Blaque/OUT Magazine December 2022 issue#027

DECEMBER 2022 ISSUE#027

OVER 40% OF NEW HIV DIAGNOSIS' ARE BLACK FOLKS. KNOW YOUR STATUS. GET TREATED, LIVE LIFE. DECEMBER 1, 2022

a word.

TamaraSanaaLeigh Editor-In-Chief

Blaque/OUT treds very lightly when it comes to holidays. I personally love the Christmas season and giving gifts. But holidays- which lead back to family and partners can be extremely complex for many in our community.

The holidays can be s VERY hard time.

Unaccepting families, grieving loved ones or relationships, estrangements or just being forced to be around people who refuse to see and accept you as who you are. Its hard and it hurts. So for me, the most beautiful correlation between anything and family is Ballroom. Black, Queer culture created an answer to the loneliness and lack of community that was so profound in our world. Ballroom can be shady, competitive, fashion, fabulousness but above all it was and is House culture that built family structures and support systems for people who had none. It cared for the sick and grieving when HIV/AIDS was ravaging our communities and it provided safe spaces for Black and Brown LGBTQ+ youth who only had each other.

Ballroom saved and continues to save lives. So a Christmas issue for us looks like a love letter to Ballroom.

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BAL LRO OM ... Is Black Queer History ... Is Black History ... Is American History

THE OLD MAN'S E.L. WINSTON CORNER This time of year for those of us who have been fortunate enough to either have a loving and supportive family or have created one for ourselves need to be mindful of our trans siblings who don't have that. This is the season that the community may have to become the family. We have to do more than be mindful of our brothers and sisters. We have to create a space. You don’t have to put on a huge event with a table of 30 or rent out a commercial kitchen. Let it be from the heart. How can you stand in the gap for a brother, sister, mother, or father?

Rochelle J Photography

SPREAD SOME LOVE Merry Christmas, Happy Kwanzaa, Happy Hanukkah! It is that time of year again where we think of well wishes and good cheer. A time when family gathers together to share all the love, laughter, and joy. I know that I am blessed to have a family who loves and accepts me. I have people to give me warmth during a season that can be very cold. I am also cognizant that this can be a tough time for some of my Trans Siblings. They aren't always safe to be themselves with family or they don't have a family to go home to. They may experience misgendering constantly and purposefully at the dinner table from family members who should at the very least respect their pronouns. The potential disrespect takes away the warmth, the love, the joy.

When I wake up on Christmas morning this year, I have extended my family by three more.

I don’t just talk about it, but I personally know the joys of opening my home. Breaking bread with someone who may be abandoned or distanced with their family could be the warmth that they need. You can change a life by creating space for those who don’t have a space to be. Within the LGBTQIA+ community, we know we have higher rates of depression and suicidal ideations. This time of year has the potential to increase those numbers because of the loneliness and isolation. Let’s do something different. Invite someone over for a holiday dinner. Get some gender affirming gifts this year for someone who may not be able to afford them. Be someone’s plus one so they feel supported at a family dinner.

According to the Trevor Project, nearly 1in 5 Trans youth have attempted suicide. This is a bleak statistic, so let us take all that cheer and goodwill to decrease those numbers. Do an Old Man a favor: share your table with someone who may otherwise be without one.

'TIS THE SEASON...

TO CHECK ON YOUR "STRONG FRIENDS" TO CHECK ON YOUR "STRONG FRIENDS"

BY IMMANI LOVE

It starts in late October for me…the dread of the holiday season. Once November gets in full swing, I start letting friends and family know I’m not doing it. And by “it”I mean any of it. I’m not cooking anything, buying anything, gifting anyone, none of it. I try to manage expectations. Odds are I’m not coming to your house for Thanksgiving and if I do it will be VERY brief. Odds are I’m not getting you a gift unless I’m having sex with you and even then it won’t be extravagant.

(You won’t get no PS5 messing with me so get that out of your head.) Now you may say, “but Immani…what about your family?” To which I reply, my family gets my love and gifts all year long. If I want to give them gifts I do, I don’t have a particular day I save all year to overspend on except my birthday. I’m not a “Grinch,” I’m realistic. It took me a very long time to get to the point in my life where I manage my holiday stress by managing how I interact with people.

Everyone is not that lucky.

Every year the holiday suicide rate climbs. Especially through Covid with the solitude of quarantine, the lack of human contact literally killed people. Now with a return to “normalcy” families are gathering and social anxiety replaces solitude. The stress of financial concerns and the expectation of our families and friends to buy gifts puts undue pressure on an already struggling society. Do your “strong friends” a favor and call them. Not just text, you can’t hear distress in an emoji. Be aware of the friend you think has it all together, those are usually the ones who hide their stress the best. But don’t forget the ones who aren’t always on social media. The ones you only message or text when FB tells you it’s their birthday. Also, be mindful of the ones who have lost someone, gone through a breakup, lost a pet, or remembering someone they miss more during the holidays. They are not ok. And when you call them not only ask how they are doing but LISTEN to their answer. Look out for red flags. When they say, “I’m ok.” Follow up. Are they really ok or just giving their programmed response? If they say, “I’m struggling or I’m having a tough time,” Try to be available for them. They may just need an ear. If they need more and you can help, do it. It will help them and you more than you know. If you

can’t, rather than saying, “I wish I could help,” try saying, “I may not have the answers but I’m willing to try to help you find them.” Just that little effort shows that you are sincere and they’re not alone, which at the end of the day, is often all they need.

Alternately, if you are that friend in need. Don’t be afraid to say, “I need help.” It’s not a show of weakness, it’s an act of bravery to say “I can’t. Or I’m in trouble.” Just speaking your truth and allowing someone to love you may be the difference between life and death. Being vulnerable enough to open up to someone may save the both of you. You never know someone else’s struggles until you allow them to be open and honest with you and possibly themselves.

I know these things seem daunting but in reality it’s probably the easiest thing in the world to be the friend you need and want in your life. Try going into the next year and new season of love with a new outlook on how you communicate and how you manage your relationships. I may not have all of the answers but the ones I have hopefully help someone. As the year comes to an end and we take time to reflect on the things we’ve been through and survived, take time to check on your strong friends, and at the same time, take care of your own energy.

If you or someone you know needs help and is considering taking their life, please take a moment to call or text “988” for the National Suicide and Crisis Hotline. @ImmaniLove She/Her

HOUSE T H E

R O Y A L

OF

GIANNI

ROCHESTER, NY

MOTHER

MIMI GIANNI Pronouns: she/her BOM: What makes your house special?

M.G.: We are a family first and we talk daily and look of for each other.

BOM: M.G.:

Categories?

Body and sex siren

BOM: Ballroom has a deep history, what Ballroom icon do you admire?

M.G. Foxy Lott

M.G.:

BOM: How did you get involved in the scene and why?

My house began walking balls and I loved how free walking makes me feel.

BOM: M.G.:

What do you think is something people don't understand about Ballroom culture?

That it’s meant to build confidence and not tear each other down.

BOM: M.G.

What has Ballroom taught you?

That’s the big girls are winning.

BOM: M.G.:

What makes you special?

I am the plus sized sex siren and I bring the sexy and the body with no regrets.

BOM: M.G.:

What's something you've learned from the father of your house?

I’ve learned from my house father to not give up on anyone and to do things in love.

FATHER

WAYDE "OVERSEER" GIANNI Pronouns: he/him BOM: W.G:

What makes your house special?

We are the biggest house, and are a family first

BOM: W.G.:

Categories?

Best Dressed and Comm vs Comm

BOM: Ballroom has a deep history, what Ballroom icon do you admire?

W.G: PRESCIOUS old navy BOM: How did you get involved in the scene and why?

W.G..:

Funny story it’s because of the show pose

BOM: What do you think is something people don't understand about Ballroom culture?

W.G.: It’s supposed to be a safe space for everyone to fit in not centered around SHADE BOM: W.G.:

What has Ballroom taught you?

Family and dedication never give up

BOM: What makes you special?

W.G.: I will bring it every time I hit the floor I genuinely care about my house members BOM: What's something you've learned from the mother of your house?

W.G.: Body positivity! Love yourself and be confident!

BOM: W.G.: Gianni

What's your chant?

WE CAME TO SLAYYYY WE DO NOT PLAY

EMPRESS GIANNI Pronouns: she/her BOM: What makes your house special?

E.G.: What’s makes our house special we have a mix of all kinds fems trans studs fems and we are all different and special in our own kind of way everything about each of my house members it’s something special about them down to dancing drawling singing doing hair designing clothes BOM: E.G.:

Categories?

Best Dress Sneaker Vs Sneaker

BOM: Ballroom has a deep history, what Ballroom icon do you admire?

E.G.: I admire Paris Dupree BOM: How did you get involved in the scene and why?

E.G.: I haven’t really got into it but i have walked 2 balls i am now getting over my stage fright i thank my house for making me comfortable BOM: What do you think is something people don't understand about Ballroom culture?

E.G.: I feel a lot of people don’t understand when it comes to ballroom there will be shade no matter where who ball it is there will be shade you have to play along DONT show fear take chop throw it in the bag and fix what you think you could of done better BOM: What has Ballroom taught you?

E.G.: Ballroom has tought me you can’t let every chop bother you everyone is not gone like something you wear or how you look just BRING IT! BOM: What makes you special?

E.G.: What makes me Special? Hmmm i feel i am special because i look at myself as a diamond in the rough. I been through so much in my life i can right a book about it BOM: E.G.:

What's something you've learned from the father of your house?

I have learned NOBDOY can love you like you love you self- self love is everything!

"This time of year can be a very trying time for many of us. It is so much easier to stay busy and watch the season can pass us by- while dreading the upcoming interactions with family, and friends. Just trying to survive in our current political and social minefields while staying ahead of the holiday blues.

For some of us, the holidays are a reminder of the friends we miss and the family we don't see anymore. That is why it is crucial to make sure you prioritize yourself.

Remember: you can prioritize your care of yourself AND have safe spaces during the holiday season. Your mental health needs a space to breathe. Give it all the room that it needs.

Create your traditions with those closest to you. Reach out to your friends. Our community survives because of community. Be daring and unapologetic about self-care. Set boundaries on your time. Say no and walk away from drama.

Journal. See your therapist every week.

Consider calling a friend who you haven't talked to in a while. Take a yoga class.

Host a cookie decorating party.

You deserve to feel safe, warm and connected this holiday season."

Shani Wilson, PA

Love Lives In Us... The Winstons WINSTON AND THE MRS. (E. L. AND RONI)

Love lives in us…the Winstons and we want to share a little bit of it with you. At the end of so many relationships, we hear people say, “I lost myself in that relationship”. How does that happen? How do we lose ourselves? The Bible refers to the two becoming one, but it doesn’t mean that the two lose their identity to the one. It means that we stand together come what may. We create ONE life as TWO individuals. We live by the motto, “I have my life; you have your life; we have our life together”. This is how we have found a love that nurtures us as individuals with such a degree that we continue to become the very best versions of ourselves.

The Mrs: When Winston and I met, I didn’t know what my best self looked like. I felt uncertain and uneasy about who I was. Winston loved me through that. We would play 20 questions everyday and no questions that only required one word answers were allowed. This forced me to think about the world around me, why I saw it the way I did, and how I saw myself in it. Those questions made me think long and hard about who I was as a person and who I wanted to be as a person.

A simple game from our childhood helped Winston and I to recognize our individuality. We could appreciate our differences just as much as our similarities and we went into our relationship knowing who we each were separate from one another. It made it easier for us to find the fit for each other in our lives. We already understood that no one person can fulfill you, so you must fulfill yourself. This made the relationship all the more special because we truly recognized we were building on the strong foundation we had poured for ourselves. The strength of our bond has us as individuals creating something wonderful together.

Winston: Isn't it crazy how a childhood game could bring so much awareness to who we are and what we need? I highly recommend it not just for romantic relationships.

But for platonic relationships as well. In

past relationships, I felt responsible for trying to fulfill whatever needs or wants the other person had. It usually ended in resentment and stress. I was trying to do something humanly impossible and if we're being honest it wasn't something that I wanted to do.

My childhood taught me to be all things to all people except for myself. So when I met the Mrs,. there were two things I was sure of: 1. I wanted to build a life with this woman 2. I needed for us both to be on the road to the best versions of ourselves.

Because of these two things I did what the young folks today call ‘shadow work’. I worked on those deepest parts of myself. I realized happiness is the responsibility of each person and that I'm here to add to it, but not to be it. 20 Questions became this eye opening game of discovery for us both. We learned so much about ourselves and each other.

Being loved in a way that encourages you to be authentically yourself has been the greatest gift to us both. God knew what we needed and here we are 8 years of loving and living. We are continuing to become the best versions of who we were meant to be as individuals as well as building a place of love, light and purpose together.

Thoughts to Leave You When you give someone a gift, you have to buy it, make it or create it first. If this is true, then an incomplete you is not a gift. It is like giving your significant other a broken coffee pot and wondering why they are disappointed. Do the work for a whole you. Even if you are already with your forever love, it is not too late. True love gives you the space to love yourself wholly and completely. Knowing yourself to better know your partner means that no one is losing themself. It adds to each of us. The growth of individuals creating a life together means love lives in us!

Rochelle J Photography

alpha omega Indiana

FATHER

RENALDO

Pronouns: he/him BOM: You're the Father, who is the Mother of your house?

R: Meeka BOM: What makes your house special?

R: Our spiritual connection with one another. Our unconditional love, support, and encouragement for one another as well.

BOM: M.G.:

Categories?

Performance & Best Dressed

BOM: Ballroom has a deep history, what Ballroom icon do you admire?

R: Founder of my house, Ceasar Alpha Omega BOM: How did you get involved in the scene and why?

R: I got involved by attending one and loved it. It was Something to do that was fun & extracurricular outside of school.

BOM: What do you think is something people don't understand about Ballroom culture?

R: Ballroom culture is a safe space for ALL people. Ballroom culture can groom you mentally, physically, and spiritually as a human being.

BOM: R:

What has Ballroom taught you?

I have nothing to prove & everything to share.

BOM: R:

What makes you special?

My energy & spirit.

BOM: R.: LOVE.

What's something you've learned from the mother of your house?

I’ve learned to never dim my light for anyone. Remain humble and continue leading with

BOM: R:

Favorite Commentator?

Selvin Mizrahi

Looking for a little more guidance on what life might bring you this month? Tarot cards, read by an intuitive reader, can provide us that guidance.

While your personal reading may vary slightly, the readings here are directed for all of those born in the same month for the current month. For a more specific reading to your specific circumstance contact Doreen Scanlan on FB Messenger to set an appointment.

If you were born in : DECEMBER In an attempt to share some of your responsibilities you set in motion a connection with someone that is very special to you. You also may get a communication from someone about an opportunity that will help you financially. Grab it. I would also find some quiet time to read or study something you are interested in. You are going to need it as a distraction if nothing else. Reading can provide just the right escape from your hectic world. Take some time for self care.

Keyword: Grow

JANUARY Don’t abandon your spiritual self this month. You may experience some betrayal and difficulties and it will be important for you to have your spirituality to pull you through.

It is important to stay as positive as possible and believe that this too shall pass. Focus on work and providing for your basic needs rather than doing extravagant things. This is definitely a month to find your strength and hold your space with courage.

Keyword: Success FEBRUARY Look for new opportunities in your career. It may be time for a change. Something new could touch into skills you aren’t currently using. Take some time to study up on things new or as a refresher. Don’t be afraid to let people know where your beliefs are taking you. It may be an opportunity for them to look at things from a different perspective.

Mid month I would be looking for new inspiration. Take some time to contemplate that.

Don’t rush into anything until you truly resonate with it. Also, take time to diversify your interests. Perhaps one of your passions has been put on hold. Take time to enjoy them before the year ends.

Keyword; Hold space MARCH Your authentic self wants to step forward this month. There are things for you to learn and explore so step up and be willing to open your mind. You are also being called upon to open your month as well. This is a time to be heard. If there are things you have not felt you could say before, now is the time. Use that authentic "you" energy to let people see and hear who you really are. In your pursuit of knowledge you may come across someone who is a wealth of knowledge. Don’t be afraid to pick their brain. Knowledge is only as good as those we share it with. You might surprise yourself with how much you already know. Time to take what you know and maybe haven’t used yet and out it to good use.

Keyword: connect APRIL Expect great year end inspiration. Meditation would be a great way to tap into it. Then once you have it clearly in your mind , find a way to share it.This is definitely a time for your authentic self to shine. You may also find that when things get challenging this month some so called friends are no where to be found. Might be time to clean house of those that really aren’t there for you. But what you might find is some old friends decide to resurface. This time though, they are all about seeking opportunities for you both to grow. Take time to reconnect with them and see what they are about now.

Keyword: create space

MAY It is time to drag out that sports equipment that you stuffed away into the closet and give it another try. Or maybe your craft cupboard hasn’t seen you in awhile.

Create something new. You might even want to call up some old friends to join in the fun. Look for more ways to enjoy yourself this month. All work and no play means stuff collects dust. Take a look at your current lifestyle and see what needs a tweak then have faith that you are moving in the right direction.

Keyword: patience

JUNE Time to find your stage. That can be a literal stage as in performance or speaking engagement or could be a virtual stage like starting a blog. People need to see and hear from you. It is time to step into the limelight. Trust your intuition to lead you in the right direction. This is also the month to make intimate connections. If you aren’t in a relationship, keep your eyes open . If you are in a relationship try something new together. Let go of some of your limits and have some fun. It is time to set a new rhythm for yourself. March into your power.

Keyword: aim high

JULY You are not supposed to keep your thoughts and feelings to yourself any more.

Don’t be afraid to share them. Start at first sharing with people you can trust just long enough to know what it feels like to be heard. Then branch out to people that really need to hear you. The time has come to start setting your sites higher whether it is in your career or personal life. You are important and the sooner you realize it the better. That will give you the foundation to build your new self on.

Keywords: Peace

AUGUST Celebrate your life. Your present is definitely attracting a great future. New opportunities are going to present themselves even if you aren't seeking them out.

Use your intuition to decide if any of them are things you want to get involved in. It is time to start looking ahead to 2023. The second half of the month may require a little more attention to detail. You may be asked to do something that you aren’t really seasoned in. The payoff is good though. Just maintain your balance so you don’t overcommit.

Keyword: grow where you are rooted

SEPTEMBER 2023 is right around the corner. Time to start planning for it. Pick one or two things that you want to give lots of atttention to. This is not the month to spread yourself too thin. The middle of the month finds you making a key decision that may impact more than just you. Keep in mind that you need to consider everyone’s best interests. A lot of what you have been putting out financiallly will come back to you.

Your intuition is very strong coming closer to New Years. Trust it. You will very likely get a communication that has the potential to be quite profitable for you. You may need to reach out and grab it though so don’t procrastinate.

Keyword: Never alone

OCTOBER Don’t let yourself get overwhelmed. Share some of your burdens with others when you can . You need to lighten your load. You may get the opportunity to rekindle a relationship from your past. This may be a friendship or more. Take inventory of your successes. Are there areas if your life you need to develop further? Look for opportunities to do that. There is someone who wants to share what they have with you. Be open to receiving. Look for ways to expand.

Keyword: Mystic Power

NOVEMBER Things finally start coming into balance for you.There is someone who draws nearer to you. The two of you have a lot of creative energy to share. If you were ever interested in moving into a creative arena this would definitely be a good time. It talks about having the ability to move up in any creative pursuit you choose.You are about to have a great end to your year.

Keyword: Peace

@2022 BLAQUEOUT MAGAZINE