THE PREMIER PARENTING MAGAZINE FOR CENTRAL ALABAMA
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DECEMBER 2015/JANUARY 2016
Christmas A GOOD IDEA? IS A PET FOR
YELLOW DAY DEBUTS IN BIRMINGHAM A COUNTRY CHRISTMAS AT THE GAYLORD OPRYLAND HOTEL
NATIONAL PARENTING PUBLICATIONS AWARDS GIFT GUIDE 2016
table of contents FREE
THE PREMIER PARENTING MAGAZINE FOR CENTRAL ALABAMA
Pets for Christmas? A Good Idea?
orforms Big Wall Playset
Colorforms, $29.99, w.Colorforms.com, Ages 3 and up
We’ve all seen the images of a little boy or girl running down the stairs Christmas morning to find a puppy or kitten inside a beautiful box with a big bow, and all the love and happiness that follows. What we don’t see is the family and pet six weeks or more later, and how it’s working out.
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DECEMBER 2015
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Don’t Dump Dumpty Game BeginAgain, $30, www.beginagaintoys.com, Ages 2 and up
Christmas 19 A GOOD IDEA? IS A PET FOR
YELLOW DAY DEBUTS IN BIRMINGHAM A COUNTRY CHRISTMAS AT THE GAYLORD OPRYLAND HOTEL
NATIONAL PARENTING PUBLICATIONS AWARDS GIFT GUIDE 2016
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departments Note 04 Editor’s Merry Christmas!
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Parenting with Dr. Friedman
8 School News 0 Page in a Book: 26 AFeeling Right at Home in a Book
Hello Kitty Karaoke Kar by Dynacraft Dynacraft, $199.99, www.dynacraftbike.com, Ages 3 and up
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December & January Calendar Highlights
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December & January Calendar of Events
Party: 38 Poetry Christmas Poems
Jr. Jump ‘n Slide Bouncer Little Tikes, $199.99, www.littletikes.com, Ages 2-8
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th Fart nacraft
ke.com,
Ninja Control Leonardo The Grown-up Holiday
30 Great Gifts for Giving:
Gift Guide A Collection of NAPPA Winners PortaPlay Playmates Toys, $59.99, Oribel, $149, www.playmatestoys.com, www.loveoribel.com/us, Ages and ON THE COVER: The last of the 4 2015 Coverup Search Winners Amariah, age 4, wonders if a pet for Christmas will be under her tree. Here, publisher Carol Muse Evans’ dog, Daisy, entertains Amariah. Photo by Christy Pierce Photography, Ages 18 months and up www.christypiercephotography.com. Pet grooming by Pet Smart Alabaster.
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DAY MOVIE 22 YELLOW Debuts in Birmingham TRAVEL: 28 FAMILY Gaylord Opryland’s A Country Christmas
parenting
Parenting with Dr. Friedman
Q:
I am a 16-year-old high school student. I live with my mom and stepdad. I have a nice house and a nice bedroom. I get all the clothes that I want in any style that I want, even Goth or punk. Yet I am not happy. I have tried drugs. I have gotten drunk, yet my mom has not seemed to notice. I left a pack of cigarettes on my desk just to see if my mother would notice. She came into my room and she must have seen them but she said nothing. I can’t remember the last time we ate dinner together. Don’t get me wrong. I love my mom. She is a good mom but she works a lot and travels often for her job. Her work is very important and I admire her. I just wish that my mom didn’t think that leaving me with my stepdad instead of with her is just as good. It’s not. All he ever does is try to discipline me by bossing me around. Do you think that my mom really didn’t see the cigarettes or was she just trying to avoid a fight?
It sounds like you are screaming out for attention from your mom. You have tried wearing alternative clothes but mom didn’t notice. You upped the volume with cigarettes and she didn’t see them. You have tried drugs and drinking. I would not be surprised to hear that you were staying out late with boys as well, yet your mom either doesn’t notice, doesn’t want to take the time to deal with it, or doesn’t dare to comment. In your quest for mom’s attention, you might get better results if you told your mom directly what you need from her rather than resorting to behaviors that may cause harm to you. Your mom has not heard or has not responded to your indirect communication. Make a clear statement about what your needs are and make a request for specific time to spend together. A comment like, “Mom, I really hate it when
you are gone so much. Can we set up two nights per week of eating dinner together?” If you feel that your mom won’t listen when you talk to her, you might ask to go to family counseling. You might need an interpreter to help your mom hear what you are saying. You might also tell her about your drug, cigarette and alcohol use. Some parents will react with anger. Others might use this to justify even more time away, but some will wake up to see the distress their child is in. There is an important lesson for parents in this child’s letter. Many adolescents labeled as being bad are really children who just crying out for attention and affection from their parents. Attention does not mean that you should spend a few minutes per day with your child and use those moments to threaten them about their behavior or dress. It does mean
that the negative behaviors would lessen by meeting the emotional needs of an adolescent who tries to define peers as the support group but who can’t make it without you. Working parents need to be especially sensitive to the emotional needs of their children. Choose your parent substitutes wisely. One stepparent might meet the child’s needs. Another might not. It depends upon the relationship between the parent-substitute and the teen. Cold or absent parents produce troubled and risk-taking teens. Both parents can certainly have a career but they cannot leave a child at home like a pet. Raising a child takes lots and lots of time. All of us thrive on attention from those who matter to us. If you are away during the day, make the evenings special. If you travel for work, be sure to celebrate your return with special time together.
Vivian K. Friedman Ph. D. is a child and family psychologist at UAB, Department of Psychiatry. Send questions for response in this column to Viviankf@gmail.com. No personal replies are sent.
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