Proof2

FUNNY MAN

Ryan Waning

UF Os

OVER MAINE

Edna St. Vincent MILLAY

Backyard Chickens

Jump into

$5.95

June 2017

Summer!

9

LOCAL SWIMMING HOLES TO COOL OFF THIS SUMMER

quirk

CONTENTS

JUNE 2017

FEATURES 36 SWIM AWAY THE SUMMER HEAT 9 local swimming holes 44 SIGHTINGS IN THE SKIES Maine’s a hotbed for UFO sightings 50 A COMIC LOOKS AT 40-ISH Meet Maine comic Ryan Waning 56 SHIRETOWN OF WASHINGTON COUNTY Travel through Machias then and now

IN EVERY ISSUE

36

SWIM AWAY THE SUMMER HEAT

50

MAINE COMIC RYAN WANING

08 WHAT’S HAPPENING Local news & sightings 30 PERSPECTIVES Middle school artist Clarice van Walsum, portrait photographer Jason Paige Smith and poet Robert Handy 34 Q&A With ticket taker Derek Berry 72 LAST WORD The irony and comedy of a well-timed song

Unidentified Flying

Objects

in Maine

ON THE COVER Jump into summer 2017 with events and fun ways to beat the heat!

2 / BANGOR METRO June 2017

Backyard Chickens Funny Man

Ryan Waning

Jump into

$5.95

June 2017

Summer! swimming holes to cool off this summer 9 local

BUSINESS

FOOD & DRINK

ARTS & MUSIC

16 A WORKING COMMUNITY Coworking space offers coffee and community

18 IN SEASON NOW Make green onion quinoa tonight

26 VIVA THE KING Remembering Elvis’s only Maine show

20 STOP! IN THE NAME OF GRUB A visit to Burger Boy in Caribou

28 A CANDLE BURNING Discovering Maine literary icon Edna St. Vincent Millay’s Rockland past

22 SWEET GIG Healthy sweets in Veazie

included!

OUTDOORS

HEALTH & HOME

SPECIAL: EXPERIENCE MAINE 2017

62 A WEALTH OF ADVENTURES Check out our Public Reserved Lands

66 GET IN SHAPE FOR SUMMER Looking good and feeling good

64 BACKYARD CHICKENS Tips and tricks for your own hens

70 DELIVERY DUO Hermon couple makes deliveries

Included with this issues is a full list of summer events for the whole family, as well as fun hikes, Maine lighthousts, museums and more!

www.bangormetro.com BANGOR METRO / 3

EDITOR’S NOTE

I’M WRITING THIS EDITOR’S NOTE from San Diego, Calif., which as you probably know is about as far away from Bangor, Maine as you can get without a passport. From the open window I can hear the bustle of the streets and, from a little further off, the lap of waves against the shore. It’s a cool 75 degrees and the sky’s as blue as a Rebecca Krupke painting (see our March 2017 issue, pg. 56).

I lived here once, not so long ago. Arnold Schwarzenegger was stumping for governor and a guy named David Westerfield was doing some terrible, awful things. Wildfires burned across the hills. I thought I’d stay, but I ended up moving because of a job, first to Boston, and then, full circle, back home to Bangor.

Last month I waxed philosophical about change—about how it’s inevitable and so on, and then some stuff about cowboys. Well, I’m here to write about change again.

This issue marks my last as editor of Bangor Metro magazine. I’ll be shifting my focus more heavily to developing quality special sections and products for our parent company, Bangor Publishing Company. It’s an exciting opportunity. I’ll be turning the reins over to Sarah Walker Caron, a fantastic editor and fellow journalism professional whom many of you may recognize from the pages of Bangor Daily News.

It comes with some melancholy: it’s been great fun getting to know all of you, not only as readers, but as human beings. It’s been a true pleasure to discover your stories and help tell them to your friends, neighbors, and complete strangers. I hope I’ve succeeded in what I set out to do—to bring us all just that much closer together as a community.

There’s a lot of self-inflicted pressure and expectation in a “final editor’s note,” and on that note, I’ll end it thus: it’s been fun this go-’round. I’m looking forward to the next one.

MATT CHABE, SENIOR EDITOR

4 / BANGOR METRO June 2017

www.bangormetro.com P.O. Box 1329 Bangor, Maine 04402-1329 Phone: 207.990.8000

PUBLISHER

Richard J. Warren

SENIOR EDITOR

Matt Chabe mchabe@bangordailynews.com

ART DIRECTOR

Amy Allen aallen@bangordailynews.com

SUBSCRIPTION & PROMOTIONS MANAGER

Fred Stewart fstewart@bangordailynews.com

Connect With Us Online bangormetro.com facebook.com/BangorMetro @BangorMetro bangormetro editor@bangormetro.com

www.bangormetro.com BANGOR METRO / 5

6 / BANGOR METRO June 2017

CONTRIBUTING WRITERS & PHOTOGRAPHERS

Joshua Archer

Emily Burnham

Jodi Hersey

Bob Duchesne

Joy Hollowell

Sarah Walker Caron

Jeff Kirlin

Chris Quimby

Hannah LaClaire

Richard Shaw

Bangor Metro Magazine. June 2017, Vol. 13, No. 6.

Copyright Š Bangor Publishing Company.

Bangor Metro is published 12 times annually by Bangor Publishing Company. All rights reserved.

This magazine may not be reproduced in whole or part in any form without the written permission of the Publisher.

Bangor Metro is mailed at standard rates from Portland, Maine.

Opinions expressed in either the editorial or advertisements do not represent the opinions of the staff or publisher of Bangor Metro magazine. Advertisers and event sponsors or their agents are responsible for copyrights and accuracy of all material they submit.

Bangor Metro magazine to the best of its ability ensures the acuracy of information printed in the publication.

Inquiries and suggestions are welcome and encouraged. Letters to the editor, story suggestions, and other reader input will be subject to Bangor Metro’s unrestricted right to edit and publish in the magazine both in print and online.

Editorial: Queries should be sent to Matt Chabe at mchabe@bangordailynews.com.

Advertising: For advertising questions, please call the Print Sales Manager Todd Johnston at 207-990-8134.

Subscriptions/Address Change: A one year subscription cost is $15.95. Address changes: to ensure delivery, subscribers must notify the magazine of address changes one month in advance of the cover date. Please contact Fred Stewart at 207-990-8075.

Accounts Payable/Receivable: For information about your account please contact Todd Johnston at 207-990-8134.

COVER PHOTO: JEU/THINKSTOCK

www.bangormetro.com BANGOR METRO / 7

EVENTS

WHAT’S HAPPENING

JUNE 17 Bangor’s Beer Festival: Tap Into Summer 2017

JUNE JUNE 2 BAR HARBOR ART WALK

Bar Harbor’s First Friday Art Walk brings visitors and residents alike out for an evening to appreciate and celebrate the arts! Enjoy the self-guided tour from 6-9 p.m. through downtown’s finest galleries and shops as they host special events. Pick up your self-guided walking map at the Chamber of Commerce visitor centers, most lodging establishments, and all participating venues or download at www.artwalkbarharbor.com. artwalkbarharbor.com

JUNE 2 DISCO DANCE PARTY WITH MOTOR BOOTY AFFAIR

Join Motor Booty Affair and the Downunder Club at Seasons for a great fundraiser for an awesome cause! Support Greater Bangor Bark For Life while you dance the night away with your friends.

Starts at 7:30 p.m.

8 / BANGOR METRO June 2017

JUNE 3 MONSTER JAM

Monster Jam is the most action-packed live event on four wheels. World-class drivers compete in front of capacity crowds in both monster truck racing and freestyle competitions. At Speedway 95 at 7 p.m.

JUNE 6 THE BLUEBERRY GANG, BANGOR PUBLIC LIBRARY

The Blueberry Gang is a monthly program for young patrons on the autisim spectrum.

This program is our movie matinee for ages 4-10. It will be a G rated movie with popcorn at 3:30 p.m. Toys will be available for kids to play with during the movie. No registration necessary.

JUNE 7 JACK JOHNSON AT DARLING'S WAERFRONT PAVILION, BANGOR

JUNE 7 DIRIGO SPEAKS PRESENTS LUCAS ST. CLAIR

Dirigo Speaks presents Lucas St. Clair, President of Elliotsville Plantation, Inc. (EPI). EPI owns 125,000 acres of land in northern & central Maine. They manage the land and have added infrastructure for recreation over the last few years. To celebrate the 100th anniversary of the National Park Service, President Obama accepted a gift of 89,000 acres from EPI and created the Katahdin Woods & Waters National Monument. Lucas and EPI continue to play a role in the development of the region and enhancing the community’s ability to capitalize on the newly realized asset. At 5:30 p.m. at the Bangor Public Library.

JUNE 16 WINE ON THE WATERFRONT 2017

Waterfront Concerts is pleased to present Jack Johnson with special guest Bahamas at the Darling's Waterfront Pavilion.

The 3rd Annual Wine on the Waterfront event—Maine wineries and distilleries will be in attendance to offer you samples of their wines and spirits. From 4:30-8 p.m. in Bangor.

waterfrontconcerts.com

visitbangormaine.com

JUNE 17 ARTSAPALOOZA

The 7th annual Stillwater Community Arts Artsapalooza. Over 15 venues of local arts, music, dance, poetry, readings, painting, and plays throughout downtown Orono.

All events and venues are free. Children’s parade starts at 5:15 p.m. at Orono Public Library and ends at Orono Fire Department for the kickoff performance. stillwatercommunityarts.org

JUNE 17 BANGOR’S BEER FESTIVAL: TAP INTO SUMMER 2017

The 5th Annual Bangor Beer Festival: Tap Into Summer. Twenty-five Maine breweries will be in attendance to offer you samples of their different brews. visitbangormaine.com

JUNE 17 GLENBURN COMMUNITY FESTIVAL

Come out and have fun with your neighbors, starting at 9 a.m. There’ll be something for the whole family. At Glenburn Elementary School.

JUNE 24 BUTTERFLY RELEASE & GARDENING

Join us at Mount Hope Cemetery at 10 a.m. for the annual Empty Arms Butterfly Release and Gardening event! Enjoy an event honoring our babies and updating our garden with flowers for the season.

Bring gardening equipment if you can.

JUNE 24 6TH ANNUAL BANGOR YMCA TRI FOR THE Y

Before tri-bikes existed, a triathlon was raced on road bikes, street bikes or hybrid bikes. Bring your spring-trainer, hybrid, cyclocross or mountain bike on this one.

This is NOT for nice bikes. At Camp Jordan in Ellsworth. bangory.org

Looking for

Something To Do?

Find Ideas on our online

calendar of events

bangormetro.com www.bangormetro.com BANGOR METRO / 9

EVENTS

WHAT’S HAPPENING

JUNE 28 WEDNESDAY SUMMER MUSIC SERIES ON THE FRONT PORCH BY THE ATRIUM

Featuring the wild New Hampshire punk trio The Jonee Earthquake Band. The Summer Music Series is a free concert to the community taking place every Wednesday evening starting in June and going through the end of August at the Bangor Public Library.

JUNE 23-24 CANTOR JEFF KLEPPER

Join Congregation Beth El in Bangor for a concert of Jewish music celebrating our 36th year. Cantor Jeff Klepper is the composer of surprising number of melodies that have been adopted by American congregations to sung during services. He has made an important impact on modern Jewish music. Evening services Friday, June 23, 7:30 p.m. Concert after Havdalah Saturday, June 24, 8 p.m. in Bangor. jeffklepper.com

10 / BANGOR METRO June 2017

Did you Know?

THE MAINE SCIENCE FESTIVAL is dedicated to shining a light on some of the remarkable people and organizations that use science and engineering to better understand the world around us. We’d like to introduce you to just a few of the Maine institutions and people who were part of the 2017 Maine Science Festival.

Their work helps define Maine as a leader in science.

• KRISTY TOWNSEND (University of Maine, Orono) studies how the brain coordinates energy balance, something that’s critical to understanding obesity, diabetes, aging and brain diseases like Parkinson’s and Alzheimer’s.

• KENNEBEC RIVER BIOSCIENCES (Richmond) is the largest finfish, shellfish, and crustacean species commercial lab in the Americas.

• STEVE MUNGER (The Jackson Laboratory, Bar Harbor) is using big data to study genes and their mutations.

• REVOLUTION RESEARCH (Orono) is transforming the use of forest products by using nanocellulose to make green insulation and ceiling tiles.

• SANDRA REIGER (MDI Biological Laboratory, Bar Harbor) is working to reduce nerve damage caused by chemotherapy.

• FMC (Rockland) is one of the world’s leading seaweed based businesses, producing carrageenan that is found in food, pharmaceuticals, dietary supplements and personal care products.

• FMI (Biddeford) manufactures materials and composites that are found inside industrial furnaces, at the National Air and Space Museum, and on the surface of Mars.

• JAMES SULIKOWSKI (University of New England) is one of the nation’s foremost experts on sharks, and his research has been featured on Discovery Channel’s Shark Week.

• GE POWER (Bangor) is a world leader in power generation, and their facility in Bangor is a leader in the Brilliant Factory initiative.

• AQUACULTURE RESEARCH INSTITUTE (University of Maine, Orono) is a leading cold-water aquaculture research center in the U.S., working in all areas of aquaculture, including finfish, shellfish, and seaweed.

• EMERA MAINE (Bangor) has a robust program to protect ospreys, establishing nesting platforms for the ospreys.

• HURRICANE ISLAND (Rockland) provides robust scientific and educational opportunities for students, teachers, and adults and provides an ideal environment to study the Gulf of Maine.

• SARAH MILLINGTON (Idexx, Westbrook) helps identify viruses that can wipe out entire chicken flocks within two weeks of infection.

These examples are just a small sampling of the science happening in Maine every day. The Maine Science Festival works to highlight and celebrate science in Maine and help make sure we all know that #scienceiseverywhere!

EVENTS

SIGHTINGS

HERE’S A LOOK AT JUST A FEW SPECIAL EVENTS FROM THE PAST MONTH...

PHOTOS BY JEFF KIRLIN, THE THING OF THE MOMENT

2

1

1: Paul Schneider and Emily Dyer Braley at Murder and Mystery at the Tarratine.

2: Jeremy White looks perplexed at the Maine Trivia Tournament.

3

12 / BANGOR METRO June 2017

3: Tina Allen introduces one friend to another at the 22nd Annual Hike for the Homeless.

Lobsters Everywhere!

Play our online lobster quiz for your chance to win 4 tickets to the Maine Lobster Festival!

Want more lobster fun? Count the lobsters in Experience Maine Summer (delivered with this magazine) for more chances to win!

5 6

5: Sybil Cameon Currier, Tracy Bennett, Amy Fitzherbert-Guerrette and Lynn Robinson at Murder and Mystery at the Tarratine.

a smile at the Old Town-Orono YMCA Healthy Kids Day. 7: Bob Potts lets it rip at the Rotary Club of Bangor’s Music Off Broadway event.

6: Kait Moriarty and daughter share

7

Visit BangorMetro.com to play online for your chance to win 4 tickets to the Maine Lobster Festival in Rockland!

FIND ANSWERS TO LAST MONTH’S POP QUIZ ON PAGE 10! www.bangormetro.com BANGOR METRO / 13

BUSINESS

BIZ BUZZ

Wendell Gilley Museum in Southwest Harbor welcomes Sean Charette as its new director.

ON THE MOVE CES, Inc. is proud to announce that PETE TUELL, PE; DENNIS KINGMAN, CHMM; SEAN THIES, PE; and CHRIS SNOWDEAL, PE, have become shareholders of CES. United Way of Kennebec Valley (UWKV) recently named CHUCK AND MARIA HAYS as its next campaign co-chairs.

The two are charged with leading the organization’s 2017 fundraising efforts.

Chuck, the president and chief executive officer of MaineGeneral Health, and Maria, a professor at the University of Maine at Augusta, will lend their expertise in building prosperous community partnerships to mobilize those who live and work in Kennebec Valley.

IRVING FAUNCE of Wilton has been appointed executive director of Woodlands Memory Care of Farmington, which is projected to open in Fall 2017. Currently under construction on the Knowlton Corner Road, the facility is a $5 million, 36-bed community and is the first ever purpose-built memory care facility in greater Franklin County. It will employ 30 full-time employees.

U.S. Navy Mass Communication Specialist 3rd Class ZACHARY KREITZER, from Bangor, a broadcaster at Armed Force Network (AFN) Sasebo, Japan, interviews sailors assigned to the amphibious assault ship USS Bonhomme Richard (LHD 6) about the creation of their award-winning sexual assault prevention and response (SAPR) awareness video during a live radio U.S. Navy Mass Communication Specialist 3rd broadcast at AFN Sasebo.

Class Zachary Kreitzer, from Bangor.

The group was selected as the winners of the Commander, Fleet Activities Sasebo SAPR Awareness Month video contest.  U.S. Navy photo by Mass Communication Specialist Seaman Jesse Marquez Magallanes.

The Wendell Gilley Museum in Southwest Harbor is pleased to welcome SEAN CHARETTE as its new director. The search

committee, chaired by longtime trustee Eleanor T. M. Hoagland, conducted a nationwide search for a successor to founding director Nina Gormley, who will retire this spring after 36 years of service to the museum.

GRANTS BANGOR ROTARY received a $1,000 grant from Rotary District 7790 to provide over 100 “read-aloud” books to encourage children to read. To celebrate its 100 years as a service club in Bangor, the members of the Bangor Rotary are reading to children at the Parks and Recreation Center, the Parkside Learning Center, and in the city’s elementary schools, to name a few.

AWARDS  SCOTT HARRIS of Patten was recently presented the keys to a new 2017 Chevrolet Silverado Special Ops truck at Quirk Chevrolet in Bangor. Harris is a Gold Star father—his son, Dustin, was killed in active military duty overseas in 2006. Scott, a truck driver, is a longtime supporter of the Maine-based national nonprofit Wreaths Across America. The truck, donated by Chevrolet, is dedicated to Dustin.  Pictured, left to right: Morrill Worcester, founder of Wreaths Across America; Karen Worcester, executive director of Wreaths Across America; Jacqueline Vessel, New England Zone Manager for Chevrolet; Scott Harris and his wife, Lorna Trout Harris.

14 / BANGOR METRO June 2017

www.bangormetro.com BANGOR METRO / 15

BUSINESS

A WORKING Community Coworking space offers coffee and compadres.

STORY AND PHOTOS

BY HANNAH LACLAIRE

CoVort co-founders Jason Harkins and Lisa Liberatore.

16 / BANGOR METRO June 2017

INSIDE THE COVORT office space on a weekday afternoon, it looks like any other business. There are people sitting at their desks, heads down in their work, people standing and chatting by the coffee maker, a meeting in the conference room, phones ringing— everything you’d expect.

There’s just one difference: none of these people work together.

They are all in different fields. They are journalists, engineers, bankers, entrepreneurs, lawyers, and even the odd hypnotist.

CoVort is a coworking space. Put simply, it’s a shared work space with independent activity. But here, it goes deeper.

“At CoVort, we feel very strongly that coworking without community is pointless,” said Jason Harkins, the executivein-residence at CoVort and a professor of entrepreneurship at University of Maine. “We strive to build a community of people who are able to work remotely, who find benefits of working around others to help them be more productive, more creative, and just generally to enjoy going to work more.”

CoVort (a play on the word “cohort”) is the product of Harkins and his business partner, Lisa Liberatore. When the two were working on another business venture, the Scratchpad Accelerator, in the summer of 2016, they had no set office space and found themselves with nowhere to work other than coffee shops and the library.

“The internet wasn’t great, it’s really hard to take phone calls, to have meetings,” Liberatore said.

They began noticing other people in the area with the same problem.

“There were all these people that we would observe; it was the same people working in the same coffee shops every day. We wanted to be a place [for them] if they needed a place to go and work,” Harkins said.

They started to plan, and by November, CoVort, located on Main Street in downtown Bangor, was officially open for business. Members can use the space for just a single day, a few weeks, permanently, or however they see fit. The space is open 24/7. It’s equipped with four “dedicated desks” for permanent rental, reading nooks in the front, a conference room, phone booths for private conversations, a collaboration center designed for up to four people, adjustable standing desks, tables, and “wicked fast internet.” It even has unlimited free coffee and board games.

Liberatore, CoVort’s community manager and a serial entrepreneur, took charge of making the office feel both comfortable and professional.

“All these people can work from home, but being at home is really lonely,” she said.

Harkins echoed that statement, adding that “life gets in the way of work. I’m amazed at the people who can be super efficient at home.”

He said that for people who do want to stay isolated and focus 100% on the work they are doing, coworking spaces are not the right fit. “But if you value the interactions and the conversations and the opportunity to leverage other people’s expertise to help you think about issues or challenges or opportunities that present themselves over the course of your day, this is a great place,” he said.

CoVort is in the process of unrolling its new Masterminds Program, which is open to businesses in the greater Bangor area that want to expand and grow and become part of a community of like-minded individuals. Matthew Coke is a member of the Mastermind group, and works as a computer software engineer and a hypnotist.

“I’m multi-faceted,” he said.

Coke lives and works in Massachusetts, but has been coming to CoVort periodically since December when he visits his parents, who live in Bangor.

“It’s a great learning environment,” he said. “You can share knowledge and inter-mix ideas to create something beautiful.”

Inside the coworking space CoVort on Main Street in Bangor.

www.bangormetro.com BANGOR METRO / 17

FOOD & DRINK

IN SEASON NOW

In Season Now:

GREEN ONIONS STORY & PHOTOS BY SARAH WALKER CARON

THE STALLS AT farmers markets are loaded with choices these days. The tables overflow with greens, late spring delights like rhubarb and sweet peas, and radishes and herbs.

As we hit June, green onions (sometimes called scallions) are thick and plump, looking almost like mini leeks. But they aren’t— they are their own, distinct onion relative … white ends that fade into light green and then darker green. With a mellow, slightly sweet flavor, these onion relatives aren’t as sinewy as leeks or as piquant as onions themselves.

Don’t mistake them for spring onions either, which are a delight all their own, with small onion bulbs on long stalks.

Green Onion Quinoa Serves 4 1 cup quinoa, prepared (2 cups water) 1 tbsp olive oil 1 tsp unsalted butter 2 bunches green onions, thinly sliced with 2 tbsp dark green slices reserved Salt and pepper, to taste ¼ cup white wine 2 drops hot sauce Rinse the quinoa well under cool water. Combine with 2 cups water in a large saucepan. Bring to a boil over medium heat. Cover and reduce heat to low. Simmer for 15-20 minutes, until all the water is absorbed.

Meanwhile, heat the olive oil and butter together in a large skillet set over medium heat. Add the spring onions and season with salt and pepper. Cook, stirring occasionally, until beginning to brown.

Add the white wine and hot sauce to the pan. Stir well.

Cook until the wine reduces by half — 3-4 minutes.

Stir together the sauteed green onions and the quinoa.

Taste and season with additional salt and pepper, as desired. Enjoy.

18 / BANGOR METRO June 2017

WHEN YOU SEE GREEN ONIONS AT THE FARMER’S MARKET, BUY THEM. ALWAYS. YOU CAN EAT THEM RAW, SLICED AND USED IN VINAIGRETTES, TOSSED IN SALADS AND SPRINKLED ON PIZZAS. When you see green onions at the farmer’s market, buy them.

Always. You can eat them raw, sliced and used in vinaigrettes, tossed in salads and sprinkled on pizzas. Green onions are also delightful sauteed and used in so many different ways. Try them piled on toasted slices of Italian bread with a little freshly grated Romano cheese or spooned over grilled chicken breasts. Or, make an easy side dish like this one.

Protein-rich quinoa is combined with sauteed green onions that are cooked in a little olive oil and butter and seasoned with salt and pepper. They’re finished off with white wine (don’t worry, the alcohol cooks off!) and a touch of hot sauce.

SARAH WALKER CARON is a Bangor-based food writer and a senior editor for the Bangor Daily News. Her weekly food column, Maine Course, appears in the BDN every Wednesday and she is also author of Sarah’s Cucina Bella food blog (www.sarahscucinabella.com) and a cookbook: “Grains as Mains: Modern Recipes Using Ancient Grains.”

Best

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YOU VOTE YOU DECIDE

90+ RESTAURANTS from Fort Kent to Rockland

Visit bangormetro.com to vote now for your favorite restaurants and see the winners featured in our September 2017 issue!

HURRY! Vote now!

www.bangormetro.com BANGOR METRO / 19

FOOD & DRINK

STOP!

IN THE NAME OF GRUB Burger Boy’s hearty food and Americana charm. BY JOSH ARCHER IT’S THE EVENING dinner rush at Burger Boy in Caribou, and the place is packed. After a long winter, it recently reopened for the spring and summer season. Now, the sounds and smells of a sizzling grill are bringing in salivating locals like devotees on a pilgrimage to a holy land.

Thanks to a recent facelift, if you were to crash Doc Brown’s time-traveling DeLorean into the diamond-plate exterior you’d swear you’d gone back to the ‘60s and the birth of Burger Boy. It’s downright retro.

From their appointment on the wall, Dion and The Belmonts lament the trials of teenage love. Elvis eyeballs your date from atop his Harley. Booths are accompanied by vintage coin-op music players. The past bleeds in and drips down the walls to the blackand-white checkered floors.

Now, the important stuff: Burger Boy trades in traditional American fare—burgers, seafood, hot dogs (yes, the red ones), and milkshakes. There’s also a side dish you’ll probably only find within spitting distance of Canada, and that’s poutine. Fries, gravy and cheese. The basics.

When they bark out your order (“order 105!”), it’s time to eat.

Like a viper, you might have to unhinge your jaw to make room for fresh (never frozen) beef burgers in generous portions. Dessert makes its way to your table. You find a single spoon left in the bin at the counter to enjoy your ice cream (with a cherry on top). Must mean it’s popular.

As mud season turns to summer, the muddy pickups in the parking lot will be replaced with immaculate vintage rides, a nostalgic, alluring distraction on Caribou’s Sweden Street.

Those curves. The way the light strikes the metal. White walled tires like brides’ garters.

20 / BANGOR METRO June 2017

Can’t you hear “Unchained Melody” from some distant jukebox?

As the expansion of the universe gains speed, it makes sense to recall a time when things like food, music and cars reflected craftsmanship—a time before mass automation and disposable everything became ubiquitous. Burger Boy is a reminder that Americana’s flavor can still get us drunk on nostalgia, and that’s a good thing. Delicious, too.

As your visit ends, there’s still a line at the front counter. The place has about 10 tables. Some are pushed together to accommodate a party of seven. It’s tight.

If you’re planning on going, get there early.

In the evenings, Burger Boy’s neon street sign bursts to life with an excited red arrow pointing you in the direction of the past. It’s time to take a break. Tell the present to take a hike, and eat a burger. www.bangormetro.com BANGOR METRO / 21

FOOD & DRINK

Sweet Gig (WITH A SIDE OF GOOD HEALTH)

Raegamuffins owner Rachel Eugley.

Celiac disease drives Veazie woman to open gluten-free bakery.

STORY & PHOTOS BY JODI HERSEY

RACHEL EUGLEY HAS a sweet tooth. It’s what drove her to the New England Culinary Institute in Montpelier, Vt. There she studied various ingredients, mixing and matching different tastes and textures until her palate found the perfect blend of delectable indulgences. Sounds heavenly, right?

But for Eugley, it was no easy task. That’s because she suffers from celiac disease, a genetic autoimmune disorder that requires her to avoid gluten, the protein found in most baked goods.

EUGLEY HAS TO AVOID WHEAT, RYE, BARLEY, MALT, OR ANY SORT OF GLUTEN IN HER RECIPES, NOT JUST FOR HER OWN TASTE BUDS BUT ALSO FOR HER GLUTEN-FREE CUSTOMERS.

Confections at Raegamuffins.

22 / BANGOR METRO June 2017

Instead of it being a hindrance, however, Eugley has used her dietary limitations to open her own gluten-free bakery called Raegamuffins in Veazie.

The 24-year-old is now celebrating her third year of confectionery bliss.

“We have quite a few people who need a gluten-free diet, but we have a lot of customers who are not gluten free that come here because we are also tree and peanut free,” Eugley said. “We also have vegan and dairy-free items, so a lot of people come because we’re an allergy-friendly, safe environment.”

Eugley has to avoid wheat, rye, barley, malt, or any sort of gluten in her recipes, not just for her own taste buds but also for her gluten-free customers.

To make up for it, she adds a double portion of creativity when whipping together cupcakes, brownies, donuts, and breads.

“It was hard [at first] to find flour. We can’t have an all-purpose flour mixture. We have to mix our own flour for different items and we have to have it shipped here,” Eugley said. “But what I’m most proud of is our bread recipe. That took me probably two years to figure out. It’s what we make our oatmeal bread, baguettes, cinnamon buns, and bagels out of. If we didn’t have breads, I probably wouldn’t be open.”

With just three employees, Eugley and her staff start their days at 5 a.m., cooking up muffins and donuts before opening their doors to customers from 6:30 a.m. to 2:00 p.m., Wednesday through Saturday.

“Our menu changes every day. Usually we have six different muffin flavors, nine donut flavors, several cookies and cupcakes, and some type of bar like a Twinkie bar, but we have the same four or five breads,” Eugley said.

One of her special concoctions is nearly impossible to keep stocked: “My coconut macaroons,” she said. “People will have a meltdown if we don’t have them. They’re my biggest seller, besides bread.”

But Eugley admits her all time favorite dessert is an American classic.

“I love chocolate chip cookies. It’s my go-to thing,” Eugley said.

And despite working around goodies all day, Eugley’s waistline hasn’t budged. So what’s her secret?

“There’s a huge difference between tasting and eating,” she explained. “We don’t come in and indulge and eat cookies and donuts all day. Everything’s in moderation.”

It may sound like a sweet gig, but Eugley, unlike most, has been forced to find balance early in her life—both personally and professionally—for the sake of her health.

“I have narcolepsy and cataplexy. If I get really emotional— happy, sad, excited or frightened—I tend to fall down,” she explained. “So it’s planning stuff out. I go to sleep at night, I wake up in the morning and I need an hour to get myself situated. Then [I] push through the day and go home and nap. You really have to take care of yourself and figure out what works for you, even if it is something strange, and push yourself through it.”

Finding that perfect balance between her health and her passion has helped Eugley enjoy life and her business baking success.

“Our regulars are what keep us going,” Eugley said. “It’s exciting when new people come in but I think it’s more exciting when regulars come in because it lets you know you’re doing something right.”

BUCKSPORT

Your listing could be on this page Attract more customers.

Advertise in Bangor Metro’s Restaurant Guide. Call 941-1300.

www.bangormetro.com BANGOR METRO / 23

NIGHT LIFE

swing A couple’s dance class is more than just moves.

BY CHRIS QUIMBY

The author and his wife, Heather Quimby.

24 / BANGOR METRO June 2017

SUDDENLY, SHE FELL backward with her left arm in the air.

Without hesitation, I bent down and cradled her, protecting her from a painful fall.

The last beat of Stevie Wonder’s “Don’t You Worry ‘Bout a Thing” echoed faintly throughout the room as we each attempted to catch our breath.

We can do this, I thought to myself. The conviction emerged from what months ago was only a hope. My wife of 20 years and I had completed our first three months of dance lessons, an effort to practice a choreographed two-minute routine that would climax in a performance during a showcase with others who had done the same.

It’s worth noting that neither of us were dancers, at least not in the sense that you’d imagine. Oftentimes around the house I’d let my various body parts fly about in an effort to amuse my wife and children. And sometimes at wedding receptions I would rotate my body back and forth to the rhythm while, for some reason, sporting a pained expression on my face.

But just as I would not call myself a plumber for repairing my toilet, I also had no right to consider myself a dancer for those controlled seizures.

And therein lied the reasons for my intimidation with the prospect of taking professional lessons. My wife and I had passively intended for years to do such a thing, but now as our 17 and 19-year-old children are at various points of being gone and leaving our home, the time seemed right.

We chose Swing & Sway Dancing in Rockland. I was familiar with them after emceeing their dance showcase in 2016 and interviewing them on a talk show I co-hosted in 2015.

Once per week, and for what a couple might pay for dinner and drinks, I learned the cha cha with my wife, doing jazz steps, dip and twirls, all the while holding a woman who smiled the entire time— every minute, every lesson, every week.

At times growing frustrated with myself as I often do when not catching onto something more quickly, I needed a moment to cool down. But Jessica, our instructor, was calm, gentle and affirming.

She made the entire process a joy.

When April 1 came and it was time to perform in the two shows, we were understandably nervous. However, the support of the 100-plus people in attendance, along with over a dozen other empathetic dancers, created a great, supportive energy and we ended up having one of the best days of our lives.

Many attendees approached me after the event and expressed surprise at how good of a time they were having, most notably a 80-year-old man, a 19-year-old guy, and all ages in between.

In my opinion, there is nothing wrong with going out to eat (unless it’s meatloaf) or attending a concert (unless it’s Meatloaf), but I am grateful that both my wife and I got out of our collective ruts and challenged ourselves to try something new, in the process discovering a new hobby that we now intend to make a regular part of our lives.

We are no longer just people who dance.

Now, we are dancers.

PHOTO: EMMA QUIMBY

SULTANS OF

www.bangormetro.com BANGOR METRO / 25

Viva

ARTS & MUSIC

THE KING

Remembering Elvis’s only Maine appearance 40 years ago.

Photos of Elvis during his only Maine performance at the Augusta Civic Center.

26 / BANGOR METRO June 2017

ELVIS PRESLEY WAS a 42-year-old shadow of the svelte ‘50s rockabilly icon when he took the stage of the Augusta Civic Center on the night of May 24, 1977. But a capacity crowd of 7,100 mostlyfemale fans drove up the temperature as the King of Rock ’n Roll, still in fine voice and able to work an audience, tore through a 22-song set list that included “Jailhouse Rock,” “Don’t Be Cruel,” and “My Way.” Three months later, on Aug. 16, Elvis would succumb to a heart attack in his Graceland mansion. Charting the next leg of his national tour, he had already sold out two more Maine shows, on Aug. 17 and 18, at the Cumberland County Civic Center.

Stunned by the news, a gaggle of fans, many clutching $12 tickets from the canceled Portland performances, gathered outside the arena, and inside for an evening tribute show. Tom Parker, Elvis’ longtime manager, already in Maine, along with the star’s glittery wardrobe, was said to have aged years after taking the tragic phone call in his hotel room.

The Augusta show, The King’s only Maine appearance, was reviewed over and over in the minds of those lucky enough to have attended.

But 40 years later, it is often eclipsed by Elvis’ ghostly Portland noshows, despite eBay auctions featuring 5/24/77 Augusta tickets, CDs, snapshots, and grainy 17-minute, 40-second 8mm YouTube concert highlights footage.

“People started lining up at the Augusta Civic Center two days before tickets went on sale,” recalled former executive director Lionel Dubay. “I stayed at the center all night [in the rain] and would occasionally go out and walk the lines. I would tell folks that there was a maximum of six tickets per person and all of the tickets had been racked with the best seats being sold in order. …”

Dubay said that Augusta took the Elvis show when a contact person at the newly-opened Cumberland County Civic Center didn’t call the promoter back, that he dealt over the phone directly with Parker, and that Augusta had a two-show option, but that the promoter feared a loss of future business if Elvis’ second performance didn’t sell quickly.

“We got notice that Elvis was arriving at the center [an hour late] and we brought him into the building from the back,” continued Dubay, now assistant vice president of the University of Florida’s Business Service Division. “He was already dressed for the show. I was standing by the stage when the house lights went down and they announced the singer as he went up on stage. It seemed that 7,000 Kodak Instamatic cameras with the little square flash cubes on top went off at once. I got goose bumps.”

Inside the arena, Chris Palmer of the Bangor Daily News and Paul Betit of the Kennebec Journal sat with note pads in hand, ready to

PHOTOS: COURTESY OF RICHARD SHAW

BY RICHARD SHAW

review The King in pre-website, hard-copy newspaper reviews.

“When the Pelvis took his place before the microphones, …”

Palmer wrote, “he worked his larynx (and other more noticeable parts of his million-dollar anatomy) like a pro.”

Palmer noted Elvis’s “skin-tight, white jumpsuit, embellished with gold sequins and a large sunburst on the back, … did little to disguise [his] now-famous paunch.” She also said he seemed incoherent, tipsy, or just “oblivious to the world around him.”

Writing more like a Presley fan, Betit, who today pens military crime novels, commented, “He didn’t have to sing. All he had to do was stand there and move something—a finger, a leg, a shake of the head. … All the elements of what he is were there—gospel, soul, rock, and plenty of excitement.”

Today, Palmer, retired from the BDN and a career in corporate communications, considers herself fortunate to have seen Elvis so soon before his death. But she stands by her critique, roundly panned by some Presley fans, that the audience members, wearing apparel monogrammed with The King’s name, were the show’s best feature.

“I believe that the Beatles, not Elvis, were rock’s true royalty,” she said. “And Elvis was really poured into that suit. If I had been bolder, I would have written it the way I saw it. Sorry fans, but The King was fat.”

In a sense, Presley and his Maine presence never died. There is the old Sheraton Hotel in South Portland where Elvis spent the night, reportedly ordering out for a peanut butter and banana sandwich and autographing the bathroom sink. Plus, a plaque donated by Presley’s friends and fans hangs inside the Augusta Civic Center lobby, a group called True Fans for Elvis has been active here, and impersonators such as Bruce Nye the Elvis Guy have ignited the singer’s spirit.

“I’ve sung at funerals, nursing homes, churches,” said Nye, a retired Bangor banker-turned-showman living in Florida. “One woman said she attended 386 of my shows. But on April 11, I retired my act, after about 3,000 Elvis shows. It’s a lot of work traveling around, keeping the outfit ironed and looking nice.”

Nye said because of all the work involved in capturing Elvis’ magnetism, only about 3,000 full-time impersonators are working in the U.S. Make that 3,001 if you count Elvis’ spirit, which lives on in the hearts and minds of those who saw him perform, heard him on the radio, saw him on TV, and remember the day, 40 years ago, that the music died, if only for a moment, in Memphis and in Maine. www.bangormetro.com BANGOR METRO / 27

ARTS & MUSIC

A candle

Maine lit icon Edna St. Vincent Millay finds new life in Rockland project.

BY MATT CHABE

28 / BANGOR METRO June 2017

IN THE NEW Amazon Video network series “Z: The Beginning of Everything,” we’re given an intimate look into the life of Zelda Fitzgerald, she of F. Scott and wild party days. While many accounts of the Fitzgeralds’s life focus on Scott’s success, Zelda takes center stage here. What results is a story that’s sometimes glitzy, sometimes gritty, and increasingly burdened by bacchanalian excess.

Around the periphery of the Fitzgeralds’ sphere, we’re introduced to a cast of contemporaries. There’s Tallulah Bankhead, and… hey, look, there’s Edna St. Vincent Millay!

An icon of Maine’s arts scene, the poet and playwright was born in Rockland in 1892 before making her way to New York for a time. Following the turn of the century, she gained widespread fame for her work and was awarded the Pulitzer Prize for Poetry in 1923.

Just last year, the Rockland Historical Society was able to purchase Millay’s birthplace with a gift from Maine philanthropist Roxanne Quimby. Following additional fundraising efforts, grants and donations, restoration work was completed to stabilize the building.

But there’s more to be done, said Ann Morris, the Rockland Historical Society’s curator. The Millay House Committee plans to create a historically-accurate rental unit on the south side and a similar unit on the north side for headquarters of a new literary organization, the Millay House Rockland. More than $200,000 is needed to complete the restoration of the two interiors.

“We have planned a big three-day poetry festival the first weekend in September,” said Morris of planned fundraising efforts.

“We had a birthday celebration in February for [Millay’s] 125th birthday. We’ll be doing lots of grant writing where we talk to individuals...we’ll be contacting individual donors and encouraging donations, and I would imagine that the literary group will probably come up with an idea for something this summer.”

Plans for the house include a multi-use literary space in which Portland’s The Telling Room and the UMaine Humanities Center have already expressed interest, said Morris. Millay House Rockland, itself planned to be a tenant, expects to offer writing workshops, poetry workshops, field trips, publishing help and an annual poetry festival.

Morris said the effort is important not only to preserve Millay’s legacy, but that of Rockland’s as a whole.

“Rockland has such an interesting history because it has had such a vibrant economy that has depended on a strong, blue-collar workforce,” she said. “There were lots of farmers and...out of that working class population has come some incredible, outstanding people like [Millay], Louise Nevelson the sculptor, and Alton Hall Blackington [a popular early-20th-century media personality].”

While Millay’s name is often spoken with reverence here in Maine, there’s no doubt that she shared many of the peccadilloes

PHOTOS: (TOP) ARNOLD GENTHE; (MIDDLE & BOTTOM) COURTESY OF ROCKLAND HISTORICAL SOCIETY

BURNING

Life with a view. of Fitzgerald’s bohemian arts scene. Openly bisexual, she smoke, drank, partied, and practiced “free love” both as a single woman and with her husband of 26 years.

In her 1950 obituary, she was referred to as “a frivolous young woman, with a brandnew pair of dancing slippers and a mouth like a valentine.”

“She was kind of a wild spirit,” said Morris, “and there are things in her life that a mother probably would not want their daughter to do. You have to separate the human person from the creative gift.

It’s as if the greatest artists like Mozart and Beethoven and [Millay] have something in their personality that is not admirable but they are like a vessel that all these wonderful creative ideas come through.”

(Below) The Millay House in the early 20th century. (Bottom) Rockland Historical Society curator Ann Morris (left) and real estate agent Michelle Gifford hold a bronze plaque that had marked this house on Broadway in Rockland as the birthplace of poet Edna St. Vincent Millay.

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PHOTOS: (HOUSE) COURTESY OF ROCKLAND HISTORICAL SOCIETY; (BOTTOM) STEPHEN BETTS

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ARTS & MUSIC

30 / BANGOR METRO June 2017

PERSPECTIVES

CLARICE VAN WALSUM “I'VE BEEN INTRIGUED with art since grade school. I was never more content than when I was painting or scribbling. I remember one of the most violent temper tantrums I threw was because I could not find a painting of a unicorn I had made in class—I was in Pre-K at the time and still remember that lost picture.

Over the course of my early years in elementary school, art in my school wasn’t much, they didn’t have an art room, or an art teacher; but the hours I spent drawing during recess, coupled with our class trips to the National Art Gallery in Ottawa, and observing my big sister’s sketching were enough.

Technically, I was taught to draw by my older brother, but I spent a lot of my time looking over my sister’s shoulder, learning all the while.

Truthfully, I don’t think that I’ll draw or paint for a living, but I do think I’ll draw and paint to live. Art is a huge part of who I am and my sanity. A lot of people complain that artists are nuts, and I can never help but think: you don’t know the half of it. We’d probably be even crazier not being artists.”

Clarice van Walsum is an 8th grade student at Orono Middle School. She is 14. www.bangormetro.com BANGOR METRO / 31

ARTS & MUSIC

PERSPECTIVES

JASON PAIGE SMITH “I PICKED UP a camera while in grad school at The University of Colorado at Boulder, taking a couple photojournalism courses with a great professor out there. I was freelancing at the time as a writer and started making images to go along with my stories, but quickly became more interested in photos and telling stories visually than with my words.

I worked as a stringer (freelance photojournalist) for a number of papers along the Front Range in Colorado, covering everything from professional sports on down to community events. I always enjoyed the challenges that came along with getting my assignments for the day and trying to tell the story the best I could with only a few images, but started to really enjoyed the portrait assignments.

As time went on, I started to gravitate more toward portrait work for commercial and editorial clients. Rather than having multiple images shot at an event to tell someone’s story I would be trying to tell a story about someone in just one frame. I also spent (and still do) a lot of time studying light—how it behaves, where it comes from, what kind of mood or message it conveys, etc. The same composition lit in different ways can tell completely different stories, which is what drew me into this world in the first place—stories.”

32 / BANGOR METRO June 2017

ROBERT HANDY TWO SIDES Two sides to tear us apart.

Two sides with resolve increased.

Two thoughts that are taken to heart.

Two sides too stubborn for peace.

Words do nothing to sway.

Words only spoken to an empty ear.

Words do no justice to the cause today.

When agreeing words are all we want to hear.

Words don’t really even seem to matter.

Words lost in the anger and fear.

Words heard that can play a defining roll.

Words of understanding that can endear.

Two sides with actions that try to persuade.

Words taken from the everyday and real.

Two sides that are too stubborn to listen.

To the words and compassion that heal.

Two sides that won’t come together.

Two sides keeping each other at bay.

Two sides screaming a message to the masses.

Hoping to be the side in favor today.

WANT I shouldn’t feel this way But still I do.

I should be moving on and away From these dark dreams and you.

But I want Even more then I ever did.

Still I want, And discover feelings that I hid.

I want what I can’t have.

I want and it’s something I don’t need.

Pushed away without a glance.

Taking with it my heart in greed.

Heart and mind Why don’t you agree The constant pain and anguish Forgotten by only me.

But I still want.

I can’t have but still I try.

Wanting the validation Wanting to catch your eye.

I need to move on, But still wonder what I can do.

I see the shred of hope in me And put my dreams on you.

You should want.

You should cast your eye my way.

I need you to want Just as much as I do each day.

I know that I’m the perfect being.

Then why don’t you want me?

Perhaps I’m not the person for you.

But why can’t you just see?

I just can’t want anymore.

I have to make that break.

But how many want you just like me.

And how many wishes does it take?

Robert Handy is a 1991 graduate of Dexter Regional High School. His parents live in Exeter, Maine. He joined the U.S. Air Force in 1993, and after completing his service stayed in the Washington, D.C. area where he remains today. He is an avid traveler and writer. His work can be found on Facebook as “The Unknown Poet.”

www.bangormetro.com BANGOR METRO / 33

Q+A Q+A

Q + A With Derek Berry, Bangor Mall Cinemas usher & ticket taker.

STORY & PHOTO BY JOY HOLLOWELL

DESPITE ALL THE GIZMOS and gadgets that enable us to watch movies on the go, statistics show people still enjoy watching films on the big screen.

If you’ve attended a movie at Bangor Mall Cinemas on Stillwater Avenue, chances are you’ve met Derek Berry—he’s the tall guy that checks your tickets and provides movie trivia while you wait. He was hired at Bangor Mall Cinemas ten years ago through Katahdin Friends, Inc., (KFI) a nonprofit agency that helps adults with disabilities be active and valued members of their community. As Berry says, “I am very into movies.”

WHEN DID YOU START WORKING AT BANGOR MALL CINEMAS? When “Spider-Man 3” came out, May of 2007.

WHAT DO YOU DO THERE? I make sure everything is clean and tidy so everyone can get to things easy.

If things need to be reloaded like ice or candy, I make sure everything is delivered. I also keep the hallways clear, make sure garbage is taken care of and the theaters are clean. When I’m doing ticket check-in, I actually have to hold the people back so that the ushers can clean the place and make sure it’s safe. And when we’re extremely busy, the manager...takes over my position and I help find seats for everyone and make sure they’re comfortable.

WHAT’S THE HARDEST PART OF YOUR JOB? Making sure the customers go into the right theaters. A movie like “Twilight,” when it first came out, we had it playing in four theaters. I make sure the customers know which theater it’s playing in. And of course, you’re going to have those people that are going to try to sneak into the movies. If I spot them, I have to get an usher to try to direct them into the right one.

WHAT ARE YOUR FAVORITE MOVIES? The ones that make you think. Mostly sci-fi. I like any movie that makes you reflect upon yourself and the community and inspires people to do something different and interesting. Movies that make people grow and change for the better. I also like action movies, especially martial art and comic book movies.

IF THERE WAS A MOVIE MADE ABOUT YOUR LIFE, WHAT ACTOR (LIVING OR DECEASED) WOULD YOU WANT TO PLAY YOU? Oh, that would be one of the most boring movies of all time. I’d like Chris Farley to play me. He was funny in front of the camera but behind the scenes, he was actually a very traumatized guy. When my mom passed away in 2010, that was a very traumatic experience. It was on Christmas day. I think he [would have done] a very good job with that.

WHAT IS ONE THING THAT NO ONE KNOWS ABOUT YOU, BUT SHOULD? I have a huge amount of information in my head as to what should be made into movies. I hear about other projects and I think, “They really shouldn’t make it like that.” I think the Avengers and Justice League should team up together. A lot of people would want to see that.

Another thing that bothers me is when people call me a “ticket nazi.” I know it was in a “Seinfeld” episode a while back. But when people call me that, it really hurts me emotionally because it’s like calling me a racist jerk. I try not to be a jerk, and I don’t like racist people. I know people don’t mean to be mean, but it still bothers me.

WHAT’S THE BEST PART OF YOUR DAY? When I’m able to relax knowing that I did everything OK, that I was able to complete everything, and everybody is happy and had a good time.

34 / BANGOR METRO June 2017

www.bangormetro.com BANGOR METRO / 35

FEATURE MORGAN’S BEACH

PEAKS-KENNY STATE PARK

GOULD LANDING

PARTRIDGE AND DUCKTAIL PONDS

BANGOR

ALAMOOSOOK LAKE

SCHOODIC BEACH BRANCH LAKE

SANDY POINT BEACH PARK

DONNELL POND

PHOTO: BDN FILE

Katrina Hutchinson (left) and Shirley Galligan sunbathe on a boulder at Branch Lake in Ellsworth.

36 / BANGOR METRO June 2017

Swim Away the summer heat 9 local spots to cool off in the water.

BY AISLINN SARNACKI

IN VACATIONLAND, there are plenty of places to swim.

Maine is pocked with deep glacial lakes and clear ponds, which warm up as summer progresses. And the state’s coastline features protect coves and tidal pools for those who don’t mind the cold, salty waves of the Atlantic.

But finding a good swimming spot isn’t always as easy as driving to the nearest blue blob on the map. Sometimes public access can be difficult to find, and some bodies of water aren’t ideal for swimming because they’re full of algae or bloodsuckers.

The following are a few great swimming spots within an hour’s drive of Bangor. Some are popular locations where you’ll likely find a crowd of people sunbathing and splashing about, while other locations on this list are lesser known. Most places you can drive to, but a few require a short hike to reach. And all of these places have enthusiastic reviews from local residents who’ve visited these swimming holes more than once to cool off and enjoy the summer sun.

www.bangormetro.com BANGOR METRO / 37

FEATURE

ying ) moves a rock while pla Saige Plourde (from left rey while Mo Eli and e urd Plo ie in the sand with Kyr Orono. ther at Pushaw Lake in enjoying the warm wea

Gould Landing

Covering more than 5,000 acres and spanning three towns, Pushaw Lake is a major spot for watersports in the Bangor area. The lake is accessible for free at Gould Landing in Orono, where you’ll also find a 0.5-mile loop trail for an easy hike through the woods and along the shore. The landing has a beach area and picnic tables, but it does not have restrooms or changing rooms. Keep an eye out for bald eagles and loons. Both iconic Maine birds call this lake home. Dogs are permitted but must be kept under control at all times.

38 / BANGOR METRO June 2017

Peaks-Kenny Located on the 6,800-acre Sebec Lake, this state park is the ultimate swimming location, with a sandy beach, lifeguard, plenty of picnic tables, a vast network of hiking trails and playground right by the water. There are also changing rooms and restrooms right at the park, which is

Alamoosook Lake

Easily accessible from the Craig Brook National Fish Hatchery in Orland, Alamoosook Lake is known as an especially clear, scenic spot for swimming and paddling. The hatchery offers a public boat launch and picnic area, and inside the hatchery building is a visitor center and the Atlantic Salmon Flyfishing Museum. Also, traveling through the woods and lawns near the lake shore and hatchery is a nature trail with interpretive signs.

The hatchery is located on Hatchery Road in East Orland. Dogs are permitted and access is free.

Sandy Point Beach Park

Located at the mouth of the Penobscot River, Sandy Point Beach Park features a beach that is a combination of sand, gravel and rocks that leads to a calm, shallow swimming area. The water here is salty from the nearby ocean, but not quite as cold. This also a great place to view wildlife, including osprey, which often make a nest on old pilings just off the beach. Another feature of the park is a trail network, which leads through the forest to a smaller, quieter beach on the other side of the point. There are no changing rooms or restrooms, so plan accordingly. Access is free, and dogs are welcome. Also, there is a wheelchair-accessible boardwalk to a platform by the beach for visitors with mobility issues, and a portion of the trail network was constructed to be wheelchair accessible as well.

located in Dover-Foxcroft off Route 153 on State Park Road. Admission to the park ranges from free to $7, depending on your age and residency.

In Maine state parks, pets are not allowed on beaches between April 1 and Sept. 30.

PHOTOS: BDN FILE

State Park

Oreo, a pit bull mix from Brewer, wades through the water at Sandy Point Beach Park in Stockton Springs.

www.bangormetro.com BANGOR METRO / 39

FEATURE

Sand Beach on Branch Lake

A spot with crystal clear water, Sand Beach on Branch Lake is open to the public for free at the end off Ellsworth’s Happytown Road, at the end of a dirt road called Branchview Drive. This swimming spot has a spacious parking area, a boat launch and a beach area. And nearby, if you’re looking for a bit of exercise, check out the Branch Lake Public Forest off Route 1. This town-owned forest features hiking trails that lead to the rocky shore of the lake for a more private swimming experience. There are no restrooms or changing rooms, so plan accordingly. Access to both the beach and forest is free.

McKenzie Bowman, Kaylee Bockus, and Robert Hall V beat the heat at Branch Lake in Ellsworth.

relief from Meghan Atwater of Hancock finds Ellsworth. in Lake ch Bran at the heat

40 / BANGOR METRO June 2017

Reporter Aislinn Sarnacki and her dog Oreo stands on a granite beach of Partridge Pond in Amherst Mountains Community Forest.

PHOTOS: BDN FILE

Morgan's Beach

Open from 10 a.m. to dusk from June 1 through Labor Day, this beach is owned by the Town of Enfield and is located right off route 15 on Cold Stream Pond, a body of water known for its excellent water quality.

The beach includes changing rooms and restrooms, and an attendant is on site. Access is $1.50 per vehicle and driver, plus 50 cents for each additional person, and walk-ins are 50 cents per person. Also, a season pass is available for $20 at the town office. Dogs, alcohol and smoking are not permitted.

Partridge and Ducktail Ponds

Both ponds are remote bodies of freshwater that lie in the Amherst Mountains Community Forest, nearly 5,000 acres of state-owned land managed for sustainable forestry, wildlife and outdoor recreation. The ponds—which are quiet, scenic and surrounded by rock ledges and boulders that are great for sunbathing and picnicking—are only accessible by blazed trails, which are open to the public for free. It’s a little over a mile to hike into either pond. The trailheads to each pond are located on Ducktail Pond Road, off Route 9 in Amherst.

Dogs are permitted and access is free.

www.bangormetro.com BANGOR METRO / 41

FEATURE

Lamoine Beach Park

Looking to brave the cold Atlantic Ocean? In the small town of Lamoine, this swimming spot features more than 1,000 feet of coarse sand and pebble shoreline, picnic tables, and an outhouse.

Here you can wade into the calm, cold water of Frenchman Bay while taking in a stunning view of Mount Desert Island. This beach is located at the end of Lamoine Beach Road. Right down the road is Lamoine State Park, a popular camping spot with some easy hiking trails. Access to the beach is free, while admission to the nearby state park ranges from free to $6, depending on your age and residency. Leashed dogs are allowed on the beach and park.

Amanda Tracy (left) walks Lamoine Beach with her grandmother, Jane Garceau.

Kai Weaver of Orono and his grandmother, Pat Gonser, visiting from Texas, walk along the water at Schoodic Beach in the state-owned Donnell Pond Public Reserved Land Unit in eastern Maine in June of 2016.

42 / BANGOR METRO June 2017

Accessible only by a 0.5-mile walking path, the sandy Schoodic Beach is located on Donnell Pond, at the base of Schoodic and Black mountains in the state-owned Donnell Pond Public Reserved Lands. The long, quiet beach includes picnic tables and nearby campsites, and it is connected to a vast network of hiking trails that explore nearby mountains. The beach parking lot is located off Schoodic Beach Road, which is off Route 183 in Sullivan. Access is free, leashed dogs are permitted, and outhouses are located at the parking area.

PHOTOS: (TOP) BDN FILE; (SCHOODIC) COURTESY OF KRISTINA WEAVER

Schoodic Beach

www.bangormetro.com BANGOR METRO / 43

FEATURE

SIGHTINGS

in the Skies Recent reports suggest Maine is a hotbed for UFO sightings.

Who’s seeing them—and what are they seeing?

BY JOSHUA ARCHER

44 / BANGOR METRO June 2017

PEOPLE HAVE REPORTED unidentified flying objects throughout recorded history. According to an analysis of data from the nonprofit National UFO Reporting Center (NUFORC) by the statistics website VizThis, sightings reported throughout the first half of the 20th century remained modestly steady. In the 1950s, they began to pick up. By the ‘70s, sightings had grown nationally to a few thousand per year, including nowfamous Maine incidents at Loring Air Force Base (1975) and Allagash (1976).

U.S. sightings began to skyrocket in the ‘90s, according to the analysis, and the trend continues today. Turns out, Maine’s at the top of the trend—we’ve collectively logged about 5,500 sightings per ten million people, according to the analysis. The national average is about 2,500.

Other sources present similar findings. According to a 2014 article in The Washington Post, a third-party analysis conducted of data from the Mutual UFO Network (MUFON)—selfdescribed as “the world’s oldest and largest UFO phenomenon investigative body”—revealed that Maine, Vermont and Arizona have more sightings than any other state.

So just what are these people seeing in Maine?

“WHEN I WAS in the fourth grade we had to write this ‘super serious’ research paper,” said Erin Keehn of Houlton. “It had to be ten pages long and I chose to do it on aliens.”

Keehn’s in college now. She has a boyfriend named Max. Purple hair down to her shoulders. She wears glasses suited for a hipster librarian. In her bedroom she watches X-Files reruns with a big “I WANT TO BELIEVE” poster on her wall.

www.bangormetro.com BANGOR METRO / 45

FEATURE LIMESTONE/ LORING AFB 6 REPORTS

TOP REPORTED SHAPES OF UFO SIGHTINGS IN MAINE #1 LIGHT 195 REPORTS #2 CIRCLE 107 REPORTS #3 TRIANGLE 89 REPORTS #4 FIREBALL 69 REPORTS #5 SPHERE 63 REPORTS #6 DISK 48 REPORTS #7 OVAL 41 REPORTS #8 CIGAR SHAPED 23 REPORTS #9 FLASH 17 REPORTS #10 FORMATION 15 REPORTS

TOP REPORTED AREAS OF UFO SIGHTINGS IN MAINE

BANGOR 30 REPORTS

WATERVILLE/ WINSLOW/ VASSALBORO 26 TOTAL REPORTS LEWISTON/ AUBURN 27 TOTAL REPORTS GORHAM/ WINDHAM 19 TOTAL REPORTS

CARIBOU 6 REPORTS PRESQUE ISLE 5 REPORTS

ELLSWORTH 9 REPORTS AUGUSTA 16 REPORTS

BRUNSWICK 11 REPORTS

PORTLAND/SOUTH PORTLAND 41 TOTAL REPORTS SACO/BIDDEFORD/OLD ORCHARD BEACH 24 TOTAL REPORTS KENNEBUNK/WELLS 17 TOTAL REPORTS KITTERY/YORK 31 TOTAL REPORTS

Two summers ago, Keehn left work for the evening and went to her boyfriend’s house in Littleton, just a town over.

“He lives out in the country,” she said. “It was a really nice night, so we decided to go out and take a walk.”

They walked the backroads that split the open fields near Max’s house with only moonlight to help them find their way.

“All of sudden after walking for fifteen minutes, Max says, ‘Do you see that light over there?’”

No street lights, no structures with flood lights, the moon wasn’t even full—but there it was, a white light hovering above them.

“We stood there for fifteen, twenty minutes watching the light to see if it would do anything. After fifteen minutes it would move one way and then it would move the other way,” she said. “It was pretty slow.”

The light remained steady, not blinking.

“We started to go back along our way and we were gonna head home when we turned back around, just one more chance to look at it,” she said, “and we saw it go all the way completely into the air and then, it just like…blinked out.”

DATA FROM THE NATIONAL UFO REPORTING CENTER’S STATE REPORT INDEX FOR MAINE.

46 / BANGOR METRO June 2017

PHOTO: JOSHUA ARCHER

When they made it back to Max’s house, they told his step-dad Bob what had happened. Bob confessed that he had also seen a similar light at least four or five times within the past year.

“We went back for the entire rest of the week, to the same exact spot, and we didn’t see it again,” she said.

“UFO SIGHTINGS can cover many phenomena,” said Larry Berz, the planetarium director at the Francis Malcolm Science Center in Easton, Maine.

He admits that after years of being an astronomer with a constant eye to the sky, he’s never encountered a UFO. “And I’m a professional. My job is to sky watch,” he said.

Berz has been at this astronomy stuff for over thirty years. He does, however, remember getting calls from people convinced of experiencing UFO encounters.

“Turned out, what they saw were planets,” he said. “A planet will sometimes come into configuration that’s really peculiar looking, low to the horizon and not moving, and to the uninitiated, to the casual eye watcher, it’s sort of strange.”

He listed a number of possible things that could be seen as UFOs—bats, a rising moon, a lunar eclipse, satellites, the ISS, light pollution from cities, and exploding meteors.

“If you see an exploding meteor, it’s rather shocking and beautiful and frightening,” he said, “and I’ve seen a few of them.”

Maine, especially the northern rural half, is about halfway to the north pole from the equator, leaving it open to experience Aurora Borealis more frequently than the rest of New England and even the country.

“If you’ve never seen it before, it’s a definite UFO for sure,” said Berz, “and they’re magnificent and eerie, and I suppose they could be really frightening if you didn’t know what you were looking at.”

Translation: the authorities are much more likely to assume proven terrestrial causes than extraterrestrial ones.

“It would greatly depend on the specifics of the call, whether there was more than one call that came in,” said McCausland. “If we got multiple calls [regarding a sighting], we would of course place greater importance on that, because it’s obviously been seen by more than one set of eyes.”

Two sets of eyes? What’s the likelihood of that happening?

WHEN YOU EXPERIENCE the unexplainable, fear is a natural reaction.

Most folks call the cops.

Stephen McCausland, the public information officer for the Maine State Police, said calls concerning UFOs do come in “once in a blue moon.”

“The first thing we would think of is, it’s obviously a plane,” he said, “and depending on the circumstances, we are responsible for locating any plane crashes in the state.”

IT’S 4 A.M. ON Saturday, December 10, 2016. The weatherman is calling for temps in the lower teens for southern Maine. The night’s high winds have calmed and skies are clear and dark now that the waxing moon is setting. Sunrise is set for 7:04 a.m.

From out of the west and coasting through the darkness just a couple thousand feet off the ground, a “floating football stadium” escorted by two smaller craft is sighted over the foothills just west

Larry Berz checks equipment outside the Francis Malcolm Science Center in Easton recently.

of Sebago Lake. It appeared to be moving at approximately 45 miles per hour.

“So I was out with two of my dogs and I starting hearing a roar like jet engines, and I looked to the west, and right underneath Orion’s Belt were a whole bunch of lights coming towards me,” said William [No last name provided—Ed.]. “They were in formation, and the closer they got I could make out there was one giant object in the middle, it was being accompanied by two smaller triangular-shaped crafts.”

William’s a private guy. Doesn’t want people in his business. He’s retired, and the time he has goes into his hobby of training German Shepherds.

“As I looked up, and it was right above me, there was a giant craft in the middle that made absolutely no noise. It looked like it was enveloped in a force field, or cloaking field would be the best way to put it,” he said.

The three crafts banked over William’s house and began heading northeast toward Windsor, about an hour away. www.bangormetro.com BANGOR METRO / 47

FEATURE

Witness illustrations from MUFON Case #80908. This case has been investigated by MUFON and closed as unknown.

ABOUT 4:42 A.M. in Windsor. Same morning as William’s sighting. Sunrise is still a ways off.

Mike Campbell is driving his wife Ashlee to work for the breakfast shift at a local restaurant. She’s a cook.

“My wife is always one to look at the stars and what-not when we’re driving,” Campbell said. “She started tapping me on the shoulder and frantically saying, ‘There’s something in the sky,’ and kept telling me to stop. I ignored her for a second, and then I peeked up through the moonroof and I saw what she was talking about and I pulled over instantly. We got out and observed a V-shaped craft that was I’d say two or three football fields in size.”

Campbell fumbled for his phone so he could take a picture, then realized he forgot his phone at home. He had to settle for his wife’s phone, which wasn’t as nice. It didn’t matter anyway—no pictures turned out, and out of at least eight minutes of video, he managed to walk away with only 40 seconds.

“We called 911 because it kind of scared us, and we both kind of thought the worst,” he said. “We thought that somebody should know. It didn’t look like it should be there.”

“The biggest part was, we both got really sick,” Campbell said. “And it really affected my wife more than me. I really got nauseous, but she was vomiting and everything afterward.”

Witness illustrations from MUFON Case #80969.

This case has been investigated

by MUFON and closed as unknown.

48 / BANGOR METRO June 2017

IN HER 2011 book “UFOs: Generals, Pilots and Government Officials Go on the Record,” author Leslie Keen pointed out that about 90 to 95 percent of UFO sightings turn out to actually be weather balloons, ball lightning, flares, aircraft, and other explainable phenomena. That leaves about 10 percent gone unexplained.

For skeptics and believers alike, it’s a compelling mystery. Fortunately, Maine leaves them with no shortage of material to mull over.

IMAGES: COURTESY OF MUFON

Days went by after William and the Campbells had their sighting experiences. Each of them reported what they saw to either the police or UFO reporting networks (including MUFON), but they’re still looking for answers.

The night of the sighting still affects their lives.

William and Ashlee claim to suffer from PTSD. There have been sleepless nights wondering not just what they saw, but why they saw it at all.

FURRY

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COMPANION ANIMALS BRING great joy to their owners. The unconditional love cats and dogs provide appeals to people of all ages. While many people associate pets with kids who can’t wait to welcome the first cat or dog into their homes, pets can benefit aging men and women as well.

It’s not uncommon for seniors to feel lonely or depressed when they retire, their children move away or they lose a spouse or close friends. The American Humane Society states that studies show pets help seniors overcome loneliness and depression by providing affection, company and entertainment. Pets also provide much-needed mental stimulation, and many pet owners find their pets help them become more physically active as well.

Seniors who adopt pets may also feel a sense of purpose when helping animals who may not have anywhere to live. This is particularly true of older companion animals, which many young families are understandably hesitant to adopt. Mature pets might be an ideal fit for seniors. When seniors are looking to adopt a pet, there are various reasons why older pets or particular animals might be the perfect fit for them.

• Adult pets may already be house trained, saving the trouble and effort of training them.

• Cats may fit your lifestyle more than dogs, as cats are less active and do not need to be walked or played with as much as dogs. Cats also are small and easily maneuverable, meaning even seniors who have arthritis or other physical limitations can easily care for cats. Many cats are also content to spend long periods of time sleeping on their owners’ laps.

 Elaine Murak, 68, receives kisses from Baron, a greyhound visiting the Phillips Strickland House in Bangor as part of the Cats on Laps program through the Bangor Humane society. Co-founder Laurie Qualey started bringing Baron, her own dog, because “some people are just dog people” and she wanted all the seniors to have a chance to connect with animals.

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www.bangormetro.com BANGOR METRO / 49

FEATURE

A comic looks at 40

(ish)

Carmel’s Ryan Waning brings life experience to standup.

BY MATT CHABE

Ryan Waning tells me a joke. Two elderly men are in a nursing home guessing each other’s ages in an—ahem— unconventional way. It’s not tasteless, but it borders on the crass. I consider opening this article with it, hesitate, almost go for it, then stop. This magazine’s a class act, man.

I counter with a joke of my own, an old favorite about a pirate with a ship’s wheel sticking out his pants. He doesn’t laugh. Waning knows funny. I’m not funny. Waning, on the other hand—he’s funny.

He grew up in Auburn and graduated from Edward Little High School. After that, he went to UMaine “for, like, nine years and finally graduated,” he said. “It was like [the movie] ‘Van Wilder,’ without all the cool parts.” He got an English degree (“It’s served me well in the realm of fake documents that I own”).

Ryan Waning on The Nite Show at Husson’s Gracie Theater in 2015.

PHOTO: WHITTLING FOG PHOTOGRAPHY

50 / BANGOR METRO June 2017

PHOTO: COURTESY OF RYAN WANING

www.bangormetro.com BANGOR METRO / 51

FEATURE

Ryan Waning on The Nite Show at Husson’s Gracie Theater in 2015.

PHOTO: WHITTLING FOG PHOTOGRAPHY

#$&%*!

The best comedy is based on truth. It took Waning a long time to learn that. In the beginning, his material was blue, full of expletives, shock and awe.

52 / BANGOR METRO June 2017

Today, the just-over-40-year-old lives in Carmel and makes his living as a standup comic. He takes gigs all over New England.

He’s been doing this for a long time. It started at some point in the mid-’90s, he said, when he heard about a contest called “Portland’s Funniest Man” and signed up on a lark. The 16-year-old Waning lied about his age to get in, and bummed a ride off of friends because he didn’t have his license. He ended up tying for second place in the first round, and got eliminated in the next.

“It was enough to get the buzz,” he said.

“I was at a comedy club with real comedians making strangers laugh. And I actually met George Hamm that night, who would be as influential as anybody in the careers of Maine comics over the last few decades.”

Waning’s respect of fellow Maine comic Hamm is evident. “I’ve seen him do his act so many times that you start to appreciate the flecks of gold amongst the sand,” he said. “You see him, and then they start to become brighter and brighter and brighter, and finally it’s all you see. And you know, the 300 times that I’ve seen him do a set I’ve never ever been disappointed.”

He equates the experience of watching Hamm to “a guitar player seeing Duane Allman perform. It’s like, well, I’ve either got to quit...or I’ve got to be practicing a lot more.”

The best comedy is based on truth.

It took Waning a long time to learn that. In the beginning, his material was blue, full of expletives, shock and awe.

“I didn’t know how to write jokes, so I went on stage and...I’d say controversial things,” he said. “I mistook that ‘shocked sound,’ or that weird sound that a crowd makes, for getting over and thinking it was funny. But then I learned how to write jokes.”

After that, he said, his act started becoming more polished. It became a thing closer to what he saw his heroes practicing.

Still, the “truth” wasn’t there—they were just jokes, he said, things he wrote down that he found funny. It wasn’t until he started drawing from real life that a breakthrough happened. He began talking about things that weren’t just personally important—they resonated on a human level.

“I started talking about my dad and his dementia,” he said, “and I can’t tell you how many shows I did where people would come up to me after a set and tell me their story. And I never got that when I was telling

“I started talking about my dad and his dementia,” he said.

[vulgar] jokes. The reality of it sets you apart, I think, and connects you to people in a way that a joke about airline food doesn’t.”

Waning married his high school sweetheart about 20 years ago.

Today, they have two daughters: “They’re the best things ever made. They balance me out, dude. They’re the rudder of the weakly nailed-together ship that is Ryan Waning.”

It becomes clear that family’s important to Waning. About a year ago, his father suffered an accident that placed him in a rehabilitation facility. While he was there, Waning’s mother died. His father suffers from advanced vascular dementia. Now, he lives in Waning’s home with his family.

“My wife is a rock star,” he said, “and my kids are roadies. They’re the backbone of this operation. They act like it’s hard on me, but it’s harder on them.”

Growing up, Waning had a contentious relationship with his parents. After high school, he said, he left home and never went back. The relationship was strained until “10 or 15 years ago, and we started putting everything together and everybody forgave everybody for everything.”

“and I can’t tell you how many shows I did where people would come up to me after a set and tell me their story. I never got that when I was telling [vulgar] jokes.

The reality of it sets you apart, I think, and connects you to people in a way that a joke about airline food doesn’t.”

That’s about when his father had an accident that resulted in a much longer stay than expected. The rehabilitation facility, said Waning, wanted to put him in assisted living.

“His memory is hit or miss a lot of the time,” he said, “but he’s been very steadfast, ever since I was a little kid, about not wanting to be in a nursing home. And I thought, even with our baggage-filled past, that I would be a crappy son if I didn’t honor [that wish]. And I want to be a better dad to my kids. So I want to show them what it means to be a part of the family.”

Lately, he’s been using the situation as fodder for his Facebook page. Status updates provide light-hearted, human insight—liberally dosed with Waning’s wit—into caring for a father with dementia.

The feedback he gets is encouraging.

“I put one of those up every once in awhile, and people send me messages and

they tell me their stuff,” he said. “A girl I went to high school with told me that she is helping her mother as a caregiver for her father who has Alzheimer’s, and I haven’t talked to her in 20 years...and that connected us.”

“I know everybody loves Louis C.K., and I did for a while, too,” said Waning, “But if I had to pick two [standup comedians] that I would go into battle with, I’d pick Joe Rogan and Doug Stanhope. They’re quite possibly the best two working American comics, period.”

In late 2013 his dream became reality, at least in part. He was picked to open for Stanhope at ZEN Asian Bistro in downtown Bangor, a surprising gig for Stanhope, a well-known, nationally-touring comedian.

“It was probably one of the three or four greatest things that has ever happened www.bangormetro.com BANGOR METRO / 53

FEATURE

He still obsesses about the stage and his act, and squirrels away ideas, writes jokes, follows the process. He says a Waning stage appearance is imminent.

Waning 2.0, as it were, with hours of new material waiting to be unleashed.

to me in standup,” said Waning. “I got this email: ‘Hey we’re coming to Bangor and we want to know if you want to open the show.’ And you know, after I cleaned myself up, I lost my mind. I think I called my parents. My wife. My parents didn’t know who Doug Stanhope was, but they didn’t care. They knew I was excited.”

“He treated me like I was a road comic that he had worked with for 20 years,” he said. “A superlative man in every sense of the word. He was like, ‘You want to go back to the green room?’ and I was like, ‘Yeah,’ and we went and we sat in a box truck and drank vodka, like a box truck, dude, with a lantern. I was like, ‘This is comedy, right?’”

PHOTO: COURTESY OF RYAN WANING

Ryan Waning on The Nite Show at Husson’s Gracie Theater in 2015.

PHOTO: WHITTLING FOG PHOTOGRAPHY

54 / BANGOR METRO June 2017

“I'm kind of in the middle right now.

I’m working on the ‘great American novel,’ as it were. You know, it’s funny—I’ve been referring to it as the ‘Richard Pryor’ set.”

When he was maybe 12, he said, he got his hands on a video of Pryor live on the Sunset Strip. His father disapproved and hid it from him. The young Waning repeatedly stole it back or borrowed copies from friends. He had a favorite bit he watched over and over, one about Pryor burning himself on drug paraphernalia and a subsequent visit to the hospital.

“It’s just one of the things that I’ve seen so many times,” he said. “And it became that formative thing...that 15 minutes of just how unflinchingly raw that was and still ridiculously hilarious.”

He doesn’t get on stage as much as he used to since welcoming his father into his home. He’s been taking the time to reflect on his act. He says he’s at the point now

BOOM!

where he’s gained a sense of clarity and wisdom from experience. “‘Build and exchange’ is the way that I thought about comedy like eight or 10 years ago,” he said, “and now I’m just waiting for... not waiting for it, planning for it—that final evolution. You know, I used to say shocking things, and then I learned how to write jokes. And I feel like the final destination is going back, and now that I know all that stuff, doing what I want again. And what I want to do is talk about things that are important to me.”

“I don't think I know what to do with myself, if I didn’t at least constantly think about it,” he said.

This stretch now, about eight months deep without a gig, is “crazy,” he said, “because I never used to go more than a couple of weeks at the most.” He still obsesses about the stage and his act, and squirrels away ideas, writes jokes, follows the process. He says a Waning stage appearance is imminent. Waning 2.0, as it were, with hours of new material waiting to be unleashed.

“Granted, not all of it will be good, but it’s almost like a whole brand-new [act] that I’ve never run in front of people,” he said. “And I’m simultaneously terrified that I will expose myself to the point that it’s not what I wanted. Or I’m worried that it’s going to draw me back into it so much that I get tunnel vision again. And I have a hard time doing anything else, which is the way it was for me at the beginning.”

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www.bangormetro.com BANGOR METRO / 55

THEN & NOW

MACHIAS

(Top) Machias Main Street in 1890, courtesy St. Croix Historical Society; (left) Main Street today; and (below) Main Street circa 1940. (Right) A panorama of Machias from 1890.

56 / BANGOR METRO June 2017

SHIRETOWN OF

Washington County ARTICLE AND PHOTOS BY RICHARD SHAW

HISTORIC PHOTOS COURTESY OF ST. CROIX HISTORICAL SOCIETY, UNIVERSITY OF MAINE FOGLER LIBRARY SPECIAL COLLECTIONS, JIM AND JANE HARNEDY, AND THE RICHARD SHAW POSTCARD COLLECTION

IT’S A COMMENT heard often by residents of the Machias Bay region. Struck by the tidy white churches, family-owned lobster pounds, and workers still picking blueberries by hand, visitors often exclaim, “My gosh, this is the way New England looked 50 years ago!”

Sitting in the heart of Down East Maine is Machias, not quite the town that time forgot, but awfully close. With a population of about 2,100, Washington County’s busy shiretown is crossed by U.S. Routes 1, 1A, and by state routes 92 and 192.

All traffic moving from Ellsworth to Calais must pass by the Bluebird Motel, the University of

Maine campus, Helen’s Restaurant, and The Dike, a wide spot on the Machias River that attracts teenagers in hot rods, and vendors hawking sea glass, colorful flowers, and freshly caught fish.

“We love it down here,” said Jim Harnedy, an author and senior editor of Activities Guide of Maine. “Not for a moment have my wife, [landscape artist] Jane, and I regretted moving to Bucks Harbor [in Machiasport], even during the ice storm of 1998.”

Now well into their 80s, the Harnedys never tire of admiring their town’s big sky, unspoiled by big city light pollution, and watching Europe-bound jets leaving contrails each night after dinner. Deer, geese, and ducks are frequent visitors in a www.bangormetro.com BANGOR METRO / 57

THEN & NOW

MACHIAS

Washington Academy in East Machias featured on a 1930 postcard.

place where the changing of the seasons is to be welcomed, not dreaded.

June kicks off festival season in Machias, when thousands flood the town for Margaretta Days (June 10) and the Machias Wild Blueberry Festival (Aug. 18-20). There is also a late June summer solstice celebration at Roque Bluffs State Park, free outdoor Saturday movies at the old train station (now home to Machias Bay Chamber of Commerce), and Machias Bay Chamber concerts, which begin in July at Centre Street Congregational Church, the town’s 1836 focal point.

JUNE KICKS OFF FESTIVAL SEASON IN MACHIAS, WHEN THOUSANDS FLOOD THE TOWN FOR MARGARETTA DAYS (JUNE 10) AND THE MACHIAS WILD BLUEBERRY FESTIVAL (AUG. 18-20).

Washington Normal School, now the University of Maine at Machias.

Powers Hall, built in 1936 and enlarged in 2014, at the University of Maine at Machias.

58 / BANGOR METRO June 2017

“I like to attend Margaretta Days in uniform, representing the 74th Highlanders and McCobb’s Company out of Castine,” said Wayne Mallar, of Bangor, a Revolutionary War re-enactor who grew up in Machias.

Margaretta Days is a good time to bone up on Machias Valley history by speaking with Mallar and his wife, fellow re-enactor Sonia Mallar. Volunteers from area historical societies, including Machias, East Machias, and Machiasport, explain a landmark naval battle in June 1775 fought over townspeople’s refusal to provide British troops with lumber for barracks.

This led to the bloody capture of the armed British schooner Margaretta, under the command of Capt. Jeremiah O’Brien and Capt. Benjamin Foster.

Revolutionary War history is also on display at the Burnham Tavern museum, and later history can be explored at Porter Memorial Library. Ask to see the Harnedys’ Arcadia Publishing illustrated history, “The Machias Bay Region,” a Machias Savings Bank history titled, “The Test of Time,” and postcard books published by Machias

A Machias photo montage from 1930.

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THEN & NOW

MACHIAS

(Top) The book sale at Porter Memorial Library during the Machias Wild Blueberry Festival.

(This photo) The Machias 4th of July parade of 1887.

Hardware Co. The town’s emergence as a 19th century fishing, blueberry, and commerce center makes for interesting reading, as does the 20th century founding of Washington State Normal School, a onetime teachers’ college based at the present day university campus.

Before visiting, do your homework at the town’s official website, machiasme.org, as well as machiaschamber.org. There is also information in the region’s two weekly papers, the County Wide edition of Machias Free Press and Machias Valley News Observer, along with the Bangor Daily News.

These papers’ coverage proves that not all news is bad. Stories earlier this year announced two welcome developments: a partnership between the University of Maine at Machias campus, the system’s smallest, and the Orono campus, and the saving of valuable jobs at Downeast Correctional Facility, which will remain open.

Quipped Jim Harnedy, who already has purchased a family plot in the village cemetery, “We love it here, so why not be buried here?”

Log jam in the Machias River circa 1900.

James Fletcher, biologist for Maine Atlantic Salmon Commission, lifts salmon on Machias River circa 1960. Courtesy of Jim and Jane Harnedy.

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TOWN STATS First Incorporated: June 23, 1784 Named for: Bad Little Falls (Passamaquoddy translation) Nicknames: Shiretown of Washington County, Home of Maine Wild Blueberry Company Population: 2,132 (2014 estimate) County: Washington Median resident age (2010): 37.7 Elevation: 82 feet Area: 14.80 square miles Notable people: • Jeremiah O’Brien, Revolutionary War hero • Job Burnham, owned tavern used to plan 1775 naval engagement (Above) The original Helen’s Restaurant and Helen and Lawrence Mugnai, the first proprietors, in 1963. Courtesy of Jim and Jane Harnedy.

(This photo) Bad Little Falls from Machias foot bridge.

• Lawrence and Helen Mugnai, first proprietors, Helen’s Restaurant • Edward L. Hennessey Jr., bank executive • Gene Nichols, university music instructor • State Rep. Will Tuell, serves House District 139 • Nellie Parker Spaulding, silent film actress • Edward Franklin Albee, vaudeville impresario Useful trivia: “Colonial House,” a 2004 PBS reality series, was filmed in Machiasport and Machias; Helen’s Restaurant began in 1950 as an ice cream takeout shop; the Blackfly Ball, held each August during the Machias Wild Blueberry Festival, is hosted entirely by volunteers Landmarks: Burnham Tavern museum; Helen’s Restaurant; Railroad Station, now home to Machias Bay Area Chamber of Commerce; Centre Street Congregational Church; East Machias Congregational Church; Jeremiah O’Brien Bridge; Machias River Dike; Porter Memorial Library and Civil War monument; Washington County Courthouse and Jail; Liberty Hall, Nathan Gates House museum, Fort O’Brien State Historic Site, Jasper Beach, Machiasport Helpful websites: machiasme.org; porter.lib.me.us; machiaschamber.org; margarettadays.com; machiasblueberry.com

www.bangormetro.com BANGOR METRO / 61

OUTDOORS

WOODS & WATERS

A wealth of

ADVENTURES Maine Public Reserved Lands offer endless possibilities.

BY BOB DUSCHESNE

62 / BANGOR METRO June 2017

MAINE WELCOMES TRAVELERS from all over the world to Acadia National Park. Visitors might also enjoy “Forever Wild” Baxter State Park. And, hey, there’s this new National Monument they might want to sample. But we probably won’t tell them that we have double the size of all that extraordinary acreage hidden away just for us. There are over 600,000 acres of Maine Public Reserved Lands.

Some of these are well-known to Mainers. Bigelow Preserve in the Carrabassett Valley includes a range of seven fabulous hiking peaks. One cannot experience the Allagash Wilderness Waterway without first passing through the Telos and the Chamberlain Lake Public Reserved Lands. The Bold Coast trail in the Cutler Coast Public Reserved Lands provides a spectacular hike along the rocky coast that is much more private than can be expected in Acadia.

Other lands are not well known even among Mainers. A visit to the 21,871-acre Deboullie Public Reserved Lands was on my bucket list for a decade before I finally made the long, rough drive into this gem in far northern Maine. Debouillie contains great hiking and even better fishing, yet when I visited in July, the extraordinary campsites were mostly vacant.

As quirky as these lands can sometimes be, their histories are even quirkier. When Maine separated from Massachusetts in 1820, leaders envisioned how their new state might someday grow.

Although most of Maine was in private ownership, or soon would be, the state’s founding fathers wanted to make sure enough acres were set aside for public development. In short, they wanted a plan for where the village churches and schools would go.

Maine is divided up into a grid of townships. In the northern half of the state, most don’t even have names. They just bear an alphanumeric designation, such as T2-R9. In principle, acres were to be set aside in each. In practice, locations were often not designated.

In time, landowners forgot the law or neglected to remember that some of their acres were held in common with the state.

That changed in the 1970s, when a court case verified the state’s continued ownership in the north woods. While that decision rekindled interest in the potential of these holdings, 150 years had passed and the woods were not filling up with towns, schools, and churches. Common interests and small lots were nearly useless to the state, and an encumbrance to landowners.

Therefore, the state and landowners devised a system of swaps to aggregate the many small lots into a few big ones, usually in areas of high recreational value.

Today, these Public Reserved Lands are managed for multiple uses. Timber harvesting on many of them allows management of the system to be selffunded. Beyond that, each unit is unique.

Management focuses on the “dominant use” of each unit. Some units along waterways may have plenty of boat access camping, but not much hiking. Some units are famous for trails. Located southwest of Baxter State Park, Nahmakanta is well-known for both.

And the fishing is good!

Public Reserved Lands are free. Some lands are located in the North Maine Woods,

where they are managed in cooperation with not far from the Schoodic portion of Acadia neighboring landowners. A gate fee is charged National Park, so it’s hard to keep this one for day use and overnights throughout secret. The hiking trails are popular because this region. Otherwise, there’s no cost for the views are spectacular, while requiring camping, boat launching, A GATE FEE IS CHARGED FOR DAY USE or even toilet AND OVERNIGHTS THROUGHOUT THIS paper.

Bring some anyway.

REGION. OTHERWISE, THERE’S NO COST You’re often a FOR CAMPING, BOAT LAUNCHING, OR EVEN long way from TOILET PAPER. BRING SOME ANYWAY. a convenience store.

Camping is primitive. At most sites, you minimal climbing effort. However, many can expect a rustic table, a fire ring, a pit visitors don’t get any farther than the 800toilet, and little else. Bring your own in-state foot sandy beach on the pond. firewood. Wood from outside of Maine can The Mahoosuc Lands share a mountain carry invasive pests and is not allowed. Sites range with Grafton Notch State Park in western are available on a first-come, first-served Maine. Draw a line from there to the Cutler basis. In most units, you’re not even limited Coast downeast, and most of the adventure is to campsites. You can stake down a tent north of there. Summer’s here. Explore. just about anywhere, although fires are not permitted unless the ground is snow-covered.

Among the various Maine Public BOB DUCHESNE is a local radio personality, Maine guide, Reserved Lands, I can’t pick a favorite, but and columnist. He lives on apparently visitors can. Donnell Pond is close Pushaw Lake with his wife, Sandi. to Tunk Mountain in Hancock County. It’s

www.bangormetro.com BANGOR METRO / 63

FROM THE LAND

B A C K Y A R D

chickens Why do it, and how.

IN RECENT YEARS, the scene of a small flock of chickens and a quaint coop has become the case in an increasing number of backyards.

Eddington resident Allison Blokland wanted to begin raising her own flock of backyard chickens so badly that she drove seven hours to Vermont to take a class from her favorite author on the subject.

Fueled by a desire to know where her food comes from, and to have the the nostalgic routine of going into her own backyard to collect fresh eggs, Blokland said she’s enjoyed her experience raising chickens.

“They have such personalities,” Blokland said. “I can go outside and they’ll follow me around a little bit. They’re very interested in what I’m doing.”

There are a host of benefits to raising backyard chickens, according to Scott DeMoranville of the Maine Poultry 64 / BANGOR METRO June 2017

Connection. Having your own flock of chickens for egg or meat purposes means that you know exactly where the source of food is coming from. Chickens can also serve as a form of insect control, given that they’re known to eat pests such as ticks.

Additionally, as DeMoranville and Blokland both said, their quirky personalities are an added bonus to any backyard. “I’ve had a number of people come up to me that have said chickens would be good for therapy, and it’s true.

Chickens have a tremendous personality,” DeMoranville said.

But to ensure that raising backyard chickens is a pleasant experience there are a few things potential poultry raisers should be aware of.

First, towns and cities throughout Maine vary on the rules that regulate chickens raised in a backyard setting. DeMoranville

says to check with your town or city’s code enforcement officer before making plans to raise chickens to see what the regulations that would pertain to your flock are.

A good rule of thumb would also be alerting your neighbors that you plan to raise backyard chickens, as Blokland did.

While in Eddington, she said there were no qualms about having a backyard flock at the town level but Blokland felt it was important for her neighbors to let her know if her chickens — especially her two roosters — were becoming a problem.

“I want to keep my birds, but I also want to be a good neighbor and a good citizen,” Blokland said. “I haven’t heard any complaints.”

When starting out with your first flock, DeMoranville said that six laying hens is a good number of chickens to start raising.

This is a manageable number of chickens,

PHOTOS: ASHLEY L. CONTI

BY LAUREN ABBATE

Allison Blokland collects eggs from her chickens in her backyard in Eddington.

he said, to get the idea of whether raising chickens is right for your family.

However, with a wide range of chicken breeds available he suggests doing some research on which breed will be the right fit for your situation.

While hens can be purchased at varying life stages, DeMoranville recommends raising hens from chicks.

Raising the chickens from this young age is added work, but raising them from their early days allows owners to shape the conditions in which the chickens are raised. If your hens are purchased when they are still baby chicks, they must be raised indoors in a brooder until they are temperature resilient enough to be outside. A day old chick must be kept in an area that is 95 degrees for one week, decreasing five degrees each week, DeMoranville said.

Once outside, the amount of space the chickens have within their coop and in their grazing yard is important. The amount of space they’re given also depends on whether you want your chickens to be free-ranged or kept inside of a fenced area during the day. Free range chickens will have as much space as they desire to graze, coming back to the coop at night to roost.

On the other hand you can opt to have a fenced area around your coop where the chickens can graze during the day.

Inside of the coop and out, DeMoranville suggests that each bird be given four square feet of space to ensure they are not crowded.

“What I tell people is that if the bird seems cramped they probably are,” he said.

Securing the coop at night, and making sure that your fenced in area is fully enclosed, will also help decrease the risk of predators harming the chickens.

On a day to day basis, the chickens should have enough feed for them to graze from all day and fresh water should constantly be available for them. The chickens should be checked on daily, as well as be picked up every now and then to make sure they are a healthy weight and to check for any signs of possible health problems.

As for the eggs, DeMoranville said just because you have six laying hens doesn’t mean you should expect to get six eggs everyday, realistically it will be more like four. Additionally, as hens age their egg production decreases by 30 percent annually.

It’s this full-circle of raising chickens from day old baby chicks to full grown hens that lay their own eggs that makes DeMoranville so infatuated with the backyard process.

“I can’t really explain it, it’s just such a gratifying feeling,” he said. www.bangormetro.com BANGOR METRO / 65

HEALTH

GET IN SHAPE

summer FOR

Looking good and feeling good just in time for summer. BY JOSH DYER

66 / BANGOR METRO June 2017

IT’S THAT TIME of the year again—everyone’s trying to get their beach body for the summer.

I’m here to tell you that “look good, feel good” is a real thing, and obtainable for everyone using the right tools.

The first priority of reaching peak fitness for summer is knowing exactly what your goals are. Write them down on paper, and read them aloud at least once a day. Remember that fitness is “you vs. you;” all you need to do is be better than you were yesterday.

Then there is the word everyone dreads— “diet.” Make it simple. Start by creating a daily caloric goal and keep it. As long as you are creating a caloric deficit daily, you will lose fat mass. To modify your diet further, just make small changes such as:

TRY THESE EXERCISES

EXERCISE 1: Upper Body Stability Hold

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1. ELIMINATE CARBS AT NIGHT: make it so you are not consuming carbs after 6 p.m.

By eating early, or eating a protein-based meal at night that digests quickly, you are allowing your body to fast overnight while you sleep.

This is good for overall health, as well as preventing the carbs you take in at night from being stored as fat. In turn, making breakfast your biggest meal will allow you to re-spark your metabolism in the morning, and gives you energy to start and take on your day.

2. ELIMINATE BUTTER, CREAM AND FOODS THAT HAVE HIGH PERCENTAGES OF SATURATED FATS. Instead, substitute these with extra virgin olive oil or canola oil, as these are high in healthy unsaturated fats.

EXERCISE 2: Reverse Crunch (Lower Core/Hip Flexors)

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3. CONSUME MORE COMPLEX CARBS, AND REDUCE YOUR SIMPLE SUGARS. There are about 19 grams of carbs in a bowl of oatmeal. You get on average about 27 grams of carbs by drinking just 8 ounces of soda.

4. EAT SMALLER MEALS MORE OFTEN, and eat whole foods that will allow you to get sustainable energy.

5. BUY HEALTHY SNACKS, such as fruits, yogurt, granola, and almonds and utilize these as snacks when hungry and in a rush throughout the day to avoid fast food.

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6. LASTLY, AS THE WEATHER GETS HOTTER AND HOTTER, REMEMBER THAT WATER IS YOUR FRIEND. Try to drink at least a halfgallon to a gallon of water daily to keep you hydrated and healthy. www.bangormetro.com BANGOR METRO / 67

HEALTH

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EXERCISE 3: Tricep Extensions & Lat Pulldown (Back)

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EXERCISE 4: Pause Squat Curls (Biceps and Legs) & Pec Fly (Chest)

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68 / BANGOR METRO June 2017

As for workouts, try to set aside time for at least 3 hours a week to be spent in the gym. This will be dedicated to getting you toned, helping you gain lean muscle and building functional strength. I suggest splitting up your workouts in a way that you are sure will hit all your major muscle groups efficiently. Splits such as back and biceps/chest, shoulders and triceps/legs will do just fine.

I suggest hitting core each of those days in a different way. One day, use weights to hit your core with exercises such as oblique drops, Russian twists, and weighted situps. The next day hit your core with high repetitions, with exercises such as crunches, reverse crunches and windmills. On the third day do core stability such as planks, side planks and leg lift holds to maximize your functional strength in your core. Then go outside and enjoy your cardio!

Try some of my favorite exercises (shown here), and make them a routine to tone up quick. No matter where you are starting from, the key is always to just get out there and get going!

Josh Dyer is a personal trainer at Gold’s Gym in Bangor and the owner of Josh Dyer Personal Training. He can be contacted at uc.dyerfitness@gmail.com.

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HOME

DELIVERY

DUO Hermon couple creates grocery, restaurant and lunch delivery company.

BY JODI HERSEY

WHEN WHITNEY AND Jermaine Walker were dating at the University of Maine eleven years ago, the former UMaine cheerleader and football player were focused on studies, their future, and making memories with friends. They later went on to marry, start a family and settle into the hectic household routine.

That day-to-day hustle and bustle gave the duo an idea—maybe there were others

“We always wanted to start a business that we could have ourselves and pass down to our children,” said Whitney. “Jermaine loves to cook and he’s always wanted to be in some sort of food industry. He did a ton of research and found this opportunity.”

Three Little Birds is not a franchise, but it is an affiliate with another business, Delivered Goods, who set up the model “and we took it from there,” said Whitney.

out there too busy to tackle everything on their list? So the Walkers created Three Little Birds Delivered Goods, a restaurant and grocery delivery service that comes to you. They started accepting customers earlier this year, and now the couple is enjoying working side by side at home and as business partners.

70 / BANGOR METRO June 2017

The way it works is simple: customers call or email their grocery list to Three Little Birds. They can also log onto the website, select the grocery store they prefer, and fill out the online grocery template. Three Little Birds will deliver the goods to you. They’ll deliver takeout orders to your work or home, or even

PHOTOS: JODI HERSEY

“IF YOU HAVE SOMEBODY WHO IS A NEW MOM OR IT’S THEIR FIRST DAY AT A NEW JOB OR YOU JUST HAD AN AWFUL WEEK...YOU DON’T HAVE TO LEAVE THE HOUSE. I WILL LITERALLY BRING THE GROCERIES INTO YOUR KITCHEN.”

REAL ESTATE

HANCOCK COUNTY

transport a meal or groceries to a neighbor, friend or loved one.

“A lot of people are doing it as gifts,” said Whitney. “We have people calling us and sending it to other people. So if you have somebody who is a new mom or it’s their first day at a new job or you just had an awful week...you don’t have to leave the house. I will literally bring the groceries into your kitchen.”

The company pays for all the items up front, said Whitney, and expects reimbursement when the delivery is complete. They charge $10 for grocery delivery and 10% of the grocery bill. Their restaurant delivery fee is $5.95 for seven miles from Bangor. Anything more than that is 50 cents a mile.

“If a family has $150 grocery bill each week, you’re spending about $25 so it’s pretty affordable,” said Whitney.

Whitney admits she’ll use coupons, discount codes or restaurant promotions when she can to help lower a customer’s bill.

“I’ll pick up coupons at your house, if they’re clipped,” she said. “If I’m ordering from Long Horns, I always know they have coupons so before I place any order, I’m checking my phone for [them]. And if it just takes me an extra 30 seconds to find a promo code for Chili’s, I’m going to do it.”

“I try to be very specific when I’m ordering or making choices,” she said. “I don’t want to bring someone groceries I wouldn’t want to eat or feed my children.

I’m always checking the dates and getting the furthest one out because I would want someone to do that for me.”

Three Little Birds is open Monday through Saturday, starting at 9 a.m. The couple hopes as business grows they can expand to Sunday delivery as well.

“It’s fun. It’s different and it’s a little non-conventional so I have to manage my time differently,” explained Walker. “But so far everyone has loved it.”

Your listing could be on this page Sell it faster. Advertise in Bangor Metro’s Home section. Call 941-1300.

www.bangormetro.com BANGOR METRO / 71

LAST WORD

Nobody DOES IT BETTER

The irony and the comedy of a well-timed song. BY CHRIS QUIMBY

SHORTLY AFTER 9 A.M. in my office, I failed at a task I normally excel at— picking up a glass of water. This time, rather than clasping my fingers around the cup and lifting, I haphazardly slapped the side of the mug, sending many ounces of liquid onto my desk.

Thankfully I had a little assistance during the cleanup from Carly Simon. Yes, that Carly Simon, who sang through Spotify on my iPhone “nobody does it better, makes me feel sad for the rest…”

The urgency of my cleanup as I tried to reduce the possibility of soaking multiple electronics spread across my workspace was answered by Carly’s goodnatured sarcasm and well-timed mockery.

Had she been present, I would have expected her to put down the guitar and grab some paper towels, but given that she was present only in recorded voice alone, I relaxed my expectations.

After the cleanup, I grew even more appreciative of the confluence of those two events. What a funny song to be playing during one of my less impressive moments.

I’m glad that since I spilled the water, I at least I had the pleasure of that song playing at the same time.

Or maybe I’m looking at this backwards? I’m assuming that the nonnegotiably fixed event was the cup drop and that the song arbitrary followed, but wouldn’t it also be equally logical to suggest that the song was already set to play on Spotify and that I should instead be thankful that I acted like a klutz to give the lyrics some context?

If so, next time I need a laugh and that song bursts out of my iPhone, I should make it a point to again do something stupid so as to not miss the occasion.

It was only a couple of months prior to my desk soaking that I was at a grocery store in Brunswick with my wife. We normally shop at Hannaford in Belfast and, as we both wandered a little lost up and down aisles searching for junk food, I slowly smiled as I heard the in-store music system playing U2’s “I Still Haven’t Found What I’m Looking For.” I have good reason to believe that Bono was probably singing about true love or spiritual peace and not chocolate-covered pretzels or Santita’s Tortilla Chips.

Nevertheless, the situational humor did not escape me as I continued on my food search safari.

Whether through inconvenient mistakes or minor frustrations, life offers up its share of challenges. Thankfully, sometimes music takes life’s junk and paints it pretty colors so you can enjoy the experience a little better.

But it doesn’t work as well as when the tunes come from someone close to you who’s actually trying to use music to make a situation worse.

For example, I still remember my sister mocking the high school version of me who had no interest in ever getting off my Commodore 64 computer to explore the outdoors. She would sing her own little parody of Prince’s “When Doves Cry”: “Maybe I’m just like my brother, he never goes outside.”

Or when fellow coworkers in the creative services department I worked in some years ago would mock subpar work by salespeople with a oneword parody to Patsy Cline’s “Crazy” by simply crooning the one word: “Laaaaaaaa-zzzzyyyy.”

So what we’ve learned here is that if you need more levity in your life, listen to more music. Next time you’re in Shaw’s looking for the pickles, you might be amused by a song from U2.

And if you mistakenly drop the pickles on the supermarket floor, there’s always Carly Simon.

CHRIS QUIMBY is a Christian comedian, speaker and writer, morning news anchor and host of Soup du Jour on VStv, and owner of Chris Quimby iPhone Repair. He resides in Brooks with his wife and two children.

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