LENOX&PARKER HUMANITY | LIFESTYLE | CULTURE
FALL 2019
THE DEFINITION OF STYLE
ASHLEY NORTH PAGE 32
MIDTOWN COLLECTIVE THE PREMIER LUXURY EVENT SPACE OF BUCKHEAD’S FILM DISTRICT PAGE 38
BLKX ELTON ANDERSON NINA BROWN GOSA YAHDON ISRAEL EGYPT SHERROD IDDRIS SANDU GIA PEPPERS PAGE 53
OVATION EVERY MAN DESERVES A STANDING OVATION PAGE 60
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LENOX&PARKER HUMANITY | LIFESTYLE | CULTURE
LENOX&PARKER | FALL 2019 The Defintion of Style | Ashley North
PUBLISHER The Collective Agency 2195 Defoor Hills Road Suite L Atlanta, GA 30318 Operations and Branding | PARTNER Steven Johnson | sjohnson@lenoxandparker.com Strategic Business and Development | PARTNER Demond Robinson | drobinson@lenoxandparker.com Creative and Editorial | PARTNER Victor Flavius | vflavius@lenoxandparker.com
EDITORIAL CONTRIBUTORS Ann White Nisarg Shukla Daniella Damella Chloe park Hesbon Kerongo Tobias
Morgan Johns Ashley Elise Greg Riley Denise Dilmore Portia Kirkland Dr. Pete Sulack
EDITORIAL Chief Editor | Victor Flavius editoral@lenoxandparker.com
THE COLLECTIVE AGENCY Lenox & Parker is published bi-monthly by The Collective Agency. Reproduction or use of the contents of this magazine in whole or in part without the written permission of the publisher is prohibited. Lenox & Parker is a registered tradmark of The Collective Agency. All Rights Reserved. The Collective Agency assumes no liability for the return of any unsolicited materials and may use them at its discretion.
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Lenox+Parker was born out of a desire to bring to the forefront from a global perspective – Lifestyle, Humanity and Culture. We reach across all genres and borders to unearth new talent and reveal the people who are impacting our world positively. Patterned after the tenacity of Charles Lenox Remond and his sister, Sarah Parker Remond in their fight for freedom and equality of slaves, women, and all people; we at Lenox+Parker believe that everyone should have the opportunity to advance themselves and humanity. The story deserves to be told! Lenox + Parker
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CONTENTS LENOXANDPARKER.COM | SUMMER 2019 08
Nipsey Hussle - Prolific
The Nehiborhood World Changer by NISARG SHUKLA
10
Daring to dream by ANN WHITE
14
Charity: Water
18
The Secret to Overcoming Depression by DANIELLA DAMELLA
20
Semicolon Bookstore, Educating the Community
One Book at a Time by TOBIAS
26
Ways to make your skin healthy by CHLOE PARK
28
Find What You Like and Take the Work Out of Work!
by HESBON KERONGO 38
MIDTOWN COLLECTIVE - The Premier Luxury event space
of Buckhead’s Film district
44
How to Communicate In Your Marriage by MORGAN JOHNS
46
Souther Comfort, A Taste of Good food from the
best places in North America
50
5 Ways You’re Probably Throwing Money Away
by HESBON KERONGO
54
Meet : Leslie Andrews by TOBIAS
60
Every Man deserves A Standing Ovation by TOBIAS
66
Positive Thinking And Its Effect On Your Health by GREG RILEY
68
Best ways to reduce your risk of cancer by DR. PETE SULACK
70
Survive Infidelity - How To Avoid 3 Mistakes
Most Women Make by DENISE A DILMORE
74
Love isn’t magic. its work by PORTIA KIRKLAND
32 THE DEFINITION OF STYLE Stylist Ashley North shares her passion for Style and Fashion by ASHLEY ELISE
PAGE 24
humanity COMPASSIONATE, SYMPATHETIC, OR GENEROUS BEHAVIOR OR DISPOSITION : THE QUALITY OR STATE OF BEING HUMANE
School meals change lives Your donation can make all the difference to Paulin. School meals give poor families an incentive to send their children to school. Every year the World Food Programme provides food for more than 18 million schoolchildren.
WFP/Rein Skullerud
Visit wfp.org/donate
Fighting Hunger Worldwide
8 | HUMANITY | DEDICATION |
NIPSEY HUSSLE
PROLIFIC THE NEHIBORHOOD WORLD CHANGER by NISARG SHUKLA | photo credit JIMMY FONTAINE
T
HE LOSS OF NISPEY HUSSLE IS A LOSS CONVEYED BY MOMENTOUS MOURNING. IT FEELS AS IF THE GRAVITAS SURROUNDING HIS PASSING SHOULD BE RESERVED FOR A CELEBRITY WITH A “HIGHER PROFILE” – BUT, AT THE SAME TIME – IT FEELS RIGHT.
The initial shock upon learning of Nipsey’s passing left me in a daze for about twenty minutes. That’s a long time for someone I didn’t know personally (I’d only met Nipsey twice – once at Webster Hall, and again at Vinnie’s Styles in Brooklyn). It felt weird, almost out of place. I let out a *gasp*, the ones you hear in movies but people rarely do in real life. After realizing that I wasn’t the only one feeling this way (there was an immediate deluge of social media sadness), and after realizing that even non-fans felt a similar gut wrench, it *really* made me, and all of us, realize how much Nipsey meant to those around him, as well as to those afar from him. Much of this has to do with how we view “celebrity” in today’s world – it’s unfiltered, raw, and real. No more grandiose press conferences, no more insanely well-mapped out marketing plans – just you, the artist/creator, and a click on your phone. And that’s where Nipsey shined. His realness bled through your phone, and through his Instagram interactions. You could tell this guy cared about everything he touched – it wasn’t just a marketing plan. Social media, even though it’s mostly snippets of a person’s life – it allows you to get to know what they’re about. It’s unfiltered. Nipsey’s hustle remained unfiltered, and can serve as a blueprint to those who follow it Entrepreneurship is where it’s at. Thank you, Nipsey, through your actions, for showing us the way.
“THE GAME IS GONNA TEST YOU, NEVER FOLD. STAY 10-TOES DOWN. IT’S NOT ON YOU, IT’S IN YOU AND WHAT’S IN YOU, THEY CAN’T TAKE AWAY.”
ERMIAS JOSEPH ASGHEDOM 1985-2019 #THEMARATHONCONTINUES
10 | HUMANITY | FAITH |
“
WE DEVELOP DREAMS, VISIONS, AND AMBITIONS AT ALL STAGES OF LIFE.
“
At times, people discourage us from our dreams and other times, our own internal judge is the discourager. If we ignore or suppress our dreams long enough, they will simply become distant memories stuffed in the recesses of our minds and will never have the opportunity to be realized. No matter our age, background, or circumstances, we should all be encouraged to pursue worthwhile dreams in our life. So what is a worthwhile dream? One important element in determining if a dream is worthwhile or not is to put it in perspective by asking yourself, “is this dream based on something I believe God would want me to do?” Or “is this dream based on selfish desires?”
DARING TO
DREAM by ANN WHITE P | photo credit Allef Vinicius
A
friend and I were meeting for lunch one day when we happened to look over and see a small child with his hands and face pressed up against a glass window. This cute little boy was longing to jump in the sparkling pool of water with the other kids that were just on the other side of the glass. Without someone holding him back, he likely would have found a way to make it to the water. Thankfully, his parents were there to protect him from the dangers of his dream. When is the last time you dreamed? Remember when you were a kid? Dreaming is focusing on the future, seeing beyond our current circumstances into the possibilities of what could be. We develop dreams, visions, and ambitions at all stages of life. They are an integral part of the direction our lives take. While its great to have friends and loved ones protect us from following misguided or unsafe dreams, we must be careful that their concerns don’t completely discourage us from dreaming.
God has God sized dreams for us if we are willing to move beyond where we are. If we set aside time with the Lord, He will begin to reveal where He wants to take us. God’s dreams are beyond what we can think or imagine and He is the one who can open the doors to our dreams if we are willing to submit to His plans and allow Him to lead. Bruce Wilkerson, author of the Prayer of Jabez, wrote a great book on following your God-given dreams. Consider reading The Dream Giver and learn steps that can lead you on a journey to your dreams.
“The journey toward your Big Dream changes you. In fact, the journey itself is what prepares you to succeed at what you were born to do. And until you decide to pursue your Dream, you are never going to love life the way you were meant to.” Bruce Wilkerson We all have the same amount of time in each day, but it’s how we steward our time that matters. If we will take the time to dream, consult God regarding our dreams, set goals, and begin to put a plan in place, we will be amazed at what dreams God will lead us to realize in our lives! So what are you waiting for? Start today! 1. Write your dreams down on a piece of paper and pray over them. 2. Ask yourself if you believe these are dreams are ones that God desires for you. 3. Ask God for wisdom, discernment, and to reveal His dreams for your future. 4. Seek wise counsel, set measureable goals, and begin following your dreams! In Grace - Ann
semicolon; BOOKSTORE & GALLERY
BYOB WOMAN-OWNED BLACK-OWNED
515 N HALSTED STREET, CHICAGO, IL | 312-846-6887 | WWW.SEMICOLONCHI.COM
#DanceLikeaDad
fatherhood.gov
14 | HUMANITY | CAUSE |
CHARITY : WATER charity:water is a non-profit organization on a mission to bring clean and safe drinking water to every person on the planet. Meet the people we’re helping around the world, learn their stories and get involved. charitywater.org
It’s hard not to think about water today. In the western world, we face growing concerns about our stewardship of the world’s most precious resource. There’s talk of shortages, evidence of reservoirs and aquifers drying up, and of course, plenty of people who simply don’t care. But forget about us. Most of us have never really been thirsty. We’ve never had to leave our houses and walk five miles to fetch water. We simply turn on the tap, and water comes out. Clean. Yet there are 663 million people on the planet who don’t have clean water.
That’s a huge number. In fact, it’s twice the number of people who live in the United States. 1 in 10 people in our world doesn’t have access to the most basic of human needs. Something we can’t imagine going 12 hours without.
Here, we’d like to introduce you to a few of those 663 million. They are very real, and they need our help. They didn’t choose to be born into a village where the only source of water is a polluted swamp. And we didn’t choose to be born in a country where even the homeless have access to clean water and a toilet. We invite you to put yourself in their shoes. Follow them on their daily journey. Carry 80 pounds of water in yellow fuel cans. Dig with their children in sand for water. Line up at a well and wait eight hours for a turn. Now, make a decision to help. We’re not offering grand solutions and billion dollar schemes, but instead, simple things that work. Things like freshwater wells, rainwater catchments and sand filters. For about $30 a person, we know how to help millions.
LENOXANDPARKER.COM
16 | HUMANITY | CAUSE |
LENOXANDPARKER.COM
663 million people in the world live without clean water. That’s nearly 1 in 10 people worldwide. Or, twice the population of the United States. The majority live in isolated rural areas and spend hours every day walking to collect water for their family. HOW WE WORK We invest the money we raise into organizations with years of experience to build sustainable, community-owned water projects around the world. Our team works closely to ensure that every dollar is accounted for and then provides reports back to our donors. Learn about our approach, the solutions we fund and our partners on the ground. _______________________________ OUR PROGRESS We’re passionate about solving the water crisis in our lifetime, using 100% of all public donations to fund water projects, and proving where every dollar goes with photos and GPS coordinates. Here’s the progress we’ve made since we started working in 2006.
38,113 Water projects funded 9,628,786 People will get clean water 37 Local partners 27 Countries _______________________________ WHERE WE WORK We fund water programs in 27 countries around the globe - in Africa, Asia, Central and South America. Water scarcity, poverty, political stability and strong partner organizations all play a part in where we choose to work. We focus on providing rural communities with their first access to clean water.
18 | HUMANITY | ADVICE |
THE SECRET TO OVERCOMING DEPRESSION by DANIELLA DAMELLA | photo credit DANIELLE MARROQUIN, MACKEY, SERGEY ZOLKIN, NEILL KUMAR, SCOTT WEBB, TONGLÉ DAKUM
W
One of the products of isolated and sedentary life is the growing epidemic of depression. Over 60 million women worldwide are affected by depression, the leading cause of broken relationships, absenteeism from work, and mental ailments. Chances are that you or another female friend will be affected by the condition in life. It is the most devastating condition that robs you off the ability and opportunities to enjoy life. The secret to overcome it is simple, interact with friends, watch your thinking, sleep well, and do some physical exercises. The four therapies are the best secrets to alleviating depression. Let us look at them in detail.
Socialize Involve yourself with family and close friends. Remember that your female colleagues can provide all the support you need. If you cannot manage to share your thoughts with them, go for that male friend who never lets you down. Do not engage in heavy conversations about your problems, just make it fun as you talk. Take some evenings out for a movie, ball game, visit the museum, or have a meal with friends. Just have people around you and the bad feelings will fade. Watch your Thoughts As a woman, we usually go through a lot in life. Be aware of the times you think of the negatives in life and avoid them. It requires efforts, but if you constantly
remember to stop them when they come along, you are building positive habits that will change life for the better. Avoid the luxury of any negative thought. Exercise Regularly Exercising is a good way of working through to avoid stress. 30 minutes of exercise for three days in a week are enough to help release endorphins that help alleviate stress. Although women tend to avoid running or long distance walks, they can wonders. Sleep Habits Have a night sleep routine that is conducive for a good night rest. Ensure the lights are off as you sleep and have strict sleep durations. You are a woman; avoid alcohol, caffeine, and late night chores that can race your mind. With a quiet mind, you will have quality sleep.
AVAILABLE ON AMAZON.COM
20 | HUMANITY | COMMUNITY |
SEMICOLON BOOKSTORE
EDUCATING THE COMMUNITY ONE BOOK AT A TIME by TOBIAS | photo credit SEMICOLON BOOKSTORE
C
reated by entrepreneur and author, Danielle Mullen, Semicolon was birth from the owner’s love for reading in museums. The store provides a gallery space downstairs where interested readers can watch the artist of the month work in their gallery space. “I wanted literature and art to kinda collide and create this experience that would further connect the two worlds--or at least cause a lover of one to want to know more about the other,” said owner. The store will host authors for readings and artists for live installations monthly.One of only two woman-owned bookstores in Chicago, Semicolon is the only Black woman-owned bookstore in the city.
TELL US A LITTLE ABOUT YOURSELF AND WHY YOU DECIDE TO OPEN A BOOKSTORE IN YOUR COMMUNITY? I’ve worked in the writing and editing industry for about 15 years across all spectrums. Bookselling drew me in because it allows me to interact directly with people who are as moved by words as I am. I wanted to spend my days surround by readers, artists, and thinkers in my community and feel like Iv’e accomplished that feat.
LENOXANDPARKER.COM
22 | HUMANITY | COMMUNITY |
WHY DID YOU NAME IT SEMI COLON? WHERE ARE YOU LOCATED? A semicolon represents a point in a sentence where the author could end it there, but decides to keep it going. That is what the store represented for me. I could’ve set my dream of owning a bookstore aside for a few years and pursued something more lucrative, but I wanted to follow my heart, so I decided to keep that particular sentence going. We’re located in the WestTown neighborhood of Chicago. It’s a space currently in the midst of transformation, which suits my store’s feel perfectly! YOU ARE ONE OF A FEW AFRICAN AMERICANS TO OWN AND OPERATE A BOOKSTORE. WHAT SACRIFICES DID YOU MAKE TO OBTAIN THIS GOAL? Honestly, the hardest sacrifice has been my peace of mind, haha. There are general blueprints for opening a bookstore, but it’s kind of specific to your personal taste and local market, so the biggest sacrifice has been the battle with myself over the best way to handle each part of the process. I’m typically very strategic in my career movements and research in order know everything about my industry, but retail bookselling is a different beast and it takes a constant toll on my self assurance. Will people like what I like? Will they get it? I can never really know.
WHAT’S YOUR VISION FOR YOUR COMMUNITY AND THE NEW BOOKSTORE? WILL YOU OFFER BOOK CLUBS OR PROGRAMS TO HELP THE NEXT GENERATION? I hope to become a pillar of my community as time passes. I want to represent what the libraries and bookstores of old represented to my generation and the ones before meeducation, open-mindedness, and escapism at times. For that reason, one of my major focuses is putting together our community event schedule. I’d like people to have a reason to be here (for book clubs or whatnot), then began coming for absolutely no reason at all-just to chill. That’s the space I’m hoping to create. WHAT WORDS OF INSPIRATION CAN YOU GIVE FOR THOSE WHO ARE FINDING IT DIFFICULT TO START A BUSINESS IN THEIR COMMUNITY? Push through. It seems simple, but when nothing is working as it should, continuing to trust ourselves and push forward is the hardest thing in the world to do. Finances fall apart, construction is a mess, city ordinances will drive you INSANE..haha, but there is space for your passion and your ideas. Do what you must to bring it into existence. The community will thank you for it, but more than anything, you’ll thank yourself!
LENOXANDPARKER.COM
p i S
g n i h t l e a m n So satio S en
lifestyle THE TYPICAL WAY OF LIFE OF AN INDIVIDUAL, GROUP, OR CULTURE
26 | LIFESTYLE | BEAUTY |
LENOXANDPARKER.COM
WAYS TO MAKE YOUR SKIN HEALTHY by CHLOE PARK | photo credit SAM MANNS
T
he primary step to keeping your skin healthy is preventing damage. Pollutants, air, sun as well as by just natural aging can certainly mortify the form of your skin. Frequent grumbles incorporate dry along with itchy skin, sagging, wrinkles, color alterations, together with age spots. Luckily, there are various methods that you can readily apply in order to maintain a healthy skin, feeling and looking at its most excellent appearance. Keeping yourself fit, having enough rest, as well as getting healthy diet can set the basis for fine-looking and vigorous complexion. Moreover, a proper diet is not only the excellent way in attaining good health in general but it as well assists you to guarantee that your skin will get all of the vitamins and minerals, along with the nutrients that it requires to preserve and fix itself. Another way to keep your skin healthy is to apply the right skin care products to your skin. The best anti aging skincare products that can aid you to hydrate the skin are now available at your favorite skin care product store online. Having a clean skin by using the best skin cleanser is also a great way of preventing skin damages. One of the most essential ways to protect your skin is to keep it away from the harmful rays of the sun. Ultraviolet radiation harms the skin as well as it can result to wrinkles, premature aging, age spots or even cancer as well. An individual should really get further preventative measures in order to be certain that his or her skin is not totally exposed under the harmful rays of the sun. Do not fail to remember that one should apply a natural sunscreen, or a moisturizer that includes sunscreen (with minimum of SPF 15) every day. Although, it does not mean that you should not go out at all during the day, as if you are like a nocturnal creature. Your skin also needs some sunlight every day. A 10 to 15 exposures at sunrise or sunset will be alright. In addition to that, a variety of fine skin care products such as an all natural moisturizer is one of the essential components for a vigorous complexity. Keep on moisturizing all through the day to keep your sensitive skin vigorous. Your hands as well as your face is especially vulnerable to everyday dent, and might require it to be moisturized further.
28 | LIFESTYLE | CAREER |
Find What You Like and Take the Work Out of Work! by HESBON KERONGO | photo credit NICOLE WOLF
S
ome people say you’re supposed to work like you don’t need the money. However, with prices for everything from gas to milk going up, that’s not exactly practical advice. Instead, you need to make sure the work you do 40 hours a week (or more!) is something you like - or even love.
Yes, there’s a reason why it’s called “work” and not “play”, but if you like the work you’re doing, you’ll feel more energized. Sure, you’ll still long for lazy days at the beach instead of long days in front of your computer screen, but you’ll long for them a lot less often. You’ll find it’s easier to get up in the morning and easier to fight off the temptations of Facebook and your Fantasy Football roster. But how do you actually FIND something you like and TURN it into work? 1. Think about what you’re good at. The better you are at something, the more likely to excel at it. So, if you’re great at striking up conversations with strangers, you might love being a salesman. Or, if you’re great at coming up with new recipes, you might be a great food blogger. 2. Think about what you don’t like about your current job. You don’t necessarily have to change professions to love your work. Instead, you may just need a change of pace! For example, if you hate having an overbearing boss standing over your shoulder all day, why not start a business in the same industry and become your own boss? Or, if you hate being cooped up in a salon all day, why not offer mobile massage services so you can be out and about? 3. Be open to new things. As important as thinking is, sitting around and pondering your future may not get you anywhere. Instead, a job you really like may fall into your lap. So, don’t throw away that course catalog from the local community college and don’t give up on trying that new hobby you’ve heard people gushing about. Who knows - they just might turn into a fun business opportunity! 4. Learn as much as you can. It may be OK to “fly blind” on a new hobby and learn the ins and outs as you go, but work is different. For example, if you have a passion for the stock market - and want to turn trading into a full-time job - don’t just trade a few stocks on the side and hope you strike it big. Instead, learn all about the current market trends, the big historical data, and what makes for a safe amount of risk. Bottom line - you’ll still have to work hard, but you’ll wind up enjoying the journey a whole lot more!
LENOXANDPARKER.COM
Designer | Peter Jean-Marie Jacket | Peter Jean-Marie Tie / Chef-Pete | Peter Jean-Marie Photo credit | Charlie McDonald
JUST WEAR IT peterjeanmarie.com
how well do you know these
Learn more about your breast health at
KnowYourGirls.org
girls?
32 | LIFESTYLE | COVER FEATURE |
ASHLEY NORTH THE DEFINITION OF
S tyle I
n the L.A. world of stylists, Ashley North’s fierce passion for style is recognized as being one of the best. As an entrepreneur and a mother, she has risen to the top by working with celebrities like Usher, Justin Bieber, and Kevin Hart. Along with her amazing sense of style, Ashley is known for her fun-loving personality and her keen sense of what it takes to make others feel and look their best. Fostered with the sound of soulful, upbeat R&B music, the creativity that Ashley radiates as she works is powerful and inspiring to those around her. by TOBIAS | photo credit PORTERHOUSE LA
Her Style Fashion has been on Ashley’s mind since she was a young girl. Experimenting with new trends, styles, and colors, Ashley led the pack when it came to individuality. After college she decided to turn her love for fashion into a career and began working for a local magazine, where she produced fashion shoots with their staff photographer. In this role, she realized what it was she truly wanted to do; bring her love of great style to others.
36 | LIFESTYLE | COVER FEATURE |
F
or her own personal style, Ashley considers herself to be “Tomboy Chic”. A good pair of denim paired with a vintage tee is a go-to favorite of hers. Comfort is key, and she loves a rock a great sweat-suit now and again. She believes that you can be fashion forward, while being comfortable each and every day simply but adding a little flair. That flair comes in many shapes and forms, and right now she is lusting after a pair of Fendi boots, an Alexander Wang black denim trench coat, and a pair of Monse leather and denim jeans. Even Ashley has shopping-lust items on her list! Ashley also believes that good tailoring can make or break a signature look. The fit of a suit is what truly makes it special, and a great lapel pin simply seals the deal!
page as the client is critical for Ashley, and she incorporates trust, open communication, and honest feedback within her client relationships. Seeing her client on the red carpet or opening a magazine and seeing her work, is the most rewarding part of the job for Ashley. The finished product is a visual representation of her artful passion for creating style. Ashley also gives back through her passion by working with organizations like Girls with Gifts, which focused on empowering young women by showing them the opportunities available to them and creating a sense of pride within themselves.
Her Vision
Ashley’s creative side is one of the reasons her celebrity clients trust and admire her. One of Hollywood’s best styled actors, Kevin Hart, has been working with Ashley for many years and it shows! Ashley is very in tune with his style and overall direction of his look, and she knows that for him, the key to great style is a perfect fit. Unique, yet classic, the style of Hart is a true testament to the wonders of what a fabulous stylist is capable of.
Ashley is a firm believer that all the ups and downs, mistakes and successes have led her to where she is now. She respects her journey, and if given the chance, would not change anything about her life now or the path that she took to get here. Her mom has always been a huge positive influence in her life. Her mom worked incredibly hard to provide for Ashley’s family and taught her the important of a strong work ethic and integrity. Ashley believes that these values are important in setting yourself apart from the competition, and she credits having her mother has her role model as a reason for why she is so successful today.
When working with clients for the first time, Ashley knows how important it is to build trust. She focuses on figuring out their personal style and begins with finding the “happy medium” between their style and her style. Ashley enjoys creating style inspiration decks for all new clients, so that they can visualize the direction she wants to take them in and make sure they are comfortable with it. Being on the same
Getting caught up in the glitz and glam of the entertainment industry provides for many opportunities to either rise up or lower your integrity, and Ashley knows how incredibly important it is to stay true to who you are and where you come from. Authenticity and integrity are what will set you apart from those lost in “celebrity”. Perseverance is also key to Ashley’s success. Understanding that there will be a lot of No’s and
Her Work
a lot of competition in this industry, Ashley focuses on staying on track and working hard by believing that everything will work out exactly as it should.
COMFORT IS KEY, AND I LOVE TO ROCK A GREAT SWEAT-SUIT NOW AND AGAIN. I BELIEVE THAT YOU CAN BE FASHION FORWARD, WHILE BEING COMFORTABLE EACH AND EVERY DAY SIMPLY BUT ADDING A LITTLE FLAIR.
As both an entrepreneur and a mother, Ashley says that her biggest day-to-day challenge is the balance of motherhood and career. Her job is far from a typical 9-5 job, and she intentionally ensures that despite the complexity of her career, she sets aside much needed time for her family. Sometimes, she simply sets her phone down and walks away from it so that she can spend quality time with the ones she loves. Although it is a struggle, Ashley’s girls are her driving force and her motivation to work hard. Just as her mother did for her, Ashley wants to show her daughters that they can have a family and a career, and be amazing at both!
38 | LIFESTYLE | EVENT SPACE |
MIDTOWN COLLECTIVE THE PREMIER LUXURY EVENT SPACE OF BUCKHEAD’S FILM DISTRICT photo credit LESLIE ANDREWS PHOTOGRAPHY
2195 Defoor Hills Road Suite L Atlanta, GA 30318 midtowncollectiveatlanta.com
Our creative space is located in the Upper Westside of Atlanta that has been commissioned the Film & Production District. We are conveniently located minutes to downtown & midtown. This industrial designed space is the ideal location for private events, photo shoots with large props, film production or creative showcase needs. It is a brand new space on the market and is just opening it doors to the public with 2144 sq. ft of multi-functional space, lofty 20 ft ceilings and a 10 ft x 10ft glass block garage door. Front entry lobby is the facilities staple. This provide clients with a cozy environment.
LENOXANDPARKER.COM
40 | LIFESTYLE | EVENT SPACE |
PRIVATE EVENTS perfect for product launches, networking events, fashion shows, dinner parties, holiday parties, rehearsal dinners, receptions, bridal/baby showers. centrally located in heart of Atlanta 1,730sf main space, with 415sf lounge, 2 bathrooms. High ceilings, concrete floors and with exposed industrial charm.
POP UP BOUTIQUE SPACES perfect for Pop Up stores, for fashion, apparel and accessories, product design and industrial design. equipped to handle 10 plus vendors
GALLERY/ART EXHIBITIONS The stark open space and high ceilings serve as a blank canvas for any art exhibition.
Not your average jam.
TRADE STREET JAM CO.
Welcome to Trade Street.
At Trade Street, Ashley curates low sugar, vegan jams for cocktails, glazes for meats or vegetables, baked goods, breakfast dishes, salad dressings and more. Her flavors are culinary inspired, and unique from anything you're used to in a jam Find us! @tradestjamco www.tradestjamco.com
ASHLEY ROUSE Founder & Owner
Changing the way you think about fruit.
42 | LIFESTYLE | EVENT SPACE |
photo credit @MICHELLE_DAVINA_PHOTO venue @MIDTOWNCOLLECTIVE planner + coordinator @ELOPEINATLANTA BY @LASOIREECHIC florals + décor @FABULOUSFOX_DESIGNS
AMENITIES
custom portable bar
1,440sf total on main space
2 restrooms
10 6ft rectangular tables - skirted black
fluorescent lighting
4 high boys - skirted black 50 black folded chairs ample power supply dual zone heating and A/C free WIFI HD 3D projector
loading zones back and front over 40 free parking spaces with an additional 30 street spots available - first come basis
LOBBY AREA 400sf lobby is not included in sq. footage
one 50” retractable projector screen
one 60” monitor in the lobby with couch
two 60” monitors in the main area
store front windows available for branding/advertising
Bose S1 PA system
street level storefront for easy access
2 wireless microphones
PIPE AND DRAPE OPTIONS AVAILABLE UPON REQUEST
44 | LIFESTYLE | RELATIONSHIPS |
HOW TO COMMUNICATE IN YOUR MARRIAGE by MORGAN JOHNS | photo credit JONATHAN BORBA
The buzz word for saving a marriage nowadays seems to be “communicate”. It is as if it will automatically zip up all conflicts and resolve all hurts. It may seem a simple word but it can be quite difficult for one to practice.
T
here are some pointers for a couple with marital problems to learn the right communication skills before using them correctly to fix their communication in marriage problems.
Your spouse is the closest human relation on earth to you; hence it is your rightful duty, as per your marriage vows, to treat each other well. Each has to look out for the welfare of the other and give one’s spouse the best of oneself. But most of us tend to react the other way; we are most polite to strangers but rude and critical with our spouse. We tend to take our loved ones for granted. Hence, before good communication can happen between the married couple, they must remember their status in each other’s lives and be given top priority at all times.
COMMUNICATION BETWEEN SPOUSES Communication is the process of conveying some message to another. Hence, the right words must be chosen as words, once delivered, cannot be retracted. It is so important to choose your words carefully so that the correct message is conveyed without inferences and guesswork. Always sort out your words first before voicing to avoid misunderstanding and create conflict. This is especially necessary if your marriage is not too stable when you wish to communicate to resolve issues. Put yourself in your spouse’s shoes to feel how your words might impact him/her. Another point about communication is the timing. To have an effective communication, it must be done at the right moment. Do not try to communicate when one party is busy or not alert in mind. Your spouse may be sleepy or tired; there will be no positive impact and you will end up being frustrated with the brick wall of communication. Both parties should be calm and ready to deal with the issue at hand for a resolution. That will be the best time to communicate your feelings and thoughts without being accusing or defensive. Avoid emotional outbursts which tend to turn the spouse away or shut off his mind. This kills all forms of resolution to any disagreement or conflict in the marriage. Raising voices and yelling at each other tear down respect for one another which causes more hurt and frustration. Communication is conducive when the location is right. Crowded places or in front of your children will not do. The place should be comfortable and secure for both parties so that openness is encouraged. The bedroom is a good choice for privacy and a reflection of intimacy for good communication between the couple. There are many ways to communicate effectively besides words; one can touch or embrace, give a smile or a kiss. These help to relax the other party and allow softer communication to take place which is more productive. Choose nonverbal gestures of communication to promote respect, love and desire to resolve marital conflict.
46 | LIFESTYLE | FOOD |
SOUTHERN COMFORT A TASTE OF GOOD FOOD FROM THE BEST PLACES IN NORTH AMERICA
THE SOUTHERN | NASHVILLE photo credit THE SOUTHERN
The Southern is located on the ground floor of the Pinnacle at Symphony Place building in downtown Nashville. The restaurant features a state-of-the-art, shuckto-order oyster bar and a wood-fired grill. It’s kitchen serves locally-grown produce and directly-sourced, sustainable seafood. And they do it mighty well! We sat in one of their high back booths and enjoyed an array of dishes that truly satisfied our palettes… and our belly’s! The Southern is located a few minutes walk from the hustle and bustle of the downtown Nashville bars. It is the perfect place to get away from the loud music and enjoy a relaxing meal in a fun atmosphere. Try a little bit of everything, if you can. The flavor cues on the menu vary between dishes which makes the experience that much more enjoyable. Note on the parking… if there is an event at Bridgestone Arena or at the Symphony Center, the three free hours of parking may not be valid so I would confirm that before parking there. thesouthernnashville.com
LENOXANDPARKER.COM
48 | LIFESTYLE | FOOD | YARDBIRD SOUTHERN TABLE AND BAR | MIAMI photo credit THE YARDBIRD Yardbird is bringing a taste of Southern cuisine and hospitality to the country’s southernmost metropolis, Miami Beach, a city surprisingly absent of down-home cooking. Their chicken (straight from grandma’s recipe) spends a whole day in brine before it’s dredged in spiced flour and fried, resulting in a perfectly crisp, juicy bird. (Try the chicken on the homemade biscuits or alongside cheddar waffles with spicy Tabasco honey.) The bourbon-spiked cocktail list has a mix of classics and new inventions, such as the Pork Chop, made with apple cider, bourbon, Dijon mustard and thyme. runchickenrun.com
DBA BARBECUE | ATLANTA photo credit DBA BARBECUE Barbecue and soccer. Can’t get any better. The game will be on all the televisions and there’s not a bad spot to watch the game in the restaurant. D.B.A. Barbecue stands for “Doing Business As”, although owner/ manager Matt Coggin originally wanted to name the restaurant “Kermit” after a legendary Blues singer. Walking around D.B.A. Barbecue, you’ll notice some of the decor lends itself to the New Orleans Jazz theme. Even the music (courtesy of Matt’s iPod), on certain days, may be playing jazz. I had the pleasure of meeting Matt recently when he invited me to check out D.B.A. dbabarbecue.com
RODNEY SCOTT’S BAR-B-QUE | SOUTH CAROLINA photo credit ANDREW CEBULKAR Hand-pulled pork from whole hogs, topped with crispy skins and the family’s secret sauce has locals and BBQ pilgrims alike aster Rodney Scott slow-smokes whole hogs overnight with hardwood coals made from wood he hand selects each day. He bastes the meat vigorously with a vinegary-peppery mop till it’s ready to pull apart for the hungry crowds come morning. My favorite BBQ place in America. rodneyscottsbbq.com
I SERVE LUNCH AT MY CHILD’S SCHOOL, BUT STILL CAN’T AFFORD TO PUT FOOD ON OUR TABLE. Melissa, Michigan
HUNGER IS A STORY WE CAN END. FEEDINGAMERICA.ORG
50 | LIFESTYLE | FINANCE |
LENOXANDPARKER.COM
5 Ways You’re Probably Throwing Money Away by HESBON KERONGO | photo credit JP VALERY
D
id you know that Americans waste half a TRILLION dollars every year? And that’s just what economists can measure! The true figure is probably much higher than that. These days, though, we don’t have the luxury of flushing our money down the toilet. So, what are you wasting money on? And, more importantly, how can you stop?
Wasted food $165 billion each year. Before you order in a pizza or head to the drive-thru window, take a look in your fridge. Odds are you’ve got food you’ve already paid for that’ll make for a great meal! Think everything in your fridge looks boring? Head to the world wide web and search for some ways to jazz up the ingredients you’ve got. A few creative new recipes could save you hundreds of dollars every month!
Wasted energy $146 billion each year. You thought your electric bill seemed high, but yikes! Luckily, cutting back on your energy costs doesn’t require a complete life overhaul. Instead, simple things - like changing your air filter every three months, turning the thermostat in your water heater down slightly, and using cold water in the washing machine - can make a huge difference. Credit card interest $49 billion each year. Did you know the average American cardholder has a balance of more than $2,000 every month and an APR of nearly 13%? You can avoid all of that debt in the first place by creating (and sticking to!) a reasonable budget. Use your credit cards sparingly - like for that unexpected trip to the emergency room, instead of a shopping spree at the mall. And, when you do pay with plastic, set firm goals for paying the balance off. Traffic tickets $12 billion each year. This is a low estimate, because it’s impossible to add up all of the extra insurance premiums that add up as a result! So, slow down, stop texting, use your turn signal, and do all of those other great things you learned in Driver’s Ed. Sure, you might get to your destination five minutes later or miss a phone call, but at least you won’t see police lights in your rearview mirror! ATM fees $7 billion each year. Sounds kind of ridiculous, right? After all, you’re paying money to get your own money! Unfortunately, banks keep charging more and more for the convenience of ATMs. So, what’s the solution? Say “bon voyage” to that giant bank. Big banks are the worst when it comes to through-the-roof ATM fees. Smaller banks even tend to have arrangements with places (like grocery stores) where you can use the ATM for free. Some credit unions take it a step further by reimbursing you for ATM fees! If all else fails, avoid the ATM altogether. Instead, wait until you have an errand to run and get cash back at the register. That’s always free!
c ul t ure
THE CHARACTERISTIC FEATURES OF EVERYDAY EXISTENCE SHARED BY PEOPLE IN A PLACE OR TIME
#BLACKEXCELLENCE | MELANATED PEOPLE WITH ACTIONS TO ADVANCE OUR PEOPLE AND COMMUNITIES |
ELTON ANDERSON
NINA BROWN GOSA
YAHDON ISRAEL
PHOTOGRAPHER/DIRECTOR EXECUTIVE PRODUCER LENS OF CULTURE | LOS ANGELES WVEE V103 | ATLANTA
COLLEGE PROFESSOR CITY COLLEGE | NEW YORK
@ELTONANDERSONJR
@PENINABROWN
@YAHDON
EGYPT SHERROD
IDDRIS SANDU
GIA PEPPERS
TELEVISION HOST HGTV | ATLANTA
CULTURAL ARCHITECT IDDRISSANDU | LOS ANGELES
JOURNALIST | CO-HOST BET | WASHINGTON DC
@EGYPTSHERROD
@IDDRISSANDU
@GIAPEPPERS
54 | CULTURE | ART |
QA &
MEET : LESLIE ANDREWS by TOBIAS | photo credit LESLIE ANDREWS
L
eslie Andrews is an Atlanta-based fashion photographer whose made a name herself in the highly competitive world of beauty and fashion photography. She specializes in editorial, commercial, fashion/beauty and product photography. In 2004 Leslie left the corporate world and went back to school to pursue her love for photography. In 2006, she graduated with a degree photographic imaging and began working full-time as a fashion photographer. After a few short years, she honed her craft and garnered the attention and respect of clients and creative directors alike. Her style is sleek and clean with an edge. Leslie loves collaborative synergy, working with a fantastic team of make up, hair stylists, and fashion designers to create compelling photographs.
56 | CULTURE | ART |
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“IT IS AN ILLUSION THAT PHOTOS ARE MADE WITH THE CAMERA… THEY ARE MADE WITH THE EYE, HEART AND HEAD.”
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Who are some of the people/brands you’ve worked with?
Creme of nature, Georgia Commute Options, Algebra Blesset, Essence Magazine, O magazine,
How would you describe your style? Clean, Classic, Sleek
Is there a particular working photographer who you enjoy or have a special respect for? Annie Leibovitz
In this digital age just about anyone with a phone might refer to himself/herself as a “photographer”. Do you think the proliferation of these devices has, for the lack of a better term, “dumbed down” photography?
I personally believe that a great photo can be taken with any type of device, whether it be a camera phone, cheap digital camera, or old school film. I honestly love that the popularity of camera phones has peaked some many peoples interest in photography, it’s a beautiful thing to see a hobby that was once so expensive can now be a creative outlet for anyone to enjoy. Obviously, there is a clear difference between a hobbyist and a professional, with that being said. One of my favorite quotes is by – Henri Cartier-Bresson “It is an illusion that photos are made with the camera… they are made with the eye, heart and head.”
If you could only take one camera body and lens to shoot your favorite subject, what would you choose? Canon 5d mark 3 & my 50mm lens
If you had to choose your one, favorite place to shoot where would that be? Midtown Collective Studios
How much would you say you rely upon post-processing versus trying to get it “right” at the first shot? I do not rely on post processing, I believe in getting the shot in camera first.
What do you consider to be your proudest accomplishment as a professional photographer to date?
I don’t have one single moment that I consider my proudest (still working on that) I will say that I am proud my career has survived 14 years in this industry.
A LIFESTYLE FOR THE CULTURE WORLD CULTURE™ PARIS • MILAN • NEWYORK • LONDON
60 | CULTURE | ENTREPRENEURS |
LENOXANDPARKER.COM
S tanding
EVERY MAN DESERVES A
OVATION by TOBIAS | photo credit OVATION
I
ntroducing Ovation. Ovation is sure to compliment the man that loves to live a lifestyle of good leisure and quality experiences. Ovation is a brand that is setting out to create a lifestyle, not just a fragrance. With a tag line that reads, “Every Man Deserves an Ovation,” we’d be wrong not to give the curators of the brand a standing ovation! A mutual admiration for luxury men’s fragrances inspired them to create a scent specifically curated to celebrate the confidence, style, and attitude of today’s influential men of color. Share the inspiration behind creating the fragrance
As an avid fragrance consumer, I realized a lack of African-American models and images that were authentic to my life and the goals I was striving to achieve. I saw an opportunity in the fragrance space to create a brand that purposefully targeted the luxury lifestyle and aspirational goals of the African-American consumer.
Describe Ovation for Men
As a brand, Ovation for Men represents the celebration of self through the lens of a luxury fragrance. It’s the intersection of life’s journey with the artistry and beauty of a fragrance.
Share the journey
It’s been a labor of love. For the first time in my life, I can sincerely say I am obsessed with something! I have experienced the disappointment of being rejected by various fragrance manufactures because I wasn’t big enough to warrant consideration as a potential client. I have experienced the anxiety of running out of product and not being able to fulfill product on time due to delays from my supplier. The journey has been arduous. But I continue to overcome the challenges. The journey wouldn’t be worth the reward without the challenges.
What kind of legacy are you building
My obsession with the brand and the dedication to creating a men’s fragrance is based on the idea of creating a brand that represents black excellence. We live in a society that constantly attacks our blackness. I want to create a brand that celebrates our blackness in every aspect. I want little black boys and girls to see my brand as a source of inspiration, confidence and pride of who they are and who they aspire to be. I think a fragrance brand offers a unique opportunity to positively impact the way we feel about ourselves and the way we want others to feel about us.
64 | CULTURE
LENOXANDPARKER.COM
Targeting African-American men
The focus of the brand is to exclusively target AfricanAmerican men. However, if you are an advocate of African-American men, then I am targeting you too! I am targeting all that love and celebrate the creativity, style, accomplishments of African-American men.
Why is it important to create a brand for African-American men
I think personal care and luxury product companies neglect African-American men as a worthwhile target audience. Unfortunately, the majority of the major product brand companies are allowing the ugly head of racism, classism, and social stereotypes dominate the process in determining the value of African-American men. As such, these companies are reluctant to spend money to create marketing campaigns that champion African-American men as the protagonist or leading image for their respective brands. My goal is to change that thinking by changing the narrative of how African-American men are perceived in product branding.
WE LIVE IN A SOCIETY THAT CONSTANTLY ATTACKS OUR BLACKNESS. I WANT TO CREATE A BRAND THAT CELEBRATES OUR BLACKNESS IN EVERY ASPECT. I WANT LITTLE BLACK BOYS AND GIRLS TO SEE MY BRAND AS A SOURCE OF INSPIRATION, CONFIDENCE AND PRIDE OF WHO THEY ARE AND WHO THEY ASPIRE TO BE.
Why is it important to create your own brand
I think it is important for us to control the narrative of our blackness and for us to create value in our blackness. I think partnering with other companies is good. However, I don’t think it should be strongly considered until after we have created and established our own value base on what’s authentic and true to us. Implied in that process is entrenching yourself in the culture to parade our beauty, elegance, ingenuity, showmanship, style, and accomplishments. I don’t think any other company can address those things at the value that it truly deserves. We must do it first and demand that the major companies follow our lead when they want to partner. It should never be the other way around.
What are the values that sets you apart
Our guiding principles are simple. We strive to build brands with creativity, authenticity and showmanship. I am certain that other companies do not take the same approach. This is what separates us from other companies.
What is my take on the struggle
The struggle is real. It’s unfortunate. We play an important role in both perpetuating and ending it. I want my company to create products that serve as a constant reminder of the power within us to end the struggle. I think the most impactful way to end the struggle is through economic empowerment and entrepreneurship. We have made great progress in ascending the ranks in politics, education, law, and medicine. However, we still have a long way to go in big business and global commerce. My goal is to create a brand that participates in global commerce to emancipate ourselves and our communities from the economic tyranny present in America.
Plans to take the brand to a world stage
The new year will be big for the brand. Currently in discussions with a major fragrance manufacturer to produce, manufacture and handle customer fulfilment. This is a big deal because the brand has grown beyond its current production capabilities. When the deal closes, I will have enough product to pursue deals with mainstream distributors and retailers.
Building a future for our children
The brand is committed to showing the beauty and value of our blackness. We have no qualms in being unapologetically black. I am hoping that the brand can inspire little black boys and girls to exhibit the same level of confidence, pride and appreciation for who they are and how they can leverage their blackness to change the world. That’s what we are doing with Ovation. We are changing the world in the fragrance industry.
Advise to entrepreneurs
Get started immediately and be prepared to sacrifice everything that you know about yourself to make your dream come true. If you are not willing to lose it all, or to give up everything that sustains your current condition, then don’t waste your time. It just won’t work!
Where can you get Ovation
Purchase at www.ovationfragrance.com
66 | CULTURE | MENTAL HEALTH |
Positive Thinking And Its Effect On Your Health by GREG RILEY | photo credit KAL VISUALS
T
he first situation to consider is the relationship between thoughts and conditions like depression and stress. A crucial question is whether the person’s thoughts are creating the physical depression or the physical depression is creating the negative thinking. When it comes to how you can use your mind to help, this can be accomplished consciously and subconsciously. When someone has a habit of imagining things turning out very badly, rational thinking can show show them that they often exaggerate. However, the unconscious mind is much more powerful in shaping our habitual behavior, oftentimes beyond our conscious control. Visualization and hypnosis can be very effective in modifying beliefs and, if you do this, the long-lasting effects can be more powerful than using logic only. It is likewise true that positive thinking can have an impact on our physical health, and you may be aware of the placebo effect on people who feel ill. This is when individuals are given a pill which in reality does not have any healing value, and yet they claim to notice an improvement in how they feel. This is evidence of the connection between mind and body, and there are many examples of men and women with a positive outlook being able to recover faster from malady and injury. You can also use the power of your mind to help you in achieving your fitness goals. A historic example of this is when the four minute barrier for running the mile was broken, which had been considered as unachievable up to that point. Once the “barrier” had been broken, other runners also began to break through what had really been a barrier of belief. The effects of aging are likewise influenced by how we think about the process. As you get older, do you talk to your friends about your “aches and pains” and your weakened capabilities? It seems there’s a great deal of truth to the saying, “You’re only as old as you think you are,” and our thoughts can be used to undo a lot of the so-called effects of aging. Unfortunately, numerous individuals will continue to hold on to old beliefs about the unavoidable “decline” of health in old age, and not pay attention to the benefits of a positive outlook. Now that you are aware that your attitude can bring you a much better state of health, it’s up to you to take advantage of this information and set your intention to think positive thoughts whenever you remember.
68 | CULTURE | WELLNESS |
by DR. PETE SULACK | photo credit ELI DEFARIA, GREGORY BOUROLIAS, ANDA AMBROSINI,
BEST WAYS TO REDUCE YOUR RISK OF CANCER
Y
ou can’t possibly avoid every single cancer causing substance, and you can’t avoid stress—it is a fact of life. What you can do however is to counterbalance stress with daily choices that at least give you a fighting chance. You can adopt practices that make your body more resilient in the face of cancer. It doesn’t really matter whether you are genetically predisposed to contracting a certain kind of cancer. What matters is the genetic expression that comes from your daily choices, behaviors, and habits. It has been said that genetics loads the gun, but daily choices pull the trigger.
BEN DUCHAC, TOMOHIKO NOGI, DOMINIK MARTIN, KYLE RYAN
Put on the right set of glasses.
• Understand that stress is the true culprit in cancer and all chronic disease. • Understand that modern medicine sees cancer as a pathology instead of the normal and natural physiological adaptation of the body to stress. • Understand that modern medicine only offers the options of a shot, a pill, or surgery to combat “pathology” in the body.
Connect with a supportive community.
• Surround yourself with positive people • As much as is possible, avoid those who live in constant drama. • Seek out other likeminded folks who will challenge you and hold you accountable for your self-care.
Be careful what you put into your body.
• As much as possible, eat a diet that is organic, raw, and highly nutritious. • Avoid SCAT—sugar, caffeine, alcohol, and tobacco. • Filter your water, and drink ½ your body weight in ounces each day. • Avoid grains and sugars, replacing them with healthy fats and vegetables.
LENOXANDPARKER.COM
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It doesn’t really matter whether you are genetically predisposed to contracting a certain kind of cancer. What matters is the genetic expression that comes from your daily choices, behaviors, and habits.
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Increase your spinal mobility.
• Regular chiropractic adjustments release tension in the spinal dura and allow the brain to communicate with every cell in the body. • Regular functional movement and exercise breaks the stress response. • Exercise releases endorphins (happy hormones) in the brain.
Rest
• Sleep resets brain function, restores strength, and repairs cellular damage. • Mental stress causes sleeplessness; but sleeplessness in turn causes stress on the body. • Adequate, restorative sleep boosts immune function.
Practice Detoxification Daily
• Drink plenty of filtered, pure water. • Eat plenty of cruciferous vegetables (preferably raw). • Eat fermented foods and drink fermented beverages like kefir and kombucha. • Soak in baths with Epsom salts and coconut oil. • Fast on a regular basis; or practice intermittent fasting daily. • Work up a good sweat each and every day.
Keep your body alkalinized.
• Cancer thrives in an acidic environment; it cannot grow in an alkaline environment. • Meat, grains, alcohol, and sugar are acidic. While fruits and vegetables are alkaline. • If your blood is too acidic, the cells will not release toxins into the blood. The toxins build up in the cell causing them to also be too acidic.
Help others.
• A recent study found that subjects who focused on finding happiness in their own comfort and pleasure had remarkably unhealthy cellular health profiles as well as high levels of inflammation in their systems as well as lover levels of antibodies. • In contrast, those who sought happiness through helping others had lower readings for inflammatory factors in their blood, and produced more antibodies.
Control your thoughts.
• What we allow ourselves to think about directly affects the limbic system; the region of our brains that controls emotions, memories, heart rate, blood pressure, and attention span. • How we think about life affects how positive and happy we are, regardless of our circumstances, and that in turn facilitates or hinders limbic function. • We may not be able to control our circumstances, but we can control our attitudes and responses to them.
Be grateful.
• When we choose joy and gratitude, it increases our vibrational energy, which makes us both healthier and happier. • Cancer cells vibrate at a low level of energy, so they can’t compete with healthy cells that are vibrating at a higher level. • Gratitude practiced regularly rewires our brains, breaking the stress response. • Research shows that looking for and expressing thanks for the positive aspects of any situation reduces pain, increases energy, promotes restful sleep, and lowers anxiety and depression. These are all good things; whether one has cancer or not.
70 | CULTURE | FAMILY |
SURVIVE INFIDELITY How To Avoid 3 Mistakes Most Women Make by DENISE A DILMORE | photo credit SHANIQUE WRIGHT
F
or a couple to survive infidelity, the general theme is the cheater wants to get on with the relationship and quickly move past the affair, while the injured party prolongs the misery and mistrust. And with good reason. It is difficult to “move on” once you have been devastated by an affair.
If both you and your husband want to survive the infidelity and rebuild your marriage, realize that it is a process. After the initial shock of the infidelity has settled, it is not so much the “sexual act” which is the most difficult to survive, but the deciet, disrespect, lies and lack of loyalty that has taken place. The lingering feelings of deception and mistrust do not immediately go away once the affair stops.
LENOXANDPARKER.COM
Here are 3 mistakes most women make which prolong the mistrust and misery, and most importantly, how to avoid them MISTAKE #1 - VISUALIZING THE DETAILS AND PLAYING IT OVER AND OVER AGAIN
MISTAKE #2 - TRYING TO PUT THE MARRIAGE BACK TO “THE WAY IT WAS”
The number one mistake most women make which prolongs mistrust and misery is visualizing the details of the affair and playing it over and over again in their minds. Envisioning the “what, when, where and how they did things” is destructive to your sanity and will prohibit you from rebuilding your marriage. To survive infidelity you must learn to take control of your mind and stop the negative visualizations. Understand it is natural to doubt your husbands loyalty but unnatural for you to torture yourself with “thoughts of them.”
The number two mistake most women make which prolongs mistrust and misery is trying to put the marriage back to “the way it was.” For a couple to survive infidelity, both must realize there was a fault line in the foundation of their marriage for the affair to happen in the first place. Usually feeling underappreciated, misunderstood or a communication break down between the couple has occurred prior to the affair. There are many online resources available for couples willing to repair their marriage and find new ways of communicating.
TIPS TO HELP RID YOURSELF OF UNWANTED THOUGHTS ARE
TIPS TO HELP YOU CREATE NEW WAYS OF COMMUNICATING
+ Be aware of when negative thoughts are taking over so you can learn to change your thought pattern
+ Stop yourself from falling into the same communication patterns as were present prior to the affair
+ Ask yourself why did you fall in love with him in the first place and does he still have some of those same qualities
+ Become aware of what triggers your negative thoughts and images
+ Accept the marriage will not be the same as it was prior to the infidelity
+ Take time away from the everyday routine to spend quality time together
+ Make a conscious decision to stop yourself when these thoughts and images appear
+ Get professional counselling or find online resources to help you develop new ways of communicating
+ Find new activities and things you are both interested in doing together
+ Stop telling yourself and others that you can’t stop thinking this way - because you can
+ Learn to listen to your partner rather than jumping in with a response
+ Realize you are in control of your thoughts and need to distract yourself with other people, things and places to keep your mind occupied + Make a written list of 10 things you are grateful for and pull it out and read it every time your negatative thinking begins
“IF BOTH YOU AND YOUR HUSBAND WANT TO SURVIVE THE INFIDELITY AND REBUILD YOUR MARRIAGE, REALIZE THAT IT IS A PROCESS.”
MISTAKE #3 - FOCUSING ON THE AFFAIR RATHER THAN THE MARRIAGE The number three mistake most women make which prolongs mistrust and misery is focusing on the affair rather than the marriage. For obvious reasons feelings of anger, rage, hurt, betrayal and disappointment are all natural and must play a part in the healing process. Keep in mind, if you did not care about your husband, none of these feelings would be arising. Therefore, once you have both made the decision to survive the infidelity and save your marriage, focusing on the affair rather than the marriage is destructive and futile.
TIPS TO HELP YOU FOCUS ON YOUR MARRIAGE AGAIN + Every day make a list of things he did right
+ Designate specific times to discuss the marital issues and solutions on how to make the marraige stronger Ultimately, your husband carries a large responsibility in trying to help you alleviate your mistrust and misery. It is after all, his indiscretions that created the breakdown of your relationship. Realize that if you are both committed to saving your marriage, there are many ways that you can restore the trust which was lost to the affair. Take responsibility for avoiding the three most common mistakes many women make. If you put in the daily work, you and your husband will be among the many couples that have succeeded in regaining the trust and surviving infidelity.
PASTRY TARTS CAKES
COOKIES
CUSTOM CAKES & PLANT BASED PASTRIES TR AD I T I ON AL / V E GA N / GL U TE N FR E E
FRUIT TARTS CUPCAKES SWEET LOAVES
BROWNIES
C A K E D B Y P A T. C O M
PIES
BRAND NEW MEET THE FUTURE OF MUSIC
LUCKIE DAYE | @iamluckydaye
SAWEETIE | @saweetie
NEW ORLEANS • RHYTHM & BLUES
SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA • HIP HOP
Lucky enters the music world with a powerful debut, leaving his footprint and fortifying and groundwork to become the next rising star in R&B.
Saweetie has all the tools to be one of this generation’s great entertainers. Her focus, talent, and work ethic are unparalleled. She’s the total package.
KOFFEE | @originalkoffee
88-KEYS | @eightyocho
JAMAICA • REGGAE | DUB
NEW YORK • R&B / RAP / URBAN
Describing herself as sitting somewhere between a singer, a DJ (rapper) and a guitarist, Koffee’s current output has tended towards the more traditional Jamaican rhythms.
88-Keys music reflects both the big-picture ambition that he’s developed over the years and his ability to elevate the talented artists in his orbit.
74 | CULTURE | LOVE |
LOVE ISNT MAGIC. ITS WORK. by PORTIA KIRKLAND | photo credit CHRISTOPH RÜCKER
I
t took me 40 years to figure out that love isn’t magic. You’ve heard it over and over, people fall in love
with love. But that’s not true. People fall in love with fantasies and their imaginations. People fall in love with lust. It took me falling in love with God to decipher between falling in love and falling in lust. Love, I can assure you, is in your best interest.
I think about my cousin Sonya who died at 41 from colon cancer a few years ago. We were first cousins; my mother’s niece. Sonya had her first child at 40 and when she was pregnant with Zion, we had no idea she had cancer. We thought that her symptoms were due to her pregnancy, but no. Sonya had cancer and died when her son was one. But one thing I learned about Sonya was that her husband Gil loved her. They loved each other God’s way. I learned then that who you love is way more than a fantasy. God knew Gil would be a single father. We didn’t know. But God knew. This is why when you love, you want to make sure it doesn’t make worldly sense, but God sense. God sent a mate to match where Sonya was going. Lust will have you picking a mate for today, which is why it fails. I love that when God speaks about love, he says “When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child.
When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me.” 1 Corinthians 13:11 In other words, being in love isn’t a game. It’s for grown folks. As adults, we need to learn to love maturely and responsibly, which in turn means unselfishly. When falling in love, remember that love isn’t magic. It’s work. It’s good work, but it requires lots of effort; patience; compromise; dedication and forgiveness. Much of the time when it comes to love, we just want to feel the easiness and comfort of love. The part that is kind. But love, according to the Word, is longsuffering. And if we want to experience God; if we want to experience the love he has for us particularly when it comes to our mate, we must know that love isn’t magic. Yes, God is love. But love is work that takes lots of practice. Love, my friends, is a choice. A decision. A verb. A commitment. It’s not magic at all. Moving forward, if you intend on loving someone, love with God’s creation of love and not the worlds. If you commit to a fantasy of what you think love ought to be, you could be missing God and you’re setting yourself up for failure. God has sent a help meet for man because the word says “It is not good for man to be alone,” (Gen 2:18) and so that PURPOSE can be completed. Satan will always promote his form of love which is LUST. He’ll always make lust look better, feel better. But if you’re in tune with God; if you KNOW him, you will choose love God’s way. Then, love will never, ever, fail. LOVE ABSOLUTELY WORKS. It’s Lust that doesn’t.
WHY DOES IT TAKE A DISASTER TO BRING US TOGETHER?
AN ORIGINAL SHORT FILM FROM EMMY ® WINNERS DAVID NUTTER & LENA WAITHE
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