Horrors of Binghamton Dining

By Midas Leung

Here in Binghamton, we all have our own favorite dining spots, or you just make food at home. You would think that food safety would be the number one priority, but one of my friends says otherwise. One day after a grueling set of classes, my friend decided that he was hungry and went to eat at CIW. He grabbed the most appetizing item to him, in this case a burger, but after taking the first bite, he noticed a pinkness within the meat. This could only mean one thing: it was raw af. But to his fault, he continued to eat the burger because he was “built different.” After some time though, it would soon be revealed that he was in fact not “built different.” After going to sleep, he would soon be shocked back awake with a pricking pain in his abdomen. What followed was the worst bowel movement of his life. But it would only get worse since he had a little to drink before he clocked out, so his stomach was already not in the best shape. Coincidentally, his roommate was having the same issue. Both were having that kind of shit in which you would have a cold sweat and take off all your clothes (or what lactose-intolerant people call a normal night). He and his roommate would have an explosive experience from both ends at the same time. It would get worse still because the situation called for both ends to be in a receptacle (i.e. the toilet) when there was only one available. So he chose to vomit on the floor, which was not pleasant to clean and the smell would linger for a few days. After the experience, this man told me that he felt “light and refreshed.” So if any of you guys want to feel light as a feather, just ask for a burger extra rare. The meat in the dining halls seem to be inconsistent with each other. At C4 I once got a piece of chicken that was surprisingly juicy, but also chewy. I would look down to realize it to be raw. Though I did not complain, my friend did and he got another piece of chicken, while I just ate the cooked parts of mine. The lack of care provided in the preparation of dining hall food does not stop with Sodexo entrées. Recently on Yik Yak, a student found his Boar’s Head sandwich to have mold. It was not his bread that would spontaneously turn into a bunch of fungi, but the meat. It reminds me of the time back in middle school when I drank a carton of chocolate milk thinking it would quench my thirst, only for it to betray me: After two lengthy gulps I discovered that the taste and texture did not match what I expected. Only by spitting out what I had in my mouth did I realize, to my horror, that I was ejecting chunks of what I call “chocolate cheese.” Immediately, I tried to vomit but my fear of vomiting overtook my concern about chocolate cheese in my stomach. All this to say that I can’t drink a carton of milk without thinking about “the incident.” Bastards even stunted my growth after the day I stopped drinking milk as often, and now I’ve reached my limit at a solid 5’8 ft, so screw milk. Whatever, it’s been years since and now I’ll be honest I don’t know if it’s lactose intolerance or some psychological phobia, but putting milk in my body has never been the same.

One should be especially cautious about the food at the dining halls when it seems like they are teaching a new person. If there’s a new person at the grill, that will be the most burnt piece of raw meat you’ll ever eat.

Take Away:

You paid $3,000 only to use $910 on the actual food while the rest is lost to the feds, and if you don’t pay for the meal plan you have to pay 1.8x as much. That is the scariest thing to me because I’m broke as hell. But I have found a way to help my friends who live off campus: Basically, I just charge them for the food and then make them pay for it with a 10% interest. It will be cheaper and there is no charge to your account if you add money to your meal plan so basically, you earned 10% of what they ate. Take that info and do whatever you want, but all-in-all tomato basil soup is the best option.

“He and his roommate would have an explosive experience from both ends at the same time.”