CAREGIVER JUNE 2019
Issue 2
PROVIDING OPTIONS AND SUPPORT
OUR NEW NORMAL P. 7
May 2019
THE POWER OF A HUG P. 10
BEING A SURVIVOR MEDICINE P. 6 EVERYWHERE, HELP! Siblings Fight P. 38 for Family
TABLE OF CONTENTS
CAREGIVER CAREGIVER
JUNE 2019
Welcome
Being a Survivor by:
04
06, 07, 32, 33, and 34
John Spivey
10
Ask Lisa
Caring for yourself...
by Vicki Muir
16 and 17
The Need to Be Needed by
28 and 29
Debbie Evers
Gratitude is Her Attitude
37, 38, and 39
by Lisa Syndor
Lending a Helping Hand
40 and 41
by Lisa Syndor
Let's Walk by Lisa Syndor
42 and 43
Embark... on an Adventure
44 and 45
By Lisa Syndor
Caregiver Learning Series Be our Guests Life Time of Friendship by Lisa
20 and 21
Sydnor
NOT,
Just a Volunteer
by Lisa Sydnor
25, 26, and 27
46 and 47
CONTACT US CAREGIVER P.O. Box 721673 Oklahoma City,OK 73172 1-405-532-6057 l.nash@betterwithageok.com www.betterwithageok.com
EDITORIAL LASHANYA NASH
Publisher and Editor
COLUMNISTS LISA SYDNOR
WELCOME I’d like to welcome you all to the CAREGiVER News Magazine Family. May this publication be a resource as you journey through caring for your loved one. My siblings and our families have experienced those tender moments of care-giving as well as the laughter through tears, exhaustion, frustration and ultimately heart wrenching loss. The loss of both of our Parents and our last grandparent between 2015-2017, profoundly changed our family forever. The entire staffs mission is to help you on your care giving journey; provide encouragement, support, education and enrichment opportunities. What you are going through can be hard to process and manage. My primary focus is on helping your family navigate care giving. Show kindness not only to the person you are caring for but each other. Sincerely,
LaShanya L. Nash Publisher
ROBBIE LAMBERSON JOHN SPIVEY
ADVERTISING Advertising Director LASHANYA NASH
Advertising Acct. Mgr. DOT LILIES
ACCOUNTING ANDREA O'HAIR
DIRECTORS LISA SYDNOR Dir. of Community Outreach WYNELLE RECORD Social Media Coordinator
Graphics by: WISE Marketing
STAFF PHOTOGRAPHER Hillary Henley Wynelle Record
NOW Hiring Advertising Sales Writers
www.betterwithageok.com
FORGET ME NOT
BEING A SURVIVOR By John Spivey Cover Photograph By Wynelle Record
I read once that there are four kinds of people in the world. Those who have been caregivers; those who are currently caregivers; those who will be caregivers; and those who will need a caregiver. Unless you’re a professional, this is a role that most are unprepared for. Even if you willingly accept the responsibility, there is no way you can fully comprehend what you are in for. This is an experience that must be lived. My sister, Mary, was diagnosed with Early Onset Alzheimer’s in 2009. She was 53 years young. It began with subtle changes. Her beautiful smile, her infectious laughter, her kookiness, slowly disappeared ... replaced with moodiness, forgetfulness, and disorientation. She became dissatisfied with her job, which, in retrospect, was the first red flag because she loved her job.
And then one day, she quit. And then she quit her beloved apartment and moved back home with Mom. We thought that, somehow, she had become clinically depressed and so we began going to doctors. And then there was the “phone call”. I walked into Mom’s house one day and my sister, Patty, took me aside. She said, “John, Mary drove to Midwest City yesterday. She called an hour later and said she didn’t know where she was. I said, ‘Mary! How can you not know where you are!’ But she was confused and couldn’t explain it. So I guided her back home.” When the phone call happened again, it began to sink in. The signs started to add up and it was with a growing realization that we understood that something was very wrong. Mary had actually begun to exhibit symptoms at the age of 50 but this was before the term, Early Onset Alzheimer’s, was a common term. I ran into her former boss one day. Working with her daily, he saw the signs long before we did. He said, “A year before she quit, I transferred her to another department because she could no longer do the job. I knew something was wrong. I kept telling her, ‘Mary, go to a doctor’, but she never did.” All in all, it took over 2 years to figure out what we were dealing with.
Forget Me Not In the process, we endured that which everyone else did in this nightmare – misdiagnosis after misdiagnosis. A new diagnostic tool – a PET scan – finally confirmed it. My mom, Patty and I didn’t realize it at the time but we had been caregivers for several years by now. Patty, because of her angel heart, quite naturally assumed her role as Mary’s primary caregiver. Mom did her best but she was fighting COPD, and at almost 80 years old, was growing weaker by the day. With yet another charge, Patty became overwhelmed. My job, as a pharmaceutical representative, kept me on the road 70% of each week, and this meant that Patty had the unenviable task of looking after Mary and Mom round the clock. She needed help. Easter Seals Day Care provided that.
Be our Guest! Caring for Caregivers: Topic Driven Learning Series An evening of dinner and discussion of various topics helpful in your care-giving journey.
June 11th, 2019 Meal provided
Learning Series with Guest Speakers and industry professionals available to answer questions.
Topic: Topic: Self Self Care Care Doors open at 5pm, Program begins 5:30pm Meal is provided at no cost, You MUST RSVP. Space is limited. Call 405-314-7840 for Reservations or send email to l.sydnor @betterwithageok.com 715 NE 122nd Street OKC, OK 73114
TO MY BEAUTIFUL GIRL,
Happiest of birthdays! Hope you have an amazing day! Stay golden, babe. I love you! Always, Benjamin
UNITED STATES OF AMERICA
Est. 4th of July 1776 HOME OF THE FREE BECAUSE OF THE BRAVE
I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States of America and to the Republic for which it stands, one Nation under God, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all.
Red, White and Blue Celebrations! El Reno, Oklahoma Freedom Fest at Lake El Reno will feature outdoor, all-day fun for the whole family with activities including beach volleyball, swimming, fishing, boating and live music. Beginning at 6 p.m., take part in zip line activities, inflatables for the kids and live music. The spectacular fireworks display is set to music and will begin at dusk. Yukon, Oklahoma Yukon hosts their annual Freedom Fest July 3-4 with several activities for the whole family. Freedom Fest activities begin at 5 p.m., July 3 at Chisholm Trail Park with live outdoor concerts by The Rodeo Opry and Irv Wagner’s Concert Band. A fireworks show at 10 p.m. will pay tribute to American veterans. Evening events on July 4 at Chisholm Trail Park and Gazebo include free watermelon and ice cream, live concert by Super Freak, hot dog eating contest and more. The finale on July 4 features a free concert at the Gazebo by the Oklahoma City Philharmonic at 8:30 p.m. and concludes with a fireworks show at 10 p.m. Bethany, Oklahoma The Freedom Festival will be held on Friday at Eldon Lyon Park. A parade begins at SNU around 10 a.m. and will end at the park . Guests can enjoy games, inflatable rides and even a classic car show. Live music will begin around 6 p.m. and one of the largest digitally mastered fireworks displays in the state will kick off at 9:55 p.m. Edmond, Oklahoma Edmond boasts a week-long Independence Day celebration during LibertyFest from June 26-July 4 with 11 total events to excite, entertain and dazzle festival-goers. Festival events include a car show, chalk contest, concert, rodeo, parade and more. LibertyFest entertains an attendance of over 125,000 annually and is Oklahoma’s largest hometown Fourth of July parade beginning at 9 a.m. on July 4 in downtown Edmond. That night, ParkFest begins at 6:30 p.m. on the UCO campus with inflatables, games, entertainment and the metro area’s largest fireworks display at 10 p.m. Oklahoma City, Oklahoma-State Fair Park Join the Oklahoma City Philharmonic at State Fair Park, July 3 for an evening of popular and patriotic music as they perform a free concert during their annual Red, White & Boom celebration. Bring your lawn chairs for the outdoor concert on the Bandshell Stage beginning at 8:30 p.m. with conductor Joel Levine and guest starring vocalist Mike Eldred and narrator Ben Williams. A spectacular fireworks show at 10 p.m. Concessions will be available and gates open at 6:30 p.m.
Oklahoma City, Oklahoma-Bricktown The Bricktown 4th Fest begins at 4 p.m. on July 4 at the corner at Sheridan and Oklahoma. The fest includes live music, and of course, fireworks. Watch the magnificent fireworks display beginning at 9:30 p.m. from anywhere in Bricktown. Catch an OKC RedHawks game that night at 7:05 p.m. Midwest City, Oklahoma Presents Tribute to Liberty, an annual patriotic celebration, featuring musical concerts and fireworks display on Friday, July 4. At Joe B. Barnes Regional Park, Reno Ave. and Douglas Blvd., at 6:00 p.m. Families are encouraged to bring a picnic, blankets and lawn chairs. Food trucks will be on site. At 6:00, ME, will perform country and pop music. At 8:30, attendees will be treated to a patriotic concert by Dr. Irv Wagner’s Concert Band. Fireworks will follow the concert at 9:45 p.m. Moore, Oklahoma A Celebration in the Heartland is an outdoor festival for the whole family to enjoy from 10 a.m. to 10 p.m. on July 4. This free event at Buck Thomas Park features a variety of food vendors and entertainment including inflatables, children’s tent, arts and crafts, car and bike show, wineries, sand volleyball tournament and live music. Festivities conclude with a fireworks display at dark. Norman, Oklahoma Annual Norman Day Celebration is July 4 from 4 to 10:30 p.m. at Reave’s Park. The free event includes live bands, food booths, baby crawl, nickel find, moon bounces, pony rides and much more before fireworks begin at 9:45 p.m. Lawton, Oklahoma-FORT SILL FREEDOM FESTIVAL, Saturday, June 29 from 10am – 10pm Celebrate our country’s Independence on Saturday, June 29 at the Lawton Fort Sill Freedom Festival in Lawton’s Elmer Thomas Park. Free admission and parking, Festival opens at 10am and closes with one of the largest fireworks displays in Oklahoma, choreographed to music! Enid, Oklahoma Independence Day Celebration, July 4th, 2019 10:00 AM - 10:00 PM Meadowlake Park, 1200 W Rupe. Inflatables and dunk tank will be set up 10am-10pm. Kiwanis Train, Carousel and Ferris Wheel will be open 3 pm-9 pm. Music by Enid Symphony Orchestra at 8:30pm. Fireworks at dusk over the lake, around 9:30pm. Stillwater, Oklahoma 4th of July fireworks display at Boomer Lake. In addition to the fireworks show at dusk, Spectators are guaranteed to see some great, entertaining runs from the wakeboarders on Boomer Lake. Boomer Blast will also feature a variety of food vendors. Come to this event and feast on traditional 4th of July fare. Saturday at dusk, a free outdoor movie will be presented for families on the west side of the lake. Stick around for the fireworks display and tune your radios to KSPI 93.7 for music choreographed with the show.
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IF YOU DON’T CARE FOR YOURSELF;
HOW CAN YOU CARE FOR OTHERS? Written by: Vicki Muir
Vicki Muir, Licensed Clinical Social Worker
For info. contact: 405-308-6433
Some say that engaging in the act of caregiving is “Not for Sissies.” Indeed, there can be many pitfalls. They can range from emotional distress to physical problems as well as spiritual challenges. It’s easy to get lost in the forest of caregiving even to the point of engaging in unhealthy behaviors such as self neglect, substance or alcohol abuse, or overeating or not eating and not caring for yourself. That said I would like to talk about two ways to address caregiver stress and self-defeating behaviors. These are self-compassion and self-care. Actually, I believe the two work together. Self-Compassion is defined as: Extending compassion to one’s self in instances of perceived inadequacy, failure or suffering. Possibly better stated Self Compassion is loving, oneself in a compassionate, non-judgmental and unconditional way. So, treating yourself as you would your loved one or best friend. For our purposes we will define Self Care as the actions you take to be loving and nurturing to yourself. There are three significant areas to address those being physical, emotional and spiritual. On the emotional side remember to be loving and forgiving toward yourself. Often, we judge ourselves more than we do others. If you find yourself getting into self blame, self criticism or other negative thoughts toward self; STOP and pay attention to your thoughts. You may want to get a journal and write down your feelings. Recognizing your negative thoughts, forgiving yourself and letting them go is healthier than holding on to them and creating further distress. Change negatives into positives. Creating a gratitude list daily is another practice. As I often say, “don’t borrow trouble.” We may feel out of control, but we can control our thoughts. Physically I can hear my trainer saying, “Just Keep Moving!” Anything we can do, even walking around the house, helps channel emotions and improve our health.
Find something you enjoy and get out in the sun or nature when possible. This time of year is great for gardening. Be sure you get your own health concerns taken care of and let your doctor know when you are having problems. Our bodies often tell us when we need attention. Also, engage in fewer unhealthy eating behaviors. I know this is difficult as an ice cream lover I can appreciate the attraction. Stay away from over indulging in alcohol or other substances. Engaging in healthy activities you enjoy stimulates the immune system and can be a great outlet to relieve stress. In the spiritual realm an active spiritual life may mean many things to each one of us. We do know though that whatever your spiritual connection is people who have some connection to that spiritual source tend to do better than those who don’t. Staying connected to others helps our spirit and can enrich our soul. Choose others who lighten your spirit and maintain contact with them. Our attitude is a powerful thing and can definitely impact our wellbeing. We know that people who have family and friends, a positive attitude and a spiritual life tend to cope better overall. So be gentle and loving toward yourself. Give yourself everything you deserve in a positive loving way. Take time to nurture yourself. Practice self compassion and self care as though you were caring for the most precious person, because you are. Find a phrase that reflects loving compassion toward yourself or make up your own message and use it to affirm your goodness every day. I hope this information is useful and wish everyone a special blessing.
Preserving your health, wealth & the freedom to live life the way you choose!
Things to do
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A Lifetime of Friendship By: Lisa Sydnor
In 2014, the population over 65 was 46 million; by 2030 the projection is 74 million Americans over 65 will be looking at ways to stay active, healthy, independent and useful. Most Americans over 65 want to stay in their homes if possible as they age. In-home care many times can be less expensive than residential nursing facilities. Sunbeam’s Senior Companion Program is instrumental in aiding seniors that chose to and can safely age-in-place to do just that. The program began in the early 1970s and has flourished providing quality, in-home support and companionship to individuals. More than 80 volunteer Senior Companions spend quality time each week with a senior adult providing support that may include: light housekeeping, playing games, reading to them and talking with the senior.
The volunteers give back in their own community while developing a nurturing, supportive companionship with another senior adult who may be homebound due to illness, age or mobility issues. The Senior Companion Program is open to volunteers 55+ who can serve between 15 and 40 hours per week. Sunbeam provides training before the volunteer meets with his or her match, as well as monthly trainings. The program offers a tax-free, hourly stipend and mileage reimbursement to help cover costs to income-eligible individuals. Volunteers must pass a health screening and background checks. EMBARK is a partner in the identification of seniors in need.
Senior Companions: a Sunbeam Family Services Program
Dorothy Smith has been a senior companion to Henri Wilson for over 20 years. These ladies have amazing life stories which weave in and out of each other’s lives for more than six decades. Due to failing health, Henri is home bound. Dorothy travels to Henri’s home three days weekly, spending 5 hours each day, laughing, talking, having coffee, and sometimes sharing lunch. But always, watching “their soaps”! Yes, it seems soap operas are therapeutic! Watching your “soap” can help your memory (who did what to whom!), it can keep you connected, and it gives you something to laugh about or shake your head in wonder at the antics in the story lines. The bond between a companion and client is very special. Sharing life stories and experiences: from the loss of a loved one to the birth of a grand or great-grandchild provides healing companionship. Too often the Senior Companion is the only link homebound seniors have to the world outside their homes. That connection is critical for mental and physical well-being. Dorothy and Henri have a special bond, a love and respect that has developed over the years as professional colleagues, advocates for the working poor and as friends. Dorothy is quick to tell you that Henri is her “rock”, her confidant when her bucket gets too full and that she is blessed to have Henri in her life. They are mutual senior companions; supporting each other through life’s trials and tribulations. If there is a caregiver in the home, the time a senior companion is there may be when they run errands, get groceries, have doctor’s appointments, take an uninterrupted nap, read a book or get a haircut.
Caregivers need the respite provided by the companion and appreciate them as much as the client does. Often it is their only time for selfcare. Marien Breckenridge, Senior Companion Manager, stated, “Senior companions are such a blessing to the families of their clients. It is a comfort to the families knowing someone cares and is with their loved one 2-4 days each week. The companions are diligent, dependable and active. They encourage the client to be active. I see the love the companions share with their clients and it inspires me. We need more senior companions! Call me!” To become a Senior Companion volunteer, or to learn more about how to request a Senior Companion for your loved one, contact Marien Breckenridge at 405-609-8930 or Cathy Snowbarger at 405-609-8816.
Longterm Care Options in Oklahoma Brought to you by the
Assisted Living
Adult Day Care
Continuum of Care
A home or establishment that may provide assistance with personal care, medications, ambulation, nursing supervision and intermittent or unscheduled nursing care. They cannot provide 24-hour skilled nursing care. Licensed by Oklahoma State Department of Health Mainly Private Pay, LTC Insurance may cover , VA Aid & Attendance, & Tribal Benefits Medicaid Option through DHS (Advantage Waiver)
Provides health, recreational, social and supportive services to impaired adults for more than four hours per day. Participants do not stay in the center overnight. Adult Day Care Act - November 1, 1989 Licensed by Oklahoma State Department of Health VA allows respite benefits Medicaid Option through DHS (Advantage Waiver) Combines the services of a nursing facility with an assisted living center or an adult day care center. It is licensed under the Continuum of Care and Assisted Living Act and must also meet requirements applicable to nursing facilities, assisted living centers and adult day care centers, as applicable. Continuum of Care & Assisted Living Act—May 20, 1997 Licensed by Oklahoma State Department of Health Currently in Oklahoma, all Continuum of Care’s only have assisted livings. Medicaid Option through DHS (Advantage Waiver) for Assisted Living and Adult Day Car To become a member or for information call 405-235-5000
For a list of OKALA Members Visit www.OKALA.org
A nursing facility that provides 24-hour skilled nursing care and related services for residents who require medical or nursing care.Nursing Home Care Act - October 1, 1980 Licensed by Oklahoma State Department of Health Nursing homes provide the highest level of care Options for Medicare/Medicaid
Provide residential accommodations, food service, and supportive assistance. May also provide assistance with meals, dressing, bathing, other personal needs, and medication administration. Cannot provide medical care such as skilled nursing. Residential Care Act - November 1, 1984 Licensed by Oklahoma State Department of Health A typical residential care resident is younger than other long term care options and only requires assistant with medication administration NO Options for Medicare/Medicaid Created in 2013, this program is for residents who are veterans living in the state veteran’s centers. They are licensed as a nursing facility and can provide 24-hour skilled nursing care and related services for resi-dents who require medical or nursing care . Falls under Nursing Home Care Act - May 29, 2013 Licensed by Oklahoma State Department of Health Apartments, cottages, and single-family homes for seniors 55 & over who do not require assistance with daily activities or 24/7 skilled nursing but may benefit from convenient services, senior-friendly surround-ings, and increased social opportunities. NOT Licensed by Oklahoma State Department of Health No oversight since they are not licensed May have “High Acuity� that is receiving Home Health and or Hospice services To become a member or for information call 405-235-5000
For a list of OKALA Members Visit www.OKALA.org
Nursing Home
Residential Care Homes
Veteran's Center
Independent Senior Living/Care Home
NOT, Just a Volunteer By
Volunteers are the life-blood of nonprofits. They may serve as board or advisory council members, in janitorial or maintenance positions, clerical or office staff or are out fundraising, raising community awareness through communications or clerks in a thrift store. In other words, any position within the organization. On April 19, 2018, the Independent Sector, in partnership with IMPLAN, announced that the latest value of a volunteer hour is $24.69 – up 2.2 percent from 2017. That figure, estimated from data collected in 2017, shows the incredible contributions volunteers make to our communities and our country. Currently, 63 million Americans volunteer about 8 billion hours of their time and talent to improve people’s lives and the natural world. With the new value of volunteer time, these Americans are contributing approximately $197.5 billion to our nation.
Lisa
Sydnor
Pictured: Don Blanding, who began volunteering in January 2017 When someone says, “I am JUST a volunteer”, they are truly missing the significant impact they have on the world. RSVP – Retired and Senior Volunteer Program – has served Oklahoma County since 1973. In 2017, 130 nonprofits in Oklahoma County were the beneficiaries of 136,700 service hours from 707 volunteers; a financial impact of $2.9 million. Beth Patterson, Executive Director of RSVP of Central Oklahoma, says the need for more volunteers is critical. RSVP recruits and trains volunteers for nonprofit agencies, such as; American Red Cross, Ronald McDonald House, Project 66 in Edmond, City Care’s Whiz Kids (tutoring), Upward Transitions Travelers Aid at Will Rogers World Airport, and RSVP Provide-A-Ride.
In 1994, RSVP started Provide-a-Ride, a service providing low-income seniors free transportation to medical appointments. RSVP volunteer drivers, age 55 and older, utilize their own vehicles, choose their in own schedules, select the geographic areas they want to serve, receive free supplemental accident and liability insurance, mileage reimbursement. In 2017, 85 volunteer drivers provided 7,476 rides or 261,660 miles driven to medical appointments, for 367 seniors. Provide-a-Ride participants must be 60 and older and schedule rides in advance. Maintaining their independence, being selfBeth Patterson, Executive Director sufficient, keeping medical appointments and becoming friends with the drivers are a of RSVP of Central Oklahoma few of the benefits participants receive The seniors that we serve are truly through the program. For the drivers, dependent on someone else for knowing that you performed a much needed transportation to their medical and valued service for someone, ensuring appointments. They are always so that they get their prescriptions filled and appreciative of the help they receive. It alleviating often burdensome transportation makes me feel good to see how thankful they costs is what it is all about. are.” This program is so successful because of the people; that personal touch. One Some participants shared their thoughts example is RSVP volunteer driver Pat and appreciation: Nebgen, “I do this to give added meaning to · Provide-A-Ride volunteers are angels my life; to give back; to share my day with on wheels. Thank you for your kindness in someone. The smiles, hugs and lively my time of need. Angie G. conversations are added benefits.” Pat · The volunteer drivers are so friendly began volunteering at RSVP after the death and courteous. I feel like I’ve made new of his wife of 47 years. And, because of Don friends. Now I look forward to my Blanding, who began volunteering in appointments because of them. Mildred M. January 2017, who says, “I enjoy driving and · RSVP Provide-A-Ride has made all the love that I can help seniors live more difference in ensuring I get the proper care independently. I greatly enjoy being part of my doctors want me to have. Jerri B. RSVP.
· I am 91 and have macular degeneration so I can’t drive anymore. Provide-A-Ride volunteer drivers are my eyes on the road now, and I am so grateful. Ida Jean K. · Provide-A-Ride is a bright cheery ride for those of us who are not able to drive anymore. Nan G. · I don’t know what I would do for rides to my doctors without Provide-ARide. Loretta A. · If I didn’t have Provide-A-Ride I wouldn’t be able to go to my medical appointments. Deborah M. · I’ve lost my husband and children, and I don’t have family close enough to help me. Bless you for caring for us! Billie B.
If you are struggling with having reliable and affordable transportation to medical appointments, call RSVP to learn of your options. If you are looking for an avenue by which to serve others, what better way than to provide reliable, free transportation for fellow seniors; a win/win and the bonus of making new friends. To learn more about becoming a Provide-A-Ride participant or a local volunteer with RSVP, call 405-605-3106 or email beth.patterson@rsvpokc.org. RSVP is a part of the Corporation for National Service and a United Way of Central Oklahoma partner agency.
The Need to be Needed
By Debbie Evers
One of my favorite stories is the story of Mary (not her real name). Mary was a retired registered nurse and she was tough. Her children (one of which was a retired policeman) were terrified of her. Mary had a stroke about 10 years prior. Being a planner, she had also purchased Long Term Care Insurance. Due to an earlier stroke, Mary was beginning to have some Dementia. Her family was beginning have concerns about her living alone
Debbie Evers Executive Director, Quail Creek Senior Living For information contact:
405-748-6464
in her home. While a very caring family getting Mary to live with one of them was not an option. Mary went to a Behavioral Hospital. Upon admission she swiped and hit the Administrator with her cane. Ultimately, Mary ended up moving into the Community where I worked as a Marketer. Needless to say, she was less than enthusiastic about her change in accommodations and she became a holy terror.
Her response was to consistently call
While there was staff to help Midge
her family and either hang up or chew
but, Mary took over with many
them out. Mary had a very caring
reminders and letting staff know when
family who visited her almost daily but,
she felt Midge needed help.
finally they were at their wits end and
Suddenly, even though Mary had her
requested we take her phone.
own struggles, she suddenly had a
I went in and after a nice
purpose. She would give Midge
conversation with Mary, I explained
reminders, escort her to meals, and
that I was going to take her phone.
give her a sense of security in knowing
Needless to say, Mary became angry
someone was watching out for her.
with me. After taking her phone and
Mary became her friend, her advocate
starting down to my office on the first
and in some ways her caregiver.
floor I glanced back and saw that Mary
Mary became one of the favorite
was chasing me. I called my Executive
residents. Even as she struggled with
Director on my cell phone and asked
her own health she found a purpose.
what to do. She merely instructed me
We got to see the many levels of Mary.
to “run”. Luckily, I was younger and
Not just the woman struggling with a
faster than this octogenarian.
debilitating illness but a strong woman
Always wanting to present in the
with a big heart and a need to be
most positive way, I called her son and
needed. A woman who saw past her
let him know that we had good news
own struggles to care for someone
and had gotten Mary to leave her
else.
apartment.
While Mary was unique, her story is
What happened next was truly
not. Many times, what makes a
remarkable. While there were some
resident settle in and begin to belong is
adjustments to her medication, what
in finding someone who needs them.
really changed Mary, was she found
Someone they can help. When it is not
Being an RN made Mary a very strong
helping someone, it may be in assisting
woman and a force to be dealt with, it
with chores. I worked in one small
also made her a powerful caregiver.a
community where the residents (often
friend.
in wheelchairs) would fold the napkins.
Mary met Midge (not her real name)
As is often said, this is “The Greatest
who moved in across the hall. Midge
Generation” and Mary certainly
was struggling with dementia even
exemplified it.
more so than Mary. She needed someone to give her guidance and reminders.
The decision to begin day care happened to be a two edged sword. For us, and especially Mom and Patty, it provided a much needed respite. But this was accompanied with the gut wrenching realization that soon, and sooner than we knew, she wouldn’t be with us at all. We had experimented with day care about one year before Easter Seals. It didn’t go well because Mary was still just lucid enough to slowly, but eventually, figure things out. On her first several visits, she enjoyed it – she believed she was there to assist the staff with the other residents. The thought of that broke my heart. But before long, the truth of her situation sank in and she resisted going back. We didn’t force the issue. We knew that the idea of day care was about us, not her. What we didn’t fully grasp was that this was the first step in letting her go. And this was a reality we were not prepared to face. But in due course, one difficult year later, Mary had declined to the extent that escorting her to day care had become just a part of our daily routine. Sometimes we utilized the shuttle services, sometimes I was the shuttle. It was a conundrum – I enjoyed it and I didn’t. I loved being there for her but our conversations were now one-sided.
In my life in Corporate America, I was trained to never ask closedended questions – that is, the kind that elicits only a yes or no answer because it’s a conversation that goes nowhere. But that’s where we now found ourselves with Mary – interactions so limited as to be virtually pointless. More specifically, there was never any conversation at all unless I initiated it. I would ask her – Did you have a good day? (As opposed to – what did you do today?) Yes. Was lunch good? Pause. Yes. Here I might try for a little more. What did you have? Long pause because even this could launch sensory overload. The struggle to remember would frustrate her and this would prompt me to suggest an answer and, of course, that answer, any answer, would be right.
Walking for Mary... Were I to ask, “Did you have steak with peanut butter and popcorn?” She would nod her head slowly – relieved that the pressure to answer was gone – and then happily agree. We cared for Mary at home for as long as we could. But with Alzheimer’s, the time will come when professionals must be employed. If you cannot afford private pay facilities – and many cannot – you do the best, you can. Recommendations from health care professionals and friends, the state’s ratings and assessments, resources like Caregiver Magazine, and your own personal evaluation can make this decision easier. In many cases, there is but one outcome for a caregiver – you must say goodbye to your loved one. And you will live with that truth throughout your journey.
Much has been written about the 5 stages of grief. I have learned that grief is an individual experience, but this doesn’t mean that it’s one that must be faced alone. Yet some will choose that path and it’s a decision we should respect. It’s crucial to note, however, that whether you want to or not, whether you like it or not - you will grieve. The only question is how. And so in the midst of your grief, though you may be afraid to do so – feel your pain, lean into it. You will find that it is not a bottomless pit. If you allow yourself to do this, you will come out on the other side – healthier, stronger and wiser for it.
GRATITUDE IS HER ATTITUDE
Community Heart Beat AARP We are Better With Age
Program has BIG HEART Written by Lisa Sydnor AARP Foundation is part of SCSEP. SCSEP - Senior Community Service Employment Program is the nation’s oldest program to assist low-income, unemployed individual’s aged 55+ find work and is administered by the U.S. Department of Labor. The AARP SCSEP program offers 20 hours per week of paid on-the-job training as staff in public agencies or nonprofit organizations. Participants are offered the opportunity to take part in additional training provided by AARP SCSEP and host agencies.
Brush up on your skills? Learn something new? Give back & help others?
Jacquelyn’s gracious demeanor, lovely smile and “can do, want to” attitude bring joy to the customers and staff at Crest. Jacci credits AARP staff and the program for the success she has experienced these past months.
AARP Foundation matches eligible older job seekers with local nonprofits and public agencies. The goal is to increase skills and build self-confidence of participants while earning a modest income. Participants may also receive supportive services and skills training through an educational institution. Their AARP SCSEP experience often leads.
Eugenia Walker, Executive Director of AARP SCSEP in Oklahoma City stated,”Working with the senior population is a new path for me and has been educational and fulfilling. We can, and should, learn much from our elder workers most of whom maintain a strong work ethic, are committed to excellence and dedicated to serving others. The AARP SCSEP program has an excellent track record in accessing the job market and guiding trainees in their job search. As Shannon Hazen, Director of Eugenia Walker, Exec. Dir. and Leawyn Hazen, Supervisor Supportive Housing at City Care, one of the host agencies’ put it, “With her guidance and encouragement, many “Eugenia Walker knows the trainees are finding permanent employment and Oklahoma City job market. She personal fulfillment” City Care, a host agency has has her finger on the pulse of the 18 AARP trainees in their programs. Hazen city and knows the talents and supervises more than eight of the trainees and strengths of the AARP trainees". Leawyn Hampton is one of the current trainees. Leawyn lives in City Care supportive housing and is an inspiration to those she serves. She has learned This program just might hold to type, use computer software programs, organize answers for you. and execute work assignments and become a Contact Eugenia at valued member of the staff. Leawyn says that the AARP Foundation AARP program has provided the tools for her to ask about SCSEP and become a productive member of the work the opportunities offered. community.
Call 405-879-3899 for more information
When Jacquelyn Scott and her husband returned to Oklahoma City several years ago, Jacquelyn found it difficult to find a job. She enrolled in the training program at AARP. She had office experience and skills but was looking for something different. After four years in the program she found permanent employment with Crest Foods at 23rd and N. Meridian. Jacci has been promoted several times since joining the Crest family. She has worked as customer service representative, as a cashier, then as new cashier trainer. Currently, she is in the self-checkout area and continues to train new cashiers. When talking about her time with Crest, Jacquelyn becomes very animated and her smile is genuine. A representative of Kellogg Companies, a vendor at Crest, asked if she would work part-time Jacquelyn’s gracious demeanor, lovely smile and “can do, want to” attitude bring joy to the customers and staff at Crest. Jacci credits the AARP staff and program for the success she has experienced these past months.
"My spirit is healed and I regained my confidence; I love what I do.”
Lending a Helping Hand By Lisa Sydnor RESPITE: CARING FOR THE CAREGIVER Former First Lady Rosalynn Carter states, “There are only four kinds of people in the world - those who have been caregivers, those who are caregivers, those who will be caregivers and those who will need caregivers”. The Oklahoma Department of Human Services (ODHS) and Lifespan Respite Grant Program identifies a “caregiver” as the unpaid person providing primary or full-time care for a family member or another person living in their home. Respite is key to caregivers continuing in that role. ODHS recognizes the need for more services for Oklahoma caregivers. Caregivers suffer from declining health, burnout, exhaustion, isolation, and mental fatigue. Since 2013, ODHS has applied and received federal funding through the Lifespan Respite Grant Program to provide respite service for caregivers across the lifespan. The grant is administered by Nadine Walter, Lifespan Respite Grant Manager. Ms. Walter organized the Oklahoma Caregiver Coalition (OCC), recruiting more than 145 partners from nonprofits, private businesses, educational institutions, and caregivers who are committed to improving services and life in general for caregivers.
The OCC’s mission is to improve the supports and experiences over the lifespan of caregivers through education, advocacy, and access to resources. Walter stated, “Our state has a rapidly growing number of caregivers who need respite care to include grandparents and other relatives raising children. Caregivers are burning out; experiencing failing health, mental health issues and too often dying before the care receiver. The Lifespan Respite Grant is a step in the right direction in providing funding and seeking innovative ways of keeping caregivers and their loved ones healthy plus keeping loved ones out of costly institutional facilities.” The Lifespan Respite Grant provides respite vouchers to full-time, family caregivers that do not qualify for other respite programs and has a household income that does not exceed $90,000. The caregiver determines how they want to use their respite time and who they hire to care for their loved one. Respite can be provided in the caregiver’s home, someone else’s home, or a center-based program or care center. Educational vouchers are also offered for the caregiver to reimburse a care provider for caring for their loved one while they attend educational conferences, classes, or seminars.
Research has proven that self-care is the primary concern of caregivers and social service agencies. Self-care is the most important way to boost and maintain both emotional and physical health. Self-care should always come first, and should never be a reward. Caregivers say lack of time and the financial restraints keep them from focusing on their own health. Self-care is not selfish. It is critical to the well-being of the care receiver. You cannot care for another when you are ill or exhausted.
The OKCares website offers information on the various statewide respite programs and other beneficial caregiver resources at www.OKCares.org. For further information, Nadine Walter may be reached via email at Nadine.Walter@okdhs.org
Let's Walk
Are you caring for an individual with dementia? A care consultation is the first step to peace of mind, appropriate care for your loved one and support for you, the caregiver. Currently, more than 64,000 Oklahomans are living with Alzheimer’s disease, and over 223,000 family and friends are providing care. Serving all 77 counties in the state, the Alzheimer’s Association Oklahoma Chapter provides education and support to all those facing Alzheimer’s and other dementias. The Association is committed to advocating for the needs and rights of those facing Alzheimer’s disease and advancing critical research toward methods of treatment, prevention and, ultimately, a cure.
BY LISA SYDNOR
Care Consultation provides support, solution-focused care planning and referral to community and chapter services for family members who are caring for a person with dementia. This service can be provided over the phone, via e-mail or in person meeting. It is aimed at those care givers who are overwhelmed by stress and exhaustion, have difficulty finding services, are confused about symptoms and care giving and/or face complicated family problems. The service is available to individuals or a family group. Care Consultation is available in all chapter offices, located throughout Oklahoma. To schedule a Care Consultation in the Oklahoma City area, contact Carla Scull, Education Coordinator, at 405/279-9089 or cscull@alz.org.
The staff and volunteers are dedicated to helping people navigate through the difficult decisions and uncertainties people with Alzheimer’s and their families face at every stage of the disease. These include assessment of needs, assistance with planning and problem solving and supportive listening. A variety of support groups are offered for all individuals living with Alzheimer’s disease. Groups are facilitated by trained volunteers. Many locations offer specialized groups for children, those with early-onset and earlystage Alzheimer’s, adult caregivers and others with specific needs. The Alzheimer’s Association message boards and chat rooms provide an online community for persons with Alzheimer's, caregivers and care providers.
The message boards have thousands of registered members from around the United States and thousands more who refer to the stories and information that is available 24 hours a day. The 2019 Walk to End Alzheimer’s is Saturday, October 5, 2019 at 7:30 a.m., Bicentennial Park, 500 Couch Drive, Oklahoma City. For team information, contact Jessica Daniels at 405/279-9068 or okcwalk@alz.org. The Alzheimer’s Association 24/7 Helpline provides reliable information and support to all who need assistance. Call toll-free anytime day or night: 1.800.272.3900: TDD 1.866.403.3073. Email: oksocial@alz.org
EMBARK... ON AN ADVENTURE By Lisa Sydnor
EMBARK, Oklahoma City’s public transportation system, has made significant strides in services to individuals with disabilities and seniors. Marilyn Dillon, Mobility Management Administrator, is an advocate for individuals with disabilities and seniors. She understands that getting from your front door to the bus stop at the end of the block may be impossible. Mobility issues are on the rise and as our aging population grows, transportation for those struggling to maintain their independence is critical. Dillon stated, “We are seeking new, innovative ways to serve individuals with disabilities and seniors . Walking a block can be impossible and prevents our citizens from maintaining their independence and self-sufficiency.
Often the lack of transportation forces a senior to leave their home. Our goal is to ensure accessible, affordable transportation. The newest program is EMBARK Well. It is a transportation pilot program for seniors age sixty (60) or over and provides free roundtrip, door-to-door transportation to six wellness locations across Oklahoma City with our transportation network provider, SendaRide®. The program is designed to provide transportation that allows seniors to enjoy the benefits of a healthy life style.
EMBARK Well launches on July 1, 2019.
FREE EMBARK programs for riders 60 and older that live within the service area include the Congregate Meal Transportation and STEP-Shopping Shuttle (405-297-2583). The free congregate meal transportation is a service for the Oklahoma County Senior Nutrition Project. Citizens 60 and older, who live within the service area, are provided round trip van service to a local nutrition site for morning activities and a noon meal. The free STEP-Shopping Shuttle provides donation based van service to and from designated grocery stores for persons 60 and older who live within the service area. Participants are picked up at their home, senior center, or congregate meal site. EMBARK partners with Sunbeam Family Services (405-528-7721) referring seniors needing a Senior Companion; and, connects candidates to RSVP Provide-a-Ride. (405605-3106) Additionally, social service agencies may coordinate a free ride to an essential medical appointment for seniors (60 and older) when there are no other viable options.
Discounted bus fares and passes are half price for persons 65 and older, persons on Medicare, or persons with a qualifying disability. Participants must show an EMBARK photo ID or Medicare card. The fare is good on all fixed route bus service in Oklahoma City. 405-235-RIDE (7433) Did you know you can get faster, easier fares with the EMBARK Mobile Fare App, powered by Token Transit? Your bus pass is then on your phone enabling you to ride with ease and convenience. Download the APP! Want to know when your bus will arrive? EMBARK has the technology that can tell you just that – it’s the rider tools. All bus stop sign poles feature a stop ID number and route service sign. Once you know your unique stop ID number; text “EMBARK” followed by the 3-digit route number “###” and “stop ID number” to 41411. For information on EMBARK programs for those 60 and older or the disabled, call Becky at 405-297-2583.
Be our Guest! Caring for Caregivers: Topic Driven Learning Series
HIT PAUSE: Inhale confidence…Exhale doubt As caregivers we often forget the critical need to rewind, recharge, refresh, and rejuvenate!
Caring for Caregivers: Topic Driven Learning Series is designed to provide resources, programs and opportunities to help you and your loved ones on this uncertain journey. You are not alone. Although, you may feel as you are the only person struggling… you are not! These events are designed to provide information, identify needs, find ways to incorporate self-care in daily life. This is for YOU, offering innovative solutions and opportunities to take charge of in your own self-care. If you don’t take care of you, you can’t take care of others.
A Meal is provided at no cost, You MUST RSVP. Space is limited but still available.
You may be eligible to receive a respite voucher to pay for your loved one’s care while you attend the meeting. Call 405-271-5700 x47801 Meal is included in this complementary learning opportunity. RSVP by Noon Monday, June 10, 2019 for the June 11th series 405-314-7840 or l.sydnor@betterwithageok.com. Directions: 715 NE 122nd Street is east of Broadway Extension on 122nd to Market Place Dr., turn left into Market Place complex: 715 is the FIRST building on the left. July 9 Cox Building Pain Management Dinner 5:30pm-7:30pm doors open at 5pm
Save the Dates:
July 16 NEWVIEW Oklahoma Pain Management Brunch 10am-12pm doors open at 9:30am Aug 13 Cox Building Healthy Lifestyle Dinner 5:30pm-7:30pm doors open at 5pm