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VOL. 46 | NO. 23 | SEPTEMBER 2-15, 2026
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NEWS & VIEWS Feedback Readers respond to Republican gubernatorial candidate John James claiming Christian men should get circumcised “as something to submit to the Lord.” “This is the sum of Republicans in 2026. Nothing to offer.” —@2blessed2nv, X “Is this from The Onion?” —Kelly Morgan, Facebook “What in the Christian nationalism?” —Bronzedbybetsy, Instagram “Well. Republicans have already given their balls to Trump. What’s a little penis between sycophants.” —@thisyrsmdl, X
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“Omg. Why do republicans always have their minds below the belt.” —@Sandie Moore Semerdjian, Facebook “Detroit metro times used to be cool and then they moved into the crackhouse,” —@denadewolf, X “I love Metro Times. You’ve always made sense of nonsense.” —Bonnie Dulong, Facebook “You are not running for cultural leader of the state. I don’t care what you believe in. I care what your policies will affect.” —Evan Tabelman Shellabarger Have an opinion? Sound off: tips@detroitmetrotimes.com.
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NEWS & VIEWS Lake Orion schools sued after bus aide assaulted 12-year-old student with autism A Lake Orion family is suing the local school district after a former bus aide was convicted of assaulting a 12-year-old student with autism, alleging school officials failed to properly train transportation staff to recognize and respond to his disability-related behaviors. The lawsuit stems from a May 2025 incident captured on school bus video. After the boy became upset and began rocking and striking a seat with his backpack, former aide William Thomas Pearson Jr. approached him, screamed profanities, grabbed his arm, and violently bent it backward over a seat. The child suffered scratches, bruising, and a contusion to his forearm. The lawsuit says the boy’s individualized education program documented sensory-processing and impulse-control issues,
You won’t believe what John James said about submitting penises to the Lord Republican gubernatorial nominee John James turned a discussion about gender-affirming care into an unexpected theology lesson recently, arguing that circumcision represents men submitting part of their genitals to God. During an appearance on the right-wing Benny Show, James called circumcision a sacred covenant between man and God that had been passed down through “Christian-Judeo values.” He then invoked Satan while arguing that circumcision shouldn’t be compared with other procedures involving genitalia, saying the
including repetitive movements used to regulate himself. But the family alleges transportation workers were not given his IEP or adequately trained to work with students with disabilities. Since the assault, the family says the boy has experienced frequent meltdowns, aggressive behavior, emotional regression, and fear when adults try to redirect him. Pearson resigned after the incident and was later charged with child abuse. He was sentenced Aug. 19 to 18 months of probation. The lawsuit accuses Lake Orion Community Schools of violating Michigan’s disability civil rights law and seeks damages for the boy’s physical and emotional injuries. The district had not filed a response to the complaint as of the story’s publication. —Steve Neavling two were as different as “a haircut is to a beheading.” There’s a problem with that history. Circumcision is a central part of the covenant between God and Abraham in Judaism, but early Christians specifically rejected the idea that converts had to undergo the procedure. The Apostle Paul argued that circumcision wasn’t necessary for salvation, and Christianity has never generally required it as a religious covenant. Circumcision became widespread in the United States largely for medical and cultural reasons rather than Christian theology. Among its more bizarre advocates was Battle Creek physician and cereal pioneer John Harvey Kellogg, who promoted circumcision in the late 19th century as a supposed deterrent to masturbation. —Steve Neavling
An autistic boy was assaulted by a school aide.
COURTESY OF FLOOD LAW
Mike Rogers loved data centers until voters didn’t Republican U.S. Senate nominee Mike Rogers is calling for a one-year statewide moratorium on new data centers after spending months arguing that Michigan should compete for the massive facilities and suggesting communities could grow to welcome them. In March, Rogers endorsed President Donald Trump’s plan to speed permitting for artificial intelligence infrastructure, declaring, “The choice is simple: lead the charge or fall behind.” A month later, he downplayed concerns about water consumption and argued communities could use data center tax revenue to slash property taxes. If the savings were large enough, he predicted residents might even ask developers, “Could you give us two?”
Rogers continued making that case through July, saying communities might eventually ask developers to “build another one, please, real soon.” But on Aug. 20, he abruptly changed course, calling for a statewide pause while Michigan develops stronger protections for communities, utility customers, and water resources. His campaign has not explained what changed. The reversal came as data centers were becoming a political liability. The National Republican Senatorial Committee reportedly warned technology companies that voter anger over the facilities could hurt GOP candidates, while recent polls have found widespread opposition to data centers both nationally and in Michigan. —Steve Neavling metrotimes.com | September 2-15, 2026 9
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Come for the jousting, stay for the turkey legs, cheese curds, and giant cinnamon rolls. By Steve Neavling
Many fantasy creatures roam the Michigan Renaissance Festival grounds.
COURTESY OF MICHIGAN RENAISSANCE FESTIVAL
Then late August arrives, and suddenly there are Vikings roaming around, people drinking ale out of tankards, knights trying to knock each other off horses, and grown adults walking through the woods dressed as elves without anyone thinking twice about it. The Michigan Renaissance Festival is back. Now in its 47th year, the sprawling celebration of all things medieval — or at least medieval-ish — has returned to HollyGrove, the festival’s 16th-century fantasy village at 12600 Dixie Highway in Holly. It runs weekends through Oct. 4, along with Labor Day on Sept. 7 and a special Festival Friday on Oct. 2. Gates are open from 9 a.m.-7 p.m., rain or shine. For the uninitiated, the Renaissance
Festival is less a historical reenactment than an invitation to temporarily abandon normal society. Yes, there are jousting knights and period costumes. But there are also pirates, fairies, belly dancers, sword fighters, magicians, witches, jugglers, musicians, birds of prey, a dog ninja course, African drumming lessons, a pirate magician, and an entertainer named Zoltan the Adequate. There are more than enough performances happening simultaneously to make planning your day basically impossible, which is part of the fun. Among the stages and other performance areas are shows from Tartanic, Rogue Blades Sword Fighting Comedy, the Washing Well Wenches, PICTUS, the Madd Hatter’s Circus Sideshow, Sky
King’s Birds of Prey, and the wonderfully named Rufus the Dufus. The jousting field hosts multiple battles throughout the day. And then there is the food. The turkey leg remains the unofficial Renaissance Festival food group, but the menu has expanded far beyond giant pieces of poultry. Visitors can find steak on a stake, Scotch eggs, bangers and mash, sausage rolls, gyros, cheese curds, stuffed tater tots, giant cinnamon rolls, cannolis, unicorn cake, and enough fried food to make modern medicine seem like a pretty good invention after all. Vegetarian, vegan, and gluten-free options are also scattered throughout the grounds. Each weekend brings a different excuse to take the costumes even further.
The festival opened Aug. 22-23 with Pirates & Pups, which encouraged visitors to bring their four-legged first mates. The Highland Games follow Aug. 29-30, featuring feats of strength, a golden keg toss, Scottish trivia, and the “Them in Kilts” competition. Things get considerably more Nordic over Labor Day weekend. Viking Invasion runs Sept. 5-7 with a Viking training camp, weapons and shield-wall demonstrations, tattoo competitions, a beard contest dubbed Whisker Wars, and competitions for the best Viking roar, pose, costume, and storytelling. Wonders of the World follows Sept. 12-13 with belly dancing, Ballet Folklorico de Detroit, steampunk and sci-fi costume contests, and sword combat. Shamrocks & Shenanigans takes over
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is 1575. More than 150 artisans sell clothing, jewelry, weapons, pottery, leather goods, artwork, and other wares around the village. Visitors can also sign up for pub crawls, the Feast of Fantasy, and other special events. New this year is Heiðrún’s Hall, a Viking-inspired mead hall named for the mythical goat of Valhalla, along with a Wizard Wand Workshop and the Race for the Crown, which offers runners a 5K or 1-mile “Medieval Mile” through the festival grounds. And while dressing up certainly isn’t required, subtlety has never really been the Renaissance Festival’s thing. This is a place where showing up in jeans and a T-shirt can leave you feeling strangely underdressed next to somebody wearing a horned helmet, six feet of faux fur, and an axe. So polish the armor. Lace up the corset. Find the drinking horn you inexplicably own. Find tickets here. For the next several weeks in Holly, being normal is optional.
Sept. 19-20 with Irish heavy games, Celtic music and dance, another opportunity to compete in a kilt, and something called the Duke of York Luggage Carry. By Sept. 26-27, things take an autumnal turn for Harvest Huzzah, where the
schedule includes archery, a barbecue competition, witch costumes, a witches duel, potion recipes, vegetable carving, and a contest called “Which Witch is Which.” The season ends Oct. 3-4 with Sweet
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Endings, featuring sword tournaments, heavy steel combat, costume competitions, a wooing contest, and a couples pie-eating contest. There are also plenty of ways to spend extra money while pretending the year
Michigan Renaissance Festival: 9 a.m.-7 p.m. weekends through Oct. 4, plus Labor Day, Sept. 7, and Festival Friday, Oct. 2; 12600 Dixie Highway, Holly. Adult gate admission is $29.95, children ages 5-12 are $19.95, and seniors are $27.95, plus fees. Children 4 and younger get in free.
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WHAT’S GOING ON LISTINGS Select events happening in metro Detroit the next two weeks. Be sure to check venue websites before all events for the latest info. Add your event to our online calendar: metrotimes.com/AddEvent.
MUSIC FRIDAY SEPT. 4 Fires In The Distance, Hinayana 6 p.m.; TSDMAAC, 15701 James Couzens Fwy., Det. Red Not Chili Peppers 7 p.m.; District 142, 142 Maple St., Wyandotte. 89X Birthday Bash featuring Default, The Blue Stones & Fionn 7:30 p.m.; Caesars Palace Windsor, 377 E. Riverside Dr. Warped Revival 8 p.m.; The Token Lounge, 28949 Joy Rd., Westland. Justin Moore 8 p.m.; The Aretha Franklin Amphitheatre, 2600 E. Atwater St., Detroit. Highway to Hell — an ’80s Hair Metal/ Glam Dance Party 8 p.m.; The Loving Touch, 22634 Woodward Ave., Ferndale. SATURDAY SEPT. 5 O.A.R. Three Decades Tour 6:30 p.m.; Michigan Lottery Amphitheatre at Freedom Hill, 14900 Metropolitan Pkwy. Ranjit Bawa 7:30 p.m.; Music Hall, 350 Madison Ave., Detroit. Return of the Legends 8 p.m.; The Aretha Franklin Amphitheatre, 2600 E. Atwater St., Detroit. Power Broker with Search and Destroy + DJ Horrorshow 9 p.m.; Bowlero Lanes & Lounge, 4209 Coolidge Hwy.; No cover. Saddle Up & Give Back 9 p.m.; Diamondback Music Hall, 49345 S. Interstate 94 Service Dr., Belleville. SUNDAY SEPT. 6 Death Lens 6 p.m.; Edgemen, 19757 15 Mile Rd., Clinton Township. Missouri Executive Order 44, Mensa, Flesh Tape, I Hate My Friends, It Happened One Night 6 p.m.; TSDMAAC, 15701 James Couzens Fwy., Detroit. Vader, Jungle Rot, Fleshcrawl, Trash Panda 6 p.m.; TSDMAAC, 15701 James Couzens Fwy., Detroit. Eric Clapton 7:30 p.m.; Little Caesars Arena, 2645 Woodward Ave., Detroit. Jill Scott (through Monday) 7:30 p.m.; Fox Theatre, 2211 Woodward Ave., Detroit.
MONDAY SEPT. 7 Glasses After Dark: Love, Soul and Hip Hop 8 p.m.; The Aretha Franklin Amphitheatre, 2600 E. Atwater St., Detroit. TUESDAY SEPT. 8 YSL Records & Young Thug Present: The New Generation Tour 8 p.m.; Michigan Lottery Amphitheatre at Freedom Hill, 14900 Metropolitan Pkwy., Sterling Heights Soul Tone 9 p.m.-2 a.m.; The High Dive, 11474 Joseph Campau Ave., Hamtramck; No cover. WEDNESDAY SEPT. 9 Monolord, Khemmis 6 p.m.; Sanctuary Detroit, 2932 Caniff St., Hamtramck. ADÉLA: The Red Bottoms Tour 7 p.m.; Saint Andrew’s Hall, 431 E. Congress St., Detroit. American Aquarium 7 p.m.; Magic Bag, 22920 Woodward Ave., Ferndale. Danny Elfman 8:30 p.m.; Fox Theatre, 2211 Woodward Ave., Detroit. THURSDAY SEPT. 10 Damien Jurado with St. Yuma 7 p.m.; Magic Bag, 22920 Woodward Ave., Ferndale. Best in Grass Michigan Award Show 2026 7 p.m.; Royal Oak Music Theatre, 318 W. Fourth St., Royal Oak. Strange Beautiful Music 19 — Day 1 7:3010 p.m.; Vander, 626 Harper Ave., Suite B, Detroit; $20-$60. Dwele 8 p.m.; Sound Board, 2901 Grand River Ave., Detroit. FRIDAY SEPT. 11 Emo Night featuring Flicker//Fade 6 p.m.; TSDMAAC, 15701 James Couzens Fwy., Detroit. Turnstile: The Never Enough Tour Pt. 2 6:30 p.m.; Russell Industrial Center, 1600 Clay St., Detroit. Erykah Badu 8 p.m.; Michigan Lottery Amphitheatre at Freedom Hill, 14900 Metropolitan Pkwy., Sterling Heights. Saddle Up — Dolly Parton Night 8 and 9 p.m.; Diamondback Music Hall, 49345 S. Interstate 94 Service Dr., Belleville. SATURDAY SEPT. 12 Lathrup Village Music Festival noon-10 p.m.; Lathrup Village City Hall Municipal Park, 27400 Southfield Rd. Broadzilla 30th Anniversary 7 p.m.; Magic Bag, 22920 Woodward Ave., Ferndale.
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Keep Flying with special guests 7 p.m.; Small’s, 10339 Conant St., Hamtramck. Lily Allen Performs West End Girl 8 p.m.; Fox Theatre, 2211 Woodward Ave., Det Heartbreak Beats ’80s New Wave Dance Party 9 p.m.; Bowlero Lanes & Lounge, 4209 Coolidge Hwy., Royal Oak.
MONDAY SEPT. 7 Annual Sunflower Festival 10 a.m.-5 p.m.; Blake’s Orchard & Cider Mill, 17985 Center Rd., Armada; $14. Free Drag Queen Bingo during Arts, Beats & Eats Weekend 4-5:30 and 7-8:30 p.m.; Five15 Media, Mojo and More, 600 S. Washington Ave., Royal Oak; Free.
SUNDAY SEPT. 13 Sky Covington’s Take 5: All Male Jazz Revue 5:30-6:45 and 7:30-9 p.m.; Cliff Bell’s, 2030 Park Ave., Detroit; $30. Laith Al-Saadi 7:30 p.m.; The Token Lounge, 28949 Joy Rd., Westland.
TUESDAY SEPT. 8 Honest 2 Betsy: Live and Uncensored 7:30 p.m.; Mic Drop Comedy, 2301 Woodward Ave., Detroit; $31.
EVENTS FRIDAY SEPT. 4 Comedy at the Congregation 7-9 p.m.; The Congregation Detroit, 9321 Rosa Parks Blvd., Detroit; $15-$20. Rent 7 p.m.; Flagstar Strand Theatre for the Performing Arts, 12 N. Saginaw St., Pontiac. Free Drag Queen Bingo during Arts, Beats & Eats Weekend 7-8:30 and 9-10:30 p.m.; Five15 Media, Mojo and More, 600 S. Washington Ave., Royal Oak; Free. SATURDAY SEPT. 5 Annual Sunflower Festival 10 a.m.-6 p.m.; Blake’s Orchard & Cider Mill, 17985 Center Rd., Armada; $14. Plant Parenthood Detroit Integration Circle 3-4:30 p.m.; Per Ankh House of Life, 15605 Woodrow Wilson, Detroit; Sliding scale. Free Drag Queen Bingo during Arts, Beats & Eats Weekend 4-5:30, 7-8:30 and 9-10:30 p.m.; Five15 Media, Mojo and More, 600 S. Washington Ave., Royal Oak; Free. When Love Calls Live: Trivia of the Heart 9-10:30 p.m.; Southern Fires, 575 Bellevue St., Detroit; $30. SUNDAY SEPT. 6 Annual Sunflower Festival 10 a.m.-6 p.m.; Blake’s Orchard & Cider Mill, 17985 Center Rd., Armada; $14. Detroit Sandwich Party 2026 11 a.m.-5 p.m.; Eastern Market Shed 5, 2932 Russell St., Detroit. Free Drag Queen Bingo during Arts, Beats & Eats Weekend 4-5:45, 7-8:30 and 9-10:30 p.m.; Five15 Media, Mojo and More, 600 S. Washington Ave., Royal Oak; Free.
WEDNESDAY SEPT. 9 Hip-Prov: Improv with a Dash of HipHop 7 p.m.; Planet Ant Theatre, 2320 Caniff St., Hamtramck; $10. THURSDAY SEPT. 10 Furniture Flip Bash 6-8:30 p.m.; The Village Club, 190 E. Long Lake Rd., Bloomfield Hills; $200 general admission, $350 VIP. Smoke Show Comedy featuring Samantha Archual 8:30-10 p.m.; Eastern Palace Club, 21509 John R Rd., Hazel Park; $5. FRIDAY SEPT. 11 60th Art & Apples Festival (through Sunday) 2-7 p.m.; Rochester Municipal Park, 6th St., behind City Hall, Rochester; $5 suggested donation. 2026 Taste of Generosity: Michigan 5:309 p.m.; Royal Oak Farmers Market, 316 E. Eleven Mile Rd., Royal Oak; $50-$100. Trixie Deluxxe’s Drag Queen Bingo Homecoming Weekend (through Sunday) 7-9:45 p.m.; Five15 Media, Mojo and More, 600 S. Washington Ave., Royal Oak; $25. Russell Peters: Relax World Tour 8 p.m.; Music Hall, 350 Madison Ave., Detroit. SATURDAY SEPT. 12 Sober Movement 2026 2-9 p.m.; Detroit Recovery Project Westside Health & Wellness Recovery Resource Center, 1145 W. Grand Blvd., Detroit; Free. Tantra Speed Date 5:30-8:30 p.m.; Detroit Yoga Lab, 69 W. Forest Ave.; $45-$140. Monty Python and the Holy Grail 7 p.m.; Flagstar Strand Theatre for the Performing Arts, 12 N. Saginaw St., Pontiac. Napoleon Dynamite 7:30 p.m.; Fisher Theatre, 3011 W. Grand Blvd., Detroit. SUNDAY SEPT. 13 Sundae Funday: September noon-4 p.m.; Detroit Foundation Hotel, 250 W. Larned St., Detroit. Mediterranean Fire Film Festival — Day 3 1-5 p.m.; Detroit Historical Museum, 5401 Woodward Ave., Detroit; $15, members free. Detroit Market Fair 3-10 p.m.; The Lincoln Factory, 1331 Holden St., Detroit; $5. Paint and Sip 3-5 p.m.; Brewery Faisan, 1087 Beaufait St., Detroit; $43.99.
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generous portions and creating a place where people feel welcome, and we’re looking forward to bringing that experience to Beverly Hills.” My Big Fat Shawarma opened its first location in 2023 and has since expanded to Warren, West Bloomfield, Midtown Detroit, and now Beverly Hills. “The feedback from the Beverly Hills community has already been incredible,” managing partner and COO Leith Sawa said. “As a way to thank everyone who has supported us since we opened our first location in 2023, we’re making sure this grand opening is our biggest celebration yet.” The Beverly Hills location will be open from 11 a.m.-11 p.m. Monday through Saturday and 11 a.m.-10 p.m. Sunday. More information is available at mybigfatshawarma.com. — Steve Neavling
BITES
My Big Fat Shawama is opening a fourth location.
PHOTO COURTESY OF MY BIG FAT SHAWARMA
My Big Fat Shawarma opens in Beverly Hills with free food, Pistons swag and an e-bike My Big Fat Shawarma is opening its fourth metro Detroit location, and it’s marking the occasion by giving away a lot of food and prizes. The locally based Mediterranean fast-casual chain will hold a grand opening celebration Saturday, Sept. 12, at its new Beverly Hills restaurant, 31243 Southfield Road. The first 100 guests will receive a free shawarma bowl or wrap, and the restaurant plans to hand out $50 gift cards every half hour and $100 gift
cards every hour, along with an electric bike valued at $4,400. There’s also some Detroit Pistons swag up for grabs. The grand opening caps a promotional partnership between My Big Fat Shawarma and Pistons center Isaiah Stewart, who has appeared in social media content for the restaurant. Guests can win a Stewart-signed jersey, autographed sneakers, and a signed basketball. The 3,360-square-foot Beverly Hills
restaurant includes an outdoor patio and is expected to employ about 15 people. The menu features shawarma bowls and wraps made with chicken, filet steak, or falafel, along with sides and the restaurant’s signature Fat Sauce. “Opening our fourth location is a major milestone for My Big Fat Shawarma and a reflection of how much our brand has grown,” founder and CEO Marcos Kiminaia said. “We’ve built this brand around quality ingredients,
COLORS Wine Fest returns to Detroit with Black- and women-owned winemakers Detroit wine lovers will have
plenty to sample this weekend when COLORS Wine Fest returns for its second year with more than a dozen Black- and women-owned wine brands. The festival, presented by Detroit-based The Black Sip, runs from 3-7 p.m. Saturday, Aug. 29, at Riverside Marina, 11000 Freud St., along the Detroit River. The 21-and-over event will feature wine tastings, food trucks, and music from a local DJ. This year’s wine lineup includes Dai One Cellars, Alease Wine Co., Drew Ryan Wines, Lost Fawn Wine, Roche Collections, TOAE Wine, Phyllis Wines, Love Cork Screw, Grandeur Cru, Motu Viget, Vista Stellata, House of Harvey, Kizz My Legacy, LeGrande
Cuvee, Duey Juice, and LDL Infinite Wines. The Black Sip was founded in Detroit in 2021 by marketer and wine enthusiast Imani Thomas, who wanted to create a more welcoming space in wine culture while drawing attention to Black- and women-owned producers. COLORS Wine Fest grew out of that mission, bringing the winemakers and consumers together for an annual celebration centered on wine, culture, and community. Organizers say last year’s inaugural festival drew 357 people, with 90% of attendees identifying themselves as consumers who intentionally support Black-owned businesses. This year’s theme, “A Celebration
of Resilience, Culture, and Community,” also reflects The Black Sip’s broader effort to support independent wine brands that historically haven’t enjoyed the same visibility in the industry. Along with the tastings, Saturday’s festival will include food from Detroit vendors and music overlooking the river. COLORS Wine Fest runs from 3-7 p.m. Saturday, Aug. 29, at Riverside Marina, 11000 Freud St., Detroit. The event is for ages 21 and older. Tickets and additional information are available through the festival’s Eventbrite page. — Steve Neavling
Rusty Bucket rolls out its biggest menu change in years Rusty Bucket is shaking up its menu for the first time in years, adding a lineup of new burgers, comfort food, and other dishes at its three Michigan restaurants. The Columbus-based restaurant chain rolled out the new menu this week at all 17 of its locations, including restaurants in Bingham Farms, Bloomfield Hills, and Northville. It’s the chain’s first significant menu overhaul since 2019. Among the additions are garlic chicken served with mushrooms, blistered tomatoes, herbed rice, and broccoli; a Guinness-based tavern pie topped with mashed potatoes; and a new veggie burger with pepper jack cheese, avocado crema, and chipotle aioli. The menu also adds a mushroom and Swiss burger, a cheesy jalapeño burger with pepper jack and cheddar, and a jumbo Bavarian pretzel served with beer cheese and house-made mustard. Rusty Bucket says the dishes were tested at select locations beginning this spring before being rolled out chainwide. “We gathered extensive feedback from our associates and guests through our research and development process and have been testing these new offerings at various locations since the spring, which have been a hit,” Jim Sauter, vice president of restaurants for Cameron Mitchell Restaurants and Rusty Bucket, said. Rusty Bucket was founded in 2002 and operates restaurants in Michigan, Ohio, and Indiana. Its Michigan locations are at 30450 Telegraph Rd. in Bingham Farms, 42874 Woodward Ave. in Bloomfield Hills, and 15400 Sheldon Rd. in Northville. — Steve Neavling metrotimes.com | September 2-15, 2026 19
CULTURE
The Detroit Lions’ seasons is almost here, and it’s time to adjust our expectations.
SHUTTERSTOCK
The Lions are finally good. Why am I so worried? A lifetime of losing taught Lions fans how to hope, but not how to handle expectations. By Joel Walkowski Joel Walkowski is the author of the new book, “Honolulu Blues,” which explores Detroit Lions fandom through the author’s relationship with his father, his family’s history, and the lessons that can be found in decades of disappointment.
Being terrible at something can be wonderful. I should know. I spent years as a bad comedian, ardently pursuing the craft without previously picking up a microphone. I had no experience or knowledge. Simply a willingness to flail and fail. I spent a couple years as the world’s worst comedian.
It was the best. Life was simple. I scrambled to open mics, begged for shows, and dreamt about someday becoming a real comedian like a Pinocchio who watched too much Seinfeld. It happened. I spent a decade as a working comedian. I lived my dream– at least in some sense of the word–but I didn’t fully enjoy it. Achieving the milestone of getting paid to do comedy simply set up the next goal. Instead of savoring the journey and nominal achievements along the way, I lived under self-imposed pressure to achieve the next milestone. How do I level up? Is standup a feasible career? Does Gallagher need an opener?
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Of course, I’m not actually talking about stand up comedy. I’m talking about the 2026 Detroit Lions. The Lions being bad is a core element of my existence. Sure, I wanted the team to win. I protested Matt Millen in the streets and cursed Matt Patricia as much as the next guy, but I’m not sure that I needed the Lions to be good as much as I needed something to imagine. In the throes of a 2-14 season or personal downfall, I’d simply picture my personal utopia: the Lions becoming respectable. The Lions would win. It would be sustainable. The Ford Field product would thwart every visitor while lifting
Michigan to new heights. A glorious era of Lions football would bring home playoff games, and record cherry harvests, while returning market share to American automakers. The Lions being good was my version of the Juggalo kids in shop class believing that the release of Insane Clown Posee’s final dark carnival album would reveal the secrets to the Shangri-La. It probably wasn’t going to happen but sure was fun to imagine. It was always like this. The Lions would underwhelm each Autumn, shifting focus towards what improvements the future would bring. This emotional undertaking, inextricably
linked with Sunday disappointments, conditioned me into becoming an optimist and is probably the best thing I’ve ever done for myself. This sense of hopeful resilience may have convinced me to buy season tickets for the Matt Millen era, but it also helped get me sober and make sense of a bonkers family. That’s a fair trade off. I don’t have to do this anymore. Regardless of how last season went, the Lions are pretty good. Any fan not yet eligible to receive Social Security benefits will admit that this is a high-water mark for the franchise. The team isn’t just decent, but the broader framework of seemingly good dudes aggressively committed to a fun style of football is pretty easy to root for. If I wear a Lions hat while travelling, I’ll regularly get approached by people eager to tell me just how much they love Dan Campbell and how the Lions have become their second favorite team. We’ve come a long way from watching Barry play Sissiphus. The biggest milestone might be just how disappointing last year’s 9-8 record felt. A large part of this is due to the team’s leadership. The people running the franchise care as much about winning as their fans. This unlikely event has happened. Detroit has a team they can be proud of and an in-flux of newborn babies named
“Amon-Ra.” This changes who we are. Not just as fans but as people. My team becoming good somehow made me less of an optimist. Hope for the future has turned into a fear that we won’t get over the hump. A new season is about to begin. A handful of the sport’s best athletes will face a schedule softer than the custard at Greenfield Village. I look at the upcoming season and admit that there is a chance that the Lions may do the unthinkable and reach the Super Bowl. Even wilder is that this has been true for several seasons. That’s where human psychology comes into play. I tell myself to enjoy the season, that this will be fun, before a nagging thought springs up, an expected annoyance like potholes dotting I-75. “What about the secondary?” There it is. The turd in the punch bowl. The rational question that could derail a really fun season and I’m being a jerk to myself for pointing it out. The Lions secondary[1] has more question marks than a 3am “u up????” text. Brian Branch and Kerby Joseph are bouncing back from major injuries and Terrion Arnold was unceremoniously released after a slew of criminal allegations so shocking they might be confused with spoilers for the new
Grand Theft Auto. The secondary is the biggest concern. Not simply for this season. In my life. The gift of human consciousness is but a reason to wonder about Ennis Rakestraw’s ability to stay healthy or if Keith Abney will transcend his draft position. An NFL team has nine positional units. The Detroit Lions have eight that are at least average. Like a bodybuilder standing in the mirror pinching ounces of fat, I dwell on the problem area. I don’t think that’s fair. I’m psychotic about this team. If you doubt this, please ask my girlfriend if my plans to get back from her friend’s destination in time to catch the kickoff of Week 5 versus Arizona are “rational and measured.” One would think that a lifetime’s dedication would fill me with gridiron gratitude but it’s not that simple. Rooting on a potential winner is stressful. Every snap, every injury impacts the calculus of the math problem constantly running through my head. Can we go all the way? What about now? I want to say that it’s different from wasting a fun night out wondering if the stove was on but it’s not. I don’t want to be this way. I consider myself to be a diehard Lions fan, but I’m ultimately just a dude trying to
enjoy his day off. Maybe I’d be better off if I was less of a diehard and more of a fan. I dream of a Super Bowl, but is imagining the ultimate goal worth more than enjoying the present? The sad fact is that someday these Lions will be gone. The roster will churn over, Campbell’s successor will settle for field goals, and we’ll kill time on disappointing Sundays reminiscing about this. The thing is? I already know how good we have it. The challenge of this season is to try and act like it. Yes, I know I’ll end up checking cornerback draft boards after the first blown coverage and opening up the playoff standings before Meijer puts out Halloween decorations, but I’m going to try and remember that the paper bags once worn to Ford Field are only for groceries again. Sometimes the thing you longed for arrives so gradually that you don’t notice you got it or celebrate how special it is. Being a Lions fan no longer requires imagination. The thing we dreamt of is our reality every Sunday. Maybe it’s our year and maybe it isn’t but either way? I want to be present for it. [1] Mom. If you’re reading this the secondary is the unit made up of corners and secondaries. Honolulu Blues was published on July 14.
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WEED
Polare is one of the best live rosin producers in Michigan.
STEVE NEAVLING
Inside the small-batch Warren grow making some of Michigan’s best live rosin Polare is building a reputation for fresh, flavorful rosin by keeping its operation deliberately small By Steve Neavling Welcome to The Straight Dope, our weekly series that explores the best cannabis products in Michigan.
Inside a plain red-brick building on Easy Street in Warren, a small-batch cannabis brand makes some of the smoothest, most consistent and flavorful live rosin in the state. The company is Polare, a relatively new brand built by Brian Caldwell, an obsessive, seasoned, and inventive hash maker who began experimenting with solventless extraction in his garage more than a decade ago. Since those days, Caldwell has become a hash maker, instructor, consultant, and equipment designer, teaching others how to produce solventless hash while developing extraction equipment through Pelle Polare, his solventless
equipment company. What separates Polare from most rosin producers is its size. Caldwell and his partner Nick have kept Polare deliberately small, giving them more control over the genetics, cultivation, harvest, and hash-making. Polare grows cannabis in living soil, runs about 40 to 50 lights, and produces roughly a pound of rosin a month, a small amount compared to most solventless brands. The results are impressive. Polare’s rosin has quickly earned a place among the best in the state. The aroma is pronounced as soon as the jar is opened, and the badder has a soft, glossy consistency that stays fresh and pliable. The flavor carries through the dab without becoming harsh. Michigan’s market is teeming with
bland, harsh, and mass-produced concentrates. Once a niche market, rosin is becoming increasingly popular, and plenty of producers are focused more on volume than quality, churning out dry, muted goop that will have you hacking up a lung. Polare belongs to a relatively small group of Michigan hash makers producing rosin at this level. Caldwell attributes that quality to an obsessive focus on every stage of the process. “If you go OCD-nuts about everything, it shows in the actual product,” he says. Live rosin is a solventless cannabis concentrate made by separating trichomes from fresh-frozen flower and pressing the resulting hash with heat and pressure. Unlike many other concentrates, it’s made without chemical
solvents. It’s the purest, most flavorful form of cannabis. Polare also produces traditional hash, including two-gram temple balls and hash coins, and plans to soon release flower under the Polare name.
The small-batch advantage In large part, Michigan’s cannabis market rewards mass production and low-cost weed. The more cannabis a company produces, the lower it can set its prices and the more dispensaries it can supply. Polare’s small size gives the team more control over cultivation, processing, and the quality of each batch. The team can focus on monitoring the plants and making adjustments that would be far more difficult in an operation with hundreds of lights.
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Caldwell says producing good solventless hash requires a crew that cares about the details and the final product. With high-quality hash, there’s no room for shortcuts or errors. “You have to have the right people on your team who are just as passionate as you are,” he says. Polare grows in living soil, a method that uses microbes and organic matter to cycle nutrients naturally around the roots. Advocates say the approach can help plants reach their full genetic potential, particularly in flavor and terpene expression. A 2025 Penn State University study suggests they’re likely right. “Even an experienced grower has a learning curve when you go from something you understand to something that is new,” Caldwell says. Polare develops some of its genetics in-house and also acquires strains through trades and relationships with growers in other states. Take Cherry Trop, a flavorful and potent combination of Tropicana Cookies and Cherry Cookies. Instead of boasting the orange-dominant flavor often associated with this lineage, Polare’s strain leans heavily into a rich cherry. Caldwell says the genetics came from California through a trade. “I like to be as unique as we can with that stuff,” he says. That search for distinctive genetics
is especially important with live rosin because quality starts with the plant. The hash-making process is intended to boost the flavor, but it can’t create what isn’t there to begin with. A cultivar also needs a strong terpene profile, enough trichomes to produce a reasonable yield, and resin that separates cleanly during the wash. Caldwell says that attention goes beyond cultivation and processing to packaging, branding, and relationships with dispensaries. “When you’re small batch, you have to do all these things,” he says. “It’s a lot to juggle, but you can focus on every last detail.”
From California to Warren Caldwell spent about 15 years in California’s legacy cannabis market before entering Michigan’s regulated industry. He began making solventless hash around 2015, shortly after his son was born. He built a lab in his garage, took classes from experienced hash makers, including Frenchy Cannoli, and continued refining the process. Hash making eventually led to consulting, teaching, and Pelle Polare, Caldwell’s company that produces equipment for solventless extraction. He says Polare, the Michigan cannabis brand, grew out of that work after he partnered with Nick, a grower who had already
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been working in Michigan. The polar bear in the company’s branding was inspired by Caldwell’s son, Teddy. “Pelle” means skin in Italian, a reference to Caldwell’s Italian background. Caldwell says the company continues to dial in its rosin as the cultivation team becomes more familiar with living soil and the strains that work best for solventless hash. “Polare just keeps getting better,” he says.
Washing without ice One of the more unusual parts of Polare’s process is what it leaves out. Most live rosin producers use ice and cold water while washing fresh-frozen cannabis to separate the resin glands from the rest of the plant. Polare’s process uses near-freezing water without adding ice. Caldwell says he arrived at the method almost by accident while developing equipment through Pelle Polare. He realized he could keep the water cold enough without adding ice and believed the material came out of the wash in better condition. “When you take the ice out, you remove that sharp, jagged, hard, destructive force that’s in the wash,” he says. Instead of aggressively agitating the cannabis, Caldwell says the material is
handled gently. “I’m just gently paddling my material around,” he says. “It doesn’t get beat. I’m not making margaritas. I don’t need ice.” Caldwell says the difference is visible in the wash bags, which collect the hash after it’s separated from the plant. “You really do see a big difference in the quality of material in the wash bags,” he says. The ice-free wash is only one part of the process. Good rosin still requires quality genetics, healthy plants, careful handling, and fresh material. Polare is controlling all of those steps instead of buying flower from another cultivator and hoping it washes well. That control is one of the biggest advantages of a small-batch operation. The people making the hash know how the plants were grown, when they were harvested, and how the material was handled before it reached the wash. It also gives Polare the ability to adjust the grow based on what happens in the hash lab. That level of attention is difficult to maintain as a company expands. More plants and larger batches can increase revenue, but they also leave more opportunities for inconsistency. Polare’s limited production means fewer jars reach dispensary shelves, but the tradeoff is tighter control over freshness and flavor.
Luckily for metro Detroit, Polare is sold in five locations – The Refinery in Detroit, Nature’s Remedy in Ferndale, MindRight in New Baltimore, Gazzz Cannabis in Roseville, and Loud! Cannabis in Warren. Polare is also sold in other parts of the state and as far north as West Branch. Caldwell says his philosophy is simple. “My goal is to give the best quality for the best price,” he says.
Strain: Orange Mintz Lineage: Orange Push Pop x Animal Mints Flavor profile: Orange, sweet, vanilla, mint. Effects: Energizing, clear-headed, and mood-lifting. Overall: This is ideal for creativity, the daytime, or an evening out because it lifts the mood and won’t leave you sedated. The flavor is like a creamsicle with mint.
Reviewing the strains
Strain: Chem Burger Lineage: ChemD x Mendo Burger Flavor profile: Sharp diesel, burned rubber, savory, sour citrus. Effects: Relaxing body high, stress relief, euphoria. Overall: One of the most pungent strains I’ve ever had, Chem Burger is a gas lover’s dream. The rosin will stink up a room as soon as the jar is opened. It’s ideal for unwinding in the evening.
I first picked up Polare at Nature’s Remedy about five months ago, and the rosin was so pungent and smooth that I became obsessed. I ended up buying seven more strains from a couple of dispensaries. Here’s what I thought of each one: Strain: Frosted Pineapples Lineage: Pineapple OG x SGGJ (Strawberry Guava Grape Jelly). Flavor profile: Tropical fruit, pineapple, sweet, cream, pine. Effects: Euphoric, creative, stimulating. Overall: One of the best and most distinctive strains I’ve had all year, Frosted Pineapples is a tropical, creamy rosin with a euphoric, creative high that sharpens the senses and makes music, movies, and art especially immersive. Strain: Deathcoast Lineage: Death Star (Sensi Star x Sour Diesel) x East Coast Sour Diesel Flavor profile: Pungent diesel, burnt rubber, sour, citrus. Effects: Cerebral, soothing, warm body high. Overall: A hybrid made by crossing classic strains, Deathcoast is one of the gassiest, most pungent strains I’ve had in a long time. The flavor is like huffing gas and burning tires, in the best possible way. Strain: Cherry Trop Lineage: Tropicana Cookies x Cherry Cookies Flavor profile: Cherries, citrus, sweet, sour, nutty dough. Effects: Uplifting, cerebral, social, euphoric. Overall: Trop Cherry is usually dominated by citrus, but Polare’s pheno shifts the profile toward a richer, deeper cherry flavor. The effects are uplifting without being racy. Strain: Papaya Juice Lineage: Papaya x GMO Flavor profile: Sweet tropical fruit, sugary candy, funky. Effects: Relaxing and euphoric without feeling especially heavy. Overall: Begins with a sweet papaya flavor and ends with some savory funk from the GMO. This is ideal for melting away tension and boosting the mood.
Strain: Black Lime Reserve Lineage: Lime-leaning plant x Black Lime Reserve (bred by Mean Gene from Mendocino). Generally consists of Northern Lights, Purple Kush, and Chemdog genetics. Flavor profile: Lime zest, sweet-tart citrus, black pepper. Effects: Mood-enhancing, euphoric, calming. Overall: The flavor’s layered complexity is what really makes this strain shine. Polare did it justice, and the result is a rare strain that epitomizes top-tier rosin.
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Strain: Strawberry Pie Lineage: Georgia Pie x Strawberry Fritter Flavor profile: Strawberry, creamy, nutty. Effects: Soothing, euphoric, sensory-enhancing. Overall: The dessert-like flavor profile and relaxing effects make this perfect for the evening. Throw on some headphones and settle in for the night. Strain: Blue Zushi Lineage: Zkittlez x Kush Mints Flavor profile: Sweet candy, berries, mint. Effects: Relaxing, tingly, laughter-inducing. Overall: Like many strains with Z terps, this is a sweet treat with a balanced high. The sweet taste sticks to the tongue after the last dab. Polare has additional strains available that I haven’t yet tried. They are Sour Gak, Rainbow Guava, Bananaconda, and Melted Strawberries. Based on what I’ve already tried, Polare has consistently high-quality rosin that can go head-to-head with any brand in the state. metrotimes.com | September 2-15, 2026 27
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CULTURE Savage Love
ENM Confusion by Dan Savage
Q: Bi female here. I’ve been seeing
an ENM M/F couple for almost four months. The F was an acquaintance of mine for about two years. We are all close in age (late thirties, early forties). This is my first ethically non-monogamous relationship. Here are the pros: they are charming and attractive; the sex is great; we get along very well as friends; they are affectionate with me in public and introduce me to their friends as someone they are dating; they invite me to sleep over at their place, they cook for me, and show other acts of care; they have come over to care for me when I am sick; we have many friends in common. And here are the cons: they have said they want to keep things light; anything close to a “define the relationship” talk only happens when we are intoxicated; they started dating someone else around the same time as me, which I only found out when I arrived at their place for a scheduled visit and their other partner hadn’t yet left; they flirt with other women in front of me when they’re intoxicated; their other partner — the one they started seeing at the same time they started seeing me — is in her early 20s, as are most of the other women they flirt with. I also believe there’s a worrying power dynamic in play where these younger women are concerned. This couple often flirts with these women by proposing modeling/ photoshoots, and these younger women often seem starstruck. They both have significant social media followings (she’s a model, he’s a photographer), so the young women often seem starstruck. Since I am new to ENM I am not sure what parts of these stresses are just learning curves for me, what parts I should talk to the couple about, and what parts are simply beyond my boundaries/red flags. —Fretting Lately About Getting Serious
A: You’re fucking your first cou-
ple — achievement unlocked — and they enjoy your company outside the bedroom, they’re open about you being a part of their lives, and they show up for you when you need them. As pros
go, FLAGS, that’s not a bad list. God knows there are too many open couples who think “we want to keep things casual” is a magical incantation that frees them from having to treat their casual sex partners like human beings with feelings and needs of their own. So, you could’ve done a lot worse where your first experience with ENM is concerned. Now, the way you learned this couple was seeing another woman — running into her when you arrived for your shift — was far from ideal, of course, but I wouldn’t classify it as a betrayal. If you’d already had your first DTR convo, FLAGS, then you knew this couple wanted to keep things casual. While they shouldn’t have allowed you to assume you were the only other woman they were seeing, FLAGS, you also shouldn’t have made that assumption. Still, given that you were new to ENM and therefore likely to be carrying monogamous assumptions and autopilot settings into this relationship (“If we’re fucking and seeing a lot of each other that must mean we’re exclusive!”), FLAGS, this couple should’ve made it clear to you that they were still seeing/ dating/fucking other women. And while it sounds like this couple is giving you a lot — a lot more than some “keep it casual” couples give their secondary partners — it also sounds like you want more. I have a hunch that you’re the one who initiates those drunken “define the relationship” conversations, FLAGS, in the hope of getting a different answer out of them at some point. And that’s not an entirely irrational hope, FLAGS, as proven by the huge number of people in committed relationships who said they wanted to “keep it light” at the outset. (I was pretty adamant about “keeping things casual” when I met my husband three decades ago.) So, you can keep shaking that Magic 8 Ball, FLAGS, but if you don’t get the answer you want in the next eight months — or if you don’t realize before your first hookup anniversary that their brand of not-so-casual casual is exactly what you want — then you’ll need to chuck that Magic 8 Ball in the trash and (hopefully) end this relationship on a positive note. As for the younger women this couple pursues… Dangling professional opportunities in front of young women they wanna fuck is a red flag. A professional photographer and a model with significant followings on social media have the ability to confer professional opportunities on others. They have clout, FLAGS, and if these two are leveraging that clout to get women who wouldn’t wanna fuck them into their bed… yeah, that’s not great. But is that what they’re doing?
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While the world is disinclined to give the benefit of the doubt to anyone who dangles a professional opportunity in front of someone they wanna fuck — and quite rightly so — you’re in a better position to judge what this couple is doing, FLAGS, given that they’re doing it in front of you. If a young woman is interested in fucking this couple and this couple is interested in fucking that young woman and if that young woman knows what this couple does for a living (so many ifs!) then the offer of a photoshoot — once mutual attraction has been established — will most likely be received as a flirty, sexy, and obvious value-add. But if a woman has no interest in fucking this couple until they toss out the idea of photoshoot… yeah, that’s creepy and manipulative. That said, FLAGS, if a young adult wants to fuck a photographer and his model girlfriend because she wants to advance her career… or if she wants to fuck a photographer and his model girlfriend because she’s them… or she wants to fuck them because she’s into them and wants to advance her career… that’s her choice. Adults are capable of consenting to sex, and adults consent to sex for all sorts of reasons. Still, FLAGS, if what you’re seeing is making you uncomfortable, address it the next time you have one of those drunken heart-to-hearts: “I know you guys would never wanna fuck anyone who didn’t wanna fuck you… and there’s clearly no shortage of people who wanna fuck you… but do you guys ever worry that one of these aspiring models might fuck you for the wrong reason?”
Q: I married my beloved college boyfriend twenty years ago. I’ll call him Alfred. I (mostly) still adore him. We can talk for hours about art, film, and politics — and it’s actually fun and productive when we disagree. We have a variegated and satisfying sex life. When you’re married to Alfred, you tag along with him on the passionate interests he takes on every few years. Some of them fade away completely, but many linger in the background, often quite pleasingly: gourmet cooking, vinyl records, Scotch whisky. To this day, years away from his all-consuming initial infatuations, I can still occasionally be presented at dinner with an expertly crafted cassoulet and a dram of old Caperdonich with The Clash raging on the hi-fi speakers. (We’ll not discuss the mountain of dirty dishes or the coffee-sloshed countertops.) It’s his latest obsession that’s driving me insane. Alfred, you see, has been bitten by the “fibermaxxing” bug. Now, I can tolerate — and probably benefit from — joining him in consuming various chia puddings and pungent home-
made fermentation projects (again, the guy can cook). I can deal with the lectures on “resistant fiber” and the benefits of something called butyrate. But increasingly, the man has become fixated on the triumphant result of his fibermaxxing exploits: his bowel movements. I’m happy to listen to him hash out the differences between mole poblano and mole negro; I have, at his behest, learned to distinguish between north and east Highland whiskies. But I do not want to hear him describe what takes place for him behind the bathroom door, Dan, and I flatly refuse to divulge my own such information, despite his pleas. This attitude drives him nuts! Recently, out of the blue, in a state of joyous excitement, he urged me to follow him — he had something for me to see. When he led me into the bedroom, I thought he might have something fun in mind. But he led me through the bedroom and into the bathroom, where he delightedly showed me the contents of the unflushed toilet. (He didn’t seem to consider how I’d receive the stench.) I screamed. I have not recovered from this. I cannot see him in a sexual way when I think about this foul incident. He is not a toddler; I am not his mommy. There is now an icy chill between us. Do I wait for this phase, too, to pass? Or is this development a sign that the romantic part of our relationship has run its course? —Tired Of This Shit
A: I was tired of Alfred’s shit before
I got to the end of your letter, TOTS, and, if I’m going to be perfectly frank, I was tired of your shit by the time I got to the end of your letter, too. My advice: You don’t need my permission to tell your idiot husband you never want to see another one of his fibermaxxed turds ever again. As for your sex life: If you can’t see your husband in a sexual way when you think about this foul incident, TOTS, try your best not to think about this foul incident. If you can’t help yourself — if you can’t not think about it — a few CBT sessions with a skilled provider might help. P.S. Your husband’s turds might be variegated — “varied in appearance or color; marked with patches or spots of different colors” — but unless you’re wearing a cheetah fursuit to bed and/or you have an untreated sexually transmitted infection, TOTS, your sex life isn’t variegated.
Got problems? Yes, you do! Email your question for the column to mailbox@ savage.love! Or record your question for the Savage Lovecast at savage.love/askdan! Podcasts, columns and more at Savage.Love
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