JUNE 2023 ISSUE#033
YOU CAN'T STOP
to my 14 year old self.....
“Don’t work at Burger King!” (And other things I’d say to my 15yr old self) “Don’t work at Burger King!” The first real job for most teenagers is a fast food restaurant and I felt like I had to be different so instead of working at McDonald’s for my first job, I chose Burger King. (Very different indeed lol.) I was 15 years old and extremely excited to join the workforce. I learned very swiftly that the fast food industry was not for me. Not because I couldn’t do the work, but mainly, because I knew I was meant to do work more becoming of my personality and passions. I wasn’t cut out for the unbecoming uniform. I was a model for goodness sake and that shade of brown clashed with my skin tone and that horrible visor made my hair look terrible. I wasn’t cut out for being barked orders. I was an intellectual who questioned the way things “were always done” and provided more timely and cost effective practices that unfortunately the career BK manager of 15+ years who did it the way it’s always been done, didn’t appreciate. And finally, I definitely wasn’t cut out for mopping the floors and cleaning public bathrooms. Ewwww! Not in this lifetime. So my short lived Fast Food career was traded in for a position more becoming of my talents…Ladies wear at Marshall’s. I wish I had started there, it would have looked much better on my teenage model resume.
g! n i K er g r u tB a k r o w t ' n Do
“Stick with Tennis!” In my high school in Atlanta (yes, Atlanta) we had a tennis team. I was new to town and had never played but was game to try anything. Apparently I was “a natural,” instinctively competitive, and my height gave me an unfair advantage that I used well. I had a killer serve and swift feet that made my return brutal. I practiced regularly and stayed ahead in my classes to be able to play. Our team went to state championships (didn’t win but held our own.) I played just for fun all summer but sadly we moved and my new school didn’t have a team. I wish I had continued to play anyway, kept the discipline I had when there was a team behind me but at that age, it didn’t click that I could keep doing something I loved even if it wasn’t organized by others. “Wear the heels!” I was the kid in high school, who wore business suits and kitten heels to class. I was a student assistant in the guidance office, as well as the person who came to get you when you were in trouble with the vice principal’s office. I was considered bougie, stuck up, a teacher’s pet, and all the other names the typical overachiever was called in high school. I was made fun of for always wearing “grandma heels” and dressing like I was going to court everyday. I was tall and I thought the smaller heels were all I should wear to not make people uncomfortable with my height. I got in the habit of trying not to be seen. I wish I had worn the heels that I wore when I modeled. They made me feel beautiful, powerful, statuesque, and most of all…seen. (S/N…I figured out in my senior year that not only would I wear the high heels, I’d pair them with a mini skirt and show off my fantastic, long legs and DARE someone to say something!) At 51yrs old, I’d tell 15yr old me these 3 things. Don’t take a job you know isn’t for you just because it’s what everyone has always done. You know what you’re passionate about, do that, and get paid for it. Don’t stop doing something you love just because you’re not on the team anymore, that’s the time to do it for yourself. And don’t EVER make yourself smaller to make others more comfortable. You were made to strut your stuff for the world to see and marvel at your greatness!
@ImmaniLove She/Her
Hey E, It’s me or should I say the older you so in saying that you know that we make it past this time in life. I came back to tell you some things I think someone should have told us back then. Our twin is going to be ok. The cancer doesn't win. I know you're feeling overwhelmed with dad dying, our twin being sick and mom…..well, we already know between drugs and grief we’re going to need to be the parent for everyone. I know right now your plate is full and you feel confused about life, about who you are. More times than not you're angry and scared, but I want you to know it’s not always gonna be this way. We are going to get through this. There are people who are about to enter our life who are going to help us navigate what is happening right now. We are gonna find our way and go on to impact lives in the way these people are about to impact ours. We are going to marry the love of our life and become the father to 3 grown kids and one teenager and they all will change us from selfish bachelor to selfless family man. Yep, I said man. We finally found our way to who we are and we are flourishing in our transformation. Therapy is the thing that's going to help heal all the parts that are bruised and broken. I know what dad said about it. Put that out of your head though, he was speaking from a broken and scared place himself. We’re going to learn around our dyslexia. Incredibly, we start writing for a magazine and people all over read our articles! We will speak in front of groups of people about love, life, and relationships. We survive to enjoy the best years of our life. We renew our faith in God and now we do outreach and ministry with our lovely wife. We really are blessed beyond what we would have ever thought possible. Life isn't going to be easy but we already know that. What you don’t know right now is that it's very much worth living and that we don't only survive this moment in life but that we're going to flourish from it. Everything we thought would take us out, didn't! We are meant to be here. We have purpose and we are living in it loud and proud. There will be people who are coming not only to save us from this time in life but that will give us guidance and the tools for a future. Now some things we’re going to pick up and carry with us while some things we’re going take the hard road on. Just remember to give us grace and understanding. Don't be so hard on us, we’re battling what we've been taught and exposed to. We will learn what works and what doesn't from what we were taught and heal from what we were exposed to. I’ll leave you with this: Our parents loved us the best they knew how. They were flawed human beings like us. Our learning disability will not define us but it will drive us. We’re going to mend our relationship with our twin and If you can look up you can get up!!! I love you and we got this! Let’s get it, let’s go E. L. Winston
Writer: Javannah J. Davis Javannah Jasmeen Jjasmeend20 www.wavewomeninc.com
June 1, 1992
Dear J***, Hey, It's me...you! I know, weird right?! Just bear with me though, and listen. I know you're in an a difficult place right now. But I'm writing to you 30 years later to let you know that the long road ahead is going to be rough sometimes, but I promise you that those times will not last forever. In the meantime, don't let anyone keep you from being proud of who you are. Not even YOU! I know you are scared of what others might think, but you will be surprised. You know who you are. I mean, grandma already said, okay "You should have been a girl." So, it's to show her how right she was! There is only that's one true blessing in this world and we LIFE! It's up to us to do with it what though need to do to be happy. You'll see your When you realize it, it will change receive, life for the better. The gifts you begin when you accept yourself you will talked to find the “freedom” you always about you saw in others who chose to live their lives unapologetically. You will get there in due time. Stop telling yourself that you can’t
Writer: Javannah J. Davis Javannah Jasmeen Jjasmeend20 www.wavewomeninc.com
June 1, 1992 (con’t)
do something. Never be afraid to try new things, and use your voice to make clear what you need in YOUR life to be happy. You are worthy to be seen, you are worthy to be heard, and you are worthy to be loved. Make the change, be who you are. It will get easier day by day. Be proud of the woman you are and never hold your head down for it. You will definitely thank yourself later. I would also most encourage you to journal. Getting your inner mind thoughts and feelings on paper and out of your also is the best therapy you will ever receive. It will keep you from sending 4-page emails to those sorry negros you about to meet! (Insert eye roll) and I will leave you with this, be safe, be grateful, hold on to faith, and never stop dreaming big.
, s y a w l a e With lov Javannah
You!
Dear 14 year old Roni, Sweetie, you have struggled so much, but I want you to know that EVERYTHING you have gone through and everything you will go through is worth it. You get to live a good life. You will find happiness in your career, your family, a spouse, your friends, and you will even realize that you are worth every effort. I know being an only child has been hard and you don’t really understand your mom. She loves you very much though and she even learns to take you as you are. You will learn to laugh authentically. You will still be a crier, but you will cry from the joy, love, and peace that fills your heart. The community/family that you are looking for will come your way. They will love you unconditionally and they will recognize the greatness within you. There are a few things that I think you should be prepared for: You’re going to fall in love with the beautiful mind of “Johnny”. When he comes out to you as bi-sexual take the season with him as the fortuitous experience it is because he helps you to understand yourself better. Don’t lose that when he goes away to do his own thing. When you meet “Alize” don’t obsess over her so much. She is just the first of many a beautiful woman you will find crawling into your heart, but she is not the person whose love will help heal you…that comes later. There will be those who try to convince you that you are wrong in who you are, but your love and openness will help others achieve their best selves. Roni, don’t be ashamed of your experiences because each one teaches you something about yourself. Accept the skin you’re in. You are beautiful inside and out. Don’t let anyone tell you different. Instead of leaning away from the things that frighten you, I want you to lean in. Lean in to being a queer person, lean into being as weird as you want to be, lean into love. Stop running to the altar every Sunday morning trying to be fixed. Instead seek God in earnest and let the love bloom in you. Let God’s love guide you through the days of being not so okay. Now, there is nothing perfect because you live in an imperfect world, but you can and will enjoy your life. Roni, I know there are days when you think it would be better not to wake up, but I want you to know that you will get to a place where you really enjoy waking up everyday. You are precious, unique, amazing, talented, creative, and more than your weight in gold. Keep putting one foot in front of the other because it leads to better!
Love the Better Informed You, Roni
Dear Little Scared Girl/ Future man, So beautiful inside and out but overweight and angry because you can't accept yourself. So uniquely made and fragile. I know your ready to identify an out of box unprogrammed young adult but you are struggling so bad. How you want acceptance but are unable to find it, not sure where you fit in. You feel so uncomfortable and are tired of battling with your family about who you like, what clothes you want to wear, why your grades are troubling. You deal with the bullies at school all day and deal with fat jokes at home. You need additional support but have no LGBT advocates you know of. You desperately want to be loved because you see. every one at school with girl friends and boy friends. but you think its impossible for someone to look at you and see your worth. You run from every boy who looks your way because you know this body they see, that outside is fake and you wish every day you could. just pick out clothes from your closet meant for. men but you know your not able to make decisions. that easy for yourself because you live under your parents roof. This life you live isn't the life you. want but you can't change it so you pretend to be a. boy online and you have relationships with folks who. think your cisgender male because your reality isn't the ideal choice. You meet girls at school and say youre a stud and a lesbian because you wear boys clothing when you can and sometimes your parents find out and make you change, embarrassed by actions you don't want to do. You ask yourself why you can't be like your cousin Trey, why you don't have his mom or his life but you know those cards weren't dealt to you. You attempt to be a lesbian but your “stem” (Stud/ fem) life affects you so much. Your parents keep taking your men's clothing over and over again but you find ways and sometimes even where your too big fathers jeans and you know it is having a lasting effect on your mental well being. Little scared girl you don't know that the moment you find your voice, you change every aspect of your world and you not only survive but you thrive and you become the man on the outside and inside with purpose and passion and love. Enough love to fix that anger, to stop doubting you, to find self-love. Just keep growing this isn’t your end this is your years of hurdles for a reason. You are beautiful, you are him and parts of you will always be apart of my story. Sincerely, Mel Howard
Dear Tam, It has already been a long hard road for you. You just made It through one of the toughest periods In your life. But It's hard to tell, because not very much of It has been easy. You actually just found a home and purpose In your new school and you'll learn so much about yourself there. You'll start to feel a part of something again after school felt like the enemy for so long. You'll make friends, some that you'll still have like 20 years later and you'll lose one of them right before she turns 30, but I'm not gonna tell you who bc I don't want that worry to change a thing about the time you'll spend together. Just know she will love you beyond words and stay apart of you even after she Is gone. You find your voice there. You've always been a nurturer and a writer and In that building you will learn to be a fighter! You will stage walk-outs and sit-ins and petitions and host rebellions and don't ever let anyone tell you It Isn't worth It bc that fight for people who need It will become the most Important part of who you are. You'll always be that "mom" of your friends, you will always be a writer and believe It or not, you'll find your greatest purpose In being an advocate and an activist. You will march and speak before crowds of thousands! Dare I say It but Tamara, you will go on to save lives, change minds and change the world. You know Mayors by first name basis, politicians will have you on speed dial and you'll pose for pictures with celebrities. Your dream was to write a column In a newspaper some day. Girl you've been the editor of a major magazine and now you own your own! There are so many things I want to tell you to prevent you from falling Into traps that set you back but I won't, because each of them has led me to exactly where I sit right now and I am so grateful for them and you. So what I will say Is you WILL survive every single mistake, setback and heartbreak. Show yourself GRACE. The earlier you start loving and encouraging yourself the happier you'll be. Look, your early life will effect you later In life In ways that will take you a long time to figure out. I'm still digging It out now. That trauma will convince you that you have to earn love to receive It. All you ever have to be Is you. It will make you chase perfection mercilessly which will make It hard for you to just relax and embrace your authenticity. You will never feel pretty enough or thin enough but I promise you you grow up to be more beautiful than you ever Imagined and you'll always feel like you aren't enough of something until you learn to love and embrace yourself for being you. Turns out Its all about confidence and vibes after awhile not your clothing size. You are VERY vibey and the right people will see It. And the wrong people don't matter. Don't beg anyone to love you. Not ever. Let go of situations and people that don't serve you or make you feel good about yourself. It truly Is their loss. You find love.... several times lol... but the greatest love we have experienced so far Is being a Mom. You have two beautiful sons that are the best thing that ever happen to you. Don't listen to the doctors, they are perfect and you raised them to be the best people I've ever met. So don't spend your life afraid. Just love them and follow your heart. Daddy never does get clean but know you made the best choices for you and your boys and I think he gets that eventually and you make peace with It and him. We do however get close with our sisters, find our brother (please cherish every single second with him) and have tons of nieces and nephews which you get to know better because we moved down south too. It was terrifying but the best move we ever made to get free. And now we live 5 minutes from the ocean and see palm trees every single day! And Jessi Farron, that awful girl you are semiobsessed with? Turns out you might actually be In love with her, yea I know, who knew? It happens again with this girl in college but STILL takes you a marriage and two kids to figure It out. But It turns out to be the most beautiful and empowering discovery of your lifetime and opens up doors to who you are and what you do for the rest of our life. At this age we are basically Queer for a living. Highly unexpected and Incredibly dope. You'll kiss your first girl and life will never be the same In the best way possible. The most Important thing. Because of alot of complex factors, you will continuously end up In situations where you accept less than the love you deserve. You will want to love people back whole. You will want to fix them and save them and be attracted to the confidence you see In them that you don't have yet. You will want to prove your worthiness to them and get so attached to the Idea of loving them and them loving you, you will risk It all. Don't let the thing you risk be you. Love you first, love you more, don't be afraid to walk away. Let-them-go. Always know you are worthy to be loved, adored and protected. And If someone forgets that- don't ever let It be you.
-Tamara Sanaa Leigh
feature artist: Kwesi Ferebee City: New Britain, CT Pronouns: He, Him My primary focus is to create art that unapologetically celebrates Black folks' beauty and humanity. I set my creative course at a very young age. In this journey, I continue to create art that is not only about having conversations around the “black experience” but is in service to fortifying the humanity of African Americans. Cultural critic bell hooks refer to “Loving Blackness” as a “Political Resistance.” However, I view this act as more of a spiritual practice. And in this reverie of “Loving Blackness,” I look to subvert the scourge of systemic racism and create narratives to transmute trauma into jubilation.
kwesimakesart.com
kwesi_makes_art
Tulum was the next stop, so in order to get there I decided to take the bus and get there like the locals do. The bus ride was smooth sailing and took 4 hours to get there. Tulum is more southeast from Mérida. I honestly didn’t do much there other than relax. It really felt like I was in the jungles of Mexico! A lot of green and trees and everything seemed like an oasis! The hotel was Coco Hacienda Tulum where I stayed there for two nights for $166.01. This was probably the most relaxing part of the trip as Coco Hacienda was amazing from the room to the pool and I got a free upgrade! I had an amazing time there! The last stop on the trip was to Playa De Carmen where I took another bus from Tulum there and then a taxi. My taxi driver was very nice and told me about his hometown that I would love to visit called Tuxpan that’s east of Mexico City. We stayed at the Ocean Maya Royale for 4 nights at $512.60. Honestly, I would never stay there again. The only good thing was the pool. The food was horrible and the staff was just okay. The resort, while all inclusive, wasn't as inclusive as I would have liked especially when it came to the food. My friends joined me on this leg of the trip. We did get to go on a Mayan tour and see the chichen itza and cenote that we swam in and ride on Jet skis. Overall, this part was not my favorite experience of the trip, however my entire birthday trip was wonderful. This birthday trip ignited more of a wanderlust than ever with the desire to do multiple cities in one swoop. I have some plans of traveling starting in July with the determination of doing Mexico, South America and Europe! The goal is to go to at least 3 cities in each country and stay altogether for about 4-5 weeks. Those places may change a little bit as well as the countries as more planning and tickets are brought.
feature artist: Kadija (Dija) Alligood Current city: Charlotte, NC Pronouns: she/her/hers "Hey! My name is Kadija (Dija) Alligood, born and raised in Rochester, NY currently residing in Charlotte, NC. I am the owner, creator, and operator of DijaDoes. I am a visual artist who specializes in animated, urban and feminine painting styles. My biggest inspiration over the years has been my tattoo artist, Ace. Watching his talents expand from tattooing, to airbrushing, to canvas art, motivated me to explore the many creative parts of myself! As a creative who dips and dabbles in many styles, my biggest goal is to have my own physical art space to not only showcase my work, but for other creatives to be able to explore their own talents. Although canvas art is my artistic go to, my talents expand all over! From hair (braids, crochet styles and faux locs) to nail technology and design, custom candles to custom coasters and almost anything in between…DijaDoes it ALL!"
Kadija Alligood
@dijadoes.ahn
GEORGIA
Wave the Flags! For decades we have united in solidarity to celebrate and bask in the authentic love of Us. Fly your rainbow flags high as we entree into pride month! With the world in constant change, what does the community look like today? LGBTQIA people and supporters fight the good fight to civically maintain just basic human rights to live in peace, but the lawmakers seem to keep constantly focusing on and diverting attention from real issues to shine negative light on drag shows; to push for discriminatory rights for trans people in schools and in medical fields, instead of the numerous mass shootings that continue to happen across this nation. They’d rather preach about what they consider is indoctrinating children in a negative light but not how children are getting PTSD by going into school buildings; because in addition to their Tornado drills, they now have an active shooter drill. “Give the teachers guns to protect their students, but “how dare you tell them about my grandparents, I mean CRT!”
depression are at an all time under 19; and our lawmakers think, a wear a dress instead of a suit, or a girl than to put on a pair of heels, or a drag what’s bringing about the demise of this
Anxiety, stress, and high amongst youths little boy who wants to who would rather die Queen reading a book, is nation.
You have got to be stopped. Let’s focus on the real problems at hand. How many LGBTQIA people go missing yearly, and or are attacked? Why have suicide among LGBTQIA teens spiked because they become targets in school when teachers turn a blind eye because, “they don’t agree with their lifestyle”. How often is discrimination covered by, “well what about my right to freedom of speech?” While we have to stand and allow them the right to deny us our freedom to live without the threat of harassment? Maybe let’s question why a document that was written in 1787 still used to govern lands that have grown technologically, and that has continued to evolve? Why are the old lawmakers who aren’t open to new concepts and ideas, still allowed to govern a land that they want to keep in the same condition; as long as their children don’t experience the horrors of what my history contains? The fact is, we refuse to go back into anyone’s closet. We are human and we have the right to love, and to be loved. Our children, and our families deserve to be protected. I stand proud to be a masculine of centered Lesbian! I’m proud to be a black woman. I’m proud to show pride! So, make sure that all of June, wave your flags high in pride! Love is worth it!
Lade Breez~
feature artist: Malachi Zion Hudson City: Currently Tracy, CA originally from St. Louis Pronouns: he/him/his Hello, My name is Malachi Zion Hudson, 25 years old, from STL. I am the CEO founder of Prolific VSN my photography/ videography business. I am also apart of a non profit, Tranz of Anarchii Inc, T.O.A. I’ve always had a passion for art, in numerous forms. That’s why I decided to share a few different kind of art pieces with you all. My Tupac tribute was done back in High school, that wasn’t the beginning of my thirst to create but at that time I was in a high school I could create in different ways. That’s school helped awaken the inner curiosity in artistry truly. From fashion design classes, web design, photoshop, even a film class. The next one was a letter to my younger self and how life has been but also how it’s not your fault that the world is a certain way. And the last one is just some of my journey and no matter keep going because the light will reach you even in the darkness situations. Art is my therapy and creating is my release
boom3x._