倀愀爀攀渀琀 THE PREMIER PARENTING MAGAZINE FOR CENTRAL ALABAMA
䈀椀爀洀椀渀最栀愀洀
FREE
SEPTEMBER 2015
ESTATE PLANNING:
A Critical Choice for Parents with Special Needs Children WINGS FOR AUTISM
Helps Those on the Spectrum Navigate the Skies
MERRIMACK HALL
in Huntsville Serves the Special Needs Community Safety for Those on the
AUTISM SPECTRUM
Our Fall Directory PAGE 12
table of contents
倀愀爀攀渀琀 THE PREMIER PARENTING MAGAZINE FOR CENTRAL ALABAMA
FREE
䈀椀爀洀椀渀最栀愀洀
SEPTEMBER 2015
ISSUE Fall 2015
ESTATE PLANNING:
A Critical Choice for Parents with Special Needs Children WINGS FOR AUTISM
Helps Those on the Spectrum Navigate the Skies
MERRIMACK HALL
in Huntsville Serves the Special Needs Community Safety for Those on the
AUTISM SPECTRUM
12
16 18 20 24
Our Fall Directory PAGE 12
departments Note 04 Editor’s Welcome to the Fall Special Needs Issue
07
Parenting with Dr. Friedman
8 Short Stuff 0 10 School News Page in a Book 30 ASharing the Joy of Generosity
the Specialist: 34 Ask Breast Milk is Best PAGE 20: Merrimack Hall in Huntsville Serves the Special Needs Community In 2006, Debra and Alan Jenkins founded Merrimack Hall Performing Arts Center, a nonprofit arts outreach, as a gift to the people of Huntsville to offer visual and performing arts education, cultural activities and more.
12 16
BIRMINGHAM PARENT’s SPECIAL NEEDS DIRECTORY FALL 2015
18
24
39
September 2015 Calendar Highlights
40
September 2015 Calendar of Events
Party: 46 Poetry Back-to-School Poems
features
26 TRAVEL: The Historic Grand Hotel on Mobile Bay Planning for Camp 28 Why is Planning for Your Child’s Future
Estate Planning is Critical for Parents with Special Needs Children
Wings for Autism Helps People with Intellectual Disabilities Navigate the Skies
Safety for those with Autism Specitrum Disorders
ON THE COVER: Our Special Needs Cover Kids Winner, Tripp, age 3, of Chelsea. PHOTO BY KIM BRANTLEY PHOTOGRAPHY.
6 | birminghamparent | september 2015
32
Getting There Safely: The Importance of Proper Car Seats for Children
36
10 Traditions to Start with Your Grandchildren
Pumpkin Patch 37 2015 & Fall Events Guide
parenting
Parenting with Dr. Friedman
Q:
I had tickets to a play on a Friday night with a friend when my 13-year-old daughter became ill. She generally does not mind staying home alone for an evening, although I do not leave her alone often. However, I would not leave her home alone sick. Typically when I go out, her brother is home with her but he had plans of his own that night. I was caught between wanting to remain home with my daughter and not wanting to disappoint and abandon my friend who had paid for non-refundable tickets. I ended up asking my 16-year-old son to stay at home with his sister, which he did willingly. Should I pay my son for his time or is this is just a part of being in a family? If you pay children for their work too often, they come to believe that they should be paid for everything they do. Paying for all chores done gives the message that the child is “entitled” to a free ride at home and that anything he does for the general good and welfare is “extra.” Paying too often, for anything not immediately for his own benefit, creates a self-centered human being. On the other hand, we all work for incentives. A paycheck is quite motivating and often overrides any resistance we might feel. Offering your son some money for his time might make him feel appreciated. Of course, kind words could do this too. The pay might also overcome any resentment that he might feel about giving up his weekend evening with his friends. The prior relationship between the siblings will play a role in how your son feels about his time. If your children already have a good relationship, then your son will not feel that taking care of
his sister is a sacrifice. If your children do not get along, then the task is a chore for him. By paying him, the babysitting becomes a job and he may take it on as a serious responsibility and may resent it less.
know how much I appreciate your helping me out. Here’s some money for you to go to a movie with a friend tomorrow night.” This is very different from “I am paying you for babysitting.” The issue is not so much what you
Pay for work should be given as “thanks” rather than entitlement. Because your son had plans of his own that he gave up to care for his sister, you might want to offer him a thank-you gift of money. If he would have been home anyway, you might consider his help just a part of being a family. How we react to a situation is often determined less by the reality than by how we interpret it. A “thank-you gift” of money is different from being paid for just being part of the family. If you decide to give him some money, you might want to say, “I just want you to
do about pay in this one case. It is really the pattern that matters. Parents should respect a child’s social, school, and work commitments and should pitch in to help the child do his chores when he gets in a bind. Children should be expected to do the same without pay for other family members. Pay for work done within the family should be used to overcome resistance such as when a child has to cancel his own plans to help out. It should be given as “thanks” rather than entitlement.
Vivian K. Friedman Ph. D. is a child and family psychologist at UAB, Department of Psychiatry. Send questions for response in this column to Viviankf@gmail.com. No personal replies are sent.
Shameza Boyd, MD, FAAP
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