Monday Magazine, August 23, 2012

FICTION > ANGEL WITH A BULLET - PART 2 OF 4 AUG.23 - 29, 2012

can

Anything happen at

Fringe

SPECIA L PREVI EW

WOODWYNN STILL BELIEVES | FRINGE VETE VETERANS SINGE | WALSH AND MITCHELL 38:34

8 ĹŹ 8 8

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MONDAY MAGAZINE AUGUST 23 - 29, 2012 mondaymag.com

NEWS & VIEWS > THE WEEK

EDITOR’S NOTE

Woodwynn still believes hat do cruise ships and homeless people have in common? No, it’s not a bad joke — the answer is their impact on tourism.

That connection is what links groups like Victoria AM DANIELLE to jump ship from their typiPOPE cal role as welcoming ambasnews@ sadors to the city’s visitors mondaymag.com and clamber onto the rescue wagon to help raise awareness for a little farm that’s trying to do it all.

Woodwynn Farms may have been given the veto for “Camp Compassion” months ago, but that isn’t going to stop the group from hosting one of the biggest family-friendly entertainment events the farm (and Central Saanich) has seen, complete with an inspirational title: “We Believe.”

This Saturday, Aug. 25, over 3,000 people are expected to partake in an event presented by Victoria AM that will send all proceeds to support Woodwynn Farms’ “Homefulness” program.

“The mission of the event is really three-fold,” says Louise Chabros, executive director of Close to Home out of Woodwynn, and past president of Victoria AM. “To grow awareness about the farm and its initiatives in Central Saanich, to demonstrate to everyone how much support is already behind the farm — both from residents and from Victoria businesses — and to raise money for its operating costs.”

The event will offer live entertainment, hosted by MC Charlie Ferris, featuring Daniel Lapp, Ashbury West (a Neil Young tribute band), Tanya Gillespie, a mysterious magician, wandering puppets and more. No outside food or beverages of any kind will be allowed to maintain the alcohol-free and smoke-free environment, but free water will be handed out, and celebrity chefs will be competing with members of the Creating Homefulness Society in a KD Cook-off, which will allow eventgoers to sample Kraft Dinner, too.

Camp Compassion appeared in early July on the 78-hectare property in an attempt to develop a “therapeutic farm community” for up to 96 former street people. Bylaws currently permit only four permanent residents to live on the site, however, and the applications to rezone one-hectare of the property to allow housing on the site was turned down by the Agricultural Land Commission.

“We are in need of this therapeutic community to go ahead for the benefit of all of us,” says Chabros.

“Victoria AM is aware that there are alternate viewpoints to the question of how the land at Woodwynn Farms should be used ... We believe that the questions about land use should be brought to the attention of the voting public so that the affected people may participate in this important decision.”

Check out the event Saturday, 10am-6pm at the farm (7785 West Saanich). Tickets $10 each, or $20 per family. More: WoodwynnFarms.org.

W

JASON LANGLOIS

Think you have what it takes to be a burlesque dancer? The Cheesecakes are recruiting all courageous body types and personalities this month.

JOB POSTING: DRAWER DROPPER Anyone can go on stage and picture the audience naked for courage, but if you’re fantasy has been more along the lines of having the audience picture you naked, your dream is about to come true.

The Victoria Cheesecake Burlesque Revue is seeking a few more flavours to add to their repertoire, and are eyeballing all gutsy gals (and all body types and ages over 19) in Victoria, who can commit to rehearsals and travelling adventures — no prior experience needed.

“We work hard and play hard, but have a ton of fun doing it,” says Cheesecaker Champagne Sparkles, adding that the recruitment comes after some current members made life changes that will take them out of the circuit.

Sure, stripping (almost) naked on stage while hundreds of whistling fans cheer you on could seem a little intimidating, but cheesecakery is about more than just swinging tassels. The award-winning ladies are known for their highenergy acts, comedic timing, seductiveness and girl-next door accessibility, and have shimmied across stages in Paris, Berlin, Las Vegas, New Orleans, San Francisco, Vancouver, Seattle and, of course, Victoria.

Sparkles has a message for people who are considering the gig but are nervous or aren’t sure if they have what it takes.

“No matter where you are starting from, you will find this kind of performance so empowering, and you will be amazed by how good you make other women feel, just by getting up on that stage yourself,” she says.

To apply, check out cheesecakeburlesque.com/ files/Cheesecake_Audition_Application.doc, and prepare to submit a salacious video to show the crew your moves by midnight on Aug. 31. M

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hen I first heard that local media tycoon David Black was proposing to build a $13-billion oil refinery in Kitimat, my initial thought was: “Pity it’s not something more visionary, such as a wave, wind or solar farm, or even new battery technology that will give us freedom from fossil fuels.”

But, of course, Black is a businessman and not an eccentric billionaire, and when it comes to the lesser GRANT of two evils, I actually like his idea.

MCKENZIE Before I continue, full disclosure: Black owns Monday Magazine. I’ve met him on several occasions editor@ (Christmas party, Belfry Theatre openings, etc.) and mondaymag.com we have had some friendly chats about books, theatre and newspapers. He has never once interferred with the editorial content of the magazine nor told me what to write.

Firstly, from an environmental point of view, I’m still opposed to the proposed Enbridge pipeline that will send oilsand bitumen from Alberta to B.C. The logistics of it boggle my mind, but “if” the pipeline gets built, I would rather see that toxic sludge arrive at a Canadian-owned refinery to be processed than be loaded directly onto tankers lining our fragile coast.

Black’s proposal, which would be the first refinery built in Canada in 25 years, would have the capacity to process the entire output of the planned Enbridge pipeline, separating the diluent that makes oilsands bitumen flow and sending that product back to Edmonton via a second line. It would then be capable of processing 550,000 barrels per day of gasoline, diesel and kerosene. These processed fuels would be piped to waiting tankers, and although a spill would still be horrific for the environment, gasoline and diesel can evaporate at sea unlike a bitumen spill.

Black is also promising to make the refinery “the cleanest and greenest refinery in the world.” And while talk is cheap when it comes to making profit, I have a tendency to believe his sincerity on this. Whether or not his vision will be shared by his financial partners is another matter, and not even Black can make any guarantees on that score. When you ask people to chip in a few billion dollars, you’re not always guaranteed that their ethics match your own.

So here’s the lesser part of two evils: Canada gets jobs (up to 6,000 to build the refinery, and 3,000 permanent jobs thereafter), and our coastline stands a better chance of recovery if/when a spill happens.

It’s not a feel-good story with a happy ending (maybe the eccentric billionaire with visions of a clean, renewable energy source is still out there), but it is definitely a better option with more benefits for British Columbia and Canada than the current stand-alone pipeline proposal. M

W

WEEKLY REPORT CARD SUBJECT

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HEY MAN, CAN I BORROW YOUR LIGHTER? We were ready to hand out a bad grade to the person who stole $6,000 worth of cigarette cartons from a local convenience store last Friday.

But, on second thought, maybe this lung-vigilante has done smokers everywhere a favour — or has gravely accepted his own death penalty.

WHEN THE GYM IS JUST NOT ENOUGH It’s great to see so many finish the summer on an active note, from the Dragon Boat races to the International Ultimate Frisbee championships to Cool Aid’s Run for Change. Bravo to all who partake in their own stride.

DO YOU LIKE THE NO-DRIVE-THRU PARK? Good that those ready to speak up about the traffic changes to Beacon Hill Park can on Saturday, Aug. 25, 12:30-3:30pm near the petting zoo.

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MONDAY MAGAZINE AUGUST 23 - 29, 2012 mondaymag.com

CONTENTS VOL. 38, NO. 34 Aug. 23-29, 2012

NEWS & VIEWS

MONDAY LIFE

3

THE WEEK

8-9

FOOD & DRINK - PAM GRANT

3

REPORT CARD

17

GEORGIA NICOLS HOROSCOPE

3

EDITOR’S NOTE

6

LETTERS

MONDAY GUIDE

7

KIERAN REPORT

7

CITY WATCHDOG

12-13 CITY SOMETHING Sara Marreiros transports you to an oceanside town in Portugal, while former Eagles member Joe Walsh brings the hits to Esquimalt’s Bullen Park

FEATURES

14

THEATRE Three local performers Singe the periphery of the Fringe

15

FILM & LIBATION Expendables 2 is blow-’em-up violence and fun

19

CALENDAR OF EVENTS

FULL LISTINGS @ MONDAYMAG.COM

ON THE COVER 11

ANGEL WITH A BULLET

In Part 2 of this 4-part novel excerpt, wisecracking AltWeekly reporter Dixie receives a call from her editor, informing her that a prominent local artist has been found dead in his apartment. The trouble is, that artist is a former lover . . .

Anything can happen at Fringe — and usually does. With more than 50 shows from around the globe at 8 venues over 10 days, there is sure to be something for everyone.

10

COVER ILLUSTRATION: GRANT MCKENZIE WITH PHOTOS FROM FRINGE X

MAGAZINE is published by Black Press Group Ltd. at 818 Broughton Street, Victoria BC, V8W 1E4

EDITOR IN CHIEF

NEWS

ARTS

Grant McKenzie

Danielle Pope

Mary Ellen Green

PHONE: 250-382-6188 CLASSIFIEDS: 250-388-3535 DISTRIBUTION: 250-360-0817 FAX: 250-382-6014 E-MAIL: reception@mondaymag.com editorial@mondaymag.com calendar@mondaymag.com sales@mondaymag.com

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Canadian publications mail R#112895.

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Circulation: 20,000 Member CCNA

MONDAY MAGAZINE AUGUST 23 - 29, 2012 mondaymag.com

[5]

Butchart’s Summer Festival THURSDAY AUG 23 FRIDAY AUG 24

Chris Millington East Van Morrison & Dancin’ Van Morrison tunes Dancing on stage via East Vancouver 7:30pm 7:30pm

This Saturday SATURDAY AUG 25 Night Tropic Mayhem Fun in the sun & cool surfin’ sounds!

6pm

9pm

Fireworks 9pm

SUNDAY AUG 26 MONDAY AUG 27 TUESDAY AUG 28 WEDNESDAY AUG29

Greg Madill & Kent Fiddy & David Sinclair Nightrise Original songs of Original music from Canada & her past this Island 7:30pm 7:30pm

Night Illuminations every night at dusk Firework Saturdays

Don’t Go Changing Pop & Rock classics 7:30pm

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NEWS & VIEWS > OPINION

MAIL Depressing

Re: Kieran Report, Aug.16-22 Thanks Brian, great, although depressing, article. I have shared it with all my local, freerange and organic B.C. contacts.

THOMAS MALER, VICTORIA

We can stop this idiocy Brian Kieran's opinion "Carbon boondoggle robs poor to fuel rich" is fabulous.

I especially like his summarizing statement: "In fact, our carbon neutral status is nothing more than a tax-shifting scam that dispenses corporate welfare to less-thanneedy business barons." Then he proceeded to back that up with statistics that make sense, many of them from the Canadian Tax Federation. Schools, hospitals and social services should not be forced to pay corporations for changes that they should be doing anyway and can afford to pay for themselves.

This travesty, combined with the B.C. Liberal definition of natural gas as "clean" energy as part of their carbon-neutral calculations, promotes the realization that the B.C. government is interested only in bolstering corporate power

785 Pandora Ave. Westside Village 160-174 Wilson St.

Transforming Our Communities, One Woman at a Time.

250-480-4006 www.womeninneed.ca Email name & phone # to promo@

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MONDAY MAGAZINE AUGUST 23 - 29, 2012 mondaymag.com

Money well spent

Enter V to win a pair Fringe Festival

CHECK US OUT ON FACEBOOK

with costs borne by the public. Shame on them, and on anyone who is foolish enough to vote for them in the upcoming provincial election. We CAN stop this idiocy!

CONNIE FOSS MORE, VICTORIA

Re: The Week, Aug.16-22 While I was glad too see coverage about the Ryder Hesjedal bike racks, I was disappointed with the content. Of all the adjectives available, why is "expensive" chosen as a descriptor in the photo of Ryder with the bike racks.

Given the idea behind

the racks, the adjective commemorative I think is far more suitable. But I guess the word expensive was used to introduce the reader to the general bias of the article.

Must be how Danielle Pope sees life from her "vehicle crazed" viewpoint.

JANET BESLER, VICTORIA

Another grow-op seized

of tickets to

www.womeninneed.ca

Don’t just sit there and fume, write to us.

Snail: 818 Broughton, V8W-1E4 E-mail: letters@mondaymag.com Not every letter makes it to print, but we do read everything we receive.

mondaymag. com with ‘Fringe Festival’ in the subject line.

Winners will be notified

by Monday August 27.

ictoria is two grow-ops less this week, when Saanich Police seized over 900 marijuana plants in the Cordova Ridge area and arrested a couple that had no previous record with police. But the move is just another way to make confiscation look like “heroism,” according to advocates.

A 51-year-old Duncan man and 50-year-old Victoria woman were arrested Thursday night, Aug. 16, when BC Hydro personnel alerted police to two “sophisticated hydro diversions” at the location. Police found two large grow operations in full production, along with several kilograms of freshly cut and dried bud. Health Canada permits are always checked first in these cases, says Sgt. Scott Treble of Saanich Police, but the individuals did not have permits on file with the government.

“Stealing hydro is always wrong, but these are the kinds of acts we can expect to see so long as we are living in prohibition,” says Ted Smith, local

pot activist and creator of the Cannabis Buyers’ Club. “This could have been the perfect ma-and-pa operation where the government was supporting people who are creating important medicine.”

The individuals, who are now facing proposed charges of production of marijuana, production of marijuana for the purpose of trafficking and theft of electricity, were not part of the Buyers’ Club. All 900 plants will be incinerated according to federal policy, says Treble, minus a few samples kept for testing.

“It doesn’t surprise me the police treat this seizure as an act of heroism, but when you think of how many people that medicine could have helped, this is heartbreaking,” says Smith. “Why don’t we see the police come out with press releases every time they have finally jailed a man who was caught beating his wife? They act like this is helping communities, but who is really winning here? Not Victoria.” M — Danielle Pope

NEWS & VIEWS > OPINION

STREET SMARTS How safe do you feel in Victoria’s crosswalks?

KIERAN REPORT

The Party of No can’t seem to say yes chance encounter with a Prince George fly fisherman on the Quinsam River has encouraged me to reflect on what lies BRIAN ahead if we prove the KIERAN pollsters right and bkieran@ elect the New Demomondaymag.com crats next May. Our conversation started with the Interior visitor’s complaint about the high price of gasoline on Vancouver Island. Of course I had to fuel his outrage with my thoughts on the government’s punitive carbon tax.

Soon our discussion came to the NDP’s current status as a governmentin-waiting and that made my Quinsam River friend spitting mad. As if it was yesterday, he recalled that the NDP government of the 1990s could have prevented the deadly rampage of the mountain pine beetle and spared B.C. billions in resource damages. Instead, the NDP failed to take action because it would have meant violating one of its sacred environmental canons.

The beetle infestation was first detect-

A

ed in Tweedsmuir provincial park and could have been contained there if forest companies had been permitted to go into the park and selectively log infested areas. The government said no, nature must take its course. The sanctity of the park boundaries would not be violated on the NDP’s watch. The battle against the beetle would only start when the multiplying insects had eaten their way out of the park and started in on timber land to the east.

In effect, thanks to NDP chromosomal intransigence, the war against the pine beetle was lost before it even started.

My Prince George companion reminded me of a fundamental truth about the NDP: The Party of No does not know how to say yes to common sense. The pine beetle fiasco demonstrated a chronic failure to understand that governance demands flexibility, that there is a time to put away the Red Book and govern outside the safety of socialist doctrine.

I’m sure my NDP friends will chide me for returning to the 1990s for such an example of their inability to adapt to real life governing experience. Fair enough. Let’s look at an example in the here and now.

Last week, I took the Liberals to task for their Pacific Carbon Trust (PCT), a greenhouse gas (GHG) fighting Crown

We don’t have a lot of good drivers here. I avoid crosswalks when possible.

corporation that takes precious education and health tax dollars and dispenses them as corporate welfare to business barons.

The NDP should be all over this. It’s a left wing no-brainer. Giving Canfor a tax-generated handout to implement green business practices should be just as politically offensive to the NDP as killing little beetles on the sanctified side of a provincial park boundary.

In fact, NDP leader Adrian Dix has managed only sabre rattling when it comes to the Trust. Rather than call for the Crown corporation to be dismantled, he has called for “a fix” and the details are few and far between.

I suspect “premier” Dix will indulge in a little ideological shape shifting and use the Trust to finance whacky GHG schemes that could never fly unassisted. Green corporations will be popping out of the woodwork with shaggy dog projects similar to the Nature Conservancy of Canada’s 55,000-hectare Darkwoods project in the Kootenays, which recently received a healthy welfare cheque from PCT for simply letting its forests grow.

I fear a 2013 government will behave very much like the 1990s version that was ravaged at the polls after a decade of incompetence. M

YUKI ARVISAIS, Japan

I feel moderately safe, but I keep my eyes wide open.

LARRY BROOKES, Victoria

I feel pretty safe, so long as everyone is paying attention.

LINDSAY STRINGER, Victoria

I don’t feel safe at all. I’ve been nearly hit two or three times, so have friends.

CITY WATCHDOG

CHAD DAVID, Victoria

VicPD transparency is a one-way street ast week, VicPD Cst. David Bratzer found himself in the limelight after he was denied access to the recent proposal by the RCMP to take over Esquimalt’s policing services. That proposal was accepted by Esquimalt council, only to be overruled by the minister of justice.

The constable justified his inquiry to local media, saying, “I feel this is an appropriate SIMON time to ask ourselves, ‘Was this a transparent NATTRASS process?’ And the answer, in my view, is ‘no.’” snattrass@ While Bratzer insists that he was acting as a mondaymag.com private citizen, one can’t help but think his employer — currently knee-deep in contract negotiations — would benefit from access to the competition’s apparently superior offer.

(On Monday night, however, Esquimalt council bowed to pressure and voted in favour of releasing the proposals within 30 days.)

Bratzer’s approach seems to be characteristic of the entire Victoria Police Department, which found itself in hot water with the B.C. Privacy Commissioner last week over its newfound habit of collecting thousands of license plate numbers from innocent civilians for no particular reason.

L

The department is under investigation by the commissioner for its failure to address whether or not the program — which has vehicle-mounted cameras recording license plate numbers at random — complies with privacy law.

Mirroring his department’s apparent commitment to transparency, Chief Jamie Graham brushed off concerns over the new program, assuring us that “If you haven’t done anything wrong and there’s no issues, what’s to be worried about?”

This isn’t the first time VicPD has defended collecting reams of personal data. The department stood by the controversial BarWatch program while it was being investigated by the privacy commissioner for retaining personal data scanned from bar patrons’ I.D. Unfortunately, this desire for openness appears to be limited to everyone but VicPD itself. The department refused to provide local media with the same information requested by Cst. Bratzer, and a recent report on the issues behind Esquimalt’s decision to jump ship repeatedly cited flow of information as a primary concern.

VicPD brass was also strangely silent on the topic of its current conflict with the privacy commissioner, despite Chief Graham’s previously vociferous support for its license recognition program.

It would appear that, at least when it comes to the Victoria police force and its members, transparency is a one-way street. M

THE POLL Should Victoria invest in Crosswalk Ambassadors?

Yes, good for tourism and safety

0% 78%

No, a waste of money

21% Maybe, if they were volunteers

Total Votes: 23

To participate in next week’s poll, go to mondaymag.com

MONDAY MAGAZINE AUGUST 23 - 29, 2012 mondaymag.com

[7]

FOOD&DRINK MONDAYMORSELS ONDAYMORS Less than half an hour from downtown, Church & State Wines in Brentwood Bay is the perfect diversion on a sunny day. Whether you live here or are visiting, the Tasting Bar is open daily from 11am - 6pm to sample a variety of wines, including Meritage, Chardonnay, Pinot Gris, Pinot Noir and Merlot. Visit before 3:30pm and nibble on a platter of antipasto with house-made pickled vegetables, pate, prosciutto, goat cheese torta, Cowichan blue cheese and warm baguette. Or tuck into pizza from the wood-fired oven, a steak sandwich with sautéed mushrooms, caramelized onions and grilled romaine or a Caprese or Nicoise Salad. Located at 1445 Benvenuto Ave., 250-652-2671.

MORE ONLINE… mondaymag.com @MondayMag Find us on facebook

SOME LIKE IT HOT

>

on Newton’s collection of bottled hot sauces grew as he searched in vain for a concoction with the right amount of heat and flavour.

I can empathize with Jon. I am so addicted to chili heat that I frequently eat it at breakfast, much to the horror of others.

But I am not alone.

Some people slather on the hot sauce because they believe it helps with everything from arthritis to sluggish metabolism.

J PAM GRANT pamgrant@ mondaymag.com

DAD’S AWESOME SAUCES, HOMEMADE ON VANCOUVER ISLAND

An increase in non-European immigrants over the last generation also means that the Canadian palate has changed and many of us are similarly addicted today. Kitchens that once yielded a single bottle of Tabasco that was dragged out for an occasional Bloody Mary — so underutilized after years in the cupboard that its brick hue was devoid of colour —often have several now.

How many do I have? No comment. But let’s just say that their origins span the globe and while heat level is not a problem, flavour is trickie trickier.

For Fortunately, I don’t have to go so far in my search anymore.

In 2010, Liz Newton was growing weary of he her husband Jon’s collection of bottled hot sa sauces as it was taking over an increasing amount of valuable refrigerator real estate. amou So she decided to attempt to make the Holy Grail of sauces herself. She did pretty well as it turn turns out, because today the Newtons are running a successful home-based business runni offering a trio of hot sauces and a piquant offeri meat rub out of their Cowichan Bay home.

Continued on next page

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MONDAY MAGAZINE AUGUST 23 - 29, 2012 mondaymag.com

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Dad’s Awesome sauces are prepared from able, lending themselves to a variety of reciscratch with fresh peppers, ripe plum and pes that the Newtons have posted on their sun-dried tomatoes (sourced locally whenev- website, including Nigerian peanut soup, er possible) balsamic vinegar, garlic, onions, taco filling, potato salad, pulled pork and ginger, and hand-ground herbs and spices. chicken pie.

The Newtons have also invented a lowerFree from artificial flavours and preservasodium meat rub with marjoram and a hint tives, they are devoid of gluten, soy, dairy or of lemon and dried mango. It is particularly meat ingredients, making them suitable for good with fish, pork and many special diets. chicken, and according to If you like heat, try the inventors, not bad on Dad’s Westcoast Wildfire popcorn either.

Awesome Sauce, or their Available in selected most recent creation, Dad’s Victoria stores including Westcoast Armageddon LifeStyle Market (180Sauce, described as über 2950 Douglas St,) Niagara hot. Dad’s Westcoast Grocery (579 Niagara St.) Rainforest Awesome Market on Millstream (125Sauce is milder, but, 2401C Millstream Rd.) and the Newtons advise, not a variety of markets, includtame. I would agree, having the Sunday Market at ing sampled all three Bastion Square, the Moss at Taste in Victoria last Street Market, the Sidney month. And while my Summer Market, the Oak definition of hot is differBay Night Market and the ent from most people’s, Oaklands’ Sunset Series. the Armageddon Sauce is Products are also availpretty close. The sauces DAD'S AWESOME MEAT RUB able through the website are also extremely adaptat wildfiresauce.com M

DRINKUP

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Wine Fundamentals I, the introductory level, is designed for those looking to gain a basic appreciation for different types of wine and an increased level of confidence when selecting varietals. This course will run twice this fall with start dates on both Sept. 9 and Nov. 18.

Wine Fundamentals II is open to those who have completed the first level, starts on Sept. 10, and builds on the knowledge gained in the first course. It exposes students to viticulture, vinification and regional appellation laws.

The third level of ISG certification, the Sommelier Diploma Program, covers everything from viticulture to investment strategy. Students attend an eight-hour class once a week for six months, commencing Nov. 19.

For further information and registration please visit the ISG website at internationalsommelier.com M

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[9]

OFF THE FRONT > FESTIVAL PREVIEW

FRINGE Madness ANYTHING GOES WHEN YOU’RE HAVING FUN LITTLE LADY hat could be more Fringe than a cockroach woman? Turns out, not much. Winning a reputation as the “fringiest” and “most daring” show in the Canadian circuit, Little Lady brings a wacky and dark metamorphosis to this year’s Victoria Fringe lineup.

The show was created in three weeks as a self-portrait by Sandrine Lafond, former Cirque Du Soleil performer and Celine Dion dancer. Lafond turned the loss of a job last year into the ammo she needed to create her first play and take “herself” on tour to show the world.

“All my life, I’ve worked with companies that have wanted something from me — the strong lines of my body, the way I move — but I’ve always thought people have not asked enough of me,” says Lafond. “Everyone has a side they don’t want to see, or are scared to show the public, but these are the most interesting sides to see.”

Lafond used her peculiar flexibility to create a character that frames society’s modern obsession with image through a grotesque fable that juxtaposes her

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HANAFUDA DENKI A TALE OF PLAYING CARDS

I

MONDAY MAGAZINE AUGUST 23 - 29, 2012 mondaymag.com

ag along on one woman’s journey to find the perfect penis in The Cockwhisperer — A Love Story.

Comedic writer and actress Colette Kendall of Hamilton, Ont., stars in this trilogy of semi-autobiographical stories about lust and love.

“I want people to walk away with what they get out of it,” says Kendall. “Definitely, there’s some embellishment, but the COCKWHISPERER main issues are all things I’ve Comedic dramatic dealt with in my life.” monologue The former stay-at-home Downtown Activity Centre mother of three with a bio-chemistry degree started doing stand(755 Pandora) • 60 minutes up at the behest of her boyfriend Thurs., Aug. 23 at 6:15pm just before her 40th birthday.

Sat., Aug. 25 at 10pm She’s since been nominated for Sun., Aug. 26 at 8pm three Canadian Comedy Awards Mon., Aug. 27 at 9:30pm for best solo show, including one Sat., Sept 1 at 3:30pm for The Cockwhisperer.

Sun., Sept. 2 at 5:30pm “It felt like I was three-yearsold playing in a sandbox again. I loved it,” says Kendall.

She began taking improv classes at the Staircase Theatre (she’s now executive director) and did her first Fringe tour when her children were 10, 8 and 6-years-old. Now, the oldest is 18 and has even attended a performance.

“It’s been interesting,” says Kendall. “We’re pretty liberal with all subject matter in my household and have always been open with the way we speak and the words we use ... I do talk about my first husband, which happens to be my children’s father. It’s not meant to be a play where there’s judgment cast. I explain a grey situation and I don’t come out looking great and he doesn’t come out looking great. But that’s life — it’s grey.”

While the play covers awkward topics like losing virginity, spousal abuse and impotence, it’s still a comedy and Kendall’s track record proves this show should be full of zingers.

T

— Danielle Pope

LITTLE LADY Physical Theatre 45 minutes All Ages • All Tickets $11 Wood Hall, VCM (907 Pandora) Tue, Aug 28, 6:00pm Wed, Aug 29, 10:00pm Thu, Aug 30, 7:45pm Fri, Aug 31, 4:30pm Sat, Sep 1, 2:15pm Sun, Sep 2, 8:00pm

of this play was set to go on the night of the big earthquake in Japan last year,” says Claire Tanaka, Ryuzanji’s translator and interpreter. “We didn’t know whether to put it on or not. Was it approprit may be a challenge to understand Japanese sub- ate? But we decided yes — the messages were truer culture, but that doesn’t mean Fringers will have than ever.” any trouble figuring out whether the players are The play combines the serious tone of life-andwinners or losers in the life-and-death game that is death with light-hearted jokes based around a Hanafuda Denki — A Tale of Playpopular card game in Japan. Yet ing Cards. the real story surrounds a funeral HANAFUDA DENKI The play, based on “a very home director, his daughter and Drama with music Japanese kind of Threepenny his dead staff.

75 minutes Opera,” was first written and “Of course, it’s impossible to All Ages Tickets $11/$9 staged in 1967 by avant-garde expect people will get all of the Metro Studio Theatre pioneer Shuji Terayama. Yet references ... but it does become (1411 Quadra) the 12-actor version coming easy to interpret what is going to Victoria Fringe, created by on,” says Tanaka. “We’ve heard Tue, Aug 28, 6:30pm Tokyo’s internationally acclaimed a lot of people see this show and Wed, Aug 29, 6:30pm Ryuzanji company, makes it modsay it has left them with a new Thu, Aug 30, 10:30pm ern with dramatic costumes, perspective on death. Some peoFri, Aug 31, 9:15pm elaborate makeup and ghostly ple have said they are not afraid Sat, Sep 1, 8:15pm illusions. of dying now.”

Sun, Sep 2, 2:00pm “One of the first performances — Danielle Pope

[10]

THE COCKWHISPERER — A LOVE STORY

exquisite movement skills with the world of distortion and manipulation the character faces.

“My dream is that people will come away from this performance entertained, but with questions — questions that challenge how we think about bodies and what we value,” she says.

While Lafond is now in her 40s, she says the c character has taught her a lot about herself. With n funding to carry Little no L Lady to the stage, she was t thrilled to skitter on board t Fringe circuit, and will the h have performed the play 6 times by the time the 67 F Fringe concludes. Luckily, h time with Cirque Du her S Soleil and other compan trained her to be flexnies i ible enough to crunch into a fresh performance every t time.

— Mary Ellen Green

REDHEADED STEPCHILD obody knows what it’s like to be picked on more than a redheaded stepchild.

And 12-year-old Nicholas knows the biggest boy in Grade 6 is going to beat him up tomorrow, yet his ex-Jehovah’s Witness golf-pro stepmom won’t let him stay home.

Hopefully his worldly alter-ego Rufus Vermillion will know what to do.

Find out how this young carrottop deals with the abuse in Redheaded Stepchild, a coming-ofage story by Toronto’s Nobody’s Business Theatre.

The solo-comedic drama, written and performed by real-life ginger Johnny Walker, was inspired by a 2008 “Kick-A-Ginger Day”

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Facebook group (which incidentally was born up Island in Courtney and spread virally throughout Canada) that encouraged people to assault redheads.

Continued on Page 18

FEATURE SPECIAL > FICTION: EXCERPTS FROM A NOVEL

Angel With A Bullet PART 2 OF 4: LOCAL AUTHOR M.C. GRANT'S NEW NOVEL BEING RELEASED ON SEPT. 8 “So? You know how tough it is to mend fences once you’ve plowed them over? The police commissioner and the publisher are golfing buddies.”

“The commish doesn’t advertise.”

“So?” “So our publisher only gives a crap about the people who buy ads, and one of the reasons they buy ads is because they know I don’t play favorites.”

“Is that so?”

“Yeah.”

“It’s got nothing to with the other reporters, editors and photogs, or the calls I make in the newsroom every day?”

“OK,” I relent, sensing he’s feeling a touch sensitive. “You make me look good, but you know it’s me they’re dying to read.”

“I don’t know any such thing.”

“Flatterer.”

“What?”

“You know what I always say?”

“Yeah, don’t hate you because you’re beautiful.”

I laugh. “Give me the address. I can handle it.”

His voice softens. “You really sure?”

“I really am.”

He gives me the address.

Monday’s Editor-in-Chief, under the pen name M.C. Grant, will be releasing his latest mystery novel across North America and the UK on Sept. 8. Through a special arrangement with his publisher, Midnight Ink, we are giving readers a special sneak peek at the opening chapters over four weeks.

Grant will be signing Angel With A Bullet at a special book launch at Chapters on Douglas St., on Sat., Sept. 8 at 2 p.m.

CHAPTER 1 CONT'D My mother harrumphs. “Well, you don’t see me buying second-hand tits off the Internet, do you?”

“Second hand—” “That’s what Marcy says. Pamela Anderson, the bouncy Playmate from Baywatch, auctioned her old implants, the extra-large ones, on eBay. Thelma bought them.”

“I doubt that’s true,” I say.

“That’s what Marcy says.”

“Marcy’s your friend. It’s twisted, but she’s trying to be supportive.”

“Unlike some people I could—” “Don’t start, mother. I’ve told you before I’m not getting in between you and Dad. It’s better that I stay out of the way until you decide what you’re going to do.”

“You’ve always loved your father more.”

“You know that’s not true.”

“Do I?” She begins to sob.

“Of course you do,” I say gently. “You’re just tired. It’s after midnight. You should be sleeping.”

“How can I sleep when he’s—” “You don’t know what dad is doing, and letting your imagination get the better of you won’t help. Why don’t you hang up the phone and get some sleep?”

“You just want rid of me.”

“No, Mom. I want you to—” “Fine! I know when I’m not wanted.”

The phone goes dead in my ear.

And that’s why it’s wise to follow my own incredibly astute advice culled from years of life experience. I’ve worked horrible jobs, dated selfish men (and enough good ones to have hope there are still a few out there), and eaten dinner with annoying relatives whose photographic memories retain the most embarrassing moments of my tender thirty-six years.

It’s this accumulated experience that confirms I don’t need to answer the phone to know there’s nothing like a guilt trip from your mother to make impossible the sleep of angels.

I AM STILL TOSSING and turning when the phone rings again. Remember Dixie’s #1 Tip? I answer.

“Apology accepted,” I say wearily. “Now can you let me sleep?”

“Dix?” The voice has a wheezy, high-pitched squeak that could easily belong to a laughable cartoon pervert. It is that type of cruel observation, however, that if voiced aloud could make paying the rent difficult. And affordable rent in San Francisco is difficult enough even with a job.

“Hmmm, depends,” I say with tongue lodged comfortably in my cheek. “You don’t sound like Ryan or Hugh or——” “This is why I hate calling you, Dix. I get a headache every damn time.”

“Hi, boss.”

“Don’t get cute.”

“Too late.”

“You’re giving me a migraine.”

“Ahh, but what have you given me lately?”

“How about a job? I even pay you a wage. But that can all end, Dix. Should I get someone else to work on next week’s cover?”

“Cover?”

“I don’t like to repeat myself.”

“Could you say that again?”

“You want me to hang up?”

“I’m all ears, boss.”

“No, you’re all lip. You ever hear of Diego Chino?”

All the moisture leaves my mouth. “The artist?”

“Yeah, I guess that’s what you’d call him. I can’t get my head around that abstract stuff.”

“I know him.” The memory of him leaping over my bed shimmers and fades. “He does nice work, but it’s been marketed to death. He signed a seven-figure deal with Ralph Lauren last year for a line of art-inspired sweaters and a new fragrance. I don’t recall if either has made it to market yet, but the success certainly changed him.”

“He’s dead.”

I wince. “Geesus, boss, don’t pull any punches.”

“What are you talking about? It’s a story. I need you—” “I said I know, knew, argh!” I’m flustered, but my lips keep moving. “We were close. Kinda. We dated. Geesus!”

A heavy sigh drifts over the phone line.

“Oh!” he says. “Sorry, I’ll get—” “Don’t even think about it,” I snarl and suck in a deep, cleansing breath. “I want it.”

“If you were close maybe it’s not—” “The operative word is were.” My game face is on and I’m back in control of my lips. “I haven’t talked to him in over a year. I want the story. He became a big deal in this town. His death will leave a mark.”

The boss sighs again. “You sure? I just received the tip. The body’s fresh. No details, except it’s messy.”

“Isn’t that sweet.” The sarcasm drips off my tongue like venom. “You hear messy and think of me.”

Another heavy sigh that sounds more like a wheezy death rattle. “Forget it.”

“Give me the address?”

“No, this isn’t a good idea. You’ll go in guns blazing and piss off everybody.”

“So?”

I HANG UP AND STARE into the fishbowl that rests on top of the dresser facing the bed. Bubbles, the world’s oldest goldfish, having survived now for 92 days, turns her back to me in a disturbing show of indifference.

I hit speed dial on the speakerphone and pull on some clothes. Fortunately, I keep my natural copper hair in a frenetic, just-got-out-of-bed-and-couldn’t-give-a-damn cut so that when I get out of bed, I look like I don’t give a damn.

“Dispatch.”

“I need a ride, Mo.” “Dixie, baby, I’ve been thinking about you.” Mo’s guttural Bronx accent usually sounds like he has a mouth full of marbles, but tonight it’s more like he crunched up a few and gargled the broken shards.

“You sound rough, Mo. The clean air getting to you?”

“Doc says I need to give up the smokes.”

“You should listen.”

“The man puffs more than I do.”

“Then listen to me. Give up the cigs.”

“Yeah, yeah, I’ve heard it before, but . . .” He hesitates, a sudden loss for words, which is unusual.

“What aren’t you telling me?” I ask.

To discover just what Dixie's going to find when she investigates the death of one of San Francisco’s most influential artists — tune in next week for Part 3.

From Angel with a Bullet: A Dixie Flynn Mystery by M. C. Grant. © 2012 by M. C. Grant. Used by permission from Midnight Ink Books, www.midnightinkbooks.com.

WIN A SIGNED COPY OF ANGEL WITH A BULLET To win a signed copy of Angel With A Bullet, answer the following trivia question in an email to promo@mondaymag.com before Noon on Friday, Aug. 17. Winner will be randomly selected.

Q. What is the name of Dixie's pet goldfish?

And be sure to visit Grant at his book launch on Sat., Sept. 8 at 2 p.m. at Chapters Victoria.

MONDAY MAGAZINE AUGUST 23 - 29, 2012 mondaymag.com

[11]

MONDAY GUIDE > ARTS & ENTERTAINMENT SUSTAINING THE WELL

TOP PICKS

The Well Wholemart Enterprises (821 Fort) has run into financial problems and is holding a fundraiser Sun., Aug. 26 starting at 2pm.

The star-studded lineup includes Lonnie Glass, Michael Majocha, Gord Oliphant, Peter Brunette, Sherri Lynne Hooper, Ed Bachmeier, Kaya Fraser, Dom Graham, Sheila Tranfield, Harbour's End, Zinnia, Luara Cave, Linda Rogers, Marilyn Bowering, Esi Edugyan and Steven Price. Entry by donation. Come down and enjoy some music, literature, art, food and more to help keep The Well alive.

OUR FOR AUG. 23 – 29

MARY ELLEN GREEN arts@mondaymag.com

City SARA MARREIROS AND GALEN HARLEY

et Sara Marreiros transport you to an oceanside town in Portugal with Something Sweet on the Wind, her fourth album being launched Wed., Aug. 29 at Hermann’s Jazz Club (753 View).

The show features Marreiros’ signature mix of fado, jazz, bossa, country and more alongside guitarist Galen Hartley, who co-wrote three songs on Marreiros’ album. Hartley will also be playing songs from his latest album Good Dreams.

The lineup also includes Trav Short, Athena Holmes, Dan Weisenburger and Kelby MacNayr.

Tickets are $15 in advance at Larsen Music or $20 at the door. Doors at 6pm, show at 8pm. M

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TAJ WEEKES CANADIAN DEBUT t. Lucian reggae artist Taj Weekes and his band Adowa are making their Canadian debut with a national tour stopping in Victoria Thurs., Aug. 23 at Hermann’s Jazz Club (753 View).

Weekes brings his unforgettable reggae groove that blends elements of acoustic roots,

S

rock and afro-folk.

Weekes is touring in support of his latest album A Waterlogged Soul Kitchen featuring the single and music video “Peace and Love.”

Doors are at 6pm, show at 8pm. Tickets are $16.50 in advance at Lyle’s Place, Ditch Records and online at hightideconcerts.net. M

SUPPLIED

Taj Weekes and his band Adowa are bringing their signature reggae groove to Hermann’s Jazz Club Aug. 23.

Permission to be a voyeur for a day.

Annual House Tour | 6 unique homes.

Amazing architecture & views. Local artists at work.

Sunday, September 9, 11am – 5pm Tickets $35 on sale now.

Ticket information at aggv.ca/events/house-tour | Love your art gallery.

[12]

MONDAY MAGAZINE AUGUST 23 - 29, 2012 mondaymag.com

One Day Art Show & Sale

Sunday, August 26th

10 am to 4 pm, 1st Avenue, Ladysmith, BC Demos, Music, Artisan Food & Kids Art 2012 Guest Artist

JoVic Pottery

Ladysmith, BC www.artonavenue.com

Something

LOCAL FRINGE PICK: BEAUTIFUL OBEDIENT WIFE et UVic grads Alexa Gilker (writer) and Sandi Bar- took a look at The Kharkiv Letters and decided to rett (director) weave you a dark and humorous tale rewrite it. “It was so angsty,� she says with a laugh. of human trafficking in Beautiful Obedient Wife, a Gilker was inspired to write the play after doing new work by The Chicken my Grandmother Gave Me research on human trafficking for non-profit orgaProductions premiering at the Victoria Fringe. nizations she’s involved with. What she discovered Beautiful Obedient Wife tells the story of Masha, about the mail-order bride phenomenon left an a young Ukrainian woman who unknowingly gets impression on her. caught in a net of the mail-order “Women often chose to put bride phenomenon. themselves in this situation,�

BEAUTIFUL Masha’s wanna-be rockstar says Gilker. “But they often don’t boyfriend and her own povertyknow how they’re being marketOBEDIENT WIFE striken mother sign her up to be ed on the other end. But in this St. Andrew’s School Gym a mail-order bride without her situation, Masha doesn’t chose, (1002 Pandora) knowledge in hopes they can scam it’s chosen for her.�

Thurs., Aug. 23 at 9:45pm money out of a possible suitor.

Gilker wrote the play with the Sat., Aug. 25 at 4pm When the would-be Canadian idea in mind that Masha is a Sun, Aug. 26 at 8:30pm groom shows up in the Ukraine member of feminist Ukrainian Fri., Aug. 31 at 10:45pm looking to collect his bride, it forcprotest group FEMEN, that is Sat., Sept. 1 at 7;45pm es a hilarious fight for a woman well known for organizing topSun., Sept. 2 at 5:45pm who doesn’t want to be won. less protests against sex tourism, “When he shows up, all hell international marriage agencies breaks loose,� says Gilker, who and other issues facing women in wrote the first draft of this play in her third year at the Ukraine. “She’s fighting for her independence UVic. The drama, then called The Kharkiv Letters, was and I think that’s something that young people in included in the anthology Out on a Limb - Short Plays Canada can relate to,� says Gilker.

by New Playwrights produced by Signature Editions. “I write for the reason of exploring certain issues The recent grad was recently accepted into grad and I find comedy is such a fascinating way to do school for playwrighting, but decided to defer for a it. People laugh and then they wonder why they’re year to test the waters at home. laughing.� “Everyone floods out of here immediately and Beautiful Obedient Wife stars Randi Edmundson there’s a gap to be filled,� says Gilker. “That’s why I as Masha, Erin Sterling as Masha’s mother Katya, applied for Fringe. At some point you have to do the Mik Byskov as Masha’s boyfriend Vlad, Kieran inevitable, you have to write something. There’s such Wilson as Canadian Mike Smith and Trevor Hinto a big learning curve to produce your own show as a as the ladies’ sleazy landlord Viktor. It also feawriter, but so glad I did it. It’s been so much fun.� tures live Ukrainian folk music by local four-piece When she found out she got into the Fringe, she Carousels. M

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JOE WALSH AND KIM MITCHELL ormer Eagles member known for his powerful guitar licks, Joe Walsh has entertained the masses for decades. He’ll be bringing the hits from the James Gang, his massively successful solo career and the popular Eagles albums to Victoria Tues., Aug. 28 at Esquimalt’s Bullen Park (1151 Esquimalt).

Joining him is an all-star band and special guest Kim Mitchell.

Tickets are $69.50/95.50 (VIP) and are available at Ditch Records, Lyle’s Place and online at hightideconcerts.net. Gates open at 5:30pm, show at 7pm. Now that’s a wild party. M

F

Tickets on sale Friday, August 24 at 9:30 AM!

OCTOBER 20 @ 8:00 PM THE ROYAL THEATRE

Tickets available at: The Royal & McPherson Playhouse Box OfďŹ ces PS t SNUT CD DB

hahaha.com/concerts MONDAY MAGAZINE AUGUST 23 - 29, 2012 mondaymag.com

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TESL

MONDAY GUIDE > SINGE.CA

MARY ELLEN GREEN arts@mondaymag.com

TESL T

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PHOTOS BY DEREK FORD

Improviser Dave Morris, spoken-word performer Missie Peters, and Mike Delamont as God will be performing at the Fort Cafe.

Singe Festival: On the fringe of Fringe THREE VETERAN LOCAL PERFORMERS GO SOLO ON THE PERIPHERY

ERIK’S K’S VEHICLE REMOVAL YO YOUR #1 CHOICE

250-884-2537

FIND THE M AND WIN

o be part of the fringe is to be on the periphery by definition, but what happens when you’re on the fringe of the Fringe?

Ask local performers Missie Peters, Dave Morris and Mike Delamont — three Victoria Fringe Festival veterans who didn’t make it into this year’s lineup.

Other than 10 slots reserved for “firstcome-first-served� local artists who camp out in front of the Fringe offices, (this year’s lineup started at 4:45pm the previous day) Fringe shows are chosen by lottery, so it’s nothing personal that these three talented performers didn’t get included.

And since Fringe hosts Intrepid Theatre decided not to include the popular Bring

T

A PRIZE FROM MONDAY MAGAZINE

Each week we hide an “M� on the cover.

Last week it was hidden on the orange neoon ‘o’.

The winner was chosen by a random draw.

Prove that you’ve found the “M� and get it into our office to win!

Drawn Monday at noon. Submit entries to: 818 Broughton St., Victoria, V8W 1E4 with daytime phone number or fax it to our number at 250-386-2624.

Winner this week: Brenda

Blay

presents

Your Own Venue (BYOV) option this year, Peters, Morris and Delamont decided to take it into their own hands and host their own festival: The Victoria Singe Festival. “We were thinking of words that rhyme with fringe, and binge just didn’t sound as good,� says Morris. “And the singe. ca domain name was open, so we went with that. We didn’t try to make it ‘not the Fringe’.�

This underground festival of indie-theatre is literally happening underground at the Fort Cafe (742 Fort) and is the only Fringe — or non-Fringe — venue that sells both food and alcoholic drinks (may I recommend the chicken). “We’ve programmed the shows with an hour in-between so people can grab a drink and something to eat,� says Peters. “It’s true cabaret style.�

The Fort Cafe reduced the risk involved for the three performers by not charging rent for the nights in question. With a true BYOV, the performers would be responsible for covering rent, insurance, equipment and technical costs, something that Intrepid Theatre’s artistic director Janet Munsil says is the main reason why they didn’t include BYOVs this year. “The main reason we wanted

it’s time for new barstools!

to get out of the BYOV business was that I was tired and sad of seeing performers sink a bunch of money into putting a show in a rented venue outside the safety net of the festival,� says Munsil. “We want the performers to have a good experience and feel like they’re well supported and there’s only so much support we can offer when we’re not hands-on at the venue.�

All three performers have brand new oneperson shows; Peters (Public Confessions of a Public Servant, Not Your Grandma’s Poetry) is bringing her spoken-word monologue Where’s My Flying Car?! (recently workshopped at Uno Fest). Experience character driven improv in The Life and Death of Dave Morris (2011 Pick of the Fringe with Photobooth) and get ready for judgment day (or just judgment) with the second installment of God is a Scottish Drag Queen: The Second Coming featuring a droll deity dressed in an ’80s floral power suit (and all new jokes).

Each night of the festival will be a rotating double-header. Audience members can chose if they’d like to stay for one show ($11) or two ($20).

Doors are at 6pm and shows are at 7pm and 9pm. The festival runs Fri., Aug. 24 until Sun., Sept. 2. Tickets are only sold at the door the day of and they are cash only. There are only 50 seats for each performance, so get there early. Delamont sold out this venue for the full 10 nights as a BYOV last year. Alone.

For more information about the Victoria Singe Festival, visit singe.ca, or see their ad in the Fringe Festival program on Page 19. M

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MONDAY MAGAZINE AUGUST 23 - 29, 2012 mondaymag.com

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MONDAY GUIDE > FILM & CINEMA A MONSTER MASHUP

he brilliant crew who gave us the n a throwaway moment at the stop-motion animated masterpiece end of the rousing actioner Ex- Coraline are back in business with pendables 2, the gang of well-aged ParaNorman, the touching and cleverly and heroic mercenaries is pre- gruesome tale of an 11-year-old misfit sented with a rusted rattletrap of who is a bullied outcast because of his a plane to replace the one they just lost. ability to talk to dead people. And given “That belongs in a museum,� complains that these ghosts are friendlier comone. “We all do,� repany than hostile plies the character schoolmates and played by Arnold suspicious adults, PERFECTLY Schwarzenegger, who can blame POTABLE and the joke plays poor Norman?

The macho mercenaries of well on several levThis sad, Expendables spend most els. Welcome to one misunderstood of their downtime drinking of the most enterfellow lives in beer at a biker bar, and if taining cheesefests a town with a they had the choice I am of the summer, a dark past: it was sure they would happily sequel to the surprisonce a Puritan slurp Phillip’s Amnesiac ingly successful 2010 colony, and a Double IPA. At nearly 9 per flick about a crew of young “witch� cent alcohol, this intenselymanly meatheads was once hanged hopped palate pummeler who undertake suiafter being falseis not to be taken lightly! cide missions while ly accused. That With notes of citrus and spraying deadly bulwas 300 years pine that overlay a core of lets and droll quips ago and the malty caramel sweetness, with equal effect. witch’s legendthis is one of the champs Sporting a couary curse begins of the local beer scene, ple of tons worth by transforming and deservedly has a cult of iconic, ’80s-era the judge and following. action stars like jury who senSylvester Stallone, tenced the young Bruce Willis, Dolph girl into a zombie Lundgren and Chuck Norris and a army. That is just the beginning of the sprinkling of slightly younger counter- witch’s wrath, and only Norman with parts such as Jason Statham and Jet his ability to talk to the dead can save Li, the stage is set for brutal military the town. ops executed with deadly precision.

Finding a middle ground between In this outing, a sneering, sadistic vil- the Brothers Grimm and Tim Burton, lain (Jean-Claude Van Damme) has ParaNorman is a quirky entertainment enslaved an entire region of Eastern indeed. The art direction is the movEurope to help him dig out five tonnes ie’s greatest asset, beautifully drawn, of weapons-grade plutonium that was animated and coloured. But despite a buried in secret when the Soviet Union strong premise and a great protagocollapsed. But his real mistake was in nist, ParaNorman eventually runs out killing one of Stallone’s men, and you of steam, and then out of charm. Not just know that this sunglasses-sporting only does the plot not make a lot of badass is due to go down. Hard. sense — if the young girl wasn’t really a Although none of these actors was witch, how can she cast a terrible spell? ever a threat to Laurence Olivier or Paul — but the movie gets preachy indeed Newman, they have long-since passed as it touts the virtues of tolerance. Still, into the pop culture pantheon — cin- there’s quite a bit to like here. M ema survivors who have aged almost as badly as Keith Richards while acquir- EXPENDABLES 2 â˜…â˜…Â˝ ing a thin patina of gravitas over long Directed by Simon West careers spent needling adversaries with Starring Sylvester Stallone, Jet Li one liners before blowing them away. R - 102 minutes • Continues at the Here they acquit themselves adequate- Odeon, SilverCity and Westshore ly in a movie that alternates between sometimes dazzling action sequences and moments of mind-boggling What The Hell?! as plot logic isn’t just sus- PARANORMAN â˜…â˜…Â˝ pended so much as blown to smith- Directed by Chris Butler, Sam Fell ereens. With a staggering body count Starring Casey Affleck and some sly self-referential humour, PG-13 • 93 minutes • Continues at this cartoon movie will delight its target the Capitol, Uni 4, & SilverCity audience. M

I

T

Victoria Regional Transit

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Reduced service on trips with low use: t t t t

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For complete September service information – www.bctransit.com, Victoria, Upcoming Schedules

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Sexy andgetting Sophisticated in a Little Are you that feeling yet? Black Dress IIt’s currently represent a beautiful Victoria woman, new to determined findfact heroflike soul funny how everyone fusses over the 1st of January asthe thecity, startwho of a isnew year, whentothe theminded matter is — mate.

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Her ancestors bring in the romance harvest and thesellers future in September.

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She power walksSeptember on Dallas Road, would be ďŹ yoga, rst day of spring! practices loves wine tasting events, great restaurants and working in her garden. Her friends describe her as open minded, always interested, easygoing, en ergetic, but most of all, fun.

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[15]

To place an ad, call 250-382-6189, online at bcclassified.com, or email classad@mondaymag.com

CLASSIFIEDS COMMUNITY ANNOUNCEMENTS

COMMUNITY ANNOUNCEMENTS

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COMING EVENTS

PERSONALS

YOU PISSED ME OFF

CALL FOR ENTRIES 10TH ANNUAL Kitty Coleman Woodland Artisan Festival.

Fine Art and Quality Crafts Juried Show.

Presented in a spectacular outdoor setting Sept 1,2 &3 Applications for Artisans are available at woodlandgardens.ca or phone 250-339-6901

INFORMATION IMPORTANT NOTICE PUBLIC SCHOOL PARENTS All public school programs and all necessary learning supplies & equipment leading to graduation are LEGALLY FREE OF CHARGE IN PUBLIC SCHOOLS!

HOW TO REPLY: For written responses, please send $3.00 and envelope addressed to: Box #_ _ _ C/O Monday Magazine 818 Broughton St., Victoria, BC, V8W 1E4. Voice Personals members can also reply by phone at 250-383-6111.

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DEATHS

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STOLEN: BRODIE HELLION AND SIMS OATH BMX BIKES. Locks cut and taken from home in Colwood. Brodie Hellion is silver/grey with spray painted red maple leaf, five years old, much loved and used for transportation to work. Sims is black with purple rims and black pegs, brand new. Please call Westshore RCMP 250-474-2264 file #2012-10190.

Cash reward, 250-514-4142.

Kuebler, Brenda Leigh

She was born August 24, 1957 to Ron and Shirley Brousseau. She graduated from Belmont Secondary in 1975 and met her husband and soul mate Harry Kuebler in Victoria in 1978.

Brenda worked at Monday Magazine for over 30 years and also part time at the Beehive Wool Shop which allowed her to indulge her great passion of knitting. Her other enjoyments in life were babysitting her grandsons, reading, entertaining and making her home a magical place especially at Christmas time.

Brenda is survived by her husband Harry, her children, Jeffrey (Georgina), Stephanie (Julian) and her three grandchildren, Mason, Oakley and Colton. Also, her Mom, Shirley Brousseau and her brother Brian (Sue), along with many brothers and sisters through marriage and nieces, nephews and cousins. Also, there are many who were lucky to call her “friend” and enjoy her sparkling personality.

She was predeceased by her father, Ron Brousseau.

Donations in lieu of flowers can be made to Hospice. The family would like to thank all the staff and volunteers at Hospice for their excellent care and compassion.

Family and friends will be having a celebration of Brenda’s life on August 24, 2012 which would have been her 55th birthday.

[16]

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Brenda Kuebler Brousseau of Victoria, B.C. passed away August 15, 2012, with her loving family and friends by her side.

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HOROSCOPE > AUG 26 - SEPT 1, 2012

A COMEDY THAT NEVER TAKES ITS FOOT OFF THE GAS

Let’s not quibble, Sybil

A

ll Signs: Once CANCER JUNE 21in a blue moon JULY 22 we have what’s Although the Full Moon happening on this Friday will be mild Friday, August 31. Ergo: for everyone, in fact for a Blue Moon! Generally, your sign it will be a there are 12 Full Moons mildly accident-prone a year (one a month). situation. In fact, this However, occasionally, accident-prone quality 13 Full Moons occur in could build up starting the year, which means around Wednesday. This one month has two Full is good to know so you GEORGIA Moons. In this case, the can take precautions; second Full moon in the NICOLS most accidents are presame month is a Blue ventable. Tip: Don’t be Moon. (For the keeners, in a rush. Don’t act or there’s another definition that states say things in haste. Give yourself a Blue Moon is the third Full Moon lots of time to do everything and in a season of four Full Moons, but guard against distractions, especialhey, “Let’s not quibble, Sybil.”) To ly anger. You might have something recap: On August 1, we had a Full on your agenda that you want to Moon in Aquarius; and this Friday, convince others about. If so, be genwe’ll have a Full Moon in Pisces. I tly convincing. And finally, don’t predict this will be a gentler Full squat with your spurs on.

Moon with a minimal amount of fallout. Pisces is a sensitive, shapeshifting sign. We’ll have wiggle LEO JULY 23-AUG 22 room to deal with things. (“Is this Financial matters might come to a a death threat?” “Just label it docu- head by Friday. Earlier this summents.) See what I mean? mer, you were spending money like it was going out of style. (But you had fun!) Now you’re surveying the ARIES MARCH 21-APRIL 19 Every Full Moon triggers increas- battlefield and checking damages: ing emotional energy building up credit card balances, unpaid bills in all of us. However, this week, the and dwindling resources. Actually, Full Moon in Pisces will be a gen- this week could be a turning point. tler situation. (Whew!) At worst, It might be your rallying cry! Your you might experience conflict last bottle of expensive champagne with co-workers starting around – for awhile. Naturally, you’re not Wednesday. You might feel annoyed going to change. But even chamwith someone. (Grrr.) It will prob- pagne tastes on a beer wallet can ably be someone who has already still be fun for you because you annoyed you but this week they know how to have fun. In a few really get to you. You might identify weeks, it will be a great time to shop with Alice Roosevelt who once said, for wardrobe goodies. (Oops, did I “If you haven’t got anything good to just say that?) say about anybody, come sit by me.”

This could be related to the fact that VIRGO AUG 23-SEPT 22 you have excellent ideas about how You will certainly feel the build-up to improve things at work (and to before Friday’s Full Moon because your health as well, incidentally), it’s directly opposite your sign. To and perhaps someone fails to see explain: Every Full Moon is an the genius of your ideas. Pity. opposition between the Sun and the Moon so “you” are part of this formula. (Sun in Virgo and Full Moon TAURUS APRIL 20-MAY 20 in Pisces – 180°.) This means that The Full Moon on Friday is inter- by midweek, you might feel tension esting because it provokes issues building up between you and partaround romance, sports, vacations ners or close friends. But let’s face it, and relating to your kids. You might you’re unusually forceful this week! become concerned about a social The good news is you are making a situation. Essentially, things that fabulous impression of others. The are usually fun, pleasure and play bad news is you might be coming will be slightly stressed by Friday’s on too strong, especially if you’re Full Moon. Do not be hasty with investigating something or trying to financial speculation. If you have improve or reform others. Hmmm, any doubts, don’t act. Mars opposite people don’t like that. Especially if your sign now means your patience what you say is true. with partners and close friends is wearing thin. (Read: Someone close to you is annoying!) But you won’t LIBRA (SEPT. 23-OCT. 22) lose your temper because you rarely Your ability to research anything do. Instead, focus on entertaining at this week is quite phenomenal. You home and redecorating. (And if you really do have the edge. Therefore, look like your passport photo, you if there’s something you need to learn more about or you’re seekneed a vacation.) ing a solution to a problem, dig in because you will likely find it! You have an unusually strong focus and GEMINI MAY 21-JUNE 20 Every month, there are four signs penetrating insight right now, plus that feel the Full Moon tension more an instinct for the jugular. Because than the other signs. Specifically, you are usually diplomatic, this these are the signs that are at 9 shouldn’t be a problem. However, o’clock/3 o’clock and 12 o’clock/6 your efforts could put you at odds o’clock. Well, the Full Moon on with someone, especially at work.

Friday (which is a Blue Moon) is a Focus instead on your money-mak12 o’clock/6 o’clock situation for you. ing efforts because this looks highly This means it will likely set up ten- profitable. You are approaching a sion between the demands of home very successful time in your life. and family versus the demands of (“Yay me!”) your external life and your career.

To put it another way, you can’t SCORPIO OCT 23-NOV 21 keep everyone happy! Since you Your increased popularity continhave a wonderful opportunity to ues: Everyone wants to see your make improvements at home and to face. Enjoy! You’ll be particularly your family relationships, I suggest powerful and effective talking to you keep your focus there. (There others, especially in group situaare only 24 hours a day and you are tions. You might also meet a powonly two people.) erful teacher or someone who makes a big impression on you.

However, relations with children, as well as your relationship with a

FROM THE PRODUCER OF WEDDING CRASHERS

lover or romantic partner, could become conflicted midweek as tension builds up before Friday’s Full Moon. But hey, this is nothing you can’t handle. (Peanuts compared to the last full Moon on August 1.) Get physical outdoor exercise because Mars is in your sign now giving you vim, vigour and vitality! Mars also makes you sexy and frisky.

(Hmmm.)

SAGITTARIUS NOV 22-DEC 21 With the Sun high in your chart, people notice you more than usual, especially bosses and VIPs. But this week, the Sun is challenged by the Full Moon on Friday. This means you might feel pulled between what others want regarding your career and your public reputation versus what people at home want from you in terms of attention, support or attendance. But you can’t be two places at once, can you? Although you must respect the relations of everyone in your personal life, you can’t ignore your job and career right now. It’s too “public.” Furthermore, you’re making a great impression on others and it would be a shame to waste this. You’ve got the baton in your hand; run with it!

CAPRICORN DEC 22-JAN 19 When it comes to politics, religion or issues regarding publishing, the media and higher education, this week you’re deadly, Dudley. (And you’ll be just as convincing and powerful with legal or medical matters.) Enjoy this power of speech and expression because others will really listen to you now. However, be aware that this week is mildly accident-prone for you. This could be a physical accident or a verbal gaffe. Naturally, if you’re calm, collected and you think before you act or speak, it won’t happen. (A closed mouth gathers no feet.) Instead focus on ways to improve your job because gifts, goodies and assistance will come your way.

KRISTEN BELL

© 2012 EXCLUSIVE MEDIA GROUP HOLDINGS, INC. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.

DAX SHEPARD

KRISTIN CHENOWETH

TOM ARNOLD

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THE POSSESSION

AQUARIUS JAN 20-FEB 18 As the week wears on, disputes about insurance matters, inheritances, taxes, debt and shared property might intensify. The Full Moon on Friday will magnify your feelings about these issues. Disputes might arise. However, after the Full Moon peaks, this could mark a turning point where these issues come to a head and are then settled.

(That would be nice.) Fortunately, fair Venus will smooth the way with all your discussions, especially with co-workers. And fiery Mars arouses your ambition to get whatever you’re going after. It looks like you can successfully bring something to closure. (“Slam!”)

PISCES FEB 19-MARCH 20 The only Full Moon in your sign all year is taking place this Friday.

And because it’s the second Full Moon in August, it’s a rare Blue Moon. Technically, this is a relatively meaningless statistic. However, the Full Moon is the real deal.

Naturally, you will feel a buildup of tension within you starting midweek, around Wednesday. This could manifest as squabbles with partners and close friends. You’ve been very powerful dealing with groups lately, and others might think you are throwing your weight around a bit too much. (Or not.)

You yearn to travel. Things are good at work. Your home life is constantly improving. So don’t worry about any of this too much. It happens once a year, that’s all.

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Screening will take place at 7pm at SilverCity on Thursday, August 30th

The Possession opens in theatres Friday, August 31!

MONDAY MAGAZINE AUGUST 23 - 29, 2012 mondaymag.com

[17]

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REDHEADED STEPCHILD Continued from Page 10

REDHEADED STEPCHILD 60 minutes • $11 Solo comedy/drama St. Ann’s Academy Mon., Aug. 27 at 7:15pm Tues., Aug. 28 at 7:45pm Wed., Aug. 29 at 9:30pm Thurs., Aug. 30 at 9:30pm Sat., Sept. 1 at 12:30 and 5:45pm

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level and some people just think it’s funny to make fun of other people. It’s just brutal.�

And while the show isn’t autobiographical, with his fire-engine red hair, Walker knows what it’s like to be outcast due to appearance. “Strangers wanted to touch it,� says Walker. “I feel like my hair enters the room and introduces itself before me.� “The red hair is such a strong feature of the show,� says Walker. “Part of the costume is on my head — it’s a part of my body.

There’s tons of my own experiences and my own thoughts on what it’s like to grow up with red hair.

Nicholas is very much who I was when I was 12, so it made it very easy to write for him.�

One major difference for an is that Nicholas also has to deal with cyber-bullying, something Walker didn’t have to. “Luckily, we hadn’t Friday August 31 figured out how to be 6pm that mean online yet,� he s u p p or t o f C n i g n i s o p s f or Can c e r. . . says with a laugh.

Co m e And while Walker hopes to fill St. Ann’s Academy with redheads, he hopes people with other hair colours enjoy the show as well. “Having red hair is just another of those things that make you stand out and make you different, and someone’s always going to make a big deal about it. But all of us have something like that, that makes us stand out, that people tease them about.

Everyone has a version of (Free entry red hair.�

Redheaded Stepchild with made its debut in Slugfest Victoria at Uno Fest in ticket) 2010. Walker has since performed the show in Toronto’s Summerworks (where it received an emerging artists award) and more recently at the Winnipeg, Calgary and 730 Caledonia Ave Edmonton Fringes.

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When Walker read about the assaults in his local newspaper, he knew he had to tackle the subject. “I devoured everything I could,� says Walker. “I was reading this one story and they showed this picture of this one boy with curly red hair and glasses and I thought ‘Oh my God, that’s me.’ I would absolutely have been kicked.�

The facebook group was inspired by an episode of South Park. “It was meant to be a spoof, but some people get that satirical

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EVENTS CALENDAR ✓ EVENTS THURS. AUG 23 BLOOD AND GUTS - They’ve got pointy teeth and sharp claws, and they don’t eat tofu. Join CRD Regional Parks’ naturalists to learn more about animals that make their living by eating meat. See live raptor demonstrations. All-ages drop-in at the tents at Beaver Beach. 11am-2pm at Elk/Beaver Lake Regional Park (Saanich). Free. 250-478-3344.

POLY 101 - Learn about a lifestyle that could be right for you. 7pm at Camas Books and Infoshop at (2590 Quadra). Free. 250-381-0585.

FRI. AUG. 24 FAMILY FOREST TEA PARTY Bring the whole family for a tea party in the woods. Join a CRD Regional Parks’ naturalist for an interpretive tea tasting featuring some of our local plants. A short guided walk to see some of the plants growing in their native habitat will precede the tea–sampling. 1-3pm at Francis/King Regional Park (Saanich). $7+HST/ person or $10+HST/family: preregistration required. 250-478-3344.

SAT. AUG. 25 103RD COBBLE HILL FAIR - Hop upIsland for the old-fashioned country fair and exhibition that has delighted visitors with agricultural displays, livestock and family entertainment since 1909. Children’s games, hay bale toss, Blacksmith demonstrations, performers and more. 10am-4:30pm at 3550 Watson (Cobble Hill). $6 adults/$4 seniors and kids/under 12 free. 250217-1491, CobbleHillFair.ca.

VICTORIA DAHLIA SOCIETY - See the 66th Annual Flower Show. Enter flowers, learn about bulbs, buy cut flowers and more. (Also runs SUNDAY 11am-5pm). SATURDAY 9:30am5:30pm at Westshore Town Centre (2945 Jacklin). Free. 250-592-8905, victoriadahliasociety.org.

WE BELIEVE - Join Victoria AM and Woodwynn Farms for a day of family fun, featuring entertainers Daniel Lapp, Ashbury West, Tanya Gillespie, wandering puppets and more. KD Cook-Off with celebrity chefs and judges. Free parking, but no alcohol, liquids, smoking or pets. 10am-6pm at Woodwynn Farms (7789 West Saanich). Tickets $10/$20 per family.

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BEACON HILL B MOVIES -The Victoria Film Festival returns with their annual Free-B Film Fest in the Cameron Bandshell in Beacon Hill Park. This week: War Games, starring a youthful Mathew Broderick who hacks into a military computer and almost starts WWIII. SATURDAY, 9pm.

SUN. AUG. 26 BIRDING IN UPLANDS PARK - Join VNHS Birder Goeffre Newell of the Friends of Uplands Park in a bird walk from Cattle Point through Uplands Park. 8am at Cattle Point (Oak Bay) by first boat launch. Free. 250-595-8084.

SUNDAY AFTERNOON: 1862 - Join the Community Arts Council of Greater Victoria for an afternoon of songs, dances and games from Victoria’s past. Food vendors will be on site, or bring a picnic lunch. Noon-5pm at Centennial Square. Free. 250-475-7123.

AFTERNOON CREAM TEA FUNDRAISER FOR INDIA - Enjoy an afternoon cream tea and life music at the Community House, with freshly baked scones, homemade jam and other treats. 1-4pm at Metchosin Community House (4430 Happy Valley). $12. embracingtheworld.org.

MON. AUG. 27 MOVIE MONDAY - Screening Love That Boy. Here's a quirky Canadian love story featuring a socially inept overachiever named Phoebe. The great Ellen Page has a supporting role. By donation. 6:30pm MONDAY in the 1900-block Fort. 595FLIC. moviemonday.ca THE EARTH FROM ABOVE: AN ASTRONAUT’S PERSPECTIVE Join astronaut Julie Payette for an allages special illustrated presentation that will feature images and video footage from Payette’s space flights, and a question-and-answer period.

7pm at UVic's University Centre Farquhar Auditorium (Ring Road).

Parking $2.25. Tickets free, but must be reserved by calling 250-721-8480.

TUES. AUG. 28 GREEK FEST - Join more than 30,000 people to celebrate the food, music and heritage of the Mediterranean in the 11th-annual all-ages event, to Sept 3. Continuous live music and folk dancing. Proceeds go towards the Saanich Fire Department's Hot Lunch Program for kids. 11am-10pm at Greek Community Centre (4648 Elk Lake).

Free. 250-479-9391, greekfest.ca.

WED. AUG. 29

SAT. AUG. 25

MAYFAIR MOVIES -Mayfair hosts its Drive-in Movie Series, projected onto a three-storey inflatable screen. This week: The Goonies.

WEDNESDAY, 9:30 pm at the corner of Blanshard and Finlayson.

NOISE FESTIVAL SIGHTS -The 10th annual Noise Festival hosts a screening of Kick That Habit by Peter Liechti. With shorts. 2pm at Open Space (510 Fort). Free.

MUSIC

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THURS. AUG. 23 THURS. AUG. 23 VICTORIA FRINGE FESTIVAL - 11 days of comedy, drama, dance, spoken word, musicals and physical theatre at various venues around town. Full schedule at Victoriafringe.ca.

FRI. AUG. 24 SCOTTISH CEILIDH DANCE- Learn jogs, reels and strathspeys as dancers lead you through easy Scottish country dances. 7;30pm at Dance Victoria Studios (2750 Quadra). By donation. viscds.ca.

SINGE FESTIVAL- Where's My Flying Car?!, space-age spoken word monologue with Missie Peters (7pm) and The Life and Death of Dave Morris (9pm) at the Fort Cafe. $11/$20 double-header. Through Sept. 2.

CRASHING INTO THINGS - With Cock on a Mountain Top, White Lodge and Bruce Butcher. 9:30pm at Logan's Pub (1821 Cook). $6.

FRI. AUG. 24 FESTIVAL OF NOISE - With Xome, Citadel, Winters In Osaka, Rusalka, Chefkirk, Potier, EARS and Taskmaster. 8pm at Open Space. $15.

FREAK HEAT WAVES -With The Righteous Rainbows of Togetherness and guests Lake Country. 10pm at The Castle Video Bar and Nightclub (1900 Douglas). $7.

SAT. AUG. 25 VICTORIA SUMMER CHOIR Directed by Maestro Simon Leung.

7:30pm at Alix Goolden Hall. $20.

MAUREEN WASHINGTON - With Miles Black, Ross Taggart, Mike Allen, Chris Davis, Rod Murray, Ken Lister and Kelby MacNayr. 7:30pm at Hermann's Jazz Club. $TBA. GEORGIA MURRAY - Sweet singing sensation with violinist extremist Kytami at the Canoe Brewpub (451 Swift). $5 after 9pm.

AFTERNOON RECITALS - 4pm through July and August at Christ Church Cathedral (930 Burdett). By donation.

ABOMBANATION - With Dangler, Last of the V8 Interceptors. 10pm at Logan's Pub (1821 Cook). $8.

FESTIVAL OF NOISE -With Sick Buildings, The Rita, GRKZGL, Quebec LePink, 13Hz, Mass Marriage, Cathartech and Sistrenatus. 8pm at Open Space(510 Fort). $15.

SUN. AUG. 26 THE O'BRIEN'S - Enjoy the unmistakable harmonies of a family band as the O'Brien's perform original songs along with some favourite covers. After open stage, 7:30pm at Norway House (111 Hillside). $5.

Victoriafolkmusic.ca.

MONDAY MAGAZINE AUGUST 23 - 29, 2012 mondaymag.com

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