March 9, 2022 (Vol. XXXIV, Is. IX) - Binghamton Review

BINGHAMTON REVIEW Editor-in-Chief Contents

P.O. BOX 6000 BINGHAMTON, NY 13902-6000 EDITOR@BINGHAMTONREVIEW.COM

Founded 1987 • Volume XXXIV, Issue VIV Matt Gagliano

Managing Editor Madeline Perez Copy Desk Chief Joe Badalamenti

Business Manager Dillon O’Toole

Social Media Shitposter Arthur O’Sullivan

Editor Emeritus Jake Schweitzer

Staff Writers

Charles Forman Siddharth Gundapaneni Evelyn Medina

Contributors

Sean Harrigan Julius Apostata Joanne Nyugen

Special Thanks To:

Intercollegiate Studies Institute Collegiate Network Binghamton Review was printed by Gary Marsden We Provide the Truth.

He Provides the Staples

THE UCC AND THE TERRIBLE, HORRIBLE, NO GOOD, VERY BAD, THERAPUTIC PRACTICE PAGE 8 3 4 5 6 7 10 11 12 13 14

by Joanne Nyugen

Editorial

by Matt Gagliano Press Watch

by Our Staff

by Madeline and Dillon Advice Column How to Make The Most of Your Spring Break

by Our Staff Yet Another Brick Wall by Dillon O’Toole No One Man Can Have All That Power

by Joe Badalamenti Response to Pipe Dream Editorial Board

by Sean Harrigan Worst Case Scenario: World War III?

by Julius Apostata Doom And Gloom Vibes by Dillon O’Toole The Jungle Grew Back: Robert Kagan And The

by Arthur O’Sullivan War For Ukraine

TELL US WHAT YOU THINK! Direct feedback to editor@binghamtonreview.com 2

BINGHAMTON REVIEW

Vol. XXXIV, Issue VIV

EDITORIAL Dear Readers,

From the Editor

L

adies and Gentleman, welcome to that issue of Binghamton Review. You know, the one between the Sex Issue and the April Fools Issue that no one really cares about. The one that everyone, including our own writers, forget exists. This issue is so unimportant, so completely forgettable, that I could literally write a bunch of random nonsense for this editorial, and not a single soul will call me out on it. Anyway, this issue took five thousand years to produce. We have writers from all over the world, including South America, Kentucky, and Mars. When I read Jimothy O’Jonner’s article, “How to kill and eat your favorite government official” I shed not one, not two, but seven tears. The resulting dehydration put me in a coma for several years, but this morning I woke up, ready to assemble the new Binghamton Review Issue. That’s how committed I am to this job! I would literally crush ten puppies with my thighs if it meant that Binghamton Review would prosper. Don’t worry, the puppies would like it.

It’s March, so you know what that means. Or at least I hope you do, because I most certainly don’t. March Madness? That’s the thing where you get a really bad headache and run over six to ten people with a truck, right? I had a case of March Madness once, I almost died. Luckily, I prayed to god, and nothing happened, because god has abandoned us. I only survived due to my sharp wit, survival instincts, and eighteen pounds of drugs. Ever heard of the Ides of March? I have, but I don’t know why I’m supposed to beware them. Pretty sure it has something to do with stabbing a caesar salad, or something. I don’t know why you’d do that, typically you don’t need a knife to eat a salad, but maybe they had a touch of March Madness or something. And that’s full circle, thank you ladies and gentleman, you’ve been a great audience. Goodnight.

But let’s be honest, you didn’t pick up this article to read me babble on in the editorial for way too long.

You’re here for one thing, and one thing only. The main reason why most people read Binghamton Review: to buy koalas illegally. While I believe our koala supply is running low, if you order right now, you may be able to secure one for yourself. Order within the next ten minutes, and we’ll even throw in a bag of jelly beans, free of charge. This special offer is only available to good boys and girls, so if you’re a bad person who enjoys being mean, eating dirt, and running around with your arms out while making airplane noises, then I’m sorry, no koalas for you. I’d like to end this editorial on a few final thoughts: Your mom is fake, turtles smell like cheese, and the cure for March Madness can be found underneath the five thousandth rock that you pass by in the Nature Preserve, assuming you go down the red path. Good luck, and happy New Hallowtinesmas Eve!

Sincerely,

Matt Gagliano Binghamton Review is a non-partisan, student-run news magazine of conservative thought founded in 1987 at Binghamton University. A true liberal arts education expands a student’s horizons and opens one’s mind to a vast array of divergent perspectives. The mark of true maturity is being able to engage with these perspectives rationally while maintaining one’s own convictions. In that spirit, we seek to promote the free and open exchange of ideas and offer alternative viewpoints not normally found or accepted on our predominately liberal campus.

We stand against tyranny in all of its forms, both on campus and beyond. We believe in the principles set forth in this country’s Declaration of Independence and seek to preserve the fundamental tenets of Western civilization. It is our duty to expose the warped ideology of political correctness and cultural authoritarianism that dominates this university. Finally, we understand that a moral order is a necessary component of any civilized society. We strive to inform, engage with, and perhaps even amuse our readers in carrying out this mission.

Views expressed by writers do not necessarily represent the views of the publication as a whole. editor@binghamtonreview.com

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CPampus resswatch “Unvaccinated Athletes Should be Banned From Sports” by Sean Raichbach, Pipe Dream, 1/31/22 “The best way for us to prevent cases like this from Omicron and other emerging variants is simple: denying the virus an opportunity to spread and replicate.”

While this may sound fine in theory, the spread of COVID nonetheless occurs despite masks and vaccines.

One should be more focused on the severity, rather than the numbers, of COVID and its variants.

“The strongest possible response from the NFL and ATP at this time would be to bar Djokovic and Rodgers from competing in any tournament or game until either is fully vaccinated. I believe that this approach is reasonable, but it is also very unlikely to actually become policy.”

It won’t be implemented because it isn’t reasonable. Barring athletes from competition due to medical decisions is not only unethical, but uncompetitive insofar as it questions the legitimacy of the competition, especially considering a world class athlete with a high chance of winning.

“Following this approach somewhat similarly, I believe that the NFL should seek to make life for unvaccinated players as difficult as possible and come out with official statements condemning players like Rodgers who campaign against vaccination in interviews and on social media.”

And here we see the classic “mask drop” section where the author comes out in favor of blatantly immoral tactics to coerce athletes into obedience.

Please do everyone a favor: get off of Twitter and get some fresh air

BINGHAMTONREVIEW.COM

Written by our Staff

We know you don’t read the other campus publications, so we did it for you. Original pieces are in quotes, our responses are in bold.

“I’m very passionate about ideas I believe in and the policies and positions that I believe are good and moral” You know, people who are good usually don’t need to notify the audience that they are in fact good.

“This co-opting and weaponization of the language of oppression is how bad actors take their hate and sell it to the public.”

Ah, buzzwords. I can use them too.

Once the viral systematic bad faith fighters use their NFTs to brainwash the 1984 calendar we can finally be free from the dogmatic upperclass dogwhistle.

“So, what is my point? When you finally strip away all the window dressing, you realize that people like Greene, Abbot and Robinson are all in the same boat.

They weaponize the language of child abuse, gendered violence and mental health to justify full-fledged hate crimes and mass arrests. For anyone with a moral compass, it should be both bone-chilling and blood-boiling.”

I doubt that Greene, Abbot, or any conservitive politician would condone hate crimes, mass arrests, or any sort of violence against the people or groups mentioned in this article.

“Mixing Pepsi and Milk is worth a try”

by Jacob Wisnock, Pipe Dream, 2/17/22 “Pilk is when you mix Pepsi with milk.”

Mepsi drinkers are SEETHING. How could you write this.

“To fully enjoy pilk, one must abandon their narrow-mindedness — but if you do, you will be rewarded with a truly irreplaceable sensation.”

Personally, I love my narrow-mindedness that prevents me from eating things like banana peels, metal cans, and brussel sprouts. And I’ll have you know I experience truly irreplaceable sensations all the time. And that sensation is your mom.

“To reconcile these differences, I developed my own variation: a 1-to-1 milkto-Sprite ratio, which will henceforth be referred to as “sprilk.” I also revisited pilk, tackling the drink with the same 1-to-1 ratio.”

L + Sprite + ratio + you fell off “Everything’s worth trying once.”

Even murder?? Yeah, you sound like a psycho right now.

“Legislators Mask Transphobia With Weaponized Language” by Eleanor Gully, Pipe Dream, 2/28/22

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Vol. XXXIV, Issue VIV

BINGHAMTONREVIEW.COM

Advice Column

ADVICE COLUMN

By Madeline Perez and Dillon O’Toole

I

offered to give you all life advice. These were your questions.

“How do I become famous?”

Outside of being born to generational wealth, there are not many options to choose from in order to get famous. Seeing as we all go to Binghamton, the options to get famous are even more narrow. So, let’s talk about an option not everyone is willing to commit to, becoming infamous. And there’s one quick way down that path. Anti-semitism. Being openly anti-semitic should garner you as much negative attention as one could possibly desire.

“I like your bench picture.”

Thanks :) “What do people do on parade day? (I got shamrock cat ears so I need to put them to good use)” Personally, I have no idea what parade day is. I assume it’s when you get big, you know, like Mario does when he eats a mushroom. After getting big, you then get to run around with the other big people, “parading around,” crushing those smaller than you underfoot so you can get enough coins for an extra life. Hopefully, everyone will be drunk. It’s more dangerous that way.

“I’m going to be reading my writing at this event next week.

Any tips on how I can do a good job?”

Well, since you are asking the Review, you obviously think we must be good at writing and reading. For this, you are sadly mistaken. First, even though we “edit” our articles, we don’t know how to spell (I swear Business is not the proper spelling -Dillon, the Business Manager). Secondly, when we read these articles out loud, our words are so jumbled together that even earbuds are easier to untie. So, if you should take any sort of advice from us on public speaking, just do the opposite of whatever we think is proper and you will do fine.

“What’s a good way to deal with writer’s block? Any tips?”

editor@binghamtonreview.com

My favorite way to deal with writer’s block is to give myself a deadline. Sort of like how this production night, fueled by rage and dr.pepper, I have to write, or else I lose my soul in that pact I made with the devil. By forcing yourself to write you will eventually get something good, no matter how long it takes - no matter what you have to sacrifice. Also, I do have a tip for you. It’s my peni“What do I do if I see absolutely cursed imagery on the front cover of a magazine? I don’t know what to do at this point, my eyes are still burning, please send help.”

In every chemistry science lab, there exists a mechanism.

Often brightly colored, the chemical burn shower normally comes equipped with additional eye squirters. No. Not the cool type of squirting. The eye wash shower station, once activated by the lever, will remain on for 15 minutes. According to this website I found, “Using your fingers to keep your eyelids open, lower your eyes into the stream of water issuing from the nozzles. Roll your eyes gently up and down and from side to side, ensuring that the water reaches as much of the eyeballs as possible.”

This can help you with your eye-burning problem. As far as the magazine goes, just do what I do with my face, and try to avoid looking at it completely.

“What should I do if I was banned from the counseling center?”

Eat a snickers. You’re not mentally healthy when you’re hungry. But for realsies, just like the end of any relationship, it’s not you, it’s them. Make sure to ignore their toxic friends who keep telling you to see them, and just let yourself be free.

Also, have a danimal’s yogurt drink.

“Recently, I tried to trick someone with a “nunya” joke, but they never responded. How do I force them to fall for it and epicly own them?”

First, owning people is illegal and has been since we got rid of slavery. Secondly, you should resend the joke every hour but in a different language. That way, they will eventually ask “what’s nunya”, even if they aren’t aware that they did.

Then, you can activate your trap card and spring the “nunya business” on them, killing them instantly.

Need life advice? Email Manager@bingahmtonreview.com for more wacky, quirky, and zany responses.

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HOW TO MAKE THE MOST OF YOUR SPRING BREAK

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How to Make The Most of Your Spring Break

By Our Staff

W

ith Spring Break right around the corner, you may find yourself scrambling to make plans last minute. If you’re looking for things to do, but have no idea where to start, don’t worry, we’ve got you covered. Here’s a list of 75 things to keep you occupied over Spring Break: 1. Cry 2. Spy on your neighbors 3. Do a handstand 4. Go somewhere warm 5. Make planes not plans 6. Play Elden Ring 7. Bash head into a brick wall 8. Party?

9. Realize your friends have different weeks off for spring break 10. Cry, again 11. Pet a dog 12. Pet a cat 13. Pet yourself ;) 14. Achieve some post nut clarity 15. Read a copy of Binghamton Review 16. Cry for the third time 17. Drugs (you can choose) 18. Drugs (now you can’t choose) 19. Get blackout drunk 20. Watch an Islanders game 21. Cry harder 22. Watch a NASCAR race 23. Enjoy your nap 24. Question your life choices 25. Send those questions to manager@binghamtonreview. com 26. Donate to a Ukrainian charity 27. Post about how you donated to a Ukrainian charity on social media 28. Wear green 29. Pretend to be Irish for a day 30. Get beat up by an actual Irishman 31. Get beat up by an Irishwoman 32. Continue crying (if the injuries let you) 33. Take a shit 34. Return the shit 35. Laugh in your younger sibling’s face when they ask for homework help 36. Assault your younger sibling 37. Go directly to jail, do not pass GO, do not collect $200 38. Pretend its 4/20 when in reality its 3/20 39. Polish your teeth collection 40. Hide the bodies 41. Ignore the police 42. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

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43. Stop crying 44. Just kidding 45. Cry the hardest you’ve ever cried 46. Get some help 47. Realize bitches are better 48. Get bitches 49. Realize you can’t get bitches 50. Cry again 51. Remember that you probably have homework to do 52. Go back to ignoring it 53. Go for a walk 54. Go for a run 55. Go for a sprint 56. Gopher 57. See your family 58. Just kidding, lock yourself in your room 59. Play jenga 60. With a real building 61. Call it 9/12 62. Love yourself 63. Cope 64. Seethe 65. Gaslight 66. Gatekeep 67. Girlboss 68. Wait for 69 69. nice 70. Write an article for upcoming Satire Issue of Binghamton Review 71. Play a game of Monopoly 72. Win Monopoly 73. Lose all your friends because of Monopoly 74. Realize Spring break is almost over 75. Cry

Vol. XXXIV, Issue VIV

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YET ANOTHER BRICK WALL

Yet Another Brick Wall

By Dillon O’Toole

D

espite the fact that I have been playing video games for around three quarters of my life, I am not very good at them. Sure, I may not be terrible, but when you have put as much time into video games as I have, it’s a little embarrassing that I still can’t properly play a platformer without dying at the first jump way too many times. A perfect example of my incompetence would be my efforts in a game called Contrast by Compulsion Games. It’s a short game (it only took me about 4 hours to fully beat) that features some platforming and puzzles. It’s also not a difficult game, yet I spent about 6 minutes trying to get over that damn jump (the game also resets you right in front of the jump so it’s not like I had to do a lot to get back to the jump). When I eventually managed to get past that jump, the relief and satisfaction I felt was off the charts (mostly because I was getting pretty embarrassed at how long it was taking me). I then was able to enjoy the rest of the game, which I would recommend trying if you have Xbox Game Pass since it’s on there. If you don’t, the game is only ten dollars and probably gets even cheaper with sales, so I would still recommend it.

“You keep attempting to break through, causing untold damage to your brain only to find little, if any, progress, but eventually, you pull a Kool-Aid man and bust on through with an aura of invincibility.

To circle back to when I mentioned games causing a physical response, the satisfaction of beating a challenge is one of the best feelings a game can give to you. It’s especially great when it is for something that has been blocking your progression through the game. Getting past something that has been repeatedly

editor@binghamtonreview.com

stopping you from advancing can sometimes feel like hitting your head against a brick wall. You keep attempting to break through, causing untold damage to your brain only to find little, if any, progress, but eventually, you pull a Kool-Aid man and bust on through with an aura of invincibility. That is, until you come across the next brick wall in your way. For some games, there may not be another brick wall for some time or at all. For others, the next brick wall may be immediately behind the first, crushing that sense of invincibility as sure as being a physics major lowers your standard for what a good test grade is.

Speaking of brick walls behind brick walls, behind yet another brick wall, FromSoftware just released Elden Ring, yet another game within the Soulsborne series of games known for its punishing difficulty. And boy, is it difficult. I started this article off by referring to myself as not the best gamer, but even I was not prepared for the punishment the boss Margit was prepared to give to me. Now, I’m not super far into the game yet, but of my roughly six hours played about two and half of those have consisted of me trying to get past this bastard of a boss. So far the brick wall hasn’t shown many cracks, but I intend to keep throwing myself at it until I eventually “git gud” or until my controller breaks from repeated button pressing.

It’s mainly due to the fact that I haven’t been able to play much that I began to think about why I find FromSoftware games so enthralling. It’s not because I’m good and find them easy.

I do find the world building in these games to be quite interesting, but if the story was what mattered to me I could just as easily watch YouTube videos to get my fix. I eventually settled on the fact that I enjoy them because of their difficulty. While it may frustrate me to no end while I’m stuck on a boss, that feeling of relief and satisfaction I mentioned earlier keeps me coming back for more, no matter how much

the game decides it wants to hurt me.

This realization was why I brought up the brick wall analogy (which I stole from Zero Punctuation). The point of the games is to learn how to approach attacking a boss (or any enemy), which, in turn, will eventually lead to you succeeding in your fight. Despite the common belief that the games are hard just for the sake of being difficult, they are only hard because they force you to learn the patterns displayed by the enemies in the game. In fact, I think anyone could get through a Soulsborne game without the need for a difficulty setting. I am a perfect example of someone who has gotten better by just investing time into the series of games. When I first started playing these games, I could barely get past the tutorial bosses on my own, but now I can actually get through many areas of the various games without bashing my head against the metaphorical brick wall too many times. And, if you don’t feel like investing the time just to experience the games, just do what I did and play with friends. Not only does it make fighting bosses easier (since the boss isn’t purely focused on you), you also get to socialize with friends (sounds crazy right). And, if you lack these so-called “friends”, there are plenty of AIs who can assist you (i.e. distract the boss while you heal) and also plenty of random people on the internet who love to play these games (even the older ones). Just watch out for those red players, they aren’t your friends.

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THE UCC AND THE TERRIBLE, HORRIBLE, NO GOOD, VERY BAD, THERAPEUTIC PRACTICE BINGHAMTONREVIEW.COM

The UCC And The Terrible, Horrible, No

By Joanne Nyugen Good, Very Bad, Therapeutic Practice T his is not a funny article. Pack up your clown nose and comically large shoes, because if you’re looking for tom-foolery, you won’t find it here.

What I’m about to disclose to you is no laughing matter, but once you are intimately familiar with the inner workings of Binghamton University’s “mental health services,” everything can get morbidly funny very quickly.

As I’m sure you know, at the beginning of each semester your teacher will most likely assure you that, have you any brain problems, there are “resources in your syllabus” that can help you. These include things like the Services for Students with Disabilities (SSD), the Care Team, Harpur Advising, and, the focus of this article, the University Counseling Center (UCC). When I hear a professor reference these “resources,” I actually cannot stop myself from throwing my head back and laughing hysterically. “BAAAHAHAHA,” I bellow, like a Tom Hanks character. The truth is, these “resources” are put in place just for show. Just for professors to mindlessly gesture to when a “mentally ill” approaches them on the hour of their office. When everything gets down to the nitty-gritty, this university is not willing to help the seriously mentally ill or really anything beyond the distressed student who can’t emotionally handle the 85 they got on their stats test.

I’ve struggled my whole college career with undisclosed disorders that, at times, impact me in personal ways.

Yes, I am being vague on purpose.

I don’t even know you! Freshman year, things were getting weird, and I couldn’t help but fantasize about shuffling off this mortal coil. It was then my rosy-cheeked, baby-faced, bouncing, bubble-butt decided to saunter over to the Counseling Center to try and figure out why exactly I was stupid. Two months later, I had my first regular therapist. I never really knew that bad therapy could harm you, but that was something I learned quite

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quickly.

I have often been astounded at the advice given to depressives. “Hey, I know you’re struggling to function, but you really HAVE to set a solid sleep schedule, meditate, socialize, never partake in psychoactive substances, eat nutritious homemade food, exercise every day, work, plan your whole day, journal, and really engage in those hobbies you derive no joy from anymore!” WHAT? You would NEVER expect even a neurotypical college student to do all that shit. “Well, if you don’t at least try, then you might not get better. :/” Well, I would go to any length to get better—something that (foreshadowing!) would bite me in the ass later. So I actually DID all that aforementioned shit. And it didn’t get better; it got worse. Turns out pushing yourself to exhaustion every day might have negative consequences on your health. I had overarching problems that weren’t going to be solved with exercise; problems that the counselors at the university seemed entirely unequipped to help me through. So, in the throes of slings and arrows of outrageous fortune, I was passed off to the psychiatry department.

“May it rain for 40 days and 40 nights, and may this devastating university flood, and only I, in my comically large ark, survive. ” My experience with Binghamton University’s psychiatry center was brief and painful. I waited 2 weeks for an intake appointment where I spent the majority of time filling out paperwork and the rest being judgmentally asked if I was sure I didn’t take “special classes” in high school. I don’t have much else to say besides that I felt judged, and my memories of her shocked glances and condescending tone haunt me a little bit. I don’t like being treated like a child, and much

less a child with something inherently monstrously wrong with them. By the end of the 1,000 year session, I was given a diagnosis, along with a disclaimer that they couldn’t do anything to help me since, back then when COVID hit for the first time, they wouldn’t be able to monitor me in person.

In my intense frustration and helplessness, when I went home to quarantine I spent the next two months trying to find therapy at home, a process that was much tougher than I ever expected. Coming back to campus (COVID-edition), I joined one of the UCC’s therapy groups, “Calming the Emotional Storm.” After waiting a couple of months for it to begin, I quickly found that it wasn’t for me.

The soft-spoken, meditative, “never talk negatively about yourself ” therapeutic approach didn’t align with the down-to-earth, chad-arc mission I was put on this planet to accomplish. I fully understand that being handled with kiddie gloves might appeal to some, but toxic positivity just makes me feel like I’m not being taken seriously.

After my off-campus therapist suddenly got fired, I was again thrown into the fray of finding therapy; but this time with the added pressure from my psychiatrist that, in order for her to keep seeing me, I needed to be continuously psychoanalyzed. So, I went back to the UCC with the same zeal as a malleable girl going back to her abusive ex. “Sure, he hurts me, but he’s all I have!” But I was pleasantly surprised.

For the rest of the semester, I had a great experience with a therapist who took me seriously and was empathetic to my situation without treating me like a child. Sadly, I learned I couldn’t keep seeing her since she was transferring to a better job by the end of the semester.

I went back again this past fall semester. Again, as the red cape is pulled from the bull, the temptation of a good therapeutic experience kept me charging toward the UCC, only for it to be pulled away at the last second.

Vol. XXXIV, Issue VIV

BINGHAMTONREVIEW.COM THE UCC AND THE TERRIBLE, HORRIBLE, NO GOOD, VERY BAD, THERAPEUTIC PRACTICE

My new counselor seemed to want to talk at me and gesture vaguely at disorders rather than actually help me with my problems. I started dreading the sessions. When things started getting bad, I made a huge mistake, and one session a silver tear ran down my face and glimmered in a sun-ray before falling limply into my lap. The counselor seemed overwhelmed, to say the least: asking if I wanted to leave, telling me every location of a water fountain on campus, and lastly, saying it was OK for me to have a tantrum. Excuse me, what? A tantrum? I would really think a Center of University Counselors would be more prepared to handle more than a couple tears spurting out my eyeballs. It was then I left and vowed never to go back to the UCC again.

That was until my psychiatrist told me I needed to find a new therapist immediately.

Out of the frying pan and into another frying pan, I, in my infinite stupidity, went back to the Counseling Center this semester in a fit of desperation. How could I not? After meeting with supervisors both on and off of campus they all had one recommendation in common, just go to the counseling center! All roads led back to the same place. I neither had the time nor, let’s face it, the mental fortitude to go hunting off campus for that sweet, sweet brain guidance. But when I got there for my appointment, I felt ambushed.

What I was told was a counseling appointment was secretly, unbeknownst to me, a meeting with a coordinator. What I was told freshman year, that I was entitled to 10 sessions a year, was actually false, as

editor@binghamtonreview.com

she informed me. The brief therapy model at the university entitles you to 10 sessions per problem, actually, and someone like me, who continually dealt with the same “problem,” was not welcome back since there seemed to be no solution. I wish I knew this at the beginning so that I could’ve had time to prepare… maybe so I could’ve been looking for someone off-campus months ago. Firstly, why not tell me this information at the beginning?

Secondly, why act like my mental illness is a problem I can’t seem to solve rather than something to continuously work on? And thirdly, why was I informed of this like it was my fault? Like I should’ve been “fixed” already and purposely tried to go over the session limit I didn’t know existed?

The answer is clear. The University Counseling Center is not for people who are actually sick. It is not for people who need ongoing therapy. And it is NOT prepared to handle problems that won’t be magically fixed with “box breathing.” I wasn’t told about the 10 session limit as a freshman, nor could I get the truth about it when I asked because the university wants to put forward a front of “mental health support,” without following through. They want prospective students and freshmen to feel like if they have a problem there is a web of resources available to help them fully. This could not be further from the truth.

I have been trying to register with the services for students with disabilities for 5 weeks now. When I called them 2 weeks ago, they said they had received my forms a week prior and would get back to me in a few days.

After not responding to my follow-up emails, when I called yesterday they immediately said they had received my forms a week prior and would get back to me in a few days. Wait. Where had I heard this before? After I said “What?

You said that to me two weeks ago,” they actually put me through to talk to somebody. Ridiculous. Is it this difficult on purpose to discourage students from actually registering?

In a phenomenon my roommate lovingly dubbed “Big UCC,” we reminisced about how every mental health resource eventually directs you to the

UCC, which I was now effectively banned from. In the climax of my story, a couple of weeks ago I was coerced into taking new meds. Like I said earlier, I was prepared to do almost anything that could give me a shot at getting better. I had searched for days for a new therapist near me, but they were scarce and no one had gotten back to me yet. Things were not looking good.

Without the help of the SSD, I couldn’t get notes from my classes and had to meekly explain to my professor that I needed help because the room was spinning. At times I couldn’t manage to feed myself or have the physical strength to get up. I called Binghamton University’s lesser-known Psychological Clinic, as was referred to me by a coordinator. They told me they had a waitlist of a couple months (which really means never), and recommended that I should try going to the University Counseling Center. I guffawed.

My eyes popped out of my head and deflated like sad balloons.

Later in the dark night, I was still having terrible physical and emotional side effects, and everything was drowning in them. I couldn’t get a grip and, in my hour of need, called the crisis hotline. Big mistake. “You’ve reached the University Counseling Center…” WHAT?? THE COUNSELING CENTER?? GODDAMMIT HARVEY. May it rain for 40 days and 40 nights, and may this devastating university flood, and only I, in my comically large ark, survive.

The moral of the story is this: The UCC sucks, has given me terrible therapy, and has, through its own dereliction of duty to tell the full truth, set me back on my mission to become the strongest human. I regret every interaction I’ve had with them, except for that one counselor who I thought did a really good job. But she’s gone now.

Probably rescued from that horrible place because she refused to partake in their blood rituals. The university needs a proper, comprehensive mental health initiative with well-trained individuals to either provide long-term therapy to its students or be honest about the limitations of the program.

If only we had sixty million dollars lying around…

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NO ONE MAN CAN HAVE ALL THAT POWER

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No One Man Can Have All That Power

By Joe Badalamenti

T

he US isn’t doing so well right now. In a time of increasing inflation, political violence, and looming prospects of a major war, it’s clear that we’re not in the best of times. This raises the question: how do we get back to the best of times. While there are many different approaches to this task, any feasible approach should require some form of action, but who will lead this action? Undoubtedly, it will be led by great people; those who excel at their profession or hobby to the point of excellence. Thus, to ensure that better times are reached, these great people must develop a pure moral character.

I would say that there are three levels of greatness that one can achieve. While this is a flexible and very informal system of classification, I’m sticking to it for simplicity’s sake. This system is also specific to certain activities: athletics, academics, hobbies, etc. Someone who is an elite hockey player, for instance, may be only average at chess.

The first level of greatness is that of the role model. The role model is someone who—as the name suggests—models good behavior in their role or hobby. By definition, this person is good at what they do by a significant margin, compared to the average person. As a result, others are inclined to look up to them, either for guidance or advice on how to improve. While the role model may have a heavy personal influence on others, their influence on society tends to be little to none. A great example of role models are parents: mothers and fathers. Parents are one of the most able role models to help their children grow into adolescents and adults. While role models may not be the most exciting, they are nevertheless important.

The next level is that of the leader. Leader is a very generic term, but I feel it best describes the function of this role. A leader is one who leads a group or institution composed of like minded people. This is an important role as institutions serve a critical role in civil society in forming the populace into proper citizens. The scope of leaders can vary from president of a small college club to the CEO of a large corporation. As people with a large amount of power, leaders also have an equally large amount of responsibility. Having a significant amount of influence in their institution, leaders must care not only for the people within their community, but also for the stability and persistence of the institution itself. If an institution is successful but abandons its own members, then what good is it as a community? Likewise, If the establishment becomes corrupted and abandons its own values, then it is inevitable that it will abandon the people who resonate the most with its original purpose.

This leads to a decline in the strength of the community as it becomes gradually abandoned unless changes are made. Thus, it may be said that an institution is as strong as its leaders. If a leader can maintain the values of its institution while also carrying out its mission, then the community will persist.

We now move on to the final tier: the elite. Those who transcend others in terms of skill and passion for the particular hobby. The elite generally occupy a prime space in the headlines of cultural news articles and celebrity gossip. These people

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may be so popular that average people will develop unhealthy relationships with them. It goes without saying that these elite individuals have an enormous impact on society. If one were to view society as a giant decentralized community, then the elite individuals would be the leaders of the collective. Additionally, the previous paragraph regarding the qualities of leaders would apply here as well.

Throughout this entire article I’ve written in abstract terms, thus, I would like to use a relevant example of this theory in action, that being the musician Ye. The man formerly known as Kanye West needs no introduction, but I’ll give one for those living under the proverbial rock. Rapper, producer, artist, entrepreneur, fashion icon, actor, social media shitposter, and much more have allowed Ye to amass more wealth than most families will see in several lifetimes. However with great wealth comes great controversy, and, to Ye, controversy is like a second wife.

I could discuss these controversies at length, but I would like to illustrate some of Ye’s positive qualities. He has produced/ recorded several platinum albums, he has maintained a connection to his faith while being surrounded by a materialist and decadent culture, he has used his fame to give a spotlight to up and coming musicians, most famously Kid Cudi. He has done all of this while in the eye of controversy for the past 14 years.

Of course Ye is not perfect, however, perfection is an ideal, one that all elites clearly share. While Ye has had more than his fair share of controversy, not all of them demonstrate bad character. Two of Ye’s most recent controversies include attempting to maintain his marriage with Kim Kardiashian for the sake of his children, and releasing his latest album exclusively on his $200 stem player device. While many may see these actions as controversial, there is deeper meaning behind these actions if you look beyond the chatter. The move to release the album on his own platform was designed as a move against big labels and streaming platforms. Even if other artists don’t directly benefit from the move, this move shows that it’s possible for musicians to be creative while still earning an income with creative marketing enough of an entrepreneurial approach. As for the drama with Kim, Ye is someone who takes his Christian faith seriously, so it makes sense that he would stick to the lifelong contract that is marriage. Some may see these repeated controversies as bad on face value. This view is naive, as all great people are controversial. I write this not to excuse any of the objectively bad actions that Ye has committed, but to illustrate how an elite would behave, and what the reaction towards this behavior would encompass.

A great society requires great people with exceptional character. Developing such a character is not easy; it is not something that can be conferred with a certificate or earned after accomplishing an arbitrary goal. Like a plant, character is something which must be constantly nurtured overtime so that one day it will bloom.

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RESPONSE TO PIPE DREAM EDITORIAL BOARD

Response to Pipe Dream Editorial Board

By Sean Harrigan

I

n the past couple of weeks, I have reported a discrimination issue in my Sociology class that garnered national, and in some cases international, attention from multiple news outlets.

Pipe Dream’s Editorial Board recently came out with an article titled, “Do as I say, not as I do” that is interesting, to say the least. They are purporting that the news on Professor Candela is “one-sided” since there were no quotes of her. They also make the claim that I did not speak with her before I spoke with the news. Pipe Dream did change their article to something almost as dishonest, but before the change they stated, “Harrigan did not make any attempt to approach Candela and discuss this policy prior to contacting news outlets.” I find it ironic that Pipe Dream writes that I did not talk to Professor Candela personally before this hit the news, especially considering Pipe Dream did not speak to me personally about this being true or not. It is not true; I even have the receipts that I did speak with the Professor and my TA (as the Professor instructs) about this very issue. Pipe Dream’s incorrect remarks were also around the fact that they believe the news interest was, “one-sided” considering there were no quotes from Professor Candela. They fail to mention that Campus Reform’s Logan Dubil, who wrote the original article on the matter, did reach out to the Professor, the Professor just denied to comment.

The article in question by Pipe Dream also refused to ask me for a quote. After contacting them about all of this, they told me, “Also, to be clear, you said you had attempted to meet with Candela—did you actually do so?” which, even if I did say this to them—shocker—I didn’t, it contradicts their article which states that I, “did not make any attempt to approach Candela and discuss this policy prior to contacting news outlets.”

What is most concerning is that this college news organization’s editorial board claims that the college’s response, forcing Candela to take down the discriminatory policy is, “shameful”.

I must assume that Pipe Dream’s editorial board is in support of discriminatory policies which go against the college’s faculty handbook, and the law. It is a shame that as a society we are transitioning from supporting MLK Jr’s, “I have a dream” speech, to supporting discriminatory policies if they’re against white males specifically.

Pipe Dream also shared the statement from the Women’s Student Union in which they claim the “complaint from this student [Sean Harrigan] illustrates the disconnect many white people have when it comes to race; when white privilege is challenged, some may immediately assume that what they are experiencing is oppression.” This seems like they are infantilizing and discriminating against white people. Yes, you can be a white person and still understand what is going on when it comes to race and privilege in America. I wish I were surprised to see that the Women’s Student Union, who are self-proclaimed feminists, claim that they are not for equal rights and that somehow by discriminating against white people, and white males especially, this is “challenging white privilege.” I don’t see how discrimination or oppression now mean the same thing as,

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“challenging privilege.”

There are other concerning groups of people on campus who are in support of such a radical ideology. An online petition was started which states, “As colleagues and students of Professor Ana Candela we are deeply dismayed at the attacks upon her by Fox News and the failure of the SUNY-Binghamton administration to support her.” It was actually over 30 news organizations who lean on both sides of the political spectrum, not only Fox. Certain faculty members have shared with the public that they have signed the petition and are in support of Professor Candela. Some have even said that her policy is for “inclusion.” I am not sure how making a policy that is inherently discriminatory can be considered “inclusion.”

We all understand some white males of history are notorious oppressors, but white males in 2022 largely are not, and must deal with a plethora of obstacles predominantly in their way like homicides, suicides, violence, work-related deaths, drug overdoses, the opioid epidemic, bad literacy rates, infantilization, much higher sentencing rates, higher jailed rates, being discriminated against then being told “you aren’t being discriminated against,” and more. The vast majority of white males in America are 2nd wave feminists, meaning they are in favor of equal rights for everyone. It’s too bad the Women’s Student Union, Pipe Dream’s editorial board, the faculty, others who signed this petition, and many 3rd wave feminists are not for equal rights for everyone.

The message I would like to get out is that every group of people in America must deal with obstacles, and they have some privileges, yes, some more than others, but we are all in it together, and we must stand up and solve each other’s problems united. It is unacceptable, immoral, and wrong in this specific instance to discriminate against a certain group with the justification of “inclusion,” or that it is “challenging privilege,” even if that group is white males. Unfortunately, some disagree with this, including faculty. So, at this time I open myself up to anyone on campus who would like to have a cordial debate on what I have said here today.

I have offered to debate anyone from the Women’s Student Union on white male versus white female privilege and obstacles. I have yet to receive a response.

Currently, I extend the invitation to the editorial board of Pipe Dream, specifically on the article the editorial board wrote. I would like to end this piece by saying that I am happy with the outcome of how the school handled the situation, and I do not wish to see Professor Candela fired. I also believe she had good intentions, and I hope that nobody is sending her anything that would be considered “below the belt” or negative.

As Pipe Dream’s editorial board would like others to do, but not themselves; I have reached out to them for comment, but they have not responded as of writing this article.

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WORST CASE SCENARIO: WORLD WAR III?

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Worst Case Scenario: World War III?

By Julius Apostata

I

f you had told me that war in Europe was happening three weeks ago, I would have shrugged my shoulders and scoffed.

Why would we have war? Surely, we have moved past such barbaric instincts and would instead resort to diplomacy to ensure that geopolitical interests could be met in a reasonable and rational way. And yes, war does, unfortunately, still occur in the world, such as in Yemen, Syria, and elsewhere, all of which represents a serious human tragedy. But if I were told that war was to come to Europe, that the stakes for an entire country’s existence were on the line, that the scale to which this is occurring were the largest since World War II, and that the aggressor country had a leader threatening nuclear annihilation, I would assume this was the product of alternate history. Unfortunately, we currently live in a situation where this exact sequence of events happened: Russia has invaded Ukraine in an unprovoked war, representing a major event that could spiral out of control very quickly. This is, suffice it to say, quite possibly the worst case scenario for not only Ukraine but the wider world.

With this said, I’m going to do my best to factually present what has happened, and speculate on nuclear annihilation.

“In a bizarre, rambling speech following his announcement to invade, Putin declared the ‘special operation’ was to prevent genocide, that Ukraine is simply an invention of the Soviet Union, and that his goal is the ‘denazification’ of Ukraine.”

Although it might be appropriate to start with the most recent conflict, it would be best to go back to Russia’s incursions into other sovereign nations preceding the crisis. With the fall of the Soviet Union, the Russian Federation, along with 14 other countries, was formed. For many in the West, it was a triumph: the collapse of the communist bloc surely meant the end of history, right? Well… no. With the creation of many independent countries, each embarked on a journey of either seeking deeper ties with western countries under the North Atlantic Treaty Organization (NATO) or maintaining their existing relationship with the Kremlin. However, Russian President Vladamir Putin views NATO expansion into former communist countries, in particular former republics of the Soviet Union, as existential threats to Russia’s survival. Consequently, his administration began to engage in actively dissuading or hindering these former Soviet republics from seeking ties with the west. For instance, when Georgia pondered joining NATO back in 2008, Russia undermined its efforts by supporting insurgent activities of the Georgian territories of Abkhazia and South Ossetia, effectively annexing Georgian land into Russia.

Similar to the current conflict, Russia also seized Ukraine’s territory of Crimea when, in the chaos of the 2014 ousting of pro-Russian President Viktor Yanukovych, pro-Russian separatists and “little green men” (unmarked Russian soldiers se-

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cretly helping these Russian separatists) declared independence from Ukraine and incorporated itself into Russia. Needless to say, what is happening isn’t necessarily new, as Russia has a history of engaging in such activity.

What is new, however, is the overt and unprovoked means by which Russia engages in the current conflict with Ukraine.

Like Crimea, another region of Ukraine filled with pro-Russian separatists is the Donbass region, who appealed to Russia for assistance. While it was speculated that Russia would steal this land away from Ukraine through similar insurgent activity like in Crimea, it appears that Putin has thrown even this away and taken a more direct and aggressive approach. In a bizarre, rambling speech following his announcement to invade, Putin declared the “special operation” was to prevent genocide, that Ukraine is simply an invention of the Soviet Union, and that his goal is the “denazification” of Ukraine. These ideas are themselves nonsensical; there has been no evidence of the crimes which Putin claims are occuring; the idea of Ukraine and Russia being one land or one people ignores historical realities at best and is irredentist at worst; the idea of Ukraine’s administration, under Volodymyr Zelenskyy, a man of Jewish descent, being filled with Neo-Nazis and drug addicts is a work of nonsensical fiction. Yet, despite these realities, that does not appear to stop the delusions of grandeur that Putin seems to possess concerning Ukraine.

The current war is truly a tragedy: thousands of people have been killed, with one million people fleeing Ukraine as the situation seems to worsen. Resistance is, nonetheless, fierce, with the Ukrainians under Zelenskyy adequately slowing down the initial invasion. Still, Putin has threatened nuclear action against any country that dares to stop what is going on, and the future of Ukraine unfortunately looks bleak. Ironically, though, if Putin hoped that this invasion would fragment the west, he appears to have miscalculated; between some of the toughest sanctions ever that Russia has faced, widespread international condemnation, and even some border countries, like Georgia and Moldova, applying to join the EU, Putin managed to halt any bickering and present a united front against him. Still, as terrible as the situation is, and as much of our hearts go out to the Ukrainians bravely fighting a wannabe dictator, direct war with Russia would ultimately be catastrophic and could cause mutually assured destruction. President Biden, in his State of the Union, made this clear, that we would defend every inch of NATO territory, which does not, tragically, include Ukraine.

An unfortunate, but realistic, analysis: the best we could do is squeeze Russia dry of whatever economic viability it has, make any future actions in Ukraine wholly unsustainable, and maintain Russia’s diplomatic isolation, in addition to providing arms and supplies to Ukraine. Nuclear war is not on the table (and will hopefully never be); any proposal for direct war with Russia is, while perhaps well-intended, naïve at best. The best thing for us to do now is to engage in our current course of action, and do what we can to mitigate the consequences of the invasion.

Vol. XXXIV, Issue VIV

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Doom And Gloom Vibes

DOOM AND GLOOM VIBES

By Dillon O’Toole

H

ave you ever found yourself listening to a song? Probably, right?

I mean, listening to music is something that most people can relate to, unless, of course, you’re one of those strange people who doesn’t listen to music. Now, the real question is, have you ever found yourself listening to a song and thinking “man, I wish this song was played at a really slow tempo and repeated the same riff for the entire song”? If yes, then Doom Metal is the music genre made perfectly for you.

Now, I am oversimplifying my description of Doom Metal a little, but in its most basic form, the genre can be classified as Black Sabbath-esque riffs played at a much slower tempo. If you couldn’t guess by my description in the last sentence, Black Sabbath is quite influential to Doom Metal. More specifically, guitarist Tony Iommi’s playing style is often credited as a major influence to Doom Metal bands. What’s so special about this playing style you might ask? Well, Iommi lost the tips of two of his fingers in a workplace accident, forcing him to adapt how he played guitar. He played with thimbles over these fingers, which meant he couldn’t apply the necessary pressure to the strings when they were properly tuned. He then down-tuned the strings, which loosened them, making it easier to apply pressure, and thus was credited with inventing the sound of heavy metal.

“In addition, ‘both the music and the lyrics intend to evoke a sense of despair, dread, and impending doom.’ Charming, isn’t it? ” What was I talking about? Oh yeah–this genre of music that very few people have heard of. According to Wikipedia, “Doom Metal is an extreme subgenre of heavy metal music that typically uses slower tempos, low-

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tuned guitars and a much ‘thicker’ or ‘heavier’ sound than other heavy metal genres.” Now, I know I have sort of described Doom Metal before (including in this article), but now you have an actual definition. In addition, “both the music and the lyrics intend to evoke a sense of despair, dread, and impending doom.” Charming, isn’t it?

But in all seriousness, for a so-called extreme genre of “extreme” metal, Doom is quite tame compared to the likes of Death and Black Metal. The vocals are mostly clean, i.e. growling and screaming are not the primary method of singing (although they still can be present), and the music is not as overtly technical as it can be in other genres of metal. As a result of these qualities, I would consider it to be an easier introduction to the more extreme forms of music as it isn’t too big of a jump from more commonly heard genres of music.

As is tradition when I write about music, it’s now time for me to give both song and band suggestions. Sorry about the upcoming italics, Matt.

Firstly, let’s talk about those artists who follow more closely to the Black Sabbath roots of the genre. Monolord is one such band. Hailing from Sweden, they have released five albums since 2014. In my opinion, their best album to date is their second album Vænir, featuring songs such as Cursing the One, and Died a Million Times (also my experience in any Soulsborne games *hint hint* read my other article). Outside of that album, other great songs by Mononlord include Empress Rising, Rust, At Niceae, The Last Leaf, The Weary, and I’ll Be Damned. Another great band that is more focused on the riffs would have to be Transylvania Stud. This single man band has one album, White Witch, and it features some excellent musicianship.

The highlights from the album are the songs Unconditional Numb, Long Way Down, and In Over Your Head. If you enjoy his music, you should also check out the video that accompanies

the album as it is a music video for the entire album. Another great band that demonstrates the epitome of a classic Doom Metal riff is Windhand. Some of my personal favorites from this band (since I can’t just say them all), are Winter Sun, Orchard, Feral Bones, Forest Clouds, Crypt Key, Grey Garden, and First to Die. Additionally, Windhand also excels at acoustic songs, especially Pilgrim’s Rest.

Moving to a different category of bands, these upcoming artists are typically classified as Stoner Doom Metal, mainly due to their excessive use and references to Marijuana. Bands like Spaceslug and Stoned Jesus feature such amazing songs like Beneath the Haze and I’m the Mountain. But one cannot talk about Stoner Metal bands without talking about the band Sleep.

These masters of the weed have released classics such as Holy Mountain, Marijuanaut’s Theme, and Giza Butler (a reference to Black Sabbath member Geezer Butler). On top of this, they also released an hour-long song called Dopesmoker, a sound that is about the “weedian’s” journey through the desert (I think, the band was clearly stoned when writing this song so it’s not exactly clear).

Since writing about every band and song that I like within this genre would likely take way too long, I will leave you with the last few recommendations of bands I think are quite good. These are Elder, Khemmis, and Villagers of Ioannina City (although this band also features a lot of progressive rock influences). That is all for today–don’t be too much of a doomer, now.

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THE JUNGLE GREW BACK: ROBERT KAGAN AND THE WAR FOR UKRAINE

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The Jungle Grew Back: Robert Kagan And The War For Ukraine

By Arthur O’Sullivan

W

hat is the “Jungle” in Geopolitics?

In the wake of Putin’s recent invasion of Ukraine, a popular meme circulated among Gen Z’ers that says, “I really wish I weren’t living through a major historical event right now!”

While it shows that this generation can’t handle anything of greater consequence than a bowl of porridge (no doubt a trait inherited from millenials and baby boomers before them), it does lead to a fair question: Why has “world history” felt less eventful since we were born up until now?

Part of this is obvious cognitive bias. Unlike the past, we actually live in the present, with all of the mundane realities tethered thereto. In addition to the unforgettable events of world history, we ourselves remember the very forgettable events of personal history—we remember both the invasion of Ukraine and that time our roommate got mad at us for telling them they left the stovetop burner on. Which event will our great-grandchildren be taught? The beginning of the Great Depression preceded our entry into World War II by over a decade, but high school history classes teach these events within days of each other at most. Because of this, our mental timeline of world history is compressed whereas that of our own history remains stretched. This is a contributing factor in the perception of “our time” being the most boring. Still, there is more than the narcissism of personal psychology at play in this perception.

Though we may experience “events” at a similar rate to those of the recent past, the relative bloodshed of those events do not even compare. Political philosopher Francis Fukuyama argued that this is because of a dialectical process where “history” is coming to an end, as an increasingly-liberal world enters into a stable peace. Though most would dispute this thesis and argue that “history” and its bloodiness continues, there are many examples of the phenomenon he describes: the COVID-19 pandemic may have killed millions, but the proportion and number of those killed is still dwarfed by the slaughter caused by the Spanish Flu. The CCP genocide of Uyghurs in the Xinjiang region of China, the greatest human rights atrocity of our time so far, does not yet match the 11 million murdered in the Holocaust. The Russian Invasion of Ukraine, which will go down as one of the bloodiest conflicts of the early 21st century, has yet to match the number of deaths caused by the mass-starvation of Ukrainians during the Holodomor. But note my use of the words “still” and “yet to” in each example—it remains possible for these thresholds to be reached and, God-forbid, crossed, but these possibilities are likewise avoidable and morally imperative to prevent. To understand how to prevent these atrocities, one must review the history of the 20th century, the Fukuyaman “End of History,” and its inglorious return. To this end, there are few books as succinct and insightful regarding the irenic miracle of our recent history than The Jungle Grows Back: America and our Imperiled World by Robert Kagan.

The principal concern of this book is American foreign

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policy and its global impact. Unlike many leftists, libertarians, and populists (of both left and right wing persuasion), Kagan rejects the “(Blame) America First” model of geopolitics, and upholds interventionist foreign policy as the efficient cause of the “Pax Americana,” an ascendant liberal world order led by the United States in the wake of the collapse of the Soviet Union in 1991. He contrasts this world order with those of previous, more violent eras. Take, for instance, the “Westphalian” world following the eponymous Treaty of 1648, where hardly a second would pass without at least some European Great Powers being at war. A more recent example would be the “bipolar” world of the Cold War, where two superpowers struggled in a global ideological battle between democracy and communism—an environment in which mass-support for American interventionism soared, both domestically and abroad. This support, according to Kagan, was just as much a historical oddity as the Pax Americana it established.

To that end, he draws a comparison between “our time” (that is, the world after the War in Iraq) and the United States after World War I. In both eras, domestic support for internationalism and interventionism precipitously declined following each war. Beliefs that America had made a mistake in entering these wars took root: Congress refused to allow the country to join the League of Nations against Wilson’s desires; Obama held a so-called “apology tour” across many nations after his election in 2008, and Trump continuously extolled an “America First” international doctrine in 2015. In fact, Kagan notes that of the four major political figures in 2016, Clinton, Trump, Sanders, and Obama, only Clinton publicly supported American intervention. To many, the idea that “what goes on across an ocean is none of our business, and we have enough to worry about back home,” is a compelling notion. Even President Biden, whom many leftists and MAGA-populists decried as a “neoliberal warmonger,” infamously forced a disorganized withdrawal from Afghanistan. Kagan argues that although the argument may be emotionally resonant, it is ultimately short-sighted and leads to the unnecessary death of innocent people.

Throughout the book, Kagan compares the liberal world order to a “garden” and the historically-typical violent geopolitical arena as a “jungle.” The former is a fragile but peaceful place which must be maintained, lest it deteriorate into the latter. Hence the title, “The Jungle Grows Back.”

The Jungle Across History To support his thesis, Kagan examines the effects of the doctrine of American withdrawal throughout recent American history, and contrasts it with that of American intervention: The consequence of the former, following World War I, was World War II. Despite Axis aggression in Europe and the Pacific, America refused to enter the war, opting instead for lend-lease programs and sanctions until the country itself was attacked. Most would argue that with a quicker intervention, fewer lives would have been lost and the atrocities of Nazi Ger-

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THE JUNGLE GREW BACK: ROBERT KAGAN AND THE WAR FOR UKRAINE

many and Imperial Japan would have been cut short. American isolation in that era simply “kicked the can down the road,” causing the country to face greater problems long-term. This led to a general support for American intervention against communism that would remain until Vietnam.

With Vietnam, however, a new cycle emerged: engaging in the conflict has bipartisan support at the beginning, attrition fatigue sets in as the conflict continues, protest movements gain support, a new president orders withdrawal from the conflict, the war is considered “lost” and anti-intervention sentiment reaches an apogee. This cycle appears in Afghanistan, and many would argue in Iraq (though General Petraeus’s “troop surge” disrupted the cycle). Following the exit from Vietnam, many on the left (domestically and internationally) publicly questioned America’s moral authority in the Cold War, causing its policy to shift from “containment” to “détente,” an “easing of tensions” that would continue until the Reagan administration.

Contrary to expectations, however, this attempt at rapprochement was taken as a sign of weakness, rather than one of diplomacy. This emboldened the communist bloc, as they believed victory was at hand, as they expanded into Africa and Latin America with alarming speed. It wasn’t until Reagan’s election, a repudiation of the “weak” foreign policy of the Carter administration, that the Soviets under Gorbachev realized that liberal democracy would triumph. Under détente, the Soviets could have negotiated their way out of their impending collapse, but not under the tremendous pressure exerted by Ronald “Mr. Gorbachev, tear down this wall!” Reagan. Any attempt at direct territorial expansion, a common tactic for dying empires, would be blocked by NATO in the west, and SEATO in the east, not to mention that Reagan’s Strategic Defense Initiative might neutralize their nuclear capabilities. Without any choice, Gorbachev was forced to undertake democratic reforms, thus collapsing the USSR. The Serpent in the Garden At this juncture, Kagan argues that the United States made a critical error in its post-Cold War foreign policy, one that today resounds with the force of hundreds of thousands of Russian boots: Unlike its magnanimous arrangements with Germany and Japan after World War II, America never established a “Marshall Plan” with the liberalizing Russian state—it was expected that market reforms alone would be enough to make these countries prosper, and so many Americans believed that it was time to look inward, rather than undertake any more major international operations. And so instead of taking an active role in spreading the liberal world order to these nascent democracies, future administrations would let Fukuyaman history take its course there, and undertake unpopular minor interventions in the Balkans and Middle East.

Although liberal reforms drastically increased Russian prosperity, the majority of it was concentrated in the hands of urban oligarchs, while much of the rest of the country remained in relative poverty. This led to large-scale disillusionment with “liberalism” and the emergence of communist nostalgia among the older generations and reactionary radicalism among the younger. And so the young democracy elected Vladimir Pu-

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tin, and over the years of his increasingly-illegitimate reign, regressed into an autocracy.

The “Return of History” This brings us to the exigency of this article. Putin has mounted a full-scale invasion of Ukraine, citing idiotic claims of “Russophobic” genocide in Donetsk and Luhansk, Russian-Ukrainian historical unity, and “aggressive” NATO expansion. Few were blind to this possibility: Putin had always made aggressive moves against former Soviet states, the most bold of which being his 2014 invasion of Crimea. This exact aggression further drove countries such as Ukraine to try to join NATO in the first place.

Early on, the U.S. had the opportunity to curtail Russian expansion before it got out of hand. After the Cold War, however, the “(Blame) America First” orthodoxy had taken root on both the left and right. Many, when asked, would maintain that American intervention in the outside world causes more problems than it resolves, and thus many presidents dragged their feet on Putin: Obama’s “consequences” for the invasion of Crimea were a set of ineffectual sanctions; Trump maintained a publically-friendly relationship with Putin; even George W. Bush, the most interventionist of the past four presidents, called Putin “very straightforward and trustworthy.”

These errors have compounded into the greatest crisis continental Europe has faced since World War II. Years of rapprochement between Russia and NATO allies has led the latter to depend on the former for oil, despite plentiful opportunities for “decoupling” in the energy sector. Even with sanctions, we continue to import their oil, helping to fund their war effort.

We can not directly declare war, as Putin has promised “consequences never seen,” to those who would, alluding to Russia’s apocalyptic nuclear capacity (and I believe we have learned the hard way that we should take Putin at his word). Robert Kagan himself, in an op-ed for the Washington Post, argues that should Russia annex Ukraine, it would be the beginning of an era of greater expansion against Europe, especially the Baltics (with Kaliningrad being the “flashpoint”). This is not to mention the danger this situation poses to Taiwan, as Xi observes Putin’s unchecked temerity in invading a neighbor country.

The situation is not hopeless, however. Putin’s invasion has been marked by manifold logistical issues, and the reaction to his invasion has been stronger than expected. The sanctions, without even touching oil, have still been devastating to the Russian economy, and many Putin-supporting oligarchs are growing nervous.

A garden is beautiful but frail, and ignoring it will inevitably cause its decline. Though the jungle may have grown back in our country’s absence, it is both possible and imperative to return and restore the peace. Aiding Ukrainian resistance is critical to defeating Putin, so write to your congressman or senator, urging them to support Ukraine beyond just words! Our own Claudia Tenney sits on the House Foreign Affairs Committee, so to students, locals, and faculty reading this, regardless of your opinion of her, show support for her maintaining a strong stance against Russia and for Ukraine!

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