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ANNOUNCING OUR 2014 FAMILY FAVORITES WINNERS page 37
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THE PREMIER PARENTING MAGAZINE FOR CENTRAL ALABAMA
JUNE 2014
Summer Training, Camps & Exercise for
YOUR CHILD ATHLETE
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38 CARLY CHANDLER
34 What if you had a great list of recommended places to make purchases, get repairs and a referral system from area parents, just like you? Now you do. Our readers have spoken. It’s Birmingham Parent’s Family Favorites Awards 2014, the first awards presented BY parents to their FAVORITES in Birmingham.
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Editor’s Note Happy Father's Day
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Parenting with Dr. Friedman
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Short Stuff June Pull Out Calendar June Expanded Calendar of Events School News Death by Children: Shower Scene
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Jacob, 6 and Ava, 4 of Birmingham take a swim at the Levite Jewish Community Center. For more information about membership, camps and aquatics visitwww.bhamjcc.org or call 205-879-0411. PHOTO BY DONALD LOVE PHOTOGRAPHY, 205-902-5357; www.dlovephotography.com.
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GAME RATINGS
ANNOUNCING OUR 2014 FAMILY FAVORITES WINNERS
CHANGING LIVES AND LAWS
2014 FAMILY FAVORITES WINNERS
What Do All Those
Carly Chandler: CHANGING LIVES AND LAWS
GREAT AND 32 THE POWERFUL M
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parenting
Parenting with Dr. Friedman My 3-year-old daughter spends weekdays with me and weekends with her father. This is a court ordered temporary arrangement until the divorce trial. How do I explain why she has to leave her mom at the end of our week together? She cries each time. This arrangement is new to her and to me and we need help in adjusting.
Q:
answer: Simple factual explanations tend to work best with toddlers. Explain to her that she will spend time with both mommy and daddy. Tell her that she will have a bed and toys in both places (if this is true). Tell her that you will be waiting for her and happy to see her when she comes home. Tell her this in time units that she can understand. “One day” means less to a toddler than “You will eat breakfast, lunch and dinner with your dad. Then you will
go to bed and come back to mommy when you wake up.” Send a teddy bear or a favorite blanket with her. Psychologists call these special comfort toys “transitional objects” because they help the child to transition from being with the parent to being alone. While a stuffed toy won’t take the place of her parent, it may give her some comfort. The key is to express confidence that she will be safe when she is not with you and that you will be there for her when she returns.
A male friend of mine won custody of his child. His wife has drug and alcohol problems. She has a child from her first marriage that is not my friend’s biological child. He did not seek custody of this child. If the court found the mother to be unfit, why didn’t they take the other child away too?
Q:
answer: Although I am not an attorney and do not give legal advice, I will attempt to answer this question from my experience as a child psychologist. The court is a process, not a person. It considers only the motions filed before it. It does not look at issues it is not asked to address. Your friend, I presume, did not file for custody of the other child. The divorce court does not ask questions about issues in the community outside the specific situation it is addressing. In a divorce, the parents are separating and the child must go to one home or the other. The court is forced to look at which parent can better serve the child. Without a custody dispute, there is no mandate to evaluate the quality of parent-
ing. While we require a license to drive a car, parenting requires no license. Just because a parent is not a good parent isn’t grounds for removing a child from his home. Unless your friend seeks custody of this non-related child, divorce court is not the correct agency to address your concerns about his safety. If you are worried, speak to the teachers or guidance counselor at his school. They can then observe the child to determine if he is being harmed and they can take action if necessary. If the situation is severe and you have direct knowledge, you can contact DHR yourself. Do not call them simply because you do not like the mother’s morals or parenting style. DHR deals with abuse and neglect.
Vivian K. Friedman Ph. D. is a child and family psychologist at UAB, Department of Psychiatry. Send questions for response in this column to Viviankf@gmail.com. No personal replies are sent.
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