translate the qualities of the counsellor to the building and the landscape, I created a list with personal qualities of the counsellor and how to use them in architecture.

Attending (psychological term of being present and giving attention to the client) welcoming (open and accessible) inviting (a bench with a view on a beautiful tree in between spaces that invites you to sit down) intimacy (spaces that are fitting to the emotion and amount people you are together with) authenticity (a building or space that is real and does not hide or makes something look like it is not) non formal (an informal atmosphere and esthetics to let the bereaved feel more at ease) warm (spaces that give attention to materials and colors) spontaneous (the building and spaces can be spontaneous in a way that something happens or is

visible along the way that you didn’t expect) respectful (a building and spaces that are neutral so it is for everyone no matter your back

ground, religion or culture) supportive (using the right materials and colors that have effect on the bereaved wellbeing.) guiding (elements that helps you guide through the building, spaces and the landscape) concrete (effective communication, so no unclear messages along the way or getting lost) provoking (to make people think, question and feel to help them to understand themselves) perspective (giving people a certain perspective helping them to see things more clearly or in a different way) interpretive (difference between having a ceremony in a dark a gloomy space, or in a bright spa

cious and beautiful room. This would help interpret that what is happening is not all

dark and sadness) giving space (by giving people the space to move around, they can discover for themselves) interested (a building that gives attention to the bereaved as a person and their feelings) strategic (choosing materials, esthetics, atmosphere and following in spaces in a strategic way) termination (a clear beginning and end to know where you are going and to see that final point as the goal) quiet (a building that does not take the attention) accommodating (a place that is there when you need it)

The spaces are strategically placed along the journey of grief. In the first stage of the journey the spaces are welcoming, intimate, inviting and give the bereaved the opportunity to prepare and connect/reunite before the ceremony and rituals, referred to as ‘the present’.

There is a slow transition from the urban environment to a calm and natural environment to let people come to themselves. These trees create a natural boarder and also help to keep the urban noise down when on the peninsula.

The structure of the building is inspired by the walls like those on old cemeteries enclosing the graveyard, but here is a companion along the journey as support and guidance and mark the area with the most vulnerable places.

Movement is proven to help reduce blood pressure and reduce stress levels. Just as being in nature for a short amount of time. Looking at nature for only 3 minutes already has mental benefits. In this first walk towards the funeral home people get connected with nature instead of walking from he parking straight into a building and being closed off from the outside.

As the first encounter with the funeral home, to be seen as the meeting with the counsellor, this shou inviting, welcoming, open but feel protected. Everyone approaches counseling in a different way. Th for them to approach the funeral home in their own way and own pace. A place to sit down, stand and view, or just walk straight to the entrance.

uld be here is room d look at the

There is a gradual transition from outside to inside again that bring people together, literally. The entrance towards the reunion space -which I gave this name because the ‘waiting room’ doesn’t sound very friendly- bring people closer as the hall narrows and creates more intimacy. Which is what the bereaved need.

This is the place where you meet with all friends and family and have a conversation. Comfort and intimacy is important here to open up to others, share your grief and prepare together for the ceremony.

By having the light come from higher up there is still a lightness and the space does not feel heavy on you.

This lights also helps accentuate the textures of the materials as strong textures are comforting because it shows imperfections and as humans we can relate best with this as it is the most natural.

Before the funeral it can be the case that people choose to lay out the body. There is place for this in the visiting rooms. Some people might spend long hours in these spaces so it’s important to for this space to be very comfortable, welcoming and inviting to stay for a longer time. It’s basically like a small living room.

This is also very private but to keep this a pleasant space , you like to have a window, daylight, a view. By splitting the window into small windows you can still look outside from the couch, but it is not possible to see the deceased from the outside.

We go from this area towards the ceremony halls which can be seen as the time between the counseling sessions. In this time you come to yourself again, you have some time to reset and evaluate the counseling sessions as they help you to see thing in a different perspective and help you cope with the emotions.

You can also find comfort with friends and family. By walking outside you create that connection to nature again, increase blood flow which helps to reduce cortisol levels and take this walk together.

To create that intimacy and protected feeling, the path slowly descends half a meter into the ground which creates a different perspective on the landscape and gives a strong guidance and protected feeling, accompanied by the wall as an old companion -like the entrance- that also gives focused views on the landscape.

For all ceremony spaces it is important to be aware of your physical presence. You being conscious that you are there and what is happening. This sounds sad and like the thing you want to avoid because people are afraid or uncomfortable to show emotions, but this is a very important aspect and basically the main reason we have funerals. To cope with the emotions, get in tough with them and let them out. Things like movement, being enclosed and distance can help you be more present. With the light coming from behind these columns creating shadow and enhancing the material texture you create extra awareness of the 3 dimensional space. It creates a depth.

organized complexity is implemented in all space, which means that I introduced an element to make to space more interesting: a complexity like the columns, beams etc. Complexity itself is not per se soothing, a to complex space can even cause stress, but so does a dull empty space. When creating order in the complexity, a rhythm or pattern our brain understand what happens. Human brains love patterns! It creates order and we understand and can anticipate to them. This is what helps calm the mind as well which supports and comforts you as a bereaved.

When seated, you are focused on the casket and the view is there only for when you need a break from the overwhelming emotions. This is the moment people share their stories and memories which is an intimate event. The lower beams create that intimate feeling of a lower space, but when overwhelmed and looking outside you experience the high ceiling again which gives the emotional space.

When walking to the donatorium -the name donatorium comes from the idea of donating the body to nature- you hear the wind though the tree, smell the forest ground, and the sun light shimmering on the path until under the canopy. The trees provide shelter and privacy for this intimate and vulnerable moment. At the end you walk in the same direction as the deceased went in to the oven or resonating machine as a symbol that their spirit comes with you.

When walking to the donatorium -the name donatorium comes from the idea of donating the body to nature- you hear the wind though the tree, smell the forest ground, and the sun light shimmering on the path until under the canopy. The trees provide shelter and privacy for this intimate and vulnerable moment. At the end you walk in the same direction as the deceased went in to the oven or resonating machine as a symbol that their spirit comes with you.

The memory pavilion is also more open and has lighter colors and softer and smoother materials to emphasis that the most emotional part is over. It is time to prepare for the life after the funeral again.

These spaces can all open up which let in the element of wind. Feeling a breeze can literally make a situation feel more airy and light. And then, unlike the other roofs, this one has a water roof, which gives a gentle stream of water which the sound of also is one of the most well known sounds to help you relax. All these elements here help to make this last part as light en relaxing as possible to leaf the emotional load behind.

There is a small landmark where you can write you last words, thoughts and feelings on seed paper which you can bury and then becomes part of a wildflower memory garden. Writing and than burying or burning the letter is also one the most common tactics in psychology to let go of emotions.

To keep the peninsula as natural as possible, the graveyard is a natural graveyard which means that there are no gravestones to express the graves and decorations are not allowed.

On this graveyard every grave will get a small solar powered fairy light, barely visible during the day, but at night extends the starry night on the ground as a symbol that the deceased became a star.

BEYOND THE FUNERAL

The funeral home and it’s landscape as a place to come back to

Grief is not defined by time, it is very personal and different for everyone. Also after the funeral you might need guidance and a place to come back to to memorialize. Also if your loved is not buried. Besides the graveyard, spread over the peninsula are multiple small pavilions based on the senses where you can come back to whenever you need.

This pavilion In the meadow has a focused view low at the ground so you are on the same height as the grass when sitting, facing the dominant side of the wind to carry the smell in the pavilion, representing the sense of SMELLING

In this space the light shines through the trees and you experience a living painting of dancing shadows on the wall, representing the sense of SEEING.

At the edge of the peninsula, above the water, the pavilion enhances the sound of the moving water and echo’s like a cave, representing the sense of HEARING.

Usually there is a scatter field on the graveyard, but this scatter tower gives people the chance to scatter the ashes on the peninsula in a more ritual way by letting it carry on the wind.

FINAL NOTE

What can we take from this project

Funerals are associated with fear, sadness and anger. All these emotions come from the same part of the brain: the amygdala. No wonder that all these come in together when confronted with death. It is important for the bereaved to be emotional. This is the moment for your brain to process these emotions. Being sad and having this real experience is what bereaved need to be able to be relieved and happy again after the funeral. Trying not to be emotional defeats the purpose of a funeral; a place to be emotional, say your goodbye’s and coping with death. This does not mean that the funeral needs to be sad and gloomy. It’s the contrary. A funeral needs to be a place where you can let go of emotions and also feel supported, guided and that brings people together. It should promote the bereaved to support each other in their grief. People want to be remembered after they passed away and the bereaved want to remember the fun and great moments they had together. Not the fact that we all die someday. That is just frightening and sad. A funeral should be a service that is about presenting the overview of someone’s life and not just a reflection of the fact they are dead. Remembering the way that the deceased affected your life and that this will stay with you forever.

- Sanne Mulder

A special thanks to everyone who has helped me and put up with me during this year. So many people have supported and encouraged me, had faith in me, pushed me to go on. I could not have done it without you. Thank you, I’m grateful for all of you.