THE PREMIER PARENTING MAGAZINE FOR CENTRAL ALABAMA
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MAY 2016
1,000
THINGS TO TEACH BEFORE THEY
GRADUATE SHOW ME THE MONEY (FOR COLLEGE) SCHOLAR ATHLETES: WHY SPORTS & SMARTS GO TOGETHER STAYING SAFE AROUND THE WATER
table of contents
14
1,000 THINGS TO TEACH BEFORE THEY GRADUATE
FREE
THE PREMIER PARENTING MAGAZINE FOR CENTRAL ALABAMA
MAY 2016
14 16 20 24
1,000
THINGS TO TEACH BEFORE THEY
GRADUATE SHOW ME THE MONEY (FOR COLLEGE) SCHOLAR ATHLETES: WHY SPORTS & SMARTS GO TOGETHER STAYING SAFE AROUND THE WATER
departments Note 04 Editor’s This May in Birmingham Parent
07
Parenting with Dr. Friedman
8 Short Stuff 0 the Specialist: 30 Ask Keeping Kids Hydrated 38 Park Rater Returns! 41 May Calendar Highlights 42
May Calendar of Events
Party: 46 Poetry Rap Poems
features
THE PLANNING FOR COLLEGE & CAREER 2016 DIRECTORY PG.11
16
18
20
DAY 22 MOTHER'S As a Stepmom SAFE 24 STAYING Around Water
32
DESTINATION GUIDE
24 Show Me the Money (for College)
5 Things Parents Do that Keep Their Child Out of Their Dream College
Scholar Athletes: Why Sports & Smarts Go Together
ON THE COVER: Elena, age 14 of Birmingham, is dreaming of going away to college not too far in her future. She is wearing a sweatshirt from LJ’s Boutique in Clanton and Pelham (see ad on page 5). www.shopljsboutique.com. Photo by Christy Pierce Photography, www.christypiercephotographyllc.com, 205-902-0385.
6 | birminghamparent | may 2016
parenting
Parenting with Dr. Friedman
Q:
In one of your previous columns regarding video games, you said: “The task of childhood, from birth to age 19, is to master cognitive, social, fine motor and large motor skills. The problem is not only that your son is playing computer games for many hours but that he is not engaged in physical or social activity for the many hours of his day that he plays these
games. The games do not have the play value of a board game where social interaction is a key part of the play.” I object to your state-
ment that computer games are not social. There are thousands of people on the Internet playing the epic games with each other. They can talk to each other online. If this is not social what is?
Social skills develop in stages. Not all play is equal. Some types of play are more developmentally primitive than others are. The nine-month-old baby often enjoys “playing” with another baby his own age, but at this age the players do not truly interact. They
simply play side by side, each with his own toy, in what psychologists call “parallel play.” As the toddler matures and moves on to preschool, he begins true cooperative play. In cooperative play there is give and take, win and lose. The preschool age child begins to understand that the other person has a perspective that is different from his. It is this kind of social interaction that is necessary for society to function. While computer games certainly can be interactive as the Internet allows for play with others rather than just play against the computer, they do not allow for the full spectrum of social interaction that one would expect of a mature teenager. Playing with “thousands on the Internet” is not the same as having one or two or three close friends. The thousands that you might play with on the Internet do not demand your empathy or your nurturance. Computer games allow you to win all the time. If you don’t win, you can simply reset the game or sign off. There is no give and take. There is no win and lose. This does not prepare children for life where no one wins all the time. For the socially isolated adolescent,
playing computer games with others online can be mood elevating. The child that has few friends can feel that he has friends online and that he is not alone and rejected. These partial relationships are better than no relationship at all. The problem is that in my experience in my psychology practice, this online friendship typically does not serve as a first step towards face-to-face friendships. It is what it is, but it doesn’t progress. Computer games for well-adjusted and well-balanced adolescents can best be seen as “down time” recreation. They tend to be relaxing and serve well as a break between school and homework, as long as they are not habit forming and demanding of excessive time. They can continue social relationships formed face to face at school, camp or church. Yet they are limited in value and therefore should take up only a limited amount of the student’s day. Vivian K. Friedman Ph. D. is a child and family psychologist at UAB, Department of Psychiatry. Send questions for response in this column to Viviankf@gmail.com. No personal replies are sent.
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