April 2007 - Binghamton Review

Binghamton Review April 2007

The Student Journal at Binghamton University

The Student Journal at Binghamton University

America’s Hot New Racial Controversy!

Buckwheat Reacts

Don “That’s Jive” Imus

-Race Relations -Clevage Coverage

In This Issue:

The Good Reverend Spreads the Truth

-Zabary Moves to Hymietown -All Things Bolton Truth and two staples

Binghamton Review The Student Journal at Binghamton University Founded 1987 o Volume XX Number 7 o April 2007

Departments

“Before all else, be armed.”

-Niccolo Machiavelli Editor-in-Chief Christopher Powell Managing Editor Thomas Shannon Business Manager Nathaniel Sugarman

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Editorial: Christopher Powell blasts our spiritual leaders.

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Letters: Our crazy readers, they love us and they hate us!

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Centerfold: Adam Zabary on adaptation to life in the Big Apple

Treasurer Michael Calabrese

Contents

Layout Editor Josh Geller Publicity Director Adam Zabary Staff Writers Denis Fitzgerald, Rebecca Kaufman, Michael Rose, Alex Rosenthal, Thomas Shannon, Nathaniel Sugarman, Nick Tinen, Adam Zabary

Friends of the Review Dr. Aldo S. Bernardo Mr. Michael J. Hayes The Kaufman Family Mr. Robert Larnerd The Leonini Family Mr. Michael O’Connell Mr. Tony Potochniak The Powell Family Mr. Conrad Ross The Shannon Family Mr. Bob Soltis WA2CVS The Sugarman Family

Binghamton Review is printed by Our Press, in Chenango Bridge. We provide the truth; they provide the staples.

Binghamton Review

Binghamton University PO Box 6000 Binghamton, NY 13902-6000 binghamtonreview@yahoo.com

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Special: the future of Binghamton Review

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Nathaniel Sugarman analyzes what America deems “newsworthy”.

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Thomas Shannon speaks out on the Reverend Al.

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Michael Rose has a confession to make.

Cover Designs by Josh Geller Binghamton Review is a monthly, independent journal of news, analysis, commentary, and controversy. Students at Binghamton University receive two copies of the Review free of charge (non-transferrable). Additional copies cost $1 each. Letters to the Editor are welcome; they must be accompanied by the author’s current address and phone number. All submissions become the property of the Review. The Review reserves the right to edit and print any submission. Copyright © 2006 Binghamton Review. All rights reserved. Binghamton Review is distributed on campus under the authority of the First Amendment of the United States Constitution. Binghamton Review is a member of the Collegiate Network and is a Student Association-chartered organization. Binghamton University is not responsible for the content of the Review; the Review is not responsible for the content of Binghamton University. Binghamton Review thanks the Intercollegiate Studies Institute.

Past Editors of Binghamton Review : John Guardiano, Yan Rusanovsky, Kathryn Doherty, Ephriam Bernstein, Michael Malloy, Paul Schnier, Adam Bromberg, Bernadette Malone, Michael Darcy, Nathan Wurtzel, Amy Gardner, John Carney, Paul Torres, Jason Kovacs, Robert Zoch, Matthew Pecorino, Michael O’Connell, Louis W. Leonini, Joseph Carlone

Binghamton Review, April 2007

editorial

I

Swift [In]Justice

t is unfortunate, but even in the 21st century area in black and white. However, the definitions Americans are still tackling the problems of seem surprisingly well tailored to the purposes of racial injustice and ignorance. The recent their authors. For instance, it was not offensive for Don Imus scandal is the ultimate proof that Jesse Jackson to refer to New York City as a “hymimany Americans, at best, have a blurred idea about etown” nor was it offensive for Sharpton to call a what is acceptable and what is offensive in terms of Jewish merchant in Harlem a “white interloper”. racial commentary. Rappers use terms like ho and However, the trouble with these men goes beyond an n*gger superfluously, as fillers and modifiers and un-level playing field. without a sense of consequence. The rappers’ fans While it is unfair to criticize people for being then purchase the album and are exposed to these imperfect it is certainly fair to attack hypocrisy. The terms and, in the impressionable mind of a teenage “Reverend” Jesse Jackson is known to have fathered (usually) male these terms begin to achieve an air (at least) one illegitimate child and then attempted of acceptability. Unfortunately this did not seem to to pay the mother off with a large house and several be a major problem when rap was an inner-city phe- thousand dollars a month (whether that money was nomena, but now white children from white neigh- Jackson’s or from his “ministry’s” coffers is still borhoods assault their friends (white and otherwise) dubious). Al Sharpton is even further from clean. with racial epithets without even realizing it. As a HBO’s Real Sports with Bryant Gumbel aired result we have a large segment of the population a 1983 tape from an FBI sting operation which that has no idea how to treat the “N-Word” – is it clearly showed Al Sharpton attempting to arrange a the demeaning, hateful word we learned from Civil drug/money laundering deal with an undercover FBI Rights documentaries or Fiddy’s best friend? agent, allegedly on boxing promoter Don King’s The most frequent argument used to justify this behalf. Again in 1987 Sharpton exposed himself flagrant abuse of such an incendiary term is that peo- as the attention hungry shark that he truly is when ple are working to remove the ugly power that the he brought national media attention to 15 year-old term possesses. While that may seem like a noble Tawana Brawley, a black girl who claimed that she goal it is not reasonable to assume that 200 rappers was abducted and raped by 6 white men including at that are disproportionately black can remove 200 least one police officer. Sharpton brought the case to years of stigma and hate through callous overuse. a national boil before it was discovered that Brawley While I’m not introducing this reality as an excuse had fabricated the entire event – her and her mother for any racial intolerance or insensitivity I am trying ran to Virginia and still have outstanding warrants in to explain why this issue is so ambiguous—different New York for refusing grand jury subpoenas. people are playing by different rules.

While it is undoubtedly true that Jesse Jackson Over the course of the many years that Don Imus and Al Sharpton have achieved some good in their hosted his radio show he was repeatedly impugned time on the national scene (i.e. the overwhelming, for inappropriate comments, and so I have no pity peaceful response to the brutal attack of Amadou for a man who could say something so offensive Diallo), their sordid personal behavior should not about a benign group of young woman for no point allow them the moral high ground they are afforded beyond a cheap laugh. However, if this were a more – “let he who is without sin cast the first stone.” isolated incident I would certainly fight for more In instances of egregious racial (i.e. Rodney King, understanding and sympathy for Imus’ racial igno- Diallo and Sean Bell to name a few) it is important rance. Regardless of the Imus incident I think it is that a public uproar be created and that those responimportant that the American media do some serious sible be brought to justice. However, in the future reflection on how they handle such sensitive issues I hope that when people consider offensive remarks and on what should (and shouldn’t) be tolerated, and such as those made by Don Imus they do so with a I have one simple suggestion: stop giving coverage metered hand in considering the incident and its cirto charlatans like “The Reverends” Al Sharpton and cumstances. It is important to protect inadvertently Jesse Jackson. ignorant people from the hypocritical backlash of Men like Sharpton and Jackson come out of the pandering buffoons like “the Reverends” Al and woodwork anytime there is any issue involving a Jesse. minority victim of a white aggressor and represent themselves as metered, fair arbiters of what is OK -Christopher Powell and what goes to far; they claim to define the gray- Binghamton Review, April 2007

Binghamton Review’s

Incoming Executive Board:

Editor-in-Chief: Managing Editor: Editor Emeritus: Layout Editor: Business Manager: Treasurer: Publicity Director:

Nathaniel Sugarman Thomas Shannon Christopher Powell Josh Geller Michael Rose Michael Calabrese Adam Zabary

Words of Wisdom: “Liberals claim to want to give a hearing to other views, but then are shocked and offended to discover that there are other views.”

-William F. Buckley, Jr.

Binghamton Review, April 2007

Letters Dear Mr. Powell I apologize for my mistake in not directly addressing my comments to your publication. You can surely understand, however, my impatience when I took offense to a Binghamton Review article and did not wish to wait an entire month to let it be known. By that time, the article I commented on would be virtually impossible to find. My decision to submit my letter to Pipe Dream was further compounded by an absence of “letters to the Editor” in Binghamton Review. If this letter is published, I will concede that this lack is not a fault attributable to your staff, but the irresponsibility of your readers (however seldom they may be).

If you detect any aggression in my writing manner, it is the result of sincere disappointment in the available alternatives to Pipe Dream. In your “Letter from the Editor” you claim to promote intellectual discourse, and yet I find little substance to Binghamton Review other than unsupported incendiary remarks, poorly-worded commentaries, and (more often) banal opinions. In short, your publication perpetuates the stupidity and boorishness I’ve come to abhor in the sectarians who call themselves conservatives.

Why, for instance, have you not responded to the letter I sent Pipe Dream? I am sure that you read it in detail. Will you not admit that Zoch’s article disgraces the very ink it is printed with? Or is your infatuation with Binghamton Review preventing you from living in the realm of selfcritique? Perhaps, as an editor, you were in desperate need of literary contributions. Therefore

you were forced to accept any recycled garbage, upholding the old cliche, “beggars cannot be choosers.”

If you are in need of content, why limit “letters to the Editor” to only 300 words? I suppose Binghamton Review wishes to limit any discourse that does not consist of words like “abortion” or “gay marriage” followed thereafter by “morally reprehensible” or “condemnable by mankind.” When you encourage readers to say as much as they like about your journal, I think those comments will help you realize that Binghamton Review is in desperate need of revisions.

Sincerely, Richard Kim P.S. In the future I hope Zoch chooses to avoid further abusing the craft of writing.

Robert Zoch is an alumni, so if you would like a battle with him please look him up through the Office of Alumni Affairs. That said, I appreciate the time and thought you put into your dislike of our magazine - your mention of issues that have been seldom present in recent issues shows you either rarely read the Review or solely read what you hope will offend you. Regardless, I’m glad you were thinking of us.

-CP Hey Guys,

I’m shocked that under “The Best and Worst Professors”, Dick Andrus from the Environmental department is not listed under the worst. I’m a senior Envi major and I’ve had him for several classes. I suggest you sit in on an ENVI 101 class and listen to this Binghamton Review, April 2007

guy talk. You’d be shocked at the backwards politics he spews out of his mouth. I would cringe listening to him tear apart our country.

What’s worse is there are plenty of students that worship this guy and take everything he says as gospel truth. They’re more annoying than he is. On top of all of this, he’s extremely inapproachable for a professor. He can’t even look at you when you ask him a question. He’s not open to ideas or suggestions because he’s too stuck in his ways.

He just sits in his office like the old curmudgeon he is.

In his defense, he’s extremely knowledgeable when it comes to ecology. I’ve learned a lot about the environment from him and he organizes some pretty sweet field trips. However, his sense of reality is severely warped and he talks like a freakin communist. I would really suggest you check out an ENVI 101 class and take some notes. He opens every class by verbally assaulting the U.S. government and democracy. There are a lot of professors in the envi department that share similar ideas with Andrus, but they don’t force these ideas on their students quite like he does.

In envi 101, you’d think you’d be learning about basic ecology, but it’s actually an hour for Dr. Andrus to get up on his soap box and go on a political rant. He’s crazy man.

That is all.

-Alex Mennella Our apologies Alex, we love to hear of professors whose shaming we neglected; much appreciated!

-CP

Media Sleeze

Points of Divergence:

Anna Nicole Smith and Elizabeth Edwards in the News

by Nathaniel Sugarman

There are two women who have been in the news recently whose stories have provoked very different responses from the American public. Yes, these women are Anna Nicole Smith and Elizabeth Edwards. Now, I know what you’re thinking: “Elizabeth who?” She is in fact the wife of Ann Coulter’s favorite Democratic presidential candidate John Edwards, and she has recently been diagnosed with breast cancer for the second (i.e. irreversible and ominous) time. Many media personalities have observed that this is a significant development in the candidacy of Senator John Edwards.

This is primary election season and Senator Edwards is viewed to be a semi-serious contender in the race against Hilary Clinton and B. Hussein Obama for the nomination. The late Anna Nicole Smith bears no relevance to politics, the future of this country, or anything important for that matter with the possible exception of a few sexually induced imagery cocktails. She was, in essence, a textbook celebrity—complete with tales of modeling, drug abuse, and the occasional foray into acting. Recently, she died of what was finally determined to be a multi-drug concoction overdose. The major difference between these two news stories is that one of them isn’t being paid any attention to. After the first few headlines, it was clear which story it was that people were interested in. Anna Nicole Smith is still now, weeks after her death, at the forefront of the national news. Nobody seems to care about Elizabeth Edwards, despite the initial coverage. There is one major area of discrepancy between these two women which accounts for the different level of public interest.

Points of Divergence

Bill O’Reilly, on his television program, The O’Reilly Factor, referenced these two news stories, and opined as to why one of these women elicited so much more attention from the American public than the other. On the Factor, it was reasoned that the American people are fascinated with the lives of celebrities. It is an old concept—that ordinary people immerse themselves in the lives of strangers whose day-to-day experiences are more transcending, and thus achieve a certain vicarious pleasure. It is more than that, though, and really much simpler. Anna Nicole Smith was a very attractive blonde with breasts big enough to suffocate a shorter dance partner. Mrs. Edwards is, shall we say, no playmate of the year. For this reason nobody cares about her. Is this a bad thing? Maybe. That isn’t the point though—it’s just interesting to note by actual viewership count what the American public really cares about.

-Nathaniel Sugarman is Business Manager and Editor-in-Chief Elect of Binghamton Review.

Binghamton Review, April 2007

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Cing K ivic of Literacy Queens

A Little A Sobering Yid in Victory a Big City

New Survey CitesIsland Colleges Failure to Properly Students One Long Boy’s Struggle to Adapt Educate to City Life

by Christopher Powell

by Adam Zabary

A F

couple of months ago, I received a phone call from my father that haunted me for the next few days. It was official. I was moving with him from Long Island to Queens. Unlike most young people, who would probably be excited, welcoming change, I was skeptical of this “upgrade,” in my father’s words.

I have been home for a couple of weeks worth of vacation days since my father bought the apartment in Oakland Gardens, whose demographic probably influenced Jesse Jackson’s appraisal of New York a while back as “HymieTown.” Although it is probably the part of Queens most similar to my native Plainview, there are still many noticeable changes that I have experienced, most specifically in regard to food, transportation, activities, and of course, girls. While some changes were for the better, there are certainly aspects of living in Queens that are beyond a simple pain in the neck.

No longer are my take-out food orders limited to Chinese, sushi, or pizza. Now I can find every kind of food possible, from all corners of the globe. And if I am feeling especially active, I may even venture out and eat in these establishments. Although some of the many ethnic eateries in Queens are intimidating (every restaurant in Astoria), most are quite comfortable and offer quality food. What are even better than the variety of these restaurants are the prices.

With the sheer amount of establish-

ments serving all kinds of foods such as Kosher, Halal, Indian, Chinese, Japanese, Italian and Mexican, there is a great amount of competition which increases food quality and decreases prices. This idea can also be applied to grocery stores, many of which cater to spe-

...when I go to Israeli markets on Union Turnpike and Main Street, I can see foods that I have not seen since working for/ stealing from my grandfather’s grocery store in Israel itself. cific ethnic groups. For example, when I go to Israeli markets on Union Turnpike and Main Street, I can see foods that I have not seen since working for/stealing from my grandfather’s grocery store in Israel itself. These places are not only unique, but fairly inexpensive. However, I do miss the massive supermarkets on Long Island, where you can do all of your food shopping within an hour or so while staring at hot middle aged Binghamton Review, April 2007

women with French manicures and nose jobs. Key Foods just will not cut it. Overall, the food situation in Queens is undoubtedly a step up from that of Long Island.

The difference between girls in Queens and their Long Island counterparts is not nearly as extreme as I thought it would be.

In my new area, I still get to see Jewish girls driving around in fancy cars with huge sunglasses on, so the transition has been forgiving. I have even noticed that these Jappy girls (I know you read my last article) are less aggressive than their Long Island cousins, as they typically travel in more streamlined, sociable packs of less than five. But these girls are not what make Queens special. It’s the variety of girls of so many different ethnicities. Whether they are from south of the border or South Korea, there is no shortage of gorgeous foreign girls who are nicer and more approachable than girls from Long Island. However, one thing I have noticed is that there are far more “sophisticated” girls in Queens, who want me to think that they are less shallow than Long Island girls. I do not buy this. In fact, all this does is intimidate me, which is certainly their loss (that’s right, I can be as cocky as I want, it’s my article). Overall, I give the nod to Long Island with regards to girls, although it was a close call.

The sheer amount of activities, both day and night, are another reason Queens has begun to grow on me. As far as daytime activities go, the only advantage Long

Island has over Queens, albeit a huge one, is shopping. Even though there are some decent places to shop in Queens, Long Island is truly the Mecca (or Jerusalem, you be the judge) of shopping. From the designer shops of the Americana Mall in Manhasset to the Roosevelt Field Mall and its surroundings, Long Island is the place to be if you need new clothes or anything else for that matter. However, it is still a headache to have to drive twenty minutes to shop. The issue of proximity is irrelevant to nightlife, as Long Island’s is meager at best.

Rarely is anything worthwhile going on in Long Island, and those “clubs” on the Hempstead and Jericho Turnpikes are simply crap compared to those in Queens and, of course, Manhattan (which is no longer forty five minutes away). When I am tired of conventional “going out” I can easily go to Steinway Street and enjoy a hookah from one of many Middle Eastern “cafes.” From what I have heard (I swear I never went although I have pondered it) from my good friend and strip club expert, who also writes for the Review, the strip clubs are also great in Queens. In fact, there is one called Wiggles which my other friend boasts about, claiming it is practically in his backyard. Where else can you get away with giving an orthodox rabbi directions to your house which include Wiggles as a point of reference? Only in Queens.

The only problem I have encountered in my few nights out so far in Queens are the shady characters who seem to want nothing more than the wallet of a nice Jewish boy like me. Besides this, Long Island has nothing on Queens with regards to nightlife and distance to anything fun at night.

Now, the biggest problem of Queens is transportation. I am not talking about public transportation, because I am too incompetent and afraid to even attempt

fit a Power Wheels Jeep into. This makes for many interesting drives, as you must be alert at all times, unlike in Long Island. However, this excitement surely does not exist when driving during rush hours, either in the morning or around dinner time. Basically, it is absolutely impossible to go on any highway in any direction during these times, unless you are really patient. With the absence of an HOV (carpool) lane in Queens, highway driving is truly a blast during rush hour, when you can sometimes achieve speeds of up to six miles per hour on the Long Island Expressway.

When you finally get within close proximity of your destination, you have to battle the phenomena of one-way streets, which have nearly killed me on many occasions. When you miss a turn, U turns are practically impossible on streets such as Union Turnpike and Queens Boulevard. To turn around, you usually have to pull into a side street, and again battle a complex labyrinth of one-way streets. When you finally get to make a right turn where you need to, do not expect to make a right on red. This is illegal in all of New York City, unless otherwise noted.

When a right turn is permitted, it is written out in paragraph format on a small sign, and by the time you have read it, the light has turned green and thirty natives are already honking at you from behind. To be fair, the lights in Queens do turn

One day I hope to have a full size replica of his Rapunzelesque tresses, to put on my own lackluster head.

to get anywhere by myself with it. The driving in Queens is truly a major change from driving on Long Island. The first difference one might notice in Queens is the plethora of ballsy drivers, either in a good or bad way. This really does not matter, since both types of nervy drivers can lead to you going through your windshield if you are not careful. Living in Queens, you can see the death defying maneuvers of fresh-off-the-boat livery drivers, including trying to squeeze their Lincoln Town Cars into spaces which I could barely Binghamton Review, April 2007

King of Queens much quicker than ones in Long Island, although turning on reds was once an innocent passion of mine (now it is an illegal one). When you finally get back on the street, beware of the potholes. Potholes in Queens are ruthless, and approaching one the wrong way could result in damaged rims, flat tires, broken front ends, and a really pissed off father. Now, you have finally reached your favorite Mauritanian restaurant, and you realize there’s nowhere to park. Unless you are willing to plow into the smaller car in front of you to make room, be ready to begin a long, usually relentless hunt for a parking spot that is not by a fire hydrant, driveway, or junkie that is waiting for you to leave before he has his fun with your car. When you finally find a spot at least five blocks away, do not feel so relieved. You are almost guaranteed to come back to your car and notice scratches, dents, and other surprises that were not there twenty minutes before. This is very frustrating, as it has happened to me several times, leading to rages that are only shadowed by those of my father after finding out his Israeli body shop owning friend is going to charge him for labor this time. In fact, my car is less than a year old, and it already has a nice little duct tape pattern by my left light on the front bumper. And I was not even in the car when it was smashed into by some douchebag, whom I hope burns in the seventh circle of hell. People are simply that reckless when it comes to parking in Queens. The only clear advantage to driving in Queens over driving on Long Island is the relative absence of police on the highways monitoring speeds when you are not stuck in horrendous traffic. These

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police, unlike Long Island cops, rarely hunt speeders down, except on the Clearview Expressway. It seems that cops in Queens have far more to worry about than somebody going sixty-five in a fifty. This more than makes up for the lower speed limits on the city highways and streets. However, this positive is definitely overshadowed by the many negatives of driving in Queens. Without a doubt, Long Island grabs a significant victory in

The only problem I have encountered in my few nights out so far in Queens are the shady characters who seem to want nothing more than the wallet of a nice Jewish boy like me. this category.

With most of the important aspects of Queens life covered, there are still some semi-important differences that must be highlighted that I have not yet ranted about.

One negative is the prevalence of small backyards, with little room to roam. No longer can I have a meaningful catch with my brother or shoot at squirrels and raccoons Binghamton Review, April 2007

from a decent range with BB guns.

At night, one often encounters horrid smells coming from fruit and vegetable stands, sometimes forcing you to change routes. Crossing streets is also a pain, and with places such as Queens Boulevard, a.k.a.

“The Boulevard of Death”, crossing is about as safe as a drunken hot air balloon ride over the Pentagon.

Also, my car insurance has increased. While this is of little concern to me, since “daddy” pays for it, it is still noteworthy. However, one positive that is perhaps the greatest secret of living in Queens, is the availability and selection of bootlegged merchandise.

Everything from burned DVD’s to fake Louis Vuitton wallets are in abundance and easier to find than on Long Island, and most people in Queens cannot detect fakes as well as they can on Long Island.

Overall, the changes I have made in my daily life as a result of moving to Queens are positive. So far my time in Queens has encouraged me to be more active, and spend less time at home, even though I have a flat panel TV in my room with every channel known to man (including National Geographic High Definition).

Queens has become a breath of fresh air to me (not literally), and I look forward to living there this summer, and possibly beyond. I have no choice anyway, unless I start working and get my own place. Hell will sooner freeze over; actually, that could happen if Al Gore gets his way...but I am going to end this before I start rambling.

-Adam Zabary is a Junior at Binghamton University. He is Publicity Director of Binghamton Review

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Female? Conservative? Want to be Famous?

Binghamton Review is still accepting applications for the annual

CONSERVATIVE GIRL OF THE YEAR contest!

Send a brief paragraph explaining why you think you should be voted Conservative Girl of the Year, including your favorite United States President and favorite BU Professor to BinghamtonReview@yahoo.com.

(Facebook profiles not accepted. Void in Massachusetts.)

Binghamton Review, April 2007

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Binghamton Review, April 2007

Our National Saga

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The View From Wappingers Falls “It’s Up to Us to Stamp Out Hatred”

by Tom Shannon

A

s a white boy growing up not too terribly far from Wappingers Falls – where Tawana Brawley was savagely raped by six racist white cops and a DA – I learned early on to take racism very seriously.

Naturally, when the Don Imus “nappy headed ho” saga first broke, I joined the intense competition among white people to see who could most stridently proclaim their absolute non-racism.

Words and phrases such as “abhor,” “abjure,” and “I have plenty of black friends” slipped past my lips. But no one could match Newsweek’s Jonathan Alter.

Alter denounced Imus’ comments as “racist” and “despicable.” He also described the atmosphere of the radio show by saying that Imus sometimes does “things like compare my wife to Squeaky Fromme, which I don’t necessarily appreciate, but it’s part of the usual tone of the show.” By virtue of the fact that “nappy headed ho’s” gets him more riled up than having his wife compared to Gerald Ford’s would be assassin, Alter is the clear winner of White America’s non-racism contest.

Many people viewed the firing of Imus as a genuine opportunity for CHANGE and GROWTH (yawn) in American Society. Jesse Jackson described the firing as “a victory for public decency.” Indianapolis Colts head coach Tony Dungy said “we need to move toward a more civil society.” This sounds good to me. I’d be willing to accept the firing of Don Imus if Binghamton

University could get through a semester or two without having a Black Panther speak on campus.

That, of course, is a pipe dream.

For that reason, and also because professors would have nothing to talk about, the various -isms could never and will never be eradicated from society.

The rap music angle of

I’d be willing to accept the firing of Don Imus if BU could get through a semester or two without having a Black Panther speak on campus. this story is truly fascinating, nay, edifying. Al Sharpton, apparently giving rappers and the white kids who buy their product an ultimatum, said “that ho and the b-word are words that are wrong from anybody’s lips.” Snoop Dogg, fearing for his wallet, distinguished himself from Imus by saying “we’re talking about ho’s that’s in the hood that ain’t doing Binghamton Review, April 2007

s--- that’s trying to get a nigga/er for his money.” [Entire “sentence”: sic] Sharpton did what he did here because he knows the “black people can say it/ white people can’t say it” paradigm is generally thought of as nonsense by everyone who doesn’t know who Gideon Yago is.

Out of all the Don Imus scandal coverage, three lessons stick out: 1) Kill your TV 2) Once you get your head around it, kill your internet access. By ignoring lessons one and two you will burn the equivalent of ten State Street nights’ worth of brain cells every month. 3) As Captain Planet said after He saved Belfast (by nuking it, oddly enough) “it’s up to us to stamp out hatred.” I interpret that to mean Don Imus should be hanged.

In all seriousness, the best summation of this situation came from Thomas Fleming.

He wrote, “the mere fact that…

Imus’s career problems have been front-page news tells us what kind of country we are living in.”

Sandwiched in between Anna Nicole Smith coverage and Larry Birkhead coverage, the Imus scandal is just the latest shouldhave-been-page-A28-material to be front-page news for multiple weeks. Though they were said in jest, give some serious thought to lessons one and two. They can’t be worse than the alternative.

-Tom Shannon is the Managing Editor of Binghamton Review.

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Relationships

When a Man Loves Michael Bolton

M

One Student’s Semi-Abnormal Obsession with “The Voice”

by Michael Rose

ost normal males have guilty pleasures when it comes to music. They love pop and soft rock that can best be classified as questionable in its sexual orientation, but won’t admit to it. I have lived a lie for far too long now. I am coming out of my musical closet: I love Michael Bolton. More so than that; Michael Bolton is my life. I eat, sleep, breathe, shower, and make love to his music.

to Live Without You” without crying, they are simply devoid of any human emotion. The other day when I was driving, “Can I Touch You… There” came on the radio and I almost veered into an oncoming SUV, because I was so excited.

But it is not just his beautiful voice. Did you know he is also a poet and an accomplished songwriter? He is also intelligent, sensitive and deeply caring. And I haven’t even mentioned his

One day I hope to have a full size replica of his Rapunzelesque tresses, to put on my own lackluster head.

Hey, he sold 53 million albums (yes, million) so I must not be alone either.

“The Voice”, as he is known, is simply the most talented singer of his generation.

How many other Jewish guys can sound that black? (Not counting Sammy Davis, Jr. or Shyne) Some people might be suspicious of claims like these; but if they can listen to “How Am I Supposed

staggering good looks yet. With his chiseled body and luxuriant mane of hair, every time I picture him I need to take a cold shower.

(I only picture him circa 1991, when he was the peak of his hotness)

Some people believe that the eyes are the windows to one’s soul, in the case of Michael Bolton, the follicle is. His long, flowing, beautiful man-locks are simply beyond words. I have Binghamton Review, April 2007

followed him around for years, collecting wayward strands of his golden hair. One day I hope to have a full size replica of his Rapunzel-esque tresses, to put on my own lackluster head. I wish we could sit down on a bearskin rug by a fireplace and talk about hair care products for hours before falling asleep in each other’s arms.

I do have one problem with Michael Bolton though. He is engaged to a goy. If I cannot be with him, he should at least find a nice Jewish girl so we do not have to lose him to intermarriage.

Haven’t the Jews already been through enough? We would not be able to cope with the loss of a treasure like Michael.

Now that I have admitted that I have a furious man love for Michael Bolton, I can start to get some help for it. I imagine somewhere there is a support group for confused straight men who love Michael Bolton. There has to be at least six or seven other dudes who have fallen under the spell of his charm and charisma. Perhaps this therapy will cure me and I will no longer have a man-crush on Michael; only then will I be able to return to being a productive member of society. Someday, I might even tell Michael how I feel, provided the judge allows me within 500 yards of “The Voice” ever again.

-Michael Rose is a Junior at Binghamton University. He is Business Manager Elect of Binghamton Review

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Binghamton Review, April 2007

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