boiMAG.com "Health & Wellness article on Solitude"

by: Dr. Charla Waxman - BS, MBA, EdD, Director of Business Development

The holidays are came and went and with them were probably a variety of positive and negative emotions and experiences. One of the most difficult holiday experiences leading to a maelsrom of emotions is solitude. When the weather, timing of the day the holiday falls upon, or availability of family and friends leads to being alone on a designated holiday, there will be an impact. Some will enjoy the reduction in busyness and others will be saddened by being alone and less engaged. You know who you are. Either way, let’s take a look at the concept of solitude and some solutions to the negative impact solitude can have.

The effects of solitude can be very complex and part of it is, subjectively, how solitude is viewed. Some think of solitude as “me time”, others see it as a consequence of not developing relationships successfully; all a part of our selfesteem and generally how we feel about ourselves. For some, solitude is all about physical placement: “I am away from people and all alone”. For others it is about being with someone, but feeling the solitude and aloneness of minimal emotional connection: “I am with you, but I am lonely”. Complicated, right? Absolutely!

Since we know that solitude and the feelings connected to it are subjective ( Leavitt, Butzer, Clarke and Dvorakova), then let’s look at ways to view solitude and get the most positive experience possible. Let’s look at the negative side first: Some people don’t like the idea of solitude because being alone with the notions, and thoughts in their heads is an uncomfortable idea. Or, being alone might just be too new a concept. Some of us just have no real experience in being alone and we have, quite frankly, no idea what to do when we are by ourselves. And, as with many mental health conditions, solitude has stigma all its own.

Solitude can be viewed as antisocial or social rejection. Stigma is painful and can cause avoidance of solitude and can cause the benefits of solitude to be lost in not trying to see the good side of the solitude experience.

Time alone has benefits. It can open up an uninterrupted time of personal assessment and exploration. It can allow you to try something alone that might make you feel self-conscious trying in a group. Alone time in a new activity can certainly reduce the feelings of judgment you might get and the idea of succeeding or not succeeding takes a back seat to just trying something new. Research tells us that alone time can boost creativity and can actually change the workings of the brain in positive ways (Bowker, Stotsky and Etkin). Times of solitude may also cause us to select more carefully who we spend time with and, as a result, the relationships we do have are deeper and more satisfying.

You know yourself pretty well. Maybe some of these behavioral clues will let you know that a little solitude may be just what you are needing. If you are:

• Feeling more easily frustrated and irritated

• Unable to focus

• Dread social engagements

• Feeling bothered by noise, like in restaurants or sports or concert events

• Not participating in hobbies

If you are unfamiliar with solitude, but would like to try some alone-timerestoration, here are some things you may want to do to put solitude in place:

• Plan the time and place. Be in control of solitude. Don’t let it control you. Work to stay uninterrupted and don’t succumb to social pressures to do stuff with other people during your planned alone-time.

• Don’t put your alone-time plans on social media. Keep your special time special. The world does not need to know and then, judge what you did or where you went. If you put your alonetime information out there, watch how many people have better ideas for you. UGH!

• Use nature to help you have a good solitude experience. Try a nature preserve or just a nice neighborhood walk. These will keep you alert and your mind can flow easily with your movement.

Your personal preferences should play a role in deciding how much solitude you need. There is no right or wrong. As with anything, what we should be seeking is balance and communication. Trying not to get too much time alone and trying to find valuable time with others is important.

Communication with family and friends about needing time for oneself or being assertive enough to seek social engagement will be impactful on mental health and overall wellbeing. It’s all a balancing act and you can do it!

If you or someone you love is struggling with a mental health condition that is causing a decrease in control over behaviors or emotions, please call Lake Behavioral Hospital. A free, confidential assessment may be just what you need to help determine the level of treatment that is best for you. One call to Lake Behavioral Hospital at 855- 990-1900 will help you schedule an appointment. Walk-ins are always accepted.

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