screen Tarantinope
‘The Hateful Eight’ is pointless, stupid garbage by Ryan Syrek
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32 January 7, 2016
ay this much for writer/direceven if we’ve done nothing to warrant tor/foot fetishist/N-word-addict being forced to watch said things hapQuentin Tarantino when he pen. It’s mind-boggling how Tarantino, finally made his first bad movie: a master of thrills in epic scenes like the he made one of the worst films opening of Inglourious Basterds, has forever. The Hateful Eight is a disgusting, gotten it is impossible to generate even stupid, overlong bore. It would have the smallest degree of tension if you litsucked at half its length, but at least you erally don’t care what happens to anyone could have done something more pleaon screen. That was the singular thought surable and less soul-crushing with the I had as characters barfed blood and rest of your day, like gargled broken glass Tarantino’s trademark dialogue hour or listened to the dying breaths of a after hour: “I don’t care. I don’t care. I beloved family don’t care.” pet. Because the In every sinman has made so gle Tarantino many masterpiecmovie, there’s at es, there have least one cringebeen delirious worthy scene in attempts to mine which the directhis vomitory of tor forgets himvile drivel for self, misreads some symbolic, tone and sucsophisticated cumbs to some commentary on disturbing, sick race relations and fetishism. This is In The Hateful Eight, awful people get stranded misogyny in three hours of in a blizzard in the 1800s with other awful modern America. people, and everyone does awful things to only that, puncother in an awful movie that’s an awful That is the equiv- each tuated with ugly waste of three hours. alent of thoughtbits of silly gore ful art critics tryand goofy cariing to make-believe a Jackson Pollock catures. But what absolutely must be painting out of someone’s freshly soiled addressed is the unspeakable, unsophistibedsheets. cated, amateurish racism. There is no meaning or significance to watching The plot is gossamer... because why Confederate sympathizers call a black would you want a three-hour movie to man the N-word in the context providhave a story? Major Marquis Warren (Samuel L. Jackson) catches a ride during ed. It holds no current social relevance and feels like a naked excuse for a blizzard with bounty hunter John “The Tarantino to be able to write his favorite Hangman” Ruth (Kurt Russell), who is escorting the murderess Daisy Domergue word as many times as he’d like. Worse yet, any implied modern meaning asso( Jennifer Jason Leigh) to the authorities. ciated with the actions of Major Warren Along the way, they pick up Chris are unspeakably wretched, as though Mannix (Walton Goggins), still a proud Tarantino is condemning the enslaved in Confederate supporter despite the South equal proportion to their masters. having recently lost the Civil War. The The Hateful Eight is worthless, quartet take shelter at an isolated outpost mean-spirited, racial and sexist fetishism with Bob (Demian Bichir), a handyman; doused in schlocky fake blood, and godOswaldo Mobray (Tim Roth), an actual hangman; Joe Gage (Michael Madsen), a dammit an artist as skilled as Tarantino should know it. One movie can’t possibly cowpoke; and General Sandy Smithers (Bruce Dern), a rebel commander known retroactively erode a director’s filmography, but if one could do so, this would for slaughtering slaves. be it. The title of the film tells you these This review first appeared in The people are “hateful.” They are worse than Reader in Omaha, Nebraska. that. They are irredeemable, gross, awful pieces of shit who deserve all the unspeakable things that happen to them, Boulder Weekly