Michael Sobell Hospice R4

What do I do now?

A guide to help with practical and emotional issues around death

Telephone:

020 8106 9201

Michael Sobell Hospice, Mount Vernon Hospital, Northwood, Middlesex HA6 2RN www.michaelsobellhospice.org

Telephone:

0208 759 0453

Harlington Hospice, Lansdowne House, St. Peters Way, Harlington, Hayes UB3 5AB www.harlingtonhospice.org

Contents 1. What to do first ��������������������������������������������������������� Page 2 2. When is the Coroner involved? �������������������������������� Page 4 3. How do I register the death? ������������������������������������ Page 5 4. Funeral arrangements �������������������������������������������� Page 10 5. Financial assistance ������������������������������������������������Page 11 6. When arranging a funeral ��������������������������������������� Page 13 7. Solicitors, Wills and legal matters ��������������������������� Page 18 8. People I may need to notify ������������������������������������ Page 18 9. Who needs to be informed about the death? ��������� Page 19 10. Grief and common reactions to loss ����������������������� Page 22 11. Grief thoughts ��������������������������������������������������������� Page 23 12. Looking after yourself ��������������������������������������������� Page 26 13. How children and adolescents grieve ��������������������� Page 28 14. How to respond to children ������������������������������������� Page 28 15. Local advice and support organisations ����������������� Page 31 16. National bereavement support organisations ��������� Page 33 17. General practical advice ����������������������������������������� Page 35

The staff at Michael Sobell Hospice and Harlington Hospice would like to express their sympathy to you and your family in your bereavement.

The death of someone close can be one of the most distressing experiences anyone has to face. Decisions and arrangements have to be made at a time when you may be experiencing confusing thoughts, feelings and emotions.

We hope that the practical and emotional advice and information in this booklet will help you at this difficult time.

We believe that every moment matters for each person we care for. Every day we ensure that people get the very best care at end of life.

Many families choose to support the hospice as a way of celebrating the life of their loved one. If you would like more information on ways to give back to Michael Sobell Hospice or Harlington Hospice, then please see page 16.

Please note that this booklet has been written during the COVID-19 pandemic and therefore information may be subject to change.

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What to do first What to do when someone dies in Michael Sobell Hospice Before the death can be registered, you will require a Medical Certificate that states the Cause of Death (MCCD). This is normally issued by a Hospice Doctor and will be given to you by the staff at the Hospice.* The Ward staff will need to know if a cremation rather than burial is planned as a special form has to be completed by the Doctors.

You will be able to collect your loved one’s property and valuables at this time.

The Hospice staff will explain what you need to do next and help with any questions you may have. They will also contact your relative’s GP and other medical teams to inform them of the death.

You will be asked for the name of your Funeral Director in order to arrange for the removal of your loved one’s body as we do not have a mortuary facility at the Hospice.

What to do when someone dies at home Before the death can be registered, you will require a Medical Certificate that states the Cause of Death (MCCD). This is normally issued by your GP. *During the COVID-19 pandemic, this will be emailed to the Registrar and the staff at the Hospice will let you know when this has been done.

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Viewing your loved one’s body It is completely up to you whether you would like to see the body of your loved one after death; it can be helpful to take this time, particularly for family and friends who were not able to visit before death.

Children and young people may also express a wish to see the body; this can be beneficial both now and in the future in helping them to come to terms with the death.

Viewing is possible at the Hospice in the immediate hours after death. Please talk to the Nursing Staff if you would like to discuss this and they will help you.

Your Funeral Director will let you know about their chapel of rest arrangements whilst your loved one is in their care.

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When is the Coroner involved?

In some circumstances the death may, by law, have to be discussed with the Coroner. In the Hospice, this mainly relates to illnesses which are possibly work related such as Mesothelioma, the asbestos related cancer.

A death following a recent fall, accident or operation also needs to be discussed with the Coroner to agree the cause of death.

The staff will talk through with you why the referral to the Coroner has been made and will explain the process to you – it very rarely delays the funeral.

After discussion, the Coroner usually gives permission for the Hospice Doctor to issue the Medical Certificate of Cause of Death (MCCD).

If the cause of death is still unclear, with no known diagnosis, the Coroner may order a post mortem (examination of the dead body). You will be informed of this decision but consent is not required as the Coroner has a legal right to request a post mortem.

This is extremely unusual for an expected death with a known diagnosis in the Hospice.

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How do I register the death?

Once you have been notified that the Medical Certificate of Cause of Death is available, you must register the death within five days of the death. This is a legal requirement.

Appointments with the Registrar During the COVID-19 pandemic this will be done by phone.

Book a telephone appointment by calling:Hillingdon Register Office Civic Centre Uxbridge Middx UB8 1UW Tel: 01895 250418 Opening times: 09.30 – 15.30 (Monday to Friday) Who can register the death?

• A relative • A person present at the time of death • The person arranging the funeral (this does not include the Funeral Director) What will I need to register the death?

The Registrar will need the Medical Certificate of Cause of Death. At present, this is being emailed direct from the Hospice but, in the future, you will need to collect it from the Hospice and take it to your appointment with you.

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If the deceased was a married woman, what the Registrar The Registrar’s Office location map will need to know: Civic Centre, High Street, Uxbridge, Middlesex UB8 1UW Telephone: (01895) 250418 A4

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What will happen at the Register’s Office?

There are a number of questions you will be required to answer. It may be helpful to you to prepare in advance by jotting the answers down beneath each question.

What date did the death occur? What was the place of death? ………………………………………………………………………

What was the full name of the deceased person? ………………………………………………………………………

Was the deceased person a married woman? ………………………………………………………………………

If so, what was her maiden name? ………………………………………………………………………

What was the date of birth of the deceased person? ………………………………………………………………………

What was the place of birth of the deceased person? ………………………………………………………………………

What was the occupation of the deceased person? ………………………………………………………………………

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If the deceased was married or in a civil partnership, is there a surviving spouse or civil partner? ………………………………………………………………………

If applicable, the name and occupation of the deceased’s spouse or civil partner? ………………………………………………………………………

If applicable, what is the date of birth of the surviving partner? ………………………………………………………………………

What was the address of the deceased person? ………………………………………………………………………

Was the deceased person receiving a pension or an allowance from public funds? ………………………………………………………………………

Do you have the medical card of the deceased person? If so, take it with you to the Register’s Office. ………………………………………………………………………

Do you have any forms from the Coroner? If so, take them with you to the Register’s Office. ………………………………………………………………………

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What happens next and what the Registrar will give to you Once the questions have been asked the Registrar will issue the following documents: • Death Certificate Death Certificate (each certificate costs £11). You are advised to obtain several copies of this as you will need original copies for notifying banks, insurance companies and other institutions.

These may include: • • • •

Bank accounts Insurance Policies Loyalty cards Credit cards and loans

• • • •

Cars Mortgages Administration of a Will Probate

Death certificates online: www.ukofficialrecords.co.uk/death_certificates/city/deathcertificate-hillingdon.asp • Tell Us Once Service You will be given a unique code to the deceased which you can submit online or via phone. This code will inform various government and local councils of death with one call.

• Certificate for Burial or Cremation You will need to take this into your chosen Funeral Director as soon as possible. This form gives permission for burial or for an application for cremation to be made – during COVID this will be emailed to your chosen Funeral Director.

• Registration or Notification of Death Certificate: Form BD8 This form is for the Department of Work and Pensions (Benefit Agency). This can be used in the event of any claims for benefits.

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Funeral arrangements A funeral is an opportunity to say goodbye in a way that is right for the bereaved and for the person who died. Many people want the funeral to reflect the character, way of life, beliefs and values of the deceased.

Contacting a Funeral Director: We understand that it can be a daunting task to contact a Funeral Director and sometimes hard to decide which one to use. Where possible, it is advisable that you choose and contact a Funeral Director within 24-72 hours following the death.

You may find it helpful to contact several Funeral Directors and ask the following questions: 1. How much will it cost?

2. What options do I have?

3. What transport options are there?

4. What types of services do you offer?

5. What deposit is required?

6. What are my payment options?

Arranging the funeral yourself: If you do not wish to use a Funeral Director, it is possible to arrange all or part of the funeral yourself. You may find it useful to contact The Natural Death Centre. Details below: The Natural Death Centre In the Hill House, Watley Lane Twyford, Winchester SO21 1QX Telephone: 01962 712690 Website: naturaldeath.org.uk 10

Financial assistance

Funeral costs (which can range from £900 to £5,000) are normally recovered from the deceased’s estate, but the person organising the funeral will be responsible for paying the bill. It is advisable to identify where the money will come from before you make arrangements.

Many Funeral Directors require payment before Probate is granted, so ensure you discuss payment from an early stage.

Some banks and building societies will release money to pay for the funeral before probate is granted.

Funeral Expenses Payment Contact : 0800 731 0469 (Option 2) DWP Bereavement Service Helpline You may be entitled to help with funeral costs through the DWP Social Fund if you are currently receiving certain benefits.

Bereavement Support Payment Contact : 0800 731 0469 (Option 2) DWP Bereavement Service Helpline A lump sum of £2,500 plus 18 monthly payments of £100 is paid to a surviving spouse/partner who is under state pensionable age. It is NOT means-tested and is non-taxable.

Claims must be made within 3 months of the death.

The above DWP Helplines will advise on the 2 payments above, and give general benefits advice Further details on www.gov.uk/when-someone-dies “What to Do When Someone Dies: Step by Step” 11

Down to Earth Contact 0208 983 5055 quakersocialaction.org.uk/we-can-help/helping-funerals/downearth A charity that may also be able to help with funeral costs .

In some cases where no one is able to pay for the funeral, the local authority will help, but it is important to contact them before the funeral is arranged. Your Funeral Director will be able to advise you.

Funeral Arrangements: Your Funeral Director will be able to help you with all arrangements, including the following: • • • • • • •

Choosing a Crematorium or Burial Site Choosing transport Choosing a coffin Donations and flowers Choosing a Humanist, Religious Leader or Minister Special requirements Orders of service

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When arranging a funeral • Do you want to spend time with your loved one at the Funeral Director’s Chapel of Rest or perhaps bring them home before the funeral? Is the coffin to be open or closed?

This may affect decisions about preservative treatment (embalming) of the body.

• What style of funeral is required – traditional religious, a civil funeral (which may include some religious elements) or a funeral with no religious content? Do you want a private burial or cremation followed by a memorial event?

• The major decision is whether to have a burial or cremation if this is not predetermined by your religion, culture, or the expressed wishes of the deceased. This will help you decide where the funeral is to take place.

• Your answer to the question about the style of funeral will influence other content such as ideas about music and readings and who might contribute.

• Do you want a funeral cortege (i.e. the hearse and any following cars) to leave from a family home or will people assemble at the place of the ceremony?

• What type of coffin would you prefer? There is a huge range available from traditional solid wood, banana leaf and wicker through to cardboard decorated with artwork using a picture or photo of your own choice.

• Most funerals include a gathering of mourners after the ceremony with refreshments served. The venue might be your own home, a church hall, a pub or a more formal venue such as a hotel. Numbers have been severely restricted during the pandemic.

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• Think about your budget and how many people may attend to help with your decision. Legally, most of the expenses connected with the funeral can be claimed from the money left by the deceased but a gathering of mourners is not considered an essential funeral cost.

• Many funerals now give people the opportunity to give donations to charity instead of floral tributes. If the person who has died did not nominate a charity themselves you may want to think about a charity that has supported them in their final days. Most hospitals and hospices have funds to which donations can be made.

• Many mourners appreciate guidance about what to wear. If there will be mourners from faith/cultural traditions different from your own, they will especially appreciate guidance about cultural/religion specific customs. Some families request that mourners wear a specific colour.

You can take time to decide on the design of a headstone for a grave or you may want to consider an alternative memorial such as a bench or tree. In the case of a headstone, you will generally be advised to allow some months to pass before installation.

If you are arranging a cremation, there are many choices available for what you do with the ashes (cremated remains).

There are also a wide variety of style of containers (urns) that can be used to store the ashes while you make a decision. The ashes can be stored at the crematorium or at home.

The number of decisions to be made just for the funeral can seem daunting. Unless you have to arrange the funeral quickly for whatever reason, you can take your time, talk with family members and close friends and ask as many questions of your Funeral Director as you need to.

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Burial: The cost of a grave space, plot and headstones vary and it is worth getting several quotes.

The cost of a burial for someone who lives outside of the Council where the cemetery or church yard is based is usually higher. A deed of grant will exist if a plot or space has been paid for within a cemetery.

What can I do with the ashes?

You may choose to do one of the following: • Scatter ashes at a favourite place • Bury or scatter them at a crematorium, cemetery or churchyard • A garden of remembrance • Use them for jewellery or a memorial piece of art • Bury them alongside or underneath a rose bush, bird bath, tree or bench • Keep them If you choose to scatter or bury ashes you will be required to get permission or a licence if it is not a designated site. If you wish to go abroad, there are legal requirements. Your Funeral Director can assist with this.

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Celebrating the life of your loved one and creating a lasting legacy After receiving support from Michael Sobell Hospice or Harlington Hospice, many people feel they would like to give something back to the hospice as a way of thanking the hospice and celebrating the life of their loved one.

There are different ways for you to be involved: Donations You can request donations to the hospice in lieu of flowers at the funeral of your loved one. Your Funeral Director should be able to help with this process. Our team is also available to discuss various online platforms and will be able to assist you in setting these up.

You may choose to make a donation or regular gift, knowing that you are helping us make a difference with other families.

Alternatively, you may prefer to leave a gift to the hospice in your Will, ensuring that we can help generations to come.

Heart Felt Tribute Fund You can create a Tribute Page on our website, or you can contact the fundraising team to help you set this up. This is a special way to remember a loved one, share memories and help raise vital funds for the hospice. This long-lasting tribute can be shared with family and friends and is a wonderful platform to share memories; upload photographs, videos and even favourite music tracks.

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Remembrance Service The annual Light Up A Life Service offers you an opportunity to remember your loved ones by making a dedication and attending an event each November/December where families come together in a short multi-faith service.

Events We have a busy programme of events including walks, challenge events, sky diving or community days. You can also organise your own event with support from our Fundraising Team.

Charity of the Year You may want to ask your company, sports or social group, or school to choose Michael Sobell Hospice or Harlington Hospice as its charity of the year.

For help with making a donation, more information about supporting us or how to get involved you can contact the Fundraising Team: By phone: 0208 106 9222 By email: fundraising@michaelsobellhospice.co.uk Or visit our websites: www.michaelsobellhospice.org or www.harlingtonhospice.org We are always grateful for any donation made.

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Solicitors, Wills and legal matters Probate (administration of an estate) This is the legal process for the distribution of the estate (money, property etc).

You will need to establish if the deceased person had made a Will. This may be found at their bank, solicitor, home, with family or friend if registered. The executor/s is/are legally responsible for administering the estate according to the Will.

Named executors can administer the person’s estate on their own (information online www.gov.uk) or they may prefer the help of a solicitor.

When someone dies without make a Will, they are said to have died intestate and different rules apply (information online www.gov.uk)

People I may need to notify Tell Us Once service brings together several organisations so you do not have to notify them individually of the death: • • • • •

Department for Work and Pensions (DWP) HM Revenues and Customs Local authorities Driver and Vehicle Licensing Agency (DVLA) Identity and Passport Service (IPS)

To use this service, the death must have been registered; the registrar will give you information about the service or online at www.gov.uk/tell-us-once 18

Who needs to be informed about the death?

Picking up the telephone to tell close family or complete strangers such as an employer about the death is usually sad and difficult. You may want to ask people you trust to let their branch of the family know or a friend to let other members of their social network know. Once you know when the funeral is, keep the details by the phone so anyone can answer and give this information.

For someone who is working or recently retired, a manager or colleague will know who it would be appropriate to inform in the workplace.

Social networking sites, such as Facebook, may be the equivalent of an address book, but with far more entries.

Otherwise an address book, or contacts on a computer or mobile phone will be very helpful.

You will probably want to make a separate list of family and personal friends to be contacted but we have made some suggestions here of other people to be notified. It is always a good idea to keep a note of who you spoke to and the date and time of the call.

Banks etc., should be contacted quickly to secure the estate and prevent fraud and also the Department for Work and Pensions’ agencies to avoid accidental overpayment of benefits which will later have to be repaid to the government.

Take copies of important documents and if you post any documents, make a note of when and where you sent them.

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This checklist may be helpful for notifying about the death: Domestic and personal       

Cancel appointments Council offices Gas/electricity/water Rental/hire purchase Telephone/mobile/internet Vehicle licensing Social services (cancel care)

      

Clubs/associations Dentist Newspaper/milk deliveries Royal Mail – post TV licensing Landlord Children’s school nursery

Employment / Pension  Dept for Work and Pensions  Employer  Trade Union  Inland Revenue  Professional organisations Legal / Financial  Bank/building societies  Insurance companies  Store cards

 Credit cards  Solicitor

Items that might need returning/cancelling:    

 Disabled parking permit  National Insurance card  Passport

Driving licence Library cards Season tickets Pension/benefit books

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Returning medication and other equipment: Medication must be returned to your local pharmacist preferably to the place that dispensed it – they have a legal obligation to assist with unwanted medication, particularly controlled drugs (such as Morphine).

The District Nursing team will be able to offer advice about other equipment and documentation.

Please do not hesitate to contact the Hospice if you need advice about any of the above.

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Grief and common reactions to loss Grief is a normal reaction to loss for both adults and children.

It is an individual experience which affects us all in different ways: emotionally, physically, socially, and in many practical areas of life.

There is no right or wrong way to be following bereavement.

Would it surprise you that all these reactions are normal and healthy symptoms of grief?

Hyperactive Vulnerability Avoiding people Angry Crying Sobbing

Relief Over sensitive Constantly tired Forgetfulness Dreams of your loved one Unable to cry

Irritability Dependent Lack of initiative Slowed thinking Wandering aimlessly Tight chest and throat

However, singly, or in combination, they can feel overwhelming. It’s OK to express these feelings; it can sometimes help to talk to people: a friend, neighbour, GP or health professional.

Emotionally The range of emotions felt following a bereavement are vast.

Some of the more common ones are: Guilt, Anger, Relief, Despair, Apathy, and Loneliness. Some people feel too numb to experience any other emotion for a while.

Physically You may notice changes in sleeping patterns and appetite.

Some people feel panicky and restless. Others feel exhausted, especially if you had been providing care. Your immune system could be low and you may be prone to infections.

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Spiritually If you have spiritual or religious beliefs, they can be of comfort and a very important source of support. If you’ve never explored these possibilities before you may now decide you’d like to. Unfortunately, a bereavement may also make you question your faith.

Socially and financially Bereavement can sometimes set you apart from friends, relatives and neighbours at a time when you think you should be able to cope because you have their support. But no-one can replace the person who has died, and you feel isolated and alone in your grief. You may experience difficulties with managing or sorting out finances and dealing with other practical issues.

Grief thoughts Grief is a very personal experience and different for each of us. When someone important in our life dies, our life can be thrown into turmoil and it can affect every level of our being.

These feelings can be particularly intense in the first few days.

“I don’t have the energy or feel motivated to do things anymore: nothing seems important now” After a death you may feel overwhelming numbness and intense shock, or you may find yourself angry or helpless or consumed by sadness.

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“I feel like I am going mad, my emotions are all over the place” Grief can also be a very frightening experience, as you could find yourself confused and forgetful. While this feeling of losing control can be extremely disconcerting, you can find reassurance in knowing that over time it will pass.

“I often hear them talking to me and feel their presence” Another aspect of grief is searching. When we lose something, we naturally try to search for it. For example, you may find yourself looking in a crowd for the person who has died, or listening for them when the telephone rings. You may even see them in the street or your house. These vivid experiences are frightening but completely normal and not a sign of madness. Some people find these experiences comforting and reassuring.

“Where was God? Why did this have to happen?”

When someone dies, it can challenge our beliefs. It can also be the way we make sense and find meaning in the pain and suffering experienced with loss.

“Why did this have to happen, it’s wrong and unfair?”

Anger is a common reaction to loss. You may find yourself blaming God, family, friends, the hospital and medical staff, or even the person who has died. This anger can also be turned inwards, sometimes leading to feelings of guilt because of things you did or did not do. These emotions can feel intense, however, often pass in time.

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“They were so ill I felt relieved when they died, now I feel so guilty to have felt that way” Guilt is also a common emotion, particularly if you feel relieved that a relative who was suffering from a distressing or painful illness has died. The best way to deal with these frightening feelings is to talk about them with a person you trust and who is prepared to listen to you.

“My heart keeps racing and I feel unwell” In addition to emotional changes, at times of grief your physical health may also be affected. You may experience restlessness and be compelled to keep busy but not always in a productive way.

You may be more sensitive to noise or want to avoid busy places. It is very common to have aching muscles and feel physical exhaustion, or to feel numb, or anxious and vulnerable. These symptoms will eventually subside, but if you have concerns about your physical health, it is always wise to consult your GP.

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Looking after yourself

• It is vital that you don’t expect too much from yourself.

Give yourself permission to be disorganized for a while.

Forgive yourself when you make mistakes. Muddle through, tomorrow is a new day.

• Take things slowly. Making big changes such as moving house, or changing your job should be delayed. You have suffered a huge loss and need to adjust to that change in your life first.

• Recall happy memories. Remembering the special times that you shared with the person who has died can be painful but comforting. Looking at photographs, making a memory book and keeping personal mementoes may help.

• It’s OK to express feelings • It’s OK not to cry • It’s important to make time to rest, think and sleep, as well as having time with family and friends.

• Try to let children share your grief and encourage them to express their feelings, maybe by talking, reading books, drawing or playing.

• If you are hurting, admit it and go with the pain • Ask for help, accept help • Keep to a routine to help you get through the day; this is especially useful for children 26

• Schedule activities to get you through the worst times (weekends, anniversaries, special days that you shared).

Accept your feelings as normal • Find different ways of expressing your feelings, maybe by exercising, listening to or playing music • Write your feelings or thoughts in a journal • Ask questions about what happened, it may help to have the facts • Remind yourself that you’re not going crazy. Your sleeping, eating, thinking, remembering, concentration and motivation will be up and down • Laugh and have fun without feeling guilty or bad about it

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How children and adolescents grieve Adults can be very concerned about the impact of bereavement on a child in the family.

Grief is a normal, natural and healthy response to loss for people of all ages and cultures, as we seek to make sense of what has happened, what this means to us and how we are feeling. Like adults, children and adolescents will vary greatly in the ways they experience and express their grief. Every family and each individual member will grieve in their own unique way.

How to respond to children Our experience and feedback from children and adolescents suggests that the following ways of responding can be helpful to them: • It’s OK for you and your children to feel sad, angry, confused, empty, guilty, anxious and many other emotions – and it’s OK if you don’t. But be ready to share feelings with your children. Trying to hide them can cause a child to feel confused and isolated.

• Be ready to listen. Children can suffer irrational fears and guilt, believing that they have done something to cause the death.

• Be ready to acknowledge what is being said without giving advice.

• Be ready to explain and answer questions honestly and clearly. You may have to do this over and over again, if necessary in words suitable for the child’s age.

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• Be prepared to admit you don’t know all the answers.

• Avoid giving incorrect information, half-truths or euphemisms, for example, ‘He/she has gone to sleep’ – use ‘dead’, ‘death’, ‘died’.

• Be aware that children may grieve in ways that are unexpected and baffling. A child who seems to be coping may suddenly become clingy, demanding, angry or aggressive. Bad behaviour may be a sign of distress, rather than naughtiness.

• Be ready to involve children and adolescents in planning and attending funeral ceremonies but ensure that they know what to expect and have support.

• Be ready to include children and adolescents in decisions, for example, where the ashes are to be scattered or the wording on the headstone.

• Be ready to offer lots of reassurance. Children and adolescents need to know that they are still loved and cared for through this difficult time.

• Be ready to keep the memory of the person alive by talking about them, looking at photographs of the person who has died, making a Memory Box and so on.

• Where possible try to maintain a normal routine while grieving, encouraging the child or adolescent to engage in normal and familiar activities.

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Children will often be afraid that someone else is going to die.

Try to recognise this feeling and put the fear into proportion.

Older children will realise that they, too, will die one day and may feel frightened and anxious or even indulge in reckless behaviour.

Children can lose themselves in play or activities more easily than adults. This does not mean that they have forgotten.

Children need to play and have fun and enjoy life.

When a family member dies, not only do children and adolescents have to cope with the loss of the person and their special relationship, they often experience secondary losses which may occur some time after the death, for example, loss of money, home, school.

A death may bring other changes in a child or adolescent’s life, for example, in their relationships with family and friends.

Schools need to be informed of the death of a significant person in the life of a child or adolescent as soon as possible.

Schools need to be informed of significant dates or anniversaries surrounding the death so that they are aware if any changes of behaviour or concentration occur in a child or adolescent and the reason why.

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Local advice and support organisations Harlington Hospice Bereavement Service (adult) 0300 365 3300 H4allcounselling@hillingdonmind.org.uk www.h4all.org.uk/counselling Counselling available to any adults who have experienced a bereavement. Available for families supported by Harlington Hospice and Michael Sobell Hospice.

Harlington Hospice children’s bereavement service (CABS) 0208 759 0453 www.harlingtonhospice.org/cabs Counselling available to bereaved children age 4-17 years and their families. For children of patients cared for by Harlington Hospice or Michael Sobell Hospice and bereaved children who live in Hillingdon. This service is also available to those who have experienced bereavement or have someone close to them with a life-limiting illness.

Bereavement Care (adult and children) 0208 427 5720 E-mail: admin@bereavementcareandsupport.co.uk www.bereavementcareandsupport.co.uk Trained volunteers to support adults and children in the London Boroughs of Harrow and Hillingdon.

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CNWL Talking Therapies Service Hillingdon (adult) 01895 206800 www.cnwltalkingtherapies.org Psychological therapies, self-referral accepted via the website for adults who are registered with a Hillingdon GP. Halo Children’s Foundation 07903 709622 E-mail: info@halochildrensfoundation.org.uk www.halochildrensfoundation.org.uk Suport for children facing loss through group art work and play cafe.

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National bereavement support organisations Child Bereavement UK 0800 028 8840 www.childbereavementuk.org CRUSE helpline 0808 808 1677 Monday - Friday 9:30 - 17:00 Tuesday, Wednesday & Thursday 9.30 - 20.00 Weekends 10.00 - 14.00 www.cruse.org.uk An organisation that offers general and practical advice, details on benefits and local CRUSE organisations to anyone who has been bereaved. CRUSE also provides bereavement counselling, and befriending.

The Good Grief Trust www.thegoodgrieftrust.org The Good Grief Trust is run by the bereaved for the bereaved.

Their aim is to help all those affected by grief in the UK by bringing all bereavement services together around the country, to ensure that everyone receives the support they need.

The Loss Foundation 0300 200 4112 www.thelossfoundation.org An organisation dedicated to providing bereavement support following the loss of a loved one to cancer, whether that be spouses, family members, friends or colleagues. They provide support events to help people at any point during their loss and create the opportunity to connect with those who have experienced something similar.

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Rip Rap www.riprap.org.uk Site developed for teenagers who have a parent with cancer – forums, information, advice, stories.

The Samaritans 116 123, 24 hour Service Offers confidential telephone support for all in despair Way Widowed and Young www.widowedandyoung.org.uk Way Widowed and Young provides a self-help social and support network for men and women widowed under the age of 50, and their children.

Winstons Wish 0808 802 0021 www.winstonswish.org.uk Supporting children and young people after the death of a parent or sibling.

Reference: Michael Sobell Hospice Bereavement Booklet Publication Date: December 2021 Review Date: December 2023

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General practical advice Government advice Excellent up to date advice about what to do after a death www.gov.uk/when-someone-dies Government Bereavement Service Helpline regarding Bereavement Support Payments and Funeral Expense Payments.

Contact: 0800 731 0469 Marie Curie A detailed guide to emotional and practical issues – download the booklet ‘When Someone Dies’ www.mariecurie.org.uk Money Advice Service Free comprehensive advice covering Bereavement Support Payments, Funeral Payments and other benefits www.moneyhelper.org.uk/en Contact: 0800 011 3797 Citizens Advice A huge source of advice on many topics relevant to coping with a death www.citizensadvice.org.uk Type in your post code on the Contact page to find your nearest branch or contact the national advice number Contact: 0800 144 8848 Stop Mail To stop unwanted direct mail and protect the identity of the deceased stopmail.co.uk Contact: 0808 168 9607 35

The Hospice would like to thank RNS Publications for publishing this information and the following pages contain some features from local services offering their help at this time.

Whilst the Hospice is grateful of their support it does not endorse or recommend any of the services that they provide.

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