Compton Hospice Bereavement Book

What to do after a A guide for families in the early to do after a death days of your What to do after abereavement deat A guide for families in the early guide for families in the early days of A your bereavement

days of your bereavement

A message from Compton Care From all the staff and volunteers at Compton Care, we offer you our sympathy and condolences at this sad time.

This booklet has been produced to help guide you through the first few days and weeks of your bereavement. Inside you’ll find information on the practical steps you will have to take as well as details of where and how you can access emotional support, both from Compton Care and other supporting organisations.

Should you feel you need any additional support please do not hesitate to get in touch with the Compton Bereavement Care team on 0300 323 0250 or email bereavement@comptoncare.org.uk Grief is a personal experience, however it is not one you have to go through alone.

CONTENTS Sections •

Practical Arrangements: - What to do first?

1

•

Registering the Death

2

•

Where to go: Registration of Births, Deaths & Marriages in the area

3

•

Choosing a Funeral Director

4

•

Burial or Cremation

5

•

People you may need to notify

6

•

Support we can offer you

7

•

Useful Contact Information

8

•

Useful Contacts: Children and Young People

9

•

Useful Information

10

•

Wills

11

•

In Lieu of Flowers and In Memoriam Donations

12

PRACTICAL ARRANGEMENTS 1. What to do first When someone dies on the Compton Care Inpatient Unit Before the death can be registered, you will require a medical certificate which states the cause of death. When someone dies on the Compton Care Inpatient Unit the medical certificate will be issued by a Compton Care Doctor and will be given to you by a member of staff. An appointment will be made with you to collect the medical certificate. Compton Care staff will explain what you need to do next and will be available to help with any questions you may have. The staff will need to know whether there will be a burial or cremation, as this will affect the paperwork. See Section 5.

When someone dies at home The first official telephone call should be to the GP who will need to confirm the death. The GP will then issue the medical certificate stating the cause of death. If the death happens during the night or outside normal surgery hours, there will be an out of hours number for you to contact.

When a Coroner is involved In some circumstances the death may by law have to be referred to the Coroner’s Office. The Coroner is a doctor or lawyer appointed by a local authority to investigate certain deaths. These may include an unexplained or sudden death, an accidental death, or if the death was a result of an industrial disease for example, mesothelioma. (This is not a complete list).

Referrals to the Coroner are infrequent and should not be a cause for concern. The role of the Coroner is to establish the cause of a person’s death; therefore in some cases, a post mortem and inquest may be ordered. The family will be kept informed of what is happening throughout this process. The death cannot be registered whilst the Coroner is still investigating it. However, this does not necessarily mean that the funeral will have to be delayed. A Coroner’s interim certificate can be issued so that you can continue with funeral or other practical arrangements.

2. Registering the Death Once you have been told that the medical certificate is available, you should contact the Registrar’s Office in the area where the death occurred to make an appointment. All patients who die on the Compton Care Inpatient Unit need to be registered with the Registrar of Births, Marriages and Deaths, they will allocate a specific time to you to attend to formally register the death.

Registering a death is a legal requirement and should normally be done within five days. However, if the Coroner’s Office is involved, this will be different.

SOUTH STAFFORDSHIRE NEWPORT

HAUGHTON PENKRIDGE

TELFORD BISHOPS WOOD SHIFNAL ALBRIGHTON

EAST SHROPSHIRE BRIDGNORTH

CANNOCK BROWNHILLS

BREWOOD

BLOXWICH ALDRIDGE

CODSALL

WALSALL

WOLVERHAMPTON COSELEY CLAVERLEY

WEDNESBURY

DUDLEY

SEDGLEY

WOMBOURNE SWINDON BOBBINGTON KINGSWINFORD ENVILLE KINVER

WEST BROMWICH

STOURBRIDGE

SANDWELL

HALESOWEN

3. WHERE TO GO - Registering of Births, Deaths and Marriages in your area Wolverhampton:

Civic Centre, St. Peter’s Square Wolverhampton. WV1 1RU Tel: 01902 551234

Dudley:

Priory Hall, Priory Road Dudley. DY1 4EU Tel: 0300 555 2345

Walsall:

The Civic Centre Hatherton Road Walsall. WS1 1TN Tel: 0300 555 2847

West Bromwich (Sandwell):

Cannock:

Highfields, High Street, West Bromwich. B70 8RJ Tel: 0121 368 1188 Cannock Chase Council Offices Beecroft Road Cannock. WS11 1BG Tel: 0300 111 8001

Bridgnorth: Bridgnorth Library

Listley Street,

Bridgnorth WV16 4AW

Tel: 0345 678 9016 Telford: Wellington Civic & Leisure Centre,

Tan Bank, Wellington. TF1 1LX Tel: 01952 382444

Who may register a death?

Regulations state that only certain people can register a death with the Registrar of Births, Marriages and Deaths.

• A relative of the deceased who was present at the time of death.

• A relative of the deceased in attendance during the last illness.

• A relative of the deceased residing in the same local district.

• A person present at the time of death.

• The occupier i.e. Matron or Officer in Charge of a nursing home or rest home, provided they knew of the illness before the death.

• The person responsible for the disposal of the body i.e. an executor, solicitor or similar.

You will need to take with you: • The medical certificate stating the cause of death.

• The deceased’s birth and marriage certificates (if available).

You will need to know • The full name and address of the deceased (maiden name if applicable).

• Their date and place of birth.

• Occupation of the deceased.

• The name, date of birth and occupation of spouse if applicable.

• If married more than once, the names of former spouses.

You will receive • Certificate for Burial or Cremation (known as the Green Form) unless the Coroner has given you an Order for Burial or a Certificate for Cremation. Whichever form you are given will be needed by the Funeral Director so that the funeral can be held.

• A certificate of Registration of Death (form BD8) for the Department for Work and Pensions.

• In addition you may buy as many copies of the Full Death Certificate as you require, for example for banks or insurance claims. The registrar can advise you.

4. Choosing a Funeral Director The choice of a Funeral Director is important. You should feel comfortable and confident with them. You can ask any Funeral Director for an estimated cost before making a commitment to use their services. It is reasonable to seek estimates from more than one company.

The Funeral Director needs to know and discuss with you: • The name, age and religion of the deceased.

• The place of death and name of the doctor who has signed the medical certificate.

• Any particular requests left by the deceased.

• If burial or cremation is required.

• The type of service, hymns, cars, flowers, newspaper notices etc you would like.

• The style of coffin.

• The Funeral Director will need the Green Form from the Registrar’s Office.

5. Burial or Cremation Cremation If you choose cremation, an additional form is required. If the death occurred on the Compton Care Inpatient Unit, the first part of this form will be completed at Compton Care by a doctor and will be collected by your Funeral Director to arrange completion of the second part of the form by an independent Doctor. Costs of crematoria are governed by local authorities. Ashes can be buried in the churchyard or cemetery or they can be kept or scattered (although in some places, consent may be required to do so.)

Burial Your family may already have reserved a burial plot for which you will have a deed or grant. This will show the plot number of the existing grave. You will need to take this document to your Funeral Director. If you do not have a reserved plot then your Funeral Director will advise and assist you on the availability of a new plot.

Some churchyards are no longer open for burials because there is no space left.

6. People you may need to notify: ❏

Children’s school

Domestic & Personal ❏

Cancel appointments

❏

Clubs/Associations

❏

Council Offices

❏

Dentist

❏

Gas/Electricity/Water

❏

Newspaper/Milkman

❏

Rental companies

❏

Royal Mail deliveries

❏

Telephone company

❏

TV licensing

Employment/Pension ❏

Dept for Work & Pensions

❏

Employer

❏

Inland Revenue

❏

Social Security Office

❏

Trade Union

Items that may need returning ❏

Driving Licence

❏

Disabled parking permit

❏

Library cards/season tickets

❏

National Insurance Card

❏

NHS equipment on loan

❏

Passport

❏ Pensions/Benefits books ❏

Medication in the home to the supporting pharmacy

Legal/Financial ❏

Bank/Building Society

❏

Credit card companies

❏

Insurance companies

❏

Solicitor

7. Support we can offer you Bereavement Service At Compton Care our policy is to continue to offer help to relatives and friends after the death of a loved one. Support is available to anyone whose loved one was referred to Compton Care before they died. This is a free service. We will write to you several times within the first year, providing various pieces of information about the support available, including dates for the Memorial Services, and an invitation to have the name of your loved one written in the Memory Book which is located in the reception area at Compton Hall. We will offer you individual support, and/or group support with other recently bereaved people.

More information about this will be sent to you within a few months, and you can decide to respond any time in the coming months or years. If you would like support earlier than this, then simply contact Compton Care and ask to speak to the Bereavement Service Manager who will be able to talk it through with you.

Children & Families’ Bereavement Support At Compton Care we offer specialist counselling support to children and their families. Children often experience grief differently to adults and need extra help expressing and coming to terms with their emotions after the death of someone close. Children will be aware at any age that an important person in their lives is not around, you may see your children respond to grief differently and they may surprise or even shock you by seeming to move on to other things very quickly.

Some confusing messages for children It is natural that as a parent or grandparent, you want to protect your children from the pain of loss, but it is important to include them, otherwise, they may feel isolated and abandoned and feel guilty that they have done something to cause this trouble. Some messages we give to children can be confusing and lead to some difficulties later on. It would be advisable to decide how you’re going to give your child an age appropriate and honest explanation.

Your dad has gone on a long journey “Then why is everyone crying?”

“When will he be back?”

“Why didn’t he say goodbye?”

“He was too ill to travel.”

“Mummy, don’t you go away - don’t leave me like Dad did.”

Your grandmother was sick and had to go to hospital “If I get sick will I go to hospital and die, too?”

“The doctor’s bad - she made Grandma die.”

God was lonely and wanted your Mummy to be with him.

She was so good that God wanted her in heaven “I’m lonely too, I need Mummy more than God. God’s mean!”

“If God wants good people, I’ll be as bad as I can. I don’t want to die.”

Your grandfather went to sleep “I don’t want to go to bed. I’ll keep awake all night so I won’t die too.”

Children and Funerals You may be uncertain whether to include your children in the funeral. It is natural for us to want to protect children but the most important thing for children is to be included in the arrangements at some level, to be counted as a valuable member of the family, to have some contribution to make to the day and where possible given choices.

We know from experience that when children have a chance to say goodbye, surrounded by their family and friends, they are helped to come to terms better with what has happened.

Spiritual Counsel and Support You may have sources of support in your community such as a place of worship. Sometimes, it can be difficult to approach a group if you feel uncertain of your faith or beliefs. Talking to someone who is willing to accompany you on your spiritual journey can help.

The Compton Care Chaplain is willing to listen to you and help you reflect on the issues which you face in bereavement and loss, regardless of your faith.

‘Reluctance’

By Robert Frost Out through the fields and the woods And over the walls I have wended; I have climbed the hills of view And looked at the world, and descended; I have come by the highway home, And lo, it is ended.

The leaves are all dead on the ground, Save those that the oak is keeping To ravel them one by one And let them go scraping and creeping Out over the crusted snow, When others are sleeping.

And the dead leaves lie huddled and still, No longer blown hither and thither; The last lone aster is gone; The flowers of the witch-hazel wither; The heart is still aching to seek, But the feet question ‘Whither?’

Ah, when to the heart of man Was it ever less than a treason To go with the drift of things, To yield with a grace to reason, And bow and accept the end Of a love or a season?

8. USEFUL CONTACT INFORMATION AGE UK National Helpline: 0800 009966 www.ageuk.org.uk PENKRIDGE Penkridge Resource Centre The Roller Mill Teddesley Road Penkridge ST19 5BD Tel: 01785 788477 SHROPSHIRE Meeting Point House Southwater Square, Telford TF3 4HS Tel: 01952 201803 WOLVERHAMPTON Unit 9 & 10 The Workspace All Saints Road Wolverhampton WV2 1EL Tel: 01902 572060 Offers advice, information and services for the elderly and their carers.

Bereavement Advice Centre Tel: 0800 634 9494 www.bereavementadvice.org A national organisation offering advice on all aspects of bereavement from registering the death, finding funeral directors, probate and tax.

Asian Resource Centre 1st Floor 149 Lozells Road Lozells B19 2TP Tel: 0121 523 0580 www.asianresource.org.uk Citizens Advice Bureau CAB Dudley House 9-11 Stone Street Dudley DY1 1NP Tel: 03 444 111 444 www.citizensadvicedudley.org

Compassionate Friends

WAY Widowed and Young

Helpline 0345 123 2304 10am-4pm, 6pm-10pm www.tcf.org.uk For bereaved parents and their families after the death of a child or children.

www.widowedandyoung.org.uk Provides a self help social network for young men and women.

CRUSE Bereavement Care Provides counselling, support and advice. Individual children, adults and support for families.

Helpline: 0808 808 1677 WOLVERHAMPTON & DUDLEY: 01902 420055 www.cruse.org.uk

Way Up Foundation www.way-up.co.uk Way Up is an active self help group aimed at providing mutual support to those widowed in their 50’s and 60’s.

Jewish Bereavement Counselling Service Tel: 0208 951 3881 www.jbcs.org.uk

Samaritans Tel: 08457 909090 or free 116123 Deaf or hard of hearing email: jo@samaritans.org www.samaritans.org Provide confidential, nonjudgemental emotional support, 24 hours a day, for people who are experiencing feelings of distress or despair. Available by telephone, email or letter.

Wolverhampton: 0330 094 5717 Brierley Hill: 0330 094 5717 Walsall: 0330 094 5717

Social Security: The Pensions Service Tel: 0800 731 0469

9. USEFUL CONTACTS - Children and Young People Macmillan Youthline Tel: 0808 808 0000 (freephone Mon-Fri, 9.00am - 8.00pm) www.macmillan.org.uk Provides information and support to young people.

Winston’s Wish Conway House 31-33 Worcester Street Gloucester GL1 3AJ Tel: 01242 515157 www.winstonswish.org.uk Helps children rebuild their lives after the death of a parent or siblings, enabling them to face the future with hope. Provides information for schools and an interactive site for children.

Freephone National Helpline: 0808 802 0021

10. USEFUL INFORMATION INFORMATION AND ADVICE ABOUT FUNERALS Natural Death Cente 01962 712690 www.naturaldeath.org.uk Offers advice and information on funeral arrangements, in particular inexpensive, DIY and green funerals and woodland burial grounds.

Publishes The Natural Death Handbook, a comprehensive guide to DIY funerals.

Provides advice on Wills and funerals and information on companies which can provide a wide range of services for both conventional and more alternative funerals.

STOPPING JUNK MAIL TO THE RECENTLY DECEASED If someone you know has died, the amount of unwanted marketing post being sent to them can be greatly reduced which helps to stop painful daily reminders.

By registering with the free service www.stopmail.co.uk the names and addresses of the deceased are removed from mailing lists, stopping most advertising mail within as little as six weeks. If you cannot access the internet you can call 0808 168 9607, where you will be asked for very simple information that will take only a few minutes to complete.

Alternatively, ask the bereavement team for a leaflet that can be returned in the post.

This free of charge service provided by the Bereavement Support Network will actively reduce the unwanted marketing mail but also can help reduce the likelihood of identity theft following the death of someone close. The information is not used for any other purpose and you only have to complete this once. Additionally to Stop Mail a comparable service can also be accessed from the Bereavement Register or Deceased Preference Service if you would prefer to use them.

11. WILLS Making a Will ensures that your wishes are carried out after your death - many people die without a Will and this can cause additional stress for family members.

Many people choose to remember Compton Care in their Will.

Legacy donations enable us to continue to care for patients in the future and are always gratefully received.

12. IN LIEU OF FLOWERS AND IN MEMORIAM DONATIONS Many people when planning a funeral decide to have family flowers only and donations in lieu of flowers to charities.

Legacy Information packs and In Lieu of Flowers details are available from Compton Care’s Fundraising team. For more information please get in touch on 0300 323 0250 or fundraising@comptoncare.org.uk or visit our website www.comptoncare.org.uk.

Reference: Compton Care Review date: November 2026 Publication date: November 2024

The Hospice would like to thank RNS Publications for publishing this information and the following pages contain some features from services offering their help at this time.

Whilst the Hospice is grateful of their support it does not endorse or recommend any of the services that they provide.

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,�port network stopping mail

STOPPING JUNK MAIL It is distressing to deal with a bereavement and unsolicited mail can be

insensitive and destructive during a grieving process.

By scanning the below QR code on your phone or visiting

www.stopmail.co.uk, we are able to securely share this information

with mailing organisations and under the Data Protection Act the information will not be used for any other purpose.

Other benefits reduce the possibility of identity fraud, such as assumed

identity and you will only have to supply the information once.

www.stopmail.co.uk 0808 168 9607 from a landline 0333 006 8114 from a mobile © Bereavement Support Network Ltd 2024

Every life is unique, and every goodbye can be too.

Create a funeral with us that's right for you and for them.

59 High Street, Bilston WV14 0EZ 01902 955596

22 High Street, Wednesfield WV11 1SZ 01902 955484

12 Station Road, Codsall WV8 1BX 01902 955082

9 Market Place, Willenhall WV13 2AA 01902 954203

492 Stafford Road, Oxley WV10 6AN 01902 954705

270 Penn Road, Wolverhampton WV4 4AD 01902 955479

12 High Street, Tettenhall WV6 8QT 01902 955510

8a St Marks Road, Wolverhampton WV3 0QH 01902 955077

J. Hartland & Son Funeral Directors 79 Clifton Street, Coseley WV14 9HB 01902 954467

Thomas Ely & Sons Funeral Directors Somerford Place, Willenhall WV13 3DT 01902 955421

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