THE PREMIER PARENTING MAGAZINE FOR CENTRAL ALABAMA
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MARCH 2014
UCP
Serves Many Special Needs
beauty UNIQUE
Understanding Albinism OUR SEMI-ANNUAL
SPECIAL NEEDS DIRECTORY
MERCY FLIGHT:
Saving Lives One Flight At a Time
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MARCH 15, 2014 — 10am-3pm
HILTON SANDESTIN
MARCH2014 THE PREMIER PARENTING MAGAZINE FOR CENTRAL ALABAMA
FREE
MARCH 2014
26
Serves Many Special Needs
UCP
18
beauty
22
MERCY FLIGHT:
16
destination
42
UNIQUE
Understanding Albinism
10
OUR SEMI-ANNUAL
SPECIAL NEEDS
Saving Lives One Flight At a Time
DIRECTORY
MARCH 15, 2014 — 10am-3pm
HILTON SANDESTIN
departments
04
Editor’s Note Special Needs Parents are Special, Too
07
Parenting with Dr. Friedman
08
18
24 UNITED CEREBRAL PALSY OF GREATER BIRMINGHAM: Serving Many Special Needs in our Community
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School News March Pull Out Calendar March Expanded Calendar of Events
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A Page in a Book Being Better Than the Bully
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Ask the Specialist: Are Heart Attack Symptoms Different for Women?
44
Death by Children: The Pencident
42 MERCY FLIGHT: Saving Lives One Flight at a Time
SUMMER CAMP Make Summer Extra Special for Your Child With Special Needs
UNIQUE BEAUTY: Understanding Albinism and Its Effects
ON OUR COVER: Lindley, age 3, of Hoover, and Dr. Gary Edwards, chief executive officer of United Cerebral Palsy of Greater Birmingham, play on UCP’s fantastic playground at Hand in Hand where Lindley is a student. PHOTO BY DONALD LOVE, www.dlovephotography.com, 205-902-5357.
6 | birminghamparent | march 2014
DESTINATION Hilton Sandestin
parenting
Parenting with Dr. Friedman
Q:
My daughter is 2½ now and has always been such a pleasant child. However, within the last two weeks she does not want me to do anything for her, i.e., change her diaper, change her clothes, give her a bath or brush her hair. It is a fight every day just to get her dressed. I am very confused about how to handle this. I have tried to speak calmly to her and to explain why she needs to change clothes. I have tried counting to three before popping legs (this worked great for a while, until now). But nothing seems to work. I do not want to make a mistake and do the wrong thing. Can you please help me?
A:
My guess is that this is your first child. You are experiencing the so-called “terrible twos.” It hits most first-time parents as a shock when their previously reasonable and sweet child suddenly becomes irrational and seemingly defiant, and the previous eager-to-please “yes” turns into a stubborn “no.” Your daughter doesn’t really mean what she is saying and doing. A child in the “terrible twos” will cry when you ask him to get into the bath and then will cry again when you ask him to get out. The difficulty of the terrible twos is that there is no logic to what the child thinks he wants. What he wants is to assert himself and to show you that he is a person separate from his parent. A direct approach does not work with an irrational child. Diversion and distraction will do better. Instead
of saying, “Get into the bath,” try “Go choose your bath toys.” This leaves the child with a choice rather than with the opportunity to say “no.” Times of transition are the most difficult for the two-year-old. Stopping one activity to start the next one does not flow smoothly. Advance notice will go a long way in preventing sudden meltdowns. Express time in terms of the sequence of activity not in time units. “You have just enough time to put your blocks in the toy box before we will eat dinner.” Distraction goes a long way too. While I generally don’t advocate the use of TV, showing a video while you dress your daughter might allow you to slip her clothes on without fuss. You will need to limit the video privilege at other times for this to work. If she watches videos all day long, the less frequent
dressing task will command her attention over the more common video experience. Routines and schedules soften the resistance of the terrible twos. What your child is seeking is some sort of control over his life. If he has a predictable routine, he will know what is coming next and will not balk at the change. Know thy child. Don’t ask him to be flexible right before his nap or if he’s hungry. There are times when your child becomes irrational that you simply have to read his cues. Put her down for a nap or feed her when she is inconsolable. As her language develops and she can better express herself in words, some of the illogical resistance will evaporate. The “terrible twos” is a stage of development that will pass as she grows.
Vivian K. Friedman Ph. D. is a child and family psychologist at UAB, Department of Psychiatry. Send questions for response in this column to Viviankf@gmail.com. No personal replies are sent.
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