Harlington Hospice Bereavement Booklet

What do I do now?

A guide to help with practical and emotional issues around death

24/7 Advice & Support: 020 3824 1268 Clinical Team:

020 8106 9201

harlingtonhospice.org info@harlingtonhospice.org

Contents What to do first........................................................ Page 2

When is the Coroner involved?.................................. Page 4

How do I register the death....................................... Page 5

Funeral arrangements............................................. Page 10

Celebrating someone’s life and creating a lasting legacy.......................................... Page 17

Solicitors, Wills and legal matters............................ Page 19

Grief and common reactions to loss........................ Page 23

Where to find advice and support........................... Page 32 Local advice and support............................... Page 32 National Bereavement Support organisations................................................. Page 34 General practical advice................................ Page 36

Our staff would like to express their sympathy to you and those close to you in your bereavement.

The death of someone close to us can be one of the most distressing experiences anyone has to face. Decisions and arrangements have to be made at a time when you may be experiencing overwhelming thoughts, feelings and emotions.

We hope that the practical and emotional advice and information in this booklet will help you at this difficult time.

Many families choose to support our charity as a way of celebrating the life of someone close to them. If you would like more information about ways to support our work then please go to page 17.

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What to do first What to do when someone dies at Michael Sobell House Before the death can be registered, the Hospice Doctors will email the paperwork about the cause of death to the Medical Examiner’s Office.

A Medical Examiner Officer will then contact you to discuss the cause of death and, if all are in agreement, the Hospice Doctor will email the Medical Certificate of Cause of Death (MCCD) to the Medical Examiner’s Office. They will then email it to the Registrar at Hillingdon Register Office.

After this, they will let you know that this has happened and then you can book a face-to-face appointment with Hillingdon Register Office in Uxbridge Town Centre. You can book online via www.hillingdon.gov.uk or by phone on 01895 250418.

You will be able to collect the property and valuables of the person who has died at a time convenient to you.

The staff will explain what you need to do next and help with any questions you may have. They will also contact the person’s GP and other medical teams to inform them of the death.

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What to do when someone dies at home or in a care home/nursing home This process is similar to that outlined on the previous page but, after being contacted by a Medical Examiner Officer, a GP will issue the Medical Certificate of Cause of Death and email it to the Medical Examiner’s Office. They will then email it to the Registrar at Hillingdon Register Office.

Viewing someone’s body It is completely up to you whether you would like to see the body of your loved one; it can be helpful to take this time, particularly for family and friends who were not able to visit before death.

Children and young people may also express a wish to see the body; this can be beneficial both now and in the future in helping them to come to terms with the death.

If your loved one died at the Inpatient Unit, it is possible to view their body there in the immediate hours after death.

Please talk to the Nursing Staff if you would like to discuss this and they will help you.

You can also liaise with your Funeral Director who will let you know about their chapel of rest arrangements whilst the deceased is in their care.

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When is the Coroner involved?

In some circumstances the death may, by law, have to be discussed with the Coroner. In the Inpatient Unit, this mainly relates to illnesses which are possibly work related such as Mesothelioma, the asbestos related cancer.

A death following a recent fall, accident or operation also needs to be discussed with the Coroner to agree the cause of death.

The staff will talk through with you why the referral to the Coroner has been made and will explain the process to you it very rarely delays a funeral.

After discussion, the Coroner usually gives permission for the Hospice Doctor to issue the Medical Certificate of Cause of Death (MCCD).

If the cause of death is still unclear, with no known diagnosis, the Coroner may order a post mortem (examination of the body). You will be informed of this decision but consent is not required as the Coroner has a legal right to request a post mortem.

This is extremely unusual for an expected death with a known diagnosis across the Hospice services.

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How do I register the death?

Once you have been notified that the Medical Certificate of Cause of Death (MCCD) has been sent to the Registrar, you must register the death within five days. This is a legal requirement.

Appointments with the Registrar The Registrar Office Civic Centre Uxbridge Middx UB8 1UW Tel: 01895 250418 or book online www.hillingdon.gov.uk Opening times: 09.00 - 16.00 (Monday to Friday) Who can register the death?

• A relative • A person present at the time of death • The person arranging the funeral (this does not include the Funeral Director)

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If the deceased was a married woman, what the Registrar will The Registrar’s need to know: Office location map

Civic Centre, High Street, Uxbridge, Middlesex UB8 1UW Telephone: 01895 250418 A4

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What will happen at the Registration Appointment?

There are a number of questions you will be required to answer. It may be helpful to you to prepare in advance by jotting the answers down beneath each question.

What date did the death occur? What was the place of death? ………………………………………………………………………

What was the full name of the deceased person? ………………………………………………………………………

Was the deceased person a married woman? ………………………………………………………………………

If so, what was her maiden name? ………………………………………………………………………

What was the date of birth of the deceased person? ………………………………………………………………………

What was the place of birth of the deceased person? ………………………………………………………………………

What was the occupation of the deceased person? ………………………………………………………………………

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If the deceased person was married or in a civil partnership, is there a surviving spouse or civil partner? ………………………………………………………………………

If applicable, what is the name and occupation of the deceased’s spouse or civil partner? ………………………………………………………………………

If applicable, what is the date of birth of the surviving partner? ………………………………………………………………………

What was the address of the deceased person? ………………………………………………………………………

Was the deceased person receiving a pension or an allowance from public funds? ………………………………………………………………………

Do you have the medical card of the deceased person? If so, take it with you to the Register Office. ………………………………………………………………………

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What happens next and what the Registrar will give to you Once the questions have been asked the Registrar will issue the following documents: • Death Certificate Death Certificate (at time of print each certificate costs £12.50). You are advised to obtain several copies of this as you will need original copies for notifying banks, insurance companies and other institutions.

These may include: • Bank accounts • Insurance policies • Loyalty cards • Credit cards and loans

• Cars • Mortgages • Administration of a Will • Probate

You can obtain Death Certificates online: www.ukofficialrecords.co.uk/death_certificates/city/deathcertificate-hillingdon.asp • Tell Us Once Service You will be given a code unique to the deceased which you use online or via phone. This code will inform various government and local councils of the death with one call.

• Certificate for Burial or Cremation You will need to take this into your chosen Funeral Director as soon as possible. This form gives permission for burial or for an application for cremation to be made.

• Registration or Notification of Death Certificate (BD8) This form is for the Department for Work and Pensions (Benefit Agency). This can be used in the event of any claims for benefits.

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Funeral arrangements A funeral is an opportunity to say goodbye in a way that is right for the bereaved and for the person who has died. Many people want the funeral to reflect the character, way of life, beliefs and values of the deceased person.

Contacting a Funeral Director We understand that it can be a daunting task to contact a Funeral Director and it is sometimes hard to decide which one to use. Where possible, it is advisable that you choose and contact a Funeral Director within 24-72 hours following the death.

You may find it helpful to contact several Funeral Directors and ask the following questions: 1. How much will it cost?

2. What options do I have?

3. What transport options are there?

4. What types of services do you offer?

5. What deposit is required?

6. What are my payment options?

Arranging the funeral yourself If you do not wish to use a Funeral Director, it is possible to arrange all or part of the funeral yourself. You may find it useful to contact The Natural Death Centre. Details below: The Natural Death Centre In the Hill House, Watley Lane, Twyford, Winchester SO21 1QX Telephone: 01962 712690 Website: naturaldeath.org.uk 10

Financial assistance Funeral costs (which can range from £1,000 to upwards of £5,000) are normally recovered from the deceased’s estate, but the person organising the funeral will be responsible for paying the bill. It is advisable to identify where the money will come from before you make arrangements.

Many Funeral Directors require payment before probate is granted (see page 19), so ensure you discuss payment from an early stage. Some banks and building societies will release money to pay for the funeral before probate is granted.

Funeral Expenses Payment Contact: 0800 151 2012 DWP Bereavement Service Helpline You may be entitled to help with funeral costs through the DWP Social Fund if you are currently receiving certain benefits.

Bereavement Support Payment Contact: 0800 151 2012 DWP Bereavement Service Helpline A lump sum of either £3,500 or £2,500 will be made, plus 18 monthly payments of either £350 or £100, if the surviving spouse/partner is under pensionable age. The higher rate will be paid if Child Benefit is being received or if the surviving spouse is pregnant. The payments are not means-tested or taxed and must be claimed within three months of the death.

The above DWP Helpline will advise on the two payments above, and give general benefits advice.

Further details on www.gov.uk/when-someone-dies “What To Do When Someone Dies: Step by Step” 11

Down to Earth Contact: 0208 983 5055 www.quakersocialaction.org.uk/we-can-help/helpingfunerals/down-earth A charity that may also be able to help with funeral costs.

In some cases where no one is able to pay for the funeral, the local authority will help, but it is important to contact them before the funeral is arranged. Your Funeral Director will be able to advise you.

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Funeral arrangements: Your Funeral Director will be able to help you with all arrangements, including the following: • Choosing a Crematorium or Burial Site • Choosing transport • Choosing a coffin • Donations and flowers • Choosing a Humanist, Religious Leader or Minister • Special requirements • Order of service

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When arranging a funeral • Do you want to spend time with your loved one at the Funeral Director’s Chapel of Rest or perhaps bring them home before the funeral? Is the coffin to be open or closed? This may affect decisions about preservative treatment (embalming) of their body.

• What style of funeral is required – traditional religious, a civil funeral (which may include some religious elements) or a funeral with no religious content? Do you want a private burial or cremation followed by a memorial event?

• The major decision is whether to have a burial or cremation if this is not predetermined by your religion, culture, or the expressed wishes of the deceased. This will help you decide where the funeral is to take place.

• Your answer to the question about the style of funeral will influence other content such as ideas about music and readings and who might contribute.

• Do you want a funeral cortege (i.e. the hearse and any following cars) to leave from a family home or will people assemble at the place of the ceremony?

• What type of coffin would you prefer? There is a huge range available from traditional solid wood, banana leaf and wicker through to cardboard decorated with artwork using a picture or photo of your own choice.

• Most funerals include a gathering of mourners after the ceremony with refreshments served. The venue might be your own home, a church hall, a pub or a more formal venue such as a hotel.

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• Think about your budget and how many people may attend to help with your decision. Legally, most of the expenses connected with the funeral can be claimed from the money left by the deceased but a gathering of mourners is not considered an essential funeral cost.

• Many funerals now give people the opportunity to give donations to charity instead of floral tributes. If the person who has died did not nominate a charity themselves you may want to think about a charity that has supported them in their final days. Most hospitals and hospices have funds to which donations can be made.

• Many mourners appreciate guidance about what to wear.

If there will be mourners from faith/cultural traditions different from your own, they will especially appreciate guidance about cultural/religion specific customs. Some families request that mourners wear a specific colour.

• You can take time to decide on the design of a headstone for a grave or you may want to consider an alternative memorial such as a bench or tree. In the case of a headstone, you will generally be advised to allow some months to pass before installation.

• If you are arranging a cremation, there are many choices available for what you do with the ashes (cremated remains). There are also a wide variety of style of containers (urns) that can be used to store the ashes while you make a decision. The ashes can be stored at the crematorium or at home.

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• The number of decisions to be made just for the funeral can seem daunting. Unless you have to arrange the funeral quickly for whatever reason, you can take your time, talk with family members and close friends and ask as many questions of your Funeral Director as you need to.

Burial The cost of a grave space, plot and headstone varies and it is worth getting several quotes.

The cost of a burial for someone who lives outside of the Council where the cemetery or church yard is based is usually higher. A deed of grant will exist if a plot or space has been paid for within a cemetery.

What can I do with the ashes?

You may choose to do one of the following: • Scatter ashes at a favourite place • Bury or scatter them at a crematorium, cemetery or churchyard • A garden of remembrance • Use them for jewellery or a memorial piece of art • Bury them alongside or underneath a rose bush, bird bath, tree or bench • Keep them If you choose to scatter or bury ashes you will be required to get permission or a licence if it is not a designated site. If you wish to go abroad, there are legal requirements. Your Funeral Director can assist with this.

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Celebrating someone’s life and creating a lasting legacy Many families and friends choose to support Harlington Hospice as a way of thanking the team who cared for someone close to them and celebrating the life of their loved one. There are many ways you can do this: Special Moments Tribute Page - Much Loved You can create a Tribute Page on our website. This is a special place to bring together treasured memories of your loved one and communicate information about the funeral, wake or other in memory events. Your Tribute Page can be shared with family and friends, creating an online memory box of photographs, videos and music. Visitors to your Tribute Page can even light virtual candles in memory of the deceased.

Funeral Collections You may wish to request donations in lieu of flowers at the funeral. Your Funeral Director should be able to help with this process. Alternatively, these donations can be collected through an online Tribute Page (see above), using the ‘donate’ button on our website or via collection tins and donation envelopes at the funeral.

Memory Tree Our special Memory Tree at Michael Sobell House displays copper, silver and gold leaves with engraved, personal dedications for those who are no longer with us. For a yearly or monthly payment, the leaves are displayed for a minimum of 12 months. You can then choose to renew your leaf or have it returned to you.

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Regular Giving You may wish to set up a Direct Debit or Standing Order to support people with serious and terminal illness now and in the future. Alternatively, you can take part in the Hospice Lottery.

Remembrance Event Our Light Up a Life Event takes place in November/December every year. Families and friends come together with us to celebrate the life of someone close to them at our special ceremony and you are very welcome to join us. Our short, non-religious, ceremony is filled with poems, songs and a moment of reflection.

Leaving a Legacy Leaving a gift in your Will is one of the most important things you can do to support people with serious and terminal illness in the future. We advise you to take legal advice when writing your Will but are happy to offer guidance where appropriate.

To find out more please contact our Fundraising Team on: Telephone: 0208 106 9222 Email: fundraising@harlingtonhospice.org Or visit our website: harlingtonhospice.org By donating, you will be making a difference to people with serious and terminal illness and those close to them. Thank you.

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Solicitors, Wills and legal matters Probate (administration of an estate) This is the legal process for the distribution of the estate (money, property etc).

You will need to establish if the deceased person had made a Will. This may be found at their bank, solicitors, home, or with family or a friend if registered. The executor/s is/are legally responsible for administering the estate according to the Will. Named executors can administer the person’s estate on their own (information online www.gov.uk) or they may prefer the help of a solicitor.

When someone dies without making a Will, they are said to have died intestate and different rules apply (information online www.gov.uk).

People I may need to notify Tell Us Once service brings together several organisations so you do not have to notify them individually of the death: • Department for Work and Pensions (DWP) • HM Revenue and Customs • Local authorities • Driver and Vehicle Licensing Agency (DVLA) • Identity and Passport Service (IPS) To use this service, the death must have been registered; the Registrar will give you information about the service or you can find it online at www.gov.uk/tell-us-once.

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Who needs to be informed about the death?

Picking up the telephone to tell close family or complete strangers such as an employer that someone has died is usually sad and difficult. You may want to ask people you trust to let their branch of the family know or a friend to let other members of their social network know. Once you know when the funeral is, keep the details by the phone so anyone can answer and give this information.

For someone who is working or recently retired, a manager or colleague will know who it would be appropriate to inform in the workplace.

Social networking sites, such as Facebook, may be the equivalent of an address book, but with far more entries.

Otherwise an address book, or contacts on a computer or mobile phone will be very helpful.

You will probably want to make a separate list of family and personal friends to be contacted but we have made some suggestions here of other people to be notified. It is always a good idea to keep a note of who you spoke to and the date and time of the call.

Banks etc should be contacted quickly to secure the estate and prevent fraud. The Department for Work and Pensions’ agencies should also be contacted to avoid accidental overpayment of benefits which will later have to be repaid to the government. Take copies of important documents and if you post any documents, make a note of when and where you sent them.

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This checklist may be helpful for notifying about the death: Domestic and personal  Cancel appointments  Clubs/associations  Council offices  Dentist  Gas/electricity/water  Newspaper/milk deliveries  Rental/hire purchase  Royal Mail – post  Telephone/mobile/internet  TV licensing  Vehicle licensing  Landlord  Social services (cancel care)  Children’s school/nursery Employment / Pension  Dept for Work and Pensions  Employer  Trade Union  Inland Revenue  Professional organisations Legal / Financial  Credit cards  Solicitor

 Bank/building societies  Insurance companies  Store cards

Items that might need returning/cancelling  Disabled parking permit  National Insurance card  Passport

 Driving licence  Library cards  Season tickets  Pension/benefit books

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Returning medication and other equipment: Medication must be returned to your local pharmacist preferably to the place that dispensed it – they have a legal obligation to assist with unwanted medication, particularly controlled drugs (such as Morphine).

The District Nursing team will be able to offer advice about other equipment and documentation.

Please do not hesitate to contact the Hospice Team if you need advice about any of the above.

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Grief and common reactions to loss Grief is a normal reaction to loss for both adults and children.

It is an individual experience which affects us all in different ways: emotionally, physically, socially, and in many practical areas of life.

There is no right or wrong way to be following a bereavement.

Would it surprise you to know that all these reactions are normal and healthy symptoms of grief?

Hyperactivity Vulnerability Avoiding people Angry Crying Sobbing Relief Over sensitive Constantly tired

Forgetfulness Dreams of your loved one Unable to cry Irritability Dependent Lack of initiative Slowed thinking Wandering aimlessly Tight chest and throat

Singly, or in combination, they can feel overwhelming. And it’s OK to express these feelings; it can sometimes help to talk to people: a friend, neighbour, GP or health professional.

Emotional reactions The range of emotions felt following a bereavement are vast. Some of the more common ones are: guilt, anger, relief, despair, apathy, and loneliness. Some people feel too numb to experience any other emotion for a while.

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Physical reactions You may notice changes in sleeping patterns and appetite.

Some people feel panicky and restless. Others feel exhausted, especially if you had been providing care. Your immune system could be low and you may be prone to infections.

Spirituality If you have spiritual or religious beliefs, they can be of comfort and a very important source of support. If you’ve never explored these possibilities before you may now decide you’d like to. Unfortunately, a bereavement may also make you question your faith.

Socially and financial impacts Bereavement can sometimes set you apart from friends, relatives and neighbours at a time when you think you should be able to cope because you have their support. But no one can replace the person who has died, and so you may feel isolated and alone in your grief. You may experience difficulties with managing or sorting out finances and dealing with other practical issues.

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Grief thoughts Grief is a very personal experience and is different for each of us. When someone important in our life dies, our life can be thrown into turmoil and it can affect every level of our being.

These feelings can be particularly intense in the first few days.

“I don’t have the energy or feel motivated to do things anymore: nothing seems important now.”

After a death you may feel overwhelming numbness and intense shock, or you may find yourself angry, helpless or consumed by sadness.

“I feel like I am going mad, my emotions are all over the place.”

Grief can also be a very frightening experience, as you could find yourself confused and forgetful. While this feeling of losing control can be extremely disconcerting, you can find reassurance in knowing that, over time, it will pass.

“I often hear them talking to me and feel their presence.”

Another aspect of grief is searching. When we lose something, we naturally try to search for it. For example, you may find yourself looking in a crowd for the person who has died, or listening for them when the telephone rings. You may even see them in the street or your house. These vivid experiences are frightening but completely normal and not a sign of madness. Some people find these experiences comforting and reassuring.

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“Where was God? Why did this have to happen?”

When someone dies, it can challenge our beliefs. It can also be the way we make sense and find meaning in the pain and suffering experienced with loss.

“Why did this have to happen, it’s wrong and unfair.”

Anger is a common reaction to loss. You may find yourself blaming God, family, friends, the hospital and medical staff, or even the person who has died. This anger can also be turned inwards, sometimes leading to feelings of guilt because of things you did or did not do. These emotions can feel intense, however, often pass in time.

“They were so ill I felt relieved when they died, now I feel so guilty to have felt that way.”

Guilt is also a common emotion, particularly if you feel relieved that a relative who was suffering from a distressing or painful illness has died. The best way to deal with these frightening feelings is to talk about them with a person you trust and who is prepared to listen to you.

“My heart keeps racing and I feel unwell.”

In addition to emotional changes, at times of grief your physical health may also be affected. You may experience restlessness and be compelled to keep busy but not always in a productive way.

You may be more sensitive to noise or want to avoid busy places. It is very common to have aching muscles and feel physical exhaustion, or to feel numb, or anxious and vulnerable. These symptoms will eventually subside, but if you have concerns about your physical health, it is always wise to consult your GP. 26

Looking after yourself • It is vital that you don’t expect too much from yourself.

Give yourself permission to be disorganised for a while.

Forgive yourself when you make mistakes. Muddle through; tomorrow is a new day.

• Take things slowly. Making big changes such as moving house, or changing your job should be delayed. You have suffered a huge loss and need to adjust to that change in your life first.

• Recall happy memories. Remembering the special times that you shared with the person who has died can be painful but comforting. Looking at photographs, making a memory book and keeping personal mementos may help.

• It’s OK to express feelings.

• It’s OK not to cry.

• It’s important to make time to rest, think and sleep, as well as having time with family and friends.

• Try to let children share your grief and encourage them to express their feelings, maybe by talking, reading books, drawing or playing.

• If you are hurting, admit it and go with the pain.

• Ask for help, accept help.

• Keep to a routine to help you get through the day; this is especially useful for children.

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• Schedule activities to get you through the worst times (weekends, anniversaries, special days that you shared).

Know that your feelings are normal.

• Find different ways of expressing your feelings, maybe by exercising, listening to or playing music.

• Write your feelings or thoughts in a journal.

• Ask questions about what happened, it may help to have the facts.

• Remind yourself that you’re not going crazy. Your sleeping, eating, thinking, memory, concentration and motivation will be up and down.

• Laugh and have fun without feeling guilty or bad about it.

For details of our Adult Bereavement Service, please see page 32.

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How children and adolescents grieve Adults can be very concerned about the impact of bereavement on a child in the family.

Grief is a normal, natural and healthy response to loss for people of all ages and cultures, as we seek to make sense of what has happened, what this means to us and how we are feeling. Like adults, the ways children and adolescents experience and express their grief will vary greatly. Every family and each individual member will grieve in their own unique way.

How to respond to children Our experience and feedback from children and adolescents suggests that the following ways of responding can be helpful to them: • It’s OK for you and your children to feel sad, angry, confused, empty, guilty, anxious and many other emotions – and it’s OK if you don’t. But be ready to share feelings with your children. Trying to hide them can cause a child to feel confused and isolated.

• Be ready to listen. Children can suffer irrational fears and guilt, believing that they have done something to cause the death.

• Be ready to acknowledge what is being said. But don’t feel you have to give advice.

• Be ready to explain and answer questions honestly and clearly. You may have to do this over and over again, in words suitable for the child’s age.

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• Be prepared to admit you don’t know all the answers.

• Avoid giving incorrect information, half truths or euphemisms. For example, ‘He/she has gone to sleep’ – use ‘dead’, ‘death’, ‘died’.

• Be aware that children may grieve in ways that are unexpected and baffling. A child who seems to be coping may suddenly become clingy, demanding, angry or aggressive. Bad behaviour may be a sign of distress, rather than naughtiness.

• Be ready to involve children and adolescents. Involve them in planning and attending funeral ceremonies but ensure that they know what to expect and have support.

• Be ready to include children and adolescents in decisions.

For example, where the ashes are to be scattered or the wording on the headstone.

• Be ready to offer lots of reassurance. Children and adolescents need to know that they are still loved and cared for through this difficult time.

• Be ready to keep the memory of the person alive. Talk about them, look at photographs of the person who has died, or perhaps make a memory box.

• Where possible try to maintain a normal routine while grieving, encouraging the child or adolescent to engage in normal and familiar activities.

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Children will often be afraid that someone else is going to die.

Try to recognise this feeling and put the fear into proportion.

Older children will realise that they, too, will die one day and may feel frightened and anxious or even indulge in reckless behaviour.

Children can lose themselves in play or activities more easily than adults. This does not mean that they have forgotten.

Children need to play and have fun and enjoy life.

When a family member dies, not only do children and adolescents have to cope with the loss of the person and their special relationship, they often experience secondary losses which may occur some time after the death. For example, this could be loss of money, home, school.

A death may bring other changes in a child or adolescent’s life, for example, in their relationships with family and friends.

Schools need to be informed of the death of a significant person in the life of a child or adolescent as soon as possible.

They also need to be informed of significant dates or anniversaries surrounding the death so that they are aware if any changes of behaviour or concentration occur in a child or adolescent and the reason why.

For details of our Child & Adolescent Bereavement Service, please see the following page.

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Local advice and support organisations Harlington Hospice Child & Adolescent Bereavement Service (CABS) 020 8759 0453 www.harlingtonhospice.org/cabs Counselling and art therapy available to bereaved children and young people age 4-17 years and their families. For children of patients cared for by Harlington Hospice and other bereaved children who live in Hillingdon. This service is also available to those who have someone close to them with serious or terminal illness.

Harlington Hospice Adult Bereavement Counselling Service 0208 106 9201 E-mail: PES@Harlingtonhospice.org www.harlingtonhospice.org/psychological-emotionalsupport Counselling available to adults who have experienced a bereavement.

Bereavement Care (adult and children) 0208 427 5720 E-mail: admin@bereavementcareandsupport.co.uk www.bereavementcareandsupport.co.uk Trained volunteers to support adults and children in the London Boroughs of Harrow and Hillingdon.

CNWL Talking Therapies Service Hillingdon (adult) 01895 206800 www.cnwltalkingtherapies.org Psychological therapies, self-referral accepted via the website for adults who are registered with a Hillingdon GP.

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Halo Children’s Foundation 07903 709622 E-mail: info@halochildrensfoundation.org.uk www.halochildrensfoundation.org.uk Hillingdon Adolescent Development Service Emotional Health and Wellbeing (Links Counselling) 01895 277222 E-mail: link@hillingdon.gov.uk careandsupport.hillingdon.gov.uk/services/2244 Counselling services for 13 - 24 year olds, free and confidential Based in the Hillingdon area but offers contact details for counselling services in other areas.

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National bereavement support organisations CRUSE helpline 0808 808 1677 Telephone helpline opening hours: Monday, Wednesday, Thursday & Friday 09:30 - 17:00 Tuesday 13:00 - 20:00 www.cruse.org.uk An organisation that offers general and practical advice, details on benefits and local CRUSE organisations to anyone who has been bereaved. CRUSE also provides bereavement counselling and befriending.

The Good Grief Trust www.thegoodgrieftrust.org The Good Grief Trust is run by the bereaved for the bereaved.

Their aim is to help all those affected by grief in the UK by bringing all bereavement services together around the country, to ensure that everyone receives the support they need.

The Loss Foundation 0300 200 4112 www.thelossfoundation.org An organisation dedicated to providing bereavement support following the loss of a loved one to cancer, whether that be spouses, family members, friends or colleagues. They provide support events to help people at any point during their loss and create the opportunity to connect with those who have experienced something similar.

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Hope Again www.hopeagain.org.uk Hope Again is the youth website of Cruse Bereavement Care.

It has been created for young people, by young people. They offer support, advice and a type of signposting service.

Samaritans 116 123 www.samaritans.org Free 24 hour telephone service and online services.

Offers confidential telephone support for all in despair.

Way Widowed and Young www.widowedandyoung.org.uk Way Widowed and Young provides a self-help social and support network for men and women widowed under the age of 50, and their children.

Winstons Wish 0808 802 0021 www.winstonswish.org Supporting children and young people after the death of a parent or sibling.

Reference: Harlington Hospice ‘What do I do now’ booklet Publication Date: September 2025 Review Date: September 2027

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General practical advice Government advice Up to date advice about what to do after a death www.gov.uk/when-someone-dies Government Bereavement Service Helpline regarding Bereavement Support Payments and Funeral Expense Payments.

Contact: 0800 151 2012 Marie Curie For a detailed guide to emotional and practical issues surrounding death, download the booklet ‘When Someone Dies’. www.mariecurie.org.uk 0800 090 2309 Money Helper Free comprehensive advice covering Bereavement Support Payments, Funeral Payments and other benefits. www.moneyhelper.org.uk/en 0800 138 7777 Citizens Advice A huge source of advice on many topics relevant to coping with a death. www.citizensadvice.org.uk Type in your postcode on the contact page to find your nearest branch Or contact the national advice number 0800 144 8848 Stop Mail To stop unwanted mail to the deceased. www.stopmail.co.uk Contact: 0808 168 9607 36

The Hospice would like to thank RNS Publications for publishing this information and the following pages contain some features from services offering their help at this time.

Whilst the Hospice is grateful of their support it does not endorse or recommend any of the services that they provide.

STOPPING JUNK MAIL It is distressing to deal with a bereavement and unsolicited mail can be insensitive and destructive during a grieving process.

By scanning the below QR code on your phone or visiting www.stopmail.co.uk, we are able to securely share this information with mailing organisations and under the Data Protection Act the information will not be used for any other purpose.

Other benefits reduce the possibility of identity fraud, such as assumed identity and you will only have to supply the information once.

www.stopmail.co.uk 0808 168 9607 from a landline 0333 006 8114 from a mobile © Bereavement Support Network Ltd 2025

A trading style of Turnside Marketing Ltd

This publication has been jointly developed between ourselves and the hospice. We hope that it has been or will be of help at this time and we welcome any comments or suggestions that you may have.

Please contact us either by phone, email or by post.

RNS Publications, Trium House, Broughton Way, Whitehills, Blackpool, Lancashire FY4 5QN

01253 832400 enquiries@rns.co.uk

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