Jeremy's Story: Breaking the Silence

In March, Rachel from the Black Foster Care Alliance (BFCA) sat down with Jeremy to discuss a topic that is often shrouded in silence: childhood sexual abuse and the profound impact it has on the lives of survivors. Jeremy shares his story a journey through pain, healing, and the drive to make a difference for others who have faced similar experiences

Jeremy’s experience with abuse began at the age of eight, lasting until he was ten years old. A trusted family friend would sneak into his bedroom at night or act when nobody else was around. Jeremy described those years as a time of confusion and isolation, compounded by the lack of education on boundaries and consent that was prevalent in the 1990s. The absence of this crucial knowledge left Jeremy, like many children of that era, vulnerable and unable to fully comprehend or articulate what was happening to him.

The abuse started with seemingly innocent interactions and gradually escalated. Jeremy was manipulated into believing the abuse was special and kept it a secret. After the abuser moved away, Jeremy continued with his life, excelling in his studies and career. He was a popular and confident child, and nobody suspected he was being exploited.

It wasn’t until Jeremy reached the age of 25 that he began to process the abuse he endured This delay is not uncommon, as many survivors of childhood sexual abuse struggle for years before they can confront their past The societal stigma and fear surrounding this issue often prevent survivors from coming forward, leaving them to grapple with the trauma alone Jeremy shared that for years, he felt a deep sense of shame a burden that many survivors carry, often in silence.

At 25, Jeremy’s mental health began to suffer as memories turned to flashbacks, which turned into night terrors He kept having the same dream where he was that boy again under the duvet in bed Realizing that the trauma never left him, Jeremy decided to confront his past and seek help

The abuse started with seemingly innocent interactions and gradually escalated. Jeremy was manipulated into believing the abuse was special and kept it a secret After the abuser moved away, Jeremy continued with his life, excelling in his studies and career He was a popular and confident child, and nobody suspected he was being exploited

It wasn’t until Jeremy reached the age of 25 that he began to process the abuse he endured. This delay is not uncommon, as many survivors of childhood sexual abuse struggle for years before they can confront their past The societal stigma and fear surrounding this issue often prevent survivors from coming forward, leaving them to grapple with the trauma alone Jeremy shared that for years, he felt a deep sense of shame a burden that many survivors carry, often in silence

At 25, Jeremy’s mental health began to suffer as memories turned to flashbacks, which turned into night terrors

He kept having the same dream where he was that boy again under the duvet in bed Realizing that the trauma never left him, Jeremy decided to confront his past and seek help

Creating Safe Environments for Disclosure

Today, Jeremy is committed to raising awareness about childhood sexual abuse and providing support for survivors He emphasises the importance of creating environments where children feel safe to disclose abuse Jeremy believes that education is a powerful tool in preventing abuse and advocates for comprehensive education on consent and boundaries in schools abuse, as Jeremy points out, is perpetrated by individuals known to the child, not strangers. This familiarity can create an even greater barrier to disclosure, as children fear the consequences of speaking out against someone they know or love.

10 TIPS TO SUPPORT CHILDREN WHO HAVE BEEN ABUSED

01

CREATE A SAFE AND STABLE ENVIRONMENT

Establish routines and boundaries that provide a sense of security Consistency helps build trust and reassures the child that they are in a safe place

02

BE PATIENT AND UNDERSTANDING

Recognize that children in foster care may have experienced trauma They might need extra time and patience as they adjust to their new environment and process their experiences

03

MAKE TIME TO LISTEN TO THE CHILD WITHOUT JUDGEMENT

Sometimes, they just need to be heard Validate their feelings and let them know it’s okay to express their emotions

04

ENCOURAGE OPEN COMMUNICATION:

Create an atmosphere where the child feels comfortable discussing their thoughts and feelings Encourage them to share their experiences and reassure them that their voice matters

05 RESPECT

Their Background: Take the time to learn about and respect the child’s cultural, religious, and familial background Incorporate elements of their culture into your home to help them feel more connected to their identity

06

SUPPORT EDUCATION AND PERSONAL GROWTH

Advocate for their education and extracurricular activities. Encourage their interests and help them discover new hobbies that can boost their confidence and skills

07

PROMOTE HEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS

Help the child maintain positive connections with their biological family, if appropriate, and foster new friendships Social connections are crucial for their emotional well-being

08

TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF:

Being a foster carer can be emotionally challenging Make sure to take time for self-care and seek support when needed A healthy and balanced carer is better equipped to provide the necessary support for the child

09

STAY INFORMED AND TRAINED

Engage in ongoing training, particularly in trauma-informed care, cultural competency, and understanding the needs of children in care The more knowledgeable you are, the better you can support the child

10

PRIVATE TUTORING: A SUPPORTIVE MEASURE

Acknowledge and celebrate the child’s achievements, no matter how small Positive reinforcement can help build their self-esteem and encourage further progress.

For more information on how BFCA can support you in your fostering journey, or to access resources on safeguarding and supporting children, please contact us Enquiries@blackfostercarersalliance.co.uk