NEWS OF THE WEIRD

Special To The Senior Beacon From The Editors Of Andrews Mcmeel

Sure, your fancy SUV may have ventilated seats and Wi-Fi, but does it have electrified door handles? The Guardian reported on Jan. 25 that a new vehicle has hit the market targeted at the particularly fearful driver -- the Rezvani Vengeance. Costing up to $499,000, the Vengeance has bulletproof glass, strobe lights, wing mirrors that emit pepper spray and no back windshield -- instead, the driver can monitor a live video stream of what's going on behind the car. Sure to win you a popularity contest in the pickup lane at your kid's school, the Vengeance also has a loudspeaker so you can call to little Timmy without leaving the safety of your seat. Extras include bulletproof vests, helmets and gas masks. The Irvine, California, company teases potential buyers on the website: "Vengeance is yours." Wow.

Dream Job

Five lucky participants will clear a cool $1,000 to do what they wanted to do anyway: Eat cheese before bedtime. Fox5-TV reported that Sleep Junkie, a mattress review website, hopes to test the legend that eating cheese before bed causes nightmares, so they're asking "dairy dreamers" to consume a wide variety of cheeses, log their sleep and provide feedback about sleep quality, energy levels and bad dreams. The best part? Participants will be reimbursed for the cheese! The catch: You have to sleep alone.

Police Report

A 31-year-old woman was charged with two counts of robbery and possession of a weapon (ahem) on Jan. 22 in Winnipeg, Manitoba, after a puzzling attempt to steal a pizza, the CBC reported. Around 3 a.m., she allegedly entered a crowded restaurant and demanded a pizza, brandishing a firecracker as a threat. She was denied the pie, so she lit the firework and ran off with a pizza. Outside the restaurant, she got into a cab, but the driver asked her to get out because she was being belligerent. When the driver stepped out of the car, she jumped into his seat and took off, dragging the 54-year-old several meters down the street. Officers caught up with the stolen cab and caught the pizza thief when she became stuck in a snowbank.

A dump truck driver in Contra Costa County, California, either couldn't read or didn't care when he barreled through a road closure barricade on Jan. 23, KTVU-TV reported, and ended up with his front left wheel in a sinkhole. The "road closed" sign was found beneath his vehicle, and the driver escaped without injury. Excessive rains have caused "flooding, mudslides, sinkholes and other issues" in the area, county officials noted.

Bright Idea

If you're looking for a crafty project for 2023, the online shop Savor has you covered, Slate reported. For the low, low price of $46.95, you can put together your own "In Case I Go Missing" binder, which Savor says "makes it super easy for the true-crime obsessed to record their key stats for their loved ones." Those facts include medical and financial information, fingerprints and lists of "hangout spots." One woman said she added "a hair sample just in case they need it for DNA testing."

Elizabeth Jeglic, a professor at the John Jay College of Criminal Justice, soothingly says, "The majority of adults will not go missing or be kidnapped." Her colleague Patrick McLaughlin offers some ideas for the kit, though: recent photos, the unlock code for your phone, pics of tattoos, scars or birthmarks, handwriting samples -- but he warns that such binders might not be admissible as evidence.

That Guy Dennis

Garsjo, 73, of Glasgow, Montana, may not know your name when he greets you on the street, but he'll call out to you anyway, using your birthday. "Top of the morning to ya, April 11," he might say, according to KRTV. Garsjo has memorized more than 3,000 birthdays and says he came by the talent naturally. "My mother remembered all our relatives' birthdays before she started getting dementia," he said. "I don't think my talent is all that special. I'm more impressed by musicians who can play a song from memory on the piano." Still, residents of Prairie Ridge Village, where he works, enjoy The Birthday Guy, as he's known, and he loves surprising people with their special day.

News You Can Use

KFC Thailand has partnered with perfume experts during the Lunar New Year to create what every finger-lickin' good fan wants: fried chicken incense. Oddity Central reported that the incense sticks look good enough to eat and smell even better. Alas, you can't buy them: The incense will be awarded through a raffle on KFC Thailand's Facebook page.

February 2023

Upper Arkansas Area Agency on Aging NutritionProgram

Monday A $3.00 suggested donation per meal is appreciated, but not required.

6 #22 Chicken a la King Green Peas Salad w/Lite Ranch Raisin Nut Cup Orange

13 #55 Kielbasa

Parsley Buttered New Potatoes

Mixed Vegetables Baked Acorn Squash

Pineapple/Mandarin Orange Compote

20 CLOSED PRESIDENTS’ DAY

27 #17 Black Bean & Tortilla Casserole

Steamed Brown Rice

Whipped Sweet

Potatoes

Mixed Fruit

Tuesday Must have assessment form for our meal program on file with UAAACOG.

Eligibility 60+

7 #5 Smothered Pork Chop w/Gravy Smashed Red Potatoes Cooked Collard Greens Apple Bran Muffin

14 #81 Sloppy Joe on a Bun

Scalloped Potatoes Broccoli & Carrots Apple

21 #58 Lentil Soup

Egg Salad Sandwich

Shredded Lettuce & Tomato Slices Banana

28 #51 Hot Turkey

Sandwich Whipped Potatoes

Asparagus Amandine

Pineapple Mandarin

Compote Banana

Wednesday 1 #85 Spinach Cheese Squares Tossed Salad w/Pear Whipped Hubbard Squash

Citrus Cup WW Bread w/Butter

8 #15 Beef Stew Sweet Corn Cauliflower Broccoli Salad Peaches WW Crackers

15 #60 Meatloaf w/Gravy Roasted Sweet Potatoes Brussels Sprouts Salad w/Lite Ranch Pineapple Tidbits WW Bread w/Butter

22 #91 Sweet and Sour Chicken Brown Rice Asian Vegetable Blend Mandarin Oranges Fortune Cookie WW Bread w/Butter

2% milk served with all meals. Most meals served with whole wheat bread

Thursday

2 #37 Combination Burrito Sala, Lettuce, Tomato Cilantro Lime Rice Refried Beans Citrus Cup

9 #53 Hungarian Goulash California Vegetable Medley Green Peas Pineapple Tidbits WW Bread w/Butter

16 #31 White Bean Chicken Chili Spinach Salad w/Lite Italian Apple Cornbread w/Butter Orange Juice

23 #83 Spaghetti and Meat Sauce Salad w/Lite Italian Green Beans Orange WW Bread w/Butter

GAC

Friday

3 #105 Vegetable Soup

WW Crackers Tuna Salad on Lettuce w/Tomato

Slice Backed Acorn Squash Pear Halves

10 #72 Roast Chicken w/Broth

Scalloped Potatoes Brussels Sprouts Apple WW Bread w/Butter

17 #59 Macaroni and Cheese Salad w/Lite Italian Asparagus Banana WW Bread w/Butter

24 #84 Spicy Beef Rice

Casserole Cut Broccoli

Sliced Yellow Squash

Pineapple Tidbits WW Bread w/Butter

Florence Senior Center

Tuesday A $3.00 suggested donation per meal is appreciated, but not required.

7 #92 Sweet & Sour Pork Brown Rice California Mixed Vegetables Orange WW Dinner Roll

14 #57 Lemon Baked Fish

Scalloped Potatoes

Spinach Salad w/Mandarin

Oranges Banana WW Bread w/Butter

21

#85 Spinach Cheese Squares

Tossed Salad w/Pear

Whipped Hubbard Squash

Citrus Cup WW Bread w/Butter

28 #81 Sloppy Joe on a Bun Scalloped Potatoes Broccoli & Carrots Apple

Thursday 2 #37 Combination Burrito Sala, Lettuce, Tomato

9 #53 Hungarian Goulash California Vegetable Medley Green Peas Pineapple Tidbits WW Bread w/Butter

16 #31 White Bean Chicken Chili

Spinach Salad w/Lite Italian Apple

Cornbread w/Butter

Orange Juice

23 #83 Spaghetti and Meat Sauce

Salad w/Lite Italian Green Beans Orange WW Bread w/Butter

Must have assessment form for our meal program on file with UAAACOG.

Eligibility 60+

Friday

3 #105 Vegetable Soup WW Crackers Tuna Salad on Lettuce w/Tomato Slice

Backed Acorn Squash Pear Halves

10

#72 Roast Chicken w/Broth

Scalloped Potatoes

Brussels Sprouts

Apple WW Bread w/Butter

17

#59 Macaroni and Cheese

Salad w/Lite Italian

Asparagus Banana WW Bread w/Butter

24 #84 Spicy Beef Rice Casserole Cut Broccoli

Sliced Yellow Squash

Pineapple Tidbits WW Bread w/Butter and Fridays at noon. All menus subject to change.

2% milk served with all meals.

Most meals served with whole wheat bread.

Please call (719) 345-3064 before 9:30 a.m. for reservations. Congregate meals served Monday-Friday at noon. All menus subject to change.

Please call (719) 345-3064 before 9:30 a.m. for reservations. Congregate meals served MondayFridays. All menus subject to change.

Please call (719) 784-6493 before 9:30 a.m. for reservations. Congregate meals served Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Fridays. All menus subject to change.