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contents ESSAY:

Telling it like it was

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departments 4 THE HIGHROAD: Fed up with Wall Street? Do something about it 5 GUEST COLUMN: Democratic autopsy 5 THE ANDERSON FILES: A familiar path to fascism 7 LETTERS: Signed, sealed, delivered, your views 27 BUZZLEAD: Making sense of another year in moviegoing 31 ARTS & CULTURE: The birth of a tradition 33 OVERTONES: Top 10 albums of 2016 34 BOULDER COUNTY EVENTS: What to do and where to go 35 BW’S NEW YEARS EVE GUIDE 39 POETRY: by Rachel Richardson 40 SCREEN: ‘Passengers’ gives zero G’s 41 FILM: ‘Fences’ leaps from the stage and onto the screen 43 DEEP DISH: Fresh Thymes offers a chance to soothe the physical and mental drain of the holiday season 48 DRINK: Tour de brew: Gravity Brewing 53 ASTROLOGY: by Rob Brezsny 55 S AVAGE LOVE: Answering the runoff 57 WEED BETWEEN THE LINES: The penguin at the tip of the iceberg, part II 59 CANNABIS CORNER: Pot pot pot pot pot Trump 60 IN CASE YOU MISSED IT: An irreverent view of the world Boulder Weekly

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staff

commentary

Publisher, Stewart Sallo Editor, Joel Dyer Associate Publisher, Fran Zankowski Director of Operations/Controller, Benecia Beyer Circulation Manager, Cal Winn EDITORIAL Senior Editor, Angela K. Evans Entertainment Editor, Amanda Moutinho Special Editions Editor, Caitlin Rockett Contributing Writers: Peter Alexander, Dave Anderson, Rob Brezsny, Michael J. Casey, Gavin Dahl, Paul Danish, James Dziezynski, Sarah Haas, Jim Hightower, Dave Kirby, Michael Krumholtz, Brian Palmer, Leland Rucker, Dan Savage, Alan Sculley, Ryan Syrek, Gregory Thorson, Christi Turner, Tom Winter, Gary Zeidner, Mollie Putzig, Mariah Taylor, Betsy Welch, Noël Phillips, Carolyn Oxley, Grant Stringer, Billy Singleton Interns: Claire Woodcock, Zach Evens SALES AND MARKETING Retail Sales Manager, Allen Carmichael Senior Account Executive, David Hasson Account Executive, Julian Bourke Market Development Manager, Kellie Robinson Inside Sales Representative, Jason Myers Marketing Manager, Devin Edgley Mrs. Boulder Weekly, Mari Nevar PRODUCTION Production Manager, Dave Kirby Art Director, Susan France Graphic Designer, Mark Goodman Assistant to the Publisher Julia Sallo CIRCULATION TEAM Dave Hastie, Dan Hill, George LaRoe, Jeffrey Lohrius, Elizabeth Ouslie, Rick Slama 17-Year-Old, Mia Rose Sallo

December 29, 2016 Volume XXIV, Number 21 As Boulder County's only independently owned newspaper, Boulder Weekly is dedicated to illuminating truth, advancing justice and protecting the First Amendment through ethical, no-holdsbarred journalism and thought-provoking opinion writing. Free every Thursday since 1993, the Weekly also offers the county's most comprehensive arts and entertainment coverage. Read the print version, or visit www.boulderweekly.com. Boulder Weekly does not accept unsolicited editorial submissions. If you're interested in writing for the paper, please send queries to: editorial@boulderweekly.com. Any materials sent to Boulder Weekly become the property of the newspaper.

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the

Highroad Fed up with Wall Street?

Do something about it!

by Jim Hightower

Boulder Weekly welcomes your correspondence via email (letters@ boulderweekly.com) or the comments section of our website at www.boulderweekly.com.

Preference will be given to short letters (under 300 words) that deal with recent stories or local issues, and letters may be edited for style, length and libel.

Letters should include your name, address and telephone number for verification. We do not publish anonymous letters or those signed with pseudonyms. Letters become the property of Boulder Weekly and will be published on our website.

4 December 29, 2016

I

nstead of griping about the greedheads of Wall Street and the ripoff financial system they’ve hung around our necks, why don’t we “Take On Wall Street?”

That’s both the name and the feisty attitude of a nationwide campaign that a coalition of grassroots groups has

launched to do just that: Take on Wall Street.

The coalition, spearheaded by the Communication Workers of America, points out that there is nothing natural or sacred about today’s money-grubbing financial complex. Far from sacrosanct, the system of finance that now rules over us has been designed by and for Wall Street speculators, money managers and big bank flim flammers. So — big surprise — rather than serving our common good, the system is corrupt, routinely serving their uncommon greed at everyone else’s expense.

The “Take On” campaign has the guts and gumption to say: Enough!

Instead of you and me continuing to accept Wall Street’s plutocratic perversion of our democracy, We The People can rewrite their rules and reorder their structures so the system serves us. For starters, the campaign has laid out a five-point people’s reform agenda and

For more information on Jim Hightower’s work — and to subscribe to his award-winning monthly newsletter, The Hightower Lowdown — visit www.jimhightower.com.

is now taking it to the countryside to rally the voices, anger and grassroots power of workers, consumers, communities of color, Main Street, the poor, people of faith... and just plain folks.

The coalition is holding information and training sessions to spread the word, forge local coalitions and teach how we can get right in the face of power to create a fair finance system that works for all.

There’s an old truism about negotiating that says: “If you’re not at the table, you’re on the menu.” The “Take On Wall Street” campaign intends to put you and me — the people — at the table for a change. To learn more and join the fight, go to TakeOnWallStreet.org.

This opinion column does not necessarily reflect the views of Boulder Weekly.

Boulder Weekly

guest column Democratic autopsy

by Brian Litwin

I

t is odd that an autopsy should need to be done for the Democratic Party in an election year that saw them make gains in both the House of Representatives, the Senate and win the popular vote of the American people.

Yet, I would argue that never before has it been more of a pressing issue for the supposed party of the people than it is right now. This autopsy requires us to travel back to the year 1984, specifically after President Reagan’s landslide victory over Walter Mondale.

After this crushing defeat, 20 top Democratic Party fundraisers met to discuss strategies for the future and how they could have more policy influence in campaigns and how they might use their fundraising skills to move the party toward their business oriented, centrist viewpoints.

What came of this meeting was the creation of the Democratic Leadership Council (DLC).

In 1990 the DLC chose as its chairman a relatively unknown governor of the state of Arkansas named Bill Clinton. The DLC’s stated objective was to shift the party to the right using whatever ideological tools were at hand.

The DLC was just one facet of a much broader mosaic of elitist political reorientation — a reorientation profoundly out of step with the American people.

In 1991, Clinton told a DLC conference in Cleveland: “Our New Choice plainly rejects the old ideologies and the false choices they impose. Our agenda isn’t liberal or conservative. It is both, and it is different.”

The DLC called their platform progressive, an ironic choice, as a pushback against journalists’ more accurate recognition that it represented a conservative force within the Democratic Party.

President Clinton’s accomplishments read like a blueprint from a Republican playbook. A few of his highlights included: the signing of the

North American Free Trade Agreement, the Defense of Marriage Act, the don’t ask, don’t tell military policy, welfare reform, creation of the era of mass incarceration, and Wall Street deregulation. Keep in mind that the welfare reform, called Personal Responsibility and Work Opportunity Act, literally came straight out of the Republicans’ “Contract with America.”

As you might have guessed, this so-called reform made it much more difficult for families in need to receive assistance.

It is important to note that Democrats have historically opposed all of the things I listed above and probably would’ve continued to do so if a Republican had been the president proposing them. It took a wolf in sheep’s clothing to get much of this Republican legislature passed. President Clinton was also for the privatizing of social security, but it got derailed during the Republicans foolish impeachment of his presidency.

Thankfully, the Republicans had not realized the Manchurian Candidate in their midst who was acting on their behalf.

The fact that Democrats lost the House in a landslide, for the first time in 40 years, two years after Clinton’s election does not square at all with the notion that he saved the Democratic Party, or that DLC politics constructed a working majority with progressive ideals at the heart of it. In fact, it did the exact opposite, destroying the Democratic Party which had long been the bastion for progressive ideals and political leaders.

Obama had nothing to do with the DLC, directly. But he grew up politically in the world that the DLC had created and is absolutely a center to center-right candidate.

The Democratic Party’s rebranding

THE DLC CALLED their

platform progressive, an ironic choice, as a pushback against journalists’ more accurate recognition that it represented a conservative force within the Democratic Party.

Boulder Weekly

see GUEST COLUMN Page 6

the anderson files A familiar path to fascism

by Dave Anderson

D

onald Trump is the first major party presidential nominee to provoke widespread discussion about whether he is a fascist. It is a question raised by analysts across the political spectrum. Now that he is about to become the president, it might be helpful to consider how popular Benito Mussolini and Adolf Hitler were with rightwingers in America.

The first fascist movement to gain power was Mussolini’s Blackshirts in Italy in 1922. The New York Times, the wire services, the business magazines and the mass-circulation Saturday Evening Post treated Mussolini and fascism as “the saviors of Italy” from “the menace of Bolshevism,” according to John P. Diggins in his book Mussolini and Fascism: The View from America.

The Post serialized Mussolini’s autobiography (which may have been ghostwritten by the American Ambassador to Italy) and carried numerous pro-fascist articles (including one by humorist Will Rogers). Diggins notes that Anne O’Hare McCormick, the New York Times correspondent in Rome, “spent almost 20 years explaining to Americans the poetic beauties of the Italian landscape as well as the political beauties of Mussolini and Fascism.”

Editorial pages contained hosannas to the dictator. The Times called Mussolini’s 1922 coup “peculiar and relatively harmless.” The Chicago

Tribune said fascism stood for “the most striking and successful attempt of the middle classes to meet the tide of revolutionary socialism.” The New York Tribune editorialized: “The Fascist movement is — in essentials — a reaction against degeneration through Socialistic internationalism. It is rough in its methods, but the aims which it professes are tonic... Mussolini is fighting for normalcy.”

In 1925, when Mussolini announced the formation of his “Corporate State,” the Times said that his conception of power and authority “has many points in common with that of the men who inspired our own constitution — John Adams, Hamilton, and Washington. The uninformed will of ‘the many’ is to be ‘balanced’ by the experience and the wisdom of ‘the few.’”

The business monthly Fortune came out with an entire edition lauding the “Corporate State.”

One of Mussolini’s greatest press admirers was William Randolph Hearst, whose newspaper chain the Italian government considered, in Diggins’ words, “the most favorable to the regime.” Hearst wrote in 1928 that “Mussolini is a man I have always admired, not only because of his astonishing ability, but because of his public service.”

In 1922, Alvin Owsley, commander see THE ANDERSON FILES Page 6

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the anderson files THE ANDERSON FILES from Page 5

of the American Legion praised Mussolini and added, “If ever needed, the American Legion stands ready to protect our country’s institutions and ideals as the Fascisti dealt with the destructionists who menaced Italy!”

“By taking over the government?” he was asked.

“Exactly that,” he said. “The American Legion is fighting every element that threatens our democratic government — soviets, anarchists, I.W.W., revolutionary socialists and every other ‘Red.’... Do not forget that the Fascisti are to Italy what the American Legion is to the United States.”

That statement is certainly true.

Founded by Army officers in 1919, the Legion was similar to the many European veterans groups at that time, which supplied members for fascist parties and counter-revolutionary militias. Legionnaires were notorious for assaulting leftists, breaking up strikes and driving organizers of the Industrial Workers of the World (IWW) out of town.

In 1924, Adolf Hitler was put on trial for his abortive Munich Beer Hall Putsch. The vice president of the Bavarian parliament testified that the German Nazi movement was partially financed by American car manufacturer Henry Ford. Later, former Nazi agent Kurt W. Luedecke would write that he travelled that year to the United States to obtain funds from Ford for Hitler.

Hitler had a large portrait of Ford hanging above his desk, according to the New York Times (Dec. 20, 1922).

He told a Times reporter, “We look on

Heinrich Ford as the leader of the growing Fascisti movement in America.’”

The Nazis promoted a book called The International Jew, which consisted of articles that had appeared in The Dearborn Independent, a newspaper owned by Ford and distributed largely through his auto dealerships. The articles were based upon The Protocols of the Elders of Zion, which was a hoax document created by the Russian Czarist secret police. It claimed to be the proceedings of secret meetings of leaders of world Jewry conspiring to take over the world.

William E. Dodd, who was FDR’s Ambassador to Germany from 1933, when Hitler rose to power, until 1937, said “certain American industrialists had a great deal to do with bringing fascist regimes into being in both Germany and Italy.”

In addition, Dodd warned that, “A clique of U.S. industrialists is hell-bent to bring a fascist state to supplant our democratic government, and is working closely with the fascist regimes in Germany and Italy.”

That was a long time ago. But is history repeating itself today? Donald Trump is allied with far right quasifascist parties in Europe which are gaining popularity. Ironically, this time the far rightists are allied with Russia and are hostile to the German government.

Nevertheless, Trump isn’t Hitler and the U.S. isn’t the Weimar Republic.

But we are facing the biggest challenge to democracy in our lifetimes.

This opinion column does not necessarily reflect the views of Boulder Weekly.

guest column GUEST COLUMN from Page 5

works first and foremost with the donor class, and then the broader political elite, which provides guidance to the mass public in ordinary times.

But this system fails to really engage the public directly, or respond to their needs, which is why participation falls off so sharply during mid-term elections, leaving the possibility of a working majority increasingly out of reach.

It has also muddled our vision of what a truly successful progressive party might look like.

Progressive voices such as Bernie Sanders and Elizabeth Warren should not sound like outliers and be suppressed with-

in our party. They are how the Democratic Party should sound, yet they are currently a threatened species. Choosing Chuck Schumer and Nancy Pelosi to continue leading our party down this road is exactly what should not have happened.

Now, more than ever, we need to go back and ask ourselves: What were the roads not taken? Where could they have lead us instead of here? Difficult conversations will be needed, as well as a reckoning with the fact that today’s democrats are yesterday’s republicans.

This opinion column does not necessarily reflect the views of Boulder Weekly.

Boulder Weekly

Creative Music & Critical News Since 1978.

letters Supply-side administration

I am still marveling that Donald Trump’s followers see him as a working-class hero. His corporate CEO/billionaire-dominated Cabinet stands in stark contrast to the socially aware Cabinet and legislation assembled and pursued during the Obama Administration.

It is obvious that Trump’s selections know how to amass personal fortunes, but how does that translate to running a government “of the People, for the People, and by the People?”

Judging how much corporate profit is hidden overseas, it is indisputable the corporations know well how to generate wealth, but how that wealth is distributed benefits only a small percentage of the population.

Corporate fortunes are built on reducing manufacturing costs, overseas labor, automation, reduced benefits, market manipulation, monopolization and advertising.

This supply-side economic theory has created a populace dependent upon cheap TVs, clothing and technology that do not reflect the cost were they made by an American labor force. And the service sector cannot make up the differential in either earning power or number of jobs. Solving this 21st century conundrum seems beyond the mindset of corporate America.

Robert Porath/Boulder

Gun time

The American people have spoken. Which means the Second Amendment shall be rewritten to make gun ownership mandatory. Let little Johnny enter first grade packing a sidearm. What better way to deter bullies? And forget Roe v. Wade.

Unwanted pregnancies? Not OUR problem. If the dumb sluts get themselves knocked up, let them seek out the back-alley abortions of yesteryear.

Serves them right! And Obama’s Affordable Care Act? Who gives a rip? Let the poor and sick drop dead in the streets. Of course such sweeping changes demand energy. Lots of it. Which means oil. OIL! Every drop we can suck from the teat of Mother Earth. And when all that is said and done, we’ll have Paradise.

A True American Citizen, Randy Klutts/Via the internet P.S. In case you didn’t get it, I don’t believe in any of the above.

Boulder Weekly

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Stop burning coal

I am a student at the University of Colorado concerned about the future of the environment in our community.

Electric generation that spews millions of tons of greenhouse gases into our atmosphere is already showing extreme impacts. We must pursue decarbonization now. We can’t wait until all the coal in the earth is burned up. Our current electricity provider, Xcel, is committed to burning coal for years to come with no regard for how it will affect our future. As a young person, I will be one of the many who must deal with the consequences of our actions today.

I believe the best way to reach our decarbonization goals is through municipalization. As a member of this community concerned about our environment and the future of my generation, I believe a locally run utility is the most effective path toward rapid decarbonization. Thus, I urge our City Council to push forward toward the formation of a municipal utility.

Victor Lemus/Lafayette

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These campaign promises from Trump have nothing to do with the American people, but they have everything to do with the wallets of his billionaire business buddies who are now tripping over themselves for a spot in the Trump cabinet.

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ESSAY ISSUE 2016 Angela K. Evans

Telling it like it was

by Angela K. Evans

8 December 29, 2016

G

randpa isn’t one to sit idle. Even at 90, he wakes up early every morning and walks at least a mile with Grandma, my aunt and her dog Junior. He uses a large whittled walking stick, and bellows Junior’s name every once and awhile to make sure he never gets too

far away.

After the walk, he goes to the stables behind my aunt’s house next door and feeds the horses and cleans the stalls. Then he walks back home for breakfast, coffee and the paper.

When I visit, we spend a good hour or so working on the crossword puzzle, while talking about any number of things — from politics, to movies, to what’s happening with different branches of the family, to his role in the church choir and the Sheriff ’s Posse.

Then I always offer to help him with whatever project he has going. Two summers ago we built a deck. Last Thanksgiving we dug irrigation ditches throughout the yard.

When he’s not busy with work around the house, he goes out to his wood shop to fix odds and ends or make block sets, large wooden trucks and pull toys for my nephew and nieces. Or he’ll go out to the Single Action Shooting Society range and shoot guns at targets set against a backdrop of old Western storefronts and swinging saloon doors.

A couple times a month (almost every day when I visit and can join

Boulder Weekly

him) he rides his horse Thunder in the Arizona desert around their house. After about an hour, I’m usually ready to go home, but he’s always up for another mile or two.

Recently on these rides, I’ve started asking Grandpa about his childhood. He settles into his saddle to answer, gazing out on the horizon, looking at Mexico off in the distance.

“I didn’t really read books before starting school because we didn’t have any,” he told me not too long ago. “But when I started reading in school, I’ve never quit. I read all the time.”

Grandpa has always been a voracious reader.

Often in the afternoons, I’ve found him dozing in his living room recliner, a book sprawled open across his chest. For my birthday this year he sent me a note saying: “I just read Beau Geste, an interesting story. I have been reading East of Eden by John Steinbeck. I have to read it in pieces, too much to read continuously.”

When I call a few weeks later to check on his progress, he’s already finished the 600-page novel. Although it may have been hard to start, he says, once he got going, he couldn’t stop.

“It’s really an interesting book. I understood a lot of what was going on because to a certain extent it was part of my lifetime,” he says. “In places it gets to be kind of depressing. But it’s pretty true, the way things happened at that time.”

Grandpa grew up on Granddad’s (my great-great grandpa’s) cattle ranch, the youngest of three boys with a younger sister to boot. North of Phoenix, Daddy (my great-grandpa) and his two brothers managed the ranch for their father, each with their own homestead to raise their families.

Times were tough during the Great Depression and Grandpa’s family had to move to town since there wasn’t much of a market for beef. But they never went hungry, living off the cattle they didn’t sell and fresh vegetables from the garden.

By 1934 the tide had slowly begun to turn and Grandpa and his family moved back to Granddad’s property, where he joined his dad and older brothers “pretty well watching the lower end of the ranch.”

They’d go out on horseback all day with some jerky and a few dried apricots in their pockets, herding cattle, fixing fences and doing whatever else needed to be done. Sometimes they’d spend a few nights on different sections of the ranch, camping out and surviving off hunted deer meat they stored in their bedrolls during the day to keep cool in the desert heat.

“There was no room to pack books when we were going out that way,” Grandpa says. Plus, with the long workdays, “there really was no time for books. But I made up for it when I went back.”

In middle and high school, he was obsessed with cowboy novels, mostly those of Will James and Zane Boulder Weekly

Grey, enthralled by the adventures of a not-too-distant past. “There were not a lot of Western genre at the time,” he says. But he loved “reality-based fiction about cowboys.”

After high school, like most young men back then, Grandpa was drafted into the Navy and sent to the South Pacific. “All the boys at the ranch, we decided when our name was called, we wouldn’t get a deferment, we’d just go,” he says. “It was a decision by all of us. We felt we needed to be a part of it. We couldn’t just sit back and let someone else do it. We just decided we’d do whatever was necessary.”

In 1945,w his cousin and brother were drafted first. Then he followed a few months later with his oldest brother.

“The only book I read in the service was Ayn Rand’s Atlas Shrugged,” he says, unable to remember if he liked it or not. “I read it aboard ship and almost everybody on the ship got to read it. It just went from hand to hand around the ship. And you couldn’t dwell on anything. You just had to read and then pass it on to somebody else.”

He spent a year aboard ship, traveling from Japan to Guam to the Marshall Islands, including Bikini Atoll, home to the U.S. nuclear tests and which was later deemed unfit for habitation.

As the war ended, Grandpa returned to the States with thousands of other young men looking to make their way in the world. He went home to Arizona but, following the death of his business partner, Granddad had sold the ranch in the early part of 1946, while the boys were still off at war.

So Grandpa went into business with his uncle and cousin on a piece of land not too far away, but without much success.

“We were short of money, we didn’t have much in the way of equipment, it wasn’t a very good piece of property for what we wanted to do,” he says. “So we farmed it for about a year and then moved on.”

He went to work for Daddy on the farm he’d recently purchased, but there wasn’t much for him there either. Eventually, Grandpa decided it was time to study, getting a degree in animal science with a minor in agronomy from the Arizona State University in Tempe. He worked through school, helping Daddy or any number of his uncles and cousins on different ranches. During his senior year he picked up odd construction and mining jobs as well, just to make ends meet. But he still had time for fun. Among other activities, he was a square-dancing caller, which is where he met Grandma, handing off the microphone to dance with the pretty single girl who had just walked in.

They were married in 1953 and soon after moved to Yuma, Arizona, where they raised three kids, including my dad, while Grandpa was a livestock inspector for the federal government and Grandma

worked in early childhood development.

And that’s when Grandpa started reading other genres. With the exception of Atlas Shrugged, he had mainly stuck to cowboy and adventure novels since grade school. Although he still devoured Louis L’Amour frontier stories and Elmer Kelton Westerns, he ventured into science fiction, fantasy and classic literature, reading the odd nonfiction story as well. Now he’ll read pretty much anything Grandma brings home from the library, while avoiding her romance novels all together.

“I have read so many books and not kept track of all them,” he says. “I have read good books and I try and remember who the author is to find more books.

But I never write it down, and I find myself at fault now when I look back.”

But he knows he enjoys Tuesdays with Morrie, Angela’s Ashes, An Irish Country Doctor series and the mystery novels of J.A. Jance. And he loves Anne McCaffery’s fantasy Dragonriders of Pern series — still unable to convince me I’ll like them, although I enjoy listening to him try.

Sometimes he’ll pick up books on the free table at the library, happy to stop reading one he doesn’t like if it’s too depressing, graphic or poorly written. A few summers ago, he read one of my favorites, The Immortal Life of Henrietta Lacks, about the AfricanAmerican woman whose immortal cervical cancer cells have been used for decades in scientific experimentation.

And he’s read several of John Steinbeck’s books, praising his famous works like The Grapes of Wrath and Of Mice and Men, while also admiring other stories of his like Cannery Row. “He wrote about people, the way they were. At the time of those writings, authors generally kind of put an icing over things like that and you didn’t get that with Steinbeck,” he says. “He told it like it was.”

Which brings our most recent phone conversation back to East of Eden, where I painfully admit I haven’t read it, or any other Steinbeck book for that matter.

Although I do remember watching a few movies based off his work in school.

“I’ll tell you what, if you want it, I’ll bring it with me when we come over for Christmas,” he says. “It’s my old paperback but I think you’ll like it.”

I haven’t seen Grandpa since his 90th birthday party in May. I usually try and see my grandparents around the holidays but over Thanksgiving he was in northern Arizona hunting with my uncle. They didn’t find any elk like they were hoping for, but they still enjoyed camping out as temperatures dropped below freezing, he says.

So for Christmas I’ve convinced them to make the four-hour trek to my dad’s in California. I won’t be able to ride horses with Grandpa or help him with his projects and yard work, but we will get up every morning and go for a walk, sit and drink coffee while eating breakfast and doing the crossword. I’m sure we’ll talk about books, the ones we’re currently reading and the ones we’ve been meaning to share with each other. I’ll ask him questions about his life and he’ll answer, telling it the way it was.

December 29, 2016 9

ESSAY ISSUE 2016

I

Morning commute

by Amanda Moutinho

I

wake up with a mild hangover from a night spent drinking away feelings. I roll out of bed and assemble an outfit from the clothes on the floor. I’m in my car within a few minutes. I have a lot to do, and it’s early.

I turn on my car, and The Weeknd yells from the speakers: Pussy so good, had to save that shit for later.

My hand lunges for the volume knob. Nope, no way. No sexy, if not slightly demeaning, rap song this morning.

I turn on your playlist.

I didn’t mean it, when I said I didn’t love you so, Mariah Carey sings. I should have held on tight, I never shoulda let you go. I was stupid, I was foolish, I was lying to myself.

This is what I sang to myself two years ago, the night after we kissed, as I laid in bed thinking about you.

My stomach churns.

I have someone new in my life. Ironically, every time this happens, thoughts of you overshadow thoughts of them.

As Mariah fades out, gentle piano music fills the car. I usually skip this song, but today I

10 December 29, 2016

choose to cut the wound deeper, grab a handful of salt and rub vigorously. I take a deep breath.

I make it to the chorus, and it’s over. This song is encompassing. This song gets me. This song rips me open. I don’t even like John Legend.

The tears come slow at first, then with vengeance. ’Cause all of me, that dickhead croons, loves all of you.

That’s it. I don’t know what it is about that line.

But it’s a notion so complex in its simplicity: It perfectly expresses how I feel about you.

And he continues.

Love your curves. Uh huh.

And all your edges. Yep. All your perfect imperfections. Totally.

Fuck you, John Legend.

At this point I’m merging onto C-470. This is unsafe. I’m surely crying too hard to be operating a motor vehicle. I take another deep breath and fumble for tissues in the glove box.

OK, no more.

I skip to our song — or at least the song I have deemed “our song.” It’s the one that played in my head after we kissed. We kissed

only that one time. But it only had to be that one time. You must be a damn good kisser, because you sent my world into upheaval. It’s been two years, and I’m sobbing on my morning commute thinking of you. It’s been two years of platonic friendship, with shared calls that fill me with butterflies and texts that I dream up subtext for. Two years of overanalyzing every interaction we had during those six months we spent together. Two years of pining for you, when you probably will never love me back — at least in the way I wish you would.

Tonight you’re mine. Completely.

You give your love so sweetly.

On our last night together, you sweetly kissed me after I asked you to. I’d like to think our friendship paused as our lips touched.

Tonight the light of love is in your eyes.

At least I felt like, just for a moment, we were more than friends.

But will you still love me in the morning?

I didn’t know. And frankly, two years later I still don’t know.

The following morning, we reminisced about the time we spent together and how many great memories we had. “We did it all.

We even made out!” you said with a laugh. I breathed a sigh of relief in knowing I didn’t spoil our friendship. You told me I was a good kisser, and we moved on to talking about something else. We ate breakfast and then said goodbye.

Boulder Weekly

It’s two years later, and I still haven’t confessed my feelings to you. I worry about how you’ll receive them, and that fear holds me back.

So, I go on wondering, Will you still love me in the morning?

Anytime I wonder, I turn on your playlist.

A new song floods the car.

Let me go, I don’t want to be your hero.

It’s a harsh sentiment. Especially so high up on this playlist. But it’s sung so soothingly, as the guitar is strummed so lightly.

I don’t wanna be a part of your parade.

It’s a soft reminder for me: Let this person go. Don’t put them on a pedestal they didn’t ask to be on.

I hit the stretch of road where U.S. 6 gives way to Highway 93. The houses become sparse and as the road starts to curve, rise and dip, Ben Gibbard steps up.

I always forget this is on this playlist. And then I’m always greeted with the fuzzy comfort when I hear the opening chords.

And when I see you, I really see upside down.

This song made me emotional before you. It’s what I would play on the days where I felt like staring out a rainy window.

After you, the lines took on a new meaning.

But my brain knows better. It picks you up and turns you around. Turns you around. Turns you around.

I didn’t know I had feelings for you before that night.

I’m reaching for the phone, To call at 7:03 and on your machine. I slur a plea for you to come home. But I know it’s too late.

If I had known better, I would have given you a reason to stay. But I didn’t know, so I didn’t give...

This is the sweet spot of your playlist.

Mary Lambert should be known as ipecac for feelings. Whether it’s a happy song or a sad song, I’m crying.

Oh yeah, I’m still crying half an hour later. I haven’t stopped yet.

She keeps me warm, Mary sings.

I miss your warmth. I miss your smile. I miss your presence. I miss the way you looked at me. I miss the good times we had and the bad times we had. I miss the way you made me feel.

All of me misses all of you...

If only this playlist could be filled with the music we actually listened to together. Multiple nights a week, we’d be in your kitchen making drinks, as Sia belted out something about a chandelier or Lil’ Jon yelled at us to turn down. For what? We didn’t know.

Boulder Weekly

But this is the playlist you get.

I hit next.

I could make you happy, I could make you love me, I could disappear completely, I could be your love song.

There it is. I could be the love of your life. I could be all you needed. I could be your everything. You already feel like mine.

If John Legend’s song is the dagger in the gut, this song is the excruciating twist of the blade.

I drive by Rocky Flats. We go to press today. I haven’t finished my arts story. It’s 6:45 a.m., and the sun is nowhere to be seen. I have to spend the day editing the paper. I can’t be in this hole of sorrow.

“Snap out of it,” I tell myself.

I need Kathleen Hanna. I need girl power fem rock. Bikini Kill might be too raw for my emotional state, but maybe, just maybe, Le Tigre will help.

The dancey rock pop infuses the car’s bad juju with positive vibes, as Kathleen, JD and Johanna remind me: You gotta keep on, keep on livin’.

This is helping me regain my composure. Thoughts of you fade out, and the day-to-day realities fade in.

I wipe away the tears as I pull into my parking space.

One day, I hope I won’t need your playlist. But I’m sure we’ll pick up where we left off when I drive home.

Cheers to the New Year! ® ®

December 29, 2016 11

ESSAY ISSUE 2016

Wikimedia Commons

Safely back on shore

by Caitlin Rockett

12 December 29, 2016

I

I

guess you could say I’ve always been moody. I’ve always preferred rain to sunshine; found peace in the night while the day leaves me uneasy. As a child I openly appreciated the way leaves turn upward in anticipation of rain, the way the Universe deepens its color saturation, the metallic smell of stormy air and the elegant dance of heather clouds roiling in the sky. As Hurricane Hugo ripped through Western North Carolina in 1989, I watched, transfixed and unafraid, from a window as trees crashed down around my home. Later, my mother found I had opened the back door to explore the jaundiced chaos during the eye of the storm.

Cloudy day Caitlin, at your service.

But none of that is strange, really, because people love storms, especially from the comfort and relative safety of their homes. Those moments are charged with potential. We find ourselves laughing like lunatics as lightning renders a tree in two.

Storms feed something primal in us, a need to take

risks, a need to feel fear, but — in the average summer thunderstorm — without any actual danger.

Most importantly, storms reward us with perspective. We now know how tumultuous the world could be and it gives us the ability to appreciate calmer states of being. We’ve watched things cease to exist — that tree rendered in two — and our own existence becomes more precious.

We survived.

The same can be said of the storms we weather in our minds.

I started to notice my anxiety when I was in third grade. I was already aware of my nervous nature, driven to excessive worry by a need for perfection. But at 8 years old I began to recognize a new kind of angst, one that rendered me almost useless when it struck. I loved school and had the grades to prove it, but I found myself scared to the point of dry heaving many days, fretting over the fear I’d written down the wrong problem set for my math homework or whether I’d embarrass

Boulder Weekly

myself when I couldn’t do a chin-up in P.E. I’d worry so much that the world began to take on a cartoonish sharpness and sounds became indistinguishable. I would grow dizzy and the sharpness of my vision often gave way to spots, like the kind you get from staring at the sun. I’d sweat and my cheeks would flush. Teachers thought my need for perfection was adorable — hell, it was commendable — and never once did an adult suggest that an 8-year-old shouldn’t feel like this.

Then again, I didn’t really have the words to explain what I was feeling.

As I got older, I endured increasingly severe panic attacks, but there was also a growing sense of worthlessness that sometimes made me sad, and sometimes left me feeling nothing at all. These sensations would keep me in bed, afraid of the world, afraid of myself, for a day or more.

But I functioned. I went to class and made good grades and marched with the band and did community service for Honor’s Society. But the fear stayed with me, ready to crop up and remind me that I did not deserve real greatness; I couldn’t achieve it even if I wanted to. I developed anorexia with bulimic tendencies to deal with the anxiety that came from being overweight, but even as my hair thinned and my cheekbones created new angles in my face, I felt the anxiety build. Ironically, my hunger fed the anxiety and sadness.

I went in and out of therapy for years, but I couldn’t seem to stick with it. I was in my early 20s by this point, and while I enjoyed talking, I never found myself closer to salvation from the never-ending fear and worthlessness.

It was, as cycles tend to be, vicious.

I would find just enough confidence to succeed — in school, at work, in a relationship — and then the fear would start to close in like water on a sinking ship. I’d bail the water out, but sure enough it would come running back in again, sooner or later.

It all changed during graduate school just a few years ago. A deep snow had settled over Boulder, and a bout with the flu had kept me in bed for a week. I was trapped in a number of ways, growing more and more panicked about the classes I was missing, passing in and out of consciousness as Boulder Weekly

the fever came and went. One morning while lying in bed, I heard children outside playing in the snow and the sound of their laughter was so foreign to me I thought I might be dreaming.

But I was awake, struggling to make sense of the world. My breathing had grown shallow and I was crying uncontrollably. I was soaked through in tears, mucous running from my nose, and I was suddenly struck with a brilliant revelation: my life was meaningless. If this was life — my life — then there was no point.

I called a suicide hotline for the first time that day, and stayed on the line until my partner came home.

That day I realized I couldn’t bail the water out of the sinking ship anymore. I needed a life vest. I needed a lifeguard.

I needed to learn to swim.

I got into therapy for the rest of my time in graduate school and got on medication for a mood disorder. I’ve struggled to stay in therapy because of changing insurance plans and the dayto-day struggles of managing life as an adult with a mood disorder, but I don’t kid myself anymore; I can’t do this alone. And I can’t fear my mind or my emotions.

Enduring a panic attack is like surviving a storm while out at sea on a dinghy. I have this clarity, this animallike awareness of my mortality, and at the same time a sense of immortality; one comes from the other, they cannot exist alone.

I am covered in sweat and tears and mucous, and for the past hours of enduring this storm, I have felt more alone in the world than I thought I could endure, but on the other side I am connected to everything that lives and ever lived. All wet and slimy, I’m reborn.

Now when I have panic attacks I am able to remind myself that eventually the storm will pass and I will find myself safely back on shore, my dinghy scraped but in one piece beside me.

The storm feeds something primal in me, a need to feel fear.

It rewards me with perspective. I see how tumultuous the world could be and it gives me the ability to appreciate calmer states of being. I watch things cease to exist — my will to live — and my own existence becomes more precious.

I survive.

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Boulder Weekly

ESSAY ISSUE 2016

I

The unforgettable game

by Joel Dyer

I

n truth, I’m only a moderate baseball fan these days, but there is this one game from a long time ago I’ll never forget. It was Giants vs. Cards on March 30, 1968. You won’t find it in any baseball almanac.

I was the San Francisco Giants on that warm Saturday morning in Oklahoma City. My best friend at the time, Dennis Gibson, was the St. Louis Cardinals. His yard was on the receiving end of homeruns over the chain-link fence in right field.

In the spring of that year, these were the only two teams that played in my backyard, and they went head to head often several times a day on the weekends.

We didn’t just proclaim our loyalty to our favorite teams. We knew every player inside and out. We knew their positions, their batting order and average, their personal quirks.

When I was in the field, I pitched as Juan Marichal. I copied his crazy-high leg kick and unorthodox follow through. At the plate, I batted right-handed when I was Willie Mays and left when I came up as Willie McCovey.

Dennis displayed the same commitment to accuracy for his beloved Cards. He had moved to the house across my fence from St. Louis a couple of years earlier and brought his enthusiasm for his old home team with him. He always seemed a step faster when Lou Brock came to the plate and nobody could throw a fastball like his Bob Gibson. It was as if just acting like one player or another could impart their special talents on the pretender.

We took the backyard rivalry between our favorite teams quite seriously... or at least as seriously as a sport involving a Wiffle ball and a hollow plastic bat could be taken by a couple of 9 years olds.

It all seemed like magic back then.

But of all the games we played, I can now only remember the one with any accuracy. It’s the game when the magic of my childhood came to an end.

I was on the mound doing my very best Marichal when Bill Arthur, one of my dad’s best friends came running around the corner of the house into my backyard diamond frantically yelling “Gerri, Gerri.”

My mom’s real name is Geraldine but she doesn’t like it. So for my whole life she’s always been Gerri, except when we would visit my grandparent’s house where she would be transformed back into “Geraldine” by way of an Arkansas Ozark accent.

Boulder Weekly

My brother Paul, older than me by three years and a month, ran towards Mr. Arthur who dressed just like my dad, right down to his steel-toed boots. They were both named Bill and worked together as switchmen on the Santa Fe Railroad.

“Boys, where’s your mom?” he asked.

Paul told him she’d gone to get her hair done.

That was a thing in the 1960s. Mr. Arthur — as I always called him as a kid — sprinted off to find her as quickly as he’d appeared.

Three years difference in age isn’t so much later in life, but at a month shy of 10 and 30 days into 13 it’s pretty big.

Juan Marichal was ready to go back on the mound after the surprise backyard interruption, but my brother seemed more and more upset and I didn’t understand why. Nothing bad had been said, but that three years difference was enough for my brother to pick up something in Mr. Arthur’s demeanor and voice that I missed.

Eventually my brother told me he thought something bad had happened to our dad. He said, “I think

he’s dead,” and off he ran.

I chased him down and tried to understand why he thought such a thing. He said it was just a feeling and pointed out that Mr. Arthur should have been at work with Dad not at our house looking for Mom. It was a conclusion I could not accept. But I remember feeling overwhelmed and anxious as I returned to the baseball game in a bit of a daze.

Dennis jumped back into his play-by-play duties using his very best Harry Caray voice.

“Tim McCarver at the plate with runners on first and second. Marichal winds up... swing and a miss... and the count goes to two and one on the best catcher in baseball.”

The editorializing was always one-sided but I didn’t mind. It was a small price to pay for having Dennis call every play of every game. He had a real talent that made it all seem bigger than it was.

But I couldn’t shake my growing anxiety.

Why had Mr. Arthur come to my house?

Why was my brother so upset? Was something really wrong with Dad? A few pitches later, I heard our car pull up in the driveway. I ran through the back door and saw my mom standing in the kitchen.

One look at her face and the magic was gone forever.

I don’t remember the Giants and Cards ever playing another game in my yard. They may have. The next year or two just seems like a blur to me now.

But here it is nearly 50 years later and I can still remember that one game as if it were yesterday.

I remember the way my backyard looked, the hibiscus at the corner of the house near home plate; the dirt spot where we filled in the old cellar; the view across the empty field to the west, beyond the left field fence.

I remember the blue-and-white-striped shirt my best friend was wearing and his St. Louis Cardinals hat that made his ears look too big for his head when he pulled it down hard between pitches so it wouldn’t fly off.

After five decades I can still feel my brother’s despair and see Bill Arthur running around that corner into the middle of my baseball game.

I wish he’d never come.

But funny thing is, I don’t remember the score of that final Giants vs. Cards matchup in 1968.

But I’m certain the Giants lost.

December 29, 2016 15

M

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t. Vrain Cidery, coming to Longmont this summer, is a craft hard-cider maker made up of three friends who are looking to create a destination for Colorado Cider within the Longmont community. Offering 24 taps of delicious varieties from all over Colorado, St. Vrain Cidery will carry five of its own ciders plus taps of Stem Ciders, Colorado Cider Co., C Squared, Talbot’s, Big B’s, Wild Cider, Scrumpy’s, The Old Mine, and many many more.

Having already won two awards before opening; St. Vrain Cidery was honored at the Great Lakes International Cider & Perry Competition - the biggest, oldest, and most wellknown cider contest in North America with a bronze medal for its Mosaic Hopped Cider and a silver medal for its Barrel-Aged Dry Cider.

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18 December 29, 2016

2 YEARS COMPLIMENTARY MAINTENANCE

Boulder Weekly

ESSAY ISSUE 2016

boulderganic Wikimedia Commons/Claude Monet

Water is Life

by Rico Moore

I I

thought of the footage I’d seen of prayerful people being pepper sprayed and maced in the eyes by armored law enforcement at Standing Rock. Officers beat the prayerful with batons, shot Water Protectors in the back and face with rubber bullets and beanbags. As Water Protectors were being violently handled and arrested, bundles of sage whose smoke tendriled and billowed with their prayers, rose into the blue sky that witnessed it all.

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Boulder Weekly

December 29, 2016 19

boulderganic WATER from Page 19

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flowing into the ears and eyes of law no hope for peace without water. It is of enforcement, legislators and citizens our common necessity. around the earth, nourishing something I opened my canteen, took a sip of forgotten in them. Their fight, or reawater; felt it as it cooled my lips, ran son for standing, is simply to protect through my throat near my heart as it the water of the Missouri River from pumped, and cooled my full belly. I The Dakota Access Pipeline. They closed my eyes in the bright heat of the stand to protect the source of their sun. I thought of a world without water, water and many sacred sites, which lay but the thought didn’t last long. in the Pipeline’s destructive path.

I had been struggling with sleep for The corporations behind the pipesome time. I’d wake in the pre-dawn line, or “Black Snake” as it’s being hours when the darkness of the sky called, had set attack dogs in the hands turns dark blue, and there is deep of mercenaries on unarmed, peaceful silence as the morning star rises from and prayerful Water Protectors who the eastern horizon. As if bubbling were defending ancestral burial sites from deep beneath a mountain, vivid from corporate bulldozers. The images feelings that presented themselves as of the dog’s blood-soaked mouths have wordful images would wake me, conbeen seen by milfronting me in the lions around the liminal space. It world. was as if something I’d hiked to the was thinking top of a rocky through me, and THERE IS NO mount that rises needed me awake HUMANITY. PERHAPS from the floor of a to feel what it canyon through knew.

THIS FACT IS SO which a river flows Water is life, SIMPLE THAT IT IS in northern rang as I was about FORGOTTEN AS WE Colorado. After the to fall asleep. Water climb, I sat with is life, I thought.

STRIVE TO FILL OUR my heart, thumpWater is alive, as I BELLIES, KEEP WARM ing in the sun, feelfell into dream. I AND MORE. ing the warmth of dreamed that the the light on my water composing face. I looked and flowing around me in all through my body directions. From where I sat, I was thinking as it flowed. As a spring, could see out across the plains; the it flowed then disappeared into the cities sprawled to touch each others’ earth beneath the surface of my skin limits; linked by gray pavement, which into my veins; beneath the surface of radiated as a mirage. my wakened mind. Water is alive. The I saw the mountains and the gullies, thought coursed through me. In my which fell from the peaks. Beneath dream, I spoke with water. As the living where I sat, a spring creek flowed across water began to speak, I fell deeper into algae-draped stone, through watercress a dream that I cannot remember now. and down toward the river below.

Later.

The place where I was had experiI began to think about the Water enced a forest fire in the years of the Protectors at Standing Rock, facing last big drought, and all but a few of militarized police, National Guard and the Ponderosas were scorched, nearly corporate mercenaries by the hunlimbless, pointing from the hillside dreds. Wrongfully, I thought, because towards the sky. “It hasn’t rained in a they are peacefully and prayerfully long while,” I thought. protecting their river and sacred land.

The fall grass was golden. The earth The stand of the Water Protectors beneath the disintegrating charcoal at Standing Rock and the state’s reacPonderosas was full of rocks and soft tion to their peaceful protection of the Mullein leaves. I noticed a few living earth has revealed that centuries of pines in a gulley to the east. state-sponsored oppression live on in corporate disguise.

I thought that all things alive on I thought of this from a distance, this earth need water to live, practically alone on a mountaintop where the sky speaking. Without water, there is no was blue and a few whisps of cloud humanity. Perhaps this fact is so simple spun through the atmosphere. The that it is forgotten as we strive to fill same winds that cooled my body by our bellies, keep warm and more. But evaporating the sweat through my without water, we are naught. All we wool sweater to my skin gave a current strive for and wish for our loved ones is of air for a Junco to ride on — from nothing without water. There is no pine to pine as it spoke of something I hope for justice without water. There is

WITHOUT WATER,

couldn’t interpret, but felt.

I thought to myself of climate change; of the rising temperatures all around me, the rising seas, the acidification of the oceans, the pollution of our waters, our air and our earth. I thought of the great storms to come. I thought of the Water Protectors who say, “Water is Life.”

I thought of the water that flowed down in the gulley beneath me, cascaded thinly over slabs of rock. Presumably, it had been flowing for a long time as the rock was smooth across its face deep beneath the ridge where I sat.

When the terrain flattened, the creek pooled dark between boulders, banking in sand, its sound subtle.

That spring that streamed through its bed in earth was the rare, vital force of that mountain space.

All around were rocks and sand.

This one stream, amidst the drought, effortlessly flowed through the ravine, into the river, which widened and grew into a bigger river, flowed on to a sea whose currents spun with other seas.

The vital water in the stream struck me as sacred because it links.

As I sat on the mountaintop, I imagined I was having a conversation with the living water about climate change, the pollution of water, its necessity for life. I thought of the Water Protectors. I started to speak out loud to the no one who was there.

I said to no one that I came to the mountain today to get some perspective on everything that’s happening in the world; at Standing Rock, the people protecting the water. I came for a sense of why it is that we’re in this crisis on this earth where the oceans are acidifying, the temperatures are rising, the storms getting worse — what is at the root of that? What is at the heart of that?

I look all around me, from this mountain to the canyon to the river and sun, to the sky. The destruction is because we don’t quite see accurately, and I think we are going to continue to destroy the earth until we see accurately.

I think what’s accurate is that we have to love the living earth from which all our lives come, for without the earth, without the air, without the water, there is no you nor I. There is nothing for human beings without the earth. Until we love the earth and everything that makes it healthy as a beloved relative, we’ll continue to be sick, there will be wars and violence. If we can love the earth more than we love ourselves, and love each other like we love the earth, then we might survive. After I finished speaking I thought, water is alive.

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December 29, 2016 21

22 December 29, 2016

Boulder Weekly

ADVENTURE Fighting to live, one obstacle at a time

How a Tough Mudder gave an accident survivor a way back to life

by Emma Murray

Photos courtesy of Jim Campbell

O

n Oct. 12, 2009, Jim Campbell pulled his Harley into a roadside Taco Bell in Utah and unwrapped two spicy green burritos with extra sour cream. This was his makeshift celebratory dinner. Had things gone according to plan, he’d have been eating dinner with a group of friends in Milwaukee to celebrate the 31,000 miles they’d just completed in a 31-day charity campaign. But life rarely goes according to plan.

Campbell, who was 45 at the time, had started his ride on Sept. 11 in hopes of transforming the negativity associated with that day into something more positive. His whole life he’d been lucky, and pledging to ride his motorcycle 1,000 miles a day for an entire month and donating all raised funds to the Muscular Dystrophy Association was his way of paying his good fortune forward.

As a boy growing up in Crested Butte, Colorado, Campbell thrived in the pursuit of anything that put his body in motion. Early on,

he’d learned to ride motorcycles, refined Colorado’s windsurfing scene and even earned his pilot’s license. At one point, the American Motorcycle Association ranked him the third best rider in the country, and in 1984, he qualified for the USA Olympic windsurfing team.

As he grew older, he cultivated a successful home-building business.

“I was kicking ass at life all around,” he says.

His 800-pound Harley Screamin’ Eagle Ultra-Classic motorcycle accompanied him see TOUGH MUDDER Page 24

Motorcycle accident survivor Jim Campbell (second from right) has complete 107 Tough Mudders to date — more than anyone else, ever.

Boulder Weekly

December 29 , 2016 23

HAPPY NEW YEAR

ADVENTURE Courtesy of Jim Campbell

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24 December 29, 2016

across the country in the fall of 2009. Together they Campbell says he’s rode through desert, rain, cities and open expanses. grateful to have discovThe final day of the charity ride, a snow storm in ered Tough Mudder.

Wyoming forced Campbell to reroute to Utah, away from the celebratory dinner, leaving him alone after what, at the time, felt like one of the biggest accomplishments of his life. A long month like that on the road changed Campbell.

Upon returning to Colorado, he says, “I felt useless and helpless, and like I wasn’t participating in life. It threw me in a loop. So I decided, ‘Well I’m going to collect [the last donation] check in Dallas.’ I left real early, and I got going down there.”

It was then that his life really began to veer off-route. Jim’s voice, equally weathered tough and soft, intermittently wavers as he recalls the seven years since 2009.

Around 1 p.m. on Oct. 25, 2009, 55 miles out from Dallas — a ride he’d done many times before — Jim could sense something.

“I see all the traffic slowing ahead... I see all these cones. Maybe they’re merging,” he thinks. Suddenly he’s pushed into the median by a swerving semi-truck. Had he not been riding so consistently in the last weeks, he might’ve lost control then.

But another semi-truck swung off the road and stopped broadside, right in front of him.

“I’m looking at it, and I can see this guy’s eyes and he’s looking right at me, and we both know I’m going to hit him.” Campbell was going about 55 miles per hour.

“When I made contact with his truck, I drove my femur through my hip… [But even then] I stayed on my motorcycle… I started veering [to the left] and then saw a guardrail that I was going to hit.

“At that moment, everything around me stopped. Cars stopped. I stopped. It felt like I was wrapped in this really warm fuzzy blanket.”

An internal voice told Campbell he was going to be OK. “And the second the words stopped, everything around me started up again,” he says. “I flipped over the guardrail, and my bike landed on top of me.”

Campbell broke his neck in two places, the c1 and c2 vertebrae, snapped both his scapula and clavicle, tore his rotator cuff; his left femur pulverized his hip, his pelvis snapped in half, and his head hit the ground with such force that it induced a stroke.

The paramedics closed the door to the ambulance as the police asked for Campbell’s information. Don’t worry about it. He’s not gonna make it, Campbell heard them say. “But I tried to yell and tell them my name.”

At the hospital, “Everyone was just getting me comfortable to die.” When he didn’t die the message became, you won’t be able to do anything. Better accept that you’re alive and that that’s good enough.

Yet for Campbell, “good enough” had never been an option.

After spending six months in a cerebral halo, Campbell relearned how to walk, Boulder Weekly

ADVENTURE but that was never going to be enough to satisfy a competitor like Campbell.

A little over a year after the accident, a friend’s photo on Facebook caught Campbell’s eye. He saw a man jumping through fire, and the accompanying text was a request for teammates in “The Toughest Event on the Planet.” So Campbell investigated, and he decided that after proving everyone wrong about surviving his accident, competing in a Tough Mudder — an extremely demanding long-distance obstacle course that only 70 percent of participants finish — would be his next logical goal.

“I thought it was going to be a one-time thing,” Campbell says. And now, seven years later, he holds the record for the most Tough Mudders completed by a single human: 107.

Tough Mudders are notoriously difficult, even for able-bodied participants. A normal route lasts 10-12 miles and features a series of military-style obstacles.

According to their website, the courses are “designed to drag you out of your comfort zone by testing your physical strength, stamina and mental grit. With no podiums, winners, or clocks to race against, it’s not about how fast you can cross the finish line.

Rather, it’s a challenge that emphasizes teamwork, camaraderie and accomplishing something almost as tough as you are.”

That first Tough Mudder gave Campbell a taste of what was to fuel the rest of his recovery, and potentially the rest of his life. To get through the obstacles, Campbell had to apply the skills he’d gathered in his roles as a professional athlete and an accident survivor: a tenacious will and superhuman ability to overcome challenge. But to finish the whole course, he had to tap into something he’d never previously needed, something that sparked change in the way he understood the world.

“The support and the camaraderie [displayed in a Tough Mudder] brings out the best in every person I’ve met,” Campbell says. “I can’t explain it. I’ve competed my whole life in things and it’s always been about trampling, but here people are lifting you up.”

The friendships and the community that Campbell forged through Tough Mudder courses not only amplified, but also vindicated the alterations to his life after October 2009.

“I wouldn’t even want the accident to never have happened,” he says. “I’d go through all that pain and heartache again just to find this place.”

Darth Vader (yes, that’s his legal name), Campbell’s friend who has been living with leukemia and cancer for the last 14 years, has completed 70 Tough Mudders to date. They met three years ago during a race.

“The course helped us mend ourselves emotionally more than physically,” Vader says. “We’ve been there for each other unconditionally. Neither one of us want the sympathy. We’re more about the empathy, understanding each other, and so we can keep it real together.”

Vader believes the Tough Mudder has given both he and Campbell a place to put the tools they’ve developed over time to good use. Among the obstacles is a place where they not only feel accomplished, but a place where they also feel a sense of community and purpose.

“We’re not out there competing with others, we’re out there competing against ourselves and the course,” Vader says. “I think it’s a metaphor for taking that off the course and into life, and that’s where we gained each other’s mutual respect. We both work hard, but we don’t kiss each other’s ass for it, and I’m not gonna let you rest on just those accomplishments.

“We kind of have an unspoked communication that we’re looking for more than just being labeled as disabled or having limitations. I’m not afraid to have the label put on me, but I want to do the best job that I can and also not be defined as [by we’ve] had to deal with.”

Campbell feels the same way. The Tough Mudder has not only helped with accepting his physical limitations, but it’s lent him a sense of purpose and clarity.

“It’s been such a positive experience where I am actually the one telling those people not to give up, whether in small or large ways,” Campbell says. “There are people fighting loss of a family member, loss of limb... every detrimental thing in life people go and search out in a Tough Mudder. Instead of me being the one lying there in need, or instead of [being the one] in the ambulance telling you to just take morphine and die, I’m the one staying with you and telling you to keep going and I’ll be there with you the whole time. Together.”

Campbell admits, “It sucks being hurt, and it sucks not being able to run as fast as you can or not being able to do all the things you used to do. But I’ll tell you what’s amazing: on the course you are saving people’s lives. I’ve been to the Olympics. I’ve been a national motorcycle racer. I’ve made hundreds of thousands of dollars a year. But only now do I know no matter how perceivably happy I was before, I wasn’t. I’m more happy now giving back to others than I was in my previous life, and I could never go back to that life.”

Boulder Weekly

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Boulder Weekly

buzz

2016 in...

Making sense of another year of moviegoing

by Michael J. Casey

American Honey

W

hat can one possibly say that might even begin to distill and codify 2016? From an endless string of celebrity deaths that prompted an entire year of retrospectives and tributes, to almost daily mass shooting, to a presidential election that continually became more fiction that fact, movies somehow became background noise to the news. That’s not to say that movies were any less important in 2016 than they were in previous years. In fact, movies — the faces, genders and races they exhibited — became all the more important to explain the shape of the world outside of the viewer’s own, especially as that world became increasingly toxic. Movies and the conversation surrounding them started to reflect the world not as we hoped it would be, but as we feared it was. ...franchises This sentiment was no more evident than in the online discussion leading up to the release of the all-female Ghostbusters in July. What started as an outcry of the arrested adolescent white male — “You’re ruining my childhood.” — showed its true toxic nature when an entire campaign of racism, sexism and plain hatred was launched at one of the film’s stars, Leslie Jones.

Ghostbusters was an OK film, though one of the film’s stars, Kate McKinnon, was a revelation. But it lacked ambition, choosing to play

see 2016 MOVIES Page 28

Boulder Weekly

December 29, 2016 27

Doctor Strange

Friday & Saturday december 30-31

Stick Figure w/ the movement 12/30: tatanka

thurSday January 5

nappy rootS

w/ daSSaro x JeraFF, dapper, J.o.b., clydeSdale ent, rhymeSight & cartoone$t

tueSday January 10

waka Flocka Flame

Feat dJwhookid w/ StyleS & complete, pdF, david Frederick, no coaSt company, Smoky bare & melough

wedneSday January 11

t.i.

w/ talent among uS, itSevi, tripper JoneS & ray reed

thurSday January 12

mom’S kitchen

(tribute to wideSpread panic)

Friday January 13

everyone orcheStra

Feat michael traviS (Sci), eddie robertS (new maSterSoundS), mihali SavoulidiS (twiddle), chuck JoneS & eli winderman (dopapod), Shira eliaS & JoSh Schwartz (turkuaz) & matt butler (conducting) w/ the copper children

Saturday January 14

proF

w/ willie wonka, metaSota, Finding novyon & rooke5

monday January 16

the beatnutS x big pooh x termanology wedneSday January 18

Felly Feat gyypS

w/ yonaS, healy & Songbyh

Friday January 20

Shakedown Street & my blue Sky

every thurSday @ the other Side

graSS For that aSS Free beFore 8pm & Free beFore 9pm For all text meSSage SubScriberS

text cervanteS to 91944 to Sign up 1/5: whitewater ramble “pickin’ on the 90’S” thurSday december 29

my blue Sky

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Friday & Saturday december 30-31

deadphiSh orcheStra 12/30: 40oz to Freedom 12/31: cycleS

Friday & Saturday January 6-7 dual venue

the bluegraSS generalS Feat andy hall & chriS pandolFi (the inFamouS StringduSterS), paul hoFFman (greenSky bluegraSS), greg garriSon (leFtover Salmon) & Jon Stickly w/ the laSt revel 1/6: gipSy moon, the haunted windchimeS & Sweet lillieS 1/7: grant Farm, liver down the river & lineage muSic proJect

wedneSday January 11

Jyemo clu

thurSday January 12

doyle bramhall ii Friday January 13

dJ qbert (dmc champion) & chriS karnS (pretty lightS live band, dmc champion) w/ party people & Jubee (the pretty FantaSticS) – re:creation

Saturday January 14

Saturday January 21

back to the 90’S

w/ talking dreadS

w/ dJ bryan matthew (all 90’S muSic all night long & 90’S coStume conteSt)

Jazz iS phiSh Friday January 27

JeFF auStin band

w/ chain Station & mile high expreSS

wedneSday February 1

Sage the gemini

w/ Sob x rbe & derek pope

Friday February 3

barclay crenShaw Saturday February 4

city heartS

Feat mikey lion, lee reynoldS, marbS, porkchop & deep JeSuS

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J boog

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FoundationS oF Funk Feat george porter Jr & zigaboo modeliSte (the meterS) w/ Special gueStS John medeSki & eddie robertS thurSday February 16

clozee & pSymbionic

w/ SuperSillyuS, Soulacybin, the digital connection & brede

Friday February 17

Sammy adamS Saturday February 18

giant panda guerilla dub Squad w/ na’an Stop

Saturday February 25

hieroglyphicS

(all original memberS)

thurSday march 2

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28 December 29, 2016

2016 MOVIES from Page 27

it safe in hopes of setting up a franchise ready to be mined for billions. As of publication, Ghostbusters has grossed a worldwide total of $229 million, placing it at no. 30 on the list of top-grossing movies of 2016, most likely eliminating it from future installments. Not because the trolls won — though their outrage that women could ever replace male equivalents certainly makes it seem like they won the war elsewhere — but because movies like Captain American: Civil War, Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them and, oddly enough, Trolls grossed so much more.

Franchises, sequels, prequels, remakes and reboots are just the way of things now, which makes a clear standout all the more interesting. In 2016 that honor went to Doctor Strange from Colorado’s own Scott Derrickson. This fun and giddy installment in the Marvel Cinematic Universe had everything the aforementioned movies lack: an undeniable exuberance for images. Not to mention Benedict Cumberbatch’s grounding and humorous performance that made the ridiculous seem all the more sublime. ...animation It was a banner year for Disney, and not just for their franchise products via Marvel, Pixar and Star Wars, but because of the insight their two animated movies, Zootopia and Moana, brought to the table. Both feature solid storytelling meticulously layered for child and adult audiences alike, with complex images that make these films flourish, particularly on additional viewing. For Moana, it’s the show-stopping number “Shiny,” a catchy earworm that also provides a great deal of the plot, character backstory and scribe Lin-Manuel Miranda’s panache for puns. Plus, Jemaine Clement does one hell of a Bowie impersonation.

For Zootopia, the scene is a chase between officer Judy Hopps and a no-goodthieving Weasel. Hopps pursues Weasel through the towering metropolis of Zootopia into Little Rodenta, a mini-borough designed for mice and hamsters. In a single breath, Hopps and Weasel are transformed from tiny insignificant creatures in a big bad Zootopia to Godzilla-sized monsters capable of toppling whole buildings on unsuspecting citizens.

These blink-of-an-eye scale transformations are something animation can achieve with the greatest of ease. They make watching these movies a wondrous experience, none better than the stop-motion fairy tale Kubo and the Two Strings, a movie that utilizes the hero’s journey to great effect while exhibiting a tremendous amount of style. Nothing else this year looked like Kubo. ...documentary The same can be said for Tower, Keith Maitland’s documentary of the 1966 University of Texas at Austin shooting and those that survived it. Maitland blends documentary and animation, past and present tense, to create a dreamlike memory that sadly resonates more with our current society than it would have 50 years ago.

Maitland’s use of rotoscope animation wasn’t just necessary to transform an otherwise rote explanation of the events, it was an inspired touch.

Though 2016 was an outstanding year for documentary, none were more compelling than Ezra Edelman’s jaw-dropping dissection of the O.J. Simpson murder trial. Running nearly eight hours, O.J.: Made in America, played the Sundance Film Festival before making its way to ESPN this summer where most digested it in five 90-minute chunks. But how Edelman constructs and presents the events, O.J. is best consumed in one lump sum, where the intersection of Los Angeles race relations, domestic abuse, celebrity culture and mythic sports hero becomes clear.

There isn’t much in O.J. that most don’t already know, or at least suspect, but never has the argument been laid out with this level of exhaustion. Edelman doesn’t let anyone off the hook, least of all Simpson, holding on to one image in particular: the ghastly image of Nicole Brown’s severed throat from the scene of the crime.

Brown had been stabbed multiple times before Simpson turned his attention to Ron Boulder Weekly

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Goldman, slaying him before returning to finish Brown off. When Simpson cut her throat, he did it with such aggression, such violence, that he took a chunk of her vertebrae.

Did Simpson get away with murder because he was a celebrity? Probably.

Because the prosecutors bungled the trial? Definitely. As payback for the cops who beat Rodney King and walked free? One juror even says so. Hell, Simpson probably got off because he was the University of Southern California’s greatest running back.

But all of that is window dressing. At the center of all of this isn’t race relations, celebrity, football or an ill-fitting glove; it’s the loss of two innocent lives. It’s about the empty chairs at every one of the Brown and Goldman family gatherings ever since. ...narrative But what about the movies? Gallons of ink have been spilled over Barry Jenkins’s triptych of a young black man growing up gay in Moonlight, all of it deserved. The characters in Moonlight are fully fleshed out, and in all cases, wonderful subversions of stereotypes. As are the characters in the West Texas bank heist Hell or High Water and the road-tripping American Honey. All three are apt commentaries on economy and identity, but it is how deftly each weaves their commentaries through visually enchanting scenes that make them stick.

On the other side of the spectrum and bathed in the sunshine of Los Angeles, La La Land is candy-coated exhilaration that concludes by cutting viewers down at their knees; few this year had a better ending. The Neon Demon wins the top prize for what it’s like to be Little Red Riding Hood in a forest of big bad wolves. And the three most poetic movies of the year were Actor Martinez — a hall-of-mirrors look at a Denver-based actor who hires two directors to make a movie about himself — Terrence Malick’s Knight of Cups and Paterson, a week in the life of a New Jersey bus driver who writes poetry on the side.

Of all the movies released in 2016, none were as warm and comforting as Paterson. It’s like a heavy blanket you wrap yourself in to keep out the cold. 2016 was rough on a lot of people, and 2017 doesn’t look to let up, but at least we have the movies to keep our spirits warm.

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WHAT TO WATCH FOR: Silence, Jan. 6 — It only took 28 years, but Martin Scorsese’s adaptation of Shusaku Endo’s novel is a cause for celebration in any year.

The Lego Batman Movie, Feb. 10 — Few people could have predicted that The Lego Movie would have been as good as it was, but this tangential follow-up looks like a lock.

Ghost in the Shell, March 31 — Whitewashing controversy aside, the inclusion of Juliette Binoche and Takeshi Kitano catapults this live action remake of the cult anime from interesting to must-see status.

The Lost City of Z, April 21 — James Gray is easily one of America’s preeminent directors. This one has already played the festival circuit to raves and could very well be one of the movies we’re still talking about this time next year.

Dunkirk, July 21 — Christopher Nolan tackles the war genre with help from Kenneth Branaugh, Tom Hardy and Mark Rylance. A big, smart movie smack dab in the middle of another dumb blockbuster season.

Boulder Weekly

December 29, 2016 29

JANUARY Movie at the Symphony: Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone™ In Concert

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FREE COMMUNITY CONCERT

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TUE 7:30

Andres Lopera, conductor Admission is free, but tickets are required. Tickets available in person, at the Box Office beginning two weeks prior to the event.

S AT & SU N 9 AM - 3 PM

L U N C H TUE-FRI 11AM-3PM

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SUN-THR 5PM-9PM

F R I & S AT 5PM-10PM

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Christopher Dragon, conductor POPS

SAT 7:30

Christopher Dragon, conductor

Symphonic Firsts Conducted by Mark Wigglesworth

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Mark Wigglesworth, conductor MOZART Symphony No. 1 in E-flat major, K. 16 SCHUBERT Symphony No. 1 in D major, D. 82 BRAHMS Symphony No. 1 in C minor, Op. 68 INSIDE THE SCORE

Christopher Dragon, conductor

JAN 27-28 FRI-SAT 7:30

POPS

SAT 7:30

Peter and the Wolf FEB 12

FAMILY

SUN 1:00

Christopher Dragon, conductor Denver Young Artists Orchestra MASTERWORKS

Andre deRidder, conductor Nadia Sirota, viola MOZART Symphony No. 34 in C major, K 338 NICO MUHLY Viola Concerto STRAVINSKY Pétrouchka

FEB 25

SUN 1:00

Beethoven Symphony No. 9

FEB 11

Stewart Copeland with the Colorado Symphony

JAN 20-21 FRI-SAT 7:30

JAN 22

Byron Stripling What a Wonderful World: A Tribute to Louis Armstrong

FEB 17-18 FRI-SAT 7:30

A Night of Pops: Tribute to Leroy Anderson

Inside Symphonic Beginnings

Andrew Litton, conductor Olga Kern, piano RACHMANINOFF Piano Concerto No. 1 in F-sharp minor, Op. 1 SHOSTAKOVICH Symphony No. 7 in C major, Op. 60, “Leningrad”

Mozart and Stravinsky Conducted by deRidder

JAN 12 THU 7:30 JAN 13 FRI 7:30

JAN 14

MASTERWORKS

FRI-SAT 7:30

Andres Lopera, conductor Byron Stripling, trumpet/vocals

Gregory Alan Isakov with the Colorado Symphony: Reunion 578 Briggs Street Erie, CO 80516 303.828.1392

FEBRUARY Rachmaninoff Performed by Olga Kern

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Brett Mitchell, conductor Colorado Symphony Chorus, Duain Wolfe, director BEETHOVEN Symphony No. 1 in C major, Op. 21 BEETHOVEN Symphony No. 9 in D minor, Op. 125, “Choral”

MASTERWORKS

SAT 7:30

Brett Mitchell, conductor Stewart Copeland, trapset STRAVINSKY Suite from Pulcinella JOHN ADAMS The Chairman Dances STEWART COPELAND Tyrant’s Crush RAVEL La Valse

TICKETS

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box office 1000 14th St., No. 15, Denver, CO 80202 Boettcher Concert Hall at the Denver Performing Arts Complex

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The birth of a tradition

by Peter Alexander

F

or the second year running, the Boulder Chamber Baroque era is Palladio by Karl Jenkins. Written in 1995, the Orchestra (BCO) will reveal a young soloist at piece celebrates the Baroque architect Andrea Palladio, maktheir New Year’s Eve concert. Last year it was piaing use of Baroque string textures and structural principles. If nist Victor Shlyakhtenko, who played the Grieg you don’t know the name, you might recognize the music: Piano Concerto. This year, the soloist will be — Portions were used in a commercial for De Beers diamonds well, actually, I can’t tell you. on TV. Saless calls it “the diamond music.”

BCO conductor Bahman Saless likes surprises, so he will In keeping with the masquerade portion of the concert not announce the name of the soloist until he or she walks theme, there will be dance music from different eras, from on stage. “I think this is going to be a tradiBaroque dance types to a waltz by tion for sure, because I really love doing it,” Tchaikovsky. Nor will Strauss waltzes, the Saless says. “It’s a lot of fun!” traditional mainstay of New Year’s concerts, ON THE BILL: The concert will be at the Lakewood be entirely neglected: One part of the pro“Masquerade gone Cultural Center, a good distance from gram will include Strauss arranged for salon Baroque.” Boulder Boulder. But Saless says BCO selected that orchestra by, of all people, Arnold Chamber Orchestra, with Bahman Saless and surprise site because they couldn’t find a good space Schoenberg. soloist. 6:30 p.m. Saturday, in Boulder for New Year’s Eve. But you need not fear any atonal waltzDec. 31, Lakewood “It’s been a challenge to have these (New es. “They were arranged only instrumentalCultural Center, 470 S. Allison Parkway, Lakewood.

Year’s) concerts in Boulder, because of the ly, not harmonically,” Saless says, laughing.

Tickets: 303-987-7845, lack of venues” for that date, he explains. “So “They were written for European salons, or lakewood.showare.com/ we went through different communities so they could be performed in bars and resordertickets.asp?p=320 where we thought we could get a nice taurants.” venue.”

There is a long tradition of small cafe Lakewood turned out to be the choice, orchestras, in Vienna and other European and the BCO has played there for the past cities, playing arrangements of well-known six years. The hall is the right size for a chamber orchestra, pieces. These groups were usually only four or five players, and Saless says Lakewood’s professional staff offers excellent including violins, flute and clarinet, and sometimes piano or support. But because of the location, the concert gets a difharmonium. Bringing that repertoire to the Lakewood conferent audience than they usually have in Boulder. cert is a bit of an innovation for the BCO, but one that “I think very few people from Boulder actually come Saless is excited about. there,” Saless says. Nevertheless, he says, “every year it’s been “This is completely different from anything we’ve done almost sold out, and it’s wonderful to be able to do that. before, he says. “We’re going to see how the audiences like it.”

“I have talked to patrons that say, ‘We come to this conWith the 6:30 start time, the concert is over in time for cert every year, even though we don’t get to any of your other people to either go on to their late-night revels or drive concerts.’ So it’s got its own little cult.” Fitting for the occasafely home. And for those who didn’t plan ahead for their sion, the program is usually filled with fun music — past New Year’s toasts, the BCO sells bottles of wine at interperformances have included Strauss waltzes, music by the mission.

Danish light-classic composer Hans Christian Lumbye, One more thing about the mystery soloist: Saless and operetta excerpts, and similar musical pleasures.

BCO have not released the name, but they have named the This year’s program is titled “Masquerade goes Baroque.” piece. It is a Vivaldi violin concerto, but one that has been In contrast to previous years — and to traditional New Year’s arranged in several different forms, including one by J.S. concerts of Viennese music — most of the music will be Bach. So is this going to be something like the cellos being either from our about the Baroque era. It will include the replaced by trombones?

Vivaldi Concerto for Four Violins, played by soloists from Saless won’t say. the orchestra’s string section. And in a fun twist, the orches“We will continue our relationship with the Takács tra’s two trombone players will play a Vivaldi Concerto for Quartet,” he says. But then he adds: “Just don’t expect (first two cellos. violinist) Ed Dusinberre to stroll on stage to play the concerA contemporary piece that is about but not from the to.”

Boulder Weekly

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overtones Top 10 albums of 2016

by Alan Sculley

T

he year in music of 2016 always thought provoking, the seems likely to be rememTruckers address racial tensions and bered for its major losses. hostilities between police and minoriThis was a year when we ties, the rise of the National Rifle lost artists who were not Association and much more on a set merely stars, but icons whose albums of rockers and taut mid-tempo tracks helped shape entire genres of music: that are as musically powerful as the Prince, David Bowie, Merle Haggard, lyrics.

Leonard Cohen, Ralph Stanley and Maurice White (of Earth, Wind & 6) Dawes: We’re All Fire). We also said goodbye to Glen Gonna Die Frey, Leon Russell, Sharon Jones, On their fifth album, Dawes Dan Hicks, Chips Moman, Ernestine expand their sound while retaining This year, Beyoncé proved Anderson, Mose Allison, Paul their country-pop core. The group she has far more than just Kantner, Guy Clark and Stanley brings an electronic vibe to “One Of hot sauce in her bag.

Dural (Buckwheat Zydeco), to name Us” and “When The Tequila Runs a few, all artists who also made a real Out.” At the other end of the specimpact on music. Fortunately, when it came to the music trum, the delightful “As If By Design” feels jazzy with its itself, 2016 was a good year, with plenty of strong albums freewheeling piano fills and horns. The new elements may from some big names (including swan songs from Bowie and challenge long-time fans, but stick with this album and its Cohen) and artists whose popularity has never matched the quality and inventiveness really shine. quality of their work (Bob Mould, Dawes). Here are my picks for the top 10 albums of 2016: 7) Rolling Stones: Blue & Lonesome Fifty-plus years ago, the Stones helped introduce the pop 1) Beyoncé: Lemonade world to blues music by covering some of their favorite blues No album made more of a stir in 2016 than Lemonade. songs. Now the Stones have made their first true blues album, Beyoncé had a lot to say about resilience, self-pride and selfand this time, they bring a passion and an authenticity to determination, echoing such themes in songs like “Don’t Hurt these covers that only talent and years of exploring and expeYourself,” “Daddy Lessons” and “Freedom.” The music is as rience can produce. strong and focused as the lyrics, as Lemonade contains some of Beyoncé’s most addictive songs yet. This is a career-making 8) Kanye West: Life of Pablo album, something that seems odd to say considering Beyoncé West’s recent albums have seemed a bit too convoluted. was already the queen of hip-hop before Lemonade arrived.

Life Of Pablo remains ambitious, but its songs are more sharply drawn, a little more economical in their production yet still 2) David Bowie: Blackstar creative and unpredictable. A couple of tracks fall flat, but An innovator right until the end, Bowie’s Blackstar is eluLife of Pablo is a step in the right direction for the seemingly sive to categorize, but easy to enjoy. Its songs feel almost free- tortured, but undeniably creative West. form, their skittering rhythms pushing them through moments that range from striking beauty to gritty dissonance. 9) Radiohead: A Moon Shaped Pool Somehow it all coalesces into a focused and forceful album.

With A Moon Shaped Pool, Radiohead has made its prettiThe often-cryptic lyrics make several allusions to Bowie’s est, most soothing album, but one whose musical layers allow impending death, but don’t reveal a clear narrative or message. the songs to grow more potent with additional plays. By In some ways, Blackstar mirrors its creator’s enigmatic shape Radiohead standards, A Moon Shaped Pool might qualify as an shifting while remaining emotionally resonant and powerful. easy listen, but it’s also replete with the bold qualities we’ve come to expect from Radiohead.

3) Car Seat Headrest: Teens of Denial

At age 23, Will Toledo has now released 13 albums under the Car Seat Headrest moniker, and with Teens of Denial he’s made one of the year’s best indie rock albums. Stocked with concise rockers and a trio of epic tracks, Teens of Denial is a multi-faceted and frequently bracing work.

4) Chance The Rapper: Coloring Book This third mixtape from the Chicago native shines with its musical range and ambition, bending hip-hop boundaries with songs that incorporate elements of jazz (“All We Got”), New Orleans reverie (“Blessings”), gospel (“How Great”) and more.

5) Drive-By Truckers: American Band No album this year captured the political/social climate of the country better than American Band. Frequently angry and Boulder Weekly

10) Leonard Cohen: You Want It Darker Sounding like he knew You Want It Darker would be his final album, Cohen is his usual articulate and poetic self as he frequently ponders the regrets of life and relationships within songs that balance the lyrics with considerable beauty. The famously dour Cohen also gets in a last laugh with the zinger of an album title. In all seriousness, though, our world has become a bit darker with the loss of this masterful songwriter.

Honorable mentions Bob Mould: Patch The Sky; Green Day: Revolution Radio; Ty Segall: Emotional Mugger; Against Me!: Shape Shift With Me; Lucy Dacus: No Burden; Bonnie Raitt: Dig In Deep; Sturgill Simpson: A Sailor’s Guide to Earth; Mudcrutch: Mudcrutch 2; Robbie Fulks: Upland Stories; Miranda Lambert: The Weight of These Wings

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THURSDAY DECEMBER 29 12:00 PM

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BLACK HOLES: THE OTHER SIDE OF INFINITY 9:00 PM

LIQUID SKY: MAYNARD VS. REZNOR 10:30 PM

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performers speakers

Thursday, December 29 Music 80s Dance Party. 9:30 p.m. Bohemian Biergarten, 2017 13th St., Boulder, 720-328-8328.

Stepping Into the Unknown

Directed by MA Somatic Counseling students Erin Schweber and Jun Akiyama, “Terra Incognita” encourages participants to venture into the unknowable aspects of the creative process. This year’s concert presents 16 original explorations into the unmapped and unmappable territories of identity, privilege, relationships, possibility, fear, and hope.

While the creative process provides an experiment in exploring the self, performance allows the vulnerability of that process to be seen without knowing how it will be received. Each piece in this year’s concert represents an exploration into that vulnerability and a willingness to step into the unknown.

Similar to years past, the concert’s pieces include elements of dance, music, comedy, theatre, and visual art. While each piece maintains a uniqueness relative to its creator, they all share a common goal of artistic integrity and embodied performance. Showing up with full presence and “bodyfulness,” performers seek to invite the audience into the experience of each piece encouraging and allowing for a collective experience beyond just entertainment.

In conjunction with the show, a visual art silent auction will be on showcase.

All proceeds from the performance and art auction will benefit the MA Somatic Counseling scholarship fund.

David Booker. 6 p.m. Oskar Blues Home Made Liquids and Solids, 1555 S. Hover Road, Longmont, 303-485-9400.

DJ Tip Top. 10 p.m. Conor O’Neill’s, 1922 13th St., Boulder, 303-449-1922.

Mountain Meadow String Band.

6:30 p.m. St Julien Hotel & Spa, 900 Walnut St., Boulder, 720-406-9696.

The Nancy Walker Trio. 7 p.m.

Por Wine House, 836 1/2 Main St., Louisville, 970-259-3555.

Neil Bridge Trio With Karen Lee. 7:30 p.m. Nissi’s, 2675 Northpark Drive, Lafayette, 303-665-2757.

Open Mic. 6:30 p.m. Dickens Opera House, 300 Main St., Longmont, 720-297-6397.

Signal Test DJ Night. 10 p.m. Pioneer Inn, 15 E. First St., Nederland, 303-258-7733.

Western Skyline. 8 p.m. Jamestown Mercantile Cafe, 108 Main St., Jamestown, 303-442-5847.

Jan. 1, The Laughing Goat Coffeehouse, 709 Pearl St., Boulder, 303-440-4628.

CU vs. Okalahoma State. 6:30 p.m. Thursday, Dec. 29, Boulder Theater, 2032 14th St., Boulder, 303-786-7030.

Boulder in the Round. 7 p.m. Wednesday, Jan. 4, eTown Hall, 1535 Spruce St., Boulder, 303-443-8696.

The University of Wikimedia Commons/Nick Silkey Colorado football team has been through some rough years. But finally the Buffs have pulled it together with some talented players and clear guidance from Coach Mike MacIntyre.

Celebrate the Boulder team at the Boulder Theater, which will be screening the Alamo Bowl on Dec. 29. CU takes on Oklahoma in what will surely be a fun game to watch. Go Buffs!

On the first Wednesday of Courtesy of eTown every month, eTown invites four songwriters to play their tunes.

Local music in the community is always a worthy event, but the show will also be accompanied by live painting. This Wednesday, Dechen Hawn stops by eTown.

After the passing of his father, Hawk turned to songwriting for solace.

He’s spent more than two decades performing all across the country and internationally. Stop by for a night of wonderful, locally curated music.

January 27, 8:00 p.m.

January 28th, 2:00 p.m. & 8:00 p.m.

Courtesy of Nissi’s

Performing Arts Center 2130 Arapahoe Ave Boulder, CO 80302

Jerry & Joy. 6:30 p.m. Thursday, Dec. 29, Nissi’s, 2675 Northpark Drive, Lafayette, 303-665-2757.

Jerry and Joy boast a strong friendship. And friendship is a great foundation for musical fusion. Together their voices blend to create easy listening, coupled with Jerry’s strong guitar skills. This Denver-based band takes influences from metal bands to musicals. Jerry’s a Denver native, while Joy hails from Louisiana — together they create a sound that will keep you dancing all night long. Free admission.

Jam

For more information

RICK PERRY. 8 p.m. Sunday,

Listen

erra Incognita

Bluegrass Jam. 7 p.m. Front Range Brewing, 400 W. South Boulder Road, Unit 1650, Lafayette, 303-339-0767.

SEE FULL EVENT LISTINGS ONLINE. To have an event considered for the calendar, send information to calendar@ boulderweekly. com. Please be sure to include address, date, time and phone number associated with each event. The deadline for consideration is Thursday at noon the week prior to publication. Boulder Weekly does not guarantee the publication of any event.

Cheer

events

Audiomedz. 6 p.m. Wibby Brewing, 209 Emery St., Longmont, 303-776-4594.

and tickets visit naropa.edu/events

34 December 29, 2016

Boulder Weekly

New Year’s Eve Guide BOULDER:

The String Cheese Incident — Born in 1993 in Colorado’s Rocky Mountains, The String Cheese Incident has since released several studio and live recordings from their relentless tour schedule.

Their shows are packed full of surreal experiences, epic moments and groundbreaking involvement.

8 p.m. 1stBank Center, 11450 Broomfield Lane, Broomfield, 303410-0700. $82.50-87.

St Julien Hotel & Spa Presents: A Toast to 2017! New Year’s Eve Party — To ring in 2017, St Julien will offer guests and locals an evening of bubbly, balloon drops, food and music from Quemando, Honeycomb and DJ Max Antoine. 9 p.m. St Julien Hotel and Spa, 900 Walnut St., Boulder, $95 per adult, $160 per couple.

The Motones — A special one-night concert featuring The Motones, who boast a songbook packed with retro songs from the likes of TheJackson 5 to The Temptations to some current hits with a Motown twist. Admission includes an appetizer plate, dinner, party favors, a bottle of champagne for two and dancing on stage to celebrate the New Year. 6:30 p.m. BDT Stage, 5501 Arapahoe Ave., Boulder, 303-449-6000.

NYE! Gramophone in Space — Hit Bohemian Biergarten at 10 p.m. to ring in 2017 with a funky future dance party. The night will feature tunes from Bobby C Sound TV with Gangsterish. Bohemian Biergarten, 2017 13th St., Boulder, 720-328-8328.

New Year’s Eve with Lady and the Gentlemen. 10 p.m. The Lazy Dog Sports Bar & Grill, 1346 Pearl St., Boulder, 303-440-3355. Free.

New Year’s Eve Dance Party — Greet the New Year with a night filled with fun. Head to the Avalon Ballroom for a dance party, with American Vernacular Dance, featuring swing, sala, bachata, kizomba and ballroom. Complimentary champagne toast at midnight. 7:30 p.m. The Avalon Ballroom, 6185 Arapahoe Road, Boulder, 303-440-8303. $35 advanced, $45 at the door.

New Year’s Eve at The Dirty Baroque Ball — Get ready for a night of powdered wigs, masked courtiers and surprises around every corner. Expect a night of shenanigans filled with champagne, music and a 17th-century French painting photobooh. All proceeds benefit BMoCa’s exhibitions and programs. 9:30 p.m.

BMoCA, 1750 13th St., Boulder, 303-443-2122. $35-55.

New Year’s Eve: Five Parties Under One Roof — The Hotel Boulderado offers a plethora of parties to choose from this New Year’s Eve. Between The Event Center, The Mezzanine, Spruce, Licence No. 1 and The Corner Bar, enjoy music, DJs, drinks, food, entertainment, balloon drops, toasts and other surprises. 5 p.m.

Hotel Boulderado, 2115 13th St., Boulder, 303-4424344. Free at The Corner Bar, $25-145.

New Year’s Eve Throwdown Mimosa & Vibe Street — Mimosa is a staple in the West Coast EDM scene. He’ll be joined by Denver-based Vibe Street, who describes his genre as “Grass-Hop/Future-Folk.”

Also hitting the New Year’s Eve stage will be Love and Light & Jade Cicada. 8:30 p.m. Fox Theatre, 1128 13th St., Boulder, 720-645-2467. All ages. $20-32.

Shine’s Free Magical Forest New Years Eve Party — This NYE, Shine offers up a mystical magical forest at Shine. Dress as your favorite magic maker and conjure up some good fortune for 2017. Enjoy seasonal meal options and specials. Dance to music from DJ Jahsonic. 8 p.m. Shine Restaurant and Gathering Place, 2027 13th St., Boulder, 303-449-0120. Free.

Yonder Mountain String Band — With their traditional lineup of instruments, the band may look like a traditional bluegrass band at first glance, but they’ve created their own music that transcends any genre.

Ring in the New Year with this local favorite. 8 p.m.

Boulder Theater, 2032 14th St., Boulder, 303-7867030. $65-85.

EAST COUNTY: Kerry Pastine & The Crime Scene — It’s Deviant Dale’s release party. Come grab a brew, eat some grub, toast at midnight and have a rockin’ time. 7 p.m. Oskar Blues Home Made Liquids and Solids, 1555 S. Hover Road, Longmont, 303-485-9400.

DENVER:

NYE 2017, Casino Royale Ball, Flatirons Jazz Orchestra — Swing dancing with The Flatirons Jazz Orchestra, featuring Deborah Stafford. Ticket price includes champagne, food, balloons, top hats and party favors. There will also be gambling tables with professional dealers. Each guest receives $100 in chips with ticket purchase, and more chips will be available by donating to Dicken’s nonprofit beneficiary, Our Center. 9 p.m. Dickens Opera House, 300 Main St., Longmont, 303-834-9384. $100.

New Year’s Eve ParTay — Oskar Blues wants to celebrate the fact we’ve survived 2016 with not a party but a par-tay. Enjoy a tap takeover with Periodic Brewing and life music from Halden Wofford & the Hi*Beams. Scarf down some prime rib and wash it down with a complimentary glass of champagne. 9 p.m. Oskar Blues Grill & Brew, 303 Main St., Lyons, 303-823-6685.

New Year’s Eve Party — WOW! Children’s Museum’s annual New Year’s Eve party is back with two parties again this year. Ring in 2016 a few hours early with noise maker crafts, face painting, family photo station, music from Kristen McLean and countdown to the New Year. 10 a.m. and 1 p.m. WOW! Children’s Museum, 110 N. Harrison Ave., Lafayette, 303-6042424. $5-10, infants get in free.

New Year’s Eve Featuring Mass Hipsteria — Two shows, two seatings. First show includes threecourse dinner and show from 6:30-9:30 p.m. Second show rings in the New Year. Denver’s Mass Hipsteria draws inspiration from the legacy of horn bands that came before it. They will make sure you’re up and boogying the whole night long. 6:30 and 10 p.m.

Nissi’s, 2675 Northpark Drive, Lafayette, 303-6652757. $35-70.

Noon Year’s Eve Party — Kids can’t stay up until midnight? Come join us for a Noon Year’s Eve party to remember. Family fun for all ages, featuring the magic of Erica Sodos and balloon creations from Bongo, plus a sparkling cider toast and a balloon drop at noon. 10:30 a.m. The Family Garden, 600 S. Airport Road, Suite B, Longmont, 303-678-1144. $5 per family pre registration and $10 at the door.

Grizzly Rose New Years Eve — Featuring Nathan Dean and The Dam Band, a free midnight breakfast buffet, balloon drop, a toast of champagne and a chance to win thousands of dollars in cash and prizes.

8 p.m. Grizzly Rose, 5450 N. Valley Highway, Denver, 303-295-1330. $20.

New Year’s Eve Countdown Party — The new New Year’s Eve tradition downtown includes three parties on three floors. Check out a Great Hall Silent DJ Party, a Gallery Level Speak Easy or head over to the Cooper Lounge. 8 p.m. Union Station Great Hall and Terminal Hall, 1701 Wynkoop St., Denver, 303-592-6712.

New Year’s Eve Fireworks — Ring in the New Year with fireworks that light up the 16th Street Mall. 9 p.m. and midnight, 16th Street Mall, Denver. Free.

Noon Year’s Eve — Ring in 2017 in classic Noon Year’s Eve style with ball drops and coutdowns every hour. Plus there will be rainbow confetti, bubble wrap fireworks, art projects, music, performances and stories. 9 a.m. Children Museum of Denver, 2121 Children’s Museum Drive, Denver, 303-433-7444.

Zoo Year’s Eve — A celebration for the entire family.

Enjoy the annual Zoo Lights installation and a countdown to the New Year at 9 p.m., so your kiddos can get in the spirit but also get to bed early. 5:30 p.m.

Denver Zoo, 2300 Steele St., Denver, 303-337-1400.

Included with Zoo Lights admission.

New Year’s Eve Party Drink Drank PUNK. 10 p.m. Pioneer Inn, 15 E. First St. Nederland, 303258-7733.

GOLDEN:

Live Music. 9 p.m. Hoffbrau, 9110 Wadsworth Parkway, Westminister, 303-422-7755.

Discovery Beer: New Beginings Biere de Champagne — With music from Jim Jamm Jimmy, food trucks and a special beer tapping. 8 p.m. Odyssey Beerwerks, 5535 W. 56th Ave., Suite 107, Arvada, 303-421-0772.

KARAOKE

EVERY THURSDAY 8pm-Midnight

DJ Done

Fri. Dec 30 • 9pm-1am

Ring in The New Year Central Style — Central is offering a four-course meal with choices to fit any palate.

4:30 p.m. Central Bistro & Bar, 1691 Central St., Denver, 303-477-4582.

New Year’s Eve Dance Party — Featuring the Gasoline Lollipops with special guests Los Primos Melodicos de Santa Fe. The fun starts with The Sweet Lillies. Tickets include a dinner buffet and beads. 6 p.m. Gold Hill Inn, 401 Main St., Gold Hill, 303-443-6461. Admission is $33. Cash bar.

BROOMFIELD/WESTMINSTER/ARVADA:

Thankstifnogr us vo e Besto Plac t !

Play Pool

Resolution New Year’s Eve — Multiple parties take over two floors of the Curtis Hotel. Open bar and a view of the fireworks on 16th Street Mall. 8 p.m. The Curtis Hotel, 1405 Curtis St., Denver, 303-571-0300. $79-99.

MOUNTAIN TOWNS:

New Year’s Eve with Jaden Carlson Band with DIGG Band. 8 p.m. Stage Stop, 60 Main St., Rollinsville, 303-258-0649.

WE OFFER Large Menu Selection & Daily Specials Daily Drink Specials 28 Taps & Large Selection of Craft Beers 16 Large Screen TVs • 8 Billiard Tables Dart Boards • Video Games

The Yawpers. 8:30 p.m. The Oriental Theater, 4335 W. 44th Ave., Denver, 720-420-0030. $10-30.

White Rose Gala — A 1920s-themed celebration where attendees can enjoy swing, big band and more across multiple levels and balconies. Listen to the tunes from several DJs, and Je Te’aime Swing Band will perform live, plus a variety of other musical genres to have you dancing all night long. 9 p.m. Ellie Caulkins Opera House, Denver Performing Arts Complex, 1101 13th St., Denver, 303-893-4100. $79-299.

Psycho X and The Grind. 7 p.m. Jake’s Roadhouse, 5980 Lamar St., Arvada, 303-424-7266.

Free.

Boulder Weekly

New Year’s Eve with Monty Franklin — Start 2017 off with laughter. 6, 8 and 10 p.m., Comedy Works, 1226 15th St., Denver, 303-595-3637. $25-55.

PROUD SPONSOR

Austin Young Band and My Blue Sky — Colorado native Austin Lee Young started playing guitar at 12 years old and hasn’t stopped rocking since. He’ll be joined by fellow Colorado players My Blue Sky, which plays a mixture of rock, jazz and blues. Joining them on stage will be award-winning Gunslinger. 9 p.m. Buffalo Rose, 1119 Washington Ave., Golden, 303-278-6800. $15-35.

New Year’s Eve — To ring in a delicious new year, Bridgewater Grill is offering a three-course dinner or dinner and wine paring. 6 p.m. Bridgewater Grill, 800 11th St., Golden, 303-279-2010. $63-72.

New Year’s Eve Party — Head to In the Zone for live music from Checkered Past. 9 p.m. In the Zone, 15600 W. 44th Ave., Golden, 303-279-3888. see EVENTS Page 36

Happy Hour

Monday-Friday 4pm-6pm 1/2 Price Draft & Domestic Beers 1/2 Price Select Appetizers

Free Pool

(9’ Tables) During Happy Hour and All Day Sunday NOW SERVING

Saturday & Sunday Brunch 11am-3pm

380 Main St. Longmont, CO 303-772-3839

longmontrestaurants.co December 29, 2016 35

events

EVENTS from Page 35

words

Events DJ Petey. 8 p.m. Boulder House, 1109 Walnut St., Boulder, 303-997-4108.

Hike for Seniors. 10 a.m. Group Shelter, Rabbit Mountain Open Space, Boulder, 303-678-6200.

Nature Detectives: Ptarmigans Pteach about Camouflage. 10 a.m. South Trailhead, Heil Valley Ranch Open Space, Boulder.

Live Entertainment Nightly at our 1709 Pearl St location

Friday, December 30

THURSDAY DECEMBER 29 8PM

Amy Francis. 7 p.m. Por Wine House, 836 1/2 Main St., Louisville, 970-259-3555.

HAYES DUNN - CHILL ELECTRONIC JAMS FRIDAY DECEMBER 30

ELLEN SEVIGNY 8PM ABBY LITMAN 9PM GOATS WITH HEADLAMPS 10PM SATURDAY DECEMBER 31

CLOSING AT 6PM SUNDAY JANUARY 1

RICK PERRY

(FROM ASHES OF FOLLY) 8PM

BAY BRYAN

(WITH SMALL BAND) 9PM MONDAY JANUARY 2 8PM “So, You’re a Poet,” presents

NEW YEAR’S DAY GALA POETRY MARATHON READING OF OUR 30TH YEAR OF POETRY READINGS TUESDAY JANUARY 3 8PM

THE MATT HUMAN TRIO WEDNESDAY JANUARY 4 8PM

PURPLE SQUIRREL THURSDAY JANUARY 5

JOSHUA VANACHORN 8PM BRYCE MERRITT 9PM THE NICK MILLER PROJECT 10PM Happy Hour 4-8 Every Day THELAUGHINGGOAT.COM 36 December 29, 2016

Music All Hat No Horse. 6 p.m. Very Nice Brewing Company, 20 Lakeview Drive, Suite 112, Nederland, 303-258-3770.

Broken Land. 8:30 p.m. Oskar Blues Home Made Liquids and Solids, 1555 S. Hover Road, Longmont, 303-485-9400.

Caribou Mountain Collective with Steepland String Band. 10 p.m. The Lazy Dog, 1346 Pearl St., Boulder, 303-440-3355.

The Chasing. 7 p.m. SKEYE Brewing, 900 S. Hover St., Unit D, Longmont, 303-774-7698.

Contraband. 10 p.m. Conor O’Neill’s, 1922 13th St., Boulder, 303-449-1922.

Dan and Yoshi. 6 p.m. Upslope Brewing Company (Lee Hill), 1501 Lee Hill Road, Suite 20, Boulder, 508-873-9185.

Danny Shafer. 5 p.m. Pearl Street Pub, 1108 Pearl St., Boulder, 303-777-6768.

Denny Driscoll. 6 p.m. St. Vrain Cidery, 3525 State Highway 119, Longmont, 303-678-9402.

Eben Grace Trio. 5 p.m. Oskar Blues Tasty Weasel Tap Room, 1800 Pike Road, Unit B, Longmont, 303-776-1914.

EVE of NYE at Biergarten! 10 p.m.

Bohemian Biergarten, 2017 13th St., Boulder, 720-328-8328.

Good Manners Quartet. 6:30 p.m. St Julien Hotel & Spa, 900 Walnut St., Boulder, 720-4069696.

Gumbo Le Funque, Kirbatron. 8 p.m.

Boulder House, 1109 Walnut St., Boulder, 303-997-4108.

Susan France

Monday, Jan. 1 “So, You’re a Poet” Open Poetry Reading. 8 p.m. The Laughing Goat Coffeehouse, 1709 Pearl St., Boulder, 303-440-4628.

Tuesday, Jan. 3 Innisfree Weekly Open Poetry Reading. 7 p.m. Innisfree Poetry Bookstore & Cafe, 1301 Pennsylvania Ave., Boulder, 303-495-3303.

Start the year off right and stop by Innisfree for their weekly poetry reading.

Resonant Rogues. 6 p.m. Jamestown Mercantile Cafe, 108 Main St., Jamestown, 303-442-5847.

Happy Hour Live Jazz. 5:30 p.m. Tandoori Grill South, 619 S. Broadway, Boulder, 303-543-7339.

Swing Je T’aime. 7 p.m. Caffe Sole, 637R S. Broadway St., Boulder, 303-499-2985.

Hobo Swagger & Sugar Mill Sunset. 5 p.m.

Left Hand Brewing Company, 1265 Boston Ave., Longmont, 303-772-0258.

Yonder Mountain String Band. 9 p.m. Boulder Theater, 2032 14th St., Boulder, 303-786-7030.

Saturday, December 31 Music The Alcapones. 10 p.m. Conor O’Neill’s, 1922 13th St., Boulder, 303-449-1922.

Jackson Cloud Band. 9 p.m. Grossen Bart Brewery, 1025 Delaware Ave., Longmont, 214770-9847.

Jaden Carlson Band With DIGG Band. 8 p.m.

Stage Stop, 60 Main St., Rollinsville, 303-258-0649.

Antonio Lopez Trio. 8:30 p.m. The Roost, 526 Main St., Longmont, 303-827-3380.

Kerry Pastine and the Crime Scene. 8:30 p.m.

Oskar Blues Home Made Liquids and Solids, 1555 S. Hover Road, Longmont, 303-485-9400.

The Band of Heathens. 7:30 p.m. The Caribou Room, 55 Indian Peaks Drive, Nederland.

Lady and The Gentlemen. 10 p.m. The Lazy Dog, 1346 Pearl St., Boulder, 303-440-3355.

Casino Royale Ball. 8 p.m. Dickens Opera House, 300 Main St., Longmont, 720-297-6397.

Mimosa & Vibe Street. 8 p.m. The Fox Theatre, 1135 13th St., Boulder, 720-645-2467.

Cat Jerky. 4:30 p.m. Oskar Blues Tasty Weasel Tap Room, 1800 Pike Road, Unit B, Longmont, 303-776-1914.

New Year’s Eve with Mass Hipsteria. 6:30 p.m. Nissi’s, 2675 Northpark Drive, Lafayette, 303-665-2757.

Dave Fulker Quartet. 7 p.m. Caffe Sole, 637R S. Broadway St., Boulder, 303-499-2985.

The Prairie Scholars. 9 p.m. Oskar Blues CyclHOPS, 600 S. Airport Road, Longmont, 303776-BIKE.

theater

Courtesy of DCPA/AdamsVisCom

Vibe Street. 9 p.m. Fox Theatre, 1135 13th St., Boulder, 720-645-2467.

An Act of God. Denver Performing Arts Complex, 1345 Champa St., Denver, 720865-4239. Through March 12.

Finding Neverland. Denver Performing Arts Complex, 1345 Champa St., Denver, 720-865-4239. Through Jan. 1.

Thoroughly Modern Millie. BDT Stage, 5501 Arapahoe Ave., Boulder, 303-4496000. Through Feb. 25.

Rogue 2. 8 p.m. Liquid Mechanics Brewing Company, 297 U.S. 287, Lafayette, 720-5507813.

The big guy upstairs stars in his own show, An Act of God, now playing through March 12 at DCPA.

Yonder Mountain String Band. 9 p.m.

Boulder Theater, 2032 14th St., Boulder, 303-786-7030.

Events

Andrew Wynne’s Pre-New Year’s Eve Apres Ski Party. 1 p.m.

Ski Eldora (Corona Bar), 2861 Eldora Ski Road, Suite 140, Eldora Mountain Resort, Nederland, 303-440-8700.

Hwy 50 & Howlin’ Goatz. 8 p.m. Dickens Opera House, 300 Main St., Longmont, 720-2976397.

Dimitri y Rheanna. 9 p.m. Johnny’s Cigar Bar, 1801 13th St., Boulder, 303-449-0884.

Kronen, The Rompers, The Wild Gnomes, Crystal Jungles. 7 p.m. Cosmic Collective, 5461 Western Ave., Unit B, Boulder.

DJ Knives, Top Flite Empire and Victor Niglio.

8 p.m. Boulder House, 1109 Walnut St., Boulder, 303-997-4108.

Lee Johnson. 7:30 p.m. Oskar Blues CyclHOPS, 600 S. Airport Road, Longmont, 303-776-BIKE.

Gasoliine Lollipops. 7:30 p.m. Gold Hill Inn, 401 Main St., Boulder, 303-443-6461.

New Years Eve Supernova. 9 p.m. Mandala Infusion, 4479 North Broadway, Boulder, 720-370-5800.

Lionel Young Band. 7:30 p.m. Nissi’s, 2675 Northpark Drive, Lafayette, 303-665-2757.

Get UR Goat. 9 p.m. SKEYE Brewing, 900 S. Hover St., Unit D, Longmont,

Megan Burtt. 8:30 p.m. The Roost, 526 Main St., Longmont, 303-827-3380.

303-774-7698.

Saturday Morning Groove. 10:30 a.m. Free Motion Dance Studio, 2126 Pearl St., Boulder, 720-379-8299.

Rachel Ann Harding. 6:30 p.m. Still Cellars, 1115 Colorado Ave., Longmont, 720-204-6064.

Gramophone in Space With Bobby C Sound TV & Gangsterish. 10 p.m. Bohemian Biergarten, 2017 13th St., Boulder, 720-328-8328.

Ragged Union New Years Eve. 8:30 p.m.

Oskar Blues Brewery, 303 Main St., Lyons, 303-823-6685.

Halden Wofford & the Hi*Beams. 8:30 p.m.

Oskar Blues Brewery, 303 Main St., Lyons, 303823-6685.

DJ Stretch. 9 p.m. The Speakeasy, 301 Main St., Longmont, 720-684-4728.

Sunday, January 1 Music Acoustic Jam. 3 p.m. Conor O’Neill’s, 1922 13th St., Boulder, 303-449-1922. see EVENTS Page 38

Boulder Weekly

Boulder Weekly

December 29, 2016 37

events

arts Kelly Shroads Photography

Bodacioussss. Museum of Contemporary Art, 1485 Delgany St., Denver, 303-298-7554.

Through Jan. 29.

Colorado Lowriders. Longmont Museum, 400 Quail Road, Longmont, 303-651-8374. Through May 31.

Glory of Venice. Denver Art Museum, 100 W. 14th Ave. Parkway, Denver, 720-865-5000.

Through Feb. 12.

HOVAB: Evolving Visions of Land and Landscape. Boulder Museum of Contemporary Art, 1750 13th St., 303-443-2122. Through Jan. 5.

Joan Jordan. Community Art Program Gallery, NCAR, 1850 Table Mesa Drive, Boulder, 303-4971174. Through Feb. 3.

Ladies and Gentlemen Meet the Dramastics — Nathan Carter. Museum of Contemporary Art, 1485 Delgany St., Denver, 303-298-7554.

Through Jan. 29.

Of Earth: Boulder Potters’ Guild. The Dairy Arts Center, 2590 Walnut St., Boulder, 303-4407826. Through Jan. 8.

Olga Karpeisky. Community Art Program Gallery, NCAR, 1850 Table Mesa Drive, Boulder, 303-4971174. Through Feb. 3.

On Desert Time. Denver Art Museum, 100 W. 14th Ave. Parkway, Denver, 720-865-5000.

Through Jan. 8.

Pioneers: Women Artists in Boulder, 18981950. CU Art Museum, 1085 18th St., Boulder, 303-492-8300. Through Feb. 4.

For their winter exhibit, NCAR features the work of Russian-born, Colorado artist Olga Karpeisky.

Through Feb. 3.

Uncommon Clay. The Arts Longmont Gallery, 356 Main St., Longmont, 303-678-7869.

Through Dec. 23.

Shockwave. Denver Art Museum, 100 W. 14th Ave. Parkway, Denver, 720-865-5000. Through May 28.

Star Wars and the Power of Costume.

Denver Art Museum, 100 W. 14th Ave. Parkway, Denver, 720-865-5000. Through April 2.

States of Men — George Strasburger. The Dairy Arts Center, 2590 Walnut St., Boulder, 303440-7826. Through Jan. 15.

Words are Leaves — Kim Dickey. Museum of Contemporary Art, 1485 Delgany St., Denver, 303-298-7554. Through Jan. 29.

EVENTS from Page 36

Bay Bryan. 9 p.m. The Laughing Goat Coffeehouse, 1709 Pearl St., Boulder, 303-440-4628.

Bluegrass Pick. 12 p.m. Oskar Blues Home Made Liquids and Solids, 1555 S. Hover Road, Longmont, 303-485-9400.

Open Mic. 9 p.m. Pioneer Inn, 15 E. First St., Nederland, 303-258-7733.

Foggy Tops. 6 p.m. Upslope Brewing Company (Flatiron Park), 1898 S. Flatiron Court, Boulder, 508-873-9185.

Open Mic with The Prairie Scholars. 6 p.m.

SKEYE Brewing, 900 S. Hover St., Unit D, Longmont, 303-774-7698.

Perry from Ashes Of Folly. 8 p.m. The Laughing Goat Coffeehouse, 1709 Pearl St., Boulder, 303-440-4628.

Wednesday, January 4

Events Hawaiian Hula Classes. 5 p.m. The Dairy Arts Center, 2590 Walnut St., Boulder, 303-447-9772.

Monday, January 2 Music Bluegrass Jam. 7:30 p.m. 12Degree Brewing, 820 Main St., Louisville.

Danny Evans Duo. 9 p.m. Pearl Street Pub, 1108 Pearl St., Boulder, 303-777-6768.

Jus Sayin with Dechen Hawk. 9:30 p.m.

Southern Sun Pub & Brewery, 627 S. Broadway, Boulder, 303-543-0886.

Upslope Open Mic. 7 p.m. Upslope Brewing Company (Lee Hill), 1501 Lee Hill Road, Suite 20, Boulder, 508-873-9185.

Events Movement Mondays. 7 p.m. Free Motion Dance Studio, 2126 Pearl St., Boulder, 720-379-8299.

Tuesday, January 3 Music Bluegrass Jam. 8 p.m. Oskar Blues Brewery, 1800 Pikes Road, Unit B, Longmont, 303-823-6685.

38 December 29, 2016

The Matt Human Trio. 8 p.m. The Laughing Goat Coffeehouse, 1709 Pearl St., Boulder, 303-440-4628.

Music Ben Hammond. 6:30 p.m. Rayback Collective, 2775 Valmont Road, Boulder.

Blues Night. 10 p.m. Pioneer Inn, 15 E. First St., Nederland, 303-258-7733.

Boulder In-the-Round. 6 p.m. eTown Hall, 1535 Spruce St., Boulder, 303-443-8696.

Bourbon & Blues with The Dirty Shoes Band.

7:30 p.m. Nissi’s, 2675 Northpark Drive, Lafayette, 303-665-2757.

Open Mic. 6:30 p.m. Cannon Mine Coffee, 210 S. Public Road, Lafayette, 303-665-0625.

Open Stage. 7:30 p.m. Oskar Blues Home Made Liquids and Solids, 1555 S. Hover Road, Longmont, 303-485-9400.

Purple Squirrel. 8 p.m. The Laughing Goat Coffeehouse, 1709 Pearl St., Boulder, 303-440-4628.

Tilia Americana. 6 p.m. St. Vrain Cidery, 3525 State Highway 119, Longmont, 303-678-9402.

Events Video Camera Basics. 6 p.m. Boulder Digital Arts Studio, 1600 Range St., Suite 100, Boulder, 303-800-4647.

Boulder Weekly

GIFT STORE FURNITURE HOME FURNISHINGS Wikimedia Commons/Vincent Van Gogh

STORE CLOSING • EVERYTHING MUST GO!

CLOSING DEC. 30

901 Front Street n

old town louiSville n

Astronomer

by Rachel Richardson

303-666-7864 n

WWW.THEFUZZYANTLER.COM

HourS:

Mon-tHu 11:00aM - 6pM

n Fri 11:00aM - 8pM

n Sat 10:00aM - 8pM

n Sun 12:00pM - 4pM

A child climbs into a cardboard house, shuts its doors and windows to hold in the dark, and lies on her back inside, looking up through its cut-out moon and stars. She knows she is not looking at the sky. But she calls out, still, It’s nighttime! I’m looking at the sky!

American Life in Poetry: Column 611: What would our lives be like if we didn’t have imagination? Here’s a poem by Rachel Richardson, who lives in California, from her book, Hundred-Year Wave, from Carnegie Mellon University Press. — Ted Kooser, U.S. Poet Laureate We do not accept unsolicited submissions. American Life in Poetry is made possible by The Poetry Foundation (www.poetryfoundation.org), publisher of Poetry magazine. It is also supported by the Department of English at the University of Nebraska-Lincoln.

Poem copyright ©2016 by Rachel Richardson, “Astronomer,” from Hundred-Year Wave, (Carnegie Mellon University Press, 2016). Poem reprinted by permission of Rachel Richardson and the publisher. Introduction copyright © 2016 by The Poetry Foundation.

The introduction’s author, Ted Kooser, served as United States Poet Laureate Consultant in Poetry to the Library of Congress from 2004-2006.

Boulder Weekly

December 29, 2016 39

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educed to butt-baring eye candy, Passengers feels like Chris Pratt was made to do a Game of Thrones-esque “Walk of Shame.” What’s that, Chris? You want to be a super-duper, dimple-chinned movie hunk?

Bend over and bore us while your once-charismatic baby blues go fully dead inside. Now you’re a star! Passengers is space trash encircled with a misogynistic take-home message that requires spoilers to discuss. As a rule, I don’t do spoilers... but I am for this one (later) because screw Passengers and the “love your abuser” horse it rode to death and then repeatedly beat.

Pratt plays Jim Preston, who is the goddamn worst. He’s on a spaceship bound for a new colony and is accidentally woken up from hibernation 90 years early. This sucks for Jim, who is seriously the goddamn worst. The first hour is Castaway in space. Except director Morten Tyldum — which is a real name and not a penname designed to protect whoever perpetrated this hacky suckfest — doesn’t allow Pratt to deploy any of his profound likeability. So you get to watch a boring dick grow a beard for the first half of the movie.

Then Lawrence shows up. Her character is Aurora Lane, which is a precisely perfect name for a character who exists as a figment of the straight male gaze. The number of times Aurora is preposterously placed into situations where her clothes must come off would be appalling but If it wasn’t enough for Jennifer Lawrence and Chris Pratt to be stuck in a movie that is inherently unlikable, the “moral quasi-impressive if it of the story” here is totally reprehensible. didn’t read like barfy “Red Pill” fanfic. This is gonna sound crazy, but the two fall in love, then have a problem, then work together and reconcile. Also, Michael Sheen is forced to watch all this shit as a legless robot chained to a bar. Presumably this is punishment for Sheen’s agreeing to star in the Twilight series.

Nothing works in Passengers. The premise is shut-yo-damn-mouth preposterous, the visuals are “Yeah, I’ve seen 2001 and every other sci-fi movie since, too” uninspired and the two leads are bound and gagged by the sadist caricatures they’re trapped inside. It is never charming. It is never clever. It is never sexy. And that last one is particularly important to reiterate. Why? Here come spoilers.

A little less than halfway through, Jim makes the decision to wake up Aurora from hibernation. He confines her to die on a spaceship with him because he thinks she’s cute. The naked message in the film then is “ladies, even if a man does literally the worst thing possible to you, forgive him. Forgive him or die alone like the sad spinster you fear becoming.” Nothing Jim could say or do could forgive this sociopathic action, but it’s only that much more insulting to women that he’s a boring nothing-person who is, for real here, the supreme goddamn worst.

Passengers is morally reprehensible and functionally inert. It is anti-entertaining and potent nightmare fuel for anyone who dares think women have agency outside of finding a nice man. A nuclear reactor failure factors into the climax of the film. I rooted so hard for that reactor failure. So hard.

This review previously appeared in The Reader of Omaha, Nebraska.

www.frontrangemeats.market 40 December 29, 2016

Boulder Weekly

film You’re gonna carry that weight a long time ‘Fences’ leaps from the stage and onto the screen

by Michael J. Casey

T

he world has not been kind to Troy Maxson (Denzel Washington).

ON THE BILL: Fences.

Century Boulder, 1700 29th Though he had outstanding talent St., Boulder, 303-444-0583. on the baseball diamond, he couldn’t Tickets start at $7.65, break the color barrier of the majors cinemark.com the way Jackie Robinson did, despite a high batting average. Troy knows that his failure is because “the white man” controls the game, but his wife, Rose (Viola Davis), quietly reminds him that maybe baseball wasn’t interested in someone who was over 40. That makes no-never-mind to Troy. What matters is his ability to hold court in his backyard for his oldest friend, Bono (Stephen Henderson) and their trusty Friday pint of vodka.

Troy proclaims to not need the bottle, saying that he only drinks a pint after work on Fridays with Bono, but as stories will out, Troy’s brushes with alcoholism become clearer. On Saturdays, while his wife is at church, Troy heads down to the local bar to listen to the game, but staggers home after one too many, puffy and soft with a large potbelly from a lifetime of letting go.

Other than bringing Rose his garbage man pay every Friday, Troy contributes little to their Pittsburg home. He talks constantly about building a fence around the yard, but he procrastinates the actual work required, blaming his absent son, Cory ( Jovan Adepo), for not helping.

Most build fences to keep others out Fences showcases some of the finest acting but in Troy’s case, that fence might we will see all year. be to keep him in.

Fences is the third time Washington has stepped behind the camera, and, thankfully, he has yet to shy away from the front. Fewer actors are as captivating as Washington, and when he bites into a story, he makes a five-course meal out of it.

Adapted from the 1983 stage play from August Wilson, Fences is almost nothing but stories. As to be expected from an actor who directs, the film showcases some of the finest acting we’ll see all year long. Washington excels, Davis is outstanding — both won Tonys for the stage revival in 2010 — Henderson, Adepo and Russell Hornsby (as Troy’s adult son from a previous marriage) are all compelling and go toe-to-toe with the hurricane that is Denzel.

The only sour note is Gabriel (Mykelti Williamson), Troy’s brother who suffered a head injury in World War II and now has a metal plate where his skull should be. How he has become Troy’s burden contributes to the narrative, but Williamson’s simpleton approach to the character is uncomfortable at best and offensive at worst.

Gabriel isn’t the only knock against Fences. There is a quality to the movie that feels like a filmed play, but Washington brings his material closer to classic Hollywood by presenting scenes in long takes with deep focus. Washington captures all the player’s actions and reactions in the same frame. Washington’s greatest asset is his cast and he knows that when Davis is on screen, you let the camera linger. Washington does and the results are impressive. Sure it’s a filmed play, but it’s one hell of a play.

Boulder Weekly

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deep dish

Caitlin Rockett

BY CAITLIN ROCKETT

T

here’s nothing like 14 hours of travel by plane, train, bus and automobile to suck the life force out of you. It doesn’t matter how happy your travels were or how happy you are to be heading home, by the time an airport gets done with you, the dial on your humanity meter is going to be pointing in the general direction of zero.

vision for a healthier life.

For a weary traveler, the best aspect of Fresh Thymes is that it’s engineered to be a take-out marketplace, with meats, breads, soups, salads, side dishes and desserts on display at the counter for spontaneous meal-making. But a jet-lagged

FOOD FOR THE BODY AND SOUL

Fresh Thymes offers a chance to soothe the physical and mental drain of the holiday season

This was my predicament this past week after I survived three airports, two planes, two cars and a bus (the partridge said screw it and stayed in the pear tree). If a week home with family, eating chicken pot pie and creamed corn and cheesecake wasn’t enough to make my body crave a cleanse, then two days worth of airport food and the magical ineptitude of Frontier airlines certainly was.

So when I finally rolled back into the People’s Republic, I drove straight to Fresh Thymes, where the focus is local, organic, whole foods, served fast and casual.

You could say Fresh Thymes is “inspired” by the personal journey of owner and head chef Christine Ruch, who lives with celiac disease and multiple sclerosis. She found “clean” eating — the whole-food concept upon which Fresh Thymes is built upon — helped her control her symptoms and gain a better quality of life. Through the eatery, Ruch shares her

Boulderite (or time-crunched parent) can also order off a fixed menu.

Choose to wait in the eatery’s rustic digs while sipping a glass of wine, or order online so you can swoop by right when your meal is done.

My plan was simple: Use the power of the internet to place my order and then kill a bit of time at Barnes & Nobel to use a gift card. But the prospect of a soulsoothing glass of wine and the calm environment of the restaurant — its wooden tables bringing to mind a farmhouse — drew me in to wait for my bowl of soup and salad.

The ever-changing soup at Fresh Thymes this evening was a curried chicken potage, made robust with chickpeas and pulled chicken, and thick enough to serve as a meal in and of itself.

Its consistency was smooth, and perhaps aided by pureed butternut squash or sweet potato (perhaps

both?). The flavor of the curry was subtle, not overwhelming, and made savory by what I imagine is pureed onion and tomato. There were hints of ginger, thyme and cilantro that made this a perfect winter meal. Its locally sourced meat and carefully chosen organic ingredients allow diners to enjoy without guilt.

It was a perfect meal for a soul that felt all but see-through after the hustle and bustle of the holidays.

For those in need of humanity realignment, Fresh Thymes is offering up soul-filling dishes for even the most world-weary and jaded among us.

Fresh Thymes. 2500 30th St., Suite 101, Boulder, 303-955-7988.

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Boulder Weekly

Flickr/frankieleon

nibbles

BY JOHN LEHNDORFF

EVERYBODY MUKBANG TONIGHT

Boulder Weekly

Your 2017 menu may feature Funfetti, water blobs, shakshuka and flavor tripping

YOGURT, bottled water, pizza, poultry sandwiches, Mexican food, fresh fruit, bars, ice cream sandwiches, chips and pancakes were the Top 10 most influential foods of the past decade in the United States, according to the food-research NPD Group.

You have to wonder: Where is the kale?

This is the season of mistletoe, St. Nick and latkes for some. For food nerds like me, it is also time for the annual ritual of predicting which food trends will manifest in the coming year and beyond. I’ve culled my favorites from dozens of sources.

You have to wonder: How many of the following will still be around in 2027?

Edible water blobs: The startup Skipping Rocks Lab in London has created Ooho!, an edible water transport vehicle made from seaweed and shaped like a semi-spheroid blob that hopes to cut plastic waste. see NIBBLES Page 46

December 29, 2016 45

Courtesy of Ooho!

- FOR SNARF’S NIBBLES from Page 45 Wikimedia Commons

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Cake for breakfast: The Boulderbased Sterling-Rice Group (SRG) has identified 10 trends that will stand out on restaurant menus and expand onto grocery shelves in 2017 including “Wake and Cake” or dessert at breakfast. “With recent science and research endorsing this diet strategy, in the year ahead SRG expects more people to partake in this decadent post-breakfast trend,” the firm reported.

We will also be snacking on sardines, Wikimedia Commons chickpeas, turmeric and legumes in 2017, according to SRG. Flat is in: Centennial-based Food and Drink Resources’ 2017 food and beverage trends include the rising popularity of khachapuri (Georgian egg pizza), okonamyaki (thin savory Japanese pancakes), jackfruit (as a meat substitute), dragonfruit, harissa (North African spice mix), fruit soups and “crowlers,” a metal version of the brewery growler that is canned at the bar.

Praise the lard: An Ipsos survey indicates that more millennials are OK with lard and are more likely to consume lard, tallow and chicken fat than a year ago. The Edible water blobs, sardines and jackfruit are among the food poll found men were more open to eating trends for 2017. animal fats than women.

Is Funfetti a flavor?: Google’s 2017 “Rising Stars” among food terms include turmeric, jackfruit, cauliflower rice, sourdough bread, funfetti (the cake decoration) and vegan donuts. For a limited time McDonald’s is offering a “Funfetti-flavored” custard-filled Holiday Pie in a sugar cookie with rainbow sprinkles. Meanwhile, the James Beard Foundation 2017 Food Forecast touts the popularity of Kalettes (kale-Brussels sprout hybrid), Native American fry bread and housemade candy sprinkles.

Uncured bacon desserts: According to Datassential, savory desserts are hot with more dessert menus mentioning olive oil (up 154 percent) and bacon (137 percent). Meanwhile, Google’s 2017 list of “Sustained Risers,” food terms that seem to have staying power, includes rigatoni, bibimbap, empanadas, uncured bacon and Bundt cakes.

Really local kale: Rutabagas grown in the state, county or even down the road may not be local enough in the future. Supermarkets are already testing fresh produce grown in, around and on top of stores, according to fooddive.com.

Mulled cocoa: Apparently red wine hot chocolate, a marriage of cocoa and mulled wine, is a thing, according to the New York Times. I thought you should know.

Watching the leftovers: According to fooddive.com, refrigerators will get even smarter in 2017 with Samsung’s Family Hub equipped with sensors, an LCD touchscreen display and cameras that take photos of the refrigerator’s contents when the door is closed. I can see this helping a small number of people with Boulder Weekly

nibbles memory issues needing a fridge camera. Anybody else has to make a shopping list.

Ice cream anomalies: Vegan cheese, sweet potato ice cream, radishes and “comfort food vegetables” are on tap, according to a 2017 trend report from Baum + Whiteman.

Cajeta is cool: Datassential’s 2017 Trends to Watch has cajeta on the rise.

That’s a goat’s milk caramel popular in Central and South America in desserts and served with fresh fruit. Australian finger limes or “citrus caviar” are widely used in restaurant desserts and, according to Datassential, over 30 percent of us are interested in trying finger limes.

Artichoke water: Forget about coconut water and get hip with plant waters including aloe water, maple water, cactus water and artichoke water, according to marketwatch.com. Turmeric and coconut will be the top beverage flavors of 2017, according to the beverage development firm Flavorman which also likes spicy flavors, herbal notes and coffee accents in the new year.

Gruel is back: The McCormick Flavor Forecast 2017 includes global breakfasts (such as Asian rice congee and ancient grain porridge), shakshuka (eggs poached in tomato sauce), plancha (castiron grilling) and sorghum as a grain.

Cannabis-cured lox: The Lempert Report’s trends report for 2017 notes the growth of enhanced foods in states including Colorado. “We have already seen cannabis-cured lox, shrimp stew, deviled eggs, brittle bars, chocolate, canna-oils and of course brownies on menus as well as upscale secret location restaurants offering haute cuisine at $250 a head,” the report notes.

The election and food: “A renewed nationalism by a vocal portion of the U.S. population fueled by Trump’s presidential campaign and victory, likely will not dampen consumers’ desire for international flavors and dishes, according to some trendologists.” — Foodnavigator-usa.com The election and supermarkets: “Over the past decade food companies have done a terrific job in reducing waste, eliminating ingredients and artificial colors and additives and improving their food safety practices. How will the food industry deal in the uncertainty of non-resident farm workers, increased tariffs on exports and imports to certain countries and possible deregulation of the FDA and EPA?” — Supermarketguru.com

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Food Words for 2017

Mukbang: An international online “social eating” phenomenon in which people share videos of themselves eating large amounts of food.

Flavor Tripping: The term for the oral confusion that takes place after eating “miracle fruit.” The fruit convinces your mind that everything sour or bitter is actually sweet including lemons and kumquats. Denver’s Inventing Room offers a miracle fruit experience.

Seacuterie: Like charcuterie — preserved, tasty animal parts — except from the ocean so things like pickled octopus and smoked mackerel.

Merlot cut: Along with shoulder tender, oyster steak and Vegas strip steak, the merlot is one of the new beef cuts designed to use the whole animal and cut down on waste, according to the National Restaurant Association chefs’ survey for 2017.

Call it the butcher-to-table trend.

Brinner: Breakfast for dinner on restaurant menus beyond Egg McMuffins at 10 p.m. is hot.

Switchel: Try this fermented slightly sweet drinking vinegar as a sports drink.

Kombucha is so 2016.

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Planning Ahead

Add these important celebrations to your 2017 calendar: National Pie Day ( Jan. 23), National Cherry Pie Day (Feb. 20), National Banana Cream Pie Day (March 2) and National Pi Day (March 14).

Words to Chew On

“You now have a new generation, generation Z, who don’t even have family meals anymore. In the U.S. already, people sit on a couch watching a screen, especially in single parent households. The most telling statistic is that in Europe, the sale of dining tables has declined dramatically. People still have tables, but they do everything on those tables. The table dedicated as a space for food is on the decline.” — Louise Fresco John Lehndorff is host of Radio Nibbles on KGNU. Podcasts: news.kgnu.org.

Comments: nibbles@boulderweekly.com.

Boulder Weekly

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December 29, 2016 47

drink Tour de brew: Gravity Brewing I’ll go right, you go left

by Michael J. Casey

A

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Saturday Dec. 31 Celebrating the New Year with an old vibe. Join us for New Year's Eve Flapper, Fellas and Fondue night.

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Share the in the fun with parties of 8 or more receive a 10% discount.

Must call for reservations and space is limited, 303-666-7777. Online reservations are not valid.

RESERVATIONS RECOMMENDED | (303) 666-7777 | LOUISVILLE | MELTINGPOT.COM *Valid at this location only. Tax and gratuity not included. Some restrictions apply. Not valid with any other promotional offer, discount, or dip certificate. See store for details or restrictions.

48 December 29, 2016

fter years of searching, I have finally found a place where I can take my dear friend ON TAP: Gravity Brewing. 1150 Pine St., Paul, a complex man with simple tastes.

Louisville, 303-544-0746, Paul loves a well-crafted burger, a hearty thegravitybrewing.com chili dog and an ice-cold beer. Though we have sampled many Belgian ales together — alongside heaping baskets of truffle fries — Paul prefers the pristine simplicity of an inexpensive Bud Light, preferably one purchased at the American Legion.

You see, Paul was a proud demonstrator at the Chicago Democratic National Convention in 1968 — he’s got the bruises to prove it — and when they hauled his ass before the judge, he was given the choice of jail or the armed services. Paul promptly enlisted in the Navy and was stationed in the Chesapeake Bay for the duration of the Vietnam War. When Paul tells me this story — he’s told me many times — I quickly Susan France remind him there were no Vietcong in the Chesapeake Bay. To which Paul replies with a chuckle, “You’re goddamn right, and you’re fucking welcome.”

Which is why Paul’s name jumped immediately to mind as I strode into Gravity Brewery’s Louisville digs, which share a building — and a kitchen — with American Legion Post 111. If only Paul could have been with me, Pouring up high-octane brews at Gravity Brewing. he’d have gone left and knocked backed bottles of Bud while I went right and quaffed Gravity’s Mendacious (8% ABV), a golden strong ale with a bright nose and a round mouth feel that provides stone fruit with a hint of spice. I have a feeling Paul would have loved Mendacious if only it cost $1.50 and came with a twist off top.

Mendacious isn’t the only Gravity brew that sports a high-octane. These beers will warm you up on a cold, winter’s night, but they don’t display the typical burnt hotness of heavy alcohol. Instead, beers like the Acceleration (9.8%), a smooth, double IPA; the Tsar Bomba (11%), a big-boy stout full of black strap molasses and brown sugar; and the Desertas (7%), a brew that has the fruit-leather qualities of a ruby port meshed with the nutty flavor of an aged tawny port, bring loads of flavor.

A current seasonal offering, Jingle Juice (7.1%), is bottled Christmas cheer, the kind that radiates warmth from the gut. Maybe it’s the alcohol, but I’d like to think it’s the combination of orange peel, ginger and cinnamon.

In my perfect Paul world, after a few pints at Gravity, I would collect my friend from the Legion. Paul would be likewise toasted, but he’d have spent considerably less than me, one of the benefits of the armed services. As we’d wait for the bus, Paul would drone on about the bobbleheads at the bar, the kind who gobble up whatever Fox News is serving. “The world’s in trouble, Michael,” Paul would say, excoriating those who dare raise the names of Rush, Hannity or Alex Jones as a defense. I’d nod in agreement, but who cares? With Paul by my side, we’ll take ’em all on.

Boulder Weekly

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boulder marketplace SUSHI TORA – SERVERS/HOSTESSES WANTED

Sushi Tora in Downtown Boulder is looking to hire professional servers. 2+ years working in the restaurant industry is required.

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Boulder Weekly

ARIES

MARCH 21-APRIL 19: Donatello was a renowned Italian

sculptor. His favorite piece was “Lo Zuccone,” a marble statue of the Biblical prophet Habakkuk. As Donatello carved his workin-progress, he addressed it. “Speak, damn you! Talk to me,” he was heard to say on more than a few occasions. Did the stone respond? Judging from the beauty of the final product, I’d have to say yes. One art critic testified that “Lo Zuccone” is a “sublimely harrowing” tour de force, a triumph of “forceful expression,” and “one of the most important marble sculptures of the 15th century.” I suspect you will have Donatello-like powers of conversation in 2017, Aries. If anyone can communicate creatively with stones — and rivers and trees and animals and spirits and complicated humans, for that matter — it’ll be you.

TAURUS

APRIL 20-MAY 20: According to Japanese novelist Haruki

Murakami, “A certain type of perfection can only be realized through a limitless accumulation of the imperfect.” Let’s amend that thought so it’s exactly suitable for your use in 2017. Here’s the new, Taurus-specific version: “A messy, practical, beautiful type of perfection can be realized through a patient, faithful, dogged accumulation of the imperfect.” To live up to the promise of this motto, make damn good use of every partial success.

astrology

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by Rabbi Tzvi Freeman. It your wisdom eyes. Play conveys a message I encouryour wisdom tricks and age you to memorize and crack your wisdom jokes repeat at least once a day for and erupt with your wisthe next 365 days. Here it is: dom cures. The world needs “Nothing can hold you back you to be a radiant swarm — not your childhood, not of lovable, unpredictable the history of a lifetime, not Go to RealAstrology.com to check out wisdom! Your future needs even the very last moment Rob Brezsny’s EXPANDED WEEKLY AUDIO you to conjure up a steady before now. In a moment you HOROSCOPES and DAILY TEXT MESSAGE stream of wisdom dreams can abandon your past. And HOROSCOPES. The audio horoscopes and wisdom exploits! And once abandoned, you can are also available by phone at please note: You don’t have redefine it. If the past was a 1-877-873-4888 or 1-900-950-7700. to wait until the wisdom is ring of futility, let it become a perfect. You shouldn’t worry wheel of yearning that drives about whether it’s supremely you forward. If the past was a practical. Your job is to trust your wisdom gut, to unleash your brick wall, let it become a dam to unleash your power.” wisdom cry, to revel in your wisdom magic.

CAPRICORN

DEC. 22-JAN. 19: As I was ruminating on your astrological

omens for 2017, I came across a wildly relevant passage written

AQUARIUS

JAN. 20-FEB. 18: Naturalist John Muir regarded nature as his church. For weeks at a time he lived outdoors, communing with the wilderness. Of course he noticed that not many others

shared his passion. “Most people are on the world, not in it,” he wrote, “having no conscious sympathy or relationship to anything about them — undiffused, separate and rigidly alone like marbles of polished stone, touching but separate.” Is there anything about you that even partially fits that description, Aquarius? If so, I’m pleased to inform you that 2017 will be an excellent year to address the problem. You will have immense potential to become more intimate and tender with all of the component parts of the Great Mystery. What’s the opposite of loneliness?

PISCES

FEB. 19-MARCH 20: Seven Chilean poets were frustrated

by their fellow citizens’ apathy toward the art of poetry. They sarcastically dramatized their chagrin by doing a performance for baboons. Authorities at the Santiago Zoo arranged for the poets’ safety, enclosing them in a protective cage within the baboons’ habitat. The audience seemed to be entertained, at times listening in rapt silence and at other times shrieking raucously. I’m sure you can empathize with the poets’ drastic action, Pisces. How many times have you felt you don’t get the appreciation you deserve? But I bet that will change in 2017.

You won’t have to resort to performing for baboons.

GEMINI

MAY 21-JUNE 20: Gemini gymnast Marisa Dick has created a

signature move that has never been used by any other gymnast. To start her routine, she leaps up off a springboard and lands on the balance beam doing a full split. The technical term for this bold maneuver is “a change-leg leap to free-cross split sit,” although its informal name is “The Dick Move.” The International Federation of Gymnastics has certified it in its Code of Points, so it’s official. During the coming months, I expect that you will also produce one-of-a-kind innovations in your own sphere.

CANCER

JUNE 21-JULY 22: I hope you will be as well-grounded in

2017 as you have ever been — maybe even since your past life as a farmer. I trust you will go a long way toward mastering the arts of being earthy, practical and stable. To do this right, however, you should also work on a seemingly paradoxical task: cultivating a vigorous and daring imagination — as perhaps you did in one of your other past lives as an artist. In other words, your ability to succeed in the material world will thrive as you nurture your relationship with fantasy realms — and vice versa. If you want to be the boss of reality, dream big and wild — and vice versa.

LEO

JULY 23-AUG. 22: Even if you don’t think of yourself as an

artist, you are always working on a major art project: yourself.

You may underestimate the creativity you call on as you shape the raw material of your experience into an epic story. Luckily, I’m here to impress upon you the power and the glory of this heroic effort. Is there anything more important? Not for you Leos. And I trust that in 2017 you will take your craftsmanship to the highest level ever. Keep this advice from author Nathan W. Morris in mind: “Edit your life frequently and ruthlessly. It’s your masterpiece, after all.”

VIRGO

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LIBRA

SEPT. 23-OCT. 22: “The self in exile remains the self, as a

bell unstruck for years is still a bell,” writes poet Jane Hirshfield.

I suspect that these words are important for you to hear as you prepare for 2017. My sense is that in the past few months, your true self has been making its way back to the heart of life after a time of wandering on the outskirts. Any day now, a long-silent bell will start ringing to herald your full return. Welcome home!

SCORPIO

OCT. 23-NOV. 21: In accordance with your astrological

omens for 2017, I’ve taken a poem that Shel Silverstein wrote for kids and made it into your horoscope. It’ll serve as a lighthearted emblem of a challenging but fun task you should attend to in the coming months. Here it is: “I’ve never washed my shadow out in all the time I’ve had it. It was absolutely filthy I supposed, so I peeled it off the wall where it was leaning and stuck it in the washtub with the clothes. I put in soap and bleach and stuff. I let it soak for hours. I wrung it out and hung it out to dry. And whoever would have thunk that it would have gone and shrunk, for now it’s so much littler than I.”

SAGITTARIUS

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Boulder Weekly

December 29 , 2016 53

Earlier this month, we recorded our Savage Lovecast Christmas Spectacular live at Revolution Hall in Portland, Oregon. The audience submitted questions on tiny cards before the show, which allowed questioners to remain anonymous and forced them to be succinct. More questions were submitted than my guests and I could get to, so I promised the crowd I would answer as many of their unanswered questions as I could in this week’s column. Here we go…

SAVAGE

by Dan Savage

expulsion in tandem with sexual arousal and orgasm.” Maybe the incoming Trump administration can put the scientists they’re pulling off climate change onto female ejaculation and we’ll have better numbers before the 2018 midterm elections.

Q: I’ve heard so many horror stories Q: How do I get my partner — who and seen countless X-rays says he’s into it — to top me © Rachel Robinson online — any tips for mak“properly,” i.e., work me into ing sure I don’t lose any a sub space instead of him objects in my ass? just melting into an ooeyA: You know what you gooey love ball? never see in those X-rays?

A: There are lots of Butt plugs and other toys terrific pro doms in designed for butt play.

Portland, Oregon. Hire Stick to butt plugs with one who’s up for showing flared bases, dildos with your partner what proper bases that look like balls, topping looks like. orange traffic cones, etc., Q: Trans man and cis and you’ll be fine. female, happily married, Q: How common is it planning to get pregnant in the next five months. How do we break it really for women to squirt? I get conflictto my wife’s family? Half of them don’t ing reports. know I’m trans and will be carrying, and A: This answer, courtesy of the we don’t want to lie, but also we don’t Kinsey Institute, isn’t likely to satisfy you: “Somewhere from 10 to 54 percent want them to see us as anything other than of women experience some type of fluid just a couple.

Boulder Weekly

Love

A: Telling your partner’s family you’re trans isn’t going to decouple you.

You’ll still be “just a couple,” it’s just that one of you is trans. Since you’re not going to be able to hide which one of you is pregnant — not in the Twitter/Instagram/Facebook era — the sooner you tell them, the sooner they’ll have their freak-outs, and the sooner they’ll return to seeing you as the couple you always were and still are.

Q: My partner/husband of 40 years says I still embarrass him. Is this unusual?

A: If he says it affectionately and occasionally, it’s not a problem and it’s not unusual. If he says it to degrade/ humiliate/control you, it’s a problem and it’s unacceptable.

Q: How do white people talk to black people about Donald Trump?

A: Fifty-eight percent of white people voted for Trump, and 8 percent of black people voted for Trump. So yeah, maybe instead of talking to black people about Trump, white people should shut up and listen to black people instead?

Q: “Hall passes” don’t work for many women because they can’t orgasm when having random sex once with a random guy. What alternative would you recommend?

A: Where is it written on your hall pass — or anyone else’s — that it can be used only with complete strangers?

Nowhere, that’s where.

Q: How do you propose a foursome with your longtime friends without freaking them out or ruining the friendship?

A: Not proposing the foursome is the only way to avoid potentially freaking your friends out and ruining the friendship.

Q: How do you decide who wins an argument in a same-sex relationship?

A: A sudden-death round of Golden Girls trivia.

Q: All straight guys want to put it in your butt, but when you suggest eating it first, they run for the hills. How can I bridge this gap and get my ass eaten?

A: Date gay guys.

Q: How do I avoid lesbian bed death?

A: Date gay guys.

Q: Not a question, but a thank-you for helping me to undo my “Utah damage.”

Grateful for you, Dan! Merry Xmas!

A: You’re welcome, former Utahan, a belated Merry Xmess to you, and a happy/watchful/politically-engaged/ join-the-resistance New Year to all!

December 29, 2016 55

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by Sarah Haas

The penguin at the tip of the iceberg, part II

S

ome days I am hopeful and some days I am not,” says Rob Jungmann, hemp activist and owner of Portland-based hemp clothing company, Jungmaven. “[When I look at the future of hemp it seems Trump] says whatever he needs to make the person in front of him happy — that’s what he has had to do as the kind of business man he is.

But that sort of uncertainty is not good for markets.

Legislation aside, confidence is really all the economy is based on and it’s such a fragile thing.”

For the last eight years the domestic hemp markets have fluctuated, at times experiencing rapid growth and at others slowing considerably. Similarly, projections looking to the future Courtesy of Fibershed / D. Hedden of the industry differ dramatically.

Studies by researchers in Canada and various U.S. state agencies provide positive outlooks for hemp production, citing rising consumer demand and the potential range of industrial applications for the crop.

“The hemp business community has invested millions of dollars in good faith for the future of the hemp industry,” says John Finamore, executive director of the National Hemp Association. “To date we have seen the value of hemp continue to grow in terms of direct investment, job creation and value creation within a wide range of products. And there seems to be no end as to the potential that the industry has to affect our local, state and national economy.”

Meanwhile, other studies provide a less favorable view of the potential of hemp.

For example, the United States Department of Agriculture projected that U.S. hemp markets are likely to remain “small” and “thin,” citing “uncertainty about

long-run demand for hemp products and the potential for oversupply.”

A study out of the University of Wisconsin Madison concluded it is unlikely hemp production will be profitable in the current U.S. portfolio of crops because of underdeveloped processing technologies.

Rebecca Burgess, founder of the nonprofit Fibershed that works to develop regenerative fiber systems, thinks hemp is in a gray area because of a fundamental difference in opposing economic worldviews.

In a typical capitalist system, externalities, like pollution or degradation of natural resources, are not taken into account on balance sheets or profit-and-loss statements because they are difficult to quantify and also because they would introduce an expensive line item.

This presents a problem for hemp advocates whose valuation of hemp is inextricably linked to its reparative and regenerative effects on the environment as a renewable resource.

“I think that’s why it is so challenging to get the investment community to understand the gravitas of this work,” Burgess says. “For some reason, supporting domestic regional textile production doesn’t add up to something worthy of capital. We can chase the lowest common denominator in Bangladesh and Cambodia and drive quality and labor conditions into the gutter, or we can invest into some of our struggling cities in the United States and create jobs here.

“And,” she adds. “A lot of the [production] that I am seeing here is actually price competitive. It’s really a crazy good option.”

But that is a matter of perspective. The 100-percenthemp T-shirt sold by Jungmaven costs $88 while its

hemp-cotton blends start at $36.

At face value this is far from price competitive, especially when compared to a three-pack of Hanes cotton crew neck tees selling for around $20.

But hemp is significantly more expensive than cotton, largely because the hemp supply chain is encumbered with setbacks that Jungmann estimates it would take about $500 billion of investment to overcome. The same is true for cottons that are organically processed or for textiles that are produced with fair-trade labor, although they too underperform hemp in terms of durability.

And so hemp confronts the age-old problem of how to generate enough consumer demand to create supply chain efficiencies that will allow it to be price competitive whether or not an economic model accounts for externalities.

Jungmann and Burgess spend a lot of their time trying to figure out how to deliver such a value proposition for hemp goods to consumers.

“You can tell them that it will be good for the environment, for their health or for their kid’s health, but they won’t buy it,” Jungmann says. “But tell them that they look really, really good? They’ll buy it.”

Jungmann equates generating consumer demand for hemp to magic. The trick is to get the consumer to touch it, he says, to feel it and to look really good in it.

Burgess says that even from the nonprofit angle, this tactic makes sense “From a high-elevation perspective, humans learn about their surroundings by interacting with them, feeling them, hearing them, seeing them. The commodification of the natural world, specifically with regard to food and textile systems, removed these sensory relationships from our everyday commerce until food systems, supply and value chains were eventually boiled down to a swipe of a credit card and a transactional product acquisition,” she says.

“This insensitivity for the processes and the anonymity of the value chain builds an illusory sense of what is what. So instead of becoming real materialists from a clothing standpoint, we have become more interested in the symbols.”

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cannabis corner Trump and marijuana — the un-rosy scenario

A

few weeks ago I wrote a piece in this space (“Yikes!

Sessions!,” Nov. 24, 2016) that listed some of the reasons why I thought Trump wouldn’t re-start the war on marijuana — despite the fact that he named Alabama Senator Jeff Sessions, a reefer-madness-obsessed crank, as his choice for Attorney General.

I argued that 1) Trump has said he thinks marijuana legalization should be left to the states, 2) Polling shows pot prohibition is an idea that’s long past its expiration date, 3) Attacking legalized marijuana will get Trump no supporters he doesn’t already have and will alienate a lot of potential new supporters he needs — like Millennials who overwhelmingly support legalization, 4) If Trump is serious about reaching out to Black America, a good way to start would be to quit arresting black people for marijuana, and 5) Trump hired Sessions because of his stands on immigration, not pot.

That’s the rosy scenario. Now for the un-rosy one.

Real Time host Bill Maher laid out the scenario from the dark side in a recent interview. The interviewer asked him if he thought there could be federal raids in the legal marijuana states under a Trump Administration.

“Don’t piss off your old dealer,” he replied. “ ... you might have to do that again.”

Maher is dismissive of the idea that Trump is committed to states’ rights for pot legalization. He thinks that most people who support states’ rights, Trump included, do so for self-serving reasons and would have no problem supporting states’ rights in principle and a new federal war on pot in practice. He also thinks Trump’s “stated political position on anything should be afforded the same merit as a toddler’s answer to ‘what do you want to be when you grow up?’”

He points out that the eight states that have legalized marijuana all voted for Clinton — and that Trump is a guy who holds grudges.

He maintians that while polling shows 60 percent of America may want legal marijuana, that’s no guarantee that it will get its way — “56 percent of the country wanted a president not named Trump.”

He also thinks that if it turns out Trump can’t stop illegal immigration, build a wall and bring back manufacturing jobs, “he’s going to need a new, easily-hated

Boulder’s Premier Recreational Marijuana Center

by Paul Danish

scapegoat to vilify to distract his lowinformation alt-right base,” and that “potheads” could easily fill the bill.

OK, Maher is the kind of guy who is frequently wrong but never in doubt.

But here are three other un-rosy scenario elements to go with Maher’s that trouble me more.

Trump has made a number of cabinet appointments besides Sessions who are anti-legalization — for example, Representative Tom Price of Georgia as Secretary of Health and Human Services. A cabinet with a strong anti-pot bias could influence Trump’s thinking on legalization, especially if he starts out as ambivalent on the issue, which he appears to be. And without strong direction from the president, guys like Sessions and Price could go rogue.

Trump is a teetotaler who lost a brother to alcohol and drug abuse.

Some of the highest profile advocates of the drug war and opponents of marijuana legalization are rich and powerful men who lost children or siblings to addiction, like casino magnate Sheldon Adelson. Trump fits the profile.

Trump has promised to stop the flow of drugs into the U.S., a point he repeatedly raised in connection with building the wall on the southern border.

From there it is a short policy step to cranking up the drug war again.

I still don’t think Trump will crack down on marijuana — both for the reasons stated above and because doing so would hand the Democrats an issue they could use to beat up both Trump and Republican congressional candidates in from now until 2018. But I could be whistling in the graveyard here.

The real indicator of Trump’s thinking on marijuana legalization and the drug war will be who he appoints as director of the DEA and Drug Czar (aka Director of the Office of National Drug Control Policy).

If either of those worthies is as doctrinaire as Sessions on marijuana, then there is real cause for concern.

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December 29, 2016 59

icumi

(IN CASE YOU MISSED IT) An irreverent and not always accurate view of the world

IF WE CAN’T KICK ’IM, WE’RE OUT. Every unpopular kid knows what it’s like to have a party and have no one come. Even worse is the feeling that if someone shows up they were forced to be there, by your parents or theirs. It’s an awkward position for both kids.

Well, Trump is gonna feel mighty awkward on Jan. 20. (That is, of course, if he’s capable of feeling human emotion outside of: MONEY = HAPPY, NO MONEY = ANGRY.) The list of people who want to play at President Bozo’s inauguration is short.

Miniscule. Tiny. Minute. Petite.

Infinitesimal. Teeny. Diminutive. Squat.

Stunted. Brief. Let us put it this way, it’s small enough to fit perfectly in Bozo’s baby hands.

Trump’s parents... er, we mean his staff, has decided maybe invites aren’t the way to go. Let’s try force!

Recently, reports surfaced that one of the inauguration acts, The Radio City Rockettes, was being forced to perform OR ELSE. Now sure, they claim it was a “company policy, and then eventually clarified that it wasn’t mandatory, and every dancer could choose whether or not they wanted to kick their legs in front of the orange-faced “grab ’em by the pussy” sycophant. (It is Rockette “company policy” though to not kick the audience directly in the face, which is why BW turned down our invite to perform at the inauguration.)

But this “company policy” business seems suspicious to us. Who’s to say Mike Pence didn’t stop on in Radio City Music Hall and grease a few choice lines into those contracts? Who’s to say Russia wasn’t involved?

Between Kid Rock and two or three Trump-loving Rockettes, the presidential inauguration will surely be the event of year.

RACING TOWARD 2017

HAPPY JOY, J , HAPPY O Y HO UR !

60 December 29, 2016

For most of us, it feels like 2016 started with one step forward, but is ending with two — or maybe even a hundred — steps back. We lost some of the definitive, barrier-busting and inspiring greats of our time: David Bowie, Prince, John Glenn, Gwen Ifill, Gene Wilder, Thomas Hayden, Elie Wiesel, Muhammad Ali, Alan Rickman, Harper Lee... the list goes on. The optimism Bernie Sanders’ campaign for president brought in January ended in the rise of populism in Europe and the U.S., while Syria descends deeper into chaos. And what started with the hope as world leaders signed the COP 21 Paris climate agreement, is ending in despair as the list of pro-oil and gas pundits nominated to President-elect Trump’s cabinet grows.

As the year comes to a close, it feels as though the hare is bragging to the tortoise about how fast he could run. And as we stand at the starting line of 2017, the rabbit’s confidence is nauseating.

But let’s not forget how the story ends — a story which was recently proven at a pet expo in Thailand. A tortoise and a hare were matched up in racing lanes, prompted by their owners to go when the buzzer foot off. While the tortoise put one step in front of the other, the rabbit raced ahead, then stopped, turning his head side to side, basking in the praise of the cheering crowd. While he was distracted by his own self-prescribed glory, the tortoise crossed the finish line first.

The fate of 2017 is really up in the air, however, if we’ve learned anything from the tortoise and the hare, it’s that although life may not appear fair, we can still win if enough people care.

Boulder Weekly

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