Melanated Queen Quarterly Fall 2020 Edition

F A L L

2 0 2 0

I S S U E

THE POWER OF THE BLACK WOMAN VOTE

GOD LOVES YOUR CURVES

CAROLYN LOVE IS OUR

MELANATED QUEEN OF THE QUARTER

BIG BOLD AND BOSS'D UP

"IT'S NOT YOUR WEIGHT HOLDING YOU BACK" -EJ SPEAKS

"Yes, Queen....He does!"

-Black Women DO Heal

06 Letter from the Editor 07 Contributors 10 Food for the Soul 22 Big, Beautiful, and Boss'd Up 43 That Black Girl Life 45 Lifestyle

FALL ISSUE

20 20 50 Generational Wealth 57 Behold Beauty 65 Ask Lillie 68 Melanated Queen of the Quarter 78 Divine Design 80 Black Around the World

Editor Letter from the Editor

The Fall season has traditionally ushered in something known unofficially as cuffing season-when men recover from "hot girl� summer and want the cuddles of the big girls. However, at MQ, it's BOSS season! We are highlighting our B.I.G. (Beautiful Intelligent & Gifted) Bosses from cover to cover. We endeavor to show that healing happens at every size; and you don't have to be someone you are not, to be successful and get the respect you deserve.

Be Fierce and Stay Free, -Cassandra Cassandra James-Weathersby Editor and Chief Melanated Queen Quarterly (A Black Women DO Heal Publication) Enjoy!

CONTRIBUTORS Jazmine Wright Intern

Born and raised in Chicago, Illinois, she is currently pursuing a Bachelor of Science degree in Public Health Sciences from Xavier University of Louisiana. Jazmine aspires to become a Medical Doctor to ensure that there is representation in the medical field and advocate for equity where needed. She is also a dog mom to a Soft-coated Wheaton terrier named Maxx.

John Barnes Guest Creative Director John's career is in public health, but he has always had a knack for the fine arts and psychology. John considers himself to be a multi-potentialite, and he truly believes that he can do whatever he puts his mind to. @TheRealJohnBarnes

Melanie Burns Guest Editor Melanie was born in Canton, MS, where after graduating high school she went on to graduate from Delta State University in Cleveland, MS with a Bachelor’s Degree in English Literature (2015). Her background consists of extensive experience working with children who are blind or visually impaired and have mental disadvantages.

CHISIMDI CHRISTIANA:

KEEP IT REAL WITH THE SISTAH IN THE MIRROR BLACK WOMEN DO HEAL

The Weight Bearer It takes a phenomenal type of Sistah, to carry extra weight.

To trudge through the looks and stares when she goes to fix her plate.

Pushing through the assumption that she 'throws down in the kitchen', Though cooking is the furthest from her mind, she dares not to mention.

Mediocrity she left behind and long ago forsook, she goes the extra mile knowing she doesn't have 'the look'.

Not everyone can bear this weight, nor exude the strength it takes.

She is a phenomenal Sistah, with phenomenal strength.

She is me.

-Chisimdi Christiana

FOOD FOR THE SOUL

IT'S NOT YOUR WEIGHT THAT'S HOLDING BACK

BY EJ SPEAKS

Pssss! Guess what? In today’s society, I am considered plus size, although my doctor would promptly tell you that I am morbidly obese (insert deep and long side eye, since our stomachs match).

Honestly, my weight has never played a part in me being an influencer or an entrepreneur. I knew what I wanted to do, and although every day wasn’t a sold out comedy show, I’ve been pretty consistent and successful. I’ve always been heavy, but my content and my work ethic was always heavier.

When you create a good thing, whether it’s a fashion line, a painting, a course or book, or even a hairstyle, if it’s good enough (and I know that it is, because everything you touch is lit, sis!), it will always be the focal point.

Your talent and hustle will outshine any mediocre factor, like your weight, or how many followers you have on social media or any physical imperfection that doesn’t live up to the judgement of society.

This is why it is so important that we polish our crafts and redirect our energy into the gifts and passions that have been given to us, instead of focusing on the things that don’t matter. There have been plenty of instances, where someone could not tell you my name, but they recognized me from my work. Do you see where I’m going with this?

We create barriers or crutches as to why ‘it hasn’t happened for us yet’ and we operate in selfdefeat, when really, we are the hold up. Before we even make it to the battlefront, we’ve already thrown in the towel saying things like “they’ll never buy my product” or “I’ll never reach my goal”. SIS! It’s 2020 and honestly, we’re all out of excuses.

Sisters are birthing out ideas and executing them left and right-even in a pandemic. Self-starters have adjusted to this shift and are thriving like never before! Believe me when I say that success is a pie big enough from which we all can eat. But only if you’re hungry.

The dish to becoming a boss may come with its fair share of cups of distractions and teaspoons of obstacles and failures, there’s no need to add in your own cup of doubt to the recipe.

You got this! Your fears and self-doubt are the only things standing in between you and your definition of success! Good luck sis, and I will see you at the victory line!!!

-ejspeaks MEET THE AUTHOR

As simple as my name may be, they had no clue of how to address me, but they did know that I was “that girl that makes the funny videos."

In places where your name may not be so common or widely known, make sure your work or brand is.

We are often our biggest critics and worst enemy.

EJSpeaks is a self-published author and content creator. She also create customized campaigns for small businesses and entrepreneurs.

“It is so important that we polish our crafts and redirect our energy into the gifts and passions that have been given to us, instead of focusing on the things that don’t matter.”

-EJ Speaks

TRAYVON MARTIN

MICHAEL BROWN TAMIR RICE

GEORGE FLOYD

OSCAR GRANT

ERIC GARNER

JEFFERSON

AHMAUD ARBERY

PHILANDO CASTILE

BREONNA TAYLOR

SAMUEL DUBOSE

#SAYTHEIRNAMES JACOB BLAKE ATATIANA

TERRANCE CRUTCHER

SANDRA BLAND

ARTIST

SPOTLIGHT

A BLACK WOMEN DO HEAL ARTIST SPOTLIGHT

SHARON BEDFORD

Know Who You Are And Love Her

As women, we wear many hats‌.so many in fact, that it can be difficult not to define ourselves by all the hats we wear, instead of WHO we truly are. A huge part of healing is taking the time to discover who we really are-and embrace ourselves. If you ever wonder why you do what you do, this free personality test may be just the thing for you. If you have taken a personality test before, but it's been more than a year, you might find these results prove useful as you determine strength and growth.

-Black Women DO Heal

BIG

BOLD

AND

BOSS'D UP

FUNMI QUEEN FRANKLIN

Black Women DO Heal As a plus-sized woman in business, we can be a woman in business, we can be a black woman in business, but you know, I personally am learning myself that it takes a little extra oomph sometimes to be a plus-sized woman in business.

What about you guys? What challenges as a plus-sized woman have you each overcome?

Queen For me, being plus-sized is my business. I've run into some hardships or complications, being a woman in business more so than being a plus-sized woman because I have a business that focuses on being plus-sized. But I do realize some of the challenges that exist are people making judgments about who you are or what you're capable of. For instance, (being judged) just because of what you look like, or what your initial presentation is. I find that a lot of Thick and Proud Sisters (TAPS) go through that themselves. People have judgments about plus size women being lazy, not really caring about themselves, all this type of stuff.

We Thick and Proud Sisters (TAPS) fight against that but that's a major issue for a lot of women in these areas.n in these areas.

Pam I think I have a unique perspective on the whole plus-size thing because I haven't always been Plus. So I know when I was younger and not plus, I could walk in a room and whether I was a subject matter expert or not, because I was more of what the visual was supposed to be, my credentials didn't matter as much. Now when I walk into a room, it's a matter of me (credentials and knowledge). My credentials, get me into the room versus my looks. People that know me to tend to say it's not so much about your credentials. You're just a warm person that you know your information that you're this and you're that. And I tell them all the time, I've been on both sides of the pool. I walked into the room and didn't know anything that I was talking about.

But somebody with credentials (wouldn't get it) because I was more visually appealing to what the standard was supposed to be or more visually appealing. I conformed to what they expected the standard to be of a woman in business. I wore little skirts and suits and such. They (employers) would say, we'll help you through this presentation. You don't get that grace being a plus-size woman as opposed to being smaller. If you drop a pen as a plus-size woman you better be able to bend over and pick it up. If you do that as a smaller woman, you've got several men that hit the floor before the pen to catch it for you.

â€œâ€Ś.BEING PLUS-SIZED IS MY BUSINESS." -QUEEN F.

However, I do think when it comes to actually do the work people (may) prefer to do business with a plus-size woman because we're (often) more focused, we're more into detail. We give more simply because we have to give more. We have to earn our place at the table rather than being given a place. I think I have a unique perspective on the whole plus-size thing because I haven't always been Plus. So I know when I was younger and not plus, I could walk in a room and whether I was a subject matter expert or not, because I was more of what the visual was supposed to be, my credentials didn't matter as much. Now when I walk into a room, it's a matter of me (credentials and knowledge). My credentials, get me into the room versus my looks.

People that know me to tend to say it's not so much about your credentials. You're just a warm person that you know your information that you're this and you're that. And I tell them all the time, I've been on both sides of the pool. I walked into the room and didn't know anything that I was talking about. But somebody with credentials (wouldn't get it) because I was more visually appealing to what the standard was supposed to be or more visually appealing. I conformed to what they expected the standard to be of a woman in business. I wore little skirts and suits and such. They (employers) would say, we'll help you through this presentation. You don't get that grace being a plus-size woman as opposed to being smaller. If you drop a pen as a plus-size woman you better be able to bend over and pick it up. If you do that as a smaller woman, you've got several men that hit the floor before the pen to catch it for you. However, I do think when it comes to actually do the work people (may) prefer to do business with a plus-size woman because we're (often) more focused, we're more into detail. We give more simply because we have to give more. We have to earn our place at the table rather than being given a place.

Carolyn Being in an industry that's mostly males, as a truck driver, they (men) are already looking at me because I'm a female. A girly-girl versus a boyish girl-the typical stereotype of female driving. So when they see me being plus-sized, most men think that plus-sized women have low self-esteem. So the first thing they want to do is come on to me sexually. I deal with that a lot being out on the road. But I can at least say that I've never had anybody actually violate me in any way being out (on the road) by myself. Interestingly, men are more protective of women when it comes to us driving.

Kris I actually think that in recent years with so many plus-sized women embracing their size that it has made it a little bit easier to operate and navigate the world as a plus-sized woman. Yes, there are still moments where body image comes into play where you're concerned about especially depending on what it is that you do. For example, I do mindset and success coaching. It might feel like a contradiction to some to be talking about that but I haven't had success at losing weight. So sometimes it has a conflict depending on what you do. I may look like a walking contradiction to what it is, actually, a purpose pusher does. So that's just something that I've had to overcome. I am just learning to understand that my size doesn't have anything to do with my expertise, my skill set, or my abilities. We all have something that we have to deal with.

Yeah, I could be a perfect size and have something else going on that you may not see. It's just that our weight is such a visual representation of us as women that it becomes something that is a target or a place of focus for people.

LAQUITA

NELSON

“I REALIZED YOU HAVE TO BE BETTER THAN WHAT YOU WERE BROUGHT UP TO BE.�

-LAQUITA

Whereas, that's not the case for people who are, let's say, who meet the standards of what beauty or a particular size; or have the snatched waist and you know "the look" right? I think that fortunately, we have a lot more positive imagery of black women, of plus-sized women out there, but there definitely needs to be more and I feel like a surge of women like these that are at the forefront of breaking that barrier down and saying that my size does not define me and what I'm capable of doing.

Quita In my business, since I don't have a storefront right now. As of yet, let me say it like that. Most of my business is over the phone. Until I meet someone and my personality usually wins my clients, my customers over. So it's usually, I don't know, It doesn't, when I see them they just think they think just oh lovely attitude. Oh, they've even said, "you're not what I pictured?"

I'm not sure what you mean by that. I don't know if they thought I was small. I'm not sure. It's just that. Most like I said most of the time it's over the phone, so it doesn't really carry. I don't do a lot of fairs or pop up shops or events. So, you know I'm usually not seen unless you already know me. I don't do a lot. It's usually through the phone. So, reaching out online, it pretty much goes like that.

Black Women DO Heal Quita, Even with you doing business primarily over the phone, there are still challenges that can be faced just in life. In general, from every day, right? So, do you have any challenges that you've had to work towards? Or kind of overcome?

Personally, in just you handling your business to do your business?

Quita Staying focused period. Staying busy, just actually trying to keep products made and things like that, where you're staying focused and doing what you would need to do.

CAROLYN LOVE

“...MOST MEN THINK THAT PLUS SIZED WOMEN HAVE LOW SELF ESTEEM.”

-CAROLYN Black Women DO Heal So, what healing have you done personally, to get to this point of business in your life? Each of you has very different businesses but you all had to get to a point where you're here. So what growth did you go through? What changes did you work on in your own healing in order to be here today?

Queen I have several businesses. One of them is a plus-sized business, one of them is healing and one of them is Queen Franklin’s closet. None of them would exist had it not been for the healing work. The self-evaluation and self-awareness, the self-love. The breaking all the way down in order to pick yourself all the way up. So your question is what type of healing did I do? Just that. I had to identify whom I was based on the pain that I experienced. I was in a domestic abuse relationship for 11 years. And I thank him today. Because I never would be who I am had he not been the most horrible boyfriend that a woman could have. And it took me a while - wanting him to apologize and recognize what he did to me and all of that. And then, as I started developing into my new self, who was proud of being able to overcome something like that. I really was broken down, like you (he) took everything from me. Self-esteem, pride, my looks. He moved me away from my family. I was beautiful at one point, he made me feel ugly. I thought I was smart and he made me feel dumb. Everything was gone. So the only way that I could be better was to surrender, knowing that the Creator is bigger than I am. And He (the Creator) wouldn't have allowed me to go through that if it wasn't for a bigger purpose. So I tapped into the bigger purpose, which means I had to learn. Doing this healing work, just never stops. That word Big. It's a trigger too. So the bigger thing that I could have taught myself was to hunker down and identify the triggers. So I can catch them before I get them. So yeah, that would be the best thing. But it's still very constant. You see those things (that trigger you). I don't even use the word Big. I can't even say the word. Because it (big) was used so horribly (towards me). The BBW's (Big Black Women) in my organization use it all the time. Initially, I thought maybe I should correct them. And then I have to immediately understand that that's your (my) hangup, not theirs. Do you know what I'm saying? So I had to get to a point where I can hear that word and find strength in it. At least the strength that they (TAPS Ladies) find. And so it's just an ongoing thing. That was one of the things that I'm constantly faced with. It was a trigger that I had to be like, Okay, this is your trigger. This is not everybody's trigger. Everybody doesn't feel like you feel.

Black Women DO Heal No, healing never really stops. I was speaking to a colleague just the other day about identifying the triggers is key to healing because if you don't know why you're triggered, you're just constantly being triggered by everything. Not honing in on, “okay, I'm feeling like this now”, “What happened before this?” “What happened just before that?” and going back to get to the point where you are working through the healing.

You have to know yourself and you are not going to do it without the work?

Pam What I've done to get to this point is to learn to accept who I am. So many people have not had the life experiences that I've had. I have had several near-death experiences. In life, I've had two. Somehow, I always managed to survive. And live. God still has a purpose for me, so I continue to operate until he's like "okay you're done, come on in".

But being accepting of who I am, in whatever state I am in, is the work that I've done.

You don't like me, that's your issue. I love who I am at this point in life. As I was having a conversation on the ride here, when you take off the mask and be honest with yourself, okay, you used to be a smaller girl. Now you're not. But look at what you've gained in addition to the weight. That I've gained new friends, new clients, new endeavors. So apparently, size has not stopped my growth. So either you are a part of my tribe, which means you're to be aligned with me or you're not. And if you're not, that doesn't mean that I am an enemy. Just because we're not friends doesn't make me your enemy. Or because you're not my client. Doesn't make me wish ill for you. It just means we're not meant to be connected in this season. We may connect later, we're just not connected in this season. And I'm learning to move within my purpose. So if you're not a part of my current purpose I am ok with not having that connection.

“ WE HAVE

TO EARN

OUR PLACE

AT THE

TABLE

RATHER

THAN IT

BEING

GIVEN.”

-PAM

Advertize With Us! PRICES RANGE FROM $500 TO $1975 INFO@BLACKWOMENDOHEAL.ORG USE SUBJECT "MAGAZINE AD"

PAMELA MANUEL

"I accepted that I did have a mental illness. I took action managing my illness...and then I started to heal."

Kris Similar to the Queen, just really starting over again. Making up my mind that I wanted something greater and different for myself than what was actually happening. I wanted it to happen to life, I didn't want it to happen to me.

And so I made a hard hard decision about 10 years ago, which completely changed the trajectory of my life. And it's really the reason why I'm in business today as a mindset and success coach because I saw for myself like I had to be my own experiment to see like, does this really work? Does it turn out the way, you know, because I don't want anyone to think of when you hear people say that they're a mindset or success culture purpose coach, that is just, you know, they just give you some strategies. This was a faith walk for me. This was a complete surrender to God's will for my life. This was a throw my hands up and say you do it. I don't know what I'm doing. It was a complete surrender, even at the risk of other people thinking I was crazy. I quit my job actually to go back to school. And my mother was devastated. She cried. I didn't expect her to cry. But she cried because I was like, I have to do this. I think a lot of us have ignored those pushes in life, which is one of the reasons why I call myself The Purpose Pusher.

It's because I think a lot of us have been pushed, but we resist it because of the movement, and because we're afraid of the unknown. A lot of us don't respond. We hang up the phone, we swipe left. Oh, that's purpose calling?

Nevermind. l am doing something else. And we missed that opportunity. I made up my mind. I wasn't missing any more opportunities. I was like, nope. I don't care what I have to sacrifice and what it may seem like at the moment. It may not, it doesn’t have to make sense to anybody else. I don't owe anybody else an explanation for why I'm doing what I'm doing. And I consulted with my God and prayed about it, moving with faith and with purpose. I was making decent money and was totally unhappy and realized that my happiness cannot ever be defined by what's in my bank account. Now, do I want some money? Yes. Why did I want it? Did I want it because I just wanted to be able to stay ahead of it? I wanted to be a blessing to others.

Carolyn For me with my healing process, I actually had to dissect and learn who Carolyn actually was. A couple of years ago, I went through a divorce. And I became an introvert. And it kind of triggered some trauma that I had growing up. So with that being said, I started just acting out like.

So I got into the church. And one day, the pastor was preaching and he talked about mental health, going to actually talk to someone. So I was like, okay, well I'm gonna do that. So I ended up going to see a psychiatrist, and I talked to him.

And I was diagnosed with posttraumatic stress disorder and bipolar disorder. So a lot of my mania they would overlook and think okay, well it's just Carolyn doing whatever. It was actually, you know, it was me dealing with it in another way. So most people when they go through mania they do just off the wall stuff. With me, I'll go online, and Quita can tell you when I'm stressed I have to really just make sure I take my medicine.

Because I'll really go online and buy stupid stuff. So it was like that was a good part of my healing. And it's just finding Carolyn. Because I've always been somebody else's. I've always been Ryan's sister, Joeseta's wife, Jolan's mom. I've never been Hey, that's Carolyn, you know? I've never had my own name. So I actually learned who Carolyn was.

Black Women DO Heal I can identify with that. I have bipolar disorder too and learned about it later in life. I was like, 38 when I found out so by then, I had messed up a whole lot of stuff. But through learning that and starting to go to therapy, peel back the layers to really get to that place of just starting to recognize who I was outside of being the kid's mom, outside of being my ex's, ex's and ex's wives. You know, outside of being the sister Cassandra, you know that I'm Cassandra. And that I have a purpose and my own style and my own thoughts. You know getting back to that and I can identify that that is a journey.

Carolyn I also had to learn how to not medicate off somebody else. I had a real bad problem as soon as I got close to somebody, they were half of me. So when they may leave then your happiness leaves, and you stuck to figure out, you know, what's going on? Who's your next fix? You know, I had to just buckle down and learn that you gotta find happiness in yourself?

KRISTEN PATE

“...MY SIZE DOES NOT DEFINE ME AND WHAT I'M CAPABLE OF DOING” -KRIS Quita A lot of my healing started after I had my son. And I didn't know that I needed to until my husband said, You're just like your Dad, or "'you have so many problems with your Dad and you're just like him. You don't want to raise your son like you were raised"'. I'm raising such an amazing little boy. I am just amazed that he is, I want to make sure he doesn't have the animosity or the anger toward me that I had towards my father. And that the mistakes made with, you know, I feel like I made with my stepkids. I want to make sure that he has a voice. At six he has a voice, he has questions. Like I said, It made me look at myself and realize that your mistakes, you can't put what was put on you, onto him. Because you don't want him to hurt, the way you hurt. You have to be better than what was brought up to be. You have to be and I saw a sign years ago on a church billboard, and it threw me. And it really made you think. It said, you never know, a person really understands and knows their morals when they have to teach them to a child. And I was like wow that's really interesting but I didn't have a child then. I turned 40 and I got pregnant and never thought I wanted one, I never thought you know, I didn't need a baby. I was good. But he has healed me in so many ways. I had to realize that even though I hadn't been through some of the traumas that some of my friends had been through, I still needed to heal.

Black Women DO Heal It's all part of the journey. No matter how healing comes to us. The fact is, that it came. Sistahs, I have one last question. What advice would you give other plus-sized women, who are trying to get to that point where they want to start a business, they want to do something, maybe they want to step up their business game if they're already there. What advice would you give to that woman today?

Queen I would say the same thing I would tell anyone who is starting a business, and that is work within your passion and your purpose. They are not the same thing. You need to figure out the difference. If you don’t know the difference then you are not operating within your purpose. Your passion will have you working all over the place. Passions change. But purpose will take you to your dying day. What I would tell them, it doesn't matter whether you have one person in the room or a hundred or a thousand or none. If you're operating in your purpose then it's okay either way because you are doing what you were assigned to do. What we tend to do is let flesh guide us instead of spirit. When you are operating in spirit, it's not about what you feel anyway. It’s about being obedient. What I would tell them is, understand who you are and figure out if this is what you're supposed to be doing. Is this what God told you to do? When God tells you to do something it will eliminate the uncertainty. I always hear that entrepreneurs never stop working but when did you sleep? Sleep is essential. Don’t put anything above yourself.

Pam Complete transparency, I conducted my first Instagram live last week. I conduct a lot of financial consulting services and I help a lot of women and people in general with their business services. One of the coaches I work with told me that if I just went on Instagram for a few minutes, once a week, I could reach more people. I was like, "Who is going to come to my Instagram live?". I had never been on Instagram live. Cassandra told me she’d be there. My coach said she would be there.

What was special about that was every one of the ladies that I consider a close friend or that knew I was on Instagram, they either commented on the live, or if they missed the actual live they commented that they needed to go back and watch it. I think there were maybe 13 or 14 people on the actual live and now it has been shared over a thousand times. I was like “oh my gosh, I don’t even know what I’m going to talk about next”. So I was talking to my cousin and she said, “well Pam, let me say this, don’t you realize that no one cares about your pounds when you’re telling them how to get their financial lives together”. I tell women, your self conscious is all in your head when you get to the point where you realize “this is who I am, let me live in my truth, let me be who I am”. Life doesn’t stop because of your hangups.

Carolyn It’s okay to get out of your comfort zone. There’s no growth in it. Get out of your comfort zone.

Kris I would say, own who you are. Be confident in who you are, and not overly concerned about the physical flaws that you may feel you have. Because the truth of the matter is, everyone is beautiful to someone. So it doesn't matter if you feel like you're not in a position to look a certain way so you feel less confident. In fact, I like to say be an acquired taste and that's what I want for any woman and especially for women who feel that their weight or for whatever reason is holding you back.

It's not really important that everybody likes you or likes the way you look. You can be skinny and people will still say "oh you're too skinny" and you could have long hair and people say "oh you should have short hair". If you have dark hair, they say "oh you should go blonde". So there's going to be something that people are gonna always find no matter how beautiful you think you are. If you're concentrating on the physical aspect as a means of connecting with people and sharing your gift, your God-given purpose then you're focusing on the wrong thing. The beauty in you is going to come out when you're operating in your gift and you're operating in your purpose. When you show up as your true self and people are saying you know what? I don't even see you like a big woman or small woman, medium size, big, slim, slim thick, whatever the names are that they call us. I see you as an expert. I see you as a professional. I see you as who you are. So when we get out of our own way about that and our own head about feeling like we have to subscribe to a certain way of being or looking in order to fit into an industry. In fact, I feel like it's our way of standing out because we don't look like all the other people.

People are gonna notice this first anyway because we're dressed a certain way that accentuates the beauty that we do have.

The things that we do like about ourselves. And do that, accentuate what you do like about yourself. that". Sky's the limit.

You can do whatever you want to do, you can move however you want to move. You don't have to feel trapped or concerned. And I get it, a lot of times being overweight means that you are unhealthy, you have bad eating habits, or we don't exercise as we should but some of us are not overweight because of those reasons. That's the narrative that we need to get people to understand and promote. It's not always because we don't eat right, we don't exercise, or take care of ourselves. They say we don't love ourselves. "Oh, you don't love yourself". "Why would you let yourself get like that, huh?" I know I love myself. In fact, that's probably why I'm like this, I love myself too much. I feed myself, relax, and chill. Like I love me so much and now there's so much of me to love. But honestly, it's a mindset shift that we have to make as women and especially as black women because we tend to be bigger built anyway. We don't fit into that scale anyway, that BMI chart.

That's not for us. That chart is not for us. Even at my healthiest, I felt like I looked good. I still was considered overweight. So I had to let that go, I had to let the idea of fitting into a chart go. You can't chart me, I'm off the chart.

Photo Credits: Why Phi Multi-Media, The Photo Citizen Special Thanks to: Alton Hollins, Guest Services Manager, Hilton Garden Inn, formerly known as the King Edward Hotel, Teshia Jones-Sawyer, MUA for Black Women DO Heal, and our Sponsors Why Phi Multi-Media and BACH TCS and Nola Beauty N Bling and @theRealJohnBarnes

THAT BLACK GIRL LIFE

Dear 2020, When we first met, it was unbelievable. I saw you coming my way and you appeared to be that something new, that something fresh, my opportunity to start over. I was anxiously waiting to meet you. I hadn’t heard anything about you. You had no reputation because you were new to us all and you chose me. It was a great chance that I would succeed with you and in you. Yea, I said to myself. I’m going with 2020. I cleared my plans. I forgot about my past with the others and started making plans with you. I toasted with girlfriends in celebration upon meeting you. You were a breath of fresh air, my new start. I even changed my mindset to build with you in your world. Uncle Steve says, “Always stick to the 90-day rule.” I did that and I must tell you that those were the best three months of my life.

You wooed me almost into a hypnotic state. Is this real? Can 2020 be this good to me? Then, it happened. You pushed me and I thought, what did I do to deserve this treatment? I continued to love you and you only got more abusive. Your issues with control had me in a tailspin. You held me hostage calling it sheltering in place. I stayed with you through it all because there’s so much death now and you’re being blamed for it all. I will never upset you.

I want to live, and love and I want you to love me.

"I began to express my inner thoughts...and then I started to heal."

While being held so tightly by you, almost suffocating, I prayed. I found a rest in that arrest that allowed me to find myself again, to love myself again, to be creative again, to think again, to be productive again and as crazy as it sounds a freedom in captivity.

Blessings were still flowing. You seemed so happy for me. I began to flourish, impact, excel, be promoted in a time where they said I would lack. Wealth came and took up residence. It was you 2020. Everything I knew was in you. I was seeing you again through new eyes, loving eyes, peaceful eyes until you blacked my eyes with the back to back murders of my sisters and brothers at the hands of a legalized gang. It shattered all our hearts. You ripped a bandage off a wound that was infected with the puss of confusion, hatred, anger, inequality, and bloodshed. You’re hurting me so bad.

Please stop. This pain is so deep. It runs through my heart and soul. I hear the cries from the grave and that strange fruit that hangs. So, like a battered woman I stay. I know that you needed to uncover that wound for me to heal. I know I can’t confront what I’m unable to identify. You showed me the mirror to my soul, and it exposed the little girl inside of me screaming to be heard. She has a voice. But like so many others, she’s been silenced. As the country burned, I felt those fires inside of me. She’s an arson on the loose, starting fires demanding to be heard. I’ll give her a platform before her, “No Justice”, “No Peace” demands, consumes every part of me.

So 2020, thank you for pulling the curtain back so I, along with my sisters and brothers can see and identify what’s hurting us and demand resolve.

We’ve both decided to end this situation-ship. In one month, we will part ways. The rupture of my heart at your hands is unbearable but repairable with time. I know you were in my life for a season and you have taught me so many lessons. I must admit this isn’t in vain.

Continue to teach me as I continue to lean on God. Our time together is almost done. Your end is near and you’re leaving us stronger, wiser, and with clarity. With the rising of “01”, prayerfully we’ll see the rebirth of a nation. My hope remains.

With finishing faith, Kashawana Gates- Jones

LIFESTYLE

CHEF FEE Chef Fee, the celebrity chef, shares with us one of her favorite recipies.

Felicia Guimont is the owner and founder of OMG Cakes & Southern Best Catering, LLC., a community leader and author. She touts her two companies as being in sync with one mission- "quality service." She is a highly coveted chef-known for her delectable bites and mouthwatering treats. She finds comfort in her service to others and does so freely. Chef Guimont has catered for many influential leaders, organizations as well as events.

Recipe

GENERATIONAL WEALTH

YOUR GIFTS WILL MAKE ROOM FOR YOU-A CANDID INTERVIEW WITH STEPHANIE LUCKETT Black Women DO Heal How did you get into the music business?

Stephanie I started out as a background singer as far as the music business goes. I literally started off as a background singer. When I was young, I started out when I was 13. My first time singing background for somebody was Mariah Carey in Hawaii. Then it went from Mariah Carey to P Diddy and Mase. Then, as well as Faith Evans. As I got older, I was able to sing behind Calvin Richardson for four years and sang for Michelle Williams of Destiny's Child.

I've sung background for multiple different artists. Gospel artists, so many different gospel artists. Then I started singing background for the local artists here. They were like, it never fails for every time I sang for one of them. They would always say the same thing. You're not supposed to be in the background. So they kind of pushed me, they literally pushed me.

Actually, Calvin pushed me the most. Calvin pushed me out the door. And I couldn't understand for the life of me why. Because me and him were really close and I couldn't understand for the life of me. I was like, Man, I've been giving my all, why is he letting me go? Come to find out he was letting me go because he knew that I wouldn't do it. He knew that I would not take the chance.

Because even Sir Charles. Sir Charles is one of my really good friends and Sir Charles, he sent me a text message one day at the blue and he says, Sis, God is telling me to tell you to step out on faith. And I just kind of looked at it like, Okay. No. Then Calvin literally what he did was put a fire under me to do my own thing. And I'm happy about it.

Black Women DO Heal Look, people surrounding you that just wouldn't let you stay in your comfort zone.

NOMADIC

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Stephanie They would not let me stay in my comfort zone at all. I was content with being a professional background singer. They were not having it.

Black Women DO Heal By any chance has your weight had any bearing, good or bad, with your movement in the industry?

Stephanie I do believe so. People are for some reason, and I know it's not for some reason, some men think that smaller size women are sexier. You really can't help their preference, but my weight has nothing to do with my voice and the way that I entertain people. It doesn't get in the way of me entertaining people. It never has. But unfortunately, I've seen where you know the smaller girl gets more attention. I hate to say it like this but, she may not be able to sing a lick of a dime. You know sometimes we as bigger girls, we (big girls) don't get the attention that we deserve in the entertainment business. But I have to push through. And I have to make it, and I make it my business to show up. I don't care who you put in front of me. She could be a size one hundred (pounds), I'm telling you, Stephanie is going to sit right beside her and flat foot sing. All this attention you're giving to this person right here, I'm gonna show you why God gave me the gift that he gave me. I'm gonna show you exactly what,

regardless of my weight. I've been small and I've lost. I was almost 300 pounds and I lost 150 pounds because I was 150. I wasn't happy. I wasn't happy. I've never been 150 pounds even in high school. My biggest weight was 180 pounds. So I had lost 30 more pounds compared to what I had lost in high school. For me personally, I know that people will say that is unhealthy. But, even at my smallest I still stick. So you know, it does. Do I have troubles? Yes, I do. I do have troubles, it's kind of hard for a heavier set woman who is singing. But I've seen women like Jill Scott do it. A young lady in Memphis, Tennessee, her name is Big Baby. She makes good music. Goodness.

Dope singer, and she has not stopped going. She's still going. Yeah, so I understand, slim is sexier to some people, I get it, but thick is fine to me.

Black Women DO Heal It's funny that you should mention you know some of the other bigger singers because I wanted to take on Lizzo? I know that a lot of people have a whole lot to say about how she chooses to express herself. I was kind of wondering what you as a fellow sister in the game, how you feel about that?

Stephanie Personally, for me, I love the way that she expresses herself. I love that she expresses herself in the way that she wants to express herself. Nobody can take that away from her. She will not allow anyone to take that away from her.

That's a beautiful thing. I just feel like there's a better way to show our women, our girls that we don't have to show our bodies. We don't have to show everything. But as far as who Lizzo is. I love her. I've loved her before she became mainstream. She has this song called Juice. People didn't really even know who she was. But I saw her Instagram on one of the advertisements and I was like, bruh she's dope. So, as far as her talent and her gift and who she is. She's absolutely amazing. I love her.

Just for Stephanie, Stephanie will be sexy but she will never be naked. I don’t care if I'm 100 pounds, 120 pounds, 200 pounds, or 300. We gon be covered up, we gon be sexy. But covered up.

Black Women DO Heal What advice would you give other plus size women who are looking to get into the industry?

Stephanie Not to give up. Your size does not have anything to do with your gift. Your size has nothing to do with your vocal ability. Your size has nothing to do with your talents. Don't let people make that approach. Don't let people make you feel like your weight is a crutch that makes you feel like you shouldn't do this or you can't do this or you're not allowed to do this because of your weight. I hate to say it like this but it's BS. I hate to see people bring people down because of something that they feel like is not normal. There is something different about everyone and there's something no one might not like in everyone.

It doesn't give anyone the right to make you feel like you are less than who you should be because of what they feel is a disability or what they feel is not normal or what they feel is not good. No. Be proud of yourself and don't give up and keep going. That's literally my advice, Black Women DO Heal What would you say was the best piece of advice that you were given?

Stephanie The best piece of advice that I was given.

Wow. To stay humble. To remain humble. And that's something that I have kept with me from singing background to now. To remain humble.

I'm telling you, people don't really know, but a lot of people do know my testimony.

A lot of people know exactly what I've been through. I had two kids, and I had an ex-husband that abused me. And I left him, thankfully, within the first year of having my daughter and get ready to have my son. I didn't have anything, I was practically homeless. I was practically homeless. But I never gave up. Regardless of what people said, I never gave up. She's too dark. I never gave up. She's too big. I never gave up.

She can't wear heels. I'm sure not, but I will not give up. At the end of the day, I always remain humble. I always thank God for the little things because if you can't be grateful for the little things. He can't bless you with the big things. If you can't be grateful for the Jackson Music Awards, then he can't bless you with the Grammy. Because that means you won't appreciate it. You just gotta be grateful, humble, and you've got to keep God in your life. I don't care what nobody says, you got to keep God in your life. And not worry, it's a contradiction of worrying and pray. It's a contradiction to worry and pray. So you pray about it, and you keep going. And with everything that has come my way, I've prayed about it and I've let God take it. I didn't even move when it came to me singing lead and doing everything else and doing my album.

“Regardless of what people said, I never gave up.�

-Stephanie I did not move until I've made the way available. People have asked me ever since 13. Stephanie, why have you not put an album out there? At 40 I'm putting my first album out, and it's gone everywhere. But it's done that, not because of me. It's done it, because of God. At the end of the day, all those things that happened, a lot of those things I didn't have to pay for. So I knew then, oh that's nothing but God. Even with how the album is going around, that's God. That's nothing but God because I'm from Jackson, I'm known in the South. I'm not known in the UK, I'm not known in California. But it's all the way in those places. And that's nothing but God, I can't do anything but thank Him.

Independent Music Artist Debut Album Entitled Life vs Love.

Stefunieluckettmusic.com For Business Inquiries e-mail at Stefuniemusic@gmail.com

C L I CK B E L O W T O L E A R N

HOWMONEYWORKS PAGE FOUR

BEHOLD BEAUTY

PLUS-SIZED IS NOT FOR THE FAINT OF HEART

By Chelsey Bullock

It began like this… “ Oh you gaining weight Chelsey", Oh you need to just slow down, try exercising . What do you have on , Oh she's cute for a plus size girl !!! “ Those are the statements I have been hearing since the age of 10, or maybe before. I just know it has been traumatizing hearing those lines from family members and so called “friends”.

For years, I have been battling with body shame and finding love in the wrong places.

However, that was not what others saw when I walked into a room.

Trying to maneuver into the right 19 direction and finding this thing called “SELF LOVE”. I thought maybe if I loved someone else harder then I would be HAPPY. I was wrong.

Putting others before me drained me emotionally and physically. However, when I found a way out, the light began to shine. The age of 18 is where I slowly started maneuvering out of the fog and into the clear, sunny road. Undergrad was a step into what I felt like real peace felt like.

Experiencing independence and alone time was the best feeling ever. I felt as if I could breathe for once. The weight was dropping but not in a healthy way. Yet I was still battling myself and trying to mend this broken soul.

Years past and it is time to graduate. I accomplished that milestone and it still did not mend the broken soul. However, 2015 came into to play and the journey of seeking my Master’s in Mental Health Counseling began.

"The Fashion Therapist allows me to be free, vulnerable, angelic, sexy, strong, fierce, and not care about others’ opinions."

-Chelsey

I was ready to begin the journey to helping others but little did I know it was the journey to understanding and healing myself. As a child and to present day I have battled with domestic violence and struggled to forgive. I watched my mom being verbally and physically abused for years. That trauma caused me to be someone I was not. On the inside I was bubbly, fun, and soft. On the outside, I was this mean, strong young lady that could take on the world. Another 2 years passed and another accomplishment was made. (Master’s Degree). 2018 I moved away from the nest and I thought the self-healing was done since I moved away from the pain and hurt.

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NO! The real journey began!

I battled with depression alone and dealing with a man that meant me no good. I even put on additional weight. I was aware of a generational cycle that was occurring and decided to seek help in 2019. I began seeing my own therapist and yes, even a therapist needs a therapist. With the support of friends and my therapist, a new me was a born.

Let’s say the birth of THE FASHION THERAPIST! For years I used fashion as a coping skill or as a platform to express who I was without talking because I did not feel like my voice should be heard. The Fashion Therapist allows me to be free, vulnerable, angelic, sexy, strong, fierce, and not care about others’ opinions. I AM DOING THINGS MY WAY! Like Juvenile said, “Cash Money records taking over for the 99 and 2000! ” Lol Well The Fashion Therapist taking over for 2020 and beyond. When you see The Fashion Therapist, you see self-work mentally and physically. That body language says “I did not come to play."

The Fashion Therapist was born to increase accessibility to lower income of color seeking therapeutic services. In other words, I will make therapy cool and less taboo and make black people more comfortable seeking services. My way of doing that is through fashion. Through fashion, individuals are able to see what self-work looks like with color, boldness, risk-taking and creativity. Those negative statements and continuous abuse in early child hood years built me Ford tough for this journey. It’s no going back and most definitely being Full Figured is not for the FAINT!

MEET THE AUTHOR The Fashion Therapist formerly known as by Jackson, Ms native, Chelsey Bullock. Chelsey has been practicing mental health counseling for 6 years and is working toward becoming a Licensed Professional Counselor. It is because of her profession that she decided to create a brand that merges her two passions: Fashion and Therapy. This self-titled fashion enthusiast is now known as ”The Fashion Therapist.”

Through fashion, The Fashion Therapist plans to encourage women to know that in order to be beautiful on the outside, you must be whole on the inside.

B.I.G. Beautiful Intelligent & Gifted BLACK WOMEN DO HEAL Virtual Converstaions Over Brunch 4th Saturday's January-October blackwonemdoheal@gmail.com Follow us on instagram @blackwomendoheal

LIFESTYLE

ASK LILLIE.

Anonymous, Jackson, MS Dear Ms. Lillie, My Boyfriend continually talks badly about me and how much weight I have gained. It has gotten so bad that I hardly look at myself in the mirror anymore. What can I do to get him to stop this?

Lillie Okay. Miss Anonymous, Sorry you're going through this heartache. In life, whenever we are with someone who doesn't take our feelings into consideration, you are in trouble. I am not saying what he is saying isn't true. But it's how you say things to people that counts. If his words are causing you to dislike anything about yourself. You need to first check yourself, your self esteem level. Secondly, his words, meaning how he says what he says. Thirdly, how can you get him to stop it. There is nothing you can do to get him to stop it. It's not him, it's you. Start loving yourself. Miss Anonymous it seems he doesn't respect you. My question to you is, why do you want to stick around? Be blessed and start loving yourself. Good luck Miss Anonymous.

Sika D., Canton, MS Ms. Lillie, Why does it seem that I keep attracting the same type of guys?

Lillie: Hey Sika, sometimes we have deep-rooted issues that we haven't addressed, it's called trauma. Until you do some selfcare, seek counseling to uncover what could be going on that you attract the same type of men.

Sika, don't beat yourself up about it. If you have identified the problem, It means you can overcome this problem, seek counseling. So you can begin a new journey with self-love and relationship love. Seek counseling to find deep-rooted issues, and life begins, then. Good Luck.

J.J. Jackson, MS Ms. Lillie, Even though I have some health issues, it seems like I can't take getting my weight together seriously. I just want to be healthy, but I constantly make bad choices that keep me from being a healthier weight. Could you give me some suggestions?

Lillie Hey, JJ. Please believe me. You, and a million others are struggling with the same issues. You are not alone, my friend. I would first recommend you discuss with a medical doctor, how you're feeling. Secondly, and most importantly, I recommend you get into counseling. JJ, believe it or not, there could be an underlying issue that's causing your trouble. Sometimes, counseling can be a really dynamic thing counseling can be good on many levels. It can help with physical and emotional issues that causes us to struggle in all areas of life. Sometimes, things can be suppressed. And you're not understanding what, or why. Counseling will bring all of that out.

Address your emotional health, then your physical health will come into a better place.

Check your struggles. Your life will begin. Get better sis.

The Content is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, psychiatric advice, counseling, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical or mental health condition.

CAROLYN LOVE IS OUR MELANTED QUEEN OF THE QUARTER

ALL HAIL THE QUEEN! Black Women DO Heal So, I would love to hear about your story, because it is hugely of course a part of the reason you were chosen for the Queen. You know, we want to inspire women, because so many times women go through just everyday women go through amazing things and live to come out on the other side, and don't even realize how much their story can impact and help someone else.

And so, I'd love to hear about your story, and just start where you feel comfortable starting and then I'll just interject questions here and there.

Carolyn I'm very transparent. So I'll start from the beginning. My story starts all the way back to when I was seven years old. When I was seven, well actually it was before seven. It was at the age of six my mom started dating, this guy whose name was Timothy Robinson. And Robinson, he was very abusive. And for some reason, my mom stayed with him. She always made excuses for him and it was excuse after excuse for why he was, it was always her fault for why he jumped on her.

Every limb. So it got to the point where he will leave her bleeding. So one day he came home from work. I guess he had a bad day at work. She was washing dishes, he was putting the dishes up as she washed them. And the next thing we knew he stabbed her. He had stabbed my mama 42 times. He cut her spinal cord in half. And I was in the living room watching TV, and all of a sudden I heard a thump. So as a child when you hear a thump, you go and be nosy.

So I ran to the kitchen to see what's going on because there was a loud noise. And I see my mom on the floor with .......you know .... across, he was like you betta shut up. At the time, we lived in Whiterock, apartments in Jackson, MS, apartments so we could have a wide variety of parking. And they were blocking the road.

The apartment road over there. So, we could park our car right there outside our apartment. So, we had parked where the gym was, so he had to walk to get our car and move it around to where our apartment was. So he told us to stay there and he will go and get the car. When he went to get the car, he made me put the knife in the dryer. While he went and got the car. Me and him, he made me help him get my mom down the stairs. And he took us all the way to Brookhaven. He said he would get my mom to the hospital and on the way; my mom fell off the seat because she was paralyzed. She couldn't really keep her balance. She fell on the floor, and he was telling her to get up. So she sat up and when she did that He was like, if you stay down there, I'm just gonna drive y'all off the bridge and jump off.

Black Women DO Heal Oh my.

Carolyn Yes, so he did do that. So He ended up driving us to Brookhaven He still didn't drive us to the hospital so that she could get help. She's still bleeding out in the backseat. She's like, in and out, and I can hear her screaming in the backseat. And he's steady telling her to shut up before he kills her. And I'm crying in the front seat, but you know I'm so scared and I'm a child. I'm only seven years old, crying but silently so he won't do anything to me or my mom. In the end, he ended up driving to the club and took his shirt off, and changed into another shirt. He went into the club and partied and got drunk. It just so happened that one of my mom's friends was there at the club. She came out, and my mom never let me see in the front seat so that was like a red flag for my mom's friend, automatically when she came out and saw me in the front seat. So she comes up to the car and knocks on the window, and he had told me not to talk to anybody. So, when she comes and knocks on the window. She was like, "where's your mom?" and I was looking like, you know I looked back where my mom was at and I looked back at the window.

And she's like, "where's your mom?". And I looked back there again, so she ended up calling her brother come, and he jammed the door open, and that's when they saw my mom in the backseat. And they took us to the hospital and that's how my mom got help.

Black Women DO Heal Did they ever catch him?

Carolyn After we ended up getting to the hospital, the police came up there. But because he had crossed so many counties, they wouldn't arrest him when he came up to the hospital because it didn't happen in that County. Hinds County police had to come all the way to Madison County to arrest him. And he was up in the hospital, acting a fool and stuff. So that was the first part of my story. So, you know, by that happening to me, I automatically just started, you know, being the child that always got in trouble. You know your family, they'll start off, you know, taking care of you but they'll get tired of you after a while. They'll say "I'll make sure that your child is taken care of", but at the end of the day, nobody's going to treat you like your mom. So, she was in and out of the hospital she went to rehab, and she stayed in the hospital for like two years straight. So during that time, I was really

rebellious. I fought a lot and no one really wanted to keep me. I was that child that no one wanted to keep. My mom, after she got better, she ended up getting an apartment. We stayed in the worst part of Jackson. I started getting in trouble, again. I ended up going to prison, which a lot of people say that prison is one of the worst things that ever happen to somebody. But to me, it was one of the best things that could have happened to me because by me going to prison, it changed my life for the better. It made me the person I am today, it made me such a strong person. When I went to prison I wrote down everything that I wanted to do when I got out. When I went to prison, I didn't have a GED. I didn't have a high school diploma. I didn't have, nothing.

I literally didn't have anything. So, I wanted to make sure that I had that piece of paper, I wrote in my diary. I want to get a GED. I want to make sure that I had stable employment. And I wanted to get married, you know, I wanted to have a child. Now I'm happily married. I have a child. I actually have three kids. I have two, one I adopted when she was eight years old. She's 22 now. I'm in the process of adopting Chloe, she's one. And I have one biological child, Josie.

My wife's name is Crystal. I own my own business and it's called The Broken Butterfly Transit. I have an 18 wheeler that I paid for myself, I worked hard to pay for it. I obtained my GED. I have my cosmetology license, I went to college and got that. So I did everything that I said that I was going to do in prison. And I have not gotten in trouble since then. I did a 360 and I’m so thankful for that. Since then, I make sure that I tell other girls that are on the road that get in trouble that, you know, it's other ways to live like you don't have to do this, you don't have to be a product of your environment.

Black Women DO Heal Yeah, no, no, that's an amazing story. And to have started so young as a child to be in that environment and to see those things happen to your mother. I can't even imagine. But I know that when we talked previously you stated learning through this process of growth that you have bipolar as well. Tell me about how that impacted your life and how now, some of the things that you do, on a day to day to make sure that you take care of yourself and how that affects your inspiring message to others.

Carolyn Yes, that goes back to me saying when I was younger and I always got in trouble, I never knew why I was that child that always wanted to fight and always singled out. I was so angry, and it was because I dealt with post-traumatic stress syndrome and bipolar disorder It is because of what I dealt with as a child. All that. What happened to me with my mother. So, it still stems from that and other things that happened to me growing up, with me dealing with a lot of abusive relationships, and getting hit a lot. So, all of this and, you know, not dealing with certain things and sweeping it under the rug, it messes with us mentally. When I found out about my PTSD and Bipolar disorder I got diagnosed with it and now I take my medicine, and I talk to a psychiatrist and, I go to counseling now, so now it's a lot better, a lot better.

Black Women DO Heal Oh yes, yes, Yes. I know that I am so very much pro counseling, because of the things that you know I've been through and not finding out until much later in life that all those years, that had been what was going on with me as well. And I believe you know counseling saves lives. And not just your own. Yeah, so no that's excellent. So tell me about your pageant work and how you first got started into a pageant. Your road to becoming Miss Mississippi Plus America.

Carolyn I originally started pageantry, because of my cousin Kameeka Thomas. She contracted SJS (Steven Johnson Syndrome). And when she first contracted SJS, she was competing for the Miss Mississippi pageant. And right before she competed that's when she contracted SJS. And she was so down and depressed because she couldn't compete to her best ability because of that. So, I said I'm gonna compete. And if I win a crown and I'll give you my crown. But I was when I was playing. I wasn't thinking "hey you're gonna win or you'll actually make it to the next level". And once I did I actually fell in love with pageantry.

Black Women DO Heal So you fell in love with pageantry.

Carolyn Yes, I've been doing pageants ever since.

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Black Women DO Heal Yes. And I know that you also have a role in pageants for young girls and tell us about that.

Carolyn I am the state director for the Miss Pure Sparkle Pageant in Mississippi. I'm Mississippi's state director. The Miss Pure Sparkle Pageant originated in South Carolina and is now in 14 different states. The national pageant will be in Columbia, South Carolina next year. This will be Mississippi's first time competing in it.

Black Women DO Heal Oh wow, that is phenomenal. So, this is the first time you, you guys have done this pageant at all in Mississippi.

Carolyn Yes, yes.

Black Women DO Heal Oh my gosh, how exciting. Yes. Well, I know that you are such an inspiration to not only young girls but for, you know, some of us older women who, you know, just went through, and sometimes you don't realize how much you can get over those things in order to be your best self. And so thank you so much for taking the time to talk with us today.

The Broken Butterfly Transit LLC THE BROKEN BUTTERFLY TRANSIT IS A TRANSPORTATION COMPANY. I HAVE A DUMP TRUCK, TWO TRACTOR TRAILERS, AND 2 NONEMERGENCY TRANSPORT VANS

WEBSITE: HTTPS://WWW.FACEBOOK.COM/CAROLYNLOVE EMAIL: THEBROKENBUTTERFLYOFMS@GMAIL.COM

DIVINE DESIGN

I was 5’9 or 5’10 in high school and I was size 8/10 at my lowest weight and a 10/12 at my heaviest. I thought based on opinions of others that I was a giant and bigger than the normal girls my age. It took me years later to look back at pictures to see my real body image.

YES, SISTAH, GOD LOVES YOUR CURVES,TOO

By Meretta Nichols

I grew up in a time where women were trying their best to stay under a size 14, which today is an average woman’s size. To even hit the double digits was not considered acceptable. I can remember in my childhood feeling the stress of feeling overweight. Yes I was chucky as a child but I never felt overweight until someone pointed it out. I was 5’9 or 5’10 in high school and I was size 8/10 at my lowest weight and a 10/12 at my heaviest.

I thought based on opinions of others that I was a giant and bigger than the normal girls my age. It took me years later to look back at pictures to see my real body image.

I grew up in a time where women were trying their best to stay under a size 14, which today is an average woman’s size. To even hit the double digits was not considered acceptable. I can remember in my childhood feeling the stress of feeling overweight. Yes I was chucky as a child but I never felt overweight until someone pointed it out.

It’s takes intentional mental effort to not allow those negative words to damage your self confidence. You have to decide your not going to let anyone give you a “BUT” when speaking about you.

I was determined to be bold and confident and not given in to low self esteem. I started speaking positive affirmations to myself. However, if I’m honest even after that, some of that stigma stayed with me for years until I learned to love myself fully and embrace my size.

I know this is not always the case with every woman who experiences this type of body shaming. I learned that God didn’t make a mistake when he made you and I. Every curve, our skin color, our body type, hair and eye color were designed by God. There’s a scripture in the Bible that says we are fearfully and wonderfully made.

“Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex!

Your workmanship is marvelous—how well I know it.” Psalms 139:14 NLT God’s workmanship is marvelous!

That’s right marvelous!

“You have to decide you’re not going to let anyone give you a 'BUT' when speaking about you.” -Merretta

HERE ARE SOME TIPS ON LOVING YOURSELF

Be positive and take time for yourself through daily self-care intentionally.

LOVE YOU! Love everything about yourself, your hair, eyes, body image, and personality.

Make time for rest & relaxation.

Smile and enjoy life!!

Inspirational + Relationship Coaching via Facebook Live Weekly Facebook/Instagram: @MerettaNichols

Society has mentally trained women through advertisements to think women have to look a certain way to be considered beautiful. Over the last several years we’ve seen more positive media regarding women’s beauty regardless of their size. The truth is whether society gives us a thumbs up or not, Sistah, you need to know that God loves your curves and he wants you to love them too! He didn’t make a mistake when he created you specifically. Whatever your healthy weight or size, love yourself and don’t let anyone get in your head and convince you otherwise.

You are uniquely and wonderfully made. Be your #1 cheerleader! Let go of any negative words that you have spoken to yourself or that someone else has said directly or indirectly to you. As women our goal is to be our best healthy self and focus on loving ourselves completely!

People will learn how to respect your personal space by the standards you communicate and the self love you portray.

Love your personality and your body. Every inch that makes you,YOU!

BLACK AROUND THE WORLD

THE POWER OF THE BLACK WOMAN VOTE

BY DÉJA JONES

The power of the Black Woman Vote is a true testament to the power of the Black woman. Let’s first discuss what it means when society labels you “woman.” The social expectation put on women is the role of the caretaker and nurturer. Like it or not, qualified or not, you’re a mother, a certified nurse, dietitian, therapist, accountant, teacher, protector, and the list goes on.

Obligation is bound to women as if it were a birth-right. Women are the foundation of every society, and yet, we are undervalued and treated as expendable second-class citizens. We had to fight for every human right, and we are still fighting. Now, the struggles of a Black woman are in a

"BLACK WOMEN HAD TO ADVOCATE, PROTECT, AND FIGHT FOR THEMSELVES BECAUSE NO ONE ELSE WOULD SPEAK UP FOR US AND NO ONE ELSE KNOWS OUR UNIQUE STRUGGLE BETTER THAN US"

category

all

on

its

own

because

of

our

unique

experiences, within the obligations society has bound us to. When we talk about human rights, you have to acknowledge that the starting point for Black women was far below that of Black Black men and White Women. In 1870 Black men, not women were kinda sorta given the right to vote (the South was not having it). The uproar over

the

15th

amendment

wasn’t

because

of

the

exclusion of Black women, but because the government had the audacity to extend the right to Black men before White women. This also sparked a division between black people by putting Black women and men on opposing sides, a tool still used to isolate and disenfranchise Black communities. Black women had to advocate, protect, and fight for themselves because no one else would speak up for us and no one else knows our unique struggle better than us. Knowing our history is understanding why we are

the way we are. The loudest. The proudest. The most resilient. Advocacy and the will to fight is ingrained in our DNA from generations of fighting for the most basic of rights. We understand what it’s like to be powerless and overlooked. That’s why we fight for equity, to improve the quality of life for everyone, and nurturer still, and so much more. No wonder Black women are killing the game and have BEEN killing the game. No wonder women like Stacy Abrahms, Cori Bush, and Michele Rayner-Goolsby are making American History. They’re picking up where so many behind-scene leaders and women of untold stories have left off while paving the way for the next generation to exceed all expectations.

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