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contents NEWS:

Groups rally at Longmont’s and Fort Collins’ Supreme Court fracking cases

by Matt Cortina

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NEWS:

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by Angela K. Evans

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departments 7 T HE HIGHROAD: Coke’s corporate ethos 8 GUEST COLUMN: Wild horse slaughter scandal is wakeup call 8 DANISH PLAN: What one Republican would do about climate change 11 LETTERS: Proof; PETA; Minimum wage; Lindsey; Censor; Destroy terrorists 14 HOLIDAY GIFTS: Kids at heart 20 LAB NOTES: Searching for sister Earth 40 OVERTONES: Spend a night in the Fox

with the Reverend Horton Heat 45 BOULDER COUNTY EVENTS: What to do and where to go 51 POETRY: by Barbara Crooker 52 SCREEN: ‘The Good Dinosaur’ is just that 53 FILM: Directors talking directing in ‘Hitchcock/Truffaut’ 55 CUISINE REVIEW: Bourbon Street Seafood & Chophouse brings a taste of New Orleans to Colorado 57 TIDBITES: Food happenings around Boulder County 63 DRINK: Fake wine takes a toll on everyday consumers 69 ASTROLOGY: by Rob Brezsny 71 SAVAGE LOVE: Fewer Koch brothers; Marriage-saving affair; Feeling brave 73 WEED BETWEEN THE LINES: Weed warehouse 75 IN CASE YOU MISSED IT: With love, Michele; What’s in a name?

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EDITORIAL Senior Editor, Matt Cortina Associate Editor, Angela K. Evans Entertainment Editor, Amanda Moutinho Special Editions Editor, Caitlin Rockett Contributing Writers, Peter Alexander, Dave Anderson, Rob Brezsny, Chris Callaway, Michael J. Casey, Gavin Dahl, Paul Danish, James Dziezynski, Sarah Haas, Jim Hightower, Dave Kirby, Michael Krumholtz, Dylan Owens, Brian Palmer, Adam Perry, Leland Rucker, Dan Savage, Alan Sculley, Ryan Syrek, Greg Thorson, Christi Turner, Tom Winter, Tate Zandstra, Gary Zeidner Interns, Nicole McNulty, Grant Stringer SALES & MARKETING Retail Sales Manager, Allen Carmichael Senior Account Executive, David Hasson Account Executive, Julian Bourke Market Development Manager, Kellie Robinson Inside Sales Representative, Jason Myers Marketing Manager, Laura Wilder Mrs. Boulder Weekly, Mari Nevar PRODUCTION Production Manager, Dave Kirby Art Director, Susan France Graphic Designer, Mark Goodman Assistant to the Publisher Julia Sallo Office Manager/Advertising Assistant Andrea Neville CIRCULATION TEAM Dave Hastie, Dan Hill, George LaRoe, Jeffrey Lohrius, Elizabeth Ouslie, Rick Slama 15-Year-Old, Mia Rose Sallo Cover: Public domain: WikiArt/Vincent van Gogh, “Prisoners Exercise,” 1890 December 10, 2015 Volume XXIII, Number 19 As Boulder County's only independently owned newspaper, Boulder Weekly is dedicated to illuminating truth, advancing justice and protecting the First Amendment through ethical, no-holdsbarred journalism and thought-provoking opinion writing. Free every Thursday since 1993, the Weekly also offers the county's most comprehensive arts and entertainment coverage. Read the print version, or visit www.boulderweekly.com. Boulder Weekly does not accept unsolicited editorial submissions. If you're interested in writing for the paper, please send queries to: editorial@boulderweekly.com. Any materials sent to Boulder Weekly become the property of the newspaper.

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the

Highroad Coca-Cola’s corrosive corporate ethos

by Jim Hightower

I

f your car’s battery terminals are corroded, just open a can of CocaCola. Coke will dissolve corrosion, making your battery connections spiffy clean in a jiffy!

Ironically, however, Coca-Cola can’t seem to clean up the corrosive corruption within its own corporate power structure. For example, by hook or crook, the sugar-water purveyor has long battled schools, nutritionists and

parents who’re concerned about America’s epidemic of childhood obesity, largely fueled by the soda industry.

Like Big Oil’s climate-change deniers and Big Tobacco’s cancer deniers, Coke and its industry cohorts have put profiteering above public health, aggressively using everything from front groups to lies in order to keep shoving sugary drinks at children.

Last year, Coke quietly poured $1.5 million into the Global Energy Balance Network (GEBN). It’s a quasi-academicky group that runs a PR campaign asserting that obesity is not caused by high-calorie soda pushers, but by parents who fail to make their kids burn off those calories with vigorous exercise.

When Coke’s funding of this nonsense was exposed in August, the corporation loudly insisted that it merely supported the good work of this independent group — claiming to exercise no influence whatsoever over GEBN’s message.

For more information on Jim Hightower’s work — and to subscribe to his award-winning monthly newsletter, The Hightower Lowdown — visit www.jimhightower.com.

Now, however, internal emails have surfaced revealing that disclaimer to be a flat out lie.

Indeed, Coca-Cola’s chief scientist helped create the network, helped to choose its leaders, created its mission statement and designed its website. Also, GEBN’s president even assured Coke executives that the group’s goal was to improve the corporation’s reputation.

This sordid scam is not some lowlevel ethical hiccup. It comes from the top — the inevitable result of Corporate America’s “business as usual” ethos of greed-fueled, anythinggoes dishonesty.

This opinion column does not necessarily reflect the views of Boulder Weekly.

December 10, 2015 7

guest column Wild horse slaughter scandal is wakeup call

by Suzanne Roy

I

s this the smoking gun that will finally result in better treatment of our nation’s iconic wild horses and burros?

These animals have been mistreated for too long. Each year, thousands are harassed, chased down with helicopters, rounded up and warehoused in government holding pens.

Right now, nearly 50,000 horses, born to run free, are living out their lives in cramped captivity.

And now we learn that, for some horses, things were even worse.

Last week, the government issued a damning report detailing how the U.S. Bureau of Land Management (BLM) violated its own rules and a congressional ban to send 1,794 horses to slaughter.

Between 2008 and 2012, the BLM sold truckload after truckload of captured wild horses to Colorado rancher and livestock hauler Tom Davis. Davis re-sold the horses to buyers who shipped them to Mexican “kill plants” where they were butchered and sold for meat.

This was a violation of BLM’s own policy of limiting horse sales and ensuring that any horses sold went to “good homes” and were not slaughtered. It also violated a congressional ban that prohibits the sale of wild horses and burros to anyone who intends to sell them for slaughter.

The report, issued by the Department of Interior’s Office of Inspector General, concludes that BLM employees continued to sell horses to Davis despite receiving reports that he was selling the horses for slaughter.

Davis himself told investigators that “in selling him so many loads of horses, BLM had to know that the horses would end up in a slaughterhouse.”

And know they did. From top to bottom, this agency is failing to protect and preserve our cherished wild horses and burros. Worse, by rounding up and stockpiling nearly 50,000 wild horses in holding facilities, the BLM appears to be setting the stage for the mass slaughter of America’s mustangs. It doesn’t have to be this way. A humane, cost-effective and publicly supported approach to wild horse management exists, but the BLM refuses to implement it on a scale that will turn this broken program around. The tool is a vaccine called PZP. Administered by dart, it works as a contraceptive, preventing mares from becoming pregnant for up to two years unless they are re8 December 10, 2015

vaccinated. A dose costs round $26 and the vaccine is not harmful to animals or to the surrounding environment.

In Colorado, PZP programs in Grand Junction and Disappointment Valley have ended helicopter roundups and minimized removals. BLM should be doing this on a far larger scale, as recommended by the National Academy of Sciences in 2013. Instead, the agency is galloping ahead with roundups (a mass removal of 1,400 wild horses from federal lands in Oregon is set to start on Nov. 2), and spending less than 1 percent of its $80 million budget on humane fertility control, while more than 70 percent is spent to roundup and warehouse horses.

The BLM is also funding $9 million on research into dangerous, expensive and logistically complex ways to permanently sterilize animals that contradict National Academy of Sciences recommendations. It is just wasting more time and money when an effective tool is at hand.

Within the agency, there are still those who prefer the current, unworkable system and view slaughter as a solution. But the American people don’t. In fact, 80 percent of the public opposes horse slaughter.

With the slaughter scandal making headlines, the Obama Administration and Congress must not allow BLM to sweep the findings under the carpet. It’s time this agency is held accountable.

The BLM must focus on a management approach that curbs out-of-control spending and protects the health and safety of our wild horse herds. It’s time to keep our mustangs and burros free on the range, not stockpiled in holding facilities, or worse, sold for brutal slaughter in Mexico.

Suzanne Roy is the director of the American Wild Horse Preservation Campaign, whose advocacy efforts on behalf of wild horses and burros are endorsed by a coalition of more than 60 organizations. Roy has devoted more than two decades to animal welfare causes, and has worked to protect elephants, chimpanzees, marine mammals, as well as mustangs and burros. Prior to her animal welfare work, Roy worked in politics, including as press secretary in New Hampshire for the 1988 presidential campaign of Senator Gary Hart.

This opinion column does not necessarily reflect the views of Boulder Weekly.

danish plan What one Republican would do about climate change

by Paul Danish

K

elly Sims Gallagher, director that 218 million tons of coal with an of the Center for equivalent amount of natural gas International Environment reduced CO2 emissions by almost 400 & Resource Policy at Tuft million tons. A further 300-million-ton University’s Fletcher School reduction in coal use by switching to of Law and Diplomacy, recently told natural gas could probably be accomPublic Radio International that if the plished in less than a decade without Republicans don’t like President breaking a sweat, and would result in Obama’s approach to curbing greencutting CO2 emissions from the elechouse gases, it tric power sector by would be helpful more than 1 billion for them to devise tons compared with some of their own.

2008 levels.

OK. I’m a I’d give utilities Republican these a tax credit that days, so here are a covered the capital OF 218 MILLION few of mine. cost of switching TONS OF COAL WITH I’d start by fuels. And to shifting as many ensure the availAN EQUIVALENT coal-burning ability of an adeAMOUNT OF NATURAL American electric quate supply of GAS REDUCED CO2 power plants as natural gas, I’d cut possible to natural federal highway EMISSIONS BY gas. Using natural funds to any state ALMOST 400 MILLION gas produces only that banned frackTONS IN 2014. half as much CO2 ing, as New York as coal, and it’s a has done. lot cleaner.

Next, I’d launch We know that an aggressive proshifting from coal to gram to systematinatural gas for electric power cally replace both coal- and natural gasgeneration will produce an immediate generated electricity with nuclear and dramatic reduction in CO2 emispower. I’d do this by building at least sions — because it already has. In 2008, ten 1,400-megawatt nuclear power plants a year, and continue building U.S. power plants burned 1.045 billion tons of coal. Last year they burned 218 million tons less. The replacement of see DANISH PLAN Page 10

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them at that rate until all existing coal and most natural gas plants have been replaced.

Then I’d continue building nukes at that rate in recognition of the fact that America’s appetite for electric power is going to grow dramatically — as its population increases, as electric cars replace gasoline fueled ones, as the demand for air conditioning rises with the temperature, and so on.

To cut the time and expense of building nuclear plants, I’d settle on a standardized design that would allow the major components to be built on production lines.

To keep environmentalists from delaying construction and running up costs with regulatory delays and lawsuits, I would immediately repeal or modify any laws and regulations they tried to use to game the system.

I’d also pass a law that says no environmental review can take longer than a year to complete, and if it’s not done by then the project can go forward without it.

I wouldn’t count on wind and solar for providing more than 20 or 30 percent of the country’s electric needs, but I’d continue to subsidize them anyway — not for their contribution to reducing the nation’s carbon footprint, but for their contribution to national security.

Currently, U.S. electricity supplies are dangerously centralized and vulnerable to cyber sabotage and attack with electro-magnetic pulse (EMP) weapons.

The country will become even more vulnerable to such attacks as it becomes even more reliant on electricity in an effort to reduce its use of fossil fuels.

(Shifting from gasoline- to electricpowered vehicles will nearly double the demand for electricity.)

A general collapse of the electric system could cause millions of deaths from famine, disease and anarchy.

I’d develop wind and solar power in a decentralized manner along with micro- or mini-distribution grids that can operate independently of the country’s main grids in an emergency.

I wouldn’t approve, finance or license any new electric generation capacity of any kind unless it’s hardened

against EMP and cyber attacks.

I’d leave the electrification of the nation’s 150 million car and light truck fleet to Elon Musk. Musk figured out a long time ago that Americans will not switch to electric cars and trucks unless they can compete with gasoline and diesel powered ones in terms of performance, price and convenience — and he’s already delivering, or is on the verge of delivering, vehicles that do all three.

That’s more than can be said about either the government or Musk’s competitors — who are belatedly beginning to do the same, in no small part because Musk has shown it can be done and was getting ready to eat their lunch.

Here are a couple things I wouldn’t do. I have zero interest in entering into international agreements that set decarbonization goals that will be ignored by most of the countries entering into them and which cannot and will not be enforced.

I wouldn’t send a plugged nickel to the Third World to help adopt noncarbon-emitting technologies or adapt to a warmer world. The Third World has made it abundantly clear that it doesn’t have any interest in doing anything meaningful about climate change — development is where its interest lies, CO2 be damned — and I think that under the circumstances any money we sent it would be wasted or stolen.

Finally, I’d adopt a policy of zero tolerance toward environmentalists who devote time and treasure to attempting to block nuclear, wind, solar and natural gas development, as well as technologies intended to help Americans adapt to a warmer world, including new heat and drought tolerant GMO crops and desalination plants.

Don’t get me wrong — I don’t believe any of this will stop global warming or even slow it much. I think a warmer world is already a done deal, and that the main thing we have to do in response is adapt to it. And I think adapting is going to require more energy, technology and innovation, not less.

This opinion column does not necessarily reflect the views of Boulder Weekly.

A GENERAL COLLAPSE OF THE ELECTRIC SYSTEM COULD CAUSE MILLIONS OF DEATHS FROM FAMINE, DISEASE AND ANARCHY.

Boulder Weekly

letters Where’s the proof?

Please reference any peer reviewed scientific studies that back any “analyses of the war in Syria and its relationship to climate change [Re: “Local org still sending delegates to upcoming climate summit in Paris,” Nov. 19].”

Sounds worse than bogus; sounds alarmist, political and manipulative.

An unchecked eco-religious approach to climate change discredits the real science. I wish scientists of integrity would step up and fight against the politicization of CO2 concerns. Then credibility can return to the cause.

Karen Lin/Longmont

entity is required to up the ante to labor. With a more level playing field, a single business raising wages won’t necessarily have much of a recruiting advantage over those who leave wages static.

The idea of an economic multiplier is much more than an idea. Don’t accept the idea that entrepreneurs must wait for micro “equilibrium.” There is no equilibrium. But there are sales. And multipliers can work in reverse just as

readily as they do on the upswing.

Fear of losing engenders the very result dreaded. Play to win, and pass out some healthy raises. After a little while you won’t be sorry. And if you see a month or a quarter or two (try to look farther, please) that looks a little slow or even sick and you can’t bear it, then why did you go into business in the first place?

Reward goes with risk. The new school that says these must move

inversely is totally wrong. That’s what I learned of applied economics, the only kind worth really studying.

Greg Iwan/Longmont

I like Lindsey

Of all the candidates who are likely to favor the cutting of emissions, perhaps Lindsey Graham is the best one to count on to reimpose sanctions and get see LETTERS Page 12

PETA says don’t eat animals

At least 19 people in seven states, including Montana, Utah and Colorado, have been sickened by an E. coli outbreak linked to packaged chicken salad. Since health officials have been blaming celery and onions for the outbreak, many people may not realize that meat consumption is the root cause of the problem. Plant-based foods don’t naturally harbor E. coli bacteria. It lives in the intestinal tracts and feces of warm-blooded animals. When cow or chicken manure is used to fertilize crops or leaks into waterways, fruits and vegetables can become contaminated.

(Cross-contamination can also occur when produce is placed on the same surface as meat, or when someone doesn’t practice proper hygiene.) When more people adopt a vegan diet, fewer animals will be bred for food, lessening the threat of E. coli contamination. See www.PETA.org for more information and free vegan recipes, including one for mock chicken salad.

Heather Moore, The PETA Foundation/Norfolk, VA

Higher minimum wage helps economy

I huff and puff reading lament over a higher minimum wage or, generally, higher compensation for the 99 percent.

One of my closest friends runs a coffee shop, and I know what “margins” mean to him. But I also am convinced few if any of the rest of the business owners have ever studied economics or truly appreciate “markets,” though they claim to worship same.

Fortunately, no business operates in a vacuum. What this means in a practical sense is that workers who are paid more spend it. No, they don’t drop it all at their place of employment. But a rising tide really can lift all boats. What seems to creep out some business owners (who may not even pay themselves; that’s another problem) is when every Boulder Weekly

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letters LETTERS from Page 11

a safer deal with Iran. Of all the candidates who are likely to pursue a better deal with Iran, perhaps Lindsey Graham is the best one to lead the way for the world to cut emissions and reduce global warming — which, regardless of its cause, is creating droughts and floods.

Alex Sokolow/Santa Monica, CA

Who is the real censor?

It’s a shame that Tim Redmond’s recent article on Project Censored [Re: “Project Censored,” Nov. 12] chose to start out by denigrating the 9/11 truth movement. Mr. Redmond states that the current authors of Project Censored “have veered at times into the world of conspiracies and 9/11 ‘truther’ folks.” By “truther folks,” I wonder if Mr. Redmond is referring to the 220 senior U.S. military and intelligence officers, law enforcement veterans and government officials who have expressed significant criticism of the 9/11 Commission Report or have made public statements that contradict that report. Or perhaps he’s referring to the 2,393 licensed architects and engineers who are demanding a new investigation into the destruction of all three World Trade Center skyscrapers since the official story defies the most basic laws of physics. (See www.ae911truth. org). Or maybe “truther folks” include the thousands of firefighters, scientists, pilots, doctors and other professionals who question the official story.

It’s especially shameful that a supposedly independent journalist, writing about media censorship, himself discounts any story associated with the word “conspiracy.” Isn’t the government’s story that 9/11 was perpetrated by “19 Arab terrorists” under the control of Osama Bin Laden itself a conspiracy theory?

Volumes have been written, including peer-reviewed scientific articles, disproving the government’s version of the events of 9/11, yet 14 years later, media censorship remains the primary obstacle to educating the public about the available science surrounding 9/11. Truth movement advocates have requested that Boulder Weekly examine and write about this evidence, but the response to date has been silence. Perhaps Mr. Redmond and Boulder Weekly would do well to look under their own hood when it comes to the suppression of information, which, as the founder of Project Censored stated, “prevents the public from fully knowing what is happening in the world.”

Marti Hopper/Boulder

Meat and cigarettes

Thank you to the World Health Organization for having the courage to speak truth to power: meat, like cigarettes and asbestos, does cause cancer! No U.S. health agency would ever say this for fear of losing congressional funding.

The World Cancer Research Fund and a number of other international health agencies have been advising for years that meat consumption raises the risk of colon and other forms of cancer, but the WHO panel was actually able to determine a causal effect.

The 630-page report was drafted by a panel of 22 experts from 10 countries who reviewed 800 studies of the link between meat and cancer. These included animal experiments, studies of human diet and health and research into cellular processes that cause cancer.

The panel’s conclusions evoked strong responses, with obvious resistance from the meat industry and calls for warning labels, akin to those mandated for cigarettes, from environmental groups.

Cancer of the colon is expected to kill nearly 50,000 Americans this year, mostly through a self-inflicted diet.

Fortunately, annual per capita U.S. meat consumption has dropped by 15 percent from a high of 121 pounds in 2002, as consumers switch to healthier, more convenient, and tastier plant-based alternatives.

Rudolph Helman/Boulder

Destroy Islamic terrorists in Syria

The Western world has to go into Syria and Iraq to eliminate ISIS. ISIS has established a caliphate, and if we destroy it in Syria and Iraq its tentacles in other countries will hopefully tend to wither away. The Islamic terrorists in Europe take their instructions from ISIS in Syria, and maybe we can draw the terrorists in other parts of the world back to Syria where they can be eliminated.

We cannot continue with limited air strikes and tepid ground action against ISIS, because contrary to President Obama, ISIS is not a “contained JV” organization. Unfortunately, the West (U.S., Great Britain, France, etc.) and some Arab countries have to put together a coalition for a large scale military operation against ISIS. This could require tens of thousands of ground troops, armor units and air forces to annihilate ISIS. The White House does not understand the serious threat ISIS poses to the free world. We cannot continue with a piece meal approach to an enemy that is growing and wants to destroy us.

Donald Moskowitz/Londonderry, NH Boulder Weekly

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December 10, 2015 15

news Razz Gormley

Members and supporters of Earthworks, Food & Water Watch, Sierra Club and Our Longmont rally in support of Longmont’s and Fort Collins’ fracking regulations ahead of oral arguments in state lawsuits against the cities in Denver on Wednesday, Dec. 9.

Their day in court

Support emerges for Longmont’s fracking ban and Fort Collins’ moratorium as oral arguments are made before the Colorado Supreme Court

by Matt Cortina

T

he Colorado Supreme Court began hearing two cases that challenge Longmont’s fracking ban and Fort Collins’ fracking moratorium on Wednesday, Dec. 9.

The court heard oral arguments from both sides in both cases. The lawsuits were brought by the trade group Colorado Oil and Gas Association (COGA) and the state agency, Colorado Oil and Gas Conservation Commission (COGCC). Joining as interveners in the lawsuits for Longmont and Fort Collins are environmental groups Earthworks, Food & Water Watch, Sierra Club and Our Longmont.

Those groups held a rally, organized by Coloradans Against Fracking, on Wednesday morning before the hearings at the judicial center in Denver.

Speakers from each of the intervening environmental groups spoke briefly, including Kaye Fissinger of Our Longmont. Fissinger said on Tuesday, Dec. 8 that the rally was meant to show public support for their side, but that the real work and indications of how the court might rule will come when the groups head inside to hear the hour-long oral arguments in each case.

“The city will be arguing the case for all of us,” Fissinger says, referring to the Longmont case. “[The Supreme Court] will have already had the chance to 16 December 10, 2015

jurisdiction came from 1992, review it thoroughly before tomorwhen fracking technology was row. What is usually telling in any different and studies hadn’t yet of this kind of thing is the quesbeen conducted to determine its tions that the justices ask, probably YOUR GRANDFATHER’S impact. more so than what the parties to FRACKING. IT’S A “This is not your grandfathe case present.”

Though the oral arguments ther’s fracking,” Fissinger says of DIFFERENT WORLD closed Wednesday, Fissinger thinks current hydraulic fracturing NOW. PEOPLE ARE the court could take anywhere methods. “It’s a different world BEING IMPACTED IN from one to nine months to make now. People are being impacted a decision on the cases. in so many more ways than they SO MANY MORE WAYS Both the Fort Collins and ever were before.”

THAN THEY EVER Longmont cases have endured a In that 1992 case, Voss vs.

WERE BEFORE.” winding road to get in front of the Lundvall Bros. Inc., the court Supreme Court. ruled that the state’s oil and gas — KAYE FISSINGER, In 2012, Longmont voters interests are “sufficiently domiOUR LONGMONT approved a charter amendment to nant to override a home-rule ban fracking. COGA immediately city’s imposition of a total ban sued the city, and was soon joined on the drilling of any oil, gas or by the COGCC, the state agency hydrocarbon wells within the tasked with regulating oil and gas operations in city limits.”

Colorado. Earlier this year, a district court sided with Ostensibly heeding the complaints from the state, saying that Longmont’s ban interfered with Longmont and environmental groups that the Voss the state’s ability to regulate oil and gas operations. case is outdated, and because the Court of Appeals Longmont appealed to the state Court of Appeals, can’t set new legal precedent, they decided to bump claiming that the only court precedent for fracking the case up to the Supreme Court, which decided

“THIS IS NOT

Boulder Weekly

news weeks later to hear both the Longmont and Fort Collins cases.

It was a similar case in Fort Collins, where others approved a five-year moratorium on fracking in 2013, which was overturned by a district judge and then appealed in 2014.

The cases are different, Fissinger and others note, though they are similar. The appellate court decided to send both to the Supreme Court because they “would appear to be the test cases for determining whether county and local governments may regulate or prohibit fracking,” the court wrote. It also noted it would generally be quicker and more cost efficient to hear both cases at once.

Fissinger says a ruling from the Supreme Court is likely to come on the quicker end of the one-to-nine month timeframe that Our Longmont and others estimate. Her reasoning is that the state bumped up oral arguments to December, when many in the group of interveners believed they wouldn’t be heard under January or February.

The ideal outcome for the group would of course be a swift judgment in favor of Longmont’s and Fort Collins’ right to local control on issues of oil and gas extraction, but Fissinger says a more realistic goal would be for the Supreme Court to remand the cases back to a district court for an evidentiary hearing. Fissinger says the summary hearing that the initial district court gave the Longmont case did not provide enough information and cases in support of their cause, and so a broader look at evidence could set up a better foundation for success if it were then to go back to the Supreme Court.

Fissinger says she’s cautiously optimistic about the cases, as she was when the charter amendment went to a vote in Longmont in 2012.

“When we were at our campaign back in 2012, I just had the sense that we were really going to win this,” Fissinger says. “Of course I was marvelously pleased when we won by a landslide. It is not a partisan issue, it’s a people issue. We had support across the board, which we could tell from an analysis of the votes.

“This time I am encouraged by when the appellate court requested the Supreme Court take it, that they used the phrase in their request ‘profound economic and social consequences.’

Well, I don’t want to read too much into the word ‘social,’ but that’s the first time that I saw it presented that way and to me it felt like, ‘Oh, you’re starting to get it.’ This is more than just state preemption.”

Boulder Weekly

Razz Gormley

On the other side, COGA told Boulder Weekly in a statement when the Supreme Court decided to take the case that, “In no way does this decision legitimize the pursuit of illegal bans.

We look forward to when these cases are closed, and we can get back to how local control was meant — not by banning products from your city but working together to find reasonable solutions.”

Speakers from the intervening groups in support of Longmont and Fort Collins took turns speaking before court proceedings.

December 10, 2015 17

news

Gabriela Flora

NOT ONE MORE

ICE accused of abusing asylum-seekers in Colorado and elsewhere ... is it because they came from Muslim-majority countries?

by Angela Evans

A

ctivists stand with black tape covering their mouths, holding large empty plates and posters that read “Not one more” and “We stand with Shoeb.” One simply says “Solidarity” in large black letters. They are standing outside of the Denver Contract Detention Facility operated by the GEO Group, Inc. for the U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement (ICE) field office in Denver.

“We are standing today in solidarity with asylum seekers around the country who are on hunger strike,” says Jennifer Piper from the American Friends Service Committee (AFSC) from a microphone.

According to the AFSC, 17 people within the Aurora facility started a hunger strike on Monday Nov. 30. According to its main point of contact, a man named Shoeb, 14 of the strikers are from Bangladesh and four are from Pakistan. Piper says all had claimed asylum upon entering the U.S. and all have been in detention for at least a year.

“They were all placed in solitary confinement and they were all facing sleep deprivations,” Piper says.

“There are between four and 10 of them who are continuing their hunger strike and still facing those conditions where the guards come by and rattle the doors, knock on the doors while they are falling asleep.”

Maria Giordano visited Shoeb on the night of Dec. 8 at the GEO facility and confirmed that four men are still on hunger strike. Shoeb broke his strike on Friday, Dec. 4 after being told he was the only one left still refusing to eat. He turned 29 while on hunger strike last week.

18 December 10, 2015

Rhoda Whitney stands in solidarity with asylum-seeking hunger strikers currently detained at the ICE Denver Contract Detention Facility in Aurora.

Shoeb arrived in the U.S. on Nov. 13, 2014 immediately claiming asylum after crossing the border in Texas. Shoeb is from Bangladesh, where he was a community organizer for the Bangladesh National Party (BNP), one of the two major political parties in the country. When the BNP lost power, Shoeb says he was captured and tortured. He was able to escape “amidst bullets,” Giordano says, and call his family from a friends house. His family told him officials had already been to the house looking for him.

“He never went home after that,” Giordano says.

BNP is an Islamic nationalist party, according to its website, and has been designated by the Department of Homeland Security as a Tier III terrorist organization, although the organization is not listed on the U.S. Department of State designated foreign terrorist organizations list.

“I think it’s for where we’re from and because of our religion. We are Muslim, but we are not terrorists,” Shoeb told Giordano about his prolonged detention and denial of asylum, which he is currently appealing. He also told Giordano that a Russian detainee was released on bond after only two months in the Aurora facility, an option Shoeb has never been given. “‘Without a doubt I would get killed’ is what he said,” Giordano says Shoeb answered when asked what would happen if he returns home. “He said that basically they have been checking on him with his family to see where he is. They know that he is gone.

He is afraid that as soon as he were to go through the airport they would know who he was and just take

him and kill him immediately. He’s pretty convinced that he wouldn’t even see his family.”

Shoeb and others at the detention center heard about other South Asian and East African detainees around the country, who began a hunger strike the day before Thanksgiving, on the news. They decided to start their own strike on Monday, Nov. 30.

“He had told me that they were planning on starting on Monday, and when I went in to visit him on Tuesday they said he was in [segregation] and couldn’t take any visitors,” Giordano says.

“How he explained it to me [is that] somebody from GEO came and talked to them on Monday to see what was going on. Then on Tuesday an ICE supervisor interviewed all of the men who were on strike individually. Basically called them in and told them ‘don’t do this.’ And from the interview, each of them got taken to solitary confinement.”

On Wednesday, Giordano recounts for Shoeb, he was taken to medical because he wasn’t sleeping and having troubles with his arm from a previous injury.

He also described guards knocking on his door and waking him up every time he was trying to sleep. ICE officials also threatened Shoeb with force-feeding, Giordano says.

Carl Rusnok, ICE director of communications for the central region, says there were 11 hunger strikers at the Aurora facility last week and as of Dec. 8, only one remained. According to ICE policy, hunger strikers are reported to the local ICE field office director and are closely monitored for health concerns. They are also “isolated for close supervision” when “mediBoulder Weekly

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Demonstrators with the American Friends Service Committee use black tape over their mouths and empty plates to protest against the conditions inside the Aurora facility, where between one and four people are still on hunger strike.

cally advisable.”

ICE denies any sort of retaliation against hunger strikers and claims “any allegations of abuse are categorically false and entirely without merit,” according to an ICE official speaking on background.

“It may be that there are no ICE officials involved in the sleep deprivation given that it’s a for-profit company and the guards are the ones who are employed by GEO and are the ones waking people up,” Piper responds. “I don’t have any reason to believe that people would be making that up but I’m also not there.”

ICE contracts with the publicly traded company, GEO Group, Inc., formerly Wackenhut Corrections Corp, to run the detention facility. The forprofit facility receives approximately $160 a day per detainee and can house 525 people every day. “That’s our tax money going to holding people, keeping them apart from their families, and from the safety that they come seeking in this country,” Piper says.

Plus, detainees are reporting similar abusive circumstances at four other facilities across the country, she says.

“It’s interesting to me that folks that are in different facilities and aren’t able to communicate with each other are reporting and experiencing similar kinds of activity.”

The hunger strikers in Aurora joined a total of 149 asylum seekers around the country at 10 different detention facilities, according to Piper. The hunger strike began the day before Thanksgiving at two different detention centers in California and one in Alabama by men Boulder Weekly

from South Asia and East Africa, mostly from Muslim-majority countries. It quickly spread to the other facilities, including the one in Colorado.

“These are all people who followed the process for asylum and it’s up to the local immigration office whether they choose to hold them indefinitely or let them go,” Piper says. “Some of the people who are on hunger strike have received final orders of deportation but their countries won’t issue them documents, which also means there is no end point for them. There is no point at which they will be released into the U.S. or released back into their home countries.”

This latest protest on the Front Range follows a string of hunger strikes this fall by persons from primarily Muslim-majority countries at ICE detention facilities in Texas, Louisiana and California. In October, 54 asylum seekers from Bangladesh, Pakistan and Afghanistan refused food for a week at the El Paso Processing Center. Since they ended their strike, 11 of the strikers have been released on parole according to advocacy groups.

The all hunger strikers list four demands: To end all detentions and deportations; to end the detention bed quota issued by Congress; to end indefinite detention; and to improve conditions of detention. In an effort to meet Congressional immigration detention goals, ICE, under the Department of Homeland Security, detains approximately 34,000 immigrants each day.

This policy is often referred to as the “bed quota.”

Vermont Senator and Democratic presidential candidate Bernie Sanders met with a former hunger striker from the El Paso facility on Monday, Dec. 7 as part of his Families First live stream conversation.

Through a translator, Jahed Ahmed told Sanders he watched his best friend killed in front of him in Bangladesh. A self-described political activist, the hunger striker said the government targeted him as well. His home and small shop were ransacked. “I didn’t want to leave my home but I was forced to leave my country,” he told Sanders.

He then described crossing 14 or 15 different countries before reaching the U.S. at the Mexican border. “When I came to the border I claimed asylum and found myself in detention for 10 months and 13 days,” he said.

“It is because of that hunger strike that I was let go,” he continued. “I bring to you the voices of all the people who continue to be in detention.”

Sanders promised to look into the issue, and presidential candidate Martin O’Malley has pledged his support for the hunger strikers. Democratic candidate Hillary Clinton as well as all the Republican candidates have not responded to the issue.

According to spokesperson B. Loewe with the national Not One More Deportation migrant rights campaign, there are currently 60 detainees from South Asia still on strike across the nation. “Obviously, the intimidation and torture tactics that ICE has been using and the isolation of people, especially in Aurora, has made it hard to keep count,” he says.

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Searching for sister Earth

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I

n last year’s blockbuster movie parent star, causing a brief eclipse of the Interstellar, Matthew starlight. Harvard graduate student McConaughey leads a team of David Charbonneau was working on astronauts on a quest to find a his doctoral thesis in Boulder with new planet like Earth, after Timothy Brown, then a senior scientist humanity collectively destroys the cliat the National Center for Atmospheric mate on the only home we’ve got.

Research (NCAR). Brown had built a Setting aside the feasibility of inter- specialized instrument for the project stellar space travel, the good news is — on a tight budget he had even that astronomers have made great ground the telescope optics himself in strides over the past two decades in his garage in Louisville. Together they their search for planets like Earth used the instrument to survey some around other stars that were Wikimedia Commons/ Ian Norman stars. Some of the suspected of havmost important ing large planets, breakthroughs hoping that one have actually of them would occurred right fortuitously be here in Boulder, aligned such that and scientists at the planet would University of periodically pass Colorado Boulder in front of its star. are currently They set up developing techthe telescope in nologies that will the back parking help measure the lot of the NCAR atmospheres of laboratories, and Earth-like planin late 1999 they ets in the future. saw a JupiterFor most of sized planet pass history, we only in front of its star knew about five on two separate Our galaxy has a few hundred billion stars which means there could be millions of other worlds in occasions. planets similar to Earth. our solar system: This discovery Mercury, Venus, paved the way for Mars, Jupiter and Saturn. The Greeks NASA’s Kepler space telescope, which called them “planets” (a word meaning was approved just two years later. The “wanderers”) because these bright lights mission was designed to find small in the sky were constantly moving planets like the Earth using the techagainst the backdrop of fixed stars. The nique pioneered by Brown and more distant planets had to wait for the Charbonneau. invention of the telescope. Uranus was Kepler was built by Ball Aerospace discovered by a British astronomer in in Boulder. It is the size of a small car, 1781, while the existence of Neptune with a mirror less than half the diamewas predicted by a French mathematiter of Hubble’s. It used a 95 megapixel cian and confirmed in 1846. The first digital camera to snap new images planet around another star like the Sun every 30 minutes and measure the brightness of 150,000 stars, hoping that wasn’t discovered until 1995. It was a few percent would show tiny eclipses comparable in size to Jupiter but 100 from planets. times closer to its sun, exerting a tiny After launching from Cape gravitational tug that astronomers could Canaveral in 2009, Kepler spent the measure. next four years staring at one small By 1999, dozens of planets had been discovered around other stars, and patch of the summer Milky Way. A planet like Earth would only block out for the first time astronomers found one-tenth of a percent of the starlight one that passed directly in front of its Boulder Weekly

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Kepler 425b is 60 percent larger than Earth as seen here in images taken by the Kepler space telescope, which was built in Boulder.

for several hours as it passed in front of its star once a year. Kepler provided an unblinking eye to discover these small planets, and it found them in droves.

Among the thousands of planets it discovered, about a dozen are nearly as small as Earth and orbit at a distance from their star where liquid water could exist. These planets are just from the 150,000 stars that Kepler surveyed. Our galaxy has a few hundred billion stars, so there must be millions of planets similar to the Earth!

Just because a planet is small and orbits at the right distance from its star doesn’t mean it would be a nice place to live. To get a better idea of how hospitable these planets might be, scientists at CU’s Center for Astrophysics and Space Astronomy (CASA) are working on a way to get direct images of the newly discovered worlds.

The basic concept has already been demonstrated. Block out the light of the star and look for light from the orbiting planets. This is fine for large planets like Jupiter that orbit far from their star. But to get images of Earthlike planets that are 10 billion times fainter than their sun, you need a “star-shade” ­­— a large disk shaped

like a flower that can position itself between the star and a telescope.

Some engineering challenges remain, but CASA scientists Anthony Harness and Webster Cash hope to see the first images of Earth-like planets within a decade. Pass that light through a prism, and you can probe the composition of the atmosphere, maybe even see the signature of green plants.

As in the movie Interstellar, it’s been a long journey to find other planets like Earth. Without ever leaving our planet, astronomers and engineers around Boulder have pushed forward the discovery that small planets are the rule rather than the exception, and that potentially habitable worlds are peppered throughout the galaxy.

The technology to measure their atmospheres is just around the corner. But even after we’ve found sister Earth, the prospects for mass migration are dim.

Better not wreck our own planet just yet.

Travis Metcalfe, Ph.D., is a researcher and science communicator based in Boulder, Colorado. Read previous columns and support the future of the Lab Notes series at labnotes.whitedwarf.org

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Boulder Weekly

boulderganic Katy Neusteter

THE LEADERS OF TODAY

Youth delegate discusses COP21 negotiations

by Katy Neusteter

Young people from Namibia, Kenya, Ecuador, Bolivia, India, the Philippines and other countries gather at 350.org’s temporary headquarters in Paris. They are part of a joint project by Global Greengrants and 350. org to amplify youth calls for action on climate chaos. The two groups have supported dozens of youth-led groups mobilizing climate actions on four continents.

As part of our COP21 coverage from Paris, Boulder Weekly is partnering with the Boulder nonprofit Global Greengrants Fund to tell the stories of environmental youth activists from around the world. amibia is literally gulping down its future.

The country is in the midst of the worst drought in its history. Of the three reservoirs that serve Windhoek, the capital city of 325,000, one is already empty. Officials say the others could be drained by mid-2016. In Namibia’s vast, arid rural areas, three consecutive years without rain means life or death for people who depend on seasonal rainfall to grow food.

So, I do a double take when Omagano Shooya

N

tells me she sees opportunity in her country’s water crisis. The 25-year-old works in an environmental assessment firm in Windhoek, but she moonlights as a youth organizer. She was in Paris last week with a delegation of young leaders from around the world who are addressing the causes and impacts of climate change in their communities.

“Right now, the drought is being felt by everyone all over the country,” Omagano says. “And what if this goes on for another 10 years? Where will we go if we don’t have any water? As much as this is a challenge, it’s an opportunity because this is a moment where we can expose people to the concept of climate change and take control of our future.”

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Omagano works with the Young Achievers Empowerment Project, a group of 15- to 30-year-olds that meets every Saturday in Windhoek to openly debate issues that often aren’t given voice in their schools, churches or even local media. Issues such as climate change, unemployment and gender-based violence. They bring in speakers, talk about the future of their country and discuss how young people can get involved.

“We empower youth, but we also work to inspire youth,” Omagano says. “Because an inspired young person is a motivated person, and a motivated person See COP21 Page 26

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boulderganic COP21 from Page 25

Katy Neusteter

is someone who will take action and make mayed that the country has only two a difference in her community.” experienced negotiators in Paris as Young Achievers is emblematic of the opposed to countries like the United energy coming from young urban-dwellStates and India, which have dozens. ers in the climate movement. It’s exactly “There’s a lot of back and forth and the type of community-level action that agreements are not being reached,” she builds a foundation for change on an says. “Decisions aren’t being made. There’s international level. a lot of text being reviewed and revised.

In October, the group used a $5,000 It’s very bureaucratic and political.” grant from Boulder-based Global And so Omagano plans to return Greengrants Fund to host a youth climate home with a new mission: to develop a convergence. More than 100 young peocadre of new young negotiators who can ple from 14 regions in Namibia came represent Namibia on the international together with civil society representatives stage. and officials from the Ministry of “It’s one thing to be aware, but if you Environment and Tourism, who talked don’t know how to use it, you might as about internship and fellowship opportuwell be an accountant somewhere,” she nities. Omagano says this information says. “The real question is how do we exchange was critically important because make a difference with what we now “What really hurts me is that so much climate activism is about ‘we need to save the passion young people have can often know? We aren’t the leaders of tomorrow, the polar bear.’ Yes, we need to do that. But there are people involved — their lives go to waste if they don’t know how to get should matter, too,” Omagano Shooya says. we’re the leaders of today.” involved.

Katy Neusteter is the director of commuThe group also produced a position paper to ideas in Windhoek. nications for Global Greengrants Fund. Global demand a broader role for youth voices at the U.N. Of the 190 countries participating in the climate Greengrants envisions a world in which all people live climate talks and Conference of Parties (COP21). talks, Namibia isn’t necessarily a key player. But the with dignity and in harmony with the environment. As Omagano, who spent much of her time in Paris country has a lot of skin in the game. Omagano, who the leading environmental fund that supports grassroots observing the official negotiations, delivered the paper traveled to Paris on a different grant from Global action on a global scale, we create opportunities for you to last week to Namibia’s COP21 delegates. She and Greengrants, wonders: Does Namibia have the infrainvest in local leaders working to strengthen their commuother Namibian youth already have a meeting on the structure, capacity or financial capability to handle nities and create an environmentally sustainable future. books with their country’s president to present their drought like the one it’s currently facing? She is diswww.greengrants.org

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boulderganic An ambitious agreement would benefit Colorado

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aris, France — The Paris Climate Conference began with hope and excitement as heads of state flew in to deliver strong messages on their countries’ commitments to take urgent action to address climate change. However, the first week of negotiations has led to a tentative agreement that would most likely limit warming in the range of 2.7–3.5 degrees Celsius. This agreement, while politically safe, fails to halt the cataclysmic climate effects that would occur in much of the world with this degree of heating.

On the first day of negotiations, the Climate Vulnerable Forum — a group consisting of some of the countries most vulnerable to climate change — released a declaration in which they rallied for a 1.5 degree Celsius limit in order to preserve their culture and survive.

U.S. youth rallied in solidarity with these climate-vulnerable countries, supporting one of their main demands by holding an action inside the United Nations with a banner calling for full decarbonization and a transition to 100 percent renewable energy by 2050.

While the low-lying countries that created the declaration are the first to feel the impacts of climate change, the United States is not averse to these effects.

This year, Alaska suffered some of the most severe fires in history.

Firefighters all over the West Coast were overwhelmed and overworked by the large number of fires. Intense natural disasters like these are what we have seen from just less than a 1 degree Celsius rise in global temperatures.

Imagine a world in which we are suffering the disastrous effects of 3.5 degrees Celsius warming.

In the last five years, Colorado has suffered at the hands of intense, largescale flooding and fires. Communities were destroyed and billions of dollars were spent in recovery. Nevertheless, the United States negotiating team refuses to adopt the 1.5 degree Celsius warming limit. What these officials fail to recognize is that the United States is also at the frontline of climate change.

As a Coloradan, I want to see our gov-

ernment negotiate for us and protect its citizens from increasingly intense natural disasters and the endangerment of our communities.

An ambitious climate agreement would have several collateral benefits for Coloradans. Keeping global warming below 1.5 degrees Celsius from pre-Industrial levels would mean curtailing oil and gas drilling and transitioning to a higher dependency on renewables. This goal would greatly assist the efforts against fracking in our state, as at the very least new fossil fuel infrastructure would be much more closely scrutinized before the decision to build. In a more ideal scenario for our health and the environment, new oil and gas drilling would be halted and investments made in renewable energy — preserving thousands of acres of precious lands that are practically given to the fossil fuel industry by the Bureau of Land Management. An agreement of 1.5 degrees Celsius is a tremendous boost to the movement to preserve and protect our state.

Striving toward 1.5 degrees Celsius is also a true show of support to the rest of the world, particularly countries that have suffered while the United States and other industrialized countries have polluted. Negotiators from these countries are doing more than a job — they are fighting for their lives and those of future generations. With the worst of climate change to come, we young delegates are doing the same. An ambitious agreement that incorporates decarbonization and transitioning to renewable energy directly benefits Colorado and the world as a whole.

As President Obama mentioned in his remarks to the United Nations, it’s time to “get to work.”

Christian O’Rourke of North Boulder is a youth delegate at the UN climate talks with SustainUS, a youth organization focused on climate and social justice.

He is the Director of Development for Earth Guardians, a Boulder-based, youth-led organization that empowers and amplifies the youth voice in environmental advocacy.

This opinion column does not necessarily reflect the views of Boulder Weekly.

Boulder Weekly

boulderganic Agreement will do more harm than good

by Russell Mendell

P

aris, France — The COP21 climate talks in Paris, which began on Nov. 30 and extend through Dec. 12, is the 21st time world leaders have met in an attempt to come to a binding agreement to curb greenhouse gasses.

This year’s conference carried an unusual burden of expectation, because it has been billed for years as the best hope for averting climate disaster. But, for many of the climate activists in Paris the reality is the Paris accord could bring more harm than good.

In a statement from Tom Goldtooth, executive director of the Indigenous Environmental Network, “Not only will the anticipated Paris Accord not address climate change, it will make it worse because it will promote false solutions and not keep fossil fuels from being extracted and burned. The Paris COP21 is not about reaching a legally binding agreement on cutting greenhouse gases.

In fact, the Paris Accord may turn out to be a crime against humanity and Mother Earth.”

Those are strong words and they were echoed by Naomi Klein, author of This Changes Everything: Capitalism vs. the Climate, who said the deal “will be extraordinarily dangerous.”

So how did we get here? How is it that this moment, which was a cause for hope for so many in the climate movement, is now being looked upon with dread? There are many possible answers, but when you trace a line back to the source, you’ll find one very simple and familiar answer: corporate influence.

• • • Solutions COP21 is an expo at the Grand Palais, a large historic exhibition hall, at the center of Paris. The event’s website says they aim to showcase “solutions for a new era.” So it was surprising that the event’s sponsors include multinational corporations involved with financing, extracting and burning fossil fuels. It turns out, the benefits for corporations sponsoring such an event are numerous. The event is an opportunity for companies to employ greenwashing to distract from their brands’ negative impacts, while simultaneously increasing access to policy makers. Some corporate sponsors spent as much as $250,000 for perks, like the opportunity to host “stakeholders in privileged meetings.”

A group of local and international climate activists decided to hold a toxic tour inside the event to expose the false Boulder Weekly

solutions and the companies behind them. These “false solutions,” like capand-trade, which allows companies to emit carbon in exchange for buying standing forests and not cutting them down, or increased use of natural gas, often serve to exacerbate the problem.

Among the speakers at the event was Kandi Mossett of the Indigenous Environmental Network, who stood by the booth for Suez, the world’s largest water privatization company and a member of an international pro-fracking lobby.

“Suez is talking about fracking as a solution to the future. I am from North Dakota where they are fracking my homelands and killing our people in the name of a false solution” Dozens of activists were forcibly removed by undercover police officers, who reportedly used pepper spray and “stink bombs.” One man who was unknown to organizers called out the swift action to silence any critique of the event, saying, “Every time a voice of dissent is raised ... the immediate response is to try to arrest people and try to stop them from speaking.” At that very moment undercover police officers came from behind and dragged the man out.

In a matter of days video of the crackdown posted by New Internationalist Magazine had been seen by more than 6 million and with the backlash, Solutions COP21 increased security measures, using profiling to restrict access of suspected activists. On Dec. 7 the Boulder eco-hip hop artists the Earth Guardians, led by youth activists Xiuhtezcatl and Itzcuauhtli Martinez, were due to perform on the main stage at Solutions COP21.

Having seen the video, the young fractivists decided to use the platform to amplify the voices of dissent that the expo so badly wanted to drown out.

Before the final song of a 45-minute long set, Xiuhtezcatl invited leaders from the Indigenous Environmental Network to join him on stage. In the middle of the song he took to the mic to call out the fossil fuel industry whose booths surrounded the stage. “We are here for real solutions,” Xiuhtezcatl said, “and fracking is not a real solution.”

Real solutions are desperately needed to avoid climate crisis, but we shouldn’t rely on COP21 to bring them.

Russell Mendell is a Colorado environmental activists currently in Paris This opinion column does not necessarily reflect the views of Boulder Weekly.

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Boulder Weekly

adventure k

Havlic f Stan esy o

All

rt s cou photo

You could smell

humanity In pursuit of a cure, cyclist Stan Havlick crosses six continents to benefit the Colorado Cancer Foundation

by Carolyn Oxley

S

Boulder Weekly

his used ancer k c i l C Hav lorado nts. o Stan ne cer, sh the C ix conti n a c i s l s h b t s wi esta g acro osed ls to n iagn ess skil y cycli d s n rch b a i s w u r be d b resea r mem ity an mily ersonal funds fo a f a p d n e s s e u Wh enturo . He rai adv dation Foun

he let them sleep in her woodshed. But all night long, recalls Boulder resident Stan Havlick, he could hear the young woman praying fervently that the foreign cyclists tucked soundly into their sleeping bags wouldn’t harm her.

It was 2004, and Havlick and three teammates were cycling coast-to-coast across Africa, a 3,000-mile journey that would deliver them from Cape Town, South Africa, to Dar es Salaam, Tanzania. They’d met the woman in a Botswanian village and asked her for shelter.

Compassion — not harm — was their driving force. They were cycling to benefit the Colorado Cancer Foundation, generating awareness and funds with every revolution of rubber tire against gritty dirt road.

The memory turns Havlick’s eyes wet, and he glances away before continuing his story. We’ve met in a North Boulder cafe, see HUMANITY Page 32

December 10 , 2015 31

ADVENTURE Courtesy of Stan Havlick

Courtesy of Stan Havlick

In 2004, Havlick assembled a team to cycle across Australia. Daytime temperatures were often so hot, the team would sleep during the day and remount their bikes after the sun was down.

While each cross-continental trip came with hardships for Havlick and his team, they always relished in the moments when human connections transcended cultural and linguistic boundaries. Here, Stan meets children in Botswana.

HUMANITY from Page 31

its hospitable vibe a far cry from the stark terrain Havlick often covered on six different continents between 1992 and 2006. The cycling expeditions were his idea; response to news of a family member’s diagnosis with acute lymphocytic leukemia.

Assessing his options for action, Havlick had approached doctors at the University of Colorado Health Sciences Center.

“I said, ‘You know, I don’t have any medical skills, but I have business skills, and I know you folks need some additional resources,’” he recalls.

Advised to cultivate awareness and raise funds for a cure, Havlick immediately set about establishing the Eldorado Springs Cure, an annual 4-mile benefit run now in its 38th year of operation. He also helped found the Colorado Cancer Foundation, an organization committed to supporting education, research, and cancer patients and their families.

But speaking with Havlick — his demeanor thoughtful, his movements brimming with purpose — you get the sense he’s never been one to walk when he could run, or run when he could ride.

In 1992, Havlick decided to ride. He and his son, Justin, pulled away from Santa Monica, California, with Charleston, South Carolina in their sights.

Absent the support of a SAG wagon, their panniers were swollen with water, first aid equipment, spare bike parts, and a several-day supply of provisions.

They camped when they could and hunkered down in churches and YMCAs during rough weather.

The pair averaged 86 miles per day, covering roughly 3,000 miles in 36 days.

Five more expeditions followed: Australia in 1996; Asia in 1999; South America in 2001; Africa in 2004; Europe in 2006. At home between trips, Havlick gave presentations about his travels and collected donations — $5, $10 or $20 at a time — that amounted to significant support for the Colorado Cancer Foundation.

The concept was simple: Examine a map, find a continent’s water boundaries, route the shortest distance from A to B, and ride. Each journey was roughly 3,000 miles. At 4,300 miles, Asia offered up the longest route, crossing Turkmenistan, Uzbekistan, 32 December 10, 2015

Kyrgyzstan, Kazakhstan and China.

Havlick wasn’t always an avid cyclist. His love of travel evolved at an early age, fueled by his mother’s own wanderlust and by the National Geographic magazines that littered his childhood home in Green Bay, Wisconsin. Following stints at Northern Michigan University and Wayne State, Havlick pursued a career in banking that led him to Europe and the Philippines. He later returned stateside to New York, then to Kansas City.

Eventually he heeded the call west to Boulder, partly drawn by his father’s history working as a laundry boy at Long’s Peak Inn in Estes Park. It was 1915 then, and his father’s employer was Enos Mills, founding father of Rocky Mountain National Park.

It may have been this inheritance that triggered Stan Havlick’s affinity for the mountains. A passionate mountaineer, Havlick counts Switzerland’s Matterhorn as his first major climb, followed by peaks such as Denali, Kilimanjaro, Mount Stanley, and all of Colorado’s fourteeners.

In Boulder, Havlick’s son, Justin, developed an interest in cycling. It proved contagious. Admiring Justin’s accomplishment in the historic Red Zinger cycling race, Havlick took up the sport as well, attracted to its fluidity and positive implications for cardiovascular health.

Fast-forward to 1996 and the unfurling ribbon of Australia’s Eyre Highway at night. One of the longest straight stretches of road in the world, it crosses the continent’s Nullarbor Plain, an aptly named treeless, semi-arid region nudging up against the striated cliffs of the Great Australian Bight. Havlick and two teammates dodged the oppressive heat by sleeping during the daytime hours and remounting their bikes in the evening. The edges of the road were grayed out then, the only illumination from headlamps. Everything seemed malleable in those night hours except the perimeters of the bike, its familiar handlebar and saddle.

For such a demanding endeavor, remarks Havlick, the training is self-manifesting. A certain level of health is required at the start, but the conditioning

comes after beginning the task at hand.

“You can’t think about the magnitude of the 3,000 miles ahead of you,” he says. “You have to think about that day — only that day — and get that done safely and comfortably.”

It’s not the physical prowess of the cyclist that matters, he adds, but their disposition and ability to deal patiently with discomfort and unforeseen circumstances. Before each trip, Havlick vetted the attitudes of potential cycling companions in order to ensure that the group dynamic would remain positive.

His teammates varied, but on each continent, the group sought out cancer centers and oncologists, providing them with contact information for the doctors at the University of Colorado Health Sciences Center to help facilitate the exchange of advice and equipment, particularly for centers struggling with outdated technology.

Every six to seven days the group rested, sometimes drawing straws to see who would get to spend limited resources on cultural experiences.

Havlick scrolls through photos, pauses at one of him in the backseat of an ultralight dipping over Victoria Falls. In another, a teammate bungee jumps over the Zambezi River. Like an aura, a rainbow parallels his arc.

But these were rare respites from the road, and the expeditions were no vacation. Shots were required for traveling. Sore backsides and knees were the cyclists’ constant companions. Prior to each trip, bikes had to be dismantled, cushioned with clothing and gear and repacked in their original cartons for shipment to foreign countries.

In China, guards rifled through their belongings.

A document of safe passage provided by a Congressman eased travel through Asia, as did an additional document Havlick created that featured the cyclists’ photos and an explanation of their travels. But the intense heat of China’s Taklamakan Desert and the challenge of deciphering restaurant menus contributed to significant weight loss. A Chinese gradusee HUMANITY Page 34

Boulder Weekly

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Havlick maintains that disposition and patience make for a successful long-distance cycling trip. Before each trip, Havlick vetted the attitudes of potential cycling companions in order to ensure the group dynamic would remain positive.

Courtesy of Stan Havlick

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ate student from CU was recruited for part of the ON THE BILL: Stan Havlick presents “Ends of the Earth,” a collection of photos and stories from ride, his linguistic skills put his extensive travels. 8 p.m. Thursday, Dec. 17, to use ordering nutritious Neptune Mountaineering, 633 S. Broadway, Boulder. Havlick is past president of the Colorado food to replace lost caloCancer Foundation, founder of the Eldorado ries.

Springs Cure benefit run, and regional director of Eldorado Natural Spring Water. His website is As in Australia, there GoForItAdventures.com. Donations to the were times when the team Colorado Cancer Foundation may be made payable to the foundation and mailed to 4660 White waited out the daytime Rock Circle, Unit 5, Boulder, CO 80301. hours and resumed their journey at night.

“After cycling in pure, mosquito netting with T-shirts and fresh air for hours and hours, you could safety pins. At a remote cafe, tainted smell humanity,” Havlick says. “You goat meat caused two cyclists to fall ill. could smell garbage, you could smell They flagged down a truck for a ride to pollution. You knew you were getting the local hospital, where they were into an urban area. It was a mix [of scents], but you knew it wasn’t the puri- given IVs and later released.

Each challenge held a valuable lesty out in the desert, cycling at night son. under the moon.”

“The magic number for long-disIn Africa, Havlick and his team frequently found themselves patching torn tance cycling is four,” Havlick shares.

Boulder Weekly

ADVENTURE Courtesy of Stan Havlick

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Havlick’s journey brought out curiosity and hospitality from communities around the world.

“If you’re traveling with two or three, and someone has a medical problem, someone’s going to be stuck alone. If you have five, six, seven people, it’s too cumbersome. There are too many decisions. You don’t get invited into a home for a home-cooked meal. You can’t get into a truck or vehicle in case you need to get transported with your bikes.”

And then there was Sept. 11, 2001.

It was in the town of Puqio in the south-central Andes of Peru that Havlick and his teammates learned their world was changing. Over a small black-and-white television positioned in the corner of a modestly furnished bedroom, they listened to Colin Powell deliver news of the terrorist attacks on the United States.

“We felt so helpless because we couldn’t reach out to our families, couldn’t be with them,” Havlick says, “and it really changed the dynamics of the rest of our trip.”

But hardship, while unavoidable, wasn’t the point. Though physically and emotionally arduous, the expeditions were born out of a desire to alleviate the suffering of a global population: cancer patients. Toward that end, Havlick and his fellow cyclists relished the moments when their connections with those they met tranBoulder Weekly

scended cultural and linguistic boundaries.

In Kazakhstan, children from a yurt-dwelling community gathered eagerly around Havlick’s bicycle to pose for a photo. In Poland, the cyclists encountered an oncologist who was also a cycling enthusiast.

Discussions of oncology took a backseat to his endless curiosity about Lance Armstrong.

In 2014, several years after Havlick had completed his coast-to-coast expeditions on the Earth’s six “bike-able” continents, he once again assembled a team and cycled around the perimeter of Iceland. It was another endeavor to benefit the Colorado Cancer Foundation, a trip fraught with high winds and hilly terrain.

The group stopped one day at a rural cafe. Pointing out the window, the proprietress suggested they seek shelter at a humble house nearby. They knocked on its door and were met by two teenage girls. Their mother had just passed away from cancer.

“They had nothing,” says Havlick, his voice hoarse with emotion, “but they were so generous.”

There, on a foreign doorstep at the ends of the earth, Havlick and his fellow cyclists stepped inside for dinner.

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Boulder Weekly

buzz BORDERS OF THE HEART Michael Ensminger

Motus Theater’s new production shares the story of immigrant women

by Angela K. Evans

Laura Adriana Soto Rubalcava shares her story as part of SALSA, the new production from Motus Theater.

T

he bonds of family go beyond borders and beyond generations.

Many Latin American women, who come to the U.S. looking for better opportunities for their children and grandchildren, are also deeply tied to their parents and other family left behind.

It is this connection between the past and the future held by women and mothers that is the heart behind SALSA, the newest production from Motus Theater.

“It is, for all of us, very hard to leave your family, your loved ones, your culture, and establish roots in a different country with a different language,” says performer Carmen Reina Nelson. “We are trying to tell the story of how it is to be far away.”

Directed and scripted by Kirsten Wilson, SALSA follows the 2013 Motus production of Do you know who I am?, a series of five monologues performed by young undocumented immigrants in Boulder County. The new show tells the stories of seven different immigrant Latina women from Mexico, Guatemala and Argentina through monologues, song and dance. SALSA is a social

Boulder Weekly

The idea for the performance developed justice performance, using deeply personal out of Programa Compañeras, a program of and uniting stories of grief and heartache, AMISTAD, a Boulder-based nonprofit resilience and strength, to give a voice and focused on immigration rights. At the face to immigration reform. monthly meetings one woman presents their Nelson came to the U.S. 37 years ago family salsa recipe while telling their story at from Guatemala after meeting her husband, Viviana Arturo the same time. a U.S. citizen.

“Mostly it’s “I never wantimmigration stories, ed to leave. But he how we live here, couldn’t work in why we come here, Guatemala. Life how we survive was going to be here and how resilvery, very difficult ient we women so that’s why I are,” says Elena came here,” she Aranda, organizer says. of Programa And although she is free to Compañeras and a (Left to right:) Laura Adriana Soto Rubalcava, Elena return home performer in Aranda, Angela Diaz Girardi, Ana Karina Casas Ibarra, Carmen Reina Nelson, Ligia Batista whenever she’d SALSA. Silverman, Rosa Elena Valle Cerezo like, many immiPrograma grant women, Compañeras coincluding some performing in SALSA, canproduces SALSA and plans on releasing a not. recipe book of the same name, including the “Some of the stories are really, really see SALSA Page 38 heartbreaking,” Nelson says.

December 10, 2015 37

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Carmen Reina Nelson says she sees the young undocumented performers in SALSA and Do you know who I am? as the Rosa Parks of immigration reform.

SALSA from Page 37

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38 December 10, 2015

women’s stories.

We have cried together, we’ve laughed “This is something that our own together.” community needs to hear because every The group worked for 12 weeks story has something that we believe writing and rewriting, translating and in…” Aranda says. “But also, I feel that retranslating the monologues, eventualit is a good education for the whole ly coming up with scripts in both community. That they can see us, Spanish and English. It was a huge maybe with [different] eyes, and see the commitment for the women who fit in struggles that we have and just to be in writing and rehearsals amidst busy our shoes for a moment.” schedules, multiple jobs and taking care Aranda has worked as a psychother- of their families. But there was also an apist with Latinos since moving to the emotional commitment that naturally U.S. 29 years ago from Guadalajara, comes with digging into and processing Mexico. And although she has been aspects of your own story, perhaps for supportive of SALSA from the very the first time. beginning, Aranda had no intention of “I think the more challenges you’ve performing in it until she went to one had, often the less time you’ve had to of the first meetings back in April process those stories because you just have to go to the next 2015. As Wilson obstacle,” Wilson gave the group writON THE BILL: SALSA, says. “To do someing prompts, asking Saturday, Dec. 12, 7 p.m., Sunday Dec. 13, 2 p.m., Dairy thing like this, they them to think about Center for the Arts East Theater, had to pick themdifficult situations 2590 Walnut St., Boulder, 303selves because it is and things they nor440-7826. Tickets: $18, www. thedairy.org/Online/SALSA too awesomely chalmally wouldn’t share, lenging to do autobiAranda realized how ographical monotherapeutic the prologue work. You realcess could be — to ly have to get literally ask herself the same to the bone of your story.” questions she had been asking her SALSA raises questions about class, patients for more than 20 years. citizenship, skin tone, justice and heri“It’s been a challenge, this opportutage through the vulnerability of each nity to be one more in the community performer. All seven women in the and share my story,” she says. “Not just show make their theatrical debut in listen to stories of many women, [but] SALSA and range in age from early 20s to share my story, my pain, my strugto early 60s, representing a variety of gles, makes me grateful.” experience and history that both broadThe process has served as a form of ens and deepens the perspective of the group therapy as well. “To open your performance. own Pandora’s box, it helps you to heal The women speak of the obstacles some things, to understand others and that come with living without legal stashare it in a very safe place with all the tus, the challenges of identifying with comfort and friendship has been very, two disparate cultures and their experivery healing,” Nelson says. “We ences of immigration. They share about rehearse together, and we’ve formed a family members who have been deportreally tight bond because everybody is ed and the guilt they carry for living so telling a story that is from the heart.

Boulder Weekly

far away from their parents and culture.

“It explores the borders of the heart,” Wilson says. “There’s this artificial boundary we have between countries and then there is the way these borders impact people’s families and separate them.”

In Nelson’s monologue, she describes surviving an earthquake as a young child in Guatemala that resulted in a stutter she has tirelessly worked to overcome. She attributes her success to her supportive grandmother and the strength of her Mayan ancestry.

“It’s about the love of who can help you overcome something that is painful for you,” Nelson says. “I don’t have a story about crossing the border in a dramatic way but since childhood I’ve had a stutter. So that’s always been in the back of my mind as my story.”

“All these women in their immigration process have had an earthquake,” Wilson says. “It’s these two cultures coming together and it’s this crash and aspects of them get buried in that crash.

But with love and support… the women can emerge and find their voice beautifully. [Nelson’s] piece becomes a metaphor for all stories in terms of what it is and the challenges and the stakes.”

If Nelson’s story is a metaphor that ties all of the women’s stories together, the center of the performance is given

by Rosa Elena Valle Cerezo. As she makes her family salsa recipe in front of the audience, she shares the story of her aunt, who was reunited with her first love later in life after marrying other people, having families and finding themselves both widowed.

“The story is basically that the love will arrive,” Wilson says. “I think it holds literally the heart of the piece, which is at some level having some faith that you will be with your family again. And that is not just the past, but it is the future and that love is destined to arrive in some way. It becomes a balm for the brokenness in other stories.”

The shows on Dec. 12 and 13 are previews of SALSA performed in English. Wilson says the preview performances allow the women to showcase the hard work they’ve been doing, while presenting the piece in a smaller venue, holding their scripts, gaining more performance exposure before the official debut scheduled for Mother’s Day 2016.

Ideally, Wilson says, the performance would be bilingual with the use of headsets to translate for the audience, allowing the women to speak in the language they are most comfortable with. But for now, performances are done entirely in one language.

“It is really natural to do it in Boulder Weekly

Spanish because it is my feeling and emotion and I have a name for that feeling,” Aranda says. “In English, I have to learn, ‘Oh, that’s my emotion’ … I also have to learn to pronounce so I don’t feel it as much. [But] I’m learning to feel the other language in me.”

Sharing personal stories on stage also presents cultural challenges. Both Nelson and Aranda admit their families in Mexico and Guatemala don’t understand why they would want to share their experiences with the world. In their cultures, they say, vulnerability

stays in family conversation but is rarely shared with friends in the community, let alone on stage.

“We talk in the family and this stays here,” Aranda says.

“But to be up on the stage telling the world… it’s a little radical,” Nelson adds.

The preview performances will be followed by question and answer time with the cast in order to both receive feedback on the show and further answer questions about the women’s lives.

Wilson says the group has per-

formed twice in Spanish in small settings, leaving the audience in tears.

But ultimately, the point of the piece isn’t to elicit pity or shame. It is to share the daily struggles of living as an immigrant and expose the humanity that we all share. It seeks to create community by allowing people to really see each other, not by shying away from difficult topics, but by diving deeply into them.

“Don’t feel sorry for me,” Nelson’s monologue concludes. “I am not ashamed of my story.”

Nissi’s • Saturday, December 26 95th & Arapahoe, Lafayette • 7:30pm • $8 in advance 303-665-2757 • www.nissis.com Dickens Opera House • Friday, January 1 3rd & Main, Longmont • 8pm • $8 in advance 303-834-9384 • www.dickensoperahouse.com CALL NOW TO BOOK THE BAND FOR A ROCKIN’ PARTY 303-819-8182 • www.hindsightclassicrock.com December 10, 2015 39

overtones A gathering place for great food, drinks Rev it up! & entertainment Spend a night in the Fox with the Buy Tickets: www.nissis.com

OUR EXTENSIVE RENOVATIONS ARE COMPLETE AND WE’RE READY TO CELEBRATE. Give the Gift of a Great Night Out!

Nissi’s Gift Cards available @ nissis.com

Upcoming Events & Entertainment Sun

December 13

HAZEL MILLER’S HOLIDAY GROOVE “Dance/R&B”

Tuesday

December 15

A NIGHT OF ACOUSTIC ROCK & BLUES Featuring

BOULDER BLUES MAFIA, THE SEERS, NORTH BOULDER UNDERGROUND FREE ADMISSION

Wednesday December 16

Boulder Weekly presents

THE RETURN OF...

THE PEDESTRIANS “80s Rock”

Thursday December 17

MOTIVE VOCAL BAND “Acapella Pop & Rock”

Friday December 18

GIRLS ON TOP! “Dance/R&B”

Saturday December 19

SOUL SCHOOL

“Dance Music from Yesterday & Today”

Sunday December 20

COLCANNON

“Traditional Celtic Christmas”

Tuesday

December 22

FRANNY & THE JETS With a Special Appearance by

HAZEL MILLER

Wednesday December 23

NELSON RANGELL HOLIDAY CONCERT “Smooth Jazz”

Saturday December 26

HINDSIGHT “Classic Rock”

Sunday December 27

HOLLY AND THE HUSBANDS “Classic Jazz”

Friday December 31

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LAFAYETTE, CO 303.665.2757 40 December 10, 2015

Reverend Horton Heat

by Jim Bolt

ON THE BILL: Reverend Horton Heat with the Bellrays and Lords of Altamont. 7:30 p.m., Dec. 17, Fox theatre, 1135 13th St., Boulder, 303-447-0095

S

ince 1985, Reverend Horton year than any other year,” Heath says. home for Christmas Day, and they got Heat has toured alongside the “We play psychobilly festivals in the idea to tie a sled to the back of a Cramps, the Sex Pistols, Europe and then we’ll do a blues festi- Jeep and go to the nearby vacant lot for Johnny Cash, Jerry Lee Lewis, val, or maybe play a town square. We some snowy fun. Heath says it’s a song Soundgarden, and even ZZ get young people and older people, and about being a redneck. The experience Top. On Dec. 17, the undisputed kings we’re really doing some diverse stuff. highlighted Heath’s old school ways in of American psychobilly provide a We played one show with, like, 15,000 the current fast-paced music industry. blend of high-energy rockabilly, blues bikers.

“The record company called and and straight-ahead rock ‘n’ roll to the “[But] what really scares me is old said, ‘Hey, we can get you on this Fox Theatre.

Amazon deal. It’s going to be this thing people — there are some dance halls in The band is touring where if you can write Gene Ambo in support of their latest and record a Christmas album Rev, which was song in a few days it released in January 2014. will go on Amazon.’”

“We tour all the time.

Health told the … We are hard working. record company he I can’t keep track. We go didn’t think there was out and we’re gone a time for all of that — month, back a month and he’d need to get the a half. It ends up we’re band together and gone about a third of the rehearse. time,” says the “Reverend” “They said, ‘Look, Jim Heath. just try to come up Colorado is always a with something with popular stop, and this you singing with your time the band is planning guitar.’ That’s kind of five stops around the what [the song] is.” state. They love playing It’s clear that ski towns like Heath and other memBreckenridge and Copper, bers of the band have a but Heath says some of great time performing their best shows have together. Their shows been in Denver and are always high-octane American psychobilly rockers Reverand Horton Heat return to Boulder on fueled events. Heath Boulder. tour with their latest album Rev. says he enjoys playing “Boulder has great music now more than music fans and, it being a college town, it’s really been a longTexas and when we show up, they come when he first started out. He recalls how every gig used to matter so much time, great place for us.” out in force in their square dancin’ that he would worry about making the Rev — their 11th studio release — gear,” he says with a laugh. club owner mad for playing too loud. marks a clear return to the band’s early Heath has also put on his own sucNow, he just focuses on playing good years of straight ahead rock ‘n’ roll. cessful festival, Horton’s Hayride, for music, having fun and letting ’er rip.

Heath says a couple of the songs were the past two years. The festival, held in “I really do care. I put on a suit early numbers that never made it on to southern California, is a rockabilly roots and a starched shirt every night. ...” an album. fest, which has featured several notable he says. “It really is about having fun “They were popular songs for us acts, including: Nekromantix, Deke and not as much about the other back in the day, so I figured they’d still Dickerson, Jello Biafra, the Cherry stuff. I still get nervous, so there’s still work,” he says. “We tried to get back to Poppin’ Daddies, Unknown Hinson, going to be an edge there.” some more rock ‘n’ roll stuff and that Big Sandy & His Fly-Rite Boys, Lee Heath is excited to come back to kind of thing … because the album Rocker and Slim Jim Phantom.

Boulder and is thankful for all the supbefore … that really leaned toward The latest Horton song is just in port the fans have given over the years. country. It was kind of time for us to time for the holidays. “Donuts in the “We’re going to come in and play as get back to rockin’ as normal.”

Snow” is a solo effort for the Amazon energetic as we’ve ever done and have a Recently, Heath and his band have music exclusive Indie for the Holidays. good time and get to see the people,” been frequenting festivals, which often The number came about after a partiche says. “I just appreciate ’em a lot; they provide an interesting mix of attendees. ularly snowy Christmas Eve in Texas.

“We’ve done more festivals this Heath’s brother-in-law came over to his have great taste in music.”

Boulder Weekly

• Which private school is best for your child?

• Why independent learning delivers lasting benefits • Directory of BACIS Boulder Area Consortium of Independent Schools

In partnership with

BOULDER COUNTY’S MOST COMPREHENSIVE RESOURCE FOR PRIVATE SCHOOLS

Boulder Area Independent School Directory

B

ACIS, the Boulder Area Consortium of Independent Schools, has 22 member schools. The organization works to increase community awareness of independent schools in an effort to assure that each and every student reaches their individual potential. BACIS schools are committed to having small class sizes, to delivering an outstanding education, to providing individualized attention, to having wholesome communities, to providing independent education and to developing strong partnerships with parents. For more information about what area independent schools have to offer, please visit www.bacis.com.

There, you will find a number of useful articles and resources, as well as useful tools to determine which area independent schools are the best fit for your child and family.

Bixby School www.bixbyschool.org 4760 Table Mesa Drive Boulder, CO 80305 303-494-7508 office@bixbyschool.org Preschool–5th grade

Dawson School www.dawsonschool.org 10455 Dawson Dr. Lafayette, CO 80026 303-665-6679 admissions@dawsonschool.org Grades K–12

Bolder Pathway School www.bolderschool.com 320 East First Ave. Suite 101 Broomfield, CO 80020 720-420-9266 info@bolderschool.com Grades K–12

Friends’ School www.friendsschoolboulder.org 5465 Pennsylvania Ave. Boulder, CO 80303 303-499-1999 info@friendsschoolboulder.org Preschool–6th grade

Boulder Country Day School www.bouldercountryday.org 4820 Nautilus Ct. N. Boulder, CO 80301 303-527-4931 info@bouldercountryday.org Preschool, K–8th grade

Hillside School www.hillsidelearning.org 6717 S. Boulder Road Boulder, CO 80303 303-494-1468 kathy@hillsidelearning.org Grades 1–9

Boulder Waldorf Kindergarten www.boulderwaldorf.com 4072 19th Street Boulder, CO 80304 303-541-0671 office@boulderwaldorf.com Serving children ages 12 months to 6 years.

Jarrow Montessori School www.jarrow.org 3900 Orange Court Boulder, CO 80304 303-443-0511 gavin.green@jarrow.org Toddler–6th grade

Broomfield Academy www.broomfieldacademy.com 7203 W. 120th Ave. Broomfield, CO 80020 303-469-6449 principal@broomfieldacademy.com Academic Preschool–8th grade

The Joshua School www.joshuaschool.org 7077 Harvest Road Boulder, CO 80301 303-974-7732 Kindergarten–age 21

K-5TH & PRESCHOOL

Mackintosh Academy www.mackintoshacademy.com 6717 South Boulder Road Boulder, CO 80303 303-501-5165 sam.gaudet@ mackintoshacademy.com Kindergarten–8th grade

Temple Grandin School www.templegrandinschool.org 6446 Jay Road Boulder, CO 80301 303-554-7363 admissions@ templegrandinschool.org Grades 6–12

Running River School www.runningriver.org 1370 Forest Park Circle Lafayette, CO 80026 303-499-2059 nancy@runningriver.org Grades K–8 September High School www.septemberschool.org 1902 Walnut Street Boulder, CO 80302 303-443-9933 info@septemberschool.org Grades 9–12

Mountain Peak School www.mountainpeakschool.com 1833 Sunset Place Longmont, CO 80501 720-494-1622 mountainpeak@comcast.net Preschool-6th grade

Shepherd Valley Waldorf School www.shepherdvalley.org 6500 W. Dry Creek Parkway Niwot, CO 80503 303-652-0130 enrollment@shepherdvalley.org Preschool–8th

Mountain Shadows Montessori School www.mountainshadows.org 4154 63rd Street Boulder, CO 80301 303-530-5353 hello@mountainshadows.org Ages 12 months through 6th grade Rivendell School www.rivendell-school.org 1800 E. Prospect Rd Fort Collins, CO 80525 970-493-9052 admissions@rivendell-school.org Ages 3–6th grade

Shining Mountain Waldorf School www.smwaldorf.org 999 Violet Ave. Boulder, CO 80304 303-951-8579 maryf@smwaldorf.org Preschool–12th Tara Performing Arts High School www.tarahighschool.org 4180 19th Street Boulder, CO 80304 303-440-4510 admissions@tarahighschool.org Grades 9–12

Watershed School ww.watershedschool.org 1661 Alpine Ave Boulder, CO 80304 303-440-7520 admissions@watershedschool. org Middle and High School Ziji Early Elementary School www.zijiearlyelementary.org 6390 Jay Rd Boulder, CO 80301 303-530-0844 info@zijiearlyelementary.org Grades K-2 The Independent School Guide is published annually by Boulder Weekly in partnership with the Boulder Area Consortium of Independent Schools (BACIS). No portion may be reproduced in any form without written permission from the publisher. © 2015 Boulder Weekly, Inc. All rights reserved.

Academic Preschool, Elementary & Middle School

On-site Swimming

• • • •

Small class size (5-8 students) Hands on, experiential learning Emphasis on critical thinking skills Flexible extended day option: 7:15-5:45

DON’T MISS OUR OPEN HOUSES!

• • •

Thurs. Nov. 19th: 9:00-10:30 a.m.

Thurs. Jan. 21st: 9:00-10:30 a.m. & 6:00-7:30 p.m.

An Individualized Education

Helping Children to be Exceptional, Accelerated and Creative Open House & Tour: Jan. 13 and Feb. 3 9am or 5pm

(or call to schedule a personal tour)

Thurs. Feb. 18th: 9:00-10:30 a.m. & 6:00-7:30 p.m. . . . Or call for a tour!

303.494.7508

4760 Table Mesa Dr.

2 December 10, 2015

7203 W. 120th AVENUE, BROOMFIELD

www.bixbyschool.org

Now Enrolling for Spring, Summer & Fall 2016

(303) 469-6449

broomfieldacademy.com

Boulder Area Independent School Guide ’15 Boulder Weekly

Rocky Mountain Christian Academy 9447 Niwot Road, Niwot, CO 80503 303-652-9162 rmcaonline.org

E

Courtesy of Rocky Mountain Christian Academy

ngaging minds, inspiring virtue... preparing for life.

A high quality education is important. But, education is more than just what you can accomplish; it is the shaping of persons into the very images we were created to become. At RMCA, we care about what matters. And we care about creating an environment where a child can think, and do and grow toward God and others.

Our philosophy incorporates the best thoughts on education over the centuries — Plato, Aristotle, Socrates, Dorothy Sayers and Charlotte Mason.

Our methods whisper of the past while remaining the best preparation for the future.

Our students are not told what to think, they are taught how to think for themselves.

Our community thrives on family activities and shared values.

Our academic pursuits are worthy of thoughtful conversation and guided practice.

Leaders stand out from the crowd and stand up for what is true. Discover why your child should grow up here — it could make all the difference in the world.

Grades: Preschool-8th Enrollment: 185 Student/Faculty Ratio: Preschool 8:1, K-8 12:1 Tuition: Preschool and half-day Kindergarten $2,190-$5,190; full day K-8 $5,990.

FULL-DAY YEAR-ROUND

O C F U S SED T R A C I ULUM R R U C ENROLLING

NOW

1235 Pine St., Boulder 303.800.0234 offbroadwaypreschool.org

4 December 10, 2015

Mackintosh Academy

6717 South Boulder Road, Boulder 303-554-2011 mackintoshacademy.com

A

Courtesy of Mackintosh Academy

t Mackintosh Academy, we prepare students (kindergarten through grade 8) to succeed in a world we can’t yet imagine. For nearly 40 years Mackintosh has been pioneering next-generation gifted education, nurturing the keen minds and compassionate hearts of gifted and creative students in a caring community of learners so that they contribute to a world that needs them.

Mackintosh blends a purposefully small school environment with leading-edge educational approaches, preparing children for their unique future. Our students love to learn and learn to leave their mark. Mackintosh Academy is a co-educational, independent day school with a student to teacher ratio of 9:1. As a fully accredited IB world school offering a full-time gifted program, days at Mack are filled with depth, rigor and challenge for students who love to learn. A Mackintosh education is deliberately whole child, integrating daily arts, physical education, world language (Spanish), and social emotional learning. As a leading advocate for schools of the future we also emphasize creativity, innovation and design thinking to prepare students to be next generation leaders, innovators and problem solvers. Tuition assistance is available. To learn more contact Sam Gaudet, Director of Institutional Advancement.

Grades served: kindergarten to 8th Director of Institutional Advancement: Sam Gaudet sam.gaudet@mackintoshacademy.com

Boulder Area Independent School Guide ’15 Boulder Weekly

zi ji

early elementary school kindergarten through second grade

Bixby School

nurturing the joy in living and learning

4760 Table Mesa Drive, Boulder 303-494-7508 bixbyschool.org

B

meet the teachers & tour the school

Courtesy of Bixby School

ixby School serves preschool through 5th grade children in a picturesque environment in south Boulder. Founded in 1970, the school emphasizes the development of critical thinking skills, hands-on/experiential learning, and the academic, social, and emotional growth of each child. These objectives are accomplished by talented teachers in small classes (5-8 students) who provide personalized instruction to meet and challenge every child’s needs.

Bixby also focuses on depth of learning across all disciplines — math, science, humanities, and the arts. Bixby’s graduates regularly report they feel they have a deeper understanding of concepts than their fellow middle schoolers.

Parents appreciate Bixby’s flexible extended day: 7:15 a.m.-5:45 p.m.

friday, january 8, 10-11:30 friday, february 5, 10-11:30 contact us for more info & to rsvp

6390 jay road, boulder 303-530-0844 • www.zijielementary.org AGES 5-12 ARE WELCOME

WATCH YOUR CHILD BUILD CONFIDENCE AND COMMUNITY

ONLY

$60/MONTH!

Ziji Early Elementary School 6390 Jay Road, Boulder 303-530-0844 zijiearlyelementary.org

A

t Ziji Early Elementary we work to create a rich, meaningful and embodied educational journey for our mixed aged class of 20 children aged 4- to 9-years-old, and two teachers. Our differentiated curriculum allows each student to work at the edge of their academic understanding in an active, engaged way. Our allegiance to play encourages social/ emotional development and self-understanding and furthers future skills in storytelling, design and creative inventing of all kinds. Our contemplative teaching practice cuts conventional speed and nurtures an appreciation for the simple joy, wonder and limitless possibility inherent in each and every school day.

Courtesy of Ziji Early Elementary School

OIN ME TO J S O C L E W RS SSE BEGINNE OOL-YEAR CLA H FOR SC

DAY! LINE TO LERS.COM N O R E T REGIS KSTWIR IGHPEA WWW.H

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TUESDAYS 4:25-5:25PM 3-5X PER MONTH @ ARAPAHOE YMCA

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Shepherd Valley Waldorf School 6500 W. Dry Creek Parkway, Niwot 303-652-0130 shepherdvalley.org

E

Courtesy of Shepherd Valley Waldorf School

xperienced teachers offer a developmentally-appropriate, experiential approach to education that integrates the arts and academics on our expansive 38 acres.

Pre-schoolers and kindergarteners enjoy a playbased curriculum with an emphasis on movement and sensory integration. Children learn mathematics, literacy and science through practical activities indoors in natural home-like classrooms and outside in nature.

In first grade, our gentle approach guides elementary students with a remarkably rich Waldorf curriculum of Mathematics, Sciences, Language Arts, Literature, History and Geography as well as German, Mandarin, Eurythmy (expressive dance), Physical, Handwork, Painting and Instrumental Music.

The faculty partner with parents to provide an environment of support and strength to meet the growing expectations and independence of the adolescent. Additionally middle schoolers embrace rigorous learning that addresses the intellectual, social, emotional and physical development of older children. The academic curriculum helps students make connections among subject areas as diverse as drama, poetry, algebra, geometry, physics, Roman history, modern history, astronomy and chemistry.

Our 21 year tradition of strong academics, artistically taught, includes parent-child early childhood classes, enrichment classes, afterschool programs and summer camps.

Boulder Weekly Boulder Area Independent School Guide ’15

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K- 8 TH GRADE IB WORLD SCHOOL K-8TH GRADE GIFTED & CREATIVE

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www.MackintoshAcademy.com 6717 South Boulder Road, Boulder (303) 554-2011

7018 South Prince Street, Littleton (303) 794-6222 www.MackintoshAcademy.com

6717 South Boulder Road, Boulder (303) 554-2011 South Prince Street, Littleton (303) 794-6222 Boulder Area7018 Independent School Guide ’15 Boulder Weekly

Broomfield Academy

7203 W. 120th Ave., Broomfield 303-469-6449 broomfieldacademy.com

B

Courtesy of Broomfield Academy

roomfield Academy is a nationally accredited, high-quality, independent private preschool, elementary and middle school for children ages 2-and-a-half to 14. It is known for having small class sizes and an individualized approach.

Enrollment is open for full-day kindergarten, full- or part-time academic preschool and grades 1–8.

The school also offers a variety of educational and fun summer programs including an academic preschool, a kindergarten prep class, an elementary prep class, an intermediate prep class and a summer enrichment camp.

In all of its programs there is a strong focus on learning. The school focuses on academic excellence through the development and implementation of individual student-learning goals and a well-rounded and advanced curriculum to help children reach their fullest potential. In addition to a very strong core-academic program, the school offers specialty courses to all students in world language (Mandarin Chinese and Spanish), world music, dance, swimming (in a very warm onsite saltwater swimming pool), art, technology and physical education.

Broomfield Academy maintains a focus on character development that includes a “core virtue of the month” program, along with significant community service and charitable involvement. Broomfield Academy also offers a before- and after-school program for working parents with programs throughout its five-acre campus.

Off Broadway Preschool of Fine Arts 1235 Pine St., Boulder 303-800-0324 offbroadwaypreschool.org

J

ust as children see the posCourtesy of Off Broadway Preschool of Fine Arts sibility and potential in every situation we, at the Off Broadway Preschool of Fine Arts, see the possibility in every child. We recognize that to invest in the future we must invest time and energy in our world’s future leaders, our children. Therefore, we offer a program rich in creative outlets, and opportunities for discovery.

We believe not only in the beautiful uniqueness of every individual, but also in the interconnectedness of all life. Because of this, we strive for individualized attention for each child, in the context of our small, yet vibrant class groups. We accomplish this with low teacher to child ratios, a gifted staff, and a creative and compassionate approach to learning.

We understand that preschool is a precious time of human development in emotional, social, spiritual, and intellectual areas, and to neglect any of these areas would provide an incomplete education. Through our partnerships with parents and families we work to ensure that each child is growing and developing in al of these areas. With our focus on the creative arts we equip children with the flexibility, curiosity, and creativity to achieve a robust personal potential within the context of our world family.

Peace, Love, and Laughter.

Emily L’Hommedieu — Director

Boulder Weekly Boulder Area Independent School Guide ’15

December 10, 2015 7

arts & culture Chensiyuan via Wikimedia Commons

essay WE OFFER Large Menu Selection & Daily Specials Daily Drink Specials 28 Taps & Large Selection of Craft Beers 16 Large Screen TVs 8 Billiard Tables Dart Boards Video Games KARAOKE DJ ON THURSDAY NIGHTS DEC. 10

DJ Done 9pm-1am

I TALKS GOOD

by Amanda Moutinho

I

remember my first caipirinha. It was the summer after my freshman year of college, and my family had just arrived in Brazil. Like any thirsty college kid who had a few, not so graceful encounters with alcohol, I wanted to use the system to my advantage. As we were sitting in my aunt’s living room, I proclaimed to my family, “Hey! I’m 18; I can drink legally here!” With a grimace, my dad reluctantly conceded.

Later that night, I took my first sip of the drink, made from a blend of limes, sugar and cachaça, Brazilian liquor made from sugarcane juice. It felt like a rite of passage and another insight into the world I had orbited around my entire life.

My parents moved from Rio de Janeiro, Brazil, to Golden, Colorado with my 4-year-old brother three years before I was born. I grew up in the states isolated from my extended family and the culture of my parents. Throughout my life, I ventured with my family to Rio a handful of times, accumulating a bundle of random snippets in my mind. My first actual memory was a blip from early childhood, walking to the beach barefoot and remembering how the pavement was burning my feet.

I remember stepping off the plane into the thick, sticky air; pulling up to my grandma’s building and the long, dimly lit hallway leading to her heavy brown door. I remember the sweet smell of my aunt’s soap, banana milkshakes, sandy feet, chaotic bus rides, black and white stone sidewalks and the squeaky sounds of the cuíca during a samba performance.

Boulder Weekly

But mostly I remember bites of Brazil at home in Colorado. Home movies from my toddlerhood showed me perfectly babbling in Portuguese about my brinquedos or my favorite Disney princess Branca de Neve. Portuguese was my first language, but English became my native tongue. When I started school, not wanting to confuse me, my parents didn’t push Portuguese on me, and I rebelliously resisted when they would. With little thought, I discarded the language like a toy that no longer interested me.

Portuguese was still spoken in the house, through the stereo, on the TV and at the parties my parents threw.

(Brazilians will always find other Brazilians.) My mom would make feijoada, a black bean stew with pork and beef, and my dad would make caipirinhas. My dad would laugh with friends as he took the wooden pestle and smashed, stirred and ground, grabbing limes from the dozen we bought before each party. I never completely understood what he was doing, just that I wouldn’t be partaking.

For school, I did reports on Brazil, thinking I’d have a leg up on the information but realizing I knew nothing about the country. This point was proven once when my dad was editing an elementary school report and gently reminded me that while some women wore fio dental (dental floss, a nickname for a thong bikini) to the beach, it wasn’t a national uniform.

I went to school packed with a last name that Americans didn’t know what to do with: Moutinho. Usually their first see BRAZIL Page 42

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arts & culture BRAZIL from Page 41

guess was, “Mountain-Ho?” To simplify, I Americanized it to “Mo-teen-ho,” or as one of my classmates suggested, “I always remember it as “Moreteen-hoes.” A lovely nickname for a teenager.

I was always proud of my heritage, and I enjoyed the chance to brag any time I could. But it was a superficial pride, appropriating a culture that wasn’t my own. It made me exotic in the time of adolescence when everyone is desperate to be interesting. I reveled telling my friends I was the most Latin of the group because my parents were from Brazil. (Of course, at the time I wasn’t accounting for the fact that my great grandparents migrated from Portugal.)

The cultural divergence intensi- Amanda Moutinho fied when I grew no affinity for sports, specifically futebol. I’d stay in my room while my parents and brother violently screamed at Brazilian soccer refs on television, and I’d sit quietly at meals as they’d discuss the new team coach or league rankings.

That silence also took hold at Portuguese-speaking tables, where my lack of language skills became more of a nuisance.

My brain knew it, but my tongue didn’t. Any time people found out my parents were from Brazil, the obligatory question would come followed by my answer: “No, I don’t speak Portuguese, but I understand it!”

It seemed an odd dynamic for people. But for me it was normal that my mother would speak to me in Portuguese and I’d answer in English. (My dad gave up speaking Portuguese with me when I was a kid, and I was grateful for that.) It was hard to start when my skill level was so stunted, like a chef with a book of recipes and no ingredients.

It also didn’t help to have an older, fluent brother who liked to tease me. One day feeling prideful, I shut him down with, “Eu fala bem!” (The equivalent to “I talks good!”) This did not help my case.

When friends and family came to visit, I’d silently sit at the table as everyone debated Brazilian politics or complained about the problems of their country. I nodded or shook my head when necessary, laughed at their jokes and turned red when asked a question that I had to stutter through.

While my parents and brother made yearly trips to Brazil, I only went a few times throughout my adoles-

cence. But during senior year of college, wanderlust took hold. I wanted to teach English and explore the world. I opted out of Asia and decided to go to my family’s homeland instead.

I navigated Rio feeling like a tourist dressed in a native’s costume. Despite my previous visitits, I had no real knowledge of its soul. And what I found was a culture that welcomed me with open arms.

Everything I had grown up with in small portions was available in endless supply. I could find the Brazilian snacks I loved at any grocery store, not to mention fresh mangoes and passion fruit. The dishes my mom made on special occasions were served at every restaurant. Live samba music was sprinkled throughout clubs, bars and even on the streets. I was constantly surrounded by warm, spirited people with a thirst for happiness and pleasure. Plus, you could get a caipirinha just about anywhere.

I got to know the city of my roots, experiencing the culture first hand instead of distilled through someone else. And Rio is a city that’s easy to fall in love with, hence its nickname Cidade Maravilhosa (Marvelous City).

Its natural beauty is captivating, and I started to understand why people enjoyed being outside, a place I had shunned back in Colorado. I made my home on the beaches of Copacabana and Ipanema, where I spent most of my time in Rio, dissolving into the white sand and blue waves. My friends and I sat on lounge chairs ordering caipirinhas from muscled men in Speedos. Ultimately, we became savvy enough to barter down to local pricing, “R$20 for a caipirinha?

Pode ser R$10?”

With no parents to hide behind, my Portuguese had to come out and play again. Each day the words rolled easier off my tongue. And if there weren’t any challenging words, then I could even be mistaken for a native speaker. My language skills actually became useful to friends who didn’t speak Portuguese. It especially came in handy when I helped a friend avoid deportation by calming down a screaming match between him and the tourist police by translating for both sides.

I developed a personality in the language, and an appreciation for its playful beauty. I was actually

able to speak my mind, instead of sheepishly answering with monosyllabic words. And I finally wasn’t the loudest person in the room; I was in a room full of Brazilians whose natural volume is loud and louder.

Eventually, I bought my own wooden mortar and pestle and made my own caipirinhas. (Take a lime and cut off four one-eighth slices of the peel. Then quarter the lime, add in a couple spoonfuls of sugar and grind the ingredients together before generously pouring in some cachaça, then serve over crushed ice.)

Even the soccer came with time… and a lot of explaining. (I’m fairly sure I can possibly tell when something is maybe offsides.) I actually cared if our team won or lost. I went to games in the stadium surrounded by thousands of screaming fans, and I got heart palpitations if our team played badly.

Of course, you can put the American girl in Brazil, but you can’t take America out of the girl. (Or as a student said: the hardware’s Brazilian, but the software is American.) Frustration boiled in me with the inefficiencies of this still-developing country, and I understood some reasons my parents hadn’t moved back to Brazil. My list included: Late buses, nonexistent customer service, unnecessary bureaucracy, broken infrastructure, decaying environment, stupid fat pigeons and a lack of peanut butter.

But Brazilians are the first to tell you everything wrong with their country. Yet overshadowing that list of grievances is the never-yielding pride coursing through every Brazilian. It’s a feeling I observed my whole life but didn’t truly understand until I spent a year gathering experiences unfiltered through the lens of family members or school reports. I carved out a piece of my heritage and claimed it as my own.

When I was finally ready to return to America, I had to say goodbye to the place I loved. Dressed for the airport I donned a black shirt, heavy jeans, tennis shoes and a bulging backpack, sweating in the blazing, beach sun. I sat on the Copacabana sand and quietly sobbed over the place I’d grown to adore. (Everyone else on the beach probably thought I was a slightly deranged tourist.)

Then I walked up the street to Ipanema to a kiosk and ordered a final caipirinha. I toasted to this marvelous city that I finally felt connected to.

“Thank you. Until next time.”

“Obrigada. Até a próxima.”

Join the Ukulele Craze!

Ohana • Oscar Schmidt and KoAloha!

3101 28th St, Tebo Plaza, Boulder 42 December 10, 2015

303.449.0516

hbwoodsongs.com Boulder Weekly

Jackie Evancho

A Colorado Christmas T T DEC 11-13

FRI 7:30

SAT 2:30 & 6:00 T SUN 1:00

DECEMBER EVENTS

HOLIDAY

free admission • live music

Andres Lopera, conductor Colorado Symphony Chorus, Duain Wolfe, director Colorado Children’s Chorale, Deborah DeSantis, artistic director

JackieTEvancho Sings Holiday Hits & More DEC 15

HOLIDAY

TUES 7:30

Holiday Brass at Montview Boulevard Presbyterian ChurchT T DEC 18 & 20

FRI 7:30

Brian Buerkle, conductor Colorado Symphony Brass & Percussion

SUN 5:00

Handel’sTMessiah

DEC 18-19 FRI-SAT 7:30 DEC 20 T SUN 1:00*

HOLIDAY

HOLIDAY

* Join us on Sunday for the return of the Messiah Sing-Along!

Sunday concert only $25 for adults and $10 for children.

Duain Wolfe, conductor Colorado Symphony Chorus, Duain Wolfe, director

Symphony at the Movies: Home Alone T DEC 22

HOLIDAY

TUE 7:30

Christopher Dragon, conductor Colorado Symphony Chorus, Mary Louise Burke, associate director

A Weekend of StarTWars T DEC 26-27

SAT 7:30

Andres Lopera, conductor

GEEK

SUN 1:00

coloradosymphony.org T 303.623.7876

box office 1000 14th St., Denver, CO 80202 mon-fri: 10am - 6pm T sat 12pm - 6 pm Boettcher Concert Hall at the Denver Performing Arts Complex

Please join us for these HalfNotes pre-concert family activities in Gallery 2.

Christopher Dragon, conductor

Over 100 Exhibitors

FREE HOLIDAY CONCERT with KENNY LEE YOUNG Last Chance Gift Fest Sunday December 20 • 10am – 5pm Boulder County Fairgrounds, 9595 Nelson Rd. Longmont

Over 100 Vendors at each event!

For more info visit coloradoevents.net Boulder Weekly

December 10, 2015 43

Friday december 18 a Very Special Holiday SHow

Victor wooten w/ analog Son

Saturday december 19

xxyyxx & noSaj tHing dj Set w/ inSigHtFul (Soulection) & Snubluck

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Friday december 18

diSco Floyd tHe wall w/ zobomaze

Saturday december 19

nigel Hall Feat SHady HornS

wedneSday december 23

(ryan zoidiS & eric bloom oF lettuce) & joey porter’S Vital organ (late Set) w/ mlima

jingle bell rock Hip Hop FeSt

monday nigHt menagerie

wedneSday & tHurSday december 30-31

tHe cHriS robinSon brotHerHood tHurSday january 7

martyparty w/ loVe & ligHt and nadaSound

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monday december 28

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people under tHe StairS w/ j.o.b., (unit)e & dj weSley wayne

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Feat wyllyS, garrett SayerS & joey porter (tHe motet), marcuS reznak (digital tape macHine), nicHolaS gerlacH (turbo Suit) & tanner bardin (eminence enSemble)

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44 December 10, 2015

Boulder Weekly

Courtesy of Ragged Union

SEE FULL EVENT LISTINGS ONLINE. To have an event considered for the calendar, send information to calendar@ boulderweekly.com.

Please be sure to include address, date, time and phone number associated with each event. The deadline for consideration is Thursday at noon the week prior to publication.

Boulder Weekly does not guarantee the publication of any event.

Thursday, December 10 Music AJ Fullerton. 8 p.m. Jamestown Mercantile Cafe, 108 Main St., Jamestown, 303-442-5847.

Antonio Lopez. 6 p.m. Cafe Aion, 1235 Pennsylvania Ave., Boulder, 303-993-8131.

Bluegrass Jam. 7 p.m. Front Range Brewing Company, 400 W. South Boulder Road, Lafayette, 303-339-0767.

Bob Schneider and Joan Shelley. 7 p.m. eTown Hall, 1535 Spruce St., Boulder, 303-443-8696.

Boulder Swing Collective. 9 p.m. Waterloo, 809 Main St., Louisville, 303-993-2094.

Caritas Holiday Party & Silent Auction. 5 p.m. Caritas Center, 5723 Arapahoe Ave., Suite 1A, Boulder, 303-449-3066.

Dexter Payne. 7 p.m. Caffe Sole, 637R S. Broadway, Boulder, 303499-2985.

Enion and David Tiller. 6 p.m. Oskar Blues Home Made Liquids and Solids, 1555 S. Hover Road, Longmont, 303-485-9400.

Flynn & Co. 8 p.m. Samples World Bistro, 370 Main St., Longmont, 303-327-9318.

George Nelson Trio. 9 p.m. License No. 1, 2115 13th St., Boulder, 303-442-4344.

Gravity A with Greener Grounds, Kinetik Groove. 9 p.m. Fox Theatre, 1135 13th St., Boulder, 303-447-0095.

RAGGED UNION. SUNDAY, DEC.

13, MOUNTAIN SUN, 1535 PEARL ST, BOULDER, 303-546-0886.

Josh Quinlan Q’tet. 8 p.m. The Laughing Goat Coffeehouse, 1709 Pearl St., Boulder, 303-440-4628.

The Malai Llama. 10 p.m. Conor O’Neill’s, 1922 13th St., Boulder, 303-449-1922.

Moors & McCumber. 6:30 p.m. St Julien Hotel & Spa, 900 Walnut St., Boulder, 720-406-9696.

Open Bluegrass Jam. 6 p.m. Vapor Distillery, 5311 Western Ave., Suite 180, Boulder, 303-997-6134.

Open Jam: Jam Night. 10 p.m. Pioneer Inn, 15 E. First St., Nederland, 303-258-7733. see EVENTS Page 46

eTown Live Radio Taping with Noah Gundersen and Guests

Listen

6 p.m. Friday, Dec. 11. eTown Music Hall, 1535 Spruce St., Boulder, 303-443-8696.

Seattle-based Kyle Johnson singer/songwriter Noah Gundersen will stop by eTown Music Hall on Friday for a live radio taping of some of his best work.

For $25, the audience gets an up-close view of the eTown broadcast and Gundersen, whose recent album release, Carry the Ghost, has captured the attention of critics across the nation. Carry the Ghost is an album that explores human experience through its doubts and trials. The live radio taping will also include “Special Guests” — so head down to eTown on Friday night and get in on this holiday surprise.

— Grant Stringer

Boulder Weekly

Jam

Celebrate

Trace Bundy Acoustic Holiday

Soweto Gospel Choir

7 p.m. Saturday, Dec. 12, Boulder Theater, 2032 14th St., Boulder, 303-786-7030.

7:30 p.m. Friday, Dec. 11, Macky Auditorium, 1595 Pleasant St., Boulder, 303-492-8423.

Courtesy of Boulder Theater Boulder local and guitar aficionado Trace Bundy returns home after a packed tour in China to grace the Boulder Theater with more of his mindblowing arrangements. A man of tradition, Bundy is back for his seventh annual Acoustic Holiday, a favorite of Boulder audiences. An alum and former engineering professor at CU, Bundy is an integral part of the local music scene. Joining Bundy will be prolific guitarist Laurence Juber, a former member of Paul McCartney’s band Wings, who has released 23 studio albums to date. This show is not to be missed for any Boulder-area guitar players, musicians or music-lovers.

— Grant Stringer

Since its initial forma- Courtesy of CU tion more than a decade ago, South Africa’s Soweto Gospel Choir has enchanted the world with their music.

Composed of a 24-voice ensemble, the choir is heading to Macky Auditorium to sing some Christmas classics and African gospel. The singers are talented, the costumes are gorgeous and the music is full of emotion that dates back generations. “For me, I fell in love with these songs because of the connection to my great grandparents,” says Mulalo MuIovhedzi, the choir’s general manager. “So when I sing them, it’s really from the heart, and there’s a deep, deep connection, and I send that to the audience.”

December 10, 2015 45

EVENTS from Page 45

Open Mic Hosted By Brian Rezac. 7 p.m. Dickens Opera House, 300 Main St., Longmont, 720-2976397.

Open Mic Hosted by Silent Bear. 7:30 p.m. The Guitar Cellar, 1209 13th St., Boulder, 303-4442101.

Open Stage. 7:30 p.m. Oskar Blues Brewery, 303 Main St., Lyons, 303-823-6685.

Pete Pidgeon, Arcoda, The Inquiry. 10 p.m. The Lazy Dog, 1346 Pearl St., Boulder, 303-440-3355.

The Sunset Series: DJ Royal Swan and Friends.

5 p.m. Shine Restaurant & Gathering Place, 2027 13th St., Boulder, 303-449-0120.

Events The Great Indian Novel. 4:30 p.m. Boulder Library, 1001 Arapahoe Ave., Boulder, 303-441-3100.

Hisday Thursday Night Karaoke. 9 p.m. The Speakeasy, 301 Main St., Longmont, 720-6844728.

Louisville Recreation and Senior Center Blood Drive. 9 a.m. Louisville Recreation and Senior Center, 900 W. Via Appia Way, Louisville, 303-6667400.

Sculptured And 3D Paper. 7 p.m. 15th Street Gallery, 1708 15th St., Boulder, 303-447-2841.

events

arts A Place in the Sun. Denver Art Museum, 100 W. 14th Ave. Parkway, Denver, 720-865-5000. Through April 24.

Theresa Beckemeyer

Jan. 30.

Photography by Glenn Randall. Community Art Program Gallery, NCAR, 1850 Table Mesa Drive, Boulder, 303-497-1174.

Through Jan. 30.

Fired: Glass, Iron, and Ceramics. Arvada Center, 6901 Wadsworth Blvd., Arvada, 720-898-7200.

Through Dec. 20.

Good Penmanship — Elizabeth Morrisette.

Firehouse Art Center, 667, Fourth Ave., Longmont, 303-651-2787. Through Jan. 3.

Theresa Beckemeyer heads to NCAR with her oil paintings through Jan. 30, including “Asleep.”

Gunther Gerzso: A Mexican Master. Denver Art Museum, 100 W. 14th Ave. Parkway, Denver, 720-865-5000. Through Jan. 3.

Holiday Art Market. Foothills Art Center, 809 15th St., Golden, 303-279-3922. Through Dec. 31.

Revolt 1680/2180: Virgil Ortiz. Denver Art Museum, 100 W. 14th Ave. Parkway, Denver, 720-865-5000. Through Jan. 10.

Showing Off. Denver Art Museum, 100 W. 14th Ave. Parkway, Denver, 720-865-5000. Through Jan. 3.

Super Indian: Fritz Scholder, 1967-1980.

Denver Art Museum, 100 W. 14th Ave. Parkway, Denver, 720-865-5000. Through Jan. 17.

Music

Photo Exhibition by John Birchak. Paramita Naropa Gallery, 3285 30th St., Boulder, 928-9782799. Through Dec. 12.

Susan Wick: Wild Women Never Get the Blues. Boulder Museum of Contemporary Art, 1750 13th St., Boulder, 303-443-2122. Through Jan. 3.

Brews & Tunes: The Prairie Scholars. 5 p.m.

Vindication Brewing Company, 6880 Winchester Circle, Suite F, Boulder, 303-530-0642.

Pretty/Dirty. Museum of Contemporary Art, 1485 Delgany St., Denver, 303-298-7554.

Through Jan. 31.

Uncommon Clay: Functional to Fantastic.

Muse Gallery, 356 Main St., Longmont, 303678-7869. Through Dec. 23

Chamber Concert. 7:30 p.m. The Academy, 970 Aurora Ave., Boulder, 303-938-1920.

Oil Paintings by Theresa Beckemeyer. Community Art Program Gallery, NCAR, 1850 Table Mesa Drive, Boulder, 303-497-1174. Through

Wyeth: Andrew and Jamie in the Studio.

Denver Art Museum, 100 W. 14th Ave. Parkway, Denver, 720-865-5000. Through Feb. 7.

Friday, December 11

Chuck McMordie. 7:30 p.m. Cannon Mine Coffee, 210 S. Public Road, Lafayette, 303-665-0625.

Danny Shafer. 8 p.m. Liquid Mechanics Brewing Company, 297 U.S. 287, Lafayette, 720-550-7813.

Kevin Dooley. 7 p.m. 300 Suns Brewing, 335 First Ave., Longmont, 720-442-8292.

Maya Bennett. 7 p.m. Grossen Bart Brewery, 1025 Delaware Ave., Longmont, 214-770-9847.

Dimitri y Rheanna. 9 p.m. Johnny’s Cigar Bar, 1801 13th St., Boulder, 303-449-0884.

Lady and The Gentlemen, Ginny and The Bridge Burners. 10 p.m. The Lazy Dog, 1346 Pearl St., Boulder, 303-440-3355.

Mindbender. 10 p.m. Pioneer Inn, 15 E. First St., Nederland, 303-258-7733.

Dueling Ukes. 7:30 p.m. Oskar Blues Home Made Liquids and Solids, 1555 S. Hover Road, Longmont, 303-485-9400.

Lee Johnson. 6 p.m. Upslope Brewing Company (Lee Hill), 1501 Lee Hill Road, Suite 20, Boulder, 508-873-9185.

Falling In Reverse with Atreyu, From Ashes To New, Assuming We Survive. 7 p.m. Boulder Theater, 2032 14th St., Boulder, 303-786-7030.

Man of a 1000 Songs. 7 p.m. Odd13 Brewing, 301 E. Simpson St., Lafayette, 303-997-4164.

Denny Driscoll. 7:30 p.m. Oskar Blues CyclHOPS, 600 S. Airport Road, Longmont, 303-776-BIKE.

Fred Dawson. 6:30 p.m. Still Cellars, 1115 Colorado Ave., Longmont, 720-204-6064.

Glory of Christmas. 7 p.m. First Presbyterian Church, 1820 15th St., Boulder, 303-402-6400.

The Good Kind. 7 p.m. Owsley’s Golden Road, 1301 Broadway St., Boulder, 720-849-8458.

The Haunted Windchimes. 7:30 p.m. Chautauqua Community House, 301 Morning Glory Drive, Boulder, 303-442-3282.

Head For The Hills with Rapidgrass Quintet. 9 p.m. Fox Theatre, 1135 13th St., Boulder, 303-4470095.

The Heartstring Hunters. 7 p.m. Por Wine House, 836 1/2 Main St., Louisville, 970-259-3555.

Henscratch. 9 p.m. Illegal Pete’s, 1124 13th St., Boulder, 303-444-3055.

Jami Lunde. 6 p.m. Jamestown Mercantile Cafe, 108 Main St., Jamestown, 303-442-5847.

Janine Gastineau CD Release Party. 7 p.m. Caffe Sole, 637R S. Broadway, Boulder, 303-499-2985.

Jayme Stone & The Other Side of the Air. 2:30 p.m. Longmont Museum, 400 Quail Road, Longmont, 303-651-8374.

Mary Wallace. 6 p.m. Sun Rose Cafe, 379 Main St., Longmont, 303-651-3533.

Molly Kollier, Many Mountains. 8 p.m. The Laughing Goat Coffeehouse, 1709 Pearl St., Boulder, 303-440-4628.

Sambadende. 6:30 p.m. St Julien Hotel & Spa, 900 Walnut St., Boulder, 720-406-9696. see EVENTS Page 48

theater Courtesy of the DCPA

A Christmas Carol. Denver Performing Arts Complex, 1345 Champa St., Denver, 720-8654239. Through Dec. 27.

A Christmas Story, The Musical. Denver Performing Arts Complex, 1345 Champa St., Denver, 720-865-4239. Through Dec. 27.

A Tuna Christmas. Miner’s Alley Theatre, 1224 Washington Ave., Golden, 303-935-3044.

Through Dec. 20.

The Addams Family. BDT Stage, 5501 Arapahoe Ave., Boulder, 303-449-6000. Through Feb. 27.

Cult Following. Denver Performing Arts Complex, 1345 Champa St., Denver, 720-865-4239.

Through Feb. 23.

Don’t miss your favorite holiday movie on stage in ‘A Christmas Story: The Musical.’ But be careful, you might shoot your eye out.

It’s a Wonderful Life: A Live Radio Play. Longmont Theatre Company, 513 Main St., Longmont, 303-772-5200. Through Dec 20.

Jeff Brinkman. 7 p.m. The Roost, 526 Main St., Longmont, 303-827-3380.

Murder for Two. Denver Performing Arts Complex, 1345 Champa St., Denver, 720-865-4239.

Through Feb. 21.

John Craigie with Reed Foehl. 7 p.m. Starling Farms, 7770 Valmont Road, Boulder.

The SantaLand Diaries. Denver Performing Arts Complex, 1345 Champa St., Denver, 720-8654239. Through Dec. 27.

Ken Keusenkothen. 7 p.m. Skeye Brewing, 900 S. Hover St., Unit D, Longmont, 303-774-7698.

46 December 10, 2015

Boulder Weekly

Boulder Weekly

December 10, 2015 47

events EVENTS from Page 46

PROUD SPONSOR!

WEEKLY EVENTS

THURSDAY: OPEN MIC in the Opera House

UPCOMING EVENTS Thursday, Dec 10

CLOSED FOR PRIVATE PARTY Friday, Dec 11

CLOSED FOR PRIVATE PARTY Saturday, Dec 12 • 9:15pm

DJ JOHN SENA’S RED & WHITE HOLIDAY EXTRAVAGANZA Monday, Dec 14 • 7:30pm

MOVIE NIGHT & TAP TAKEOVER: “STAR WARS VI” w/ AVERY BREWING

words

Scott Kassners Christmas Concert. 7 p.m. Life Bridge Church, 10345 Ute Highway (66), Longmont, 303-772-1131.

Sour Bridges. 9 p.m. Oskar Blues Brewery, 303 Main St., Lyons, 303-823-6685.

Sweet Spot Trio. 6 p.m. Espresso Vino by Brewing Market, 2770 Dagny Way, Lafayette, 720-890-3993.

Todd Adelman & The Country Mile. 10 p.m.

Waterloo, 809 Main St., Louisville, 303-993-2094.

Tupelo Honey. 4:30 p.m. Oskar Blues Tasty Weasel Tap Room, 1800 Pike Road, Unit B, Longmont, 303776-1914.

Events Conversations On Death: Remembrance. 6:30 p.m. Unity Columbine Spiritual Center, 8900 Arapahoe Road, Boulder, 303-546-0114.

Damsels in Distress. 10:30 p.m. The Boedecker Theater, 2590 Walnut St., Boulder, 303-440-7826.

Festive As Fudge Holiday Party And Art Sale!

7:30 p.m. Phoenix Asylum, 2510 47th St., Unit D, Boulder.

The Memory Cafe. 10 a.m. Boulder Library, 1001 Arapahoe Ave., Boulder, 303-441-3100.

Open Mic Night. 4 p.m. Meadows Branch Library, 4800 Baseline Road, Boulder, 303-441-4390.

Robin Davis. 5 p.m. Pearl Street Pub, 1108 Pearl St., Boulder, 303-777-6768.

Thursday, Dec. 10

Courtesy of Innisfree

Tim Dardis — Road Rash. 7 p.m. Innisfree Poetry Bookstore & Cafe, 1203 13th St., Suite A, Boulder, 303-495-3303.

Saturday, Dec. 12 Making Merry — Presented by Stories on Stage. 2 p.m. Chautauqua Community House, 301 Morning Glory Drive, Boulder, 303-440-7666.

Monday, Dec. 14 “So, You’re a Poet” Open Poetry Reading. 8 p.m. The Laughing Goat, 1709 Pearl St., Boulder, 303-440-4628.

Tuesday, Dec. 15 Finding Crossroads. 7 p.m. Innisfree Poetry Bookstore & Cafe, 1203 13th St., Suite A, Boulder, 303-495-3303.

Innisfree Weekly Open Poetry Reading. 7 p.m. Innisfree Poetry Bookstore & Cafe, 1203 13th St., Suite A, Boulder, 303-495-3303.

Tim Dardis stops by Innisfree with his new collection of poems, ‘Road Rash.’

Music

Radiate Unified Dance Party. 8:30 p.m. Shine Restaurant & Gathering Place, 2027 13th St., Boulder, 303-449-0120.

Cinema Program Free Screening of A Christmas Story. 1 p.m. Boulder Library, 1001 Arapahoe Ave., Boulder, 303-441-3100.

THE LONG RUN

Acoustic New Family Dog. 7 p.m. Longs Peak Pub, 600 Longs Peak Ave., Longmont, 303-651-7886.

Rapidgrass with Tupelo Honey Concert. 8 p.m.

Rogers Hall, Fourth and High streets, Lyons.

Saturday, Dec 19 • 9pm

Adam Buer Trio. 7 p.m. Samples World Bistro, 370 Main St., Longmont, 303-327-9318.

Rebecca Folsom & Sally Barris. 6 p.m. Still Cellars, 1115 Colorado Ave., Longmont, 720-204-6064.

CSEd Week Celebration Event — Coding, Robots and More! 11 a.m. Boulder Library, 1001 Arapahoe Ave., Boulder, 303-441-3100.

Sunday, Dec 20 • 6pm

Christmas Cantata. 2:30 p.m. Seventh-day Adventist Church, 345 Mapleton Ave., Boulder, 303442-1522.

The Sixty Minute Men. 10 p.m. Conor O’Neill’s, 1922 13th St., Boulder, 303-449-1922.

Friday, Dec 18 • 8pm

THIN AIR BURLESQUE FLAMENCO CHRISTMAS SHOW

Saturday, December 12

Circuit Rider. 7 p.m. Community United Church of Christ, 2650 Table Mesa Drive, Boulder, 303-4999119.

Soul2Solstice 2015 with Global Soul Experience, Mokomba Ensemble and Spirit Voices! 7 p.m.

The Riverside, 1724 Broadway, Boulder, 720-4432322.

MOVIE NIGHT: “A CHRISTMAS STORY”

Concertos in Chocolate Tasting. 11 a.m.

McGuckin Hardware, 2525 Arapahoe Ave., Unit D-1, Boulder, 303-443-1822.

Sound Circle Solstice Concert. 5 p.m. Columbine Unity Church, 8900 Arapahoe Road, Boulder, 303546-0114.

Wednesday, Dec 23 • 8pm

Cosmic Mesa. 9 p.m. Oskar Blues Brewery, 303 Main St., Lyons, 303-823-6685.

Sydow, Scott and Clark. 8 p.m. Liquid Mechanics Brewing Company, 297 U.S. 287, Lafayette, 720550-7813.

Monday, Dec 21 • 7:30pm

FESTIVUS

Monday, Dec 28 • 7:30pm

MOVIE NIGHT: “LOVE ACTUALLY”

Friday, Dec 31 • 9pm

NEW YEAR’S EVE WITH HAMILTON LOOMIS Saturday, Jan 1 • 8pm

HINDSIGHT

COMEDY NIGHT 2nd & 4th Wednesday of every month

Dave Honig’s New Standards Project. 6 p.m. Thai Shi House, 3033 28th St., Boulder, 303-444-3133.

The Dueling Ukes. 4 p.m. Grossen Bart Brewery, 1025 Delaware Ave., Longmont, 214-770-9847.

Electric Red. 10 p.m. Pioneer Inn, 15 E. First St., Nederland, 303-258-7733.

Glory of Christmas Concerts. 3 p.m. and 7 p.m.

First Presbyterian Church, 1820 15th St., Boulder, 303-402-6400.

Harps for the Holidays. 1 p.m. Longmont Public Library, 409 Fourth Ave., Longmont, 303-651-8477.

Hillary Susz, Scupanon. 8 p.m. The Laughing Goat Coffeehouse, 1709 Pearl St., Boulder, 303-4404628.

Honeytree Duo. 4:30 p.m. Oskar Blues Tasty Weasel Tap Room, 1800 Pike Road, Unit B, Longmont, 303-776-1914.

James Faulk. 10 a.m. The Stone Cup, 442 High St., Lyons, 303-823-2345.

Joe Schiraldi, Emmy Delis, Tony Saccomanno, Denny Driscoll, Don Cleason. 5 p.m. Left Hand Brewing Company, 1265 Boston Ave., Longmont, 303-772-0258.

Magpie Zero. 9:30 p.m. The Dark Horse, 2922 Baseline Road, Boulder, 303-442-8162.

Niykee Heaton. 9 p.m. Fox Theatre, 1135 13th St., Boulder, 303-447-0095.

Prairie Scholars. 7 p.m. The Roost, 526 Main St., Longmont, 303-827-3380.

48 December 10, 2015

Tim Ostidek. 7:30 p.m. Oskar Blues CyclHOPS, 600 S. Airport Road, Longmont, 303-776-BIKE. Tnertle, J Wail. 10 p.m. The Lazy Dog, 1346 Pearl St., Boulder, 303-440-3355.

Tom Weiser Jazz Quartet. 7 p.m. Caffe Sole, 637R S. Broadway St., Boulder, 303-499-2985.

Whiskey Autumn. 8 p.m. Jamestown Mercantile Cafe, 108 Main St., Jamestown, 303-442-5847.

Wild Road Band. 8:30 p.m. Oskar Blues Home Made Liquids and Solids, 1555 S. Hover Road, Longmont, 303-485-9400.

Wylie “Crazy Horse” Jones. 7 p.m. Skeye Brewing, 900 S. Hover St., Unit D, Longmont, 303-7747698.

Events 99 Homes. 4:30 p.m. and 8:45 p.m. The Boedecker Theater, 2590 Walnut St., Boulder, 303-440-7826.

Adult Ballet. 9 a.m. Reverence Academy of Dance, 1370 Miners Drive, Suite 111, Lafayette, 303-6610719.

Best of NYICFF: Kid Flix Mix. 12:30 p.m. The Boedecker Theater, 2590 Walnut St., Boulder, 303440-7826.

Bikes vs Cars. 2:30 p.m. and 6:45 p.m. The Boedecker Theater, 2590 Walnut St., Boulder, 303440-7826.

Hands on Healings. 3 p.m. Boulder Psychic Institute, 1332 Pearl St., Boulder, 303-530-0920.

High Peaks Holiday Art Fair. 10 a.m. Watershed School, 1661 Alpine Ave., Boulder, 303-440-7520.

Holiday Craft and Vendor Fair. 10 a.m. Imagine Charter School At Firestone, 5753 Twilight Ave., Longmont, 303-772-3711.

Madelife Holiday Bazaar. 12 p.m. Factory Made, 2000 21st St., Boulder, 303-927-0802.

Making Merry. 2 p.m. Chautauqua Community House, Boulder, 303-442-3282.

Nutcracker Tea. 12 p.m. Hotel Boulderado, 2115 13th St., Boulder, 303-442-4344.

SALSA. 7 p.m. The Dairy Center for the Arts, 2590 Walnut St., Boulder, 303-440-7826.

Saturday Art Experience (SAE). 12 p.m. and 1 p.m. Firehouse Art Center, 667 Fourth Ave., Longmont, 303-651-2787.

Snow Much Fun. 5 p.m. Boulder Bandshell, Broadway and Canyon, Boulder, 303-413-7200.

St Nick on the Bricks. 11 a.m. Visitor Information Center, Boulder, 303-449-3774.

Western Views. 10 a.m. Boulder Library, 1001 Arapahoe Ave., Boulder, 303-441-3100.

Wildlife and Winter Hike. 10 a.m. Heil Valley Ranch Open Space, Boulder, 303-678-6200.

Sunday, December 13 Music Acoustic Jam. 3 p.m. Conor O’Neill’s Traditional Irish Pub, 1922 13th St., Boulder, 303-449-1922.

Bluegrass Pick with Bonnie & Taylor Sims. 12 p.m. Oskar Blues Homemade Liquids and Solids, 1555 S. Hover Road, Longmont, 303-485-9400.

Boulder Chorale Concert. 4 p.m. First United Methodist Church, 1421 Spruce St., Boulder, 303442-3770.

see EVENTS Page 50

Boulder Weekly

Boulder Weekly

December 10, 2015 49

Boulder’s

Danny Shafer. 3 p.m. Oskar Blues Tasty Weasel Tap Room, 1800 Pike Road, Unit B, Longmont, 303776-1914.

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Dartmouth Rockapellas, The Heartstring Hunters. 8 p.m. The Laughing Goat Coffeehouse, 1709 Pearl St., Boulder, 303-440-4628.

Financial Specialist

House Of Joy. 5 p.m. Gold Hill Inn, 401 Main St., Boulder, 303-443-6461.

Josh Reed Trio. 4:30 p.m. Left Hand Brewing Company, 1265 Boston Ave., Longmont, 303-772-0258.

Maya Bennett. 10 a.m. The Stone Cup, 442 High St., Lyons, 303-823-2345.

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McKay Brothers. 6 p.m. Oskar Blues Home Made Liquids and Solids, 1555 S. Hover Road, Longmont, 303-485-9400.

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Moors & McCumber. 7:30 p.m. Gold Hill Inn, 401 Main St., Boulder, 303-443-6461.

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Praang! Feat. Steve Kimock, Michael Travis, Jason Hann, Jamie Janover. 7 p.m. Owsley’s Golden Road, 1301 Broadway, Boulder, 720-849-8458.

Sound Circle Solstice Concert. 5 p.m. Columbine Unity Church, 8900 Arapahoe Road, Boulder, 303546-0114.

Sundays at Vic’s. 12 p.m. Vic’s Espresso & News, 2680 Broadway, Boulder, 303-440-8209.

Timberline Handbell Ensemble Holiday Concert.

1 p.m. George Reynolds Branch Library, 3595 Table Mesa Drive, Boulder, 303-441-3120.

Timberline Handbell Ensemble Holiday Concert.

4 p.m. Meadows Branch Library, 4800 Baseline Road, Boulder, 303-441-4390.

Traditional Irish Session. 7 p.m. Conor O’Neill’s Traditional Irish Pub, 1922 13th St., Boulder, 303449-1922.

Events Boulder Holiday Gift Festival. 11 a.m. YMCA of Boulder Valley, 2850 Mapleton Ave., Boulder, 720272-7467.

Eco-Cycle’s Boulder U-Fix-It Clinic. 1 p.m.

Boulder Library, 1001 Arapahoe Ave., Boulder, 303441-3100.

Hawaiian Hula Classes. 5 p.m. The Dairy Center for the Arts, 2590 Walnut St., Boulder, 303-4479772.

High Peaks Holiday Art Fair. 10 a.m. Watershed School, 1661 Alpine Ave., Boulder, 303-440-7520.

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Nutcracker Tea. 12 p.m. Hotel Boulderado, 2115 13th St., Boulder, 303-442-4344.

The Nutcracker: Royal Ballet. 1 p.m. The Boedecker Theater, 2590 Walnut St., Boulder, 303-4407826.

Truth Be Told. 7 p.m. Shine Restaurant & Gathering Place, 2027 13th St., Boulder, 303-449-0120.

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events

EVENTS from Page 48

Monday, December 14 Music Blues Jam with Boa & The Constrictors. 7 p.m.

Oskar Blues Home Made Liquids and Solids, 1555 S. Hover Road, Longmont, 303-485-9400.

Doe Kelly & David Vendervort. 7 p.m. Still Cellars, 1115 Colorado Ave., Longmont, 720-204-6064.

Mini Me. 9:30 p.m. Southern Sun Pub & Brewery, 627 South Broadway, Boulder, 303-543-0886.

Open Mic. 8 p.m. Johnny’s Cigar Bar, 1801 13th St., Boulder, 303-449-0884.

Raggedy Bones Duo. 5 p.m. Pearl Street Pub, 1108 Pearl St., Boulder, 303-777-6768.

Events Aparajito (The Unvanquished). 6:30 p.m. The Boedecker Theater, 2590 Walnut St., Boulder, 303440-7826.

Movement Mondays. 7 p.m. Free Motion Community Dance Center, 2126 Pearl St., Boulder, 720-379-8299.

Roommates Back to Soulmates: Enhancing Couples’ Relationships. 6 p.m. George Reynolds Branch Library, 3595 Table Mesa Drive, Boulder, 303-441-3120.

Tuesday, December 15 Music Boulder Blues Mafia, The Seers, North Boulder Underground. 7:30 p.m. Nissi’s, 2675 Northpark Drive, Lafayette, 303-665-2757.

The Delta Sonics. 6 p.m. Upslope Brewing Company (Flatiron Park), 1898 S. Flatiron Court, Boulder, 508-873-9185.

Fluxus. 8 p.m. The Laughing Goat Coffeehouse, 1709 Pearl St., Boulder, 303-440-4628.

Gasoline Lollipops. 8:30 p.m. Waterloo, 809 Main St., Louisville, 303-993-2094.

Open Jam. 8 p.m. The Lazy Dog, 1346 Pearl St., Boulder, 303-440-3355.

Open Mic. 8 p.m. Conor O’Neill’s Traditional Irish Pub, 1922 13th St., Boulder, 303-449-1922.

Open Mic. 9 p.m. Pioneer Inn, 15 E. First St., Nederland, 303-258-7733.

Open Mic Night with The Prairie Scholars. 6 p.m.

Skeye Brewing, 900 S. Hover St., Unit D, Longmont, 303-774-7698.

Strangebyrds. 6:30 p.m. St Julien Hotel & Spa, 900 Walnut St., Boulder, 720-406-9696.

The Third Tuesday Lunchtime Concert Series Presents: Boulder Brass. 12 p.m. Boulder Library, 1001 Arapahoe Ave., Boulder, 303-441-3100.

Events Ric Rojas Running 2016 Junior Winter Program.

6:30 p.m. Balch Fieldhouse, 1440 15th St., Boulder, 303-492-7931.

Run With The Newton Running Lab. 5 p.m. Newton Running Lab & Retail Store, 1222 Pearl Street Mall, Boulder, 303-357-2383.

Tuesday Hikers. 9 a.m. North Boulder Park, Seventh Street and Dellwood Avenue, Boulder.

Wednesday, December 16 Music Blues Jam. 10 p.m. Pioneer Inn, 15 E. First St., Nederland, 303-258-7733.

Danny Shafer. 7 p.m. Rosalee’s Pizzeria, 461 Main St., Longmont, 303-485-5020.

Flash Mountain Flood. 7 p.m. Owsley’s Golden Road, 1301 Broadway St., Boulder, 720-849-8458.

Mezzo Mestizo. 6:30 p.m. St Julien Hotel & Spa, 900 Walnut St., Boulder, 720-406-9696.

The MoJazz Trio. 7 p.m. Still Cellars, 1115 Colorado Ave., Longmont, 720-204-6064.

Open Bluegrass Pick. 9 p.m. Conor O’Neill’s Traditional Irish Pub, 1922 13th St., Boulder, 303449-1922.

Open Bluegrass Pick hosted by Eric Wiggs. 8 p.m. Longs Peak Pub, 600 Longs Peak Ave., Longmont, 303-651-7886.

The Pedestrians. 7:30 p.m. Nissi’s, 2675 Northpark Drive, Lafayette, 303-665-2757.

Von Disco. 8 p.m. The Laughing Goat Coffeehouse, 1709 Pearl St., Boulder, 303-440-4628.

Events ALDA-Boulder (Social Sign Language Class). 3 p.m. Boulder Library, 1001 Arapahoe Ave., Boulder, 303-441-3100.

Beers for the Backcountry. 6:30 p.m. Wibby Brewing, 209 Emery St., Longmont, 303-776-4594.

The Nutcracker: Royal Ballet. 1 p.m. The Boedecker Theater, 2590 Walnut St., Boulder, 303-4407826.

The Pearl Button. 4:30 p.m. The Boedecker Theater, 2590 Walnut St., Boulder, 303-440-7826.

Sleeping With Other People. 7 p.m. The Boedecker Theater, 2590 Walnut St., Boulder, 303-440-7826.

Boulder Weekly

American Life in Poetry: Column 555

by Barbara Crooker

When we’re feeling sorry for ourselves it can help to make a list of things for which we’re grateful. Here is a fine poem of gratitude by Barbara Crooker, who lives in Pennsylvania, and its images make up just such a list. This is from her book Small Rain from Purple Flag Press. — Ted Kooser, U.S. Poet Laureate

BEST Home Furnishings

We do not accept unsolicited submissions. American Life in Poetry is made possible by The Poetry Foundation (www.poetryfoundation.org), publisher of Poetry magazine. It is also supported by the Department of English at the University of Nebraska-Lincoln.

Poem copyright ©2014 by Barbara Crooker, “Sustenance,” from Small Rain, (Purple Flag Press, 2014). Poem reprinted by permission of Barbara Crooker and the publisher.

Introduction copyright © 2015 by The Poetry Foundation. The introduction’s author, Ted Kooser, served as United States Poet Laureate Consultant in Poetry to the Library of Congress from 2004-2006.

BEST Consignment

The sky hangs up its starry pictures: a swan, a crab, a horse. And even though you’re three hundred miles away, I know you see them, too. Right now, my side of the bed is empty, a clear blue lake of flannel. The distance yawns and stretches.

It’s hard to remember we swim in an ocean of great love, so easy to fall into bickering like little birds at the feeder fighting over proso and millet, unaware of how large the bag of grain is, a river of golden seeds, that the harvest was plentiful, the corn is in the barn, and whenever we’re hungry, a dipperful of just what we need will be spilled . . .

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Send poetry submissions of 250 words or fewer to poetry@boulderweekly.com.

Boulder Weekly

December 10, 2015 51

screen

In a different reality where humans and dinosaurs coexist, dino Arlo stumbles upon a young boy who changes the course of his life, in this somewhat unique spin on the classic “boy and his dog” tale.

No one promised ‘great’ ‘The Good Dinosaur’ is just that

by Ryan Syrek

P

ixar’s The Good Dinosaur is a retelling of every story involving a beloved pet ever told, with the twist being the human is the pet. In an alternate reality where dinosaurs and man walked the earth together (that’s called creationism), Aldo (Raymond Ochoa), a runt of an apatosaurus, is tasked by his father ( Jeffrey Wright) with catching a “critter” stealing their food. That critter is a young boy who Arlo lets escape. One night, Arlo chases him, falls into the river and winds up miles from home with only the young boy as a companion on his way back. That’s it.

And it’s fine. The dinosaurs’ cartoonish design sometimes clashes with the hyperrealism of their CGI environment, the villainous pterodactyl-things are a rip-off of the hyenas from The Lion King, and the message is an unoriginal affirmation to “be brave.”

Overall, it clings to the bottom rung of “good” for dear life. These kinds of movies are notoriously difficult to critically engage. But there is something worth talking about; to do that, spoilers are needed. If you want to preserve the integrity of a “boy and his dog” cartoon, jump ship here and skip to the grade at the bottom.

Spoiler time: Arlo’s father gets killed in the first act. In another “homage” to The Lion King, Arlo watches his dad get “trampled to death” by a surge of floodwaters. Dead dino dad appears later in the film as well, as a hallucination of Arlo’s, who must then watch his Poppa turn into a pile of dust and blow away in his mind. Some have blasted The Good Dinosaur as being too sad. I’m here to argue that’s bullshit. (Bonus points: Pretty sure this is the only review of this that will use the word “bullshit.”)

Sad things in real life don’t wait until children are mature enough to handle them. They just happen. Storytelling of all kinds has long served as a soft set of experiences with which to practice. That is to say, processing the emotions associated with a fictional character dying can lay the groundwork for coping when it happens in real life. Poppa’s death here is unexpected and sad, but listening to the little sniffles in the theater, I thought of how much easier it must feel to be introduced to death by a cartoon dinosaur than by the loss of a pet or (God forbid) a loved one.

We have long been in the business of sanitizing childhood. In 1971, 80 percent of third graders walked to school alone. Today, less than 4 percent do. Now, I’m not here to tell anyone how to raise a child, only that fear of gentle fictional introductions to huge life crises are not only safe, they are necessary. For me, The Good Dinosaur will be a pleasant, forgettable experience. But for some kid out there, it’s going to be the first time they grappled with the concept of mortality. In that sense, the movie isn’t just good, it’s doing good too.

This review first appeared in The Reader of Omaha, Nebraska.

52 December 10, 2015

Boulder Weekly

film Decoding the Master Directors talking directing in ‘Hitchcock/Truffaut’

by Michael J. Casey

B

y its very nature, cinema is a collaboraON THE BILL: tive art. As Orson Welles said, “A Hitchcock/Truffaut. Opens writer needs a pen, an artist needs a December 11, Landmark brush, but a filmmaker needs an Theatres Chez Artiste, 2800 S. Colorado Blvd., Denver, army.” To whom then does a movie 303-352-1992. Tickets start belong? In his 1954 essay, “A certain tendency in at $8.50, landmarktheatres.

French cinema,” the young critic, François com.

Truffaut, coined the phrase, “la politique des Auteurs,” and gave credence to the notion that the director — not the writer, producer or stars — was the true author of a movie.

While the auteur theory is not without its detractors or controversies, it makes for a compelling case when one considers the directors that Truffaut singled out as auteurs, one being the Master of Suspense himself, Alfred Hitchcock.

By 1962, Truffaut had graduated from critic to world-renowned director with The 400 Blows, Shoot the Piano Player and Jules and Jim. Hitchcock was between two monumental works, Psycho and The Birds, but most knew him as the rotund host of his weekly TV show. In hopes of establishing Hitchcock as a director par excellence, Truffaut proposed a book-legnth interview with the master, discussing his career and body of work and solidifying him, once and for all, as a true auteur.

The interview took place over five days Philippe Halsman / Courtesy of Cohen Media Group and from it, Truffaut penned one of the most important critical studies, a staple of every film student’s upbringing, Hitchcock/Truffaut.

Why this book was so monumental and endearing is the subject of Kent Jones’ latest documentary of the same name. In it, Jones assembles the audio recordings from the interview along with his own interviews of contemporary directors — 10 in all — in an attempt to understand what attracted Truffaut to Hitchcock and why that attraction continues to stand decades Determining the connection Hitchcock later. and Truffaut had is the subject of Hitchcock/Truffaut.

While each of the interviews Jones’ conducts pulls out different themes, a consensus is reached: all of these films feel directed. Where actors stand, where they look, what they see, how their feelings are conveyed, the use of color, of sound, of light and shadow, every choice works together symbiotically to create the reality of illusion, even if the end result runs in direct opposition to reality.

Because, as Hitchcock often said, “Logic is dull.”

For one of the interviewees, Martin Scorsese, these choices form the intersection of his obsession and admiration for Hitchcock. Scorsese points out the camera placement on Janet Leigh during the driving scenes in Psycho wondering, why is the camera placed here? Why not a little higher or a little lower? Hitchcock’s ultimate decision where to place that camera is everything for Scorsese.

“Cinema is a matter of what’s in the frame and what’s out,” Scorsese has said.

In Jones’ doc, what’s in the frame are the acolytes of Hitchcock waxing poetically about the craft and the master who taught them and helped refine their style.

What’s out are any of Hitchcock’s detractors and, most notably, any perspectives from female filmmakers.

Otherwise, it’s an engaging and loving look at the nuts and bolts of Hitchcock’s work. As was Truffaut’s book, one that ended up taking four years to complete.

Truffaut was in the prime of his career, hot off three back-to-back-to-back hits, and yet, he stepped aside to pay his cinematic father figure his due. Fifty years later, directors far and wide are doing the same.

Boulder Weekly

THURSDAY DECEMBER 10 7:00 PM

COLORADO SKIES: WEEKLY TOPICS 9:00 PM

LASER: JOURNEY FRIDAY DECEMBER 11 7:00 PM

ABOVE AND BEYOND: COSMIC CONVERSATIONS– GALACTIC GETAWAYS 9:00 PM

LIQUID SKY MUSIC SHOW 10:30 PM

LIQUID SKY MUSIC SHOW 11.59 PM

LASER: PINK FLOYD; VISION BELL SATURDAY DECEMBER 12 1:00 PM

DOUBLE FEATURE: LIFE OF TREES & PERSEUS AND ANDROMEDA

BOEDECKER THEATER Independent film & cultural performances in high definition.

99 HOMES

Dec 10 - 2:00 & 7:00 | Dec 11 - 1:30 & 6:00 Dec 12 - 4:30 & 8:45

BIKES VS CARS

Dec 10 - 4:30 | Dec 11 - 4:00 & 8:30 Dec 12 - 2:30 & 6:45

FRIDAY NIGHT WEIRD your weekly dose of the unusual Damsels in Distress with Greta Gerwig and Aubrey Plaza Dec 11 - 10:30

BEST OF NY INT’L CHILDREN’S FILM FEST:

KID FLIX MIX

2:30 PM

another collection of shorts for the even younger at heart Dec 12, 19, 26 - 12:30

9:00 PM

THE NUTCRACKER:

LASER: HOLIDAY MAGIC BLACK HOLES: THE OTHER SIDE OF INFINITY

ROYAL BALLET

10:30 PM

Dec 13 - 1:00 | Dec 16 - 1:00 | $15

11:59 PM

Dec 13 - 4:30 & 6:30 | Dec 14 - 4:00

LASER: SUBLIME LIQUID SKY MUSIC SHOW SUNDAY DECEMBER 13 12:00 PM

DOUBLE FEATURE: LIFE OF TREES & PERSEUS AND ANDROMEDA 1:30 PM

LASER: HOLIDAY MAGIC 3:00 PM

THE COSMIC ORIGINS SPECTOGRAPH 4:30 PM

DYNAMIC EARTH

Fiske Planetarium - Regent Drive

(Next to Coors Event Center, main campus CU Boulder)

www. fiske.colorado.edu 303-492-5002

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THE APU TRILOGY

new digital restoration with film history introductions by Dr. Suranjan Ganguly in person

APARAJITO

(The Unvanquished) Dec 14 - 6:30

APUR SANSAR

(The World of Apu) Dec 21 - 6:30

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cuisine review Susan France

I

n so many ways Louisville is the opposite of New Orleans. I won’t enumerate them here, but think about it this weekend when you have some time. The point is that despite that difference, Louisville — with its growing restaurant scene and population of families of moderate wealth — is an ideal place for a New Orleans-themed restaurant. And that’s just what Bourbon Street Seafood & Chophouse has brought to a strip mall alcove on McCaslin.

The first thing I noticed when I walked into Bourbon Street was actually a familiar face. Leeland Graves is the executive chef, and he was hanging out by the bar. The last time I’d seen him was at the short-lived Zenza restaurant in north Boulder. Zenza shut down abruptly after only a couple months of business, but it certainly wasn’t for the food. Graves’ barbecue, chicken wings and southern sides were killer, and it was unfortunate the Boulder outpost didn’t work.

At Bourbon Street though, Graves has cultivated a New Orleans-meets-Colorado style and vibe. It’s a little jarring aesthetically to see wall paintings of bayou alligators adjacent to Colorado flag light installations and a beautiful floor-to-ceiling wooden bar. Colorado beers are advertised while slow Cajunstyle blues rock plays on the speakers. Though it makes sense, it’s still an odd collaboration of styles, maybe even a little hokey. But then again, how many Bourbon Street bars and restaurants look exactly like this? New Orleans bars are fun and easy, taking on seemingly arbitrary styles based on the personal predilections of their owners. In that sense, the vibe was spot-on.

I started the evening with a hurricane, which is always a good move. I was reminded that hurricanes don’t always taste like a hurricane you drank before,

Bourbon Street Seafood & Chophouse

Close enough

The okra was pickled and zinged on the tongue. It came with a 328 McCaslin Blvd., jalapeno remoulade, a Louisville, 303-955-0845 creamy and not-sospicy dip. The batter was thick and greaseless. The same batter encased the alligator, whose meat was chunked and refreshingly tender.

Alligator can be tough and chewy often, and so Bourbon Street treated it well, and if you haven’t had it, alligator sort of tastes like mild chicken.

You might be better off, if you’re an adventurous eater, with the fried frog legs at Bourbon Street, which will have more of a freshwater funk.

The red beans and rice were smoky and deeply seasoned. Thin strips of andouille sausage sat atop the rice, and the beans had the excellent, robust flavor of a ball of cloves dipped in sweet mud.

The catfish po’ boy was a solid sandwich. The bread-to-fish ratio could have been a lot better as the thick bread soaked up too much mouth moisture. However, the innards of the sandwich were excellent: catfish blackened and seasoned with Cajun spices to perfection sat atop bitterweet greens that brought out citrus and reed in the fish, and the red onion made it all pop.

The étouffée was close enough. The roux was perfectly thick, and the rice and trinity of vegetables created a nice base for the seafood, but there wasn’t the full integration of flavor I was hoping for. It is, however, the kind of dish that got better the day after.

The bottom line is Bourbon Street is a fun and close-enough representation of New Orleans cooking, led by a young and talented chef. I’ll be back to test my theory that a crawfish and hurricane hangover has to be easier on the body at altitude.

Bourbon Street Seafood & Chophouse brings a taste of New Orleans to Colorado

by Matt Cortina mixed with just a touch of vomit and Old Bay. Thought it was no paradigm of the cocktail — a little too heavy on tart (the lime and passion fruit juice in this drink attack the throat) — it was boozy, red, tall and sweet, so it’s all the same to me in the end.

I was also happy to see Bourbon Street has Abita on tap, and a house sazerac, but it was odd to see such a deep collection and promotion of Moscow mules; unless the connection is simply that people drink Moscow mules to get drunk and people in New Orleans like to get drunk.

For food, we ordered a little from the happy hour menu and some from the regular menu: fried okra, red beans and rice, fried alligator, étouffée and a blackened catfish po’ boy.

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Food happenings

around Boulder County

tidbites

Susan France

OAK AT FOURTEENTH TURNS FIVE

and current talking head Mark Schlereth.

The campaign seeks to donate 12.5 tons of bacon from Farmland Fands to the Food Bank of the Rockies, but they need your help. From now until Christmas, whenever a Coloradan pledges to leave bacon instead of cookies for Santa this year (done by tweeting #BaconForSanta, as that’s how Santa prefers to be contacted), Farmland will add another 1-pound donation to the tally.

That’s going to be a lot of bacon for old Saint Nick. Let’s hope he doesn’t keel over and die.

One of Boulder’s best fine dining choices, OAK at fourteenth, will celebrate its fifth year anniversary on Monday, Dec. 14.

Executive Chef Steven Redzikowski and Beverage Director Bryan Dayton will be on hand to celebrate the occasion and to share some celebratory food Avery Brewing Company’s Amy Newell-Large p ​ ours beer at items with patrons. As a Livability.com’s chart-topping Boulder brewery. thank you to Boulder’s patronage, OAK will be HEALTHY DELIVERY SERVICE TURNS TO climbing destinations, parks and farm-toserving complimentary fried table restaurants, Boulder offers one of the KICKSTARTER pickles and a house-made nation’s largest collections of craft breweries.

Boulder’s Up Beet Kitchen launched a cocktail. Dayton will also be One of the anchors of the city’s craft beer Kickstarter campaign this week as it seeks to dishing out beverage specials culture, Avery Brewing, recently opened an raise funds to grow its healthy ingredient throughout the week. expanded brewing facility, taproom and res- delivery service. Just a few days into the For more information or to taurant that will dramatically increase campaign, Up Beet has raised about $8,000 make reservations this holiday capacity. Hopefully that means that the of its $20,000 goal. season, visit oakatfourteenth.

Maharaja, an imperial India pale ale with a Deemed the “Uber of healthy eating” by com. dark amber hue and hoppy flavor, might be people who can’t think of anything besides available in slightly-less-limited batches.” phone apps anymore, Up Beet delivers AVERY AND BOULDER LAND AT TOP OF LIST Way to go, Avery. And even more, way ingredients but then supplements those Livability.com, a site that collects data to go Boulder County for being home to a deliveries with practical recipes and instrucand analyzes quality of life for the country’s cadre of craft breweries that puts us on inter- tions on how to prepare healthy meals. small- and mid-sized cities, dropped their net lists.

“It is amazing to see how our vision has inaugural list of the best beers in the best citgrown from an aspiration for a healthier BACON FOR SANTA ies. By combining their quality of life data world to a tangible project that our Last week, in a shocking Tidbites report, with data from RateBeer.com, they comKickstarter backers are bringing to life. we brought you a story on underwear that piled a list that ranked the best 99 beers in Healthy cooking will no longer be reserved smells like bacon. Instantly, bacon-related 99 cities. solely to those that went to a culinary instinews tips came flooding into the Tidbites Lo and behold, Boulder and Avery tute or have the money to pay for highoffice, located in a 20-story invisible high rise Brewing came in sixth place on the list. On priced already made meals,” said on Pearl Street. both, Livability.com wrote: Co-founder Nic DeMuth in a press release.

The best of those tips let us know that the “[Boulder] ranks high when it comes to To contribute to the Kickstarter or find out Food Bank of the Rockies kicked off a outdoor activities, restaurants and beer. more information, visit theupbeetkitchen.

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Boulder Weekly

cuisine Too fishy not to label?

Genetically modified fish’s approval changes the anti-label movement

by Ari LeVaux

T

WIkimedia Commons

he U.S. Food and Drug and the health consequences of eating GM Adminstration’s (FDA) recent food. This about-face reflects a growing approval of a genetically moddesire among consumers to know things ified (GM) salmon was hailed like the effect its production has on the as progress by proponents of people who grow it, the planet we share GM food. It may be. But the reaction to and the organisms we eat. With the the salmon’s approval, coupled with the public as sensitive as it is about food in fact that under current laws it won’t be general, and GM food in particular, it’s labeled as GM, suggests this event is proinevitable that a fish this crazy is going to be labeled. And as the first GM anividing a timely boost to those fighting to label GM foods. While the debate has mal approved for human consumption, it remained at something of a deadlock, this will set an important precedent. fish is poised to become the poster child Already, major retailers like Costco, for the labeling movement and its Safeway and Target have pledged to not approval may spell the beginning of the carry the AquAdvantage salmon, in end of attempts to block labeling. response to overwhelming consumer The AquAdvantage salmon is an demand. And a day after The Times’ edigrocery stores have already announced they will not sell genetically modified Atlantic salmon modified to grow extra- Several torial, the Grocery Manufacturers salmon. fast with the help of genetic sequences Association (GMA) announced its new from a Pacific Chinook salmon and the assures us that escapes are statistically impossible, but SmartLabel program, with which coneel-like ocean pout. the fish’s story contains so many moving parts that the sumers will be able to use their smartphones to scan Its approval inspired The New York Times Editorial Editorial Board sided with those who desire the right the barcodes of products and learn details about them Board to editorialize that the fish should be labeled, to avoid it. The Times called on the U.S. Senate to that space wouldn’t allow on a label. reversing a 2013 position that GM foods don’t need vote against the Safe and Accurate Food Labeling Act While in its infancy, and with many tweaks and mandatory labels. “Consumers deserve to know what of 2015, which would overturn state-level decisions to glitches likely in the near-future, this program prothey are eating,” the Board wrote, with regard to the label GM food — so far such laws have been passed vides a framework for delivering a wealth of informaAquAdvantage salmon, on Dec. 1. The Board noted in Vermont, Connecticut and Maine — and has tion that could not only inform consumers, but eduthat while there are no apparent safety concerns for already passed the House. cate them.

It could also address one of the more compelling people eating the fish, if the operation were scaled up The standard argument against labeling is that there could be environmental issues. The eggs are fer- nothing material would be revealed by disclosing that arguments against the labeling of GM foods: that the tilized in Canada and then transported to Panama a product contains genetically modified organisms words “contains GMOs” don’t really tell you much. where they are grown in inland tanks. If fish were able (GMOs), as no difference in calories, vitamins, toxins, Those words don’t identify which genes would be to escape during this precarious journey they could artificial colors or any other nutritional characteristics silenced or amplified, or distinguish between a cloned interbreed with wild fish. would be detectable. The Times’ reversal suggests conThe company that makes the fish, AquaBounty, sumers have the right to consider other factors beyond see SALMON Page 60

Boulder Weekly

December 10, 2015 59

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A loophole in federal law means GM salmon for sale in grocery stores is regulated as a drug and not a food.

SALMON from Page 59

organism, a transgenic organism with genes from multiple species, or one whose DNA was modified with gene editing technology. But if this level of detail were provided, it could open the door for interested consumers to learn about the nuance, potential drawbacks and even potential benefits of biotechnology in food.

Of course, that level of nuance isn’t exactly what the GMA has in mind. It has long fought against GMO labels, and in feeling that battle slip away has instead pushed for a neat definition of GMO. Not surprisingly, anti-GMO groups like the Center for Food Safety (CFS) don’t like its longtime adversary’s Smartlabel idea.

They say it’s an industry-preferred alternative to mandatory labels that would put those without smartphones at a disadvantage, and allow companies to invade consumer privacy.

But mandatory labels or not, the advent of the Smartlabel program shows which way the wind is blowing, both in terms of the available technology and in terms of what consumers want. Consumers are making their preferences clear, and retail is following.

A Dec. 2 article by Jerry Hagstrom in the National Review argues that the labeling movement has only barely begun, as consumers want transparency, regardless of what Congress, the FDA or agribusiness wants. They ex­pect food com­pan­ ies, Hagstrom writes, “...to be more trans­par­ent about the im­pact of food on health and the en­vir­on­ment, food safety, hu­man and labor rights, the treat­ment of an­im­als raised for food, and busi­ness eth­ics in food pro­duc­tion.”

And perhaps we could add, “how their food was regulated and approved” to the list of concerns. Indeed, one thing opponents of the AquAdvantage salmon dislike is that it’s regulated as a drug by the FDA — rather than a food by USDA — thanks to a loophole provided by the Food, Drug and Cosmetic Act that says a drug includes any substance that is intended to change the structure or function of an organism.

It’s hard to dispute that this is a fishy way of regulating the salmon, which is clearly a food and not a drug. It’s the kind of backroom finagling that inspires distrust.

As Nathaneal Johnson points out at grist.org, labels are a way to build trust between food companies and consumers.

“By labeling, food producers show that they understand and respect the feelings of their customers. Labeling would reverse the vicious cycle whereby consumer fear of the unknown pushes companies to fight to preserve their secrecy, which leads to greater fear of the unknown. Companies should respond to ignorance by providing more information, not less,” Johnson wrote.

So while Congress mulls the label issue, and pro- and anti-label groups dump millions into advertising on state-level campaigns, the labeling movement marches on, invigorated. It won’t be stopped, because what consumers really want is transparency, and what the food companies want is their money. And labeling proponents can thank AquAdvantage salmon for the early Christmas.

Boulder Weekly

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Fake wine takes a toll on everyday consumers

by David White

great food & drink specials

T

wo years have passed since a federal jury convicted Rudy Kurniawan, a prominent wine collector, of fraud for selling counterfeit wines. When the FBI raided Kurniawan’s home in March 2013, they discovered thousands of fake wine labels and hundreds of bottles and corks. He’s currently serving a 10-year prison sentence.

Kurniawan’s conviction brought attention to the scourge of counterfeit wines. It also forced the auction industry to clean up its act and dedicate more resources to authenticating old bottles.

But wine enthusiasts remain on edge.

Kurniawan showed how much money could be made with fake wines. At a single auction hosted by Acker Merrall & Condit in 2006, he netted nearly $25 million. Plenty of Kurniawan’s concoctions remain in circulation. And suspect wines continue to surface. Last month in Hong Kong, for example, a new auction house called Dragon 8 pulled many lots from its debut after counterfeit experts raised serious concerns on WineBerserkers.com, an online bulletin board.

Some have argued that wine fraud is a victimless crime. Wine writer W. Blake Gray called Kurniawan a “hero” since “the Wikimedia Commons wine-auction scene is full of powerful assholes.”

But fake wines take a toll on everyday consumers — those passionate oenophiles who can’t afford cases of grand cru Burgundy or firstgrowth Bordeaux but can afford the occasional splurge on a single, special bottle.

Consider John Brooks, a retired Air Force major general who now considers himself a full-time wine enthusiast.

Brooks grew up in a house where wine — typically sweet, simple and German — was often on the table. One Christmas, his father received a case of wine from his company. It was a dry red, and year after year, Brooks’s father tried to serve it with holiday meals. But Brooks and his mother kept saying no, sticking Even, and especially, the greatwith the simple white instead. Eventually, his est wines can be counterfeit. father drank the wine on his own.

After Brooks caught the wine bug, he realized that the wine his father kept trying to push was 1961 Château Lafite Rothschild. Of Bordeaux’s five first growths, Lafite is the most famous. Arguably, 1961 is Bordeaux’s greatest vintage ever.

In 2012, the first Father’s Day without his dad, Brooks realized that some of his grief was tied up with the wine and the missed chance to drink something so legendary with his father. But he then realized that it was also an opportunity. If he ever had a chance to drink 1961 Lafite, it would offer one more moment with his dad.

In late 2012, Brooks might have had that opportunity.

“I was drinking my way up the California coast with my wife, and we went to dinner at a restaurant in Santa Barbara County. I looked at the wine list. There it was. 1961 Lafite. $1,300. I was so tempted. It was my chance to drink it ‘with my dad,’” he explained.

“But could it be real?” he wondered. “After agonizing, I decided I could not risk paying $1,300 for something that wasn’t real.”

Brooks’s story tugs at the heartstrings. But similar stories abound.

The wine world is packed with passionate enthusiasts of humble means. These consumers chase history’s greatest wines, knowing that sometimes, such wines can offer spiritual experiences. But today, with so many counterfeits on the market, it’s becoming harder and harder to figure out what’s real.

David White is the founder and editor of Terroirist.com, one of the world’s most popular wine blogs. His columns are housed at GrapeCollective.com.

Boulder Weekly

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astrology

it may compromise your leverage in dicey situations where other people “Happiness sneaks through are using information as a door you didn’t know a weapon. So the moral of that you left open,” said the current story is this: actor John Barrymore. I Go to RealAstrology.com to check out Don’t tell everything! I hope you’ve left open a Rob Brezsny’s EXPANDED WEEKLY AUDIO realize this could be hard, lot of those doors, Aries.

HOROSCOPES and DAILY TEXT MESSAGE since you are a good talker The more there are, the HOROSCOPES. The audio horoscopes these days; your ability happier you will be. This is to express yourself is at a are also available by phone at 1-877the week of all weeks when peak. So what should you 873-4888 or 1-900-950-7700. joy, pleasure and even zany do? Whenever you speak, bliss are likely to find their aim for quality over quanways into your life from tity. And always weave in a bit of mystery. unexpected sources and unanticipated directions. If you’re lucky, you also have a few forgotten cracks and neglected SCORPIO gaps where fierce delights and crisp wonders can come OCT. 23-NOV. 21: wandering in.

Ducks are the most unflappable creatures I know. Cats are often regarded as the top practitioners of the “I don’t TAURUS give a f---” attitude, but I think ducks outshine them.

APRIL 20-MAY 20: When domestic felines exhibit their classic aloofness, What state of mind do you desire the most? What is the there’s sometimes a subtext of annoyance or contempt. quality of being that you aspire to inhabit more and more But ducks are consistently as imperturbable as Zen as you grow older? Maybe it’s the feeling of being deeply masters. Right now, as I gaze out my office window, appreciated, or the ability to see things as they really are, I’m watching five of them swim calmly, with easygoing or an intuitive wisdom about how to cultivate vibrant relanonchalance, against the swift current of the creek in the tionships. I invite you to set an intention to cultivate this torrential rain. I invite you to be like ducks in the coming singular experience with all your passion and ingenuity. The days. Now is an excellent time to practice the high art of time is right. Make a pact with yourself. truly not giving a f---.

ARIES

MARCH 21-APRIL 19:

GEMINI

MAY 21-JUNE 20:

Like Metallica jamming with Nicki Minaj and Death Cab for Cutie on a passage from Mozart’s opera The Magic Flute, you are redefining the meanings of the words “hybrid,” “amalgam” and “hodgepodge.” You’re mixing metaphors with panache. You’re building bridges with cheeky verve.

Some of your blends are messy mishmashes, but more often they are synergistic successes. With the power granted to me by the gods of mixing and matching, I hereby authorize you to keep splurging on the urge to merge. This is your special time to experiment with the magic of combining things that have rarely or never been combined.

CANCER

JUNE 21-JULY 22:

I hope you can figure out the difference between the fake cure and the real cure. And once you know which is which, I hope you will do the right thing rather than the sentimental thing. For best results, keep these considerations in mind: The fake cure may taste sweeter than the real one. It may also be better packaged and more alluringly promoted. In fact, the only advantage the real cure may have over the fake one is that it will actually work to heal you.

LEO

JULY 23-AUG. 22:

There’s a sinuous, serpentine quality about you these days. It’s as if you are the elegant and crafty hero of an epic myth set in the ancient future. You are sweeter and saucier than usual, edgier and more extravagantly emotive.

You are somehow both a repository of tantalizing secrets and a fount of arousing revelations. As I meditate on the magic you embody, I am reminded of a passage from Laini Taylor’s fantasy novel Daughter of Smoke & Bone: “She tastes like nectar and salt. Nectar and salt and apples. Pollen and stars and hinges. She tastes like fairy tales. Swan maiden at midnight. Cream on the tip of a fox’s tongue. She tastes like hope.”

VIRGO

AUG. 23-SEPT. 22:

I bought an old horoscope book at a garage sale for 25 cents. The cover was missing and some pages were waterdamaged, so parts of it were hard to decipher. But the following passage jumped out at me: “In romantic matters, Virgos initially tend to be cool, even standoffish. Their perfectionism may interfere with their ability to follow through on promising beginnings. But if they ever allow themselves to relax and go further, they will eventually ignite. And then, watch out! Their passion will generate intense heat and light.” I suspect that this description may apply to you in the coming weeks. Let’s hope you will trust your intuition about which possibilities warrant your caution and which deserve your opening.

LIBRA

SEPT. 23-OCT. 22:

“The secret of being a bore is to tell everything,” said French writer Voltaire. I agree, and add these thoughts: To tell everything also tempts you to wrongly imagine that you have everything completely figured out. Furthermore,

Boulder Weekly

SAGITTARIUS NOV. 22-DEC. 21:

My old friend Jeff started working at a gambling casino in Atlantic City. “You’ve gone over to the dark side!” I kidded.

He acknowledged that 90 percent of the casino’s visitors lose money gambling. On the bright side, he said, 95 percent of them leave happy. I don’t encourage you to do this kind of gambling in the near future, Sagittarius. It’s true that you will be riding a lucky streak. But smarter, surer risks will be a better way to channel your good fortune. So here’s the bottom line: In whatever way you choose to bet or speculate, don’t let your lively spirits trick you into relying on pure impulsiveness. Do the research. Perform your due diligence.

It’s not enough just to be entertained. The goal is to both have fun and be successful.

CAPRICORN

DEC. 22-JAN. 19:

Ancient Greek philosopher Epicurus was a pioneer thinker whose ideas helped pave the way for the development of science. Believe nothing, he taught, unless you can evaluate it through your personal observation and logical analysis.

Using this admirable approach, he determined that the size of our sun is about two feet in diameter. I’m guessing that you have made comparable misestimations about at least two facts of life, Capricorn. They seem quite reasonable but are very wrong. The good news is that you will soon be relieved of those mistakes. After some initial disruption, you will feel liberated.

AQUARIUS

JAN. 20-FEB. 18:

Aquarian inventor Thomas Edison owned 1,093 patents. Nicknamed “The Wizard of Menlo Park,” he devised the first practical electrical light bulb, the movie camera, the alkaline storage battery and many more useful things. The creation he loved best was the phonograph. It was the first machine in history that could record and reproduce sound. Edison bragged that no one else had ever made such a wonderful instrument. It was “absolutely original.” I bring this to your attention, Aquarius, because I think you’re due for an outbreak of absolute originality. What are the most unique gifts you have to offer? In addition to those you already know about, new ones may be ready to emerge.

PISCES

FEB. 19-MARCH 20:

Here’s an experiment that makes good astrological sense for you to try in the coming weeks. Whenever you feel a tinge of frustration, immediately say, “I am an irrepressible source of power and freedom and love.” Anytime you notice a trace of inadequacy rising up in you, or a touch of blame, or a taste of anger, declare, “I am an irresistible magnet for power and freedom and love.” If you’re bothered by a mistake you made, or a flash of ignorance expressed by another person, or a maddening glitch in the flow of the life force, stop what you’re doing, interrupt the irritation, and proclaim, “I am awash in power and freedom and love.”

December 10, 2015 69

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70 December 10, 2015

Boulder Weekly

SAVAGE

by Dan Savage

Dear Dan: I love that you use the term “cocksucker” only in a non-pejorative way. I don’t know if you’ve said so explicitly, but I imagine your aim is to remove its negative connotation. As the owner of a cock, I think cocksucking is WONDERFUL! Therefore, cocksuckers are wonderful as well. There needs to be more cocksucking in this world!

Following your example, I am trying to use the term only in its literal sense and only in a positive light. Do you have a good substitute word for a person one is not pleased with? © LaRae Lobdell — Changing Language Is Terrific Dear CLIT: How about “kochbrother,” CLIT? Same number of syllables, same explosive/percussive “K” sound at the start, same “er” ending — and our democracy (and our environment) would be a lot better off if there were more cocksuckers out there and fewer Koch brothers.

Dear Dan: I would like some clarification. Does my situation fall into the “when it’s okay to have an affair” category or am I just looking for you to absolve me of guilt? I got divorced a year ago, and I’m 100 percent focused on being a mom during the time my son is with me and helping him through the divorce transition. I met a man who has been married for 20-plus years and I’m having an affair with him. He and his wife spend all of their time taking care of their adult disabled son. He said they have nothing in common but caretaking. He’s never said anything bad about the wife except they’ve grown apart and he can’t (or won’t) leave because of their son. It works for me because he’s the most incredible lover I’ve ever had and he doesn’t bother me or demand attention when I’m busy being a mom. I do have strong feelings for him but no expectation of him leaving his wife to be with me. Does this meet your “okay to cheat” criteria?

— Loving Isn’t Always Really Simple Boulder Weekly

Love

Dear LIARS: Indeed it does, LIARS. Your situation, in fact, is a good example of the kind of affair people rarely hear about and advice professionals pretend don’t exist, i.e., the affair that saves a marriage and improves the lives and lots of everyone involved, whether directly or indirectly. Your marriage is over, of course, but you’re getting your sexual needs met by someone who doesn’t distract you from your son’s needs. And the time your lover spends with you — the intimacy, affirmation, and release you provide him — has doubtless helped to make him a kinder and less resentful companion/partner and a better father/ caretaker. Here’s hoping your lover’s wife is getting the kind of sanity-preserving intimacy, affirmation, and release she needs, too — whether sexual or in some other form.

Dear Dan: I’m a straight twentysomething woman. I recently gave my partner a blowjob. He was enjoying it, obviously, and then he said, “I’m feeling brave. I want you to finger me.” I have never fingered a man before, and he has never suggested that he might be into that, so I was caught off guard. I responded, “But we don’t have lube!” He didn’t say anything, and I finished him off without fingering him. He hasn’t brought it up since. He is a manly man and conservative. I want him to be able to experience that if it’s something he wants to experience, but I don’t know what to say!

— 2 Prod Or Not 2 Prod Dear 2PON2P: You don’t have to say anything. Just buy a little bottle of lube — not a full-size bottle (most of those look like giant cocks, and we don’t want to scare this manly man to death) — and set it on the nightstand.

When he notices it, 2PON2P, smile and say, “That’s for the next time you’re feeling brave.”

Send questions to mail@savagelove.net and follow @fakedansavage on Twitter.

December 10, 2015 71

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Boulder Weekly

EEDBETWEENTHELINES

by Sarah Haas

Weed warehouse

A

s business booms in Denver and its thrivtrial real estate is attributed to the marijuana having difficulty supplying the power that grow wareing economy continues to grow, a stagnant industry. houses need. Denver never really was a manufacturing supply of industrial real estate stock is Bob Costello, owner of Colorado Marijuana center and so the existing inventory of warehouses meeting with unprecedented demand, Investments and 420 Real Estate Broker, agrees that tend to be meant for storage or distribution — neither sending prices skyrocketing. The inflated the cultivation side of the retail marijuana equation is of which requires high energy infrastructure.” prices create speculation about how the legalization of more or less equalized with demand, but only because In the pioneering days of the green rush, the first marijuana and the green rush factor into the low market forces are superseded by a complicated legal businesses to ask and be equipped for more power vacancy rates and record high prices in received upgrades until no more capacity Courtesy of Mile High Comics the warehouse market. was available at the local sub station.

Last week, Mile High Comics listed Because cannabis cultivation requires a its headquarters, a warehouse in north lot of power, limited access to enough Denver, for $1.6 million. The building is electricity disqualifies many potential valued at just under $200,000 — a diswarehouses, significantly increasing the crepancy that is raising a few eyebrows in prices of ones with power. commercial real estate.

The various moratoriums on new recIn a letter to his customers, Mile reational dispensaries’ business licenses in High Comics owner Chuck Riwanski the state, including Denver’s recent attributes the high price tag to the burextension, are also playing heavily into geoning marijuana industry. the intensity of the market.

“By pure happenstance, both of our In lieu of new licenses, a secondary buildings are legally zoned for commermarket developed in selling licenses. cial pot-growing operations. Buildings What would cost $5,000 in application with that zoning here in Colorado have fees through the city now comes with a exploded in value over the past 48 $200,000-plus asking price. In addition months, more than doubling in market to buying the license, the new business value. While pot growers still cannot will also have to qualify with the state legally open bank accounts, they have and city, find a qualifying warehouse and become the most active buyers of coma qualifying retail space.

The headquarter of Mile High Comics, a warehouse in north Denver, listed for $1.6 mercial warehouse buildings in Denver, “Right now in Denver, I have a commillion during the first week of December. usually showing up to closings with sacks plete business for sale, which includes a of cash.” retail store, a grow warehouse, a lot a lot Riwanski is right. There is not enough warehouse and regulatory landscape. Not only must the property a lot of power for sale for $6 million,” Costello says. space in Denver to accommodate all of the grow oper- be zoned for marijuana cultivation, but the property “It’s what we call a business in a box. All you gotta do ations, but this is not as simple as a case of demand owner must also approve it as a usage. is bring the money, get the licenses transferred to your exceeding supply.

Eligible properties are further narrowed down by name and you are a full blown business. This only According to CBRE Industrial Services, an the supply of electricity and the business’ capacity to works right now because the market is flat, and the international commercial real estate firm, there is a receive large amounts of energy. only way to enter it is to have a lot of capital. I have 3.9 percent vacancy in industrial real estate in “Grow houses use a lot of power and the typical some great buildings available that won’t go for sale Denver, a number that can appear shockingly low warehouse in the Front Range cannot accommodate because they aren’t attached to a license. Even though when compared to the national average of 9.1 persuch high usage,” Costello says. “The power infrathe packages are at a premium price, it’s your only cent. But, all in all, only about 1 percent of indusstructure in Colorado and the power suppliers are option.”

Boulder Weekly

December 10, 2015 73

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74 December 10, 2015

Boulder Weekly

icumi

(IN CASE YOU MISSED IT) An irreverent and not always accurate view of the world

WITH LOVE, MICHELE

“Deck the hands with guns of folly fa la la la, la la la. ’Tis the season to pose with firearms fa la la la, la la la.

Don we now our pistols and rifles fa la la la, la la la.

To celebrate Jesus and the Second Amendment fa la la la, la la la.”

This holiday tune might have been playing in the background of Nevada Assemblywoman Michele Fiore (R)(Duh) Christmas card shoot. Dressed in matching red shirts and jeans, Courtesy Facebook Fiore’s family poses with the most essential holiday accessory: guns! (It looks like she got a killer Black Friday deal at Guns’R’Us.) Like an episode of Oprah’s favorite things, in Fiore’s family, “Mom gets a gun!” “Dad gets a gun!” “Grammy gets a gun!”

“Little Jake gets a gun!” The only members not packing heat are three infant grandchildren.

But hey kiddos, there’s always next year!

In a time when we can barely go one full day without having another mass shooting, it’s comforting that someone like Fiore is here to spread the holiday cheer. And after the shooting in San Bernardino last week, which left 14 dead and 21 injured, Fiore shared some soothing words, urging people to get armed and get trained.

As she said when she shared her Christmas photo on Facebook, “It’s up to Americans to protect America. We’re just your ordinary American family. — With love & liberty, Michele.”

WHAT’S IN A NAME?

Juliet Capulet pondered the significance of a name: “That which we call a rose,” she surmised, “By any other name would smell as sweet.”

And while Juliet came to the conclusion that Wikimedia Commons names are meaningless, Kanye West and Kim Kardashian could not disagree more. On Dec. 5, Kim gave birth to the couple’s second child — a son — and christened him Saint West.

Sources close to the couple say the famous pair argued over what asinine name would sound best with their first-born child’s completely ridiculous name, North West.

“At first, Kanye wanted something regal, like King or Emperor or Grand Poobah,” says a source who asked to remain anonymous due to the pointlessness of this news. “Then Ye realized that wasn’t dramatic enough — I mean, the man wrote a song called ‘I Am a God,’ so clearly a name like King wasn’t gonna cut it.”

The source says that Kim stopped caring what they called their bundle of joy after Kanye presented her with her “push present,” a $77,000 black and tigerstriped diamond ring.

Laura Wattenberg, the founder of the baby-name website babynamewizard. com, told Live Science that the name actually follows a national trend.

“Parents are exalting their children more and more today,” Wattenberg said.

“The names King, Prince, Miracle and Messiah are all ranking in the top 500.”

Proof, once again, that most pop artists are just taking cues from Michael Jackson.

In all sincerity, we hope that Saint West will lead us not into carbon investments, but deliver us from climate change. Amen.

Boulder Weekly

December 10, 2015 75

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