16.15 Fall Travel

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photographerS Eamonn Sexton, Ken Brown, KAB Photography

COVER Windell Jackson

editorial contributors Gregg Shapiro, Parker Carr Sue Deaunym, Anita Taylor, Michael Elder

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Quote of the week:

Sorry darling, I'm all hash tagged out...

Parliament Motor Lodge opened in the 1960s as a stopover along the interstate but in 1975, its large steakhouse, the Baron of Beef, was transformed into a gay nightclub— and the venue has been a queer institution ever since. The resort, now celebrating its 40th anniversary has 112 guest rooms, seven bars, a swimming pool, and a 10,000-square-foot entertainment complex with dance floor and the Footlight Theatre.

In 1975 Michael Hodge and Bill Miller bought the Parliament House Motor Lodge and converted it into a gay resort. At that time the area around the Orange Blossom Trail had become quite run-down and, the Parliament House was one of the few gay resorts in the nation.

Hodge and Miller never had much money to fix it up and it was known as a dive, but as South Florida Gay News’ Jesse Montenegro said, “If the Parliament House was a dump, it was our dump… it catered to every segment of our community….Most notorious of all was balcony Bingo”; a never-ending parade of men of every age, color and lifestyle who cruised their way around the resort, peeking rooms for potential tricks. Those were the days” Throughout the years, the Parliament House ran into a series of setbacks, in fact regulars joke that it has had more comebacks than Cher. One of the most devastating setbacks was the AIDS crisis which claimed Hodge and then Miller, and the resort’s resident “activities director” Miss P, aka Paul

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Wegman, who headed up the shows in the resort’s lounge.

After Hodge, the surviving partner died, his family put it up for sale and in 1999, a straight couple Don Granatstein and Susan Unger purchased the property from his heirs. They discovered that they inherited a family as well; the staff and regular customers of the resort.

As fancier places have come along and the LGBT community feels more comfortable at mainstream resorts, Parliament House kept chugging along, the little resort that could. It weathered a Chapter 11 bankruptcy on in 2014, but it eventually overcame the $15.5 million in debt, thanks to a devoted following.

For its anniversary, the resort has been spiffed up. The Footlight Theatre, located within the Parliament House Resort, now hosts locally produced pageants and female impersonation shows as well as plays and musicals.

The Rainbow Café, located within the entertainment complex, is the perfect place to grab breakfast after a fun-filled night in the club or enjoy a delicious dinner before a show. The extensive menu offers everything from eggs to appetizers, burgers to prime rib.

A documentary “40 Years of Parliament House” can be seen at https://www. youtube.com/watch?v=pV7jKjWtZuA

Provincetown’s Secret Season Folks flock to Provincetown all summer long, but those in the know wait until after Labor Day to enjoy the town. Throughout September, the weather is still warm enough to enjoy a day at the beach or lounge poolside.

After that there’s the legendary New England fall foliage to enjoy. And how can you pass up Thanksgiving in the land of the Pilgrims? Granted it may not always been sun-bathing weather, but too much of that’s not good for the skin anyhow. Not only won’t you have to deal with crowds, but you’ll also find the prices a lot lower. Here are a few reasons to linger after Labor Day. Hotels, inns and B&Bs all offer fall packages.

At Harbor Hotel (www. harborhotelptown.com), your room rate (including breakfast) is the temperature at 2pm in P-town. (The average temperature in October ranges from the mid-50s to the low 70s). The pool is still open and there are bikes you can borrow. Admiral’s Landing (www.admiralslanding.com), has gorgeous rooms, many of them with fireplaces, for $100 or less, with a third night thrown in free during the winter. Enzo guesthouse (www. enzolives.com) has an off-off-season rate of $75 for a fireplace room.

Entertainment is cheaper.

The Whaler's Lounge screens first-run movies for free several times a month.

It costs $15 per car per day to visit the Cape Cod National Seashore during the summer, but there’s no charge after Labor Day. The Provincetown Theater has a full schedule throughout the fall. David Mamet’s “Oleanna” runs Sept. 2 –12, followed by The Tennessee Williams’ Theater Festival Sept. 24 – Sept. 27 followed by the CTEK Arts Women’s International Theater Festival Oct. 15-18.

Dine Out for Less

Seafood Grille at the Waterford Inn ( www.thewaterfordinn.com) has a prix-fixe special before 7 p.m. The $13. special includes a cup of homemade chowder or salad, a choice of seafood or chicken entrées and a slice of the homemade cake of the day. The Red Inn, the Mews, Fanizzi’s by the Sea, Ciro and Sal’s, Napi’s Restaurant and the Central House at the Crown & Anchor all offer dinner specials post-season.

Shop for Less All along Commercial Street, you'll see bins and garment racks of merchandise marked down as stores of all kinds prepare to close or curtail their hours for the winter. The closer you get to Halloween, the cheaper the prices.

September

14-20 Afterglow Alternative Performance Arts Festival 24-27 Tennessee Williams Theater Festival – TWPtown.org 25-27 Pet Appreciation Weekend

October

1-4 Mates Leather Weekend 9-12 Columbus Day Weekend, Monumental Yard Sale Weekend 12-18 Women’s Week 18-25 Fantasia Fair – FantasiaFair.org 21-25 Provincetown Round Up Weekend – ProvincetownRoundUp.org 31-Nov. 2 Halloween /Spooky Bear Weekend – www.ne-ursamen.org boiMAG

Travel Tricks & Tips

By Anita Taylor

Travel isn’t as glamorous as it was in the days of 50 different airlines and stewardesses in designer uniforms. Now every flight attendant looks just like a salesperson at Best Buy and they herd you in like cattle. Of course, we also don’t dress as formally to fly as we did then.

Really there was an adult in pajamas on my last flight and it was broad daylight! Now Auntie Anita is as much for comfort as the next person, but there are some standards below which she will not stoop.

Now before I get all grandma on everyone, there are dozens of ways that you can make flying more pleasant. These little travel hacks make life so much easier and you won’t look like you just wandered out of a sleepover, either,

How to Get an Upgrade

Upgrades are based upon availability.

Loyalty also figures in, but even then you’re competing with other fliers or hotel guests who belong to same program, so how do you increase your chances of an upgrade?

Sweetness counts. A little box of truffles or gourmet cookies, handed over when you first approach the gate employee or check-in clerk can work wonders. Hand it over when you first begin speaking and then wait a bit to make your request for an upgrade. You necessarily expect anything in return, and remember to say, “I appreciate your effort.” You might also ask if you can sign up for the loyalty program at that moment. Often that will get you an upgrade.

If English is not the agent’s mother tongue, flaunt your foreign-language skills. Try conversing in his or her language (only if you can-stumbling through the few words of high school French you remember will only make things worse). Play the birthday card, but only if it really is close to the date of your birthday. It won’t do you any good to lie, because at some point you’re

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going to need to hand over an ID. If you’re a couple, let it be known that it’s your wedding or anniversary. Most hotels and resorts will offer an upgrade to newlyweds, but you’ll need proof. Bring a copy of your marriage license.

Show them the money. Ask if there are any room or cabin upgrades and hand a $20 with your credit card. This works better in some situations than others. If the cash is refused, be gracious, respectful and drop it. Note-this is not a good idea with airline employees, the exception being when checking your luggage a tip discretely handed over with your boarding pass can get overweight luggage through without surcharges.

If there are no upgrades available on a flight you can ask another passenger cash to switch seats with you. Take a look at boarding passes; see who’s got one for first class and offer cash to trade. There’s nothing illegal about it. In fact, there’s an app called AirrTrade set up for just that purpose. I suggest using the app as some folks get insulted if you ask them personally.

How to Have A More Comfortable Flight There’s a reason why folks wear pajamas on a flight, dress clothes can often bind.

There’s a way to look fashionable and still be comfortable; Dress Pant Sweatpants.

Made from French terry, they have the look of smart black jeans. Available at www.betabrand.com.

That seat cushion may well also serve as a flotation device, but it certainly isn’t comfy to sit on for hours on end. A memory foam travel seat cushion can slip in the side of your brief case and make the trip so much more pleasant. There’s an excellent one at Wal-Mart For long trips when you want to snooze, I suggest that old stand-by the Slanket. It can be folded up into most carry-ons, helps if the plane is too cold and has a hood to shut out light (and let your chatty neighbor Continued on following page>>

>> Continued from previous page know you want to be left alone. To go with that, forget those inflatable neck pillows, try a Magniflex Sushi pillow is a more expensive option, but it can be rolled up into a tiny packet.

Keep the seat next to you empty. Auntie Anita is ashamed to admit that she does this on all Southwest flights, where it’s open seating. I take an aisle seat where there is someone already in the window seat, plop down my tray table and litter it with wadded up tissues.

Whenever anyone approaches I start hacking and wiping my nose. I seldom have anyone sit next to me, even on the most crowded flights.

Pack It In

Making your trip easier starts at home. When you pack, plan your wardrobe based on two to three colors so you can mix and match easily while on the road. Rolling your clothes is better than folding, they take up less space and they won’t get as wrinkled. Shop for dualpurpose items, such as pants that turn into shorts or a jacket that turns into a travel pillow. Pack in layers. (shoes one layer, clothes one layer, electronics one layer, etc.)" so that the security agent screening your bag can get a clear picture of what's inside. The faster the TSA agent can screen your stuff, the faster you'll get through the security line. Finally use your shoes as storage bins, fill them with rolled up socks, you prescriptions, travel cords, etc.

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White Party Sets Sail This Fall

By Anita Taylor The magic, excitement and the glamour of the White Party goes nautical on Saturday, Nov. 28, when the Grand Floridian Yacht, sets sail into a glamorous world chicly styled in white and adorned with all things suitable for a nautical evening under Miami’s Skyline. Those attending the event will be welcome to explore the yacht complete with a reception and chill lounge level, a dance floor level featuring DJ Roland Belmares and a topside open air lounge to relax and unwind under Miami’s moonlit sky.

According to Jonathan Welsh, Marketing and Development with Care Resource, “The choice of moving the White Party onto a yacht this year reflects the deep and critical thinking process of what my team has experienced in regards to planning, learning and staying innovative. After all, being innovative has helped the White Part remain successful for over 30 years. Yachts are elegant, sophisticated, intimate and a step above many land-based venues.”

Party Central Of course, the weekend is more than just the White Party. Dozens of other events are held that

White Journey

The kick-off for White Party Week, features DJ Manny Lehman at Bekkoi, Thursday, Nov. 26.

White Dreams

Dance the night away at Club Space with DJs Joe Gauthreaux and Alain Jackinsky, Friday, Nov. 27.

White Splash

Belmares, the White Party DJ said, "I'm so excited, and honored to be in the music lineup this year! This will be my first time headlining the White Party™! I always bring a high level of energy to my sets filled with pumping beats and familiar vocals and I am looking forward to help make this a memorable event!" –

World Out Games and Forever Tel AvivMiami present this event at the Aloft South Beach Hotel., Saturday, Nov. 28

The yacht boards 6 to 7p.m. and disembarks at midnight. General admission includes an open bar and light hors d’oeuvres. VIP admission includes a private lounge level with a premium open bar, and upscale hors d’oeuvres as well as a departure gift.

DJs Paulo, Isaac Escalante and Dawson at Score on Saturday, Nov. 28.

Tickets can be purchased at www. whiteparty.org. General admission tickets begin at $150, and VIP admission at $250.

Prices will increase every month leading up to the event. All passengers must present a government issued photo ID. For more information call 305.576.1234 or go to whiteparty.org.

Noche Blanca

Cirque Blanc

The kick-off party as Girl’s at Pandora Events present glamorous Cirque inspired weekend events at some of the hottest locations in Miami, Saturday, Nov. 28.

White Starz,

Muscle Beach Party

Join thousands of the hottest men on the planet for Muscle Beach Party’s “Pleasure Island” shakes up the weekend with DJ’s Eddie Martinez and Phil B on the turntables, Sunday, Nov. 29 Urge Miami present “Noche Blanca” with DJ Able, Sunday, Nov. 29

White Horizons

The legendary Monday morning marathon in downtown Miami starts right after Noche Blanca and continues until noon with DJ Eddie Elias, Monday, Nov. 30 boiMAG 15

QMUSIC

By Gregg Shapiro

Madonna’s Rebel Heart is her best and most accomplished album since Ray of Light. The deluxe edition, which contains 19 (!) tracks, finds the almost immaterial girl on the road to redemption. For instance, there’s a lot of Catholic symbolism and references on the album, particularly in songs such as “Devil Pray,” “Illuminati,” “Inside Out,” “Messiah” and the sexually explicit “Holy Water.” The best tracks, including the nondenominational gospel fervor of “Living For Love,” the simplistic but enjoyable “Hold Tight,” the sensitive and personal “Joan Of Arc” and “HeartBreakCity,” the wordplay of “Body Shop,” the almost comically selfreferential “Veni Vidi Vici” and the acoustic/ electro title cut, all qualify as an artistic comeback. However, Madonna’s overuse of “bitch” on “Unapologetic Bitch” and “Bitch I’m Madonna” (two song titles, really?) are detractors.

Elle King sounds like she’d rather be Imelda May than Madonna on her debut album Love Stuff. At least that’s the impression she gives on the modern rockabilly of album opener “Where The Devil Don’t Go” and “Ex’s & Oh’s.” King, the daughter of SNL alum Rob Schneider (!), has a growl that would make Lulu jealous.

Her songs, including “Under The Influence,” “Kocaine Karolina,” the bare-bones “See You Again,” the empowerment spiritual “Ain’t Gonna Drown” and the front-porch stomp of “Song Of Sorrow” and “America’s Sweetheart,” do raise one question. Where she will find a place to be heard in the current musical climate?

Like Elle King, Lilly Hiatt also has a famous father; singer/ songwriter John Hiatt. On “Far Away,” the opening track of Royal Blue Hiatt gives the impression that she’s been listening more to Rosanne Cash than to her own father; which is interesting since Cash had a hit with John Hiatt’s “Pink Bedroom.”

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Madonna and on...

The mid-eighties Cash influence, which is in no way meant to be a negative comment, remains in effect throughout the disc. Hiatt is a marvelous singer and songwriter, at her best on “Get This Right,” “Jesus Would’ve Let Me Pick The Restaurant,” “Somebody’s Daughter,” “Your Choice,” “I Don’t Do Those Things Anymore” and the raucous “Machine.” Lilly Hiatt performs on Sept. 3 in Berwyn at FitzGerald’s and on Sept. 20 at City Winery.

WTF, Kelly Clarkson? How dare you release an album as horrifying as this! You were AI’s one great hope. The talented singer/ songwriter who overcame the show’s mixed-blessing and achieved deserved success and respect. On the generic Piece

By Piece, you’ve allowed yourself to be erased, piece by piece, and replaced with a faceless singer spewing forgettable. Songs such as “Heartbeat Song,” “Invincible,” “I Had A Dream,” “Let Your Tears Fall” and “War Paint” are lazy and formulaic variations of every song playing on the airwaves. With the exception of the mildly inoffensive John Legend duet “Run Run Run” and the potential club track “Dance With Me,” this album is a complete waste of plastic and digital technology.

Broadway diva Morgan James loads her artillery with a set of soulful tunes on Hunter. James joins a long line of stage stars, including Patti LuPone, Jennifer Holliday, Betty Buckley, Elisabeth Withers, Heather Headley, Kristen Chenoweth and Idina Menzel, among others, to aim for pop success. Only Menzel has been able to establish that and that was mainly due to a hit song from a Disney movie.

James certainly has the chops; her voice is an impressive instrument. The material, including “Bring Yourself To Me” and “I Want You,” which borrow liberally from Diana Ross and Sophie B. Hawkins, respectively, are derivative. Conversely, “I Don’t Speak You,” “Say The Words,” “Drown,” “Fed Up On You” and “Let Me Keep You” are refreshing takes on blue-eyed soul.

Motor Mouth Show Room News!

By Parker Carr

Forget back to school sales! What quickens a gear-head’s pulse are all the new models and changes to existing models as the next season’s cars hit the showroom floors.

Here are a few that are making my heart go pitty-pat.

After being refreshed just last year, Volkswagen’s Touareg crossover is being given a few minor tweaks for 2016. Even better though, is a roughly $2000 price reduction across the line. The new base price of $42,705 is nearly $3,000 less than before. Upscale models now include 14way power seats with built-in ventilation and a power-adjustable steering column, forward-collision warning with emergency automatic braking, adaptive cruise control, and lane-departure warning on the Executive model. All offer a new 21-inch wheel option. The Touareg Sport tech package adds on park distance control to its driver assistance package on. All is not good news, the Touareg, is no longer available as a hybrid.

Volkswagen is also sprucing up the Passat this fall, with new exterior lighting and wheel options. There’s also the possibility we’ll see a new hood, trunk and fender construction, with sheet metal added for better crash test performance. VW’s also adding a “full suite of infotainment and driver-assistance features.” The powertrain option will remain the same; a TDI diesel, a 1.8-liter turbocharged four, and a 3.6-liter VR6, with both manual- and automatictransmissions.

While we’re on the subject of Teutonic travel options; the 2016 Mercedes-Benz GLE Coupe , which runs a 362-hp, twinturbocharged, 3.0-liter V-6 is priced at priced at $66,025. That’s just $500 more than the regular-body GLE400, which has a less-powerful, 329-hp version of the same engine.

Get the hamsters ready ‘cause Kia is adding a bunch of new features and packages to its funky Soul. While the three individual trim levels (Base, Plus, and Exclaim) remain

the same, each now has additional equipment and features. All models now sport alloy wheels as standard. The optional “Convenience Package” on the base model now features a 4 inch touchscreen based system including satellite radio and a back-up camera. The “Plus” trim level now comes standard with new gloss-black front bumper inserts and a back-up cameras well as the option of a “Designer” package; a two-tone paint scheme, 18-inch alloy wheels with black accents and a leather-wrapped steering wheel and shift knob. The “Exclaim” trim now includes leather-trimmed seats. It also offers a new “Premium Package” option, which adds on forward collision warning and lane departure systems, navigation, an upgraded sound system, mood lighting, panoramic sunroof, heated front and rear seats, power adjustable driver’s seat, leather-wrapped and heated steering wheel, and a leather-wrapped shift knob.

The new-this-season Umber color package comes with HID headlights and Nappa leather seat surfaces and door armrest accents.

While there’s not much new in the way of models at Lexus, many are moving to fixed-price car sales, similar to the Saturn sales model (yeah, because that worked so well for them). It’s part of an effort to make the new-car purchasing process easier and more appealing to customers. A company spokesperson actually said that the new process will be “… more appealing to young and female shoppers.” Are they selling cars in 1956 or 2016?

While they’re not in showrooms now, Alfa Romeo plans to add eight new models to its lineup by 2018. The first, a crossover SUV based on the Giulia sedan begins production on the Giulia later this year, with an on-sale date in early 2016. The company has spent nearly $2.2 billion, on preparation for the SUV. boiMAG 21

Campus Pride is one of the leading national educational organizations for LGBT and ally college students.

The organization provides resources and services to thousands of college students and nearly 1400 campuses annually. However, what Campus Pride is best known for is its annual listing of the top LGBT-friendly colleges & universities.

Unlike the Princeton Review LGBT rankings, the Campus Pride Index is based in research on policy, program and practice and is conducted "for and by" LGBTQ experts in the field of higher education. Annually campuses update and use the Campus Pride benchmarking tool to improve LGBTQ life on campus. In 2014 the number of campuses located in the South as did the number of religiously-affiliated campuses and historically Black colleges and universities.

In 2014 Campus Pride released a list of the 50 "Best of the Best", the top schools in the country. In the past the list was limited to 25 schools.

"Campus Pride has seen an increase in the number of campuses coming out as LGBT-friendly and making notable improvements to LGBT academic life, so we decided to honor 50 campuses with our national distinction," said Shane Windmeyer, Executive Director of Campus Pride and the creator of the Campus Pride Index.

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According to Windmeyer, many campuses are specifically addressing recruitment and academic retention efforts for LGBT students as well as concerns for transgender student safety. "More than ever colleges today want to be viewed as LGBT-friendly and a welcoming place for all students.”

The Top 50 institutions tend to be found in more progressive areas of the country where there has been a history of LGBT support and advocacy. "While this Top 50 list demonstrates the positive progress to support LGBTstudents within higher education, we must also commit ourselves to the campuses not on the list — in rural areas, Southern states and other types of campuses like two year colleges, Historically Black Colleges & Universities and religiousaffiliated campuses – where pioneering LGBT work to create a safe learning environment is still a real struggle," Windmeyer said.

Eight LGBT-friendly factors are considered; policy inclusion, support & institutional commitment, academic life, student life, housing, campus safety, counseling & health and recruitment & retention efforts. In order to be included in the list, an institution had to achieve 5 stars all categories.

As of our deadline, Campus Pride had not released its 2015 list. Each The schools listed below were included in the 2014 list. A profile for each school can be found on www.campuspride.org.

FIT TIPS

A GREAT LEG ALTERNATIVE THE KB GOBLET SQUAT

By Michael Elder

Hopefully by now, most of you understand the great importance of training the lower body and you also understand that squats are one of the best exercises you can possibly do. Having said that, squats can often be a difficult exercise to learn for some people, especially if you are performing the front squat version (where the barbell is placed across the clavicle bone in front of the body).

If you have difficulty learning or executing this movement, the KB Goblet Squat can be a great alternative or stepping stone to performing the traditional squat and makes it easy to learn proper form and technique for this movement. The quadriceps are the main muscle targeted, but the hamstrings and glutes are also called into action, making this a highly effective lower body exercise.

The goblet squat is essentially a front squat exercise, but it promotes a wide stance squat-between-the-heels movement. It's an easier exercise to perform than the traditional back squat for newbies and a good choice for long-legged folk. While good for beginners the goblet squat is still a great exercise in its own right and worth integrating into your routine.

It's a simple and safe squatting movement, challenges a load of muscle in one movement and really gets the heart pumping. You can perform the goblet squat with dumbbells, sandbags, medicine balls and most other weighted objects too, but the kettlebell is perfectly suited for the goblet squat because you can cup it between your hands easily and keep it contained against the chest.

To perform the exercise:

• Grab a kettlebell and lift to upper body, keeping close to the chest.

• Squat down as low as you can whilst pushing your butt out and looking ahead at all times.

Emphasis should be placed on your heels.

• Pause for a second.

• Rise back to the starting position and repeat.

• Ensure that you keep the elbows between the knees at the bottom of the squat.

Michael Elder has been working as a fitness professional in Chicago for the last fifteen years. He comes from a background in gymnastics and is certified as a personal trainer through the American Council on Exercise (ACE). He can be contacted directly through his website, www.MichaelElder.com. boiMAG 25

Fifity Shades of Midnight

By Gregg Shapiro

The Triple-DVD Set

The Midnight Special, taken from Burt Sugarman’s late-night `70s music series, may have three fewer discs than its six-disc predecessor, as well as half the number of performances (nearly 50, instead of nearly 100), but it actually turns out to have even more queer appeal. The newly (officially) out Barry Manilow performs “Mandy” and “It’s A Miracle” in brightly colored glittery tops.

The disco craze of the era is well represented by classics such as “If I Can’t Have You” by Yvonne Elliman, “I Will Survive” by Gloria Gaynor and “Love To Love You Baby” by Donna Summer and a novelty such as Rick Dees’ “Disco Duck.” Iconic divas Linda Ronstadt, Dolly Parton, Aretha Franklin (whose revealing crocheted get-up must be seen to be believed) and Heart’s Ann and Nancy Wilson all sound great and teen mag faves such as Bay City Rollers may give the vapors to viewers of a certain age.

A comedy disc features the late comedian and longtime friend of the gay community Joan Rivers, as well as cross-dressing comic Flip Wilson, Billy Crystal (who would go on to play a gay character onSoap) and groundbreaking comics such as Richard Pryor, George Carlin, Robert Klein, Freddie Prinze, Steve Martin, Red Foxx, David Steinberg and Andy Kaufman, among others.

If you insist on seeing Fifty Shades of Grey, be warned. It’s a ghastly, tasteless waste of time and a poor excuse for titillation; more clunky than kinky.

When frumpy, klutzy, virginal college student Ana (Dakota Johnson) does sick roommate Kate (Eloise Mumford) the favor of interviewing 27 year old bossy billionaire Christian Grey (Jamie Dornan) for the school paper, she embarks on a life-changing journey.

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Grey surprises Ana at the hardware store where she works. His purchase of cable ties, masking tape and rope makes him a “complete serial killer” in Ana’s eyes, mildly arousing her interest.

After they meet for coffee, Grey, who “doesn’t do romance or girlfriends,” advises Ana to steer clear of him. The trouble is that he’s become obsessed with her; sending her expensive gifts.

Needless to say, a relationship develops; one that involves paperwork (nondisclosure agreements and such) and a playroom full of restraints, whips and other “toys,” as well as Grey’s post-coital piano playing (it’s a shame he doesn’t play the “organ”). Ana, the 16th in a series of Grey’s submissives, spends most of her time hemming and hawing about taking part in the scenario. Admitting to being “50 shades of fucked-up,” Grey eventually reveals two key points. He’s the son of a crack whore (no joke!) and that as a teen he became the sub to the dom friend of his adopted mother.

Being the first in a series of films with these characters means we are stuck with Johnson’s goofy facial expressions and the stiff (and not in a good way) Dornan. If posing was acting, then Dornan is Olivier. However, Fifty Shades of Grey deserves respect for condom usage. If ever a movie should come with a Gardisil patch, it’s this HPV cesspool.

In addition to being boring and unerotic, what’s most disappointing and disheartening about Fifty Shades of Grey is that not only was it (badly) directed by a woman, Sam Taylor-Wood, but that the unintentionally funny screenplay adaptation was also written by a woman, Kelly Marcel. Feminists must be disappointed that sisterhood isn’t as powerful as it used to be. The (spanked) bottom line of Fifty Shades of Grey is that sometimes a pencil is just a pencil. Blu-ray/DVD/Digital HD bonus features include both the unrated and theatrical versions, the alternate ending, a Fifty Shades Darker “tease,” and a number of featurettes.

Chicago's

in the know ... ON THE GO!

By Sue Deaunym

Bar Buzz

Brunch is back at Crew. That means bottomless mimosas, bloodies, bacon and eggs bitches!... “Sync It!” the monthly lip sync contest at Sidetrack is Aug. 26… Ride ‘em cowboy. Rodeo Round Town begins with at Charlie’s on Friday, Aug. 21…That same night the Indians (and other Southeast Asians) are dancing at Trikone Chicago’s Queer Bollywood dance party at Big Chicks and the bar is also holding a release party for Robyn & La Bagatelle Magique’s "Love Is Free"… It’s “Cowboy Eye for the Leather Guy” at Touché on Saturday, Aug 22. Or, if that’s not your thing, put on your slutty nurse costume for “Let’s Play Doctor” at the leather bar on Friday, Sept. 4. It’s not just fun and games; it’s a salute to World Sexual Health Day… Things that make you go Woof! On Wednesday, Sept. 2, Sidetrack turns down the lights and the staff and customers are taking off the shirts and putting on the leather.

Community Calendar

The 2nd annual Chicago Trans Pride Beach Party is being held Sunday, Aug. 30 at Osterman Beach…

Andersonville’s “City Made Fest” featuring locally made craft beers, cuisine, local bands, artists and products will be Sept. 12 and 13….

Chicago Mature Women holds its annual “White Heat” party at The Loft on Wentworth, Friday, Aug. 23. How is that different from a hot flash?... The Chicago GL Chamber of Commerce hosts “Networking on the Lake” a boat cruise on Wednesday, Aug. 26…

Out at the Sox: LGBT Pride Night is Saturday, Aug. 29… Center on Halsted hosts TKO, at-dance with the DJs Billy

Brown and Gina Kozarmc and guest hostess Pandora Boxx on Sunday Sept.

6th.

That’s Entertainment!

Pride Films and Plays concludes its summer season with “The Boy From Oz” the Broadway musical bio of Peter Allen, running through Aug. 30 at Stage 773… Chicago Gay Men’s Chorus has announced that its 33rd season will kick off with the holiday show, “Miracle On Thirty-Funk Street” then CGMC’s drag queens perform the farcical “Lipstick & Lyrics: Save The Unicorn Club” and then round up the season with its pride show, “My Kind Of Town”…

About Face Theater’s “Black and Tan Supper Club” benefit will be held on Oct. 9 at the Intercontinental this year… Victory Gardens Theater’s 41st season opener, the Midwest premiere of “Sucker Punch”, runs Sept. 18 through Oct. 18, at Victory Gardens Theater…

Reeling, the second-oldest LGBTQ+ film festival in the world takes place Sept. 17-24 and the festival’s opening night presentation returns to the Music Box Theatre… OUTspoken! Chicago's Monthly LGBTQ storytelling event is Tuesday, Sept. 1 at Sidetrack…

Not A Joke

There is an organization putting on an event on Saturday, Aug 29 for a noble cause; ending homelessness. But this is what is says in the group’s press release, “Tent City in Uptown: A Sleep Out and Protest! Come be homeless for a night to support homeless in Uptown. Please bring a meal to share as we host a giant potluck family style sharing party…

Don’t forget sunscreen toilet paper and a sleeping bag or tent.” boiMAG 29

30 boiMAG