Meeting Behind The Screen boiMAG.com

by: Dr. Charla Waxman

“Let me introduce you to my friend”, was usually followed by a friend and hopeful relationship date. Then, if you liked the friend’s friend, numbers were exchanged and you called or waited for call to continue talking and getting to know one another. For the most part, this is now seen as an unnecessary step to dating. In the age of social media, there are many other options that seem easier, more time efficient and people feel more in control of the process.

Let’s start with Instagram. Instagram is an “app” that is all about photo and video sharing. Currently in the US, most Instagram users are between the ages of 25-34. More than 50% of Instagram users are female. (HuffPost, 2017). You can learn about a person and their interests by watching what is being posted. Anyone can view a post, but the person posting has no way of knowing who is viewing their Instagram. Kind of creepy, right? Know as you consider finding the right person on Instagram that photos can be altered and “shopped” or “filtered” and that can lead to surprises later and a dishonest start to a relationship. Starting a relationship with half-truths about appearances is not good and shows a certain concern for self-esteem. It could also be just the tip of the iceberg in terms of what is real and what is not. As it relates to self-esteem, according to the HuffPost article, Instagram scored the distinction of the most harmful app for mental health. Users often have poor body image, body confidence and will change photos to seem and look perfect and perfectly happy. Instagram, it seems, is not reality-based.

Snapchat is bit less intrusive than Instagram. You are given access to view and “chat” about what you have seen. First, Snapchat has changed so much and so often that a guide was published to explain access and current adjustments to how it works. Overall it is a photo and video-chatting forum that can be shared but is only made available for a short time and then it becomes inaccessible, it is gone in a “snap”. Snapchat has its own language using phrases like snapcode, score and snapback to describe everything from talking to each other to ranking the number of contacts and connections made. Early on this form of social media was known as the sexting app and many young people thought they were safe, but screen shots of sexual photos gave way to bullying, stress and anxiety. Others say that Snapchat is safe overall, but the downside is that people spend too much time on the app and less time getting to know the person “in person”.

Twitter, the last to be discussed here has been made famous as the place to say whatever you think about anything. This will give you some insight into how someone thinks and feels, and may show you what their unfiltered self is like. This is a place where people can connect and share their thoughts with a large audience. Some say this is a great place to meet and date, but again personal interaction would go a long way.

Dating via social media is a personal choice and for those who don’t get discouraged easily. In some cases, there is nothing remotely real about the pictures posted, the things told, and the opinions offered. In other cases, it’s an easy and efficient way to get relationships started and easy to stop if things aren’t going well.

In general, the biggest concern with social media and dating is that too much time online means that offline there may be friends and family who are losing out. Social media may also point out that we are more gullible than we think and not everyone is in it for all the right reasons. Safety and physical and mental health should be looked after and no one should venture into social media without taking the time to learn about who we’re talking to on social media. Another issue with social media is that conversing in written form can easily be misconstrued and patience and clarifying is often required if you want a relationship to deepen.

The deeper the relationship evolves, the more privacy is important. Putting information on social media may not be the best way to develop a connection.

Know that meeting in person still creates the best “read” on someone. Social media is a good start if you are safety conscience, use common sense, and have positive self-care.