JEWISH MATCHMAKING JEWISH MATCHMAKING

By Anjali Prabhu

Jewish Matchmaking follows Aleeza Ben Shalom, a dating coach, Jewish matchmaker, and mother of five as she brings shidduchim, or traditional Jewish dating, to the Netflix screen. Throughout the series, Ben Shalom, who is based in Israel, meets singles across the US and Israel as she sets out to find them their bashert, or soulmate.

The show highlights the diversity of the Jewish community — in heritage, ethnicity, race, age, and religiosity. Ben Shalom works with Jewish clients of Ashkenazi, Sephardic, and Mizrahi origins in addition to Jews of color. Some of her clients also value their Israeli background and specifically request prospective partners who are Israeli or of Israeli descent. She works with 20-something to middle-aged singles. She travels to meet people “from Jerusalem to Jackson Hole, Wyoming.” As someone who herself grew up secular in Philadelphia and became more observant, eventually resettling with her family in Israel, Ben Shalom has no problem working with people who have a wide range of experiences in terms of their relationship with Judaism.

The first thing Ben Shalom asks her clients in her matchmaking process is their own level of religiosity and the level of Judaism they are looking for in their partner. Again, the show depicts the whole spectrum. Some of her clients simply describe themselves as “culturally Jewish” or nonpracticing and “spiritual.”

Most describe themselves as keeping kosher (Jewish dietary regulations), observing Shabbat (a day of holiness and rest at the end of each week), and celebrating all the High Holidays — traditions they hope their prospective partner will also observe. Yet Ben Shalom also meets with members of the Orthodox Jewish community — who deeply value in their partner a commitment to Torah studies, chavrusa, and the three daily prayers in keeping with the traditions of their community. And of course, many who also live in Israel see the importance of their partner having a connection with/a good relationship with Israel too.

Next, she inquires about the personality and values her clients would seek. Here, most agree on similar traits: family-oriented, compassionate, good sense of humor, and committed to a relationship and taking care of their partner. One woman also specified the importance of tikkun olam — the Jewish val - tracks “Sticker” and “2 Baddies’’, but they also include many noisy songs in their b-sides such as “Kitchen Beat”, “Mad Dog”, and “Bring the Noize.” However, NCT Dojaejung’s album released on April 17th 2023 and received an overwhelmingly positive reaction. Overall this album is definitely a no-skip album and is definitely worth a listen! ue of “healing the world” and helping others. Finally, Ben Shalom asks her clients to be extremely honest in terms of the their preferred physical characteristics such as age and appearance.

Performed in the 2nd NCT 127 tour in October 2022, “Can We Go Back”, quickly became overwhelmingly popular. This song is included with very minor changes to the tour version in the “Perfume” album. Similar to the title track “Perfume”, “Can We Go Back” is a catchy song with straightforward lyrics and deep romantic feelings. This song portrays a tragic breakup in which both sides experienced emotional pain and and how they want to go back to how it was before the breakup because they had true feelings for their ex-lover.

“Kiss” is the most unique song on this album. It differs from the fragrant and sultry vibes of the other songs and presents a direct confession with the beat of an EDM song in the first verse. This song is not the most popular on the album because it reminds lots of people of an NCT 127 song due to its unconventional lyrics. Listeners have also said that this song reminds them of what they would hear in a party or a club.This song could also be an encouragement to people to be more open about their feelings because it is a very open song that can be played in public places.

Throughout the series, Ben Shalom shines with her charisma, understanding, and heart. While some of the specific physical preferences of her clients put her in momentary shock (and likely internal eye-rolls), she never disrespects or invalidates her clients or their preferences. Rather, she gracefully encourages them to keep an open mind and reminds them that compromise is a necessary part of finding their bashert. In addition, Ben Shalom encourages every person she works with to never invalidate their own relationship with Judaism. In the first episode, she states, “There’s 15 million Jews around the world, and there’s about 15 million ways to be Jewish.” When one woman describes her religiosity as “less Jewish than [her] parents,” Ben Shalom reminds her that she is not “less Jewish” in any way — simply less “observant.” When some of her more traditional clients struggle to communicate their exact relationship with their religion, which can be variable, Ben Shalom reassures them that they can be “flexidox” — a word she coined for the idea that “some people with an Orthodox level of observance have a certain flexibility around Jewish dietary laws or modesty.”

And while her matchmaking is strictly with the Jewish community, Ben Shalom offers dating and relationship advice applicable to everyone. With quirky phrases like “Analysis Paralysis” (the dilemma of doubt that comes from overanalyzing a prospective match), “Date ‘Em Till You Hate ‘Em” (or when in doubt, go out — with the hope that the uncertainty will eventually give you clarity), and ensuring that both partners’ “DEW Dates” (Dating-Engagement-Wedding Timelines) are matched, Ben Shalom seeks to impart words of wisdom to every (ready-to-be-wed) viewer. Ben Shalom even introduces the concept of shomer negiah, a more Orthodox Jewish practice of not touching while dating and only initiating a physical relationship until the marriage is set, to her less traditional clients and the general audience. To her, shomer negiah — whether practiced for one date, the first few dates, or during the entire dating process — can help two people touch hearts. Or as she says, “If there is no physical glue holding the relationship together, then there’s value-based glue holding the relationship together.”

Problems With Suburbia Problems With Suburbia

By Sachit Parekh

The Bay Area consists of three major cities—San Francisco, Oakland, and San Jose—and suburbs such as Fremont, Sunnyvale, and Pleasanton. According to Merriam-Webster, suburbs can be defined as “the residential area on the outskirts of a city or large town”. Initially popularized in the 1950s, suburbs have evolved and grown over the last seven decades to places that many individuals call home. However, suburbs and the continuing growth of suburbia present some major problems which should not be taken lightly.

In the United States, the post-WWII period saw a steep rise in the frequency of marriages among young couples across the nation who wanted to settle down in a house of their own. The housing shortage that plagued the nation in the 1940s led to the creation of suburban environments in cities across the nation. Living in a single-family household with a spacious front and back yard was viewed by many as the main goal of their lives. Additionally, the rise in car ownership led to an influx of people living in suburbs, owning cars, and commuting independently. The mindset of people who moved to the region further promoted suburban growth as it spread among many Americans. People viewed the suburbs as a place of independence—where they could live a life free from annoying roommates or greedy landlords. Furthermore, the depictions of suburban lifestyle in popular culture became the epitome of the “American Dream” of settling down in the suburbs with a family and a car.

Suburbs were initially developed to include primarily middle and upper-middle-class individuals. An anonymous person I interviewed gave us their thoughts:“When discussing suburbia in academia, it’s often linked with race because suburbs began as a response to black people moving into white-dominant cities. You’ll usually only see white people and model minorities in suburbs, but that could just be because it’s linked to economic class.” Esha B. (11th grade) said that “white Americans moved to the suburbs because they had the money.” The practice of redlining, defined by Dictionary.com as “a discriminatory practice by which banks, insurance companies, etc., refuse or limit loans, mortgages, insurance, etc., within specific geographic areas, especially inner-city neighborhoods,” was (and still is) prevalent in American city planning. These practices were heavily targeted toward Black communities, preventing Black families from moving into White-dominated suburbs. However, over the past few years, more and more Black people have been moving to the suburbs (according to Bloomberg.com), possibly due to the gradual effects of the outlawing of redlining, as well as the increased amounts of opportunities for Black people.

Characteristics

I asked a few people about what they think about when they think about suburbs.

“Suburbs are safe to the point of being boring. They are good to raise children in…Suburbs are neither good nor bad, just clean, polished, sunny, and safe.” –Anonymous

“When I think of the suburbs I think of the American dream of wanting a cute one-story house with a cute grass field in the back, with your entire neighborhood having the same patterned layout. Everyone has a car because the closest grocery store is a 7-minute drive. I think of a quiet, peaceful, mysterious life.” -Esha B.(11th grade)

Others say that suburbs like Fremont need more trees, are car-heavy, and are dominated by houses with the occasional shop or mall.

Many seem to view suburbs neutrally, appreciating the cleanliness, peacefulness, safeness, and tranquility; while simultaneously expressing distaste for the heavy dependence on cars, and the lack of shade in some areas. Other benefits of suburbs include lower prices per square foot and more privacy. Suburbs are often safer than any downtown region of a city. According to neighborhoodscout.com, San Francisco has a crime index of 2, with 100 being the safest. Meanwhile, Fremont, a city where the majority of us live, has a crime index of 11. Although this is definitely not the best, it is significantly better than San Francisco’s. A suburb like Danville is even more safe, with a crime index of 63.