THE PREMIER PARENTING MAGAZINE FOR CENTRAL ALABAMA
FREE
APRIL 2016
TELLING YOUR BABY'S
birth story EWWW! Dealing with your child’s gross behavior
MOTHERS MILK BANK of Alabama GENDER REVEAL Parties: He or She?
table of contents FREE
THE PREMIER PARENTING MAGAZINE FOR CENTRAL ALABAMA
APRIL 2016
14
24
TELLING YOUR BABY'S
birth story EW GROSS, Dealing with Your Child's Gross Behavior
MOTHERS MILK BANK of Alabama GENDER REVEAL Parties: He or She?
departments Note 04 Editor’s Birmingham Parent Celebrates Babies This Month
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Parenting with Dr. Friedman
8 Short Stuff 0 the Specialist: 26 Ask Allergies in Children 41 April Calendar Highlights
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42
Party: 46 Poetry Art Poems
GENDER REVEAL PARTIES: He or She – What Will it Be?
features
10 baby&me DIRECTORY 2016
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20
18
TO DEAL 24 HOW with Your Child’s Gross Behavior
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Birth Stories: How to Tell Your Child’s Birth Story
Mothers Milk Bank of Alabama
Answering the Adoption Questions
ON THE COVER: Twins Adalynn Davis and Emory Louise, four months, of Shelby County. PHOTO BY KIM BRANTLEY PHOTOGRAPHY (www.kimbrantleyphotography.com) AND VISUAL ARTS BY JESSICA (www.facebook.com/VisualArtsbyJessica).
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April Calendar of Events
PET PAGES Top 7 Apps and Websites for Pet Owners
DESTINATION GUIDE
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parenting
Parenting with Dr. Friedman
Q:
My son will leave soon for his freshman year in college. I am concerned that he won’t get up in time for class, won’t make good judgements about friends and won’t eat sensibly. At home I take care of these responsibilities for him. What can a mother do to keep her son on track while he is away?
The things you can do to make your son responsible begin many years before your child leaves for college. Now is the time to let go and let him try his wings. Some psychological theorists feel that the child’s personality is formed by the age of 6. If you did your job when he was young, chances are he will continue on the right path. If he has been responsible all along, you can expect him to continue to be so. If he has been in trouble all his life, chances are he won’t reform now. If he has been dependent upon you for a wake-up call and homework reminders, he just might begin to take responsibility into his own hands. That is what being away from home is all about. You are to be commended on your decision to let you son go away to school. He needs this opportunity to finish growing up. While no school will make sure that your son gets up on time or eats well, some schools offer more shelter than others. If you child is immature, he may benefit from attending a smaller, more protected school rather than a larger, more impersonal one. Matching a college to the child’s needs is one thing a parent can do to help smooth the transition from home to independence. On the other hand, your son may have no
problem at all. He may be looking forward to being out on his own. It may be you who is having trouble letting go of the role you have held for the last 18 years. Be careful that you don’t give the message that he must fail in order to meet your need to be needed.
by asking him to get back to you and let you know how things worked out. Don’t call him too often but do keep in touch. Give him the control. Encourage him to call home regularly. Tell him how much you enjoy his calls but don’t invade his space
It may be you who is having trouble letting go of the role you have held for the last 18 years. Be careful that you don’t give the message that he must fail in order to meet your need to be needed. Encourage his budding independence, even if you really wish that he would return home. When he calls complaining about the food or a roommate, don’t be too quick to jump in with an invitation home. Instead of offering a solution to his problem, listen and let him vent. Encourage him to work it out on his own. But don’t hang up on him either. Ask questions to show your interest and to keep him talking. Encourage him to use campus resources – a dorm counselor, an upperclassman peer or the professional counseling center if he needs further help. Express you confidence in his ability. Show your interest
with daily calls to him. Let him be apart from you knowing that his ability to separate is a sign that you have parented well. Build your own life. If this is your last or only child, you will have many years ahead of you without children in the home. Create your own life so that you free your son of the guilt of being responsible for your happiness. Vivian K. Friedman Ph. D. is a child and family psychologist at UAB, Department of Psychiatry. Send questions for response in this column to Viviankf@gmail.com. No personal replies are sent.
April 30 — 10am to 8pm May 1 — 11am to 5pm
Southern Bazaar AT THE BJCC
Featuring artisans, boutique clothing and shoes, jewelry, and infomation booths EVENT IS FREE TO THE PUBLIC! We will be selling discount shopper cards—proceeds go to the Ronald McDonald House birminghamparent.com | 7