Issuu

Carter Balenciaga DEC 2023

ISSUE#039

TAMARA S. LEIGH, EDITOR-IN-CHIEF

CONTENTS BLAQUE/OUT MAGAZINE IS A MONTHLY DIGITAL PUBLICATION CENTERED FIRMLY IN BLACK & BROWN QUEER QULTURE. BLAQUE/OUT FEATURES WRITERS, ARTISTS, PHOTOGRAPHERS, CREATIVES AND INFLUENCERS FROM ALL OVER THE WORLD. WE ARE WORDS. WE ARE ART. WE ARE FASHION. WE ARE CULTURE. WE ARE MUSIC. WE ARE PROTEST. WE ARE WHERE BLAQUE QUEER CULTURE LIVES. FIND US ON FACEBOOK, IG, TIKTOK. TO SUBSCRIBE TO BLAQUE MAGAZINE, VISIT: HTTPS://ISSUU.COM/STORE/PUBLISHERS/BLAQUEOUTMAG/ SUBSCRIBE

FOR ADVERTISING, EMAIL ADVERTISING@BLAQUEOUTMAG.COM FOR SUBMISSIONS, EMAIL TAMARALEIGH@BLAQUEOUTMAG.COM

WWW.ISSUU.COM/BLAQUEOUTMAG WWW.BLAQUEOUT.COM

HIV & ME : REFLECTIONS

QUEER REVOLUTIONARIES JAVANNAH DAVIS

THE OLD MAN'S CORNER E.L. WINSTON

AN INTERVIEW WITH FATHER VENUS

WHEN ONE DOOR CLOSES

COVER ART: TAMARA LEIGH COVER MODEL: CARTER BALENCIAGA

PUSH, HE’S HERE ASHANTI TAYLOR-ALEXANDER

LETS TALK STANDARDS! PART:1 26 EDUCATION SERIES COPY EDITOR: RONI WINSTON ADVERTISING ACCOUNT MANAGER: DOREEN SCANLAN

DEC 2023 | ISSUE# 039

BEST OF ... Take the survey & nominate your fav Black & Brown Queer Everything from your hometown or around the country so we can acknowledge the BEST Of everything in 2024! Voting Closes December 15th https://tinyurl.com/BOMBESTOF2023 W W W . B L A Q U E O U T . C O M

WORLD AIDS DAY

DECEMBER 1ST

Knowledge is power. Get tested, know your status, and stop the spread of HIV. This World AIDS Day, empower yourself and your community by getting tested and spreading awareness about the importance of HIV testing and prevention. And remember, HIV Is NOT a death sentence. With proper treatment & care you can be undetectable & untransmittable & live a long, healthy, happy life! But you have to know your status first!

Get more Information at: https://minorityhealth.hhs.gov/hivaids-and-prep-resources

s n o i t c e l f e R HIV & ME

David Maurice

Truthfully, dating was never easy for me. I’m an introvert and shy. I was insecure because of the lazy eye I was born with. So, meeting people and/or conversing with them was a challenge or something that I avoided completely. Then HIV. And, it didn’t help my insecurities nor my current outlook or perspective on my current situation.

One day, I was talking to my friends complaining about the hurtful things that people sometimes say on online dating platforms to me as a person — now living with HIV: that I’m disgusting, calling me unclean, or that I’m spreading the virus every time I spread my legs (this one was kinda funny).

I don’t need to hide or feel ashamed of any part of me, including my HIV. And these friends, in the gentlest way they could, said, “no offense, David, you’re cute and all but I’m surprised that anyone would want to have sex with you. I wouldn’t.” This happened in 2010, a few months after I received my diagnosis Christmas Eve 2009. Hindsight, I don’t believe my friends were meaningfully trying to hurt me or to be mean. However, I believe they were genuinely trying to help me, to prepare me for how people think and feel about people living with HIV. And, I had plummeted into careless behaviors ever since the sexual trauma I experienced 4 years prior while stationed aboard a ship (I was still active duty in the US Navy).

The stigma of HIV and the collective societal scars from the AIDS crisis of the '80s and early '90s still inform so many people’s views of those of us living with HIV. Even with all the advances in science -- the fact that a person living with HIV on successful treatment, like me, can’t pass the virus on sexually (U=U), and the availability of PrEP and PEP (pre-exposure prophylaxis and post-exposure prophylaxis) as preventative tools – grown men sometimes felt the need to not only reject me because of my HIV, but also to belittle me. For a long time, I was resigned to thinking that was OK. It kind of matched what I already thought about myself. I grew up in a strict Christian, AfricanAmerican home, the oldest of five kids. Growing up, I considered myself to be the rainbow sheep of the family. I remember learning as a young child through my late teenage years that homosexuality was “an abomination in the eyes of the Lord,” and despite my desire to be a good Christian and a good boy, I just knew that “abomination” was the definition of me. I was going to be punished with damnation and eternal hellfire. I kept this dirty, evil part of me secret from my family, so afraid of not being loved because of my nature. I finally came out to them when I was a senior in high school. My family didn’t shun me, but there was always that part of me that felt like God didn’t love me.

So, when I received my HIV diagnosis, there was a part of me that felt like I deserved it. My identity and my sexuality were at fault, and the punishment was this sickness. Talk about baggage! I was carrying around so much shame, guilt, and trauma, it’s no wonder I had trouble connecting with men. Over the years, I’ve had major shifts in my beliefs, about God, my relationships, about my HIV, and my sexuality. I had to go through a process of unlearning (still ongoing) everything I believed, navigating and maintaining relationships, and understanding my HIV and sexuality as well as reconciling these with who I understood God to be. I’ve replaced the God I was taught with a more loving God, more mysterious Power of the Universe, Divine Love Spirit, Benevolent Life Force that is most concerned about me. This God wants me to celebrate my loving capabilities, my sexual dynamism, my goofiness, and insightful self. I don’t need to hide or feel ashamed of any part of me, including my HIV. Since I’ve let that shame go, it’s allowed me to embrace the beautiful soul I’ve been given and to dive into a relationship, marriage, and partnership with renewed vigor. Well, my friends were so wrong! I’ve found a man that has been able to love me. He’s been someone I’ve shared my hopes and dreams with, share laughs, and build a future together — having been married for 5 years now. I’m 40 years old and having the time of my life!

NEW YORK

LIVING IN THE LIGHT

Javannah Jasmeen Jjasmeend20 wavewomeninc www.wavewomeninc.com

Accepting my Path, Finding my Passion, & Embracing my Purpose I’ve often heard that when you do what you love it will never feel like work. I’ve also heard that the road less traveled is most times the hardest, but offers the greatest reward. In my life, I can relate to both philosophies. It takes time to understand, or even decide, the direction your life is going. There are usually several hills to climb, mountains to scale, oceans to cross, and it is easy to get lost headed to your destination. It took many years for me to figure out what I wanted to be when I grew up. It wasn’t until I stopped trying to figure it out, and just listened and observed myself for what made me happy, I began to find the road to my destination. Most times our destinations aren’t careers or good jobs; destinations can be us healing from traumas, overcoming addiction, building a spiritual relationship with the creator, ancestors, etc. or accepting ourselves, and the changes we must go through for the betterment of our existence. Once I became open and honest with myself and took accountability for my actions, I began to find something new in myself everyday. I began to have a totally new outlook on my existence and being comfortable with who I chose to show up as everyday of my life. I discovered things, positive things, healing things, things that did or did not make me happy, and what my life’s purpose was. It ignited a fire within me to not only do better, but be better, and be there for those who wanted better for themselves. So what is my purpose? I feel my purpose is to nurture, guide, evolve, and prosper. These four things help to give me strength daily, honor who I am and what I’m designed to do. I had to recognize my faults, the limitations I placed upon myself, the environmental and social traumas I had experienced, and the effects it had on me consciously and subconsciously.

nah

J. D a v

I almost lost the battle it took to find my way back to me. Fortunately, I allowed myself the grace to take a moment to listen and allow what I needed in my life to heal. It was the best gift I allowed myself, and a gift I am grateful to share with whomever is accepting of it.

MAGAZINE

TRANSCENDING HATE:

NATIONAL VIRTUAL TOWN HALL 11.20.23

M Y

T R I P

T O

T H E

J U N G L E

E . L . W I N S T O N

hen I say that the Eden’s Garden premiere weekend was an experience I wish every Transperson I know could have experienced in real time, I mean it. The weekend was like a movie. I met so many incredible people and it was incredible seeing Seven’s vision come to life on screen. It made me feel incredible pride to be a Transman of color. We often get passed over in the conversations being had about what we need as a community when it comes to our healthcare needs, our physical safety and our mental health. Eden’s Garden lets people see us as we are…human. To have our brothers, sisters, sons, daughters, and friends all in a room packed with my peers was mind blowing. I’ve never shared space with that many Trans siblings. It was like arriving at a place and knowing you've made it home. The place you've searched for your entire life and you’ve found it. I didn't feel nervous about whether or not I was in a safe space or feel like I had to keep my eye on the door. Visibility and representation is massively important not only so people know that we are here but so that we know we’re here and that it is possible to be ourselves. The significance of this project is the same reason Blaque/Out is important. The impact to the culture is

indescribable. You don't know what is possible for you if you never see it. We are more than the struggle. We are writers, filmmakers, producers. actors and businesspeople, mothers and fathers. If all you ever see is the hate, the killing of us, the idea that no one loves us, the inability to find work because of who we are, then you forget all the things we are and all the things we can accomplish. This weekend I felt seen, heard, supported and part of a community. I don’t always get to feel that connected, but I realize that I so desperately need it. It was more than awesome to share this experience with the love of my life and my partner in crime, The Mrs. To have her support throughout this journey has been my saving grace and motivation. So to get to do this together while watching something so profound happening was inspirational and emotional. I’m still on this high burst of emotions just tapping into what this premiere meant and means for us as a community. As a result of seeing the real life brotherhood between the main characters and the creator was refreshing. They were truly an example of the bonds Transmen can create with one another; stereotypes be damned. I’m excited to see what’s next for Eden’s Gardens, Seven and his production company. Seven King Studios. To the men of Eden’s Garden. I thank you for your authentic representation of us and for your unapologetic courage in telling our stories. Can’t wait till my next trip to the Jungle!

THE HUMAN RIGHTS CAMPAIGN AND SHOWTIME® ARE EXCITED TO PRESENT THE FOURTH YEAR OF "QUEER TO STAY: AN LGBTQ+ BUSINESS PRESERVATION INITIATIVE", AN EFFORT THAT SUPPORTS, UPLIFTS AND PRESERVES SMALL BUSINESSES THAT SERVE THE LGBTQ+ COMMUNITY, PARTICULARLY MULTIPLY-MARGINALIZED QUEER PEOPLE.

AN INTERVIEW WITH FATHER VENUS MEL HOWARD Who is Father Venus and how did you get connected to the music industry? The manifestation of my identity, Father Venus, was in graduate school originally. I was set on a pathway to be a professor and I was going to be a Black studies Professor. I was in a PhD program down in Austin,Texas, and a lot of the things that I was experiencing there really forced this energy out of me. I needed a way to express myself but in a different way. Thoughts came over me like “I'm feeling really constrained” and “I'm feeling really depressed”. The music came out of that and I started recording in my closet. I had bare minimum equipment just trying to get the hang of things, it basically went from there and that was about 8 years ago. Learning my craft, how to record myself, what types of things I want to talk about, what type of sounds I want, and what I want to manifest to the world. Last year, I put out my first music video and it was at that point I decided this is going to be my pathway to see all the way through. Music is the one that's been calling me and I will put everything into making that happen. I self-directed my first song and first music video. Directing was a whole trip in itself but essentially it let me know this is it. This is fulfilling. This is what I want to do and this is how I want to participate in the world. Lately, I’m recording at home by myself again but working with some coaches and people who are more in tune with the music industry. They are giving me guidance on how to access certain things. I want to remain an independent artist. I am an Aries. No one can tell me what to do so I'm not really interested in joining a big label but partnership and collaboration is really important for me. I'm preparing to put out four or five songs in the next 6 months to kind of see all different vibes. I know that performing is for me. I've noticed that when people see me perform, seeing me say the words that I'm saying makes a difference so it's definitely something I'm going to get into a lot more this upcoming year especially for this next Pride season coming around.

https://www.fathervenus.com @fathervenusmusic fathervenusmusic @fathervenusmusic Father Venus

As a Transman artist you influence the community, what do you stand on? Humanity. I don't understand the disconnect some folks have with that. I'm a kind person. My compass is towards making people feel comfortable, making people feel welcome, and making people feel alive. I get really troubled and have always been this type of personality or spirit. I’m always going to air on the side of the right in history. I remember in eighth grade I didn't go to my eighth grade graduation because they wouldn't let some of my friends walk because they missed too many days and to me this was a total Injustice. How are you blaming children for not being able to make it to school and then saying they can't walk in their graduation? Despite me being an academically gifted student and having accolades that would have been, you know, given to me at this ceremony, I was not walking or having any of my family come. That was my first moment of standing on my beliefs. It was a sacrifice in a lot of ways but worth it and I think that's what is required of a lot of us today. There are going to be sacrifices that we have to make, right? I'm not trying to be a billionaire. I want to connect with people and make a living. I need enough to be able to do the art that I want to do and help my family and my friends. I will leave a legacy for whoever comes behind me. I'm standing on the fact that everybody should be able to express themselves how they want and everyone should be able to make a living. I'm totally against white supremacy and part of my education has helped me to connect all those thoughts. I'm currently a fulltime artist right now because I was fired from my full time job for standing up and speaking out against Israel. The company I worked for sent out a “Stand with Israel”

LET’S TALK STANDARDS

A SERIES ON THE STATE OF EDUCATION FROM AN EDUCATOR

First, let me just mention that I come from the Hospitality Industry. I am a pastry chef by trade and a marketer by education. I worked in the industry for years and finally decided that I wanted to empower the young people of the future by helping them figure out their “why”. I have known since I was a little girl that I wanted to be a teacher. I remember playing school with my little cousins and I was always teaching them math. I don’t enjoy math, but I was always very good at it. I alwaysI believed teachers were better versed though if they had some life experience first.

I tell you that background so you can understand that when I was in the industry I never understood why the younger generation felt so entitled. I never understood why they didn’t take others into consideration and why they felt like because they were “grown” they could do what they wanted, when they wanted, and were shocked when they had any real repercussions. I always thought, “this new aged generation is much worse than I was when I was their age”. It made me draw back a bit from wanting to become a teacher until I finally said …..” F it! Let’s go for it”. As I stepped into the classroom, at the beginning of the 2023 school year, I was hopeful that I could drive young children to success. Then it hit me. The reason these kids act the way they do is simply because of the adults. Yes, I said it, the adults are setting these children up for failure. Hear me out. I know some people took offense to that statement and it was meant to be offensive. It was also meant to be educational. This is systemic racism and as Black and Brown people we are feeding right into it by placing our babies on the chopping block.

ANGELIQUE DAVIS

Throughout the next few months, I will be guiding you on this journey of understanding: what are our roles as parents, aunties, uncles, role models and the voice of change for these kids. Without addressing it and taking a stand, our children, unfortunately, will not be successful in the future.

The system wants us to fail while successfully moving us through school at the same time. If this sounds confusing, it’s because it is and it is the reason that the Black and Brown communities as a whole are blind to it. The school system is flawed. We allow kids to come to school, turn in assignments when they want and MAKE the educators grade as if there is not a problem with that. I have a student who has come to a handful of classes, doesn’t turn in their assignments and when they do come to class they come in with 5 minutes left of an 80-minute class. Not only as a teacher do I have to allow this student in my class, I also have to mark them as present. That’s not even the kicker. These students can turn in ANY and ALL assignments up until the LAST day of the term and I have to grade it. Also, if they do not turn something in, they get a code in the gradebook that is equivalent to a 50%. I’ll say that again, the child that turns NOTHING in gets a 50% in my class. If a child turns something in and scores less than a 50% on the assignment, I am not ALLOWED to put less than 50 in my gradebook. As time goes on, we will dissect how and why these practices and policies are detrimental to our community as a whole. I am excited for our knowledge to grow together as a unit.

NORTH CAROLINA

LOVE LIVES IN US...

The Winstons Winston and the Mrs. (E. L. and Roni)

Love lives in us…the Winstons and we want to share a little bit of it with you. As we quickly approach the holidays, there are a number of ways that this can negatively impact our relationships: Maybe you don’t have a supportive extended family to spend the holidays with; maybe you both do and you can’t decide who to spend which holiday with; maybe there are some particular guests who are no longer welcome in your home, on and on and on. How can we remove the theater and dramatics to enjoy a time of love, thanks, and hopefully relaxation?

The Mrs. Winston and I are no stranger to maneuvering the various expressions of family. We have our children, our grandchildren, my parents, our friends who’ve become family, and a whole host of others close to our hearts. If time and money were no object, then we would spend the holidays with them all, but that is not our reality. This means our holiday time is limited and we make decisive plans. If we go to one place for one holiday, then maybe we go to another for the next holiday. If we choose to do community service on one holiday, then we make it a family affair for the next. Whichever direction we go, we ensure it is not a bone of contention. It is an expression of our love and who we are as a couple. This is especially important because we are the united front. We don’t let anyone make demands of our time. Our time is too precious. In our relationships, we must prioritize our significant other; therefore, we use the holidays to pour into them. Now, this doesn’t mean we don’t sometimes do things outside of our comfort zone, but that we make that sacrifice occasionally not to look good to others, but we do it as a part of our love language to our significant other. Even when we make that sacrifice, we consider one another. If Winston were to join me for a work event that he would rather not attend, he doesn’t make me feel guilty or act ugly to others. Instead, he does it out of love and gives his best effort for me. Remember our time together is too precious. Wherever we are and whoever we’re with, it is always about us as a couple.

A QUICK READ FOR THE GWORLS Tarot done specifically for you if you were born in :

DECEMBER

Looking for a little more guidance on what life might bring you this month? Tarot cards, read by an intuitive reader, can provide us that guidance. While your personal reading may vary slightly, the readings here are directed for all of those born in the same month for the current month.

This is a month to start allowing yourself to release yourself from self imposed restrictions. If you have been holding yourself back now is the time to break free to see what is out there for you. This is in all areas of your life: career, relationships, and life in general. Start conversations with people that can further your career plans. Stop doing thing the same old way. Look at how you can expand your own growth. Branch out just like the branches of the Christmas tree . Become your best advocate for yourself. No one could do it better than you.

JANUARY Look for the signs that the things you have been intending to manifest are happening. This is the time to start realizing your best life. Those negative patterns are meant to be broken now and left behind. Find it in yourself to show your love and generosity where you can this month. If you can find at least one person that you can bring some magic into their life , you can create a forever memory for you both. Teach them a skill or help them find the resources they need to develop a skill that will serve them for a lifetime.That will be something you can both be proud of for years to come.

FEBRUARY

Count your blessings. You deserve to be proud of yourself for how far you have come. As this year comes to a close, take some time to reflect on your accomplishments . Remind yourself of the areas of your life that you have allowed yourself to explore. As the holidays approach make sure you are taking time to yourself. It is easy to get overwhelmed if you aren’t careful. Find something to celebrate that doesn’t have anything to do with materialistic things. Make sure that you take time to finish up any year end projects or responsibilities.

MARCH

Take some time to play. You might want to go to a toy store and see how many toys you can find from your childhood. Reminiscing about those times may rekindle childhood dreams as well. From your current perspective you may also look at what caused missed opportunities with a chance to redo without them. Don’t be afraid to ask yourself the tough questions this time. Find others that share your vision and work together. You can literally rewrite history.