screen Hairy Plotter Friday November 25
every thursday @ the other side
w/ dreamers delight, saPieNt, habitual Flow & toy box
Free beFore 8Pm & Free beFore 9Pm For
bass Physics saturday November 26
grass For that ass all text message subscribers
sNow tha Product
text cervaNtes to 91944 to sigN uP
w/ woke, Fool boy marley, PdF, otis & kaNoN lebroN
12/1: that damN sasquatch & black river
thursday december 1
PhuturePrimitive & bluetech w/ kll smth & soulacybiN
wedNesday december 7
Nightmares oN wax w/ romare
thursday december 8
the circus records tour Feat doctor P, FuNtcase & diskord
Friday december 9
PaPadosio (live Pa set) w/ temPlo
saturday december 10
revue w/ thuNder & raiN 12/8: whitewater ramble “PickiN’ oN the rolliNg stoNes” Friday November 25
geNetics
w/ JubiliNgo & xoa
saturday November 26
emiNeNce eNsemble & evaNoFF w/ uNFold
suNday November 27
souNdwave music Fest
Feat deNver’s best uNsigNed taleNt
the traveliN’ mccoury’s
wedNesday November 30
suNday december 11
w/ New sPeedway boogie & the wild
w/ Pert Near saNdstoNe
save our city!
10th aNNual how the griNch stole christmas tour
Friday & saturday december 2-3 dual veNue
(all origiNal members)
w/ Joey Porter’s shady busiNess
Feat liviNg legeNds w/ evideNce
wedNesday december 14
too $hort & mistah Fab
mooN taxi Feat domiNic lalli (big gigaNtic), JeN & Natalie (trey baNd), Nick cassiNo (Nth Power), Joey Porter & garrett sayers
w/ too $hort
(the motet) & sPut (sNarky PuPPy)
thursday december 15
12/2: maddy o’Neal Feat colby buckler
dubskiN 10 year aNNiversary Party
w/ wake uP & live, abstract rude & mikey thuNder
Friday december 16
JaNs iNgber’s FuNk FellowshiP
Feat isaiah sharkey (aNdersoN. Paak), sharay reed (aretha FraNkliN, chaka khaN), stevelaNd swatkiNs (alleN stoNe), Jarrod lawsoN, alviN Ford Jr (Pretty lights live baNd, dumPstaPhuNk), lyle diviNksy & gabe merviNe (the motet)
saturday december 17
start makiNg seNse
(ultimate talkiNg heads tribute)
Friday december 23
dmx
“a very sPecial dmxmas show”
Friday & saturday december 30-31
stick Figure w/ the movemeNt 12/30: tataNka
thursday JaNuary 5
NaPPy roots
w/ dassaro x JeraFF, daPPer & J.o.b.
Friday & saturday JaNuary 6-7 dual veNue
the bluegrass geNerals Feat aNdy hall & chris PaNdolFi (the iNFamous striNgdusters), Paul hoFFmaN (greeNsky bluegrass), JoN stickley & the last revel 1/6: the hauNted wiNdchimes 1/7: graNt Farm, liver dowN the river & liNeage music ProJect
(emaNciPator) 12/3: aNalog soN & cold river city
moNday december 5
moNday Night meNagerie Friday december 9
broccoli samurai w/ the ruNNikiNe & mister F
saturday december 10
corNmeal & heNhouse Prowlers moNday december 12
moNday Night meNagerie Friday december 16
greeNer grouNds w/ the workshy, metaFoNics & the orcastrator
saturday december 17
disco Floyd w/ hoNey Puddle (late set) & stella luce as the cure
thursday december 29
my blue sky Friday & saturday december 30-31
deadPhish orchestra 12/30: 40oz to Freedom
Friday & saturday JaNuary 6-7 dual veNue
the bluegrass geNerals Feat aNdy hall & chris PaNdolFi (the iNFamous striNgdusters), Paul hoFFmaN
tuesday JaNuary 10
(greeNsky bluegrass) & JoN stickley w/ graNt Farm, the hauNted wiNdchimes,
w/ dJwhookid
the last revel & liver dowN the river
waka Flocka Flame wedNesday JaNuary 18
Felly Feat gyyPs
w/ yoNas, healy & soNgbyh
saturday JaNuary 21
Jazz is Phish w/ talkiNg dreads
Friday JaNuary 27
JeFF austiN baNd Friday February 10
J boog
Friday JaNuary 13
dJ qbert (dmc chamPioN) & chris karNs (Pretty lights live baNd, dmc chamPioN) w/ Party PeoPle & Jubee (the Pretty FaNtastics) – re:creatioN
Friday February 10
JohN browN’s body text cervaNtes to 91944 For ticket giveaways, driNk sPecials, discouNted ticket PromotioNs & more
w/ Jo mersa marley & Jemere morgaN
‘Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them’ lost me by Ryan Syrek
H
ere, in Trump’s America, the question is no longer “Why do bad things happen to good people?” but “Why do good people do bad, dumb things?” J.K. Rowling is a gifted author and a provably decent human being who has just done a bad, dumb thing. Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them is, fitting to its title, a goddamn monstrosity; it is a plot-free assault on goodwill whose franchise aspirations now feel like a threat to our pop cultural safety. Nothing of consequence happens in Fantastic Beasts, but here’s what occurs while noises are made and lights are flashed: Newt (Eddie Redmayne) comes to America in the 1920s with a magic suitcase containing lots of crazy creatures. Some get loose. A Brooklyn mustache attached to a chubby person, Kowalski (Dan Fogler), helps Newt find said creatures with the help of Tina (Katherine Waterston) and her sister Queenie (Alison Sudol). Meanwhile, Graves (Colin Farrell) tries to get Credence (Ezra Miller) to help him do bad things, presumably because both are angry about their haircuts. I swear to God, that’s all that happens. Fantastic Beasts is one of those movies that confuses characters having traits for characterization. Kowalski makes donuts. Newt has mussed-up hair and poor eye contact. Tina... OK, so some of them This plot-free cash grab is all sound and fury. Newt don’t even get character traits. (Eddie Redmayne) travels to 1920s America with a magic suitcase full of magic creatures, and very All of Rowling’s worst habits little “magic” happens. aren’t just on display; they are spotlighted and shotgunned into audiences’ faces. A threadbare overarching narrative about evildoers trying to expose the secret wizarding community (or something) is played out by the most yawn-tastic collection of disinteresting human beings. Oh, and it’s racist. Yeah, like, blatantly racist. A black actress delivers lines that would be at home in the mouth of a “Mammy” figure from the heyday of openly racist cinema shortly before a jazz ditty is belted by a house elf that looks like Nina Simone or Billie Holiday. House elves, of course, are slaves. Yikes. And before anyone else suggests it, having an actress of color as the president of American magic, Seraphina Picquery (Carmen Ejogo), isn’t a counterbalance. Especially not when you consider how she gets almost every fact wrong and exhibits an enthusiasm for a near police state. To be clear, I’m not suggesting Rowling intended all of this. But I’m thinking this last month has been a testimonial in why no racist bullshit should go unchecked. Ever. Fantastic Beasts has some pretty special effects. It also has a glowing-horned rhino thing that tries to sodomize a flop-sweat-laden New Yorkian stereotype. One of those things will stick with you longer than the other. The stakes are totally nonexistent, likely hanging out wherever the villain’s motivation pissed off to, and the relationships between the characters can, at best, be hailed as “scripted.” Fantastic Beasts is an unnecessary installment of a beloved franchise that features a stupid caricature doing slapstick comedy, a repetitive villain, racist minor characters, poor acting and pretty special effects. So, let’s just call this what it is. I’m sorry Potterheads, you just got Phantom Menace-d. This review previously appeared in The Reader of Omaha, Nebraska.
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38 November 24, 2016
Boulder Weekly