Isabel Hospice Bereavement Booklet

When Someone Dies A practical guide for family and friends

www.isabelhospice.org.uk Registered Charity Number 1046826

All the staff at Isabel Hospice would like to offer our sincere condolences to you, your family and friends at this difficult time.

This booklet has been designed to be of practical use to you during your bereavement.

It aims to guide you through the necessary aspects and arrangements which need to be made.

To find out more about how we can support you, please contact our Family Support team on 01707 382563.

Contents What happens first

1-2

Registering a death

3-6

People you may need to inform

7

Experiencing grief

8

What may help

9

Isabel Hospice Bereavement Support

10-11

In-Memory

12-13

Comments and Service Quality

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What happens first Firstly you will need to nominate a Funeral Director of your choice. You can ask any Funeral Director for an estimated cost before making a commitment to use their services.

Following the death of your loved one, the Isabel Hospice Doctors will complete a medical referral form which is emailed directly to the Medical Examiner Office.

The Medical Examiner Office will receive notification of your loved one’s death and their patient notes from Isabel Hospice. The Medical Examiner will then review the information and propose a cause of death. They will also check to see that your loved one received the appropriate care before they died.

Your appointed Medical Examiner Officer (MEO) will then telephone you and inform you of the process. They will explain what the Isabel Hospice Doctor will be asked to write as the cause of death. They will also ask you whether you have any concerns regarding the care your loved one received.

The Medical Examiner Officer (MEO) will arrange for the Isabel Hospice Doctor to complete the Medical Certificate of Cause of Death (MCCD) which will then be emailed to the Hertfordshire Registration Service. You do not need to collect the Death Certificate from Isabel Hospice In-Patient Unit.

1

The Medical Examiner Officer/Bereavement Assistant will telephone you once the Medical Certificate of Cause of Death (MCCD) has been issued and you will be able to book an appointment to register the death online at www.hertfordshire.gov.uk/registeradeath You can attend the register office of your choice provided it is in Hertfordshire. If the Coroner is involved, they will review the medical information provided and make a decision on whether a post mortem examination is required or if the Hospice doctor can issue the Medical Certificate of Cause of Death (MCCD).

If a post mortem is required you will be designated a Coroner’s Officer who will inform you of the findings of the post mortem. If the Coroner is involved, you may only register the death after the Coroner has given permission to do so.

2

Registering a death Once the Medical Examiner Office (MEO) has contacted you to inform you that the Death Certificate has been sent to the registrars, you can then contact the registrars to make an appointment to register the death.

They will allocate a specific time for you to formally register a death. Registering a death is a legal requirement and should normally be done within five days. However, if the Coroner’s Office is involved, this will be different. Deaths must be registered in the county in which they occur. If you are unable to attend the area where the death occurred you must contact the registration service for advice.

Who may register a death?

Regulations state that only certain people can register a death with the Registrar of Births, Marriages and Deaths.

A relative of the deceased who was present at the time of death A relative of the deceased in attendance during the illness A relative of the deceased residing in the same local district A person present at the time of death The occupier, i.e. Matron or Officer in charge of a nursing home or rest home, provided they knew of the illness before the death The person responsible for the disposal of the body i.e. an executor, solicitor or similar

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You will need to know: The full name and address of the deceased (maiden name if applicable) Their date and place of birth The occupation of the deceased The name, date of birth and occupation of spouse if applicable If married more than once, the names of the former spouses

The Registrar will give you: A Certificate for Burial or Cremation (known as the Green Form) unless the Coroner has given you an Order for Burial or a Certificate for Cremation.

Whichever form you are given will be needed by the Funeral Director so that the funeral can be held A Certificate of Registration of Death (form BD8) for the Department for Work and Pensions In addition, you may buy as many copies of the Full Death Certificate as you require, for example for banks or insurance claims

4

Booking an appointment To book an appointment to register a death, please visit the Hertfordshire Registrars website. The online system allows you to book at any time, choose from any of the eight register offices and pre-order and pay for Death Certificates.

Please do not make an appointment until you have received a call from the Medical Examiner, to inform you that the Death Certificate has been securely scanned to the registrar. You will not be able to register the death until the registrar is in receipt of the Death Certificate.

5

Booking an appointment The addresses of the Hertfordshire Register Offices are: Bishops Stortford Riverside House, 2 Hockerill Street, CM23 2DL Cheshunt Bishops College, Churchgate, EN8 9XH Hatfield 19b, St. Albans Road East, Hatfield, AL10 0NG Hemel Hempstead The Forum, Marlowes, HP1 1DN Hertford County Hall, Pegs Lane, SG13 8DE Stevenage Danesgate House, Danesgate, SG1 1WW St.Albans The Gatehouse, 1 Victoria Square, 1 Victoria Street, AL1 3TF Watford 31 Hempstead Road, WD17 3EY To make an appointment, please visit: www.hertfordshire.gov.uk/registeradeath Or scan the QR code Alternatively, you may call them on: 0300 123 4045

6

People you may need to inform There may be various people or organisations who need to be informed of the death, including: Solicitors Bank or Building Society (if there is a joint account the partner can continue to draw cash) Employer or Trade Union (check if any wages or pensions are due) Tax Office Department for Work and Pensions to cancel pensions, allowances, benefits etc Local Social Services if meals on wheels, home care, day centre transport was used The Family Doctor (GP) Landlord Insurance including motor insurance (anyone driving a vehicle insured only in the deceased person’s name is not legally insured) Gas, electricity, telephone companies, Royal Mail, milk deliveries, newsagents (change the name for future accounts or cancel the service if the home is left unoccupied) Library, subscriptions, clubs

7

Experiencing Grief Grieving is part of bereavement and it can affect people in different ways.

You may experience some of the following: Numbness and difficulty accepting that the person has died Thinking you’ve seen or heard the person, or searching for them Difficulty sleeping or eating Feeling physically low or worrying about your health Sadness Anxiety and restlessness Guilt Anger Loneliness It can undermine your self-confidence Depression or feeling like you are going mad Finding difficulty in everyday situations and coping with relationships Disappointment about the plans and dreams that will never be fulfilled And sometimes, feelings of relief

8

What may help?

You may or may not have any of these feelings. It is important that you allow yourself to experience whatever feelings arise. It may be helpful at this time to be patient and kind with yourself, allowing space and time to grieve. Grieving can be exhausting and allowing time to rest can be beneficial. Sometimes it may be helpful to delay making important decisions or having unrealistic expectations of yourself.

Bereavement is one of the most painful experiences we have to endure, yet so many go through it without the need for medical attention. However, if you feel physically unwell and more concerned about your physical or emotional symptoms, please seek advice from your GP. Try to express your emotions Remember that you need time to think, rest and sleep Be gentle with yourself Try to accept that some things are beyond our control Don’t be afraid to ask for help

9

Isabel Hospice Bereavement Support Adult Service Our Bereavement Support team offers anyone linked to an Isabel Hospice patient, a confidential space helping you to cope with feelings of loss and grief. This is an open service which can be accessed at any time after the death, even if it has been months or years.

We have a fully trained Bereavement team who offer 1-1 sessions via telephone, online or face to face at our Welwyn Garden City sites.

We offer six sessions initially and will re-assess to continue support if required.

Grief Encounters is a bereavement support group which is for anyone in the community within our catchment area. It consists of 6 weekly sessions held in Welwyn Garden City, Hoddesdon and Bishop’s Stortford.

If you would like more information about our bereavement support, please call 01707 382563 or email family.support@isabelhospice.org.uk

10

Usual Practice During the month following death, family or friends for whom we have an address will be sent a letter and leaflet with details of our bereavement support. This will offer a call back, if requested, by our bereavement team in the third month on our ‘phone out’.

‘Phone out’ is always done in the third month following the death, we will call family and friends linked to the patient’s record without an address. Research suggests, this can be a helpful time, when initial support from others close to you may have subsided a little.

Children's Service We offer support to children whether or not they are linked to an Isabel Hospice patient.

We know that all children and young people grieve. It is normal, and children's grief is expressed differently to the adults around them. Each child is an individual and will face bereavement in their own special way. What we say about death to our children or when we say it, will depend upon their age, understanding and experiences and perhaps your family's beliefs or culture.

Our bereavement support is available to any child up to age of 18 who has experienced a bereavement, and have a GP in eastern Hertfordshire (our catchment area).

We offer 1:1 support and group support via face to face, school visits, telephone or online support.

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In Memory Funeral Donations There are many special, personal ways to give a gift in memory of your loved one at their service. Each invaluable gift helps Isabel Hospice continue to provide outstanding palliative care for all.

Many of our supporters organise for donations to be made to Isabel Hospice instead of flowers and we can provide donation envelopes and personalised collection boxes to distribute at the service.

Supporters can also set up an online funeral collection via our Always Loved Tribute page. The page offers friends and family a place to donate and also allows you to share funeral arrangements, leave messages of condolence, share photos or light a virtual candle.

In-Memory postal donations via cheque and one-off or regular on-line donations are gratefully accepted at any time.

To find out more please visit: www.isabelhospice.org.uk/inmemory or call our In-Memory team on 01707 954827 to find out more.

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In Memory Events Open to all, our remembrance events provide wonderful opportunities for families and friends to celebrate and remember precious times spent with loved ones who are no longer with us.

Lights of Love Lights of Love is a chance to come together with people who have been touched by our care, or who simply want to gather with others to remember someone special, near or far.

Held in the run up to Christmas in five locations across eastern Hertfordshire, the evenings offer an uplifting programme of seasonal music, song, readings, book of dedication and refreshments. There is a moment of reflection before switching on the ‘Lights of Love’ to mark the light and warmth brought to the world by those we remember.

Celebration of Life This family-friendly, summer afternoon gathering is a joyous and reflective mixture of live musical performances, readings and delicious teas in beautiful surroundings.

Please visit www.isabelhospice.org.uk/inmemory to find out more.

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Comments We're always pleased to receive suggestions (including any complaints) from you and your family, as these may help us to improve our services. You may speak with any member of staff looking after you about any aspect of your support, or visit our website www.isabelhospice.org.uk/compliments-andcomplaints/

Service Quality Although Isabel Hospice is an independent charity, we are regulated by the Care Quality Commission (CQC) which inspects Isabel Hospice on a regular basis to ensure we are providing high standards of care.

You are welcome to send comments (good or bad) to: www.cqc.org.uk/give-feedback-on-care Telephone: 03000 616161

Printed August 2025

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www.isabelhospice.org.uk Registered charity number: 1046826

The Hospice would like to thank RNS Publications for publishing this information and the following pages contain some features from services offering their help at this time.

Whilst the Hospice is grateful of their support it does not endorse or recommend any of the services that they provide.

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