September 2011 - Binghamton Review

September 2011

Truth and Two Staples

Binghamton Review

INSIDE:

- The ABc’s of binghamton - september 11, ten years later - An insider’s look into s.o.m

Binghamton Review

P.O. Box 6000 BinghamTOn, NY 13902-6000

editor@binghamtonreview.com

Founded 1987 • Volume XXv Number 1 • September 2011

Editor-in-Chief Aaron M. Ricks

Contents

Managing Editor Mark Soriano Copy Desk Chief Eric Larson Associate Editors Chris Formisano Ari Greenberg Nick Fondacaro

9/11, Ten years later

Editor Emeritus Rachel Gordon

Page 8

Contributors Will M. Griffin, Kate Flatley, John Ewing, Nick Valiando Secretary Marissa Beldock Patriarchs of the Review Louis W. Leonini Adam Shamah Friends of the Review Dr. Aldo S. Bernardo The Leonini Family Mr. Bob Soltis WA2VCS The Shamah Family The Grynheim Family The Menje Family The Leeds Family The Lombardi Family The Packer Family Mr. Michael O’Connell Cover Photo Provided by Ari Greenberg

Binghamton Review is printed by Our Press in Chenango Bridge, NY. We provide the truth; they provide the staples.

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Politics of the Debt Ceiling by Eric Larson

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The ABC’s of Binghamton University by The Editors

13 Insider’s Look into SOM by Anonymous Welcome from the “Review Townie” by Will M. Griffin

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Departments 3 4 5

EDITORIAL CAMPUS PRESSWATCH What you missed

Tell us what you think!

Direct letters to editor@binghamtonreview.com September 2011

EDITORIAL

Dear Readers,

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his is only my second year at Binghamton University, and I can honestly say that I am deeply honored to be Editor-in-Chief of the Review. We at the Review always had and always will have the best intentions for the students at Binghamton in our hearts. And although the Review is usually remembered for its abrasive tone and sarcastic nature, I honestly believe that the Review has a role to play to make our community a better place for students. From outrageous zoning regulations against students to freedom of speech violations, the Review has done its best to write and act in the best interests of the students here.

As a student of political science, it seems that discussions about freedoms and civil liberties in the classroom are never examined very closely in the truest sense of these ideals. We should never forget that our liberties are almost constantly under attack. Now I know what you are probably thinking: “here is a centre-right publication about to rant about how Obama is the Antichrist and is the end of America as we know it.” No. While most members of the Review may have their disagreements with the President, he is certainly no “evil man.”

Violations of our liberties as students will most likely occur in our local communities: unconstitutional speech codes, unfair zoning regulations, improper student conduct policies. All these attribute to the abuse of our own civil liberties. Not just those of Guantanamo Bay detainees or airport customers, but right here in our own community. And that is why the Review strives so hard to inform readers about their own rights and freedoms right

here on campus and in Binghamton as a whole.

That being said, the Review will continue to say those things that no one else will. And to be honest, we consider that to be our job. Administration officials, RAs, and Orientation Advisors exist to convince you to come here. We exist to tell you the truth. And the truth is, Binghamton is no utopia. Although I consider attending school here to be one of the best decisions I have made, the University and local community has its own problems that need to be confronted.

The members of the Review are students, just like you. We heard the same things when we applied to school here, when we attended orientation, or talked to an advisor. We are not paid to be politically correct, or tell you why Binghamton is the greatest place on Earth. We tell you what we know and what we think, and we find no shame in that.

So please, laugh with us. Here at the Review, we are not as terrible as many of our more “sensitive” readers may think.

Although the Review is indeed the centre-right publication on campus, chances are you will find something about our campus community that you agree with us on. In fact, do not just agree with us, join us! We are always looking for writers and editors to get involved. If not, keep sending your hate mail. We love it.

In closing, I would like to extend my thoughts and prayers to the friends and families of those killed in the September 11th, 2001 attacks, and more recently in the terrible attacks that took place in Norway on July 22nd, 2011. B

Tell us what you think!

Direct letters to editor@binghamtonreview.com Our Mission Binghamton Review is a non-partisan, student-run periodical of conservative thought at Binghamton University. A true liberal arts education expands a student’s horizons and opens one’s mind to a vast array of divergent perspectives.

In that spirit, we seek to promote the free exchange of ideas and offer an alternative viewpoint not normally found on our predominately liberal campus. It is our duty to expose the warped ideology of political correctness that dominates this university.

We stand against tyranny in all its forms, both on campus and beyond. We believe in the principles set forth in this country’s Declaration of Independence and seek to preserve the fundamental tenets of Western civilization. Finally, we understand that a moral order is a necessary component of any civilized society. We strive to inform, engage, and perhaps even amuse our readers in carrying out this mission. www.binghamtonreview.com

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CPampus resswatch

by The Editors

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ypically, Press Watch is reserved for the Review’s response to other campus articles, which we mock and criticise for outrageous allegations and assumptions, left-wing tirades, or for being flat-out liars. Alas, as it’s only the beginning of a new year at Binghamton University, we’re going to provide a brief summary of the other pieces of trash that call themselves “publications” on this campus. In short, there is really only one publication worth reading in Binghamton; congratulations, you’re already reading it.

Pipe Dream As Binghamton University’s only publication that prints more than once a month, one would expect Pipe Dream to be a credible source of news: unraveling administration corruption, reporting on the attempts by off-campus organizations to evict students from the West Side of Binghamton, or pretty much just doing their job. Instead, Pipe Dream reads like a collection of administrative press releases.

Their op-eds are poorly conceived, they have no editorial stance on any issues (their opinions change from week to week), and many of their reporters are just bonafide scumbags. If you enjoy reading mediocrity, go there.

Prospect Magazine They call themselves the “second largest publication on campus” (which is a lie), but to be the second largest publication you actually have to be a legitimate publication to begin with. If you can stand reading through and glaring at numerous typographical and grammatical errors

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riddled throughout the “publication,” which serves no purpose but to distort the ability of the reader to make any sense of the content, then you might enjoy reading their last issue of the year which features the one remotely (and we use that very loosely) interesting feature, the “50 Most Influential Students.” The list is arbitrary and meaningless. They obviously pulled 25 of the names out of a hat. Five or less spots were reserved for the totality of their friends. For the remaining twenty, they begrudgingly list Review members and associates in the SA who actually have influence. Either way, it used to be strict editorial policy of the Review never to mention Prospect, but they leave themselves open to so much criticism, it’s hard to give up. We promise never to substantively recognize their drivel, but merely to poke fun at their stupidity... and continue undercutting their ads so maybe someday this campus won’t be littered by the worthless trash that is the Prospect.

EMO Zine / Talk Back This is quite possibility the epitome of pathetic socialist propaganda. Their articles are ridiculous, featuring pieces on topics such as human-animal hybrids or “snake humans,” and calling American motorists racist for being upset that antiwar demonstrators had blocked Vestal Parkway for hours. Seriously, even we couldn’t make this stuff up.

Asian Outlook Binghamton University’s champion of Asian and Asian-American issues makes a mockery of its own causes by the very nature of its existence. An entire continent

of diverse cultures, languages, ethnicities and religions has been boiled down into a single magazine. What is next, Eastern Hemisphere Outlook? Regardless, being poorly written and boring doesn’t help their cause.

Free Press Here at the Review, our editors exhausted hours of their time to figure out if the Free Press had any editorial standpoint, quality copy editing, or consistent points of view.

In the end, the only thing we discovered is that they are essentially an even more disappointing version of Pipe Dream.

Q-Mag Before we discuss this semi-defunct magazine, you would be correct to assume that the “Q” stands for “Queer.” Anyways, the Review has a long history of supporting the rights of the LGBTQ community.

That being said, Q-Mag perpetuates every negative stereotype of the gay community by showing semi-pornographic pictures of men stuffing inanimate objects in their mouths or featuring articles about the politics of giving “facials.” Yes, they mean those types of facials. Seriously, here at the Review, we care very little about how individuals carry out their sex lives. But this is just too much.

September 2011

WHAT you missed

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his is an entirely new section of the Review. Since we pride ourselves in actually being productive members of society, we couldn’t print a new issue the entire summer. But don’t worry, we still watch the news, and we are here to tell you all of the important things that happened over the summer. From sexaddicts, mass riots, to gay states, we have it all right here.

Weinergate The esteemed Democratic Representative from New York’s 9th Congressional District just couldn’t keep the snake in the cage. The oncefuture Mayor of NYC decided it would be a good idea to flirt with multiple women using his Twitter account and other social media sites.

After being newly diagnosed as a sex addict, Weiner decided to resign and seek treatment for his bulging ailment.

But hey, at least he isn’t a family-values conservative, right?

New York is Officially Gay That is how it works, right? After weeks of negotiations, Governor Cuomo was finally able to form a coalition of Democratic and Republican State Senators in order to pass this sweeping victory for LGBTQ rights.

After centuries of being the badass of the North East, New York has finally decided to join the ranks of states like Vermont, New Hampshire, and Massachusetts.

Supporters of the measure argue that the economic impact of allowing gays to marry in the state will boost revenue through the purchasing of marriage licenses. Others argue that this boost in economic activity will most likely come from the purchasing www.binghamtonreview.com

of vast quantities of leather biker gear and feather hair dresses.

News International Hacking Scandal

US Women Lose World Cup: America Displays the Highest Level of Immaturity Ever

It has been discovered that employees of Rupert Murdoch’s recently deceased British tabloid, News of the World, have allegedly engaged in hacking cell phones, bribing police officials, and pretty much breaking every ethic of printed journalism.

You probably didn’t think it was possible for journalists to hack your cell phone.

But how do you think the Review gets its groundbreaking stories?

In case you didn’t know, in addition to voting, women have recently been allowed to play televised sports. This Women’s World Cup craze swept the nation in a wave of estrogen and enriched athletic performance. In a heartbreaking loss, the United States women fell short of their third FIFA World Cup win in a decade to a recently tsunami-devastated Japan.

Afterwards, the American social media response consisted of a “tsunami” of innapproiate tweets and a “meltdown” of normal political correctness. Examples include: “F*ck Japan and Japanese people everywhere. Too bad that tsunami couldn’t do its f*ckin job...” Grow up, America.

Eurozone Crisis How is all that central planning working out for you, Europe? Spain, Portugal, Greece, Italy and Ireland are all on the verge of defaulting on their enormous debts. After two world wars and millions dead, Germany has finally found a means of essentially dominating Europe in a way never conceived before: bloated and corrupt governments, tax-evasion on a massive scale, and a monetary union that forces the peripheral countries to accept the will of its largest economies, France and Germany.

So how do we cure a problem caused by misguided European integration? More integration, of course.

Phone

Casey Anthony Found Not Guilty OJ Simpson 2.0

Republican Primary Overview Here’s what the Review has learned so far from watching coverage of the Republican candidates: Herman Cain hates Muslims, Mitt Romney is a Mormon, Michelle Bachmann is insane, Rick Perry hates science, Newt Gingrich is incapable of campaigning, Tim Pawlenty is gone, Jon Huntsman is too sane to win, and Rick Santorum has a thing against gay napkins.

But I think we’re forgetting some old dinosaur with a gold fetish. Eh, who cares?

London Riots On August 6, riots errupted in Northern London after the fatal shooting of a man, named Mark Duggan, by police, and spread across several London districts and cities throughout England, until they finally ceased on August 10. The sun may never set on the British Empire, but it is sometimes blocked out by clouds of smoke billowing out of burning cars.

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DEBT 101

Politics of the Debt Ceiling

Republicans and Democrats are tied. American people lose.

by Eric Larson

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t seems that over the summer a concept that has remained dormant in the minds of lawmakers and citizens has finally returned to center stage, receiving the attention and concern it deserves. Despite the sheer size of the US economy and the fact that the dollar is the global reserve currency, our money is only worth as much as the world thinks it is worth. Trust has become the most important currency in circulation as the world is suffocated with vast quantities of uncollateralized debt. As time will show, trust can be extremely quantifiable.

Recently, the United States has given the world a reason to doubt the trust they once had in our ability to pay back our debts. In order to keep up with the amount of spending the US government commits to, a substantial amount of debt must be taken out yearly. To address the amount of debt the US takes on, Congress votes on an amount of debt we allow ourselves to have at any given time called the debt ceiling. When our spending obligations outpace our ability to pay we once again have to resort to taking on more debt; this time however, we found ourselves firmly wedged against our own debt ceiling. This created a crisis in congress as both sides saw passing a higher debt ceiling as a political opportunity to enact their will on the country. While both sides agreed that defaulting on our obligations would be an unacceptable course of action, neither could reach a consensus on how to handle the new amount of debt they were forced to take out. This resulted in the most shallow and pedantic game of chicken ever played.

With a deadline for payment on the

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horizon and both parties in deadlock over the way this new debt would be taken, the stakes of their indecision were quite evident; lawmakers were gambling with the US economy to get their way. There is a popular saying with politicians: “never let a crisis go to waste.” I think in light of either party holding the country hostage it should have a little more added on: “never let a crisis go to waste, especially the ones you created.”

The objectives for both parties were, as always, diametrically opposed. The Democrats were looking for a “clean” debt ceiling increase, without opposition or spending cuts. In addition, they sought a much larger increase in the debt ceiling, enough to last the US through the next election, so another debt crisis does not happen before Obama begins his reelection bid. Finally, in order to help fund the preexisting spending obligations, a large set of class targeting tax increases were proposed. As conventional economic theory contends, an increase of taxes during a recession results in a slower economy as less consumer spending takes place.

The Republicans, motivated strongly by the Tea Party, had a different set of goals. They proposed a dollar for dollar deal; for every additional dollar of debt incurred an equal amount must be cut in spending. To supplement these cuts, spending caps were proposed in order to prevent the need to increase the debt again in the future. What turned out to be the real sticking point between the two parties was that nearly all Republican representatives had signed a pledge to the Americans for Tax Reform. This pledge vowed to never vote for a tax increase

during their entire elected period. While low taxes and small government are party platforms for Republicans, and it is almost undoubtedly not the time to raise taxes, it is simply asinine to blindly refuse even the slightest consideration of a tax increase regardless of the situation, and to do so would be the height of irresponsibility.

The result of this disagreement left both parties about where they began, and the American people much worse for the wear. The debt ceiling has increased $900 billion on the contingency that over the next ten years there is $917 billion cut from spending. Congress has formed a new joint “super committee” so they can continue producing deficit reducing bills. The biggest effects of this debacle extend far beyond the control of Congress itself. Probably what will become the most costly result of our inability to reach an agreement is that the S&P has downgraded our credit rating from AAA to AA+, meaning we are no longer able to borrow money as cheaply as we once were.

On August 3, immediately after the debt ceiling had been elevated, the US debt rose $238 billion overnight, the largest single expansion of debt in US history. This new expansion of debt puts America in an elite group of countries that have a debt to GDP ratio of over 100%. Amongst our new colleagues are riot ridden Greece (157% debt) and bankrupt Ireland (114% debt).

Naturally, investors panic, markets plunge, and our economy that was just beginning to get back on its feet slowed to a terrifying crawl once more.

The fear some economists have

September 2011

between the panic in the markets, downgrading of our credit score, increased debt, and ineffective politicians is that we will set ourselves on a downward spiral many other countries have slipped down before. With a strained economy we need to take out more debt, that in turn lowers our credit rating making it more expensive to borrow, sending the markets in to a panic, requiring us to take out more and more debt until finally we default on our obligations.

As the science of predictive economics is about as accurate as a divining rod, this terrible prediction is actually not what we see unfolding. Strangely enough the value of the US debt has not gone up, rather it is dropping. Even with a downgrade of our credit rating the world economy is so volatile that the US still is an appealing investment to both citizens and governments alike. In addition, some economists estimate that around fifty percent of the United States’ funds are invested internationally. Foreign governments are just as invested with us as we are with them. In a bizarre twist of unstable events, we are currently being paid to take on more debt. While the only thing that gives our money value is the number that is printed on it, the world still trusts that we can make our currency what we claim it is worth. In this way, trust is our most important commodity, and our lawmakers top priority should be to uphold and ensure its sterling reputation for years to come. B

© 2011 Rachel Whitt

You’ll Get Your Degree from Binghamton University...

But your education from The Binghamton review.

YOU’RE WELCOME. 7

TEN YEARS LATER

9/11, Ten Years in Review

by Mark Soriano

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n September 11th, 2011, the lives of 2,977 will be celebrated in the hearts of every American. 310 million will grieve the 2,977 that were taken away. The United States will mourn over 2,977 dreams destroyed, 2,977 futures cut short, and 2,977 possibilities lost. We will all remember what we have never forgotten.

September 11th, 2001 began like any other day, filled with the usual hopes, dilemmas, considerations and expectations. Over the course of the morning, nineteen men hijacked four planes, determined to destroy four significant structural targets. Three of these planes reached their targets, the north and south towers of the World Trade Center and the Pentagon. The fourth plane crashed in a field in Shanksville, Pennsylvania, after passengers struggled against the hijackers. The World Trade towers both collapsed by 10:30am, followed later in the day by a third trade center building damaged by the attacks. A large section of the Pentagon was destroyed by the original crash and subsequent fires. Life as we knew it came to a stop, with millions of people glued to television screens, watching the events unfold.

The aftermath of the attacks is well known to all of us. Emergency crews, police and firefights raced to the scene, and in acts of remarkable bravery saved hundreds of people. 411 of these responders lost their lives attempting to rescue those trapped in the buildings. As the Twin Towers lay in ruin at Ground Zero, crews descended on the site to begin searching for survivors among the rubble. President George Bush swore 8

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to the nation to bring justice to those responsible. America began to pick up the pieces, and take stock of what it lost.

It quickly emerged that the people responsible were a group of Islamic extremists called Al Qaeda, led by Osama bin Laden. The 9/11 attacks were the culmination of years of terrorist actions aimed against America’s presence in the Middle East. Osama bin Laden claimed responsibility, and promised more attacks to come. The attacks did not, however, focus attention on bin Laden’s goals or message. Instead, the attacks led to an increase in anti-Muslim racist stereotyping. Most Americans came to associate anyone reminiscent of bin Laden with hatred and fear.

The Fallout To most of our readers, the attacks of 9/11/01 represent more than the loss of thousands of lives. They represent the loss of our innocence, the end of our collective childhood. Most of us grew up in an America free from care; a confident and secure nation. Too young to remember the dying days of the Cold War, we grew up what appeared to be a safe, happy world.

September 11th awoke us to the realities of life when most of us were elementary school students. Our parents and teachers did their best to hide the truth from us, but there was no mistaking the looks of horror on their faces, the tears, and the silence. The United States changed on 9/11, and with it changed our lives.

On September 12th, 2001, Americans everywhere became inspired by the acts of heroism shown at ground zero, at the Pentagon site, and by the passengers on the hijacked planes, and remembered what it meant to be an American again.

People all over the world stood in solidarity with the United States, in a rejection of the methods used by the terrorists, in a rejection of hatred and fear. Our leaders determined not to strike inward against any religion or race, and worked to unite us in a common cause. America’s best qualities went on display.

Lessons to be Learned However, the post-9/11 world displays many of America’s worst qualities. An obsession with security has seen the loss of countless American liberties, from the provisions outlined by the Patriot Act, to pervasive xenophobia, to invasive security checkpoints at airports. In an attempt to protect Americans from harm, the government has expanded its power, limited freedom, and lost some of the

© 2010 Kamau Z Akabuez September 2011

liberties that made American great.

The wars in Afghanistan and Iraq have led to the loss of thousands of heroic American military personnel, without many of their goals being achieved.

While America has been preserved from renewed acts of terrorism, our allies in Europe and innocent civilians across the Middle East have become constant targets of attacks.

The limits of power are best shown when that power is used. The United States came out of 9/11 secure in its position as the premier world power, but eroded its own position over the past decade. America largely abandoned the principles and practices that made it great, and acted irresponsibly and repeated many mistakes from its past.

The wars in Afghanistan and Iraq have been haunting reminders of the Vietnam War, while the Patriot Act and many anti-terrorist laws are reminiscent of McCarthyism.

Traditional conservative values nearly died over the past decade. The Republican Party embraced both of President Bush’s wars, along with the accompanying increases in government authority. Fiscal prudence, liberty and respect for privacy have lost out to populism, brinksmanship, and a fear of intellectualism. Patriotism outweighs reason, and compromise is forbidden.

The worst thing America can do now is to continue on its current path. It is time to reevaluate the way America reacts to crises. September 11th, 2001 was among the worst tragedies this nation ever faced, but in many ways America’s reaction was a tragedy in itself. We abandoned our values, and in so doing we besmirched the memories of those who died. We played into the expectations of the terrorists who perpetuated the attacks, and damaged the credibility and legitimacy of our way of life.

On Sunday, September 11th, 2011, 2,977 American lives will be mourned and remembered across the world.

On Monday, September 12th, 2011, American must begin to remake itself, to take the legacy of the attacks

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and use it to make the United States great again. America remains the world’s last, best hope only by understanding and learning from its mistakes. However, leave these considerations aside on 9/11/11; reserve

the day for commemorating those we lost ten years ago, for embracing family, friends and loved ones, and for celebrating America. B

2008 9/11 Memorial Flag Garden, Binghamton Unviersity

Join the Binghamton Review and the College Republicans for the 9/11 Memorial Flag Garden.

Volunteers are always welcome, come and remember the fallen with us by planting flags in their honor, September 11, 2011 at 6:00pm outside the New Union. A ceremonial reading of the names of those killed will begin at 9:30am on September 12.

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The Editors

The ABC’s of Binghamton University Everything the Review Has Learned

A

Academic Advising

Remember how much it sucked using BU Brain for the first time? The severe feelings of hopelessness, loss, and frustration? That’s how the advising employees feel everyday. Seek help from anywhere else... seriously.

Athletics

It’s true, we had a half-decent basketball team about three years ago, made it to the NCAA tournament, and lost in the first round to Duke. What a great success story for us. Then star players were arrested for dealing crack, former players admitted to heavy alcohol and drug use among the team, and a credit card was stolen and used by members of the team. Good job, Broadus.

Have fun at Georgetown!

B C

BUC$

Might as well try using Canadian currency.

College-in-the-Woods

Drugs, acoustic guitars, and overall douche-bags. They’re very green there, but we’re not talking about the trees.

Go there for the good stuff. BR tested and approved.

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Cooper Administration Building

Engineering Building

The Ivory Tower where our seldom seen, student-hating Administrators plot and conspire against the Student Association and your rights.

Pray you never have a class in here. They claim it wins awards for efficient use of space, that’s just bullshit. If you happen to have a class in here, look out for the Minotaur.

Cornell

English

Typically we make a joke about how you didn’t get into Cornell so you ended up here, but the past 3 years our freshman class has had higher GPAs and SAT scores... to hell with those Ivy League pricks. Welcome to Binghamton!

D

Dickinson

Low-income tenement housing. Seriously, let us be honest: their dorms are really just pieces of shit.

Downtown Center

Still not sure why this building was created.

HDEV majors should be warned, they will be forced to travel downtown to class for no apparent reason other than to just fill the rooms in this otherwise empty building.

E

East Campus Projects (aka Newing) Like the

real projects, it’s just public housing filled with people who feel they have a birthright to something (like going to Israel).

You took it for granted in high school but you’ll see how important it is for your ability to learn when you get an ‘F-’ on your first test because you could not understand what your Professor was saying.

F

First Amendment

This is the first thing you hand over when you come to school. Case in point: The University expelled a graduate student for speaking out against a new professor he believed was responsible for housing discrimination at his former position as director of the Binghamton Housing Authority. With the help of the Review and the Foundation for Individual Rights in Education (FIRE), the case was dropped and he graduated.

Fountain

Something this university used to have until the administration decided it made the school look too presentable. Now it’s gonna be a bronze Bearcat. Roar-meow.

Front Street

There are like ten frats there. The city is

September 2011

CAMPUS GUIDE

renaming it to “Franternity Row” in 2013.

G H

Glenn G. Library

Bartle

Your new dorm room during midterms and finals.

Also the photography studio and original inspiration for www. asianssleepinginthelibrary.tumblr.com/

Hillside

Enjoy your bus ride down to campus. Too bad you couldn’t grow a pair and move downtown.

Hinman

Their dorm is not terrible enough to be renovated but too dilapidated to be worth living in. Welcome to mediocrity. However, their Nite Owl is open at ridiculous hours. Enjoy your overpriced pizza logs at two o’clock in the morning.

L

Lecture Hall

The best location to pick up a copy of the only intellectual publication on campus. That’s the only good part of the Lecture Hall. It’s round, an eye sore, and full of asbestos.

Long Island

Currently under water, thanks to Ms. Irene. Apparently the greatest place ever created. Besides Israel, of course.

M

Mando Books

The workers there are constantly stoned but, they sell books cheaper than campus and buy them back for more.

Mountainview

I

Intelligence

You’ll soon find that it’s something you don’t need to 1) get into Binghamton 2) be a Teaching Assistant 3) become active in Student Government 4) be an RA or 5) be a Professor. You will need it if you would like to be on staff at the Review.

Israel

The country every Jew goes to and suddenly believes is the apex of civilization. Why? We don’t know. We only presume it’s something the Palestinians put in the water.

JAPs

J K

See Long Island.

Kosher Korner

The dedicated Kosher Jews on campus have finally been liberated from the basement of the old Union, and have been integrated into campus society in the promised land that is Chenango-Champlain.

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Don’t smash your face on rocks as you scramble up the hill and over the fence.

Nowadays, Newing is both nicer and closer to sea level.

Mormons

Yeah, there are like six of them at Binghamton. They don’t really matter.

Only three wear their “special underwear.”

See if you can spot all three this year!

N

Newing

LI Jews, Whororities, Frat Rats, and LAX Bros.

Anything else? Nope.

NYPIRG

The worst student group on campus. After over 30 years of robbing the students and returning no benefit to campus, they came out in force last year to prevent our SA from incorporating, which would have allowed for better concerts, heat lamps downtown on State Street in winter, and blue lights on the West Side to increase student safety.

Congratulations.

O

OCCT Buses

The number two location for angry and belligerent drunk assholes to

congregate. You literally have to fight people to get on the bus at 3:00 in morning to get back home. Oh, and sometimes they light on fire.

P

Parade Day

Sudents and townies coexist peacefully in downtown Binghamton to get wasted and watch Irish people make fools of themselves for a day.

President

Something this school can apparently function without.

ProctorU

The University’s latest plan to violate your privacy rights and strap your wallet, all to ensure academic honesty and prevent distance learning professors from developing curriculum and syllabi that are actually conducive to distance learning.

Q

Questions

“Why did I come here?” “Must it rain all the time?” “Am I going anywhere in life?” “Is Sodexo secretly poisoning me?” “Why doesn’t my Professor/TA speak English?” “Will it ever stop snowing?” These are all questions you will ask yourself within the first semester of school.

R S

Reslife

They exist to bust you for smoking pot, to stop the pregaming, and to kill your buzz in general. Enjoy the free pizza and condoms!

Spring Fling

A fried dough stand, bad music, and a bunch of other stuff that no one cares about.

The concert to go to if you want to get the crap beat out of you, covered in mud, and all of your possessions stolen.

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CAMPUS GUIDE Student Association

A collection of self-interested, pompous students.

About 8-10 of them will do real work that will make your everyday life better, like reducing the severity of pot possession charges on campus.

The rest of them just are a collection of bickering idiots. It doesn’t matter, though, only 3-4% of campus will even know this body exists until Spring.

T

Townies

They will hate you because you’re a student (probably from Long Island), then they realize the only reason their town even has a dime of income is because of the university. All they do is drink, reproduce, do meth, and collect welfare.

U

University Plaza

Early retirement home for SOM juniors or seniors looking forward only to going to Florida for Spring Break. They stopped doing maintenance like four years ago and started charging more for parking.

The hallways are all vomit yellow and there is one door on every building that doesn’t lock.

Vice President of Multicultural Affairs

V W

We’re not really sure what this position does. But when we find out, we’ll be sure to write something opposing it.

Winter

Binghamton tours the school in the Spring or Summer because if they did it between November and April, no one would go here. Invest heavily in winter clothes, boots, and snow tires. This place gets nasty fast.

X

Xenophobia

It’s so difficult to find words that begin with ‘x’ that actually make sense on this list. So we’ll repeat ourselves from last year: As a freshmen you expect to be an open-minded individual who will not allow any of your prejudices take over and force you to premptively form an opinion about anyone

or anything. But after that first semester of being taught by the non-English speaking TA, you are going to be throwing around some pretty fucked up things about foreigners. Seriously...you’ll deny it, but we all know at some point you are say something horrible about your TA while pointing out what country they are from.

Shame on you.

Y Z

Yearbook

We share an office with these guys, so you would think some of our immense intelligence would rub off onto them. But thanks to these guys, we are forever known as ‘Binghamton Univeristy’.

Zombie Student Association

It’s like Dawn of the Dead, except being bitten just turns you into a nerd. If you ever see a group of virgins assaulting your building with NERF guns and bandanas, don’t worry about it.

© 2010 Melinda Taber

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Binghamton Review

September 2011

An Insider’s Look into the School of Management How to Succeed in Business (School) Without Really Trying

by Anonymous

B

inghamton University was recently ranked by the Daily Beast, a popular online tabloid, as the “least rigorous” undergraduate institution in the nation when compared to its prestige and degree value. How the Beast’s editors formulated this conclusion is a mystery to me, and some might look at the source and immediately write off its credibility.

But you have to admit that the basic assertion is true, as anyone in the School of Management can tell you.

At no point during my four years in S.O.M. did I do anything that would resemble serious work. Essentially, I was able to earn high grades while putting in no effort at all. And this is my story.

My model for success was as follows: never attend class (except for exams) and passively follow the syllabus to make certain nothing important (i.e. exams) is missed. When an exam or assignment comes up, spend at most three days reading the textbook and various online sources to learn the material. Take the exam. Do well. And repeat.

I was successful primarily because I can count on one hand how many classes took attendance.

Most of the professors simply did not care if I missed every class, aside from exam days. From what I hear, this is changing. Alas, I was always able to stay one step ahead of the tide, perhaps out of luck, but certainly in part because of the sheer number of professors who simply did not care.

I took one accounting course taught by a relatively new professor. This professor, after realizing midway through the semester that no one was attending his class, tried to institute a vague attendance policy that kinda, sorta threatened grade reduction for those who missed too many classes. But no one believed him, class attendance hardly improved, and the professor quickly abandoned his policy. In fact, I remember one finance course that actually offered extra credit to those who attended class, rather than penalizing those who didn’t.

Nearly all courses can be mastered with a comprehensive reading and understanding of the textbook. This is especially true of finance classes. Not only can these finance courses be learned entirely on your own, nearly all teach the same material for the first few weeks of the semester. This makes for an easy-A on the first exam for anyone who has taken another finance course before. www.binghamtonreview.com

Then there are the professors that simply have no standards, and function as if they were at a for-profit college teaching adults looking to switch careers rather than at one of the nation’s premier business schools.

I had one finance professor who announced on the first day of class that his course was “very, very easy,” and that those who were looking for a challenging course in finance should choose a different one. Totally disregarding that his course satisfied one of the three elective requirements for a concentration.

Another course provided “substitute exam questions;” these could be used to replace difficult questions on the exam.

Business statistics, a course open only to S.O.M. students, is nearly identical to the Harpur version of introductory statistics, except the S.O.M. version was entirely open book, for no good reason, as the math was elementary and the material insubstantial. Several courses allowed cheat sheets on exams. This was not because the classes were of special difficulty; they were in fact easier than any of the 100-level Harpur courses I took for a general education requirement..

Some exams are taken in teams, online, or both. Many courses base grades entirely on group work, and group projects or presentations are rarely given poor grades.

In fact, grade inflation is rampant.

I can’t recall a course that required proper citation of material; footnotes with hyperlinks to websites of various

© 2006 Bertrand Duperrin

degrees of credibility were accepted in several of my classes, and Wikipedia as a source was acceptable in at least one upper level marketing course.

These sort of standards were the norm, not the exception.

In one sophomore level, 300-person lecture, taught by a new professor, exams were given without additional proctors.

Rare events like these in a school as prestigious as ours go way beyond lax standards that should upset anyone concerned with the credibility of this university. The professor would watch as students blatantly cheated off each other.

They would exchange answers on their way to hand in the exam, exercising no level of discretion whatsoever. The professor simply ignored it. That same course did not penalize students who handed in identical homework assignments, though it was never stated whether “collaboration” was allowed, obviously. Another professor accepted the excuse “you never said we couldn’t work together” after several students were reprimanded for copying homework.

I should add that I do feel I learned a lot, albeit in many cases entirely on my own, during my time at S.O.M. I have a greater understanding of how the business world works and of the fundamentals of management and accounting. There were a few courses that do not fit the picture I paint, certainly a handful taught by professors of genuine quality and with higher standards. And the School is aware of many of the problems I point out and has taken steps to improve the situation.

In addition, there are legitimate reasons why S.O.M. might not focus as much on exams and academic difficulty as Harpur.

The school concentrates on teaching practical, soft skills. And I would argue this type of education better prepares its students to become productive members of society than any liberal arts school anywhere. Its priorities are not much different from other business schools of similar ranking. Many of its graduates go on to become capable accountants, investments bankers, financial advisers, etc. But working hard is certainly not a requirement for graduation. B 13

LOCAL PERSPECTIVE

Welcome from the “Review Townie”

Not Your Average Homeless Person Begging for Money On State Street

by Will M. Griffin

A

s I enter my final year as an undergraduate at Binghamton University, I write a final guide for the new freshman. Unlike the majority of students who hail from NYC, Long Island and the suburbs in New Jersey, known generally to those of us up here as “Downstate,” I have lived my entire life in the city of Binghamton. Particularly in the Southside, an area of town most students only know about due to an OCCT bus being named the “Leroy-Southside.”

Having grown up here obviously makes me a “townie,” a phrase you are probably already familiar with. Because of this, my view and knowledge of the area is very different from most students at this school. The purpose of this article is to give advice as a townie to the rest of the student body, particularly freshman.

I will begin this guide as I have my last two guides with the more serious advice. As many students from downstate and elsewhere see Binghamton and the surrounding towns as a small town, they forget that the Binghamton is in fact a city, and that you should practice the basic street smarts you would in any city. Any Junior or Senior here can tell you about how a man was stabbed to death behind JT’s Tavern two years ago, how a former member of the men’s basketball team beat a fellow student into a coma and ran to his home country of Serbia in 2008, and how a professor was stabbed 14

Binghamton Review

to death by a student on campus in 2009. Also less terminal than getting stabbed by some gangster in a bar fight, a far more likely criminal issue you will encounter exists on the Westside, the area of town where many of the apartments and Greek houses are. This area of town is shared by both downstate students and the dregs of NYC attracted not by educational opportunity, but by upstate welfare payments. 12 to 14 year old gangster wannabes dragged up here by welfare queen families are not above trying to mug drunken students, as several friends of mine have found out.

Traveling in a group and not getting too smashed will generally help you avoid this during the weekends. These punks are cowards and will only go after students they think are too drunk to resist. There are locals that do help the local community stay safe, especially the Westside Angels. These fellows are Vietnam

vets from the American Legion and Veterans of Foreign Wars of the Westside who patrol along with local police to help keep areas of the Westside safe. These guys fought the Vietcong and are not frightened by some middleschool student who thinks he is a “thug.” The welfare gangsters who can be a pain to us students are also a large part of why so many local people hate students.

Too many of my fellow townies, particularly older ones, believe that all Downstaters, even the students, are welfare trash or gangsters.

On a more positive note, the existence of real crime in the area does have one beneficial sideeffect which I discovered after talking to Downstate friends.

Many Downstate students come from nice, middle class Levittown-type suburbs which have little crime. As such, the local police in these areas have September 2011

LOCAL PERSPECTIVE nothing better to do besides handing out tickets and breaking up parties. The Binghamton Police Department, on the other hand, has real criminals to deal with: gangs such as MS13, Bloods, Crips, which means that breaking up house parties and going after drunken 19 year-olds is not their top priority Even the periodic raids on the State Street bars for serving the underage are largely a casual affair. The closing of the Rathskeller Bar (the Rat) last year had very little to do with the local police and everything to do with the abject stupidity of the DJ yell “fire” to clear people out. Two caveats come with the relatively mellow Binghamton PD: One is that anything you do has to be minor enough that the paperwork that would result from busting you is not worth it. Being somewhat drunk in the street is one thing and will probably be ignored, getting in a bar fight is another, and you will end up in the back of a patrol car. The other caveat is that the University Police Department is a totally different organization, largely charged with controlling the students on campus, so all bets are off with these officers.

Also, they are real police, not just rent-a-cops, so do not try to take them on or you will become the next internet sensation in a new “Don’t tase me bro” video.

Now to move onto a totally different topic, lets discuss the local wildlife. Campus does have deer, and if you live in Dickinson or CIW you might see them walking around at night. Look at them all you want but do not, I repeat, do not try to touch them. I know people from NYC have never seen animals in their natural habitat before (except for pigeons), but please do not touch them. Be especially careful while driving as a deer impact will total most cars.

On a similar note to the wildlife is Binghamton’s weather. To put it mildly the weather here sucks if you like the sun. It is cloudy and rainy a lot so do not bother trying to tan. If you are like me and burn easily, that is not so bad but every year I hear people, especially girls, complain about getting pale. Get over it and stop whining. Also, it snows, and unless you’re from Hawaii or south of the MasonDixon line, you have probably seen snow before and should not freak out about it. Just get a good coat and you’ll be fine.

Complaining about the weather brings me a general piece of advice; do not complain loudly about everything in front of townies. I know kvetching is an art form Downstate but here it is considered the mark of a whiny ingrate. It goes over as well as supporting capitalism at an EMO/

SAC meeting. In particular, do not constantly complain about not finding real pizza. Remember that Binghamton sits between NYC and Chicago so the crust is thicker then the paper-thin sort you are used to in the city. If you really have a problem eating a thicker crusted pizza just find other foods. Spiedies in particular are a delicious local dish. If possible try to find the lamb spiedies. The halupki, perogies and other Eastern European dishes the domed Orthodox churches in Johnson City and Endicott make periodically are also wonderful and cheap. Going out to JC to get them is a bit off the beaten path for most students but that is a good thing.

Lastly, people need to explore what Binghamton has to offer.

I estimate maybe 40% of the students here will never venture off of campus in the day time, and the walk from Front Street to State Street will be the only time they ever step foot in the city.

Grab a map, find a restaurant or museum, and go explore. Every year I hear people complain about there being “nothing to do here,” when their Binghamton experience is limited to State Street and Town Square Mall.

You are in college now, learn how to explore things and entertain yourself. This will make your four years here far more enjoyable. B

Binghamton Review is a monthly, independent journal of news, analysis, commentary, and controversy. Students at Binghamton University receive one copy of the Review free of charge (non-transferable). Additional copies cost $1 each. Letters to the Editor are welcome; they must be accompanied by the author’s current address and phone number. All submission become property of the Review. The Review reserves the right to edit and print any submission. Copyright © 1987-2011 Binghamton Review. All rights reserved. Binghamton Review is distributed on campus under the authority of the First Amendment of the United States Constitution. Binghamton Review is a member of the Collegiate Network and is a Student Association-chartered organization. Binghamton University is not responsible for the content of the Review; the Review is not responsible for the content of Binghamton University. Binghamton Review thanks the Intercollegiate Studies Institute.

Past Editors of Binghamton Review: John Guardiano, Yan Rusanovsky, Kethryn Doherty, Ephriam Bernstein, Michael Malloy, Paul Schnier, Adam Bromberg, Bernadette Malone, Michael Darcy, Nathan Wurtzel, Amy Gardner, John Carney, Paul Torres, Jason Kovacs, Robert Zoch, Matthew Pecorino, Michael O’Connell, Louis W. Leonini, Joseph Carlone, Christopher Powell, Nathaniel Sugarman, Robert E. Menje, Adam Shamah, Rachel Gordon, Mike Lombardi

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