Savage Love: Mad and short

Dear Dan: I am a heterosexual male. My wife has been dating other men for the past year. When she started dating her first boyfriend, she told me she wasn’t ready for me to date other people but would process through it and then we could open up the relationship for me, too. After about six months, her first relationship ended and we both started looking for other partners. She found another guy pretty much right away and it took a few months before I started dating. I had a couple dates with this woman and then kissed her at the end of our second date. When I told my wife what happened, she got jealous and angry. A day later, my wife stole my phone and sent a message to the woman I’d been dating ending our relationship, and then she blocked the woman from my social media accounts and deleted her number from my phone. She broke up with her boyfriend and is insisting that our relationship is closed now. I love my wife, but I feel violated in so many different ways and I’m unsure what to do.

—Married A Dictator Dear MAD: Your wife should’ve married a cuckold — a man who wants to remain faithful to a woman who fucks around on him and dates other men — and you should’ve married a woman who isn’t a controlling, manipulative, unhinged hypocrite. Luckily for you both, MAD, a divorce that would allow each of you to find a new partner — a cuck for her, a sane person for you — is still an option. Dear Dan: I’m a straight, 45-year-old man. Good-looking. Three college degrees and one criminal conviction. BY DAN SAVAGE

ROMAN ROBINSON

Twice divorced. I’ve had some intense relationships with women I met by chance — one knocked on my door looking to borrow an egg — so I know I can impress women. But online dating doesn’t work for me because I’m only 5-foot-7. Most women online filter me out based on height. The other problem is that I’m extremely depressed. I’m trying to work on the depression (seeing a psychiatrist and a psychologist), but the medications don’t seem to do much for me. This is probably due to my alcoholism. I’d love to start my online profile by boldly proclaiming my height and my disdain for shallow women who disregard me for it, but that would come across as bitter, right?

—Serious Heartbreak Over Relationship Travails

Dear SHORT: There are plenty of 5-foot-tall women out there, SHORT, women you’d tower over. But there are very few women who would respond positively — or at all — to a man whose online dating profile dripped with contempt for women who don’t want to fuck

him. Rejection sucks, I know, but allowing yourself to succumb to bitterness only guarantees more rejection. And first things first: Keep working on your depression with your mental-health team and please consider giving up alcohol. (I’m sure you’ve already considered it. Reconsider it.) No one is looking for perfection in a partner — and no one can offer perfection — but if dating you is likely to make someone’s life harder, SHORT, they aren’t going to want to date you. So get yourself into good working order and then start looking for a partner. And since you know you have better luck when you meet people face-to-face, don’t spend all your time on dating apps. Instead, find things you like to do and go do them. Maybe you can pick a presidential candidate you like — one who supports coverage for mental-health care? — and volunteer on their campaign.

On the Lovecast — Talking to boys about sex with Peggy Orenstein: savagelovecast.com. Send questions to mail@ savagelove.net, follow Dan on Twitter @FakeDanSavage, and visit ITMFA.org.

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