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First published in the United States of America in April 2027 by Bloomsbury YA
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For everyone who has ever been told who they were supposed to be and knew that it didn’t fit
BloomsburyChildren'sBooks*forreviewpurposesonly*
BloomsburyChildren'sBooks*forreviewpurposesonly*
BloomsburyChildren'sBooks*forreviewpurposesonly*
BloomsburyChildren'sBooks*forreviewpurposesonly*
Mathew! What are you wearing? is that Alice?
No. Belle. it looks too… I dunno, sincere?
When boys dress as girls, it’s supposed to be funny.
Aren’t you worried people will give you shit about it?
Like what happened in middle school?
That was a long time ago. it’s senior year.
if you say so. I just worry about you.
And it’s HallowEEn!
Plus. it’s J ason’s party. Nobody from school will be there.
I cannot believe how close your elf came to dying last session.
Me too! I don’t want my character to die so close to the end of the campaign. HEY!!
Oh! Umm, thanks…
it’s actually BELLE, right?
The establishing shot of the castle in the opening alone is genius.
That scene looks like your work.
I love it.
You’re too nice.
But!
Speaking of my work.
I made this for you.
I’m glad. You mention music a lot at D&D and-
How do you know Paula Diaz?!
Are you sure she’s in the bathroom? it’s bEEn a while.
She came down here. Where else would she be? CRAP!
Melanie, do you have an eyeliner I can borrow?
Mine fell in the toilet.
I don’t. Sorry. I do!
Thanks, Violent Femmes Girl. I’ll give it back in a sec.
Paula Diaz knows my name!
Paula Diaz called me “girl.” TWICE!
Thanks! Come hang out on the deck with me.
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What…is it?
I think it will look good when you send out those applications in January.
An advanced college prep art class. My colleague in New York is running it…
Thank you for thinking of me.
I didn’t realize you knew I drew.
I make it my mission to know every member of the Saint Patrick’s family.
Time to put all that time doodling in the margins of your notebooks to good use.
Thanks, Father. I will.
What was Father John talking to you about?
An art class his friend is running in the city.
Are you going to do it?
if they like my stuff, and I do well in the class… it could be my ticket out of this place.
Always such a Jersey hater.
Sure, it sucks sometimes, but what place doesn’t?
I have to get in first. But I’m gonna try.
it’s just so stifling.
Not anymore. Things are looking up for us.
I mean we actually talked to Paula Diaz.
We’re gonna be popular. I can fEEl it.
Yeah. SO much fun.
I’m so glad you convinced me to go to that party. it was so much fun.
But if I’m honest it kind of hurt my-
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Wild you’re here! I guess my mix had a pretty big impact on you.
Oh yeah. it’s incredible. I can’t believe how well you know my taste.
Of course. I pay attention when you talk.
You know that’s why I had the party, yeah?
’Cause you kept talking about wanting to go to a HallowEEn party.
Sucks people gave you crap for the costume.
Oh, you saw that.
Yeah, I was gonna step in and say something, but Daniel’s my cousin, so I wasn’t sure how to handle it.
Oh! Wow. No. I didn’t know. Thank you.
Actually Paula invited us to the show, it wasn’t because of your mixtape.
No, it’s okay. it’s my fault. I’m done doing freaky stuff like that.
To no more outlandish behavior! I guess?
Hey, we’re the Dance HaLL Crashers from Berkeley, California. BloomsburyChildren'sBooks*forreviewpurposesonly*
Oh, you came. They’re good, right?
Oh yeah, so good.
Do you know my boyfriend, Daniel?
Oh my God, is that your sketchbook?
Look how girly this kid’s art is!
What the hell is that, the Little Mermaid?
I gotta go.
Such a fairy.
No, I mean. I liked the show a lot. I think. But Daniel’s an a-hole.
Oh, we’re just kidding. You don’t have to go hide. Yeah, come back your drawings were soooo prettyyyy.
Can we go? Those guys suck.
Yeah, sure. Paula’s heading out anyway. And, yeah, the people at this show were gross. But don’t tell Paula I said that.
Was that flirting?
Oh, whatever. You know what she pulled me aside to ask?
You told her no, right?
Duh. He’s just pissed ’cause Paula was flirting with you right in front of him.
Ha! “Oh You’re bruises are SO hot. Pay attention to me and no one else.”
if you’re gay. Why wouldn’t I? Gag.
Scenes from the April March on Washington for Lesbian, Gay, and Bi Equal Rights and Liberation.
Now they are protesting again. This time against the soon-to-be signed “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell…”
Those are the worst kinds of people.
Family position: Older Sister
Age: 21 But doesn’t drink?!
Job: Working at stables
Hobby: Riding horses
Boyfriend: Jim
Same thing? Kind of?
BEEn dating 4-ever!
That’s it ?
Anyway, it sucked.
Dinner?
Jim made a big deal about wanting to talk to Mom and Dad about something, and I thought he was going to propose. Again. But he didn’t.
That does suck. Sorry.
Nothing. Same.
Yeaah. So…what’s up with you?
Really?
’Cause things sEEm different. Huh? How s o?
Mom and Dad are always mad at you.
You skip every family function.
You’re either staying out late or locked in your room. I’m worried about you.
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One month later…
Nope. it starts right after break. I didn’t get in, and now I can’t go.
And I’m kicking myself. I didn’t think the piece I submitted was very good… but I thought it was the kind of thing I should submit.
That’s all there is to it.
Oh, that sucks. And you can’t reapply?
I’m sorry.
He said no.
Okayyy. Fine.
it looks so good!
Yeah, it oddly suits him.
How’d you know how to do that?
SEE, I knew it. That looks amazing.
You should take it off.
He’s totally worn lipstick before.
And they’re both jerks.
You know she has a boyfriend right?
Things feel so much easier with Jason than anyone else.
it’s not like that. She’s really fun to hang out with.
if you say so. Do whatever but be careful around her. Daniel says she’s two-faced.
But then, so is Daniel.
I wouldn’t trust either of them. Like in The X-Files: “trust no one.”
When | talk, he actually listens. HA! HA!
Ah, this is a good spot.
I’ll get the guitar and booze. You get the blanket and radio.
|m not scared to voice my opinions around him.
Sure. Just going to change out of my uniform real quick.
And he actually wants to hear them!
|’ve
never told anyone this but…
…sometimes | pretend we’re on dates.
He’s this smart college guy
who adores me.
And |’m just a normal prep school girl he whisks away on adventures.
But |’m not doing that now of course.
Nope. |’m just a straight guy hanging out with my friend.
And if sometimes it maybe sort of feels like more… …well…
…it’s just in my head anyway.
Oh, I got you these from the store. Check out Bone and Strangers in Paradise. I think you’ll dig them.
And | absolutely don’t want to kiss him. Straight guys don’t want that.
I will. Thanks for these!
it’s
gotten late. We should get out of here.
Yeah, of course.
Ugh. Why did | want him to kiss me good night?
Why is all this so hard for me?
Where’d you get that dress?
Where did I get it?
I think you mean “Wow, Melanie you look great.”
How’s the party?
Of course that’s what I meant. it’s saying the same thing in another way.
…but my parents kEEp insisting that we’re all having a good time.
I think they got your mom drunk already.
Well, that’s at least thrEE people having a good time.
Wow. Amazing.
This came out years ago.
There has to be something else about being a transsexual out by now.
God, it’s been forever since |’ve done my face.
| wish | didn’t throw away all my makeup.
But Tara will have some…
Certainly less phony.
Gotta keep it up.
Hmm, getting better.
Cool-Wait!
Mathew, are you even listening to me?
You were.
I’m just joking.
I was coming to talk to you, and you were ignoring me.
Calm down. Damn. it’s just not polite to gawk.
I… wasn’t.
Plus, I brought you to this party not h-that person.
What were you even doing?
I was trying to find the bathroom.
And the first time we talked I thought you were a girl.
None of that’s normal. Yeah.
Okay, umm… all right.
But you have to promise not to tell anyone.
You’re right.
I am a girl. But no one else knows.
And I plan on doing something about it after high school.
Because no one in my school would be caught dead shopping here.
Today’s reason: Paula is coming over tonight and | want need to look more femme.
Not like, super feminine, because | also don’t want to out myself to anyone else.
Or worse, gross them out and come off cartoonish,
Is it even possible to be casual about something |’m constantly overthinking?
But maybe femme enough in a casual “Yeah, |’m a girl too. | like girl stuff” way.
Do any straight people ever think about this stuff? Or other queer people? Or…
…just me?
I’ve got stuff for you.
Really?
Yeah, check out the bed.
it’s an old top and a skirt from freshman year. They don’t fit me anymore. But they’ll probably work on you. Put ’em on.
Don’t worry, no one else is home.
Come on. SEE if they fit.
You sure everyone else is out?
Yep, I’m almost always alone. My parents work nights, and my brother’s got his own stuff going on.
Sorry, that sucks.
Nah. I like it this way. it fits!
Try the shirt on. And we should fix your makeup.
Kinda.
You should roll the top though. it’s too long.
How you doing tonight?
Cool, cool. I’m in here a lot and I haven’t sEEn you before.
That’ll be five fortytwo.
Oh ye ah. I’m new. What are you ladies up to tonight?
Umm, good.
Just looking for some trouble in this dullass town. Too bad you’re working or we could hang.
Ohhhh, yeah. Um. Okay. That sucks.
Oh, that’s past our bedtime.
is she okay? She looks stressed.
Yeah. I’m good.
Don’t mind her. She’s on the rag.
Here’s ten bucks.
Can I also get a pack of Marlboro reds and you can kEEp the change?
I get off at eleven.
Hey, chief. Can you come by my office before you head out?
Everything okay? I’ve heard from some of your teachers that you’ve bEEn struggling lately.
Have I?
But I guess I’ve bEEn focusing on other things than school. Only a few months left. Try not to let it slip now.
Sure, Father.
That’s what they told me. Huh. I’m actually fEEling pretty gre at.
You sure it’s not too short? No. You look freakin’ hot.
Perfect for going to a show.
I know you’re going to say you’re scared…
As if.
…but no one we know will be there.
Daniel won’t even go ’cause it’s down in New Brunswick…
Actually, we are. Weston’s playing a basement show I wanna sEE tonight.
…and I’m tired of hanging around here all the time.
Yeah. Okay. Cool. Let’s go.
Sure. I do look freaking hot.
it was fine going to the 7-Eleven last wEEk. I wanna hear some music. Let’s go to a show.
Oh, that reminds me.
I made a mixtape for you.
Aww, thanks. Okay, let’s get outta here.
That’s it. I’m taking you down.
Thanks-Wow. Your makeup is flawless. Even in the rain.
She sets it with hairspray.
Sorry I stared at you at the other party.
That’s why we followed him out when we saw him giving you trouble. We can usually tell our own. You gonna be okay? You want us to take you somewhere?
Girl, I know that stare.
I…I think I just wanna go home and slEEp.
I don’t know what would’ve happened if you hadn’t shown up.
Actually, what are your names? Oh.
Hi! Hey!
I was hoping you’d show up at some point.
Let me know if you nEEd to talk after or some time.
Did you end up throwing up?
Sounds like a bad friend.
People kEEp telling me th at.
Oh, thanks.
Did they start already? Yep.
No, but I did sEE my friend making out with the guy that wanted to beat me up.
So. Look, I know the first mEEting can be a lot.
We better get in there then.
Have you SeeN his hair AND eyebrows this morning?
Why is he SO weird?
My friends’ brothers are all just normal kids.
What’s wrong with mine?
You nEEd to stop calling him weird all the time.
What did you do to your hair?
Oh! I cut it. You like it?
No! it lOOks aw ful.
You… you have to change it!
I can’t be dating someone who looks like that. BloomsburyChildren'sBooks*forreviewpurposesonly*
Right?
There’s Paula. | bet she comes over and apologizes for ditching me at the party.
I’m not overreacting, am I?
I don’t sEE any difference.
Oh. Maybe she didn’t see me.
Well, we have theology before lunch. |’ll wait for her after class, and we’ll talk then.
if you don’t have an extracurricular activity, you nEEd to le ave the premises.
School’s over.
Fine, then.
Umm, everything okay?
Right. Sorry. Yeah.
Had such potential too.
So I can just take any food I want? Yep.
And it’s frEE?!
Nothing’s frEE in college.
But it’s part of the meal plan, so take what you want.
Sooo… you want to start or should I?
people can hear us.
Psst. People don’t care.
it’s a college campus. Everyone’s too busy with their own drama to care what we say.
And I don’t pass that well. I’m not surprising anyone talking about quEEr stuff.
S o, what made you call?
Um, I dunno. I guess… umm.
Sooooo… okay. I think I’m a transexual.
OBVI you’re a transexual.
Sorry! I’m just playing.
So am I.
And my girlfriend. And everyone at that support group.
it’s okay. You don’t hafta fEEl like that’s a dirty secret anymore, yeah?
I justI’m tired of fEEling like a freak and either hiding my self or having to over-explain myself to everyone.
Girl, me too. But I have bad news for you. Those are the only two options you’re gonna have for a while.
it’s just the hand we’re dealt.
it doesn’t sEEm fair.
s aid life’s fair.
I think a lot of women fEEl that way.
it’s not, but it’s how things are in this world. For now, at least.
Trans or no.
That still doesn’t fEEl fair.
You done eating?
Let’s go for a walk.
That’s the safest way to get hormones.
So I suggest finding a pride center or some other network to find a supportive one.
The schoolappointed one doesn’t get me, and I can’t afford an outside one.
Unfortunately, therapists can be gatekEEpers.
Do you have one?
I don’t.
I just buy shots from some girls in the city.
Oh, this place is rad. Let’s go in.
No way. They’d totally freak.
How about your parents? Do they know?
I’m waiting till I can move out before I say anything.
Oh, wow. That’s awesome. Are they accepting?
Right. That’s generally the way of it. Do yours know?
Twentyone fifty.
Nope. Not at all. Kicked me out when I told them.
Oh. I take it back. Not awesome.
Thanks, ladies, have a great day.
Jo’s mom is accepting. She even comes to our place sometimes.
I’m not sure she realizes we’re dating, but she was cool when Jo came out to her so maybe she doesn’t care.
it helps that she’s a single mom, I think. Dads-well, men in general-usually don’t take it as well.
Which I prefer.
Still I worry one day he’s gonna get drunk and show up here and beat the hell out of me.
Like my brother. He was the worst.
For a little bit I feared for my life, but now I think he’s trying to forget I exist.
So…
I kept thinking that it would be easier to die than go on another day the way I was.
it was the best decision I ever made.
if you’re asking me if you should do it, I can’t decide that for you.
I wouldn’t have done it unless I absolutely had to to survive.
it’s very, very hard.
People will think you’re strange. You’ll probably be gossiped about.
Some people will be uncomfortable in your presence.
But if it helps you love who you are and lets you live the life you want to be living, then by all means-
if you live in stealth you may always worry about passing. yes. it is…
Ummm… no.
it’s for me.
I was scared to.
I borrowed them, and I’m sorry I didn’t return them.
And I’m sorry I didn’t tell you.
Boys aren’t supposed to wear skirts and makeup.
I know. God, do I know. But I sometimes do …anyway? And maybe that doesn’t make me a bad person? Or maybe I’m not a boy?
I have to go to work, but this conversation isn’t over.
Okay.
in the meantime RETURN all my stuff.
Um, reading this might help you understand. Like a little.
Maybe. Wait! Here.
ReaLLy? A candle for Valentine’s Day? What are you, my aunt?
You didn’t have to do that.
Eww, who still drinks orangeade? Heh.
Ummm. No?
I think I should let her cool off for a bit first.
Look, I can’t let Daniel sEE us together.
He agrEEd to not out you if I’m his girlfriend again and don’t sEE you anymore.
You’re welcome. Now stop being a mopey bitch and let’s go hang out at my place.
Unless you nEEd to chase after Melanie.
Then she took me to a bunch of her favorite spots.
This record store and this train depot bridge with a crazy view.
it was amazing.
Yeah. Wow. She sounds like the most WONDERFUL person ever.
just, like, being with someone else who’s dealt with the same stuff I have.
Really?
No wonder you hadn’t bothered to call me.
You avoid me for two wEEks after b ailing on me during a party and it’s my fault for not calling you?
I’m just saying.
if you didn’t have this other new crossdresser friend you would have called me.
I’m old news now.
Right, I know. Anyway, screw labels.
NOT a crossdresser.
Like how I wanna make out with girls sometimes, but I don’t say I’m “bi” ’cause I don’t want that label . . .
. . . or to stop getting attention from boys.
But I realize you’re the perfect solution.
Wait, though, are you only doing this because you don’t really think of me as a woman?
So I’m like safe to experiment on?
Oh, please. I KNOW you want this.
Stop overthinking everything for once.
Aren’t | supposed to feel different now?
| guess | do.
Does Paula?
Will Daniel beat me up? Does it matter if | get to keep sleeping with Paula Diaz?
What will people think if we tell them?
What about Melanie? Will she be happy to get rid of me? | bet if— Huh? What did you say?
Jesus! I said get dressed my mom is on the way home.
Wait! Really?
Umm, can’t you just introduce us?
You’re joking, right?
Get up, we have no time.
Do you want your shirt back? I think mine’s still covered in orangeade.
I don’t care, just get out of here.
And DO NOT tell anyone. Obviously.
Hi, I’m not here, leave a thing and I might call you back.
Hey. it’s Jason. You haven’t returned my-
Hello.
Anybody home?
Hey.
Yeah. I know. Sorry. it has bEEn a bit.
Can you tonight?
’Kay. | have to look perfect for him.
Okay. I’ll sEE you in thirty.
Gotta calm down.
He probably already knows.
It’s no big deal.
Our hangouts have always felt like dates.
He probably already sees me as a girl.
| guess it’s now or never.
I thought you figured it out.
“Know” what?
I don’t understand. What’s going on?
Know that I’m a transexual. Huh?
But we saw each other at the basement show.
That’s absurd. Why would I think that?
That’s . . . abnormal.
I don’t know what you’re talking about.
I think you should go.
Where to?
I think we want donuts.
We do. Yes. That sounds perfect.
Haha.
Yeah, he’s never home.
And then when he is, I’m like,
“please get out of my space and go hang out with your stoner friends.”
Do you like his friends?
It’s a good thing my car’s pretty much become a mobile closet.
Full makeup kit under seat.
Sooo many shoes.
Suitcase in trunk full of clothes.
|’ve had to change in it umpteen times.
Umm. Hi, Lisa. Hi, Jo. Sorry to come by unannounced.
it’s totally fine. Are you okay?
I’ll make it. Talk to your friend.
You’re the best.
No. it’s good.
I guess I didn’t think that was a thing WE could have.
Can I get you something to drink?
CoffEE? Sure, thanks.
JEEz, you two are so cute.
Whoops, do we make you want to vomit?
You thought being trans also means being alone forever.
And that no one would ever love you if you came out.
And that you’d die penniless and alone.
Yeah. Kinda.
Dating can be complicated, sure. But you’ll still find plenty of people who want to be with you.
For some of us too many.
We were fed that crap too. it’s BS.
“I am worthy of love.”
Yep. Somethin’ like that.
But what brings you here crying in the middle of the night? Well
. . .
So, I was dating my best friend even though I didn’t really want to . . .
. . . and now she hates me.
Because I slept with the person I thought actually accepted me, and I've had a crush on forever . . .
But then that person threw me to the wolves in front of a cop.
Before that I came out to the person who always made me fEEl safe.
Then when I got home my family noticed I was wearing makeup and harassed me about it.
And I just fEEl so spent.
And this was all this wEEk?
He was disgusted and told me to leave.
This was all today.
Oh jEEz! Okay.
So, to hell with Jason. That’s all his own damage and not yours.
. . .
I know it can fEEl like you’re doing something wrong.
And cops.
. . . are harder.
And no matter how many hoops you jump through, some people will never accept you.
You’re not.
I lost my family when I came out. I haven’t sEEn them since.
it’s
their loss. You’re thriving.
But other trans girls put me up.
I am! And you didn’t lose your parents at all.
I didn’t! They were weird around me for a while, and it’s still not perfect,
but they’re accepting and it kEEps getting better.
Heather
Hey, Mathew!
Have you sEEn this book? Tom read it. Leia and Han have twins in it.
I, uhhh . . .
I like your jacket. Oh . . . thanks.
Oh, um. Hi. How are you?
Oh, neat.
He’s not being weird. But this has to be weird for him, right? Seeing me in a dress and makeup with no explanation.
Come to think of it, none of the comic store guys were weird on Halloween at all.
We miss you at D&D.
We played last night. Jason was all cagey when I asked about you.
I guess you two had a falling out or something.
Yeah. Something like that.
Why do | always notice the people who give me a hard time and not the ones who don’t?
Anyway, I’ll let you go. But check this out if you can. And I hope we get to play again sometime.
I hope so too. it was certainly nice to sEE you.
And th anks for the recommendations.
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BloomsburyChildren'sBooks*forreviewpurposesonly*
Apologize to her!
Mom, I’m sorry. I’m not saying this to hurt you. I’m telling you who I am.
You can’t tell anyone. What?
How could you do this to me?!
This isn’t about “them.” it’s about me.
Promise me you won’t tell anyone else.
People are going to think it’s my fault and that I’m an awful parent.
People know. Why do you think Father John called?
I’m not doing anything to you.
We’re going to find a way to fix you.
| don’t need fixing!
At least | don’t have to hide anymore.
All she cares about is what other people think of her.
Oh, hey, girl. ’Sup?
Huh. | didn’t get to tell them about getting into school.
My mom gave me hell about your message.
That wasn’t my intent.
Maybe don’t leave tell-alls on family machines. Did you hear it?
that’s why I’m here. Can we go for a walk or something?
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. . . did you go to prom?
So, umm . . .
Yeah. it was amazing.
I won prom quEEn but when I was accep ting my tiara they dumped blood on me.
What, really?
Mostly everyone just kept trying to sneak off to make out and get drunk.
Or to sob in the bathroom because their boyfriends were sneaking off to get drunk and make out with someone else.
No. Of course not. it was all kind of a letdown.
Paula and Daniel got kicked out for sneaking in booze though. They, too, are now on Father John’s shit list.
That’s some form of poetic justice at least.
Look. I know you’re on a path of self-discovery and leaving, but I’ve had an AWFUL month.
SEE, all Paula has ever done is tolerate me.
But after you and I broke up she got all nEEdy. it was exhausting.
Then she started saying all these awful homophobic things. I think in an effort to distance herself from you. So no one would think she was quEEr.
Because the cop freaked her out?
What cop?!
Never mind. KEEp going.
Well, I told her she was being terrible and embarrassed her in front of her friends. She got SO pissed off.
that couldn’t have gone well for you.
That’s when she told Father John about you. I felt like she was doing it to get back at me. Which is why I so graciously called to warn you. Even though I’m still mad at you.
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I still have two wEEks’ worth of absences.
So with seniors finishing early, I only have to come in two more days.
They’ll let you do that?
Thanks for coming to talk to me. I hope we can still be friends.
I hope so. ’Cause I’m gonna.
I’m gonna ride out the rest of the year at Lisa’s and just show up on the last couple days so I can graduate and get my diploma.
Will you call me with your new number once you’re settled?
Of course I will.
Good luck. You too.
There is a lot of talk in the media about how “easy” the decision and ability to transition is. I can assure you, nothing is farther from the truth. I felt it was important to show how this journey felt in the mid-1990s, and internally, I suspect it isn’t all that different today. Coming to terms with who you are—especially when you are being told you are someone else—is a profound challenge.
So how real is this story? Pretty real. It was important to me to capture how things felt more than exactly how they were. While many of these events happened over a span of several years and with many more people, I’ve condensed them to one year and a few people for the narrative.
One example, the character Jason, is a composite of three different men: one who was a wonderful human being and two who weren’t—one of whom hurt me very deeply. Similarly, while the character Tara shares traits with my two sisters, she is her own person, designed to serve the story and separate from my real-life siblings. That applies to most characters here—parents and friends alike. I wasn’t aiming for perfect historical accuracy; I was trying to report the emotional truth to the best of my ability.
Those of us at the tail end of Gen X thought we were so progressive, yet I constantly felt like I had no one to turn to. Information was guarded, and the medical community was gatekeeping my own life.
Things still feel rough sometimes. As I write this in the spring of 2026, there are many scary things happening in the world, but in the grand scheme of it all, it still feels better than it did then. I have to believe that progress continues to move onward and upward. For many, that progress is found in community—sometimes with those going through the same struggles, and sometimes just with someone willing to listen and understand.
My hope for everyone who reads this is that you find your way to what makes you comfortable in your own skin and embody your truth, whatever that means to you.
This book would not exist without the support, love, and patience of Julie—my wife, my life partner, and my light. Thank you for discussing this story with me for years, offering the feedback and changes that made everything better. I love you, and I cherish the adventures we’ve had and the many yet to come.
Luke: Thanks for being the number-one fan of my work. You are the best son anyone could ever ask for. Thanks for all the fun we had in between the long hours of making this book. One day I will beat you at a card or board game again.
Lindsey, my best friend, confidant, and the best hype-woman a girl could have: Thank you for cheering me on every step of the way and keeping me fed with your amazing cooking.
To my found family—Hunter, Allie, Emma, Grant, Andrea, Urian, Adam, Stephanie, Anna, Mariah, Megan, Joey, Jeremiah, Caitlin, Aaron, Beth, Mark, Melissa, Phil, James, Jen, Joellyn, Tim, and Amber: I love you all. Thank you for being in my corner.
To my agent, Rebecca, and her assistant, Laura: This book truly would not exist without you both. I am forever grateful for the years you spent helping me hone the original concepts into a complete manuscript and for always pushing me to make it better. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
To Cameron, who pushed so hard for Bloomsbury to take a chance on this book: Your eagerness and passion for this project kept me going whenever I doubted myself or lost the path forward.
Special thanks to Sarah and the team at Bloomsbury for their guidance, expertise, and support in bringing this book to life. To the lettering team, Lor and Andy: Thank you for making my work look so incredible and for letting the world know exactly what’s going on in Heather’s head.
Thanks to my in-laws, the Bulls and the Behns, for your constant support and for helping make this dream a reality.
And to my family in New Jersey—Mom and Dad, the Tuits, the Controneos, the Grahams, and the Sapkas: Thank you for your love and kindness.
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