Aug 30 2018 (Vol. XXXI, Is. I) - Binghamton Review

BINGHAMTON REVIEW Editor-in-Chief Contents

P.O. BOX 6000 BINGHAMTON, NY 13902-6000 EDITOR@BINGHAMTONREVIEW.COM

Founded 1987 • Volume XXXI, Issue I Patrick McAuliffe Jr. Managing Editor Matthew Rosen Copy Desk Chief Jana Todd

Business Manager Kayla Jimenez

Social Media Shitposter Tommy Gagliano

Editor Emeritus Jordan Raitses ‘17

Associate Editors Adrienne Vertucci

Staff Writers

Jordan Jardine, Tom Sheremetta, Chris DeMarco, Max Newman

Contributors

Laura D’Angelo

Special Thanks To:

Intercollegiate Studies Institute Collegiate Network Binghamton Review was printed by Gary Marsden We Provide the Truth.

He Provides the Staples

THE ABCS OF BINGHAMTON

PAGE 8

by Our Staff

3 Editorial

by Patrick McAuliffe

4 Press Watch

by Our Staff

5 Ten Tips for New Students by Tommy Gagliano 6 Four Tips for Homesick Freshmen

by Laura D’Angelo 10 What We Do

by Patrick McAuliffe

11 Summer Camp Lessons

by Tommy Gagliano

12 Expectations for the Year by Matthew Rosen 14 The Pseudo-Intellectual Dork Web

by Jordan Jardine

Sorry You Didn’t Get into Cornell!

TELL US WHAT YOU THINK! Direct feedback to editor@binghamtonreview.com 2

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Vol. XXXI, Issue I

EDITORIAL Dear Readers,

From the Editor

W

elcome to Binghamton University! By now you should be comfortably settled into your home-away-fromhome and ready to take on everything life throws at you. Here you’ll find a land of enchantment, excitement, and wonders beyond your wildest dreams! (Upperclassmen: do you think the freshmen bought it?)

My name is Patrick McAuliffe, Editor-in-Chief of Binghamton Review this year. I’m glad you decided to pick up a copy of our welcome back issue, and even more glad that you’re reading the editorial! You’ll find soon enough that the editorial is where you can get the TL;DR of what’s in every issue. Without missing a beat, and because my transitions are almost as good as the White House’s (i.e. not very), let’s jump right in!

If you’d like the rundown on what we do here at the Binghamton Review and how to get involved, check out my article on page 10. If you just want to find out how to get acclimated to college life as smoothly and painlessly as possible, two of our pieces in this issue give some helpful advice just for you. Tommy, our new Social Media Shitposter, offers ten tips for new students pertaining to making friends, joining clubs, and how best to recreationally poison yourself (that is, drinking), if that’s your thing. If you’ve got the feels about moving away from home, new contributor Laura offers her advice for homesick freshmen to feel a little more at home, and encouragement if they’re not quite there yet.

New Managing Editor Matt shares his hopes, dreams, and fears for this new year, both for the Review and for #HisPresident Donald Trump and the Republican party. Tommy does more than offer advice, sharing his experiences from his summer camp counseling job. “If you don’t poop your pants, you can’t come to camp” (read page 11 for the backstory). I suppose that’s also true for college...but I digress. Finally, longtime staff writer and self-proclaimed token socialist Jordan offers his critique of popular “pseudo-intellectuals” such as Ben Shapiro, Jordan Peterson, and Joe Rogan, among others. It’s a perspective you may not expect from a conservative/libertarian paper, and that’s what I most want to emphasize as you go through this magazine.

We have an overarching ideology that we stand for, namely right-wing thought, but we don’t exclude people from writing because of what we believe. We’ve had op-ed style debates numerous times in these pages, and I want to foster that type of dialogue even more. One of the leading causes of vicious conflict is not only not understanding one’s opponents, but willfully keeping oneself in the dark about them. Understanding “the other side” might not lead to a resolution, but it will at least keep your conflict rational, intellectual, and above all, human. That is what I hope for each college student and each person that reads the Review. Help us make that vision come true.

Sincerely,

Patrick McAuliffe Jr. Binghamton Review is a non-partisan, student-run news magazine of conservative thought founded in 1987 at Binghamton University. A true liberal arts education expands a student’s horizons and opens one’s mind to a vast array of divergent perspectives. The mark of true maturity is being able to engage with these perspectives rationally while maintaining one’s own convictions. In that spirit, we seek to promote the free and open exchange of ideas and offer alternative viewpoints not normally found or accepted on our predominately liberal campus.

We stand against tyranny in all of its forms, both on campus and beyond. We believe in the principles set forth in this country’s Declaration of Independence and seek to preserve the fundamental tenets of Western civilization. It is our duty to expose the warped ideology of political correctness and cultural authoritarianism that dominates this university. Finally, we understand that a moral order is a necessary component of any civilized society. We strive to inform, engage with, and perhaps even amuse our readers in carrying out this mission.

Views expressed by writers do not necessarily represent the views of the publication as a whole. editor@binghamtonreview.com

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CPampus resswatch “Editorial: Setting the record straight” Editorial Board, Pipe Dream June 23, 2018 “We’re here to clear up any and all misconceptions about BU.” Well thank goodness for that. Let’s dive in.

“Many incoming freshman fear being forced to live in their last-choice dormitory placement. For those who placed Hinman College on the bottom of their totem pole, yet were still assigned a room in the community, it will come as a relief to know that it isn’t as bad as you may have heard. Some believe it to be old — and thus degraded — and lacking community because it is frequently a last resort.”

How is this clearing any misconceptions? You claim that Hinman isn’t as bad as you think, but what about the other communities? You clearly just used one out of the five communities as an example, and honestly, some people should fear being forced into any community they didn’t want to live in. Yes, Hinman is community-oriented, but others are more antisocial, smaller, have fewer or smaller events, or just have plain worse living conditions than others. Some communities are just better than others, personal preferences aside, and freshmen should be unhappy if they were placed into a worse one.

“A commonly held misconception is that because BU doesn’t have a football team, BU’s sports are trivial. In fact, the opposite is true, as we are a Division I school with many athletes who go on to play professionally.”

Because we all know and love our professional lacrosse players! I can name them all right now...

It’s football or bust when it comes to college sports. We all made the painful sacrifice to give up having a football team in order to go to this PUBLIC IVY, so don’t be in denial. And if you did want to be in denial, the best way is to brag about our undefeated football team. Get it? Because we hav-

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Written by our Staff

We know you don’t read the other campus publications, so we did it for you. Original pieces are in quotes, our responses are in bold.

en’t lost? (Sweatshirts with this slogan now in the bookstore!)

“As the “premier public ivy,” BU has a reputation for being a second-rate backup option for students who were unable to get into Cornell University or other prestigious Ivy League schools.”

Oh my gosh I swear I didn’t know that they used the public ivy quote in the next paragraph… I was making fun of that! Sigh...perfect timing.

In all seriousness though, Binghamton has a good education FOR THE PRICE! Come on, it’s the common tragedy of a Binghamton student that they chose to stay SUNY over an expensive private school that they might have liked better yet couldn’t afford.

“All college food gets a bad reputation of being so disgusting it may as well be inedible. Contrary to this popular belief, however, Sodexo food isn’t so bad.”

That is the first time I’ve ever heard anyone say Sodexo food isn’t bad. It made me have to do a double take.

Sure it may be decent compared to other colleges, but nothing beats going home and eating real food after months of Sodexo. Plus, I enjoy regular digestive function, and it’s as clear as gravity or evolution that Sodexo does not do that any favors.

“You may have heard that BU is a “party school,” and that if you’re not at a party on a Friday night, the only thing left to do is hole up in your room studying.

The truth, however, is that there are plenty of things to do in Downtown Binghamton that have nothing to do with its bar scene. Downtown Bing-

hamton is a bona fide college town, and thus offers many opportunities for entertainment.”

Everything worth going to in Downtown Binghamton closes at 9 or 10pm, and everyone you know will be out at parties. There’s Late Nite, but it’s very rare to find someone who actively wants to spend their weekend at Late Nite. Binghamton is far from a “party school,” but at the same time, there is very little to do here outside of “get lit,” as those dang milennials say. If you don’t like parties, maybe join a club? Say, the Binghamton Review? I heard those are some pretty cool cats.

“Chances are you have heard every BU rumor ever told. Regardless of what you hear or what your future plans are, it is important to embrace BU with an open mind and figure it all out for yourself.”

Ok fine, maybe Binghamton isn’t so bad. I hope all of you made it down this far without getting scared away, because it’s really not so bad. We had to Press Watch something for this issue, but this article isn’t actually wrong. You have a lot of say in how to enjoy your community, your sports teams, your food, your academics, and your nightlife. Because, to be honest, you will enjoy it all. :)

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TEN TIPS FOR NEW STUDENTS

Ten Tips for New Students

By Tommy Gagliano

A

new academic year is upon us, and I would like to welcome the newest batch of poor New Yorkers and private school rejects to Binghamton University. I’m sure most of you are excited to get your first taste of college life, but you’re probably also unsure of what to expect. Like most colleges, Binghamton University has students from all around the world. You’ll meet people from Long Island, New York City, Syracuse, Long Island, Rochester, Long Island, Buffalo, Westchester, and did I mention Long Island?

I’ve heard rumors that there actually are Binghamton students from states other than New York, but until I find one I refuse to believe it’s true. You’ll also have the ability to customize your schedule from a wide variety of courses that relate to your major and appeal to your interests. Oh wait, I forgot I’m talking to freshmen (mostly).

Never mind, you’ll be stuck with Calc 223/224 and the crappy courses no one else wanted, like Prehistoric Archeology or Intro to Africana Studies.

Despite the awful courses you’ve likely been forced to take, freshman year isn’t all that bad. For many of you this will be your first taste of freedom, something that is as fun as it is terrifying but worry not! I have ten tips to make your adjustment to life at Binghamton University easier.

Tip #1 - Accept the fact that you aren’t at your first choice school and move on. If Binghamton actually was your first choice, then great! You can move on to tip #2. I know most of you, however, don’t want to be here. I’m sorry that you didn’t get into Cornell, or NYU, or Boston College, or wherever you wanted to go. I’m even more sorry for those of you that did get into your dream school, but couldn’t afford the ridiculous price tag. It sucks, but you’re stuck here now, and the sooner you accept that the better. It’s hard to enjoy your time here if you’re constantly thinking about how much more fun you would be having somewhere else.

editor@binghamtonreview.com

Tip #2 - Get involved. There are hundreds of clubs at Binghamton University; there has to be at least one that relates to your interests. Most clubs only meet once a week so it isn’t a massive time commitment, and it’s an easy way to make friends and meet people that enjoy the same things as you. You can also get involved with activities in your housing community, such as Dorm Wars, Assoxination, Hysteria, and Co-Rec Football. (I lived in Hinman last year and those are some of the activities we did. I’m sure the other communities have similar things as well).

Tip #3 - Eat primarily at the dining halls in the beginning of the year.

This may sound odd, but hear me out. The dining halls are significantly cheaper than the Marketplace and other retail locations. The food at the dining halls isn’t great, but for the first few months it’s bearable. Eventually you will get sick of eating the same crappy food week after week and you’ll have to go to the retail locations more often, but if you can stick with the dining halls for as long as possible in the beginning you should be able to avoid refilling your meal plan and save some money.

Tip #4 - Get to know the people that live on your floor. Living in a dorm is a lot more fun (and a lot easier) when you’re friends with the people that live around you.

Tip #5 - Save money by taking the bus. Ubers are expensive. The bus is free, and goes directly to State Street (where the bars are) on Friday and Saturday nights. If you don’t mind the shoving match to get on, the bus is definitely the way to go.

Tip #6 - Pregaming is key. If you go out sober, you’re gonna have a bad time. Drinks are expensive at the bars, and watered down at frat parties.

There is a gas station and a liquor store within walking distance from campus.

Buy whatever you want to drink there, and get drunk before you go out. Legal age only, of course! Right guys?

Tip #7 - Bars are much better than frat parties. Frat parties suck. This one is more of an opinion obviously, and some people may disagree with me, but I firmly stand by it. Frat parties are super hot, usually so crowded you can’t move, and always smell very strongly of weed. The one positive is that the drinks are free, but I don’t really get anything out of a cup of fruit punch with a few drops of Barton’s vodka in it. Bars are usually crowded as well, but not to the degree that the parties are. Overall I just enjoy them a lot more. Not 21? Don’t worry. You can tape your picture to a Pokemon card and write “Born in 1997” on it with a crayon and that would probably be good enough to get you into The Rat. Tip #8 - Try new things. Don’t be afraid to get outside your comfort zone. If your friend asks you to do something or go somewhere with them, do it. College is a time for learning not only from books and professors, but from experiences.

Tip #9 - Go to your classes. Missing just one class can set you back really far. Go to class, pay attention, take notes, study. College is fun, but the primary reason you’re spending so much money to be here is to get an education.

Tip #10 - Join the Binghamton Review! Besides improving your writing skills, you’ll meet lots of cool people and get involved in one of the most unique clubs on campus. Our meetings are at 6pm on Mondays in UUWB05, across from WHRW in the Union basement.

I hope you’ll keep these tips in mind as you go through your first year at Binghamton University. Good luck everyone!

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FOUR TIPS FOR HOMESICK FRESHMEN

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Four Tips for Homesick Freshmen

By Laura D’Angelo

I

f you’re a freshman and you’re reading this, congratulations! That means you’ve successfully survived your first few days as a Binghamton University student without getting kicked out, having to call your parents to bring you home, or being found passed out on a table in C4 at four in the morning. (Okay, maybe the third one has actually happened.) Regardless, you’ve gotten through your first couple of days of college in one piece.

WOO! The following thoughts may have crossed your mind from time to time: - “What in the world am I doing here?”

- “Is it too late to go back to 2nd grade?”

- “Is it normal to call up my mom crying?”

- “Why is my class in the Fine Arts building impossible to find?”

- “Will the dining hall food ever stop making me feel like I want to vomit?”

- “Am I actually going to be able to do this?”

If you’ve asked yourself any of those questions, take a deep breath and stop yourself from panicking.

Coming from a former lost and homesick freshman, trust me when I tell you that it’s perfectly normal for you to be feeling some of those emotions. First semester of freshman year is one of the most nerve-wracking periods of a kid’s

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life up to that point. You’re literally plopped out of the comfortable home life that you’ve known forever and onto this intimidatingly big campus having never lived on your own before, and yet no one really prepared you for how big of an adjustment it’s going to be.

You have intentions of finding people that you’ll fit in with smoothly. You’re hoping that they’ll become good friends that you’ll share some good times with while you’re here. You want to be able to do well in your classes, oh, and hopefully figure out your whole career path, while finding something productive to get involved with that will benefit said planned career. And during all of this, you’re hoping that the college experience you build for yourself is going to amount to all those expectations that old people tell you when they say, “Ah, college years were the best years.” That’s a lot of expectations to hold yourself accountable to.

With that said, it’s totally normal to get a little overwhelmed during a time of such uncertainty. So, take it from your average freshman survivor. Here are a couple of tips that I either used or would’ve gone back and given myself during my first semester of college.

1

Keep in mind that it takes time to build close friendships with people This is something that a lot of people tend to forget when they go away to college, partly because of outside expectations and partly because

of internal expectations you build up in your head when comparing your newfound friendships to the old ones you left back at home. How can these strangers in this brand new place become close with me? But here’s the thing you have to realize: you didn’t make your best friends in high school over the span of a couple of weeks, or even months. Those are old friends that you’ve had for years, maybe even since kindergarten. So it’s kind of crazy to assume that you’re going to get to college and have these automatic, built-in, unbreakable friendships that are all going to stick within the first couple of days. That’s part of the comfort of being home that you have to get used to not having. So even though it’s easy to, try not to stress too hard over finding the,”right people,” right away, because chances are, they’re just as nervous as you are too, which brings me to my next tip:

2

Remember that a lot more people than you think are feeling the exact same way that you are, despite the impressions their social media may give off.

I can not stress this point enough.

Going away to college is scary enough already, but for us millennials, the bar is set even higher when you add in the factor of feeling obligated to document every single fun moment you’re experiencing in order to prove to your peers and yourself that “college-you” is in fact thriving. Social media is a hotbed for self-validation.

It’s a place people turn to when they’re looking for a confidence boost. This means that at the beginning stages of your college experience, you’re going to scroll through your phone and see lots, and lots, and lots of posts that scream,”LOOK AT ME! I’M HAVING THE BEST TIME EVER,” whether it be through Snapchat stories of crazy parties late at night or Instagram pictures of people posing glamorously in front of their dorm dressers with their new squads. When you’re feeling

Vol. XXXI, Issue I

BINGHAMTONREVIEW.COM homesick, social media could be pretty frustrating because it makes you question yourself. “Everyone else seems to be having nothing but a whole lot of fun, what’s wrong with me?” But you

“It may be hard for you to see it right now, but trust me when I tell you that you are going to get over your homesickness, no matter how severe it may be.” have to keep in mind that no digital perception is a completely true one.

Take it from me. While at the height of my “I miss my doggy and comfy house and home-cooked meals and teachers that actually knew my name” phase, my two best friends from home, who I thought were doing just fine at their colleges, opened up to me about some of their struggles with adjusting to being away, and I couldn’t believe it. They were homesick too?

But they looked like they were having a blast, and they said the exact same thing to me. When you’re expected to keep up a certain front because it’s what everyone else is doing, it’s not easy to address your emotions because you think you’re the only one who’s feeling them. But the important thing is to be honest with yourself and others. It’s difficult, especially when you’re not completely comfortable with everyone just yet, but you’re allowed to be vulnerable and admit that there are things you miss about home. You’d be surprised; more people than you think

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FOUR TIPS FOR HOMESICK FRESHMEN will admit to feeling the same way, and when you remember that everyone really is in the same boat, it makes you feel a whole lot better.

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Be prepared for your classes and you’ll feel better Okay, this is my boring and cliché tip that’s probably making you roll your eyes, but classes are kind of the whole reason that you’re here, right?

Still, from being so overwhelmed with everything else you might be dealing with, it’s easy to let yourself fall behind, or even just not care. But you want to know the one thing that is far worse than being hopelessly homesick during your first semester of college? Being hopelessly homesick and flunking out of most of your classes on top of that.

Don’t get me wrong; I know that Binghamton is a tough school. But even if you’re majoring in biochemistry or calculus, or rocket science (wait that’s not actually a thing right?), or some rigorous subject of that sort, there has to be at least one or two “easy A” geneds that you’re enrolled in, and you can do great in those as long as you stay on top of that syllabus that they gave you on the first day of classes. That thing should be like your Bible. If you don’t know where it is, find it, read it, learn it, and love it, because once your professors hand it to you, you’re held accountable to all of those deadlines. But don’t let the thick pages freak you out, because it gives you the full capacity to get a head start on what you need to get done. Have a paper due in two weeks? Finish a rough copy a week

before so you could bring it to office hours and have your professor literally grade it before they actually grade it.

Test in a month on the first six chapters of your textbook? Sure, a month’s a long time, but why not get the readings done in advance to give yourself a couple of days to review all of the material, rather than tragically trying to jam it all into your head the night before? It’s easy to get distracted with all the activity that happens in your dorm, but that’s what Bartle’s for. If you’re not forcing yourself to sit in the library for a couple of hours here and there, start doing it, because in the midst of being homesick during this quite confusing time, it feels a lot better to get a good grade handed back to you rather than a sucky one.

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It’s okay to be homesick. It makes you stronger and wiser, and you will get over it.

I’m a firm believer in the notion that every experience has meaning behind it, and getting through your classic case of first semester freshman blues can actually be an extremely positive one in the long run. It may be hard for you to see it right now, but trust me when I tell you that you are going to get over your homesickness, no matter how severe it may be. For me, feeling homesick enabled me to do a couple of things: appreciate home more (when you go back), become comfortable with the uncomfortable, take chances on getting involved with activities I would’ve never thought to try, and develop a period of my life that I can now always look back on and laugh about. It’s actually pretty great to reminisce and be able to compare your life now to a time when you were a whole lot less happy. So don’t sweat it if you’re confused right now, if you feel like this is the scariest place ever, if you’re yearning for your comfy bed at home, or if you really just can’t see what the future holds. If I got through it, I know you definitely can. Just keep an open mind and hold onto that optimism and patience, and I promise you that this big campus will become your home sooner than you think, and this unfamiliar life will gradually become one that you can proudly call yours.

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THE ABCS OF BINGHAMTON

The ABCs of Binghamton!

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To make you feel right at home here in Binghamton, we’ve compiled a list of things from A to Z that make our school the greatest! Or, at least, certainly unique. Take a look! e. A million

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Vol. XXXI, Issue I

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THE ABCS OF BINGHAMTON

view: LOWER on the slope than Hillside (???). Appalachian is the best dining hall with the best view, and your legs will becom e tree trunks if you go ev ery day. the closest to way-from-frat, and -a at fr ur Yo : g in New Old Dickinson: Whe ”).

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Union: Your one-stop-shop for Late Nite frivolities, campus Dunk in’ Donuts, and sad bake sa les that just want some love. C’mon, don’t you have a dollar? more on, with slightly ti ca lo al tu ac ’s U Vestal: B and slightly less heroin than the real s shopping center Weather: Who needs Fifty n.

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WHAT WE DO

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What We Do

By Patrick McAuliffe

C

ongratulations! You’ve picked up a copy of the best paper this campus has to offer. One of our slogans is “Truth and Two Staples,” and we do just that. As you peruse these hallowed pages, many of which contain tips and tricks for getting adjusted or readjusted to college life, you may be asking yourself (or at least I hope you are): what exactly does the Binghamton Review do?

If you haven’t read our mission statement on page 3, let me give you the rundown in much less dramatic language. Binghamton Review was founded in 1987, more than 30 years ago, by two Russian college students escaping the Soviet Union. They sought to build a voice on an American college campus for the minority taken least seriously by many in our society and especially at this age: the conservative. At a time in young people’s lives where their minds are opened to other people and ideas previously unheard of, it can be easy to get carried away and shift radically away from the moral and political beliefs of the older generation, with a burning desire to divorce as much as possible from the ways of the past. In my day and age, a pleasantly surprising number of my peers can see the nuance in the questions that order our lives and society and seek to find a middle path acceptable to most political and ethical positions. They may not be conservatives themselves, but they have a respect for the successes of the past and are happy to leave people to live and believe how they wish. Sometimes, they even want a strong moral order for society beyond what the laws dictate, usually achieved through widespread religious belief and practice.

However, you know as well as I do that there exist some groups of people that don’t want the middle path, that aren’t willing to bend or bargain, that only see violence and force as appropriate ends to their goals. Communists and Nazis are the main ones in the public eye for the last century, and

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they make good examples of how both left and right can get severely out of hand, even dangerously so. On college campuses, you’re more likely to run into oppressive Communists than Nazis, but keep your eye open for either.

Our mission statement is very clear: “We stand against tyranny in all of its forms.” Whether that’s a local antifa chapter rearing its cowardly head or the administration bearing down on students just trying to live and express themselves or whatever else may come our way, you can bet that we’ll have something to say about it.

“If you see what I do in the Review - a real chance to make your voice heard and your opinion matter, the opportunity to meet and work with some incredible people, all while strengthening your writing and reporting skills - then I think we’ll get along just fine.”

Over these thirty-plus years, we’ve grown tremendously. I knew a member of the Review in my freshman year that was part of a four-person staff in their day, and somehow they all managed to continuously make quality content issues every semester.

We’ve had faculty advisors, national news stories, frozen funding, showdowns with the SA, eventually BECOMING the SA...the history of the Review is a long and convoluted one.

Last year we produced 14 issues over the year, more than any previous year in our history. It was unprecedented, and I’m extremely proud of the people on our staff that made it happen. We’ll be doing slightly fewer issues this year (fiscally conservative, remember?), but our influence and our voice will remain as strong as ever.

Now, to where you come in. Yes, you! This is interactive. Sorry for the lack of warning, but hey, you’re an

adult after all. You tackle new situations all the time with grace and class.

If you see what I do in the Review - a real chance to make your voice heard and your opinion matter, the opportunity to meet and work with some incredible people, all while strengthening your writing and reporting skills - then I think we’ll get along just fine.

You may have read it elsewhere, and you’ll hear it again before the last page of this magazine, but our weekly meetings will be Mondays at 6pm in our office, UUWB05. We’re in the University Union basement under the Marketplace, across from WHRW. If you can’t make that time, don’t worry! I’ll be holding extended office hours from 7pm-8pm on Wednesday nights that will act like a mini-meeting to catch you up on the weekly happenings and keep you in the loop. You can always shoot me an email at editor@binghamtonreview.com with questions, comments, article pitches, hate mail, memes, dog pictures, or whatever else you want to send me. Unlike our southern border, my inbox is always open. Find us on Facebook, Twitter, YouTube, WHRW on Wednesday evenings (time to be determined), or wherever VHS tapes are sold.

Whether you like us, hate us, or are just genuinely curious about what we do, I implore you to reach out and find out who we are for yourself. College has been the best years of my life so far, and all because I put myself out there and found out for myself what I liked and didn’t like. And I found that I really liked the Review. Maybe it can do for you what it did for me and so many others like us for the last 30 years. I hope to be hearing from you soon.

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Summer Camp Lessons

SUMMER CAMP LESSONS

By Tommy Gagliano

I

have been working at a summer day camp on Long Island for the past three summers. The pay is awful, parents don’t tip enough (if they tip at all), the kids are annoying, there are bugs everywhere, we’re often short-staffed, and I love every minute of it. I’m probably the only college student ever that hates having to leave their job to came back up to school at the end of August. For my first two summers, as well as my two years as a CIT (counselor in training) before that, I worked primarily with younger kids, ages three to seven. Last summer, however, I was the counselor for the middle school kids, ages ten to thirteen. This was obviously a pretty drastic adjustment for me, and I learned a lot in the process. I have a plethora of stories from my time at camp, but I would need an entire issue to myself to write about them all, so I’ve picked just a few to share with you.

Part 1 will probably make you laugh. Part 2 will probably make you cry. Enjoy.

Part 1 - Kids Say The Darndest Things Let’s start off with something funny. Halfway through my first summer working at camp I started documenting the hilarious things my kids would say. Here are some direct quotes from my campers, presented without comment: - “If you don’t poop your pants you can’t come to camp!” ~ 6-year-old male - “How do you spell DNA?” ~ 7-year-old male - “Boo Hillary Clinton! She’s so hairy!” ~ 6-year-old male - “I saw my mom’s penis once, it was so weird! It was like flat.” ~ 6-year-old male - “Is this a weed leaf?” ~ 5-year-old male - Camper (5yo): “I’m a frog!” Counselor: “What sound does a frog make?” Camper: “Oink!”

- “Can you untie my girlfriend? She’s tied up in my basement.” ~ 6-year-old male - “I hate everything in the world except God.” ~ 5-year-old male - “I just want to have lunch, and then drink all day.” ~ 6-yearold female And finally, my favorite: “Why are there locks on the bathroom? That’s ridiculous! Who would want to steal something from a bathroom?” ~ 6-year-old male Part 2 - Unexpected Gaga Ball Champion This story happened the second week of camp this past summer, and I’m still not over how incredible it was. It’s long, but trust me, it’s worth the read. There was a kid with autism in my group (we’ll call him Bobby, which isn’t his real name) that came for two days. He has an individual aid at school and it is fairly obvious to the other children that he is “different”. I was worried about it since middle school kids can be cruel, and we had issues the previous week with campers using the word “retard” as an insult and making jokes about being “special”. I’d also heard nothing but awful things about this age group, including that they’re rude, disrespectful, and mean to each other.

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The first day he was at camp was a Thursday. In the morning we played 4 square. The whole group (about 10 kids) played on one court, so there was a line waiting to play when someone got out. Ryan (not his real name) quickly made it to the serving box. Ryan is kind of like the “leader” of the group. He’s by far the most athletic camper, and he’s been going to camp longer than anyone else. He’s also friends with everyone. Ryan eliminated people until Bobby was in the box next to him. He then gently served it to Bobby, who hit it back to him. He “missed” the ball, and Bobby moved into the serving box. Ryan said “good job”, gave Bobby a high five, and went to the back of the line.

After lunch we played gaga ball, which is a game that is very competitive, and usually taken very seriously. (Gaga ball is an every-man-for-themselves game that is similar to dodgeball, but you have to smack the ball into people’s legs instead of throwing it at them.) Before we started I noticed Ryan whispering to two other campers. Fairly early on Bobby was eliminated.

Ryan and the two campers he was whispering to then began targeting the camper that got Bobby out, and encouraged others to as well. Ryan had obviously planned to protect Bobby, and help him win. By the beginning of the next game the message had spread to all of the campers in the group. They all tried to get each other out, but worked together to make sure Bobby stayed in. Everyone cheered for Bobby from the sidelines once they got out. Eventually there were only two campers remaining - Bobby and Ryan. Bobby hit the ball towards Ryan, who was “unable” to get out of the way in time. Bobby won. Everyone clapped and cheered for him. He danced around, and had a huge smile on his face. The same thing happened the next game. Bobby was ecstatic. He told me he “can’t believe it”, and “maybe I am good at sports!” I’ve never seen a child that happy before. He was so excited to tell his mom at the end of the day too.

Ryan continued to help Bobby in various athletic activities the rest of the day Thursday and on Friday. I brought in candy for everyone on Friday, and let them know that although they don’t have to do that every time, and it’s their activity to enjoy too, what they did was really awesome, made Bobby really happy, and I was very proud of them. I already had my doubts, but that day confirmed it for me - everything I’d been told about that age group was a lie. They are all great people that care a lot about each other - the other staff members had just mistaken their middle school sense of humor for rudeness and malice.

I can’t wait to return to camp next summer. I’m dreading the day I get a real job and can no longer work with my awesome campers. Maybe next year I’ll have more summer camp stories to share. Good luck with classes everyone, have fun, and always remember, “If you don’t poop your pants, you can’t come to camp.”

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EXPECTATIONS FOR THIS YEAR

Expectations for This Year

BINGHAMTONREVIEW.COM

By Matthew Rosen

T

o all of the returning students, welcome back to Binghamton!

And almost more importantly, welcome to all of the new freshman! I expect 2018-2019 to be a crazy year, so let’s start of with some expectations for both President Trump, and the Binghamton Review. This article will stray from my typical writing style and be more of a checklist for things I want to see happen politically this year. Hopefully at the end the year, we can reflect on these expectations and detail the good, the bad, and the covfefe of this year.

Jumping right back into politics, let’s talk about the optimistic and pessimistic predictions for President Trump’s foreign policy. Optimistically the best policy options for the Trump team would be a crackdown on North Korea and Iran. Best case scenario: both countries stay quiet, and no major moves are made on the international stage thanks to strong foreign policy.

Unfortunately, I have a feeling that the appropriate crackdown on North Korea in particular won’t happen. I hope President Trump proves me wrong, as strong responses to North Korea’s refusal to denuclearize is the only good foreign policy option left on the table.

I doubt anyone really expects North Korea to denuclearize right away, so we must make them choose between either a functional economy and a nuclear weapons program, but not both.

As for the economy, there isn’t much I can say. Unemployment is at a low, we have huge economic growth, wages are increasing, the stock market is up, etc… I mean most people can admit that President Trump’s economy is a success. To be more specific, we are at only 3.9% unemployment, 4.1% economic growth, 3.2 million jobs added, and a deficit of $532 billion, all better than President Obama during this time in his Presidency. By some polls, like Rasmussen, President Trump even has a higher approval rating than Obama did at this time as well. I want to be fair and acknowledge that Obama

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was coming out of a recession, but that doesn’t discount President Trump’s staggering economic growth that nearly every critic claimed would be impossible. Remember when Democrats claimed the economy would collapse under President Trump? Remember when Obama asked how Trump would magically make new jobs? Well, here we are. Keep it up President Trump!

Optimistically, we will continue to see these numbers, take more steps to dismantle Obamacare, lower the deficit, continue to cut regulations, and negotiate towards zero tariffs with our allies. I do not expect to see all of that, especially in only one year, but that is best case scenario.

“Optimistically I’m hoping for less racial tension, less identity politics, fewer personal attacks, and no shootings…we can leave it at that.

I hope that everyone reading this article can at least agree on those things.”

I also fully expect another government shutdown, which really isn’t as big of a deal as the media makes it out to be. However, this is now the second time President Trump has threatened to shut down the government over border security. I find it awful that President Trump was largely elected for border security and to deal with illegal immigration, yet he is stopped by the Democrats everytime. Last time, President Trump tweeted the morning of the budget deadline that he would shut the government down, but he didn’t! He signed the budget that day!

The next deadline coming up is September 30th, right before the midterm elections. Hopefully President Trump can win this stand off and check off another promise that he kept to his voters. I mean the Democrats have no problem spending money on illegal and economically harmful government programs. Is it too much to ask

to spend a little money on enforcing our laws?

I am very weary of making midterm predictions, especially with this election cycle where everything is more polarized than ever. Logically, if this election were to follow the pattern that history has shown, Republicans would win a couple seats in the Senate, and the Democrats would win twenty-something seats in the House, leading it to being a toss up, probably with the Democrats winning a couple seat advantage. That being said, this election cycle doesn’t seem like it is definitely going to follow history’s pattern, and both could be a toss up.

Republicans are chanting “Red Wave” and Democrats are chanting “Blue Wave.” If I were a betting man, I would bet on Republicans keeping the Senate and Democrats narrowly winning the House, but that’s only because of the little evidence we are given. With the polarized media, it is hard to see who is really winning. I, of course, want to see the Red Wave, and large Republican turnout to keep both chambers. If Republicans keep the House, I predict that Steve Scalise will become the next Speaker of the House, despite the fact that Kevin McCarthy seems like the heir, and despite the fact that I personally would probably endorse Jim Jordan. Regardless, any of the three is better than Nancy Pelosi.

Let’s also all hope that this illegal witch hunt known as the Mueller investigation finally ends on its own.

Speaking of witch hunts, BREAKING NEWS! As I am editing this article, Michael Cohen, President Trump’s personal lawyer, plead guilty to campaign finance violations, and claims that he did it under the direction of then-candidate Trump! This obviously means that President Trump is going to get impeached, convicted, and spend the rest of his life in jail right?

(And also something about Russia!)

Well, wrong. First of all, the President cannot legally be indicted. Second of all, Trump did not commit a crime

Vol. XXXI, Issue I

BINGHAMTONREVIEW.COM because (1) There is no limit to how much a person can contribute to his own campaign, (2) campaign finance violations require intent, (3) it clearly wasn’t even a campaign contribution, but rather a personal expenditure, and (4) even if it was a campaign contribution, failure to report campaign contributions is a crime that the campaign committed which results in a simple fine, NOT a crime that the candidate committed. This is an easy win for any lawyer, as it should be for Trump’s lawyers if it comes down to it (which it won’t). Many experts like Constitutional lawyer Alan Dershowitz, former chairman of the Federal Election Commission Bradley Smith, campaign finance lawyer Jan Baran, and many others have made these arguments in favor of the President. For those of you unfamiliar with the situation, Michael Cohen bought stories from Karen McDougal and Stormy Daniels that would slander Trump, and then Trump reimbursed him for that payment. So for all the people talking like

“For the club, I hope to expand our reach to new forms of social media, be a part of every event possible on campus, and report as much and as fairly as possible. I hope to have more conversations with students...”

EXPECTATIONS FOR THIS YEAR this has anything to do with Russia, it doesn’t. Hopefully I can talk about this more in later issues, but for all of the people who think that this is some awful scandal that should end the President, think again. The only real way this can hurt Trump is if (A) Republican enthusiasm goes down for midterms, or (B) Trump gets subpoenaed and tricked into a perjury trap. As for my expectations, I do not realistically expect this to go away this year, but I really hope it will.

Optimistically I’m hoping for less racial tension, less identity politics, fewer personal attacks, and no shootings…we can leave it at that. I hope that everyone reading this article can at least agree on those things.

Now for my expectations for the Binghamton Review this year. As a new member of the E-Board, I am hoping to make this the best year for the Review! While this article serves as more of a checklist, I will aim to keep my articles moving forward more like how they were last year: more about a specific topic with more analysis. For the club, I hope to expand our reach to new forms of social media, be a part of every event possible on campus, and report as much and as fairly as possible. I hope to have more conversations with students. I hope that more peo-

ple email the Review with respectful responses to our articles. I hope that more non-Review members try to talk to us and maybe even submit articles.

I hope to continue to have a great relationship with College Democrats, Republicans, and Libertarians. I hope to make more serious articles, as well as fun ones. I hope to keep making puns and dad jokes. I hope to meet and welcome great new students to the Review. Please, if you see us, talk to us respectfully. If you want to join, please do! It was one of the best decisions I’ve made in college. If you disagree with what we write or what we stand for, then email us and tell us what you disagree with. I just really don’t want the concerns that I made in my final article from last year (about how badly myself and other conservatives are treated on our liberal campus) to go unnoticed or unchanged. Let’s all have a great year!

Your favorite Review content is now more online than ever!

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THE PSEUDO-INTELLECTUAL DORK WEB

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The Pseudo-Intellectual Dork Web

By Jordan Jardine

I

n case the reader is unaware, there is an interesting phenomenon that has sprouted up in recent times in the online political universe. This phenomenon is called the “Intellectual Dark Web.” The IDW consists of people like psychologist Dr. Jordan Peterson, New Atheist icon Sam Harris, outspoken lawyer and commentator Ben Shapiro, podcaster, comedian and former TV host Joe Rogan, economist Eric Weinstein and his brother, biologist Bret Weinstein, and comedian Dave Rubin.

There are several problems with this concept.

First of all, it is unclear why this group would embrace (as Shapiro and Rubin certainly have) a name that conjures up images of the most vile parts of cyberspace, where illegal drugs, child pornography and other illicit merchandise are available for purchase with one click. Secondly, if this cadre of people were really confident and secure in their ideas and beliefs, they wouldn’t have to go around flaunting the label of “intellectual” all the time and throwing it in everyone’s faces like a spoiled rhubarb pie. My third problem with this group is many of them, with the exceptions of the Weinstein brothers and Joe Rogan, constantly bash left wing ideas and offer no nuance of that side of the aisle in their analyses of various policies and incidents. In other words, there is a meaningful distinction to be made, which many in the IDW ignore, between the authoritarian left and the libertarian left.

The authoritarian left is the real problem. The members of the IDW correctly point out that these people who want to censor conservative speakers on college campuses and want schools and other institutions to acknowledge 50,000 different genders are a destructive influence on American society and culture. The libertarian left, a quadrant of the political compass in which this author firmly and proudly resides, typically sees those issues as secondary or even ter-

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tiary issues that mean less to us than wealth inequality, climate change, endless war and the corrupting interests of big money and lobbyists in politics.

One would be hard pressed to find any instances of any of these highly influential individuals talking about the libertarian left.

This lack of nuance and detail is one of the reasons I don’t consider a majority of these people to be intellectuals. Another reason is this; there needs to be a higher standard for intellectualism than just simply berating and bashing people on the other side of the political spectrum. It is interesting that many of the IDW pundits fancy themselves as edgy or innovative when they simply spew the same talking points that conservative radio and television hosts (ex. Bill O’Reilly, Glenn Beck, Rush Limbaugh, Mark Levin, Sean Hannity, etc.) have been espousing and promoting for the last few decades, including demonizing people on welfare, not focusing on the negatives of the capitalist system, and

“The point of all this is that the IDW does a grave disservice to its listeners/ viewers due to its misrepresentation of an entire side of the political divide.

The intellectual should educate, not deceive and lie by omission.” misrepresenting the Democratic Party on issues such as immigration, taxes and healthcare. For instance, Sean Hannity in particular has been saying on his program that Democrats want open borders because some want to abolish ICE, but he fails to mention that very few, if any, Democrats have proposed getting rid of Customs and Border Protection. Bill O’Reilly has historically called universal healthcare part of a “socialist/communist vision,” while every other modern nation -

most based on democracy - has one version or another of a single-payer/ universal healthcare system, according to The Atlantic.

Rubin and Shapiro, among others, have made similar arguments to O’Reilly’s on their respective programs. Again, being a conservative does not mean one is by default an intellectual, just as being against conservatism doesn’t automatically make a person an intellectual. Intellectuals are supposed to think critically about issues, policies, and philosophies in a detailed, nuanced, objective and honest way. Many people that are a part of the IDW lack most if not all of these basic criteria. If one is an intellectual, they do not need to straw man their opponents.

Many IDW members, including Ben Shapiro and Jordan Peterson, have straw-manned social democrats such as Bernie Sanders as having a desire to turn the United States into Venezuela.

The problem with this is that Sanders has never said he wanted to transform the United States into Venezuela. He often cites Scandinavian countries such as Norway, Denmark, Iceland and Sweden as states that the US should model itself after. The simple fact is that social democracy, which calls for heavily regulated capitalism and an expanded welfare state, is actually not that far left on the political spectrums

Vol. XXXI, Issue I

BINGHAMTONREVIEW.COM of other countries, such as those in the aforementioned Scandinavian region.

Venezuela is not, nor has it ever been, a social democracy. Venezuela is a country ravaged by state capitalism, an economic system wherein capital has not been abolished, but the functions of capitalism are undertaken by the state.

Bernie Sanders does not support this system and is neither a state capitalist nor or socialist in any actual sense of the term. According to Merriam-Webster, socialism is “any of various political and economic theories advocating collective or governmental ownership and administration of the means of production and distribution of goods.�

Sanders, if you look at his 2016 platform for president, is not an advocate of any of these policies.

The point of all this is that the IDW does a grave disservice to its listeners/viewers due to its misrepresentation of an entire side of the political divide. The intellectual should educate, not deceive and lie by omission. It is fair to acknowledge the intelligence of people like Ben Shapiro and it is also fair to point out that Jordan Peterson and Sam Harris are forces to be reckoned with in their respective fields of psychology and neuroscience, but experience and a high degree of intellect in those fields alone does not necessarily qualify one to be an intellectual in the realm of politics and public policy.

If people want to continue listening to and believing what they hear from Peterson, Shapiro, Rubin and Harris, among others, that is their prerogative.

However, one must be cognisant of the deceitful tactics frequently used by these figures in order to prop up their side of the political spectrum while knowingly discrediting and misrepresenting ideas from the other side. This is why these people are not worthy of the name they give themselves and instead should be rebranded the Pseudo-Intellectual Dork Web.

THE PSEUDO-INTELLECTUAL DORK WEB

Hey You! Yes, You! Did that ad right there ^ Catch your eye?

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Do you like supporting campus papers and/or Conservative values?

If you answered yes to any of these questions, we have good news for you! Binghamton Review is back in the advertising game and ready to put our pages to work for YOU! Email manager@binghamtonreview.com to express your interest and discuss pricing.

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