IT TAKES A VILLAGE

By Janice Lombardo

3. Listen to the concerns and questions from your caregiver team. Really listen, take notes, don’t listen only to be able to respond, don’t assume you know, don’t interrupt, only respond or ask questions when the speaker is done talking. After listening to another perspective, a solution you may not have thought of could be revealed and be the best course of action.

4. Set and maintain clear boundaries. Nothing will derail a caregiver team faster than having no set tasks assigned. Set and agree on shared responsibilities and boundaries:

• During a calm time sit down to discuss the plan of action

• Do it in clear, simple language both verbally and in writing so everyone knows who is responsible for which aspect of care

• Direct to the person(s) that responsibility or boundary applies to

• Keep reinforcing boundaries, as often as necessary

Caring for a loved one can be very stressful, especially if you don’t have support from extended family or friends. If you do have siblings or other family members who are willing and can carry some of the responsibility, great! It really does take a village to care for your aging, seriously or chronically ill loved one.

What do you do when not everyone agrees on the best course of action? Or, not everyone can commit to taking shifts, offer a meal, housekeeping or going to doctor appointments? This is where knowing extended family and or friends’ strengths and challenges can help determine what role they can play in caring for your loved one.

Here are five examples of how to start an effective caregiving network/system:

1. Communicate clearly. If you decide to start the process, be sure to clearly outline what is happening with your loved one and what steps for care are needed. This will help and aid in setting up a system for their continued care. Write out what needs to be done, what responsibilities you want to handle and be as thorough and concise as possible – listen to your loved one’s concerns and factor their wishes into their care plan.

2. Manage the process with mindfulness. Sometimes being fully present in the moment can be difficult. Thoughts of past challenges or trying to solve a problem will remove you from the current situation. Deal with what is right in front of you, oftentimes a viable solution can be easily reached.

5. Keep family drama to a minimum. The sole reason you’re doing this is to help care for your mutual loved one. As needs change, sometimes it may be necessary to take a step back and regroup. This is where your self-care and well-being come in to play. As long as the situation is not urgent, take the time to rethink and approach the situation after a short break. Self-care is not selfish; caregiver burnout can be deadly.

The five keys to creating harmony and avoid conflict can only work as well as everyone’s willingness and ability to cooperate and abide by them.

Peace and harmony in providing your loved one’s care is always the goal. Everyone involved has a role to play, a responsibility to achieve. When you can all agree to fulfill your obligation, then your loved one’s needs and wants can be met.