Born To Ride Magazine #223 - Dec 2022

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HOWDY BROTHERS AND SISTERS!

There’s big news a brewin’ here at Born To Ride magazine. I’m talkin’ about the rip-roarin’ rowdy run known as Gibtown Bikefest this January 6th through the 8th in beautiful Riverview, Florida. It’s the Sunshine State’s most entertaining biker gathering! Ride on out and meet Billy Lane on January 7th of Choppers Inc. and see his amazing Sons of Speed race bikes. Plus, Born To Ride’s kickass Southern Fried Moto Show will blow your mind with a killer ride-in bike show giving away $1,000 in cash and prizes. The Best of Show winner will be featured with a cover photo shoot right here in the South’s best biker rag!

The Southern Fried Moto Show is sponsored by our friend James Irwin, a biker helping bikers to gain financial freedom. Meet James at Gibtown and also right here in these pages. Check out our Q & A with the man who is as real as it gets who has a true passion for helping fellow bikers. You can learn more at and healthinsurance65.com. Turn the page and read all about Mr. Irwin.

Ya gotta come on out to the Southern Fried Moto Show where you’ll also meet the sexy star of the biker film Nation’s Fire, the one and only Krista Grotte. She’ll have DVDs to sign for you. Her Pole Stuntin’ with Krista YouTube Channel will have your eyes buggin’ out as she offers up sexy pole dance action set to your favorite movies and music. Get your butt to Gibtown Bikefest to meet the queen of quiver!

That’s not all! Gibtown Bikefest offers up over 30 live bands on four stages to keep your toes a tappin’ the whole weekend. The entire shindig is presented by The Fran Haasch Law Group and the Gibtown Showman’s Association. Our cover story this month features Attorney Fran Haasch and talks about her wonderful Wreaths Across America charity. We’ll also report

on Fran’s 14th Annual Food Drive. This special December holiday issue of Born To Ride is all about bikers giving back to the lifestyle they love. How cool is that?

All this and more is just a page turn away in the fire-breathin’ December issue of Born To Ride! Catch up with our own Nefarious James, laugh it up with Spyke & Mike, and drool all over this month’s Reader’s Ride featuring a righteous rigid Sportster by Roosterz Rod Shop lovingly adorned by super smokin’ hot model Mallory Griffs, shot by our ace flick snapper Eric Runyon.

If you’re part of the motorcycle industry, don’t forget to support Born To Ride so we can keep bringing bikers the best of the two-wheeled world. Your support of print media will generate major traffic to your business and help to promote riding. Help us get more new riders on the roads of America. And you bikers out there be sure to join our Born To Ride Facebook Group to keep in touch with likeminded riders and find out about upcoming events. Like what? Well, like Thunder by the Bay. This coming February 17th through the 19th marks the 25th Anniversary of this biker bonanza in beautiful Sarasota. You can bet that Born To Ride will be there to host Choppertown Live once again. It’s the best ride-in chopper show this side of the Mississippi. If you’re there, you might just see your grinnin’ mug right here in Born To Ride!

Enjoy the holidays and enjoy the ride, brothers and sisters, but ride safe out there. Have a Merry Christmas, a Happy New Year, and Happy Harleydays to all from your friends here at Born To Ride. Ho, ho… Urk! I got so excited that I just spit up in my mouth a little bit.

See ya next month for a whole new year of bein’ Born To Ride.

A Biker Helping Bikers

HAVE YOU MET JAMES IRWIN?

TELL US A LITTLE OF YOUR BACKGROUND AND EXPLAIN WHAT A CSA IS?

I am in financial services. I help people avoid transferring money unknowingly and unnecessarily. Sure when you say financial services it can have many meanings. Of course we help people invest their money and find places for them to put their money. What I do that’s UNIQUE is I help people find places where they could be transferring money unnecessarily and then I bring that back to them. First, to increase their accumulated assets to make their future more solid. And secondly, to help people increase their present lifestyle so that the journey along the way is pleasant. That is what I do. I help people find money that they are losing unnecessarily.

A CSA is a special designation. The Society of Certified Senior Advisors (SCSA) educates and certifies professionals who work with seniors. The Certified Senior Advisor (CSA)® credential applies to professionals who are able to demonstrate their competence and knowledge of working with older adults into their professional practices. By creating a network of qualified professionals, SCSA strives to create a strong and safe environment for seniors and those working with them. The Society of Certified Senior Advisors (SCSA) educates and certifies professionals who work with seniors. The Certified Senior Advisor (CSA)® CSAs understand how to build effective relationships with older adults because they have a broad-based knowledge of the health, social, and financial issues that are important to older adults. Through certification, Certified Senior Advisors agree to uphold the Highest ethical standards for the benefit and protection of the health and welfare of older adults. Currently there are less than 3400 individuals nationally in financial services that have earned this recognition.

In addition I am also a chapter president of AFEA The Nation’s leader in non-profit financial education! AFEA is a an IRS approved 501(c)(3) non-profit organization, AFEA’s mission is toinform and empower Americans to take control of their finances by providing comprehensive financial education in communities nationwide.

A BIKER HELPING BIKERS, TELL US ABOUT THAT CONCEPT AND WHY YOU ARE AN AVID RIDER?

It’s a way to give back to the community I love. Bikers have told me in the past they don’t want to work with the suits of society

when it comes to financial services. Even though my national HQ is located in the most prestigious building in Tampa loaded in suits, you’ll never see me in one. I usually ride my Harley to work and enjoy setting of car alarms in the garage from the rumble of my bike.

I got my first minibike at age six. Had a brief sponsorship from Ducati racing sport bikes and have owned numerous Harleys. There have been only a few years when I have not owned a motorcycle in my lifetime. The feeling and therapy it affords me is priceless. I will never stop riding.

HOW IMPORTANT IS IT TO YOU TO HELP VETERANS GET EVERYTHING THEY ARE ENTITLED TO AND GIVE US A FEW EXAMPLES HOW YOU CAN HELP?

Veterans are the reason we enjoy our freedom! A country that creates them needs to take care of them. We can never THANK them enough. I have found many get frustrated trying

JAMES IRWIN

to understand what they are eligible for. The general information that are given is like trying read an IRS tax code. I have helped many enhanced their health benefits, reduce Medicare cost,gain disability benefits and help with long term care benefits. As a CSA we are educated on ways to help.

WHAT IF WE ARE ON MEDICARE OR KNOW SOMEBODY WHO IS? WHAT CAN WE DO TO AVOID SCAMS?

Just call me 833-467-2865 it would take pages to list all the ways people get victimize and many don’t know till they use the plan. I get calls everyday about this. As a CSA a lot of people who were mislead get referred to us. I offer unbiased advice based on your needs not mine.

healthinsurance65.com IS YOUR WEBSITE, YOU CAN HELP WITH RETIREMENT INSURANCE, MEDICARE, SOCIAL SECURITY,VA AND LIFE PLANNING AS WELL AS INVESTING IN THE FUTURE.HOW IMPORTANT IS THE TRUST LEVEL THAT YOU CAN BE THAT PERSON TO MAKE A DIFFERENCE IN YOUR CLIENTS FUTURE?

Its very important! My services are unique since they is no cost to the client and without judgement. I have worked with folks with hundreds of dollars to well know celebrities with millions of dollars. Everybody get’s the same treatment. Most Financial Advisors charge a fee just to talk, I don’t. In the past before slowing down in my sixties I was for several years the #1 producer in the country with many well-know insurance companies. I was always unbiased and did what was best for the client not me. This is how I built my business. My dad alway said

to me “ You brought this on yourself” and “What goes around comes around” and of course “One day you’re gonna thank me for this” So this upbringing has earned me a blemish free reputation.

TELL US ABOUT THE MOVIE YOU WERE INVOLVED IN THE” THE BABY BOOMER DILEMMA”?

The move is a documentary critically acclaimed a must see by Forbes magazine among others. The trailer to the movie is on my website www.healthinsurance65.com anyone who goes there can request a FREE movie streaming pass since it is no longer in theaters.

YOU OFFER A FREE BOOK MISSION ONE MILLION ON YOUR WEBSITE HOW DO WE GET IT AND WHY READ IT?

It’s an interesting short informative read. Not dull and boring. Everyone who reads it or watches the Movie has said they are glad they did! I guess eventually someone will give it negative reviews but so far all positive!

IS IT TRUE YOU OFFER MONEY SCHOOL WEBINARS SEEMS LIKE A GREAT WAY TO LEARN AND THEY ARE ONLY 20 MINUTES FREE OF CHARGE?

Yes the Money schools webinar invites are easy to watch and simplify complicated subjects free of charge.The book is for anyone wanting to get out of debt, build wealth, and create financial independence.

People will have a chance to meet you at Gibtown bike fest and Thunder by the Bay this year.

WHAT IS YOUR MESSAGE TO THEM AND WHAT KIND OF QUESTIONS SHOULD THEY BE ASKING?

They can ask me anything love talking motorcycles. And they should be asking themselves if they current financial plan (Only works in good times?) Or (causes you stress?) Or (is your 401(k) now a 301(k) or a 201(k) If any of those questions are yes they don’t have the right financial plan.

As you know bikers are very charitable people giving back to the community in many meaningful ways. I’am of course a biker and that why with the help of many generous people we offer these FREE BOOKS ,WEBINARS, MOVIES and CONSULTATION. A biker helping biker that’s what its all about!

“We had the privilege of visiting Wreaths Across America’s National Headquarters in Columbia Falls, Maine. Although we have sponsored the wreath laying event in Bushnell for several years, touring their facility and forest gave us a true appreciation of the meaning “From Stem to Stone.” Morrill Worcester, his family and volunteers do such an incredible job teaching our youth the importance of honoring those who made the ultimate sacrifice protecting our freedom. It was truly humbling to learn and understand their mission: Remember our fallen US Veterans, Honor those who serve, Teach your children the value of freedom!”

THE WREATHS STORY

Morrill Worcester, owner of Worcester Wreath Company of Harrington, Maine, was a 12-year-old paper boy for the Bangor Daily News when he won a trip to Washington D.C. His first trip to our nation’s capital was one he would never forget, and Arlington National Cemetery made an especially indelible impression on him. This experience followed him throughout his life and successful career in business, reminding him that his good fortune was due, in large part, to the values of this nation and the Veterans who made the ultimate sacrifice for their Country.

Remembering his boyhood experience at Arlington, Worcester realized he had an opportunity to honor our country’s Veterans. With the help of Maine Senator Olympia Snowe, arrangements were made for the wreaths to be placed at Arlington in one of the older sections of the cemetery, a section which had been receiving fewer visitors with each passing year.

As plans were underway, a number of other individuals and organizations stepped up to help. James Prout, owner of local trucking company Blue Bird Ranch, Inc., generously provided transportation all the way to Virginia. Volunteers from the local American Legion and VFW Posts gathered with members of the community to decorate FRAN HAASCH

In 1992, Worcester Wreath found themselves with a surplus of wreaths nearing the end of the holiday season.

each wreath with traditional red, handtied bows. Members of the Maine State Society of Washington, D.C. helped to organize the wreath-laying, which included a special ceremony at the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier.

The annual tribute went on quietly for several years, until 2005, when a photo of the stones at Arlington, adorned with wreaths and covered in snow, circulated around the internet. Suddenly, the project received national attention. Thousands of requests poured in from all over the country from people wanting to help with Arlington, to emulate the Arlington project at their National and State cemeteries, or to simply share their stories and thank Morrill Worcester for honoring our nation’s heroes.

Unable to donate thousands of wreaths to each state, Worcester began sending seven wreaths to every state, one for each branch of the military, and for POW/MIAs. In 2006, with the help of the Civil Air Patrol and other civic organizations, simultaneous wreath-laying ceremonies were held at over 150 locations around the country. The Patriot Guard Riders volunteered as the escort for the wreaths going to Arlington. This began the annual

“Veterans Honor Parade” that travels the east coast in early December.

The annual trip to Arlington and the groups of volunteers eager to participate in Worcester’s simple wreath-laying event grew each year until it became clear the desire to remember and honor our country’s fallen heroes was bigger than Arlington and bigger than this one company.

In 2007, the Worcester family,

along with veterans, and other groups and individuals who had helped with their annual Christmas wreath ceremony in Arlington, formed Wreaths Across America, a non-profit 501-c3 organization, to continue and expand this effort, and support other groups around the country who wanted to do the same. The mission of the group is simple: Remember. Honor. Teach. www.wreathsacrossamerica.org

“This Sonny’s BBQ has Covered Bike Parking just for you. Support them and thank them” Ron Galletti

Craven Moorehead

CHRISTMAS

Well, I made it through Thanksgiving, Black Friday, Small Business Saturday and most of Cyber Monday. This was an easy task largely because I had no money to waste on things that I don’t really need. Although the desire is there to spend on the people I care about, it is an impossible feat without the necessary funds. Commercialism aside, there are a lot of valid reasons to enjoy this time of year. If you ignore all the ads, come-ons and deals you can’t live without and then simply focus on what you do have – and not what you want, a certain sort of peace will come over the chaos that roars on in your head and heart. It’s okay to want things, but if you cannot afford those things it’s better to just forget about it and move on. It seems to work well for me, but I’m not suggesting that you should think the way that I do. After all, it is a dark and disturbing place in what remains of my mind!

Originally, we were all taught that Christmas is the celebration of the birth of Jesus Christ. Although the census among the scientific community suggests that the event didn’t really happen during the winter, if it happened at all. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion and the ability to practice their own religion. Scientists do not profit at this time of year but the commercial entities certainly do. Some of us simply try to remember the story as told in the Bible and let that be profit enough. (It took me several minutes to decide not to use the word ‘prophet’ in that sentence, instead of profit – levity resides in the aforementioned ‘dark’ areas of my mind.) Although it’s difficult to be comedic at times, if you are me then it just sort of rolls out usually to the disdain of those listening. Thankfully for you, my dedicated readers, you don’t have to hear all the crap because you simply read whatever drivel I put in this column - or you just put it down and not read it – and then make colorful comments about my existence. It’s okay. I’m used to it. …

I think as we get older, some of the magic and mystery of Christmas sort of fades away. The beauty and meaning of the holiday; however, seems to be intensified the farther you progress in life. Once you get past 6 or 7 years old, you begin to not believe in Santa Claus and begin believing in Amazon.com. … I, however, still believe in Santa Claus because every time my dogs come back into the house from the yard they have sandy claws. Plus, I know for a fact that Santa frequents the Gentlemen’s Clubs. I have actually seen him there. Although he didn’t have on the red suit, I knew it was him because he kept bellowing out “Ho Ho Ho” and throwing cash around. The unmistakable long white beard and rosy-red face couldn’t have been attributed to the double vodkas he was drinking, could it? I used to think he only liked eggnog and cookies, and then I remembered that most of the eggnog that I have consumed contained a fairly good amount of alcohol. So, whether you believe in Santa or not, I suppose that it doesn’t really matter. I mean after all, everyone needs to have something to believe in, so I believe I will have another beer!

This particular holiday has a lot of different meanings to a variety of people. I certainly do enjoy it, and of course it would be a lot more fun if I had some cash – but I never worry. I just wish everyone peace on Christmas and remember to do something nice for folks that need it. As bikers, we know how much love is spread around this time of year for those in need. Countless toyruns charitable poker runs and other events are occurring as we speak, and there are scant few days before the actual celebration of Christmas arrives. I appreciate all the efforts of those that give back to the community from behind this keyboard and it’s a blessing that this old-parts computer is still serving me well enough to allow me to send this important message to my readers. Anyhow, don’t think that I am nuts because I still believe in Christ and still give all I have. I also believe that Christmas itself brings people together and when people get together, great things happen! Just remember what the true meaning of this holiday is and do your best to enjoy it! Remember, just a few days after all the presents are unwrapped and the turkey is eaten, we once again gather together to celebrate the arrival of a new year. This is another great holiday because the new year often brings hope and prosperity to those that don’t wake up with a horrible hangover. When we make all those resolutions that we never keep, we can always remember the great times we had with family and friends during this wonderful season. And then, it’s back to work! May God bless you and all your people during this most joyous time of year! Hey! See ya’ll next year and until thenspeed safely!!

CRAVEN

I knew him for over 22 years, there will never be another Man like him.. Ron Galletti

This month we kickstart our Reader’s Ride program with a sizzlin’ rigid Sportster. It’s the perfect barhopper that was freshened up by our friend at Roosterz Rod Shop John Benedict, Jim Cecil and Tim Hahn out of Clearwater, Florida. The boys specialize in traditional American hot rods, custom cars and motorcycles. Tim found this scooter on eBay and bought it with thoughts of it becoming the Roosterz shop bike.

They took apart the Sportster motor and gave it a refresh, changed up the front end to a 2-inches under stock springer by D&A and changed out the front wheel. They handmade many of the one-off pieces right at Roosterz including the sissybar and hand shift. They also modified the pipes and massaged every part on this Sporty to make it the gleaming groundpounder seen here. The orange, purple and pink paint Do you want to get your motorcycle seen right here in Born To Ride Magazine?

PHOTOS: ERICK RUNYON

on the gas tank came with this awesome eBay find, so they have no idea who the original painter was but it sure fits the look of this little badass. Roosterz has been involved with Born To Ride for quite some time, participating in last year’s Choppertown. The boys are well known for their super killer swap meet parties including hot rod/bike shows and their special burn out contest is not to miss. For more info or to

check out some killer customs visit www.roosterzrodshop.com or call 727-289-2896. You can also find Roosterz on Facebook and Instagram. A friend of John’s named Trey Davis recently saw the shop bike and just had to have it. He’s now the proud owner of this month’s Reader’s Ride.

—Dave “Chopper Daddy” Nichols

In case you haven’t seen the memo, ‘lifted trucks are the new black’. Long gone are the days that pick ups were only thought to be driven by farm hands, cowboys and construction workers. Lifted Trucks are as mainstream and American as ‘baseball, hotdogs, apple pie and chevrolet’ and we know just the man to help you get that ‘oh so perfect’ ride height for your cargo crawler. Meet Jeremy Breher of Fidelis Automotive.

Jeremy Breher has the confidence and the skill set to get things done quickly, effectively and correctly when it comes to not only lifting trucks, but with almost all things automotive. This is a mindset he brought with him after he served from 2007 to 2011 w the U.S. Marine Corps. After serving his tour of duty in Afghanistan, he came to a crossroads in life - Should he stay in the Marine Corps, or as another option, go back to school, get his degree and reenlist as an officer? He came to the conclusion that he could accomplish more for himself, and his country, by going back to school.

Being the go getter that Jeremy is, while attending school in 2012, he started Fidelity Automotive Services of Tampa. Through 2015 Jeremy ’burned the candle at both ends’ by attending school and running a business. His business became so successful that he decided to not reenlist and pursue a full time career in the automotive industry. In 2017, Jeremy started Fidelis Automotive in the heart of Brandon, Florida and he hasn’t looked back.

In the time span between 2017 and 2021 Jeremy and his capable crew at Fidelis Automotive have garnered quite a reputation for getting things done, quickly and correctly. They are able to tackle just about any issue from wheels to wiring on any make and model of vehicle, foriegn and domestic. In the last couple years though, Fidelis Automotive has become the ‘go to place’ to get that pick up truck lifted to just about any height, in any manner that suits your particular taste. His specialized team has been in the ‘lifting’ game for many years. They are known to be the best in the business, and though it’s not about ‘speed’, they can typically get the job done in half the time of their competitors. Just as he once was as a Marine, Jeremy takes pride in himself, his team, his business and has the confidence in getting the mission done correctly for his client and customers.

DON’T FORGET WHERE YOU CAME FROM

Hello everyone, we’re back to another change of the month and another day ahead of us. We are in the middle of the holiday season with Thanksgiving under our belts and Christmas and New Year’s lying ahead. Hopefully everyone remembered that Thanksgiving is a time to be thankful for the things that we have and not the things that we don’t. It’s always easy for us to get wrapped in to worrying about how to move ahead and forget to be grateful for the position that we’re in now, no matter how negative it may seem. After all, even the worst times of our lives can teach us something if we approach it with our eyes wide open.

With the holiday season upon us, many things are taking place. Some wonderful and some not so much. There’s tremendous stress during this time of the year as we gear up for the year ahead. What I’d like to touch on this time is that along with this joyous season, many of us suffer from forms of depression or loneliness.

Always be aware that the person with a smile on their face, maybe hiding something that could have very negative consequences. If you find someone that’s feeling depressed and you feel that they’re traveling in a negative direction that could be detrimental to their well-being, speak up. Unlike the days of the past, there are many places that can help someone who is going through the tough things that life can dish out to us.

Unfortunately, I feel the concept of family has changed dramatically over the past 30 years. Families used to get together and celebrate as a unit and check on one another to make sure we’re alright. Doesn’t

seem that way now for some of us. This often stems from the loss of a loved one who seemed to be the one that brought it all together. I know for me, it was my grandmother. She would always have a way of uniting the entire family during the holiday season. Never could understand how that woman was able to accomplish so much for so many for so many years. I find it a challenge to cook three items for one dinner for myself, let alone 20 items for 50 people. Absolutely amazing.

I guess what I’m trying to say is, if we lose that pivotal person that brought everyone together and made a family what a family is supposed to be, someone should step up to help fill that void. As it is with friends and people we’ve met in our lives, people drift apart either from distance, changes of opinion, changes of viewpoint and so on and so forth. This happens with family as well.

Sometimes the loss of that important person who did so many things for so many people, seems to initiate the disillusion of those family ties that they helped keep together. When was the last time you spoke with your parents or brothers and sisters or cousins etc.? Sometimes it just means picking up the phone or sending a text and saying something as simple as, “was thinking about you today. Hope everything is well.” Everyone should remember that once we lose someone who has been close to us and that we love dearly, they will not physically return to us. All we are left with is our memories and maybe some photos, momentous, and stories to tell.

Luckily for everyone reading this, you are in possession of a great resource for memory

building. There are events coming up that should hopefully supercharge your holiday spirit. And with that said, look into the groups you spend your charitable dollars with. If the money or items collected go more toward the people running it than those who need it, you know what to do. Unfortunately, some are in it for personal gain and notoriety. I leave my donations anonymous.

Keep in mind that there are many families throughout Florida who have lost everything in the recent hurricanes that are still struggling to reassemble their lives. That goes for the tornado victims and other national catastrophes as well. If you need a reminder of how fortunate your position is at the moment, keep them in mind. I know they can use your help. I’ve seen it firsthand and it leaves an impression on you.

Sorry to be a drag at the end, but life is what it is. Life is one big ride with lots of destinations. You control the direction it takes with the decisions you make. Remember, you don’t have to be a scumbag to be successful. Look out for your fellow man and woman, don’t use them.

Don’t leave anyone behind, don’t forget your past or where you came from, and forge forward to a better tomorrow. Ride safe, enjoy your ride, and make those memories. To everyone out there reading this, I wish you a very happy holiday season, and with deepest sincerity, hope you all have a prosperous new year.

— Nefarious James Grateful American

This month, it’s “Wild Hogs” starring Tim Allen, John Travolta, Martin Lawrence and William H. Macy. The film was released in 2007, and as far ‘biker exploitation films’ go, I suppose that definition probably doesn’t really fit. It is however “wildly” entertaining if you are a comedy fanatic, or middle-aged gay basher. The story centers around four middle-aged businessmen who bored with their regular suburban lives, embark on a road trip on their Harleys. Doug (Tim Allen) is a dentist; Bobby (Martin Lawrence) is a plumber; Woody (Travolta) is a bankrupt husband of a swimsuit model, who is divorcing him. Dudley (Macy) is a computer geek, who seeks the companionship of a woman (possibly his first experience) and constantly falls of his motorcycle in some very well performed stunt work. The action, the sets, and riding footage were quite good. The acting was dramatic at times, but continues to make the four look way too “Rubbie” to be realistic. The overuse of gay references became redundant to a point, but overall it remained funny I guess.

The road trip is filled with humorous moments, such as the four sleeping close together scantily clad, after burning their tent down and being discovered by a policeman who is overtly gay, and actually jealous of their situation. A little farther down the road, the four are skinny-dipping in a pond when a traveling family joins them. The family discovers their state of undress while searching for crawdads, and later by the very same – very gay –and very naked policeman. The Hogs escape from the pond on their motorcycles, and during one of their frequent urination stops, they watch in awe as a large group of bikers pass by. This group was the Del Fuegos Motorcycle Club, and the Hogs meet them later down the road at their “Biker Bar” Clubhouse. This meeting goes bad of course, and Dudley ends up losing his motorcycle to “Jack” (Ray Liotta) who is the club’s president. The Hogs are ridiculed and sent down the road with Dudley in tow in a sidecar attached to Woody’s motorcycle. Less than a mile down the road,

BIKER Movie Review

Woody decides to walk back to the biker bar and retrieve Dudley’s bike. As the others wait beside the highway, Woody sneaks up, cuts the fuel lines on several of the club’s bikes, and takes off on Dudley’s bike. When Jack discovers the bike missing, the club fires up to give chase, but their pursuit is halted when Jack discards his cigarette into a puddle of gas, which causes their (clubhouse) building to explode and burn to the ground. Meanwhile Woody returns to the trio with Dudley’s bike and to their surprise spins a tale of threatening the club with legal action. The 4 Hogs ride by the bar waving and Woody gives them the finger just before the whole place blows up. Seeing the massive explosion in his rearview mirror, Woody refuses to stop – even for gas- and the Hogs end up pushing their motorcycles through the desert, where they end up in the small town of Madrid.

In Madrid, the Hogs have to stay the night to wait for the gas station to open. The Sheriff mistakes the four for Del Fuegos members. He tells them the club members terrorize the town frequently. He explains the small police force (who received weapons training by playing the video game Doom) is unable to do anything about them.

Meanwhile Jack sends his members out in pairs to locate the Hogs. The Madrid chili festival is held that night and Dudley furthers his interest in Maggie (Marisa Tomei) who owns the local diner. As he courts her, Bobby comes across two Del Fuegos in town. Because of Woody’s previous explanation and believing that he is untouchable, Bobby humiliates the two bikers by squirting them with ketchup and mustard. Under orders from Jack, the two club members refuse to do anything and Bobby appears to win this battle. The town praises the Wild Hogs as saviors, considering them a friendly biker gang who can protect them. They are appreciative to the point that Dudley spends the night with Maggie. The next morning the Del Fuegos ride into town 50 strong. Jack yells to the townspeople that his gang will vandalize the town, starting with the diner, until the Wild Hogs come out to fight. Woody reveals his lie about the biker bar incident, and the Hogs hide inside Maggie’s house with the local Sheriff. As they peer out the window, Dudley walks out alone to face the gang, armed only with a tire iron. They tape him up and hang him from a tree like a piñata. Doug launches a plan to rescue him and he is able to convince the other two to help. After the failed attempt, the Hogs decide to fight the club in front of the diner. The Fight is 4 on 4 with the Hogs taking repeated beatings. Refusing to quit, the Hogs get back up and challenge the club once more, but this time the entire town comes to back them up. Armed with axe handles, sticks and the like, Jack laughs and refers to them as the children of the corn. At this moment the Del Fuegos founder Damien Blade (Peter Fonda) arrives on the scene. Blade chastises Jack and the Del Fuegos for picking on four men and the townspeople, and reveals he actually thought his bar was a “S#!tHOLE” and explained that he insured the bar for twice what it was worth. Now we also learn that Jack is Damien’s son, and he points out to Jack how he forgot what being out on the open road is about and that it doesn’t involve thuggish behavior and violence. The gang soon departs, and the Hogs are again heroes. That is until the Doug and Bobby’s wives arrive in town! After a brief reconciliation, the Hogs venture out to their original destination, the Pacific Coast. I would give it 3 out of 5 stars for a good effort at wasting an hour and a half of my time.

It’s Ho, Ho, Ho season my BTR friends. Here on the West Coast of Florida, there’s not a sign of snow at Christmas. Mike and I will spend our Yuletide days at the beach in the sun’s warm glow. We love our Florida Christmas things: toy runs and boat parades both decked out with lights and bells, and the snowbirds who arrive en masse to spend big bucks and fill our many hotels. Our glorious weather fits right in with our happy Christmas mood. We can walk and run outside without having to be snowshoed. Mike and I don’t feel bad because we won’t have to put up with snow or ice, because we know our sunny Christmas here is a holiday paradise!

Mike chuckles, “Spyke, I see you’re already in a festive mood. Speaking of being festive, BTR has the Southern Fried Moto Show going on at the Gibtown Bike Fest during the first full weekend of January. It’s one of the most entertaining bike events in Florida put on by a group of awesome old school carnie people at the Showmen’s Museum and Retreat in Gibsonton. Check out their ad in this issue for more info.”

I cackle, “I see you’re jumping the festive gun into January. What about the toy runs, Christmas parties and all the other shindigs that come before then? Are you trying to bypass Christmas and get out of giving me presents this year? I just came up with a squawking good-feathered folktale written about what recently has happened to you.”

Mike breaks in, “Well, I wasn’t sure, my festive feathered friend. I was under the impression that Christmas was going to be

TIS’ THE SEASON!

all fun and games this year until Santa and Mrs. Claus checked the naughty list and now it’s been called off. Apparently when you were laying in the hands of Mr. and Mrs. Claus, you told them you were being good. Suddenly, she fainted, then he died laughing. I’ve also got a perfect parrot parable written about you. But let me hear yours first.”

I squawk, “Okay you gaggling goofball, here it is and it’s written to the tune of: God rest ye Merry Gentlemen.”

The restroom door said gentlemen

So Mike just walked inside

He took two steps and realized

He’d been taken for a ride

He heard high voices turned and found

The place was occupied

By two strippers, their girlfriends and a nurse

What could be worse?

Than two strippers, their girlfriends and a nurse.

The restroom door said gentlemen

It must have been a gag

As soon as he walked in he ran into some old hags

One sprayed him with a can of Mace

Another two slapped him with their bags

I could tell this just wouldn’t be Mikes’ day

What can I say?

It just wasn’t turning out to be his day.

But the restroom door said gentlemen

And he would like to find

The crummy little jerks who had the nerve to switch the sign

‘Cuz now he’s got two black eyes

And one high heel up his behind

Now he can’t sit with comfort and joy Boy, oh, boy

No, he’ll never be seen at the gentlemen’s club sitting with comfort and joy.

With a grimace on his face Mike replies, “That story was supposed to be our little secret! But it fits right in with what I wrote about you and it goes to the tune of: Santa Claus is coming to Town.”

You better watch out

You better not lie

You better not shout

I’m telling you why

Spyke is getting the story

She’s listening very closely

She’s reading all your lips

She’s keeping a running file

Under her blue wingtips

Spyke is writing the story

She hears you at the bike nights

Surveilles you while you’re riding

And if she doesn’t get the scoop She’ll talk about your bike sliding

So you mustn’t assume Your secrets are safely hiding

Within your little group

She’s a gossip making whore Spyke is concocting the writing.

I chirp, “Dude! Now you’re letting everyone in on my dirty little secrets about the stories I peck out for this mag. I have to tell you that Christmas is still on. So, If you’re going to mail your packages this year, make sure you do it early enough so that the post office has time to lose them before Christmas.”

Mike babblea, “Spyke, I’m one step ahead of you. They’ve been in the mail since before Thanksgiving and yours are already under the tree. Tomorrow is toy run Sunday. It’s time to get my Santa garb on, your wings in the wind and the Fat Bird 3 wheels rolling down the road making people smile.”

CHRISTIAN MOTORCYCLISTS ASSOCIATION

One great benefit to riding our bikes in groups is the camaraderie that comes from doing such, and the close feelings of good-will that develops. Motivational speaker Jim Rohn once said, “You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with. ”

I have found that in any group that I have participated in there is invariably a clique, or smaller group, of those with more shared specific interests. A fascinating thing develops, and those members of the group begin to develop either positively, or negatively. The members of the group start to become more like those others in the group that they spend the most time hanging out with.

This can often be seen in bike clubs and groups, especially among new members that are learning the makeup and functionality of the group. This allows the new member to grow in how they handle themselves and treat others when dealing with new members. When the rookie finds a group that is about being a helping hand, or trying to make a difference in others’ lives, you can literally see the positive changes taking place!

What is really cool is that the changes for the better that may occur within the core group often see the same positive

encouragements in those members that are learning to make a difference for those within or without the organization. In the biker world there are manuals or code of ethics; in the Christian world it is called the Bible. It is a guidebook and the Scripture teaches people what God wants for our lives and behavior. The Bible says, “But encourage one another daily, as long as it is called” Today” so that none of you be hardened by sin’s deceitfulness. Hebrews 3:13 NIV Just like if we are trying to learn manuals and rules, so does the Christian strive to follow the Bible and it’s teaching, and therefore changing the world, one heart at a time!

Just like those trying to learn about biker life through meeting others that are involved in the life, so do those seeking God’s help in likewise making a change for God. If one is seeking how to encourage others, go to the source, the Bible! There you will find the Bible Instructions Before Leaving Earth. There is nothing as great as having detailed, positive direction to guide our planning and working!

There is an old axiom, “Fail to Plan, Plan to Fail.” Be it a biker group or a church group, one must take advantage of the wonderful opportunity to make a difference in the community and the world. Why must we be careful to encourage others, so they too can make a positive, blessed effort to encourage each other? Be a light in your world and make a mighty difference in your world!

RONNIE and EMILY’S RONNIE and EMILY’S

In the Wind, Denny Dingler

and HAPPY NEW YEAR!

EVERYTHURSDAY NIGHT BIKE NIGHT!