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from CAREGIVER Magazine-Providing Options And Support-Issue 19-February/March 2022

The Legendary LOVE

By Lisa Sydnor

The staff of CAREGIVER Magazine is committed to The staff of CAREGIVER Magazine is committed to connecting connecting those in need with services and programs. those in need with services and programs. If you have a question or you are looking for services, call 405-314-7840 or email If you have a question, call 405-314-7840 l.sydnor@betterwithageok.com; include your name and phone or email l.sydnor@betterwithageok.com Include number in the message. We can help you find resources such as 211; NewView Oklahoma; Will Rogers Senior Center; a home your name and phone number in the message. health care agency; a place to live, fraud prevention, etc.

Romance Scams: Where has all the love gone?

The FBI defines an elder as someone 60+ years of age. According to the 2020 Elder Fraud Report by the FBI/Internet Crime Complaint Center, the “love” has gone to the scammers. There was a 30% increase in romantic scams reported from 2019 to 2020. Preliminary estimates predict the increase of such cases from 2020 to 2021 will be from 43-48% with a monetary impact of over $1 BILLION. The report verifies and supports other findings over the past 15 years that isolation and loneliness are the most common complaints by seniors and shut-ins. The report speculates that being quarantined due to COVID has contributed to feelings of loneliness and depression leaving seniors more susceptible to scammers. Isolation and loneliness are pervasive across the nation in every age group and quarantines are a major contributor to these conditions.

Oklahoma Insurance Department (OID) had a virtual fraud conference in May of 2021. One of the speakers, Amy Nofzigler, focused on romance scams. Nofzigler provided information on how scammers get your information, how to protect yourself, and specific things that are red flags. First, gift cards are not for making payments – they are for GIFTS only. If you are told to use gift cards to pay a bill, it’s a scam! No company or government agency accepts gift cards as payment.

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Romance scammers don’t always start on dating sites. Social media, including Facebook, Messenger, TikTok, & Instagram are especially popular, according to the Federal Trade Commission (FTC). The FTC warns people to be wary of any online relationship in which the person wants to leave the dating site immediately and use personal messaging, the person is fast to claim love or the person asks for money without meeting face-to-face. There are good people in the world. Don’t let a bad one ruin your life. Never give money, prepaid cards, transfer funds or provide financial information to anyone you don’t know. “Knowing” someone is much more than digital friends who say they need your help.

Grief increases our vulnerability. Scammers know your life, sometimes better than you do. Facebook, Instagram, and other social media are platforms for announcing the loss of a loved one. Scammers play the empathetic/sympathetic friend – the one who has traveled that road and ingratiate themselves to you. Seek counseling and support groups to assist you as you deal with grief. You must grieve! You must allow yourself time to heal. Do it wisely. Most support groups are free. Find the right support group and participate. Talk to a counselor. If you cannot afford one, contact your church, call 211, and ask everyone you know for a referral. This is not the time to huddle in your home alone. Isolation is not your friend.

Some warning signs you are being targeted by a scammer: • They are under a military contract, or on an oil rig, and cannot make or take phone calls. • They type in proper Queens English. They don’t understand American jokes. • They don’t know landmarks where they say they live. • They call you “my dear” or “dear” – not a common endearment. • If they “are in love at first sight” – That is phony at best. They should be as apprehensive of you as you are of them. Please see this as a huge red flag! • If they want you to download a different app or website. • Send communication through Facebook Messenger. • Contact you using any social media platform. Be wary. • You get the same text message about their life from several people with different names and locations. • Refusal to meet face-to-face.

• If you are asked to “friend” someone who has no friends and/ or you have no friends in common, don’t friend them. It is most likely a scam. • If it is a newly established account with only a few photos of them looking perfect in every Image. • If the person you are corresponding with encourages you to not tell your friends and family about your relationship, it’s a scam.

This list goes on and on. Be honest with yourself. Does it feel wrong? Is anything out of sync? Is this a familiar scenario? Look for red flags. No matter what – don’t send any financial information or money. Keep all correspondence, copies of receipts and report suspects to OID, OK City Police, FBI, Office of Attorney General, or, Oklahoma County Sheriff’s Department. Report them. Help destroy this multi-billion dollar criminal operation. Don’t let them take your love and faith in humanity away from you. We need all the love we can get. Don’t fall for their financial trap.

Remember, over-the-top compliments are not real. You are not the ”most beautiful;” the “most” anything. They are playing to your emotions and insecurities. As a young mother of 3, I worked two jobs for years. I was hired to tend bar at a small neighborhood club. The woman who hired me gave me the best advice. She said, “Remember, you are not the sexiest, most beautiful, best-looking person. You do not have the most beautiful smile, legs, hair – or the “Most” anything else. That is a customer looking for an edge: free drink – heavy shots – an advantage – an opportunity. Tomorrow they won’t recognize you or remember your name. If you don’t listen to the lies and treat everyone the same, not only will you maintain your self-respect, but also, make more money.” That advice kept me on the right path. It is the same with romance scammers.

Don’t buy into the hogwash!

To learn more about how fraud works and preventative measures we can take to protect ourselves, check out the HOODWINKED conference from Oklahoma Insurance Department at: Hoodwinked | Oklahoma Insurance Department.

If you are concerned that you have been targeted by a scammer; if you are grieving the loss of a loved one; if you feel lonely or isolated, take action! Make the suggested phone calls; call a friend; call organizations or state agencies or AskLisa (405-314-7840) until you find help. Don’t isolate yourself.

I know there are times the loneliness and isolation are overwhelming. There are as many contributing factors as there are people; death, divorce, relocation – whether yours or a loved one, illness, quarantine, and lack of mobility. All of these circumstances and many more, seem paralyzing. Take charge. Take back your life. Keep your money. Keep your dignity. Block their numbers. Report them. We care about your physical, emotional and financial well-being.