Meets with Tech Parents, Students & Faculty

Dr. Michael G. Thompson, an internationally acclaimed author, educational consultant, and psychologist specializing in children and families, visited Bosco Tech on Feb. 27. After touring the campus, Dr. Thompson spoke with juniors, seniors, parents, faculty and staff.

With 35 years of experience in clinical psychology, Dr. Thompson has worked with more than 700 schools around the world, and has appeared on The Today Show, 60 Minutes, 20/20, The Oprah Winfrey Show, and Good Morning, America.

He is the author of nine books focusing on the emotional lives of boys, friendships, and social cruelty in childhood, including the New York Times best seller Raising Cain: Protecting the Emotional Life of Boys.

Dr. Thompson spoke about the demands upon today’s high school students are under, as well as helpful ways for parents to guide their sons to manage the college application and decision process in a healthy manner. He spoke with students about their stress level, and about the necessity of healthy sleep patterns, among other things, in dealing with anxiety.

From his perspective, many parents families obsess over whether a child will get into a particular elite college instead of the more important question: "Will this teenager grow up to be an independent, productive, loving adult?" Teachers play an important role in bringing perspective to the college application process, helping kids sort out college options and supporting young people through this rocky transition.

Students Luis Camacho Castro (CSEE ‘25) and IanKalvinkas (MAT ’23) and Principal Jeff Krynen provided Dr. Thompson an extensive tour of the campus prior to him speaking with the various groups. While exploring the technology labs and meeting students, he noticed something different.

“Everything about Bosco Tech seems relevant to future life to the students to whom I spoke,” he shared with faculty. “Your boys have a unique connection to their future professions in a way that's really unusual.”

Read more about Dr. Thompson, or for a full list of his books on raising boys, visit michaelthompson-phd.com. His books also are available on Amazon.com. Follow him on Twitter at @MGThompson PHD

We had the opportunity to ask Dr. Thompson a few questions about how parents can support their sons as they navigate this potentially stressful time of making important decisions about their future:

In raising teen boys, what is an important rule of thumb for talking to them about serious issues (college, grades, etc.) without freaking them out, raising their stress level, or having them shut down?

When you talk to a teenage boy about serious issues, there are three rules to follow:

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1) Use him as a consultant on his own life, asking questions about what he already knows and what strategies he is already developing (I discuss using your son as a consultant in the last chapter of Raising Cain.)

2) Make the conversation short and matter-of-fact; try not to flood him with your anxiety about the future;

3) Have confidence in his development. For example, when talking to your disorganized or disinterested sixteen-year-old about college, try to remember that almost all boys at Don Bosco have pulled themselves together to apply to college and have been accepted; your son will as well.

The number one reason that boys shut down in conversations with their parents is that they get annoyed by the constant reminders about the future. Some parents keep repeating the same things over and over, hoping that their son will suddenly announce something like, "I'm seeing the light, mom and dad, I'll always keep this in mind and reorganize my life to take your advice into account every day." Boys are never going to say that. They are likely to shrug and say, "Okay," and that is unsatisfying to parents, but the truth is that your son did hear you the first time and the second time; he doesn't need to hear it a fifth or sixth time.

--How can we, as parents, help lessen stress in their lives, understanding that we can't completely alleviate it? Or, how can we not unduly ADD to their stress?

To relieve stress, your son needs sleep, exercise, friendships, play time and a relaxed family life. Again, you need to use him as a consultant on his own stress level. What relaxes him? When does he feel at his happiest and most confident? He knows the answers to those questions.

--How does a family go about developing a healthy philosophy toward the often crazy college application process?

The college application process has grown to be quite complex and psychologically burdensome. However, it is important for parents to keep reminding themselves that Don Bosco Tech gets all of its graduates into college and even the boys who don't get into their first choice colleges do very well at the places they attend. In other words, from the beginning, it is important to remember that the process is likely to end well. If you can keep that in mind, it will help you from becoming panicky or catastrophic in your communications with your son. Boys find their parents' fearful tone to be undermining and irritating. It is a bad basis for a conversation.

--You mentioned the importance of enough sleep at this age. What other essentials do you think are on the top of the importance list (a decent diet, positive relationships, etc.?)

There aren't a lot of hidden secrets to stress reduction; most of us know what they are: sleep, exercise, less caffeine, less alcohol and engaging in activities that relax your body and your psyche: music, art, hiking, meals with friends.

--Where is the fine line between motivating them (or at least, encouraging them to think seriously about their future) and stressing them?

Sometimes a parent's efforts to motivate his or her son will increase his worry and anxiety, because he loves his parents and wants them to be proud of him. He doesn't want to let them down, and he often hears a motivational talk as a judgment that he is inadequate or a disappointment. If you lead with respect for what he has accomplished and trust in his development, but ask him to work hard because that's what life requires, and incidentally, that's what his parents are doing to send him to Don Bosco, he'll receive that message and it will keep him on track.

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