Issue 5 - CAREGIVER Magazine - Providing Options and Support

CAREGIVER September 2019

Issue 5

PROVIDING OPTIONS AND SUPPORT

ROCK SOLID

GARY AND SONDRA SHAW SHARE THEIR STORY

Grandparents raising grandchildren senior day at the oklahoma state fair

CONTENT

It works for us on many layers and leve mouths, bodies and minds! Did you know in the diet has been shown to help regula

Beyond it's generally amazing ant inflammatory effect Turmeric is a known for benefiting:

DECREASES INFLAMMATION AIDS ARTHRITIS (Osteoarthritis Rheumatoid Arthritis) IMPROVED SLEEP QUALITY IMPROVES BLOOD CIRCULATI (not for use during pregnancy) DEPRESSION (acts as a mood st DIGESTION (increases stomach IMPROVED EYE HEALTH IMPROVED LIVER FUNCTION NATURAL PAIN RELIEVER SKIN CONDITIONS, INCLUDIN PSORIASIS AIDS IN WEIGHT LOSS

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Rock Solid 07

Sondra & Gary Shaw.

Quail Creek Senior Living ASK LISA 08 26 IN2L Technology Helping Seniors

Advice for Aging Issues

Care Options Coping 12 32 Longterm Brought to You by OKALA

With Caregiver Guilt

Hard Pill to Swallow Grandparents 14 34 A Opioids and Medical Marjuana Picking up the Pieces

the Power Remember When 18 39 Harnessing Of Nature Going to the Fair

Alternatives 43rd Annual Senior Day 20 40 Herbal Bright Orange Tumeric At the Oklahoma State Fair

- Cannabidiol Senior Day 24 42 CBD Pain Relief, Naturally

Schedule of Events

44 On the Lighter Side with Robbie

Of course there are many ways to purch and increase it's presence in your diet. Sing supplement capsules all the way to bulk ba powdered roots, or even fresh! I'm toying w of planting some rhizomes in my garden ne

26

Super Easy Side Dish

Tying the Knot

39

CAREGIVER Issue 5

September 2019

PROVIDING

ROCK SOLID

ra shaw gary and sond story share their

Grandparents raising grandchildren senior day at the oklahoma state fair

2

T ND SUPPOR OPTIONS A

On the Cover: When you meet Sondra and Gary Shaw, one might think they are newlyweds.

Holding hands, smiling at each other, talking to each other, laughing out loud and sneaking sweet kisses from one another are most often associated with newlyweds. Sondra and Gary were high school sweethearts and married in June 1960. Being married this day and age 59 years is almost unheard of. To learn more about this time-tested couple turn to page 7.

CONTACT US CAREGIVER P.O. Box 721673 Oklahoma City,OK 73172 1-405-532-6057 l.nash@betterwithageok.com www.betterwithageok.com

EDITORIAL

THANK-YOU! Hello Readers, Can I just say THANK YOU, for all of your calls and emails. We are so proud you are enjoying the information in CAR IV R Magazine. We appreciate your support and encouragement. I am honored to you who have called in and spoke to us about how the magazine has been a comfort and an aid in your caregiving journey. Please let us know if more information is needed on a particular topic of interest.

In August we upgraded to magazine glossy paper which everyone is loving the new look and feel.

I want to send out a special Salute to the Veterans who discovered us last month in the Main VA in OKC and the Norman VA Center. Thank you to the VA staff who have been amazing to work with.

If you have a chance come out to Sr. Day at the State Fair on the 18th and say hello. We would so enjoy meeting you in person.

We have AW SOM advertisers. I have been hearing good stories from our readers. Thank you for taking good care of them and their loved ones.

A big thank you to our CAR IV R Team, I am ever humbled at the level of professionalism, talent and care you take of our Magazine and its readers. You go the e-tra mile and you all make me very proud. Thank you for all you do everyday! Thank you for making my dream, our dream and working so hard everyday to help our readers. Onward and Upward!

LaShanya L. Nash Publisher 4

LASHANYA NASH

Publisher and Editor

COLUMNISTS LISA SYDNOR ROBBIE LAMBERSON JOHN SPIVEY MICHAEL E. BROWNING

ADVERTISING Advertising Director

LASHANYA NASH

Advertising Acct. Mgr. MICHAEL E. BROWNING

ACCOUNTING ANDREA O'HAIR

LISA SYDNOR Dir. of Community Outreach WYNELLE RECORDÂ Social Media Coordinator

Graphics by: WISE Marketing STAFF PHOTOGRAPHER Wynelle Record

DIGITAL COPY

www.betterwithageok.com

A 6

A

Rock

SOLID

A Life Filled with Service; A Marriage Filled with Devotion.

A marriage is difficult at best; some say near impossible when one partner is in the military.

When you meet Sondra and Gary Shaw, one might think they are newlyweds. Holding hands, smiling at each other, talking to each other, laughing out loud and sneaking sweet kisses from one another are most often associated with newlyweds. Sondra and Gary were high school sweethearts and married in June 1960. Being married this day and age 59 years is almost unheard of.

Gary graduated high school in 1959 and joined the Air Force. Sondra graduated in May of 1960 and Gary went home to marry the love of his life. He had completed basic and tech school and was stationed at Clinton Sherman AFB, Oklahoma. That was to be their first home.

As an avid photographer, Gary had planned to finetune his skills in the military. The recruiter assured him he could go into aerial photography after basic training. Little did he know that his only options for tech school were to train as a cook, a medic, or become a military police officer. He chose Air Police.

The Air Police training gave him the opportunity to do criminal investigations. Military criminal investigators investigate crimes on military bases in the United States and around the world. They don’t just focus on war-related crimes. They have jurisdiction over any crime committed on a base or

By Lisa Sydnor

involving an active-duty service member. This could range from sexual assault to fraud to homicide. They work closely with local or federal law enforcement agencies, including international authorities in the case of overseas military bases.

As a criminal investigator, his cases included: black market sale of military goods, million-dollar contract fraud, taxi fraud, fire bombings, smuggling, racially based incidents, drugs and suicides. His prowess at apprehending criminals was well documented and his “fame” preceded him to each new base. He was known for catching those he investigated. Upon entering the interrogation room of a suspect in a drug case, the officer introduced him to the suspect.

The young soldier said, “Not THE Famous Mr. Shaw!

They told me if I did anything wrong you’d be the one to catch me.”

Woven into the tapestry of their lives, was the loss of their parents and the births of their three children: Gary, Gail and Jeff. Gary’s mother, Mava, died in 1961 after a brief illness and his father, Cecil, died at the age of 80, in a work-related accident. In 1983, Sondra’s parents, Harold and Ruby, were en route to Florida to visit their son, stopped for the night in Nashville, Tennessee and Ruby suffered a fatal aneurysm. In 2012, the Shaw’s journeyed to Sacramento, California to take over caregiving Continued on page 16 ...

7

ASK Lisa

By Lisa Sydnor

QUESTION FOR ASKLisa: Vicki is concerned because her mother refuses to discuss finances or end-of-life plans.

Vicki’s deceased father’s name is still on her mother’s insurance; her bank account; the car titles (2); and, on the house. Mom has no will and does not feel she needs one.

Should they set up a Trust?

LISA’S RESPONSE: End of life planning is very personal. Many do not want to think about it. If you can sit down and talk about in general terms, you can usually find out what someone wants in regards to a funeral or life celebration. Write down what they want and don’t want. For example: “I don’t want a funeral. I want a life celebration with food, music, dancing, and memory sharing.” It may take several

conversations, but start the process by sharing what you want or don’t want. You’ll be surprised at what you can learn if you listen.

Regarding a Trust, it is recommended to engage an attorney. Your banking institution may also help with this process.

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8

For guidance on the legal issues we reached out to Richard Morrissette of Morrissette Law Firm. The following are some steps he suggests: 1. Obtain a durable power of attorney which enables a named individual to transact on an account under certain circumstances; such as illness or death. POA signers have no ownership stake in the account. Some banks allow you to add someone as an authorized signer without having to list that person as a joint owner.

The bank must have that person sign a contract that explains the signer’s exact role.

2. Present a certified copy of the father’s death certificate and the

bank will remove him name from all accounts as well as the car loan and mortgage and issue new documents.

Do the same for the insurance policy.

In Oklahoma, if you die without a will, your property will be distributed according to state “intestacy” laws.

Oklahoma’s intestacy law gives your property to your closest relatives, 3. If the car is not financed, take a beginning with your spouse and certified death certificate to the children. But, everything goes Department of Motor Vehicles or a through probate and it can be tag agency. They will remove his expensive. name and issue new documents.

It is important to address these issues 4. The mortgage company will issue before a crisis. We encourage you to keep the lines of communication new documents as well. between you and your mother open.

5. You do not have to have an attorney Listen to her concerns and address for a will. A document listing her them one-on-one. wishes, signed and witnessed by two (2) people is sufficient.

If you have a question, call 405-314-7840 or email l.sydnor@betterwithageok.com.

for September

Home Cooked Meals & ALL Day Dining COMING SOON!

9

tive INforma s Handout

Give aways

Door Prizes

THE SCARIEST THINGS Conquering Fear with Knowledge

Fall Seminar topics: will My money hold out?

What if, i can't care for myself... what are my options?

Wills,Trusts and Avoiding

RSVP and Meal selection: www.CAREGIVER.rsvpify.com or Call 405-314-7840

Probate, you need an exit strategy.

Hospice-if it scares you, you don't understand it.

Lunch Provided by:

Your funeral Your Way-Why you Plan Ahead.

Wednesday, October 30th 2019, 10am-2pm (Doors open at 9:30am) Hosted by: CAREGIVER Magazine

Event Location: NewView Community Room 4301 North Classen Boulevard Oklahoma City, OK 73118 10

Join us in

Celebrating our

Story

Tealridge Retirement Community has begun the next chapter with new ownership, property improvements and excellent service to the Senior adults in Edmond!

Door Prize Drawings, Guided Tours and Hors d'oeuvres Celebration Events Open To The Public:

Wednesday, Sept 25th 11 am - 1pm Ribbon Cutting with Edmond Chamber of Commerce

Thursday, Sept 26th 2 pm - 4 pm Guest Speaker Oklahoma's own Dean Blevins, Sports anchor and former OU Football Player

For More Information Call

May We Never Forget

405-347-8381

September 11, 2001

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Coping with Caregiver Guilt Written by: Vicki Muir

If you have been caregiving for a loved one for some time or even just beginning to enter that situation you may already be familiar with caregiver guilt. Feelings of guilt and shame come from many sources. We develop our responses to situation through our experiences from the past or beliefs that we hold about ourselves and expectations we set for ourselves. So, guilt is generated by thoughts we have about ourselves in a situation.

Vicki Muir, Licensed Clinical Social Worker

For info. contact: 405-308-6433

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One thing we know is that holding onto these feelings can create problems for the caregiver like anxiety, depression, and even medical problems. Self-blame and criticism have been described as beating yourself up. Often, we are harder on ourselves than others are.

Part of what happens is when we are in the caregiving position, we are responsible for multiple and even overwhelming tasks that send up our stress level. Not to mention the feelings and emotions we may be experiencing as we see our loved one’s struggle or decline. When a person is going through that process our bodies and minds sometimes shut down or can’t process these feelings well. Our decision making and problems solving skills are challenged as well.

Frankly it can be difficult to think straight. Stress can drive depression and feelings of negativity and guilt.

Our minds are very powerful and once locked onto something can function like the hamster on the wheel. So, there are some things you can do to change this unhealthy behavior into something positive. First when you find yourself blaming yourself or being critical notice what you are saying to yourself. What’s happening at the time? Is it something you criticize yourself or often? How are you feeling, or do you have physical symptoms like headache or nausea? This is called developing an awareness of your thoughts and feelings. Awareness is the first stage of change. It’s powerful to begin to realize that we can control some things by changing our thoughts about them.

One way to begin this process is by keeping a journal and as you notice the thoughts or negative self-talk you are having jot them down. You might even begin to make a note about what was happening before you had the feeling. Once you begin to get things out on paper you may want to journal further. Always put a date on the page so you can look back for information. It’s not uncommon to have a certain thought that you repeat or a theme you have that you recreate. By getting this out on paper you

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Get the skills you need for Fall Prevention Month Celebrate a safer September by joining us for one of our FREE Balance Workshops. Family members and care givers are also welcome!

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can begin to look at it objectively and often just having that perspective can change things. Mountains may become mole hills.

Finally, I want to talk about the process of forgiveness and letting go. This is so important. Forgiveness does not necessarily mean approval but as we move toward forgiveness and acceptance it is easier to let go of something. Often, we are able to forgive others more easily than ourselves.

That is where self-compassion comes in. Forgiveness and letting go of things releases the emotions we are holding on to and guides us toward peace and health. You can use a phrase like” I forgive you for ____ and release and let go of ___ . It can be useful to write this in your journal after reflecting on your notes from situations or feelings you have journaled about. I like the image of putting the feelings into a balloon and letting them go off into the universe.

Sometimes you may have to forgive and let go of something more than once. I believe its forgiveness 70 times 7. I hope this information is useful and helps you move toward more peaceful state of being.

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GRANDPARENTS PICKING UP the

PIECES

Written by: Lisa Sydnor

September 8, 2019 marks the 41st anniversary of Grandparents Day. Many Americans do not know there is an official day to honor and celebrate grandparents.

It must be legit because Hallmark has a card for it!

It is often said that grand parenting has changed; now they are many grandparents raising their grandchildren and that got me thinking. Two of my classmates lived with their grandparents and one of my best friends lived with her grandmother. Those are the ones I remember specifically; out of 43 classmates in a very small town, three classmates that is 7% that were raised by grandparents. The adage, “The more things change, the more they remain the same.� seems applicable here. In Oklahoma 47,000 or 3% of children are being raised by grandparents. No statistics were kept on that circumstance back in the 40s and 50s or even the 60s. Then, as now, grandparents step up and do what is needed.

David and Betty Lowery are two of those grandparents, when they were anticipating retirement fate changed their lives and they are now raising their grandsons that are eight and three-years-old. Their daughter is an alcoholic and unable to care for her children. Betty and David have raised young David for over seven years. He is a special needs child with: ADHD-Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, DMDD-Disruptive Mood Dysregulation Disorder and he is mildly Autistic. Threeyear-old John was premature and in NICU for six weeks.

Within days of leaving the hospital, David rescued John from a violent situation involving the mother before the police called child protective services.

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David and Betty Lowe ry

with grandsons young David and John.

These grandparents have a completely different life now.

It is centered on raising these boys and giving them love and stability. David took early retirement 18 months ago so that he could care for the boys. Betty works full-time and her plans for retirement are non-existent now.

When Betty was asked what her biggest challenge is and what could help her, the response was immediate and not surprising. Her greatest need is quality time with her husband.

She is not even asking for a whole day, but maybe 3-4 hours a week; time when they could be together, enjoy adult conversation and connect. Both Betty and David noted that the isolation and lack of socialization with peers is difficult.

When David was asked what words would describe his life, exhausting was the first word he shared. In his mid-sixties, David starts his day by getting young David off to the Positive Changes bus at 6:15am and then taking John to Head Start.

Head Start has been a blessing as that gives him four hours to run errands, do physical therapy, doctor appointments and counseling with young David at Positive Changes. David also said time with Betty would be a great stress reliever. They no longer have time to do anything together or even time to laugh together.

For the first years, they just floundered their way through this maze of child-rearing. When they found Sunbeam Family Services and got into a support group they learned of avenues for support and respite. There is much more to their story and so much heartbreak and love. This is just one case of grandparents raising grandchildren today.

To all grandparents, thanks for being that go-to person. Whether you are raising children, or you are the grandparent that goes to the zoo on a hot summer day or to Dave and Busters or Cactus Jacks and stays hours and plays games. Or, goes to the mall shopping; watches the same Disney movie for the 18th time; reads the same story every night; teaches a child how to bake, change a tire, mow a lawn or swim. That grandparent, who never misses a ballgame or recital; who shares the love of hiking; teaches a child to fish, play baseball, football or sew or garden. These times with your grandchildren and the memories you are making are life-changing.

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Cindy A. says, "Christina went above and beyond, taking extra time to explain things so I could make decisions I am happy with."

Grand parenting can be very rewarding, joyous and a blessing for both you, your grandchild and your family, but It can also be very exhausting and overwhelming.

Hats off to the grandparents who can keep up. Hats off to the grandparents who continue to shape the lives of our young people. f you are a grandparent raising grandchildren seek out a support group. Churches and Social Services Organizations can guide you to finding a group near you. Sunbeam Family Services (405-528-7721); OK Cares (405-271-2710) and CAREGIVER Magazine (405-314-7840) can provide access to great information. Reach out!

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20 Years Healthcare Experience

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Young David and John.

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G

Continued from page 7 ...

for Gary’s brother-in-law, Bill. Gary’s sister, Mildred, had cared for him for an extended time and, as many caregivers do, neglected her own health. Gary and Sondra stayed for a month taking over all caregiving and housekeeping duties. Mildred was grateful for the respite and resumed care of Bill who died a few months later. In 2013, at the age of 93, Harold, Sondra’s father, left this earth.

As a military wife, Sondra had to be mom and dad when Gary was away. When faced with an unaccompanied assignment, the family knew that the separation would be very difficult. It isn’t easy being the head of the family until dad returns, then relinquishing that authority. Sondra said that was one of the most difficult things about the separations.

When Gary returned home, they had to work hard to keep continuity in their roles as parents and managing the day-to-day life of their family. Transitioning Gary back into the role as head of the family was difficult for everyone, especially a two year old who wanted to know, “Just who does that daddy guy think he is? He thinks he can tell me what to do.”

16

I asked them how they kept their marriage strong through the years and many long separations. Gary said “There can only be one head of the family. That must be God. He is and was our strength.” They remember years of struggles when they were not as faithful to the Lord and He was not the center of their lives. Sondra said, “Now and for many years, Gary and I study and pray together, it gives us strength and purpose. We have had our struggles, temptations and times when our marriage was not as strong. That is when we drifted away from the church and putting God first. Getting back to daily walking with God was our salvation.”

Gary is quick to give Sondra credit for a stable, loving home for him and the children. Sondra did not work outside the home until the children were in school. Back in the day, before cell phones, texting, Face Time or Facebook, letter writing was the primary communication vehicle. When Gary was deployed, they wrote each other every day. Phone calls were a rare privilege. Gary remembers that while he was in the Philippines for an 18 month tour, they only spoke on the phone twice. Sondra said

getting all those letters was her life-line.

Sondra fondly remembers the nine months the family was in Taiwan. Her introduction to Taiwan left a vivid, lasting memory of heat and repugnant smells! She wanted to stay right there at the airport and get on the next flight back to the good ole USA! However, first impressions were replaced with great memories as they settled in and fell in love with the country and the people.

The children attended missionary school and have often said it was their favorite school. One of Sondra’s favorite things about Taiwan was having a housekeeper! Not only was he great at keeping the house spotless, they became good friends. Through their friendship, she was able to see much of Taiwan and really get to know and enjoy the country.

Gary, a Chief Master Sergeant, served as the senior enlisted advisor for the Air Force Office of Special Investigations for District 70, covering the majority of Europe. His time at Lindsay Air Field in Wiesbaden, Germany, was filled with multiple on-going investigations. During his service career, Gary received a commendation medal or a meritorious service award during his tour at each duty station. He did note that basic training was the only time he did not receive an award. Perhaps that is because he hadn’t discovered his true calling – hunting down the bad guys. While in Germany they had the opportunity to travel to virtually every European country, enjoying the diverse cultures.

In addition to Lackland AFB in San Antonio, Texas, Gary was based at: Clinton Sherman AFB, Oklahoma; Richards Gebaur AFB, Missouri; Forbes AFB, Kansas; Minot AFB, North Dakota; CCK AFB, Taiwan; NKP AFB, Thailand; Lindsey Air Station, Germany; Clark AFB, Philippines; and, Tinker AFB, Oklahoma. He served our country for 26 years, 9 months and 18 days. Upon retirement from the military, Gary went to work at Boeing in Wichita, Kansas for 15 years.

The next retirement found the Shaw’s traveling America.

They put most of their possessions in storage, bought an RV “home” and for the next 12 years they saw America!

During this time, Harold, Sondra’s father, spent several months traveling with them and enjoyed seeing the country.

When they decided to settle down, downsize the RV, and buy a house in south Oklahoma City it certainly didn’t ground them. They continue to travel America, especially Arizona and Kansas, to visit friends. Gary and Continued on page 30 ...

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Written By: Lisa Sydnor

Remember When?

The Oklahoma State Fair Rodgers and Hammerstein’s 1945 movie “State Fair,” starring Jeanne Crain and Dana Andrews has always been a favorite of mine. But this film, as great as it is, just isn’t quite how I remember the fairs of my youth. State Fair is a classic, a wonderful film, about a state fair I’ve never seen!

But maybe that isn’t fair, since the “State” fairs I went to were county fairs. I never went to a STATE fair until the late 1960s; however, I have been to my share of County Fairs.

There was the Montgomery County Fair, the Washington County Fair, the Pawhuska County Fair, the Osage County Fair….. well, you get the picture!

I remember they were HOT, DIRTY, CROWDED, LOUD and the most fun! The rides were scary, or boring, no in-between!

And, the game vendors were a little shady. The bleachers were wooden, with splinters, and not very stable. There was no shade. Everyone got sunburned! The cotton candy was the stickiest! The lemonade was the sweetest and the corndogs were the greasiest! The hand churned ice cream was to die for and the goodies in the bake sales were too good to pass up. Tip of the day; don’t ride the Tilt-a-Whirl after eating cotton candy and corndogs!

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Going to the Fair!

4-H, Future Farmers of America (FFA), Boy Scouts, and Girl Scouts members prepared for months to show their animals, produce or special projects. Home Extension groups, and ladies in the communities, worked all year to have their quilts and other handmade items ready for the judges. The baking and canning competitions were brutal!

The rodeo was my favorite. The Rodeo Grand Entry Parade was a highlight. The rodeo grand masters, carrying the American Flag and the appropriate state flag, rode in at a gallop with the cowboys, cowgirls, clowns and the rodeo queen and princesses following. They did two trips around the arena at a gallop kicking up a cloud of dirt and we applauded the whole time! We sang The Star Spangled Banner, said the Pledge of Allegiance, prayed for the event and performers and waited for the first bull rider to hit the chute! The clowns were crazy, and the cowboys were handsome and determined to win their events.

Every year one thing is for certain: “Our State Fair is a great state fair Don’t Miss it don’t even be late (our state fair is great) It’s dollars to doughnuts at our state fair It’s the best state fair in the state!”

Thank you, Mr. Roger and Mr. Hammerstein!

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43rd Annual Senior Day at the Oklahoma State Fair By John Spivey

Meet the Senior Day Committee Members CINDY DIMIT Employer: Teal Creek Assisted Living and Memory Care Position: Business Development Director and Sales Director

ARRIANNE RODRIGUEZ Employer: Lionwood

Senior Living Position: Community Relations Director

VICKI ESCAJEDA Employer: OU Medicine Edmond Autumn Life.

Position: Case manager for the senior inpatient mental health unit.

What do you feel is the biggest take away of the Day for Seniors and their families?

What do you feel is the biggest take away of the Day for Seniors and their families?

.What do you feel the Seniors who attend enjoy the most?

Seniors that visit the building on Senior Day are introduced to many, many options, in regards, to what is trending, what is available to make their lives easier, can take part in various health screens, can participate in fun activities on the stage – the opportunities are limitless – hopefully, they take away – “I had a blast and can’t wait until next year’s Senior Day!!”

That you are never too old to enjoy the fair and how awesome it is that the fair puts together a full day of activities just for seniors to enjoy. We see the same seniors come back year after year to enjoy the festivities and we look forward to seeing them and they look forward to seeing us which makes it just like one big happy fair family!

I think seniors enjoy socializing with peers, learning about new community activities, health screens, and getting all the swag.

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Leading up to our 65th birthdays, my pals and I joked about all the senior discounts we would soon enjoy. As it turns out, I’m not sure it was a fair trade because the statute of limitations has expired on some of these old bones. While I’m not hobbling around with a cane, yet, I am officially a “Senior” and you know what? It’s not so bad. It helps if you have grandkids. Nothing reinvigorates Papa’s spirit like 3 rascally toddlers.

While doing research for this article, I realized that it had been many years since I had gone to the Fair. I didn’t have specific reasons for not going, I just stopped. Maybe, having gone to the Fair most of my life, I felt I had no more reasons to go. But not this year! The Oklahoma State Fair begins on September 12th, and the 43rd Annual Senior Day is Wednesday, September 18th.

If you are 55 and older, admission to the Fair on this day is free. The theme this year is – Seniors Under The Big Top. The schedule of events, included in this issue, shows that it just might be, as they say, the greatest show on earth. Or at the very least, in our great state of Oklahoma.

Cindy Dimit is the Sales Director for Teal Creek Assisted Living & Memory Care. She is also the longest serving member of the Committee. For over 20 years, she has worked in various capacities, hosting the Evening Dance, arranging for food and beverages and most recently, she has been in charge of volunteers and registration.

Originally from Ohio, being involved in the State Fair is in her DNA. Her family had a dairy farm and they often showcased much of their livestock when she was growing up.

“I love this time of year, and I love the fair. As soon as the door opens, there is an excitement in the air, you can feel it.

And you can see it too. Their faces light up, there is a twinkle in their eye, as they enjoy coffee and snacks, watch the entertainment, win prizes, line dance, visit the exhibitor booths and take part in the various health screenings.”

“Though I see a lot of new faces, I also see many of the same people every year. And they don’t come from just our city.

They come from all over the country.”

Cindy wanted to stress two things.

I was barely out of high school when the first Seniors Day Committee was formed. Exactly who started it is a little sketchy but over the years, a dedicated group of volunteers have worked diligently to stage this event. They come from a diverse collection of community-oriented businesses that love their Seniors and Oklahoma. I spoke with several of them about their role in creating a venue that has gotten bigger and better every year.

“When you look at the Schedule of Events, you will see that there are activities all day. You won’t get bored, you won’t have time to and it’s very interactive. There is something new happening almost every 15 minutes. So whether you come in the morning, the afternoon, or for the whole day, there is always something to see and enjoy.”

“Second, there is something for everybody. You can really Continued on page 22 ...

Meet the Senior Day Committee Members WYNELLE RECORD

PATTY REEVES

KAROL SHEPHERD

Employer: Better with Age/Caregiver Position: Social Media Coordinator

Employer: Storey Oaks Memory Care Position: Marketing Director

Employer: Oklahoma Funeral Board Position: Administrative Assistant

What do you personally enjoy most about Senior Day?

What do you feel the Seniors who attend enjoy the most?

What do you feel is the biggest take away of the Day for Seniors and their families?

Visiting with the many attendees, entertainers, exhibitors and sharing information about the many services and organizations available to help our senior community. Being a part of the state fair is a special memory from my childhood.

I think they like all the activities up on the stage and winning great prizes.

Is a chance to come out and have some Fun! Also, get educated on different entities and interact with other Seniors.

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Continued from page 22 ...

wear yourself out walking around the Fair trying to see everything.

But that can be tough on Seniors and for that reason, they may not get to see all that they would like to see. Here, you can get a great taste of the fair under one roof. Or as I like to say, you can see the fair … from your chair!”

I think she just coined a new phrase for the committee.

“It’s been fun and so rewarding to see our event grow. I hope our Seniors say we had a blast and can’t wait for next year.”

Lisa Cline, Marketing Director for Thrifty Pharmacy, has served on the committee for 3 years and is in charge of decorations.

“When you’re passionate about serving Seniors, it doesn’t seem like a lot of work but it is. It’s a big deal. I enjoy getting to meet Seniors from all over the state. It’s such a great atmosphere, with people dancing, playing games and winning prizes. For me, the biggest take away is – you’re never too old to have fun!”

Lisa James, Business Development Representative for Interim Healthcare, has been on the committee for 3 years as well and arranges for and coordinates all of the entertainment. No small task.

“I truly enjoy the friendships and camaraderie of our team. There are a lot of people in this world who really care and want to make a difference in the lives of others, especially in Oklahoma. And they work their tails off to make Senior Day happen.”

TEAM is an acronym for her – Together Everyone Achieves More.

CAREGIVER Magazine, and Better With Age, is represented on the committee as well. Wynelle Record is our Social Media Coordinator.

Meet the Senior Day Committee Members HEATHER GFELLER

MARCIE DAVIS

LISA CLINE

Employer: Bellevue Health & Rehabilitation Position: Administrator Committee Position: Interactive Activities

Employer: Enlivant Position: CRM

Employer: Thrifty Pharmacy Position: Marketing Director

What do you feel is the biggest take away of the Day for Seniors and their families?

What do you feel is the biggest take away of the Day for Seniors and their families?

I love watching seniors smile and enjoy a day that’s all about them. It’s all about enjoying life and celebrating seniors.

The giant TV’s and a sense of tradition. They’re able to get current resources and important screenings.

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What do you personally enjoy most about Senior Day? I enjoy getting to meet seniors from all over the state and watching them dance, play games and enjoy their special day.

But for the last 12 years, she has also worn a lot of hats volunteering for Senior Day. She has organized the Out and About Walk, coordinated the sound system, the Tractor Parade for the Red Hat Society and Senior Day Royalty, and she has arranged for all manner of publicity.

“I have so many memories of the State Fair from my childhood. I’m honored to be a part of Senior Day. The knowledge provided by our exhibitors of the many services and organizations ready to help us as we age is crucial to our community.”

Working hard for something we don’t care about is called stress.

Working hard for something we love is called passion. There was a common thread in my conversations with everyone – a passion for the Fair, Seniors and volunteering.

Washington will be there signing autographs. Yes, that Joe Washington, winner of College Football National Championships and Super Bowls, he of the Silver Shoes and some of the most amazing memories I have of OU football. The Fair and football.

What a great way to say goodbye to the summer of 2019 and welcome the Fall.

How long has it been since you’ve been to the Fair? If you’re a Senior, you know what I’m going to say next.

Well Neighbor, that’s too long!

Yeah okay, that’s all well and good but speaking for myself, Joe

Every September, the City of Oklahoma City gives you the opportunity to change your participation in EMSA’ EMSAcare program.

Meet the Senior Day Committee Members LISA JAMES

CHRISTOPHER MARTIN

Employer: Interim

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What do you personally enjoy most about Senior Day?

What do you feel the Seniors who attend enjoy the most?

I truly enjoy the friendships and camaraderie of our TEAM of hard-working Committee Members, who work their tails off to make Senior Day happen!

Honestly it’s the whole day being focused on them. Our committee works very hard to make sure everything is geared for Seniors

TOGETHER EVERYONE ACHIEVES MORE

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Quail Creek Senior Living It's Never Too Late WRIT TEN BY JOHN SPIVEY

Debbie Evers is the Executive Director of Quail Creek Senior Living – a secure Memory Care Center. We met recently to discuss a new tool for their center called It’s Never 2 Late, or iN2L. Debbie has been working with seniors for over 12 years and I had to laugh when she said, with a smile, “There’s never a dull moment”. iN2L was founded in 1999 with the intent of helping older adults realize the full benefits of today’s technology. It’s an innovative computer system designed to engage the residents, and especially those with dementia, in a variety of activities. And while it is computer based, it is so user friendly that virtually anyone, regardless of background, or their physical or intellectual abilities, can access it easily and without frustration.

The system is built on a picture-based, touch screen interface that allows users to simply “touch” their way to all 26

manner of content intended to be engaging, educational, spiritual, personalized and most importantly – on their level of ability.

The activities and programs are meant to stimulate the mind and improve hand-eye coordination. They can use e-mail to connect with family and friends, and visit all kinds of webcams. Now elders can enjoy technology, even if they have never so much as seen a computer, using systems created especially for them.

It looks like just another big screen TV but it is actually a 70” Touch Screen monitor. Within this system are a seemingly endless number of programs that are pre-populated and constantly updated. Everything is screened and preapproved so that the residents don’t have to be monitored while using it. All they have to do to navigate the programs is touch a screen. Or if you prefer, you can use a keyboard.

As with any new device there is a learning curve. Yet, as I watched her demonstration, it became apparent that anyone could easily learn just by doing. In other words, even I could manage this.

Bingo and karaoke are staples in senior centers but virtually any program you can think of, web-based or other, is available – again, screened and pre-authorized. I was delighted to see several accessories that took this experience to a new level as well.

Imagine skyping on a 70” TV. That would not only be helpful for an elderly person, but fun. They can also interact with the system using an iPad, where they can create personal folders for anything they want, especially photos.

There was a joystick to simulate flying a plane – which came in especially useful, and entertaining, for a resident who was a former pilot. Another was like a stationary bike that you could actually pedal, off into some exotic locale you could conjure up on the touch screen. And there is one that could simulate driving a car.

Continued on page 28 ...

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Continued from page 27 ...

Beyond the residents, it can be used to train staff, and it can increase staff productivity by reducing one-to-one labor costs associated with challenging behaviors. iN2L systems are currently installed at more than 2000 senior living communities across the US and four other countries.

A focus for this company is developing tools for older adults dealing with dementia and other cognitive disorders. Engagement is the operative word. Studies are clear. Increasing engagement improves physical performance as well as satisfaction with the care they receive.

Their motto is “dignity through technology”. One of the premier benefits of our ever-evolving high tech world must be improving our quality of life, especially for our seniors.

OTHER WISE, WHAT GOOD IS IT?

Family Assets, an online source for senior care, selected Quail Creek Senior Living for its State of Oklahoma Excellence Award for 2019. It’s just my opinion, but I think tools like iN2L will only help their reputation, and their residents. They are located at 12928 N May Ave. For more information on It’s Never 2 Late, visit:

IN2L.COM 10th Annual

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Volunteers If you would like to be a volunteer for Oklahoma Warriors Honor Flight, please fill out the volunteer application: https://oklahomawarriors.org/applications or via email to: applications@oklahomawarriors.org Volunteers might be asked to welcome the Veterans home at the end of the trip, attend information booths at events, or help with general mailing and clerical work.

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Continued from page 13 ...

Sondra have visited every state at least once, including Hawaii and Alaska! Equally, they enjoy their family time; sharing it with their three children, ten grandchildren (one grandchild is in heaven), and ten great-grandchildren.

Sondra shared the following: “I found this quote in a devotional today that explains our long marriage. ‘The successful marriages are the ones in which each person gives the other abundant grace and forgiveness, just like Jesus showed us by taking on our sin and dying a sacrificial death on the cross.’ That’s what it is exactly. That is how and why we have lasted 59 years.”

What you see in the Shaw’s is rare: two people committed to each other – through thick and thin – sometimes it was very thin; a couple who made the commitment and effort every day to make their marriage stronger; a couple who have that storybook marriage! However, they are quick to tell you there is no such thing as a “storybook marriage.” It is all hard work, commitment, love for each other and making God the head of their home. They enjoy one another’s company, they truly do love and respect each other; it is rare, and it is wonderful.

We at CAREGIVER Magazine encourage couples who are caring for a loved one to not forget to care for yourself and

your marriage. The demands of caregiving can take a toll on even the strongest of unions. Find time for each other.

Respite care may be needed for a break ask a family member, a friend or even hire a professional caregiver or sitter to help for a few hours. Guard your marriage and love one another through this amazing journey, if counseling is needed to help your marriage seek it out. If a simple date night or walk around the neighborhood would help you reconnect make it a priority do it on a regular basis.

Oklahoma Family Health

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Longterm Care Options in Oklahoma Brought to you by the

Assisted Living

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A home or establishment that may provide assistance with personal care, medications, ambulation, nursing supervision and intermittent or unscheduled nursing care. They cannot provide 24-hour skilled nursing care.

Licensed by Oklahoma State Department of Health Mainly Private Pay, LTC Insurance may cover , VA Aid & Attendance, & Tribal Benefits Medicaid Option through DHS (Advantage Waiver)

Provides health, recreational, social and supportive services to impaired adults for more than four hours per day. Participants do not stay in the center overnight.

Adult Day Care Act - November 1, 1989 Licensed by Oklahoma State Department of Health VA allows respite benefits Medicaid Option through DHS (Advantage Waiver) Combines the services of a nursing facility with an assisted living center or an adult day care center. It is licensed under the Continuum of Care and Assisted Living Act and must also meet requirements applicable to nursing facilities, assisted living centers and adult day care centers, as applicable.

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A nursing facility that provides 24-hour skilled nursing care and related services for residents who require medical or nursing care.Nursing Home Care Act - October 1, 1980 Licensed by Oklahoma State Department of Health Nursing homes provide the highest level of care Options for Medicare/Medicaid

Provide residential accommodations, food service, and supportive assistance. May also provide assistance with meals, dressing, bathing, other personal needs, and medication administration. Cannot provide medical care such as skilled nursing.

Residential Care Act - November 1, 1984 Licensed by Oklahoma State Department of Health A typical residential care resident is younger than other long term care options and only requires assistant with medication administration NO Options for Medicare/Medicaid Created in 2013, this program is for residents who are veterans living in the state veteran’s centers. They are licensed as a nursing facility and can provide 24-hour skilled nursing care and related services for resi-dents who require medical or nursing care .

Falls under Nursing Home Care Act - May 29, 2013 Licensed by Oklahoma State Department of Health Apartments, cottages, and single-family homes for seniors 55 & over who do not require assistance with daily activities or 24/7 skilled nursing but may benefit from convenient services, senior-friendly surround-ings, and increased social opportunities.

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A Hard Pill to Swallow

By LaShanya Nash

Juxtaposition-Oklahoma's Internal Battle between Opioids and Medical Marijuana Her medication had to be switched to something less habit forming and so she was instructed to take an over the counter pain medication. She went from specialist to specialist for help with the pain but nerve medication for the burning and tingling was all she was prescribed. Only it didn't control the pain and did very little for the burning and tingling she was experiencing in her eye and face. Did I mention Karen had shingles on her cornea? She went to a different specialist and talked to him about the issue. He told her that his This year we've also ushered in medical marijuana, hands were tied; with the opioid lawsuit coming, the totally changing our landscape in the state of state was cracking down on opioid prescriptions. After Oklahoma forever; so here we are. Doctor prescribed taking prescription pain medication for the horrible pain medication is villainous, and Marijuana is now pain she had been experiencing for three months, celebrated as the safe alternative, made legal for the suggestion of, "Take two aspirin and call me in the medical use…is this for real? Nancy Reagan asked a morning" didn't go over so well with Karen. generation of kids in the 80s to DARE to be different and, "Just Say No!" to drugs. Back then, marijuana was Another friend named “Billy” is 80 years old. I noticed the gateway drug to all other forms of drug addiction! her sitting by herself after church one Wednesday evening. Occasionally, I could see Billy’s body jerk, On the home front, I began seeing the opioid problem so I walked over and asked her how she was doing. playing out in real life last fall when it seemed every She expressed, “Well I'm not doing worth a hoot! I'm time, I visited with someone; they had shingles, hurting!" I asked her what's going on she said, "Oh, I’ve knew someone with shingles, or was just recovering got shingles and I've had them for months. They're from shingles. That was the case with my 72-yr. old not getting any better." I asked Billy what the doctor friend “Karen”. She was having debilitating trouble said, "He told me it will take a long time to get over with shingles. “I can't get any pain relief, I am hurting them.” She said, “Obviously. I have had them for eight so bad.” I asked her if she remembered to take her months already.” Once again, I asked her what the medication and she exclaimed, “That junk don’t work!” Doctor suggests that she do for pain. That is when, Not often do I see what is in the National News play out in my day to day life quite like it has in 2019. I usually see topics that are more east coast/west coast in nature - but not this year. In Oklahoma we have been consumed by the opioid epidemic and public health crisis for years. Only recently has it gone to court and into the national news, as the State of Oklahoma sued Johnson and Johnson (and its subsidiary Jansen Pharmaceuticals) and won this landmark case.

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situation. She said, "Many times we're at an event and a senior is hurting but they want to stay and keep going so they go ahead and take their next dose of pain medication then pass out from overdose and that’s why you need the Narcan." So, I took my box of Narcan feeling sad and shocked that I needed to have this at the ready. As I walked back to my booth every senior, I passed I looked at them It made me sad and angry inside, all at the same time. I thought So here's the twist in my mind, hydrocodone; that I about Karen and Billy hurting with little to no relief took after my wisdom teeth were pulled, when I had in sight. I got to thinking, there's a lot of people out strep throat or ended up in the E.R. after injuring there like Karen and Billy. Hurting, not getting relief, my knee - or just about any time you had pain and having been on maintenance doses of medications went to the doctor you were written a prescription for years to control whatever pain from the ailment - and it's bad, but medicinal marijuana is okay? Not that they had. So, their option was being boiled down according to Nancy Reagan and McGruff, the crime to: Medical Marijuana or hurt?

Continued on page 36 ... fighting dog, from when I was a child! to my surprise in the middle of the church building, she said, "Well he suggests I start smoking pot.” I said, “REALLY?” Her response was even more shocking as she said, “I hurt so bad that if smoking weed would help, I would light-up right here in the middle of the church.” I was shocked to say the least! An 80-year-old, conservative Christian woman in church, suggesting she would start smoking weed.

Two weeks after visiting with Billy I was at a senior healthcare event and my friend (who works in a drug abuse prevention program) asked if I had Narcan with me. I said, "Narcan…why do I need Narcan?"

She said, “With all the seniors that you're around, you should always carry Narcan with you.” Narcan is used to treat narcotics overdose in an emergency

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Continued from page 35 ...

One look around Oklahoma makes it easy, and sometimes shocking, to see the plethora of store fronts covered in that iconic green flora of Oklahoma’s newest cash crop. With the passing of HB788 Medicinal Cannabis is here to stay - whether all of us like it or not. I can say I was not a fan of the idea, and I still have

reservations on some aspects, but the new laws that went into effect August 29, 2019 do quiet some of my concerns. Especially the required use of safety seal child-proof packaging. These new images I see as I drive through town is still other-worldly. I had a wonderful country childhood raised in a Christian conservative home. Like the much beloved Okie, Merle Haggard sang, “we don’t smoke Marijuana in Muskogee”. His song was my upbringing and I dare say I’m not alone. So, you may ask then, "Why, never having smoked Cannabis, am I advocating for its education?"

Lack of education is where scams grow, and people get taken advantage of and hurt whether that is physically, emotionally or financially. My concern is for you the reader, and all Oklahomans, who are seen by some unscrupulous marijuana profiteers as an easy mark. As always, BUYER BEWARE! In this modern day green wild, wild, west show, all medicinal cannabis card holders should be wise consumers. Oklahoma Medical Marijuana Authority card holders need to educate yourself and be cautious. Lack of knowledge, paired with the need and outcry for education by caregivers and seniors, is why I even write this today. At CAREGIVER, we are going to provide cannabis therapy education in a tasteful way, doing our very best to not offend anyone. Myself included. Last week I drove the city visiting medical cannabis businesses with Michael Browning, international cannabis educator and certified Cannacian, who we feel blessed to have come on board our ever-expanding CAREGIVER team. What I witnessed did give me hope...

I am conflicted myself. Having been raised that marijuana is illegal, once that stigma is ingrained it is hard to go against one’s core beliefs. But having Glaucoma in both eyes, and already having had glaucoma surgery in both eyes in my early forties, my fear of going blind someday is a real possibility. The studies on the positive outcome from medical cannabis use to aid in glaucoma has been well documented for over forty years itself. The pressure put on the eye by glaucoma can be lessened using cannabis. Science proves it. I am just not there yet. What I am doing is educating myself, so I can make wise decisions concerning my health. I do currently use CBD cream (made from hemp) for my arthritis, and it has helped me so much. But for medicinal cannabis therapy, I still need more answers. Hopefully we can get some of those answers together, right here in these pages.

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Join other caregivers, make friends,play board games, dominoes or cards, nibble on a snack and have a few laughs:

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Learn Herbal Alternatives: From Your Spice Rack

Bright Orange Turmeric Comes Off the Rack this Autumn Season

By Michael Edward Browning How many layers deep is your kitchen's spice cupboard?

Does it stack up towards the walls in piles at the back? I always remember Turmeric in that cupboard, but now it's off the bench and seeing action just about weekly these days. Kinda like football season starting up. Without getting into anyone's Alma Mater, turning to Turmeric in your autumn orange affiliation now is a possible way to fend off sickeningly sweet mid-season Pumpkin Spice fatigue. Far from it's old position, delegated to the back of the shelf, Turmeric - aka Indian Saffron - is front and center with regular activity since I've learned more about it's anti-inflammatory (and so many more) properties. Not shy anymore either. Heavy-handed. Bright food is good food.

Even as much as I love the crisp smell in the air, cold weather coming on always brings some added ache to my day. Incoming storms can take me out, even indoors. If we have all these places - these points and joints - of inflammation in the body, it just makes sense to me that we should consume as many antioxidants and anti-inflammatories as we can stomach - while we eat our meals. I've always appreciated and subscribed to Hippocrates assertion, "Let medicine be your food and food be your medicine". So if it's possible to actually enjoy my medicine, via my palate, that will most always be my favorite route to healthy behavior. Bring on the next delicious course!

Traditionally used in Indian curries and throughout the Eastern culinary world for more than 5,000 years, Turmeric (Curcuma longa, an herbaceous perennial in the Zingiberaceae family, related to ginger and cardamom*) has long been revered as a spice containing tremendous rejuvenating properties, along with adding a compatibly distinct flavor layer. The main active ingredient at play is Curcumin, the most important in a naturally occurring group of stress-relieving compounds known as curcuminoids (similar to systembalancing cannabinoids) with anti-oxidant super powers. Fat soluble, you'll mainly find Turmeric bound into a rich sauce to help unleash it's healing intentions from deep inside your belly.

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Pain Relief, Naturally

By Michael Michael Edward Edward Browning Browning By

Opioid addiction is all over the national headlines, even in some landmark lawsuits locally. Last issue, Lisa Sydnor touched on the shame and deception involved in drug addictions. It truly is a national crisis, all stemming from one thing that crosses most of our paths in life, pain. Does the topic of pain come up in your daily discussions? It sure comes up in a lot of my conversations. Maybe the question is, should we be giving pain our attention? What is the base desire at play when the topic comes up, almost every day? How do we work to reduce the issue, and not increase it?

Time to turn our focus away from the pain itself, and onto pain relief, naturally. Natural Pain relief can come via many different sensory vehicles. Aromatherapy brings relief thru the nostrils. Sound therapy and guided meditation can ease pain thru the eardrums.

Song, sound, chanting and even primal scream therapy can bring a voice to pain relief. Rapid Eye Therapy promises a deeper balance paired with trauma release to ease the (memories of our) sensation of pain thru the windows to our soul.

Add the inner eye visualization to our sense of "sight" and maybe we can glimpse a pain-free future time to come. Topically, there are salves, oils, creams and lotions that can make arthritic pain a fading memory unto itself. In this issue we look to Turmeric to ease our painful inflammation - just by adding it to something we eat.

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But let's get back to the sore subject at hand. How are your hands? Do you notice more inflammation after eating certain foods? Have you tried eliminating either dairy or wheat for a week to test how you feel? Are you willing to investigate something that might take the white-knuckled tension out of your life? Well, keep your grip for now, this is where things might get a little dicey.

But it's really all very above-board.

Remember, "Hemp for Victory" during WWII? Uncle Sam asked us to grow hemp for ropes and uniforms during the war effort.

CBD now sold in stores (including Crest and CVS) is extracted from hemp, either as an oil or in powdered form. CBD (Cannabidiol) is legal, available OverThe-Counter in OK and is NOT a medical marijuana product.

Do you have achy joints? There is a fantastic CBD salve or sports cream that can melt those aches away, in literally seconds, just down the block. And do you remember those hands? Don't forget those when you're applying a CBD cream, oil or salve anywhere else.

You'll follow the dosage instructions on the box - just like all products - and then I always spread out any excess to hands, arms & elbows. It's good for pain, but also for your skin. Like Turmeric, CBD's list of verifiable benefits is quite long. Anxiety and seizure relief, brain protecting, digestion stimulating, better sleeping, cancer-fighting, and more.

Be sure to talk to the staff where you get your CBD (Cannabidiol) preparation to feel comfortable about the quality and utility of the product you're buying.

CBD does come in a smokable form, but that is a very rare way it's taken. Since there is such a range of clinical CBD delivery systems (trans-dermal patches, inhalers, salves, pump sprays, ointments, oils, capsules, suppositories, snacks, syrups, tinctures and sub-lingual sprays) you'll want to feel comfortable talking to someone about your specific reason for trying CBD (cannabinoid therapy). That's so they can diagnose the best route to get you the medicine. There are myriad methods to deliver these valued nutrients to the proper locations to address your ailment. CBD therapy seeks to bring balance to your bodily systems.

It's often also a matter of layering therapies for best results. One woman I know uses a CBD pain cream directly on her knees in the morning, takes a CBD supplement with lunch and sprays a CBD tincture under her tongue at bedtime. That last one she shares with her Pomeranian - to quiet separation anxiety.

Many times in the past few years, it's been the patients' own research and demand for innovation that has driven product development (and knowledge) in the CBD industry. You may have as much information, or more, as the staff at your local shop but you should only settle on a business who you trust - to listen to you and spends their time to earn that trust. Always check with your healthcare provider and follow package directions, then see if you can't just keep that spring in your step this winter!

Science Behind this Article:

https://www.projectcbd.org/science/how-cbd-works https://www.drugabuse.gov/about-nida/legislativeactivities/testimony-to-congress/2015/biology-potentialtherapeutic-effects-cannabidiol https://www.thelancet.com/journals/laneur/article/PIIS14744422(15)00379-8/fulltext https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3079847

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"Tying the Knot"

By Humorist and Novelist, Robbie Lamberson

On the Lighter Side with Robbie A book on marriage said to treat your wife like you did on your first date…so tonight after dinner I’m going to drop her off at her parents’ house.

was standing in the kitchen and he was sitting in his recliner with a death grip on the tv remote. I hollered over the din of the television, “What would you like for dinner?”

I don’t know who the author of this humorous little ditty is but you have to admit it does kinda tickle “What’d you say?” your funny bone. Sometimes marriage, in general, is somewhat comical, although it’s usually people “What do you want for dinner?” outside of your marriage that get the biggest kick “What?” out of things that occur inside your marriage.

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I was visiting a new church recently and sat in on a good Sunday school class. The leader of the class related an episode that had happened to him the day before. He said, “I came in from outside and my wife was in the living room with a friend of hers and I couldn’t help but hear her say, “My husband is a hairy ape!” I was deeply offended that she would talk about me that way and I confronted her immediately. “Why would you call me a hairy ape?”

She responded, “I didn’t call you a hairy ape, I said you needed HEARING AIDES!”

“Turn that thing down and answer me!”

In my own marriage I remember the day that I was hit with the fact that we were somewhat past middle age (he was sixty and I was fifty eight). I

In my experience there are stages that you go through during marriage.

“I can’t hear you, you talk so low” End of conversation…dinner is served and he took one look at his food and said, “I’m really not in the mood for this big a meal, maybe I’ll just have a sandwich.”

It truly is a miracle that more men don’t die at the hands of their wives from sheer exasperation.

There’s the honeymoon stage, which is probably where the phrase “Ignorance is bliss” originated.

Then there’s the “Oh my gosh, what have I done stage “when your eyes are opened to the fact that this perfect person you promised to love and cherish unto death is in fact a pure slob. He doesn’t know how to put dishes in the dishwasher, leaves his wet towels on the bathroom floor; the car is littered with empty paper bags from fast food restaurants and gym clothes that should have been washed last week. You find yourself turning into a (heaven forbid) NAG. He has developed a bad case of selective hearing and tunes you out, so you turn your anger Life couldn’t get any better! towards the real culprit, his Mother! Now you know why she was so happy at your wedding. She is free… and now The bonus stage: Many of your friends have become you have to live with him. widows. Now you look at this elderly man through rose colored glasses and a grateful heart, cherishing the nights Then the children come along, and this phase can last you lay side by side, the mornings you share breakfast, the for a good eighteen or twenty years. Depending on conversations of grandchildren and the weather. how many little ones you conceive you may be able to make this phase stretch out to twenty five or thirty Life couldn’t get any better! years. Every conversation is about the kids, every stage of their upbringing consumes your every thought and most of your time. But at least now you and your mate have common ground for a subject, although there are many ways of parenting, and seldom do two people in a marriage agree on the perfect steps to child rearing.

And now you have reached the final stage…retirement!

The children are grown, you have become reacquainted with this stranger you have lived with for several decades, and you view your spouse with clear vision. Ear plugs have become part of your normal routine. He is oblivious to the sounds emitting from his nose and mouth throughout the night as you lay awake thinking of what might happen if you held a pillow over his face. Of course you can prod him to lie on his side, but then other sounds are emitted from his body.

In all fairness, this is usually the same time you begin to avoid full length mirrors, spend half the grocery money on expensive Spanx panty hose, seriously wonder where you can get the money for a full face lift and anything else that can be raised along with the money. You are secretly glad his eyesight is severely dimmed and grateful he loves sitting in front of the television during the evenings.

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